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mishasminions · 4 years

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Here’s why the Supernatural Series Finale Sucked

(AND IT REALLY ISN’T JUST BECAUSE CAS/MISHA WASN’T IN IT)

First of all, I’d like to state, that this perspective is coming from someone who has watched, invested in, and dissected this show for 15 years. I’ve tried to rationalize and justify every single decision each of the main characters made throughout the years, and I’ve always tried to make sense of each of their story arcs from a “bigger picture” standpoint as each season progressed.

Anyway, before I can properly explain why the finale sucked, let me quickly take you through 15 seasons by segregating them into 3 eras, because you can’t really comprehend what Supernatural is about and what it’s become without going through how it tried to expand its universe.

SEASONS 1-5: THE KRIPKE ERA

Now, we all know that Kripke was always set in wrapping up Sam and Dean’s story in 5 seasons, and he did just that.

So, in this era, Supernatural is about two brothers who set out on a journey to fulfill “the family business”. They hunt mythical monsters that terrorize the world, while battling the monsters within themselves. Their ultimate “big bad” is an apocalypse.

Towards the end of this era, we find out that Sam and Dean are actually a parallel to Biblical characters who are brothers turned rivals. And that Sam and Dean’s destiny is to go up against each other.

However, as a dynamic, they have always been about making their own choices, choosing free will, and having a brotherly bond that can power through against any obstacle at any given day.

So, this era is neatly wrapped up with its finale. The characters grow, and get justified endings.

Dean, a man who thinks of himself as two things: 1. Sam’s older brother and protector; and 2. Daddy’s blunt little instrument.

He’s spent his whole life believing that that was his only purpose, and he knew that the only ending he’ll get would either be a bloody death fulfilling his duty to the family business; or laying his life on the line to save his brother.

Dean gets the ending he thought was never possible for him, something he thought he could never deserve. After years of living and dying for his family, he gets a shot at having an apple pie life--to settle down with a nice girl, raise a kid in a house with a white picket fence. With Sam gone, Dean’s responsibility now is to himself.

Sam, on the other hand, never wanted any part of it, because he wasn’t groomed the way Dean was, and because thanks to Dean, Sam wasn’t traumatized or forced into growing up too quickly the way Dean was.

So Sam aspires for a normal life, and works the cases with Dean so he can maybe get some semblance of it, when everything they set out to kill are laid to rest.

Ultimately, Sam performs a selfless act for his brother, who has given up everything for him, and for their cause--to save the world.

The journey is this: Dean sacrifices everything to save Sam, and Sam sacrifices himself so Dean could live.

Apart from being Dean’s “savior” and guardian angel, Castiel’s role in this era is to serve as a mirror to Dean’s journey. Castiel goes from being heaven’s foot soldier, following “God’s orders”; to an angel who learns to choose and feel for the first time in his existence.

After they realize that they’re both daddy’s blunt instruments, Dean starts choosing his own path for himself, and convinces Castiel to join him. Castiel stops following heaven, and starts following Dean.

In the end, with his newfound understanding of the world thanks to Dean, Castiel goes back to heaven to reform it.

We’ve resolved the biblical arc, and the character journeys.

SEASONS 6-10: THE SPIN-OFF ERA

So this is where the show realizes how vast its universe can be, so it tries to expand it by tapping into uncharted lands and experimenting with it.

They take on heaven, reform hell, explore purgatory, have the angels fall, turn Dean into a demon, and kill Death.

Dean and Sam recognize their codependency, and try to rise above it.

They go back and forth between which brother will risk it all for the greater good every other season.

Dean and Cas strengthen their relationship by recognizing the impact they have on each other’s lives.

Cas structures his life and decisions around Dean (Seasons 6-7), and Dean learns to trust and fight for Cas (Seasons 8-9).

Sam and Cas bond (mostly over Dean) because of their shared rationales in decision-making.

Dean, Sam, and even Cas also forge relationships with the people they work with. The concept of “found family” is introduced here.

This era was heavy on the plot while establishing, reinforcing, and solidifying relationships and dynamics.

At this point, it wasn’t just about the brothers anymore.

If Supernatural had ended in Season 10, the logical finale would’ve been Team Free Will, along with the family that they’ve found, going up against the latest big bad (Death or whoever). Maybe they lose them along the way, maybe they all make it out alive, or maybe they go down swinging, but at least the show recognizes and supports the message they keep saying, “Family don’t end with blood”

SEASONS 11-15: THE REWRITE ERA

This is where the show runs out of ideas and decides to invalidate the seasons that came before it.

From bringing Mary back (basically rendering their whole journey pointless because they’ve literally started hunting because of her death), to changing the stipulations in being Michael and Lucifer’s vessels (another character struggle rendered useless), to God himself breaking the fourth wall by saying that the Winchesters get away with everything because “they’re the main characters in his story and everything they’ve been through was just part of a badly written narrative”.

But what we’re getting from this era is that Sam and Dean, along with Cas (who has also deviated from the story) ARE trying to escape a badly written narrative.

That’s the “big bad” in this era. The writer.

At this point, the characters have picked up so many strays (including those from alternate universes), and have settled into their roles in their “found family”. Dean, Sam, and Cas all become surrogate dads and uncles.

They’ve also graduated from the whole “we’re on different sides” and “going behind each other’s backs” drama. And they just want the whole family together.

They’ve all resigned themselves to the cause, but they’re also tired. Dean allows himself to contemplate about wanting more out of life or at least getting a vacation. Sam, on the other hand, realizes his capabilities as an effective leader. Castiel learns to love another being that isn’t Dean (spoiler: it’s Jack).

However, they also realize that they’ve just been puppets on a string all this time.

So what they want now, is to write their own story, and make their own choices knowing that God/the writer isn’t the one fueling their narrative.

So here’s why the finale sucks:

Andrew Dabb, the current showrunner, said that there would be two finales.

15x19 - The finale to wrap up Season 15, and 15x20 - The finale to wrap up the series by “resolving the characters’ journey”

In 15x19 the boys find a way to de-power God/the writer. For the first time in their whole lives, they are free from the story. Their lives are completely theirs now. They can make their own decisions. There are no more “big bads” to fight

And here’s what happens in 15x20:

Immediately after being freed from their story arc, Dean and Sam go back to hunting the monster of the week.

Dean eats pie, gets nailed (literally), makes a 10-minute speech to Sam because he knows he’s dying, then he goes to heaven.

Dean is greeted by Bobby, his surrogate Dad who he hasn’t seen (fully alive) since Season 7. Bobby’s expository dialogue comprises of him explaining that he got out of heaven’s jail, that John and Mary are next door, and that Jack and Cas fixed the dynamics of heaven off-screen.

The first thing Dean decides to do is go for a long drive in his Impala (as if he hasn’t done enough of that already).

Meanwhile, Sam decides to stop hunting after Dean dies, he gets the apple pie life he hadn’t wanted since Season 8 (while Dean was in Purgatory), and names his kid “Dean” for effect. He grows old and dies.

Dean drove around in heaven for so long that Sam catches up to him.

They hug. The end.

Great, right?

After 15 years of struggling to battle their own respective destinies, going up against big bads and even bigger bads, then finally being able to take charge of their own stories, Dean and Sam regress to hunting the monster of the week, and get killed off by a nail and old age. Okay.

Sam gets to retire and have a family, sure, but they still focus on him and the kid he named after his dead brother. Still just “Sam and Dean” through and through. Nothing to do with found family. Just lineage. Just blood. And it ends there.

See, the problem here is that this ending would’ve been passable in The Kripke Era. But we’re 10 years down the road since, and while Sam and Dean are the original main characters, the show isn’t just about them and their codependent relationship anymore.

So you see, even if you take out the whole “Castiel deserves to be in the finale because he’s also a main character with an unfinished story arc” argument, the finale still does no justice to the series it tried to “wrap up”.

But anyway, now I’ll make the case for the problem with Castiel not being in the finale:

In 15x18, we get a 5-minute rushed confession from Castiel to Dean. The context of which are as follows:

1. Earlier in the episode, Dean had wounded Death with her scythe. We later find out that this wound is fatal.

2. Their friends start to “blip out” in a Thanos-like snap, and Dean thinks that Death is causing it, so Dean seeks her out, and Cas goes with him.

3. Dean and Cas anger Death, apparently for no reason because she didn’t even do the thing they thought she did. She chases them to try to kill them

4. Dean and Cas lock themselves in a room. Dean starts a pity party.

5. As Dean goes through hating himself out loud, Cas decides to inform Dean of the deal he made with The Empty. He then proceeds to explain the stipulation of the deal (that he would get taken once he experiences a moment of true happiness), then discusses his newfound happiness philosophy. Dean is getting whiplash.

6. Cas goes on to imply that the one thing that he wanted that he knew he couldn’t have is Dean Winchester reciprocating his romantic feelings for him. (Don’t even try to fight me on this because Cas already has Dean’s platonic love, and he knows that Dean thinks of him as a brother, so if he really meant this in a “familial” way, then why would he think that he couldn’t have the thing that would make him happy?) So Cas’ realization is that telling Dean about his feelings is enough to make him happy.

7. Cas tells Dean all the reasons why he loves him (thereby combating Dean’s self-deprecation tirade), and all the reasons why he’s worthy of his love. Meanwhile, Dean is still winded from the fact that Cas is about to sacrifice himself for him again.

8. Dean never gets to process anything, because Cas is shoving him out of the way, as he and Death (who busts through the door) get taken by The Empty.

After this episode, Dean never speaks of it. Misha Collins supposes that Dean doesn’t reciprocate. Jensen Ackles says that Dean didn’t really get to process it because it was too much, too fast, and that Dean, still dense as ever, thinks that Cas, a celestial being, doesn’t interpret human feelings the same way.

So what was the point of this confession?

Politics and sensitivities of a 2005 network television aside, what does this do for the story?

Cas proclaims his romantic feelings to Dean, but Dean never acknowledges it, doesn’t even give it a passing thought afterwards. So Cas’ big declaration goes unheard.

Cas cashes in on his Empty deal to kill Death (who was dying anyway), in order to save Dean who dies two episodes after.

Dean makes no effort to save Cas (despite being really broken up about his previous deaths, or even spending a whole year in Purgatory looking for him), even after they’ve beaten God, not even asking Jack (who has all the power in the universe) to bring him back (when Jack has already done it before, with less mojo).

Dean moves on to fight the monster of the week. Somewhere off-screen, Jack rescues Cas from The Empty, but Cas uncharacteristically doesn’t even bother to go to Dean? (Every single time he comes back, Dean’s always the first person he goes to)

And Cas, who apparently helped craft and reform the new heaven, isn’t the one who welcomes Dean and explains the new dynamics of it?

Sure, Jan.

Supernatural, you’ve created a finale that only your casual viewers and people who dipped out after Season 5 can appreciate.

Just goes to show how much you actually valued the people who actually invested in your story and characters, and consistently helped keep your show on the air.

[RT this on Twitter]

#SUPERNATURAL #DESTIEL #15X20 #I KNOW I SAID THAT MY LAST LONG POST WAS MY LAST ON EVER BUT I REALLY DIDN'T THINK THE FINALE WOULD BE WORSE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE #INSIGHTFUL INSIGHTS #UNTAGGED #PERSONAL

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davidfosterwallaceandgromit · 3 years

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The day they brought Jack home from Washington, while Sam was helping him settle into the bunker, Dean left for an hour or two to spread Cas’s ashes. Sam offered to go with him, but Dean shook his head, throwing a dark glance at Jack, who was reading the nutritional facts label on his bottle of Sprite. “I’ll do it by myself,” Dean said, and left alone with the cardboard box of ashes in his arms. It had originally held a lamp that Kelly had bought for the lake house. They hadn’t had anything else to hold him in.

When it seemed safe to do so, Sam asked Dean where he’d laid Cas to rest. He wanted to go himself and pay his respects, maybe take Jack along. Dean told him it was a meadow outside of town, with wildflowers and a birdhouse and “a nice little brook.” “Nature, you know. Someplace peaceful,” he said, eyes on his laptop as he typed.

“He would have liked that,” Sam said. Dean made no reply.

But Dean didn’t explain how to get there, to the spot, and he didn’t show Sam where it was. “You don’t have to,” Sam told him, the next time the subject came up. “No, no, I will,” Dean said. “Just remind me.” But whenever Sam reminded him—when they were driving into town, or back to the bunker—it was never the right time. There was always something more urgent, Dean would say, frozen food melting in the grocery bag or a call he was expecting or Jack to check on.

Those weeks were difficult. Summer came on hot and bright, identical days of blinding sun with cool gusts of prairie wind that emptied the warmth away. The trees, the sky, and the blooming flowers all seemed too vivid and colorful, and Sam felt so far away from it—like it was the bright distorted world above the water, and he couldn’t get up to the surface. Some days it seemed the outside world was flaunting how alive it was when he was struggling to mourn his mother and his friend; other days, better days, he thought it was so vivid because he was seeing it through Jack’s eyes. Sam clung to his routine inside the bunker, integrating Jack into it with great deliberation: structure, he felt, was the most important thing to give a child. Sam didn’t like leaving the house. He felt intimidated by the outside world, and preferred to concern himself with Jack. Dean, on the other hand, left often, not wanting to be in the empty bunker, not wanting to be around Jack. Sam was fairly certain that Dean went to visit Cas’s grave by himself, sometimes, but he had no proof.

One morning, after a night when Dean had gotten drunk, Jack was looking particularly wilted at breakfast. He told Sam that he missed Kelly and Castiel. Their names were rarely spoken in the house. Sam could hear Dean in the shower, down the hall, safely out of earshot. He asked Jack what he meant, trying to prompt him to say more.

“I miss them,” Jack repeated, looking down at his cereal bowl with a frown that was almost angry. “There keep being things I want to—ask them about, or tell them. But I can’t.”

“I know,” Sam said. He tried to speak gently. This was one of the few times Jack had opened up to him—he wasn’t going to mess it up. “It’s hard. I miss my mom too. There’s things I wish I could talk to her about... All kinds of things.”

“What about your dad?” Jack asked.

Sam let out a laugh, an unhappy one. “Don’t miss him as much, no.” Sam sighed, sitting down across from Jack. “He and I, we used to fight a lot. He wanted the best for me, but... he wasn’t good at showing it,” Sam finished, lamely, looking down at the wood grain on the table. It was much too early in the morning for a John conversation. Down the hall, the pipes clanked.

“Does Dean hate me?”

Sam looked up quickly. Jack was looking at the table.

“No,” said Sam. “No, Jack. What makes you say that?”

Jack scratched at the wood with his fingernail.

“He won’t look at me.”

Sam swallowed a lump in his throat, chastising himself for getting so worked up.

“He doesn’t hate you, Jack,” Sam said. “It’s not you that Dean is having a hard time with. He’s just... having a hard time. He’s not really himself right now. I’m sorry,” he added.

Jack went on picking at the table.

“Listen. I didn’t know your mom for that long, but she was a very kind person. When I look at you, that’s who I see. And Cas, too.” Sometimes, Jack would say or do something that was so Cas that it made Sam smile despite himself. Maybe that, Sam realized, was the problem. “I know you miss him. I miss him too. A lot. And maybe he’s gone, but he isn’t... gone, from the world. There’s a lot of Cas in you.”

Eyes on the table, Jack nodded a little.

Sam had yet to detect any trace of Jack’s real father in him, and he knew him a lot better than he knew Cas.

That didn’t stop Sam from looking. It never would.

Finally, three weeks after their return, Dean unexpectedly jerked his head out his window one afternoon while they were driving home. “This is it.” They were passing a field, screened by a windbreak and wild shrubs.

“Here?” Sam said. “Oh. I was thinking of a different spot.”

“No, this is it,” Dean said, turning on his blinker even though the road was empty. They turned left onto the dusty access road.

“What is it?” Jack asked from the back seat.

“Uh—” Sam glanced at Dean, to see if he was going to answer, then said, “This is where Dean spread Cas’s ashes.”

“Oh,” said Jack, looking out his window. They had a better view, now. It was a wide, sunny field, dotted with yellow wildflowers. A thin stream divided it from the road.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean growled, slowing down. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

Next to the wooden footbridge, a large yellow backhoe and a big truck full of dirt were parked. A little sign had been stuck in the mud next to the bridge.

Future Site of the Bill Davis Memorial Playing Fields. “For the love of the game!”

The little sign was held up by a flimsy bamboo stick. They stood in front of it for a second, behind Dean, who was running a hand through his hair. Then he yanked the sign up and stalked off over the bridge with it in his fist. Jack and Sam exchanged a look, and followed.

In the meadow, the grass was high and soft, unmowed still, and the wind chased irregular currents over it. The birdhouse stood in the middle like a lighthouse. Swallows dove off and dipped over the waves, catching bugs, and others perched on the little islands of shrubbery. The late afternoon sun was warm on their ears and the backs of their necks, and the wind was cool on their faces. Sam counted thistles, black-eyed susan, even a few wild sunflowers. Dean had crossed the field, and was disappearing into a dip in the land—the brook, presumably.

“Is that a hummingbird?” Jack asked, pointing.

“Yeah,” said Sam. “Well spotted.”

It flitted away from the sunflower and disappeared before they could get a good look at it.

“Dean’s upset,” Jack said. The top of his head was visible in the distance.

“Yeah,” said Sam. “When you bury someone, you want them to have a peaceful resting place, right? But when they start bulldozing this field...”

“It won’t be peaceful anymore,” Jack said. “He wouldn’t hear it, though, would he?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean Castiel. He can’t—hear things? From here?”

“No,” Sam said, suddenly inexplicably sad. “He can’t. But. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk to him. If it helps you. Tell him some of the things you want to tell him.”

“Is that what Dean’s doing?” Jack asked.

Sam nodded, looking for him by the brook.

“Yeah. I think so,” said Sam. He patted the kid on the back. “Give me a minute, okay?”

Sam walked into the field. The birdhouse seemed as good a spot as any, so he stopped beside it, put his hands in his pockets and—with a self-conscious glance in Dean’s direction—bowed his head and closed his eyes. We miss you, Cas, he thought. Me, Jack, Dean. Jack’s a good kid. You’d love him. He reminds me a lot of you. I think he reminds Dean of you, too. And maybe that’s why he has a hard time with him. ... He’s having a really hard time with everything. He misses you. So if you’re listening, if you’re out there, you know... I don’t know where angels go when they die. But I hope you’re watching over us. Dean and Jack, especially.

Amen.

When Dean came back, Jack and Sam were examining the swallows’ nest in the birdhouse. “Don’t get too close,” Sam reminded him, as Jack peered in, trying to see the babies.

“How old are they?” Jack asked.

Sam looked up as Dean arrived, and gave him a nod. If he’d been crying, Sam couldn’t tell. “I don’t know, probably less than a month. Swallows grow pretty fast. They have to migrate at the end of September.”

“Okay, bird nerd,” Dean said, but his heart wasn’t in it.

“Where’s the sign?” Jack asked him.

“I threw it in the stream,” Dean said.

“You picked a beautiful spot, Dean,” Sam said. “Cas would have really liked it here. It’s really nice.”

“It’s stupid, is what it is,” Dean said, gesturing at the trucks. “Is nothing sacred?” He shook his head. “I picked a stupid spot. I should have just—should have just buried him close to the bunker where we could keep an eye on him.”

Sadness tugged at Sam’s heart, directionless and deep. Nothing they did ever turned out right, and here they were, alone again. More alone than they’d been in a long, long time.

Jack closed his eyes, and inhaled. Thinking he was about to tear up, Sam reached for him, but then a low rumble growled in the earth below their feet. The wind picked up around the edge of the field, rustling the leaves and the grass.

“Whoa—” Dean grabbed Jack by the arm. “Hey. What the hell are you doing?”

Jack breathed out, and opened his eyes. The gold glimmer winked away.

“Blackberries,” he said.

Sam looked. Thick, thorny purple blackberry brambles had sprouted all around the edges of the field, clawing into the green grass. Dean looked too, mouth slightly open.

“They’re hard to cut,” Jack said, in explanation.

“Yeah,” said Sam, a little breathless. “Really hard. And they grow fast.”

“Yes,” said Jack, stoutly. “That will slow them down.” He looked at Dean. “At least a little.”

* * *

excerpt from this, still a wip but soon to begin updating i swear. Happy Tombstone Tuesday to you & yours!

#excerpt from #trapdoor #which is almost ready to start posting!!!!! it exists i swear #a very happy tombstone tuesday to you all...#spn #supernatural #my fic

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sortasirius · 4 years

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“Unity” and the Broken Boys

BOY Y’ALL BETTER SIT DOWN BECAUSE THIS IS AS LONG AS CAN BE AND I TOOK OFF WORK TOMORROW SO I’VE GOT TIME

This is....one of the best episodes in the show. Yeah, in all 325 of them, this is hands down one of the best.

First of all, stan Amara for clear skin.

That silent treatment babey, right out the gate with the Angst. Tbh Dean deserves it.

“Like I said, killing Amara, Jack dying...that’s the only way.”

“The only way. Our one shot. Our Last chance. You ever get tired of saying stuff like that?”

“We don’t have to like it, alright? But you and me, we gotta get it done.”

Amara is such a welcome energy in this whole episode. She’s warm and understanding, whip-smart and probably more powerful than Chuck. I love her.

Sam is a wonderful, understanding, loving dad. I love him eternally. He loves Jack so much, he’s trying so desperately to do what’s right for Jack but also what’s right for the world. Jack made this choice, but he can’t live with it. How do you support your child when their life is at stake?

“Come on man. Blindly following orders, lying to Amara, sending her to her death. Does any of this feel right to you??”

“It doesn’t matter how we feel! You know what? Stay. Stay. Someone has to be the grown up here.”

“Yeah well someone has to keep fighting for Jack!”

“He knows what he signed up for!”

“Last I checked, we don’t give up on family.”

“Jack’s not family.”

Y’all should have heard the noise I made. What a fucking line.

“I know how you feel about the kid, I care for him too, I do, but he’s not like you. He’s not like Cas. He’s just not.”

“I’m- I’m ready.”

You can see the regret, the heartbreak in Dean’s eyes. You can see how he wants to take those words back the moment he said them, and for Jack to hear them? It’s unthinkable.

Sam and Cas I’m just so fucking emo dude.

“Sam, you stayed behind to find another way huh? I woulda done the same.”

AMARA

First of all, LOVE this structure.

Amara and Chuck have such a fascinating dynamic. Rob and Emily do a great job (as they have all along) by clearly being siblings but...heightened. You can just tell they both exude power, and the other is the only one they consider an equal.

“You and Dean had that whole weird...thing.”

“That wasn’t you writing?”

“Ugh, not that part. Gross.”

What I took away from this is what I’ve suspected all along. They HAVE free will, just not total free will. Dean and Amara’s connection wasn’t Chuck, there are parts of the story he didn’t write. Obviously, this comes into play later.

I also have a hunch that Chuck doesn’t write romance. I also think that in particular will come into play.

“Balance. Something we’ve never tried before. Creation and destruction, light and dark, brother and sister united again, but on behalf of one world, this world. True balance. The way it was always meant to be. But you can’t. You only care about your pleasure, your story. Well, I guess that makes you the villain.”

“Villains get all the best lines.”

We see again and again this season, Chuck is irredeemable. He doesn’t care about the angels, he doesn’t care about the world, he doesn’t care about anything. He is a petulant toddler who has broken his toys. And when he realizes he’s trapped, he gets angry, he shouts and screams, completely at odds with Amara’s peace.

“You can’t hold me here forever.”

“I can hold you long enough.”

DEAN

Pain is the name of the game in this section homies. Because not only are we dealing with Dean’s pain, we’re also dealing with Jack’s. Jack says he understands why Cas and Sam mean more to Dean, but Dean clearly doesn’t, he, once again, wants to say more, but is stopped, still stopped by his fear: his fear of not beating Chuck.

Alright guys, gals, and non-binary pals. Let’s talk about Adam and Seraphina.

Adam. The first man. And Seraphina. The angel.

“My old lady. She’s the only one who could put up with me all these years.”

Yeah okay. Volume at 100 I get it lmao.

But also: Adam wants God dead not because he and Eve were kicked out of the Garden, but because he went after their sons. The theme of protecting the children strikes again.

“Killing God is your plan?”

“Yeah, Billie’s been giving us a hand but Sera and me, this is our baby.”

This juxtaposed directly with Dean’s own pain at what he has to do to kill Chuck, to gain his free will: the cost of his child.

Adam’s rib.

And who else might get his ribs hurt, only to be likely healed by an angel?

It’s fine, that’s fine. I’m fine with that.

“Jack, I don’t know how to explain it but, when I found out about Chuck, it’s like I wasn’t alive. Not really. You know like my whole life I’ve never been free, but like really free. But now? Now me and Sam, we got a shot at living a life, without all this crap on our backs. And that’s, that’s because of you. So, I want to say, I need to say...thank you, Jack. Thank you.”

I’m gonna have to do a separate post about just Dean in this episode, because there is so fucking much to talk about, but there are a couple of things that I think are important: Dean realizes how wrong he was, to say what he said. He knows that it’s not true, this is the way he’s always coped with loss, by pushing the person to be lost away, but for Jack to hear it? He can’t stand for that.

And:

Dean has finally pushed through the barrier. He won’t be quiet in the face of his doubts anymore. This is a breakthrough for him, and, of course, there are more to come.

SAM

Sam and Cas, my chaos duo.

The box, the inscription, the door.

Death’s library, filled with dead reapers.

And there it is. The Empty.

It tells Sam the plan, the plan for Billie to take God’s place. For everything to go back to the way it’s “supposed to be.”

This has always been the game, since season 13. This is the longest of long games.

Sam fuckin Winchester, lying his way out of a confrontation with the Empty like the legend that he is.

He comes back with a new purpose: to stop Billie’s plan, and here’s where we get to the heart of the episode and maybe the heart of the season.

“You hear that? Dean, brought to the edge of doubt. His sense of duty, his rage winning out in the end. And poor Sam, always gotta know everything. Can’t leave well enough alone. This is my ending, my real ending.”

The gun comes out, pointed at Sam.

Hmm...what did I say during 15x05? Oh yeah, this.

And:

Dean would never survive killing Sam, but he’s willing to do anything, anything to earn his freedom. His ending, where one brother kills the other and then kill himself.

Why, you might ask, did Sam not mention that the angels would be sent back to Heaven, why does he not mention Cas? I’ll tell you why, or rather, Becky will.

Plus, Dean looks back at Cas IMMEDIATELY when Sam says that, when he mentions Eileen, and THAT’S the first time he hesitates. He can’t lose Cas. But at the same time, he’s willing to do anything to have his freedom.

“Sam we don’t have a choice, Jack’s about to blow!”

“We always have a choice!”

You know me, just sitting here thinking about choice, the ability to choose, and how that translates to their free will.

And Sam...I don’t think there will ever be characters I love as much as these.

“I don’t care if Billie gets what she wants! I don’t man, I’d trade it all, I’d trade em all for Chuck. In a heartbeat!”

“What about me?”

“You’d trade me?”

“Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he’ll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can’t live like that man, I can’t live like that, I won’t!”

“I know you feel like that right now, okay? I know you do, but you gotta trust me. My entire life, you’ve protected me. From Dad, from Lucifer, from everything. I didn’t always like it, you know? But it’s the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It’s the only thing I’ve ever known that was true. So please, put the gun away. Just put it away. We’ll figure it out, Dean, we’ll find another way, you and me. We always do.”

Okay I feel like this is going to be one of those scenes that I cry watching for years to come. Because fuck. After fifteen years they finally admit that not only did Dean protect Sam from Lucifer, but he protected him from John. John. On a par with Lucifer.

Dean and Sam have, for so many years, sacrificed themselves for the other. Dean’s demon deal, Sam and the trials, every season they have fought to see who can die the quickest for the other. But this? This is them fighting to stop the violence, to stop from killing the big bad. This is them growing, in our eyes, in real time. Sam has always been able to get through to Dean when no one else had a prayer, but for Dean to listen, for Dean to take his words to heart, to stop the hunt for Sam, for their family, that’s how you know they do have free will.

(Btw Chuck’s eye effect when he dusted Amara was sick as fuck but I’m emo for my boys so.)

Chuck knows it’s a loss, he knows that his story has, once again, been thwarted by the boys making their own choices. And he’s pissed, but in his anger, we get a bomb dropped on us.

“Spare me your contempt Castiel, the self-hating angel of Thursday. You know what every other version of you did after “gripping him tight and raising him from perdition”? They did what they were told. But not you. Not the one off the line with a crack in his chassis.”

Are you fucking kidding me?

Also, just worth bringing up this one as well:

Every Castiel pulled Dean out of Hell. Every one told him the same thing. And yet, immediately, with this Cas and this Dean, something was different. Because what has everyone seen about Cas, from the moment he met Dean?

And there’s our endgame people. Laid out on the line.

But we ain’t done yet, fam.

We’ve talked about the handprint, but you know:

So there you have it, our prep into the “monumental” 15x18. I have spec on that, of course, but I think a novel is long enough for this.

What to take away: Dean’s rage was always Chuck’s plan, they do have free will, their love for each other, for their family, is what will stop Chuck’s control, Death is about to come back with a vengeance, Cas’ deal is at play, and, most importantly, Castiel and Dean Winchester are a blind spot for Chuck, something he has never, not once, controlled.

#welcome to my essay lmao #supernatural #spn #spoilers #my meta #spn 15x17 #destiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #jack kline #castiel #amara #chuck shurley #lilly liveblogs supernatural

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tootiredmotel · 3 years

Text

Wow! This is incredibly late! Sorry about that! I’ll try to keep it short. Thank you so so so much to everyone who participated. You’re all incredibly talented, your creations are magnificent, and there are so! many! It astounds me!!! I love every single one of the things and people on this list, so everyone make sure to check them out! And remember to reblog content creators!!! Beating hearts of fandom! I love you all!!!

(Please check if I missed any of your creations and let me know if I did! Also let me know if you want me to change a title!)

FICS

Letters in ink by @emeraldcas (Dean/Cas ➝ tattoo)

Layers by @one-more-offbeat-anthem (Dean/Cas ➝ tattoo)

Seventeen Again: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 by @magickastiel (Dean/Cas ➝ multi)

A hint of blue by @thee5th (Dean/Cas ➝ blue)

Sweet potatoes by @sikennatural (Dean/Cas, Jack ➝ “I can’t believe you”)

One spark starts a fire by @starrynightdeancas (Dean/Cas, TFW 2.0 ➝ “I can’t believe you”)

Ad astra per aspera by @jeremy-carver (Dean, Dean/Cassie, Dean/Lee ➝ multi)

Our place by @jactingjoices (+ ART, Dean/Cas, ➝ sunset, secret)

Cheese by @one-more-offbeat-anthem (Dean/Cas ➝ secret)

Gift-giving by @wormstacheangel (Dean/Cas ➝ “I can’t believe you”)

The shop by @wormstacheangel (Dean, Dean/Cas, Sam & Dean ➝ secret, “I need it”)

Outfits by @sikennatural (Dean, Eileen, Claire/Kaia ➝ secret)

The secret by @thee5th (Dean/Cas ➝ secret)

Protection by @starrynightdeancas (Dean/Cas ➝ secret)

No, you hang up first by @emeraldcas (Dean/Cas ➝ secret)

Favorite everything by @queen-rowenas (Dean/Cas, TFW 2.0 ➝ blue, “I can’t believe you”)

Waiting up by @one-more-offbeat-anthem (Dean/Cas ➝ reunite)

First crush by @kuinaromo (Dean, Dean/other, Dean/Cas ➝ tattoo)

New name by @sikennatural (Dean ➝ handwrite)

Crappy motels by @queen-rowenas (Dean/Cas ➝ secret, “I need it”)

But I’m singing like a bird about it now by @dirtangeldean (Dean/Cas ➝ regret)

Paper by @one-more-offbeat-anthem (Dean/Cas ➝ regret)

Repent by @sikennatural (Cas ➝ regret)

Movie night by @starrynightdeancas (Dean/Cas ➝ “is that a threat?)

They’re here! by @wormstacheangel (TFW 2.0 ➝ reunite)

Nostalgia by @starrynightdeancas (Cas & Sam, Dean/Cas ➝ cassette)

Fights by @wormstacheangel (Dean/Cas ➝ “is that a threat?)

Tell me what it says by @queen-rowenas (Dean/Cas ➝ handwrite)

Promise by me (Sam/Eileen ➝ “is that a threat?)

On the correlation between weariness and bravery by me (Dean/Cas ➝ free)

VIDEOS

Cruel Summer by @rederadean (Dean/Cas ➝ blue)

Dress by @rederadean (Dean/Cas ➝ secret)

Nevermore by @castielsbestie (Dean/Cas ➝ free)

Beautiful liar by @bigdeastiel (Dean/Cas/Crowley ➝ free)

What kind of man loves like this? by @nightshifters (Dean, Dean/Cas ➝ free)

Afterglow by @rederadean (Dean/Cas ➝ free)

EDITS

Blue jeans // 9x06 by @casismymrdarcy (Dean/Cas ➝ blue)

Impossible year by @10x02 (Dean/Cas ➝ blue, tattoo)

TFW 2.0 + blue flowers by @floral-cas (TFW 2.0 ➝ blue)

Cas + purple poppy field by @floral-cas (Cas ➝ sunset)

Glitch motel by @jactingjoices (Misc. ➝ free)

Dean’s notes by @jactingjoices (Dean ➝ handwrite)

Only the lonely survive by @emeraldcas (Dean/Cas ➝ regret)

Not saying it by @foolsdreamhigh (Dean/Cas ➝ regret)

Gift by @jactingjoices (Dean/Cas ➝ cassette)

4x01 // 15x18 // Mr. Blue Sky by me (Cas, Dean/Cas ➝ blue)

Do you want to know a secret? by me (Dean/Cas ➝ secret)

For each other by me (TFW 2.0 ➝ handwrite)

ART

Anna by @frankenstiel (Anna ➝ blue, tattoo)

Blue Eyes by @mariek-artblog (Dean/Cas ➝ blue)

Navy Capt. Castiel "Squints" Singer by @justcastiel (Cas ➝ blue)

The deal by @the-big-red-cheesecake / @heres-to-evil-skanks (Dean/Cas ➝ secret)

Glow by @fimmfstiel (Dean/Cas ➝ sunset)

There ain’t no asylum here by @lila-tom (Cas ➝ handwrite)

I accept by @mariek-artblog (Dean/Cas ➝ secret)

Notes from dad by @emeraldcas (Cas & Jack ➝ handwrite)

Jack’s drawing by @thee5th (Jack ➝ handwrite)

Forest date by @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie (Dean/Cas ➝ sunset, cassette)

Dean’s top 13 MIKA traxx by @mariek-artblog (Dean/Cas ➝ cassette)

Nighttime by @stressedtaco (Dean/Cas ➝ blue)

GIFS

The one thing I want by @theedorksinlove (Dean/Cas ➝ blue)

Trueform Cas by @xofemeraldstars (Cas ➝ blue)

Dean in 7x05 by @acklesology (Dean ➝ blue)

I can wait by @theedorksinlove (Dean/Cas ➝ secret)

Peace by @evermoredeancas (Dean/Cas ➝ secret)

Reflections by @xofemeraldstars (Dean/Cas ➝ sunset)

Secret’s out by @acklesology (Dean/Cas ➝ secret)

End of me by @bebecas (Dean, Dean/Cas ➝ sunset)

I’m not a hammer by @meltedwingscas (Cas ➝ secret)

Not leaving here without you by @theedorksinlove (Dean/Cas ➝ reunite)

Alive by @xofemeraldstars (Dean/Cas, TFW 2.0 ➝ reunite)

Purgatory by @hellfirecas (Dean/Cas ➝ blue)

Love song by @evermoredeancas (Dean/Cas ➝ cassette)

The sad thing by @theedorksinlove (Dean/Cas ➝ regret)

Forgiveness by @xofemeraldstars (Dean/Cas ➝ regret)

7x01 by @bebecas (Dean/Cas ➝ regret)

12x10 // 12x19 montage by @reblogging4thewin (Dean/Cas ➝ multi)

Last kiss by @evermoredeancas (Dean/Cas ➝ free)

POETRY

What God Is by @sikennatural (Dean, Dean/Cassie, Dean/Cas ➝ blue)

June 1991 by @faithroad (Dean, Dean/Cas ➝ blue)

The sun trilogy by @casismymrdarcy (Dean/Cas ➝ sunset)

Blue by @softsophos (Dean/Cas ➝ blue)

About last night: d.w. by @deanolantern (Dean/Cas ➝ “about last night”)

You died today by @starrynightdeancas (Dean/Cas ➝ handwrite)

Always happy to bleed for the Winchesters by @softsophos (Cas ➝ secret)

META

Blue Unicorn / Unicornio azul by @zorelle (Dean/Cas ➝ blue)

#hope all the links work too lmao #i had to redo a lot of them that i did back then when y'all still had your halloween urls #this is literally a month late i am so sorry jdsghkdf #life stuff!#anyway thank youuuu ily all so so much. moon and back #and there might be another event on the horizon so stay tuned ;)#tootired500 #tootired500.master #long post

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wormstacheangel · 3 years

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For The Girl Who Has Everything

Masterpost link for Reelin’ In The Years: Here

AO3 Link: Here

wc: 2.4k Summary: Claire is too mad to even look at Cas let alone talk to him. Dean knew he had to step up because two people with messed up childhoods and anger issues really need to spend more time together talking about their feelings.

When Chuck was defeated, a lot of people came to the bunker to celebrate. Those times were a big blur to Dean, his focus was on finding a way to save Cas, and it wasn’t until he saw Claire run down those steps that the world focused again. She smiled at him, a rare big grin, before her arms wrapped around his neck to bring him down for a hug with an intoxicating giggle.

‘She didn’t know,’ Dean thought as his arms hung loosely at his sides.

He hid his face in her curls, not knowing how to face another kid Cas left behind because of him. He was holding his breath when she pulled away to look at him. Her eyebrows were raised in a question that Dean didn’t hear. Didn’t want to hear.

She repeated it, “Dude, where’s Cas? Is the old man sleeping or something?”

‘Yes.’ Dean swallowed the hard lump in his throat.

He didn’t look at the audience around them when he finally opened his mouth to say, “Claire, Ca—” He couldn’t say his name. He felt like it would tear the fragile wall that was keeping him on his feet if he did. “I’m sorry.”

Dean watched as her face twisted into confusion, understanding, and then settling into anger.

She was trying to fight the tears, but they fell as she yelled, “No! No, you were—Where were you? Why didn’t you protect him?”

“He protected me. He—he saved me.”

She looked at him with round eyes, shaking her head as if not wanting to believe it.

“Then it should’ve been you! You should’ve died! Not him!” Dean flinched at the words that have been echoing in his head since that night. “It’s not fair!”

Claire’s angry fist collided with his chest. He flinched at every hit but didn’t back away as her punches became sporadic but still filled with grief. Maybe even guilt.

“I’m sorry.” Dean knew those words did nothing to comfort, but he couldn’t help but say them. “I’m so sorry, Claire.”

She screamed in frustration until her punches weakened, and he was holding her. Then, finally, she fell against him, her face hidden in his chest as her grip tightened on his shirt.

She didn’t stay after that.

She walked back up the stairs with Jody and Kaia following behind her. Jack tried to talk to her, but she couldn’t even look at him. Dean couldn’t blame her.

It’s hard to look at the kid when he reminded them of the person they lost.

Of course, Dean never told Cas any of this.

Since coming back, Cas had been dealing with the silent treatment from the killer Barbie. She only replied with the thumbs-up emoji, and when Cas was too much, she responded with the middle finger emoji. A little warning advising Cas to back off.

She only visited him once, but that was when Cas was in the hospital. She freaked out, yelled at him for being stupid, and then passed out by his bed only to leave the next morning like nothing ever happened. Still, it made Cas feel a little better knowing she still cared, but she was dealing with it her way. Or, as Cas liked to say, she was dealing with feelings the Dean Winchester way. Of course, he’ll argue it wasn’t true, but he knows he won’t win that one.

Now he was sitting awkwardly in Jody’s living room watching Kaia and Patience play with Jack on the floor while Claire and Cas had a yelling match in the privacy of the backyard. Well, Claire was yelling while Cas was trying very hard to keep his tone even, which only made Claire angrier.

“I’m done talking to you!” Claire slid the glass door open and stormed through the living room.

“Then try listening to me!” Cas followed behind her, watching as she walked straight past the living room and towards the front door. “Claire. Claire, where are you going?”

She whipped around to glare daggers at Cas, eyes wide filled with tears, but she still looked at him with a pained grimace. “Did you even think of me? When you were out there being a damn hero. Did you-Did you think of me?” Her voice breaking on the last word made Dean flinch.

“Claire, of course-”

“No. No, of course, you didn’t. Cause if you did, then you wouldn’t have-” She bit her cheek as tears started to fall. She stood tall, presenting as strong, as her expression hardened. “You left me, Castiel. And now I-I don’t,” She looked around the room. It was quiet as everyone watched the interaction before her eyes landed on a little Jack in Kaia’s arms. She clicked her tongue before turning back to the door. “I’m leaving.”

“Claire.” Cas tried following her, but Dean quickly rushed up to stop him. “Dean. I may not have my strength, but I will-”

“Calm down, Rocky,” Dean had a hand on Cas’s shoulder to stop him. “I just wanted to stop you from making it worse.”

“I don’t think I can. She hates me.”

“She doesn’t.” He assures his boyfriend with a little smile, but Cas simply rolled his eyes at him. “Okay, you stay here. Talk to your son, and I’ll go talk to the other kid.”

“Oh yeah? What are you going to say to her?”

“I don’t know, but like you said before. Two fuck up’s just understand each other.”

“I didn’t say-”

“Yeah. Yeah. Just let me handle this. You trust me, right?”

Cas made a face at that, not answering quickly enough before he said, “Just bring her home.”

“Gee. Thanks for the confidence, babe.”

Dean ran after Claire, forcing his way to her passenger side as she started to back up on the driveway.

“Thanks for waiting, kid. Where we going?” Dean buckled up just in time for Claire to slam the breaks. Unfortunately, he hit his head on the front dash because the damn seat was scooted forward, his knees were practically pressed against his chest, which made sense knowing a tiny Kaia would usually occupy the seat. “Ow.”

“You aren’t going anywhere. Get out.”

Dean ignored her scary and oddly familiar glare as he pushed the seat back so his legs could fit. “Oh, come on. My treat.”

She didn’t have time to argue because Cas walked out of the front door—his trust in him really was lacking—and Claire decided that dealing with Dean was much easier than having to talk to Cas again. But, of course, he would take that as a compliment.

Claire drove with loud rocker girl music vibrating the windows and didn’t stop until she finally parked outside some ice cream shop.

“I want a shake.” She sniffled, and Dean did his best to ignore her red blotchy eyes for her sake.

“Sure, kid.”

They drank their shakes and shared some fries while sitting on top of Claire’s ugly little red. Well, she sat, and he leaned, but either way, silence remained.

He didn’t want to pressure her to talk—she would probably lie if he did—but still, he wanted to ease the tension between Cas and her, salvage a relationship he knew was important to both of them, but he didn’t know where to start.

Maybe he could start with his own guilt.

“I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat as he felt the smooth ice cream start to turn to gum down his throat. He looked down at his shake, lifting the straw up and down to hear the gloppy sound while trying to figure out what to say to her.

She hummed, “‘bout what?”

“Not telling you. About Cas. What happened to him.” He sighed and looked back at her. “Sorry. I should have called, but I wasn’t—I was a mess. I couldn’t be there for you. I couldn’t even be there for Jack. I should have-”

“It’s okay.” She waved her hand up to stop him. “I-I get it. I mean, it’s not, but whatever.”

“So, are you gonna tell me why you’re mad?”

She rolled her eyes, once again the gesture was familiar, before slamming the shake on the hood and sliding off the car. She crossed her arms over her chest, looking so small as she kicked a pebble on the floor.

“He replaced me.”

Her voice was quiet. Almost like she didn’t want to admit it out loud.

“I know it’s stupid and-and I’m acting like a child, but…” She quickly sniffled again before running her hand through her hair nervously. Looking up to stare into the darkening sky, acting like everything was okay. “He’s not my Dad, but he’s the closest thing I have, and I just thought—I just thought that maybe he felt the same way.”

She shrugged, her lips pinching together as if trying to hold something back, before retaking control of her expression. A glare directed towards Dean replaced the lost child stare into the stars, but the lost child was still there.

��Kid…” Dean sighed, head scrambling for words.

“I’m not a kid.”

“You’ll always be a kid to me.”

Claire teased with a little smirk. She definitely learned this from Dean or Jody. “Whatever you say, old man.”

“Old—Claire.” She let out a breath of a laugh before rolling her eyes away from Dean. “I’m trying to be serious. Cas… he loves you. He-he loves you like you were his own.” She didn’t look at him, but he could see her face scrunch up, ready to argue. “He worries about you constantly, and Jack knows all about you because he won’t shut up about how awesome you are.”

“He says that? He says I’m awesome?”

“Well, awesome is my word, but you get the gist.” He turns to face her even though she doesn’t meet his gaze. “Cas may not be your Dad, but he loves you like a daughter. Sometimes—yeah, a lot of the time actually—he makes stupid decisions, but it’s cause he is trying his best. And he cares. That dumbass cares way too much about the damn world, but he’s also someone who would give up the whole world if it meant keeping you safe.”

“Stop making excuses for him!”

“Claire, you gotta believe me. He didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She finally turned to look at him. “But he did. He hurt me! He left me!”

“He left me too!” Dean raised his voice; it sounded broken to admit such a thing out loud. And to Claire of all people. He slumped down against the car again and looked at the ground to ignore her big blue eyes throwing sympathy glares his way. “He left me—more times than you know. And—and don’t tell anyone I told you this—but I…I was scared. Each goddamn time I’m scared that this may be it! That this time…this time he won’t come back to me.”

“But he did.” Her voice sounded so far away.

“Yeah. Had to work a little bit harder on my end, but I got him.” He reached over and patted her shoulder. “We got him back.”

Something in the way her eyes went cold and far away made his fight drain out. He didn’t know what else he could do or say, but he opened his arms just in time to have her fall against him. His face mushed into her curls while he hugged her tight into his chest.

“Were you mad at Cas?”

Dean thought about it for a second. “No. I mean, I was at first. That asshole got himself killed over and over again. Leaving me alone.”

“But you had Sam. Jack.”

“Yeah,” Dean pulled back and looked down at her. “Well, you had Jody. Kaia. Alex. Patience and even Donna. Made it any easier for you?”

“No.”

“No.” He chuckled while she hid her face from him, asking him to continue. “But I was mad at him. Real fucking pissed, actually. At him. At…at everyone. Sam and Jack didn’t even wanna be near me.” He tries to shake off those dark memories of screaming and feeling nothing but agonizing loneliness. “I just shut down and gave up on…a lot of things because he was gone. Couldn’t really see a point, you know?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“I get why you’re mad, Claire. Trust me, I do, but he’s back now.”

“And I’m just supposed to forgive him? Did you just forgive him?”

Dean shrugged, looking back down at her sad baby blues. Hoping she would understand and that she won’t tease him about it later on. “I didn’t want to waste any time being mad at him. I love him too much.”

“Gross.” She pushed him away this time, tucking her hair behind her ear before smiling at him. It reminded him of Jack’s little shy smile. “But I-I think you’re right. Maybe I’m done wasting time.”

They drove back with the music luckily a little lower but Dean just watched Claire drive with a growing smile on his face. He’s gonna have to admit that Cas was right, two messed up people can really relate and help each other out.

When they walked into the house, Dean took Jody from marching over to Claire to lecture her. “Just wait,” he whispered to her, and luckily she listened to him. They both held their breath as Claire walked over to Cas—who looked like he had been sitting in that seat freaking out since they left—and asked if they could try talking outside again. He blinked up at her a few times before nodding, following her to the backyard again.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief when the glass door closed behind them.

“Dean.” He looked up towards his kid, who reached for him from Kaia’s arms on the couch. Dean quickly walked over to pick him up, pressing a kiss to his head while trying not to let guilt eat at him. “Is Dad okay?”

“Don’t worry, bud.” Dean watched Jack’s eyes that showed how much he has experienced, how much he understood. “He’ll be fine.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

On the drive back, Cas had a smile plastered across his face. They hadn’t had a chance to talk about what happened, considering Cas walked in, ready to introduce Jack to Claire. Then Cas spent the rest of the night watching his kids getting along, looking the happiest Dean had seen him in a really long time.

“So, what did you and Claire talk about?”

Cas hummed before looking up at Dean as if just remembering that he was there. “Oh. Um, she just made me promise her something.”

“And what’s that?”

“Same thing I promised you. Don’t get dead anymore.”

“Oh. Good. Keep that promise.”

“I’ll do my best.” Cas looked back at Jack before he leaned over and pressed a kiss on Dean’s cheek. “I have a lot to live for now. A family.”

A family. Yeah.

Dean took a peek at Jack with the mirror and then watched as Cas changed his phone background pic to one of Claire spinning Jack around in the living room.

They were a real family.

#shhhh we are gonna pretend it hasn't been months since i updated lol #4 months geez okay well have this #wormstachewrites #dadstiel #destiel #claire #baby!jack #dean #cas #jack #destiel fanfic

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creativeashproductions · 4 years

Text

What's a Knife Between Onscreen Family // Charlie Gillespie

Summary: Filming an emotionally wrought scene on the set of your current role as a regular goes very wrong very fast. Expecting the scene to be the most taxing of the day you find yourself in the ER getting a transfusion. It’s all fun and games until someone’s holding a sharp knife incorrectly, guess it’s just something in common with co-star Jared Padalecki.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, fear, injuries, hospital, needles, angst, and fluff

Words: 3.5k (including lyrics)

A/N: I watched a part of a panel from a Supernatural con and found it hilarious that Jensen accidently stabbed Jared. So I had to write that for a Charlie Gillespie fic. Link to the video talking about the stabbing is right below this message.

Jensen Ackles Accidentally Stabbed Jared Padalecki during filming From 1:00-6:00

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX PLEASE!

Masterlist

It had to be one of the most emotionally taxing scenes in your entire career as an actress on a physically demanding show. The scene had been incredibly mentally draining the daughter of a Winchester. It had been once season recurring, one series regular and now filming the third season. As the teenage Winchester, it threw a wrench in all the plans and the reckless character gave no shits.

“Okay, this is our last scene for the day!” Robert Singer, the director of his episode, called out from off stage. Standing at the top of the stairs in the Bunker, you jumped in close with a scrunched nose at the squishy sound.

Over the railing, both Jared and Jensen nodded their support from the ground level with concerned expressions. Ever since you joined the cast in season 13, they had become fathers to you. The sight of you drenched in stage blood was enough to churn their stomachs.

“I gave you the barebones of the scene so work with it. Briar’s traumatized after fighting for her life and has been gone for a while.” Robert explained, “Cas couldn’t find her. I want this to be a tribute like Dean in season 10 episode 14: The Executioner’s Song.”

Taking a deep breath in your emotions channelled into a hurricane in your chest, clenching your fingers on the knife.

“Action!”

Pacing the floor plan of the Bunker is two brothers bonded by sorrow, pain, sacrifice and love. Each throwing out locations on where Briar could be, Jack and Cas had been little help. Sam’s heart clenched tight bypassing images straight to torture. The kind of torture he had endured over the years.

Dean’s mouth opened to suggest another place when the Bunker door creaked open. The red converse appeared before the soggy jeans as the teen slowly made her way down the steps. Briar Winchester shook like a leaf staring off in the distance as the blood congealed on her face and hands.

“Briar.” Dean slowly spoke, moving towards the girl. His green eyes lit up in fury as the seventeen-year-old flinched back. Dean’s hand gently took the stained knife from the young girl.

“I-I didn’t mean to do it.” The meek voice appeared so unlike the usual confidence Briar talked with. In exhaustion, Briar’s knees collapsed, sending the teen right into Dean’s arms.

The stoic man gripped the youngest Winchester as his waist bearing her weight against his while Sam circled to be behind Dean. The choked sob echoed by another escaped the family huddle; one from Briar and the other from Dean.

“Dad.” Briar choked clenching her arms around the green-eyed adult’s shoulders, craving the safety of her father.

Ever since Dean could remember he had had a strict rule of always practising safe sex, he didn’t want a kid. Not in a world that had it out for Winchesters and not one where he might hold his child’s dead body in his arms. That all changed when Cas delivered Dean to a county jail where Briar was held just for a minor assault charge on a wealthy bully.

Dean never let himself want a future with the picket fence and the dog in the backyard but when Briar changed that. Dean would do anything for his family no matter the cost. Example: Selling his soul for Sam.

“Sh.” Dean spoke kissing the crown of her hair he savoured having his child safe in his arms, “I’ll help you to the bathroom to get cleaned up. We’ll heat some soup and toast.”

On autopilot, Dean helped Briar down the hall to the bathroom where she would freshen up and later burn the unsalvageable clothing. As Dean returned to Sam’s side, Castiel came with a sombre expression and an explanation.

“Dean. Sam.” Cas greeted them, flicking his blue gaze between the two brothers. The faint sound of the shower only picked up by the trained heightened sense of hearing from years of watching over their backs.

“Cas what the hell happened?” Dean demanded, “Why the hell is my little girl bruised and coated in blood?”

END FILMING SCENE

“Cut!” Robert called out to the large room with a big smile on his face, “I’ll watch it back. See if we need more takes.”

Jared and Jensen wiped the tears that fell from their cheeks just thinking on how wrought that scene felt. As fathers seeing a young adult in such a state severely agonized them. The duo jogged to see your back against the cold wall—a pinched expression marring your young face.

“How are you feeling after that?” Jensen asked, coming closer to squeeze your shoulders unfazed by the sticky fake blood. It was already all over his clothes from hugging you in character.

“You shouldn’t be allowed to have sharp objects.” You spoke glancing down at your knee that had been punctured by the knife. The dark jeans soaked in stage blood now concealed the real blood.

“Jensen, did you really stab another person.” Jared deadpanned his best friend referencing back a few years. Jared shoved one hand through his hair, receiving a nasty glare from the hairstylist on call.

The glare on Jensen’s face blistered the taller actor, “I didn’t stab you. You walked into the knife.”

The two bickered as they guided you back to the main stage where Robert had reached a final verdict. He had watched the replay twice along with his crew finding the raw emotion to be perfect. The little detail the three had added was well played. Dean unexpectedly consoling his daughter in tears; no threats to kill or push her to tell him what happened. The first time Briar referring to Dean as her father. Lastly, Sam’s unsure actions in consoling a young girl sucked into life like he was in his youth.

“We got a one-take winner!” Robert called out sending the entire crowd into loud applause and cheers. Jared taking most of your weight as you hobbled to the costume trailer.

The lovely costume designers helped remove the sticky shirt, jewellery and the red converse that had once been white. Only the jeans remained on your body to not mess with the wound. As much as you’d love to shower the blood off, it was near impossible, moving your knee stung and it was best to avoid aggravating it.

“Someone needs to ban Jensen from knives. Just wait till his wife finds out about this, she adores Y/N.” Martha chuckled from her sketches she designed on her breaks for a future in fashion design. Often in your free time, you would be her guinea pig with her designs using refurbished material.

Normally the banter would continue but not when your leg was bleeding, and Jared was taking you to the ER. To make time faster, Jared had scooped you into his arms to the black car their driver waited in.

“Towels are in place. Sorry, you got hurt, Kid.” Clif spoke, opening the door to the backseat where Jensen sat patiently. Unlike usual, he had seated himself in the front so you could stretch in the back.

A weak chuckle met air in the packed car from the blood loss that wasn’t overly bad but enough that Jared took the towel. His pressure on the wound caused a yelp that had Jensen flinching in guilt.

“The knife must have been sharp to cut a mouse in half,” Clif muttered turning towards the hospital close to set. Coincidently the drive took you passed the set your boyfriend currently filmed at.

“Might as well call me butter.” You retorted wincing at the throbbing pain, “You aren’t allowed any more sharp objects, Mr. Ackles.”

“Danneel already threatened to hide all the knives in the house.” The on-screen father laughed as the tension decreased in the small car. Despite the dizziness, it didn’t hide the guilt in Jensen’s green eyes.

Time flew by as you found yourself in a bed for observation and pictures for the knee. It came as a shock when the doctor requested one blood transfusion for the blood loss. The hope of being in and out had evaporated like water beads on a blistering summer day.

Julie and the Phantoms Set

Charlie adored his life as an actor where he was free to visit places, he might not have had the opportunity to do. He made friends with everyone he spoke to and even met the love of his life as an actor as well.

That being said today had been the longest one with a full schedule and barely time for lunch or snacks. Even a nap was unachievable, and he desperately wanted one for being awake for hours by now.

“Charlie! Did you know you’ve got missed calls?” Jeremy inquired, staring at the phone that went black once more. Charlie’s eyebrows came together at the mention. His family had the rough outline of times he would be unavailable to talk.

Stepping back from the craft table’s supper options, he lifted the phone from the table, bringing it to life. His lock screen showing multiple missed calls and voicemails from you, his family and two unknown numbers.

His jaw dropped further when Meghan called for the first time out of the group, “Megs?”

“Finally! Where have you been?” Meghan demanded pacing in the studio she had been using when she got the call. The pretty and successful young woman had gotten terrified at learning about Y/N.

“Filming? It’s the longest day of filming the show. It’s on the family schedule.” Charlie spoke, settling into one of the empty tables. His eyes watching the people entering and exiting the tent set up for food.

“Jesus. Mom called me when you didn’t pick up. Y/N’s in the hospital.” Meghan revealed sending the Canadian actor into a stiff posture. His hazel eyes blow wide and panic flooding his entire system.

“What?!” Charlie didn’t mean to shout nor turn paler than a piece of white paper, but it happened. The volume contracting looks from everyone in the vicinity. Owen even dropped the donut back in the box by the volume.

“She got stabbed with a knife. I sent the address earlier, and I haven’t gotten a lot of info.” Meghan told her older brother, “I know she’s getting a blood transfusion, but nothing else was released.”

Charlie couldn’t tell you what happened between Meghan telling him and reaching the hospital frantically. Nor could he figure out how Owen was in the back of the Uber with him guiding him through exercises; all thanks to Owen’s therapist for his anxiety.

His sneakers squeaked on the polished white floor in his mission to the receptionist transferring information from a chart to digital. Charlie’s painting brought him attention from the kind nurse acknowledging his presence.

“Just let me finish this one sentence.” The nurse hummed saving the information before turning their full attention to the frazzled male, “How can I help you?”

“What room is Y/N Y/L/N in? She was stabbed and needed a transfusion.” Charlie demanded deflating as Owen placed a hand on his shoulder. The Canadian’s eyes bright with panic and a deep fear

The nurse’s eyes softened, “I can’t give out information on patients unless your immediate family members.”

“I’m here-“

“Husband! He’s her husband, they eloped so she hasn’t changed her last name or updated her information.” Owen blurted out, rubbing the pad of his index finger on the black jeans he had worn for his role. The two hadn’t even bothered changing into their street clothing.

The nurse nodded their head-turning back to the computer to enter the name for the patient for the information. It took seconds before the nurse wrote on the miscellaneous sticky note of the ward and room number.

“My name is Riley. If you need any help, you can come back here, and I’ll do my best to give you answers.” Nurse Riley informed the duo with a kind smile nodding in the direction of your hospital room.

Owen’s long legs ate up the distance Charlie made in his sprint to the stairwell, “Shouldn’t we take the elevator?”

“My girlfriend is in a hospital bed. I can’t wait for an elevator.” Charlie rebuked the suggestion on the second flight. Owen’s sigh was the last sound made as the duo slammed into the door to the floor level.

Charlie and Owen appeared in the doorway of your hospital room panting from the exertion meeting the gaze of two actors. Charlie’s heart stuttered at the sight of the high volume of blood in your clothing and your hair.

The sharp gasp brought your attention to the shaking Canadian actor solely focused on scanning for wounds. His eyes barely staying on the two adult males you had been starring with for a few years. Schedule conflicts often led to no introduction to each other’s co-stars.

“What the hell?” Charlie choked stumbling to the chair beside your hospital bed next to the pole holding a blood bag, “Did you get mugged? Are you okay?”

“Char, take a breath, man.” Owen’s blue eyes shadowed with the worry as Charlie’s breathing shuddered. Owen could barely look at you covered in blood.

“Whoa! Charlie. I’m fine. This is stage blood. We had an intense scene, and there was a minor accident.” Your voice soothed the man gently taking Charlie’s hand to comfort him, “I lost a bit of blood. The doctor decided to give me a blood transfusion to bring my levels back up a bit before stitching it up.”

“How do you get stabbed accidently?” Owen questioned glancing at the two men standing silently in the corner. Due to contracts on the Supernatural set details of scenes and storylines was off-limits.

“Well, during filming, I took a knife from her, and she walked into the blade?” Jensen trailed off, shoving his elbow into Jared’s side at the scoff. It happened every time it was brought up.

“I-“Charlie blinked, shaking his head as he took a deep sigh in pushing that to the back burner to focus solely on you. His hand rubbed his face while he settled on squeezing your one hand in both of his.

The touch of your skin grounding him back to earth with the shattering visions of walking into the world without you. It would be both ways, the second his calloused warm skin brushed your hands; it was like the pain faded. Only a sense of content settled in your weary bones.

“Okay Miss Y/L/N.” Dr. Clancy walked into the room only halting to grab a pair of medical gloves, “I see your entourage grew. I’m Doctor Jim Clancy, and you must be Miss Y/L/N’s husband.”

Three pairs of eyes widened at the doctor’s words aimed towards the brunette actor turning a blushing mess. The words mouthed by Charlie to go with it gave barely any insight, but you did it. The moment you had a free minute with Charlie, you would interrogate him in the new title you had.

“Yeah, my husband.” You spoke flicking an expression to Jensen and Jared that caught on from the years together. They had taken you under their wing on your first day on set, and then you became family with their immediate family.

“I can confirm that my initial observation is that the wound doesn’t have anything that shouldn’t be in there. We stopped the bleeding, the x-ray came clean, we’ll set you up with IV fluid, and tetanus shot to be safe.”

“Nurse Gellar here will cut the rest of the jeans off, get you in a gown for a few hours of observation. Just a precaution for blood transfusions. We’ll have some scrubs you can wear when you can leave.” Dr. Clancy motioned to the tall redhead with a quiet demeanour.

Charlie’s lips lingered on your temple at the fear that flared in your expressive eyes, he would give anything to take your place. He softly sang your couple song as a whimper fell from your lips as the jean tugged the dried blood from the wound. The painful pressure felt as you guessed it had started to bleed again, the feel of liquid rolling down your skin, confirming it.

“I’ll sing anything.” Charlie whispered going through his mental catalogue of songs on your shared playlist, “Oh!”

I’m booking myself a one-way flight

I gotta see the color in your eyes

And telling myself I’m gonna be alright

Without you baby is a waste of time

The tears falling no longer came from the pain but the sheer amount of love you had for the man there. Eyes glittering with pure adoration as his voice came off absolutely heart-melting. So, lost in each other neither of you noticed Owen had been filming from the moment Charlie had said ‘oh’.

Yeah, our first date, girl, the seasons changed

It got washed away in a summer rain

You can’t undo a fall like this

’Cause love don’t know what distance is

Yeah, I know it’s crazy

Charlie’s hand slowly slid up your arms to cup your tear-streaked tacky cheeks in his warm grip. The hospital faded as it became just you and Charlie. Completely oblivious at the audience in the room.

“He loves her,” Jensen whispered to Jared out of the camera frame that the blonde-haired kid’s phone. It was such a pure moment it felt disrespectful to see this exchange but also honoured to see it firsthand.

“I’ve only seen the look in your eyes for Danneel,” Jared replied, cupping his hands over his face listening to the near inaudible wet chuckle you gave.

“As I have between you and Gen. They have the real kind of love.”

But I don’t want “good”, and I don’t want “good enough.”

I want “can’t sleep, can’t breathe without your love”

Front porch and one more kiss, it doesn’t make sense to anybody else

“Charlie.” You sobbed at the best part of your life serenading you in such a romantic moment at the odd setting—his hazel gaze greener in what would come to be a very dear memory to reminisce about.

The calloused thumb caressing your cheek wiping a teardrop away he continued to see as the doctor finished suturing the wound.

Nothing mattered other than the couple currently in a bubble.

Who cares if you’re all I think about,

I’ve searched the world and I know now,

It ain’t right if you ain’t lost your mind.

Yeah, I don’t want easy, I want crazy

Are you with me baby? Let’s be crazy

Charlie’s voice faded with the rest of the song bringing you back to reality with the nurse cleaning up around the wound. That’s how the rest of the day went on waiting for the blood transfusion and IV fluids to finish. You stuffed the tetanus shot while Charlie sang between different genres.

“Thank you.” You softly spoke with Charlie being the only one left in the room with you.

Owen had headed back to their set to finish a scene while giving the updates on you while Jared and Jensen grabbed food. J2 had been very clear they would get Martha to grab some clothing for when they came back. Jensen was determined to deliver you to your home as the first action to make it up to you.

“For what?” Charlie questioned as your index and thumb picked at the cuticles of the opposite hand. Your eyes were hidden from your boyfriend’s gaze.

“For dropping everything to be here.” The words were quiet in the room only filled with breathing and the heart machine you had to be hooked up to.

“My girl-“

“Don’t you mean wife?” You teased brushing a lock of his hair from his forehead taking in the man you had the honor of loving. Of waking up next to in the apartment, you’d been renting ever since you landed the role on Supernatural; overtime Charlie’s things had just accumulated there.

“It was the only way they’d let me in.” Charlie spoke sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, “It’s a little early to call you, but I’m excited to make you my last girlfriend and then my only wife.”

The chuckle fell from your lips, “So, you want to marry me?”

“In front of all our family and friends. Tucked away from the media to celebrate the love we have for each other.” Charlie spoke, “There’s no one else I’d like by my side for the rest of my life.”

A new flood of tears welled at the sincerity in his voice and the warmth laden in his eyes of kaleidoscope colours. Sometimes, depending on his emotion or his clothing, his eyes would be greener, or when he was happy, they had a blue tinge in the green in sadness or your favourite; brown with the swirls of green.

“How did I get so lucky to have the absolute honour to fall in love with you?” Your words created a swell of emotion in the Canadian’s heart.

“The same way whatever deities there are took pity on a boy from Dieppe by bringing him an angel.” Charlie words preceded the kiss on your lips with a grin as you chased his lips after. With one last peck, he leaned back with a fond expression.

“Seriously how do you get stabbed accidently?” Charlie chortled with that gorgeous smile lighting up the room more than the white lights.

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#charlie gillespie imagines #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie x reader #luke patterson imagines #jatp fanfic #charlie gillespie #caitsy and ash productions

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ender-baggins · 3 years

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Just watched 14x13 Lebanon.

Will preface with the fact that this was a bit of my commentary on the previous episode, and that I do think John Winchester was a crap parent

Lebanon was a pretty good episode, actually. I know some people hate it, and I started off prepared to seethe every moment that John was on screen. but then I managed to get one foot out of the John-crit zone and put it in Sam and Dean’s shoes, and looking at it from both perspectives? The episode has a lot of nuance to it.

Spoilers for this 14x13 Lebanon (obviously)

Overall I think the most important thing to remember about this episode: the theme is that some things are too good to be true.

I knew which episode it was, but I was surprised because I thought it has been in season 15, and then John didn’t show up for a while, so I thought I was wrong until the Pearl came up.

I gotta hand it to Jensen. When John appeared, there were so many emotions packed into Dean’s face in that first short scene, I had to rewatch it several times to get them. Part of it was simple shock, but I could also see… something a little like panic in his face, along with Waay too many emotions for me to name.

The conversation between Sam and John was… I started off mad and then focused more on Sam’s perspective and realized that… yeah, Sam isn’t the same person he was last time he saw his dad. And he didn’t get closure. He never got a chance to get real closure on it, and then here, he did, at least in some form.

Also, interesting thing I noticed- I could see the beginnings of how it could turn into another argument, and John said something that seemed a little accusatory, “you didn’t have a problem talking about it before you left,” and then Sam was like “nope, not gonna argue, not gonna do it, REDIRECTING-“ Which, after what Dean said in the scene before—

—Sam doesn’t want to mess this up for Dean. No way is he gonna start a fight, not now, not when they just got their dad back.

I don’t like the last line of Sam and John’s conversation: “But you did your best, dad. You – you fought for us, and you loved us, and… that’s enough.” Because honestly- it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t. And… dammit he could have done better. But then again, that’s Sam’s dad, and he’s been dead for over a decade, and sometimes people tend to put rose-colored glasses on over the past. So I’ll still happily condemn John’s parenting but I won’t condemn Sam just because he’s unable to see things for what they are in this case.

Now- my absolute favorite part of this entire episode is the section of Sam and Dean going to get groceries and noticing things are changed, and realizing “oh shit, what else is different?”

One, gotta love Dean for implying that Sam being a kale nut is a worse thing than Dean being considered a serial killer by society (which, it’s not like society is wrong??). Like, ah yes, wonderful priorities there, Dean. You’re a wanted killer with your face up in the town, but clearly Sam giving a lecture about the wonders of kale is a much worse thing. (If you can’t tell, I’m being incredibly sarcastic here)

And then here. Castiel’s appearance. I was screeching watching this. Completely freaking out- so much adrenaline. I bet if I’d taken my pulse it would have been skyrocketing-

This was followed by the scene of Castiel and Zachariah in the restaurant, which was Awesome, very clearly highlighting the difference that Dean and the Winchesters made in Cas’s life (later this will be relevant in the Confession - “You changed me, Dean”).

*cue me posting an unnecessary amount of screenshots*

Castiel unfurls his wings—

(Note the messy hair from flying around everywhere. Not the same as his old haircut, but they did what they could with Misha’s hair at the time)

Notice that Dean’s got the angel blade point down, and when he attacks Castiel, he’s using the blunt end to hit him, not the sharp end

(On the other hand, Sam uses the sharp end of the blade to swipe at Castiel. No judgement from me here, Sam sees this as “not our Cas” while Dean still sees this as “my Cas, I can talk him away from Heaven again.”)

Then, the most interesting thing here- when Cas pins Dean agains the wall, Dean’s not even trying to fight Cas here.

See how his hand settles on Castiel’s chest? Not really pressing, just touching. His other hand is gripping Castiel’s wrist, I imagine to try to remove enough pressure from his neck that he can speak. Trying to use his connection to Cas to get Castiel to stop hurting him. And it doesn’t work. Castiel stares him the eyes, not even a flicker of doubt or questioning.

You’ll note that I referred to alternate Castiel in this episode as exclusively “Castiel” and not “Cas.” Because it’s not Cas. Cas is the angel that saved Dean from Hell, and the angel that’s been by Dean’s side for 11 years (at this point in time). And this Castiel has not done that. So he is not Cas.

I’m reminded of the scene wayy back in season 5 where Cas beats Dean up in the alley for trying to give up and give in to Michael. There, Dean actually encouraged Cas to kill him, at the end, and Cas softens. Can’t exactly parse out the parallels there because my brain isn’t working, but there you go.

Now, probably my favorite conversation with John is this one, with Dean.

Right here. The way that Dean says “I have a family.”

It feels almost defiant. “I do have a family. I have Sam, Cas, Mom, Jack. My mother, my brother, my best friend… and I have a son, we all have a son. And beyond that, I’ve got Jody and Donna and Claire and the girls. I do have a family. Yeah, it doesn’t look like the apple pie life, the white picket fence, wife and kids, and yeah, our son is the child of Lucifer, and yeah, I’m in love with my best friend who’s an angel in a man’s body, and I wouldn’t trade him for any woman, and you’d hate that. But they’re my family. And I’m good with that.”

It’s proud, it’s a little defiant, it’s also a little bit of a reassurance, as we see from John’s smile afterward. I don’t think John caught the hint of a challenge in there.

I loved that moment. That might be my favorite line in the entire episode. “I have a family.”

I also like… Dean’s acceptance, “I’m good with who I am.” Part of that… I think it’s both a good thing and a sad thing and also a half lie at the same time. I think he’s good with who he is, in the sense that he’s accepted that he and Sam are the people that have to fill this role in the world, y’know, saving everyone. I think he loves the people he’s with, he loves his family and wouldn’t trade them for anything, not even having John back. No way would he ever trade Cas or Jack or Sam, or Mary, for anything else, ever.

It’s sad, though, because it’s like… he can’t imagine who he’d be if he had a different life. Yes, he’s had a few runs at an apple-pie life, but they weren’t happy, there was always something wrong nagging at him. He… I think he believes there’s no way for him to be happy, and that this is the best he could have.

I’m not even sure how to analyze the goodbye scene. I mean, the clearest thing here is just so much grief from everyone. They got a taste of their father back, and now he has to go back to being dead. There’s so many complicated feelings for both of the brothers, because of the complicated relationship with John, but in the end? They can’t help but love him, and they can’t help but feel grief at losing him. I won’t fault them for that.

In short, I wanna give Dean a gigantic hug and also give him therapy-

And then Cas coming back to the bunker when he did. I bet he sensed something and headed back to the bunker as fast as he could. Also, no clue what he experienced during the whole “Castiel and Zachariah are alive” thing. I imagine it’s possible there were two Cas’s running around for a bit? Because Mary didn’t get affected by the pearl. And Sam was there with his own memories, despite there being videos up of him doing things in the parallel universe. As for Cas, he’s part of Dean’s group of “people” so my guess is two Castiels running around for a little bit.

I like how Dean looks at Cas at the end. He’s relieved to have his angel back.

In summary-

The theme of this episode is “some things are too good to be true.” John came back, the four of them got their moment together, but John couldn’t stay. Things were good for that single afternoon, because everyone was just happy to see each other again, but it sent so much stuff into chaos that it couldn’t last, it had to be undone. And even then, if they’d tried to keep going with it, I know it would have degraded, the illusion of perfection would shatter, and they’d fall into old habits, old arguments and new ones.

And so it had to end.

#THIS IS NOT JOHN APOLOGISM #JOHN IS A TERRIBLE PARENT #HE MAY HAVE APOLOGIZED BUT THAT DOESN’T ABSOLVE HIM OF HIS ACTIONS #john winchester #spn 14x13 #spn Lebanon #dean winchester #sam winchester #mary winchester #castiel #jack kline #destiel #supernatural #Ender’s musings

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roundtableknight · 3 years

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Suptober21 Prompt 1: Harvest

Here is the first of my hopefully 31 prompts for this month! Thanks again for Jackie at Winchester-reload for keeping this tradition alive. Fair warning that this isn’t the happiest of fics but I enjoyed it, so enjoy! <3

“Are you sure Castiel?”

Cas reasonably thought, searching through his drugged memories, that his brothers and sisters had said that to him before, a dumbfounded expression attached to their faces during a time when he wasn’t supposed to be having any ideas other than the will of God’s; it was a mixture of exasperation and worry, the worst being from Anna, and Gabriel (though you wouldn’t guess), and causing him to rethink for a microsecond his ideas. He never changed his mind.

He always said he was good at following directions, and he was—directions of his own.

“I have to,” Cas responded, a deadened tone for a deadened spirit. He looked up from his hands, having been flexing them and watching the minute movements of the muscles contract and expand; he wished to apologize to Jimmy for doing this to his body when he said he would take care of him and his family. His eyes caught onto Anael’s own, her face neutral but her body radiating disapprovement.

“Castiel, I’m not going to fight you on this, but you are one of my only brothers I have left.” Anael crossed her arms, and for a moment he saw Anna doing the same in a different time and space; a desert, the doors awash in lambs blood and him saving a child meant to die as a consequence of an adult's inadequacy. Their armor bloody and his hair flattened against his skull, Cas had cradled the baby against his chest plate and said the same thing to Anna then that he told Anael now:

“I trust you.” He saw the moment, both in the past and present, when his sisters’ understood him; Anna saying a prayer for him under her lips as she took off back into the sky and allowed him to hide the child before his supervisors came and brought him to Naomi, a blood-lust smile gracing her lips when she saw him; Anael turning away and rubbing the back of her hand against her eyes while Cas went to lay down on the chair.

“Castiel, I--” Anael came up to him, standing on the side of him; Cas grabbed her hand, threading her fingers through his and giving her his best little brother smile. She snorted, her eyes red rimmed, and shuddered out a breath. “Okay, okay fine.” She grabbed the needle.

“I’m only doing this because it will keep you with me longer before going off to the Empty, though who knows. Maybe you’ll be so happy eating pancakes at a local diner that you’ll disappear,” she commented, trying to make light of the situation.

Cas could only think of the pancakes he had last week. It had been Jack’s birthday, well, belated birthday. Dean had meandered in when Cas had been talking to Jack about what he would like for his birthday since he missed the celebration.

“A party without me,” Dean had mocked in a hurtful tone, a hand placed over his heart for dramatic effect which Jack had laughed at and Cas shook his head.

“You have missed nothing yet, Dean,” Cas had responded, looking down to see what he had written on his notepad to give Jack for his birthday. It contained pajamas (a variety to choose from), Magic Tree House books, and a breakfast together, which both broke his heart that he hadn’t been spending as much time with Jack as he should and warmth in his chest that Jack still wanted to do things with him. Dean had wandered over to Cas’s back, standing over him and allowing Cas to feel his breath on the back of his neck.

“Your dad can get you the expensive stuff, but I’ll do breakfast,” Dean had commented, causing both Jack and Cas to look at him.

“You will?!” They said simultaneously, Jack in joyful exuberance, knowing Dean would make his Winchester famous pancakes that he only made on rare occasion when he felt like it; Cas’ response went deeper than joy, it was an endless gratitude that Dean would do this for Jack when Sam would nag Dean every once in a while to make them with no luck.

Dean ducked his head, and Cas could see a blush creep up on Dean’s neck. “Yeah,” he started, rubbing the back of his neck, “Jack wasn’t the only one who missed you when we celebrated his birthday.” Cas stared at him; it was all he could do. He thought of the Greek myth of Pyramus and Thisbe and wondered which one he was, knowing either way he wanted to tell Dean that he loved him, but the wall wasn’t cracked and he didn’t know if there was someone on the other side.

“Dean,” Cas said, and Dean whipped his head up. Cas smiled at him, and Dean’s face transformed. “I would like that very much, thank you.” Dean shrugged again like he was just doing a simple breakfast, and he was for the most part, but he didn’t understand nor ever would how much it meant to Cas. So, the next morning there were pancakes on the table, Jack drenched in syrup and laughing with Dean at a joke Cas hadn’t meant to make. Afterward, Cas presented Jack with new dinosaur pajamas and almost evoked the Empty right then and there when washing dishes Dean had sidled up next to him with a towel to dry the plates.

“You raised him well,” Dean had whispered, not wanting to let Jack hear, still at the kitchen table and scrubbing his face furiously to get the last of the maple syrup off so he could go change into his new pajamas (Cas had made sure to wash them quickly so they weren’t dirty).

Cas looked up to face Dean, their noses almost brushing. “We raised him well,” Cas had responded, and he felt Dean lean into him infinitesimally more. Cas almost believed he just imagined the added pressure.

They stayed like that the whole time.

Cas looked at Anael, who was waiting for a response. Time didn’t move for angels like it did humans; it fluctuated based on their needs and wants, their jobs and free time. To Anael, he had just heard her comment and had not lamented on a time he would need to erase.

“Maybe waffles instead.” Leaning his head back, he watched as Anael narrowed her eyes at him, but nevertheless let the comment slide.

“Okay, I learned this procedure from Naomi.” Anael waited until Cas stopped grimacing from the uttered name. “But she told me another piece of the procedure that makes this more… direct. The memories you think of thoroughly and completely are the ones I can expel, but you need to know the ones that bring you the most joy.”

Anael took a deep breath and breathed out. “So Castiel, what memory gives you the most joy?”

Cas paused at that question; for even knowing it would be asked, Cas still had evaded thinking about it because he knew which one it was. He swallowed and nodded his head, and Anael started the needle.

“And Castiel, I need to tell you. We don’t know how many procedures can be done on you with the amount of memory wiping you have endured. One of these times it could go bad if you need to do this again. Castiel,” there was a pregnant pause, “ it could possibly kill you.”

Cas looked to Anael, an angel filled with so much wisdom and someone he wished the best for; the best con-angel, the best dressed, and no matter what any other angel said, someone who cared. But she couldn’t understand this, not yet at least.

He thought of the memory he was giving up: Dean giving him the mixtape. Cas hadn’t known that it was exactly what John had done to Mary when he was dating her, not until later. It had been Cas’ birthday, a day he ignored because he didn’t believe it mattered, no one had celebrated his existence on the ethereal plane or this one. Dean had taken him on a drive around the backroads, stopping at a small pond with a few ducks floating in the water. Cas was almost intrigued enough to enter their conversation until Dean pulled something out of the passenger seat compartment, leaning across his lap.

It was a cassette tape, homemade by the looks of it. Dean had stared at it for a moment before handing it to Cas, who took it reverently in his hands. “I know, um, this isn’t much… but I wanted to give you something for your birthday.” Dean readjusted his body in his seat, his right leg suddenly bouncing. “It’s um--”

“Dean’s Top 13 Zepp Traxx,” Cas said, finishing the sentence with the “x” pronunciation.

“Yeah, Cas.” Dean looked between him and the cassette. “I know it’s stupid; no one even uses them anymore and I shouldn’t have thought you would like the band just because I do so--”

“Dean,” Cas interrupted him. Dean’s eyes locked onto Cas’, and he felt he could see the love Dean had within his soul through his eyes, the analogy true. A window to the soul. “I love it, thank you.” Cas cradled the cassette between his palms. “No one has ever given me a birthday gift.”

Dean looked lost in any reply, but Cas didn’t care. He smiled at Dean and outstretched his hands with the cassette in them. “Could you play it for me?” Cas asked, and found a faint amusement as Dean’s face turned scarlet as he almost slapped the tape out of Cas’ hand in his haste to grab it and insert it in the player.

The first song started, and immediately Cas started to hum the melody. He felt Dean’s eyes watching him, and heard a faint comment before the music drowned out any other sound:

“Happy Birthday Cas.”

Cas looked at Anael one final time before closing his eyes. “It couldn’t be any worse than the person you love not possibly being able to love you back,” he whispered, and Anael dropped a kiss on his forehead before harvesting his memories.

“One minute Dean!” Cas called out, running into his room quickly to grab an extra scarf for Jack before they went out to meet up with Jody, Donna, and the girls. It was a split-second decision but Cas was excited to see Claire again and her new girlfriend Kaia. Grabbing one of his extra scarfs from the top shelf, he yelped as something almost hit him on the head, instead landing on the floor with a muffled sound.

Cas didn’t know what it was; rectangular shaped, Cas dragged through his memory but couldn’t find what it was. Picking it up, he found one side bare of any words or symbols, but flipping it around yielded a very large, hand-written font: “Dean’s Top 13 Zepp Traxx.”

Feeling a ripple in his memory, Cas tried to grasp at it, but the walls were too solid and he couldn’t see the other side.

“C’mon Cas, we’re about to head out!” Cas heard Dean’s voice, and rushed to not make them wait any longer. He placed the tape on his desk and headed out of his door, knowing he wouldn’t ask Dean about the tape; it seemed like something he would have made for someone he loved, and Cas didn’t know how it ended up in his room.

Fin

#suptober21 #day 1 Harvest #destiel #fics #knights tales

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autisticandroids · 4 years

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idk what the business hours are for evil deancas are but if you or your followers have any more headcannons for cas protecting jack at all costs from dean's bullshit but also cas himself engaging w dean's bullshit i would love to read them

you see, this is NOT evil deancas because healthy castiel who can do things like “care about things that aren’t dean” and “say no to dean” and “acknowledge dean as anything but simultaneously the embodiment of perfection and an object to be coveted” is antithetical to evil deancas. this is why, post-jack, there is no longer any such thing as evil deancas. there is instead working-on-ourselves deancas. they really gave cas a baby and it fixed all his problems.

but anyway i did make this dumb post immediately in the wake of 15x18 and it still, imo, holds up. like the thing about jack is that he isn’t dean’s son. he’s his stepson. he’s more sam’s family than dean’s, honestly. but in order for sam to have a good ending he needs to get out and away from dean, and jack needs to stay with cas because cas is his real dad.

i actually think that not being around sam and spending a lot of time with cas will help dean grow just..... naturally? because the thing is that sam has given up. he gave up in like season eight. he rolled over and stopped fighting back. and it’s not like that’s his fault! like. being involved in a toxic/abusive family dynamic is, well, it’s exhausting. but i do think it encouraged dean to become worse. because dean got used to being able to absolutely control sam and 1) that’s awful for sam, primarliy, but 2) he got used to being able to do that to everyone.

because like........ cas? before jack? cas is whipped. he’s not under dean’s thumb the way sam is, but he would never actually resist dean because he worships him. the only thing cas would really stand up to dean about is dean’s own safety. like, occasionally they disagree but to cas dean is his god and his commander. he’ll generally do whatever dean says without dean needing to control him. and he’s certainly not going to protect sam, unfortunately. he might commiserate with sam when dean is out of the room but he’s not going to help because, well, sam disobeyed dean. you don’t do that.

like unfortunately i think cas could probably successfully step in to protect sam and improve the brothers’ dynamic, if he thought of things that way, but he doesn’t, really. like, i wish he did because it would make him a better person but unfortunately cas doesn’t really have a moral compass, exactly. like, i was joking earlier with a friend about this but for cas it really only takes a rather low threshold of inconvenience for him to think “hey. i could kill my way out of this situation.” and then do that. he doesn’t really have a strong sense of an objective, distant “right” and “wrong.” he’s all about people and loyalty. and his loyalty goes to dean first, always. until jack comes along, that is. then suddenly his first loyalty is to being a good parent. and that’s an INCREDIBLE shakeup.

the thing about cas is that he is pathologically stubborn. he’s totally capable of standing up to dean, as we’ve seen. he just doesn’t because there’s almost nothing that’s worth it to him. but jack’s happiness and emotional safety are, and so he would. combine that with dean not having sam to form bad habits with, and i think their little nuclear family could straighten out into something vaguely healthy.

anyway, in the finale fix that leo @davidfosterwallaceandgromit and i outlined, and leo is writing (with a bit of my help but only a bit), the last scene is dean and cas, five years later, in their hunter bar that they run, and jack is doing his homework in the corner, and dean says “it’s about time that boy learned to mix a drink, you know, help out with the family business,” and cas narrows his eyes and says “no. jack’s schoolwork is very important to him.” and dean throws up his hands and say “alright! alright! i’ll leave him alone!” and cas kisses him on the nose.

#Anonymous #asks #spn #abuse tw

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angelfishofthelord · 3 years

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let it snow

@dadstielweek winter weekend day 1: nature

set in my s15 au where cas sacrificed his wings to save the world but was left severely weakened. also gabriel is alive and around, and jack isn't god.

“Here.” Jack carefully hands Castiel a bright red mug of cocoa. “Jody’s out of mini marshmellows so I didn’t put any in.”

Castiel accepts the mug between his gloved hands. “Thank you. I find the texture of the large ones too...stringy.”

“I know. Sam says the same thing about them. I think that’s why Dean purposely puts them in his cup.” Jack settles on the sofa with his own cup and snuggles up against Cas’ shoulder. The blue heated blanket Cas is wrapped in gives off a pleasant warmth, and even though Jack doesn’t feel much of the cold he enjoys the soft sensation anyways.

Dean had brought this blanket with them from the Bunker, only to find that Jody had also bought one in preparation for them spending Christmas in Sioux Falls. It was the first time that Cas was living outside of the Bunker, and while it was only for a few days it seemed like everyone had over-packed to make sure nothing was uncomfortable for Cas. Sam had arrived a day early to help set up the heated floor pads in the bedroom and living room, and the morning of the drive over Eileen had spent hours with Jack at the farmer’s market haggling over wool sweater prices.

Cas definitely looks warm enough right now. There’s more color in his face than there’s been all December. The cold weather made his muscle spasms and nerve pain act up more than usual; Gabriel had warned them that the cold season would be particularly had for Cas to go through, the drop in temperature making his grace stretch and exhaust itself much faster. Currently the archangel was somewhere across the world gathering herbs for a tea that he claimed would “chase the winter blues right out of your bones.”

“It’s snowing,” Castiel says, breaking his reverie. He looks up to his dad gazing at the window. “You should go outside, Jack.”

Jack turns to look and sees a flurry of white making frosty shapes on the glass as they drift down. “I’m sure Dean will be up for a snowball fight once he and Donna come back from turkey shopping.”

“No, I mean…” Cas rubs his fingers along the sides of the mug. “You should go fly in the snow. It’s different than being out there. I remember when I used to fly.” The corners of his eyes crease as he looks off into the distance, as if he can see the memory unfold in the wood-paneled walls of the room. “Humans thinks that snow is falling, but when you soar through it the velocity is different, and the snowflakes don’t fall, they--” he says a word in Enochian that Jack doesn’t recognize and then he frowns slightly. “Floating? No, more like--drift--dancing. The snowflakes dance.” He smiles, and it lights up his eyes with a soft hue of sadness. “It was so beautiful.”

Jack swallows hard. “When you get stronger you can fly with me and see the snow like that again.” One time when Cas had had a particularly bad cramp at the Walmart Jack had wanted to fly him back to the Bunker, but Gabriel had stopped him. He explained that bringing Cas through the ether in his weakened state would disrupt his grace and make his physical condition even worse.

Cas nods . “Maybe next year.” There’s no bitterness there, just calm acceptance. And there’s also a tiredness there, a weariness yielding to the reality that his body isn’t taking steps toward recovery, it’s crawling there. “But you should go now, Jack. You can tell me all about it when you come back. Tell me which snowflake dance was your favorite.”

Jack shakes his head, burrowing himself tighter against Cas’ side.

“I’ll be fine,” Cas soothes, running his finger through Jack’s hair. The action usually makes Jack feel better but not this time. His dad sacrificed everything to save the world and he can’t give him one simple gift, can’t bring him the smallest joy of being able to experience the world in the way he loves most. If Santa was real and wishes were really granted, he would ask for Cas to be able to watch the snowflakes dance again. Just for a moment.

That’s when he gets the idea.

“Hey. Let’s go outside.” He springs up from the sofa, hopping from one foot to the other impatiently when Cas doesn’t make a move. “I have a--I think it will work. I think I can do it.”

Cas squints at him. “I don’t think we should go anywhere without telling someone. You know how worried they get when--”

“We won’t go anywhere, we just need to stand on the porch. I promise.” Jack pulls the mug away from his hands. “Come on, it’ll be fun. Trust me.”

Cas reluctantly uncoils himself from the blanket he’s swaddled in and pulls on another sweater, and then a pullover, a heavy coat, and a second pair of gloves and a scarf. Jack slips on a jacket and mittens and then grabs Cas’ pink winter cap from the top of the coat rack. Claire knitted it for him as a joke, she claims, and he now wears it nearly every time he leaves the house.

“You forgot this,” Jack grins, reaching up and tucking it around his ears. “Okay, let’s go.”

Cas wraps his fingers around the handle of the silver cane by the sofa and slowly shuffles forward. The rubber cap on the end of the cane squeaks across the floor as Cas follows Jack outside. The crisp air brushes against Jack’s cheeks and he inhales deeply, letting the snowflakes tickle his nose as they rush past. Beside him Cas’ eyes widen a little and he straightens up, head lifted to the above.

“It’s still very beautiful like this,” Cas says, holding out his gloved palm to catch a falling snowflake. “I see why people think there’s magic involved in this season.”

Jack takes a deep breath. “Are you ready?” He’s never tried this before but he needs it to work. He can do this. He has to be able to do this for Cas.

“For what?”

“You’ll see. Just--” he reaches out for his dad’s hand and squeezes gently when Cas’ fingers folds around his “--hold on tight.” He lets his grace rise inside, unfurling like a woolen carpet rolled out over the bedroom floor. Then he raises his other hand, palm open, fingers spread wide. Gold burns bright behind his retinas and the air shifts, solidifying around him like it’s suddenly gained weight. The snowflakes once loitering down freeze in place, like crystal ornaments hanging midair. Cautiously Jack exhales and then bends down a finger, and the snowflakes start to swirl. First one over the other, and then three intertwined in looping circles.

“Oh,” he hears Cas gasp. He's never heard so much wonder in Cas’ voice before.

Jack flexes his fingers gently, teasing the strands of frozen water and wind and sending the snowflakes into a jumble, then a spinning cone, then spreading out in a long string like a necklace of ice. Strands of gold dangle from his fingertips and weave together with the snowflakes, making them into a tapestry that disperses with a flick of his thumb. The snowflakes somersault up and down, scatters and then tumble back into each other. It’s not a choreography he’s had time to practice or perfect, but it’s a dance he hopes might remind Cas of the beauty he got to see when he could still fly.

“See?” Jack looks up at Cas, his fingers still twirling the snowflakes in little twists and turns. “I know it’s not the same but--”

His sentence is cut off when Castiel lets go of his cane and grabs Jack, wrapping him in a tight hug. Cas buries his face in Jack’s hair and holds him so close Jack can feel the heaving of his chest in his ear. He’s crying.

Thank you, Jack hears him pray to him. Thank you so much.

also on aO3

#this one is dedicated to kitkat of castiel-kline #for being like angelfish you Can write fluff i believe in youu #well here it is the only fluff you'll get from me all month lol #dadstielweek #my spn fanfic #dadstiel #jack kline #castiel #christmastime #fluff #spn fanfic #snowflake

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teamfreewill2pointo · 4 years

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Sam’s Emotional Arc 1/3

I hated the finale immediately, but I’ve spent some time with it and talked to friends who loved it. I can see now what it was about, and I’ve come to appreciate the story they were trying to tell, even if I think it didn’t land right.

I’ve been told that my meta on this has helped other people come to terms with the finale, so I thought I’d compile it in one place from across various discord channels and twitter posts. If you are struggling with the finale, I hope it helps you.

Part of this actually started with a shit post. I was making a joke about Sam being psychic since he was scared of clowns when Dean died by one. I realized that may have been deliberate. I dug into the story more and now I’m convinced it was. Then I came across some excellent meta that fit with the themes I was finding and opened up the series even more for me.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it. First, Sam’s journey.

Clowns pop up in s15 before the barn scene. In 15.01, which was written by Dabb, Sam is injured by a clown. Castiel is able to save Sam and heal his injury. The clown keeps coming after Sam, with Sam having fight scenes with the clown, while others attack the other ghosts. The clown is kicking the shit out of Sam again, and Castiel saves him once more. Sam is unable to fight off the clown on his own both times.

They run until they are able to escape outside a magical barrier. Sam turns to the clown and says, “shut up”.

This is literally Sam running from his fears. On top of that, this isn’t just any clown, but the ghost of John Wayne Gacy, from an episode also written by Dabb.

Dean: A serial killer clown. I mean, this is, like, the best/worst thing that’s ever happened to you, you know, ‘cause you love serial killers, but – but you hate clowns.

Sam gets nervous and struggles with the lighter before he’s able to get rid of the clown, for now.

I believe this is a metaphor for hunting in general: it’s both the best of Sam’s life and also the worst. The clowns symbolize his relationship with Dean.

Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie was co-written by Dabb (see the pattern?). Sam’s fear of clowns was known since season 2. In season 7, Dabb explored where this fear came from.

On the surface, Sam’s fear is just because he found them creepy, but the episode explains that they actually come from Sam’s fear of being left behind by Dean.

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This episode comes directly after an episode where Sam worried that Dean would get himself killed

Sam: Look... Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't – don't get killed. Dean: I'll do what I can. Sam: Well, what's that supposed to mean? Dean: It means I'll do what I can. All right? You can shut up about it.

Sam is dealing with Hallucifer at this moment, but Hallucifer doesn’t really scare him. Losing Dean does.

Sam has a conversation with an employee about greatest fears.

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Recognize the actress? She came back for s15 in 15.06. I don’t believe this was a coincidence. 15.06 featured Castiel helping a parent find their lost child in a season that features Castiel worried about losing Jack. Through his experience with her, Castiel confronts his fears and doubts and then returns to join in the fight against God. [I’ll touch on Castiel’s journey more in his chapter]

Sam’s greatest fear is losing Dean. There’s a lot in the series about how Sam felt lonely and abandoned for much of his childhood. A whole episode, Just My Imagination, centers around this. Sam hated when Dean went off on hunts without him.

source In The Chitters, Sam tells Dean how his fear of losing his family paralyzed him as child. It’s a story where an older brother dies and the younger brother never recovers from it until he’s able to lay him to rest (sound familiar???)

Sam: You know, whenever you and Dad used to leave me to go hunting, and I-and I wouldn’t hear from y’all for a while, I, um, I was always sure that some vamp or rugaru, or take your pick, I always figured one of them finally got ya. I tried to think what to do, you know, the next step to take. I was just lost. Dean: We came back, though, every time.

You might naturally think, “Wait a minute! Sam left Dean multiple times!” Honestly, this was something I had a huge issue with when watching through the show the first time. I didn’t understand Sam and hated him leaving Dean in s8. I was completely on Dean’s side at first. But, on multiple rewatches and talking to others, I’ve realized that when Sam left Dean, he was running from his fear. In this TV Guide interview, Jared perfectly sums up why Sam left in season 1; he couldn’t stand to see his family die. Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon along with a comic that explains why Sam left in detail. While the comic isn’t official canon, it shows Dabb’s thought process. In it, Sam sees his family as running towards a horrible end and can’t handle dealing with that.

Dean: So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it? Sam: No. Not normal. Safe.

There are many more points in the series where we learn about Sam’s fear of Dean dying. This would be 3948573945 pages long if I wrote them all out, so I’m going to focus on the key moments that loop back to this ending, but there’s so much more there.

If you are struggling with this and need more, please let me know and I can do a deeper dive into that subject. We first see Sam’s inability to let Dean go in season 1 when Sam refuses to let Dean die in Faith.

Dean: You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you? Sam: I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going.

Sam’s whole arc in s3 is him being unable to handle Dean dying. He wants to save Dean, but Dean won’t let himself be saved. This was what Gabriel was trying to teach him in Mystery Spot.

Trickster: This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? Nothing good comes out of it. Just blood and pain. Dean's your weakness. And the bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.

This is how Ruby gets under Sam’s skin and what gets him to start working with her. Everything Sam did was to save Dean. In s4, Sam’s arc is about him sacrificing himself in order to save Dean. He’s gutted from being unable to save Dean. In 4.12, Sam decides to drink demon blood in order to save Dean

Dean: [says that they will die early] Sam: Maybe we'll be different, Dean. Dean: What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man? Sammy, it ends bloody or sad. That's just the life. Sam: What if we could win?Dean: "Win"?Sam: If there was a way we could just...put an end to all of it.

When Sam breaks out of the panic room, he’s suicidal. He’s determined to save Dean with his life as the cost he’s willing to pay. He didn’t think he would survive killing Lilith. He was committing suicide in that moment. The reason why Sam is so willing to sacrifice himself in s5 is because he has low self esteem. He blames himself for everything that goes wrong. In Sam, Interrupted 5.11, also by Dabb, Sam has a breakdown under the weight of his guilt. He hates himself and he feels his rage is out of control. In season 6, we see soulless Sam and, unlike souled Sam, he has no rage. Yes, he’ll kill when necessary, but he’s not angry. It was Sam’s fear driving his rage. He felt out of control of his life and let it lead him down a dark path. In season 7, he sees Dean heading down a dark path and he feels helpless to stop it. He worries about dragging Dean down and tells Dean to let him go. But, at the same time, he’s developing coping techniques. He’s starting to face his fears.

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And then Dean disappears and Sam completely falls apart. Sam didn’t have a healthy relationship with Amelia. They were two broken people clinging to each other. Sam and Dean struggle to reconnect after their time apart. There’s a lot of text addressing the horror of a partner dying and people trying to escape from it.

Mrs Holmes: He could see the end of my days were at hand, and... He had lived centuries all alone, but I don't think he could bear the thought of life without me. That's why he drove off that bridge. You must think I'm a monster.

In Hunteri Heroica written by GUESS WHO!?!? Sam finally acknowledges that he was living in a dream world with Amelia. He was running from his past. We see a flash back with Sam pressing on his scar, which he did to help himself distinguish fantasy from reality.

The episode is about a man refusing to engage in reality and harming those around him. Sam has a big confrontation with him

Sam: Look, it can be nice living in a dream world. It can be great. I know that. And you can hide, and you can pretend... all the crap out there doesn't exist, but you can't do it forever because... eventually, whatever it is you're running from – it'll find you. [CASTIEL appears to be taking Sam’s words to heart.] It'll come along, and it'll punch you in the gut. And then... then you got to wake up, because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!

Likewise, when Sam was with Jessica, he wasn’t honest about himself. He was hiding from his family and his past. Running to avoid pain. Sam is avoidant in general. Not just in his relationship with Dean. When he talks with Rowena in 13.12 Various & Sundry Villains about his fears of Lucifer, he admits that he could talk about it with Dean, but he can’t bring himself to.

Sam: I’ve seen it too. What he really looks like behind – behind whatever vessel. It… Yeah, still keeps me up at night. Rowena: How do you deal with it? Sam: I guess I don’t deal with it. Not really. I mean, I pushed it down and, um, the world kept almost ending, so I keep pushing it down, and I don’t know. [stammering] I really don’t talk about it, not even with Dean. I mean, I could. You know, he’d listen, but… That’s not something I really know how to share.

In 15.20, Sam’s past is front and center. Literally. I know a lot of people found the Winchester family portrait odd and upsetting, but it symbolizes something I’ll get to in a bit. Instead of trying to avoid his grief, Sam has moments where he lets it wash over him. He goes and sits in the car. He’s no longer avoidant. He’s no longer running away. He’s letting his grief move through him. He’s literally sitting with it.

Soulless Puppy pointed out that the characters emotional arcs is similar to DBT. Please look through their awesome meta here.

Personally, I see them as similar to the therapy I do called ACT. Both are forms of therapy where instead of fighting against them, you accept painful emotions and allow yourself to feel them. If you don’t do that work, then you can’t stop feeling them and your fears/ghosts will always haunt you. In Swan Song, Chuck tells us that “Dean didn't want Cas to save him. Every part of him, every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.” In 15.20, Sam initially didn’t want to let Dean go. He’s been refusing to do this since season 1. When he’s separated from Dean he lives a fake life or destroys himself/the world trying to get Dean back. There’s a moment in 15.20 where Sam looks at Dean’s guns. He wants to commit suicide, but he makes the choice to live. For the time in Sam’s life, he let Dean go and lived with his pain. He no longer ran from it. After Swan Song, Dean was unable to let Sam go. He wanted him back. After Carry On, Sam is able to do what Dean couldn’t do. He lives a life outside of Dean. What’s more, Sam has reconciled himself with his past and his family. It’s clumsy and I wish it were better shown, but having the family portrait and their parents in heaven isn’t meant to excuse the way Sam and Dean were raised. In order to move past the trauma of his relationship with his parents, Sam fully integrates them into his life. In Lebanon, Sam was able to confront and forgive his father. In doing so, he can also forgive himself. Mary asks for forgiveness too, and he grants it to her. He doesn’t forget what happened, but he’s able to move forward and leave the intergenerational cycle of violence. He’s able to raise his son, Dean, the way his brother should have been raised.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it.

I can see why people see Sam’s life after Dean as unhappy. I hated it so much because I saw it as horrible and sad the first time through. I had to sit with myself and my emotions first. I think it’s because we’ve been told by society that we have to get rid of our grief in order to be happy. The finale was showing us that it’s possible to do the opposite. [Personally I think it would’ve been better had they showed more overtly happy memories, but many of my friends saw this straight away] When I began therapy, one of the first things I learned was that there aren’t “negative” emotions. When working with our kids, we call them Big emotions. In DBT/ACT, all emotions are treated as normal and natural. Grief, anger, sadness, etc, these are all normal parts of the human existence. We don’t need to run from them in order to have happiness. We can live with them. As interstitial said in our chats, “you can't change the past, you can only change your relationship to it. To accept that your past contained both love and heartache, to miss it, but also know you can do better; that's actual recovery, as good as it gets.” As Soulless-Puppy explained to me, Sam lived in duality. Dean was dead, but Sam lived. Sam was happy, but he grieved. Dean was with him in the watch and the car and his son, but Dean also waited for him in heaven. I hated the finale the first time I saw it, then next watched it with my boyfriend who loved it. As we were watching together and discussing it, I realized that Dean’s death scene wasn’t just about him, but about the show itself.

Dean promising Sam that he will be with Sam in Sam’s heart is also the show promising us that they will never leave it. That’s why Alex kept posting “The end has no end.” Just as Sam carried Dean with him in his heart, we will carry the show with us. I hope this helps. It’s a terrible thing to feel upset about an ending and thinking of the show this way, recognizing these patterns, is bringing me peace. I still have issues with how it was written, but now that I see what they were doing, I wish all the more that they had the chance to do it right. Please share your thoughts and experiences. I love hearing different opinions. Next up, Dean. Then Castiel.

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mishasminions · 4 years

Text

The Last Time I’ll Write a Long Post About Supernatural (15x18-15x20)

15 YEARS OF WATCHING THIS SHOW. 11 YEARS OF RUNNING A BLOG ABOUT IT. IT’S BEEN QUITE A RIDE.

[15x20 Speculation + evidence at the bottom]

First off, I just wanna come clean and say, after all these years, I still think they should’ve ended at Season 5.

If you’re going to come at me with “Then why’d you stick around to watch it if you didn’t like it?”, your question is immature, and the answer is simple: I just want to know what happens next (I also love the main characters and their actors too). You can watch a show and still think it’s shit.

Call me a clown, but despite all the disappointment and trust issues that this show has given me, I would still look forward to the day where it might just turn itself around and bring back the quality it once had, or realize the potential of each story it was trying to tell, or at the very least, do justice by my favorite ship.

Never happened.

They’ve had a few good episodes here and there. I can’t imagine the SPN Universe without The Man Who Would Be King, The French Mistake, and Scoobynatural. Seasons 6-10 were enjoyable at times. I blocked out most of 7 & 11-15.

If you’ve been following this blog since its heydays in 2010-2014, you’d know I’d try my best to defend Destiel and this show’s decisions regarding it no matter what.

Because you know what, as a CONCEPT, this show is good. If you take a look at all the worlds its storylines have birthed in fanfiction/fanworks, you’d see how much Supernatural has wasted its own story arcs. The writing got shittier as each season progressed, and they’ve obviously given up in production as well because the quality in the execution has noticeably gone down too, but if you take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture, you’ll see that this show still tries to make sense of itself.

[If you’re still following this post, please bear with me, I know this is long, but I just want you to understand how jaded and pessimistic I am with regards to this show, so maybe you can buy into whatever hopeful thing I’m about to say later on.]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT DESTIEL

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that they would give us Castiel’s “I love you” speech. To the point where, if I weren’t so desperate for it, I would argue that it was completely out of character for him to word vomit the way he did (but I’m not gonna diss on that right now because I’ll take what I can get).

I’ve valued every meaningful and obscure exchange that Dean and Cas have had in the earlier seasons, and I was willing to accept their relationship as just that--undefined, without any clear boundaries as to what they really are. And I think that was beautiful on its own.

But now, they’ve chosen to define it.

After they’ve driven every possible wedge between Dean and Castiel in seasons 11-15, to try to explain away their feelings as something they offer to a collective.

Dean can’t mourn and pray for JUST Cas, he has to mourn and pray for EVERYBODY--even Crowley, even some chick he just met, because god forbid he cries about just the guy who has given up everything for him--that would be “too homo”.

They’ve even set Cas on a path to abrupt fatherhood just so he can care about something other than Dean. Make it seem as if Dean wasn’t his purpose through and through.

And after all these years of this stupid show trying to deny it, they choose to acknowledge it at the worst possible circumstance, at a time where they’ve been so far apart, that it seems so foreign for them to suddenly come together.

But here we are. And they’ve chosen to tell us.

Chosen to tell us that everything that Castiel has done leading up to his death, he has done it because he was IN LOVE WITH DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that the ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE CAS HAPPY IS DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that BEING WITH DEAN WINCHESTER is something that CAS WANTS BUT KNOWS HE CAN’T HAVE.

And they’ve also chosen to tell us nothing about how Dean feels.

Sure, finding out your angel made a deal, the stipulations of said deal, his newfound happiness philosophy, his long-winded monologue of why he loves you and why you’re worthy of his love, and to top it all off he tells you that being in love with you is enough to make him happy while he subtly hints that he’s always wanted to be WITH you romantically, was a lot to process in the 5 minutes after you’ve just had an existential crisis.

It’s whatever, right? Let’s culminate 11 years worth of tension and feelings in 5 minutes. Let’s waste the entire episode with cringey expository dialogue, and irrelevant sequences. The whole season was a waste anyway.

You know what Supernatural? FUCK YOU FOR THAT. They deserved better. WE deserve better.

And I would love nothing more than to hurl every possible insult your way,

But for the last time, I’m going to HOPE that you’re finally going to try to make it better for the fans that stuck by you all these years.

No more baiting new viewers, no more placating casual viewers, no more excuses. 15 years. Bring it home for the people who have actually been around.

SO HERE’S HOW I THINK 15x20 IS GONNA GO

There’s two ways this series is gonna end. Horribly or Spectacularly.

First let’s all take into consideration what Andrew Dabb says about it:

So, let’s start with

ENDING HORRIBLY

In this scenario, Misha is telling the truth about his last day of filming being 15x18. His “camping trip” during the last few days of filming 15x20, was actually a camping trip. He doesn’t go to Vancouver to shoot.

Jensen wasn’t “being careful” during the zoom interviews that it was just him and Jared quarantining for the shoot, it really was just him and Jared (althought most of these were done pre 15x19) Supernatural isn’t smart enough to do misleading PR, and they’re once again oblivious to the potential of their own story.

Misha hasn’t posted a “Goodbye Castiel” tweet because he’s probably saving it for last episode or he forgot because it was overshadowed by the Destiel trend that night.

So what we get is:

Sam and Dean are on the road again, up against the monster of the week. Only their world no longer has actual Supernatural beings anymore, so the monsters they’re fighting are humans.

Humans end up killing the Winchesters (despite having gone up against literally every powerful being imaginable INCLUDING God himself). Dean and Sam end up in heaven and relive their greatest hits.

Meanwhile, Castiel rots in The Empty because he died after realizing that he was happy and gay. Jack doesn’t bother rescuing him—his surrogate dad, the guy who made this specific deal to spare him—even though it was so easy for him get Cas in and out of The Empty when he had a fraction of the power that he has now.

Dean never speaks of Castiel’s confession because despite all the hints of a profound bond in the earlier seasons, and the fact that Dean has never cared for anyone (who isn’t his actual brother) as immensely as he does Cas, Supernatural just can’t have its main macho character be “suddenly bisexual” because that would hurt the male ego or some shit.

His heaven would probably be living happily ever after with his family. “Family” meaning Mary and John Winchester--two of the shittiest parents ever (but they’re not going to include them in this episode like they were supposed to because of Covid) and Sam.

Sam also gets a dog. As usual.

I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to do this. After everything they’ve pulled, this would be right up their alley. I actually expect this ending.

Anyway, onto the next possible ending

ENDING SPECTACULARLY

In this scenario, Supernatural tries to stick the landing, and Jensen’s whole “It didn’t sit well with me at first, but then I took a step back after talking to Kripke, and realized that I had to view it from an audience perspective, I am now really excited about it” (DC Con 2019) anecdote about his thoughts on the final episodes, were actually about Dean potentially ending up with Cas. (Which would totally make sense because Jensen at first didn’t see Dean as anything but hetero, but as of late, he has been throwing in Destiel jokes of his own, so he seems to have warmed up to the idea)

Backed with Misha’s tidbit (DLConline 2020) that he and Jensen had conversations about Destiel, and that they wouldn’t have gone through with it if Jensen wasn’t onboard with it, but Jensen didn’t push back at all. (Why would they need to check with Jensen if it was just Cas going all in?)

Robert Berens (writer of 15x18) also wrote the script at the beginning of Season 15, but made Misha privy to the concept a year prior (Season 14), so they went into this season knowing about Destiel going canon.

This one’s a reach, but this scenario also supposes that Misha was lying about his whereabouts during the filming of the final episode, and him saying that 15x18 was his last episode is part of the diversion to avoid taking away from the weight of Castiel’s death.

And that Supernatural is actually self-aware of its own material (similar to how they have wrapped things up in the past—lots of expository dialogue, poor execution, but fulfills the story arc)

Since Season 15 is basically a Meta Season (Chuck/God as a writer, pretentiously calling out how he created the worlds, its characters, and basically invalidating the past 14 seasons), and 15x19 is supposedly the finale for Season 15, written by two of the worst Supernatural writers, Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming (Bob Singer’s wife), then we can assume that 15x19 is where the shitty writers kill themselves--as Chuck, of course.

So we get a badly written episode that produces a bad ending, or as Becky put it, “All action, and no Cas”

So we get the bad writers season ending at 15x19.

And 15x20 is where Sam and Dean write their own stories, and where the cast had a hand in pitching ideas for it.

Dabb has mentioned that 15x20 (Act Two) is a SERIES finale, where they try to resolve the characters’ journeys.

Because as everyone has acknowledged, Supernatural isn’t about the story, it’s about the characters.

So here’s what we can get out of it:

With no more Supernatural beings left to fight, Sam and Dean are in a stalemate. They’ve resigned themselves to fighting to the bitter end, but the “end” has passed, and they’re still standing.

So they try to figure out who they are now, and what they want out of the life they still have.

Sam still wants a normal apple pie life. Before Dean dragged him out of college to go hunting with him, he had a whole life planned out for him. Become a lawyer, settle down with a nice girl, and get a dog. He gave all that up because they had work to do, but now the work is finished, he can finally go back to wanting that for himself again.

Dean finally realizes his self-worth after Cas saves him again. His prayer to Cas in purgatory may have helped him come to terms with his anger, but the whole “you’ve done everything you did for love” speech finally put him in his place, and he learns not to hate himself anymore.

But of course, he cannot fully reconcile with himself if he doesn’t get Cas back, and tell him how he feels.

Because Dean actually wants something for himself this time. Something he knows he can finally have if he can just salvage it.

So maybe this time around, with the help of Jack (off-screen), Dean saves Cas. Grips him tight and raises him from perdition.

They bypass The Empty deal by turning Cas human, and he lives the rest of his days with Dean.

Dean and Cas know they deserve to be saved, and they know that they deserve to be happy.

(Wishful thinking, maybe they kiss a little)

Anyway...

I’m just saying, there’s NO WAY that they’d have Cas go through that whole rushed speech, if they weren’t going to do anything about it later on.

But again, after 10 years of disappointment, I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to pat themselves on the back and say, “Okay, we sort of gave them what they wanted. We’re good now”

If that’s the case, Supernatural, I’m sorry I wasted my time on you.

Here’s to hoping 🤡

#THE LAST TIME I'LL CLOWN FOR THIS SHOW #SUPERNATURAL #DESTIEL #15x20 #15x19 #15x18 #UNTAGGED #INSIGHTFUL INSIGHTS

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sylvanfreckles · 3 years

Text

Sick Day

Just posting an old fic from my AO3 account. You can read it on that website here, it was a gift for someone who reviewed one of my other stories (I have been known to offer bribes in the past).

Summary: When Jack is stuck at home recovering from bad chest cold, all he wanted was for someone to spend time with him. And with Sam and Dean on a case and Cas working on an angel problem, that leaves Mary...and Rowena. Now, if he can only convince them to stop trying to out-mother each other and just be his friends maybe he would actually feel better.

...

Having the flu, as Dean put it so succinctly, sucked.

Never mind that Sam had scolded his brother up and down the bunker that Jack didn't have the flu, that what he had was a serious chest cold, Dean had kept calling it the flu until Sam stormed off to dig up a hunt to shut his brother up. After all, Mary was planning on spending a few days at the bunker brushing up on some current affairs and helping with some translation work for a novice hunter out in California, so it wasn't like they were leaving him alone.

Except, Jack reasoned as he tucked his blanket a little tighter around this legs, it would be nice if Sam or Dean had acted like they wanted to stay with him. Castiel was helping Heaven—they'd found an angel hiding on earth and he was trying to convince them to go home to help power up Heaven, but Naomi was refusing to send anyone else so he was the only one who could do it. So it was just Jack and Mary left in the bunker, and without the noise of the other hunters or one of his dads the whole place just seemed empty and sad.

Jack loved Mary, he really did, but just...he really wanted one of his fathers. Sam had said their case would only last a few days and Cas was coming home as soon as he could (and called or texted whenever he was able) but it just didn't compare to having someone here. His phone rang, pulling him out of his thoughts, and Jack's face lit up when he saw Rowena's name on the ID screen. “Row-” he broke off to cough away from the phone, “Rowena?” “Jack? Oh, poor boy, you sound awful,” Rowena's lilting accent was colored with sympathy, and Jack wiggled further down on the couch and closed his eyes. “Yeah, I'm sick.” “Oh no, that's just awful. My poor wee lad.” “I'm okay. Sam says I should be better in a few days.” Dean, of course, said he was probably going to be sick for the rest of his life, but even through the haze of NyQuil Jack had realized that was a joke. “Yes, Samuel. Is he there? I've tried to call him but he isn't answering,” “No, he and Dean are on a case,” Jack twisted away from the phone to cough again. “I see. Well, how about Castiel?” “He's been gone on angel business for a few days, but he should be back soon.” Rowena was silent on the other end of the phone. Jack frowned and pulled the phone away, checking that they were still connected. “Rowena?” “And...they left you there? Alone? And sick?” “Oh, no, I'm not alone. Mary's here.” Rowena was silent again for a few minutes. Jack turned the phone away to cough into a tissue, careful to throw it in the trash can to limit the spread of germs. “Well, if the boys aren't there, I suppose I can stop by myself for what I need.” Jack was blowing his nose, but he picked the phone up again as soon as he was done. “You're coming?” “Just to look for a few things,” the witch commented, but there was something warm in her voice. “I'll bring you some of the remedies I used to take when I was a lass. We'll have you back on your feet in no time.” Before Jack could argue, Rowena had hung up on her end. He let his phone drop into his lap and rested his head against the couch. At least it would be nice to see her again, he thought. He was pretty sure there weren't really any cures for a cold (at least Sam had said so, and even Dean admitted Sam was probably right about almost everything), but the bunker seemed so empty with just him and Mary that he was looking forward to another visitor. “Jack?” Mary was leaning into the doorway, a steaming mug in her hands. “Did Cas call again?” “No, that was Rowena,” Jack replied. He drew his feet up so the blonde woman could sit at the other end of the couch and pass him the mug. It was herbal tea laced with honey—the warmth always helped ease the ache in his chest while the honey soothed his scratchy throat. “She said she needed some information, but since Sam and Cas aren't here she's just going to stop by to look for it herself.” “Oh.” Mary's lips tightened into a thin line. He knew Mary had grown up viewing witches as nothing more than another monster, but he held out hope that she could someday at least see Rowena as an ally. After all, Bobby and Jules and most of the hunters from the apocalypse world had learned to accept Castiel, so there had to be hope for Mary and Rowena. “Thank you, Mary,” he said, after taking a sip of the tea. “You always make it so strong, I like it.” Mary's cheeks reddened. “Well, herbal tea isn't really my strong suit,” she replied. “If you wanted coffee, now...it would still probably be pretty strong.” “I like it like this,” Jack repeated after another sip. “Sometimes when I make it I just leave the teabag in while I drink it.” “You rebel,” Mary teased, patting his knee. “How are you feeling?” He shrugged. “Okay, I guess.” Mary leaned forward to rest her hand against his forehead. Jack closed his eyes, leaning into the touch just a little. Her hand was cool and dry, and just a little rough with callouses in the same places as Sam and Dean. She smelled nicer, though. He still didn't understand why it was somehow a taboo for boys to smell like strawberries, no matter what Dean

said. “You're not running a fever,” Mary commented. “At least not a high one. Is your cough any better?” Jack started to answer, but had to turn to the side to cough into another balled-up tissue. Mary's smile was sympathetic and she patted his knee again. “Maybe a little. Just get some rest, Jack.” “Wait,” Jack caught her wrist as she stood to leave. “Sam downloaded some old movies before he left, do you want to watch one with me?” “I wish I could,” Mary replied, gently brushing some of his hair out of his face. “I just have so much work to do right now. Maybe later.” He tried to keep the disappointment off his face as she left the room, but as soon as she was gone Jack sunk back down into the couch and picked his phone back up. Movies were just less fun by himself, and he didn't always understand the references. Cas had sent another update, at least—the angel he was talking to was living near a bird sanctuary, and he always sent Jack colorful pictures of parrots and songbirds and an old, scarred pelican the sanctuary workers had named Admiral. Not as good as having his father here, certainly, but it was nice to know Cas was thinking of him. Jack closed his eyes, letting his phone rest against his chest. Later couldn't come soon enough. * * * “Jack?” A cool, soft hand on his forehead gently pulled him out of sleep. “Mary?” he whispered. “No, dear. It's Rowena.” He cracked his eyes open to see the witch leaning over him, brilliant red hair cascading over one shoulder. “What time is it?” She glanced down at the gold watch on one wrist. “Almost seven in the evening. How are you feeling, Jack?” Jack grunted and shoved himself up, rubbing his eyes with the heel of one hand. “Better?” Rowena gave a little laugh, sitting down on the edge of the couch near his knees. “Was that a question or an answer?” “Both?” She gave another of those little, tinkly laughs and patted his knee. “Well, now I'm here, I'll have you back to health in no time at all.” He smiled at her, but had to bend over to muffle a cough in one hand. “Sorry.” “No apology necessary, Jack,” Rowena assured him. He fumbled for the tissue box but found it empty and jerked back in surprise when Rowena offered him a handkerchief. “It won't bite you, my dear. And it can be washed.” “Ah...thanks.” Gingerly, Jack covered his mouth and nose to cough. Rowena shifted around to place one hand on his back and rub gentle, soothing circles. “You poor thing,” she murmured. “And the boys just left you all alone?” “Mary's here,” Jack reminded her, when he could speak again. Rowena sniffed daintily. “Yes, of course. Lady Winchester. Well, Jack, I'll just pop over to the kitchen and put this on the boil,” she said as she stood up, picking up a paper grocery bag. “I've got a few things to check while it's stewing, but we'll have you right as rain soon.” Jack swung around to put his feet on the floor, fighting a wave of dizziness. “Rowena? Sam told me to just keep taking this stuff,” he explained, gesturing to a package of extra-strength cold medicine. “Maybe...could you just bring your research in here and we could watch a movie instead?” The witch scoffed at the packaged medicine. “Nonsense, Jack. Trust me, I'll have you up on your feet in a matter of hours.” With that, Rowena marched out of the room with the paper bag clutched close. Jack slumped back against the couch, head pounding and sinuses clogged. He really, truly was feeling better compared to the last few days. Just...lonely. A crash from the kitchen had him sitting back up, and with a sigh Jack shuffled to his feet and pulled his robe closed. He could hear raised voices as he got closer and realized Mary and Rowena were in the middle of a heated argument over something. “...need your...witches brew,” Mary was saying as Jack approached the door. “We were doing just fine without you.” “Oh, fine, of course,” Rowena's voice was sharp with scorn. “Explain how you burned tomato soup, then?” “It's harder than it looks,” Mary protested. “And it's not burned, there's just stuff stuck to the bottom of

the pan. That happens every time.” “This?” Jack could hear something scraping, and really hoped Rowena hadn't just taken a metal spoon to one of Dean's prized nonstick pans. “This is burned, dear. See how it's gone all dark and bitter? You actually burned the soup, no wonder the poor boy is ill!” “What would you know about taking care of a sick child?” Mary demanded. “I have raised a son of my own.” “Who became a demon! At least my boys have never done that!” Rowena gave a dark laugh. “Oh, dearie, there's so much you don't know.” “And what's that supposed to mean? Sam and Dean are good men.” “Oh, no one's disputing that, Mary. I'm merely suggesting that they became good men because of your absence, rather than in spite of it.” That was enough for Jack. Before Mary could make her retort he shoved his way into the kitchen, his dramatic entrance made somewhat pathetic when he stumbled into a chair and had to hang onto it for dear life. “What are you arguing about?” “Jack!” Mary rushed to his side, turning the chair around and trying to push him to sit down. She was trying to be calm, but he could see the angry flush in her cheeks and feel her hands shaking. “What are you doing up? You should be resting!” “Did we disturb you?” Rowena asked, straightening his robe and brushing his hair back. She almost appear unaffected, but her lips were tight and she kept glaring over at Mary. “Poor boy. I apologize, it won't happen again.” Jack shook them both off. “Why were you fighting?” When neither woman answered he folded his arms, though he did sit down as his cold made him feel weak, and attempted his best Dean-stare at them. “I want to know.” “Mary burned-” “Rowena was-” They started at the same time, but both stopped to glare at each other. Jack sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with one hand. “I really don't need all of this.” “I'm sorry, Jack,” Mary rested one hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly. “We'll keep it down.” “Aye,” Rowena placed her hand on his other shoulder and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You just trot back to bed. I'll take care of the mess here and bring you something in a wee bit.” “I was making soup,” Mary replied, her grip tightening just a little. “I'll bring you some soup.” “If you can call it soup,” Rowena sniffed. Her hand was tightening as well. It was almost uncomfortable. “I'll clean up this disaster and bring you some real food.” “Okay, that's it!” Mary leaned over Jack to get in Rowena's face. “I've had it with your little insults! No, I'm not a cook, but John and I survived just fine even if I burned the soup now and then!” “Oh, yes, of course,” Rowena replied. She leaned over Jack as well, until his vision was all but blocked by the two women. “That would by why you had such a long, happy marriage, hmm? Oh, wait...you died.” “Enough!” Jack stood up, pushing the two apart. He swallowed down another cough and took a few steps away so he could turn around and face them, waving his hands to include the two of them as well as the disaster in the kitchen. “It's all of this! I don't need this! Cas is away on important business that couldn't wait, and Sam and Dean wouldn't have left if I wasn't going to be fine. I don't need you to do this much for me!” “Jack,” Mary held her hands out, trying to soothe him. “I'm sorry, I got carried away. We just want what's best for you.” “But you never asked me! You just keep trying to be my mother!” Jack pushed both hands through his hair and turned away. He hadn't meant to say that...hadn't meant to express the awful, bitter feelings that kept bubbling up. “Jack?” Rowena was at his side, one hand on his elbow. “Is something the matter?” He sighed, turning around again so he could face both of them. “I already have a mom,” he explained, feeling that little twist of pain and love and regret that formed in his stomach whenever he thought of Kelly. “A really, really good mom. And I have Cas, and Sam and Dean. I just...I don't need another mom. I really...I just wanted a friend today.” Mary had looked down, blinking back tears.

Rowena had looped her arm through his and was studying his face with a gentle expression. “My poor lad,” she finally murmured. “I never meant to try to replace your mother, Jack. You just seemed so lonely...I just wanted to take care of you.” “Yeah,” Mary came close enough to take his free hand. “I guess...we just thought we knew what was best and didn't even think about what you really wanted.” Jack let out a relieved sigh, letting the two of them guide him back to the chair when his legs started to shake. “Can we please just watch a movie together? That's all I wanted.” “Of course,” Rowena said soothingly. “I'll take care of the dishes here, and maybe Mary can find some snacks.” “And make tea,” Mary offered. “Nice and strong, just how you like it.” Rowena pulled a face, but this time Jack knew it was because the witch didn't approve of the way he drank tea. “That would be great,” he said. “I'll set up the projector.” * * * “Hey, Cas,” Dean greeted the angel as he got out of the Impala. “You're back early!” “Susanna agreed to return to Heaven,” Cas explained. “How did your hunt go?” “Oh, just the best,” Dean replied. He hefted his bag up to his shoulder and rolled his eyes. “Poltergeists are just so much fun.” “Do you need me to heal you?” Cas asked worriedly, looking over Sam and Dean for injuries. “He's just being a baby,” Sam said. “The poltergeist didn't hurt his shoulder, he just won't admit that he's old and can't take the cold as well as he used to.” “I am not old,” Dean retorted, leading the way into the bunker. “Besides, if I'm old you are too.” “That doesn't even make sense,” Sam complained, but fell silent when his brother pulled up short. “Dean?” Dean held a finger to his lips and gestured to the small office they'd been using as a kind of family living room. There was a projector running one of the old black and white movies Sam had found. Jack was on the couch, fast asleep, head tipped back at an awkward angle and breathy snores rasping out of his open mouth. To his right, Rowena was curled up on the couch beside him with her head pillowed on his shoulder. Mary was at the opposite end of the couch from Rowena, her feet resting in Jack's lap and her head down against her chest. “Think he's feeling better?” Sam whispered. “Hope so,” Dean replied, turning away from the room with a grin. “Looks like he was in good hands.” Sam shook his head, casting one more look at the sleeping trio. "I don't know, I kind of feel like it was the other way around."

#supernatural #fic #fanfic #jack kline #mary winchester #rowena macleod #jack and rowena and mary frienship #sick fic #cameo from the boys #friendship #fluff #angst and feels #family feels #sick jack kline #caring mary winchester #caring rowena macleod

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achillestiel · 4 years

Text

the parent trap only works if you’re identical | part four

Tag List: @littlerachelbee @imthedoctorlove @deancas-handprint @castiel-loves-dean @wanderermatthews @thelahatiel @priscillahc @mridzyp @multi-fandom-dark-lord @thefantasyfiend @harmonyhelms @imlivingliferightnow @kara-merlin @still-clowning-in-this-house @never-forever-more @continuezmesfilserrants @2musiclover2 @castiels-bitch

Ok Winchester, you can do this. Just be cool, calm and collected. Dean said to himself as he drove towards Foxhall Village, the area that Cas and Jack lived in. Jack had fallen fast asleep about an hour before and every now and then Dean would glance over, marvelling at how much Jack looked like Sammy when he slept. They would both zonk out instantly, mouth slightly open without a care in the world. As much as Dean missed Claire, because that pint sized tearaway was his whole damn world, he couldn’t help but wish that he’d been able to get to know Jack more.

"Hey kid we're here." Dean said as they drove up the street Cas now lived on. "Nice place, what's your dad doing now here in DC?"

"Oh, he's the head of the council of economic advisers." Jack said. "Which sounds cool but it just means he talks about economic policy a lot. It’s cool when he goes to the White House, last time he stole a pen for me. Don’t tell anyone because I’m not sure if that illegal or not."

Dean just sat there for a moment because of course Cas now had a great job within the government. When they'd first met Dean had made endless jokes about how Cas would be president one day. Cas had always rolled his eyes but smiled whenever Dean jokingly called him Mr President.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked.

"Nothing kid, come on. Let's get you back to your dad. No doubt Claire has driven him insane by now so getting her back will be easy." Dean said, getting out the car when all he wanted to do was clamber back into the impala and hightail it back to Kansas. Yes, he was being a coward but the idea of seeing Cas after all this time was doing things to his brain.

"Doubt it, he's put up with Uncle Gabriel for all these years." Jack said.

"Yeah, I remember your uncle alright. Ruined our damn couch." Dean muttered darkly.

"That doesn't surprise me." Jack said as the pair walked up the driveway towards a large Tudor style house. Huh working in government definitely pays well Dean thought. Swallowing down his fear, Dean rang the doorbell. He prayed to whoever was up there that he didn't throw up on the tasteful doormat. The door opened and Dean braced himself to see Cas. Instead, he came face to face with-

"Uncle Gabriel!" Jack said happily. Dean suppressed a groan as he looked down at the short, cheerful-looking man. How was it possible that Gabriel looked almost exactly the same after twelve goddamn years?

"Well if it isn't my favourite nephew." Gabriel said happily as he pulled Jack in for a hug. "And you brought Winchester! Never brought he'd leave Kansas. Is your brother still an Adonis of a man?"

"Was he ever?" Dean asked as he held out his hand for Gabriel to shake. Sure the guy might have wreaked Dean's brand new couch fourteen years prior but he was trying to be polite.

"Oh he was and I let him know all the time. Shame he was so happy with Eileen." Gabriel said, looking wistfully as he shook Dean's hand.

"Yeah well...not that it isn't nice to see you again Gabriel but I kind of need to grab my daughter." Dean said. Maybe he could do this whole thing without having to even see Cas. Part of him was relieved but that idea and the other part of him was just a swirl of emotions.

"Of course, follow me to the kitchen." Gabriel said, stepping back inside the house and motioning for Dean to follow him. Dean obliged, looking around the pristine hallway for any sign of Cas. Jack was hot on their heels as they walked into the kitchen. Dean stopped and just glared at the sight in front of him.

Claire, wearing one of Dean's flannel shirts that was definitely three sizes too big for her, was cheerfully stirring the contents of a large saucepan. Loudly humming along to a song on the radio, which after a second Dean placed as Queen. When Dean coughed loudly she looked up and grinned.

"Dad! Come on in, we're making chilli for dinner." Claire said, looking far too happy for her own good. "Jack, grab some chips and gauc out the fridge."

"We?" Dean asked while Jack sauntered past him towards the huge sub zero refrigerator.

"Hello Dean." And damn if that didn't make Dean want to sprint out the house. He braced himself and looked over to where Cas was standing. All the breath in Dean’s body left him as his eyes fell onto Cas. He looked almost exactly the same apart from a few wrinkles around the startlingly blue eyes that Dean had always adored. His hair was still a complete mess and...son of a bitch, he was even wearing the blue sweater Dean had brought him for Christmas fifteen years prior. Seriously, was he doing this on purpose?

“Um...hey Cas...long time.” Dean managed to stammer out.

“Dork.” He heard Claire mutter under her breath.

“Hey.” Dean said, rounding on Claire. “You got any idea how much trouble you’re in of this little stunt? This ain’t gonna be like the time you blew up the shed, you’re gonna be grounded until the day you graduate high school. Maybe even college.” Dean said.

“You blew up a shed?” Cas, Gabriel and Jack all asked, staring at Claire mix of horror (Cas) and awe (Jack and Gabriel).

“Ok, I didn’t blow up the shed. I started a small fire in the shed by accident.” Claire retorted. Dean and Cas both groaned as Jack walked over to give Claire a high five.

“I really love this kid.” Gabriel announced.

“Oh Jesus.” Dean muttered at the same as Cas. They both glanced at one another for a moment before Dean turned his attention back to Claire. “You. Car. Now.”

I should have stayed hiding upstairs. Cas thought as he stared, yes he was staring, at Dean. How was it possible that Dean looked even better after twelve years? Dean in his early twenties had been a sight to behold but Dean in his late thirties was a thing of beauty. His boyish good looks had turned into handsome roguishness.

“Dad, I can’t leave yet. We’ve just laid the table.” Claire said to Dean.

"We thought you'd be hungry after driving all day so Claire and I made dinner." Cas said. In reality Gabriel had dragged him into the kitchen wherein he’d found Claire already making chilli. Cas wasn’t going to tell Dean that.

"That's a nice thought but-"

"Dad, I know all you've eaten today was gas store jerky.” Claire said, rolling her eyes. “Am I right?” she asked Jack who just nodded. “See? Now wash your hands, sit down and eat this damn chilli because I’m Aunt Eileen’s recipe and I know that’s your favourite.” Claire said, pointing a chilli covered wooden spoon at Dean. Cas simply could not fight the smile that spread across his face when he saw Dean’s terrified expression.

“Fine, just chill out. God you sound like Ellen when you do that.” Dean said, going over the sink to wash his hands before grabbing a seat and sitting down. Cas rolled his eyes, not even realising he was doing it until Dean looked over and glared. Dean was nearly forty and he was pouting like a small child.

“Well while you all enjoy this little family reunion I’m going to grab some wine...maybe a enough for a vineyard.” Gabriel said as he sauntered out the room.

“Does Gabriel live here?” Dean asked Jack.

“No, he was getting his condo renovated so he stayed here for a while. He’s back home now.”

“Longest eight weeks of my entire life.” Cas said quietly. “Jack, can you help Claire dish up?”

“Sure thing, let me run my bags upstairs and I’ll be right back.” Jack said.

“Oh I’ll help you!” Claire said as they both ran out the room.

“Nice to know subtly isn’t their strong point.” Dean said with a nervous laugh. Cas just let out a long sigh and sat down across from Dean.

“Yes, I’m starting to think they might be plotting something.” Cas said. “If Claire is anything like Jack in the determination department then we might be in trouble.”

“Oh believe me, Claire does not need any help when it comes to determination. She can wrap anyone round her finger. You know I still have a scar on my forehead from when she made me go rollerblading?”

“You went rollerblading?” Cas asked, utterly baffled by the idea of Dean Winchester going rollerblading.

“Not voluntarily.” Dean said. Cas laughed and was shocked to see Dean’s face light up. “Um...I’m sorry to crash your evening like this. I didn’t think that I’d be here tonight.”

“No, when I went to the train station to pick up Jack I didn’t expect to see my twelve year old daughter.” Cas said. “You don’t have to apologise, I’ve enjoyed having Claire here.”

“Yeah, I really liked spending time with Jack, he’s a good kid.” Dean said. “Listen Cas-”

“Got the wine!” Gabriel said, strolling back into the kitchen holding two bottles of red wine. “Where’s Thing One and Thing Two.”

“Here!” Jack and Claire said in unison. Cas had a feeling the two had just been waiting outside the door for at least a minute. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw the smug look Jack gave Claire as they were dishing up dinner. Gabriel kept himself busy by pouring all the adults generous glasses of wine. Dean tried to protest because he still needed to drive back to Kansas but Gabriel laughed him off.

“So Deano, what have you been up to all these years?” Gabriel asked after nearly ten minutes of awkward silence while they ate.

“Oh...um...not much…” Dean said, staring down at his chilli.

“You have!” Claire intoned. She turned to Gabriel and Cas with a proud look on her face. “When Uncle Bobby decided to retire five years ago Dad brought his share of the garage. It’s expanded so much over the past few years that last year Dad brought the empty lot next door. He’s restoring a 1957 Chevy Bel Air at the moment and it’s awesome.” Claire said with so much pride in her voice that it made Cas smile fondly. Dean had always had a love for classic cars and he was happy to see that he had made his passion a profession.

“That’s amazing Dean, you should be proud.” Cas said.

“He is, he’s just awful at saying it.” Claire said. “We’ve got this old Firebird in the garage back home that Dad’s slowly been restoring. It’s really cool.”

“Are you planning on selling it once it’s restored?”

“Um...no...I mean, I was thinkin’ bout it but Claire loves the car so much that I’m planning on giving it to her as a graduation present.” Dean said, looking away from his plate of chilli to give Claire a quick, but loving, smile. “That’s if she gets good grades and promises to take care of it.” he added and Claire laughed.

“Me and Jack could take a twin road trip when we both graduate.” Claire said excitedly. “See the grand canyon or hike Yosemite!”

“And Yellowstone! We could see the geothermal pools.” Jack said with as much excitement as Claire.

“You know most teenagers would want to go to Tijuana.” Gabriel said.

“Does Tijuana have cool rock formations like Antelope Canyon? If not I don’t care about it.” Jack said and once again he and Claire high fived. It was at that moment Cas realised this wasn’t going to be easy. Claire and Jack knew about each other now. They’d bonded while at camp and separating them again would not only break their hearts but Cas’ as well.

“Yeah well, we’ll see.” Dean said in a small voice, catching Cas’ eye. This isn’t going to end well he said with his eyes. Cas nodded in agreement. While Claire and Jack began to plan a road trip that was several years away, Cas coughed to get Dean’s attention.

“I’m glad you’re doing something you love, with the garage I mean.”

“Oh...yeah, well you always knew it was a dream of mine to have my own garage.”

“I did and if I remember rightly I said that it would become a reality.” Cas said.

“Yeah well, it’s not as big as working in the white house but…”

“Dean, I think we both know that your job is far more interesting than mine. I talk about budgets all day while you-”

“Are stuck in the guts of a car and come home covered in axle grease? Seriously, Claire hoses me down some days.” Dean said letting out a small laugh as, once again, he glanced fondly at Claire.

“She’s amazing, I have to say. You’ve done an amazing job in raising her.” Cas said and he really meant it. True, most of the time he’d spent with a teenage Claire included Cas ‘spiralling’ but he’d enjoyed it.

“You say that now because she’s on her best behaviour...sort of. You do remember she set fire to the shed right? You’ve got the real winner with Jack. That kid, he’s just awesome. Really smart, kind of reminds me of Sam.”

“Can we both agree that our kids are amazing and leave it at that?” Cas asked. Dean chuckled and Cas was flooded with memories at the sound. His stomach ached with longing to make Dean laugh like that again and again. This really wasn’t going to end well at all.

#deancas parent trap #deancas fic #destiel fic #wanderingcas #deancas #destiel #part five will be up tomorrow cause it's already written #namely i had to cut this part down because it was already getting too long #like always if you want to be in the tag list just let me know!#hope you guys like these because i'm doing zero house stuff while writing this

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