#cassian is so fucking important and he doesn't even know it

[cressidagrey]

It's a Love Story - Chapter 9

Summary:

Azriel's shadows find their master a wife.

Azriel would just really like his heart not to get broken again.

And Sky...well, she's just really surprised that that far too handsome male is interested in her at all.

Warning:

Rhys Bashing (as usual), I classified this as Azriel x OC, even when it't technically Azriel x Sellyn Drake (but we kinda know nothing about Sellyn Drake other than that she writes books so Sky is kinda an OC), Cassian is kinda a good guy for once, Azriel has a horrible time, as usual... Stuttering, toxic families (For once I do not mean the IC), Self-Esteem Issues, Secret Identity, Body Image Issues, Fat Shaming, People being utterly horrible. Racism against Illyrians/Lesser Faes?

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.

Rhys had the seething hot realisation that he had really fucked up on Winter Solstice.

Before that…well. He could still pretend.

Pretend that maybe Azriel just needed time. That he just needed…time to adjust and would get over himself eventually.

Would get over Solstice two years ago. Would get over Mor finding her mate in Emerie… Would get over it all.

That it was just him moping and licking his wounds and he would be back to normal. That maybe he just needed to punch Rhys, get it out of his system and it would be done.

So Rhys had baited him.

Repeatedly.

Azriel didn’t fight. Didn’t protest.

As a boy…Az had attacked snarling and growling, furious and vicious.

Rhys had waited for that same exact result.

Nothing of that sort had happened.

Now…Now Azriel just looked at him, eyes dark and cold…

“Why should I tell you? I may trust you with this court, Rhysand, but I do not trust you with anything I love. Not anymore.”

And then he turned and left. Not giving them a second look. 

Rhys could just stare at him. 

He had expected anger, protests, anything. But this...this was worse.

This was Azriel putting him on notice that he didn't trust Rhys at all anymore.

For a moment it was silent. 

Then Cassian broke it. 

"Give me one good reason, why I shouldn't fucking snap your neck for talking to my brother like that," Cassian seethed. "One reason."

"I didn't...think...

"You didn't think?" Cassian repeated, his voice sharp and incredulous. "Really? You didn't think that your words and actions could have a negative impact on Azriel? You just expected him to be fine after you basically told him that you don't trust him to act like an adult around Elain? That you think Elain and Mor are more important than him? You're unbelievable, Rhys."

"I did what was best for the court," Rhys protested feebly.

"Yes, a spymaster that doesn't trust his High Lord is incredibly good for our court," Cassian agreed with a sage nod, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "You told him to go to a fucking pleasure hall and pay for it? You told Azriel of all people that?! What is fucking wrong with you, Rhys?!"

Rhys let out a frustrated sigh. "I was trying to make a point, Cassian," he said. "He wasn't really in love with Elain, he just liked the idea of her."

Cassian gaped at Rhys, his anger simmering just beneath the surface. "That's bullshit, Rhys, and you know it," he snapped. "Azriel had feelings for Elain, real feelings. Maybe still has them. Who knows. He was ready to die, so that Lucien could live. He did that for her.  Tell me to my face again that he didn't really love her."

Rhys ran a hand over his face, his frustration clear. "I...I may have underestimated the depth of Azriel's feelings for Elain," he admitted grudgingly. "But my duty as High Lord is to protect my court first and foremost. And I really didn't want to deal with a Blood Duel. Beron was still in play then, before Eris got rid of him. If he got wind..."

"I understand your duties, Rhys," Cassian said, his voice gentler now. "But you went too far this time. You crossed a line, and Azriel feels betrayed and hurt. You dismissed his feelings as if they didn't matter, and that's not right. He's not just your spymaster or soldier, he's your brother."

He was. Which was exactly why Rhys didn't want him anywhere near that particular powder keg at that time. And then Elain had already chosen her mate, and Rhys thought with that...it was done.

"He's just being stubborn. He'll get over himself eventually," Rhys said. Right?

That's how far he got, before Cassian punched him straight into the nose.

Rhys stumbled back, clutching his nose. "What the hell, Cassian?" he demanded, his voice muffled by the blood gushing from his nose.

Cassian stared at him, his expression unreadable. "You are really, really stupid, Rhys. Idiotic. Azriel’s not being stubborn, he's heartbroken. Hurt. Betrayed. And you treat his feelings as if they are nothing!"

Rhys winced, his eyes watering from the pain and the accusation in Cassian's words. "I...I just wanted to protect him. I thought it was for the best..."

Cassian barked out a sharp laugh. "You were doing more harm than good, Rhys. You can't just push someone's feelings aside because it's convenient for you. That's not how relationships work, especially not between brothers."

"And what the fuck were you thinking when you told him to behave about Mor?! Did you ever even consider to maybe try and get Mor to talk to Azriel? That maybe that would be a good solution? Make her apologise for treating him like she did treat him? Azriel had every fucking right to be hurt and angry at her. He would have had every fucking right and Mor would have needed to accept that!"

Rhys winced again. "I...I just didn't want any… arguments, Cassian. Mor and Emerie are happy now. I didn't want to dredge up old hurts and cause tensions within the court."

"So because Azriel keeps his feelings quiet and doesn't complain, you just treated him like shit. Great job, High Lord," Cassian drawled.

Rhys flinched at Cassian's words. Deep down he knew Cassian was right. He had been too focused on preserving the peace and avoiding conflict, that he had overlooked and dismissed Azriel's feelings.

"Azriel has done everyhting in his power to make everybody around him comfortable. Nobody ever does the same for him," Cassian said darkly. "I fucked up too, you know. With Mor. With not being there when I should be...but at least I never told Azriel to Behave like he is either your dog or a child." Cassian shook his head. "I have no fucking clue if you even can fix this, Rhys, even if you wanted to. He clearly doesn't trust you at all anymore."

That had just become very fucking clear. 

"I...I never meant to hurt him," Rhys said, his voice cracking. "I just...I thought I was doing what was best for him. For everyone."

"Azriel was willing to go to war for you," Cassian said sharply. "We both were. We knew that everything involving you and Feyre and Tamlin was a war waiting too happen. But we took that risk. And hwne it was time for you to take that risk for your brother, you chose your court over him, Rhys. I get it. I understand why you did it, even if I disagree...I could forgive you that. BUt you telling Azriel to go to a pleasure hall, because he doesn't know his own feelings..."

Rhys felt the weight of Cassian's words settling in his gut like a heavy stone. He had never considered that his actions could be interpreted that way. "But...you have to understand, Cassian. I have responsibilities, a duty to the Night Court and its people. I have to consider the impact every decision has."

“And in this, you were also Azriel’s brother,” Cassian cut him off. “I don’t care about your reasoning. You need to start with a fucking apology. You treated him worse than you would every other of your soldiers.” 

Rhys swallowed. 

To say that Cassian was furious…That was a fucking understatmeent. 

And even if…even if he ignored this…there was something else that…

"His mother..." he wasn't sure how to ask that question. 

"Azriel made that decision," Cassian said calmly. "He didn't want you to feel like that was in any way your fault because you sealed Velaris for 50 years.  Quite frankly...I think Azriel's mother has been searching for an excuse not to see him anymore for a very long time."

Rhys' expression fell, the weight of guilt pressing down on him even more heavily now, if that was even possible. "I...I didn't know," he said quietly. "I...I really didn't know that it had come to this between Azriel and his mother. I...I really didn't, Cassian, I swear."

"Of course you didn't. We kept it from you," Cassian said drily. "Azriel does know how to keep a secret. Which we have just seen. I had absolutely no clue that he has met his mate."

Rhys swallowed. This should...It should have been...something happy that Azriel met his mate. He should have been telling Rhys and Cassian all about it, eyes alight with excitement and not...not spit it out just to spite Rhys.

He had really messed it up this time, hadn't he? Rhys knew that he had to make things right with Azriel, even if it meant facing the hard truth about how he had failed him as a brother and a High Lord.

"Who do you think she is?" he asked weakly.

Cassian stared at him. "I don't fucking care. She can be Sellyn Drake for all I care and I'll be her very best friend as long as she treats Azriel well and makes him happy," Cassian told him tightly. "And you...You'll keep out of it."

Rhys recoiled as if he had been slapped, but he knew Cassian was righr. He had lost the right to be involved in Azriel's personal life, and it was his own fault.

"An apology is the least you owe Azriel,  Rhys. And you owe Mor the fucking truth as well. Namely that the only reason that Azriel is probably civil to her, is that you ordered him to. Actually, you owe all of us the truth."

Rhys grimaced.  He knew that he had to come clean and face the consequences of his actions, even if it meant causing more chaos and unrest within his court. "Feyre is going to kill me," he mumbled under his breaht. Cassian didn't look sorry in the slightest.

"Then you shouldn't have behaved like a fucking asshole," Cassian gave back flatly. "Let's go back to Velaris. We'll have this discussion now.”

Rhys nodded, a sense of resignation washing over him. He took a deep breath and steeled himself for the difficult conversation that was awaitng him.

"What happened to your nose?" Feyre asked as soon as he entered the River House. "Where's Az?"

"I broke it," Cassian gave back drily. "Don't worry, Rhysand deserves worse."

Rhys grimaced at the thought of having to explain the whole situation to Feyre. "Azriel...he got...upset. We had a fight. And Cassian punched me. It's...it's complicated," Rhys mumbled. 

"Correction," Cassian snapped. "You were an utter prick to Azriel, who decided that he would rather spent Winter Solstice with his mate that none of us knew existed. And I punched you, because you didn't even fucking understand what you did wrong in the first place."

Feyre's eyes widened in disbelief as she listened to Cassian's explanation. "Rhys, what is he talking about?" she asked, her voice tinged with concern. "Why would Azriel get so upset?"

"Because apparently, Little Rhysie in his infinite wisdom, did not only tell Azriel and I quote "If you want to fuck somebody, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it," when he found out about Azriel's crush on Elain, but has also apparently spent the last 2 years telling my brother to "behave" like he's some kind of dog," Cassian said sarcastically. Rhys grimaced. "You should consider yourself lucky that I only broke your nose," Cassian told him darkly. "I ought to fucking throttle you for doing this to Az."

Shock and anger poured all over the mating bond and he met Feyre’s eyes with no small amount of trepidation. 

Feyre stared at him, her expression a mix of shock and disappointment. "Is that true, Rhys? Did you really say that to Azriel?"

"Feyre Darling..." he started. 

*Did you really tell Azriel "If you want to fuck somebody, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it.”?* she demanded mentally.

Rhys winced, knowing that he couldn't lie to Feyre through the bond. *I...I may have said something along those lines,* he admitted reluctantly.

Feyre narrowed her eyes at Rhys. "And the whole 'behave' thing?" she asked sharply.

Rhys looked down, unable to meet Feyre's gaze. "I...I may have used that phrase a few times," he said quietly.

"A few times?" Feyre repeated, her voice rising in anger. "How many times, Rhys? How many times did you tell Azriel to 'behave' because of his feelings for Elain?"

“It wasn’t about Elain. It was also about Mor,“ Cassian said drily.

“What?“ Mor demanded. 

Rhys winced as he realized that the truth was about to come out. 

"Mor, I-"

Mor's eyes narrowed as she took in Rhys' reaction. "Tell me, Rhysand. What did you say to Azriel about me?"

Rhys sighed heavily, knowing that he couldn't avoid this conversation anymore. "I...I may have told Azriel to 'behave' around you and Emerie. I was afraid that his feelings for you would cause tension within the court."

Mor's eyes widened in disbelief. "You told him to behave around me?” She swallowed these beautiful brown eyes lined with tears. “You…I thought…I thought he was…he was happy for us but it’s was only because you told him to behave. I let him be, I didn’t try to talk to him, because he seemed fine.”

Rhys winced at Mor's words, feeling the weight of his actions. "I thought it would be easier for everyone, Mor.”

“Easier to make him lie?” Mor asked him, her voice tight. “Easier to forbid him to express his actual feelings? I know…I didn’t behave right with him but I thought we were better. But we weren’t. He was just acting like everything was fine so you wouldn’t lay into him and punish him for misbehaving!”

Rhys felt a pang of guilt in his chest. "I...I never meant to hurt him, Mor. I thought I was doing what was best for everyone."

Mor shook her head, her eyes shimmering with tears. "You weren't doing what was best for him. You were doing what was easiest for you."

Rhys dropped his gaze, knowing that he had brought this situation upon himself. "I...I don't know how to make it right," he admitted. "I've lost his trust, and I don't know if I can ever earn it back."

Amren huffed, crossing her arms, her dark eyes glittering with annoyance. "Well, you certainly made a mess of things, Rhysand." She leaned in closer, her voice low and intense. "But you'd better find a way to fix it. And fast. Because we're not just talking about Azriel here. We're talking about the future of this court."

Rhys nodded tightly. "I know," he said quietly. 

He was very much aware what it would mean to their court if Azriel decided to leave them. The disadvantage they woul find themselves in…and this didn’t even start to cover the personal loss of losing his brother. 

“Leave him be,” Nesta said at that moment. 

Rhys turned to Nesta, his expression conflicted. "I can't just do nothing, Nesta. He's my brother,” he told his sister-in-law, but Nesta wasn’t having it, sticking out her chin. 

"And yet you treated him like some kind of attack dog who needed to be kept under control. That's not how you treat a brother, Rhys," she seethed. “I ought to stab you.”

Rhys flinched at Nesta's words, knowing that she was right. "I know," he said quietly. "I was wrong, and I need to make things right with him."

"You sure as hell better," Cassian growled. "Azriel doesn't deserve any of this bullshit."

***

To his surprise… Sky was at home.

He hadn’t thought she would be there…he thought he would be greeted by an annoyed Hector, who would be bitchy that it was him coming home and not Sky. 

But Hector was nowhere to be seen. He could hear his meowing though. 

He found his mate buried in their bed, seemingly all the blankets in the house put on top of herself…and Hector pawing at the mountain of blankets, demanding to be let in. 

"Are you hiding from the world, my love?" He asked softly, as he crawled into the bed next to her, lifting a few blankets so Hector could slither underneath them, which he did immediately. He carefully pulled the blankets away from her face and Sky looked at him, eyes red from crying. 

In the same breath he suddenly picked up the salty scent of tears. That was all he needed to pull her into his arms. 

“I thought you were having dinner with your family,” Sky whispered, her voice hoarse, burying her face against his chest. 

“Didn’t end well,” he told her drily. “Yours?”

“Didn’t end well either,” she said with a laugh that turned into a sob.

A soft sniffle. No. Not again. He couldn’t deal with her crying. He couldn’t…it ripped apart his hear to see his mate like that and he held her tighter."It's all right, love," he murmured, holding her close. "I'm here with you now. Let it all out." He gently ran his hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her.

"Tell me what's happened," he said gently, his voice filled with concern.

“I…I am a ho…horrible p…person,” Sky whimpered. 

He nearly wanted to laugh at the pure ridiculousness of that statement. Sky, the sweetest person he had ever met, a horrible person? Not possible.

"You're not a horrible person," he said firmly. "Not at all. You're the kindest, most compassionate person I've ever met."

“I…I to…told Cl…Claire th…that at le…least I…I do…don’t ha…have my si…sister’s slop…sloppy se…seconds.”

He needed a moment to parse it, her stutter worse than he had ever heard it. 

“What?” he could just ask dumbly as he blinked. Sky? Sky had said what?!

“I…I to…told Cl…Claire th…that at le…least I…I do…don’t ha…have my si…sister’s slop…sloppy se…seconds,” she repeated and began to cry again, hiding her face in her hands. “I…I am a ho…horrible p…person,” she whimpered.

Azriel gently took her hands in his, guiding them away from her face. "You're not a horrible person, sweetheart," he said firmly. 

She wasn’t. 

He highly doubted that Sky had said that without…without her sister saying something worse first. 

And it wasn’t like it wasn’t…"Besides…you said nothing that wasn’t true,” Azriel said drily.."

Sky hiccuped out a laugh and then started crying in the earnest again. 

“That’s why you are so upset?” He asked softly, against her warm skin. “You aren’t a horrible person. I swear. 

“N..no.” Sky said softly. “I…I am ne..never se…seeing them again.”

Azriel's heart sank at her words. "Your family? Why…why are you never seeing them again?"

“I…I am ne..never se…seeing them again. Not after what they…they said.” She was dead serious. He could hear that in her voice. 

And it was…

Azriel's heart clenched at the thought of her severing ties with her family, of her…they treated her horrible but Sky loved them. Sky loved them so much. So much more than they deserved.  "What did they say, sweetheart?" he asked gently.

Sky took a shaky breath, struggling to get the words out. "They... They said…said so…some things," she whispered, her voice quavering. "Things I can't…I can’t for…forgive them for."

"What did they say, sweetheart?" he asked again, his voice gentle yet firm. "I want to know."

He wanted to know. And then he wanted to kill them for upsetting her like this. 

Sky closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face. "You do…don’t want to know."

Azriel took her face in his hands, gently wiping away her tears. "I do want to know," he corrected her softly. "Because whatever they said, it hurt you, and I want to be there for you."

“They…They had a pro…problem with the fact that you were Ill…Illyrian,” she whispered.

Ah. “You don’t need to say anything more,” he said wryly. “But I promise that I have heard worse. If you still want to be around them…” he hated how they treated sky but he was not about to let her cut off contact with her family just because they didn’t like him. He could deal with that. He had survived worse.

Sky shook her head fiercely. "No,” she said, her voice so weak…and so definitive. “No.” 

Azriel's heart swelled with love for her as she stood her ground. "I understand, sweetheart," he murmured, pulling her closer. "If that's what you want, I'll stand by you, whatever you decide. But I don't want you to make this decision because of me."

“They…They told me that you were a cre…creature and a mo..monster and that they were surprised you hadn’t rip…ripped me apart. My father threatened to disinherit me if I didn’t give up the m…mating bond. So I told him I never wanted to hear a single word from him ever again,” she whispered, her voice growing stronger. 

Azriel's eyes darkened with anger as she recounted the hurtful things her family had said about him. He tightened his arms around her. 

"I'm so sorry, Sky," he whispered. "You don't deserve any of this. And your family doesn't deserve you."

“I coul…couldn't just…just sit there and let them say those ter…terrible things about you, about us,” Sky whispered. “I can't be around people who would say those kinds of things about the person I love the most in the world."

“…you love me?” He whispered in wonder.

She loved him? She chose him? Even over her family? Even…

Sky looked up at him, these blue eyes looking at him. “Yes. More than anything.”

He swallowed, his heart swelling. 

"I love you too, Sky. More than anything," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm so grateful that I have you in my life."

Sky smiled, her eyes shining with love. "You….You don't have to do a…anything to deserve me, Azriel. You just have to be yourself. That's all I've ever wanted. And I wouldn't change a thing about you. You're perfect, just the way you are."

Azriel felt a lump form in his throat. "I'm far from perfect, Sky," he said, his voice rough. "But I promise you, I will always do my best to make you happy. That's all I want."

He pressed soft kisses all over her face, making her giggle softly.

“Let’s just have our own Solstice celebration,“ he whispered softly.

Sky smiled at the idea. "Th..That sounds p…perfect," she whispered. “Just the two of us, together. It's a..all I need."

There still was a rabbit he had hunted in the cooling cabinet…and so while Azriel took care of cooking thst, Sky was making…something that involved stale bread, milk, eggs and plenty of sugar for dessert. 

Azriel smiled as he watched her work. "What in the world are you making, love?" he asked, peeking over her shoulder. "It smells delicious."

Sky grinned, holding up the bowl she was stirring. "It's…It’s a bread pudding," she said. "I found an old recipe in a c…cookbook. It's supposed to be a t…traditional Winter Solstice dessert."

Azriel raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You never cease to amaze me, sweetheart," he said, chuckling. "I can't wait to try it." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek, his heart full of adoration for her.

Sky blushed at his affection. "I just hope it turns out okay," she said, adding a pinch of cinnamon to the mix. "But even if it doesn't, it will be p…perfect just because we're together."

Azriel smiled at her words, feeling a warmth spread through his chest. "You're right," he said softly. "As long as we're together, it doesn't matter what we eat or what we do. Just being with you is a gift in itself."

“You should write poetry,” his mate told him sweetly and he couldn’t help but laugh. He had picked up one of the poetry books she kept weeks ago and had found the whole thing… well. As long as Sky liked it… 

Azriel chuckled, shaking his head. "I don't think I have the talent for poetry, sweetheart," he said, grinning. "But I'm glad you think so highly of me."

Sky playfully nudged him with her shoulder. "Oh come on, I'm sure you could write the most beautiful sonnets if you r…really tried," she teased. "I've heard you whisper s…sweet nothings in my ear before, and they sound pretty poetic to me."

Azriel laughed and wrapped his arms around her. “I'll leave the sonnets to the experts and just continue whispering sweet nothings to you instead,” he promised her softly. 

“Sounds perfect to me,” she agreed brightly.

Dinner with Sky was better than any dinner with the inner circle could be. Roasted rabbit and crusty bread, followed by caramel bread pudding…

And then it was just him and Sky wrapped into each others arms on the couch, with Hector stretched out in front of the fireplace, blankets wrapped around him…

They had promised each other to not go overboard with gifts. But clearly oone of them had not listened, which hadn’t been him… there was a pile of wrapped gifts appearing on the couch table.

Azriel raised an eyebrow at the pile of gifts, chuckling. "Well, someone certainly didn't stick to our agreement, did they?" he teased, glancing at Sky with a playful smile. "Not that I mind, of course," he added, reaching for one of the packages. "I just hope my gift isn't embarrassingly small in comparison."

“…I…I only got you o…one thing,“ Sky admitted weakly, staring at the pile of gift. 

Then who… Azriel stared at the shadows who were swirling happily around sky.

“I think I know the culprit,” he said drily.

*I thought I told you not to buy her anything new,* he told them drily.

*We didn’t!* they assure him.

Azriel chuckled at the insistent swirling of the shadows. "I don't know, love," he said with a grin. "It seems like my shadows are feeling particularly generous this year." He reached for the nearest gift and handed it to her. "Here, why don't you open this one first?"

“You got me something?” Sky asked the shadows. “You shouldn’t have! I didn’t get anything for you!”

Azriel laughed, knowing that it was pointless to try and reason with the shadows when they were in a playful mood like this. "They don't care about that, love," he said, nudging her gently. "They just want to make you happy. Go on, open it."

Azriel had no idea what to even give the shadows anyway. *You could give us permission to ruin her sisters life,* they told him brightly

Azriel laughed again, shaking his head. *As tempting as that may be, I don’t think that's the best way to spread the holiday cheer,* he said drily.

*She deserves it,* the shadows murmured. *We wouldn’t outright kill her…*

*No, you’ll find some mischievous and chaotic way to torment her and make her life miserable,* he retorted with a grin. *Don’t physically harm her,* he warned them quietly. Tacit approval. The shadows danced in the spot as Sky opened the first box. Velvet wrapped. 

Jewellery.

A chicken egg sized sapphire in the middle of a necklace consisting out of sapphire and diamonds. He just sighed. Sky stared.

“Please…Please t…tell me that’s n..not r..real,“ she said weakly, her voice shaking. 

*Of course it’s real,* the shadows assured her like even the suggestion of it being fake was an affront. *Master’s mate doesn’t wear fake gems!*

Azriel would have liked to face palm. 

"I'm afraid the shadows insist that they only give the best for their master's mate," he said wryly. 

„This must have cost a fortune!“ Sky protested. “Where am I even supposed to wear it?“

Azriel chuckled, "I wouldn't waste my breath trying to argue with the shadows.  And as for where you're supposed to wear it, well… anywhere you want, really, love."

*Please tell me you didn’t steal that,* he told the shadows

*We didn't! We got it fair and square!* the shadows protested innocently.

Azriel raised an eyebrow, not quite believing them. *And how exactly did you manage that?* he asked dryly.

*We paid for it,* they told him innocently, fluttering around like they hadn’t bought her the biggest and most expensive sapphire he had ever seen.

“I can’t…“ Sky trailed off. 

“You’ll break their heart if you turn it down,“ Azriel said with a sigh."Just accept it, love," he said gently. "They mean well, even if they have a tendency to overdo it sometimes,” he said pointedly, something the shadows happily ignored. "They have their own line of credit, so whatever they buy is theirs to do with as they please," he said drily. 

Sky grimaced, staring down at the necklace…

"Please…please tell me there isn't…isn’t more pr…priceless je…jewellery in that stack?" she asked with a grimace. "

Azriel laughed, "I wish I could tell you that, but knowing the shadows, I wouldn't be surprised if they've bought you enough jewelry to start your own royal collection."

They had behaved...mostly.

If one ignored the hair comb dripping with some other blue stone...and the earrings that matched that necklace...and the quill that he was pretty sure was encrusted with actual diamonds.

Otherwise they had procured plenty of books for Sky, and had somehow found her a whole stack of notebooks…

(He was pretty sure they lied to him when they told him that they hadn’t bought any of this stuff knew. Where had they kept it otherwise?!)

Azriel couldn't help but shake his head in amusement as Sky opened each gift one by one. "Well, at least they managed to keep it under control for the most part," he said with a wry smile. "But knowing them, I'm sure there's still more where that came from."

Sky's eyes widened as she looked at all the gifts. "This is too much," she protested weakly. "I don't deserve all of this," she muttered. He would have argued, but instead he just pressed a kiss to her temple.  "Thank you very much," she thanked the shadows that happily twirled around her hair at her words.

Azriel chuckled, watching the shadows twirling in the air around Sky's head. "I think you just made their day," he said with a grin. "They're always happy to spoil you, love."

"I…I just hope they re…realize that I have a…absolutely no place to wear all of this," she said with a laugh. "I don't want to look like a walking jewelry store every time I leave the house…"

Azriel chuckled, "Well, they do have a bit of a tendency to go overboard when it comes to their gifts. But I can't really blame them, they just want to make you happy." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek, his eyes twinkling with love. "And you deserve everything and more, love, even if it makes you look like a walking jewelry store every once in a while."

She melted into the kiss.

"I went a very different route for your gift," she told him drily, handing him a sole gift bag.

The first thing he pulled from it was a tin of tuna. 

The laughter was immediate. He couldn't help it. Deep belly laughter, his amusement apparent, warmth filling his chest. Azriel couldn't help but burst into laughter as he pulled the tin of tuna from the gift bag. "Is this for Hector or for me?" he asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"I did promise to buy you tuna," Sky gave back with a laugh. "I just thought it would set the tone for the second gift."

The second gift he pulled from the bag was a knitted sweater. Slits down the back for his wings...made out of thick and warm and soft black yarn.

Azriel's laughter faded into a gentle smile as he took in the knitted sweater. "Sky, is this..." He trailed off, fingers brushing the soft, warm fabric. "Did you make this?"

"I did promise to knit you a sweater too," she said simply. 

Azriel couldn't help but melt at her words, feeling his heart fill with warmth. "You remembered," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I can't believe you made this for me, sweetheart." He pulled Sky into a tight embrace, feeling her heart beat in sync with his. "It's perfect," he murmured, his voice muffled against her hair. "Just like you."

"I'm glad you like it," Sky said softly. "I know it's not as a King’s ransom in diamonds… but I wanted to give you something that was made with love."

Azriel pulled back slightly to look into her eyes, his expression softening even more. "It means so much more to me because you made it," he said, his voice tender. "I'll cherish it always, just like I cherish you. Though I must admit my present is going to pale in comparison to that egg sized sapphire too," he told her drily.

Sky laughed, leaning into Azriel's embrace. "Well, to be fair, it's hard to compete with a sapphire that size," she said with a grin. "But I'm sure whatever you got me is perfect, even if it's not worth a small fortune."

It kinda was though. Even though it didn't look that way…mostly because he had spent a good few weeks until he had found a stone that even had a chance to stand next to her eyes. An oval sapphire flanked by two diamonds...set in white gold.

Azriel handed her the last box, trying to appear nonchalant. "Here, open this one," he said, trying to hide his nervousness. "I hope you like it."

Sky carefully untied the silk ribbon wrapped around the box and lifted the lid, her eyes widening in awe as she took in the ring inside.

"Marry me," it burst out of him.They had already accepted a mating bond. A marriage would be nothing more than a couple of vows in front of a priestess. But he...he wanted...

Azriel's heart was racing as he watched Sky's reaction to the ring, hoping and praying that she felt the same way he did. "I know that we already have the mating bond," he said softly. "But I want more than that, sweetheart. I...I want everything."

These devastating eyes lifted, looking at him."I want to spend every day for the rest of my life by your side," he continued, his voice rough with emotion. "I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep holding you every night. I want to build a life with you, a family with you." He took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving hers. "And I want to make it official, in every way possible. Will you marry me, Sky?"

"Yes," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "Yes, a hundred times yes. I want all of that too, and more. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, to be by your side every step of the way. I want to build a life together, a family together."

Quite frankly, Azriel thought that this Winter Solstice may be the best one he ever had, as she kissed him. 

"We could get started on making that family," Sky told him, biting her lips as she pulled back. "You know how High Fae fertility can be...could take us decades..."

Azriel's eyes widened at her words, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Are you saying what I think you're saying, love?" he asked, his voice low and raspy as he pulled her close.

Sky nodded, her expression shy and hopeful as she looked up at him. "I…I want to be a mother s…someday," she said softly. "And I can't think of anyone I'd rather have children with than you."

Azriel felt his heart melt at her words. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have found someone who loved him as much as Sky did. "I want that too, love," he said, his voice rough with emotion. "Nothing would make me happier than to have a family with you."

[faceofpoe]

On the highly contentious unraveling of Cassian Andor (and how season 2 is at its heart about his relationship with Luthen).

(This has nothing to do with justifying or not fuck-all about Rogue One Cassian beyond getting him to that beach, I'm an Andor girlie just working my head around what we've built and where it's going in the context of the show).

I had a lot of issues with arc 1, and some of those issues (like ducking around pillars at a wedding to have the hey we're gonna have to murder that guy talk or, why is Kleya even here?) are not going to go away BUT as someone whose brain wasn't exploded by season 1 until seeing the full big picture come together (Rix Road, beloved), I promised myself a full season rewatch to try to recalibrate.

I haven't rewatched yet, but let's have a 75% recalibration now that arcs 2 and 3 have led us where they have to much fandom furor, and mulling how we bring this whole thing together.

Which brings me back to: this season is at its heart about Cassian's relationship with Luthen, and his acceptance at the end of season 1 that Luthen was right, he's going to die fighting the Empire - so either kill me right now, or put me to good use fighting these bastards for real.

Season 2 came to us with a gigantic ask: engage with the negative space. We have to imagine how Cassian went from big wet bambi eyes above to Mr Earnest-Reassuring-Come-Into-The-Circle with Niya. Mr Empire's-Most-Wanted is sneaking into top secret facilities and doing it with confidence and -

Shit goes instantly sideways. This isn't even the right ship, did anybody know that?? (they didn't, obviously they didn't, they don't know what's gone wrong, and this is really important I think about the fallout of this arc). Cassian's off having a terrible time while Luthen and Kleya are spying and drinking on Chandrila and he doesn't check in and this isn't normal.

It's been a year+ since season 1. Partagaz tells Dedra she's been on the Axis hunt for "almost two years" I believe so presumably we've jumped decently down the calendar year for the 4bby arc.

I have a lot of feels on how Cassian's arc one story should have had more time to breathe, to make the losses punch harder at the end by showing him leaving home, etc, but perhaps that is also the point -

He's good at this; he's accepted his pact with Luthen, one day he'll die fighting - but they're tucked away safe. Brasso's looking out for everyone, Brasso who he tasked with looking out for Maarva if he could. We're meeting him on the high point of thinking he can have it both ways and... perhaps not fearing what happens back home, if this mission or that is the one from which he doesn't return. They'll pull through. This is perhaps his era of: the Cause comes first; we take what's left. And he's balancing it, or thinks he is anyway.

Dashing off home and having found that unraveled while he was having The Worst time on Yavin - captured by, theoretically, allies -

The balance is upended, and cue crisis of faith. Not in the Cause per se, but in Luthen. He gave his own life up to Luthen but now the situation has changed on multiple levels. He's rattled by the failure on Kleya & Luthen's end on Sienar, doesn't have Brasso, doesn't have this illusion of safety on Mina-Rau, Bix and Wilmon both get involved, but Cassian isn't handling it well. There's no "take what's left" when she's right there in the line of fire too. Bix questions his decisions in the field, Luthen... his exchange with Kleya in 2.6 is telling.

"This isn't the piece we need."

"We knew that already."

"I thought seeing it in person would make a difference."

Cassian is not the operative he was where we met him with Niya. Sending him to Ghorman is something of a confirmation of something they've clearly been realizing/discussing. Luthen going to check on Bix/put her to work/whatever was the deal there - this seems very much Not The Norm by her reaction, they don't have a lot of face-to-face contact I would guess - he's doing his own assessment of just what is the situation here. (In the most dickish way possible of course, my problematic beloved.)

Cassian's at this complicated intersection of having lost this comfortable place where he can risk and trust his family's safety. Luthen and Kleya are having their own meltdown over how chaotic their operation has become. Cassian... is probably thinking about that bad intel for Sienar and wondering when the next catastrophic fuck-up that isn't his fault is going to cost something else while Bix is over here being the far better adjusted one about just what war looks like and how unreasonable his mentality about her presence. And I'm really curious if we're meant to read in the sudden appearance of "I have friends everywhere" that this was an effort to avoid another experience like the Maya Pei Brigade.

And then Luthen asks him to see about stoking the flames on Ghorman. (I'm still trying to decide how I feel about the sort of 'having it both ways' aspect of Ghorman and provocation and 'it never mattered anyway the ending was already written.')

And Cassian says: "I'll sit this one out." He doesn't take the order, he decides he wants no part in it. And that is where the final fracture in kill me or take me in finally happens.

He doesn't trust the vision anymore. Doesn't trust that the inevitable tragedy will be worth something in the end. Is this fighting these bastards for real? And is starting, perhaps, to wonder if it was worth it at all, to walk back off that ship to Gangi Moon.

And somewhere in the next year, Cassian starts to come to terms apparently with the fact that he doesn't trust Luthen with his life anymore. But he's not quite all-in with Yavin and Draven either. He's maybe still grappling with the acceptance, or inevitability, or not, that the fight will claim his life in the end - and he's lost his faith in Luthen spending it well. Sometime in this time gap after arguing over Ghorman, the fallout with Cinta, getting shot and struggling with recovery... it unsettles him into retreating, ducking Luthen's calls, until Wilmon turns up with compelling incentive.

[insert Force-ex-machina plot here to heighten his internal struggle]

And at the root of their conversation before the Mon extraction is basically Cassian refusing the assertion from 1.4 - this end is not already written. His own decisions matter. Arcs 1 and 2 only validated his teenage understanding that rebellion is pointless and all they'll do is fight themselves one way or another and, Ghorman has validated his plea with Maarva that she can't beat them. People stand up, they die.

And he has a very similar sort of conversation with Luthen as he had with Maarva and gets much the same response. Still work to be done. Luthen doesn't ask Cassian to stay, but he gives him the "I can't go." They're done. Cassian's done.

[I have quarantined the unfolding of the Bix departure in my brain, Bix's story is now Tether, sorry, I hate it so much, and it could have very much worked without the Force healer Force-ex-machina of it and probably with different timing, anyway]

Anyway Bix pulls the "if you leave, it won't be for me."

So we the audience know of course that Cassian is going to stay. Ironically, perhaps, in a far less make-my-own-decisions friendly capacity within the military hierarchy than he ever was with Luthen. And it will be interesting to see how we meet him at the opening of arc 4. He's presumably got Wilmon and Vel and Melshi and K2SO. He's finally seen the Rebellion pull together; Bix ripped away his fantasy (and it is a fantasy, he knows it's a fantasy because it's played out already on Ferrix and Niamos and Mina-Rau) that there's somewhere safe they could get away from it all.

Will he trust Draven & co to spend his life for good again? Or perhaps he simply can't bring himself to care so much either way after all of the turmoil surrounding Ghorman and the fallout and Bix. Orders are orders and good soldiers follow orders and here he is now, slapped into a uniform with a rank on his chest (idk if he ever actually wears the uniform with rank insignia between all the amazing coats in R1 but you get me) and he'll play the part because what else is there?

But Luthen is still out there, against just about every prediction for how this season would unfold. Luthen is the one puzzling over Ghorman and Dedra, demanding the endgame. Luthen isn't finished.

And I guess the question is, since we know how this ends - what is the force the propels Cassian along to Kafrene to kick off the final mission?

Just a soldier following orders?

Or are we going to wrap this back around to that s1 claim and that pact and the extension of broken trust and give Luthen something of a chance to earn it back (possibly posthumously), in sending Cassian along to the meaningful death he promised?

[icey--stars]

Azris request prompt 4: forgetting an important date

Imagine it's Azriel's birthday and Eris forgets because he is so swamped with work and court stuff. Eris remembers a week later when someone mentions one of the gifts they gave Az and Eris is HORRIFIED!!! (Drama queen fr)

Man is literally heartbroken because how could he forget his MATE'S special day and he is all up in his head about being a terrible, neglectful mate (cue thoughts about Beron- we all know realistically anyone's head would go there-- also cue do I look like himmmm?????) - sorry I had to go there

Meanwhile Az is literally so understanding like darling, chill it literally doesn't matter I still love you 😚

You can choose if you want to lean slightly into the angst +fluff side or just pure fluff (I just love the dynamics of Eris/Beron because you know that man is still haunting our boy even when he's dead)

Hope you like the idea

-🎉

Amber

Eris overreacts a little when he learns he missed his mate's birthday. But hey, puppies are cute. - 2k words.

A/N: I took some creative liberties and let the brain word vomit on page while still hitting your points. enjoy XD

The “Vanefire” is like the miniature version of a chinese dragon (with little feets), and a Pterolycus is literally just a feather-winged wolf. (this is said in the writing, but I’m putting it here anyway.)

TW: Self-depreciation, Mentioned domestic abuse

{ original prompt list } { ao3 link }

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

Eris straightened his jacket out as he winnowed to the usual meeting place for Cassian and him. Even with Azriel as his mate, it seemed their benevolent High Lord still needed more contact with him. Luckily, over the years, these meetings had grown to be much more pleasant than the usual intimidation and insults. In fact, it’d grown into more of a reunion of sorts. Eris and Cassian weren’t family per se, but they were growing into more friends.

Cassian was already waiting, leaning up against a nearby tree. He grinned when Eris appeared at last. “Been busy, eh?” The male teased.

Eris shook his head. “You don’t know the half of it,” he muttered.

Cassian huffed a soft laugh. “How’s Az? He missed dinner last week.”

“Content,” Eris answered. “And somehow getting more persuasive by watching my hounds’ puppy eyes.”

The winged male burst out in a laugh. “Guess he has to learn the art somehow,” the male joked. “How’d he like that dagger I gave him for his birthday?”

Eris froze for a split second. Birthday? What? Azriel had a- Fuck. There was a new dagger that his mate had been carrying around on his hip with some gold accents on its sheathe. Azriel seemed to have taken a liking to it but Eris, the fucking dumbass that he is, didn’t seem to thing where the fuck he got it.

Nervously, he laughed it off, brushing his hair back, but in a way yanking it to strangle himself for forgetting Azriel’s fucking birthday in the midst of his work. “Yeah, he’s been carrying it around a lot. Seen him shining it with some new oils too,” Eris responded calmly.

Cassian nodded, seemingly accepting that answer. Fuck.

Eris suddenly stood at attention, acting as if he’d just had a realization. “Fuck, Cass, I’ve got to cut this meeting short. Forgot I had a council-”

“Oh, go on,” Cassian said, chuckling and waving him off. “I really only come down this way for the nice flight anyway.”

Eris nodded with a strained smile. “Have a good day,” he said in a rush and then winnowed right into his and Azriel’s bedroom in the Forest House. How long had it been since his birthday? Eris glanced around. There was one day where Azriel seemed to be more joyful than usual about three days ago and that was when he saw the dagger at first-

FUCK.

He immediately winnowed out when he heard Azriel knocking on the door, likely already sensing him come home early. He went to the markets, panting terribly as he threw up a useless glamor. How had he forgotten his own mate’s birthday?! He felt so neglectful. How could he get himself so caught up in his work that he forgot to even pay attention to Azriel’s fucking birthday.

He had to make this right. That was about his only thought right about now. But how the absolute fuck was he meant to “make it right” when he forgot his mate’s fucking birthday. It felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside out if he had to be honest as guilt tore him apart.

It was like Beron. Eris never once knew a celebration for anyone’s honor set up by Beron except for the man’s own selfish fuckery. He was neglectful like his father to his mate. To his mate. He had been trying so hard to be better. To not be the neglectful, abusive, hateful asshole that Beron was. But here he was, turning into the male just like Beron always said he would.

Eris paused at a puddle when he spotted something eerily familiar.

Fuck, he even looked like the male. That was probably even worse. His mothers and brothers probably only saw Beron in him. He’d been trying, but clearly it was useless since he was just inherently as bad as his father. Fate was never kind to the Vanserras it seemed.

He went rushing through the markets, trying to think of anything to give Azriel as a gift. Anything to prove his useless worth to the male who’d been so fucking kind despite everything Eris had done. Truly, he found nothing that seemed good enough to give the male. His mind was running on reserves already but he refused to stop. What in the world could he get his mate?

Not daggers. That was everyone’s gift to a warrior. Something sentimental? No, Eris wasn’t exactly known for that kind of thing. Something interesting to capture his mate’s attention? No, that would likely be a book and Eris was not giving his mate a fucking book for his birthday. A fucking puppy? He thought, becoming more desperate by the second.

He paused.

A puppy.

That may work. The puppy may be cute enough that Azriel wouldn’t immediately choke him to death. Maybe enough time for Eris to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. What kind of puppy? All of the Ghosthound breeders he knew of were on break so the dogs weren’t being treated like shit. Was there some other type of cute animal that could work? Did anyone train ravens around here? But Azriel already had his shadows. Plus, the male seemed to like his Ghosthounds more anyway than any bird. It may be good that a raven could fly however…

He groaned as he slumped against the back of a house, huffing in annoyance with himself.

He jumped violently when a voice came from his left. A familiar male was standing there. Hue, his brother.

“And what is my brother doing?” Hue mused playfully.

Eris groaned as he just pressed his hands into his face. “Do you know any animals that can fly but aren’t some trained fucking bird?”

Hue raised a brow. “Why? Are you looking for a new pet obsession?”

“No,” Eris mumbled.

“Then what?” Hue asked, his voice a little softer as he slid down the wall to sit beside Eris.

“Azriel,” Eris merely answered roughly. “His fucking birthday was a few days ago and apparently, I’m as bad as Beron at remembering to give my fucking mate a gift for a holiday like that.”

Hue scoffed. “Eris, Beron wouldn’t be having an anxiety attack behind the markets because of this,” Hue reminded him with a bit of amusement in his tone. “So, you’re looking for a gift?”

“Yes,” Eris muttered. “A pet seemed like a nice idea.”

Hue hummed. “You’re not wrong. It would be incredibly adorable to see that scary male that you call your mate with a little puppy trailing at his feet.”

“I won’t get him some pet to look at,” Eris muttered. “It has to have some sort of use.”

“You might be in luck then. The coastal port has a trader with continental animals for sale,” Hue mused. “Wanna go check it out together?”

Eris sighed, forcing his body to calm. “Yes,” he said and reached out a hand for Hue. They winnowed to the market square of the largest coastal port they had. Hue was immediately leading him through the crowd of people and then stopping right before a trader who had cages galore with animals he’d never seen before.

Eris tilted his head as he examined the animals. He was surprised to find so many winged variants among them.

“Hello sir,” Hue interrupted. The trader turned and then went pale when he spotted them both and coughed, waving away the person they’d been having a conversation with earlier.

“High Lord, and Lord Hue,” The trader said respectfully. “Welcome to my stand of continental treasures.”

“We’re interested in the animals you have for sale,” Hue explained. “Have anything interesting that can fly?”

The trader perked up and smiled. “Indeed! We have many creatures available that can fly! I have a phoenix egg that can hatch under the right conditions for the right person; a Vanefire, the long skinny winged snake creature over there; and a Pterolycus pup which is a winged wolf.”

Eris raised his brow as he glanced at the Vanefire first. It only snarled at him viciously.

“Ah, yeah. Those don’t make good cuddlers unless you raise ‘em from the egg,” The trader admitted with a chuckle.

“Where’s this pup?” Eris asked.

The trader perked up immediately and then leaned down to reach into a box underneath the tables and brought up the most adorable gray wolf pup with large feathered wings sprouting from its shoulders. “Pterolycus,” The trader repeated. “Commonly pack creatures, but this one was found next to its dead mother I’m afraid…”

Eris hummed and reached to take the pup from the trader’s hands. He cradled it in his arms for a moment where the pup instantly cuddled up close to the warmth. Then he held it in front of his face and couldn’t help the little grin on his face when the pup licked his nose.

“How much?” Eris asked. This would do. Cute. Could fly. Fit in with his pack and likely only needed a little bit of extra care for the pup’s wings. He could ask the Dawn Court Peregryns if he needed to know more.

The trader listed off numbers and Eris only bartered with him a little before settling on a price. Soon enough, he was hesitantly walking through the halls of the Forest House with the little wolf pup cradled to his chest.

Azriel’s shadows came out from their hiding, curiously rolling over the creature. He gritted his teeth and pushed forward determinedly into their shared bedroom. “Azriel-” he began.

Azriel was instantly sitting up from where he was on the bed. “Where the hell have you been?” The male demanded.

“Uhm…” Eris hesitated. “Picking up your birthday gift?” He responded and then quickly handed over the cute wolf pup.

Azriel made a slight noise of alarm before he grabbed a hold of the wolf securely and looked down at it before looking up at Eris.

“This is what you’ve been panicking about since your meeting with Cass?” Azriel asked incredulously.

“I was not panicking-” Eris began defensively.

“And you forget you practically scream your emotions down the bond when you’re stressed,” Azriel interrupted. “Don’t lie, Eris. Why so worried?”

Eris sighed and silently considered actually going to his knees in front of his mate. He decided against it, but began in a shameful tone, keeping his head down and eyes averted, “Because I forgot your birthday.”

Azriel scoffed and Eris lifted his head in alarm. “That’s what has kept you in a fit all day? Eris, I’m over five-hundred years old. I didn’t even know you knew my birthday.”

Eris raised a brow. “But-” he began.

“No buts,” Azriel interrupted. “I’m flattered that you care, but there was no reason to worry that much.”

“But Cassian got you a gift,” Eris protested.

“And? The asshole does it as a joke every year,” Azriel said, chuckling softly. “Always gets one good gift and then manages to prank me within the week with it. I’m still awaiting it.”

Eris was flabbergasted. “So… you’re not mad?” He asked.

“Eris, I love you. This puppy is adorable, but the gift wasn’t anything to worry about, fireheart,” Azriel replied, petting the wolf pup gently. “This is probably the best gift I’ve gotten in centuries, Eris.”

Eris felt a little inflated at those words and sighed in relief. “I’m still sorry,” he muttered. “I’ve been so caught up in my work I’ve been practically neglecting you.”

“Eris, you’re doing good work. I don’t feel neglected. Get that through your beautiful head,” Azriel said sternly. “Now, how about we welcome this little guy to the family instead?”

Eris perked up and nodded. “It’s a Pterolycus from the continent according to the trader,” he explained. “A winged wolf. This one was found by its dead mother.”

“Aw,” Azriel cooed and petted the pup more as if comforting it. “Poor little thing. I bet Percy will happily take it.”

“Her,” Eris noted with a smile. “Figured you might be happy to have a flying buddy later.”

Azriel chuckled. “Very thoughtful, Eris. Thank you.” He leaned forward to kiss Eris gently.

So, maybe Eris had overreacted a tiny bit. But they did get a new family member out of the deal. And Percy already fell in love with the little pup. They’d decided to name her Amber after her eyes that were brighter than any of Eris’s other pups.

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

Tagged in all ACOTAR Stories: @bunnymallowo, @officiallyunofficialperson, @margssstuff, @rebloggiest-reblogger, @inpraizeof, @graciereads, @eos-princess, @bubybubsters, @fieldofdaisiies, @skyesayshi, @lilah-asteria,

Tagged in all Azriel Stories: @ladylokilaufeyson5, @marina468

@irithiadourden :)

[nikalaeva]

I suddenly realized that for Rhysand, the only way to atone for any guilt is death.

He died in the war with Hybern, so it's not surprising that later in ACOFAS and ACOSF he practically pushes and pushes Tamlin and Nesta to die, in order to atone for their guilt before him his precious Feyre 😮‍💨

Also dude uses Illyrians and Darkbringers as cannon fodder because that's the only way they can atone for their existence, for who they are. And Mr. "the most powerful High Lord" has settled comfortably in Velaris, surrounded himself with ass-kissers and raised very young wife, in whose mind he lives rent-free, to serve him.

I think the IC is very proud that they are unquestioningly ready to die for Rhysand if he asks. Mind you - not for their homeland, people or just peace, not in cases when there is no other choice, but at Rhysand's whim. Okay, they consider each other family, and fighting and dying for this is really quite heroic. But let's be honest - this family is based on a deep, even toxic gratitude to rich privileged boy for taking them in. Sure, they each benefited, and it's better than their past anyway. But it bothers me that their whole life is only Rhysand, only their duty to him. Like, not once in centuries Cassian, Azriel, Mor thought about other options? In the huge Prythian and beyond, they have only two paths - Illyria/CoN or Velaris? Of course, between hell and golden cage the choice is obvious, Cassian is forbidden the path to the Summer Court, and Mor - to the Autumn Court, but still there are other options.

Feyre too, either the Spring Court or the Night Court. Nesta too, either the House of Wind or the mortal lands. Why do you create a big world to suffocate readers and characters with illusion of choosing between lesser and greater evils?

Returning to Rhysand, his crowning drama is the death pact with Feyre. You love this woman. You'll do anything for her, even be a villain. You don't care about rules because your feelings are so strong - and all so that she can die with you? But... you can kill yourself without a deal, like Romeo and Juliet, so why you give your enemies a chance to kill both rulers of the Court?

Yeah, sometimes love makes you stupid. But this is a goddamn book, fairies, fake world. In it, Feyre, after a fatal birth, can even stand on her head a few days later because she's a FAIRY. So for me, the excuse like "well, she just had a difficult birth, that's why Rhysand is in HOFAS" doesn't work.

Back to Rhysand again (sorry, so many thoughts 😅). He values ​​one moment, after which nothing (or who knows what), more than a very, very long life to work, travel, study, get to know yourself, correct mistakes, help others. One city is more important than the whole Court. And Rhysand is the center of universe, the most unique and irreplaceable.

Am I against it? No. Why then do I grumble? This level of egocentrism and blindness would suit a god or a devil, against whom the main characters fight. But Rhysand is a different character. And the author positions him as just a cool, ambiguous guy who only likes to fuck.

It seems we lost a little more than just a morally gray character...

[famouscyclenerd]

Mor's reactions to Az and Elain are explained in his BC

this is my opinion btw, nothing's been confirmed.

I've seen both sides use her reactions to "prove" that their ship is endgame in whatever way. We don't have her pov in any of the scenes however.

So as of right now, we don't know why Sarah chooses to highlight Mor's reactions whenever there is an interaction between Elain and Az in her presence, but I have my theories, and ya'll already know it's not going in e/riels favor, SO BUCKLE UP MY DUDES WE'RE GOING FOR A RIDE!👹

I think it's important to note that Azriel and Mor's relationship has been slightly... turbulent throughout all of the decades they've known each other. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been absolutely unstable, but there is a huge lack of communication on both sides that's been in dire need of resolvement in order for them to have a good and healthy friendship.

Although Sarah hasn't confirmed it, moriel was supposed to be endgame. PERIOD! I still can't believe there are moriel deniers. Reading ACOMAF, moriel was the plan and that's a !fact! (TRUST, I was there when MAF realeased and the couples were feysand, elucien, nessian and moriel) and it became evident in ACOWAR that she changed her mind on them for unknown reasons.

So what do we know about them and their feelings for each other? In MAF Feyre noticed Azriel reactions towards Mor. I honestly find that so fucking funny when "Beautiful, but near-unreadable." and "His skin was as cold as his face." is how Feyre first describes his face, yet she clocks his feelings for Mor almost immediately.

"It was almost enough to distract me from noticing Azriel as those shadows lightened, and his gaze slid over Mor's body (...) A wisp of shadow curled around Azriel's ear, and his eyes snapped to mine. I schooled my face into bland innocence."

"Mor patted Azriel on the shoulder (...) The lurking shadow vanished entirely as Azriel's head dipped a bit (...)"

This was the very first scene where Feyre observed Mor and Az together.

"Yes - Azriel, who kept a step away, whose shadows trailed him and seemed to fade in her presence."

I find this interesting since some of you can say: "GOTCHA! His shadows vanishes around Mor like they do with Elain and moriel was supposed to be endgame in MAF" but I don't think this is good for the e/riels at all, as Sarah kept this going even after she decided that they weren't going to be together. This basically established e/riel to be moriel 2.0 and it didn't work out the first time, so why would it work a second time?

I find it interesting when Feyre, Rhys, Cassian and Azriel leaves to go see Elain and Nesta for the first time - Azriel decided to leave behind his shadows.

"(...) No shadows trailed us, as if he'd left them in Velaris."

Why? Because he didn't want to unsettle the sisters as they were there to convince them to work with them.

"Then I shifted to the right, grateful those shadows were nowhere to be found (...)"

"But Azriel's attention was on my sister, a polite, bland smile on his face. Her shoulders loosened a bit. I wondered if Rhys's spymaster often got his information through stone-cold manners as much as stealth and shadows."

How sweet! First meetings :D

To speed things up a bit, we have Mor finally telling Feyre more about their relationship. How she's aware he wants her, but doesn't see himself good enough to be with her.

“He might have defied and proved those Illyrian pricks wrong at every turn, but it won’t matter if Rhys makes him Prince of Velaris—he’ll see himself as a bastard-born nobody, and not good enough for anyone. Especially me.”

This is very crucial and something I'll circle back to later!

Then we have the cauldron scene that seemed to be what would finally make a change in their so far static relationship.

"Faster than any of us could see, Jurian fired a hidden ash bolt through Azriel's chest. Mor screamed."

"Mor was shaking - trying hard not to, but shaking as she stared at the protruding end of that arrow, visible between the gap in Azriel's wings."

"Jurian's sword was already out - and he was looking at Mor as if he was going to kill her first. Azriel's blood-drained face twisted with rage as he noticed that stare."

"Azriel cried out in pain. She froze."

"Mor looked at Azriel and there was real fear there. Fear - and something else. She didn't stop moving until she kneeled beside him and pressed a hand to his wound. Azriel hissed - but covered her bloody fingers with his own."

I've said this before and I'll say it again. If you know SJM terminology, you know what the "something else" means. This was the mating bond snapping into place for Mor. We were all waiting for it to be adressed in ACOWAR, but clearly that never happened.

As of WAR and FAS, Azriel's feelings for Mor doesn't waver. He continues to stare after her with longing, hunger, sadness whatever - even with Elain in the room fyi. But Mor's feelings for him has been changed irrevocably - as Sarah decides to sink the moriel ship once and for all by telling us Mor is not romantically interested in men, something Az is not aware of, as far as we know. And she continues to sleep with men, which makes him confused and hurt. Their relationship remains the same as it always has been.

So with this out of the way, let's take a look at Mor's reactions to e/riel!

"Azriel's hazel eyes churned as he studied my sister, her too-thin body. And without a word, he winnowed away. Mor watched the space where he'd been standing long after he was gone."

This is... an interesting reaction and something that Sarah obviously wants us to notice. So why is that?

"Az said nothing. No, he just moved toward her. Mor tensed beside me."

Ah, the lovely potato scene! As I was re-reading it, there really was nothing romantic about it whatsoever. Rhys explaining why, as this was more to highlight Azriel's ptsd than show any romantic indication between him and Elain.

However, Mor's reaction is certainly something to note on. She tenses as she watches them. And in here comes my reasoning as to why Az's POV is so important to her reactions. Because previously, we see Elain and Az together through other people's eyes, and it can come across as very sweet and innocent, ♫the start of something new♪ perhaps. But the BC really just threw any sliver of a chance for e/riel out the window, imho.

There was simply nothing sweet about Azriel's inner thoughts as he was interacting with her. His self worth is at an all time low around her, meaning it has most likely always been like that whenever they've been together.

He is so aware of his own flaws, his status, his looks etc and basically comparing himself to her. She is so flawless and good and he is this ugly monster.

"Az tried not to look at his scarred fingers as they took the gift."

"His shadows skittered back at the sound. They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around." ← as they do with Mor

"Letting his scarred fingers touch her immaculate skin."

"Wrong - it was so wrong."

"She looked up at him, her face so trusting and hopeful and open that he knew she had no idea that he had done unspeakable things that sullied his hands far beyond his scars."

"Such terrible things that it was a sacrilege for his fingers to touch her skin, tainting her with his presence."

"He hadn't gotten that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to." ← this is straight up diabolical💀

Although we have never gotten Az's POV when he's around Mor, I imagine it to be very similar in terms of how he views himself and them. And I think Mor understands this. When she looks at Elain and Az, she sees herself and him. And I think her heart breaks for him as she watched history repeat itself, likely knowing that there isn't much she can do but watch as he self destructs again and again.

As I mentioned, this makes me look at e/riels interactions differently when knowing how Az views himself around her. I believe this made every interaction between them, that could carry hints of potential romance, into something much darker than what it seemed like on the surface. And I think Mor sees this, as well as Rhys.

This kinda leads into a post I was planning on writing, but couldn't be bothered. But it was about Az and Rhys and how as of SF, the character that knows Az the best is Rhys. And we see Rhys shut down any e/riel interaction known to man. Feyre: "how handsome they could be together" and Rhys: "Azriel has been preoccupied with the same female for five hundred years" etc.

With the bonus chapter in mind, I have a headcanon that, like Feyre did to Lucien, Rhys used his daemati powers on Azriel and essentially read what we read, leading to him interrupting them as he (like many of us) did not view what was happening as something romantic. If you read on a surface-level, what Rhys did could appear mean, but to me, he did this because he cares for his brother and that particular kiss would not make Azriel feel better about himself. At all!

"What of Mor, Az?" Azriel ignored the question." ← He is not completely over her, even in SF.

If my headcanon is true (which we might never even find out) I just have to point out that Feyre found no ill will when it came to Lucien's regard for Elain, only concern, sorrow, longing etc. Compared with Rhys and Az, where good intentions was not on the table, but simply lust and self-hatred on Azriel's end at least.

I'm not sure why Sarah decided to toy around with e/riel except because Azriel was suddenly available after she decided to ditch moriel, but I do believe that they've turned into nothing but a red herring for gwynriel and elucien. And it worked, a little too well maybe.

See I could pull in my girl Gwyn and her scene with Azriel to compare and show the contrast of it, but I'm not going to..

"The young priestess smiled - and he thought it might have been directed at his curious shadows."

This is already... so different to what we've seen with the other two.

"He blocked out the bloody memory that flashed, so at odds with the Gwyn he saw before him now."

He thinks about her and how far she's come compared to when they first met.

"Her breath curled in front of her mouth, and one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. Like it heard some silent music."

"He blinked. It wasn't every day that people took him by surprise, but..."

This is just cute c:

"Azriel couldn't help his soft chuckle."

"(...) rubbing his hands against the cold, grateful for its bracing bite and the distraction of this impromptu lesson."

He is aware of his hands and not thinking about how "ugly" they are when she is around him. He is also happy about this surprising lesson, not at all interested in being alone to mope anymore.

"Azriel laughed."

"(...) something restless settling in him. Even his shadows had calmed. As if content to lounge on his shoulders and watch."

You already know. But Az was in a shitty mood right before this, and it did not take much of Gwyn to calm him down, leading him to feel slightly better about himself and even feeling like he could get some sleep after all.

Compared to both Mor and Elain, his shadows are present and interacting with her and she's paying attention to them as well. Which is a first. And let's not forget the ✨spark✨

Which of these three ladies is better for Azriel? Mor and Elain are basically the same for him, himself and his shadows reacts more or less the same around them. Or Gwyn, which read in a lot more positive note than the previous two?

I think Sarah knows at least🤷‍♀️

[highfantasy-soul]

I think a very good theme to explore with Andor would be about losing allies because you have to make 'battlefield decisions' about who you can trust, who you can pull back into the fold, and who needs to be taken out.

I don't think it's a wise thing to shoot first, ask questions later like I know the knee-jerk reaction often is. Rebellions are, by nature, usually massively behind in resources (both supplies and people) compared to those they're fighting against. Killing potential allies isn't really helpful with that if you deem them 'not pure' enough in their politics or decision making.

I know it's a VERY popular thing to see someone like Tay getting antsy and have the knee-jerk reaction 'KILL HIM!' which, I'm betting, is exactly what Luthen did. But just going around killing anyone you suspect isn't on your side isn't exactly a great gameplan to unite the galaxy.

After all, imagine if the Maya Pei rebels saw Cassian dressed as an Imperial pilot, flying a tie fighter, seeking out someone who had previously shot at them when they arrived, and decided to kill Cassian on the spot.

Gotta find a new main character!

But that's exactly the call someone who didn't have the meta knowledge that Cassian was a rebel might have made. That seems to be the call Porco made when he saw the Maya Pei refugees - shoot first (because he's on a mission), ask questions later - and now he's dead and has made Cassian much harder to trust.

Why SHOULD the Maya Pei brigade trust Cassian isn't an Imp?

What's their current mission? Survive.

They have no food, no water, no way off-planet. Here's a nice ship they could use to save themselves.

But what's Cassian's mission? Fuck these rebels, get this ship to it's destination.

If they let Cassian go, they could be signing their death warrants even if he isn't the Empire. He's not going to help them in any way because 'his mission is more important'. We don't see him alerting anyone that those rebels are stranded and need help - we only see him looking out for himself, his friends, and lastly, his mission.

I hope in our 'one year later' we get so see some of the ramifications of this and maybe also see a benefit of people giving a little grace to others even in such dangerous times. Every time you give grace, you aren't going to get burned - sometimes you gain a staunch ally.

I hope Andor doesn't go the route that any act of kindness will condemn you to failure/death. It's important to show that using the tactics of the enemy isn't what we should be striving for. Kindness is the point of rebellions against fascism and it's ok to explore that working sometimes and not working others.

Being cruel and cut-throat doesn't automatically lead to the desired outcomes - sometimes it actually hurts.

[yourlittlebunnyy]

a court of shadows and darkness

masterlist - previous chapter - next chapter

chapter three

summary: Selaene, Rhysand's sister, Azriel's mate runs away after the High Lord of Spring tries to kill her.

warnings: death

enjoy! <3

"Mother! Selaene! Father!" Rhysand's voice echoes through the mountains, but the Illyrian Steppes remain silent before his prayers. With his hands in his hair, his grip so tight it tears them apart, the male's knees give way, and at this point, he does not care who sees him. Sobs shake his entire body as he slumps to the ground, and he does not even feel the frozen snow soaking his clothes. He feels nothing but the pain of that loss. All he can do is think, after his family was killed, that it was all his fault. His sister had tried to call him, but he did not arrive in time, and now they are all dead. He opens his eyes just wide enough to look at the patch of his mother's blood mixed with Selaene's blood smearing the white snow. The sight is almost poetic. He will get his revenge, whoever was the bastard who killed two of the most important people in his life. And his father.

He hears footsteps behind him but he doesn't compose himself, not caring who might see the future High Lord of the Night Court in that state.

"Brother...," it's Cassian, he realizes. He lays a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"Get the fuck away." And as he has arrived, he leaves, silent. Around him, a gentle breeze caresses his face, the only uncovered part of him. It should be icy but tepid, as if it were a last goodbye, a last cuddle from his family before they leave forever. More sobs make his body shake. He takes off his gloves and slips his hands into the snow, the pain in his scalp fades and he immediately regrets it. But it's quickly replaced by the snow that is so cold it burns his palms. He deserves it, he thinks, he deserves it after failing to protect those he loves.

He stays there an indefinite time. His clothes are soaked and the sun is setting, now the air is so cold it freezes his bones, and Rhysand stands up shivering like a small child.

Before he leaves he makes a promise to himself. It doesn't matter how, only that no one he loves will ever die from his lack of attention again. He will never again fail in his task. With one last look at the blood-stained snow, an action he is not ready to do-but must, he leaves, leaving his mother, father, and sister for one last time. When he returns to the Wind House, he does not find Azriel. He enters and each step seems heavier than the last. He does not bother not to drag his wings, does not care about appearances. Even breathing becomes too strenuous. He finds Cassian sitting at the table, his cheeks streaked with tears. At the sight of his brother so grief-stricken Rhysand cannot hold them back himself. He sits at the table with him, the house so cold and empty without the laughter of the two females. He wonders if one day he will forget even the sound of their voices.

"Azriel?" he asks after what seems like infinity. The broken voice reaches Cassian's ears distantly. When he answers, his voice is a reflection of his brother's. "He... he's gone mad, Rhys."

A heavy silence fills the air with tension.

"I'm going to kill him, Cassian."

"I know, Rhys. I know. But Azriel may already be thinking about it."

Cassian looks at his brother in the eyes. His gaze dull, his eyes red and puffy. They make him look centuries older. The warrior believes that he himself is in the same condition as Rhysand. Selaene and her mother have also been his family, have been the only family.

"Do you know where he is?"

"No. He woke me up at dawn after he heard-he heard Selaene die from the bond. Goddamn, Rhysand." The brother's voice cracks so hard. They have never cried like this in the nearly seventy years they have known each other. Rhysand watches the Illyrian warrior, his brother, fall apart before him. Something in his gaze changes.

"Find Azriel. I'll take care of the bastard." At the change in his brother's tone, Cassian lifts his face in surprise. "Do you-do you know who-?"

"Who could it have been but Tamlin'." He points this out in a voice so distant that the warrior wonders how he can plan a murder under these conditions. "Brother, I don't think-"

"No, Cassian. Find Azriel and let me have my revenge."

The warrior can do nothing but nod. Before he goes, he takes one last look at his brother. The icy voice is not reflected in his expression, still heartbroken. When he is about to leave the room, he turns a small bow to him. Now, Rhysand is a High Lord.

"NO!", Azriel's screams wake Cassian. His brother did not scream, ever. Not even when he had nightmares, not even when he was being tortured did he ever scream.

He can do nothing but grab the dagger hidden under the mattress and run to his room. What he certainly did not expect was to see his brother kneeling, sobs wracking his entire body, hands clutching his chest at heart level. When he heard his brother enter the room and looked up, Azriel's eyes are of pure pain.

"Azriel... what's going on?" He approaches him and kneels before him, the dagger forgotten on the ground at the doorframe, two strong hands rest on his shoulders to give him support.

Azriel rises hastily, trembling knees not offering him too much stability causing him to stagger slightly. Cassian is worried-he has never seen his brother in such a condition.

"Selaene..." he manages to gasp and a pain expands in the warrior's chest. "Azriel. Speak, Selaene what? What has happened?"

"The bond. I don't... I can't hear it anymore, Cassian. It's empty." His brother's cracked voice shatters him.

"I-I thought you wanted to accept the bond."

"No, Cassian. I don't..." Azriel takes a short pause, a long breath, and Cassian has never been more agitated. If he is not suffering because he was rejected, what else could have happened that is so terrible? "I don't feel her anymore. She is..." But Azriel cannot finish the sentence. He can't. The sobbing that beats him is so violent that the warrior has to hold him up as the ShadowSinger cries on his shoulder. He himself cannot stop the tears. The situation is so surreal.

"Azriel." His voice is broken, like when he was a baby is crying in Rhysand's mother's arms. "I swear if this is a joke-"

" Fucking hell, Cassian. It's not a fucking joke." His brother's voice is so harsh that he feels guilty for even thinking it.

"I have to go." He suddenly breaks away from the comforting grip.

"Azriel, brother..."

But before he can even finish the sentence, Azriel disappears into his shadows.

463 years later

"I have never entered your room, Azriel. It is an honor." Feyre's voice and her little comment make Azriel smile slightly.

"I like to ... keep my own space." The Fae smiles at her words, and the Illyrian notices the female's gaze wandering around the room. Too much for his liking.

Her eyes land on a romantic book, one that Nesta has recommended to him and he is far too kind to tell her he will never read. The Fae picks it up and lifts it to show him, a feline smile breaks across her bright face. "Uh-huh. I didn't know the much-feared Spymaster read such impurities!"

An amused snort escapes his throat, but he doesn't respond further. He lets Feyre take a closer look at the room and comment on every single thing in it-not that he has many, fortunately. This is exactly why he does not like it when people enter his room.

As the young Fae continues to browse through his things, he heads to the real reason he brought Feyre to his room. The damned paperwork that his High lord desperately need for some reason.

"Fey. You're supposed to be looking for the reports, not the dirty books your sister lends me."

"Ah! But look at you going all defensive," she chuckles, and Azriel struggles to hide the smirk that lights up his face, "there's nothing wrong with wanting to read a little pepper every now and then." She laughs again after seeing the Shadowsinger roll his eyes.

"Oh...," Azriel pays no mind to whatever caught the Fae's attention, probably another piece of junk. "Az?"

"Yes?"

"Who-who is it?"

The Illyrian warrior's entire body stiffens at such words, somehow knowing full well what, who he is referring to.

"She is... it's gorgeous." The tone suggests to him that she is speaking more to herself than to him. But Selaene is still an open wound for him, and he is not ready to talk about it, and perhaps never will be.

After her death he simply ignored the pain, doing nothing about it. Rhysand became High Lord and he was made Spymaster, he begged his brother to send him on so many missions that he forgot about Selaene. Of course, he did not succeed. But at least he was busy and time made things better. But every time she is mentioned ... he still feels that unbearable emptiness in his chest, and it would hurt less if his heart was ripped out of his chest alive.

"Is that Rhys's sister?" Feyre's question brings him back to reality. He stares at her for a long time, and the Fae cannot help but notice the pain that flashes in his eyes, pain so fiery and burning. His eyes blur, as if inside his head he is replaying memories. When he does not respond, she speaks again.

"Rhys told me about her. But I didn't know you were related."

Azriel still does not answer, and Feyre realizes that he will probably never answer. She feels like a bad person for asking such intrusive questions, and feels the need to make up for it.

"I'm sorry, Az. I didn't mean to bring back bad memories."

Azriel wanted to yell at her, to get out, to not speak about her.

He wanted to scream that she was not a bad memory, but he could not. It had been decades since anyone had mentioned Selaene.

It had been decades since anyone had mentioned Selaene. Sure, above his bed there is a painting of her that he stares at every morning as soon as he wakes up and every night before he goes to sleep. Gods, there are days when he sits on his desk and stares at her for hours, unable to look away. But this is different. Someone talking about his dead mate in front of him is different. He is not ready to voice his thoughts, and perhaps never will be.

"Maybe ... maybe I should go. Don't... forget about the papers, I'm sure Rhysand doesn't need them that much."

Azriel watches her leave her room, and hates the look he receives. Compassion. The look he gets from his brothers whenever they see him alone at a ball, or the look he gets whenever a bond is mentioned.

He stares again at the painting of his beloved, and lets the memories he has of her calm his mind and the shadows obscure his vision, as if to put a wall between him and reality.

He wonders when was the last time he heard her voice, her laugh, her name on his lips. And when he tries to remember the sound of it, he can't. He has forgotten Selaene's laughter.

After almost a century of it not happening, Azriel lets tears flow freely down his face and sobs fill the room, careless of who might hear. The shadows themselves, who loved his female as much as he did, cry and call her name, as if at any moment, she might return. As if she simply went out on an errand.

He wonders how his brothers would look at him now, weeping for a lover lost almost five centuries ago. Who knows how much compassion he would find in their looks.

next chapter

[lovemyromance]

Have the eluciens ever considered that perhaps the reason Elain acts so uncomfortable and avoids Lucien and apathetic around him and says "I don't want a mate" is not because she secretly feels eternal love for him and wants to fuck him 24/7" ..... and maybe because ....

SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT HIM???

like my god. It is not that hard to understand that maybe - just maybe - elains actions and words match and this time - this woman just honestly doesn't want that man? I know it's hard to believe because yall have such hardons for Lucien (??) but .... maybe she doesn't want him and she means that!???

There's only one reason Eluciens want an Elain POV - and it's not because they love Elain and want to know her struggles and fears and hopes and dreams. They want Elain's POV bc they are still holding onto some desperate hope that her POV might say that she is avoiding Lucien and shrinking around him because ..... she's in love with him?? She's making out with Azriel and getting aroused for him because .... she wants Lucien, I guess???

If she wanted Lucien - genuinely what reason does she have to hide it?? Nobody is standing in their way and Feyre was initially trying to push them together as early as ACOWAR.

She is not Feyre. She is not Nesta. And it's important to remember that before people go around trying to compare these very different scenarios.

Everyone could tell Feyre & Nesta had chemistry and wanted Rhysand & Cassian, regardless of their brief avoidance and dancing around of each other and flirtations with others. They had major scenes of buildup even before their actual "couple" book.

Here - you have the opposite. Multiple characters are noticing Elain just doesn't want Lucien. They are noticing he's just as uncomfortable around her. Elain is developing a deep level of understanding for Azriel, not her mate.

I genuinely can't believe that people are trying to use the logic that "oh Feyre and Nesta also avoided their mates" as a reason for Elucien to still be happening. As if every character and their mother hasn't pointed out just how different these situations are.

Like.... ok... keep holding out hope for your Hail Mary of Elain maybe secretly wanting Lucien and doing everything in her power to NOT show that (for what reason idk - nobody stands in their way of getting together).

But some part of you HAS to accept that maybe Elain is showing her true feelings on the subject.... and maybe someone should finally believe her.

[nikethestatue]

I said it before, and I say it again: regardless of your personal preferences, your all important 'interpretations', your convictions, not understanding the difference between 'what YOU want' and SJM's intentions is very detrimental to your overall enjoyment of her books.

Because even if you really really want Gwynriel or Elucien or Bryceriel or Neris or anything else, completely dismissing SJM's intentions and what she likely meant and what she wrote, and blindly believing in your own convictions will not make her write a book that satisfies you all.

Like she is not going to write a book where:

Nesta leaves Cassian for Eris, and then Elain and Lucien end up together, after Azriel dumps her and Elain grovels to Lucien, and then Azriel goes on and mates with Gwyn, only for something to happen and then for him to move on to Eris, after Eris leaves Nesta. And then Azriel is with Eris, and Elain, I guess, is still groveling and tending to the flowers in her garden, but then Lucien is like, you know, we aren't mates, you are actually mates to Tamlin! And Elain is like oh, okay, so I guess I am gonna go with him now. And she is now with Tamlin, tending to the gardens in Spring and healing him. And then Helion drops dead and Lucien is finally a High Lord. And then Jesminda resurrects and he lives happily ever after. Meanwhile, haha, Helion is NOT dead, but ends up with LoA in a secret cottage. And then, Eris goes back to Nesta, I guess, and Azriel is like, Fuck this shit, and he bounces to Lunathion. And then boom! he is mated with Bryce, and Hunt is dead. And then the clipped Illyrian women put Rhys on trial and there is a revolution and all his money is distributed to the poor and Feyre goes back to living in a hovel because damn that breeder and she doesn't deserve the five houses and woohoo equality!

No, this is not going to be the book that SJM writes. Just, calm down, I guess.

[yazthebookish]

"If Azriel wants a mate then why is he pursuing a mated female."

He gave you the answer:

"The Cauldron chose three sisters. Tell me how it's possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters, yet the third was given to another." He had never before dared speak the words aloud.  

Let's start by a scenario where you [the reader] is desperately and hopelessly in love with someone whether they're mated or not, would the mating bond make a difference for you?

If you answer yes, then you admit that a mated pairing are unlike any other because they're connected on a soul level and that's why it would make a difference to you.

If you answer no, then the mating bond wouldn't be an important condition for you because you can love the person with or without a bond. The mating bond wouldn't be at the forefront when someone asks you to explain why you would pursue or want someone.

Now back to Azriel, why does it matter if Elain wasn't his mate? Would that make his "feelings" for her less meaningful?

If he is very confident Elain has no interest in Lucien, then why is he upset about her being mated to someone else?

"But he could be her second mate or true mate"

As of canon, there was no mention of multiple mates and it's been proven more than once that Elain and Lucien's bond is legit (they're a unique case because all other mated pairings knew about the bond when they were already in love). You have to twist the context to make it seem suspicious or out of the norm—and the only thing that is out of the norm here is unlike the other mated couples, they're the first one we see that aren't in love "yet".

So excluding the theory that he is Elain's true mate or that he is her second mate, doesn't his confession to Rhys prove that he is desperate for a bond.

He used Feysand and Nessian as an example because the equation in his head is not making sense with him being excluded from also getting an Archeron sister as a mate. To him, 3 brothers + 3 sisters makes sense but was that even a condition for either Rhys or Cassian to fall in love with either sisters? No.

And you know what are the two biggest red flags here:

1. He immediately questions the Cauldron not giving him a mate, or more specifically, the Cauldron gifting his brothers two Archeron sisters but the third wasn't his.

2. Does Elain want a mating bond with him, or anything to do with a bond at all? Based on what we've seen... no.

So the first point shows you that it wasn't his attraction or feelings for Elain that Azriel expressed or could've said things that came off more romantic like "I want her" "I've grown fond of her" "I feel good with her"—because I promise you he didn't need to do a whole love confession to Rhys to convince him and Rhys would've had a very different reaction than what we have seen.

But what we got was Azriel questioning the Cauldron and be visibly upset about not getting an Archeron sister—that what probably ticked off Rhys.

OR we, as the readers, were in his head so he didn't need to vocalize his feelings to Rhys (since the argument is often about he doesn't open up), we could've just read his thoughts

He is putting what he wants at the forefront without considering whether Elain wants a mating bond or not.

And then you have the final nail in the coffin:

Azriel said nothing. He hadn't gotten that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to.  

Is this what it all boiled down to? Fantasies?

Where in his entire conversation with Rhys did the topic center on what Elain wanted or needed?

"Oh but Azriel did say she has no interest in Lucien and is making it clear to Rhys"

Sorry but that's Elain's piece to say and no where were we given any hint that Elain asked or opened up to Azriel about this. He is yet doing something that everyone else does for Elain: speak for her and assume what she needs.

Though I completely disagree with the idea that Azriel is a fuck boy. He isn't but this is a male that carries a lot of conflicted feelings and thoughts within him—his actions and words can be questionable but it doesn't mark him as someone who is a player. He is just hitting rock bottom.

[acourtofthought]

The Asteri arrange bondless matings in Midgard to produce powerful offspring. The Asteri corrupted the Cauldron. ACOTAR is the only world where the Cauldron has influence. ACOTAR is the only world where we know some matings bonds can be wrong. Rhys says mating bonds may be from the Mother or the Cauldron, and might just be to produce powerful offspring. If SJM wants to make Elain and Azriel true mates she's already done all the work. It's all in canon. Elriel, Nessian, and Feysand could all have bonds from the Mother, just like in CC and TOG. Elucien could have a bond from the corrupted Cauldron. It's not that hard.

In 15,000 years.

After Danika / Baxion, Kallias / Vivianne, Feyre / Rhys, Rowan / Aelin, Bryce / Hunt, Nesta / Cassian, and so on.

In 15,000 years, ONLY the Elucien mating bond is corrupt? Those are some fucking odds, let me tell you. And damn, Elain and Lucien must be really important to be the sole recipients of such a unique plot with such far reaching implications.

It's really strange how the Asteri, who have never met Elucien and will never meet Elucien considering the ones on Midgard who are responsible for all this corruption are (spoiler) DEAD, would have gone to so much trouble.

If you're trying to claim Elain and Lucien were mated only to create the most powerful offspring than I feel pretty bad for E/riels future children since you're telling me they will just never measure up and that Az is in fact the weakest link.

It's also really strange how this same corrupt Cauldron created Elain and Nesta. Maybe it's not the bond that is corrupt but Elain herself, right? Since everything that comes from the cauldron now has the potential to be tainted I guess neither Lucien or Az should end up with a girl with that sort of questionable creation. I mean, the author did include the line about Elain having tightness on her face and Cassian suspecting she wasn't telling the truth about something. Clearly, that's SJM already "doing the work" to support Evil Elain and Az and Lucien will need to put her down together.

You know what's not hard? Understanding why some bonds are poorly matched.

You're referring to Rhys's parents, correct?

Rhys's father was cold and vicious and stole his mother away the second their bond snapped because he felt entitled to her. He also refused to ban wing clipping despite his her begging him to.

Rhys's mother was soft and fiery and beloved by many.

Elain sounds like Rhys's mother, does she not?

Cold and vicious, cold and vicious, feels entitled to a female. Gosh...that just doesn't sound like Lucien.

But it kind of does sound like someone full of an icy rage who is a far better liar than Rhys himself and knows how to perform a symphony of pain during his torture sessions. The guy who feels he should have gotten Elain as a mate for the simple fact that his brothers are with her sisters.

Elain and Az will never be true mates and let me tell you why.

Because as Elain was violated in the most horrible way possible to her character, Az was crying out for Mor.

As Elain was depressed and traumatized, Az never bothered to ask how she was doing, did not visit her for weeks after she was turned, and actually drew straws so he didn't need to stay and guard her.

After Elain lost her father, Az was relieved not to get her a Solstice gift and blushed and stared at Mor with heat and yearning.

I don't even need an Elucien mating bond to understand he is by far the better male for her.

[readychilledwine]

Eris Week Day 7 - Free Day

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Happy Day 7 of @erisweek2023. It is a double post day. 💙

Summary - Ophelia Archeron, the youngest of the Archeron sisters, is forced to meet with Eris and the Batboys, causing her to miss a day in the Summer Court with Amren That doesn't stop her from finding some fun in the water, though.

Warnings - Giving into intrusive thoughts and kissing strangers, OC tries to do the math for angles and trajectory, but the brains behind the OC hates math, angles, and formulations OC's thoughts are choatic and all over the place. Ophelia is an OC one of my close RL friend's asked for. She had wanted to know how sophisticated Eris would have handled a wild and carefree OC, so she has a few hidden pieces from me based on our book club coffee dates, but she said I could share this one. Also, she was listening to Geronimo by Sheppard when she asked me to write this.

Word count - 1203

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

"I don't know what the Littlest Archeron is thinking, but I would consider speaking with her, Rhysand." I continued staring through the red-haired heir of Autumn, grinning at the close distance from the edge of the waterfall he was. This wasn't a great first impression, but I really didn't care.

If I just get a good running start and jump….. 

I felt Rhysand's eyes drift to me again before refocusing on the important meeting he and the other two bat boys had brought me to.

Azriel had ignored my protests, arguments, and pleads for Nesta to go instead of me. I understood the whole seeing and ripping people's souls was a rare gift, and Rhysand was always super excited to try to use to intimidate people, but I had been promised a day in the sun and surf with Amren. I was missing Tarquin, and Tarquin's beautiful beaches, and oceans for this.

He's approximately 2 feet from the ledge. If I hit him running fast enough, we would land approximately… far away from any potential rocks. Maybe. 

Azriel looked over at me with his eyes narrowed as he watched me do math on my fingers. Eris also began to narrow his eyes at Rhysand. Cassian, though? His smile had grown. Being the bat I had spent the most time with, he knew the second I saw Eris on that ledge overlooking the waterfall, exactly what I was thinking.

Do I yell "Geronimo?" No. That'd be dumb. Focus, Ophelia. 

Eris took a step closer to the ledge and made eye contact with me for the first time. For a brief second the aloof higher than thou expression left his face in favor of something softer. The conversation between him and Rhysand came to a full pause. Rhysand  was holding back his grin the best he could while trying not to laugh as he entered my mind and quickly left after figuring out what I was thinking. I felt Azriel's shadows begin to steal my hidden daggers. 

Maybe I should make sure I land first so he doesn't potentially get hurt. Lucien would laugh at that, though. And Lucien's laugh is my favorite.

Rhysand began the conversation again with his eyes meeting mine every so often. Mischief was shining in them like the reflection of the sun on the waterfall. It was almost as if he was daring me to do it.

Am I even fast enough to do this? I'm totally fast enough. Cassian makes me run everyday. I can do this. 

"Enough! What is the little brat plotting?" Eris began to glare and move another step away from me. A few inches. 4 inches was maybe all that remained between him and that ledge. "I swear on the Cauldron itself, if you so much as look at my soul, I will -"

Fuck it.

I didn't hear the rest of Eris's threat as I broke into a full sprint directly at him. I jumped straddling his torso, effectively pushing him back hard enough for us to fall off the ledge. I felt his arms grab onto me tightly as we fell. Something inside of me snapped as he placed a hand on my head and cradled me for my protection.

His hands are so warm. He'd be wonderful to snuggle. This should be terrifying. Wait. He's laughing. Eris is laughing.

The collision with the pool of water came before I could process the sound of his deep laughter or even brace myself for how badly this could hurt. I felt him grab my hand in the cold, deep waters swimming us to the surface. When we emerged, he pulled me to him by my waist. He was smiling, and I felt myself melt under his gaze. His amber eyes searched my blue ones before he began to laugh again.

No one should look this perfect with hair stuck to their face.

Laughter rang from the ledge above us. Eris and I both looked up to see the bat boys leaned over the ledge. Cassian had his head thrown back, "Did you see his face?!" 

Rhys was smirking down at us, "You never said she couldn't physically attack you, Eris!"

Azriel was shaking his head trying to hide his amusement, "You know, Ophelia, if you wanted Eris to take you for a swim, you could have nicely asked."

I heard Eris hum next to me as his warm arm kept me close to him by my waist, "Ophelia. So the Littlest Cauldron Made does have a name."

My brain desprstely wanted to respond. To answer him and talk to him, but shadows and light dancing had caught my attention. The waterfall seemed to sparkle from down here against a dark background. What's BEHIND the waterfall?

I wiggled from his grasp before ducking back under the waterfall. I surfaced in a small cove and pulled myself up onto the rock. Eris appeared behind me and pulled himself up on the rock beside me. I heard Rhys yell for me before seeing two winged males land on the bank across the water. Rhys appeared beside them seconds later.

He's so warm. 

I felt a hand come to my chin as Eris moved my face to look at him. "Well, little Archeron, do you have something to say for yourself?" I followed the glittering silver thread that attached Eris and I at the heart. I felt it tug, so I tugged it back causing warmth to spread throughout my body and soul. A soft smile came to his face. The hand on my chin moved to the back of my head. Inches separated my lips from his.

Can he feel my heartbeat? Is my face getting really red? Is he about to kiss me?

"I can, yes, and only if you want me to." My eyes widened at the sound of his voice. "Mating bond," his voice was soft and warm as his other hand came, and his thumb began to brush my lower lip. The intensity of his stare began to set my soul alight. 

Kiss me.

He pulled me to him the second the thought came. His lips were as warm as the rest of his body and so soft. I sighed deeply as he deepened the kiss and pulled me onto his lap. My hands came to his face, holding him to me. We broke apart at the sound of Rhysand yelling for me again.

"It would appear that big brother is no longer enjoying your antics."

My only response was to kiss him again. I felt my legs wrap around his waist as we sat chest to chest. He took control and dominance over the kiss quickly. One hand tangled into my soaking hair, and the other held me around my waist, locking me where he wanted me. A shadow pulled me from Eris before taking me to Rhysand leaving Eris and Azriel alone in the small alcove. 

Rhysand snapped and changed me into dry leathers as he studied my face. I averted eye contact from him as a single brow raised. He stated softly, "You have got to be fucking joking."

Pain radiated down the bond, causing me to grip my jaw. Cassian's eyebrows shot up. He stared at Rhys, eyes slightly glazed over before muttering softly. "Ness is going to kill me."

Eris and Azriel appeared in front of the three of us. Eris was rubbing his jaw, smiling at me softly until a growl came from Az. Rhysand snapped his fingers to also give Eris dry clothing before leaning his head against a nearby tree. Eris smirked at me as the 3 Night Court males moved away to discuss the situation.

"Can we do it again?" I looked over at him, studying his red hair, angled face, and soft smile.

He rose his chin towards the ledge and looked my direction, "Jump from the waterfall?"

"No. Kiss."

Eris moved to me, a warm hand gently gripping my face and angling my head towards him, "I would kiss you until my dying breath left my body, Ophelia Archeron."

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

You’re right, Feyre stans are rarely just Feyre stans.

hi anon!

yep! this was specifically solidified for me after silver flames came out. feyre stans have been conditioned to always validate rhysand's intention over feyre's opinion. again - feyre has established that she:

(1) does not want rhysand to speak about her sisters in a disrespectful manner. feyre validates rhysand emotions about her sisters - meaning she isn't saying (and im not saying) that rhysand doesn't have a right to feel a certain way about her sisters. but that rhysand's feelings should not manifest in jabs and disrespectful words:

“Rhys said smoothly, “I’m not entirely sure Velaris is prepared for Nesta Archeron.” “My sister’s not some feral animal,” I snapped. Rhys recoiled a bit, the others suddenly finding the carpet, the divan, the books incredibly fascinating. “I didn’t mean that.”

feyre to rhysand.

“So she keeps saying, over and over,” Amren grumbled. I shot her a glare. “Careful.”

feyre to amren.

that's a boundary being set - clear as day. feyre does not approve or condone outright disrespect of her sisters. this has nothing to do with how we believe xyz or what rhys has a right to do, but what feyre has established as a no go.

(2) that she does not feel comfortable with rhysand being overly protective, to the point he withholds information, is overly violent, or conflicts with her wants:

“It’s hard to shut down my instincts.” Instincts. Just like … like someone else had instincts to protect, to hide me away. “Then you should have prepared yourself better,” I snapped. “You seemed to be going along just fine with it, until Keir said—”

rhys to feyre; feyre to rhys (acomaf)

(3)feyre doesn't care about instincts (as is an excuse used in sf), here she is telling rhys straight up that he needs to prepare himself better. bc she DOES NOT feel comfortable with the way rhys expressed his frustration. and again feyre is sympathetic to his reasonings, but she does not believe his intentions (in this case) justify the way he chooses to go about these things.

“I craned my neck to look up at him. “Never lie to me again. Not about that.”

feyre to rhys (acowar)

(4) again - feyre establishing a boundary. never lie to her about anything, especially important things.

feyre (and also fucking amren) also establishes that she doesn't believe that keeping her sisters couped up in the house of wind to be productive or helpful:

“If you want to start convincing your sisters, get them out of the House. Being cooped up never helped anyone.”

amren to feyre (acowar)

and nesta has established to rhys that she wants no interest in cassian:

“Nesta had made it clear enough she had no interest in Cassian—not even in being in the same room as him. I knew why. I’d seen it happen, had felt that way plenty.”

rhysand to az (acofas)

feyre also establishes - to rhys - that her she knows her sisters don't do well with public humiliation, and making a scene:

“ “I shouldn’t have asked her in public. I made a mistake.” and “I loosed a long sigh. “I should have considered that telling strangers what happened to her in Hybern might … might not be something she was comfortable with. My sister has been a private person her entire life, even amongst us.”

feyre to rhys (acowar).

im saying allll of this to say that in sf - rhysand literally takes all of these boundaries and shits on them. even his creation of the intervention conflicits against what feyre establishes: (1) her sister is a private person, and will not respond well to public humilation (2) nesta wants nothing to do with cassian (3) her sisters are not healty being in the house of wind and (4) feyre wants to be looped in and considered every step of the way. even the act of creating an intervention that goes so instinctively against feyre's wishes is an act of deep disrespect. that feyre stans can see these moments and still justify them bc their hatred for nesta and obsession w/ rhys trumps their 'love' for feyre. its a conditional like. here feyre is the victim and instead of writing metas and ff about feyre being done dirty by rhysand - they flock to justify rhysand's point to the point where they're willing to ignore feyre's opinions. its not abt how much we like / dislike the sisters. but how rhys's behavior conflicts against feyre's wants and boundaries. its about how those feyre stans would rather validate rhys then stand by feyre's emotions. to imply that rhysand's actions were appropriate means u place his actions above feyre.

feyre is adult and mature enough to manage her emotions, she not a child, she is perfectly able to stand-up and put her foot down. and she has - on multiple occasions retorted and fought back against her sisters - to consistently pretend feyre is a child who needs rhys to cosign and stand body-guard when feyre is perfectly able to do it herself says so much abt those 'stans' than they are willing to admit.

like feyre was able to face down tamlin - her abuser - all by her damn self. she's not some child who needs people to consistently defend her by undermining her opinions. if she wanted rhys to be an asshole to nesta - we would have saw that. instead we got this:

“That’s enough,” Feyre snapped at Rhys. “I told you to keep out of it.” He dragged his star-flecked eyes to his mate, and it was all Nesta could do to keep from collapsing onto the couch as her knees gave out at last. Feyre angled her head, nostrils flaring, and said to Rhysand, “You can either leave, or you can stay and keep your mouth shut.”

we got feyre telling rhys and amren that she did not want them to behave that way. and even after that. both rhys and amren continue ignoring feyre's requests. feyre is not respected - these are not the actions of people who respect her as an equal. she's a child to them , and they believe they know better.

idk - if i were a feyre stan- yall would never have shut me up if my fav was treated like a doormat and sidelined. i would have been writing scathing metas on rhys and the ic. - i wouldve been explaining exactly why rhys withholding information was wrong - not just vaguely saying he was wrong and then justifying why he did it. i would have been an amren hater #1 for how she continually undermined feyre. idk...yall are not real feyre shooters. like damn your fav is catching strays by the author and the readers and you're only focused on how nesta factors into that equation?? like youve got bigger problems to worry abt here. feyre has been continually and consistently phased out of her own story by the author and that don't bother yall? hmm couldnt be me tho.

[litnerdwrites]

It's interesting how Nesta had to apologise for something she wasn't even in the wrong of doing while Rhys, who overreacted by threatening to kill her (for a mistake he made) and chasing her out of the city, did not have to. Especially, after it was canonically established by Feyre herself that he did not have the right to do that..

And for someone who claims to write about badass female mcs who crush patriarchy and choose the course of their own lives, shouldn't an apology scene for something in which a female's right to information on her own body was undermined be a fundamental part of the book?

I mean, she could add a bonus chapter about the characters in question fucking to make babies but had to keep the apology off-page? Weird.

The only somewhat sufferable part of the book was the scenes with the Valkyries and the smut (if you ignore the poor timing).

I don't know if it's my eldest daughter syndrome acting up but I feel strongly about this.

I agree completely. I won't deny that Nesta has some things to apologies for, but so does Rhysand, and Feyre and Mor. I'd even argue that the things the IC put her through negate the need for her to apologies, or at least makes it a little less urgent/important than the apologies she's owed. This is mostly due to the fact that Nesta's so-called crimes amount to a bad attitude (most on page examples of which are pretty understandable to me), and issues she had with Feyre in childhood. Meanwhile, the IC's actions are immature and ignorant at best, and extremely abusive at worst.

Honestly, I don't think any of them, much less Rhysand, see what they did as a mistake. If any of them did, they wouldn't have made her walk through those woods. Feyre would've demanded Nesta be brought back otherwise, but she didn't.

As for Rhysand, honestly the part where he hugged Nesta gave me ick. Especially when Nesta said he'd been acting like a brother the whole time because he hadn't. He abused her. He broke her down. He only showed any semblance of decency (even then it wasn't much) when she did something to benefit him.

Offering pity jobs for somebody else's sake without taking into account Nesta's strengths or passions into account isn't what a brother, or anybody who cares for her, would do. Staring at her like a circus attraction when she enters the room isn't something a brother would do. Forcing her to social events just to ignore her isn't something a brother would do. Financially abusing her, refusing to give her a salary for her work during the war, along with her inheritance, is not something a brother would do. Not caring for her wellbeing beyond how her sister feel's is not something a brother could do. I could go on.

I think, at the end of the day, this amounts to a simple fact. SJM clearly doesn't see anything wrong with the things she writes and narrative she creates. No matter how you argue that ACOSF is a healing story, not a redemption story, it doesn't matter. Through analysing the sext, the author clearly shows how she feels about Nesta. Looking at what she says about the book, the author clearly has little understanding of mental health, and hasn't done enough research on it to be able to write a healing arc that isn't straight up abuse/torture (seriously, the bar is in the crust of the earth).

ACOSF could've been the best book in the series. All of the material, the concepts, the potential was there. Nesta's story was set up in ACOFS, and perhaps I wouldn't have minded the actions of the IC as much (from a literary perspective anyway) if they had been acknowledged as wrong and the IC apologised. I don't think anyone would've minded the locked in the HOW plot either, if, at some point, the characters acknowledge how abusive it was. If the narrative itself acknowledged how messed up it was, and did something about it.

If Cassian apologised for abandoning her after the war, Cassian especially. If Feyre apologised for not trying to reach out in a way that Nesta was comfortable with. If Elain apologised for not being there for Nesta the way Nesta was for her. If Mor apologised for, intentionally or not, isolating Nesta from the rest of the court. If Amren apologised for her comments. If Rhys apologised for sticking his nose where it didn't belong.

Rhys apologising for the hike, or threatening to kill her would mean nothing because both he and the narrative don't see anything wrong with his treatment of her. If he did, then the forced training/library/stuck in the how part would've ended half way through the book.

The part that infuriates me the most, however, is that they don't see their wrong doings at all. They still think they're doing the right thing and that they know everything. It's messed up.

[storieschats]

I feel like I’m going crazy!! Is this romantic??

Note: Check out previous reactions here. Feel free to comment, reblog, like and talk to be about books whenever!😊

Book 5 Page 308 of 757

What's happened so far: Nesta has finally managed to convince Emerie and Gwyn to come and take the fighting lessons with her. She and Cassian got together. And the overarching plot is that they're looking for a death trove thingy that they need to stop the god of death or whatever from leaving the lake with the help of the evil queen who's been turned into an old crone.

What I think: Yeah I might hate it. The romance does nothing for me, nothing, below zero, negative. And the plot beyond that is almost nil.

Positive points:

The friendship between Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie is super cute. I hope they manage to help each other out of the not very good situations each of them is in. In their own way, each one is in their own prison, which is perhaps why the friendship is so touching.

I just want to take this moment to think about how absurdly difficult it must be to write a book, any book. We have to remember that at times like this... When we come across a book that we don't connect with.

Negative points:

I still think the romance is awful. And I know I said that the Feyre/Rhysand and the early Feyre/Tamlin romances were never my thing, and it's true. But I could see why people liked these romances, I could understand the vibe. It was a bit too much for me, sure but I realise that protectiveness and ‘bad important guy adores girl and gives her anything she wants’ are overused tropes for obvious reasons. And I even like the former in romance novels when it's less dramatic. But I genuinely don't understand Cassian and Nesta from a romantic point of view.

All this being about "helping" Nesta sounds super bad to me. I can see them trying to take away the things she was using to forget her problems and that were hurting her: like alcohol and the one night stands, although... are there STDs in Prythian? because otherwise it might not even be an issue. But they ended up taking away things that she also used to cope with and that are semi-healthy, like dancing and music and cake. It doesn't read like help, the whole situation reads like control. And it makes me uncomfortable. I'm not a dark romance girlie. I like my romance romantic. I'm less of a mafia boss and more of a small-town European prince in my favourite romance genre.

Cassian saying ‘ you can take 10 or 20 years to get over your traumas, I don't care’ clearly fucking not Cassian you guys locked her up after a few months. I swear this book is killing me, I think I might be going mad. It's just that even his attempts to ‘help’ don't seem to come from a place of love or friendship for her. He just seems to want to do a good job for his friends and then he's also attracted to her. It's very bizarre.

Oh, I forgot. Feyre is pregnant *sigh* .It is what it is.

Stars: ⭐

Predictions: Sure let's do this the way I'd like it to be. Nesta learns to winnow, jumps off the balcony of the house and teleports out of it. Then she decides to take a boat to the mainland and never speaks to anyone from Velaris ever again except to send a letter once a year to Feyre. There happy ending.

[jyndor]

i know i have to work on the rebelcaptain fix it fic but i have such a bix caleen fix it urge right now that must be handled first (and oh boy there is so much to fix there lmao like what do i not fix?) but you know im gonna tie their asses into it

this is just a little bit of something im chewing on - basically i aged them down to early twenties/around 4 BBY when they break up, and yes i yanked her from mina-rau because fuck no she's not going to live there fuck that (I got tired of looking for a canon world so I just made one up). girlie runs because she gets pregnant by ACCIDENT (a fluke of birth control) and definitely has an abortion because girl what??? plus she's got so much unhealed trauma like aint no way she's bringing a whole baby into the world, especially not when cassian increasingly gives more and more of himself to the cause (as it should be). which she both admires greatly but also she knows he is basically choosing the rebellion, and yadda yadda other stuff that i don't need to ramble on about here. so bix TELLS him she's leaving, he is of course heartbroken but resolute in his dedication to the cause and it is what it is. you know, what should have happened lmfao

so anyway this is set a year and a half after the battle of yavin, and bix has been involved with a local resistance movement on my made up moon novuilana (which is under increasingly brutal imperial occupation) for around seven months. she has become friends (cough gals being pals) with the guerilla fighter and one of the leaders of the wider liberation movement there. there have been some security issues or something, i haven't decided what, and our girl - who obviously still has connections with the alliance - gets them to agree to allow a team from hoth to come help fix whatever the ~plot required issue is.

and who does the alliance send? well, you'll have to wait and see.

1.5 ABY - TALONG BASE, NOVUILANA

"Did my siponerf of a brother stop by this morning?" comes the harried voice of Olaiani Dano, commandant of the Novui Popular Front and someone who Bix Caleen should not be hearing from, except through the tinny speaker of her commlink, for at least a week. Turning away from the mess of the speeder in front of her, she shoots a glare at the woman striding over to her through the repair bay.

"I cannot believe I'm surprised," Bix mutters to herself and pulls off her gloves, shoving them into one of the back pockets in her faded blue coveralls. "Bee, there's no escaping fools," she says to the droid by her feet. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm just stretching my legs," Olai says with an eyeroll. "Well?"

Bix shakes her head and eyes the lingering signs of battle that pepper what little skin is exposed. A freshly cleaned cut on her forehead that disappears into the damp brown curls that stick to her face. A mottled bruise on her cheek. The worst of it, she knows, is hidden underneath her light jacket - a blaster burn just shy of her clavicle, another on the left side of her abdomen. Entirely too close to too many important parts.

Her boots and her jacket are still wet from the relentless downpour, and as she gets closer Bix smells wet dirt and ozone.

"You got shot yesterday." Twice, she doesn't add.

"We've got friends coming tonight."

Bix feels her throat tighten. "I'm aware."

A team from Hoth, Vel said the week before. A sergeant from Intelligence, a reprogrammed KX enforcer droid and their pilot. General Andor, she added, was sending his best slicer but would not be joining them. Not that Bix asked.

Even after all these years, she would not blame him for not wanting to see her. The occasional correspondence at the encrypted (place like a signal app or something) she left him with at 22 is about all she can handle.

She remembers his fingers curling around the flimsi she placed in his palm, how he stood in the doorway of their quarters, staring at her with his dark eyes wide and lost and shining with hurt, and how the fight rang in her ears, and the bitter aftertaste from the tiny pill from medbay, and she would never regret the choice she made that day but she might always wonder... what would they look like? who would they have been?

Would they scream like the children of Dizon Fr-

"Hey." A warm palm brushes her cheek as firm fingers comb through her loose hair. Bix screws her eyes shut. "No, open them." Her eyelids drag themselves open. "What do you see?"

The mismatching patch on your right knee, B2 - Manu's beat-up speeder, the oil under my nails, the riverbed - just outside the window.

"Now listen. What do you hear right now?"

Silence, but no - the muddled voices of others speaking Basic, the indigenous Talongi and a bit of Novui Alderaanian. Rain on transparisteel.

"Good Bix, now what do you smell?"

The storm on your jacket. Bacta. Ashberry and bergamot.

"What can you taste?"

"This morning's caf," Bix says after a pause, her heartbeat slowing. "Thank you for that."

"Of course." Olai gazes at her fingers still in Bix's hair with the flash of something tender and raw in her face. She bites down on her upper lip and then pulls away. "My brother?"

"He brought me matanseed bread and caf." And he told me that you will martyr yourself before you see 30, she thinks. The commandant raises an expectant brow. Bix huffs. "He's angry you didn't tell him you were going to Eilau."

"Yes." Olai rubs at her clavicle absently. "He would be. I missed the birth of my nephew." She shakes her head.

He would have understood, Bix thinks. If you had told him.