#ccitytask019

[prismatiiicx]

I can't keep putting him off. It has been weeks since I've seen either of my brothers, or my grandparents, and Lux is starting to call more and more. I... I've always been close to my little brother. Some of the things that I've done, I've done for him. For his wellbeing. They may have been... brash, sure, but they were necessary so that he could be taken care of by the right people. By people who loved him. By my grandparents.

Now, he feels like I've abandoned him. The truth is, since triggering the wolf gene, I'm terrified to see him. Will I hurt him? Will he be able to tell? Can I hide it? Then I wonder... what if he has the gene, too? What if he has triggered, or will trigger soon. If my grandparents don't know where it came from, how can I guide him without being able to fully guide myself?

I need to talk to Simon about it soon...

Maybe... maybe he can help.

[mathiascain]

Journal

Life is just unfair I feel like. I’ve never felt so abandoned before, other than when I was first abandoned a long time ago. But this time was so much worse. Both Patrick and Elessar didn’t want me around during the Gala, and I was so bored. Patrick said it was because I messed up when I made that wolf, something I don’t think counts as messing up since I didn’t kill her. Then Elessar said that he needed a break from me, but I don’t know why. 

It sucks. After they served us food, I just left. I don’t know anyone in the memorial, and I was so bored I didn’t want to be there anymore. What sucks is that I have nowhere to go. So I just decided to go home. Even if Patrick and Elessar aren’t around, I still have my family. They were all pretty happy to see me too, and they let me talk about why I’m upset. 

I know that eventually Patrick has to talk to me, because all this gang stuff is coming to an end, and he needs me there. Then after, maybe Elessar will want to not be on break anymore. I think he’d be happy to know that I’m going to kill the people who kidnapped him. Once all of that is done, things will be better and not unfair anymore. I can’t wait. 

[sui-generis-elessar]

Elessar’s journal: task 019

Looking down at my arms I still see the silvery lines of scars fading. I can almost forget about them now. Pretend that it happened to someone else. To another version of me. Until I rolled my sleeves up to clean a ring that was brought in this week. I could see the vampire that was pawning it looking at the scars on my hands. They didn’t mention them. But I knew they were looking and asking silent questions about them in their eyes. The only person that I don’t mind staring at them is Mathias. Even if his preoccupation with them is at times disconcerting.

 I can hear Mathias moving around in the apartment when he thinks I’m asleep. It’s a game of mutual pretending I think. He pretends that I am asleep, even when he knows I’m not. And I let him keep pretending that he believes I am asleep. We play this little game so that when I do finally ‘wake up’ he is there waiting, watching me. He used to hover far more. But he has finally started moving around my townhouse. He touches my things like he is touching me. Carefully, gently, waiting for me to tell him to stop. It’s that cautiousness that I find fascinating. Hands that I have watched do terrible, beautifully grotesque things to others and to me. 

I don’t tell him that I enjoy having him around like a personal bodyguard. But I do. 

[trevorxparrish]

COVAIRECITYRP TASK 019: ❝  WEEKLY JOURNAL ❞

It's been a good week; quiet and uneventful. I suppose most would call it boring, but for me, it means peace. No request from Wyn, no overload of my affliction... not even a single thing to make me lose my temper. Not only that, yesterday, I surprised myself by singing and dancing as I was doing the cleaning in the house. Quite a strange thing for me to be this———happy. It almost felt like Edgar had been at my side having fun with me. And for once, it made me smile.

It's the first time since learning of his death, that thinking back on a memory at his side, makes me smile. Like I can bury my pain for a few seconds, just enough to appreciate that memory even if for just the fraction of a moment. I wonder if this happiness isn't just from within, but due to Elijah. The secret I have been suspicious of him to keep have been easier for me to pretend doesn't exist, or to look the other way when I see glimpses of it.

This happiness, that dancing and singing man, I don't want to lose any of them.

[xdaniellexbrisbyx]

Journal Entry

It was a nice surprise to find my journal still tucked underneath my mattress. The guards must be in a good mood. We will see how long that lasts. Where should I start, the festival was interesting, and I’m still trying to process it all. The best part of it all was being able to spend it with Richard. What we are is still something I am trying to understand. I have spent a lot of my time pushing people away and keeping to myself that way I can’t be hurt, or have someone else ripped away from me. 

I don’t know how long things will last with Ricky, but experiencing love with someone who actually cares about me is a feeling I never thought I would get. There is a part of me that wishes he could claim me, but it will never be. I think that is the hard part, and maybe I haven’t fully accepted it, but I’m sure it will work out the way it should. All I can hope is that no one claims me and tries to keep me away from him. 

Thoughts about us have had me thinking about my mum lately. I wonder what happened to her because I know she wouldn’t leave her daughter in the city alone. Did someone kill her? That has to be the case. I have been trying to figure out how I can go about investigating this and who to turn to. The last thing I need to do is draw attention from somewhere I shouldn’t. It’s about keeping a low profile and off the radar of a few people. 

That is all I have at the moment. 

D.

[magisterleonedupont]

Party Recovery and Pascal

I am very embarrassed after Ostara. It was plenty fun and all, but I know I can be a bit much when I’m using those dots to ease my tension. So many people, and it’s overwhelming. Mostly irritated that some of those youngsters who were tagging along with me have still been trying to invite me out or get my attention at work. But just like most things, that’ll probably pass soon enough once they get bored.

Also got to see Pascal show off his new favorite activity when my sister video called with me this week. He seems to quite enjoy making towers of blocks only to knock them down. Probably learned that new “hobby” from the Dubois’ youngest. I honestly don’t understand the fascination with destruction boys tend to have, but he’s learning and having fun which is important at that age. He also called me Mama. Which was exciting until he picked up one of the blocks to show me and called it Mama too. But progress nonetheless.

[blccdchcrry]

Now that I find myself in better health, Dear Diary... I want more. Perhaps it is the thrill-seeking ways as an ex-huntress. Perhaps it is the bloodlust of a vampire who is still young. I am not sure. But one thing that I know, is that I have an intense desire to hunt her down. No. Not just a desire. It compels me. It drives me. Sure, her attack may have been... instigated. I am known to have a hot head, and yet, I feel that it is not over.

I will not let it be over. I cannot.

Though to Fiamma, my darling Sire, I have promised to leave my grandsire alone... to no longer seek her out, I cannot ultimately stop until I feel her blood run cold and dry on my skin. She has caused so much loss. So much pain. To kill her, and to do so slowly -- to make her beg me...

That alone would be adequate payment for such a deed.

Yes... It is not over.

[defectivelabwolf]

Normalcy - Weekly Journal

Tesla finally had her memories all back. And there was definitely a lot to unpack. Nothing bad. But so much had changed since before the attack. For instance, she'd run out of Sena's helpful supplements almost two weeks ago, but had not felt lightheaded or nauseous once. And during the last moon, she'd actually managed to take down a deer. Sure it'd been a small one, but she'd caught up to it with energy to spare.

And then there was the aggression and other emotions. Sure she'd always had them before, but she'd never been very reactive. But she'd noticed that certain people, she just had suddenly started steering clear of. Or using the word no way more often. And she was still trying to find to what degree was appropriate when reacting. Was this what it was like to be a normal wolf? Only time would tell.

[delilahmclaine]

Covaire City RP Task 019: ❝ Weekly Journal ❞

The brunette couldn't help but slam her apartment door open in frustration, her temper showing as the door slammed behind her. She threw something across the room, the journal slapping against the wall before sliding to the ground. She untied her hair, stripped of her clothing, and showered from her exhausting work day. Her thoughts drifted to her Psych Eval, one she thought she had successfully dodged with her diligent work. However, things didn't go well, and she was told she was cut from surgeries until further notice. She sighed, shaking the thoughts away as she finished her shower and returned to the rest of her apartment.

She drifted her eyes to the notebook as she wrapped a towel around her body, pursing her lips as she sighed. Before long, she was sitting on her comforter, nicely laid across the floor and folded as her makeshift bed. She opened the notebook, took the pen in the spiral out, and let the click fill her silent apartment as she began to write.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to write here, considering I don't talk about my feelings. But...I guess that's why the therapist suggested such a stupid way to vent, as if writing it all down would make it go away. They claimed to understand that this must have been traumatic for me, but they had no fucking clue. They don't have to relive the moment Israel sank his canines into my flesh, do they? They don't have a permanent reminder on their body that they can't erase, despite how hard they try. They don't have to tremble at the constant smell of those around them, unable to stop themselves from seeking his scent out. I can't sleep cause every time I do, everything replays in my head perfectly, as if I was still there. My photographic memory no longer feels like a gift, only a burden to drag me down. I thought I was fine the first few days...but then a week passed...and then two weeks, and suddenly I couldn't handle the sleepless nights. One smell of a wolf today...and I lost all my senses, and instead of calming myself, I collapsed in the stairwell. I hadn't even realized I was having a panic attack until my Attendee pulled me out and realized I had skipped my Psych evaluation. I should have just slept and pushed past the nightmares, but I couldn't do it, and...I still can't. I can't even gain the courage to see Vincent after everything he did for me. Vincent...just thinking about him hurts because part of me fears him. I know I shouldn't feel that way...but I can't help myself. I remember the look of blood on his fur, and all I can think about is he must have killed people before I ran into him. I feel guilty for those thoughts...I do...but what if he did kill people? Innocent people...all because he was in a blind rage caused by the city's enemies. I can't imagine Vincent being a killer, as he's been so kind to me, but do I really know him? What if I know nothing about a wolf's true desires...and my mistake ends up being trusting him? No. No, I can't think like that. Vincent is my friend, not only that but someone who saved my life despite seeing me as an enemy. If I can trust anyone, it's Vincent. He's been honest with me from the day we met...even telling me about his ailment. Maybe...I should text him? If anyone would understand me...It would be Vincent. He was there for me. Yeah...I'm going to text Vincent and hope when he's lucid he'll see me.

Delilah put down the pen, pulled out her phone, and cast the notebook aside. She planned to return to it later, realizing maybe writing her feelings down wasn't as stupid as she thought.

[cassidy-mcgraw]

Journal

Today was boring to say the least, but in my line of work it ain’t a terrible thing. It seemed like everyone in the city swore off crime for just a day. That meant I got to attack the mountain of files and papers that was growing on my desk. As much as I do enjoy being out there and not stuck inside, I didn’t mind it so much today. I was able to put my mind on my work, and not get distracted by anything. It ain’t everyday that I get to do that. 

It also helped that the other officers were behaving. They’ve been doing better, now that they realized that I wasn’t fucking around when I said I wanted them to shape up. I know most of them are good men, and they’re trying their best. Shit, even the bad ones are too. I think they’re realizing that at the end of the day, they gotta fight to get respect. Not just from me, but from the rest of the city as well. It’s like that lit a fire under their asses. I’m glad of it. It’s one less thing I gotta stress about. Eventually, I won’t have to worry about them at all. Now that would be a miracle. 

[simonhbishop]

COVAIRECITYRP TASK 019: ❝   WEEKLY JOURNAL ❞

Running did nothing. My heart races even more now. Was I trying to escape my past? My nightmare? Who can tell really. Fucking was fruitless. I feel emptier than I did right after waking up. I hope I'll never have to cross path with that woman again after fucking her behind a tree in the park. Drinking never really help. I always feel worse than the prior night when I get drunk. What's the point of numbing myself, when the pain will come back tomorrow with a vengeance? And yet, I know I'll do it again.

Talking... pff! As if I could ever speak of my nightmares to anyone?! Who wouldn't report a sellout to the Alpha to score points? Get a promotion for ruining the life of a monster like me? Writing is what I'm doing now, but really, what's the point of it all, when I know that this paper can never be found. It's better to let people continue to believe I'm some knight in a shiny armour, because when they do, they don't ask questions.

Fuck these sleepless nights.

[prismatiiicx]

|| journal entry.

They want to see me, but I can’t face them.

I can’t tell them... This... this werewolfim, whatever it’s called, it had to come from somewhere. The more that I think back, the more that I cannot help but to wonder where it stopped showing in our bloodline. I don’t remember my parents ever discussing it... or my grandparents. Did they know? Did my mom know? The reason she left us... Was it truly because of my father, or did she... No. She couldn’t have. 

And my sweet little brother... 

I’m scared of hurting him. I’ve never been good, diary. The things I’ve done... they’ve been for reasons... but I can’t say that I’m a good person. Not like him. Anything good in our family - any trace of sweetness or light, was all channelled into Lux. He’s not like the rest of us but... but what if he’s like me? What if he already feels it, and he’s scared... or alone. 

I have to tell them. Maybe... just maybe Simon would be willing to help me. 

They may not understand. They probably won’t understand... but I want them to. I need them to. They are, and always have been, the most important parts of me... my family.

[mathiascain]

Journal

Today was a quiet one. So quiet that all I could talk to were the voices. They’re still oud as ever, but they don’t seem as angry as they used to be. I’m not too sure why though. It might be something to ask Patrick about. Anyways, the voices aren’t multiplying like they used to back then. I think it’s because I’m not killing as many people as I was outside of this city. 

That’s probably the one thing I don’t like about this place. I don’t like that I can’t go out and kill whoever I want, whenever I want. Even with Elessar, it’s not really possible. Both him and Patrick are very concerned with their reputation in this city. It’s weird. I know there’s a lot of rules to follow, but they can’t be that important. Right? I know Patrick would kill me for even thinking of stuff like this. 

I’m going to have to find a time to leave the city so I can get my fill of death. Elessar isn’t allowed to kill me as much as he did before, so I’m getting bored. I think it’s only fair that I get entertainment especially since I’ve been good for so long. I might have to convince my brother to let me have fun, but he’ll probably want to moderate it. I don’t know when I’ll be able to bring the chaos I once brought, but I hope it’s soon. I feel like I’m going crazy without it. 

[trevorxparrish]

COVAIRECITYRP TASK 019: ❝  WEEKLY JOURNAL ❞

Fifteen days before New Year——— year of the rabbits, yet still a great year for dragons. Trevor can only hope so. Although, this is the first time he'll actually be alone for it, and he's not sure how he feels about it. He wants to get into the spirit of it, but it's too much mental efforts to do so, and just hurts him more than anything. Still, there he is, sitting by the Christmas tree in his living room with that one ornament on it. Maybe, he should add more for his family, but he cannot bring himself to honour the twins in the privacy of the family home. He grieved them, or the idea of them, but forgiving them has been difficult. But strangely enough, since Halloween, he's found himself more forgiving of their actions, but not fully.

He doubts he'll ever be able to forgive them for that. How ironic that with everyone gone from the city, if they had still been alive, the three of them might have been able to all become clients like their father. No——— instead, they'd brought shame to the Parrish legacy... a stain that he now has to hide from others. He sighs loudly, chasing away the thought before angry tears can form at the corner of his eyes. He just needs to get through until the twenty-third, then, he'll be fine. Then, he'll be able to focus on his own life for a while longer, or at least, stress over the same thing as usual. Trevor's head falls back in defeat. He'll need to make more appointments with his therapist, because now, he doubts he'll make it through the rest of the month without a mental breakdown.

[covairebred]

Journal Entry:

Nov 9, 2022

It has been a couple months since I have been with Hayato now. I think we work well together, but sometimes I wonder if he thinks about Leda and wishes she was back. Not that it would bother me much if the both of us were in the house. Just stupid things that linger in my head and I start t doubt myself. I feel like I’m in a constant tug of war on who I should be and what I could be. I have been trying to keep busy by taking on more hobbies. 

I have been spending more time with my photography and painting. Though I might have to go see Olivier and see if he’ll give me another lesson. I should go and see my friends more. I’ve been keeping to myself which isn’t usually me. Maybe I’ll go give Chloe and Elijah a visit. It’s always funny to see how grumpy he can be. That is all I have for now. 

[magisterleonedupont]

Remodeling

Leone was not in a good mood at the moment. And the mage was more than happy that people didn’t ask questions as to why a few windows and shelves had gotten damaged. Or why the mage looked like they’d gotten into a boxing match or clawed. Leone had not pressed charges because there were no charges to press. Only some rough housing with the mage’s favorite kind of partner, a strong older werewolf.

Well, that had been how they’d gotten bruised, bitten, and clawed. But the windows and shelves in their bedroom had busted well after the man had left. The misfire this time had been real bad. Not as bad as back home, but just barely. And now that the authorities were dealt with, they had a crew taking measurements and color samples to get their abode back in order as soon as possible.

And worse yet, the mage still had no leads on what changed in them during their pregnancy with Pascal. They’d gone through pages and pages of anything they could get their hands on, but still no results. So it would be back to the drawing board once things settled down again and they were alone.