#cause they didn’t say no and Dan clearly loves performing live

[personthattoleratesme]

I actually think they should make their next joint tour Dan and Phil vs the world

[kbagraces]

Give me Love - LN4 PART2

Lando Norris x fwb!Reader

summary: in his previous relationships he couldn’t protect them from the backlash of simply being with him. but will protecting only end up hurting you?

(not proof read)

Rain or Shine

loosely based off ROS by mac miller

‘Just wanna ask a question umm, have you, have you, have you ever been in love before?’

Lando found himself lost without you. That saying where you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone never read more true to him. He hated how he left you there at the cafe. He knew throughout your relationship together all you wanted was to be fought for. With him leaving like that, he confirmed every doubt you ever had in him.

His season continued at its slow pace, McLaren were disappointed with his lack of performance, especially since he was on fire in the beggining of the season, when he was with you.

He spent his post season down time keeping tabs on your social media, daily pictures of your cafe kept him in the loop. Dan would often make an appearance in the background of some. A presence he chose to ignore.

Lando had never felt so insecure of himself. He was so sure that keeping you at a distance when you shared those two years together was best for the both of you. But now, being on the sidelines, watching you live your life from afar hurt him. He loved you and he never got the chance to tell you. He never uttered those words to you before.

‘You should probably take your heels off, ‘cause you've been running through my mind’

He remembered when you said it to him the first time, a year into your semi-relationship, you said it so causally, but the way you said it, captured him by the heart, he was yours in soul but he was too cowardly to be all for you.

He still lived in the UK at the time and you’d wandered into his house on a cold December evening after work, kicking off your shoes at his doorstep. He didn’t hear you come in but he remembers how he screeched as you walked in on him wrapping up your Christmas presents.

He was so upset that you’d caught a glimpse of his surprise for you. You begged and begged for him to let you open them early, you knew what most of them were. He gave in saying you could open the smallest one, he rambled on as you opened it saying it was supposed to be a stocking filler.

You held in your palm a mintiture McLaren racecar, it was decorated with the chrome comeback livery. A nod to your support as you attended the British Grand Prix.

Your grin was wide, the Cheshire Cat would be jealous, “as we’re not together for Christmas I thought you could at least have a mini me around.”

“Oh my god. I love you. You’re adorable, this is adorable.”

You had said it so causally. He liked that, he liked that you never asked him to say it back, he wanted to so many times, but he never did. And now he was living with that regret.

He reminisced on every moment he had with you, every little thing reminded him of you.

He was back home for Christmas, he was sick of just seeing your cafe on a phone screen. He convinced himself he could just go on a quick run past the cafe, just to check in on you. He knew you’d be there bright and early before opening, if he could just catch a glimpse he’d feel closer to you.

He slows his pace as he nears the shop, glancing over the road he sees you in the cafe, unfortunately occupied by Dan. You were flailing your arms around, pointing at the sparse Christmas tree you’d added for decoration and then back at the man stood before you.

Lando’s brain couldn’t even catch up as his feel had already made the steps towards the front door.

“You’re so careless! How could you?!” You yelled.

“Get over it. Actually no I’m over it, over this. I’m done watching you pine over someone who doesn’t want you. I’m done.”

As Lando goes to open the door it swings towards him Dan storming out as he grunts “shops closed today pal” clearly not recognising him as he stormed past in anger.

Opening the door he finds you crouched on the floor, dustpan in hand. The ornament he gave you when you declared your love now in pieces on the floor before you. You mustn’t have heard him enter as you lower yourself to the floor sitting crossed legged, the mess in-front of you wondering if the pieces could stick back together.

You heard a creek of a floorboard behind you. Turning your head to see the last person you expected.

“I’m so sorry that I broke it.” You say still sat on the floor, glossy eyed.

“It’s not you that broke it, I wouldn’t worry too much. Maybe we can fix it? Glue it back together or something?” You felt as if he wasn’t talking about the decoration.

You stand up, brushing your hands on your sweatpants, “I don’t think it can be. It’ll have cracks and they’ll show and it’ll only break again.”

“Then I will buy you a new one. We can start fresh and you can chose any livery you wanted.”

He wanted to start fresh to prove to you he could give you you deserved. You deserved a whole lot more than him, he hated that he treated you like a dirty secret. You were beautiful, kind, passionate and forgiving. And he took it all for granted.

“Why are you here Lando?” You sigh, finally getting to the point. No more decoration analogies, you wanted to know why he came back.

‘Love is power, swear there's something about her that make me nervous’

He was in his head trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. He was never the best with words and even worse with his actions. He always relied on you knowing how he felt about you without having to break down his walls and show his ‘weaker’ side.

“I’m here for you.”

His eyes looking adoringly into yours, you’d swoon if you weren’t so hurt. You wished he would’ve been there for you when you needed him. You wished you were good enough for him from the start.

“I’m here, because I wanted to tell you that I’ve always loved you y/n.”

His words hurt, like your heart was being stung by rose thorns, pretty but painful.

‘Your love is not too kind to me’

“I don’t think you did love me until you lost me. I don’t want you to love me like that, your love hurts.” You’re picking at the skin beside your fingernails eyes welling with tears once more.

“I promise to love you differently, in the way that you deserve.” He breaks his rigid stance, stepping towards you, taking your hand in his.

I just want to be with you. Only you. I know there’s distance but we’ll make it through. I promise to you I will be better for you.

You shake your hands from his, pulling him into a hug, digging your face into his shoulder, his scent surrounding you, comforting you. You pull your head back slightly to look into his eyes, testing his sincerity.

Your lips touch as if it was the first time. It’s the first time he kisses you with love, not lust. The first time kissing you as if he needs it not wants it.

Although your past was broken scattered across the floor, there are new memory’s to be hung on next years Christmas tree.

‘And I will be yours through rain or through shine’

—

Taglist:

@norrizzandpia @letterlitter

[son-fuori-di-me]

"I had no idea I could change someone's life."

One Shot. Word Count | Around 3300. Description | <French female pov> you're visiting Rome for the first time, and you casually meet Damiano David the day before the Circo Massimo concert. The conversation takes a unexpected path.

Content | Real talk. No romantic development. * Expect French idioms and italian approximations from automatic translators

---

"Bordel, c'est immense !" ("Holy cow, that's big !") I said, looking at the Circo Massimo.

It was my first time in Rome. Knowing Italy a bit, I expected a hell lot of sun, a delicious bunch of ice cream for each meal, and tons of pretty things to snap with my phone. Well, that was the plan for my first two days there. Cause Saturday would be a very different day. Saturday would be Måneskin day.

I've been waiting for so long to do this trip. And what a blast it has been for now. Took only a bag, my external battery, some makeup and my favourite clothes to finally discover this astonishing city. This was my first solo trip. I've always travelled with my family or my ex, but never on my own. For once, I could decide what I wanted to see, what I wanted to eat, when to take a break. And as there are plenty of things to see in Rome, i wanted to enjoy every second of my trip. I could focus my last day there solely to the Måneskin concert happening that Saturday night. But as I didn't want to leave anything to chance, I decided to precisely organize my last day, so I could visit a bit more - a get a last fantastic meal before the concert.

I got myself a gold pit ticket. I guessed that would mean I had a special queue. So on Friday night, as I was back from a late tour in town, I decided to watch more closely the Circo, to check for the entrances, and see how I could sharpen my organization and schedule for the next day.

"J'espère que je vais pas avoir à poireauter toute la journée, avec la chaleur qu'il va faire." ("I hope won't have to hang around here all day tomorrow, the weather's gonna be hot as hell")

It was almost 10 pm. I was getting closer to the Circo, trying to read the boards, but all was written in italian and didn't seem to concern the concert. And a year fangirling over Måneskin clearly wasn't enough to become fluent. I saw no sign mentioning "gold pit". So I decided I would ask around, with Google translate ready in my phone in case I couldn't find anyone speaking English.

I saw a guy sit on a bench, smoking. He was dressed in an ugly dark sweater, with the hood over a cap. He was either a drug dealer or a hobbo. My instinct as a girl living in Paris got the uphand and I decided to ignore the guy and try to find a woman instead, or maybe a group of locals, to get me the information I wanted. Unfortunately, after a good 20 minutes walking around and asking people, no one could tell me how to make sure I find the right queue for the concert. I was about to give up and head back to my airbnb and I saw a silhouette still sitting on a bench, near the Circo. It was the same guy from earlier. "Bon, je tente, s'il est trop chelou, je me barre." ("Well, might as well take the risk, if he's too much a weirdo, I clear off quickly.")

"Scusi, do you speak English ?" i said, getting closer to the guy, but still from a good distance in case it turned wrong.

"Pretty good. You need something ?" He was searching something in his pockets and reached his pack of cigarettes. His voice was deep, but gentle. He did look funny but didn't sound dangerous - i still didn't get too close as I hate the smell of smoke.

"Do you know well il Circo Massimo ? I'm going to a concert here tomorrow and I want to make sure I find the right queue, but they haven't installed any sign yet". I asked, showing the structure of the stage behind me.

"Cute accent, where are you from ?" he answered, completely ignoring my question.

"Well, I'm French. So, do you know il Circo ?" I preferred to quickly repeat my question to let him know I wasn't interested in whatever he was trying to.

"Ah, Bonjour ! I speak a little French !" He said, now reaching for his lighter.

"Yeeaaaah cool, but how about the Circo ? I'd like to be here early enough, but I don't know wh-" I froze as he lighted up his cigarette. It was brief, but with the spark, I saw his face for a second.

"Hm ? You don't know what ?" He asked, with a smirky voice.

"Mais naaaan ?" ("Dont tell me -") I let out that typical French astonished sound without thinking. "You gotta be kidding me !"

He laughed as I was getting a little closer, staring at him. With one hand, he was putting his lighter back in his pocket, with the other, he lifted a bit his cap. It was him. It was Damiano.

I felt my spine shiver with that uncomfortable sensation of being around someone famous. As a journalist, I had my lot of interviews, so I knew there's no point in changing behavior around such people. But I still was flabbergasted to see him.

"Sorry, I didn't recognize you. Well, gotta say you're not dressed in your best outfit !" I chose the strategy of sass, to hide how impressed I actually was.

"That's my favourite sweater you're seeing me in, and I'm smoking hot in it" He said with a smirk, getting into the sassy game.

"Time off before the big day ?" I asked, completely forgotting about my initial request and switching to my interview mindset when I'm super focused about the conversation. "Shouldn't you be having a great night of sleep, to recharge your batteries ?"

"I don't feel like going to bed" He said, having no idea how the conversation would soon turn. Fortunately for him, I wasn't working in the music media industry. "That's quite a stage we're gonna play on."

I didn't know why he was talking to me about all of this. I didn't dare to ask him either. I just enjoyed the moment.

"Well, the Eurovision song contest was bigger, wasn't it ?"

"Hm, don't tell me about it, I still don't know how I managed that."

He suddenly had a strange tone in his voice. It didn't sound like the radiant and confident Damiano you see on Instagram stories or on TV interviews. I remembered where I heard him like that. In the 2019 documentary "This is Måneskin", the making of Il Ballo Della Vita album, in the sequence he's arguing with Vic on a train, as he tells her how anxious he can be get sometimes.

"Well, you did, didn't you ?" I put on a more serious voice. "And you had a ton more of pressure, representing your whole country ? So how a concert here in your home town could be worst than performing in front of all of Europe - not to say the whole world ?"

He was still smoking, listening in silence.

"Or maybe it isn't about how big the performance is but about performing in itself ? Why are you performing ? Why are you putting on a show ? All those fancy clothes and that makeup, who is it for ? For people to love you ? Or for you to love yourself ?"

Mais qu'est-ce que je branle ? Il va se barrer dans deux secondes, là c'est sûr (What the fuck am I doing ? He's leaving any second now.) I got a bit too excited about being able to share a few words with him. What's gotten onto me ? Well, let's go then.

"What is it you're running after ? Or running from maybe ? Some complex to compensate ? With all that smudge and confidence, that wouldn't surprise me."

He sat back on the bench. As he inhaled a deep breath of smoke, I saw a smile on his face. But I also saw his hand holding the cigarette shaking.

"Are you a psychiatrist or something ?" He simply said, as if he was trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

I hesitated to tell him the truth. I was sure he would walk away the second he would know my actual job. Et puis merde, autant tout dire. (Well, fuck, might as well be honest.)

"Nope, I'm a journalist." I admited, as he looked right back at me with a surprised look. "Pretty much the same. We get appoitments with random people, listen to their life, observe their body language, and tell them our whole opinion about all of it, which might very well shape how they perceive themselves from now on."

"Only difference is that you don't have to keep anything secret. Right the contrary."

There. This was it. He was gonna leave now, for sure.

"Before you go, did I hit any truth ? Don't worry, I'm not in the music media industry, I won't write anything from our conversation." I hoped this information would save me a few more seconds with him.

He didn't answer right away. He didn't leave either. He kept looking at me, still smoking his second cigarette in a row now.

"Whatever it is you write about, I guess you must be good at it" he finally replied. "Cause you did score a few points."

Another short silence broke. As a fan, I was obsessed with his music, lyrics, and attitude. But catching a glimpse of what lied behind the glamour definitly caught my interest. I wanted to know more.

"Why are you here ?" I slightly deepened my voice, getting back to my interview tone, and kept on going with this as if that was usual business for me. "It's half past 10. You play on Rome's largest stage tomorrow. You surely better should be in bed, or be about to, before the big day."

In that moment, I had the upper-hand in the conversation. He was sat on the bench, I was on my feet in front of him, and therefore above him. Not the best approach to get someone's trust for an interview, but with a personnality like Damiano's, you gotta put your own show.

"I actually don't sleep much before big events like these" He finally answered, accepting his condition as an interviewee. "I don't sleep much at all."

"You're tend to insomnia ?"

"Not really, I just got used to 4-5 hours of sleep, that's it."

"Even during tours ? Cause this all sold-out European tour for Teatro d'Ira must have been exhausting".

"You have no idea, bellezza."

"So tell me." From there, I decided to change my strategy and sat on the ground, still in front of him, but giving him the upper-hand, to put on a more trustful atmosphere. "How are you doing ? And I don't mean, like casual 'yay, fine', I mean : how are you doing ?"

I still have no idea of my tactical move of giving him more space to express himself worked, or if he understood right away where I was leading him, but in the end, he still didn't seem bothered by this conversation we were having. In fact, it looked like he was enjoying it.

"I'm... content, I'd say." He paused, and I didn't interrupt him with another question this time. "I know I'm going through the life I wanted. The music, the tours, the praise. It's all I could have ever asked for."

D'accord, très bien, mais ? (Okey, very good, but ?) I stayed silent, but I couldn't help anticipating what he was saying.

"But surprisingly, sometimes it's still... unfulfilling. Like I can never be satisfied".

Repressing some Hamilton's lyrics from my mind, I innocently pretend I didn't fully understand what he meant - another journalistic technique, to get someone to repeat themselves with other words in order to get them deeper into their reflexion.

"What do you mean, "never be satisfied" ? You're on top of Spotify chart list, your albums are now platinum successes, you're winning awards. How is this not satisfying ?"

"It's just... What are all those things for ? Money ? Fame ? Yeah, I like those but..."

"Typical Capricorn" I muttered, to slide in the conversation that I actually knew pretty well my subject - my subject being him. He chuckled.

"Damn really ? Let me guess ? Aries ?"

"Pisces+Taurus, actually. So what, you don't like being famous ?" Getting back quickly into more questions - another technique to keep control over the rhythm of an interview.

"It's not that I dislike it. It's just... not always as fun as I thought it would be."

"What part of the job ? The writing and composing ?"

"No, that's the best part." He reached for a third cigarette. It was almost 11 pm now. "Vic, Thomas and Ethan. Måneskin. They're the best thing that ever happened to me".

"Then what, you feel like a fraud ?"

"Hell, no ! I'm exactly where I should be." He claimed, with a light pride tone.

"So, if you're proud of what you create, and if you love the people you create that with, then what is the matter ? If life is about getting the Bare Necessities, it seems like you got it all." Hitting with a universal - and musical - reference. Shoud do the trick.

"Hahaha ! Lo stretto indispensabile, si ! But life isn't that easy." He said laughing, as I felt he started to let go of the tension. "In real life, you get judged all the time, and people try to dismantle you, and spread rumors."

"I didn't think you'd be one to listen to people's comments about you".

"I'm not. I stopped giving credits to those. But it's still here, you know ?"

"From what I see, you're keeping it real, with lots of wisdom. I can't quite grasp what seem to bother you."

He paused, looking at his feet for a few seconds.

"I'm afraid it won't last." He finally confessed. "I'm afraid it all ends as quickly as it all started. I'm afraid people get bored. I'm afraid I become a caricature of myself. I'm afraid I can't write new songs. I'm afraid to be a shooting star, you see ? Very bright, but gone in a flash."

"Like, to be an Icare ? Or may I say "Ykaaar" like on your Instagram ?"

He chuckled again.

"Huh, I'm that obvious ?"

"Yeah, even a bit over-the-top, if I may dare say so."

"Well, I've always related so much with this mythological figure. I mean what's wrong with aiming for the Sun ?" He said, pointing a hand to the dark sky above us. From his attitude, I could tell he was way more relaxed than in the beginning. He even took his cap and hood off, so I could now see his face more clearly. His eyes were glittering. "Burning your wings... What's that morale supposed to teach us ? Be modest ? Be moderate ? Che noia !" (How boring !)

"Well don't be !" I felt almost like scolding him. "There's nothing wrong with seeking big dreams. As there's nothing wrong with this feeling of being outrun by your life. Savour the moment. Every second of it. It's because you can't know how long it may last that it tastes so good, so thrilling ! And you actually already are ten steps ahead ! Writing songs like ´Torna a casa' or ´Coraline' at, what, 19-20 years old ? You're the real deal, dude. And even if later on, you get blank page anxiety or write just good-enough songs, it's okey. You got plenty of time to make mistakes. Take the leap of faith. Failing and being a failure aren't the same. You learn, you grow from it. It's okey to doubt yourself, but please, don't ever doubt all the love and support you get."

I paused, hoping I didn't do too far and missed my point. But in a way, I could also feel I got it right. He was looking at the Circo, his eyes even more sparkling than before.

"I..." He got up, standing on the bench, looking as tall as a statue from my perspective. He came down and took a few steps. I got on my feet, starting to feel concerned about what I just said.

"I didn't know I needed to hear that." He finally confided. "I always wanna reach perfection. I'm aware I can be authoritative, sometimes even harsh, on the band. I can't accept to be a failure. But love and support, that, I can't get enough of."

I didn't respond. There was nothing to add. This instant felt like an hour. The wind was slightly blowing through the length of the Circo in front of us. His hair reflected the gentle light of the moon, only showing her first quarter. He broke the tranquility of the moment, turning and taking a few steps in my direction.

"Grazie mille" he said, his arms opened, calling for a hug.

"But, you're very welcome" I said approaching him, softly putting my arms on his back as he put his over my shoulders. The second before his face disappeared from my vision, i noticed a tear on his cheek.

"You've completed reset my mind. I feel like I can start all over again. I was anguished, trapped by my anxiety. But it's all gone now. You've changed me. Thank you, thank you so much" He affirmed full of hope, his voice shivering.

"Wow, well. I had no idea I could change someone's life." I answered, trying to hide how moved I myself was from the conversation.

------

It was almost midnight now. We kept talking for a while, comparing life in Rome and Paris, exchanging what was our best concert experiences. But he still needed to get back home to rest before the concert, and I didn't want to arrive too late at my airbnb - even if I could have spent the whole night talking with him. Yet, to enjoy our last few minutes together, he offered to walk me back to where I was staying. It was just a 15 minutes walk, along the Tevere river bank.

"So tell me." he asked with a smirk. "How does the Bare Necessities go in French ?" He started to muffle the melody.

"Oh no, you don't expect me to actually sing it ?"

"Hehe, you got me into a therapy session, so I can get a little song from you, no ?"

"Damn, you. This is blackmail !" But drunk on the moment, I took a deep breath.

"Il en faut peeeeeeu pour être heureux, ("Look for the baaaaare necessities,") vraiment très peu pour être heureux, ("the simple bare necessities") il faut se satisfaire du nécessaire !" ("Forget about your worries and your strife")"

I started dancing along, if I had to be ridiculous, might as well utterly be. But he actually followed my lead, clicking his fingers.

"In fondo, baaaasta il minimo, ("I mean the baaaaare necessities") sapessi quanto è facile ("Old Mother Nature's recipes") Trovar quel po' che occorre per campar ! ("That brings the bare necessities of life !")

We kept on singing Disney songs for a few minutes as we walked at a slow pace - I was shocked he never saw Tarzan and immediately made him promise to watch it as i told him Phil Collins recorded all the songs in five languages, including Italian. When we finally reached my destination, we exchanged a last timid hug as farewell.

"Well, I'll see you on stage tomorrow." I told him as I crossed the street.

"And I'll look for you in the crowd !" He shouted with the brightest smile on his perfect face.

** the end **

[strideofpride]

Have u watched the 1st episode of the reboot? If yes, what are your thoughts on it?

Sorry for the wait anon!!! I wanted to answer this once I watched it and I had to work a full day. Anyway, under the cut, cause I surprisingly had a lot to say:

-From a production standpoint, wow, Safran was really not kidding. They got that HBO money for real!!! But tbh there was wayyyyy too many needle drops. Like not every scene needs background music you know?

-My favorite characters by far are Zoya and Obie. Obie's been getting a lot of hate in the GG tag all day, but I personally found him to be really genuine. He seemed like he actually cared about things, he wasn't just doing performative activism. He also wasn't creepy towards Zoya at all, didn't take a peak when she undressed (I love Dan but...he did not pass that test), never made a move on her while he was with Julien.

-I'm not really getting romantic vibes from them though (even though I know they're going there) and don't ship them...but I will say that they kinda were giving me platonic!dair vibes anyway? Like they clearly just get each other on a level no one else does, they have common interests, they were brought together by someone they both really care about (Julien/Serena), and, well, to be frank, Whitney Peak and Eli Brown are the best of the "teen" actors, just like Penn and Leighton were.

-And yeah, a lot of the acting wasn't amazing (the two male teachers and Evan Mock really made me cringe...and Jordan Alexander was wooden sometimes as well) but neither was the acting on the CW show so. If you're expecting award winning performances from Gossip Girl, you're definitely in the wrong place.

-Aki and Audrey are by far the least interesting to me. I feel no chemistry between them at all or between either of them and Max tbh. Now Max and Luna on the other hand...their two second interaction had more chemistry than the Max x Audrey x Aki triad the whole episode. (I thought going in I would ship Monet and Luna but I'm not getting those vibes at all).

-(Also I think it really says something that the white/white passing cast members were the ones getting most of the attention from the fandom, when it's really Zoya and Julien's show. GG fandom already returning to its old ways I see).

-Also like...I do not understand at all why Julien and Obie were ever together (or Audrey and Aki). And even when they tried to explain it, it was all telling, no showing. Like the OG did a really great job of showing us why Nate and Blair were still together, even though they weren't happy. The reboot didn't do that at all. (Sorry, I didn't want to compare them too much but I feel like that was worth pointing out)

-Also Julien and Zoya's whole secrecy plot makes no sense to me either, but Gossip Girl's gonna Gossip Girl.

-And finally, I have to say, I still find the idea of the teachers being Gossip Girl really interesting. Like I think if done right (but I mean, look at what show I'm talking about lmao), there's good commentary to be made about how adults police children and the over interest they take in minor's sex lives. Also the show still paints the teachers very sympathetically, so it doesn't feel like a huge classist issue like the OG became (but probably just give it time unfortunately). And I'm glad they clearly know a lot of what they're doing is wrong (like how that one teacher pointed out he probably should've been arrested for taking that picture of Obie and Zoya), but they can't help themselves/feel they have no other choice. Almost Jenny Humphrey descent into darkness vibes. I feel like it could be done really well??? But you know, I know I'm putting too much hope into Safran lol.

So yeah, that's what I thought!

[hologramband]

Hollywood Ghost Club p3

(my gif) 

Luke x Reader

Word Count: 2.4k 

A/N: eek! This marks halfway! After this I have 2… maybe 3 depending on the length of the last few parts… until the conclusion! Lmk what you think!!

Caleb marking the boys was a game changer, it would be at least 24 hours before the shock started, she just needed to work quickly on making a plan to be able to help them. 

On top of that, you also woke up with a killer headache, the pain was manageable, but you had no idea what could be causing a ghost to have this type of pain. 

Since it was a weekday, there were no new incoming members to the club, so you basically had the day off.

Not knowing what else to do, you poofed into the hallway right outside of Lucy’s door, deciding to take her out for the day, show her what she could do as a ghost, maybe even take her to see the boys, if they weren't busy. 

You knocked on the door, but after not hearing a response, you walked in and noticed the room was empty. 

Deciding she had probably gone looking for Kendra you poofed around the building, looking for anywhere they might be. 

It was when you were in the hallway that connected yours and Caleb dressing rooms that you felt the unease wash over you, there was a whimpering coming from down the hall, towards Caleb's office. 

“Just show me what you showed her,” You heard muttering from inside of the room you were standing outside. 

Not thinking twice you gave the door a sharp knock before busting in without waiting for a response, repulsed by what you saw. 

Lucy was sitting in the middle of the room, on a stool, with tears budding in her eyes. 

Caleb wouldn’t dare lay a hand on her, he had that much decency about him, but causing the young girl to feel unsafe and scared was enough to send you into overdrive. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” You gasped, walking towards Lucy, her eyes locking instantly with the girls. 

“(Y/n), I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” Caleb walked in your path, putting a hand out to hold you in place, but you poofed to behind him, holding Lucy’s hand before he got the chance to stop you. 

“No, Caleb, I'm gonna have to ask you where you found the nerve. She is a CHILD.” You’re not sure where the sudden attitude came from, ever since last night you didn’t have the same fear of Caleb from before. 

“Fine, if she wont answer me, then you will, (y/n), what exactly did little Lucy show you last night?” He spoke with a snarl, fists balling at his sides. 

“Lucy, honey,” You whispered in her ear, “go find Kendra and Willey, okay?” You smiled at the girl, but her face hardened. 

She shook her head no in response, glancing between Caleb and you, not wanting to leave you alone with him. 

“It’s okay, i’ll join you in a little bit!” You smiled at the girl again, trying to put a convincing smile on your face. 

Lucy looked back at Caleb, then to you, before squeezing your hand and leaving the room.

Once she was gone, you hardened your expression and made eye contact with Caleb again.

“She just showed me a memory I had, she was trying to make me feel better.” You kept your response short, twisting your words so it wasn’t a lie, but also wasn’t the full truth. 

“The way you care for the girl is cute, but I can’t have you standing in my way, I brought her to my club for a reason.” Caleb took a step closer, you doing the same, meeting him halfway. 

“Caleb, I say this with absolutely no respect at all, if you ever think of getting to her again, you’ll have to go through me first.” You felt a fire behind your eyes, not a sliver of anxiousness in your body. 

“Bold statement, little bird. What makes you think I can’t ‘go through you’? Hm?” His frown turned to a smile as your wrist started to burn, and a fire started in your abdomen, a few shocks running through your system, somehow not as bad as they usually are. 

You gritted your teeth and closed your eyes, trying not to show your pain. 

When you opened them again, Caleb was staring back at you with confusion, then momentarily at his hands before returning his gaze to your face. 

“You know what, I’ve had enough of your deviance for today,” He looked you up and down before turning around and walking behind his desk. 

Taking that as a cue to leave, you focussed on Lucy's energy and poofed into the cafeteria, seeing her at a table with both Willey and Kendra.  

As soon as she saw you appear she shot from her seat and ran to you, grabbing your hand again, this time you felt what she was doing.

“Are-are you restoring my power?” The energy was rushing through your body, making you feel back to full capacity, not feeling the aftershocks of Caleb's attacks in the slightest. 

“(Y/n)!” Kendra and Willey were at your side now as well.

“What happened? Lucy came in and looked all anxious, but we couldn’t figure out what was going on.” Kendra spoke, looking down at the girl. 

“I found her in Caleb’s office this morning, he was trying to get her to tell him what she showed me last night.” You went to continue when you saw the confused looks on both Willey and Kendra’s face. 

“Is that what happened when you got all glowy last night?” Willey looked down at the child then back up to you. 

“Yeah, she unlocked some sort of memory I think, but, I don't know, it was weird. It seemed to take place in a different time, like before I died maybe?” You spoke, but Lucy was pulling on your arm shaking her head no, pulling you to her level like she did last night, placing her hands in the same spots. 

You knew what was going to happen this time. 

You were back in your dressing room again, but a boy was with the other you this time. 

“(Y/n), I know you think he’s a good guy, but I really think there’s something off about him.” The boy spoke, grabbing your shoulder and turning you to him. 

“Dan, I’m sorry. I-I just… why would Caleb threaten anyone?” the other you shook her head, clearly there was something going on. 

“C’mon (y/n), you’re my sister, you should believe me when I say I feel something’s off. I told you the same thing before we died, that driver wasn’t good to drive.” The boy, Dan, spoke. 

Two things spun you for a loop, 1, you had never known how you died, and 2, Dan called himself your brother. 

Your vision appeared back to normal, and you noticed the headache from this morning was gone. 

Lucy was looking at you expectantly, her hands coming off from your face, returning to its spot in your hand. 

“It happened again, you got all bright and glowy,” Willey poked at your shoulder, “are you like, radioactive, or… something?” 

You shook your head and looked up at him. 

The memory Lucy just showed you, along with the one you saw last night, you came to the realization, not wanting to voice it out loud. 

Caleb erased your memories. Both from before you died, and some after.

You looked between the three people in front of you, not wanting to scare Willey and Kendra, so you offered half the truth.

“She’s showing me memories I didn’t know I had, Willey, I always felt like I was missing a part of myself, and then I met you. Things started to feel right, like-” Willey cut you off with a cough. 

“Um, (y/n), before you confess your love for me, you know I’m, like, gay right?” Willey raised his eyebrows and Kendra choked back a laugh. 

“Willey, you idiot,” you rubbed your temples, “yes, I know you’re gay.” You laughed and continued with what you were previously saying. 

“In one of the memories Lucy showed me, I had a brother. I think we died together, or at least at the same time.” 

“Ohhhh, so you’re just saying you love me as a brother, I think i’m the one guy you can say that too and not get hurt or offended.” Willey laughed, trying to downplay the news, easing the nerves that had arisen in you, and you would always be grateful for him being able to do that. 

Lucy smiled up at you, and you realized why Caleb wanted her so bad, she had powers that could ruin his whole operation, in the last 24 hours alone she’s given you back memories and power that Caleb has stolen from you, who knew what else she was capable of. 

“Hey, do you guys wanna go on a little trip with Lucy and I? We’re gonna go see the friends we made yesterday.” When you mentioned the boys her eyes lit up.

“Nice,” she smiled again. 

Willey nodded and Kendra smiled at Lucy.

“You think Reggie will be there?” Kendra looked at you and you smiled.

“Probably, does someone have a crush?” You smiled at the blush that was rising to her friend's cheeks. 

“Oh, noooo,” she wrung her hands together, “okay, I’m a sucker for a guy that’s good with children.” 

You laughed at her and shook your head. 

“Alrighty, well then let's get going!” You held Lucy’s hand and Willey poofed you all in front of the garage that the boys practice and live in. 

As you walked in the door the boys all assembled and started to sing the words to ‘i'm sorry’, but stopped when they realized you weren’t the suspected guest. 

“Oh! (Y/n)! Hi,” Luke smiled at you. 

“Hey! Sorry to drop by unannounced, but Lucy wanted to see her new friends.” You smiled, and as if on cue, Lucy ran out from behind you and jumped into Reggies arms. 

“Aha! There's my favorite dance partner.” Reggie smiled at her before picking her up in his arms and spinning her around. 

“You know,” Kendra started, “they say kids are really good judges of character.” She made eye contact with Reggie and he froze for a second, trying to figure out if this was real or not, if the cute girl from the performance last night was in front of him or not. Lucy wiggling from his grasp while he was distracted.  

In an effort to save everyone from an uncomfortable silence, you spoke up.

“You guys are the only one she’ll talk about,” You smile and Lucy looks back at you then to the boys. 

“Nice,” she nodded her head at them and giggled as Alex started to chase her around, Reggie joining soon after. 

“So Luke, what was the ‘I’m sorry’ song for?” You turned to him, on the arm of the couch that sat in the room. 

“You know the girl that can see us? We ended up missing the gig with her last night, she wants to quit the band.” he sits on the couch and looks down at his feet, twiddling his thumbs together. 

Not knowing how else to help, you move to sit beside him, placing a hand on his. 

“I’m sure she’ll come around Luke, from what I’ve heard you guys are supposed to be really good, no one would want to be the cause of a good thing ending.” You smile at him as he meets your gaze. 

“Yeah I guess, she just seemed so serious, we really hurt her.”

Before you could respond Lucy ran back into the room and grabbed your hand, smiling and brought you to the piano in the center. 

“Lucy, I don’t know how to play.” You look at the girl and she smiles up at you, this time just laying a hand on your shoulder and she put your hand on the keys, making a sound come from one. 

The sound felt familiar, and you hit another key, then followed with a song, it was like muscle memory. This time, you saw the glow. 

Your hands were hitting the keys and making a melody you have never heard before, but it carried the tune of an upbeat happy song, the glow of your hands growing with each note you hit. 

You didn’t remember knowing how to play the piano, but the glow made you think this was another hidden memory that Lucy helped you uncover. 

You reached a point in the melody where it seemed to die out, making you think you reached the end of the song, the lack of glow confirming the thought. 

“Wow, (Y/n), that was amazing, I didn’t know you could play.” Alex spoke first. 

“I SOOO want to learn how to do the glowy thing.” Reggie followed. 

You chuckled and smiled at Lucy, whispering a ‘Thank you’ as she hopped off the bench and went to sit in Luke's arms this time.

The afternoon continued on a lot like this, everyone hanging out, Lucy running around playing with everyone, when you started to feel a pull, looking up you could see that Willey and Kendra felt it too, meaning you needed to get back to the club. 

“Alright, I think it’s time we head back to the club, we all have some things to do before tonight’s act.” You stood up and held your hand out for Lucy to take, but she shook her head.

“It’s okay Lucy, (y/n) will bring you back,” Luke looked up at you, “won’t you?” He pulled some puppy dog eyes, the rest of the boys following suit. 

“Yes,” you laughed at their faces, “we’ll definitely be back, you can’t get rid of us.” 

“I wouldn’t want to.” Luke kept eye contact and smiled at the blush he caused on your cheeks. 

Lucy hugged each boy goodbye, then took your hand, satisfied with the promise of returning. 

“I hope all goes well with Julie! You can’t let things end before I’ve seen a show.” You smiled at the boys and waved, Luke sending a wink your way before you all poofed and arrived back at the club. 

“And you wanna talk about my crush,” Kenda nudged you and giggled. 

You rolled your eyes, because maybe, maybe, you did have a small crush. But where's the harm in that? 

----

Part 4 coming soon…

Tag List!

@perfectlywrongformend3s @bathtimejish @lovesanimals @oswin05 @ashleyleblancx @losers-club6 @parkeret @lukeys-giggle @simplysanha @perfectlywrongformend3s @bathtimejish @lia-faerie-queen @morgandamrose @crybabyddl @caitsymichelle13 @simp4reggie @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve @lolychu  @simplysanha @-episkey- @kristencoontz @ifilwtmfc @sarcasticsagittarius1998​

[mayhembunnywrites]

Chapter 4: Unpleasant Truths

It was with shock and growing hope that Su-Ryeon was forced to head back to Hera Palace, the knowledge that her husband would eventually look for her hanging over her head like the most ominous shadow.

“Min Seol-Ah, Anna Lee…” she whispers to herself on the way back, daring to hope that Seol-Ah would be available to speak with in the near future. She had spoken with her own daughter in passing, never realizing who she truly was...

She did not know, then, that the opportunity would never arrive.

The beautiful gown that Su-Ryeon had picked out would do nicely, she decided. It was a costume that she would wear like armor, beautiful and ethereal. She could only hope it was enough to distract her husband.

Stepping into the familiar elevator that would take her to the venue for the party, Su-Ryeon prepares herself for a moment, the quiet a welcome friend in place of the recent chaos. The fireworks distract her, beautiful in their many colors and taking her breath away as she watches them for a second until--

She watches in horror as the form of a girl is flung from a balcony, a scream involuntarily wrenching itself from Su-Ryeon’s throat before she realizes that she knows that face, would know it in her dreams and only then, because her daughter, Min Seol-Ah, was the one flung from that balcony.

The image of her daughter covered in blood, stretching out a hand to Su-Ryeon, would stick with her for the rest of her life. It would haunt her nightmares and appear behind her eyelids -- and the image of her daughter amidst broken glass and in the arms of Hera herself, the both of them covered in blood.

The shock overwhelms Su-Ryeon as she watches her daughter fall, and her breathing grows faster as she scratches frantically at the glass and then the door, trying her best to save her daughter despite hope.

It is with that hope that she collapses, the stress from all of what had happened over the past week catching up to her and causing her to faint.

-----

Su-Ryeon wakes up to a woman standing over her, the familiar face of the caretaker Dan-Tae had hired, not comforting in the least. The sensation of an IV drip wasn’t necessarily unfamiliar to Su-Ryeon, but it was unusual to wake up attached to one. It is then that she remembers what had happened--

The sight of her daughter -- Min Seol-Ah -- falling to her death, the girl obviously flung from the balcony. The memory nearly brings her to tears, but she represses them in favor of her concern.

‘You never know,’ she thinks desperately, ‘she could, after all, survive that fall...right?’ Su-Ryeon rushes past the woman, ignoring her obviously false pretenses and heading straight to the elevator after ripping out the line of the IV.

She knows that something has happened only after stepping out of the elevator and looking up at the glass ceiling to see if it was still there -- and it was obviously missing. It was the only thing she really noticed, and the party was obviously still in full swing for the Hera Palace residents.

The ‘concern’ shown for Su-Ryeon was obviously fake to her, the reassurances from her husband and him urging her to go back to bed. The love that was shown from him before no longer seems pure in intention, but more pure manipulation.

Soon enough, Su-Ryeon watches and applauds as her husband takes his place as the MC of the event, only...The statue she had seen earlier which was covered in blood was now spotless.

‘I’m certain she fell onto the fountain,’ Su-Ryeon thinks to herself contemplatively. Had it been a nightmare, she wondered? A terrible vision after her fainting? ‘Was it a dream,’ she asks herself.

Conversation seems to flow around Su-Ryeon, she notices absently as people toast to Hera and her husband interacts with various politicians. Her eyes wander around the room as if searching for some sign, any sign, of her daughter.

It is only then that she looks at her husband, pushing down the ever-growing ball of hatred she feels towards him, and notices the blood on his shirt. She does not dare comment, for Su-Ryeon is not a stupid woman by any means and she does not want to risk her life or the lives of her children over a simple comment.

She smiles politely, even as she recognizes the congressman from the photos with Seol-Ah. She mentally notes down his name for later as the man compliments her beauty, and she quickly is dismissed after that in favor of the congressman speaking with Dan-Tae.

She looks around the room carefully, as to not draw attention to herself, and it is then that she notices even more blood on the Hera Palace members. Blood on Yoon-Chul’s knuckle, behind Gyu-Jin’s ear. Su-Ryeon snaps out of her observations when the congressman points out a shoe that is ever familiar to Shim Su-Ryeon -- the shoe of her daughter, Min Seol-Ah.

“I think our kids were playing around,” says Dan-Tae to the congressman, laughing it off without hesitation.

‘I didn’t see it wrong,’ she thinks with horror, ‘I’m certain it was Seol-Ah.’ It is only when the Hera Club members start placing blame on the children -- her twins -- that she snaps out of it to approach the group of curious teens who all seem to have varied expressions, from politely confused smiles to carefully controlled masks of neutrality.

Su-Ryeon takes a breath before smiling brightly at the group of teens, her eyes resting on Seok-Kyung and Seok-Hoon for a moment as she checks them over, only relaxing completely once she confirms that they’re alright.

Seok-Hoon approaches his mother first, Seok-Kyung following behind him as they approach her. She takes them in, just for a moment, and opens her mouth to speak and ask them if they wanted to go home yet, but ---

“There was a fire in Bosuk Village?” the abrasive voice of the congressman says, catching Su-Ryeon’s attention with its volume. “Well, an orphan lived there alone, what can I do? Am I a firefighter or what?”

Su-Ryeon quickly grasps her children by the arms and leads them to the elevator with a smile and a nod to the crowd watching, ignoring all of them as she tries to stop the tears from falling. She stops in front of the elevator and looks Seok-Hoon in the eyes, the image of her nearly-grown son bringing her more comfort than ever imaginable.

“You and your sister should head to bed, Seok-Hoon,” Su-Ryeon says, a smile that would fool neither twin making its way onto her face, “I’ll be joining you soon enough, so just rest tonight, alright?” She waits and watches as her children quickly agree, the twins clearly realizing that something was wrong.

It is only then that Su-Ryeon leaves the lobby, ignoring the eyes that follow her out of the door and into the car. She drives to Bosuk Village with a heavy heart, already knowing what awaits her despite not having arrived.

The crowd surrounding the apartment complex easily gives way to the clearly distressed woman in the formal gown and coat, and although they give her strange looks, she ignores them in favor of approaching the cautionary tape that the police had placed.

Su-Ryeon only notices the body bag when she actually arrives at the front of the crowd, and it is to her heart-wrenching sadness that she notices her daughter, the daughter who had been practically under her the entire time, being zipped into a body bag.

‘Seol-Ah died?’ she thinks to herself, nearly unbelieving despite the now definite proof of Seol-Ah’s death. She is quickly taken out of her stupor by the detectives discussing the will they had found on the rooftop, the claims that her daughter had committed suicide only proven wrong to her with her knowledge of the situation.

She stands as her daughter’s body is taken away, and she watches it happen without chasing the ambulance. Rage mixes with overwhelming grief as she stands, and she stays standing until she is alone in front of the apartment. She leaves after everyone else has, even the police, and she climbs into her car and drives home, leaving broken pieces of her heart and soul behind her as she goes.

-----

The last time she sees her daughter is at her autopsy, the one she had bribed the medical examiner to perform on her behalf. ‘She is beautiful, even in death,’ Su-Ryeon thinks as a tear falls and she places her hand into Seol-Ah’s hand.

She listens attentively as the medical examiner speaks about the cause of death, “The cause of death is damage to her brain and cervical spine due to the fall,” the man says softly, as if concerned for the crying woman in front of him.

Su-Ryeon tries to hold back the tears for the sake of the medical examiner, the poor man obviously just wanting to get this over with and to get back to dealing with the dead instead of the living.

“There’s something unusual, though. I found this inside her body.” He holds out a plastic bag containing a USB stick, and confusion lights upon Su-Ryeon’s face.

“What is this?” she asks, taking the bag with caution as if it was a precious treasure unlike any other.

The man only pauses a moment before answering her question, “I think she swallowed it before she died.”

Su-Ryeon thanks the man politely, bowing to him despite her tears as he leaves the room. She waits to see the door close before turning to the cold, dead body of Seol-Ah and letting tears fall freely, putting the plastic bag in her pocket before taking Seol-Ah’s hand back into hers.

“Seol-Ah, I’m so sorry,” she whispers, “for coming too late and not recognizing you. I’m so sorry for leaving you all alone. Everything is my fault, I was too foolish,” Su-Ryeon continues, stroking her daughter’s hair with caution. “Seol-Ah, who did this to you?” she asks helplessly, “I’ll find out who did this to you and tear that person into tiny pieces,” she says before breaking completely, falling to her knees next to the person who she wished, desperately, could respond.

The room remains quiet.

-----

Returning home to find her husband drinking alone wasn’t all that unusual to Su-Ryeon, but to find him drinking with Cheon Seo-Jin in front of the glass windows that overlook the city was shocking.

‘Really, Dan-Tae?’ Su-Ryeon thinks to herself even as tears fill her eyes, knowing that she had ignored the signs of his affair desperately, and now she was confronted with the truth of the matter.

Her husband was clearly interested in Seo-Jin, a married woman. It was a fact that she wishes she could ignore as she watches the pair kiss passionately before they move to the couch, the pair laying down and completely oblivious to her presence. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before turning around, clenching the handles of her purse in her fists as she leaves the apartment with as little sound as possible.

Hot tears run down her cheeks as she gets into the main elevator of Hera Palace, alone for a rare moment.

Shim Su-Ryeon leaves unnoticed and no one chases after her.

‘At least for today,’ she thinks once she is in her car, tears running down her cheeks and stinging her eyes, ‘I can be alone for once.’

The silence that surrounds her hurts almost as much as the grief itself.

[ilovejevsjeans]

At the Forefront

Its a gladitorial sport, it can be seen as macho testosterone fueled. How easy is it to ask for help if youre struggling, having a tough time for whatever reason?

Dan: You use the word macho and I guess I thought of that, it’s probably a bit harder for men to break through that because there’s a perception of “I’m big and strong and the provider” and that old way of thinking but you know the thing which helps me is having close people around me, friends and people that I can trust and if I do get emotional or something they’re not going to call me weak or anything. They’ll put their arm around me and understand where I’m coming from so, I think that’s the biggest thing. I think everyone has the ability to open up and at times wants to open up but it’s that uncertainty of who to open up to. So it’s just finding someone you can really lean on. And even if that person is someone you’re not sure of I’m sure 9 times out of 10 they might surprise you and be open ears and arms. 

Could you tell anything to a teammate? Because as you know in F1 they’re the benchmark and any weakness can easily be exploited by a teammate and used against them on the track.

D: Yeah that’s a good question. You probably have to be a bit more selective with what you say to a direct competitor but you know on the flip side I think if you have enough confidence in yourself a lot of the time you can be happy to put everything on the table and deep down you’re like “I’m not longer vulnerable, I’ve put everything out there so at least my plate is clear so I can go out there and give it my all”. It can probably work both ways

You can go from hero to zero very quickly in F1, not least on social media. I’m wondering what your techniques are for handling the stress, the scrutiny, the pressure, the demands.

One thing I’ve always found helps is having other interests. If my life was only  F1, I think that would consume me and the pressure of the sport would. Not having a good race would probably eat me in inside for to long. If I have a bad race or a moment where I’m not to happy with my performance or what’s going on in the sport it might consume me for the Sunday evening but by Monday I’m trying to put my thoughts somewhere else and I don’t know go out and do some sports or go see some music. I think to just have an escape. I think that’s important for everyone whatever your job is. To have an interest outside of it that you can go and attend and clear your head a little bit.

Is there a moment that you could share in your career where things looked or felt bleak and what you learned from that episode?

A highlight for me as back in 2013, still relatively early in my career and I was very strict on myself. I was very disciplined and wouldn’t allow myself a beer or to go and party and you know what was I a 23/24 year old kid, it wasn’t really normal. In my head I was doing everything right, and the results for a few weeks weren’t there and I was kinda banging my head against the wall wondering what else could I do. I just got away for a bit. I was like maybe I’m putting to much into and this and maybe I’m going down a rabbit hole of trying to look into to many details and maybe I need to step away for a bit. It was the Montreal race and Montreal is close to New York and I’d never been to New York so I was like “I’m going to go to New York for a few days and I had some friends with me and I was like let’s just go”. Basically just not think or talk about racing and just go to a new city where racing doesnt exist and have a few drinks and go out and just take a break. That was really the best thing that I did. It really eased me in a lot of ways and it also kind of made me appreciate the sport like missing it everyday made me happy to go back to it after that holiday. 

That’s really interesting, cause I was gonna ask you about the lifestyle. Cause F1 is seen as a very glamorous profession . You’re on the road, you’re living out of hotels, you’re away from family etc etc. How do you cope with that and you’ve done it from an early age. You came to Europe and that’s a big step. So how have you managed to shape your mind and keep yourself on the straight and narrow when sometimes it’s just a hotel room and you?

That’s one of the hardest things. I think that’s what actually can break a lot of kids. When they move home it’s really having that long term vision. The first years of me living away from home, yeah I missed home, you know at that point I wasn’t earning any money or I wasn’t guaranteed to make it in F1 or anything but I was like “okay yes this isn’t particularly perfect right now but this is what everyone went through”. This is what Schumacher went through , this is what all the good guys did and this is what I have to do if I want to get there. So it was just I saw it as that. It was a sacrifice but ultimately if this means I can race F1, get paid to do the job I love , then this is nothing. So it was really just that and its all perspective and mindset. It’s understanding that sometimes there is a bit of a slow grind but if it’s going to get you a step closer to what you want then I think anythings worth it. 

It’s clearly working cause this is your tenth season in F1 so you know what you’re doing. But I wonder how much of that do you put on you as a person and as a driver? You know the ups and downs, you’ve talked about Montreal, also as someone whos prepared to stand up for what he believes in. I mean look at Lewis Hamilton for example, he seems to have grown into this statesman about black lives matter. But in terms of you and your development in what matters to you would you stay quiet and stick to racing or are you someone who would go “No I need to speak up here”

Yeah that comes with age. Through confidence I guess. Even here in F1 in the drivers meetings you know when I first got to F1 I was quite shy and nervous and didn’t feel like I really belonged in the room so I would be less vocal, less opinionated on somethings and now I feel like I’ve paid my dues in the sport and if I feel like more of a right to speak my mind. Whether that’s right or wrong I don’t know it’s just kind of what I went through in my head and you evolve as a person and you find things that work for you and things that dont and you learn from other people as well. From the path they’ve gone on and whether that did or didn’t work for them. You meet some amazing people and become a sponge basicaslly at a young age in an intertnational sport with you know people from all around the world. I think you know, whether it’s mental health or black lives matter, a lot of this stuff is new for so many people and it’s about allowing yourself to be vulnerable and if you really feel strongly about something to speak up and normally I think you can find it goes a long way. And we have that platform in which to do so. 

He seems so level headed don’t you think so Mark. He’s able to ride the storms and whirl pools in Formula 1 and also ride the rapids too and when he gets the right car,he has the ability to show his talent. He’s one of the best out there, the best overtaker there is. He’s able to take the slings and arrows very calmly. I was fascinated to hear about that trip to New York early in his formula one career, just when he had to clear his mind. He was thinking, maybe even overthinking, that everything he was doing should be contributing to success in F1 but it wasn’t. He just had to unplug for a while regroup, rethink with friends and suddenly things start to flow 

Yeah that was really interesting. We think of Daniel Ricciardo as not just a great racing driver but as something as a joker, having a good laugh and as a very jolly individual. So to hear him talking about some of the darker sides of being an elite sportsperson was really interesting. My big takeaway from listening to Daniel talking to you John is that when we think about some of the criticisms that Lewis Hamilton gets for some of the interests he has outside of F1 is effectively what Dan is saying are really good things for you mental approach to the sport. That by taking time away and actually doing something different that when you get back into the car, suddenly you’re refreshed and you’re able to crack on. Interesting to hear that in their different ways Daniel and Lewis are essentially doing the same thing and benefitting from it. (X)

[roughsexwithgaga]

Love Will Tear Us Apart pt.4

Continued from: “You met me when I had no light.”

I’m stuck in this bed you made.

Dan Horton watched Lady Gaga’s car drive out the gates of the Mansion. He felt like he just had the whole world in his hands and it slipped away. He didn’t know how long he was standing there for but after a while he heard someone behind him and turned around. A woman had opened the door and smiled at him.

”She called. Since you didn’t have breakfast she said you could eat here. It’s all in the kitchen.”

Dan just nodded and thought, why not? He went back inside and followed the woman. She disappeared through a door in the kitchen and wished him ’bon appetit’. He looked around the place and felt like an intruder. The only messy place was her bedroom, otherwise everything was in order and he wondered how she could leave everything just lying around. Obviously she had people tending to her every need, but anyway. He spread some butter on a bagel and sat down by the table. After all she was a lovely woman, he thought. It was suspicious how Christian didn’t get more upset with him being there. Perhaps he would explode when he and Gaga were alone. He exhaled slowly and didn’t like the scenarios his mind played for him.

…

When Christian spoke Gaga nearly swallowed the cigarette. ”Oh, what the…” She turned her head and looked at the man in the back seat. ”What did you say?” she asked.

”I don’t know what is happening with you, but I don’t like it,” he repeated.

She faced forward again. It was a little scary how calm he remained, but she didn’t want to let it get to her. ”It’s not about us anymore. You need to let it go.” She had a feeling it would turn into a heated argument so she kept her mouth shut.

”I think it’s better if you stay at your place for now,” she then added and pressed her lips together.

\o/

Gaga’s phone was blowing up with congratulations for her Oscar nominations and it didn’t take long before loads and loads of flowers were delivered to her house. She sat in the middle of the floor and read cards when she was handed her phone for a scheduled interview.

”Hi! I’m so overwhelmed, I just might cry. I apologize if I do!”

There was no way she’d admit she had been screaming and crying all morning so she lied. ”I literally just found out about the nominations a little while ago. I’m still on showbiz time right now,” she laughed when the reporter asked if she had been listening to the nominations live.

Bo looked at her and shook her head while she recalled what the Tuesday morning had actually been like. Gaga had been sitting on her bed with her MacBook and waited for the Oscar nominations. She had repeatedly wanted to press F4 as if that would speed the stream up. She had not eaten anything, and was already on her third cigarette before the announcements had even started.

”Come on come on come on,” she had muttered and hid her face in her palms. Afraid that if she got snubbed she wouldn’t be able to face anyone for the rest of her life. She wasn’t afraid to fail, but she owed it all to Bradley. Nominations would validate his hard work as well as hers, she told herself. It was a dream. Through everything she achieved in just 10 years, she couldn’t quite grasp it. And eventually she had screamed. Man. She had screamed. ”YAAASS! YES! AAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Bo pictured the neighbors stopping with everything they were doing while trying to locate the source of the noise. The amount of power Gaga’s lungs could let out never stopped to amaze her.

Gaga sniffled. ”Christian usually leaves a note if there are nominations or anything for me when I wake up, but there was no note so I called my manager.” She could’ve bit her tongue revealing that Christian wasn’t there at all and naturally they started asking questions about him immediately and she dug a deeper hole that made no sense. Thankfully they left that subject and started asking questions that were more relevant.

Her voice cracked a few times, but it gave her the ’just-woke-up-husky-voice’ she needed to fool the reporter that she had not in fact been screaming and crying all morning.

When she ended the interview she called Bradley and after pouring a ton of compliments over him she eventually said, ”You have to come to Vegas.”

”I would love to come and watch the show and see you, but you know I’m not-”

”Please, Bradley. It will be the perfect rehearsal. Please do this for us. You know people will go absolutely wild. They deserve to see this if the Oscars doesn’t happen.” Even if she knew the Oscars would happen because she would make it happen no matter what anyone told her. If they said no for some dumbass reason she was already prepared to rent an ad slot and perform in that. No one could stop her.

”To be completely honest, I’m terrified.”

”I’ll be there with you, like you were for me.” She used her sweetest voice, invited him to fly with her there and even get him a room at the mansion and she wanted him to see the jazz concert too. Or at another date if he was busy. She was so proud of her shows that she wanted him to see it.

\o/

Friday afternoon Gaga had finally persuaded Bradley to arrive at 3 pm the next day for a short rehearsal at Park Theater. She was anxious and didn’t want to stay locked up so she decided to make a brief visit to a bar along with her team to celebrate the nominations. These days between shows was a complete drag when she usually sat locked up in her room. Or rooms obviously, since she had a few at her disposal.

The bar was crowded and she felt it was a bad idea the second she stepped inside. She felt hands on her. People touching and trying to get her attention. She turned to face Christian who’s sad and dejected face nearly made her want to smack him. How was he supposed to make anyone happy looking like that. When he smiled it looked like she wore a mask on his face and she thought it was better if he didn’t try at all.

She had never felt more done with anyone in her life. And the way he tried to make things right just made it worse. They talked with their heads close to each other and she knew it didn’t look very amicable at all. She didn’t give a fuck.

”There is no way I can ever trust you again,” she said. ”I’m sorry, it just won’t work.” She felt like it was the millionth time she told him to let it all go. He had the worst timing ever. She understood how inconvenient it would be to split up now when she had all eyes on her and the tabloids were making up stories on the go.

Dan Horton observed Gaga. She looked so beautiful and had her hair down. It looked a bit unusual because he had mostly seen her with her hair up in a bun. The smokey eye make up made her eyes glow green. Her lips were glossy and wet and she smiled when she looked at the bartender and made her order. She wore a strapless black dress with a slit up to her waist so he wondered if she even wore underwear.

Gaga felt Dan eyes on her from the side. He was leaning over the counter so he had a clear view of her. It was obvious he wanted to make contact with her but she wished he would stop staring when she noticed a hand on her lower back and quickly turned her head. There was a line and someone just crossed it. When she saw who it was she felt her face heat up.

”Congrats, girl!” Justin Theroux grinned so wide he looked like a predator. He leaned closer to give her a kiss on the cheek. His voice was like a warm hand caressing her ear. He whispered, ”I still think about you. Constantly. You’re in my blood like a disease.”

Gaga heard every word but tried to remain unfazed even though her insides became cold as ice as a contradiction to her face. Why was he here, now? She hated these kind of surprises. There were too many people circling around her right now that could overhear anything. She smiled over her shoulder and looked into his eyes. ”I could never have guessed, Justin. Except you told me, in a million texts,” she whispered. ”Surprised to see you here,” she added in a normal speaking voice.

Suddenly Dan sat up straight on his bar stool. The man who appeared next to Gaga and continuously whispered stuff in her ear was Justin Theroux. And Christian just looked on while Dan thought she was clearly uncomfortable with the man touching her. He couldn’t see his hands but it seemed they were placed on her waist or hip. Who the fuck did he think he was? If no one else did anything, then it was up to him.

”I’m just in love like everyone else.” Justin looked at her lips when he said it and Gaga felt Christian shift on his chair like he was trying to figure out what was going on.

”Let me show you.” He raised his eyes to hers and Gaga saw the words being said more than she heard them. She moved her head and whispered by his ear while she moved her dress that somehow got stuck on the heel of her shoe. ”Subtly now.”

He was a little too obvious and she wanted to handle him without being rude.

”Perhaps subtlety is not my thing,” Justin said and Gaga looked at him while she moved her head away from him. Did he know she once said that?

She felt his hand stroke her waist. It was warm and it didn’t feel unpleasant at all and he even made the skin on her thighs all tingly. He was standing so close she doubted anyone noticed how he touched her, but she was aware how it would look if someone did.

She raised her chin and looked at Christian who had his eyes on Justin. He nodded a hello at him and then lowered his eyes towards the hand on her waist and up again into her eyes. She worded ”it’s OK” to calm him down and at the same time she put her hand on his arm. Afraid that anyone would cause a scene when it was already unbearable in there.

Justin moved his hand up to her shoulder and wanted to make her turn around so he could have her full attention, when suddenly a hard shove against his shoulder made him look past her and into the eyes of a man behind her. He was completely taken by surprise and somehow he had figured it would be the man sitting beside her, but it was someone he had never seen before.

The new guy’s brows were pulled together and he looked extremely upset with his neck blushing red. ”Hey! Back off, dude.”

”And who the fuck are you?” Justin’s mood made a complete 180 and he raised his voice a little more than necessary. He realized he overreacted but the man seemed so agitated it was ridiculous. He had not done anything she had objected against.

”Dan?! What the fuck?” Gaga said and realized she was caught between them and it didn’t benefit her with two people yelling at each other with her in the middle. ”Guys, calm down,” she said. But since no one in the history of being told to calm down has ever done so it had little effect.

”Stop touching her!” Dan raised his hand and pointed at Justin’s chest.

”What are you? Like 5 years old? Looks about right you fat necked, baby faced moron!” Justin spat his words out at Dan and nearly leaned over Gaga to say it directly to his face. He swatted his hand away. ”Don’t point at me you-”

”Hey!” Dan moved behind Gaga’s back to confront Justin directly and she suddenly felt Christian’s arms around her waist when he pulled her away. She struggled to remain on her feet, but Christian had read the situation correctly by moving Gaga out of the inevitable fire.

”Fucking loser. Why you got your asshole in your face? Get lost.” Justin was already over the interruption and turned towards the bar counter as if he wanted to make an order all of a sudden.

Dan never heard so many insults in such a short time. He wanted to get back at Justin because he didn’t understand what triggered the hate. ”That’s it. You asked for it. I’m-”

The fist came out of nowhere and was a clean hit that landed directly on Dan’s chin. He sank to the floor like a sack of potatoes. For the rest of his life he would have no memory of the 30 seconds leading up to being knocked out.

Christian’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. He spilled out all the drinks within a one yard radius at the same time the punch sank into Dan’s face as he took a step sideways with his arm still around Gaga to shield her from the man sinking to the floor.

It took a fraction of a second before Gaga squatted down over him and touched his cheek. ”Dan?”

She looked up. ”Was that really necessary?” she said angrily. Most likely at both of them.

”Apparently!” Justin said and stared at the man on the floor.

Christian pulled Gaga back up and the rest of the squad gathered around Dan and tried to wake him up. His head rolled on his shoulders and suddenly two guards appeared and Justin backed away right behind Gaga and Christian.

”Stop,” Gaga raised her arm to get out of Christian’s grip but he was firmly pushing her in front of him until she was out in the streets. ”I can wait inside. Stop! Hello? Christian!”

”You don’t need this now. Stay here. I’ll check on him.” Christian pointed at the ground and raised his head to look at Justin. ”Try not to hit her, OK?” Then he turned around and walked back inside.

Justin shrugged. Gaga was entertained by how organized and in charge Christian suddenly was. She put a cigarette between her lips and tried to look inside the bar through the windows but it was too crowded around the entrance to the bar and she wouldn’t be able to see it anyway as it was to the right.

To the people in the streets Gaga and Justin were just another couple stepping outside for a smoke. The curb wasn’t so crowded. She could hear laughs and music. Cars stopped and picked people up and dropped them off.

”Why don’t you just step inside again?” he laughed at her. ”Since when do you do as you’re told?” And by the way do you know how hard it is to get you alone, away from your entourage?” he said. ”Do you need all those people to be entertained?”

She sucked the cigarette and exhaled. ”Well that’s the goddamn point. And when did you turn into such a fucking douche?” she asked and squinted her eyes. He was extremely insufferable and the way he came on to her was a challenge. She realized she didn’t perform very well in her role as ’hard to get’.

”I’m sorry. He was just… so… goddamn annoying. And his face… I just had to.” Justin cringed and rubbed the knuckles on his hand.

”It’s not me you should apologize too, Justin.”

”I know, I know. Who is he anyway?” He raised his eyebrows and shook his head. ”Because if he’s security… tsk tsk, you better get some new ones that’s not made of glass.”

”He works on the show so if you killed him we’re in trouble.”

Justin gave her an awkward smile and inhaled through his teeth. Gaga thought of how Peter definitely had to be brought along every night with these idiots running around loose. He watched her when she put the cigarette back between her lips and took a greedy drag that made the end glow. Her strapless dress was so tight he could see her nipples poking through the fabric. It hugged her hips and ass and her tanned thighs were visible through the slit. She looked so fucking sexy wearing black. Smokey eyes and red lipstick. Her hair was down for once, and it looked soft and like it would smell fantastic. A thin chain around her neck that had some kind of pendant glittered between her collarbones.

”You look incredible,” he said. ”You’re so fucking sexy, you know. Do all women get turned on when men fight over them?”

He laughed when she rolled her eyes.

”Who’s the other side cut? The fiancé?” he asked.

”We’re not… anymore.” She inhaled and thought of how she didn’t need to explain anything to him. It wasn’t like he cared anyway and he probably didn’t want to date her at all. Just tear her clothes off again. She was intrigued by how attracted he was to her body, not so much to who she was, but literally by how she looked. It would normally turn her off, but being regarded as sexy and beautiful wasn’t part of her every day life around straight men. Although it had somewhat changed over the course of 10 years, many were intimidated by her before they talked to her. And many still had this idea that she was crazy and ugly and not even a woman. They didn’t even give her a chance. Then there were those who didn’t respect her at all. Who ran her over, who thought she was what every woman is in their world – inferior to all men. Justin admired her, and desired her as a woman. He was a douche, but he had actually made her feel amazing when they fucked.

”It’s just…”

”…bad timing. Sorry. How long are you gonna wait?”

”It’s been less than 2 minutes!” she said.

”I don’t mean that. I mean before you drop him officially.”

”When I hold the Oscar,” she said and smiled that irresistible wide smile, with her plump wet lips.

”You’ve got balls, woman.” Justin reached out to touch her cheek when Christian came out through the doors again. He looked at them, his face gave away exactly what he was thinking. It hurt so much, he wished the man to drop dead  or at least get seriously sick. He missed her, loved her and she tortured him by existing. It felt like a knife was pushed through his ribs, into his heart. He nearly choked on the pain that felt like it was going to shoot up inside his throat in the shape of a big, spiked ball. Couldn’t she at least wait until he was gone. Did he have to watch this too?

”He’s been taken up to his room. I think he’s awake, but he doesn’t seem to remember what happened. They gonna have some medic look at him to make sure.”

”Here?” Gaga asked.

”Yeah, there’s a team on stand by.”

”Really?” She looked surprised and raised her dark eyebrows. Her eyes glittered in the lights from the glass doors. They looked dark brown. She looked so different, Christian thought, but he didn’t know what made him think that. Maybe it’s because I see you for who you are now… and you hate me, he told himself. But I love you more than you understand.

”Anyway, I don’t want to go back in there. The atmosphere got stale.” He looked at Justin. What on earth did she see in him. He was like a walking creep. About as interesting as a folded sheet of paper. He didn’t even act like she meant something to him other than something to brag about. He obviously used her and flattered her ego to get her. He would never stay with her.

”Christian, you never were in the mood.” Gaga approached the doors again to enter. ”See you back at the mansion. I’ll take the car,” she said and pulled the door open.

”Nice to meet you,” Justin said and caught the door just before it slammed into his face.

Christian watched her walk a few yards into the hallway and then stop and turn her face towards Justin. She smiled and said something and then, not much to Christian’s surprise, they turned left. Into the lobby of the hotel and not the bar. He wanted to throw up that spiked ball now. He never thought he’d feel so physically sick over a person.

Gaga waited for Justin. ”I know you don’t want to go back in there either.” She smiled at him. ”So maybe we should just continue… elsewhere?”

Justin put his hand on her back. Her warm body, the way she moved. He was so turned on by her whole being he could barely contain himself.

He guided her into the elevators and when she turned around he bent down and placed his lips on hers. He instantly felt her tongue, soft and curious, against his. She breathed faster and he let her go. She wasn’t ready and stumbled forward. He looked into her eyes. Watched her nose and cheeks blushing.

He was intrigued. She had feelings. All the time he had thought she was playing him, but she wasn’t as in control as he initially thought. She was definitely flattered by his attention even if she, in his mind, could pick anyone she wanted. Instead she seemed nervous.

His hands moved along her upper body, down to her hips and he pulled her closer again. She smelled so good. He caressed her arm up to her collarbones, felt her heart beats by her neck. Fast.

”Is the untouchable ms Gaga a little excited?”

She swatted his hand away. ”Don’t push it.” The look on Christian’s face suddenly haunted her. How broken he looked. She turned away and instantly felt Justin’s hands on her waist and his lips against her nape.

”Sorry,” he mumbled and kissed her hair.

”It’s OK,” she whispered. The fine hairs on her arms standing up at his gentle touch. His scent, his hard body. He did things to her that she didn’t like that she enjoyed so much and she didn’t like that he could sense that she needed what he had to offer. That she somehow craved his dick inside her and his hands on her. How her skin felt like it shrunk and she wanted to crawl out of it. How her body wasn’t hers. She was so turned on already and they weren’t even out of the elevator.

It was a whole other deal now than the first time. He knew more about her now, what she liked, and it felt like a weakness that she wasn’t ready for, when they weren’t dating. She felt like she was someone else around him, another character inside her coming out, a harder one, and yet she stood here and took his bullshit without sending him away. The awkward dork inside her was temporarily squashed under her heel.

”You want me to stop?” he asked with his lips by her ear. ”It seems like you’re hesitating.”

”No, please.”

His hand was resting against her neck. The pressure was pleasant and she liked the feeling of being submissive. She felt light as a feather in his grip. He made her turn around and face him again. He looked into her eyes, felt the slight shiver when her amazing eyes met his.

”So what’s the deal with that glass jawed loser?” he asked.

”Does there have to be a deal? Why are you so interested in every damn man you’ve seen today?”

He noticed a slight quiver in her gaze, just for a slight second and he understood. He paused. ”No wonder he was so protective.” He didn’t even have to say the words out loud. ”And here we are.” He smiled and raised an eyebrow. ”How many do you have lined up?”

Gaga looked at him. ”Is there a limit?”

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. The corridor was empty and Justin was blocking the way out. ”No. It’s just not how I imagined you, really.”

”Interesting. We fucked after we’d talked for 20 minutes and you imagine you know me how? Why does that make you sound so… entitled? She pouted at him. ”I never promised you anything. I’m single. I wanna have fun.”

”I didn’t mean… I meant, you having a crazy amount of hook-ups. You seem… picky.” He looked into her eyes.

She looked dangerously close to canceling the whole thing and probably would if she wasn’t so desperate to be pounded into the mattress and the fact that her selection wasn’t as vast as he thought. She could always go back to the mansion and sleep with Christian. He wouldn’t push her away, but that wouldn’t be fair at all to either of them. Then he said something so incredibly rude her heart started beating twice as fast for 10 seconds.

”I was thinking… Do you think there is a betting pool among your staff… like who can-”

”Crazy amount of… You’re a complete ass 90 % of the time, you know.” She said it with a fake smile and narrowed eyes. Her teeth were white, her lips glossy and wet and her cheekbones looked sharp enough for him to get hurt. ”A betting pool? If this is your idea of being funny your humor sucks!”

Justin watched her tilt her head to the side and took a step back to let her pass. ”He’s a loser,” he said and then he muttered, ”And you’re a goddess,” under his breath.

”Then why are you so threatened by him?” She had this feeling that the sex would be amazing. Justin’s testosterone levels probably skyrocketed right now and she was furious. She shook her head and let the air out of her lungs. ”You sound really insecure right now.” She mimicked his voice and said, ”Not the way I imaged you at all.”

He saw her spin a whole 180 degrees as she exited the elevator. She was in control again and had slammed his ego to the floor. She was right. It wasn’t like him at all to be bothered, but there was really something special about her that made him want to own her and made him extremely jealous of everyone else. He felt like he needed to pump a baby in her – and then pushed that thought aside immediately because it was a very strange feeling he never had before in his entire life. Hinting that it bothered him that she had sex with others was way out of his character too, and he understood that she was offended.

He observed her. Her goddamn legs, with their satin skin and the expensive shoes on her feet. The way she walked, relaxed with her shoulders pulled back and the defined shoulder blades moving under her skin. He reached out and placed a hand between them and felt her hair against the back of his hand. It was just as angelic as he had imagined. He ran his fingers through it and resisted the desire to pull it just yet.

He guided the way to his room and opened the door to let her in. She turned around and he nearly slammed her into the wall when he pulled her arm. ”I’ve waited too long for this…”

She was so turned on her gut ached, her vagina felt like it was about to drop out of her body. Her skin crawled and itched. She wanted to be touched and caressed, both soft and hard. She opened her mouth, felt his teeth against her lip and his hands searching for the zipper of her dress. ”As sexy as you look in this I just need it to come off. ASAP,” he muttered and struggled finding a way to get it off.

She put her arms out and pushed him away. ”This is a Valentino. And I’m not having you ruining it,” she said and gently pulled the zipper down the side. ”I want you to fuck me and never stop. Not even when I beg you to.” The dress slowly slipped down her body and past her hips. He admired her tits and the slight pout of her belly below her belly button. She looked amazing and soft. He wanted to put his hands on her but waited.

She stood with her thighs together and it made her hips looked wider compared to her narrow waist. He absolutely loved the way she looked. From her magnificent huge, glowing green eyes to her perfectly shaped, round tits with the teasingly hard nipples, to her pleasure zone and the soft, muscular thighs and the smooth kneecaps, to her feet with their swollen veins and she was driving him crazy with her warmth.

He looked at her face again. She raised her chin and parted her lips. ”Come and get it.” The husky low voice made his guts gurl in an interesting way that also felt kind of unusual for once. She had this commanding tone, yet soft. It was pure sex.

So he placed his hands on her waist, pulled her close and bent down. The feeling of the hard nubs against his tongue, the soft, full tits under his palms.

”You drive me insane,” he whispered and inhaled her scent. He kissed her shoulders and made her raise her arms over her head. He locked them against the wall and licked her armpit. She started laughing because it tickled her and tried to pull her arms down, but he was too strong.

”I love the way you taste.”

When she struggled to break free it turned him on even more. He was so hard he felt the taste of metal on his tongue. The air was dense and almost stale. It was like he needed more oxygen and tried to take deeper breaths. He ran his hands down her belly and inside waist band of her black lace thong. She held her breath and slowly exhaled when he started pulling it down.

”You’re so beautiful,” he said and felt the soft roundness of her little pouty gut under her bellybutton when she finally relaxed. He held her wrists with one hand and pressed his body against hers. She was soft compared to him and he felt her chest expand when she breathed. He moved his other hand to the back of her head and ran his fingers through her hair. He could smell her now. The warm stress. The way her pores opened up.

He pulled her hair and saw how the muscles and tendons inside her neck were strained. A vein nearly looked like it was about to explode when she opened her mouth. ”Spit,” she said.

She wanted him to degrade her. He opened his mouth and licked her chin. A strain of saliva ran from the corner of her mouth and he licked it up, hovered over her and let his tongue push a drop over his lip into her mouth. It stretched out until it let go and landed on her lower lip. He kissed her and let go of her hands. She tried to push him away, but he forced her back against the wall again.

The satisfying vision of her thighs jiggling when her ass bounced against the wall made him smile. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She could feel how hard he was and knew how prepared she had to be to be able to take him. The thought of the pain turned her on. Maybe my body is panicking, she thought and laughed.

He threw her on the bed so he could remove her tiny piece of underwear. She wasn’t waxed clean this time, but had tiny hairs starting to grow out and shave burns by her groins when he bent down and kissed them. He parted her labia with two fingers and let his tongue glide along her slit. Her head dropped down into the cushions and he heard how she breathed through her teeth. She knew she was already soaking wet and the lack of friction from his tongue proved her right. It didn’t take long before he had licked her dry and the coarseness of his tongue made her feel like she was floating.

Her pussy lips were swollen and soft and he pushed her legs up so he could please both her holes. He let a finger slide inside her wet cunt while his tongue circled her clit. The muscles inside her thighs twitched and he kissed the delicate skin close to her groins and let his fingertips glide along the skin on the back of her thighs. Tiny hairs tickled his fingers. He pulled her down and forced her to part her legs wider. Amazed with how flexible she was.  

Gaga grabbed his belt and pulled herself up when he got up to pull his t-shirt over his head. She unbuckled the belt and pulled the zipper down, realizing the dick would flop out into her face because she knew how hard he was already. Before it happened he put his hands under her ass and lifted her up. She wrapped her arms around his back and he walked backwards.

”How is this better?” she laughed. He dropped his pants and sat down on the couch with her on his lap. He moved her legs up on his shoulders and she leaned back against the table. He watched her face when he rubbed his cock along her wet slit. She pulled her lip up and he felt how the muscles inside her legs tensed and rested harder against his shoulders. He stuck two fingers inside her and juiced her up before he pulled them out and grabbed his shaft.

He pushed inside her while he held her legs and watched his cock slide inside her until he felt a slight resistance, then he continued a little more until he started pulling out. His cock was wet, the veins stood out and the feeling was so intense. She tried to pull her legs together and towards her chest. Probably a reflex, but he wanted to watch.

Letting her go, her legs dropped and he put his hands below her ass again. Her shoulders rested on the table and he made her sit up. With her legs on each side of him she could control how deep he was inside her until she had fully adapted. She looked into his eyes and lowered herself down. When she moved effortlessly he wanted to stretch her further and raised her legs to his shoulders again while she bent her back and rested on her elbows.

He could see the shadows by her cheekbones when she had her mouth slightly open, the pink tongue against her teeth and the small wrinkles by her nose when she focused. Her huge, dark eyelids glittered and the make up that wouldn’t budge. It only looked better and better in his opinion, the lashes against her cheeks, and the way the corners of her eyes looked like they had gold in them. Her tiny chin and the way her jawline looked round instead of defined when she gasped for air.

As the thrusts got harder, she dropped her legs and he held her waist while he felt her ass slap against his thighs. She was fit and tight but her ass had a delicious cushion of fat that made a lovely sound each time she slammed against his pelvic. She turned halfway and put her hands on the surface below her to push against him. He fucked her from the side and watched her heavy tits jiggle with each shove.

”Harder,” she panted. ”Nnnuhnn.” Her nasal moans and breathing got heavier. The husky voice deep from her throat when she encouraged him to fuck her in all kinds of ways her mind could come up with. The corners of her mouth wet and raised, like she had a constant smile lurking there.

He could see how she cringed and didn’t know if it was pleasure or pain. Drops of sweat shaped on her neck below her chin and he turned her around completely. He stood up and continued fucking her from behind. Her back convulsed and the muscles rippled. She groaned loudly and he put his fingers into her hair and pulled it to watch her arch her back. Her fingers spread out on the table and she knocked several items off it when she struggled to balance on it.

He reached to rub her clit while his cock rapidly moved in and out of her lubricated cunt. The fuck foam gathered around the root and his balls started to ache. He didn’t want to come just yet so he slipped out of her and turned her around. She mounted his lap and wanted to ride him again but he was too close so he made her glide down between his legs.  

”What does it feel like?” she asked.

”More. Like I need more. You’re absolutely fantastic.”

She sighed. ”Punching someone’s face so hard you turn their lights off.” She licked her lips and moved down. Her spit shaped a strain to his pulsating dick head.

”Fantastic,” he mumbled again and ignored her questions.

Not that her swollen lips around his rock hard cock would make him less close to exploding in her face, but at least he got a break. She licked her own juices off his shaft, tasted the metal on her tongue and filled her mouth with the sweet, salty taste of pussy. She kept trying to talk, and her dangerous front teeth stabbed into his sensitive knob.

”No comment on that?” she said and let her tongue glide against the base of the dickhead.

He inhaled through his teeth and leaned back when her tongue wrapped around the head. She shielded her teeth making her tongue soft and sucked so hard his thighs jumped up from the couch. Her tits stroke against his legs and he felt her nipples teasingly piercing his skin.

She placed a hand on his chest, felt the hairs tickle her fingers when she let them run down towards his abs. His every muscle was tense, like a delicate instrument contained and controlled at this point. He felt like a machine, so hard compared to her softness. He breathed slowly and bit his lip. He moved his hands to his face, tilted his head back and exhaled. She was magical with her tongue and mouth.

He watched her blushing skin and the swollen areas around her nipples when she moved up again. Her goddamn tits in his face, constantly. He held her hips and let his hand glide over her butt cheeks to guide her down. This time he was going to let her decide the pace and saw the tendons on the inside of her thighs when she balanced over his lap. All her tiny feminine parts and details that were so delicate compared to him.

She leaned closer, sucked his lip and kissed him. He opened his mouth, felt her tight cunt getting even tighter when she moved on top of him. She bucked her hips and made him hit a different spot inside her. She felt more wet, warmer and suddenly her body relaxed in his arms. She breathed faster and the light moans made it impossible to hold back much longer.

The orgasm wasn’t as intense as she had wanted it to be. The last few strokes she had lost her rhythm and tried to find back to her sensational feeling of being on the verge of an orgasm and so when it finally happened it lasted way longer than she had expected. She came in waves and focused on how he moved inside her and the near pain-experience when he hit her cervix multiple times. Eventually she was pushed over the edge and came. But she felt like she wasn’t satisfied at all. She wanted more.

As if he could sense how she felt when she stepped off him, he made her lie down on her back on the bed. He leaned over her while he pushed inside her again. He wanted to face her. Watch her as her face revealed how she felt. The pace was steady, hard and deep thrusts. Her breaths were shallow, she closed her eyes and small wrinkles appeared by her nose when she pulled her lip up. She pushed her back up from the sheets and raised her arms over her head. He loved her warmth, her soft body and her taste when he kissed her. He supported himself on his arms, drove his cock inside her with faster movements and felt her buck her hips towards his.

”Oh god, ff-fuck that feels so good.” Her moans and grunts got louder. Her hands moved to his shoulders, her fingers dug into his skin and made him carry on.

The orgasm lasted longer, beginning somewhere at the back of her thighs and spreading down and up, making her body spasm while he pounded her as hard as he could. She felt his dick grow and the stinging pain again. He really was too big for her, but fuck did she come. So hard she felt like she lost all muscle control and the muffled scream was a bit too cliche even for her and she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of making her scream so she managed to cut it off in the middle of her throat. Maybe he didn’t notice since he came himself. Pumped her sore vagina a few times after she relaxed and shot his load inside her.

Justin let her go and she rolled over on her side. Her hair fell into her face and she sat up and moved her feet over the edge of the bed. Standing up she ran her fingers through her hair and walked over to the bathroom. Her butt cheeks were smooth and tanned, round and full and he admired her when she walked through the room.

He loved everything he saw. She had amazing legs, she was curvy and soft and she smelled amazing. She had eyes that constantly made him forget what he was about to say and she was funny and lovely. Too good for someone like him. When she came back out she had a cigarette between her lips and picked up her rumpled thong from the floor.

”So you’re not staying,” he said. He really wanted her to stay. As a matter of fact he wanted to wake up with her and smell her and fuck her again. He didn’t eyen want to leave the bed ever.

The anti climax after sex, wondering what all the fuss was about, struck her so hard. She had no idea what she was doing in his hotel room but she did not want to stay there. As if she was lost without her team of people. She felt so lonely. He was right and she hated it. She guarded herself with people constantly.  

He watched her back when she put the dress on and looked for her shoes. Suddenly she looked all fierce again. Her slanted forehead and the deep set protruding eyes. The tip of her lip and the deep corners of her mouth. Lost in thoughts while she took out her phone and texted someone. ”God, you’re beautiful,” he burst out and sat up in the bed.

She looked up and seemed surprised that he was still there or something. Like she forgot about him. And then she walked closer, removed the still-not-lit cigarette and kissed him softly on his lips and touched his chest with one hand. She smiled, said ”Thank you,” and walked towards the door.

”Will I see you again?” he asked her back and saw her hesitate a second before she smiled again.

”You never know.” And her voice was a little lighter than usual, a little softer and more inviting.

Gaga let the door close behind her and started walking down the corridor. Thankful that it was empty when she heard voices by the elevators. She took the longer route around the column in the elevator lobby to stay out of sight for the other people and when she stepped out the other side of it she saw it was two police officers. They stopped just outside Justin’s room and knocked on the door.

She felt her knees nearly fold and had to support herself against the wall. ”Dan, you weak ass sorry motherfucker, you did not,” she mumbled for herself. She did not want to stay but she pictured Justin opening the door thinking she had changed her mind and came back for some more pussy numbing action. She hurried into the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor.

If Gaga had stayed she had seen Justin open the door with a wide grin on his face. However he quickly swallowed the words he had on his tongue, but they nearly spilled out as he said, ”Babe-” and instantly forgot what he even intended to say when he saw the two officers.

…

Gaga lit the cigarette when she got out of the hotel and into the car that waited outside. She feared that she would have to leave a statement now about what happened in the bar. Again – not what she needed now at all. Getting involved in this shit. She sighed and exhaled. Felt the alcohol wearing off already and giving her a headache. Not as bad as how her vagina felt, but close. It was 3 AM and she was seeing Bradley in 12 hours.

TBC

[lookslike-wemadeit]

Larry Stylinson vs. Haylor (Larry 2012)

2012 was a crazy year for both the band and for Larry.

They were openly living together and we have some of the best moments. They openly hung out with each other and things were pretty good.

January

27- Harry and Caroline Flack end things

27- The boys head to LA for their first US promo.

31- Louis says the most romantic thing he has ever done is cook a meal (you know)

They say they are each other's Valentine's

February

1- back to London

14- the one and only interview with just Harry and Louis

Later Harry is seen with a black ring.

Once they get home Harry goes out with Nick and Louis is supposedly with Eleanor

In an interview a few days later it is made clear by Harry he didn't want to go out with Nick.

16? The mario kart interview

21- The 2012 Brits: tipsy boys take the flirting and innuendo to new levels. Including Harry's getting head.

25-Beginning of American UAN promo

March

1 - On this day, Harry states that he and Louis cuddle on the tour bus.  Niall claims to be the spokesperson for their relationship and says they don’t want to talk about it.  Lastly, when discussing “lovebites” Harry just goes for it

2- a fan is giving Harry complements and Louis says all of him really

The cute “I love you” “I love you too” ft. Louis cute giggle in an interview.

3-6- a lot of flirting, fonding, and couple like interaction

7-First on-camera Haylor moment: Louis says they're "gutted" Taylor wasn't in town when Harry was asked if he was sad about that

8- Louis does a tweetcam he is on the phone with someone most think it was Harry and you can hear

Harry: you love me?

Louis: obviously

Harry: did you just say that on the twitcam?

Louis: yeah

8- more flirting, fonding, and couple like interaction

9- someone on Twitter asked Louis what he likes most about Harry and he answers his curls or his smell

9- some more flirting, fonding, and couple like interaction.

11- interviewer: When was the last time you kissed a girl, Harry?  Liam: When was the last time you liked it? Harry says "Yesterday" which was their day off.

11- Louis hold ups a hotel key card and says "Our room key"

11: Westfield Sunrise Mall singing; Harry & Louis seated together at the beginning of the signing…then they took a break and when they came back, Niall and Harry switch seats. It's obvious they had assigned seats when they came back from the signing; Niall even hands Harry his stuff when he sits down in his spot

12- "where do you want to sit?" Louis says "Next to you." Management "you can't sit together" Jizz jeans appear at the signing itself and Harry's giant yellow arm bruise Louis presses on.

12-Dan tweets "Look who we found looking after Louis and H's house…" with picture of Harry & Louis matching teddy bears; Jay retweets

13- this is the day of the sneaky arm touching interview, their are also a lot of pictures of Harry and Louis interacting and being cute

14 - Elvis Duran Morning Show: When it is stated that the boys are being very faithful to their girlfriends, Harry gets a big smile on his face and Louis leans forward to see his reaction.

14- more coulping

15- they are seen playing in central park together and hanging out around NYC

16- more couple interaction, plus love bites and bruies

17- "Harry, Harry, Harry, Hazza!" and "Are you and Louis dating" Harry nods

17- lots of could like interaction

18-23- time off

24- the first denial, Louis some people genuinely think that Harry and I are in a relationship

That day they were very cuddly, Harry looked out of it during a signing, and shirtless Harry gave Louis a boner.

25-27- continuing to be couply

27- When asked what they look for in a potential girlfriend, Harry says "Obviously, if you can hold a conversation with him, that kind of helps," and realizes what he says and looks a little confused/taken aback at his own error; The host then says "Yes, that's important, good for you for saying that."

31- Taylor and Harry first meet at the teen choice awards

April

5- Apparently, Taylor Swift and One Direction went to a pool party at Justin Bieber’s house.  Rumor has it Taylor and Harry switched numbers and began texting. Taylor also seemed to have told Justin she was interested in Harry.

6- an interview for VEVO with Harry is released

He talks about Larry saying “the fans call me and Louis Larry Stylinson because we get on really well.  Since we started at the X-factor house me and Louis said we wanted to move in together that is pretty it it just kinda happened” with afond look on his face.

6-super awkward interview where the boys are kind of forcing him to talk about Taylor. Louis looks obviously not happy about it at first and Harry is pressed right up against Louis

10 - One Direction are in Australia for the Oceania leg of their tour. And on a yacht ft a few cute pictures of Louis and Harry

16-Harry says he and Taylor exchanged numbers, but that they are just friends in an interview.

17-19- a lot of couple interaction

20 Harry had a 'date' with Emma Ostilly, where they kissed outside her house.

Harry was kissing Emma Ostilly (who had a boyfriend) and allegedly texted Taylor to tell her it was just a goodbye kiss between friends. Later Emma says that the pair are not dating and are just good friends. Also the next day Liam states that they aren't together as well.

-Also Gemma apparently said that the only reason they kissed was for the tabloids

-Also she was drunk and he drove her home and she was the one who kissed him

22 - Wellington - Harry whispers in Louis’ ear and it appears to give Louis a boner.  When Harry walks back over to his side of the couch, some people seem to think he is mouthing the words “cock up your ass” to Louis.

22 - The famous Wellington video took place after their show.  Louis is clearly drunk and appears to scream “boyfriend” at Harry, then possibly go in for a kiss.  Harry grabs him and spins him around so he can see the fans watching and filming them from across the street.

23 - Not surprisingly, the day after Louis and Harry were at their most obvious, it is announced they will no longer be living together

23- start of time off

May

7 - Louis and Harry eat just the two of them at Rosso Restaurant.  Confirmed by the restaurant.

10-15 - Sweden

20- beginning of the US lag of the tour

29- Harry, Louis & Eleanor are on a balcony in front of fans.  Louis kisses Eleanor and Harry seems visibly upset. Eleanor sends Louis to make sure Harry is ok.

30 - All of 1D go to Niagra Falls.  Louis and Eleanor are on one side of the boat and Harry is as far away as you can get on the other side.  He never hangs out with Louis when Eleanor is around.

31 – Second denial: Much music interview

June

2 – Mojo in the Morning Interview with Harry and Zayn: Zayn denies there is any secret homosexuality in the band.  Harry remains silent.

2 - Kissing on stage – Louis “forgets” where Harry’s ear is and covers both their mouths with his hand while “whispering.”  Also, Harry walks up and appears to give Louis a quick peck at one point in the evening.

16- Ed Sheeran did the show where he said Harry was "taken" and answered "innit?" when a fan said "By Louis."

27- Harry almost says boyfriend in an interview

Liam say the band is keeping a secret And then whispers it to Louis, who says he is involved in the secret (which implies, to me, that it’s not about the whole band.

29 -  Harry walks over to Louis and pulls him back to whisper in his ear what appears to be, “You were mine.”  At the very least, Louis’ reaction seems to confirm it was something similar to that.

July

21 - Harry posts a picture of Louis on Instagram titled “Hair cut time..” - This is the only picture of Louis (at least, of his face) that Harry ever posted on Instagram.

August

31- the boys start teasing Harry about Taylor again

September

5- are you good with your hands

6- VMAs

Harry and Louis sit next to each other

They share an intense hug when they won

6-One Direction reportedly watched Taylor’s final MTV VMAs rehearsal.  Afterwards Harry, Ed Sheeran, Taylor and some of her bandmates went to dinner at Katsuya restaurant in L.A.

8- When asked about celebrity crushes, Zayn whispers “Taylor” in Harry’s ear.

15 – Niall, Harry, Louis and (Eleanor?) attended James Corden’s wedding.

16- the BS tweet

16- Also the last day Taylor is seen with her boyfriend Conner Kennedy

29- Harry and Louis are talking and totally miss the interviewers question. The boys answer Louis and both Harry and Louis look confused

October

6 - One the Jonathan Ross Show, Taylor hints that she is seeing someone and that he is good-looking. (Which is interesting cause when Taylor and Harry were photographed in early December, it was reported that that was only their second date.)

7- 1D and Taylor perform at the BBC Radio1 Teen Awards.  They were spotted hanging out backstage

9? the interview where Louis says they spent their day “trying to walk” and talks about “the early bird gets the worm”.  Also, at the beginning Harry not-so-subtly hints that he and Louis still live together even though “officially” they do not.

Also, the “hands and knees for two days straight” moment took place on the very same day.

Harry and Louis were acting like boyfriends. Harry appeared to have a condom in his pocket. Louis made some cheeky innuendos. The boy clearly had one thing on his mind. Harry and Louis went MIA while Niall came back looking scared and confused. I’m not Sherlock or anything, but I think I can deduce the following: Niall walked in on Harry and Louis having sex. The end!

12 - One Direction is on the Late Late Show in Ireland and a lot happens:

Taylor is brought up, but Harry refuses to state that he is interested in her, dating her, talking to her, pretty much anything.

They are asked “Who is Larry Stylinson?” and Louis says, “Apparently, me and Harry are together and my girlfriend isn’t real.”  This was not exactly a denial.  It was a statement. The whole time Harry just sits there and grins, as per usual.

When Harry is asked if he is looking to settle down, Louis lets out a very ridiculous and obvious cough, and acts completely annoyed with the interviewer.  When the interviewer says the question was a valid point, Louis turns to Zayn and says, “No it wasn’t!”

17 - After Louis begins to get tattooed more regularly, Harry instagrams a picture of a couple tattoo he liked.

22- Louis’ charity match. Harry, Niall, Liam, Josh, Eleanor, the Teasdales and all of Louis’ family are present.

Harry hugs him and is a major cheerleader

They drove home together

23-26

Sooo… we all know, thanks to the awesome ashavahishta that Harry and Louis were most likely renovating their kitchen from October 23rd to October 26th 2012. Harry explained that he had red paint on his hair in an interview because he was painting his kitchen. Then we all found a picture of Louis’ kitchen/dining room and it had a red wall (Harry never actually moved in to his “new house” since we all know he was “couch surfing” for over a year and a half).

Louis also has red paint under on his finger nails

25 - It is reported Taylor and Connor Kennedy broke up.

30 - Livestream with Scott Mills:

The boys are asked, “If you could wish for anything money cannot buy, what would it be?”  Harry says, “Freedom... and love and peace.”

Reading off a question, Scott says, “Larry says...” and at the mention of Larry Niall looks surprised and then Liam starts laughing.

Harry tells a bad joke and then Louis accidentally calls him “baby.”  He says, “You tried, baby, but you failed.” All the boys look scared and off to where management is.

Louis sarcastically thanks Modest and the other boys look surprised.

31 - Louis goes out with Zayn for Halloween with face paint on.  Harry, reportedly, stays behind in the hotel.

November

1 - the next day Harry shows up with quite a bit of white face paint matted into his hair!

1- And then, to make things even more obvious, Louis decides to “jerk off” a plant while making eye contact with Harry.  A flustered Harry quickly looks away and then a disappointed Louis stops.

1- Louis also makes it clear the he and Harry are still living together.

7 - Taylor is photographed outside her London hotel carrying flowers and wearing that paper airplane necklace that Harry had on.

15 - Harry and Taylor hang out backstage at X Factor USA. There are conveniently no pics, just a few tweets.

17- They are papd really close together

19-they performed at the Royal Variety and met the Queen (when meeting the queen Louis couldn't help looking at Harry and they  were looking at each other during their performance of little things)

20- they were out together and took pictures with the same fan.

21- a girl tweets something rude about Larry shippers and a sexual comment about Harry and not long after Louis blocked the girl and tweeted haha.

27 - The interview with Barbara Walters is filmed. (It airs on December 12).  Harry is asked about his dating life and older women, then Barbara Walters hints at Taylor by asking if “older” was 23.  All Harry could muster up was a simple “yeah.”

But also during this interview she asks the boys if they all want to be married and have kids one day.  Louis and Harry look right at each other and then shyly look away when saying that yes, they have always wanted that

30 - Sony Music Indonesia Interview: Louis looks miserable the whole time.  The other boys notice. When asked what his favorite song on the album is he says, “I Loved You First” while looking at Harry, even though the song is actually titled “Loved You First.”

December

2 - Harry and Taylor go public and are photographed in Central Park together.  He didn’t look miserable, but they also displayed no PDA and did not look like a couple. This was 100% set up. Paparazzi don’t hang out in Central Park. But it doesn’t end there.  While getting into a car a fan asks Taylor if it is love and she says, “Yeah, looks that way!” Later that night they had dinner with Ed Sheeran as well as Harry’s mother and stepdad.

2- Louis and Eleanor go out in NYC and Louis looks dead inside

3-Louis and Eleanor take a stroll for the paparazzi looking very miserable. Louis looks like he could cry.

3- Madison square garden

3- that night Taylor attends their MSG after party. Then, Harry spends the night at Taylor’s hotel.

3- Eleanor helps guide a very disheveled and drunk Louis.

4 - Harry is papped leaving Taylor’s hotel the next morning.

4- Harry papped entering Taylor’s hotel again.

5 - Harry is seen leaving Taylor’s hotel once again. Looking like he could cry.

6 - Louis gets his small camera tattoo and looks dead inside. He also gets 4 small birds and a stereo heart

6 -Harry and Taylor attend Emma Stone’s birthday party.

7 - Harry is seen leaving Taylor’s hotel, yet again. Looking worse. Later that evening at Jingle Ball, Louis is interviewed about Taylor and Harry’s relationship.  He is asked if he is happy that they got together and Louis says, “I am happy they are good friends.”  Now, most people think he then says, “if that,” under his breath afterwards.

Harry is also asked about Taylor.  Leave it to Harry to always downplay their relationship. After the show Taylor and Harry took a private jet together to London.

8-The boys minus Harry head to the airport. Louis appears drunk and carries around an enormous stuffed lion that we suspect was purchased for him by Harry while he was out with Taylor at FAO Schwartz.

9- Boys go to Manchester to perform at the X Factor finale. Taylor and Eleanor tag along.

11-Harry out at a pub in Cheshire with Taylor and family

12 - Harry and Taylor go to the Lake District and feed some birds.  Later that evening they have dinner with Gemma, Harry’s sister.

13 - Taylor’s birthday.  Harry buys her 23 cupcakes and a purse.  He also takes her out for dinner.

14 - Harry drove Taylor to the airport so she could fly to Germany...

...Just in time for Harry to get to spend some quality time with Louis for his early birthday party  that Harry planned (possibly arrange around Harry’s schedule?) He and Louis even wore matching shirts (in different colors).

They invited Harry’s friends and family. To LOUIS’ birthday party. Yes, they are close coworkers, etc etc. But Zayn and Niall didn’t show up, nor did their friends and families.

They wore matching shirts.

Their moms took pictures together.

They planned it on a day 10 days before Louis’ actual birthday so that Harry could be there. Bonus points for it being the day after Taylor’s actual birthday and Taylor not getting an invite.

Jay supposedly planned it, but Harry’s friends from home ended up on the guest list.

Liam came to third wheel so that it wouldn’t look quite so crazy obvious when Niall and Zayn didn’t come.

None of Eleanor’s friends or family were there. Eleanor didn’t post pictures like Harry’s friends and family posted pictures. Eleanor barely existed at the party

18-Everybody arrives in LA. Harry immediately goes to the tattoo parlour to get a large ship done on his left arm. Taylor shows up and they go to her house afterwards.

19- Harry and Taylor papped together outside her house

19 - Less than 24 hours later Louis gets a compass tattoo by the same artist in a matching style. He, once again, looked overjoyed while at the tattoo shop.

19--Also Harry spends time with Taylor’s family in L.A.

20 - X Factor USA finale red carpet:

Harry is asked about Taylor. When the interviewer asks Harry what his thoughts on “Haylor” are Louis says, “I’d love to know!” Harry simply says, “I dunno.” Louis then follows this comment up with, “It is what it is!” (which he’d later get tattooed on his chest) and they look at each other and laugh. In the same interview Harry is questioned about his new ship tattoo and he says, “It’s just a boat.” In another interview on the red carpet he is asked if what he has with Taylor is a relationship and he says, “maybe, yeah.”

21 - Harry and Taylor go on a ski trip to Utah with Taylor’s family.

22 - Still on the ski trip.  Harry and Taylor have a snowmobile accident this day and Taylor’s song Out of the Woods is most likely about this.  Harry has to get stitches on his chin.

23 - Harry tweets about the accident.

24 - Harry returns home covering his chin, but a friend later posts a picture of his bandage.

24 - Louis' birthday!!! Harry finally shows up at Heathrow around 11am. Harry tweets about watching Lady and the Tramp. Later, Harry out partying in HC. Louis MIA but apparently not in Doncaster

25- a friend of Harry's tweets “last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day you said you were gay… Taylor Swift's next single.

31 - Harry is back in the U.S.  Taylor performs at Dick Clark’s Rockin New Year’s Eve, but instead of attending that to support his girlfriend, Harry goes to a Coldplay and Jay-Z He later meets up with Taylor just in time to watch the ball drop together and publicly be seen kissing. Harry then went and spent the night at her hotel again.

How did Louis spend his New Year’s Eve?  Drunk in a photo booth.

January 2013

3- Taylor and Harry are spotted and take pictures with fans in Gorda, British Virgin Islands.

4 - Harry breaks up with Taylor and she is spotted sitting on a boat, waiting to leave. Harry stays and looks pretty happy

5- Taylor tweets … 'til you put me down.

10 - Taylor went back into the studio on this day and recorded All You Had To Do Was Stay, reportedly about Harry.

Taylor also attends The People’s Choice Awards with what looks like a hickey under her boob. This is 8 days after the break up and that is a long time for a hickey to last… also  she showed it off on purpose, which is kind of disgusting.

12 - One Direction goes to Ghana for Red Nose Day. Harry and Louis run around, playing football/soccer and holding hands.

23- Liam, Harry, Niall and Louis at Arsenal football game w James Corden.

25 - Harry and Louis both spotted at Westfield, shopping and then at the movies.

31- Harry and Louis playing football w 5SOS

Just a few thoughts

The beginning of 2012 we have a lot of Larry being a couple.

Before Taylor, we have 4 attempts to deny Larry

The boys were growing in popularity, especially in the US.

Suddenly Harry and Louis are not allowed to have a much public interaction. Suddenly Harry "moves out" even though they both slip up constantly.

Louis was miserable the whole time Harry and Taylor were together. After the break up, he is back to normal.

[summerohnine]

The Only Thing I Know

Tags: songfic, 2009, first kiss, light angst

Warnings: small amounts of swearing

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: Dan’s young and (possibly) in love but Phil is scared of moving too fast.

Based off of “fallingforyou” by The 1975, as requested by @noodlephil .

[Read on ao3]

Read more of my fics!

None of this was supposed to happen. Dan wasn’t supposed to become this involved. All he wanted was to be noticed on Twitter by his favorite Youtuber who he may have had a small, harmless crush on. That was it.

But then, Twitter replies led to becoming Facebook friends, which led to exchanging Skype names and talking nearly every day. As the days went on, Dan became more and more dependent on the four hour Skype calls that always made him feel better no matter how shitty his day had been. Phil was always able to cheer him up or calm him down with his soothing voice that Dan lived for.

At a certain point, Dan finally admitted to himself that his small, harmless crush had developed into something bigger, more meaningful than he had ever experienced. It was a time when the two boys were both lying in bed on their respective sides of the country, looking at the other through their computer screens. Dan had found himself staring at Phil’s lips as he recounted a random story from his day. Dan hadn’t really been listening, but he finally looked away when he realized that Phil had stopped talking.

“Are you alright, Dan?” Phil asked, voice softer than it had been just moments before.

Dan nodded, too quickly. “I’m fine.”

Phil continued with his story, but Dan still wasn’t listening. He was too busy thinking of what Phil’s hair would feel like between his fingers and what it would feel like to have their lips move against each other.

Later that night after they had hung up, Dan finally accepted what had been in the back of his mind for so long. He was falling for Phil Lester.

A few weeks later, in the early hours of the morning, Dan told Phil. It was something he never would’ve done if he weren’t drunk on exhaustion. It was quick, easy to miss, but Phil didn’t.

“Did you just say what I think you just said?”

“I don’t know,” Dan breathed, “What do you think I said?”

Phil laughed, shaking his head at Dan. “I’m pretty sure you just said you were falling for me.”

The heat rising on Dan’s cheeks was obvious, he was sure. “Actually, I said I think I’m falling for you. There’s a difference.” Dan was too shy to look into the webcam so he settled for fiddling with his hands in his lap.

“You don’t mean that. You hardly even know me.” Phil shook his head at Dan. The look in his eyes was sad, something Dan couldn’t help but notice. What did it mean?

“You’re right. I don’t know you. So I want to dedicate all of my time to get to know you even better. Then, I’ll know my feelings for sure. Although I’m pretty sure I already know how this is going to end.”

The words coming from Dan’s lips weren’t anything he thought he would ever say. He was never the type of person who liked heartfelt confessions and sappy love stories. Something about Phil, though, made him want to be.

The days went on and Dan and Phil continued to talk. Every day that passed was just further confirmation that Dan’s feelings towards Phil were only growing. They were constantly flirting with one another, it got to the point where Dan couldn’t talk to Phil for more than five minutes without a deep blush causing him to hide his face behind his hands. Phil knew what he was doing to Dan.

It was confusing.

Phil would remind Dan daily how beautiful he thought he was and tell him that he couldn’t wait until he was able to hold Dan in his arms for the first time. But whenever Dan reminded him of his feelings (specifically that he was falling in love), Phil would tell him not to rush into things and that Dan was too young to be sure of his feelings.

“You’ll meet so many people in your life, Dan. You’re only 18. You have so much time,” Phil insisted one night.

Dan threw his head back, laughing in frustration. Before replying, he brought his hands up to his face and shook his head. “Phil,” he said, looking directly into his eyes through the screen. Phil’s eyes were wide and he was listening intently. “Why won’t you just believe me when I say that you are who I want to spend my time with!” Dan’s voice grew more insistent as he spoke. Phil had to understand this. It wasn’t just for Phil, however. It was also like a final realization for Dan. “You’re right, I have so much time, and I don’t want to waste any of it looking around for someone to love when he’s right there in front of me. The only thing I need is for you to love me back. I...I get if you can’t do that.” He became unsure towards the end, his voice becoming smaller. He didn't know where any of this was coming from. To Dan, his words sounded like a monologue from some cheesy romance movie, something he would've laughed at a month ago but now found himself relating to. He supposed that he only laughed at them because he didn't understand the feeling, but he did now.

“It-it’s not that I don’t love you, Dan. It’s just-” Phil cut himself off with a groan of frustration, tugging at his hair with his hands. “I don’t want to be the one who holds you back.” Phil paused as if to give Dan a chance to say something. When he made no effort to, Phil continued. “You always talk about wanting to become an actor and perform in a show, or even just get your law degree and be successful. I’m afraid that if you stay with me, you’ll never achieve that. You have so much potential, Dan. I don’t want you to let it go to waste because you feel obligated to stay here with me.”

“You and I both know those are unrealistic dreams. I have no fucking idea what I want to do with my life. Right now, the only thing I know is that I want you. In every way possible.”

October 19th. The day Dan had been waiting for for so long, whether he knew it or not. He was meeting Phil. Phil Lester, the man he was (almost certainly) in love with. Phil Lester, the man he was currently pressed unnecessarily close to on the big wheel.

Not that either of them minded.

They had just had the best day of both of their lives, and they were ending it on the Manchester Eye.

Dan was too frightened to talk, hyperaware of every movement he made. The boys just stared out over the city, mesmerized by the view. Absentmindedly, Dan reached up to tuck a piece of hair behind his ear that had fallen into his face. As he brought his hand down, he realized that he had accidentally grazed it along Phil's thigh. It was the kind of movement that could've seemed deliberate.

"Sorry," Dan mumbled, quickly shuffling away slightly.

"Oh no, it's fine," Phil insisted. Their eyes met and the stare lingered for a split second too long, causing Dan to look away and hide his flustered face.

No, Dan thought. You can't act like this. You need to show him that you're sure of yourself.

Dan looked back over at Phil who was still staring at him, almost as if he were in a trance. Dan tentatively reached out his right hand and placed it to rest on Phil's thigh lightly. It was clearly on purpose this time. Dan's gaze traveled from his hand to Phil's face, looking for some sort of a reaction. Phil's lips were parted slightly as his eyes roamed Dan's face.

They're so fucking close. Dan could practically feel the heat coming from Phil's skin. "Hey," Dan croaked out. He hated to break the silence, but he had to speak. Phil blinked a few times, surprised by Dan's voice. "Thanks for today. It really was the best day of my life." Phil's eyes crinkled as he smiled. Dan moved his hand from Phil's leg to find Phil's own hand. For some reason, it felt more intimate to thread their fingers together than it did to lay his hand on Phil's jeans. This was more personal. Both of the boys directed their eyes to their hands intertwined and resting in Dan's lap. Dan took in a deep breath before continuing. "Before you say anything, I know. I know you think I'm rushing into things and that I'm too young to know this, but I'm in love with you. There isn't a doubt in my mind. I want more than a friendship. I need more, Phil. Can we just try that?"

Before either of them had a chance to say anything else, they were kissing. It wasn't clear who leaned into who, but it didn't matter because Dan could feel the way Phil shifted to grab Dan's neck and pull him closer so it was obvious both of them wanted this. Phil's lips felt like everything he ever thought they would and so much more. He still tasted like the coffee they had drunk in Starbucks earlier that day. It had only been a few hours since then, but it felt like a lifetime ago. So much had changed in just the last few seconds their lips had been locked together. It meant something. Dan wasn't completely sure what, but it was something. Something towards what he so desperately wanted.

Once they pulled away, Phil rested his forehead against Dan's and placed a hand on either side of Dan's face. "We can try that."

Dan's face hurt from how much he was smiling. He simply nodded and leaned in for another kiss.

Reblogs and comments are appreciated!

[buzzdixonwriter]

Chillin’ With Netflix (2018 edition)

LOST IN SPACE

Really well done, family friendly space opera.  Top notch production values, good / smart writing, superlative cast.

And despite all this, it couldn’t keep my attention past episode 4.

I put the blame on me, not this new series by writers Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless.  

As a preteen, I was in the prime target audience for the original Lost In Space back in the mid-1960s, and that series -- despite its wildly varying tone -- created an iconic show that, try as they might, every subsequent re-make struggles to overcome.

Seriously, it’s like trying to remake I Love Lucy only without Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz, Vivian Vance, and William Frawley.

Yeah, it can be done, but why bother?  Use that talent and energy to do something in the same vein but different.

That being said, I deny no one their pleasure.  If you haven’t seen / loved the original, try this version; you might very well like it.

. . .

THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE

Excellent production / writing / cast / performances.

I started out really liking it.

That enthusiasm faded.

I ended up enjoying this new retelling of The Haunting Of Hill House but came away feeling it fell short of 1963’s The Haunting, the first and still best adaptation of Shirley Jackson’s classic ghost story.

First off, a definition of terms (which will explain my enthusiasm fade):  In order to work, a ghost story must take place in the audience’s head.

That is to say, the reader / viewer must be left with two equally possibly yet mutually exclusive possibilities:  There are such things as ghost, or the haunting is purely psychological in the mind/s of the character/s.

Even in stories such as the original novel or the 1963 film where the possibility is presented that at least one of the characters is mentally unstable and is either imagining / causing the manifestations, the book / movie / series must never come down concretely in either camp.

To make it purely psychological turns it into a drama about mental illness, the make it supernatural moves it from the realm of “ghost story” into “monster movie” where the monster happens to be a ghost.

A ghost story doesn’t have to be scary, simply…haunting.  Portrait Of Jenny is a bitter-sweet romance that despite a lack of spookiness remains a bona fide ghost story.

(Ghost comedies such as Topper, Blythe Spirit, Ghost Busters, etc. are a different genre entirely akin to leprechaun / alien comedies where a fantastic being disrupts the lives of the human protagonists.)

This version works well, even though it doesn’t maintain the high level it starts with.  The family dynamics are well done, the performances excellent.

For the first couple of episodes the series tries to walk the line, raising the possibility and eventually confirming that mental illness runs through the family that moved into Hill House, but the moment the ghosts begin manifesting themselves, it paradoxically stops being a ghost story and becomes a booga-booga story).  Virtuosity for the sake of virtuosity also works against the production, occasionally dragging audiences out of the story to admire how clever the film makers are.

It also gets a little too convoluted and overly melodramatic towards the end, however (ghost stories work best at their simplicity.

And it is not an upbeat ending but a really horrific one as the family in question literally consumes itself.  

This version inhabits a godless universe, and the apparent “good” ending is really a terrible one of eternal damnation (albeit not in the Christian sense).

I recognize and appreciate the level of craftsmanship that went into this, and recommend it to people who like scary stories.

But it ain’t what I’d call a ghost story, and it sure ain’t what Jackson would call one, either.

. . .

SHE-RA AND THE PRINCESSES OF POWER

I'm not the target audience for She-Ra in either incarnation.

That being said, I watched episodes 1-3 and 12-13.

It looks good to me.  The story was familiar, but like old B-Westerns it's the kind of genre where familiarity breeds affection, so no complaints there.

Pacing seemed slow, but the design and animation was good, voices top notch. Clearly a heavy anime influence.

Really liked the wide range of physical types and acknowledgement of LGBT characters. Lots of fun with the various interpersonal relationships and characterizations, especially Swift Wind, the smartass flying unicorn.

They did a really good job with this show and the characters seemed more like real teens than the previous incarnation.

. . .

THE BALLAD OF BUSTER SCRUGGS

Well, this one I can recommend whole heartedly and without reservation.  

Joel and Ethan Coen have shown a remarkable penchant for period films and a strong affinity for Westerns in the past, and this anthology film offers a dazzling grab bag of good / off beat stories that range from the ridiculous to the realistic, though a couple of them are Westerns by location only as they don’t really rely on any of the themes that define the Western genre. 

The stories are:

“The Ballad Of Buster Scruggs” -- a hilarious send up of old Hollywood Western clichés starting with the quintessential sing cowboy trope and spiraling into full bore craziness from there.

“Near Algodones” -- a would-be bank robber has a really bad day.  Despite its dazzling editorial style, one of the more conventional stories -- and yet it manages to evoke both classic Buddhism, the crucifixion, and the ultimate sardonic joke all in the last 30 seconds.

“Meal Ticket” -- a Twilight Zone-ish story about a backwoods impresario and his limbless performer, told almost entirely silently except for quotes from poems and dramatic works and the occasional song.  While it makes good use of its Western locale, there’s really nothing in the story to tie it to the West; it could just as easily occur on a Mississippi riverboat, the back alleys of White Chapel, or the slums of Mumbai.

“All Gold Canyon” -- based on a story by Jack London, it’s a look at how hard and demanding a prospector’s life could be (with a virtually unrecognizable Tom Waits as the grizzled old prospector).  The Coen Brothers use their location to the fullest advantage, recreating the feel of what such land must have felt like before the first settlers moved in.

“The Gal Who Got Rattled” -- the longest, most realistic, and most bitter-sweet of the stories, set on a wagon train heading to Oregon, and focusing on a young woman who is definitely not the sort who should be making such a trip.  While we can look back from our safe vantage point in the 21stcentury and recognize the Indian Wars were the direct result of rapacious land grabbing by Western settlers, this story does an excellent job of showing just how terrifying it would be to sit on the receiving end of a tribal attack.  The ending is a morally complex one, well worth pondering, and especially ambiguous given the nature of the story’s framing element.

“The Mortal Remains” -- weakest of the stories, but salvaged by strong performances.  Another Twilight Zone style story, and if you didn’t guess the ending by the one minute mark I’ve got a bridge in Florida made of solid gold bricks I’d like to sell you.

. . .

AMERICAN VANDAL

Yowza!  This is one of the best series I’ve ever seen, and it’s perfect in damn near every way.

On the surface it’s a parody of various true crime documentary series, especially Netflix’ own Making A Murderer.  It’s told from the point of view of two students in their high school’s audio-visual club who make a documentary about an act of vandalism directed at the school’s teachers and the student who is blamed for it.

Of course, as they investigate, they turn up evidence that the accused student did not commit the vandalism, and in their pursuit of the truth uncover several more secrets on their way to the big reveal.

At first blush, the makings of a solid show.

But what co-creators Tony Yacenda and Dan Perrault manage to pull off with this is nothing short of astounding, a fun parody of a genre that raises interesting questions about both the genre they’re parodying and the issue of truth and guilt, while on top of that adding an incredibly complex yet easy to follow overlay of conflicting characters and emotions.

They get every single detail right, and even seemingly throw away lines / scenes / characters get fleshed out in amazing and unexpected ways (for example, one extremely minor character, with no significant dialog, who appears only briefly on camera as comic relief in one or two early episodes is later revealed to be severely alcoholic, and in recalling his earlier appearances, one realizes the character must be suffering through a genuinely hellish existence).

Dylan, the accused student, starts out as a character of fun and amusement, a high school goofball of Spicoli proportions, only to come to a sad and ultimately terrifying end as he realizes just how dumb and dead-end his life is.

I cannot praise thise series enough.  Very rarely will I look at someone else’s work and say “I wish I had done that.” American Vandal is one of the rare exceptions.

The series has two seasons, the first involving Dylan and the vandalism of the teachers’ cars, the second involving a food poisoning incident at a private school the original two students are invited to investigate.  Season two is very strong but lacks “the shock of the new” that season one provided; it’s high quality and entertaining, but not as compelling as the original.

. . .

© Buzz Dixon

[wordsablaze]

chapter 1: happy enough

Pastel Protection Phenomena Phil's a pastel in a shady orphanage, Dan's a punk with a shady lifestyle. They find each other like opposite ends of a magnet and slowly but surely fall into a mutual shadiness they call love. *PREQUEL* to the oneshot 'Protective Punk', enjoy!

A/N: Guess who took almost a year to finally get round to writing more for this au, even if it is a backstory instead of a continuation... (almost forgot the word 'continuation' and called it a 'forward-story'... skills) Let me know if you’d be interested in me continuing this! <3

Phil had nothing to complain about.

He really didn't.

Sure, he was on his own more often than not and his food was pretty much always stolen but that was okay because his little garden made up for everything.

Said little garden is where Phil finds himself waking up yet again. It wasn't his fault this time, they'd locked him in the greenhouse because they thought it would scare him but the joke's on them because being surrounded by plants is a small heaven for him and he's never slept better.

"Phil? What are you doing in there so early?" One of the older girls asks, dressed for her morning jog.

He shrugs. "I fell asleep."

"I can see that!" She grins at him before unlocking the door – which can only be opened from the outside – and ruffling his hair, the flower crown on his head almost falling off. "Go and get some breakfast."

"Thanks, uhm, Jade?"

He fixes his borderline-tattered flower crown, making sure it's not on the verge of falling off as she – now confirmed to indeed be Jade – nods. "Catch you later, plant boy."

Phil smiles at her and yawns, glancing around the small home he's made for himself before heading back to the house and slipping into the kitchen where he hopes nobody else has arrived yet. They haven't, thankfully. Not wanting to risk being seen by the older boys, even though they're not really that much older and shouldn't scare him as much as they do, he grabs two of the brioches from the drawer - one for breakfast now and one for later - then finds himself a bottle of water before leaving again.

The back garden is honestly more or less a gamble. It's less of a garden and more of an empty space nobody had claimed. It had obviously belonged to someone at some point because the little greenhouse couldn't have built itself but the overgrown grass and untamed weeds had made it clear it'd been abandoned, so the orphanage had claimed it. They'd claimed it but done nothing with it, using it as an excuse to get everyone outside and remove some chaos from inside the house.

Frankly, you had to either really love nature or really hate other people to venture into the garden. Luckily for him, Phil fell into both of those categories and he was the only one who did so it became an unspoken rule that the greenhouse was his and his alone. This unspoken rule also meant that he didn't have a bedroom for himself inside but it didn't bother him as he was outside most of the time and sleep doesn't exactly need a bedroom to take its toll anyway.

His makeshift garden is his safe haven and has been for a while. The other kids don't like him and none of them wants to get their hands dirty just to taunt him so gardening is out of the question, meaning that he can spend his days in peace as long as he stays inside the greenhouse.

So, as usual, he pulls out his almost-full scrapbook and starts drawing the closest plant to him while humming quietly. He loses track of time entirely, taking only one small break to eat the other brioche and occasionally water his plants. His bubble of concentration is only broken when something like solidified thunder falls onto the glass roof and scares the breath out of him.

It's rain.

He frowns, noting that the sky has darkened considerably, moving to get up but changing his mind as soon as the rain becomes heavier, too heavy for him to make it back to the house without being soaked to the bone. Sighing, he sits back down and closes his eyes, wrapping his faded, sky blue hoodie closer around himself smiling at the sound of rain striking the glass above him.

He's almost lulled to sleep when something crashes, someone swears, and something else falls against the greenhouse.

He squeezes his eyes shut and stays as still as possible, hoping that if he dies, his death will be quick. Dimly, he wonders if anyone will even notice he's gone, if they'll realise he's not around for them to tease, if they'll find his body before he's a pile of bones.

"I bloody hate the rain." somebody mutters darkly.

Phil's heart freezes when he realises he doesn't recognise the voice, which means there's someone new inside his greenhouse, there's a stranger in his garden, he's probably going to die, this is it, his whole life has led to being killed in a greenhouse and he's going to be killed before he's had a chance to watch his flowers blossom and his grave will be a garden inside a greenhouse and-

There's a high-pitched shriek.

He's ever heard of a murderer shrieking in a pitch high enough to be part of an opera performance before so Phil lets himself relax a little, opening his eyes as slowly as he can but still staying huddled in the corner. After a moment, his gaze focuses on the boy standing with a hand over his chest, clearly recovering from shock.

"You scared the life out of me! Do you have flowers on your head? Wait, what are you doing in here?" The boy asks, raising an eyebrow at Phil.

"It's called a flower crown," Phil says defensively, wanting to sound annoyed but the tremble in his voice making him sound scared instead. Not that he's not scared. But he doesn't need anyone else to know that, especially not a ridiculously charming anyone who's acting like he owns the world.

"And this is my garden," Phil continues as his voice strengthens, now sounding too strong to be his own and serving as a direct contrast to the fear in his heart, "so I think I should be the one asking you that question."

The boy blinks. He then laughs, letting his hand drop away from his heart before sitting down opposite Phil, cross-legged.

Phil stares at him, amazed at his nerve and nonchalant attitude to trespassing. He's dripping wet, clearly having run through the rain, and his hair is curling where it's been soaked. Those curls, Phil thinks, could give the ocean's waves a run for their money. He's just admiring the way droplets of rain are balanced on his curls when the boy clears his throat.

"So, you live here?"

Phil nods, tearing his gaze away from the brown locks to the darker, brown eyes.

"Do you have a name?"

"For what?" Phil asks, promptly going red as he realises his mistake. "I mean, um, yeah, I'm- I'm Phil."

"Pleasure to meet you, Phil." The boy still looks too amused for his own good. "I'm-"

Whatever his name is, it gets cut off by a clap of thunder. Both boys jump, Phil automatically hunching over to cover his ears. When the thunder stops and he can hear his own breathing again, Phil looks up to see the other boy leaning forwards, his head on his crossed legs and his arms curled around the back of his neck like a shield.

Hesitantly, Phil coughs. "Are you okay?"

The boy doesn't move.

Worried, Phil uncurls himself and inches forwards, reaching out an arm to touch the other boy in case he needs comforting. As soon as the tip of his finger touches the boy's arm, the boy jerks upwards, his arms flying up, accidentally hitting Phil in the process. Phil yelps, cradling his nose and hoping it hasn't broken again.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hit you! Please say nothing is broken, I'm so sorry!" The boy blurts immediately.

"Nothing is broken," Phil says instantly, the words slightly muffled by his hand. When he's sure his statement is actually true, he removes his hand and sighs. "It's fine. I'm okay."

The boy bites his lip before sighing remorsefully. "I'm sorry, it was just a reflex and-"

"Don't worried- uh, don't worry about it. I'm guessing you don't like thunder?"

"Not really, no." The boy grins sheepishly. "I'm Dan, by the way. This is like those introduction things we had to do in primary school, isn't it? Hi, my name is Dan and I don't like thunder."

Phil laughs. "I'm Phil and I like plants."

"You also have a lopsided flower crown..." Dan's voice is hushed as his eyes focus on Phil's hair. As if on autopilot, he leans forward and gently pushes one side of the fabric up so that it's central again, his fingers lightly brushing Phil's forehead as he does so; Phil has to resist the urge to shiver at his touch.

There's a silence after that, the two of them listening to the incessant rain. Phil calms his heart down before debating whether or not to ask where Dan had come from, eventually saying, "If we ever did a performing act, we could call ourselves 'the thunderless plants'."

He half expects Dan to scowl and turn away from him like everybody else but he's pleasantly surprised when that doesn't happen. Instead, Dan smiles as if he appreciates Phil's comment, seeming to genuinely consider the idea.

"Maybe; that's a pretty witty stage name. But it's not like I can do anything anybody would want to watch."

Phil frowns. He wants to argue otherwise but he doesn't know Dan well enough so he just shrugs. "Neither can I so it's okay."

This time, their rapid descent into silence is due to a mutual lack of interest in small talk. Their silence only breaks once more when Dan gestures to the succulents on the floor. "What are they?"

"The succulents?" Phil frowns.

Dan nods. "I guess? I've never seen them before but they look pretty cool. Are they rare?"

Phil giggles. "They're not pokemon."

There's a moment where Phil regrets saying anything but Dan's knowing smirk causes his doubt to disappear and so he explains what he can remember about succulents and where they come from. By the time he's exhausted his knowledge, having stumbled over his sentences far too often for his liking, the rain has stopped and the sky has gone dark but Dan hasn't stopped staring at him in wonder, still giving Phil his undivided attention.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have talked for so long!" Phil bites his lip, guilt settling in his stomach at the thought of Dan having to walk home in the dark.

"It's okay; you're cute when you're explaining plant stuff."

Phil blushes as red as the flowers next to Dan. He appreciates the kindness more than he cares to admit, knowing he'd probably made a fool of himself. He hopes that the relative darkness means Dan can't tell he's blushing but he doesn't count on it, knowing firsthand that false hope is one of the most dangerous weapons to ever exist.

"Can I stay here for the night?" Dan asks as if he hadn't just caused Phil's heart to flip. "I'm rubbish at navigation even when I can see."

"Stay here?" Phil echoes, still reeling from the compliment. He then clears his throat and nods. "Uh yeah, sure, okay. As long as you go really early in the morning. I'm not allowed any visitors."

"I'm not some old visitor," Dan scoffs.

"Try explaining that to the boxing glove incarnates," Phil mumbles to himself.

Dan makes a face but either doesn't hear him or pretends not to hear him correctly, choosing to then send Phil a dazzling smile. "Don't worry, I'll be gone before you can get in trouble."

Nodding his gratitude, Phil leans back again, stretching his legs out since he finally feels comfortable enough to do so. Dan leans against the door and does the same, crossing one leg over the other and lazily cracking his knuckles.

"How did you get here?" Phil asks quietly.

Dan starts for a second, then relaxes once again. "I was out and it started to rain when I saw this roof so I climbed over the fence."

It's not really an explanation that properly satiates any kind of curiosity but it's enough for Phil, who's just happy his question had been answered at all. He says nothing as Dan slowly closes his eyes, his breathing becoming steadier and steadier as Phil watches. When he realises Dan is asleep, he blushes again, not wanting anyone to see him watching another boy sleep and find him creepy, not that anyone is around to see them.

He wraps his arms around his scrapbook so Dan can't steal it if he wakes up first - not that he expects someone as nice as Dan to steal anything - and curls up, shutting his eyes and trying his best to fall asleep.

It must work because, when he feels the sun on his eyelids, he feels rested. He also notices the lack of company he has and sighs, wondering if Dan was actually here or if he was, as they say, merely a figment of his imagination.

He settles on Dan being a figment of his imagination because the conversation he can remember having is too good to be true and he's never met anyone who can tolerate him talking about plants, or anything else really. As he sighs and shifts to get comfortable so he can go back to sleep, he spots an empty space that shouldn't exist.

One of his succulents is missing.

A figment of imagination or not, Dan asking about succulents and one of them going missing the morning after can't be a coincidence, can it?

"Hey, plant boy, get up!" Eric yells as he bangs on the greenhouse door, pulling Phil back into the moment.

He scrambles to his feet, surreptitiously sliding his scrapbook under the bench and stepping outside, slightly confused.

"Some of our stuff has been stolen, have you seen anyone suspicious?"

Oh.

Phil's not sure but he thinks his heart breaks a little. The first person he'd found who seemed genuinely nice hadn't really been escaping the rain, but distracting him to avoid admitting he was a thief?

"No," Phil replies anyway. Even if he had imagined another boy and Dan was just a thief, Phil won't be the one to sell him out. Especially not to Eric.

"Right, of course not. Useless as always..." Eric mutters, and that's the end of that conversation.

Phil just sighs and retreats to the safety of his corner. If there's been a robbery, everyone will be downstairs and the kitchen won't be empty so he can't get away with taking any food for breakfast. He just hopes the police don't show up because then they all have to act as if everything is perfectly normal and there's nothing as draining as that.

He shuts his eyes, trying not to cry at the thought of losing yet another potential friend. As he falls back into sleep and wraps his arms around himself to try and get warm, it's definitely harder than before to convince himself he's happy enough not to complain. He still does it though, feeling the coolness of the glass against his side and being thankful he'd been sheltered from the rain. Being alive and unhurt - and able to still feel the ghost of the kindest touch to ever exist hours after the incident itself - sometimes has to be sufficient for a reason to be happy enough, right?

likr/reblog but don’t repost, thanks!

[disinvited-guest]

3/14/18 Recap

Another fantastic show, although I had expected nothing less. In comparison to Kansas City, this show was definitely a less talk, more rock type of performance, so the recap is more than a little shorter.  Still, the banter that was there was hilarious, and they played a lot of songs that are really fantastic in a live setting.

They opened with Let's Get This Over With again.  Afterwards Flans told us that it was the second time they had played this song and it was much better this time.  Linnell chimed in to tell us it was “the first time we played it right.”  Flans said that they “didn’t even announce the first time we played it.”  He reminded us that they would be playing two sets that evening and then they started into a run of songs with no real banter.

During Damn Good Times, Danny saw me and saluted me with a grin.  After an awesome and insane ending, Marty started right into the beginning of Ana Ng.  Curt came out mid-Racist Friend like the night before and they introduced him briefly before playing Hey Mr. DJ.

Before All Time What, Flans told everyone they had a new album, and had people hold up the vinyl they had bought.  He asked everyone to fake their enthusiasm for the new songs, and once again called on the theatre majors in the audience.  

Afterwards, Linnell went to grab his accordion, while Flans told us the show was sold out and mentioned how close this show was from last night’s show.  Thye played Whistling in the Dark and then Underwater Woman.

Flans introduced Marty and everyone went wild for the King of the Drums. Onstage, Danny clapped with us, he caught me looking at him and I got another smile.

They then played Let Me Tell You About My Operation. My sister has said that there are few parts of a tmbg concert that can equal this song and I’d have to agree with her, It was fantastic.

I believe it was before I Left My Body when Flans proclaimed that they were producing “second set quality in the first set.”  Linnell responded that it was one of those situations where the opener just blew the main act away.  In a fake “audience” voice, Flans asked who the opening act was “they look just like those guys!”

“But younger,” Linnell chimed in, and they started the song.

After Body, they talked a bit more about the rearview mirror on Linnell’s keyboard.  I can’t remember all of what was said, but I believe Linnell mentioned how he could see Marty and Flans warned him “Don’t look at him too long or you’ll be hypnotised.”

They played the Mesopotamians and then went straight into This Microphone from there.  Afterwards, Flans introduced Bills Bills Bills as “a song that was new to our repertoire the last time we were at the Slowdown,” and explained that the song was “so difficult to learn now we have to play it.”  Linnell then told him it was the sunk costs.  Flans was confused but Linnell told him that was what the situation was called.

Flans then moved on to explaining who was who in this song Linnell would of course be  playing the part of Beyonce Knowles (“pronounced Knowles,” Linnell chimed in), the band would be playing Michelle (another Danny smile, it was my lucky day) and, Flans continued “I will be playing  the part of Kelly.  Kelly Kelly Kelly, always pushing things just a bit too far.”

It was clear that they had a great time playing Bills Bills Bills, and from there, they moved straight into Spy.  Linnell directed the ending first, and played a sample of the first line of The One That You Love, repeated over and over opposite the controlled chaos of the band.  He turned control over to Flans by shooting finger guns at him, which was adorable.

Flans had Danny play a note, then Marty a beat on the kick drum in impossibly quick succession a few times.  I’m not describing it well, but it was incredibly impressive and really showcased how in sync with each other everyone was.  After a bit, Flans brought us in opposite Curt and Dan, but we messed up, cheering when he wanted us to stop and he had to stop and show us what he wanted.  After that, he ended things pretty quickly and the guys all left the stage.

Marty and the Johns were onstage even earlier into the Last Wave video this time, before the outro had really even started.  The Quiet Storm set was the same as the night before, meaning they started with Older.  Afterwards, Flans explained the Quiet Storm portion of the show, “always quiet, often stormy,” and introduced Marty on the electronic drums “the only thing that makes the acoustic portion of a show bearable.”  He then introduced Curt as he came on stage and they played I Like Fun.

Introducing Tippecanoe and Tyler Too, Flans forgot which Harrison was running against Van Buren and asked us.  Two guys in the middle of the crowd shouted out different answers and loudly disagreed about which Harrison it was.  Flans looked over at them and said “Go ahead and fight, you don’t know each other and you have everything to lose.”  

Meanwhile, Linnell had been trying to come up with a smart aleck response to which Harrison, but gave up “I was trying to think of something funny to say, but i got bored with the joke already.”  They played Tippecanoe, then introduced Marty and his school bell alarm bell for Shoehorn With Teeth, moving straight from it into How Can I sing Like A Girl.

With that, The Dans returned to stage and Marty back over to his drum set to have a snack while Curt did another amazing intro to Istanbul.  During the second fake ending Curt pointed to Dan, he looked surprised but played a line of the melody and the and Curt switched back and forth.  It was absolutely FANTASTIC!

I believe it was after Istanbul that Linnell asked “Marty, I know you don’t have a microphone, but can you see me in the mirror?”  

Marty started to answer without a mic but F grabbed his from the other side of the stage and leaned it over the drums so that Marty could talk into it.  Marty told Linnell “I can only see you when I look at you.”  Retrieving his mic, Flans commented on how that comment had really put Linnell in his place.  Linnell told Flans “I know what he meant.” but Flans was on a roll.  He explained to us all that “Marty is the captain of the ship.”

“I’m just the driver of the keyboards,”  Linnell added.

Flans continued that Marty was so important that his throne was on another throne (apparently the drum riser counts as a throne).  Losing his train of thought Flans asked Linnell “What song are we playing next? Are we playing Why Does the Sun Shine?”

We’re playing Why Does the Sun Shine,” Linnell agreed, and they started into the song.  Apparently the heat and light from the sun is caused by the nuclear reaction between mice, eyeballs, and the crap you find in your dryer lint.

After they finished the song, Flans said that mice and stuff in dryer lint are same thing for him, since he finds mice in his dryer lint. “I don’t know how they open the door or why they open the door”

They introduced the next song as from the first album “before we were with the band.”  Linnell assured us that “those guys were great though,”  and they started Number Three.

Flans then told us that they were signaling the ¾ point of the show.  Linnell added that that meant this was the waning gibbous of the show.  Flans told him that Waning Gibbous sounded like the 4th member of ZZ Top who was kicked out for only having a mustache.

He then introduced the song New York City, which clearly confused everyone onstage (it was listed later in the setlist) but they did an amazing version of it and went straight into Wicked Little Critter when it was over, then into Twisting.  Danny was singing the backing vocals at one point, which was adorable.

As Twisting ended Linnell called into his mic like he was paging someone “Gibbous, Mr waning Gibbous?”  Which got a laugh from Flans as well as most of the crowd.

Flans then told us all “This is a song from our new album,” which was greeted with ragged cheers.

“Well, ok” Linnell said sarcastically.

Flans tried again “I said, this is a song from our new album!” and this time got a huge, raucous cheer as they started playing Mrs. Bluebeard.  I think Danny knows that its one of my favorites in the live set because he looked over and grinned at me as it started. From there they segued straight into When Will You Die.

Then Linnell grabbed his accordion as Marty started up the beat to Particle Man and the others started us clapping. The interlude was Swing from the Chandelier and Linnell wanted to live like Triangle Man doesn’t exist.  The song finished up and they all left the stage.

They returned with the always fantastic Birdhouse In Your Soul.  For Curt’s “interruption” Flans and Dan got super close together to play, only 6 inches or so between their guitars, and as Curt broke through they both spun away. In opposite directions.

They then played The Guitar, with Flans sticking to the lyrics from the album. The Future of Sound, with Curt and Linnell, was wonderfully weird and it all was incredibly high-energy.

They left the stage again and returned to play Doctor Worm for us all before leaving for good.  Flans, Marty, and Danny were out again to give everybody stickers.  In addition to the blue 2018 stickers, Danny was giving out a few of the window clings they gave out the last leg of the 2016 tour.  He also gave out three of the setlists, the third to me, while Fresh distributed the rest.

[castawxayaway]

in front of the shadows

it has been a while, and this is a very late request! sorry for the week long delay, it’s been a lot busier (and tiring) than I had anticipated. if you have no idea what I’m on about check out my instagram (@idiosyncraticcatherine) to see (yes, self promo). 

also I want to say thank you for the support (which I say all the time), but you are all so wonderful and full of kind words along with brilliant ideas- such as this one. I hope you enjoy reading it, despite it being overdue

prompt list / collection of my writing / requests open *nudge nudge*

Unable to hide the frustration I throw the decorative cushions off of our bed followed by the blanket, and then lastly the duvet. As I stand by it my glare could set it alight, the anger that is pulsing through my veins as the argument remains around us. That’s the issue with arguing, it becomes quickly out of hand. From a small disagreement on dinner it sparks into hate about the little things, about appearance, how we do things around the flat. Quickly the knife is dug deeper into each of us, twisting until it hits the right point, the part that will sting the most. 

Now we stand on either side of the bed, neither wanting to glance at each other in risk of giving the wrong look or response which would resume the argument that is not yet rested. I lie down first, sticking to my side and not interfering with his, one thing he complained about, only sometimes. Turning away from him I suck it up, swallow the growing lump of sorrow and shut my eyes. He mumbles something under his breath, yet there is still rage hidden under the sweet goodnight. 

I can tell he is asleep, he is loose, the tension that was building in his shoulders has relaxed leaving him in a soft state. Lying flat on my back I ponder over asking him, yet I fear if I don’t now, will I ever? Trying to not cross my boundary I tap his shoulder, whispering his name only to have a mumble or groan in response. “What’s wrong?” His voice has a hint of annoyance, much less than an hour ago to say the least. 

Licking my lips I move to sit more upright, prepare myself for his answer, the actual and honest truth. “Do, do you love me?” The question is left hanging. After a slight pause he sits upright, turns the lamp on next to him and simply stares at me. 

“What?” A response no one wants to hear, it isn’t a remark due to him not hearing me. Instead, it is a response from someone who is unsure if they feel the same. Lowering my head I can’t help but feel disheartened, but the rage is forcing my head back up and my tears to evaporate from my eyes. 

“You heard me, do you love me?” This time it feels as if the words burn my mouth, I no longer want to know the answer, part of me feels pathetic for trying. I wish I could turn the lamp off, hope he sleeps again and think this was just a simple dream. 

Again, he couldn’t, wouldn’t immediately answer me. In his eyes though dark I could see the light pushing through the depths of the ocean, a small diver coming up for air. “Of course I love you.” It didn’t sound sincere, it sounds too forced. 

Shaking my head I throw the duvet off of myself, the warmth that I was encased in now gone. The comfort of those three words no longer protecting me. “Wow, thanks.” Picking up a few cushions from the floor and the blanket I begin to walk off, I can hear him confusingly mumbling my name, but I ignore it. 

He now shouts my name, not in anger, but in concern. “Please, come back to bed. We can talk about this in the morning.” Rolling my eyes I hover at the top of the staircase, my options becoming outweighed. 

“What is there to talk about? How it is clear that you don’t love me like I love you?” I can’t disguise my scoff at the end as he sits, simply dumbfounded. “Just, let me have some time.” Before he can respond I heavily walk down the stairs, careful not to cause too much visible damage on the way, since the damage inside is hidden. 

As I lie on the slightly lumpy sofa I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be truly loved, how would that feel? Closing my eyes I can feel a single tear cross my nose and drip onto my silk cushion, leaving a reminder to not open myself up that easily again. 

*

Opening my eyes I can already feel the discomfort settle in my back, reaching out for my phone my body shifts and I hit the carpet with a thud. “Shit.” I mumble as I finally wake up and look around. Still here, and no sign of him. 

As I compose myself I wander through to the kitchen as I stretch my back out, hearing the clicks of adjustment with ease. “Dan, you home?” I call out, yet after a minute of silence no one follows through. Sighing I walk back to the lounge and pick up my phone, no messages, no missed calls. Nothing. True silent treatment. “So much for talking about it in the morning.” Talking aloud I put my phone down as I proceed to make myself something to eat, meal for one, again. 

Sitting still I stare at the hand painted mug, the careful swirls of lavender that glided across the rim of the white china whilst the possibilities play out in my head. Perhaps he is rehearsing? Recording? Doing nothing? Immediately I can’t help but let my mind think the worst, what if he is talking to the guys, telling them he can’t keep this up, keep us up. 

Having only drunk half of the tea I allow it to go cold in my grasp as the thought of him being so lost and set on ending us hurts, it goes past the dull burn of the heat from this mug, it outstretches the ache in my heart of his delayed response last night. Any pain I have unlocked will all be worthless in my heart if he comes home tonight and tells me it is over, that he couldn’t answer straight away as it is not true. Maybe I just have to prepare myself for the worst. 

A message interrupts my deep thoughts and I snap out of it, and glance down to my phone. It’s an address, from Woody. Raising an eyebrow to it I ignore it, but then it makes another noise. This time is is a time, Will instead. Sighing I pick my phone up and phone Kyle, knowing I might as well since this order is slowly going to lead to him. 

“What is going on?” My voice remains firm despite the shakes that build in my throat, I stare blankly at the empty chair opposite me, perhaps I should get used to this view. 

I can hear him moving, a door opening and closing forcefully. “Look just do as the messages said, and don’t turn up like it is Tuesday binge night.” He whispers to me and I smile to myself, he always comments on my attire on binge night. No matter whose house it is at, I will wear pajamas. No shame, either. 

Hours had passed me by as I got ready, unsure what it was I was getting ready for, except binge night. Walking towards the front door I held my keys in my hand, seeing how they shake in my grip. I glance at my reflection, the smile I’ve practised now perfected, if this is it I want to leave with some dignity, a smile is needed to show that it isn’t too painful on the surface. 

As I drive to the location and park I walk round to the front, it’s an old theatre. I remember this growing up, how they had to close it leaving all of the old accents here. We would always walk by, talk about the past and if we lived then, how we would have come here to see a show, he’d of stolen my first kiss. Looking at it now it feels as it looks, empty, old, forgotten. 

Lightly touching the door it creaks open, I hesitate as I watch it. A slither of light shines through, and taking a deep breath I walk inside letting it close behind me. My mouth drops open at the interior. Unlike what my mind had imagined, something along the lines of the west wing in Beauty and the Beast this was beautiful, still perfectly put together and intact without the shadows. 

Each footstep didn’t create a new wave of dust, instead it just allowed the clicking of my heels to echo. “Hello?” My voice echoed curiosity as I stood in the open area, glancing around to see why here of all places. 

A single note sounded through inside the theatre, my ears perked and heart began to race a little bit faster. I began to take slower steps, the shaking returning as I pushed the heavy velvet doors open to reveal a dark space. Moving slowly I could hear a gentle melody play on a piano and my mind began to put everything into place, where I knew that melody. 

Standing still I could feel a smile forming on my face, the first thing he played for me as I wanted to hear something few knew of. He sat me down, told me to wait as he would be rusty on the notes and lyrics. Yet, the second he started it was second nature, he knew it perfectly and clearly, still does. 

“Foe,” His voice so gentle it reaches me from here, a spotlight appears before me and I take the three steps until I am contained inside of it. The blinding light moves me closer to the piano and his voice, until it dims and I am left back in the dark. “without knowing you’re around.” I remain still, silent as I take it in, every lyric as he rises with confidence in the shadows. 

The spotlight hovers in front of me, only a slither of me clearly illuminated. No one would get, not really. It was something for us, the memories we could of had here, the ideas we fathomed about this place, the song, the meaning of it for us, the setting. He knows what he is doing, it’s his gesture, it’s a complete and utter Dan thing that he has always told me he wants to do in the early hours of the morning after a long show, but has never had the guts to try. 

After the chorus a small light shines on the stage, on the grand setting and there he is. There is Dan, sat behind a piano, wearing his black jeans and matching top, truly comfortable in himself without the need for a facade. I wish I could clearly see the power in his words, see the emotion thick across those eyes. Suddenly, the spotlight is gone from me and lights up the rest of the stage, one by one the band are revealed playing, followed by a small orchestra to make his performance one to remember. 

I can tell the song is coming to a close based off of their looks, each of them has a collective expression besides him. His eyes are closed, shut tight as he lets the music do all the rest. “There’s a fear,” Everyone stops playing, leaving him to finish, extend the piano. “ride on into,” Holding a long note of the piano I can see his eyes open and look out to the empty venue, trying to find me. “the night.” 

My hands automatically connect to clap, I can’t stop myself as he stands up and moves away from the stage. As I hear him moving the band and the others return to the shadows, now I’m left in complete darkness as we try to find each other. I keep my arms outstretched, hoping to braise past his arm, or hope that it is him. The sound of my name on his lips causes goosebumps to rise, a feeling I know all too well as he’d wake me up with a trail of kisses across my neck. 

A faint light shines to my left, yet no one is there. I slowly step towards it, taking my heels off to be truly silent and move closer to it. Yet once I reach it I see another pair of feet, ones wearing socks with noticeable holes in them. Lifting my head I see him, I see the deep emotion in his eyes, not lost in the tides. “I love you.” He speaks with clarity, with truth. “I always will, I just need you to know that through every argument, every late night, every tour, every country that is between us and lies ahead I will, and will continue to love you.” Hearing the words I’d longed for I reach my hand out into his, intertwining them. 

The orchestra began to play a sweet tune, one to which Dan released my hand and bowed before asking me to dance. “This is very unlike you.” I whisper to him as we get into our stance. 

He whispers into my ear, “That’s the idea, a grand gesture to just show you what our lives hold.” With a single sweep I’m close to the ground, his head above mine with a raised brow. Unable to hide my heavy breathing and racing heart I laughed to him as his head moved closer to mine, one last hushed comment that no one else could hear besides us in the fading spotlight. 

One that I replied with a single word, one he had longed to hear. “Yes.” 

[8circles]

i finally got to see the national live!!

so after 6 years of falling in love with the national, i finally got to see them live yesterday!! this is gonna be super long lmao

since the national never come to my home country during tour, when they announced their tour i booked the tickets without even knowing whether i was returning to manchester or even the uk. so when i got my offer to return i was relieved af lmao. a once in a lifetime opportunity was worth the risk and anxious waiting LOL

anyway

seeing them live was like a whole new world for me. when bryce came out to perform with the opening act (who were very good!) i was so overwhelmed. this guy, part of the band i love so much, was right in front of my face!

(like literally, cause i ran in after getting my merch and managed to snag a place right at the barrier!)

ive watched tonnes of their live performances on video, but nothing prepared me for how great they were. since bryce was right in front of me i ended up paying most attention to him.. but then when hed play the piano aaron took his place and id end up paying attention to aaron... sorry matt, scott and bryan!!!!

of course matt is such a character that hed command your attention some way or another. i did make myself look at scott and bryan at points in time bc i love all of them! i found it super cute how scott and bryan (and at one point bryce) would hold like a shaker instrument and use it when theyre not playing their own instrument. its like theyre always gonna be involved somehow lmao.

at the beginning it felt a little detached compared to the bastille show i went to last year. but i dont blame them or think its bad, cause at bastille’s dan would stand close to the stage while matt prefers to hang about with the band. its just two different performers. it kind of made me think that i was watching the national perform in their own world.. until matt stopped midway through empire line and asked security to help someone.

at that point it kind of hit me that wow, actually we're in the same space! like im not actually watching them in their own world, like im there too! and theyre not in their own space either, theyre watching us too! and of course, how nice of matt to stop because someone wasnt okay 😭 he started all over again once he made sure they were okay. by the end he said "just some problems with dehydration. stay cool!"

and he threw a plastic pint across the theatre and i got some white wine on me. LOL. at another point he threw a red solo cup so hard i think it hit the opposite wall cause there was a super loud sound. then he went on to say "...one day..." during the last song he brought out a bottle of white wine or prosecco on stage but said he said couldn’t open it because it was corked and it was hard to open those on stage with his teeth(!!!) he asked for another bottle and smashed the corked one on the ground. i love drunk matt so much.

bryce is so interesting to watch tbh. he keeps changing guitars lmao. i got so excited every time he brought out the blue one, bc i had a super clear view of his bow hanging from his mic stand and i was like "vanderlyle?????"

in the end they didnt play it, but no matter! they played so many good songs that i cant complain. my jaw hit the floor when they played hard to find cause i wasnt expecting that at all! i kept saying "oh my god" when i heard the chords lmao. it was so beautiful. i remembered the interview where one of the twins said they think hard to find is one of the most beautiful songs theyve ever written. i felt so honoured that i could listen to it live! they also played this is the last time - my favourite off twfm! i think a lot of people in the theatre love that song too! we were all shouting “it takes a lot of pain to pick me up” together. 

of course they played standard classics too. it felt so good to sing along to bloodbuzz and i need my girl. i kind of expected they were gonna play england since it was their first show in england for this tour so when aaron started playing the chords i was super happy. mr november was the best in terms of crowd involvement, you could hear everyone shouting I WONT FUCK US OVER together. conversation 16, too.. everyone screaming "CAUSE IIIIMM EEEVILLLL" was so much fun. slow show and apartment story were so great live as well. singing “SO WORRY NOT ALL THINGS ARE WELL” was so wonderful. during fake empire the twins did the guitar thing as they always do. i was so happy! 

tbh when i was there i mostly felt out of place since most of the people there were white hipsters and they came with their friends/partners so i barely talked to anyone, but singing all the classics live made me forget all of that awkwardness.

the new album was good live too. carin at the liquor store is my fave off the album and it sounded so beautiful live. matt went one octave higher during turtleneck and he sounded so clear. i was actually so surprised at how clear and almost rasp-free he sounded! we shouted “great uncle valentine jester” during day i die, it was so great!  they dedicated apartment story and born to beg to a lady who took care of them while they were in manchester. the opening act luluc came out and sang with them during born to beg. it was beautiful and perfect! ive been falling in love more and more with born to beg with each listen, and the live performance really sealed the deal with how much i love it.

terrible love was the last song off the setlist and it’s my first favourite song from the national so listening to it live was like coming full circle of some sort. during that song (and mr. november) matt went out and leaned over the barriers so that people could reach out and hug him. during terrible love he was super close to me, but i was too scared to touch him cause so many people were clinging onto him already but he was literally right there! he also stood at the edge pretending to fall from the other side. a member of the audience hugged his knees to stop him from falling!

bryce kind of smiled at my general direction at one point when he was setting up his guitar. the girl next to me blew kisses at him, i wish i did or said something too, but honestly i just stood there and melted into a puddle. during fake empire bryce went to play the piano so aaron was on my side of the stage and he waved at my general direction when they finished. a double whammy! matt came over to our side of the stage during turtleneck and screamed the chorus at us. it was so surreal. waiting for two hours outside in the cold and rain was definitely worth the place right in the front.

of course i have a soft spot for the twins, so seeing them live was the best part of my night. bryce (and at some points aaron) being in front of me was a dream come true. it’s no doubt that bryce is fantastic at guitar, but hearing him live and actually picking up the way he plays with my own ears was really something else. not only his playing, but also how he was using all the different guitars and using the mics on them and all the different pedals - it was all like a work of genius. i didn’t really get to see aaron’s artistry since his stuff was on the opposite side of the stage and he played more piano (which was on his side of the stage) but i could clearly see him playing when matt stepped back and let the twins perform guitar together. i caught him smirking at bryce on multiple occasions. i ascended each time. 

it was obvious that bryce was the more shimmery, flashy player when it came to guitar, so i tried to distinguish their styles of piano too! maybe it’s just me, but i think aaron has a deeper sound and bryce has a sharper sound! maybe that’s why they take turns for specific songs. regardless, they were so great, playing together and separately. i admire them greatly since they have so many projects and interests and even though their musical interests differ, they end up intertwining. seeing them live really showed that tbh!

it was the best night of my life. i wish i could be going to today’s show as well, but unfortunately i don’t have the money for that! anyway, everything ive always dreamed of already came true when i managed to stand right in the front and watch the national in all their glory perform live. i never expected to be right in the front - literally at the barrier - but i was! and it was worth the two hour wait in the cold without any food (this was my fault for forgetting to eat before coming, but it was worth it tbh!). hopefully i’ll be able to go for another concert if possible because that was probably the best experience ive ever had.

[iwriteficsnottragediesladies]

Girl Can SING (Part 1)

Request: Can you please make one where the reader is newly friends with Brendon and she sings but she's shy and she doesn't want him to think that she's only friends w/ him cause he might get her places. And they sorta have crushes on each other (no hate to Sarah) and he finds out that she sings and he brings her on stage and she sings and they kiss and fluff? Can she sing Run To You by Ptx or Hallelujah? I covered both on my blog under the tag #juju sings if you wanna listen!

A/N Here ya go! Sarah doesn’t exist in this (sorry Sarah!). Hope it’s what you had in mind. I ended up splitting it into two parts, then adding more chapters by other users’ requests. Let me know if there’s anything you want changed up @jared-padaloveme

You had your overnight bag all packed up. You were so flattered that Brendon had asked you to come hang out with him and the guys. Having a “sleepover” was like a throwback to middle school slumber parties but hey, sleeping in the same house as Brendon Urie? You had zero complaints.

You ring the doorbell and are greeted by Brendon, and of course Penny and Bogart.

“Hey Y/n!” He gives you a big hug. “How are you?” He asks you mid squeeze. You pull away and he keeps his hands on your shoulders.

“Hey Brendon! I’m great, how are you doing?” You say, unable to contain your smile.

“Good, good,” He wraps an arm around your shoulder and starts to guide you down the hallway. “You can drop your stuff anywhere. Full disclosure, everything you own will probably be covered in dog hair by the time you leave.”

You giggle, putting your duffel bag down. As you enter the living room, Dallon, Ken and Dan all greet you in unison. “Y/n!” the chorus exclaims. Have you ever been in a room with so many attractive men? Gees. “Hey guys!” You give them a shy but enthusiastic wave as you plop down on the couch next to Dallon as Brendon joins you. It’s like a Y/n sandwich… A very hot Y/n sandwich. Ken reaches behind him to grab a beer from the cooler and it’s passed over to you. “Thank you,” you said melodically, twisting off the cap. Damn, you felt so cool.  

It’s not long before you’re all hanging out comfortably, chatting, the alcohol heating your throat. Penny cuddled in your lap.

“Wow, she really likes you!” Brendon remarks at one point. You are officially Penny-approved.

Hanging out with them is just so easy. Brendon is most definitely the life of the party, he has everyone dying laughing.

The boys pick up their instruments for a casual “jam session” as they like to put it. “Do you play anything, Y/n?” Brendon asks. Do you lie? Or do you tell him about how your life revolves around singing? God, you practically were born singing. It’s the only thing you can imagine yourself doing, and it’s the one thing you truly love to do.

“Not really,” You reply. It’s technically not a lie.

“Aw come on, weren’t you at least forced to play an instrument when you were little?” Brendon teases. Your eyes grow wide with embarrassment.

“Oh god,” you reminisce while rolling your eyes, “The flute.” You practically shudder.

“Was it that bad?” Dallon asked with a chuckle.

“Um YES,” you stated with sass, “It was I-passed-out-in-the-middle-of-band-class bad.” You had the boys’ full attention, so clearly you had to elaborate. “I couldn’t get that thing to make a sound, but I would try so hard. I used up all of my breath until I actually passed out in front of my entire class.”

You were laughing. The boys were laughing. You just admitted your great musical failure to some of the best musicians in the country. Your cheeks were rosy with a mix of embarrassment and joy. 

“It was the worst,” you concluded with a giggle.

Once everyone had gathered themselves together, they began to talk about what to play. They decided to start with some panic stuff. Victorious was up first. You mock-drummed on Penny, who seemed to enjoy the bizarre belly rub. You were mesmerized by Brendon. The sound of his voice, the shape of his lips, the way his hair would flip while he played... You try not to stare, but my god, what a beautiful human. When they finished, they looked up and gave each other proud smiles.

They played a couple more, including Miss Jackson, which was one of your favorites. Brendon had Dallon for back up, so he didn’t have to sing every part all at the same time like he usually did for acoustic performances. Brendon suddenly turned to you.

“How about a request, Y/n,” he says, “Not panic, something different.”

Your favorite song immediately pops into your head and just the thought of Brendon’s voice singing it made you melt. You pretend to think about it.

“Hm, well my favorite is Hallelujah, like, Leonard Cohen,” you clarify. Ken’s head popped up.

“Oh hey, isn’t that one of your favorites, Brendon?” He exclaimed. Brendon bites his lip, nodding, clearly a little embarrassed by Ken. You begin to think that maybe Brendon told the boys to play it cool around you.

“Yeah,” Brendon looks at you and then the ground with an adorable smirk, “It actually is.”

Your heart is beating faster.

“C?” Dallon confirms what key everyone wants, trying to put Brendon out of his misery. Brendon nods and begins.

The way the lyrics pour from his lips is pure poetry. Oh gees, you’re staring again. You admire how expertly his fingers move on the strings, arpeggiating the chords he plays so perfectly. He begins to sing the chorus and you don’t even realize you are singing the harmony quietly. You were so accustomed to singing it.

Brendon looks over at you and does a double take, still singing. He’s caught up in trying to confirm the sound was coming from you and his fingers stumble to the next chord. You silence yourself, suddenly embarrassed. Was he judging you? Oh god, why did you even open your mouth? He thinks you suck, you just know it.

You are silent for the remainder of the song, but Brendon keeps glancing over at you. You pretend to be lost in petting Penny, unwilling to make eye contact with him.

When they finish, they also seem kind of surprised at their success. It was so beautiful, even they were kind of impressed with how nice it was.

“Wow,” Dan said, “Haven’t played that in a while.”

“That was amazing,” you said, trying not to be too starry eyed as you looked at all of them, your gaze ending on Brendon. You swore you saw his cheeks pink up again as he looked at you.

“Alright, it’s past my bedtime,” Dallon joked nervously, as suddenly the boys felt like they were interrupting something.

Brendon nearly cleared his throat in the most cliche way. Everyone agreed and you all departed from the couch. You picked up your bag and Brendon went into host mode, guiding you to your rooms.

“Alright, so there’s shower stuff in both of your bathrooms,” he gestured to your room and the other room the Dallon, Ken and Dan would be sharing. “And there’s towels in this closet,” he pointed to a door a few steps down the hall. You felt kind of guilty that the boys had to pile into one room, just because you were a girl and it was kind of customary not to stick you with a bunch of men.

All of you were in and out of your rooms, retrieving towels and shouting across the hallway to each other, talking about random shit. You leave your door to your room ajar and enter your private bathroom, locking the door. Again, you feel kind of guilty, but secretly happy you don’t have to share.

You get undressed and try to turn on the shower. You end up spraying yourself with cold water. You suppress a squeal and giggle to yourself. Idiot. You figured out which dial controls the temperature, and after some trial and error, the water heated up. You gratefully step into the warm water. Jesus Christ, fancy showers are complicated.

You begin your shower routine and start singing mindlessly. It’s just what you do. I mean, who doesn’t sing in the shower? Hallelujah was obviously stuck in your head after such an incredible performance, so it’s flowing from you without a thought. You’re not belting it out or anything, but the acoustics in the tiled room were amazing.

Unbeknownst to you, Brendon comes to the door of your room, knocking lightly and since it was open, he cautiously pokes his head inside. “Hey, Y/n--” he wanted to make sure you had everything you needed, but he is met by the sound of your voice, echoing in the bathroom. He opens the door to your room fully, listening intently to your singing. He hears every note, spot on, and so beautiful.

Dallon is passing by and Brendon catches him by the shoulder, silently nodding his head in the direction of the bathroom. Dallon steps up next to him. Ken and Dan see them gathered in the doorway and join them curiously. Everything becomes clear to them as they listen. They find your voice to be casual and effortless, clearly performing for no one but yourself.

“Damn,” Ken murmurs quietly, very impressed.

“She ‘doesn’t play any instruments’ my ass,” Dan adds.

Meanwhile, you climb out of the shower and wrap yourself in a towel. Your clothes are in the duffel bag on your bed. You nearly forget to turn off the shower, using the correct dial purely by luck, and push the door open.

You look up and are shocked to see the boys in your doorway shuffling around, the epitome of “act natural” and failing. Your eyes grow wide and so do theirs. You hold your towel tighter around yourself.

“Um, can I help you?!” You exclaim with a chuckle. Shit, were they listening to you? Oh my god, your tone deaf, aren’t you? Your cheeks run a hot red, not just from the heat of the shower water. Everyone was too stunned to move.

“Uh, we, um,” Dallon was the first to speak up but trailed off, probably feeling the most awkward out of all of them, seeing as he had a wife and kids at home. Here he was watching a half naked woman in front of him. This is not what it looks like, Dallon thinks to himself.

“Well, we just couldn’t help but,” Brendon kind of winced nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, “But hear you singing, and...” He trailed off as well.

Oh my god, they were about to laugh at your singing. You could just tell. Oh dear god, you’re so embarrassed.

“GIRL CAN SING,” Ken finally exclaimed sincerely.

Wait, what?

“Oh gees guys, you don’t have to--” You start, but Brendon interrupts you.

“Y/n, your voice...” He says softly. It is at the moment you realize that Brendon is not wearing a shirt. He continues, “It’s amazing.”

The wonder in his eyes paired with the sweetest smile makes you realize... They mean it. These are not just obligatory compliments... They truly mean it. BRENDON means it. You might throw up. You might pass out. No, no, don’t pass out. You are naked and have four guys staring at you. Do NOT pass out right now.

Brendon must realize what’s happening because he nonchalantly makes his way over to you, but concern is evident in his eyes. You think he doesn’t want to embarrass you by making a big deal out of it in front of the guys, but he is worried. He sits you down on the bed.

The rest of the boys enter further into the room.

“What are we going to do with this one?” Brendon turns to them with a certain glint in his eyes, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Jesus, take her on tour?!” Ken says enthusiastically.

Brendon looks back at you with a wide smile.

“Oh, guys, I barely even sing at open mic nights,” You chuckle nervously.

“We can start off slow, Y/n,” Brendon says, “Why don’t you come and play with us a bit, just here at home.”

You nod slowly.

“We can work on whatever you want,” he says soothingly, “Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Well, I’m damn comfortable half naked with you touching me, you suddenly think to yourself. You push your dirty thoughts aside, concealing a smile.

“Are you sure?” You ask, needing to confirm that something so amazing could possibly be happening to you.

“Very,” Ken said confidently.

Was this real life? Would you wake up soon? Everyone just kind of paused, smiling. 

“Um,” you started, sorry to interrupt the moment, “Can I get dressed now?” you giggled.

“Oh, right, yeah sorry,” The boys were all remarking, remembering that you were still in a towel. They quickly made their way out of the room, Brendon the last to leave. He paused with his hand on the door. He looked at you with this kind of smirk. He knew that this was the start of something. Something amazing.

“Goodnight, Y/n,” He spoke quietly.

“Goodnight Bren,” You replied.

He shut the door, and you realized you had called him by a nickname. You hoped that was okay. You soon were smiling like an idiot, unable to shake this incredible feeling. You finished getting ready for bed and climbed under the covers, your smile never leaving your face. You didn’t know it, but Brendon laid awake, the same smile stuck on his lips.

This was the start of something amazing.

A/N: Like and reblog if you’re feelin’ it!