#cat valente for teaching me to write

[always-la-belle-epoque]

somehow in the last week i zoomed past 1000 followers. that’s crazy! i remember when i first joined tumblr thinking that no one was going to have the same niche interests i did: broadway - specifically the tweets of laura benanti circa 2012 - and lesbians - specifically bering and wells and gillian anderson. how things turned out! i made a lil mood board of my biggest tagged topic aside from architecture, new york city, and autumn. i love my blog, i love that i have a record of all the things that make me happy. thanks so much to all of you who share it with me. <3 

[ac-ars]

easy

damn she is here, i couldnt write anything yesterday becauseeee i was at work and i had exam today and then i procrastinated but yes she is here

day 4 - “We’re roommates and we’ve barely interacted so far, but one night there’s a thunderstorm and I’m a serious astraphobic and come into your room shaking because I don’t know what else to do and you lull me to sleep by stroking my hair”

🌙

easy

Matteo can't really tell what wakes him up in the middle of the night. Was it a thunder or maybe the light on in the kitchen he can see, because he left the door of his bedroom open since it's been hot as fuck recently and the more air flow he can get the better. Anyway Lyra isn't really anywhere near him as she tends to, but maybe she is with Luna, who knows, his cat is a traveller since Luna moved in and he doesn't mind, but she is kinda scared of storms so he would love to have her here.

But the light is on in the kitchen, and despite the fact that he doesn’t wanna, he needs to go and check on whoever (most likely Luna) has a problem over there. Maybe she is getting her night snack? Though, this would be weird, because she decided to stop with this habit. He knows that mostly from the sticker on the fridge she probably put it and he can’t say he isn’t proud of her.

Matteo gets up eventually with a heavy sigh and stretches himself yawning loudly. He leaves his room and finds Luna in the kitchen with Lyra sitting next to her on the counter while the Mexican girl is making some tea.

“Can’t sleep?” he asks and regrets it immediately, because she jumps so much she almost throws her mug off the counter making Lyra meow.

“Jesus Christ Matteo Balsano don’t you dare to scare me like that, please,” she mumbles, trying to chill her breathing and closing her eyes for a moment. “Why are you here?”

“I would love to ask you the same question, did something happen?”

She hums playing with the spoon in the mug. “Not really, I just couldn’t sleep. Now why you?”

Matteo hums caressing his jaw. “Something woke me up and I noticed light on, so I decided to check what’s going on.”

Luna nods, not saying anything else, just focuses on the electric kettle until it turns off. This is all kinds of weird for Luna, who is usually all bubbly and talkative while now she said nothing to make a conversation.

They aren’t the best of friends, she actually isn’t living with him that long, she needed a place to stay for now, because she decided she can’t live with her best friend who keeps setting her up with every boy existing and mixing with her head while trying to give her some good advice. Matteo understands that it can be pretty annoying and Ambar said her cousin was looking for a place to live, actually a room, since she cant afford whole apartment. He actually needed someone to move in after Gaston gave up on Argentina and left to England without saying bye.

So Luna moved in with her mess and colorful stuff, leaving flowers everywhere and leaving books around. Surprisingly Matteo never minded that, she is still better than Gaston who kept telling him puns about every single thing in their apartment, and when at first it was just annoying, the puns itself, later it was too much the same jokes one by one and generally at the end Matteo wished him to choke on his dumb puns.

She is always in good mood, always singing something, and humming, dancing while cooking some basic shit, because for the love of the universe, she can’t cook at all. But now, here he has her, looking around anxiously and biting on her lower lip as she is pouring the hot water into her mug.

“Hey, you,” he murmurs and pokes her on the ribs when she puts the kettle away. “What is going on?”

She opens her mouth to say something, but another lightning blinks behind the curtains and her eyes shut close when she waits for the thunder to come. When it does she shivers and takes deep breath and Matteo guesses that she is scared of the thunder or something so he takes his arm around her shoulders. “Do you want me to stay with you here?”

Luna sends him a look, mixing her tea so the sugar can melt in there, and nods a little, leaning to his side. Lyra mrrows at them, making them laugh slightly and Luna looks up at him. “Do you wanna some tea too?”

Before he manages to answer, she already stands high, high on her tiptoes so she is the tallest Luna, and reaches to the high cupboard to get Matteo his own mug. She of course picks his favorite, what makes him smile. Without saying anything, just listening to the sound of the rain hitting the glass of the windows, he watches how she takes the tea and doesn’t put any sugar in the mug before pouring the rest of the water. He is kinda surprised with how quickly this girl picks up on others’ habits, always remembering what one likes and what they don’t, but that’s a very big pro of living with her.

He stands next to her, leaning his hips back against the counter as they wordlessly drink their tea and as surprised as Matteo is in this very minute, it’s such a calming time, where he can think of whatever he wants, while making sure Luna isn’t shivering anymore when a lightning strikes somewhere away from them.

“Do you want to know a secret?” he asks eventually, as he is done with his tea and Lyra jumps annoyed after he puts his empty mug on the counter next to her.

Luna scrunches her nose as she takes her eyes to him, maybe a little troubled to get out of her thoughts, but she hums encouraging him to speak more.

“I can teach you how to count the distance from where the lightning did strike.” He sends her a smile as she gasps surprised and jumps excited. “Yes, teach me. I wanna know.”

🌙

They are in the living room now, Luna’s tea half forgotten as they are standing by the window, his cold hands are on her shoulders keeping her steady, because now she seems excited instead of anxious, and that’s already blink of “his” Luna here.

He hums softly next to her ear to get her attention back to him and when she does he smiles. “Now we gotta wait for the lightning to appear somewhere so we can see it. When we do, you count seconds starting when the lightning hits, and you count until you hear the thunder. Is it clear?” he asks to make sure and Luna nods surely, while nibbling on her lower lip.

They gotta wait few minutes, but when it blinks, the brunette starts counting in her head and he knows it, because now her eyes are much more focused and her mouth are moving barely, but they are.

When the thunder sounds loudly she jumps, but he is holding her close, so she doesn’t seem to mind that. “How much was it?” he asks, resting his chin on top of her head.

“Nine, I think.” She turns to him and he leans her against the cold window and she pouts at him when he doesn’t answer at first. Such an impatient, soft soul. “So you have nine seconds and you gotta divide it by three, then you will get how many kilometers away from you the lightning did strike at first place. Well, more or less, but that’s helpful, you get to focus on something when the storm is somewhere around.”

Luna nods slowly and smiles a little at him. “Thanks, that actually calmed me down a bit here.”

“You haven’t told me you were scared of thunderstorms before, though. You could’ve and it would be easier since the beginning.”

She clears her throat and blushes tiny, before moving away from him and curling on the couch. He follows her, because why not, besides it’s easier to see her and hear her in the darkness and while the rain is getting heavier.

“I’m not really, really scared of the thunders tho,” she mumbles and Matteo frowns a little, resting next to her more comfy than not, but she doesn’t mind him so close. “I’m just paranoid after this movie I saw the other day where some lightning struck something, and it started burning, and I’m just the most terrified of fire.”

Her voice gets a little messy and quiet, and he just hugs her tightly, what apparently surprises her, but eventually Luna just hides on his chest and sighs. “It’s not something that keeps happening often, but Lyra was messing with my comforter to get cuddles so it kinda woke me up, and then there was this loud, super close thunder and I died.”

Matteo starts humming and playing with her hair as she talks and when she stops he just boops her nose. “Still, that’s okay thing to be afraid of, it’s not like I would make fun of you like I do when you sing loudly under the shower or wash your teeth while looking in the mirror. We all are scared of something.”

Luna hums and looks up at him. “Are you scared of something then?”

“No.” He laughs and she huffs. “But I am big Matteo and I’m here to hug you and make you hot chocolate when you are scared.”

“There was no chocolate yet, where is it?”

He laughs so much and pulls her closer. “Later. Now we shall sleep, since tomorrow is not a weekend and we both have uni and other important shit.”

Luna rolls her eyes and gets up, taking the blanket around her shoulders. As she is about to get into her bedroom, he just takes her wrist and pulls her back. “You don’t think I will leave you to sleep alone, even if you seem to be okay already.”

She hums, ending up just lacing their fingers together and following him. “So I’m gonna sleep with you in one bed, and we cuddle with Lyra until the storm is done?” Matteo laughs when she says it. Out loud it seems a little funnier, but yeah that’s what he is planning to do, but he doesn’t confirm or deny her words.

He takes the pillow, obviously, making her pout a little, but then he just pulls her to his chest, so she can rest like that. At first she stirs around, trying to get into some comfy position to stay in, despite the fact that he is sure she just needs to move around, because she wouldn’t be named Luna Valente.

Eventually she rests in one place, letting him pull a cover over them, Lyra mrrows trying to get somewhere between them, but when she doesn’t fit her tiny head anywhere, she just sticks by Matteo’s side letting him scratch her belly for a moment.

Luna sticks to him tightly, she obviously loves being touchy, cuddle, hug, whatever can someone give her as long as it’s physical closure, and there is nothing here except the need of someone else who is warm to hold her. Matteo knows it perfectly, he learned that she is just the type of person who is better comforted, when hugged.

He starts playing with her hair as he can’t really fall asleep, he wraps single strands around his fingers, tangles a little more than those curls already are, and in a few moments her lashes tickle him on the neck for the last time, and her breathing is finally stable.

🌙

Few weeks later, this time he isn’t woken up by the light, or Lyra, or the thunder itself. He just notices someone curling next to him under the sheets and hugging him tightly, so he guesses he can sleep and not try to shut the blinds on the window. The sleep comes back super quickly, he is lulled to very, very quiet sound of soft whispers with counting, and as long as she is here, he knows that she is all okay.

[songofsaraneth]

time for another life happenings post!! I think it’s been like 3 weeks or so since i updated, and in that time i have done a BUNCH. 

firstly, I did 2 weeks of nightly circus skills intro training! I really really miss the circus group I was in in college, but there hasn’t been anything similar here--until this group from Arizona showed up to teach a couple classes. They were only here for two weeks, spending the weekends visiting friends here, the weekdays running a kids camp and the evenings for adult classes. It was just for about 1.5 hours each night and not very in depth, but we tried out a bunch of different things in that time. I learned a bunch of basic trapeze poses (photo 1), some aerial silks climbs/hangs/tricks, relearned how to juggle, and was bizarrely very immediately good at rolling globe (photo 2), which is where you jump up on a large plastic ball and then roll it around back and forth while still standing on top of it. Once I got that down I added some poi in (which I’ve done for years) just for fun! Met a couple local folks I didn’t know before as well, and learned about a local acro yoga/partner acro group I’m gonna hopefully try to join in on a bit. 

Then last friday, I drove up to the Denver area after work, and on Saturday went to Denver Comic Con! My boyf and his friends from Wyoming were dressed up as Steven Universe characters, but I didn’t have anything prepared since it was very last minute i found out I could head to CO for the weekend. So I wore the dragon hoodie i made when i dressed up as Smaug for the premiere of the 2nd Hobbit movie, a skirt to hide my legs, and went as the Wyverary (Wyvern + library) from the Fairyland series by Cat Valente, since I was gonna get a few books signed by her while there (photo 3, me with her post-signing). Also got some stuff by Robin Hobb signed, went to a few talks by other authors, a couple writing panels, and stared at a lot of pretty merch! I wanted to get into the Felicia Day talk but the line filled up over an hour beforehand so :( And I was too cheap for autographs of anyone who cost money to see, but I did see Nathan Fillion and James Marsters from a distance. After the con wound down that night we all went out to dinner and wandered Denver a bit, and then I drove up to my other friend in Fort Collins. 

Sunday! My pal Ash and I met while we were both studying abroad in Ireland, and one of our other friends we made there (who was actually from Ireland) happened to be in the US/CO this week! So we got up early on sunday to go to the archery range (photo 4), since we all met on the archery team and NUI Galway. I hadn’t shot for like, almost 2 years which is SAD considering how big a part of my life archery was for a while, but at least I hadn’t forgotten everything. gonna have to just buy my own bow someday. After that, we went down to the Colorado Renaissance Festival, and I don’t care how historically inaccurate they are, I really love any excuse to wander around in costume and stare at pretty crafts. It was awesome and I bought a very extravagant mask (photo 5) for a costume I’m planning on making. Drove our Irish friend to his cousin’s house after and spent the night at the boyfs. 

Monday! After J went to work I wandered up to Boulder. Stopped at the small Natural History museum on campus to stare at all the fossils and pottery, then skipped to a farmers market thing and was very good about not spending money except for a ginger-maple lemonade. Then up on back to FC with Ash, where we went to this EXTREMELY fancy single-origin chocolate shop, two fancy cheese shops, some thrift stores, and the grocery store. When we got home we realized that between us we had like... 19 types of cheese. so naturally we assembled the most fantastic cheese platter that has ever been created (photo 6), with berries, avocado, bread with whole cloves of garlic baked in, salami, and wild boar sausage. it was so good and we did not even come close to finishing it all, lol. But it made a good breakfast the next day too.

ANYWAY then... we went to bed around 10:30pm and woke up around... 3:30-4am on the 4th. So we could do a sunrise photoshoot back at the archery range (photo 6). Because we have priorities I guess. But we got all dressed up and went out to take lots of photos, which turned out really well and I’ll post more eventually. but we shot from like 5:30am-8:30am for that sunrise light, and then when we got home at 9 promptly went back to bed. Eventually roused myself enough around 11am to join J for brunch as he drove through on his way to Wyoming for the 4th. Then, alas, I had to make the drive back to Utah, which is very long (6hr) but at least the mountains are absolutely beautiful this time of year. Man I really love the desert, but driving through summer mountains just makes me want to run out and frolic in all the lush green meadows and just like, hug a tree. We have a couple small lacothithic mountains pretty close to where I live but it’s different from seeing them extend on and on around you with green and snow-capped peaks forever. 

Anyway, got back to Moab around 8pm on the 4th, just as people were starting to set up firework things. unpacked a bit and then hopped over to where one of my housemates is currently housesitting for some wealthy couple, in this really big beautiful house on top of a hill with a hot tub. we planned to sit in the hot tub for the main fireworks display (which we could see perfectly from it) but it was like 105º out during the day and still in the 90ºs around 9:30pm, so after like 15 minutes we just sat on the edge with our feet in instead. 

anyway! work has been hot and exhausting (manual labor fence building in 100º+ weather with the occasional interspersed long photosynthesis measurement days), so I won’t talk about it overmuch. but I do have next week off, hurrah! Gonna be meeting up with my old college advisor in New Mexico for some volunteer plant collecting for the genetics research lab I used to work for. Exciting! I’ll drive down there on Monday and camp out for a night before meeting up with the group, is my current plan.

Today I got brunch+read and then have been aimlessly wandering the internet. Tonight though is the Moab Grassroots Music Exchange, which happens on full moons during the warm months. Basically a bunch of people drive out into a semi remote part of the desert and there’s a stage with a band or two and a lot of bonfires and general hippie festivities. I don’t drink so that cuts down on some of the amusement for me, but there are usually a couple firespinners I can spin with/bum fuel off of. I might camp there overnight (there’s tons of space to do so so people don’t have to drive home the same night) or I might just come back home, still undecided. And then I’ve been invited along a mountain summit hike tomorrow and a rafting trip, so I have to decide which of those I’m going to join in on I guess! Such a hard life in a small adventure town, sigh. 

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Cat Valente on writers and haters #5yrsago

Cat Valente, author of such outstanding novels as The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making and Deathless, is guest-editing Charlie Stross's blog, posting writing advice. Part one, published yesterday, covered some good ground, and today's continuation is especially good, with advice on coping with haters -- useful perspective for more than just writers.

People Are Going to Shit All Over You

Oh, yes they are. It really doesn't matter if you try to do something different or you just want to rescue the princess in the tower. It'll start with your teachers, in college or high school or workshops. You are going to have to hear, more than once, more than ten times, that not only does your work suck, but it betrays some signal flaw within yourself, and you as a person are terrible for having written this thing. This is true, basically, no matter what you write. It is especially true if you are trying something off the beaten path, whether that beaten path is one of bestsellers or your teacher's own predilictions. I have personally had verse and chorus of "Nothing" from A Chorus Line spewed at me from numerous teachers. For those of you not musically inclined, it goes something like: you're bad at this, you'll never amount to anything, give up and work at a gas station and leave this to the real artists. One professor literally threw up his hands at our final conference and said "You're just going to do whatever you want no mater what I say so there's no point in even trying to teach you about good writing."

We all have stories like that, I suspect. Most particularly those of us who write SFF, which makes no friends in universities. The best part is, it doesn't stop there! Once you're published, new and exciting people will appear to tell you how bad your work is, even if you are popular and/or critically acclaimed. And it will get personal, especially if you are throwing down with your whole being, laying your kinks and history on the page like a sacrifice. If you're a woman, or other-than-white, or queer, it will probably, at some point, get really personal. Many readers have a huge problem separating the work from the creator. The mountain of crap I got for writing Palimpsest, both in public venues and in private emails, would make you crawl under the table with a bottle of fuck-you whiskey. I not only wrote a bad book, but I am sexually disturbed (I either hate sex or like it way too much, depending on who you ask) and politically suspect. Give up and work in a gas station. Name a book you think is universally liked and I will find someone saying it is a sin against man, decency, and the dictionary. People get very invested in books, which is the whole point of writing books. I have myself gotten upset to tears over books and have said so online. I try not to do that unless at great need now. I know too much.

It's easy to say: you must develop grace about this. I doubt anyone actually has grace about it. We all get mad or sad or hit the bar and rage against it all. It takes a really long time, or a really good internet filter, to be ok with how much some people will not like your work and by extension you. I'm not saying get grace at the bargain virtue store.

But you can fake grace.

https://boingboing.net/2012/02/13/cat-valente-on-writers-and-hat.html