#casual intimacy is expressed so differently between people

[kleftiko]

Hi! Idk if your request is opened or not but if it is, I'd like to request a headcanon for Knb if that's alright?

My request is : How would GOM + Kagami react when their s/o walk in on them taking a shower naked and just casually invite themselves taking a shower with the boys?

❦ SHOWER TIME

cw: this is fluff, but language and nudity [ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP]

—kuroko

in a strange turn of events, you end up startling your boyfriend. the bathroom door is slightly open, the sound of running water and slight humming floats through the apartment. you decide that you should probably get clean too as you step into the steamy room. tetsuya doesn’t hear you undressing, or stepping into the shower. it’s only when your cold hands wrap around his waist that he shrieks and spins around—nearly slipping—eyes wide and startled for a split second until he realizes it’s you. then his expression falls into his signature calm smile.

“hi, sweetheart.”

—kagami

you go in the bathroom to pee, and as soon as you make a noise, taiga peers around the curtain with a judgemental look.

“what are you doing?” he asks, shampoo comically in his hair.

you blink. “using the bathroom.”

he sends you a stink eye before closing the curtains and going back to what he was doing. you know he likes his alone time in the shower, but the apartment only had one bathroom, and you like to annoy him (with love). so when you strip down and attempt to join him in the shower you need to wrestle the curtain away from him because he’s using it to cover himself lol.

—murasakibara

he likes when you sit in the bathroom while he showers. you can tell him about your day and he can poke his head out for you to feed him a little snack. it’s not often that you shower with him because the logistics of the shower head and the height difference was always a hassle. until you renovated your shower to a ceiling head, now when he’s finished his himemaru, you can just join him under the water and he can pull you close and prevent you from moving cause “you’re so cute and cuddly, y/n-chin.”

and you stay like that until your body feels like two different temperatures.

—aomine

you enter the bathroom.

“fuck, daiki, it stinks in here.”

“i had to shit, you’re the one that interrupted my shower.”

despite that, you strip down and pull the curtain dramatically to announce that you intend to join him. and this motherfucker is under the water, head tilted back to rinse out his shampoo, eyes looking down at you with a smirk as he says, “just can’t get enough of me, huh?”

so turn the water to cold so he shrieks :)

bonus fem!reader: soapy tits are his weakness. if you ever want anything from him, hop in the shower and ask lol his eyes don’t leave your chest but he’s nodding along to whatever you’re saying. you could ask for a yacht and he’d agree

—kise

doesn’t want to shower without you tbh. he’s usually inviting you to join him, but not in a sexual way. he’s one of those people who blasts music while in the bathroom and likes to perform concerts, so he needs his back up singer. he’ll shampoo his hair into spikes and start screaming punk, it’s your responsibility to play air guitar and ad lib. on the rare occasions that he’s showering by himself and you decide to join him halfway through, his smile is wide, and his introduction goes, “ladies and gentlemen, my backup guitarists!”

—akashi

literally love him. if you open the bathroom door while he’s showering he assumes something is wrong.

“darling? are you alright?” his soft voice just makes you melt, but you assure him that you just want to join him. and he is delighted! in fact, he proposes a bath after you two wash up. he loves having you between his legs, back against his chest while you’re surrounded by bubbles. he’s one of those people that loves non sexual intimacy, so if you turn around and give him a bubble beard, he’ll just watch you with hearts in his eyes.

—midorima

locks the door so you can’t get in. if you’re persistent—knocking, calling his name, etc.—he’ll step out of the shower, towel around his waist, and open the door with an annoyed scowl. you just smile sweetly and hop under the running water. he’s muttering under his breathe at how much of a handful you are, but he’s washing your body carefully and making sure soap doesn’t get in your eyes <3

[janeeyrewannabe]

thinking about Simon and Patty's developing relationship

wc: 1k

I already know how Simon would act. He’s so intense in every aspect of his life. In his art, his work, his relationships with other people, his love wouldn’t be any different. His feelings for patty are a novel thing. Simon’s never been the relationship kind of guy, even a casual hookup is still too intimate. He keeps his heart under lock and key along with his thoughts and admiration, but with patty it’s different. The way she treats everything, especially him, with the utmost devotion makes him want to be better.

Being in prison was hard, reintegrating into the real world and becoming a functioning, contributing member of society was fucking worse. Fresh out of jail and experiencing a new kind of relationship, a loving one, was something else. He’s never had any kind of monogamous situation with anyone, even when he was younger it was girls he barely knew in dimly lit rooms or bathrooms who he never he interacted with outside of sex. The shift was tough at first, as he falls deeper and deeper in love he wants to crawl back into the hole he was in before, turn himself inside out, and walk away. It was really fucking hard to squash that instinct and bury it as deep as humanly possible, but he does it because he’s felt the warmth of patty’s embrace and her tenderly curious gaze and there is no way he's letting that go.

Even though patty is the inexperienced one, Simon feels like a virgin. It’s the small moments that make him think he's back at square one. Waking up in bed with patty when she's still asleep. Just watching her breathe, seeing her chest rise and fall in an almost inconceivable way. Her overgrown bangs sprawled out across her forehead, long enough to be peaking into her eyes. Little bags under her eyes, mouth open a little. He can feel her breath on his arm, he’s never been more grateful to hear someone snore. Or maybe he's driving around with patty in his truck, which he kinda never gave it back (patty kept it warm for him while he was away), holding her hand and answering her questions while listening to her demos. Picking her up from work and making out in the back seat. Sitting on her bed watching her write her songs while he smokes a cigarette. Letting him get the first listen and mixing it up together. she’s picked up a few things from him, not so shit at the drums anymore. The feeling in his chest that’s too powerful to brush off.

He’s never been so close to someone, physically and emotionally, it frightens him a little. Think of when he tells patty he's john q but times a billion. When they lay in bed together after sex it's the polar opposite of any other post coital experience he's ever had. The I love you that's left on their tongues like the aftertaste of a cigarette that lingers for hours. They chat about whatever, trivial shit, it's what unsaid that makes it really fucking special. The promise of the future tangled in between them, trickling into their minds with visions of moving in together, making music together, just existing together outside of the watchful eyes of everyone else. Loving and coveting uninhibitedly.

Patty is the same but also completely different. She doesn't really have a problem with the emotional intimacy. She bares her heart to him right off the bat, sharing her quirks and habits. It’s harder with her words, she can’t ever really find the right ones. Even if she does it’s hard to string them together in a way that truly represents how she feels. Her affection for Simon comes out in her music. The lyrics and the sound she envisions as she writes shows the love she holds for him. You can see it in her expression too when she performs, searching for his face in the tightly packed crowd. Staring him down and singing the notes that crawl into his ears and travel through his veins to his heart and down to his dick. She’s never had anyone treat her the way Simon treats her, like she's his equal.

Just experiencing Simon for two days brought her out of her shell, but being with him day after day completely transforms her. She feels grateful to Simon for this; the adoration isn't one sided, she's got it just as bad as he does. Everything reminds her of him. Sissy and Karen tells her she sounds like a broken record, it’s Simon, Simon, Simon 24/7. When she's on her lunch break walking around outside the plaza where she works, she strolls past some guy smoking a cigarette. She smiles wide and bright, it reminds her of Simon. Of when he comes back inside at night after smoking outside, she kicks him out because her dad won't stop sneezing every time he walks into her room, cold and reeking of smoke. Breathing him in as she wraps her arms around his dirty green jacket and muscular body. Or maybe she sees a lighter on the ground while waiting for the bus, or a cloud that looks like his haircut. She sees his beauty everywhere she goes.

It’s the physical intimacy that she struggles with at times though. At first it’s intimidating being with Simon, he might be unnerving to most but the man gets around. It makes her nervous to surrender herself completely in such an intimate way, especially to someone who has done this a million times with a million people. But it's the way that he never makes her feel less than for not knowing or being a little shy that helps her come out of her shell. Even if she’s not the most experienced she still has a few tricks up her sleeve. Simon can get the same way too. When it's hard and fast, easy peasy, he’s well versed in that department. When it's long and painstakingly slow with shuddered breaths and I love you’s tumbling into the air around them, he gets a little freaked out. Once he gets over it, it consumes him, he can't get close enough. Patty too. They're inextricably connected in every metaphysical way possible.

i use the word love way too many times in this omfg. please bare with me this is literally the first thing i’ve ever written ever 😭 if u don't like it pls lie to me

[mswyrr]

Rhaenyra has a type when it comes to women

The common thread for me between Rhaenyra's desire for Alicent and Mysaria is that both women play the role of "lady wife" (or we could call it the role of "the beloved" to a lover) to her. I went into this as it relates to her loving Alicent in a prior meta. But here I want to focus on what they have in common that seems to compel Rhaenyra.

Between the two of them, we have a portrait now of what her "type" is in women. She likes a femme woman who is intelligent and capable of advising her, who cares about her goals and standing in the realm and who she can trust to act on her behalf, a woman who recognizes and basks in the love of Rhaenyra's desire to be knightly and noble and act as a monarch - to hold power and use it to act and protect and cherish. A woman who wishes to be caring and affectionate with her, who shares her body in acts of erotic intimacy as well as comfort and tenderness - young Rhaenyra really meant it when she told Alicent that she loved lying with her head on Alicent's lap as Alicent read to her in shared moments of peace and tranquility. She leaned into to Alicent's touch; she casually held her hand or touched her or stared at Alicent like she was the whole world; she grounded herself with her girl's love.

Mature Rhaenyra awakens at the way Mysaria appreciates her; tells her she's noble and worthy. Tells her she looks good with a sword, expressing those knightly/butch or masc leanings Rhaenyra had in her youth and never got the chance to explore. When Mysaria tells her that, in a lifetime of learning not to trust the world because it has been so cruel to her, Rhaenyra is a rare person she trusts and believes in - a safe haven, a heroic figure, Rhaenyra moves quickly to hug her and keeps hugging her, her urgency to connect growing more intense, fingers digging into her flesh in need, and strokes her cheek across Mysaria's skin like she's found an oasis in the desert.

I relate to that; I feel that way about women too. While watching the way Rhaenyra just *blossoms* under Mysaria's admiration and appreciation I felt teary eyed - Rhaenyra has been starved of recognition and love of whole parts of herself since she lost Alicent. It's terribly sad. It's also why she seems so painfully young in the Sept scene and so thirsty but also vulnerable and emotionally naked with Mysaria - the parts of her that are open to women have never gotten to be satisfied, to grow and come of age.

I consider the feelings in myself Rhaenyra's behavior speaks to toppy and gnc, because I am a gnc female top, but Rhaenyra is a switch and hasn't had a chance to explore gender/sexuality much at all and doesn't have language for it so I'm not sure what labels she'd decide upon if she had the opportunity to relax and enjoy herself and her partner(s). From the text we have, there's many different potential readings of Rhaenyra's complex gender AND sexuality feelings. Is Rhaenyra masc and if so in what way? Bi with a split attraction that actually leans to women or 50/50? 50/50 switch or leaning top or bottom or differently with different genders of partner or different partners? Monogamous or polyamorous?

None of these possibilities have been foreclosed, all have been rather more opened up. Much to the consternation of the bigots who are review bombing the episode!! And the antis in fandom who have harassed artists for drawing masc Rhaenyra and shamed and degraded Rhaenicent for years now.

I think that's a good thing, since LGBTQ lead character representation on a big show like this is so rare. It also is in character for the setting and world Rhaenyra lives in: there's simply little opportunity to explore, sadly. But, at the same time, it's great that so many people can connect to Rhaenyra - can feel that sense of kinship I got to feel watching on Sunday. It's great that Emma and Sonoya had the courage and love to come together to make this happen - so this part of Rhaenyra can have a little more time to live and breathe and we can appreciate it.

I am not certain of one gender/sexuality reading of the character, though of course I have my preferences. The one thing I am certain of now, though, is Rhaenyra's (main or possibly only?) type in women. And I think it's pretty gorgeous. I think the way she loves women is breathtaking and achingly beautiful. I relate to it and it makes the tragedy even more poignant to me that her society denies her the opportunity to have a lifetime with the kind of woman who draws on her heart so powerfully.

[watermelonlovershigh]

Friends Who Share Mutual Emotions {part 3.} (housemate!harry series)

Arguments and Confessions {part 2.} (housemate!harry series)

AN: i've been in a writing mood lately so i hope you enjoy me spitting out these stories left and right lol. anyways, here is part 3 to my housemate series. before you ask, yes there will be a part 4 and hopefully a couple more after that. let me know how you liked it and make sure to leave your feedback. thank you and enjoy!

This story contains: mentions of one-night stands, confessions of feelings, slight angst, fluff

{ housemate!harry - friendrry - soft!harry - au harry }

word count- 1,372

Harry confesses that you're the women he likes and after giving you some time to think, you have an eventful conversation about your mutual feelings and how you'd like to move forward within your friendship.

Looking deeply in your eyes, Harry answers clearly, "Her name..... her name is Y/n." The weight of his confession leaves you standing in the kitchen, completely shocked. When you initially asked him about his love interest, you never anticipated that he would reveal his feelings for you. Although he described some of your qualities, you didn't think much of it, as many people can possess similar traits.

Realizing that you need some time to process his words, Harry rises from his stool and states, "I don't expect you to feel the same way about me or anything. I'll give you some space to think, alright?" With that, he turns around and retreats back to his bedroom.

Now standing alone in the kitchen, you find yourself torn about what to do. On one hand, the man who kindly allowed you to stay in his home as a housemate, who eventually became your friend, and whom you've developed feelings for, has just confessed his affection for you. It seems like the ideal outcome, but what if something goes wrong? You would risk losing your best friend and a place to live.

On the other hand, if everything goes well, you could finally experience a fulfilling relationship. You could put an end to the casual encounters and truly understand the intimacy that others have experienced in Harry's bed. You would have the opportunity to feel his touch on your skin and savor his kisses, something you had only imagined during fleeting encounters with strangers.

---------------------------

You head to Harry's bedroom and upon reaching his door, you give it a hesitant knock. A soft voice responds with, "Come in." and you take that as your signal to enter. Inside, you find him sitting up in bed with his cat Pixie beside him, and the TV showing old episodes of Friends.

Approaching his bed slowly, Harry gestures for you to sit beside him. After a deep breath, you confess, "I want you to know that I have feelings for you too, Harry. How could I not? You're kind and sweet, and anyone would be foolish not to have a crush on you. But, I'm afraid."

Harry turns off the TV to focus on you. "Afraid of what, Y/n?" he asks, "We both like each other. What's there to fear?"

"It's not that simple, Harry," you respond with a hint of frustration. Why can't he see your concerns? Maybe it's a gender difference. Men don't worry about relationships as much as women do. Well at least from your personal experiences.

"Can you explain then, please? I want to understand your fears so we can move forward in a way that works for both of us."

Shifting uncomfortably on the bed, you express, "Harry, what if things don't work out between us? What happens then? I could lose a friend and I might not have enough money to cover regular rent in London."

"Y/n, our mutual feelings don't automatically require us to rush into a romantic relationship. We can proceed at a comfortable pace, one day at a time. Even if we don't progress beyond friendship, I value our bond too much to risk losin' it. As for your concern about losin' a place to stay, rest assure that I would never evict you if things don't work out romantically. You were my housemate first and foremost, and that won't change. Well, unless you want to move out someday that is."

Hearing his words have made your eyes gloss over. You can hear the sincerity in his voice and it makes your heart swell. But, you still need some clarification to move forward. "So like, where do we go from here, Harry? I don't want to think we're one thing but you assume we're something else. I don't want to constantly be questioning where we stand. What's too much or what's not enough."

Harry adjusts his posture, leaning closer to you. He carefully reaches out for your hands and clasps them within his larger grasp, holding them gently as he begins to speak. "As I mentioned earlier, Y/n, we can take this slow. Let our connection develop naturally. At this moment, I would describe our relationship as friends, but friends who share mutual emotions. And in response to a question I know you may have, no, I will not be sleepin' with anyone else. And I don't expect..."

Anticipating his next words, you swiftly interject, "No, neither am I. I mean, being involved with someone else intimately. I can promise you that. Besides, I never truly enjoyed having one-night stands. I only sought them out as a means to conceal my feelings for you. But now that my feelings are out in the open, there's no reason to hide them any longer. From now on I only want you."

Chuckling in relief, Harry murmurs, "Just me, huh?" He was incredibly anxious that you might still have the desire to sleep with other people, even though that didn't make much sense after you had confessed your feelings for him. However, he couldn't be entirely certain.

You lean forward, wrapping your arms around Harry's body, embracing him tightly. "Of course, Harry. I would never do that to you. Besides, most of the men I slept with were unsatisfactory, so I'm perfectly fine with giving up my one-night stands."

Harry reciprocates the embrace, then teasingly asks, "Unsatisfactory? Are you tellin' me those muscular, macho men you brought home hardly ever satisfied you?"

You respond, your voice filled with affection against his neck, "That's right. And when they did, it was usually because I was thinking of you."

"Alright, let's end that conversation right here or we'll have a problem on our hands and break our 'takin' it slow' rule." Harry remarks, trying to maintain a sense of caution. If you kept talking about how you always thought of him while having sex with all those strangers, he'd get hard in his pants and he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable right now. Nor does he want to move that fast. Like he said, he genuinely would like to take whatever you are, slow.

You laugh at his words and playfully say, "Can we take a nap? I'm feeling tired. Didn't get much sleep last night."

Harry nods in the embrace you still hold and replies, "Yeah, we can take a nap if you'd like. I didn't get much sleep last night either."

As you sit up, you carefully shift towards Harry's side where he's preparing a space for you to rest. "Seriously?" you inquire. Although you noticed his exhaustion when he entered the kitchen earlier, you didn't consider that it might be due to a lack of sleep.

"Yeah," Harry begins to coo while helping you under his duvet, "felt awful with how I spoke to you last night. The guilt ate me alive and I couldn't sleep."

Now laying side by side, facing each other, you whisper out, "Awe, well you can rest easy now. I forgive you." As your eyes flutter shut, Harry can't help but think about how you're too far away from him. Even though you're literally just six inches apart in reality.

So without thinking, he draws himself closer to you and wraps you in his arms. Which in turn has you pressed up against his clothed chest. "Is this alright?" Harry whispers quietly. Although he wishes to take things slowly, cuddling is typically considered a leisurely activity, isn't it? It remains innocent and platonic.

"Yes, very much alright." you reply and soon after fall asleep. The musky smell Harry produces along with the warmth of his body lulls you right to sleep. It may be only nine in the morning but with your lack of sleep the night before, have no trouble falling unconscious.

Harry also falls into a deep slumber. The comfort of having you in his arms lulls him into a state of relaxation, leading him to quickly doze off. His cat Pixie has now settled at the foot of the bed, peacefully asleep alongside you both. Harry's once anxious room is now filled with tranquility. The unfolding of your friendship will become more apparent when you wake up later today.

(PLEASE REBLOG BECAUSE WRITING IS NOT EASY AND IT'S FREE SO JUST DO IT)

(no more tags are allowed because i've hit my number limit. sorry : ( )

tag list: @one-sweet-gubler // @harryscherrysugar // @hsfanficsrecss // @lollypopsx // @harrycanyonmoonn // @allthelovehes // @damnasstyles  // @mrsstylesharry // @softmullet  // @meetmyblondemuffins  // @thegirlnextdoorssister // @stanleystyles  // @haarrrys // @michellekstyles  // @skyangel57   // @the-gardener-31 // @lhharrylilpumpkin // @yousunshine-youtemptress // @clairestylessss  // @kissmyaxe140  // @goldenmelonsugar-hi // @kaitieskidmore97 // @florencepughily  // @alienorknight //@dancearoundthelivingroom  // @swiftmendeshoran

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My Masterlist Masterpost

A Shift Occurs {part 4.} (housemate!harry series) (SMUT)

[tsunami-of-tears]

Subtle

Azriel x Reader, Nesta x Reader, Nessian

Summary: Reader and Nesta have a crush on each other but aren’t sure if they should make a move.

A/N: WHY DO I KEEP MAKING CASSIAN SUCH A SUB??  I’m getting so hyped for poly!+ ACOTAR week!! I have so many drafts on the go rn

Wordcount: 1.2K

Warnings: Female Reader; Mostly fluff; Slightly sexual themes; Mention of cuck!Cassian (he’s so hot for that); Poly! relationship

Sharing their bed was nothing new to Cassian and Nesta, often inviting both males and females to join them. 

Cassian didn’t often get jealous, in fact - he quite enjoyed when Nesta would seek out other males. The only rule was that he wanted to watch.

Cassian was willing to give Nesta her privacy when it came to females. He understood that it was a different kind of intimacy. On occasion, Nesta would allow an audience. If Cassian was lucky, he’d be invited to join in. 

The couple were getting ready to head out to Rita’s with the rest of the Inner Circle. There was nothing out of the ordinary about tonight, except for Nesta’s growing feelings for their friend, Y/N. 

Nesta pauses in front of the mirror, trying to calm her racing mind. Her hair was styled in her signature coronet, and her sleek black dress perfectly hugged her figure.

Cassian walks up behind Nesta, admiring his mate as he slides his arms around her waist and kisses her tenderly on the cheek. 

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He asks, concern lacing his voice. 

“I’m nervous about tonight. About seeing Y/N,” She admits. 

Cassian gives Nesta a small, reassuring smile, moving his hands to rest on her hips. “I wondered when this was going to come up. I noticed your affection towards her has grown. I just want you to be happy, my love.”

Nesta turns in Cassian’s arms to face him. “I know,” She says. “But I can’t tell if she feels the same. And I have no idea if Az will be okay with it.”

Cassian ponders her statement. “Do you want me to try broaching the topic with him?” He asks. 

“I know it’s not your strong suit, but please try and be subtle. I don’t want to ruin things between us.” 

“Sweetheart, subtle is my middle name,” Cassian grins widely. 

————

At Rita’s, Cassian, Azriel and Rhys are sat at their signature booth with glasses of whiskey in hand. The females are off dancing together; Mor with Feyre, and Nesta with Y/N.

Y/N throws her head back at something Nesta says, her melodic laughter barely heard over the music. The pair hold hands and spin around together, completely ignorant of the people around them.

Cassian watches his mate and her friend with a small smile. He would give anything to make Nesta happy. He takes a big sip of his drink before inclining his head towards Azriel. “Has Y/N ever expressed interest in females before?”

Rhys eyes his brothers, opting to stay quiet and see where this conversation is going. Azriel smirks and arches a brow. “Huh, why do you want to know that?” He asks.

Cassian shrugs, failing at his attempt to seem casual. “I was just wondering,” He says cooly. 

“That’s a funny thing to wonder about my mate,” Azriel goads, “I’d ask the same about yours, but we both know the answer to that question.”

Rhys coughs, raising his hand to his mouth to keep his drink from spraying across the table.

Cassian sighs, “You know you’re a prick, right?”

“You can tell Nesta to make her move,” Azriel says with a wink.

————

Y/N extends a hand, bowing to Nesta as a slow ballad starts to play throughout the hall. “Will you join me for this dance, milady?” She asks, each word laced with giggles now that the faewine has taken effect. 

Nesta takes her hand, bowing in return. “I would be delighted,” she replies. 

They both smile as they hold each other in a close embrace, swaying to the music. At this proximity, Y/N can’t avoid looking into Nesta’s eyes, and she risks a glance down to her lips. 

Only for a second, but long enough that Nesta caught it. 

Nesta’s lips curl upwards slightly and she tilts her head closer to Y/N’s.

“You don’t have to be shy with me,” Nesta murmurs as her gaze drops to Y/N’s mouth. Rather than quickly averting her eyes, Nesta lingers, taking in the soft curves - wondering how they’ll feel, what they’ll taste like. 

Y/N’s heart pounds and the music fades into a dull roar as she stands still in her embrace with Nesta. The moment she’d thought about since the two first met was finally reality. 

Their bodies fit together even better than Y/N had dreamed. They move in time, close enough to feel the others’ breath on their face. 

Just a little bit more, that’s all it would take to close that gap, and maybe ruin their friendship. 

Y/N doesn’t have to decide as Nesta chooses for her. She surges forward, pressing her soft lips to Y/N’s in a sweet kiss. 

It only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to make Y/N’s blood heat.

They part, breathing unevenly, Y/N bites her lower lip as she looks up into Nesta’s steel-blue eyes. “Do it again,” Y/N pants. 

Nesta gently holds Y/N’s cheek as their lips meet again. It’s tender and unhurried, but it’s clear that Nesta is the one in control. Her tongue slips between Y/N’s lips, exploring and claiming her mouth. 

They part for air, resting forehead against forehead and continue to sway to the music. They both smile shyly, cheeks flushed pink, not noticing anyone but each other. 

They dance for a few more songs together before heading back to their booth for a drink. Azriel wraps his arm around Y/N as she slips into the seat beside him. 

Y/N blushes furiously as a rather pleased-looking Nesta takes the seat opposite her, next to Cassian. 

Cassian uses the bond to speak to Nesta, ‘That wasn’t exactly subtle.’

Nesta replies with the mental image of her making a vulgar gesture. 

————

After calling it a night, Y/N heads home with Azriel, walking hand in hand along the Sidra. 

They stop at the end of the Rainbow, admiring the display of colours. Azriel takes Y/N’s other hand and kisses her lovingly. “Did you have fun tonight, my love?” Azriel asks, his lips curled into a soft small. 

Y/N grips his hands tighter as she blushes again, and looks down at their feet. She had been harbouring feelings for Nesta from the moment they met. Azriel picked up on them fairly quickly through the bond. Though Y/N did her best to hide them, she couldn’t cover up just how alive the female made her feel. 

Azriel gently lifts her chin so their eyes meet. He tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear before running his thumb over her cheek. “No need to be shy, my love. You already had my blessing. I am happy for you.”

Y/N looks up at her mate with wide eyes, silver tears threatening to spill over the edge. “Are you sure?” She asks.

“Of course,” Azriel kisses her softly, “If Nesta brings you more happiness, how can I deny you that? And besides, this” —he points at her chest, over her heart— “has so much love in it. There’s not any less for me if you give some to Nesta as well.” 

Y/N wraps her arms tightly around Azriel, inhaling the scent of him, feeling the firmness of his body in her arms. “I love you so much.” She murmurs into the crook of his neck.

“I love you too, Y/N,” Azriel says, kissing the top of her head. 

[youremyheaven]

The 8h in Astrology💀🦇✨

(this can apply to both tropical and vedic placement of 8th house because regardless of the system employed, the energy felt and experienced is the same :-)

The 8h is perhaps the most mysterious house in astrology and is most commonly associated with sex, death and unexpected events. Its also related to one's longevity, wealth, debts, transformation etc

It is a very misunderstood house, so I thought I'd make a post analysing it and shedding light on its nature<3

8h is connected to finances, occult, revenge, taboos and fears.

Sex, death and transformation form the core of 8h (scorpio). These are very Scorpionic themes and we must understand why. I had already explained how sex and death are interrelated and kind of go hand in hand. Sex and death are similar in the sense that they both offer release from life; the former temporarily and the latter permanently 💀 and when there's talk of sex and death, there is bound to be talk of transformation because both of these are deeply transformative activities.

It is interesting that a water house, like the 8h rules over sex because water is an element that absorbs things quickly. Sex can be best understood as a transfer of energy between two people; this is why sometimes with certain people, sex can feel very draining and post-coitus, many people describe feeling melancholic. Water is the most emotional element because, unlike other elements, it's in the nature of water to merge itself, like rivers merging with the sea; union is essential because water by design flows from itself to eventually reach the ocean.

Each water sign expresses this emotional depth differently but it is at its height in Scorpio which is generally understood as a very "intense sign".

Scorpio is known for its highly sexual nature but it's very rare to see a Scorpio enjoy casual sex (unless they have other placements that encourage it). This is because they deeply crave emotional connection and emotional intimacy.

It is why it's advised to be selective about one's sexual partners; because sex can have a profound impact on one's spiritual energy and cannot be considered a purely physical activity. it's possible for one to be disconnected from their emotions but being intimate with someone is not an un-emotional act by nature since sex is ruled by the water sign of Scorpio/8h.

In French, an orgasm is called "le petit mort" or "little death" and its safe to say that sex & death are closely associated in many cultures.

there is a reason why sex, fears, trauma, taboos are all 8h topics. if you've ever come across someone who naturally exhibits a very potent, magnetic sexual energy and aura, 8/10 times they've lived very messed up lives or come from a home that was less than ideal. this is because sexuality is inherently dark and shadow-y; someone who has a very potent sexual aura can easily intimidate others; they're bound to have a very unsettling effect on others; this is because we unconsciously pick up on the fact that they've been through things we can't imagine. they project things we fear. historically sex symbols have always come from really abusive families, have terrible relationships with their father, usually had to bear their mother's emotional burdens, they've most likely had a string of bad relationships and likely suffered abuse. why is this? whatever we project on the outside is a reflection of what goes on within us.

There is a reason why most people say Old Hollywood actresses were so much more unique and better than the current lot. Not only did they have a distinct persona but they each reflected it energetically. True raw sexuality always points to darkness lurking underneath; this is what makes us curious about them, what draws us in and what makes their presence so intense; like they suck up the air around them.

Most celebs today are beautiful on the outside and possess every feature it takes to be "sexy" but they do not have sex appeal. They lack presence.

(I went off on a tangent lmao, anywayyyyys)

8h is connected to transformation. Birth and death are two of the most fundamentally transformative experiences, not just for the people undergoing it but also for everyone in their lives. In our lives, we also experience ego deaths and spiritual re-births, so we live and die many times before we actually die. Sex too is an activity that is supercharged with transformative potential. There is a reason why sex is performed ritualistically in many occult initiation ceremonies and why Tantra is so heavily associated with sex that it is practically only known as some kind of crazy yogic sex thing. Sex opens up an energetic channel, a doorway so to speak, that allows for new energy to be invited in. There is a reason why many creatives consider their partners to be their muses (although its not necessary for a muse to be their sexual partner; i will get into this in more depth in a future post).

the 8h is connected to unexpected events because by nature we cannot predict either birth or death. we can come up with a tentative time frame but it's not possible to conclusively say someone will die/be born at this specific time. 8h governs all matters that are unexpected; positive and negative. life can turn on a dime. you can go from rags to riches over night but you can also lose your empire in minutes. 8h transits bring about crazy transformative experiences and depending on your placements and aspects, create a lot of emotional turbulence as well.

I have noticed that many 8h natives tend to be heavy sleepers whereas 12h natives often struggle with insomnia.

8h is connected to both wealth/finances as well as debts. This comes down to the fact that the 8h is connected to transformation. Our resources/money is a significator of our karma (in spirituality karma means actions) and therefore they are always undergoing change. There are certain aspects of our life we cannot change (where we are born, who we are born to etc) but our finances are up to us to change and transform. Its interesting that the 8h is linked to loans, debts etc. and not just accumulating wealth. An afflicted 8h can show someone who has a lot of debts or an inability to keep hold of money.

8h is also related to what is kept hidden or secret and finances/debts are usually the things that people are extremely private about (so are other 8h activities like sex and death).

Wherever you have your 8h, you're probably better off keeping those matters very low-key and private because its easy to attract evil eye.

the reason 8h is also associated with revenge is because it represents our shadow side, its the 8th house from the 1st house of self/ego, so it represents what we keep hidden/our shadow. The reason why we feel so triggered by certain people is because they project our shadow (in the Jungian sense of the term). If we ever hate some people for no reason, there is a HIGH chance that our 8h placements are present in their chart.

8h synastry can create some of the most toxic relationships and lead to a lot of purging and projecting on to each other. This is never good for long term relationships.

This is also why 8h is connected to fears. Our fears are usually subconscious and hidden from others and even from our conscious selves. This is again why its also connected to taboos. The 8h essentially covers all that lies underneath the surface.

"A human being is a part of the whole, called by us “Universe”, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security."- Albert Einstein (Jyeshta Moon) 8h

its very common for 8h natives to feel trapped or stuck in their circumstances. being "caged in" is a very definitive 8h experience.

In Tibetan Buddhism, the concept of "Bardo" is present. It is the intermediate, transitional or liminal state between death and re-birth. This need not refer to literal death and re-birth of course.

The experience of Bardo is transcendental, allowing an individual to experience reality in the clearest way possible but it can also be terrifying. It is an opportunity for liberation but it can also prove to be dangerous as one experiences hallucinations based on their karma.

Bardo can be experienced during times when the usual way of life is interrupted, such as during the course of illness, during meditation etc. Such times can prove fruitful for spiritual progress because external constraints diminish. However, they can also present challenges because it can also make us impulsive.

8h transits can often feel this way and having 8h placements itself can feel this way; you're capable of immense spiritual depth but also of causing so much trouble and sometimes its impossible to separate the two.

8h natives could be heavy sleepers or struggle with insomnia (this is more 12h imo)

8h transits are often connected to death 💀 and the 8h placement can provide significant clues about one's lifespan, nature of death etc

“Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have , so to speak pawned a part of their narcissism.”― Sigmund Freud (Moon in 8h)

8h natives experience a riptide of emotions but are unable to channel it effectively. They are not the best at expressing how they feel verbally. The reason why Moon is debilitated in Scorpio is because these natives are unable to express how they feel and unable to receive energy in the same way as Cancerian natives (Moon rules Cancer) this is not due to any other reason but that these natives have such a vast reservoir of emotions and such depth that it's almost too much for them to process and grasp emotions in a nonchalant way.

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”― Stephen King (Jyeshta Moon/Moon in Scorpio)

8h in an earth sign could signify dying of old age, 8h aspecting neptune/uranus/pluto could signify unnatural death, 8h in fire signs could point to violence/accidents.

since the 8h is connected to the subconscious realm, its also linked to psychology, magic and secrets. magic involves tricking the mind into believing something is real when it's not, it's a very 8h activity.

the subconscious also stores our secrets which is why its connected to hate and revenge.

the natural ruling planet of 8h is Saturn and Saturn stands for discipline, justice, karma and time. in life we get what we give (this is also a sexual principle) and this explains the connection between 8h and sex, as well as 8h and saturn.

ultimately scorpio's waters represent that which we hide, be it desire, fear, traumas or taboos.

in vedic astrology, scorpio is exalted in ketu whereas rahu is exalted in taurus (the opposite sign of scorpio is taurus). the fact that ketu is the tail of the dragon with no physical form of its own and that its exalted in a water sign is very telling.

"Ketu signifies the spiritual process of the refinement of materialisation to the spirit and is considered both malefic and benefic, as it causes sorrow and loss, and yet simultaneously turns the individual to God. In other words, it causes material loss to force a more spiritual outlook in the person." (this is from wiki)

I would say Scorpio/8h can be described very similarly. experiencing loss is a big theme in the life of an 8h native. its very easy for 8h natives to give into drugs, other substances and live a very hardened life. its through experiencing loss and heartbreak that an 8h native can break through the cycle and seek spirituality because the 8h is innately connected to the spiritual realm.

these natives can veer between either extremes, i.e, they can be alcoholics/addicts, never experiencing true love/meaningful relationships but through pain, a divine channel opens up and many reform their ways for the better. because an evolved 8h native is capable of profoundly deep intimacy and are the most loyal and protective of companions/partners/friends.

its hard for these natives to find stability and most 8h natives are naturally guarded people, suspicious of others and their intentions which makes them true blue introverts.

🌹true romantics deep down, these natives desire love profoundly but feel unable to express it adequately. if your partner is an 8h native, they'll remember all your likes and dislikes, every little thing about you, pick up on your habits and preferences but they'll seldom verbally gas you up or be affectionate. they're more covert with their love.

being extremely mysterious, many 8h natives could have a not so good reputation. people perceive them in ways that are far removed from who they are. they could also have many secret admirers.

symbolised by the scorpion, a fiercely guarded creature that is intelligent, defensive, dangerous and ruthless to its enemies, 8h natives imbibe quite a few of these traits. they are so defensive because they feel like they have to protect themselves. being a water sign, they absorb things easily and this pollutes their energy.

they're the kindest people underneath it all<33

[cptnhngjng]

ATEEZ NSFW Alphabet

Yunho

smut, mdni, 18+ only, ~2k words

i started this series as just a fun little thing between friends, but i’m going to start posting them on here

A = Aftercare

I feel like Yunho doesn’t do a whole lot with aftercare but he definitely does make sure you are okay and will get anything you ask for. He mostly just wants to lay with you afterwards, cuddling and just being close to you.

B = Body part

Now let’s be fucking for real, his favorite body part of his is his hands. He never thought much of them before but after he realized how weak you are for his hands, he started to like them and use them to his advantage.

Yunho also seems like he would be another “loves everything about you and your body” type, but if he had to choose it’d be your thighs. He would be the type to just rest his hand on your thigh, whether it’s just casually and innocent, or if he has other motives. He loves to see how big his hand looks on your thigh, his fingers gripping you gently.

C = Cum

And if I say he lowkey has a breeding kink—he loves the idea of just finishing inside you. He finds it weirdly intimate; it’s also less messy and he doesn’t seem like the type to get super messy during sex. But if he does decide to cum elsewhere it’s on your tummy. He thinks you would look so cute with his cum all over your soft tummy.

D = Dirty secret

He wants to fuck you while you wear either his hoodie or tshirt. It triggers his size kink. He loves how tiny you look in his clothes.

E = Experience

Firm believer in inexperienced Yunho. He never had sex before you, he was totally lost and unsure about everything. But he is a fast learner.

F = Favorite position

He’s a classic guy, so he is into missionary the most. He likes to be able to look at you. But he is also the type to manipulate you body and move you around anyway he wants. His favorite thing is to press your legs up against your chest. Also enjoys when you ride him especially when he is sitting in his gaming chair.

G = Goofy

Out of all the members, I do think he is one of the few that can be more silly during sex. He doesn’t think it has to be so serious. He’s a silly goofy guy, and that definitely shows in the bedroom too. He can be serious though, but he does prefer sex to be relaxed and lighthearted.

H = Hair

He never thought about grooming before he started being in a serious relationship. But he was never really super hairy anyways. But after dating you and becoming more intimate, he started to be more aware of his grooming habits. He just keeps it fairly trimmed, but doesn’t worry too much about it.

I = Intimacy

I think for him, sex definitely is intimate. He thinks having sex is a way to express love between two people. He would be the type to remind you how much he loves you while having sex. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t against casual, fun sex.

J = Jack off

He doesn’t seem like the type that masturbates much. He much rather wait until he is able to have sex with you. But if he really is desperate to get off, he would want to hear your voice so he either will call you or have videos on his phone that he could watch/listen to you. would so be into you instructing him on how he should do it. tell him what to do. he will be a good, obedient puppy.

K = Kink

SIZE KINK SIZE KINK SIZE KINK SIZE KINK. He loves how tiny you are compared to him, even if there isn’t much of a size difference. I feel like his size kink also feeds into a slight bulging kink—seeing and feeling his cock inside of you.

Choking. At first he was really unsure of it. He didn’t want to hurt you. But you convinced him eventually. And it changed something in him. Seeing his large hand around your throat, having control over something so vital.

Breeding kink!!!!!!!!!!! He lowkey loves how possessive and intimate it is.

Honestly though, I see him being a lot more vanilla when it comes to sex compared to some others. But he isn’t against trying things if you want to try them.

L = Location

He’s a bedroom guy. He likes how safe it is, no fear of being caught. He is also a big guy and likes to be able to have space to comfortably have sex.

M = Motivation

Can I say that simply just you existing is his motivation? He is just so into you.

Sitting in his lap. Just being close to you and holding onto you and feeling how small you are in his arms.

Wearing his clothes. If you are wearing one of his tshirts or hoodies with a pair of shorts or just your underwear. He will have to have you right that instant.

N = No

He isn’t into degradation. He just wants to praise you. He cannot imagine being mean to you.

O = Oral

He prefers to receive. He loves to see you take him in your mouth. Seeing you try to take his big cock into your pretty little mouth, your lips being stretched, gagging on him. But that doesn’t mean he won’t go down on you. He will eat you until you are so overstimulated.

P = Pace

He typically prefers slow and sensual, but he can definitely get rough and fast when he’s especially horny.

Q = Quickie

Not against a quickie, but they aren’t his favorite. He wants to be able to savor sex with you. Take his time, make sure you are getting the very best.

R = Risk

In general, Yunho isn’t into risky sex—he doesn’t want to get caught. He prefers everything to be private. He’s also open to experimenting, especially if it’s something you want to try. He’ll do anything once just for you, even if it’s something he doesn’t particularly want to try.

S = Stamina

Yunho definitely has a lot of stamina. He can go on and on and on. Especially since he prefers more slow sex, he definitely can last a good while.

T = Toys

The thought of using toys kinda freaks him out to be honest. He’s really quite a vanilla guy, likes to keep things simple. If it’s something you want to use or try, he’s game for it, but he would be confused and a little flustered.

U = Unfair

He’s not really much of a tease. But if you tease him, he’ll tease right back. He prefers to just give you everything you want.

V = Volume

I don’t see him as someone who is loud, but he definitely isn’t quiet. He is mostly a grunter and groaner. He loves to hear you though.

W = Wild card

Yunho had you on his lap while he was sitting in his gaming chair. He had your legs spread as his fingers fucked in and out of your cunt. His other hand had a grip on your chin, forcing you to look forward at the mirror that was in front of the two of you.

“Look at you, pretty girl, you are taking my fingers so well,” Yunho whispered into your ear before he placed a kiss on your neck. “Can’t wait to fill you up with my dick.”

Yunho continued to abuse your cunt with his fingers until you hit your first climax. You came around his fingers, drenching them in your juices. He brought them up to your mouth before he forced you to open up with the hand that was holding your head in place. You started to suck on his long digits, tasting yourself on him. He pushed them further into your mouth until you started to gag, your throat constricting around him.

It reminded him of how you were choking on his dick earlier as he fucked your mouth. The way your head hung off the edge of the bed as he pumped his dick in and out—watching the bulge in your throat. His large hand rested on your neck, feeling his cock every time he thrusted into your mouth.

He loved seeing how big he was compared to you. Seeing how small and fragile you were and how you struggled to take him completely. It drives him absolutely insane.

Yunho was getting even more hard as he remembered the borderline pornographic scene that happened just before he fucked you relentless with his fingers. He knew you were prepped and ready to take his dick.

“Good girl,” Yunho breathed out. “All ready to take my dick?”

You nodded as you felt Yunho shift under you, lifting you up slightly by the hips so he could adjust himself. He lined his cock up with your sensitive core before lowering you back down. Despite everything, you still felt the intense stretch of his cock as he pushed inside you.

“Don’t look away,” Yunho commanded when you stopped looking at your reflection in the mirror. “Need you to see how I fill you up. You are made for my dick and my dick only.”

Yunho rested his hand on your lower stomach as you finally sat all the way down on him, his dick stretching you out and filling you up completely. He loved feeling how his big dick filled you up—he pressed against your belly, feeling himself inside of you. You threw your head back as you let out a low moan.

His other hand made way to your neck; he squeezed lightly as a reminder to keep your eyes open and to keep looking forward. “Come on pretty girl, what did I say? Eyes forward.” He squeezed your throat a little harder. You moaned again and felt your pussy flutter from the pressure on your throat.

You looked at your reflection in front of you. Yunho’s large hand holding onto your throat, as his dick stretched out your already abused cunt. It was such a lewd sight. Your eyes were starting to glaze over from how fucked out you were beginning to feel. Yunho started thrust up into you, the tip of his cock brushing against your cervix. Yunho made eye contact with you through the mirror. His cheeks were flushed and you knew he wasn’t going to last much longer.

A few more thrusts, and the both of you were reaching your highs. By now, Yunho had both hands holding onto your hips as he bounced you up and down on his length. He groaned deeply against your neck. “I’m gonna cum,” he grunted out. “Need you to cum with me, pretty girl.”

That was all it took to push you over the edge—your orgasm hit and your cunt clenched Yunho’s dick, making him cum. He filled you to the brim, white, sticky cum starting to leak from your hole.

“You did so well,” Yunho praised you. He placed soft kisses along your shoulder. “Look at how much I filled you up. Your pretty little pussy can’t contain it all.”

X = X-ray

BIG DICK YUNHO!!!! He’s definitely the biggest in ateez. He’s also quite girthy, fills you up quite nicely. Also have you seen his hands? He’s got nice veiny hands, he’s got some prominent veins but it’s not too veiny. Kinda a pretty dick, not as pretty as Seonghwa’s or Yeosang’s though.

Y = Yearning

He’s got about an average sex drive, he’ll want to have sex a few times a week—he prefers long sessions over quick ones so he can go longer in between sessions. But when he’s stressed out or in the middle of preparing for concerts, he tends to have a higher sex drive. Sex helps him relax and clear his mind.

Z = Zzz

He doesn’t fall asleep too quickly. Sex doesn’t particularly make him tired—in fact he tends to get more energized afterwards. He likes to lay with you and hold you close and will wait for you to fall asleep. He’ll watch you for a little bit, but then he’ll get up and do something around the house before he’ll feel ready to go back to bed and sleep.

———

taglist: @bratty-tingz, @yuyuzlilbunny , @xdinarymango, @seonghwasbaby, @i-love-ateez

[stonedcoldfoxtarot]

Your Next Sexual Encounter (18+)

Pile 1 -> Pile 2

Pile 3 -> Pile 4

Deck Used: Erotic Tarot

Pile 1

WoF, 7oC, AoF, 4oF (rev), 3oS, KnoR, Empress, KoC, 10oF, 4oS, 10oC, 5oS, Hanged Man, QoS, 3oC, KnoF

Pile 1, you might come across someone randomly or unexpectedly, or you could go on a few casual dates through a dating app. Your social life may be buzzing with many choices, but you won't settle for just anyone. It takes more than sweet talk to get you into bed.

You'll be enjoying the dating scene and going out with multiple people, maybe even someone who is grounded and another who is passionate. You'll feel attracted to both of them, but you're holding back until you figure out who you want to commit to exclusively. Both individuals will desire both romantic and physical intimacy with you, and since the empress card appears between these options, I sense that starting a family or the desire for it could play a significant role in your decision-making process in the future.

Once you do make your choice, I feel the sexual encounter between you and your person will be very healing and therapeutic. You will both be recovering from past betrayal or heartbreak that left you feeling closed off to new love. However, once the two of you come together, you will each be able to lay all your cards on the table and ask for what you want both in sex and in love. Because of this, sex between you two will be intensely gratifying and fulfilling. You may decide to try some light kinks such as bondage, handcuffs or unusual positions, but you will both mainly focus on making the other person feel desired and at ease. One or both of you might love to talk dirty and this will drive the other person mad - making it hard for them to go slow or hold back. But in-between those moments, you will talk about the future of your connection and how much you are both ready to take the next step and see how things go. This will be a start to a beautiful long-term relationship.

Channelled Song: Hrs & Hrs by Muni Long

Pile 2

5oF, 6oS, Devil, Justice, 10oC, 3oF, 2oR, Empress, 6oC, Temperance, 4oS, AoF, Star, 6oF, 2oC

Pile 2, if this is someone you had a falling out with or recently split up with, they're coming back to show you how much you mean to them. They want to make things right and see if you guys can still patch things up in the bedroom like before. Despite the way things ended, they still feel that the spark and sexual chemistry between you is incredible. They truly feel that whatever caused the rift in the past will soon be a distant memory once you reignite things in the bedroom.

If either of you has felt ignored or left to deal with a broken heart, this person will go the extra mile to make things right. They will show you through their actions and how they care for your heart that they are ready to reconcile and be the person you need them to be. Once you are aware of their desires, it will make your climax together seem like the start of something new and beautiful.

Afterwards, they will express how much they regret taking you for granted or walking away in the past and will open up about their doubts from before. They see you as the most important person in their life and want it known that when it comes down to choosing between you and anyone else, there is absolutely no competition. After you guys hook up, they want to be with you forever.

Channelled Song: Thinking out Loud by Ed Sheeran

Pile 3

KnoR, WoF, 9oC, KnoF, Hanged Man, PoR, KoR, 2oC, 3oS (rev), 7oC, Death (rev), World

I sense that one of you is slow and methodical while the other is more wild and spontaneous, so there may be somewhat of a challenge to find a pace that works for both of you. However, despite your differences, you both will bond over your mutual desire to explore each other’s deepest sexual desires and naughty kinks.

Here, I see lots of foreplay, dirty talk, sex toys, bondage, mutual masterbation and roleplay. One person may enjoy sitting back and watching the other person dance or your partner might want you to dress up in lingerie and give them a lap dance until they c*m. Once you’re in the bedroom, you will both take turns being in control and bringing the other one to orgasm over and over again, no matter how long it takes.

Pile 3, feel free to express yourselves here without any need for impressing or proving anything to anyone. You will both come to each other as you are, ready to indulge in unbridled pleasure and release. With others, one or both of you may have felt they had to hold back in fear of being judged or laughed at, but with this person, you will be able to explore every fantasy in the comfort of each other’s arms. You will not only feel liberated and unrestricted, but also receive support and care on every level. Some of you may feel hesitant about exploring this connection at first, but there's no need to fear anything other than fear itself. Don't miss out on a wonderful experience that could come your way.

Channelled Song: Sex with Me by Rihanna

Pile 4

Empress (rev), KnoS (rev), 8oS, Lovers, QoS, 3oR, 4oS, 5oR, 6oC,7oF, 4oF, WoF, HM, Justice (rev), AoS, AoF

Pile 4, your next sexual encounter will most likely be with someone from the past. It's possible that you'll reconnect with someone you once deeply loved but had to walk away from because they couldn't commit. You got tired of being the only one putting effort into the relationship, so you withdrew your energy. Now, this person is feeling left out in the cold by you. They used to enjoy all the attention and affection you gave them, but now they realize that their player tactics and tired lies no longer work on you like before. They're finally seeing that you've caught onto their game.

Anyway, this person might suggest going on a vacation or a quick escape together, using the opportunity to mend things between you two. They'll want to share their feelings and set the mood with passionate sex, but you won't be as interested as they are. You'll still have a good time and enjoy yourself sexually, but if they bring up getting back together or taking things further, you will reject them and make it clear that you don't see a future with them anymore. You'll treat them like they deserve to be treated and then move on to the next person who catches your eye. You’ll feel like it’s what they deserve for how they treated you in the past and you won’t gaf how they feel about it now.

Channelled Song: I Hate U by SZA

Thanks for reading🔮✨

© 2023 stonedcoldfoxtarot. All rights reserved. Please do not copy, translate, edit or redistribute.

[kumabeom]

saudade love 🫧

episode six : we’ll make it through, just like we always do.

synopsis : actress!yn and actor!soobin are forced by their companies to date as a publicity stunt to promote their latest releases. however what’s to happen when yn and soobin spend more and more time together even though yn’s closest friend is keeping secrets.

soobin’s lips stayed on yours, your back finding the wall. mind completely focused on the boy in front of you, forgetting that this was all an act. no longer caring for the camera that was filming the two of you.

this.

this is what you’ve wanted.

you’ve just wanted attention from none other than choi soobin. something about working with him was different. something about him made your heart flutter at the pure thought of doing the things that the script required you to do.

at one point, you began to blur the lines between acting and your true feelings. so what if your character had feelings towards soobin’s character, it didn’t mean that you were forbidden to feel the same way.

your hand came down to linger underneath his chin, nearly as an expression to invite him in. somehow pulling him closer than he already was. his teeth tugging on your bottom lip. your ears finally hearing your director’s voice. pulling away from soobin, only to catch sight of his exasperated facial expression. your confused face didn’t help you in the slightest but apparently worked for the film as a ‘great reaction’.

in all honesty, you wanted to get out of the situation as quick as possible, feeling nearly embarrassed from the whole thing. cheeks feeling hot, throat beginning to feel a little tight. you went over to monitor your performance. even though you were completely flushed, you managed to stay professional. however, a bit stammered when you were confronted by soobin.

“i think we did a really good job on that! you really helped me so much during that scene..” soobin exclaims, a gummy grin being sent your way.

“i did ? i thought i was going too far, sorry.” you apologized, which warmed soobin’s heart, he’d never received an apology from anyone who he’s worked with. everyone just assumed that actors were okay with the things that they went through during filming. it never really mattered if you felt like your boundaries were being ignored, afterall you did ‘sign up for it.’

“it’s all okay, you really did help, i didn’t know how to lead the scene even though i was supposed to and i feel like you just helped me so much. you made me seem like i was in full control even if i wasn’t.”

saudade love was nothing out of the ordinary, it was a romantic movie with an angsty ending. however, it felt completely new to you. the amount of intimacy was not that overwhelming, but you certainly did feel like it was. the most intimate the movie got was as far as a casual little make out session. but it just felt like a little bit too much for you. and you would’ve complained, but soobin was a rather kind person to work with. he never made you feel uncomfortable… and maybe that’s where your feelings for him began to root from.

your head turned as you heard a knock at your door. looking around to make sure that your room looked decently clean, which it did. there wasn’t much of a mess to make since it wasn’t your literal home. you got up from your bed, going over to the door to see soobin waiting right outside.

“oh, hey.” you greet, sharing a warm smile.

“hey, i just wanted to make sure you were okay.. y’know, after the rumor and all.. i know it was not true and all.. but y’know a lot of people are leaving comments and i know it’s not the most comfortable situation.” soobin says, trying to read your face even though there was nothing to really read.

to be fair, you were one who cared about what other people think. you knew your job came with a lot of criticism but it wasn’t something that you could get used to. even when there were a lot of people who didn’t like you, due to the simple idea of your success, it still bothered you. what had you ever done to deserve all the cruel words thrown your way. “i mean, im probably one of the few people who would know if it’s true or not..”

“im doing fine, soobin.” however, said boy knew very well that you weren’t fine. especially after you had explained to him that you so clearly cared about what others thought of you. but he also didn’t know what to do, how to comfort you without crossing your boundaries. even with the way you spoke it made him feel like he wasn’t really invited in. which you really didn’t mean to make him feel like, but each time you went through something like this, it was bound to happen.

“are you free ?” he asked, only receiving a small nod in return. he pulled his hand out, silently asking for your hand to wrap around his own. which you did, trusting him. your cheeks began to flush, having no idea why he necessarily had to hold your hands. “would you like to watch 10 things i hate about you with me ?”

“umm.. yeah, of course.” you smiled, attempting to prevent any kind of stuttering that was trying to occur. soobin was blinded. so blinded to the point that even if he tried to read you, it wasn’t working. his own heart pattering against his chest. oh would taehyun have a good laugh at seeing the boy so down bad for jung yn, his own costar.

soobin was typically professional. but at one point, it was an impossible situation. from lovers in saudade love, to pretend lovers in real life. the world was your set, and the two of you were doing an over the top job at your task at hand. there was no way the two of you weren’t going to eventually catch feelings, it just happened much quicker than expected.

and you, well everyone knew you were down bad. especially after you claimed that you wanted to marry soobin someday in the future. even if it was an accident, it was your true feelings.

soobin really didn’t have a reason to hold your hand, he just wanted to, so he went for it. and if you knew the thoughts going on in his head, you couldn’t blame him for shooting his shot.

and maybe with soobin’s words that defended you last night, it only made you fall harder, feel weaker against your beating heart. he was there to protect you. and you believed so hard that it was just words for your promotion project, but you didn’t know it was soobin’s true feelings.

he wouldn’t be here standing in front of you if he didn’t mean it. of course like an absolute lovesick fool, the idea of soobin caring for you never really crossed your mind.

“great! i can set it up in the living room, if you’d like to bring any blankets or snacks..” soobin loosened his grip on your hand before moving his hand back to his side. going to your shared living room, and setting up the movie. you tried to move as quick as your brain could let you, grabbing two of the softest throw blankets you had access to and making your way to the living room. placing them down on the couch, and moving to the kitchen to heat up popcorn.

your head rested upon soobin’s shoulder. a flustered blush resting on his cheeks, noticing the way your eyes were closed. mouth slightly ajar, unknowingly snuggling closer to him. soobin knew how much you had gone through throughout the past few days and he was happy to see you sleeping so well. sometimes during the night, he was awake, only to hear you moving around the apartment. he would hear the refrigerator door open and close.

soobin paused the movie, not really caring about it. he never did, but he just wanted a good excuse to spend time with you. and watching your favorite movie was the perfect excuse. soobin fought the constant urge to just press a small kiss onto your cheek, knowing that it was weird to kiss someone, who he wasn’t even dating, while they were asleep.

soobin got up, placing a gentle hand onto your cheek, before letting your head slump down a little. carrying your body into your bedroom. and as much as he didn’t want to burst into your room, he also didn’t want you to sleep in such a compromising position for your neck. he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he knew that he left you in such an aching position. your eyes fluttering open only to shut themselves once again. soobin gently placed your body onto your bed. your hands reaching out for his once you were in the bed, successfully grabbing onto his finger.

soobin couldn’t help but let out a small giggle. finding your habit of clutching onto something so very cute. soobin couldn’t leave, no.. he couldn’t leave not with you holding his finger so preciously. he took a seat on your bed. admiring the way that you were so pretty while you slept. he had never felt this way. from a young age, soobin knew to not develop any feelings towards his co stars..

and it typically worked, so why were you so different from the others. he’s worked in the romantic genre quite a handful of times and he’s never felt so pressured from his heart. he recalls the time that the two of you were practicing a scene together.

you looked over to soobin’s side of the room, his heart racing the more you gave him your attention. you walked over to him, sharing your nicest smile.

“hey.” you greeted, everything was still so new, the first few days of filming. barely having read the script until the other day. you hadn’t realized what you had signed up for. even receiving a call in the middle of the night from your manager, telling you about the pr stunt that you would have to eventually partake in.

“hello.” soobin shared the same kind smile, the two of you watching as a few things on the set were being tweaked and messed around with. “oh also, can you help me with a scene ? i don’t know how i’ll be able to do it..”

and with his simple request, you ended up in his trailer, in his lap.. with your lips against his.

his hands wrapped tightly against yours as you tried your best to manage yourself. soobin letting go of your hands only to wrap them around your waist, as you let your fingers go down to his chin, lifting his lips up towards yours. heavy breathing, but the two of you refused to let each other go.

however all you heard was the sound of the doorknob twisting and you were off of soobin, sitting right next to him. watching as yeji walked right inside of his trailer. nearly confused about your presence just as she was about yours.

“oh yn !! did you hear ?” she exclaimed taking a seat right next to you, stealing your attention from soobin. “i’m doing the ost for saudade love !!”

“you are !?” you asked, happily exclaimed. you held on to yeji’s hands, “that’s great !!”

“yes it is !! i thought i would come tell you in person since we’re kinda like co workers.” yeji stated, still giving no explanation as to why she walked into soobin’s trailer first.

©️kumabeom

an: so soobin has reciprocating feelings 😁 and what’s up with yeji ? 🤨 omg and song kang in sweet home 3 ?? he looks so pretty like 🤭😞

taglist (send asks !) : @run2seob @soobadooba @mrsyawnzzn @matcha-binz @taehyhunnzly @20crowsinahoodie @lun4kazumii @lunathewritingcat @wonjws @enzos-shit @missychief1404 @304blur @coconutjjun @theycallmelolla @girlz4jaem @everythingvirgoes @pinkhor1zon @nshitae @damn-u-min-yoongi @jiweok @wonderstrucktae @thing89

[maxwellssilverbeatles]

if ABO existed in the real world, what flavor of omega would each of the beatles be?

i am here to answer this question that no but me has ever asked! IF YOU DON'T LIKE ABO OR MENTIONS OF IT, DON'T INTERACT WITH THIS POST.

first off, i fully believe that all the beatles would be omegas, maybe george as a token beta, but absolutely no alphas in the band. thinking logistically, this is the 1960s we're talking about, and ABO is basically just a second gender aka a second set of gender norms assigned to people from birth. omega = more feminine traits, alpha = more masculine traits and beta = neutral, we all know this already. but because of this we can assume that omegas experience discrimination in much the same way as women do, a form of sexism based in the fact that omegas are supposed to be subservient to betas and particularly alphas, who are meant to act as protectors of weak, defenseless omegas. in the 1960s, such sexism would be much more normalized in society, and therefore the idea of separation between the different sexes in any context other than courting would be stronger. just as the idea of boy/girl platonic friendship wasn't normalized (even to this day), the idea of casual omega/alpha friendship wouldn't be normalized either. because of that, i believe all four of the beatles would most likely be the same second gender, because of their comfortability and intimacy around one another and the way that most people's closest friends are of the same gender as it's an easily shared and relatable experience.

now, why do i believe they are all specifically omegas? they could just as easily all be alphas or betas? this is where more of my opinion comes in. ABO and the omegaverse was created as a specific way of fetishizing queer male relationships and viewing them through the lenses of staunchly heterosexual, patriarchal relationships. a way to take a homosexual relationship and distill it down to inherently harmful stereotypes of queer people, that there's always a more feminine/masculine presenting person and that whether you decide to top or bottom determines your amount of "gayness" and therefore your masculinity. the creation behind the omegaverse was just a kinky way of being able to view male/male relationships as essentially just a straight relationship in which both partners just so happen to have dicks. alphas are portrayed as big, strong, aggressive protectors with huge cocks to knot their mates with. omegas are seen as overall gentle and demure, who go through periods of heat in which their sexuality is inherently tied to wanting to be fucked and impregnated by their mates aka seen as submissive. betas rarely have any emphasis in omegaverse stories, due to them just being regular people who don't have raging horomones in them telling them to give in to their most basic, sexual, animalistic urges, but they are often portrayed as mediators between the bs of alphas and omegas.

the beatles were never and have never been viewed as pillars of masculinity in the way that other rock stars at the time were viewed. that is just a simple fact, whether it be due to their overwhelmingly large female fan base from the beginning of their careers or the way they dressed and presented themselves. much like their rise to mega-stardom, i believe it was a mix of a lot of different elements of themselves and their brand that let them get this more "soft" label that they eventually tried to break out of. it wasn't just the female fans, as elvis also had a disproportionate number of female fans and he was always seen as a masculine rocker. it was also the matching suits and haircuts, their "silly love songs", their goofy demeanor in interviews and the fact that paul mccartney just has a really pretty face and voice. because of this, i highly doubt the alpha label fits any of them, not because they were particular feminine but because they didn't express their masculinity in a particularly obvious, stereotypical way. one could just say it was the styles of the decade, and i would agree with you, but also not every rock star has people debating on whether or not they were bisexual + having an extremely large community of people fully believing they were fucking/in love their best friend to this day quite like john lennon.

so, they're all omegas imo 🤷 now here's my cringe hcs (,,◕　⋏　◕,,)

paul is a sluttyyyy omega who pretends to be a beta. because of his extremely repressed nature due to his upbringing (*cough* jim mccartney *cough*), he would probably be ashamed about his second gender and try to bottle away his inner feelings on the issue through suppressant abuse (if we're in a universe in which those exist yet) and overall randy-ness (he's a horny boy! he fucks a lot!). his repression leads to a lot of frustration, the regular kind and also the sexual kind, which he expresses primarily through his stubbornness/unwillingness to compromise and his obsession with perfectionism (both represented through his overbearing presence in the studio).

john is a confusing case. he is undoubtably an omega, just like paul, and he also has a great deal of self directed shame as most male omegas do (they're supposed to be masculine as they're boys, but they're also able to get pregnant and go through heats so they're seen as lesser and gay- derogatory). but i also believe he uses his omega status to benefit himself in ways paul does not do (paul hides and represses while john makes self directed digs at himself and his gender and then bats his eyelids to get whatever he wants). he is also more open about his feelings than paul is, talking more freely about his struggles and is more willing to be vulnerable around others. if it weren't for the fact that he was married with a kid, he would've probably received a lot of hate and controversy due to his very un-omegalike and flamboyant personality.

ringo is just a confident omega man who settles down when he's ready to settle down. due to his shorter height, he was never really going to pass as a beta or alpha and he's resigned himself to that. he was also the most disregarded member of the band, which led to him having less of a focus on himself than his other group members, and therefore less pressure to become a family man despite his age. but such inattention leads to insecurity in himself, his looks and his musical abilities which he compensates for by acting as “the funny beatle” and being generally the most easygoing of the 4.

george is the youngest of the group and because of that he was always being overshadowed by an image of innocence and the overwhelming force of johnpaul. he obviously hated this image. he got girlfriends, slept around a lotttt, made sure to be more expressive and loud in interviews, and changed his style and his hair to suit the person he felt he was on the inside but that wouldn't stop the public from viewing him as "the quiet beatle" or the most ideal omega of the 4. it also didn't help that he wanted to experiment more with music and get more of his songs onto the LPs but repressed and stubborn paul mccartney kept treating him like a baby brother.

this is unbelievably long and stupid and probably unreadable as i wrote it in one sitting as a ramble and didn't look over it at all. hope this gets no attention and forces me to realize i need to get a life and a hobby outside of being parasocial about (dead) 80 year olds. holy shit

[foreignswaggersession]

Thank you for your IWTV posts and clearing up misconceptions. Tbh I wouldn't be so annoyed if people weren't constantly determined to do as many bad faith readings as possible when it came to Louis and Armand's relationship. Like of course it was a very flawed and very complicated relationship, we know this! But it's so obvious when a fan is making a post about how it was "completely loveless and devoid of sexual intimacy" solely so their own otp could look better. So many examples that others have already pointed out, including that one take about Louis disliking the first TVD performance, so this means that he hates theater in general and prefers Lestat over Armand (excuse me, what?)

Also more than one person trying to say how loumand had more PDA and not just for Daniel in the Dubai interview. But that this meant "every affectionate gesture between them to ever happen including Paris was just for performance" and was not truly genuine compared to what was with Lestat? Um no shit, Louis and Lestat had more of their love scenes behind closed doors. But also consider the context with how things were in NOLA and Louis having to pose as another person (brother, business partner, etc) because of rumors surrounding him and his lover. How due to racial discrimination he couldn't even get into an opera house without playing Lestat's servant. Then skip forward to the 1940s when he believed he can actually be comfortable doing this openly "Paris was a formative sexual liberation", with him having those casual relationships with other men while cruising. To kissing and being affectionate with Armand in public and not give a damn who is watching or if he's being heckled for it. This isn't even trying to reduce Louis' previous relationships either or say they're less important, more that Louis' comfort with how he expressed his own sexuality and romantic gestures developed over time.

As for Dreamstat... guys he's an extension of Louis' inner thoughts (a complex mixture of emotions before Louis was ready to enter a new relationship), but he wasn't present during loumand sex scenes either... and Louis certainly wasn't having sex with Armand just for Dreamstat to watch??

Despite already knowing what's "endgame" some people still can't allow even a single moment of love, attraction and vulnerability between loumand to just exist without twisting it into something else, or making it actually about Lestat or Daniel while propping up their preferred pairing. good lord, I'm tired of this.

🥰thanks anon! i'm not as familiar with tv fandom so maybe i'm not understanding why people are so resistant to acknowledging louis's attraction to armand (even pre-claudia's murder) when they were together in canon. like in both the show and the book (and not in a future book, devil's minion stans). since when are people not allowed to enjoy different relationships at different times? i think it's silly to ignore or misrepresent whole sections of the plot just to feel like your favorite ship is the more romantic(?) or healthier (😂) ship, i guess? but yeah, recognizing any romance or attraction between louis and armand (especially from louis towards armand) makes some people angry, as though it undermines armand's abuse or any future relationship either party will have.

not much to add to what you said - the majority of fans only care about louis to the extent he cares about lestat, so they focus on dreamstat/lestat scenes in s2 and ignore the many scenes without him. then there are fans that can't let go of their s1 headcanons that conflict with new information from s2 (louis tops sometimes. it's just a fact now. please stop being weird about it.) i also hate the refusal to engage with louis's repeated statements about his changing relationship to his sexuality over time. his sexual preferences are not stuck in 1910, and i don't agree with pathologizing louis topping or having sex with men besides lestat (if you're not into it, just say that, but don't act like there's no evidence for louis enjoying a different sex life in the show).

i'm not a solo shipper and i love thinking about louis so it's not hard for me to imagine louis in multiple relationships (and in various positions 🥵), and lucky for me i get to see that on screen! cause that's what the show is about actually! louis! the titular vampire.

[gravitasmalfunction]

Ashes of Love rewatch, or, what did I miss first time round because I'd never seen a cdrama before:

Eps 1-6

Jinmi is not dressed differently to the other flower fairies because she is the main character, she is dressed that way because grapes are masc

This show set my benchmark for number and awesomeness of female characters in a xianxia that was not met again until Love Between Fairy and Devil

(Pictured: Princess Suihe, chief of the bird tribe, and her sword girlfriend bodyguard, ready to give the senior flower fairy a beating)

The Empress!!! And her manipulative big-eyed facial expressions and perfectly evil little pout <3 <3 <3 Again, benchmarks were being set here and as the Fated Mates crew would put it, buttons installed

*In my loudest middle-aged bisexual voice*:

She's hot!

Various puns are now making sense, like repay/hug (bao/bao) and the "pork" eggs

The Tree!!! Sex tree you will always be famous to me!

While Sexual Harassment Uncle's sleaze was clear, the extent of the possessiveness over Jinmi in the convo between Xufeng ("I can smell her cultivation on you") and Yanyou ("Yeah because we're buddies") was not obvious to me first time round, e.g.

Just ��己人 being pals, swapping cultivation, you know! (Pictured in background: sex tree)

Official language propaganda (because if you don't speak it, how are we supposed to know you're not an idiot??? duh)

The extreme whiplash of the patriarchy reasserting itself after Jinmi gets forcefemmed starts to present as female. She's exactly as lazy a palace attendant as before but now her colleague reads that as so slutty it gives him a nosebleed. Xufeng immediately reads romantic intent into her speech and behaviour, which has not changed at all, except now she's wearing a dress. The only person treating her the same after the outfit change is Sleazy Uncle Matchmaker the Moon Immortal, and that's because he's straight up said Jinmi should bang Xufeng since the very beginning

The translations are doing their best but the scale of the casualness of how Jinmi addresses people just isn't as obvious in translation. I was missing out on character dynamics by not knowing how much potential insult there is in the way she addresses Xufeng (道友 daoyou, after she rescues him, which is what, "person who is going the same way as me"?) and Runyu (a dragon, who she saw chilling in the pond with his tail out and decided he was a fish, and instead of being offended he just never corrected her). Runyu especially, I can see now there are whole essays to be written about how he lets Jinmi address him as "fish immortal" and what it means for his character (self esteem issues much, bro?) and his attitude toward Jinmi (the casualness and disrespect implying a degree of intimacy between the two of them that is not unwelcome to him)

First time around I thought the costumes were amazing but with 5 years of cdrama under my belt now I see they are merely competent, and that's ok too!

[overleftdown]

hi :3 so ik you've said farleigh probably leans into his visible queerness as a way to take control of the way in which hes othered, which leads me to a question. how dyou think his journey of realizing hes queer wouldve gone? like what wouldve been his awakening, is he fully cis, how dyou think hed describe his own queerness if asked? i wanna know your thoughts :0

HEADCANONS HEADCANONS HEADCANONS YIPEE. this post is, obviously, mostly conjecture and extrospection.

archie's audition material was a character having a phone conversation with his mother. in this phone call, the character is describing different sexual encounters with men specifically. assuming this applies to farleigh as a character (considering farleigh is queer and emerald believed this monologue piece was a good reference for an actor for farleigh), i think that queerness is a casual subject between farleigh and frederica.

HOWEVER, queerness is then boiled down to sex. when elspeth is very obnoxiously discussing queerness, she's also referring to queer sex. what we can infer from this movie is that the cattons tend to condense intimacy into sex without any genuine emotion. they have emotions and experience emotional relationships, but they're sort of shrouded in small talk, gossip, transactional dynamics, and other forms of avoidance. this is why oliver's use of genuine emotional vulnerability was so impactful with the cattons.

so, we sort of have this condensed version of queerness in which we view it as exclusively sexual. this adheres to straightness as well. when felix is talking about farleigh's sexcapades with teachers, he uses terminology that would imply these are specifically male/male dynamics. this further complicates farleigh's queerness. his attraction to men is not only perceived as strictly sexual but is also now seen as deviant. a possible parallel to this would be how the cattons see venetia's sexuality. a queer person and a woman, their inability to escape rampant sexualization.

i can see farleigh having the traditional "oh shit, i like men" realization, and all the discomfort and stress that comes with it. i also think that it would be valid to imagine that farleigh just... didn't say anything about it. like, clearly the cattons and his parents knew or found out that oh shit, he likes men. but if queerness is to be strictly a sexual or experimental endeavor, then why have any serious conversation about it at all? archie says that his parents doted on him in a way, but at the same time, they were neglectful. when he wasn't left to his own devices, he was being dragged along to dinner parties with overly mature conversation. all of this leads me to infer that maybe farleigh learned to see his own queerness as a casual affair. homophobia exists and he would've felt and heard that prejudice throughout his life, which might've resulted in an internalized feeling of... perversion?

as for gender identity, i think farleigh would have a slightly ambiguous approach. maybe nothing that people would consider trans, but definitely a less-traditional gender expression. with farleigh's mom being the only real connection he has to the world he's currently existing in, i think he might feel a need to emulate her in some way. i can picture farleigh sneaking into her room to try on her lipstick, perfumes, bath robes, high heels. you feel me? archie described frederica as someone who was probably a model in the past, who reflected the same eccentric style and glam as the rest of the cattons. i can sort of see her being like an older venetia. farleigh, as a queer person, might see femininity as both armor and a tool. in the same way that farleigh seems to treat the other ways in which he is different, i think he would amplify the showstopping "exotic" uniqueness of his queerness while hiding how it truly effects his identity.

i think farleigh's expression of his queerness is similar to everything else he does; "toeing the line," while still indulgent. his relationship with authority figures (teachers) is one of those things that seems like an unhealthy result of internalized homophobia and poor self-esteem in regard to sexuality. not to mention the power dynamic. he's in a position of lesser privilege within most english upper-class academic spaces. i'm getting off track.

i don't know what else to say since all of this is, again, conjecture. take all of this as you will, finn.

[alligaytorrr-official]

so the latest life update is that this girl I've been dating and I pulled a gifts of the magi, where she thought, "well Alli is polyamorous, I need to think about how I feel about polyamory. I'll put myself out there and try dating other people and see how I feel." only to realize it's not really for her. and decided "it wouldn't be fair for Alli to have to compromise being polyamorous, so I'll disengage." and it turns out this other girl she's gone on a few dates with would also rather be monogamous. so she decided she wants to pursue that.

meanwhile I was thinking "she's not sure if she's polyamorous, a relationship might only be feasible if I was okay with monogamy. I should really mull that over." and came to the realization that well. maybe polyamory is not as important to me as I've thought. the more I thought about it, I realized I would be willing to be monogamous with this girl. and I figured "she deserves to be given time to figure out how she feels, I won't bring any of this up until it comes up."

so here are the both of us, putting in all this thought to figure out how feasible a relationship with each other would be, coming to conclusions that were in fact compatible, but choosing not to say anything because we both thought that was the right thing to do. and it doesn't come out into the open until she already decided to pursue someone else.

and she didn't even realize how strongly I felt. which is so funny to me because I thought it was SO obvious. but she had no idea I was so invested in this that it got me to entirely rethink my feelings on polyamory. she had no idea I had fallen in love. and because she thought that an incompatibility in regards to polyamory could be a dealbreaker, while she figured out where she stood she purposefully held herself back from letting herself become too invested.

she didn't even realize how much this situation would break my heart because she thought this was just something casual to me. so there we are having this conversation. and I could just see the moment the realization hit her, of how much this actually meant, of how different it could have been. but we were each operating on what we thought was the best course of action to protect the other, and here we are only getting everything out in the open once it's too late. it is. such a bummer.

and to be clear, fortunately, she made clear that outside of physical intimacy she doesn't want anything to change. she expressed all of what she likes so much about me, and how she's glad to have shared this experience, and how she was even very glad we had the conversation we did. I'm so glad to still have her as a friend. but it does also feel like. well that sounds like this wasn't about anything being wrong between us. it really just comes down to. the right things were not said at the right time and we made the best decisions we could with the information we had and now we're here. and it just is what it is. what else is there to say but. damn.

[mobiusstripper]

So I just finally finished Leviathan Falls a few days ago, and I've already mentioned that I was really pleasantly surprised by the way Tanaka was written. Now part of that is just that I'm a big sucker - as both a reader and a writer - for taking apart characters who are irredeemable bastards and seeing what makes them tick. I was really curious to see other fans' takes on her, and it looks like she was pretty polarizing as a POV characters - some of you guys, like me, really loved to hate her (and maybe even dip a tentative toe into feeling sorry for her), and some of you just plain hated her (and that's fine - some people prefer being able to like their POV characters. I'm not one of those people) or thought her chapters were boring (what book were you reading?). However, I haven't seen anyone really say much about the significance of her interest in (love of, really) art and art history. So I wanna talk a little about that.

The takes I've seen have largely come down to either, "It didn't fit with her character and felt really random," which I'm about to disagree with HARD, or "It served as a device to show that there was more to her that meets the eye, and that she could have gone down a completely different path." This one, I agree with, but I also think there's a lot more to it.

(1) So let's talk about why art history specifically. Why not something else seemingly 180 degrees away from being a Marine, like gardening or culinary science? As an artist who takes myself unapologetically seriously, I have had a lot of conversations with an artist friend of mine lately about the intimacy of art. Art is both an expression of individuality and a vehicle of profound, often terrifying, connection. The former is what Tanaka regards as the core of her being, while the latter is anathema to her. She is drawn to art precisely because it exists in a space of tension between her comfort zone and her deepest fears. It is the razor edge that she loves to walk.

I've said before that I think of art as a form of telepathy - you are trying to capture something inside your own mind and externalize it in a way that it is transmitted into the mind of another person. When Tanaka begins experiencing this very literally in a manner she can't control, it's her worst nightmare. But she loves art because it is a version of this that she can control. It's an outlet for her to fulfill the fundamentally human need for connection when it's never been safe (both literally and psychologically) for her to do so through any other means. She learned that as a child when she sought a hug and got a slap in the face instead.

A number of the art pieces she contemplates are emotionally intense. The Third Miko in particularly is memorable because it is a heavy piece, full of vulnerability and grief and dread. These are the kinds of pieces that not only did the artist have to rip themselves open and pour their soul into in order to produce, but the audience is required to do the same to some extent in order to fully experience them. Turning soul-crushing sadness into usable rage isn't alchemy - it's more like a refinement process; it takes a lot of energy, and there is a lot of waste runoff that still has to go somewhere. For Tanaka, that's where it goes. That's the safe place to put it. Inside of someone else's pain, where no one will ever know it's yours.

(2) The other thing I wanted to talk about hinges on a "blink and you miss it" detail that, for me at least, completely reframed the whole picture regarding the "two roads diverged" aspect of Tanaka's life, and that's the casually dropped revelation that she never actually had a choice in the first place. The way this was written, I'm absolutely certain it was a very deliberate choice by JSAC to undermine the assumptions we as readers had been previously led to make.

The "two roads" framing comes up explicitly three times in the book. The first time is in Chapter 24: "Tanaka hadn’t thought about that painting in decades, or about what a very different life she would have lived if she’d made a few different decisions at the start." The next mention is in Chapter 31, when Dr. Ahmadi is reviewing Tanaka's file. She says, "You refused an advanced scholarship in order to enlist." Both of these references frame it very explicitly as a choice. But then, a few pages later, it's revealed that it actually wasn't: "If Aunt Akari had let her study art history instead of enlisting in active service, where would she be right now? And who would be tracking down the high consul? What else—how many thousands of other things—would be different?" (emphasis mine).

This detail and the way it was just slipped in there actually made me feel terribly sad for her because it reveals that this was, in fact, never where she wanted to be at all. This is more a matter of interpretation, but my takeaway was that the whole thing about her preferring a repressive society might be less the truth and more of a narrative she tells herself because she has spent her entire life deprived of any kind of real agency. It's true that someone who has never experienced life outside a pressure cooker environment might rapidly decompress like a blobfish upon being removed from it (I'm reminded of the memoir The Girl With Seven Names, where the author's mother and brother can't adapt to life outside of North Korea and want to go back), but that's less about being naturally well-suited to it and more about being deeply and maybe irreversibly maladapted.

When Tanaka tells herself she loves life under the boot because it gives her something to push back against, she's making the best of a bad situation by pretending her lack of agency is actually just a really sophisticated form of agency. It's because the only love she has ever known is the threat of consequences, with the only realistic alternative being complete apathy. It's the same mentality that makes abuse victims blame themselves - because, in some ways, the version of events where you were totally helpless and at the mercy of a cold, uncaring universe and the passing whims of other people is more distressing than the version where you brought it upon yourself through your own choices and actions. Wanting (and presumably asking her aunt's permission) to study art history, only to be forced to enlist in the marines instead is just another variation of her reaching for a hug and getting a slap. But if someone cares enough to slap you in the face, at least that means they care, right? "Laconia would put two in the back of my head because they care about what I think and do" is still a nicer story than "Laconia would put two in the back of my head because I'm nobody and nothing and completely disposable to them." It also made me wonder what was meant earlier by "if she’d made a few different decisions at the start." What does she tell herself she could have done differently to change a fate that was never in her hands to begin with?

TL;DR Tanaka loves art because it's the only way she can safely experience human connection and emotions besides anger, and it's implied she would have chosen to study art history if her aunt hadn't forced her to enlist.

[platoniromantic-feelings]

"But romance is different from friendship! It's a completely different, more special feeling!"

Is it?

How much of that "difference" is actually just your own expectations regarding the relationship? How much of that "difference" is just the way you feel able to express your affection in certain ways that are not "allowed" or conventional in platonic friendships, such as by holding hands, cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, and other casual physical intimacies? How much of that "difference" is the joy you feel at being able to freely express love because you are expected to do so in romantic relationships but often feel you can't in platonic friendships? How much of that "difference" is about the way you feel you can plan a future with your romantic prospect but you can't with your friends? How much of that "difference" is pure excitement at finally obtaining something you have fantasised about? How much of that "difference" is your relief at achieving the kind of relationship that your culture has told you is essential, the meeting of a standard, the passing of a test, a verification of your value and desirability as a person? How much of that "difference" is your hope that now you will have companionship forever, you will never be lonely, someone will always want you and take care of you, and your entire life will be more secure because someone else will help you take care of it?

Are you in love with this person, or are you relieved? Is that rush of euphoria genuine love that you genuinely couldn't get anywhere else or with any other relationship, or is it heady relief and freedom and excitement?

Romantic relationships and friendships tend to pan out the same way: they either last or they don't. And yet romantic relationships are given a huge elevation in status because of ... feelings. People plan their futures around romantic partners but not around their friends, sacrifice their careers and lifestyles for their romantic partners but not for their friends, and may discard their friends for the sake of their romantic partners; even if they've known their friends for longer, have more in common with them, and are even, perhaps, closer to them. Because romance supposedly feels different from friendship, and this feeling is apparently powerful enough to leave friendship in its dust; an emotion worth abandoning all else to pursue.

Is romantic love really a completely different, more special feeling? Or is it a tantalising promise of relief from fear?

I'm not trying to tell anyone what they feel. I'm just challenging the ideas that there is a huge gulf between friendship and romance, and that romance feels completely different to friendship because it brings a huge rush of euphoria that friendship doesn't, and that that euphoric feeling is worth more than anything else, even when it doesn't last.