#cause I’m only leaving it for the foreseeable future to use the bathroom that’s literally right next to it and to get food

[raeathnos]

.

[featherthiefdean]

Dean and Cas are both having a bad week months after pulling Cas from the Empty. When they get stuck in the car during a rainstorm, Dean finally gets the courage to tell, or really show, Cas how he feels.

1.6K words

Read on AO3 here

Sometimes when it rains, it absolutely pours.

Dean was frustrated. Everything about this last week had gone about as wrong as wrong could go. Things fell apart when a witch, on what should have been routine hunt, tossed him around like a rag doll. She even managed to bust Sam’s shoulder by throwing him through a window not once but twice.

It got worse when Dean realized that the reason the hunt went sideways was because the spell hadn’t worked properly. Cas had sent a picture of the witch stopping spell to Dean’s phone but the picture had distorted and cut off the last ingredient necessary to make the spell work. You would think sending a picture from a magical bunker to the middle of nowhere Montana wouldn’t be too much for modern technology. Thankfully, Dean was able to reach his gun while the witch was busy tossing his brother. Two witch-killing bullets later, she was dead.

When Dean sent Cas a text saying they had to detour to the hospital to get Sam fixed up, Cas called him seconds later. The guilt that his phone malfunctioned caused Cas to lose it on the other end of the line and nothing Dean could say would calm the guy down.  Dean thought maybe Cas would feel better when Sam and Dean returned to the bunker and saw that they were fine but that turned into a whole other issue all together. Cas’s eyes went wide at the sight of Sam’s arm in a sling. Sam assured him it was just a bad sprain but Cas’s distress was clear. Cas’s final straw had been seeing the bruise forming along the left side of Dean’s face.

Cas raised his hand to touch the bruise almost like he was going to heal him. When Cas’s hands made contact, Dean unwittingly flinched from pain. Cas withdrew his hand quickly and silently. He went straight to his room without another spoken word. Dean knew that the photo mishap and the reminder that he could no longer heal them made Cas feel like a failure. Then, Dean flinching when Cas touched him probably sent the wrong message. Feelings of guilt overwhelmed the former angel and Cas hid in his room for the last six days. The inability to offer Cas comfort or reassurance left Dean feeling like a failure too.

Dean had tried to talk to Cas every time he emerged to use the bathroom or get some food but he was met with stony silence or passive aggressive comments. It had been two months since Cas’s last emotional episode and this one felt rougher than normal. When Claire called to ask them to cover a weird case she found while she worked a vampire nest with Jody, Dean ended up literally dragging the new human out of his room because Sam was benched for the foreseeable future. Cas protested going until Dean said that he needed backup. It was clear Cas didn’t want to be anywhere near Dean which only soured his mood further.

The icing on the shit cake was when the Impala ate one of Dean’s favorite Led Zeppelin tapes two hours into a ten-hour drive in the pouring rain.

Yeah, Dean was over this week.

By the time they pulled into the motel they would staying at, a pond had formed in the parking lot big enough to drown a rat from the Princess Bride and the rain seemed to be falling heavier every second. Dean shifted the Impala to park and shut off the engine but made no effort to get out of the car. He leaned forward to look out the windshield to see if there was any end in sight for the torrent of rain but they couldn’t be so lucky.

“Dean, what are you looking for?” Cas asked from the passenger seat as he mimicked the lean. It was the first time he had spoken in hours after talking on the phone with Sam. They had spoken about the case and the case only so Dean could focus on keeping them from hydroplaning off the backroads to the rundown town they were in now.

“I’m looking out for the T-Rex, can’t let it scoop us up before we’ve even had the chance to get dinner.”

Cas turned his entire body towards Dean at this statement. His pink lips parted into a small, confused O and bright blue eyes squinted at Dean in confusion. Dean wouldn’t chance opening Baby’s door with the falling rain but he would let himself drown in Cas’s eyes if given a chance.

“Jurassic Park, Cas. We watched the original last month when Jack stopped by for burgers. You spent the entire move talking about dinosaurs actually having feathers.”

“Oh. Yes, I remember now. ‘Life finds a way.’” Cas’s voiced slipped even lower while quoting the movie, the gravel in his voice even more pronounced. 

Cas went back to looking out the window and watched the rain pour down around them. Dean was free to stare at Cas more openly now. Cas had ditched the trench coat and suit not long after returning from the Empty. Dean never asked why. Now, he was in a blue hooded sweatshirt that brought out his eyes and a pair of well-worn jeans. There was a hint of stubble on his face and his hair was longer than normal. Dean took in all of Cas and felt a sharp pain of longing in his chest. Not a word had been said about “before” but Dean had been meaning to talk-

“We should probably head inside. I don’t think the rain is going to let up soon and I promised I would call Sam back when we arrived,” Cas said as he turned his focus back to Dean.

“Technically, you said you would call him back when we got into the motel room. We aren’t in the room yet.”

“You want me to avoid talking to Sam on a technicality?”

“No, I want to avoid getting soaked down to my underwear and then have to listen to Sam drone on about the lore.”

“Well, if we aren’t getting out of the car soon, what exactly would you like to do to pass the time?”

Dean could definitely think of a few things. He thought about leaning over and kissing Cas breathless while feeling the newly formed stubble beneath his fingertips. He thought about dragging Cas over the front seat while the rain hit the metal roof of the Impala and drowned out his moans. He thought about pulling off Cas’s sweatshirt first and then the former Metallica tee that Cas stole from Dean’s laundry the first week he was human as the windows begin to fog up. He thought about his hands tracing Cas’s-

“Dean, are you listening to me?”

“Buddy, I’m always listening to you.”

“Tell me what I just said.”

“I-uh-”

“Exactly, you never listen. Even before when I-” Cas trailed off and angrily watched the raindrops race down the window.

Dean’s heart broke a little more inside. His heart had shattered when Cas confessed his feelings before being taken by the Empty. The shattered pieces crumbled further when he realized the feelings he had been harboring for years towards his best friend were romantic. He loved Cas back. What little pieces that remained had been ground into dust when he thought he wouldn’t get the chance to say it back and he was too late.

When Cas came back, the pieces began to fit back together slowly yet he had never mentioned them again for fear of his heart being broken one last time. It might break him if Cas had changed his mind and he couldn’t risk it.

Dean slid closer to Cas and nudged him gently with his hand, “I listen, Cas. Always, at least to the important stuff anyway.”

“Really Dean? Because I don’t think you have ever taken anything I have said seriously. Not a single time, maybe when I was an angel but certainly not since I’ve become human.”

“Hey, yes I do. I just got distracted a minute ago-“

“No Dean, you don’t listen. It doesn’t matter what I say or how I say it. You don’t hear me. I don’t know why I’m even here.”

The anger had evaporated from Cas’s voice leaving him sounding tired and sad. Cas let his head roll back onto the soft vinyl seat and shut his eyes.

The elephant-sized weight of everything that had gone unsaid between the two of them was suffocating. The fear in his chest of voicing his own feelings were out gunned by his fear of losing Cas. This week was bad enough with Cas avoiding him, he couldn’t stand if Cas had the exact wrong opinion because of him. Cas thought Dean didn’t care. He thought he didn’t feel the same. The only problem with that was Dean had fallen more in love with Cas with every passing day.

“Cas, look at me.”

Cas let out a deep sigh before turning his head back to Dean. Blue eyes locked with green and Dean knew what he needed to do.

“Cas, I hear you and… I heard you. That Day.”

Dean leaned forward to capture Cas’s lips with his. He channeled everything he had been meaning to say since, well, forever into it. After a moment, Cas was kissing him back. Gentle compared to fierceness coming from Dean. The stubble underneath his fingers and the soft feeling of Cas’s lips sent Dean straight to Heaven.

A few minutes later and much too soon to Dean’s humble opinion, they broke apart.

“I love you too, Cas. Always have.”

Maybe the rain wasn’t drowning them after all, maybe it was washing the slate clean for the first time.

[konlyfans]

Gunshot

pairing: idol!Lucas & reader

genre: angst that ends in fluff with the tiny smudge of smut at the beginning

summary: during some playtime in the bedroom Lucas breaks one of your boundaries and your heart.

“.... Cherry.”

It came out before you could think anything of it, making Lucas freeze in light of hearing your safe word. He was still deep inside you, his cock throbbing, but as he looked down and into your eyes he felt terror chill him to the bone. Tears were brimming in your eyes and seconds away from spilling down your cheeks. Did he hurt you? He didn’t think he was being that rough. Was it something he... Said? It was, and the second he realized it he pulled out completely.

“Baby-”

“Move,” you demanded, inhaling shakily as you rushed off the bed and ignored the jelly feeling in your legs. You were crying before you could make it to the bathroom and he could only sit there and wonder how he could be so stupid. You didn’t have very many rules for Lucas, you loved being in your sub-space with him, but he had still managed to break one of them tonight and it was by far the worst one.

Don’t bring other women into it. It’s just you and me, okay?

He dropped his head into his hands, sighing deeply and his heart drummed in his chest and those words of warning played over in his mind. Yes, you were being punish for disobeying his rules and getting bratty over his interaction with a female idol on a variety show, but he had taken it too far. The sound of your sobs from the bathroom were ripping his heart into bits as he kicked himself for being so careless. For saying what he knew would get in your head.

Maybe I should fuck her instead, hm? I bet she’d be a good girl for me.

-

It was almost an hour before you came out of the bathroom, having opted for a shower while you were in there just to try and calm down a bit. His aftercare was the last thing on your mind. Lucas hadn’t tried to coax you out, he simply got dressed and waited for you to return. You had to come back to your bedroom eventually, be it for clothes or to yell at him.

When the soft creak of the bathroom door opening floated up the hall, Lucas froze where he paced beside the bed and braced for you to rip him a new one. What he got was far worse. You slipped into the room without even looking at him, making a beeline straight for your closet. Not even a sniffle passed as you began getting dressed, but not dressed for bed. Dressed to leave.

“Can we talk?” His voice was small and cautious, like he was afraid to scare you away. You heart ached at the sound but you did your best to ignore him still, though your lip began to quiver again. “Please, baby... I’m so sorry. You know I would never-“

“Never what,” you asked softly, cutting him off. “Never fuck her? Never intentionally hurt me with your words? Never fuck with my head like that while you’re inside me?” The more you said the louder you got as tears filled your eyes again. “Never make me feel so insecure about myself?”

“Baby-“

“Four rules, Lucas!” All efforts to get dressed came to a screeching halt as you turned to shout at your boyfriend, now standing in just yoga pants and a bra. “Don’t make me bleed, don’t tie my hands behind my back, ask before anal and don’t fucking bring other women into this.” He could only nod knowingly as more hot tears spilled down you splotchy cheeks, causing him to physically feel ill. Something about finally looking at him and knowing what he said made you unravel all over again. You though you’d gotten it all out, but as you stood with your face hidden by your hands you were quickly proven wrong. “You know how I get,” you whimpered into your palms, giving in to how broken your heart really was. Suddenly he was right in front of you, having silently crossed the space to carefully curl his fingers around your wrist.

“I know. I know and I’m so sorry.” You could hear the strain in his voice as he spoke, fighting his own tears as he looked at the damage he’d caused. “Y/n, I’m sorry.” You were gasping for short, rapid breaths as you sobbed and he rubbed soft circles on your wrists with his thumbs. “Look at me, please?”

In one motion you let him pull your hands from your face right as you balled them to fists and halfheartedly hit him in the chest. He wished you’d hit him harder. “Was that your subtle way of telling me you want her?!”

“No! Baby, no...” He sighed, a glint of tears sparking in his eyes as he admitted, “I just wanted to get to you but I didn’t think about what I said until you used your safe word. I didn’t think at all.” Gently, and ever so slowly, he pulled you against his broad chest and wrapped you in an apologetic embrace. You were already to tired from the sex and crying to fight him. The total 180 in your mood left you drained. “Can you ever forgive me?”

“I literally don’t even want to talk to you,” you choked out against his hot tanned skin, pushing aside the urge to find comfort against him. You lifted your head, wiping furiously at your cheeks as you took a step back. “I won’t leave, to be honest I don’t even know where I was going to go... But I’m sleeping on the couch.”

“Don’t be crazy,” he stated, his own heart breaking just a little as he quickly wiped a tear away. For the first time he was worried he’d dug himself into a hole he wouldn’t climb out of. “I’m not letting you sleep on the couch. I’m an asshole but I’m still a gentleman.”

“Whatever,” you shrugged, pushing past him and crawling into bed just as you were. Lucas took one last look at you before grabbing a blanket and leaving the room quietly. With every step he took to the couch he said a soft prayer that you’d still be there when he woke the next day.

-

The empty expanse of sheets surrounding you when you opened your eyes startled you, as you’d become so accustom to waking next to Lucas. Surely you woke because you became cold without his natural warmth wrapped heavily around you. You sighed, dropping your head to the pillow as you remembered why he wasn’t in your bed right now. Despite the sharp pain in your heart that was a direct result of his actions, there was a deeper ache from not having him next to you. Autopilot kicked in and you were sleepily padding your way up the hall to find him.

Lucas was sprawled out on his back, seemingly haven fallen asleep while on his phone as it lay still on his toned chest. One long arm hung off the couch, letting his fingers rest on the hardwood floor, and the other was tucked behind his head. You pouted knowing how uncomfortable he must have been, the couch looked too small under him.

Like a child that had been burned, you approached him like you were afraid he’d wake up and do something unexpected. When he showed no signs of coming to, you nudged the hand that was resting one the hardwood floor with your toes, pressing softly to his palm. You watched his brow furrow for a moment before he realized what he was holding and caressed his long fingers along your sole. A shiver crept up your spine at the tickle.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He voice was that familiar low it always was when he was tired and you only wanted to cuddle up to him, but anxiety reared it’s ugly head before you could give in to your desire. The rational part of you knew Lucas hadn’t meant anything by what he said, it’d been a mistake, but your insecurities as an idol’s girlfriend had something else to say about it.

“Xuxi... You mean it, right?” You glued your eyes to the way he lazily held your ankle like he thought you’d run if he didn’t.

“Mean what, my love?” He opened one eye as he was blinded by the glare of the muted TV.

“You don’t want her. You still want to be with me.” The words passing your lips were so small and soft he almost couldn’t hear you, but he did. He sat up immediately, throwing apprehension to the wind as he took you by the hips and pulled you down to straddle his lap. You went easily, craving the reassurance of his touch.

“Of course I mean it,” he said sternly. You sunk into him and buried your face in the crook of his neck, letting your lugs be filled with the comforting scent of your man. He rocked you side to side to an imaginary song as his hands traveled up and down your back. “I would give anything to take back what I said, but I can’t.” He’d never forgive himself. “But I’ll do anything in my power to make it up to you, Y/n. Anything.”

“Is... My punishment over? Even thought we didn’t finish?”

“Yes,” he couldn’t help but chuckle, having been far from concerned about punishing you. “For the foreseeable future you’ll be getting nothing but praise and care from me. I’m going to spoil you rotten, day in and day out.” You sighed against the warm flush of his neck, content to just stay there for the rest of the night, letting him love you gently.

[tommynikkivincemick]

three way call — part 7

Summary: Tommy Lee and Nikki Sixx find themselves in the frustrating predicament of being infatuated with the same woman. This calls for a competition.

Author’s note: This is for the most part a pretty tame dialogue heavy filler chapter, except a little bit of plot building and mildly homosexual content at the beginning. The next chapter will be a lot saucier so be on the lookout for that!! Enjoy xx

Warnings: Violence, drug use, language, mildly homosexual content.

After a passionate night, the pair spent the night in the van in the forest and Tommy finally got Y/N home at around 8:00 in the morning. When he himself returned home, he did not expect for Nikki to be awake and on the couch. The bassist looked over the drummer— messy hair, goofy happy expression, relaxed body language, confident stance, smell of alcohol and sex.

That bastard.

“You bastard!” Nikki growled, standing from the couch, “How could you?”

“Okay, hear me out—“

“Hear this, you backstabbing bitch!” The older Twin yelled and tackled the drummer to the ground, punching first and thinking later.

Tommy didn’t even put up much of a fight— he deserved his beating, and to be quite honest, Y/N felt so good that it was worth it. The annoying part was Nikki yelling at him as he beat his ass.

“That’s not fair! I haven’t even gotten a shot! You couldn’t keep your dick in your pants for one night? Fuck you, Tommy Lee! Go to hell! I hate you so much right now! You motherfucker!” The bassist shouted as he beat the drummer, “Fight back, asshole!”

“Fucking fine!” Tommy grunted and began pushing back, properly wrestling with Nikki, “Yeah, I fucked her! But she still wants you! She wants both of us and it really sucks, I won the bet but I didn’t win her, so would you stop hitting me?!”

“She what?” Nikki stopped, pinning the drummer’s wrists on either side of his head, straddling the younger man.

“She still wants you. Still wants me. Still wants us,” Tommy panted.

Vince stomped into the room, ready to kick whoever’s ass was causing such a ruckus and waking him up this early in the morning.

“Would you motherfuckers shut— well, that’s a pretty compromising position, isn’t it?” The blonde cocked his head when he saw the bassist straddling the drummer.

“Yeah, Nikki finally broke down and admitted how much he wants my body,” Tommy deadpanned, “Wanna join us?”

Vince genuinely contemplated it.

“Well— what? No!”

“Your loss, baby,” Nikki gave an exaggerated wink.

“This is— it’s too early for this,” The singer grumbled and slumped back to bed.

Nikki let go of Tommy’s wrists but still remained on top of him.

“What do you mean she wants us? Like both of us?” The older Twin asked.

Tommy sighed and went into the same speech he had given Y/N the night before about polyamory and crazy feelings and how he didn’t think the other man would be okay with any of it. Nikki paused and contemplated everything he was just told. When he spoke at last, he said:

“Tommy, that’s gay.”

“Nikki, you’re literally sitting on my dick right now. Shut the fuck up.”

The Twins cracked up and Nikki rolled off of Tommy and laid beside him on the floor.

“No, but uh— it’s really cool of you to admit all that to me. All bets are off. And honestly? I’d be down to try it if you guys are,” Nikki sighed.

“Really? You’re not gonna get too jealous and kick my ass?”

“Well, we’ve been doing this and it’s been going alright—“

“You’ve punched me in the face like five times since we started this bet. Plus, you’d have to fully participate, and I don’t think you’re ready for that, bro.”

“Yes I am, I’m comfortable in my masculinity and sexuality and—“

“Kiss me.”

“What?”

“Kiss me on the mouth right now. Like you mean it.”

“What the fuck do you mean ‘like I mean it?’”

“Kiss me like you’d kiss Y/N. Three way partnership, and all that.”

Nikki paused and sat up. Tommy followed suit. The bassist took a deep breath and grabbed the drummer by the back of the hair to pull him in for a kiss. It was long and deep and just like he’d kiss Y/N, as requested. By the time they parted, their cheeks were red, their eyes were starry, and they both were a little breathless.

“... I think I’m bisexual,” Tommy laughed.

“Same, maybe,” Nikki muttered, “So how are things gonna be now?”

“Like they’ve always been, dude. We all always kiss each other’s faces anyway, only now it’s ok to kiss each other’s mouths and necks and stuff. And neither of us have to be jealous when the other person is with Y/N because we know she’s ours, too. It’s gonna be chill as fuck, man.”

“Have you talked this over with Y/N?” Nikki asked, getting up from the floor and extending his hand to the other Twin.

“Uh. Maybe we should call her.”

The Twins stumbled over each other to get to the phone. Nikki dialed her number and the pressed their faces together so they could both listen.

“Hello?”

“Mötley residence, Terror Twins speaking, may we please talk to Y/N?” They asked in unison.

“This is she,” Y/N laughed, “Why do you dumbasses always answer the phone like that?”

“Because it’s funny,” Nikki replied.

“Y/N! I got Nikki to be okay with the thing!” Tommy announced.

“The three way dating thing?”

“Yes that thing!” The drummer said.

“Oh, wow. That’s really cool. What do you think, Nikki?”

“Well, I just frenched T-Bone, so I can cross that off my bucket list,” Nikki chuckled, “But I think this will be good for all of us.”

“Me too. Well, I got home really late so I’m gonna try to sleep a little bit before work later, I’ll see you guys after that, though, unless you wanna stop by the store.”

Y/N had worked at a local record store for as long as they’d known her. When they started the band and recorded “Too Fast For Love”, she’d plugged the record non-stop, always having it playing in the store and always having a stack of records on display at the front desk. She truly was the band mom, always supporting her boys.

“Okay, we’re having a little kickback later, so be sure to change out of your work clothes before you come over,” Nikki said.

“We are?” Tommy asked.

“Yeah, Vinnie didn’t tell you?”

“No, he most certainly did not. Ugh, I gotta go shower. Y/N, I’ll see you later, love you!” Tommy yelled into the phone before heading to the bathroom.

“Love you! I’m gonna go sleep a little. See you later, Nikki, love you, too,” Y/N said with a yawn.

“Alright, later. Love you, babe. Bye.” The bassist signed off and thought he’d do the same and go to bed until he had to get ready for the party, but not before yelling to the bathroom, “TOMMY! I’M TAKING A NAP, OKAY? WAKE ME UP AT SIX.”

“OKAY, SWEET DREAMS SIXX!” Tommy shouted back.

With that, Nikki sighed and went to tuck himself in for the next few hours.

Vince heard the bathroom and bedroom doors shut and immediately rushed out to the phone, dialing Mick’s number.

“Mötley residence, Vince speaking, is Mick there?”

“Yeah, blondie, what do you want?” The guitarist yawned into the phone.

“You’ll never guess what just happened!”

“What?”

“Tommy and Nikki are in a three way relationship with Y/N now because Tommy fucked her but get this, he also had feelings for Nikki! Crazy right? So I think him and Nikki made out, but I could be wrong— at the very least they kissed a little bit and they both liked it! But before that, I walked into the living room because they were fighting and being loud and it woke me up and Nikki was on top of Tommy looking like one of them was about to get railed.” Vince spoke quickly.

“Uh, yeah, I definitely never would have guessed that,” Mick said, shock evident in his voice, “I’ll have to have a talk with Y/N about that later.”

“Hey Mick?”

“What?”

“Who do you think is the top between Tommy and Nikki?”

Both men paused before saying in unison:

“Nikki.”

“Alright, man, I just thought I’d fill you in. See you tonight.”

“Yeah, blondie.”

The two men hung up and Vince went back to bed.

That afternoon, Mick decided to take a trip down to the record store to have a talk with a certain friend of the band.

“Oh hey, Mick! We just got some new prog-rock albums in, I was gonna call you about it,” Y/N said with a smile.

“Yeah, that’s cool,” The guitarist said absentmindedly before leaning over the counter and whispering quietly, “I know what you did last night.”

Y/N’s face burned and she motioned for him to come behind the counter.

“Well, how was it?” He asked.

“Really, really good. As weird as it sounds, I could spend the rest of my life getting pounded in the back of that van,” She sighed dreamily.

“Who’s better with their mouth? Nikki or Tommy?”

“Both fantastic in different ways.”

“And you’re dating both of them now, right? Like polygamy?”

“More like polyamory, but we’re trying it out, yeah. It was Tommy’s idea.”

“You know Tommy and Nikki made out earlier?”

“No way! I thought they just kissed!”

“Yeah, way! And Vince said they were both really into it.”

“No way!”

“Is that all you can say?”

“I just can’t believe Nikki really made out with Tommy. Like loving, touching, squeezing made out? Nah.”

“Yeah, Vince called me earlier and said he found Nikki on top of Tommy earlier looking like they were about to get down and dirty, if you know what I mean.”

“I dunno, I don’t think either of them are that secure yet. It’ll probably just be business as usual but with more kissing and touching.”

“Gross.”

“It’s not gross, it’s kind of hot.”

“It’s incestuous!”

“Maybe so, but how many times have you guys seen a pair of twins kissing for your entertainment and thought it was hot?”

“Yeah, true. So are you guys gonna have a threesome?”

“I would think yes, sometime in the foreseeable future.”

“Sick!”

“It’ll be great, I bet. I’m still having a hard time walking from last night.”

“Gross, don’t tell me that!”

“But you’re my gossip buddy! I can’t bottle all this up, it would be unhealthy.”

“Whatever, I’m fine with you three having weird horny adventures as long as we don’t have to find a new drummer or bassist, just be safe, use condoms, you don’t know where those two have been.”

“It’s too late for that, bud.”

“Stop... stop telling me details. I’m leaving, I’ll see you tonight, have fun at work.”

“For sure,” She laughed.

Nikki had gotten up early and had decided to go ahead and get ready and maybe pick up Y/N from work. It took him half an hour to shower, another half hour tease and spray his hair to his specifications, ten minutes to draw on eyeliner evenly, twenty minutes to get into his skin tight leather pants, five to find his platform boots, and one minute to put on his spiderweb shirt and some jewelry. Tommy joined him and for his outfit chose his fishnet shirt and tights, short shorts, and tennis shoes.

“Tommy, don’t wear the tights and booty shorts.”

“I’m wearing the tights and booty shorts. My body, my choice.”

“That’s not what that means, Tommy,” Nikki sighed, sounding exhausted, “Let’s go.”

Tommy happily followed Nikki to the car and the two drove down to the store to distract Y/N from her job. The rhythm section sauntered in and walked behind the counter. Their favorite girl perked up and gave them both a quick kiss on the lips.

“So Nikki,” She began, “How was feeling up Tommy?”

“What? We didn’t— we just kissed— how do you know about that?” The bassist’s cheeks turned a vibrant pink as he stammered.

“Vince is a gossip and said he caught you on top of Tom and Mick asked me about it. But you still didn’t answer my question.”

“He loved it and I sexually awakened him because I am the god of love, baby,” Tommy said arrogantly with a wide grin.

“Calm down Eros. It was alright. I didn’t hate it. I kind of liked it.” Nikki said shortly, glaring at the drummer.

“So... what does this mean?” She asked.

“Are we dating?” Tommy added.

“I don’t know, maybe. We’ll have to give it a trial run before anything is set in stone, but I’m... open to it, let’s say.”

“Awe, Sixx!” Y/N cooed and pulled him down to her height to plant a kiss on his cheek, “Well, anyway, my shift’s about to end if you two wanna stick around for a little bit?”

The two nodded and went to look around the store to see if they could find anything interesting and subtly placing “Too Fast For Love” records in front of every other rock album. Fifteen minutes later, Y/N clocked out and the boys followed her home to her apartment.

“Do you have any spare blow?” Tommy asked, opening and closing all of the drawers in her bedroom in search of a little pick-me-up as Nikki instead chose to smoke a joint on her bed.

“Underwear drawer; top right,” She replied as she tried on and discarded outfits and shoes.

The drummer found a small baggie of white powder an laughed triumphantly, also pulling a lacy red thong and matching bra out of the drawer.

“This is sexy, you should wear it for us sometime,” He winked.

“Mmm, and those shiny black high heels you wore that one time,” Nikki added with a devilish smirk.

“I’ll keep it in mind,” She giggled, “Now what should I wear tonight for the party?”

Nikki got off of the bed and rifled through her closet for a minute. “I think that black dress with the silver zipper looks hot on you. Oh, and the high heel boots.”

“You just want me in heels one way or another, don’t you, Sixx?”

“I am a simple man; I like Colombian cocaine, Tennessee whiskey, and pretty women in sexy high heels,” The bassist replied with a smile, the drummer behind him nodding in agreement.

The musicians watched as their lover got dressed and touched up her makeup, admiring the way the dress Nikki chose hugged her curves and the way she smiled when she put on blush and puckered her lips after she applied lipstick. When she finished with a spritz of perfume, they followed her out to the car and Tommy opened the door for her.

“Alright boys,” She said with a wry smile, “Let’s go make it a night to remember.”

Needless to say, none of them would remember a thing come morning.

Taglist: @jayprettymuchomw @kayladurin @crazysaladchopshop @iamtiber-andtiberismusic @loveofmyloif @saints-of-the-universe @tommyfuckinlee @oh-well1 @cranberribread @princesadeltoro @prostidudes-for-justice @miriampraez @tarahell @n-osebleed @valentines-in-london @bohemian-war @cuntlord0606 @holding-on-to-my-youth

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 23

Y’all, I am so excited to actually have this story arc going on!  I know there isn’t a ton of direct action, but keep in mind: our narrator, Sophia, is essentially a combination of HR and PR.  The actual action doesn’t happen within her wheelhouse, and isn’t in the realm of things she really gets.  So all her information is coming from other people.

We do learn a little more about the Miys in this chapter, though. ;)

BIG thanks on this chapter to my co-author and beta @parisconstantine (AKA @ritualistic-raven), and my friend, supporter, and backup rubber duck @baelpenrose​.  You two are just THE BEST.

By the time Tyche’s group was able to get back to Level One, the majority of the screens had been brought in and were in the process of being set up.  Zach made a beeline to where the ersatz flight deck was being set up, fine tuning and rearranging things to very exacting standards.  In the meantime, we took Derek over to a pile of cushions Grey had sent an administrator for so that he could recover from the crowds and regain the focus he would need in order to align all the video feeds.  Jake dragged another pilot over, a petite woman who had been one of the last two eliminated, and after a few quite words, they started prowling in what looked like a perimeter around Derek, ensuring he was left alone.

Okay, apparently the self-styled ‘Maverick’ wasn’t as much of an asshole as I thought.  

Only sparing a few moments to make sure that both Derek and my sister would be okay, I started evaluating what I could do to assist with the situation.  The truth was, my official capacity was not directly useful to the current situation: Grey, Xiomara, and Pranav had everything as under control as we could get it. However, for the time being, none of the Council was allowed to leave Level One, just as a safety precaution.  Looking around the mostly empty space, with the only furnishings other than currently-useless consoles that the Miys used to navigate being Derek’s pile of bean-bags and pillows, it was a little disheartening.

Maybe I could do something about that.

“Japeth, can I borrow you for a minute,” I asked the Miys.

With a groan it turned to me. “On one condition, Wisdom, and it is non-negotiable, I regret.”

“Oooo-kay?” I asked, confused.  I had never heard it sound so frustrated and upset.

“You must stop calling me Japeth.  That is not my name.  I could tolerate you calling me Noah, because that is a close translation of my actual name into several Terran languages. But I am not Japeth.  The one you would call Japeth is on another ship!” The last part was very distressed.

All I could do was gape at it. “Seriously?”

“I am incredibly sincere, Wisdom. I have tried to explain this on several occasions, but I realize now that I never explained it properly.  My name, the name of all of me, is Miys, which does translate to Noah.  But everyone on board seems to believe that is the name of my species, but it is not.  I can understand the confusion, because the only member of my species you have encountered is myself.  But just as your name is Sofeeya, my name is Miys.  And as you, along with everyone on board the Yjq except myself, are human, I am Hujylsogox.  Rylugs, the one you would call Japeth, is the member of my species who is on the carrier Qomtwin. So, I beg you, do not call me any name other than Miys or Noah.”

“I am so, so sorry,” I whispered in horror, covering my mouth.  “I… I completely misunderstood.  I thought Miys was your species, and that I was essentially just saying ‘Hey you’.  I’m not doing very well with manners for addressing a multi-bodied being, I’m sorry, Miys.”

“I know you meant no ill intent, Wisdom.  And I can hear how remorseful you are, so nothing more needs to be said.  However, if you could please communicate this to everyone, I would be most appreciative.”

“I’ll send out the communication immediately, I give you my word.  Geez, I can’t believe I’ve been so rude, that we’ve been so rude.”

“Single bodied races tend to have difficulty with understanding naming conventions for larger multi-bodied races.  It does happen.  You did not ask me to come over for me to admonish you, though.  I believe you needed something?”

Shaking my head in an attempt to get back on track, I remembered why I needed to speak with it. “Yes, right.  This space is configured for you to navigate the Ark, right?”

“It is,” Miys hummed in confirmation.

“Since the majority of us can’t leave the level for the foreseeable future, would it be okay if I brought in some amenities for us?  Not anything permanent or major.  Somewhere we can sit, tables to eat at, something to sleep on.  And are there any nearby facilities that we can use for hygiene?”

“The nearest human hygiene facilities are four levels below us, on the opposite end of the ship, I regret. While you stated that you are not requesting any permanent changes, I am willing to have communal ‘bathrooms’ installed on this level, instead.  Food consoles would be more difficult; would it be satisfactory if I retrieve the meals myself, instead?  Since I cannot pilot the Ark, currently, there is a significant part of myself that has no tasks to perform.”

“I really do not want to ask you to – serve us, Miys.” I was making a conscious effort to use their name, now that I knew that is what I was actually doing. “Truthfully, in times like this, that is what the assistants to the Council are for.”

“Then I shall escort them. I do not like the idea that someone sabotaged what is, in truth, a mission to conserve their own species.  I have made many friends among the humans on this ship, and I would like to protect them.”

I honestly had no argument for that, and the smug sounding chirp from Miys told me they knew that. “Okay, so that’s decided apparently. Are the furnishings okay?”

“Once it is determined how much of the deck will be taken up by navigational systems, we can decide that. There may be insufficient room. In that event, there are cargo areas nearby that can serve temporarily.”

“How near?” I was worried about travelling back and forth.

“This space constitutes half of Level One.  The other half is made up of three cargo areas, one of which is where the hygiene facilities will be installed.  The other two can serve as sleeping areas if necessary.”

I was starting to believe I would never fully understand the scope of just how large the Ark was.  The room we were in – what I thought was the entirety of Level One – was the size of a football field.  To know that it was only half of the level was mind-boggling. “I want to say I doubt we will need the additional space, but I see your point.  How about a compromise: we need seating and eating areas as soon as possible.  Since the navigational systems are already being set up against one wall, can we at least have tables and chairs at the other end?”

“That would be acceptable. Everyone is already anxious and tired; from my understanding of humans, this can lead to shortened tempers and increased likelihood of altercations over minor causes.”

“Thank you.  I promise, as soon as we are able to get the sensors back on line we will remove the furniture.  Maybe even sooner, if it turns out we need to use the cargo holds after all.”

While I discussed what we would need with Arantxa, Derek had recovered enough to start getting the signals aligned to the monitors.  Zach relayed any feedback to Pranav regarding adjustments that needed to be made at each individual camera, either to reduce lag in the feed or because Maverick requested minute adjustments in the camera angle so that he would have the best possible visual field for piloting.  As the camera feeds slowly started to come online, a handful of the pilots on deck started comparing what they could see to what could be translated from Miys’ star charts.

Once furniture was organized and Hunyh sent his people along with several of Miys escorting them, I started broadcasting updates from my data screen to the rest of the ship, explaining the situation in hopes to reduce panic.  The deliberate sabotage to the sensors was left out, but anything that the Council agreed would not put the Ark and those on board in danger was explained for the benefit of everyone.  It took several hours, most of those answering questions from worried people on board, but eventually I was able to take a break and collapse in a commandeered chair and gulp down some tea.  Thankfully, Arantxa had steadily been capturing each question that I answered and set the in a sort of FAQ list, providing me with a break.  “Any updates from the flight crew?” I asked, rubbing my temples. I jerked as I felt something brush against my neck, only to give a relieved smile to my sister when I realized she had stuck an analgesic on me.  “Thanks,” I whispered.

“The good news is, they have determined where we are and we aren’t very far off course.  We were lucky to drop into sub-light speed near a single star system, and based on the Ark’s course, there is only one that we should be even remotely near.  It is an uninhabited system, with a dying star.  The Miys were able to explain that the system has never shown any signs of being inhabited.  There are only three planets, all gaseous mega-giants, but all of them have rocky satellites, so there is hope that we can get the materials needed to repair the sensors.”

“Worst case scenario, if we don’t find the resources?”

“We find another system and keep trying, apparently,” she sighed, leaning back in her seat. “According to Grey and Eino, even humans cannot fly by dead reckoning at FTL speeds, because you are literally outrunning the information needed. Noah confirmed this is accurate for all sighted species so far.”

“Okay, then let’s hope for the best and prepare for the worst.  You said that’s the good news.  Does that mean there is bad news?”

“Only less good news,” my sister took over.  “The flight controls we have on hand are designed for multi-limbed species, so we had to pick a second pilot.  Maverick – dumbest nickname ever, but whatever – insisted on Evania ‘Evan’ Josue, the woman who was helping him drive people off from Derek.  The other pilot who was eliminated with her is apparently better, but has a history of violence against Okima, so we agreed on Evan since Maverick is literally the only pilot on board with experience flying in zero-gee.”

“So Captain Cocky picks fights, too?”

“Um… not really?  He gets beat up a lot, apparently.”

I groaned and put my head down on my arms. “I really do not need another stray right now.  Nope, I’m not collecting any more people until after this whole thing is behind us.”  With a sigh, I sat back up.  “Okay, so how long until Maverick puts his money where his mouth is?”

Tyche and Arantxa glanced at each other before breaking into howls of laughter.  Instead of their reply, Zach flopped down in the nearest available seat, chewing on something. “About two hours ago, Soph.  You were so busy, you totally missed it,” he mumbled around a mouthful of food. “Mochi?” he offered nonchalantly, holding out a small server with a precarious pile of snacks.

“Wait, how did I miss this?” I cried, looking at the two women whose laughter was dying down to gasps.

“For all that he has the social graces of a starving dog, turns out that ‘Maverick’ over there pilots with the delicacy and precision of a surgeon,” my sister gasped. “You would think he and Evan share the same brain from how in synch they are with each other. Estimates are hopeful that we should have what we need within a week, two at the outside.”

“Still, you could have told me,” I grumbled.

“You were essentially live-streaming for six solid hours.  There really wasn’t a chance,” she explained, still laughing slightly.

All I could do was shake my head at her. “Whatever. Okay, how are the living arrangements going?” I asked, glancing at Arantxa.

“As you can see, food is being brought in, and tables and chairs are set up in here.  Bathrooms are still in the basic stages – we have a couple toilets and showers, and waiting lists for both until more are installed.  Sleeping space ended up being in one of the cargo holds and we’re setting up more in the other one.  Fortunately, the hold is pretty tall, so we’ve got scaffolding set up for extra space.  Nothing fancy, just some futons on any available flat surface.  But it’s something,” she shrugged.

“At least there’s that,” I conceded.  “All right. Take a break, get some rest Arantxa.  We’re about half way into Gamma shift, so you should have been off work ages ago.  I’m going to go find Xiomara, see what she can tell me.”

“You don’t gotta find her,” Zach interjected after swallowing yet another rice cake. “She’s over one the ‘flight deck’.” He wiggled his fingers in air quotes and jerked his head toward the other end of the room before holding out the now-smaller pile of treats. “And seriously, you gotta eat something.”

“Thanks,” I murmured before grabbing a couple mochi and setting off.  I stopped off to get a couple servers of tea and took them with me over to the area where the navigation equipment was set up.  

Xiomara gratefully took the beverage I handed to her. “I have never been so grateful for your mother hen tendencies as I was when I saw food and drinks coming in.”

I snorted. “It’s literally my job. Food, board, and recreation all report up to me.”

“Which is totally not because you adopt people at random and insist on taking care of them.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I insisted. “Any updates on your end?”

“Way to be a buzzkill. Yeah, we got everything up and running,” she nodded to the near-silent group of pilots and navigators.  “If it weren’t for the history as a fighter pilot, I would think ‘Maverick’ is an ironic nickname.  He’s got to be the most conservative pilot I’ve ever seen.”

“Have you seen many?” I asked, curious.

“Loads.  I served in the Global Terran Navy, mostly on aircraft carriers.  Usually, fighter pilots act like they are invincible and own the skies.  But, even knowing that there are shields in place to repel debris, he’s flying like the Ark is made of tissue paper,” she made a sweeping gesture at Maverick and Evan.

“I can hear you, you realize?” He called without looking away from the screens.  “And of course, I’m good at flying.  It’s my fixation, and probably the only thing I’m good at.” My heart wanted to break at that, especially when I remembered the comment earlier about how ‘most of us’ didn’t get often have people in their corner that supported and defended them.  Even worse was how matter-of-fact and distracted he sounded when he said it.

“ETA is about six more hours before we get to Eenie,” Xiomara changed the topic, clearing her throat in embarrassment.  “We can start looking for resources when we get to the closest moon around it.”

“Eenie?” I asked skeptically, assuming it was a joke.

“Three planets in the system, no actual names, just catalogue numbers.  We’ve been calling them Eenie, Meenie, and Miney for sake of ease,” she shrugged. “Moe is the star.”

“How are we supposed to find resources if we don’t have working sensors?” I asked, shaking my head at the absurd logic of planetary nomenclature.

“Drone probes and old-fashioned core samples,” Grey answered from where they had approached behind Xiomara.  I had never seen them look so exhausted and rumpled. “We’ll cannibalize the entire core samples, putting anything not needed for the sensors into ship’s stores, replenishing resources we’ve used by being on board the Ark.”

“Gotcha,” I nodded. “All right then, I’m going to snag some food and a nap. I’m beat.”  Cuddles would have been nice, too, but Derek had commandeered my cat for the duration, and I really could not fault him for that.

“I think we all should do the same,” Xiomara nodded, suppressing a yawn. “Maverick, Evan, are you two good?”

“Have to be, Councillor,” Evan answered with flat certainty.  “With no sensors, the ship can’t fly on autopilot.  Once we get to Eenie, Maverick and I can grab some sleep while the drone pilots take over harvesting core samples. Councillor Ranganathan’s folks already wired the probes up for video-cast, so they’ll be ready to go when we need them.  Their pilots are sleeping now, then they’ll come on at Alpha shift commencement.”

“Works for me, Evan,” my fellow Councilor replied, rubbing her temples. “Definitely time for the rest of us to grab some sleep while we have the chance.”

I didn’t need to be told twice.

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[chocolatequeennk]

Taking Time, 1/5

Summary: Their year with the Master left wounds deeper than they wanted to admit, but now, the Doctor and Rose are ready to take the time necessary to heal.

This is part of the Being to Timelessness ‘verse, falling in between Voyage of the Damned and S4. There’s a lot of emotional hurt/comfort as they work through the trauma caused by the Year That Never Was.

Also, more than any other piece in the series, this one assumes you have read everything that came before it. Chapter 1 especially will leave you confused if you have not read Hope is Where Forever Begins.

If you’re not familiar with the novel, the past adventure the Doctor references towards the end of this chapter is from Winner Takes All, a Nine/Rose novel.

AO3 | FF.NET | TSP | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5

Chapter 1: Forever Begins Anew

The Doctor and Rose drifted in the Vortex for a while after Christmas, but it didn’t take long for Rose’s earlier restlessness to come back. She loved the TARDIS and she loved exploring the ship—alone or with the Doctor—but she wanted to feel real sunshine on her face again.

She tried not to let the Doctor sense her dissatisfaction. His trauma had been worse than hers; if he still needed more time safe at home, she didn’t want to make him feel like he had to leave before he was ready.

But it’s almost impossible to hide from someone who can literally feel everything you feel. It’s even harder when they know you as well as the Doctor knew Rose.

He brought it up one night while she was washing her face before bed. “So, what’s bothering you?”

Rose’s hand clenched momentarily around her flannel. “Not bothering, really,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “I’d just like to get out of the TARDIS for a bit. Feel the ground beneath my feet, the sun on my face, that kind of thing.”

She heard the familiar double thud when he tossed his Chucks into the corner. “That might be nice,” he agreed, though she heard the reservations in his voice. “As long as we stayed somewhere safe…”

Rose hung the flannel up and went back into their bedroom. “Believe me, I’m nowhere near ready to contemplate the possibility of losing you,” she told him. The strap on her nightgown slipped off her shoulder and she pushed it back up. “I definitely want to stick to safe destinations for the foreseeable future.”

The Doctor smiled at her. “I guess we can’t be travellers if we don’t travel. Tomorrow I’ll take us somewhere for a holiday,” he promised as he hung his jacket up and tossed his shirt into the laundry.

Rose sighed, and the Doctor tilted his head to look at her more closely. Somehow, his offer to take them someplace hadn’t been what she’d wanted to hear, but he didn’t understand why not.

She leaned against the doorjamb and picked at the hem of her pale blue silky nightgown. “Would you mind… Do you think I could choose a place, and get it all arranged? It’s just… you always make all of our plans.”

The Doctor tugged on his ear. He’d never considered that Rose might not like the way he was constantly choosing places for them to go, without much input from her. Has she been unhappy with our life for ages, and just didn’t know how to tell me?

Rose crossed the room and took his hand. “I don’t mind, Doctor, really,” she assured him. “You’ve seen so many places, and I love that you’re always wanting to take me someplace new.”

The knot in the Doctor’s chest eased; showing Rose the universe was one of the ways he told her he loved her. Letting that go would have been hard, but he would have done it if it truly made her uncomfortable.

“I know, Doctor,” she said, in answer to his unspoken thought. “I just want to do the same thing for you. And maybe…” She sighed and ran her hand through her hair. “Maybe I want to do all the planning for once, to prove to myself that I’m really your partner, and not just a passenger like he said I was.”

The Doctor bit his tongue to hold back the reassurances that sprung to his lips. Rose didn’t need to hear him tell her that she was more than just a passenger. He’d told her that so many times since they’d gotten home, and she still struggled to believe it. She needed to do something to prove it to herself, like she said.

“All right.” He lay down in bed and waited for her to join him. “Unless we use the randomiser, I always know where we’re going. It’ll be fun to have a mystery trip.”

oOoOoOoOo

After breakfast, Rose made the Doctor wait in the library while she and the TARDIS selected the perfect date for the trip she had in mind and placed their reservation online. Then she made a quick landing to pick up the keys before sending the TARDIS back into the Vortex and asking the Doctor to join her in the console room.

He was already in his overcoat, and he tossed a bag down by the door before sitting on the jump seat and propping his feet up on the console. “Ready to go?”

Rose pulled the monitor around so he couldn’t read the coordinates, then twirled and danced around the console as she started the dematerialisation process. She nudged the Doctor’s feet out of the way with her hip, and he laughed when she winked at him and shot him her version of his manic grin.

“Ready, love?” she asked, her hand resting on the dematerialisation lever.

“Oh, yes,” he agreed, feeling the familiar tingle of excitement course through him.

Rose threw the lever and laughed when the TARDIS immediately knocked her to the ground. “She’s even flying the way she does when you’re in charge of the trip!” she crowed. “Oh, I love you, you gorgeous thing.”

“Oi! Watch it, or I’ll get jealous.”

She peered at the Doctor over the edge of the console. “You’re joking, right? Do you have any idea how often you tell the TARDIS you love her?” The ship hummed happily as she landed lightly, and they both chuckled at the ridiculous conversation.

Rose jumped to her feet and jogged to the doors. “There could be anything on the other side of these doors,” she said dramatically. “Alien civilisations… ancient ruins… a really big rock…”

The Doctor rolled his eyes and reached around her to open the door. He froze as soon as he registered where they were.

“Or…” Rose murmured. “It could be Esperas. Because hope is where forever begins.”

That same hope worked its way through his hearts, pulling away some of the anxiety he’d still harboured about stepping out of the TARDIS. He hadn’t been sold on the idea, but here on Esperas, he finally let go of those fears.

Rose picked up the bigger-on-the-inside bag he’d packed, and they stepped out of the TARDIS together. Another piece of the Doctor’s tension eased when he saw the trees were covered with dainty pink and white blossoms. Spring. Rose was giving them a new beginning.

Birds sang merrily as they flew around the treetops, and the Doctor reached up and plucked a handful of blossoms from a low-hanging branch. He smiled down at Rose as he placed one in his buttonhole, letting her feel how much he was looking forward to this visit. He never would have considered coming back to Esperas, even though this was one of his happiest memories.

Rose turned her head and kissed his wrist as he carefully tucked a flower behind her ear. “There. Now we match,” he told her quietly.

She snagged his hand and tugged him down the tree-lined path. “Come on. You haven’t seen the best part yet,” she told him.

The Doctor didn’t know how the trip could be more perfect, but then they turned a corner and he spotted the cottage they’d stayed in on their honeymoon. The mums in the flower boxes had been replaced by geraniums, and there was a bed of purple and pink tulips in between the garden path and the front of the house, but it was definitely the same place.

What little anxiety Rose had felt over her choice of destination melted away when the Doctor bent down and kissed her. He pulled back before she could get lost in his touch and bounced on his toes.

“Well, Rose Tyler? You’re in charge; are you going to show me our luxury accommodations?”

Rose laughed and led him down the path, just as excited by the cottage as she had been the first time they’d visited Esperas. After unlocking the door, she flung her arm out, gesturing to the inside of the cottage. “Only our finest for you, Sir Doctor. Does it meet your expectations?”

The Doctor stepped inside, and Rose giggled when he stuck his nose in the air and pretended to inspect the interior of the cottage, running his fingers over the mantel, poking his head in the empty refrigerator, and turning the water on in the bathroom. Finally, he threw himself onto the bed and crossed his arms behind his head.

“Yes, I think this will do quite nicely.”

Rose basked in his happiness and understood better than ever why the Doctor loved those first few moments on a new planet. His excitement made all the effort she’d gone to to set up this trip worthwhile.

“Well, come on then.” She dropped their bag by the door, then took his hand and pulled him to his feet. “We need to get to town before the shops close so we can get food for the week.”

Back on the road that led to the nearby village, they took turns pointing out familiar landmarks and the subtle differences the change of seasons had wrought. When they reached what had been the festival grounds, Rose was surprised to find it was planted with alfalfa.

“Well, Ricard the grumpy hayride driver had to get his hay from somewhere,” the Doctor pointed out. The twinkle in his eyes contradicted his serious tone, and Rose laughed and elbowed him in the side.

To her surprise, the shopkeeper recognised them. With the life they led, that happened so rarely that she almost wasn’t sure how to respond, and ended up just waving awkwardly.

“I didn’t expect that,” she muttered to the Doctor as they filled a basket with bread, meat, and produce.

The Doctor added a bottle of wine and a carton of milk. “How long has it been since we were here?”

“Just last autumn. I wanted it to still feel like the Esperas we remembered.”

A moment later, she felt his gentle touch over the bond. She knew he’d opted for the telepathic caress mostly because his hands were full, but after months of being cut off from each other, they both craved the private contact even more than they had before. Rose met his gaze and let his touch wash over her before she reached out and returned it.

“Still as lost in each other as always, I see.”

Rose started at the shopkeeper’s voice and was just a touch resentful when the Doctor’s hazy eyes cleared. She took a deep breath and swallowed the snappish comment on the tip of her tongue, then put a smile on her face.

“I’m hoping that part never changes,” she said honestly as she set their purchases down on the counter.

The woman chuckled merrily. “I’ve been married twenty years and my Thom still makes my heart skip.” She shook out a bag and started loading up their groceries while she rang them up. “The honeymoon glow fades, eventually, but the warmth it leaves behind is even better.”

When she’d added up all their purchases and read off the total, Rose took the bag while the Doctor handed her enough coins to cover it.

“Take care now,” the woman said. “And come back if you need anything else.”

Rose smiled, then reached automatically for the Doctor’s hand as they left the shop. “And again, Esperas lives up to its name,” she told him quietly as they strolled down the street.

“That’s not the kind of hope the original settlers had in mind, but it was lovely, wasn’t it?” the Doctor agreed.

Before Rose could answer, a familiar scent tickled her nose, and her stomach growled in anticipation. “Ooh, kebabs!” She dragged the Doctor down the street to a vendor selling the spicy food from a cart. “Can we, Doctor? Then we wouldn’t have to cook tonight.”  

Fifteen minutes later, they were on their way back to their cottage, each enjoying a wrapped kebab. Rose sighed as she caught sight of the pinkish sunset. This had been a nearly perfect day, and it would only get better.

oOoOoOoOo

Rose’s whimpering woke the Doctor up, and he shook her shoulder in a motion that had become entirely too practiced. When she didn’t wake up right away, he nudged her over the bond, and that seemed to pull her out of the nightmare. He sat up and reached for the glass of water they’d put by the bed while she gasped and wiped tears from her eyes.

“I didn’t think I’d have nightmares here,” she said, her voice a little husky from the tears. She took another sip of the water and sighed.  

The hopeless sound made tears spring to the Doctor’s own eyes, and he wiped them away as surreptitiously as possible. “Why not?”

Rose shrugged and handed him the glass. “It was more of a hope than anything. But everything here is so peaceful, I just thought…”

The Doctor nodded. He understood what she meant, even if the logic wasn’t completely sound. He looked at her for a long moment, considering his next words.

In her dream, the Master had taunted her with what he claimed was evidence the Doctor hadn’t really wanted to marry her. The evidence he gave was ridiculous, as happens so often in dreams. However, Rose had had variations of this particular dream several times since they’d been reunited, and the Doctor suspected it had some basis in reality.

“Want to talk about it?”

Rose crossed her arms over her chest, and he knew she understood that he meant the actual events, not the dream. “It was… he would…” She shuddered, and he reached for her, encouraging her to lean against his chest. “I don’t want to tell you,” she whispered. “It would hurt you.”

The Doctor reached out and wiped at her damp cheeks. “Knowing you’re upset hurts me more than anything he could say,” he promised her.

For a long moment, he didn’t know if he’d convinced her, but then she started talking again. “He said… that the only reason you fell in love with me was because I met you after the War, after there were no other real Time Lords left.”

The Doctor clenched his jaw. “You mean, like you were some sort of consolation prize I allowed myself after killing my entire planet?” he said, his voice harsher than he meant for it to be.

Rose drew another shuddering breath and nodded. “Yeah. He said that… that if Gallifrey were still around, you would have chosen a real Time Lord.”

The Doctor couldn’t withhold the curse that spilled from his lips. “Clearly, Koschei was losing his memory,” he spat out. “I hadn’t wanted anything to do with so-called real Time Lords in centuries. I regret killing them all, and I hate the way it feels to be the last one, but that doesn’t mean I would have wanted to be saddled with one as a bond mate.”

He brushed his knuckles over Rose’s cheek and smiled when she leaned into his touch. And I never met anyone, human, Time Lord, or otherwise, that I wanted to share a marriage bond with—until I met you.

She smiled weakly, and he pressed a kiss to her trembling lips. I love you, Rose.

The words eased her mind for now, but he knew they were far from done. He didn’t say anything about how this was the fourth time this week he’d had to calm her from a nightmare. She knew as well as he did that their night terrors were unrelenting.

He laid them back down and Rose cuddled closer to his side. “Tell me what you were like when you left Gallifrey,” she requested. “What regeneration were you on?”

The Doctor chuckled. “My very first. By Gallifreyan standards, I was still in my youth, though my body had aged to look about sixty to a human.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Rose remembered. “Ian and Barbara said you travelled with your granddaughter.” She looked up at him. “Were you really as grumpy as they claim?”

The Doctor tugged on his ear. “Worse, I’m afraid. Like so many young people trying to seem important to those around them, I bragged about myself and my accomplishments and belittled those around me.”

Rose hummed, and he could feel her falling back asleep. “I’d like to meet that you,” she said drowsily. “I bet you were all prickly on the outside, but soft on the inside.”

She fell asleep before he could counter that assumption, leaving the Doctor to lie awake imagining how each version of himself would react if they met Rose.

oOoOoOoOo

After breakfast the next morning, the Doctor and Rose found a trail that ran alongside the creek that was behind the cottage. “Where do you think it goes?” Rose asked.

“Only one way to find out.” He took her hand and wiggled his eyebrows goofily. “Allons-y, Rose Tyler!”

Following an unfamiliar trail on a safe planet wouldn’t usually feel like an adventure to them, but today, it felt like the first step toward getting their lives back. Their hands swung freely between them as they walked, and when the trail was blocked by a large tree, they laughed and helped each other over it.

“Do you know, Doctor?” Rose said as they walked over a stone bridge that crossed the creek. “Travelling with you—I love it.”

He stopped and let go of her hand to tug on his ear. “Do you really?” he asked, his voice going a little squeaky. “Even though… I mean… welllll… we don’t always end up in the best places, do we?”

Rose blinked up at him. This was an issue she hadn’t anticipated. “I really do,” she promised. “Because even if things go badly, we’re there together.” He raised his eyebrow doubtfully, and she shook her head. “Remember? Stuck with you—that’s not so bad.”

She could tell he wasn’t wholly convinced, but considering the way he purposely started looking around them, she knew he was ready to move on. “Oh, look! A mellora bush.” He let go of her hand and jogged over to a large bush laden with fruit that looked like blueberries, only a little smaller and a little redder.

Rose joined him and accepted a handful of the violet fruit. The Doctor tossed one into his mouth and chewed it quickly, and his blissful smile convinced Rose to try one too. When she bit into it, sweet juice flowed over her tongue, and without meaning to, she moaned in delight. The closest Earth fruit she could think of was a cherry, maybe with a little raspberry and blueberry flavours mixed in.

“It seems a bit early in the season for something to be ready to pick,” she observed after eating a few more.

The Doctor had found a paper bag in his pocket and filled it with the fruit, and now they were walking again, snacking as they went. “Well, mellora is a winter plant,” he explained. “The berries appear on the bushes in mid-autumn, and then the plant goes dormant for the winter. That allows the sugars to crystallise, which makes the fruit even sweeter when it’s ripe in early spring.”

He licked his fingers clean and tucked the bag away in his coat pocket before he reached for her hand. When he felt the sticky juice coating her fingers, he automatically brought them to his mouth too, only realising how intimate a gesture that was when he heard Rose’s breath catch in her throat. The desire in her eyes pulled him in, and he held her gaze as he sucked the last of the juice from her purple-stained fingertips.

“Doctor,” she breathed.

Her dark eyes and parted lips invited him to taste the fruit straight from her mouth, but something—his impish humour, perhaps, or maybe a distant awareness that they were on a public path, even though they were alone—encouraged him to pull away instead. He dropped her hand and rocked back on his heels. “I love mellora juice,” he said cheerfully. “Best thing in the galaxy.”

Rose narrowed her eyes. “Is it?”

He felt his hearts pound at the seductive purr in her simple question. How did he always forget she gave as good as she got when he started teasing her?

You don’t forget, his subconscious told him. That’s why you tease her in the first place.

Rose smirked, and he knew she’d picked up on that thought. “Then I think you’d like it fresh even better.”

The Doctor watched, open-mouthed, as she held up the last fruit that she still had in her other hand and tossed it into her mouth. Then she grabbed his tie and surged up on her toes to press her lips to his. His hands landed on her hips automatically, bringing her body closer to his as he accepted her kiss, eager for more than just another taste of the juice.

He groaned deep in his throat when she slid her tongue into his mouth. Mellora juice was fantastic, but it was even better combined with Rose.

Rose… you always taste so good.

She grabbed onto his collar and deepened the kiss. Me or the juice?

The Doctor growled and nipped at her lip in response to that cheek. Then he ran his hand through her hair and adjusted the angle of the kiss, stroking his tongue against hers as he swept into her mouth.

It was Rose’s turn to moan then as they enjoyed the last fruit together. Doctor… She swayed against him, and he tightened the arm around her waist to hold her upright.

The sound of children laughing pulled them out of their intimate moment, and Rose broke the kiss and rested her head on the Doctor’s chest just in time to see a group of schoolchildren race each other down the path. By the time the kids had passed them by, their heart rates had slowed back down to normal.

The Doctor chuckled and planted a kiss on Rose’s forehead. “Let’s get into town. We can come back to our mutual enjoyment of the local fruit later.”

oOoOoOoOo

The path eventually took them to a larger town they’d heard locals refer to on their previous visit. Rose loved the little village that hosted the Rikolto festival in autumn, but it was fascinating to see a bit more of the local culture.

They’d been wandering the busy market town for almost an hour when the Doctor’s eyes lit up. Rose tried to look over her shoulder to see what had excited him so much, but he quickly grabbed her and pulled her around the corner.

“No, no,” he said quickly. “It’s a surprise, all right, Rose? Just stay here and I’ll be back before you know it.”

Rose tilted her head and bit her lip. On one hand, she still wasn’t keen on the idea of letting him out of her sight on an alien world. On the other, his excitement was hard to deny, and it wasn’t like Esperas was teeming with danger. Finally, she nodded, and he beamed in response.

“I’ll be right back—I promise.” The Doctor leaned down and kissed her quickly, and she hummed in contentment as she watched him wander into the crowd.

A few minutes later, she felt an echo in their bond, just like she had… She straightened and looked around. Just like she had when the younger Doctor had appeared on the TARDIS.

On a busy street, it should have been impossible to pick out the one man who would become her bond mate, but it only took Rose a moment to settle on a white-haired gentleman. He stood off to the side a ways, his hands on the lapels of his black coat as he eyed the crowd with a sharp gaze.

Rose worked her way down the street until she was only five feet away from him. Now that she was almost face-to-face with him, she was positive this was the Doctor. There was something about his eyes…

“It is exceptionally rude of you to stare at a stranger like that, young lady,” he said suddenly.

“And you’d be the expert on rudeness, I suppose?” Rose shot back.

He turned and looked at her, but Rose gave him a cheeky smile in response to his frown. His hazel eyes narrowed and he studied her carefully.

“Who are you?” he asked finally. “You seem familiar, but I am certain I would remember your impertinence if we had met before.”

Rose laughed. “Oh, Doctor. I would ask which regeneration you’re on, but I can already tell—this is your first body, isn’t it? You haven’t regenerated yet at all.”

His eyes had widened in shock when she mentioned regeneration, and now he grabbed his lapels again and rocked back on his heels.

“You’re from my future,” he deduced. “But who are you? My telepathy is weak, but the way you feel… you belong in my mind, the way another Time Lord would. And yet I cannot imagine any of my compatriots daring to leave Gallifrey behind.”

Rose’s Doctor had been eavesdropping on the conversation from the moment the past Doctor had spoken to Rose. What should I say? Rose asked him now.

You can tell him, he assured her. You’ll probably need to tell him something so he understands that he needs to forget, actually.

Rose raised an eyebrow; she hadn’t considered that. He was right, though—without understanding who she was, it would be difficult to convince the Doctor to hide the memory of meeting her.

She took a breath and looked at the younger, older-looking Doctor. “Can’t you think of another reason why I might feel like I belong in your mind?”

He pursed his lips, and a moment later, Rose felt him prodding at their bond. She could tell the exact moment he identified the nature of their connection, because he pulled back so abruptly it gave her a slight headache.

Rose rubbed at her temple, then waved at him. “Hello, Doctor. It’s lovely to meet you… for the first time.”

She could feel his impulse to argue, and she remembered what her Doctor had said about his first incarnation being grumpy and determined to convince everyone else of his importance.

“You can just forget about all the reasons why you won’t form a marriage bond, Doctor,” she said quickly. The wounds left by the Master were still too tender for her to listen to that logic yet again. “Suffice to say, a few things change in the next millennium, and by the time we meet, your opinions have shifted.”

The Doctor swayed slightly. “Millennium?” he repeated faintly. “Are you that far in my future, then?”

Rose tilted her head, trying to figure out what emotion he was attempting to hide from her. When his gaze skittered away from her, she finally recognised it—disappointment.

“Oh, Doctor.” She reached out and pulled one of his hands away from his lapel, holding it between both of her own. “You have so much ahead of you. Why—” She cut herself off and narrowed her eyes at him. “Promise me you’re going to bury this memory, or I won’t tell you anything else.”

“Impertinent!” he scoffed. “I am a Time Lord, my dear. I live with a constant awareness of future events.”

“Yeah, not this time,” Rose disagreed. “Not of your own life.” She stared him down. “If you don’t promise to make yourself forget, I’ll have to do it myself. I don’t want to, but you can’t know me when we actually meet.”

The Doctor tried to glare her into submission, but his attempt had nothing on the ice blue stare of Rose’s first Doctor.  Not to mention, in the five years she’d travelled with him, she’d encountered several things far more threatening than the teenaged version of her bond mate’s attempt at intimidation.

Rose merely crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow in reply. “It’s your choice, Doctor,” she said calmly. “Do you promise to make yourself forget?”

He huffed and shifted his weight from one foot to the other before finally scowling and nodding his head. “You are the most stubborn woman I have ever met.”

Rose smiled at him, letting her tongue peek through her teeth. “According to my Doctor, my stubbornness is one of the things you love the most about me.”

She felt the shock roll off him, and waited patiently for him to finish sputtering his protests. When he was done explaining that marriage bonds had nothing to do with love, she patted him on the arm. “But wouldn’t it be lovely if they did?”

A distant look entered his hazel eyes, and she knew he was trying to imagine the possibility. After a moment, a faint hint of a smile crossed his face, and he looked at her again. “Indeed it would, my dear. And I think I will enjoy meeting you when the time comes, so I can be proven wrong in so many things.”

Rose laughed. “Oh, I don’t know, Doctor. You still don’t like to be proven wrong. After all, regeneration doesn’t really change who you are on the inside.”

The Doctor shook his head insistently, then took her hand and brushed a kiss over her knuckles. “I assure you, my dear Rose, in this particular instance I will be delighted to be wrong.”

Rose blushed as he dropped her hand and started to walk away. Despite his attempts to act like a grouchy old man, there was an innocence in this Doctor that would be gone by the time she met him. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why, but that didn’t make it any easier to see the Doctor before the war. There was so much he didn’t know…

And so much he hasn’t forgotten.

“Doctor!” Rose called out. She had a question only he could answer.

oOoOoOoOo

That night for supper, the Doctor finally followed through on a promise made on their first trip to Esperas, and taught Rose how to make pasta. “What did you think of the old me?” the Doctor asked as he supervised her pasta preparation.

Rose leaned back and blew a piece of hair out of her face, and he took over cutting the dough and shaping it. “Not nearly as grumpy as you and Barbara made yourself out to be.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “Rose, I called you rude just for looking at me.”

She shrugged. “You were confused because you could tell there was something funny going on, telepathically,” she countered. “You couldn’t tell what it was, but there was something different going on in your mind, and that’s enough to make anyone tetchy.”

He shook his head. “I’m amazed, as always, love—sometimes, I think you understand me better than I do myself.”

“It’s a benefit of being a semi-objective presence in your mind.” She nudged him with her elbow and got a smile out of him. “What can I do, since you’re working on that now?”

The Doctor nodded at the cutting board where he’d started dicing and chopping the vegetables. “Get the rest of the veg cut up,” he requested. “We’re going to make pasta primavera tonight.”

Rose started with the onion, blinking back the tears that welled up immediately. As she worked, she sought a different topic. She’d asked the younger Doctor to conceal the memory of the last part of their conversation for a bit longer, and that would be wasted if her Doctor picked up on the final question she’d asked.

“So, when are you going to tell me what you bought?” she asked as she sliced the onion.

“That is a surprise for later.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him, the rumbly note in his voice tipping her off to his meaning. “Dinner before dessert?” He laughed, and for a moment, she was lost in the happiness that sparkled in his eyes.

“Something like that,” he agreed. “So maybe we should hustle with our dinner preparation so we can move on to dessert.”

They tantalised each other with barely-there touches and quick kisses while they finished cooking, just enough to keep their awareness of each other high. By the time they sat down, Rose was torn between enjoying the meal and her eagerness for dessert. Meeting the Doctor’s bedroom eyes over the candle in the middle of the table didn’t help curb her impatience one whit.

His eyes laughed at her over the rim of his wine glass. “Eat your dinner, love. Your surprise won’t spoil if we wait a few more minutes.”

Rose huffed. “Just a bit ago, you were the one encouraging me to hurry up with all the slice and dice stuff so we could get to dessert, and now you’re all, ‘Patience is a virtue, love.’ Make up your mind, Doctor.”

In response, he wrapped his tongue sensuously around one of the grape tomatoes. Rose arched an eyebrow as she considered her next move.

After a moment, she dipped her index finger—still stained from mellora juice—into her wine, then brought her finger to her lips and sucked the drop of liquid off her fingertip. She met his gaze boldly as she swirled her tongue around her finger, not even pretending innocence.

The Doctor swallowed hard, but still remained resolutely in his chair, stabbing at the pasta on his plate. Rose pressed her lips together, then used her final tool of persuasion.

Desire hummed over their bond, and Rose reached for it, running a telepathic caress over the cord that bound them together. The pleasure moved in both ways, and she swallowed back the moan that threatened to give her away as her need for him tightened low in her belly.

“Right!” The Doctor’s voice was squeaky and his ears were red when he jumped from his chair. “Give me five minutes, and I’ll have everything ready.”

Rose leaned back in her chair and watched with a satisfied smirk as he darted out of the room. He disappeared so quickly that she didn’t really have a chance to enjoy the way his bum looked in the tight blue trousers, but she had plenty of memories to draw on—memories she made sure to share with him in vivid detail as she cleared the table.

She felt his low growl of frustration over the bond, but before she could feel too smug, he let her see the way his mind wandered every time her smile teased him with her tongue. Seeing just one of his fantasies about her tongue sent a jolt of longing through her that nearly made her knees buckle. Rose grabbed onto the edge of the counter and breathed heavily. Are you ready yet?

Almost. His smugness would have been unbearable if she hadn’t been so turned on. Getting a little impatient, are we?

Rose groaned and dropped the pasta pot into the sink with more force than was necessary. Just hurry up, she ordered.

She’d just put the last of the leftovers away and set the dishes in the sink to soak when the Doctor beckoned for her to join him in the bathroom. A glimmer of an idea occurred to Rose, and the wisps of steam seeping out around the bathroom door confirmed her suspicion. She only hesitated for a second before quickly stripping down to her bra and knickers—once she was in the same room as the Doctor, she didn’t think either of them would want to waste time undressing each other.

The scene when she opened the bathroom door was both exactly what she’d expected, and more than what she’d expected. The Doctor was in just his pants, obviously aroused and somehow managing to look sexy as hell as he leaned against the wall by the tub.

“Join me in the bath, love?” he asked, his voice husky.

That was all what Rose had expected. But instead of smelling like banana, the entire room was filled with the fragrance of mellora. She moaned when she breathed it in, remembering how strongly the Doctor had reacted to his wedding present. If the mellora products were anywhere near as good as the banana ones…

“I thought you’d never ask.” Rose took off her underwear, feeling heat surge through her when the Doctor’s desire spiked.

As she climbed into the bath with her Doctor, Rose considered that as delicious as the berries were, it was almost too bad she’d never be able to taste them without the memories of today arousing her immediately.

oOoOoOoOo

On their last night in Esperas, the Doctor finally felt ready to broach the topic he knew they needed to talk about. After dinner, he handed Rose a glass of wine and sat down with her on the loveseat.

“Brilliant furniture design, the loveseat,” he rambled as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and felt her body curve against his. “It practically demands cuddling!”

“Not like we need any help with that,” Rose pointed out dryly. “Plus, I get the feeling you’re trying to distract me from something, Doctor.”

He sighed and tilted his wine glass, watching the deep red liquid swirl in the glass. “Myself more than you, really.” He looked over at Rose. “How are you feeling tonight? Okay to talk about him?”

He couldn’t miss the way her whole body went tense. But she nodded, and there wasn’t a hint of hesitation in the resolute set to her jaw. “Yeah. I mean… Would I rather not? Obviously. But I think we need to talk about it so we can get past it, yeah?”

The Doctor took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. I love you, and I am so proud of you, he told her.

Rose turned her hand and cupped his jaw for a moment, stroking her thumb along his cheekbone. The feeling is mutual, my Doctor.

The Doctor nodded and took a sip of his wine, then he cleared his throat and began. “I thought… maybe we could start by sharing what the worst part of the year was? Outside of the broken bond,” he added quickly. “Because obviously that was the worst.”

Rose nodded quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, that was…” She sucked in a quick breath. “But outside of that?”

“Yeah.”

She stared at her wine glass, simultaneously trying to remember and hoping she could forget. “I don’t think it was any one event, or constantly recurring event,” she said finally. “I think it was this… general theme, the overall sense that he’d taken control of my life and I was just a puppet. I had to live where he said, dress in the clothes he provided, eat the food he offered… I had no autonomy.”

The panic and guilt the Doctor suddenly projected caught her by surprise, and she looked over at him just in time to take his glass from him before he tipped the wine out onto the carpet.

She set the glass down on the table and reached for his hand, but he pulled away from her. “Doctor? What’s wrong?”

He jumped to his feet and shoved his hands through his hair. “I never thought… Well, no. I never apologised. I’m so sorry, Rose. I shouldn’t have. I mean, there wasn’t any other way to win, but you didn’t say yes.”

Rose stared at him, completely baffled until she caught an image of a human-sized porcupine floating through the Doctor’s mind. “Oh, Doctor.” She stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling relieved when he automatically returned the embrace. “You didn’t have any choice but to use me as your video game player. If you hadn’t, it would have been death to a whole lot more than just the Mantodeans.”

“I know. I know that, I really do.”

Rose kissed his chest. “That was so long ago. What brought it to mind today?”

She stepped back to look at him, and was unsurprised to see the blush staining his cheeks. “I think… I think it was the way you said the Master made you feel out of control. I always hated the way I had to control you in that game, and it just triggered that old memory. I was certain you were going to hate me for it. Not now, obviously,” he added quickly when she started to protest. “But back then. I had this… frankly melodramatic idea that it would taint our relationship forever.”

Rose snorted. “Nice to see your determination to take the blame for everything that happens in your vicinity didn’t start with your regeneration.”

The Doctor chuckled weakly, and they sat back down on the loveseat. Rose waited until he seemed to have relaxed at least a little before turning the question on him. “What was the worst part for you?” she asked. He tensed again, and she dropped her hand to his knee and started tracing the circular characters spelling out forever.

He let his head drop back to rest on the back of the loveseat and stared up at the ceiling. He knew exactly what the worst part of the year had been, but he didn’t know how Rose would respond when he told her.

“You can tell me, Doctor.”

Warmth stole over him at how well she knew him. He took the hand that was still writing invisible promises on his knee and brought it to his lips, kissing her fingertips before he let her go.

“The hardest thing about seeing the Master hasn’t changed in centuries,” he said finally. “The difference between who he used to be and who he’s become.” He sighed and tugged on his ear. “I’ll never be able to see the Master as just a villain, even though that’s what he’s become. We have too much history.”

He could tell Rose didn’t understand why he chose that as the most difficult part of the year, so he tried to find a parallel. “Imagine UNIT called us back to Earth because someone had started randomly killing people, with no real provocation. And when we got here, we discovered something had happened to Shareen, and she was the person they were trying to get under control.”

Rose gasped, and he felt like she finally understood what the year had been like for him… but that was only the tip of the iceberg.

“Now imagine that we’re able to stop Shareen, but somehow, she manages to get away. And every few years for the next five centuries, you get a phone call about your old mate-turned-psychopath, asking you to take care of her.”

The Doctor ran his hand through his hair. “That’s what it’s like,” he explained. “I know the Master’s actions are deplorable, but he’s still one of my oldest friends. There’s just…”

Rose nodded and took his hand. “Cognitive dissonance,” she said. “Trying to match up what you know he is now with what you remember him being.”

“Something like that,” he agreed.

She hesitated for a moment, then licked her lips and said, “I’ll probably never understand those mixed feelings you have towards him,” she admitted. “Your comparison to Shareen helps, but still… my first experience with the Master wasn’t as an innocent boy, but as a crazed psychopath obsessed with my bond mate who put me down at every turn.”

The Doctor’s guilt was unsurprising, and Rose had a finger over his lips before he even opened his mouth. “Hush. I’m not done yet.” He nodded, and she reached for his hand.

“But I don’t want you to think you can’t tell me about him, or that I’m upset with you for not being able to see past your history together. I might not understand it, but I accept that you’ll always feel torn when it comes to him. You don’t have to hide that from me, all right?”

The Doctor nodded, then pulled her into his lap and held her tight. Thank you.

oOoOoOoOo

“This was the perfect place to dip our toes back into travelling waters,” the Doctor said the next morning after they dropped off the key to the cottage. “I almost don’t want to leave.”

Rose smiled at him as she unlocked the TARDIS and started for their room. “Well, we can always come back. And the more times we come back, the more memories we’ll make. It’ll become more special to us each time.” She waited for the Doctor to hum happily before adding one last thought. “Now, if we could ever manage to get back to Barcelona…”

They reached their bedroom as she landed that playful gibe, and the Doctor pouted at her for a moment before pushing the door open. “I promise, we will go to Barcelona for our anniversary this year. Nothing short of a universe destroying paradox could keep me from making that happen.”

“I can’t wait.”  

“In the meantime, any thoughts on where you’d like to go next?” the Doctor asked Rose as they unpacked their bag.

“Well, there’s one thing we’ve talked about a few times but somehow keep putting off.”

He raised an eyebrow, and she smiled at him.

“We need to go back to 1969 for a month.”

“Oh!”

A grin spread across his face, and Rose didn’t miss the relief in his eyes. Spending a month in the past was safe, after all.

“Yeah… I think past me would appreciate it if we didn’t put this off any longer. Eventually, we’re just going to forget, and think of the paradox that would cause,” she joked.

He nodded. “All right. Tomorrow morning, we’ll go back to 1969.”

[part2coral]

ASUU Masquerade

So this weekend, ASUU planned a masquerade for the students at the Natural History Museum. I had everyone over to pregame at my dorm and it was one of the best nights ever. Lizzy, Dylan, Austin, Nikita, other Austin, Ellie, Kaitlyn McCall, and Tori were all there. Obviously this post is going to be mostly about Tori, because I think I get way obsessed with people I’m into and can’t talk about anything but them. It’s like a problem lol.

So I look hot as fuck, first of all. I borrowed Zoe’s floral dress from Sweetheart’s and I did my makeup and everything. I had a cute necklace too and bracelets. So we all start drinking. I just start throwing back shots because I haven't been drunk in like, two weeks. Which is a long time for me. 

Was stuff going to happen with Tori? I was pretty sure she was dating her boyfriend again, so I was not going to try anything. I don't want to be that person. But I didn’t know for sure. We all get good and drunk and head to the masquerade, and there it was so fun. Also I accidentally misdirected my Uber driver to UMFA and he was kind of pissed at us. Anyway, we all danced and wore masks, which was exciting. I freaking love dancing. I’m also pretty sure I looked like a fool too cause I suck at dancing, but it was still really fun. 

Every time I talk to Tori I have fun. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like, when I talk to her I just feel really excited. Probably because I’m into her. But it’s just fun. It’s like normal conversations but they’re all flirty and there’s so much tension. which is funny, but the only way I can describe it. At one point in the night, she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bathroom and into a stall. I thought she was going to plant one on me, but she just pulled out her flask and we drank from it. Every time we talked I would just feel the need to put my hands on her waist. So I would do it. 

Later in the night it was confirmed: she had a boyfriend. I was actually really bummed about this for like twenty minutes, then I was like oh wait she’s still flirting with me aggressively, what the heck. So I tried not to initiate anything, per se, but I just took it if she did to me. 

I learned this later, but she told Dylan and Austin to remind her throughout the night that she had a boyfriend. They asked if it was because of me, and she would just not respond. So yeah, because of me. Hearing this made me so happy. I was like, fuck yeah I’m a temptation. Bitch. 

We head back to my place after the masquerade. I’m holding the door open for everyone to go inside, and she’s the last one in. She grabs my ass on the way in. She does this thing a lot where she like pinches my upper thigh when she’s drunk/grabs my ass? Idk. But she did it. I was like holy fuck dude. I didn’t respond in any way. 

We go inside and I start playing guitar because I want to show off, literally hahaha. I end up pissing off my roommates and we leave to go to Village Inn. At Village inn, I take it upon myself to sit right next to Tori. The rest of breakfast is literally just a storm of us all over each other. Sorta. Just like us flirting. 

We always make jokes about the whole ordeal with us, but I figured since she’s back with her ex, I shouldn’t bring it up. But alas, she brought it up. And it was almost like she was using jokes as an excuse to just talk about it. Like the jokes weren’t even that funny. For example, she gave me some of her potatoes, which I ate. She whispers in my ear, “that’s not the only thing of mine you’ve eaten.” Like that joke is sort of funny but mostly just a stretch. It’s really like she said it just to bring it up. And she said a couple of other things like that that I can’t remember. Every time, I would shake my head and pretend like I was aghast that she had said such a thing. I would be like, “Tori! You can’t say shit like that anymore!” When really I was like fuck yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee more pls. 

And just little things. The boys were sending snaps in our group snapchat of us with funny captions like, “when you get rejected” and like, “scissor sisters.” I took funny pictures of her and bragged about her learning Korean to everyone at the table. 

Ugh it was just all around so fucking fun and such a good time. I just really, really like flirting. It’s so fun. Flirting is so fucking fun. 

I have resolved to just be chill until they breakup. I really don’t foresee her relationship with him lasting that long, considering how it went before. But at the same time, I can’t just wait around for a hookup. I know deep down that our relationship will never be more than just drunkenly having sex, because neither of us are comfortable with the idea of actually having an emotional connection with someone of the same sex. 

Actually, honestly, I would be down for something low-key. I honestly have developed such a weird attraction to her and I see her so much higher up than I saw her before. This is what sex does to people. I know deep down that Tori isn’t the most fantastic person in the world. But for some reason in my mind I just hold her on this pedestal of perfection, like she is exactly what I want/need. I know that’s not true. 

So I should probably try not to dwell on her anymore. I think about it way too much, until I have someone else to fixate my interest on. But there’s no one else. I just really can’t even imagine who in the world I could feel this way about. But that’s how I always feel until they randomly appear in my life. 

I had a dream about Payton last night. In the dream, we got back together for the day. I hugged him and I remember how wonderful it was to hold him and hear his voice and hear him laugh and joke. I guess this means that I miss him a lot. I remember in my dream thinking that just him how he was then made all the gay shit worth it. Like, dealing with him being a literal homosexual was worth it if I got to hug him like this and listen to him talk. 

I try and tell myself that I can live my life without having some sort of romantic interest, but I honestly feel like something is missing if I’m not pursuing someone or have something like that going on. Or if I’m not actively searching. I don’t know why that is. I guess it is probably human nature. 

I imagine I’ll stumble upon someone at some point. I always wonder how I’ll tell future boys about my girl endeavors. I also wonder if I should pursue girls. It’s just so hard to find girls that like girls. 

College is so fun and life is so interesting.