#cass.writes

[changsbin]

synopsis: the blankets envelop your tangled limbs in a hug that almost rivals the warmth emanating from chan’s body, and your boy needs a not so quiet reminder of how much you care about him. warnings: mentions of self-image issues, but again—mostly cavity inducing fluff! word count: 1.1k a/n: second installment of the crossing out xmas event (the first snowfall is such a happy occasion :’’’’)) )! this is also loosely centered around some of the comments concerning chan lately n i just feel like i needed to word vomit abt how beautiful he rly is. i would give anything in the world to actually make him understand how much we care abt him <3

[10:02AM] chan is weightless as he tries to resist opening his eyes to the sunlight streaming through the blinds; the golden rays fall across the expanse of his bare face, casting shadows that seem to dance on his dewy, morning skin. he can feel the gentle brushes of your fingers drawing phantom shapes over the muscles of his back—trapezoid, square, diamond, heart—he names them to himself with an affectionate grin. chan melts at your touch, and he can’t help but indulge in the peaceful stillness you bring with you. warm breath smoothes over his shoulder blades as you press kisses into them, humming a small tune.

the vibrating sensation sends shivers down the length of chan’s spine as shuffles under the covers to face you. “that tickles, y’know?” he laughs, tracing his calloused palm up the length of your arm and coming to cup your cheek. chan receives no answer as you lean into him, opting to bask in the attention and silently asking for more. your husband gladly obliges, gathering you in his hold and pulling you against his bare chest. chan murmurs into your hair, slightly messy from a restful night’s sleep, “good morning, darling.”

“mmh—g’morning, pretty baby.”

chan blinks, and his heart tightens like his ribs are collapsing in on it. his throat burns as he tries to will away the lump that has formed. a sudden chill crawls throughout the catacombs of his body before choosing to settle in the depths of his stomach. “no ... that’s—” chan coughs, trying to rid himself of the unpleasant bite of vitriol that threatens to bubble up, “you’re the pretty one here, [y/n] ... i’m just me.”

there’s a furrow in your brow as you pull away from him with a frown; placing two fingers on his sternum, you give it a firm push, and he sways a bit at the action you take. “well, just me,” you huff, tangling your legs with his, “your darling thinks that there’s most definitely enough room under the covers for two pretty people.” chan’s gaze flicks away, and he squirms a bit under your unwavering stare; he curls his fists under his pillow and bites his tongue to force up a dam to keep the tears from falling.

but, you see his lip quiver. for a moment, you lie in front of him in an amused stupor—the fact that your husband of almost three years still thinks he has to hide from you is astounding. you reach up, thumb rubbing the soft skin under the outer corner of his eye; it feels like velvet against your finger, and you find yourself smiling. “chan,” you murmur, moving to ghost your lips over his neck, “you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever met—inside and out.”

a lingering kiss is left on his jaw, “i don’t think i’ll ever forget the way your eyes sparkle when we go out late at night to look at the stars—they glow, did you know that? they glow just like the moon ... a gentle light that i could stare at forever. and, don’t even get me started on your smile—like, i bet you don’t even have the slightest idea of what it does to me. chan—my love, my pretty baby—every time i get the privilege of seeing your dimples, i am immediately giggling and kicking my feet ...” 

he breathes out a chuckle through his nose, “okay, okay ... i get it—”

“no. i really don’t think you do, bang chan.” his breath hitches in his throat at the force you use when uttering his name, and the tears well up again. “i think you are gorgeous, yes, but the part of you that takes my breath away every other minute is your heart ... you have the kindest, most genuine soul i’ve ever encountered. remember that time—i think it was our third date—when that little girl couldn’t ice skate ... you helped her with no hesitation. you held her hand, and made her laugh when she fell ... that was the day i fell for you, too.”

chan sits up as he welcomes the salty rivulets that pour down his cheeks. he does remember that day; he remembers everything about it. chan recalls how he imagined that you would be mad after he had spent your whole date dragging a little girl while he skated backwards, but you weren’t. he remembers how beautiful you looked all bundled up, gliding by him and the girl with a warm, toothy beam that outshone the sun.

you sit up with him, arms stretching out to coax him into the crook of your neck. as you place tender pecks into the junction of his shoulder, you let his tears wet the fabric of your pajama shirt; it turns from a light sage to a deep, forest green in a matter of seconds. your nails scratch against his scalp as his breathing evens out. “feeling better?” you ask, and he nods into your body, “look, chan, you don’t always have to feel pretty. but, one—don’t fight me when i say that you are. and, two—please talk to me because i’m always willing to remind you of just how beautiful and sweet and charming you are.”

“thank you,” he mumbles, grinning at the newfound rules, “so, so much.”

squeezing his hand, you put it against your chest, making sure he can feel the beat of your heart under his palm. the gesture tells him that gratitude and thanks are unnecessary—irrelevant, even—because you know chan would do the same for you. looking away from him for the first time today, a radiant smile emanates from your features at the sight of the first snowfall of december. a cursory shudder flows from your toes to your fingers, and you turn back to find that he’s been gazing at you this whole time.

“it snowed,” you whisper in quiet wonder, seemingly afraid that if you spoke too loud, you might blow all of the delicate flakes away. chan hums, now exhausted from all the energy he just expended; he leans backwards before allowing gravity to take control, making him flop back onto his side of the bed. “chan, not even my favorite weather phenomenon can hold a candle to your beauty ... did you know that?”

he snorts while tugging on your wrist and pulling you back into his chest; his tears have dried into his skin, but he allows himself to forget about the feeling for now. his heart is overwhelmingly full, and he can’t mask the sheer joy that creeps into his being. chan teeters on the edge of sleep again, waiting for the final push to plunge himself into that same comforting void that he can always access when you’re next to him.

“you know i love you, yeah?” you murmur, breath feather-like against his collarbone.

push.

“always, darling.”

plunge.

[spookitapes]

lıllılı.ıllı.ılılıılıı.lllııılı.

Now Playing [cass’s playlist]

0:26 ———♡——— 3:50

◁◁ ▐ ▌ ▷▷

a compiled catalog of all the people i write for :)) you can send asks about any of them listed below !!

!! 18+ MINORS DNI !!

─‎──────── ♡٭*🎧💿༘⋆๋࣭ ─────────

chuckle sandwich

❧ jschlatt

❧ ted nivison

❧ charlie slimecicle

attack on titan

❧ eren jaeger

❧ levi ackerman

❧ connie springer

❧ armin arlert

❧ reiner braun

❧ yelena

❧ ymir

the last of us

❧ joel miller

❧ ellie williams

❧ tess servopoulos

call of duty

❧ john price

❧ simon riley

moonknight

❧ marc spector

❧ steven grant

❧ jake lockley

misc.

❧ oscar isaac

❧ pedro pascal

❧ javier peña

❧ hailee steinfeld

❧ olivia cooke

❧ emma d’arcy

❧ ari levison

[hanlimz]

i’m just thinking about the way sunghoon’s cupids bow dips coupled with the way his lips curl up at the corners and how it makes him look so soft and sweet and welcoming. despite his shy and awkward appearance, he makes sure to introduce himself and ask for your name. other than that, hoon would remain quiet, until one day, a few months into class when you crack a stupid dad joke, and he bursts into a fit of giggles, subsequently having to remove himself from the room. for a mere moment, his eyes seemed to sparkle, and his face erupted into a glow you could only describe as ethereal. right then and there, you decided to commit the rest of your life to making him laugh because who in their right mind would ever want to live in a world without the sun?

[cassanovancats]

ways you show up in the MSBY 4’s life

Sakusa

you already know: those mini hand-sanitizers that attach to your backpack

imagine his black gym bag and a bright character holder for it <3

back in high-school, before you two got together, he kept just a travel sized bottle in the mesh pocket

now he has your favorite scent on his bag and you have his normal sanitizer on your’s

in public spaces, he can come up to you and act like the sanitizer is the reason for his relief

Hinata

every time he gets new volleyball shoes, he has you sign the sole

it’s a way to always have a piece of you on the court

jewelry has to be taken off, the uniforms are, well, uniform. but no one even notices the signature on the bottom of his shoes

even when he’s getting sent shoes for sponsorships, you have to write on them before they get used

Atsumu

carries literally everything for you

hair ties around his wrist, chapstick in his duffel, even taking your bag with no care if he has his own

he will use your things with no shame though

oh, you had snacks in your bag? his now

he calls it the boyfriend tax :/

Bokuto

you’re in literally all of his after-game interviews

the first few times, reporters would awkwardly be like “… and who is this?”

“my partner!! they’re my biggest supporter, i couldn’t have won without them!!”

when it becomes established, fans get worried when you’re not there

one time you couldn’t make a game for whatever reason, so you weren’t there for the interviews

bo’s social media was immediately spammed with concern over you

to the point he made a video with you later where you explained all was well

[changsbin]

2am changbin thoughts are always so comforting. changbin’s aura is so gentle and sweet and kind; his arms are crossed over the swell of his chest, and his fluffy bangs cascade over his forehead in a delicate way that manages to hide him away from reality. but, changbin lets you in. he’ll always let you in.

changbin notices how exhausted you look the moment you step past the threshold of the door. he takes in the sight of the dark circles under your eyes, and his heart clenches beneath all of the muscle that protects it. he is vulnerable and soft and oh so in love with you. changbin lets himself admire your innate beauty; to him—your presence is chilled water on a hot summer day, your voice is a fireside melody heard on the brink on sleep. and, he lets himself admire until he processes the small sniffles coming from your general direction.

tears roll against your ruddy cheeks; they twinkle like stars in the warm kitchen light, and changbin thinks you look beautiful (even when you’re sad). as you cry, he wraps his pinky finger around yours and waits for you to come to him. changbin is patient, and this makes the feeling of your head nestling into the crook of his shoulder all the more precious to him.

an unfamiliar wetness tickles his skin. you apologize over and over and over again—for ruining his sweater, for being too emotional, for dumping all of this on him at the end of the day. but, changbin stays silent; he cards his fingers through your hair, and he pulls you in further—sinking into the couch and taking pleasure in the comforting pressure of your body. the faint aroma of watermelon mingles with his sweet pea scented laundry detergent, and your heart seems to calm itself down.

“tough day, hm?” changbin hums, pressing a kiss to your temple. he feels you nod against his lips, and he knows not to pry any further. if you wanted to tell him, you would. in times when everything is too complicated, changbin is simple. the thoughts running rampant through your mind begin to turn to mush as he holds you. he is your sanctuary.

wriggling out of changbin’s hold, you take note of his slight pout before placing your head on his tummy. the perpetual rise and fall of his stomach, the sound of his breathing, the feeling of his warmth against your dry cheeks—they create a lullaby that draws the fatigue from your brain and sends it straight to your bones.

“love you so much, bin … ” you murmur into the fabric of his sleep shirt, “thankful for you. always.”

changbin chuckles, thumbing at the slight residue left behind by your tears. he wishes he could take away everything that has ever hurt you, make it stop forever. but, to live without pain is to not live at all. changbin knows this; he knows that tears are liquid courage that tell stories of bravery and trust and compassion.

“my little lion,” changbin laughs, minding the volume of his voice. he is quiet and peaceful and tender. gazing at your figure atop his, changbin feels his body beginning to glow with a sensation that can only be described as fullness. “too fierce for the world, hm?” he smiles down at you, “you are my everything.”

he hears you giggle, “you’ll be here when i wake up … right, bin?”

“always.”

[changsbin]

[11:53PM] a sharp pang spreads at the base of your neck as your raise your head from your biology textbook; you’re sure that the levels of biological organization have been imprinted into the skin of your forehead. wincing through your teeth at the pain, you glance down at the small puddle of drool that had collected just below the pages. if the exhaustion wasn’t so overwhelming, maybe your cheeks would’ve grown hot in embarrassment.

but, all you can think of now is the gentle embrace your mattress always seems to envelop you in. a sleep induced stupor coaxes you to stay in your dining room chair—fantasizing about the feeling of the covers brushing against your skin and blissfully ignorant to felix’s presence in the doorway of your kitchen. he is grinning from ear to ear, taking in the sight of your gaping mouth and the way you try to rub the fatigue from your eyes.

felix inches closer quietly, so as to not disturb the fragile silence you exist in. his breaths are scarce and his footsteps are light when moving forward; he prays that the floor will not creak beneath him. however, by some stroke of intuition, you turn around to flash a weary smile. felix pauses in place, palms out and heels off the ground; he’s seen you in this situation many a time before, but it always leaves him speechless. the effortless beauty you exude even after studying the same three paragraphs of your biology textbook for hours never fails to catch him off guard. he continues to stare, watching as you begin to pack up your school supplies, and he begins to float away from reality.

the wood under felix’s feet becomes jelly as he falls for you over and over again. one day, he thinks, you’ll be responsible for at least one of his hospital bills. the walls around him expand and eventually melt away until all that is left is you and the table you sit at. and felix knows that he’d make an ikea trip with you any hour of the day, and day of the week. but, in this moment, you pull him back to you with an utterance of his name and those little grabby hands that drive him wild.

he laughs and even the sound is lovestruck. walking into your open arms, felix cradles the back of your head and grazes his other thumb over the apple of your cheek. “i was just coming to check up on you,” he whispers, “how’s biology treating you?

“horribly,” you murmur into the soft cotton of his pajama shirt.

felix hums with a fond upturn of his heart-shaped lips, and neither of you move for what feels like an eternity—basking in your shared oneness. your boyfriend continues to massage the back of your head, and only stops when he feels you relax too far into his body, knowing that you would end up falling asleep again. so, despite the lead that has seemingly infiltrated your limbs, you allow felix to persuade you up from the chair and into your shared bathroom.

the remnants of your morning routine are still evident on the counter, but felix pays them no mind as he wets a washcloth while arranging your nightly skincare in order. first, he wipes away the residue of the day, swiping around the corners of your mouth with the utmost diligence. second, he lathers his hands with cleanser and makes sure to stay gentle in spite of his tendency to be a bit heavy-handed when cleaning his face. and lastly, he spreads lotion on your cheeks and under your eyes before applying a bit of his favorite vanilla chapstick—mostly for you, partially for him.

you are quiet for a minute, gazing at him as he tucks all the products back into their proper drawers. “you don’t have to do these things, you know? i can tell you’re just as tired as i am, lix.”

“i know,” he says simply. “i don’t do them because i have to. i do them because i want to.” and, suddenly, the room is collapsing in on you; the walls are becoming thicker and the floor is crawling up the length of your leg. your chest feels incredibly tight, and a lump in your throat prevents you from saying what you truly want to—though you know it would never be enough to describe the amount of love you hold for lee felix. broken away from your spiraling at the sound of his voice, you hear him say: “let’s get to bed, yeah? tomorrow’ll be a new day.”

under the covers with limbs entangled, you decide, is where you feel whole. you press kisses to the column of your lover’s neck and revel in the slight shiver it sends through his figure. eventually, even in the dark, your lips find his; the way they move together without faltering is almost biological—so indomitably human. 

after a shared moment of pure adoration, you smile against his mouth, “i’ll make pancakes tomorrow morning.”

i love you.

“sounds more perfect than perfect.”

i love you, too.

[changsbin]

synopsis: dancing in the kitchen while soft christmas music has never felt more right. what’s a few crushed toes compared to the happiness you and hyunjin share on a gentle, winter evening? pairing: hyunjin x gn!reader genre/warnings: mentions of food and also christmas (?) (no real celebration just mentions of gifts and music!!), nonidol!au, soft and gentle fluff word count: 1.3k (oops my inner hyunjin stan got a bit carried away) a/n: sorry for the gap in uploads!! this changbin fic is rly giving me a run for my money :’’’) but!!! third installment of crossing out xmas event!!! it’s out a bit later than i’d wanted but i hope u guys can still enjoy it <333

[6:31PM] warmth erupts in your chest at the sound of your front door opening. shoes thud against the wood under your lover’s feet, and his backpack keychains sing in the peaceful silence of a winter evening. you smile to yourself as his footsteps grow louder. they stop for a minute, and you realize hyunjin is checking for you in the living room. however, as you begin to plate his serving of dinner, the familiar aroma of kimchi jjigae fills the air; he is drawn to the kitchen like a moth to an unbridled flame.

lean arms encircle your waist, and the subtle scent of hyunjin’s perfume seems to consume you. for a moment, you are in a field of jasmine; your fingers run along the soft petals, similar to the way they trace along the backs of hyunjin’s hands when you hold him close. then, a hint of vanilla whisks you away to a gentle scene: sitting across from him in your favorite coffee shop, merely watching as he focuses on a sketch of your mug. when you float back to reality, hyunjin is still molding you against his body as he presses tender kisses into the crook of your neck; they sear your skin from the sheer amount of love in them.

“smells good, love,” hyunjin whispers, breath tickling the space under your ear, “thank you for taking such good care of me.”

the phrase is simple; it’s not meant to be read into. however, as you’re turning off the stove and twisting around to face him, an uncomfortable weight forms in your chest. it presses against your sternum and makes it difficult to breathe; the pure adoration you hold in your heart for hyunjin is almost overwhelming. “you don’t have to thank me, jinnie ... you never have to thank me,” you murmur, “you do so much for me already—i just wanted to return the favor.”

a rush of cold air sends a shiver through your body as one of his hands comes up to pinch your cheek. there is an undeniable fondness in hyunjin’s eyes that you aren’t often privy to; he prefers to express his affection in a quiet manner—soft glances sent your way across a crowded room, the subtle presence of his palm against the small of your back, kisses to the temples when no one is looking. hyunjin watches as you blossom under his gaze; a toothy grin erupts on your face, and he can practically feel the heat radiating from your cheeks. lighting up, you usher him to the kitchen table while grabbing his plate.

the meal tastes like home. it reminds him of late nights spent with his family, talking over the happenings of the week. it reminds him of the feeling of charcoal between his fingers as he stares down at a finished piece of artwork. it reminds him of the first time he met kim seungmin and laughed until his stomach hurt. it reminds him of your first date; the two of you got crepes, and he giggled while wiping the stray whipped cream from your lips. it reminds him of the fact that—every time he sees you—he falls in love all over again.

hyunjin pushes his empty plate away from him and outstretches a hand. the gesture is delicate like the falling snow outside, and your hand slots against his like the missing piece of a puzzle. his fingertips dance at the taper of your waist, only to collect the fabric of your pajama shirt in his fists and pull you closer. a yelp escapes from your mouth as you wrap your arms around his neck to stabilize yourself. hyunjin’s nose is mere centimeters from yours, and the mischievous smile playing at the corners of his lips tells you that everything is going according to his plan. while you’re distracted by the way your lover glows under the kitchen light, he reaches over to his phone to shuffle a playlist he had curated earlier that day.

a sultry voice coaxes you out of your reverie, and the melody of a familiar christmas tune permeates your bones as you twirl the hair at the nape of hyunjin’s neck. he begins to sway—hands firm on your hips, compelling you to move with him. your thumb grazes the sharp groove of his jaw while sending him a pointed look. “hwang hyunjin,” you say, attempting to hide the amusement in your words, “you know i don’t dance.”

hyunjin pouts, squeezing the skin under his palms, “c’mon, [y/n] ... one last, super special, late christmas gift for your favorite person?”

you snort, resting on his collarbone, “that’s quite presumptuous of you, jinnie.” a kiss is pressed to the column of his throat. the beating of his heart bounces rhythmically against your lips. tracing the natural curve of his face, another kiss lands just beneath his ear. “i’ve been spending a lot of time looking after kkami lately—we even watched home alone together ...” matching pecks are placed on the apples of hyunjin’s cheeks. “what if he’s becoming my favorite, hm?”

“very funny,” hyunjin scoffs, “but, i said person.”

“wow—that’s harsh, jin,” you tease as he lifts your arm, allowing you to spin a couple times. as natural as taking in a breath, hyunjin holds you close again after you finish. and, you resume your previous ministrations, moving from the smooth skin between his brows before planting a kiss on the tip of his nose. “but, i guess we can put a pin in that debate ‘til your playlist is over.”

leaning in, you arrive at your final destination. hyunjin smiles against your lips; the sound of teeth clicking together prompts giggles that mingle amicably with the tranquil atmosphere crafted by a home-cooked meal and a playlist made specifically for this moment. however, serenity fades away as hyunjin hisses into your mouth; the two of you break apart, and he crinkles his nose to avoid spewing a string of curse words. he whimpers, removing a hand from your waist to point frantically at his feet.

with a glance downward, you’re met with the sight of your slipper-clad foot on top of his—effectively smashing his toes into the kitchen floor. almost instantly, the pressure is relieved and hyunjin is hopping up and down, biting his lower lip. a copious amount of apologies fall from your mouth as you grab both a chair and a bag of frozen peas. the pounding of your heart is paired with the adrenaline coursing through your veins; your hands shake while handing him the cold vegetables.

“i told you i don’t dance. you should’ve heeded my warning, jinnie ...” you mumble, carding your hand through hyunjin’s hair as he relaxes into your side, “i really am sorry, though—is there anything i can do besides the peas?”

hyunjin laughs and shakes his head, intertwining his free fingers with yours. it’s an expression of forgiveness; it lets you know he isn’t mad, and he never was—how could he be when you’re with him? to hyunjin, the ache emanating from his toes is overshadowed by ineffable amount of love he has for you. his heart is heavy in the most beautiful way thinking about how you made him his favorite dish for dinner (he’s sure it was his mom’s recipe), how you agreed to dance with him (even though he knows you hate it), how you rushed to help him in a time of need (and with frozen peas nonetheless).

in a flash, he’s dragging you to sit atop his thighs, and you’re offering him a contrite grin. as hyunjin smooths over the planes of your face with calloused fingertips, he wishes he could let you into his mind. he wants to craft you a letter—a tangible object for you to hold and know that his devotion to you is ever-growing and never ending. he wants to write a speech and perform it for the universe, telling every being under the sun just how much you mean to him. but, on this cold winter’s evening in your cramped apartment with water dripping through his socks, hyunjin doesn’t really think words would do his emotions justice.

“you’re more than enough, my love,” hyunjin answers, and there is a beat of silence until he speaks through puckered lips, “but, a kiss or two is always appreciated.”

[changsbin]

[9:17PM] kim seungmin is not a morning person. every sense is overwhelming when he first wakes up. he opens his eyes, and it is immediately too bright. he can hear the routine drone of the crow that has seemingly nested right outside of the bedroom window. the feeling of sweat beading on his forehead has him shoving the covers away from his body, closer to you. as he tastes his morning breath, he almost gags—and the smell does him no favors either.

the fundamental components of morning are simply too much for him; seungmin is a night owl through and through. every day, the sun casts beautiful, gold-tinted shadows across the planes of his face, and you find him alluring as he settles into the evening’s peaceful embrace. seungmin has told you before that nighttime is relaxing—the day’s happenings have passed, his stomach is full, and he gets to spend time with you. and, in this regard, seungmin is a maximalist; he makes sure to watch at least 3 episodes of a drama with you before transitioning to your customary gossip sessions. after, he shuffles around in his backpack and digs out his ancient wired earphones, and the two of you trade song recommendations for so long that hours pass by like seconds.

you know and understand seungmin’s quirks like the back of your hand. he loves to have pop music playing through the speakers while you’re talking about your days. he hates the heaviness of the fluffy blanket while you’re watching tv, but tolerates it because he hates being separated from you even more. above all, however, he is adamant about health and cleanliness; seungmin refuses to sleep anywhere other than the comfort of your shared bed.

which explains your genuine concern for his well-being when you enter your living room only to find him comatose adjacent on the couch. his arm is hanging off the edge, and his fingers are brushing the carpet—you have to give him a once-over just to make sure he hasn’t stopped breathing. but, after your initial panic, a warm smile dances on the corners of your lips.

on a normal day, this is around the time when the two of you would turn on hometown cha cha cha. tonight, however, your knees press into the floor as you settle near seungmin’s head and gently fold his discarded arm over his chest. tilting your head to rest against his shoulder, you make yourself small to admire his natural beauty for as long as you are able. you watch the perpetual rise and fall of your lover’s chest, accompanied only by the quiet snore he produces on the inhale. in this unusual quietude, you swear the subtle beating of his heart is all the more audible.

“kim seungmin,” you murmur while tracing the bridge of his nose, “what happened to our hometown cha cha cha screening? don’t tell me you’re bailing ... ” you continue along your path, and the pads of your fingers make it to his plush bottom lip before his eyelids begin to flutter open. you feel him smile under your touch, and the lighting of the room grows dim at the mere conceptualization of seungmin’s happiness.

he hums, and the vibrations tickle your fingers. “i would never,” he chuckles through sleep, “i was just waiting for your glorious return.”

“mmh, glorious indeed,” you giggle before standing from your spot on the floor.  “oh, also—there’s leftover seolleongtang in the kitchen. you know ... if you need some comfort after realizing that you’ve just napped someplace that isn’t under our covers.”

seungmin shudders at your words and pries himself away from the drooling jaws of exhaustion. his eyes are slightly swollen, and the hair at the back of his head is visible as he looks up at you. the glow emanating from the lamp frames his bedhead to create a halo, and for a moment, his lips move but you don’t hear anything—too enraptured by his presence.

“[y/n] ... you okay?”

directing your lovesick gaze back to his eyes, the amount of adoration held in your heart for kim seungmin hits you tenfold. craning your neck, you place a soft kiss on the top of his head and card your fingers through his wild, likely-still-gel-ridden hair. “more than.” pausing, you offer him a stupid grin, “so ... dinner and a show?”

seungmin scoffs to hide the sincere laughter threatening to spill from his mouth, “obviously.”

[changsbin]

synopsis: han jisung never fails to light up your days and melt the hardened shell of loneliness surrounding your heart; to him, you are eternally grateful. warnings: themes of depression, but mostly tooth rotting fluff ! word count: 0.9k a/n: yay first installment of my crossing out xmas event!! i love jisung sm,, his soul is genuinely so bright and kind <33 hope all my fellow jisung lovers enjoy this >:)))

[7:09PM] as the day runs its course, you find yourself slipping away. sunlight is becoming scarce, and that all too familiar loneliness is ghosting its spindly fingers up the length of your spine once again. seconds bleed into minutes that begin to feel like hours on your walk home; numb hands fumble with the strings of your hoodie, but give up before tying the final knot. the tip of your nose is painful to the touch, and flames lick at your knuckles as your woolen sweater scrapes against them. in the quiet, you welcome the melancholy, just grateful to feel anything at all.

continuing down the path to the bus stop, you recall how much jisung loves this weather. he likes it when the apples of his cheeks flush an exhilarating shade of pink, and the crunch of snow beneath his feet makes him giggle in that way you adore. his eyes light up at the mere thought of all the winter fun you could have. this reminiscence is how you get through the last leg of your journey from the fine arts building; the memories allow you to forget the bleakness for awhile.

as you reach the stop and sit beneath its clear awning, you close your eyes and tilt backwards to let the unflinching gusts of wind dance across your features. the cold makes it hard to breathe; it feels like knives sliding down to stab at your lungs, but there is an odd comfort found in the sensation. however, as you allow the atmosphere to whisk away your existence for a short amount of time, you fail to notice your lover’s presence. his thigh brushes yours when he takes a seat beside you, and your neck snaps up at the sudden touch as you fumble with the pepper spray your mother had bought for you.

seeing the small, lavender canister in your grasp, jisung flinches a bit before holding his hands up in a playful surrender. “look, babe, i’m glad to know that you’re always prepared,” he chuckles, eyes wide, “but, it’s just me.”  

taking pause, you look him up and down, and his mittens catch your eyes first—the ones that hyunjin had gotten him as a white elephant gift a few years ago. they’re hot pink and obnoxiously fluffy, but jisung insists that they keep his hands nice and warm. you are then drawn to the big, puffy coat he’s wearing; it’s an identical match to yours, given to him as an anniversary gift after you both tested the elements on a date—resulting in the nastiest colds you’ve ever had. lastly, you meet his gaze with a semblance of a grin playing at the corners of your mouth. jisung’s eyes are a devastatingly beautiful shade of umber, standing out against the snow that collects on his lashes; you almost can see your reflection as he stares back at you with an awestruck smile on his lips. 

and suddenly, you’re melting. his sheer being exerts an ineffably powerful force over you to the point where your breath hitches in your throat. how you got this lucky—how you are able to call han jisung yours, you will never know. but, you link your arm with his and pull him infinitely closer to will the emptiness away; he is your sun on short days like these, he is your light in the inevitable darkness.

“[y/n] ... what’s all this about?” he asks, “did something happen?” shaking your head against the nylon of his sleeve; jisung doesn’t need to know, you decide— not now, at least. instead, you squeeze his arm into your body as the bus pulls up next to the curb before standing alongside him. 

choosing two empty seats near the back, each of you spends a moment relishing in the warm air blowing from the vent behind you. jisung cranes his neck to place a gentle kiss on your temple before turning to watch the snow fall; the silence is comforting this time—soft and gentle and welcoming. once again, you lean your head on his shoulder and let your eyes flutter closed, “do you wanna make hot cocoa when we get back?”

the slight bounce of his frame is answer enough, but he slips his mitten off and intertwines his fingers with yours for good measure. pink strands of faux fur fly throughout the air of the bus, but you pay them no mind—instead choosing to focus on the grounding effect his touch has on you. his voice is abnormally quiet as he whispers, “only if i get to pick the music.”

“it’s the same ultimatum every time, ‘sung,” you groan, a laugh threatening to tumble from your mouth, “but, you do have immaculate taste, i guess.”

he hums, thoroughly satisfied with your reluctant agreement, and no words are exchanged for the rest of the ride. i love you’s are communicated through coded squeezes of the hands, subtle glances in one another’s direction, and the brush of one’s knee against the other’s. and, as you exit the vehicular sanctuary to brave the cold once more, you are not alone.

“han jisung ... i think you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” you murmur, bumping into his hip and only slightly hoping that the beginning of the impending snowstorm drowns out your confession. but, the way your lover stops in his tracks tells you otherwise; with a lovesick bought of laughter, he tugs you into his chest and cradles your face, tipping it up so he can press his lips to yours. as you move in tandem with him, you’re positive that the heat radiating from jisung’s body is enough to keep you satiated for the rest of your days.

“i love you, too,” jisung continues to giggle, lips still brushing yours, “now. thoughts on mariah carey?”

with him, you are whole again.

[changsbin]

so many ppl say that they can’t see seungmin as an extrovert but i think it’s so obvious. when he’s around others, the way he just lights up is absolutely breathtaking; he shines like the sun on a cloudy morning, clearing away the dense fog of dawn. his smile is dew drops reflecting against the grass and his laugh mirrors a birdsong that so many people can take comfort in.

he also brings out the best in the people around him. there is no lack of happiness and love when seungmin is around; he always manages to spread joy, no matter the place or situation. the sight of skz laughing so hard at seungmin’s antics that they double over warms my heart to the point where i can’t even help but smile to myself. but, the way seungmin looks upon them afterwards, so tender and kind, is saccharine like candied fruit.

seungmin has such a gentle soul, too. the way he never wants to bring down the group’s atmosphere. him turning away after tearing up at the concert will always tug on my heartstrings because he didn’t want stay or the others to see him cry, he didn’t want to make anyone worry.

seungmin teases and makes jokes, but he is always sour before he is sweet. he truly cares for the people he loves, and when he’s with them, he is the most beautifully exuberant, stunningly extroverted person. in every iteration of my life after this one, i think i will adore him just the same.

-

vids that inspired this word vomit

[changsbin]

0325 ; to love someone is to exist with them

tw: mentions of depression and su*cid*l thoughts (a small blurb about skz's 5th anniversary bc they have been and still are one of the biggest parts of my life)

six years ago, i was in the eighth grade and getting ready to enter my freshman year of high school. although excited, i still had this lingering feeling—like i was lost—i had friends, i had family, i had activities that i enjoyed, but it was never enough. i would go home, and the smile would melt from my face like candle wax. i would go home, nothing made me feel real—nothing made me feel full. so, i consumed tons of debris and molded myself into whoever i thought i should be in the hopes that i would be able to fill the emptiness in my chest.

it didn’t work. nothing did. every day was the same as the last; i ate the same food, wore the same clothes, listened to the same music, went to the same classes. hope was beginning to feel more and more like a stranger to me. good days were becoming more and more scarce. i started thinking: “maybe everything would be easier if i didn’t exist; maybe everything would weigh less on my soul if i wasn’t here anymore.” i didn’t want to die, but i didn’t want to live—if that makes any sense.

in october of 2017, i started watching the survival show, and it was my sanctuary, my escape; i got to watch these boys follow their dreams while seeing them grow and change. i was taken by their talent and their passion and their love for one another. to me—a young girl who gave up on looking for light in the dark long ago—they shined brighter than the sun. to me—a person teetering on the edge—they became my world, my galaxy, my universe.

and, in 2018, all of their hard work and dedication came to fruition. with tears in my eyes, i watched as they embraced and adored one another with whole hearts and open arms. it’s been far too long to remember the weather, but i know march 25th, 2018 was a warm day.

and, since then, i think i’ve grown warmer as well. now, my depression has not gone away, and those aforementioned thoughts still plague me to this day. but, they’ve become easier to manage. stray kids has helped me realize what it means to search for hope and what to do when i find it. stray kids has taught me to hold tightly onto those i love and to be gracious to those i don’t. stray kids has reminded me that it’s okay to not feel okay; they’ve reminded me that vulnerability and weakness and fear are natural. stray kids have placed their hands over my heart, and let me know that existence is fleeting, and that i should not squander it; they have taught me that embracing the fragility of the human spirit is the only way one can grow stronger.

chan, minho, changbin, hyunjin, jisung, felix, seungmin, and jeongin—they have all given me a second chance.

i see chan in the evergreen trees of my hometown; strong and resilient, but not being afraid to drop leaves and plant seeds because that is how the future is made. i feel minho as the warmth of my cat’s body seeps through the fabric of my clothes; gentle, loving, and tender while displaying trust and adoration in a quiet way. i hear changbin in the thunder of an impending storm; its rumbling evokes a sense of comfort in me, and i know only good things will remain after the rain. i see hyunjin in claude monet paintings; soft greens, muted yellows, and calming shades of lavender coming together to ease the ache of my soul. i hear jisung in the laughter of my friends; a sound that is unique to each person, a sound that reminds me of happier times that are still to come. i smell felix in the homemade bread that my dad and i make together; like an all-encompassing hug, the aroma is safe and delicate and makes me feel loved. i hear seungmin in the song of the morning doves outside my house; a beautiful symphony that tells of family and connection and the difference between being alive and truly living. and, jeongin—i see him every time a spring flower starts to bloom; courageous and filled with nervous excitement, they make the decision to begin again in spite of the tribulations they may have to endure.

simply put, they are my everything.

and, in this moment—5 years after dreams became reality—i realize that hope and i are growing closer once again. it seems a bit silly, doesn't it? the fact that eight people have had this big of an impact on my life? the fact that eight people take up so much room in my heart? but, i can't bring myself to care—not when i'm gazing up at my stars, not when i know that they will always light my way, not when i know that our story has yet to end.

the darkness is still here, though. it stalks me when the weight of the world becomes too much for me to bear; when it strikes, it digs its fangs into my skin and turns the blood in my body ice cold. and, unfortunately, i don't think the sting will ever go away. but, it doesn't scare me. it doesn't control me. it doesn't define me.

not anymore.

to skz (jic ;]): i would not be the person i am today if i didn't have stray kids. i am forever grateful for the music you make, the stories you tell, the love that you give. thank you for saving me. to love someone is to exist with them, and i plan to stay by your side for a very long time.

[changsbin]

crying over this rn. hyunjin’s caption on this post is “eternal love.” it’s three scenes depicting mundane life and how love persists in every moment, no matter how big or small. the last slide, however, stood out to me the most. it’s two people, dressed in similar outfits and walking with linked arms. now, to me, it looks as if these people are men—sharing a soft morning stroll together after picking up breakfast. one of them is carrying the food while the other holds an umbrella, but neither of them seem to care about their items as much as they care about each other. they chat about their days; will they head out to the grocery store today, or will they stay in and relax? they’re not sure, but they’ll be doing whatever it is together.

and, obviously, i could be wrong. this could be a straight couple, and i’m just mis interpreting something. but, i’m going to let myself believe what i do because it’s beautiful to think that in a fairly direct way—hyunjin is acknowledging that love exists in all forms. love is whatever and whoever you want it to be. love is love, and as a queer fan, it’s quite nice to know that idols share the same sentiment.

[changsbin]

saw a comment on this video that said minsung is so hozier coded n it made me feel so many things.

minsung’s friendship is so important to me. the way they smile at each other. the way they laugh together. the way that they are so devastatingly gentle with one another. their friendship mirrors the relief in your heart as you come home after a long time away. it’s that comfort that seeps into your bones and the warm welcome you’re greeted with when you finally settle in again.

it feels like a soft breeze on a fresh spring day—warm enough to be without a jacket, but cold enough to make you shiver a bit. it feels like that refreshing splash of water on your face after a restful night’s sleep. it feels like dancing in your kitchen and taking yourself out to dinner—knowing that you’re alone, but understanding that you’re not lonely. it feels like finding beauty in the small things. it feels like that fullness you experience when you know you’ll be okay—maybe not now, maybe not in a few weeks, maybe not in a few years—but, eventually.

to me, their friendship feels like destiny.

truly.

[hanlimz]

˗ˏˋ m.list ´ˎ˗

a compilation of all of my enhypen writings! (find smaller soft thoughts/answered asks under the tag: “cass.writes: soft n sweet”)

lee heeseung | 이희승

nothing yet . . .

park jay | 박제이

nothing yet . . .

sim jake | 심제이크

nothing yet . . .

park sunghoon | 박성훈

expensive bf hoon

kim sunoo | 김선우

nothing yet . . .

yang jungwon | 양정원

[7:07PM] (jungwon loves you, in sickness and in health)

spiderwon

riki nishimura | 西村力

nothing yet . . .

hyung line | 희승, 제이, 제이크, 성훈

love story? (hyung line as different romance tropes)

maknae line | 선우, 정원, 力

love story? (maknae line as different romance tropes)

enhypen | ot7

random bf texts !

[changsbin]

hey babe! I can’t access your mlist? Could you please link it? Love your writing, can’t wait to read more ❤️‍🩹

hello lovely! thank you for letting me know!! here is the link to my m.list <33 unfortunately my brain has Not let me write for skz in a hot minute n i haven't rly kept up w blog organization so my m.list is prob v sparse n not updated .. but!! if you search the tag "cass.writes: (member)" you'll be able to find all the things i've written for that member!!

i appreciate your kind words n i'm glad to know you enjoy my writing!! i have some other fics in the works n i'm sure this comeback will inspire me lolol :))<3 also this is 100% self promo, but!! if you by any chance Also happen to like enhypen, i write for them at @daengnyangs n i'm much more active there <333

love you very much, and i hope you've had/are having a wonderful day! feel free to visit any time <333

[cassanovancats]

felicitate. nine.

eight < current > ten

Dec. 24, 2017

You make yourself comfortable on the rooftop, debating if you should go ahead and text your brother. He would be almost as disappointed as you were; Satoru had taken to calling himself the captain of your ship with Yuta and Toge, even coming up with a nickname that incorporated shortened versions of all three names. You sigh, deciding it’s probably best to not text him. He’s likely already worried about leaving you in charge, no need to add a worry about something that isn’t deadly.

A sudden yell disrupts your thoughts and you jump into position, nocking an arrow and aiming towards the scream. You hitch your breath at the sight: Geto is striding into your school alone, leaving a trail of headless assistants behind him. One of the bodies is familiar and you recognize her as the assistant that gave you chocolate with a bright smile after a mission with unfortunate timing left you covered in curse blood and your own. She didn't flinch or offer pity - just a single chocolate kiss. Now she is covered in gore and blood, her previously pristine white shirt coated with her own brain matter.

You feel your resolve hardens. Geto is a curse-user, a human at his core, but he also is a monster. The arrow flies an accurate course but the man dodges, leaving it to embed itself into the wall instead of his torso. He turns to your rooftop, calling out, “Ah, (y/n)! And here I thought your brother would lock you in a tower.” Geto unleashes a grade-one curse that looks similar to a wolf and sends it after you. He is infuriatingly unbothered by your presence and continues his steady gait into the school grounds.

You start running across the rooftops, jumping over gaps and dodging the curse’s attempts to bite you. The rooftop tiles bite into your hands and knees. It faintly registers that a nail broke when you almost missed a jump, narrowly avoiding falling to the ground.

Satoru didn’t say how long to keep this secret, but you assume now is a good time to give Maki and Yuta a heads-up. You spot Maki stepping away from a classroom, so you run there, drawing the curse after you. On the roof next to where she stands, you plant your feet and turn, suddenly drawing your katana and slicing at the wolf. It draws back, avoiding your attack before lunging suddenly. Its claws sink into your leg. You cry out in pain, falling to your knees. When the curse lunges again, this time aiming for your throat, you fall on your back and thrust your blade into its stomach. You force the blade down its body with a grunt, disemboweling the creature. The teeth around your throat loosen, but the dead weight of the curse dropping on you prevents you from getting up immediately. Guts slide out and onto you and you suppress a gag. You feel a lot like Carrie on prom night.

When you finally stagger to your feet, you see Maki has engaged Geto in a fight that she’s obviously losing. You cry her name and rush to her side. She doesn’t get a chance to acknowledge you as Geto, in one fluid moment, breaks her weapon and sends her flying. She falls to the ground as a ragdoll, bleeding heavily from her side and head. You watch her body land, horrified, before you’re snapped back into the fight rudely.

Geto is now the closest to you he’s been since you were a child, frightened and unable to communicate with the people around you. He feels some long-forgotten sense of pity as he slides the blade of his knife further into your stomach. “W-wh-?” You look at the handle sticking out of your body curiously, blood starting to leak from the corner of your mouth. The pain hasn’t begun to register but your body understands that you are unable to fight. You faint, missing the entrance of Panda and Toge by a few precious seconds.

When Yuta comes out from the classroom, he isn’t sure what he’s expecting to find. He felt a few earthquakes and thought it best to find you and Maki to wait out any aftershocks together. Yuta was sure it was to be a little awkward after his rejection, but also wanted to be sure you were okay. He didn’t expect to find you covered in blood, the same cute gym clothing you were wearing that morning when he rejected you ruined. A quick glance around and he sees the rest of his classmates, his friends, in similar form. Inumaki is clinging to consciousness.

Geto, the one who grabbed Yuta months earlier, stands surrounded by the bodies, hardly winded. “I truly wanted you to live, Okkotsu, but this is for the future of jujutsu.” Yuta wonders how he can fight this man. How can he protect his friends, the only ones to give him a chance since Rika, when Geto already destroyed the strongest people he knew. He was so, so weak compared to each of them.

Inumaki desperately calls a slurred version of his name and says, “Run away.” The fact that the command does nothing, that Yuta feels nothing, breaks him from his spiral. He summons Rika in a rage.

“I am going to kill you!” He declares. Yuta doesn’t think he has ever felt such anger and despair, the feeling of watching Rika die now multiplied by four.

Geto simply says, “You are going to die.”

-

A sudden pull on your stomach wakes you harshly. “Shit!” Your eyes snap open, to see a sheepish Panda holding the knife that was previously in your stomach. You automatically go to apply pressure on the wound but your hands find Maki’s already there, dressing the wound. “What happened?”

“The fight’s over, but we need to find Yuta,” Maki explains. “He must have healed all of us, but you still had the blade in you. It needed to be removed before you get up. All of us are going to be fine, (y/n), you can rest now.” She helps you to your feet and you cringe looking at your ruined outfit. Maki catches your pout and smiles, glad some things never change.

Toge comes to your side to take Maki’s place as your crutch. You hug him tightly, unable to express in words how relieved you are. He hugs back, equally overwhelmed after seeing what seemed like your corpse. Toge helps you limp along as you all start tracking Yuta’s residuals. Panda clears his throat and asks, “When did this happen?”

“Only a few days ago. Don’t act like you didn’t see this coming,” you explain with an eye-roll.

“No, I totally did. Just curious who won the bet.”

“If we didn’t just fight for our lives, I would kill you.” You four continue to try to have a light conversation until you come upon Yuta’s unconscious body. Toge helps you sit on the ground and you move his head onto your lap, muttering about checking for a concussion. All of you needed medical attention but you were desperate to help any way you could now.

Yuta begins to blink his eyes open and sits up urgently. “Your wounds… Panda! Your arm!” He seems to be working himself into a frenzy. You place a comforting hand on his shoulder as Panda explains that everyone will be okay. Yuta urgently looks over you, trying to determine how much blood was yours, before he seems satisfied.

“Thank you for saving us,” You whisper. His eyes fill with tears and you wonder how scared he must have been. You maintain eye contact, hoping to communicate how much you admire him, before Rika’s jumbled voice makes the both of you jump. Yuta stands, leaving the circle your class formed around him.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Rika,” he says, approaching her.

“What’s wrong?” Maki asks, a little fearful at how resigned Yuta looks.

Yuta hums a little before answering, “In exchange for her power, I promised to go with her.”

“What?” You screech and the suddenness of the yell pains your wound. Your classmates join a chorus of disagreement. Panda and Inumaki both grab fistfuls of his shirt to prevent him from walking any closer to Rika. Instead of her usual retaliation for someone restraining Yuta, her form just falls away to reveal a young girl. Four of you are confused but Yuta just mumbles, “Rika?”

A clapping distracts from the drama. You turn as best you can with a hole in your stomach to see your brother without any eye wear approaching your group. “Congrats. You broke the curse,” he continues to clap and stands next to you.

“Who’re you?” Yuta and Maki ask, causing you to snort before you groan at the pain.

Your brother pouts before replying, “Everyone’s favorite good-looking Gojo-sensei. Do you not see the sibling resemblance?” He gestures between your face and his, before carefully putting you on his back. He doesn’t even flinch at the grime covering you transferring onto him as well, relieved to see you awake and alert. You rest your chin on his shoulder and listen to him explain.

“I thought Yuta was interesting, so I looked into his lineage. Apparently, you’re a descendant of Michizane Sugawara. So, super-distant, but we’re relatives!” You groan and hide your face in Satoru’s neck; the teasing to come will be unbearable.

Your classmates look dumbfounded at the information while Yuta just goes, “Who?”

“One of Japan’s big three vengeful spirits.”

“A big-shot sorcerer.”

“Tuna.”

“The annoying side of the family,” you add.

Your brother takes back control of the conversation. “Yuta, you’re right. Rika isn’t cursing you, you cursed her. When the curser severs the bond tying servant to master and the cursed doesn’t desire punishment, the curse is broken. Though it seems you figured that out by yourself.” He gestures at the little girl and Yuta.

“Oh my god,” Yuta collapses in tears. “It’s all my fault…. Hurting so many people, Geto coming after me, it’s all my - all my -” He begins to hyperventilate. Inumaki takes a step to comfort him, but before he can, Rika approaches and hugs his trembling form.

“Thank you, Yuta. For giving me time and letting me be by your side. I’ve been happier these past six years than I ever was alive. Good-bye, be well. And don’t come over too soon, ‘kay?” She gives a bright smile, toothy and pure as she dissolves into bright ashes. Yuta stares at where she stood, long after all the ashes disappeared and everyone else walked away.

“See you,” He says to himself, before getting up to follow his friends to Doctor Ieiri.