#celotehotak

[writtenformyselfonly]

Wondering if you're okay if I hug you, because I want to hug you soooo tight! Kangen! Weird that we just met yesterday 😿

[saltcheesecombo]

I've never tell what problems I've been facing in my life to my parents. I'd rather tell things funny happened in my life, my friends life, othe people's... Anything except my problems. Because I think there's no point tell them about it.

Well, those bad stories about others or funny stories surrounded me still able to make me close and have casual conversations in our family daily life

But every time I'm in my lowest point in my life, and I need support from my family, all I need from them is their pray to me. I ask them louder. I didn't tell them the details, I tell them that I need their prayers, thankfully they never demanded to ask about what it was.

[writtenformyselfonly]

Dear Mr. Sometimes-Sweet-Sometimes-Bitter,

Today, suddenly become Yes-Man to all my requests and impulsive!

hehehe thank you yaa 🥰

Btw on my previous post this morning turns out I was wrong, but I feel happy and thankful for this misjudgment. Turns out, you're okay if we're hang out for two of us.

I believe and so sure that you are not hate me, and even you are not set your boundaries. Let's be positive, if you're say no to me it's because you just don't want to do it, and it's not because of me.

Happy thank you

[writtenformyselfonly]

Oh my dear, Happy

Duluuu

You're so sweet. I can feel how nice you are to me, cook for me, accompanied me, walk with me, hang out. I can feel your warm heart everytime we met.

You're very supportive and never judge me 😊 surprisingly you pay attention on me

You always sweet and almost always joking around in chat. Every topic we had, you always have stickers and something to make it fun to discuss with.

Watching you whining and complaining about life is common but I've never see you angry to me or being rese to me.

Akhir-akhir iniii

Sometimes, I can still feel your sweetnees, somehow if only there are only we both. I can feel your warm again in Singapore and somehow afterwards. I can still feel how warm and nice you are, but somehow it's different compared to Dulu 🥲

You still became a nice person. Take me home, download the movies to me, taking care of me.

You still supportive on me, even somehow you show me like you don't care. And still, I feel surprised that you somehow still pay attention on me 😊

I can feel how care, nice, and protective you are in certain occasions. When we're in Salak or Gn. Gede, you are so sweet and protective to me. I can feel the closeness, especially when you're locking my body and warmed me and your face facing mine really close, I can feel how warm you are. and I can feel that, and grateful for that, thank you.

But now, I can't read you, whether you're okay hang out with me or not if only we're both. Because somehow you always had a reason to give it to me. You are Mr. hari-ini-gimana_besok-gimana 😿

You've became straight to the point in chat, now we've never had loong convo in chat. I almost never see your joke again. Well, I'm mirroring you. But somehow I still give a little joke to you, that you almost bever reply

I miss your stickers

Now, you can angry to me, you're able become rese to me if you're bete about something I'm not related.

The thing is when I see this side of you, instead of hating you, I was thinking if I did something wrong.

Instead of leaving you, I still care for you and wanted to stay and make you feel better.

Wondering why you become like this. Is it because you hate me, set a boundaries, and want me to leave? Or all of these are based on what you said at 26 June (then what's the meaning of our closeness in Singapore, Salak, and Gede)?

OR

Is it because we're close enough that you can be your real self around me? I am happy if this is the reason. Seriously!!! I'm happy if this is the real reason that you became sometimes-sweet-sometimes-bitter man.

But, what am I to you??

Anyway Happy, good luck on your day 😊 Hopefully whatever you do, you do good. I wish you get berkah from whatever you are working on. Semoga lelah menjadi Lillah. Aamiin Yaa Rabbal Alamin 😊

[writtenformyselfonly]

Dear Happy,

Thank you for your care,

Thank you for delicious food 😍

Thank you for protecting me whether it's because of your caring person or because you really care to me,

Thank you for make me feel warmed & loved in camping tend (regardless you do it on purpose and realize it or not),

Thank you for always beside me,

Thank you for the jacket you've lent me even though I just know now you actually feel cold at that time,

Thank you for saying that you were fine even you are not to make me less worried about you,

Thank you if you're worried about me,

Thank you for being Happy galak and yell at me or even mad at me to handle my stubbornness.

Thank you yaaa Happy!

Kangen

[writtenformyselfonly]

at camping tend in Suryakencana, Mt. Gede

I remember that I slept facing Happy, because if I faced the tent and suddenly there was a wind, my chest and face would get very cold.

In the middle of the night, with small sleeping bag I use, I can feel wind in my back and leg. Sooo cold.

I suddenly woke up and Happy's face was facing me and almost touching mine. Only 0.5cm away maybe. His legs wrapped around my legs, I feel like they were locking my body, I couldn't move. To be honest, what he did warmed my body in Suryakencana's cold. I watched his face for some time, and cameback sleep.

He mentioned about his sleep position at tend that related with Guf, during our small convo with friends. Wondering if he remembered that he warmed me with what he did or it's just his reflect gestures.

But what he did makes me think, if he knew what he did. Was he aware of what he did.

Until this time, I can feel how care he is to me, I feel loved by him (even somehow I still feel awkwardness between us hehe). I also feel closeness with him again.

But I am not really sure about his feelings for me 🥲

Regardless you do it on purpose or not, thank you for making me feel warmed and loved that night.

[writtenformyselfonly]

You are that complicated, Happy!

Or maybe we are that complicated heheh

I don't know how to love you and how to be loved.

In your case, I don't know if you love me or not, but somehow I certainly sure you also don't know how to be loved. Assumption I made because you feel burdened with those gifts or nice gestures I sincerely gave to you without me asking for your return. And unlogically you choose to avoid ne instead 🙃

My bad! My mistakes! Maaf yaa Happy

Happy, kangen!

Btw looking at this preview video in my gallery feels like I was looking at you, it reminds me of your moustache and beard and driving a car. I miss sitting in a car beside you, looking at you while driving and teasing you with our internal jokes or hearing you complaining about anything that happened on the road.

Happy, kangen!

[writtenformyselfonly]

This song was played in my Spotify, and suddenly I remember and reminisce our attendance at Dewa concert. The most struggling concert we've been through, traffic, walk for looong kilos, no signal, difficulty to get gojek, cengtri, you cheer me up after I felt someone tried to assault me. So many dramas, yet memorable and gave a lot of happiness to me.

I miss this bau-kelabang-person beside me.

[writtenformyselfonly]

I also miss this kind of chat. Chat from you asking me to go to kedai

Well, so many things I miss from you since you've changed, and I feel like I had to change my behaviour towards you too and somehow makes us awkward sometimes.

I miss the old version of you.

I wish you will always be healthy, and whatever problem you're facing right now will solve, I hope you will always be happy as your name, I wish you confidence enough to be the old version of yourself I really miss. Aamiin

I miss you!

[writtenformyselfonly]

Last message that you ask me if I was safely arrived home.

Simple gesture you did that show me how you care to me, whether as a friend or as a man to woman. Not sure why you've never did this again. But I miss this message so much.

[writtenformyselfonly]

So shock! Because I knew him. I knew he's not a type that like this kind of my twit. Somehow I get so pessimistic for him to reply my twit in a public, that's why I prefer send him DM, because I get a reply more in private, seems he doesn't like publicity if it's related with me.

Well, he suddenly love my twit. Makes me analyse more, about why. What's the meaning of it.

It's yesterday twit, even I believe he had more reply. I checked, he didn't click love to others.

Maybe he's accidentally click ❤️ we'll see if he delete it, then it probably accidental

Maybe he's just like the twit, there's no specific reason or meaning. Just click it. If that so, at least it means he didn't hate me for being annoying yesterday. ALHAMDULILLAH

Maybe he's being silly like my twit with a purpose. The purpose is make me think about the meaning. Hehehehe. I know for this one reason, I'm the one who being silly hehehehe

On top of everything, get well soon Happy! Sembuh sembuh sembuh! Sehat sehat sehat! Syafakallah!Please be healthy and happy. Aamiin Yaa Rabbal Alamin

[writtenformyselfonly]

Dear Oruuuuu...

Oru lagi apa? Tante Oki kangen! Kangen voice note Oru! Kangen video call Oru. Kangeeennn bangeett 😭

Oru yang pinter yaaa belajar baca nya. Semoga Allah berikan kemudahan buat Oru sama Om Happy brlajar baca. Aamiin

Oruu, terima kasih yaaa stiker nya sama gambar Oru buat Tante Oki 🥰

[writtenformyselfonly]

Dear Happy,

I wish I could tell you this but I write here instead and send my prayers for you directly to Allah Insha'Allah. Because I have no courage to bother you.

Dear Happy,

I think every time about what was my mistake that makes this happen.

I think every time what went wrong with us.

Trying to denial, hate you for what happened, and finally came with the acceptance.

Happy, I still don't know the reason. I won't demand to know if you don't want to share, or hopefully someday you can share when you're ready

Happy, I really hope you are right. I really hope you're healthy, physically & mentally.

I feel you still have a lot in your heart, you still have a lot of problem you are carry on by yourself.

I just can feel it. And thinking about it, makes me sad, really sad. Just thinking about how struggling you are with whatever you are facing right now that makes you like this gave me fully tears and I feel my chest full and hard to breath.

Something that makes me more sad is I clearly remember that you don't like to share your problem and better to keep it for yourself, makes me more sad is I can't help you anything, even I can't help you to distract your problem especially when you decided to put a distance with me.

I really wish I could be near you and hug you tight, hear you crying until you feel relieved, or maybe I'm the one who crying heheh. But I really want to hug you.

Happy, please be strong!!

Happy, according to your name, my pray to you is you always be happy.

Happy, I hope you can find a friend at least to company you during your darkest time.

I can only send you my pray, I will put an additional du'a for you when I finish sholat, hopefully you can find a solution on problem you are facing right now.

Dear Happy,

I still have a faith on you, at least as my friend if you don't see me as a woman. I trust your capability and your patience to solve any kind of problems you have.

Like I said before, I will never let you go as a friend.

For now, I just give you a space. Until you are ready. Until you allow me to be your friend again.

It's not the end yet, it's not a goodbye yet ..............

Happy I miss you, but I can wait, I will wait.

Happy, Good luck!!

Happy, be strong!!

Happy jangan nyerah yaaa!

Happy jangan putus asa yaah

Happy don't lose hope yaah!

Insha Allah, Allah bantu masalah Happy. Aamiin Yaa Rabbal Alamin

[writtenformyselfonly]

Yaa Allah

Yaa Allah,

jika kami adalah jodoh dunia akherat atas ketentuan-Mu, mohon berikanlah kami kemudahan untuk menemukan jalan jodoh kami.

Semoga Allah memberikan petunjuk pada kami tentang apa yang harus kami lakukan agar bisa menjadi jodoh dunia akherat atas ketentuan-Mu

Aamiin Yaa Allah

Aamiin Yaa Rabbal Alamiin

Yaa Allah,

jika memang kami bukanlah jodoh dunia akherat, jika memang tak ada sedikitpun aku ada di hatinya

ku mohon, ikhlaskah hatiku Yaa Allah, tanpa menjauhkan kami berdua. ku mohon kuatkan hatiku Yaa Allah, tanpa menjauhkan kami berdua. ku mohon berikanlah kemudahan untukku bisa melupakan dia dari hatiku Yaa Allah, tanpa menjauhkan kami berdua.

Aamiin Yaa Allah

Aamiin Yaa Rabbal Alamiin

[writtenformyselfonly]

Happy jangan potong rambut botak yaaaa

Ganteng nya berkurang 😢😭

Ditipisin ajaaaa.. jangan botak

[writtenformyselfonly]

what a tiring day, yet beautiful and full of happiness! Thank you for spend a day for very short trip! I'm happy!

and Happy birthday to new agun member!