#cas is looking at dean and yes he wants to protect him but also he's protecting himself from the possible rejection

[pietadean]

having a live-in destiel bestie means there is an endless potential of spn rewatch nights. which means it's the second time in two weeks that we're rewatching tmwwbk and. what do you mean when crowley aproaches cas to pitch the purgatory deal cas is longingly stalking dean. he watches dean and tells himself he won't ask for his help because he wants to protect him, because dean deserves his happiness and cas means hunting and death and doom and (maybe he could ask him but what if he says no. what if he picks lisa). what do you mean crowley takes one look at cas and is like I can get you your happy ending, I quote "with all possible entendres intended". all of this while cas is longingly looking at his happy ending. what if crowley said that and cas saw a future where the raphael problem was solved and he could come back to dean without the hunting and death and doom and. have a go at happiness. im. hm

[zepskies]

Smoke Eater - Part 10

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x F. Reader 

Summary: Dean Winchester is the cocky, but well-respected Lieutenant at Firehouse 25. He leads by example, but he’s also known to break a few hearts. He’s starting to crave something he’s never had, though. Something stable. Something real. 

That’s when he meets you, on a truly terrible day, trapped in a rickety old elevator.   

🔥 Series Masterlist

Word Count: 6,300 Tags/Warnings: **Sexual harassment, angst, perilous situations, hurt/comfort

Part 10: “Toil and Trouble”

After visiting his father, Dean spent the rest of his day unsettled. He couldn’t put his finger on why, exactly, but he had a gut feeling that John knew more than he was saying.

He understood that his dad was looking out for him, trying to protect him, but Dean had a problem.

He didn’t like being left in the dark.

You were working later than usual that afternoon, so he had more than one reason to invite Sam and Cas out for a drink. They met at the Roadhouse and sat in their usual corner. Unfortunately, they were getting drinks and a show.

Jo stormed out of the back room behind the bar with her mother hot on her heels.

“You stop right there, Joanna Beth—”

“Mom, you’re not going to talk me out of it! I’m taking the damn test and I’m going to get in and I’m going to the Police Academy!”

“And all the money I shelled out for you to go to college, to get your degree, something I never got, by the way.”

“I know. And I’m grateful for that, but I did the college thing for you and Dad,” Jo said.“I don’t want to go into business. I never did.”

“No, because owning your own business ain’t respectable,” Ellen said, with all due sarcasm as she crossed her arms. “Never mind that I thought I could leave this place to you someday. Never mind that you’d rather be walking these streets with a gun than take care of the last thing your father left us.”

Jo finally stopped at that. She turned on her heel and withered slightly.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” she said. “I just don’t want to serve at a bar my whole life, Mom. I want to help people.”

Ellen’s brows shot up at that. She leaned back on her heels, as if she’d been delt a blow. Dean looked over and saw the guilt that set over Jo’s features, but neither Harvelle woman backed down.

“So you don’t want to end up like me,” said Ellen, clicking her tongue. “Okay. That’s fine.”

“Mom, that’s not what I meant,” Jo tried, but her mother waved her off.

“No,” Ellen’s voice came out sharp as she went for a hand towel. “You do what you want, Jo. You’re grown, I suppose.”

She wiped down a few droplets by Cas’s hand before whipping the damp towel over her shoulder. And she walked down the line to continue serving her customers, leaving Jo standing at the other end, disheartened.

Sam and Dean shared a glance with each other, then with Cas, though they tried to keep their heads down and their noses out of the family business. Frankly, they were relieved when Jo left the bar.

Still, Dean couldn’t help but glance up at Ellen when she came back their way. He opened his mouth, but she beat him to it.

“Don’t you ask me if I’m okay, Dean Winchester,” she said. Her voice was quieter, tired, but it still cut like a whip.

He bobbed his head and looked down at his beer. “Yes, ma’am.”

But after a moment, his eyes raised to find Ellen’s face.

“You want another?” she asked, pointing to his drink. It was still half full, but Dean nodded with a smile, just to help her out. She seemed to want to distract herself with work. He was liable to do the same thing when he was stressed. 

She nodded with a slight smile. After she left to go grab it for him, he raised his brows and looked over at his brother and his friend, whistling lowly.

“And we thought our family had issues,” Sam remarked. Dean huffed at that.

“Speaking of.” Dean turned to Cas on his left. “Dad told me you guys are making headway on this crime boss-turned-arsonist.”

Cas met him with a shrewd brow raise. “What did John tell you?”

Dean frowned, his brows knitting together. “I hate it when you do that.”

“What?”

“Cover his ass,” Dean replied. He lowered his voice to ask, “Have you figured out what’s connecting all the vics? What ties them to Azazel, besides the brand marks?”

Cas sighed, running a hand over his face. Meanwhile, Sam watched the exchange with tight lips.

“Dean, you know I can’t tell you that,” said Cas.

“Hey, this guy’s starting fires in my neck of the woods. I can help,” Dean said.

“We’re already working with Arson—”

“Oh yeah. Sounds like Dad’s party line.”

“Dean,” Sam interjected, but Dean shook his head stubbornly.

“No, Sam. This isn’t just about fires, or some random nut job offing people,” Dean said. He tried his best to keep his voice quiet, despite the frustration coursing through his blood. “This is about Mom, no matter how much you wish it wasn’t.”

The brothers stared at each other for a moment, their silence charged with unspoken confrontation.

Eventually, Sam relented with a shallow breath through his nose. He turned to Cas, as did Dean. With the weight of both Winchesters on him, Cas finally had to sigh as well. He set down his whiskey on the countertop.

“Jerry Stillwell, the CPA,” he began. “We traced a secondary bank account in his name. It showed several ‘consultant invoices,’ for tens of thousands of dollars. The payments were wired from a company called Edlund Emporium.”

“Okay,” Sam nodded. “What does it lead back to?” 

“By all accounts, it’s just a wholesaler of antiques,” Cas explained. “But we believe it might be a shadow company for a larger enterprise. Drug runners are known to hide their product within secret compartments in furniture, in the frames behind paintings, etcetera.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen Narcos,” Dean quipped.

“Who owns the Emporium?” Sam asked.

“We don’t know yet,” Cas admitted. “Its records are proving difficult to trace. However, the one relevant thing we were able to retrieve from Stillwell’s home files was an old audit of Edlund Emporium from 1996. It showed some old statements of the company using a storage facility downtown: Stull Storage.”

Stull Storage. Dean’s head tilted in thought. Why did that name sound familiar?

Cas noted his recognition with another nod.

“That particular storage facility was also linked to a money laundering scheme. You’re thinking of Paul Richardson, the father of two, who was killed in last month’s fire,” said Cas. “Well, as it turns out, he was a defense attorney who failed to get his client acquitted for that case. His client was a known drug runner, decades ago. And he actually pushed product for Azazel.”

“How do you know that?” Dean asked.

Cas sighed. “Your father remembered him from his time in Narcotics.”

Shit, Dean thought. He looked over at his brother, and by now, Sam’s gears were turning at Mach speed.

“Who owns Stull Storage then?” Sam asked. 

“A company called Savage & Co.,” Cas said. He looked over more pointedly at Dean, whose eyes widened in realization. 

“My girlfriend’s company?”

You hated having to work late. Not because of the working, but because the office was much quieter after 5:00 p.m. Too quiet.

Your desk phone rang, making you jolt in your seat. Once you saw the extension calling, you exhaled loudly and resigned yourself to answering the phone.

“Yes?”

“Come up to my office for a sec. I wanna discuss something with you,” said Nick.

And that. You really hated that.

Your eyes closed as you took in a breath.

“I’m working on an upsell for the Greenway account. Can we meet in the morning?” you asked.

“This is important,” he insisted.

You held in a sigh, but you agreed and hung up. You steeled yourself and took your phone with you as you decided to take the elevator up to the 30th floor. At least if it got stuck, it would get you out of this impromptu meeting with your boss.

Unfortunately for you, Betsy ran like clockwork. You were at Nick’s office within minutes—the penthouse suite of the building. Lavishly furnished, complete with a full leather couch set and coffee table for entertaining corporate big wigs, a large desk for Nick to pretend to work, and a fully stocked bar, where he did most of his “actual” work.

An expensive looking set of gold clubs were leaned against the wall, next to the bar. You knew it was his pride and joy, and he often brought it up in conversation when he was “networking.”

Just now, the sun was setting through the large windows overlooking his desk. The view was quite picturesque; the only thing that marred it was Nick Savage himself. He smiled and beckoned you into the room when he noticed you. You left the door open when you entered.

He got up from his desk and gestured over to the lounge area. He hinted at you taking a seat beside him on the same couch, but you sat on the opposite one, leaving the coffee table between you. His smile lessened a pinch. But he got up, as if he was just remembering something. He made his way to the bar.

“Want a drink?” he asked you over his shoulder.

“No, thank you,” you flatly replied. “Nick, I told Mr. Greenway that I would have that paperwork into processing by end-of-day today.”

“Yep, you are working hard,” Nick nodded. “Miss Busy Bee.”

He filled a tumbler three quarters of the way with bourbon and took it back with him to the couch where you sat. You crossed your legs and subtly shifted backwards. It left a foot or so of distance in between.  

“That’s what I like about you,” he continued. “You do what it takes to get the job done.”

“I take my work seriously,” you said, in a pointed tone.

Nick inclined his head.

“You sure do. And you’re doing very well. In just a few years, you’ve racked up more accounts and upsells under your belt than anyone else on the team right now. Even Josh,” he said. “In fact, I’m considering you two as my top candidates for the Senior Sales Manager position. Adam’s leaving us for another company next month.”

That compliment surprised you, as well as the potential promotion. You’d heard that Adam Milligan was interviewing with other companies, but you hadn’t known that he was leaving. You blinked, nodding slowly.

“Thank you,” you said. “I appreciate the consideration…and I would look forward to the opportunity to grow in the company.” 

Nick smiled. “Good! And while I believe in you, I just need to know that you’d be willing to do what it takes in this new role.”

That had a subtle alarm trembling up your spine.

“How so?” you asked. “Like you said, I think my margins speak for themselves, along with my ability to manage projects. I think that’ll translate well with managing the team.”

“But you’ve never managed people,” Nick pointed out. He leaned an arm on the back of the couch, his fingers drawing near to your arm. “Tell you what. I want to keep chatting about this, but I’m getting hungry. Why don’t I order some dinner, and we’ll keep pow-wowing.”

“Actually,” you said, leaning away from his hand. “I have plans this evening.”

He raised a brow. “Oh, yeah? What’re you up to?”

You didn’t feel you had to give him any details about your personal life, let alone that you didn’t actually have plans tonight (except for watching The Princess Bride with George. It was your favorite movie to watch together).

“I’m having dinner with my boyfriend,” you answered with a tight smile.

Your womanly pride hated that you had to use Dean as an excuse, but maybe then your boss would get the hint.

Nick’s lips thinned a bit as he leaned back in his seat. “Hmm, didn’t know you had one of those.”

“You met him,” you replied, arching a brow. “He’s a firefighter, remember?”

Nick nodded, though he made a non-committal sound.

“All right, well, I should go actually. He’s picking me up,” you said.

Though when you moved to stand, Nick’s hand wrapped around your wrist. His eyes met yours meaningfully, edged with interest as he eyed you.

“You sure you can’t stick around?” he asked.

His hold was firm enough to scare you, a subtle gasp catching in your throat when your eyes flicked up to his in warning. You instinctively jerked your hand back.

“Don’t touch me,” you said, even as you hated the slight tremor in your voice. “I’m warning you, Nick. I will go to HR. I don’t care how many lawyers you threaten me with. I’m not interested.”

Nick’s head tilted as he watched you with a frown.

“I hope you think hard, sweetheart.” He relaxed against the couch with arrogance, and it was beginning to make you sick. He crossed his arms as you stood and began to storm out of the office. All the while, his words followed you.

“Think about where you want to end up in this company, and who’s gonna get you there.”

You still had work to do, but you weren’t taking any chances. After you made it back to your office, you grabbed your work laptop and left for home. You had to take several calming breaths as you got into your car and turned the key into the ignition, but your hands still shook.

Then the car spluttered, refusing to start. You blinked, tried it again.

Still, the engine struggled and the dashboard shook.

Damn it, damn it! Don’t do this to me, you silently begged. You knew you should’ve had Dean look the old car over weeks ago. He’d offered more than once, but you kept forgetting. You bit your lip.

“Please,” you whispered. You just wanted to get the hell out of here. You glanced up and around the parking lot to make sure it was still empty, that no one was approaching.

After another painfully long moment of puttering, the car finally grumbled to life. A relieved breath rushed out of your body, and you began to peel out of the parking lot. 

I can’t take much more of this, you thought as you drove home.

You also thought about calling Andréa. She still didn’t know all the details about what you were dealing with at the office. In fact, she knew little more than Dean.

And you really wanted to tell Dean. He had a way of calming your nerves and reassuring you when you felt out of sorts…and making you feel safe.

But you also knew how both your best friend and your boyfriend would react. Andréa would force you to go to HR, and then it would undoubtedly get messy. She could even get fired, if Nick was petty about it (and he usually was). You couldn’t afford to lose your job either.

Whereas Dean…

God, he’ll be so pissed, you thought. You had seen just a flash of his jealous side before, with Gordon. And that was one of his friends.

This would be infinitely worse.

Dean was protective. It was literally in his job description, but it was also just who he was as a person, you’d come to find. While you loved that about him, you also couldn’t have him storming your office building to wring Nick’s neck.

You needed your job. And even though you had updated your resume, with how hard you’d been working, you hadn’t had time to start scouring the online job boards…

You blew out a long breath. Your eyes were beginning to burn with frustrated tears. You sniffed and wiped under your eyes in vain.

Damn it, what the hell am I gonna do?

The question burned through your mind over and over, even when you got home. Your grandfather looked up from the show he was watching in the living room when you came in.

“Hey there, stranger,” he said. “Workin’ late?”

“Yeah,” you replied dully. You dumped your purse and workbag on the dining table and continued into the kitchen, not seeing how George frowned.

He slowly got up, wincing and at his aching joints and stifling a wet cough. He paused for a moment as a bout of nausea threatened to bowl him over.

When it passed, after a moment, he straightened. And he followed you into the kitchen, where you were peering into a near empty fridge.

“We barely have anything here,” you said with a sigh. “Okay, guess I’m going to the store. I can pick up something for dinner on the way home.”

“I’ll go with you,” George said. “I’ve been cooped up here all day.”

You shook your head without looking back at him, still making a mental note of everything you needed to buy.

“I heard you coughing. It doesn’t sound like your asthma,” you said, letting out a breath. Add a dash of worry for your grandfather’s health to spruce up your evening.

George sighed.

“Honey,” he tried. You were already shaking your head as you closed the fridge and turned to him with a frown.

“That primary doctor’s an idiot,” you said. “I’m calling your oncologist tomorrow morning.”

 You went to grab your phone to set a reminder for yourself, but George stopped you with a hand on your arm.

“Would you stop?” he barked. “Just stop it!”

You blinked wide, and both literally and figurately, you took a step back. He wasn’t one to raise his voice, even when you were a child. But your earlier frustrations already had you on edge, and frankly, this was the last thing you needed.

“What?” you snapped back. “Clearly you need to see the doctor, and I’m not going to let you dismiss whatever it is you’re hiding and don’t want to tell me about! I’m sick of it.”

“Let me?” he said. “That right there is our problem. I’m not a goddamn kid. Damn well ain’t your kid or your responsibility. And I’m sick of you treating me like I already got one foot in the grave!”

You flinched as if he’d physically hurt you. Your eyes inevitably flooded with tears.

George relented when he saw it. He leaned a hand on the kitchen counter to steady himself.

“Look, hun. I’m 82. Every day, I take a stack of pills that sometimes make me feel worse than the damn cancer did. I got no illusions, and I do appreciate everything you do for me,” he said. “But you’re not my caretaker. You’re not my nurse. You’re my granddaughter.”

He grasped your hand with a warm squeeze. You sniffed and shook your head.

“I understand what you’re saying. And maybe…okay, I know I can be overbearing sometimes. But there’s a reality here that you don’t want to face,” you began. Though it was hard, you met his eyes.

“I’m not just your granddaughter,” you said. “I haven’t been since Grandma died. Because I’ve had to be more. Because you’re the only family I have, and I’ll make that choice every time.”

You let go of his hand and took up your purse, wiping at your eyes.

“But if you really want to come to the store, let’s go,” you said.

George stared back at you at a loss. Deep down, he knew there was a good deal of truth in your words, but he still felt like you weren’t quite hearing him.

Still, he followed you to the car.

You got into the driver’s seat of your Camry and briefly closed your eyes in a silent prayer. Then you turned the key in the ignition. The car turned on, to your surprise and relief.

You started the short drive out of your suburban neighborhood and down to the nearest grocery store. It was only 20 minutes away, and traffic wasn’t bad, but somehow the drive seemed to take an eternity on the two-way street. There was grass and forest on the passenger side, and the rest of the city approaching on the other. 

Unbidden, your mind kept drifting back to this afternoon in Nick’s office. His words were like tendrils of black, oily ink coiling through your mind.

“I hope you think hard, sweetheart.”

Your hand tightened on the steering wheel, your teeth clenching. You could picture his lazy, arrogant smirk as he leaned back into the couch.

“Think about where you want to end up in this company, and who’s gonna get you there.”

You wanted to take one of his precious golf clubs and take a few swings at the man’s head.

“Something wrong with the car?” George asked.

“What?” you asked, flinching in your seat. But you realized then what he was saying. Your car was shaking, like it was about to stall. What the hell?

None of the service lights on the car were on, but this was a warning sign you couldn’t ignore.

George looked up as you approached a curve. “Slow down!”

Your gaze lifted just in time to see how an SUV from the opposite lane of oncoming traffic was drifting too far into your lane, on the curve. You corrected quickly with a jerk of the steering wheel, but your car jolted and stuck on the wheels’ position, and you couldn’t force it straight again.

It sent the car veering off the road and onto the grass, then tumbling down the hill into a sharp decline. You didn’t see the tree until you were feeling the impact of it hitting the front of the car, and nothing more.

You blinked awake, slowly. The side of your face felt numb as you manage to raise it from the airbag. Blood dripped down your nose over your lips, which you only realized after tasting copper on your tongue. You raised a trembling hand to your mouth and wiped some of it away.

Sucking in a breath, you turned your head. Fuck, that hurt.

“Grandpa? …Grandpa!”

George was still unconscious, though he didn’t look like he was bleeding. His airbag thankfully deployed as well. You looked around for your phone…if you remembered right, it had been in your purse. You looked over, and you saw it by his feet.

Though you were held back by your seatbelt and the airbag, and your whole body felt stiff and aching, you reached over and grabbed the purse’s strap. From there you pulled it towards you, with pained grunts, and whimpers, and shallow breaths.

When you were able to fish out your cell, your blood-stained thumb shook while swiping through your contacts.

You knew you should call 911 first, but your instincts took hold. There was only one person you could call. Your eyes began to burn the longer the line rang. By the time it finally connected, the first tears welled up.

“Hey, baby. Good timing,” Dean answered. He sounded tired. “Was just thinking about calling you.”

Your heart had traveled up into your throat to hear his voice. But now, it was hard to get your tongue to unstick from the roof of your mouth.

“Dean,” you managed, though your throat became clogged with emotion. Your tears blurred your vision and finally slid down your cheeks.

You tried to push at your seatbelt; it felt like it was cutting your circulation across your chest. But that proved to be a mistake, as the tight fabric just pressed into the bruising you already felt forming against your skin. You couldn’t contain a small whimper.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. His tone was more alert now, changed with the distress he likely heard in your voice.

You took in a shuddering breath as more tears rolled down your face.

“I need help.”

Dean had already been home from the bar when you called. But when he heard your voice, full of pain, your plea for help—it was like a stone dropping into his stomach.

“What happened? Where are you?” he asked. Already he was off the couch and looking for his wallet and keys. Sam was crashing at Eileen’s tonight. Dean would have to call him later. He locked the apartment and hastened down the stairs.

You were eventually able to tell him that your car had swerved after locking up on you. That you’d crashed into a ditch, against a tree.

“Grandpa’s with me. He still hasn’t woken up,” you said through tears. “I can’t move—”

“Don’t!” Dean interrupted, another lance of panic running through him. But he gentled, hearing your soft crying. “Don’t move. It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m comin’ to get you. Did you call 911?”

“No…not yet,” you admitted with a sniff.

He nodded to himself. “All right. I’m gonna call this in, make sure they’re on the way.”

“Don’t hang up, please,” you begged.

Dean was torn. He wanted to comfort you, but he knew he needed to get the fire department there as soon as possible.

“I won’t, I promise. Just hold on while I make the call,” he said as he climbed into his car. “I’m going to get the team out to you, okay?”

You sniffled again, but you finally agreed. Dean put you on hold while he called 911. All the while he was driving out of his neighborhood and onto the main road. He gave them his badge number to make sure they knew who he was, and that his girlfriend and her grandfather needed help on 32nd Street and Parker.

After he hung up with the operator, he got back on the line with you and kept you company while he drove. He gave you reassuring words, tried to keep you calm with a few wise cracks to lighten you up. Some of them you seemed to appreciate (others you didn’t).

When he pulled up to the right location, he didn’t see your car at first. That is, until he pulled over to the side of the road. He saw the edge of your bumper just over the slope, and then the rest of your Camry in the ditch. The hood was crumpled like an accordion into a tree, but at least it wasn’t smoking too bad (or on fire).

His heart clenched, but he forced himself to act—with the same fight or flight response he had to overpower with every call he responded to on the job.

Dean climbed out of his car and quickly grabbed the steel Halligan he kept in the trunk. It was essentially a more professional crowbar.

Then he jogged down into the ditch.

He went to the driver’s side first. He saw your tear-streaked face through the window, could hear your muffled voice call his name. He tried to open the door, but it wouldn’t budge.

“Can you unlock it?” he asked.

“I tried earlier,” you said. “It won’t open.”

Dean nodded. “Okay, no problem. Lean back.” 

You obliged him, and once he was sure you were ready, Dean used the Halligan to pry the door open. He could’ve busted open the window, but this was safer.

Once the door was cracked open enough, he pushed it the rest of the way so he could get to you. He punctured through the air bag with the sharp end of the Halligan and pushed it down to deflate it a bit. It allowed you to grab onto his arm, and he reached for you, cupping your cheek and wiping at your tears with his thumb.

“Dean…”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you,” he said, when you tearfully squeezed his arm. He noticed the drying blood around your nose and stained down your blouse. You were still dressed for work.

“Dean-o, hey,” said George from the passenger side. He was awake, but his eyes were half-lidded.

“Hey, George,” Dean nodded with a smile, to hide his concern. “How’re you doin’ over there?”

“Okay,” George tried, but it ended on a wet cough.

“Check on him. Please,” you asked. Dean nodded, but first, he leaned in a pressed a kiss to your forehead, letting out a subtle breath of relief. You closed your eyes, and a couple more tears slipped down. You squeezed his hand gratefully.

“Stay put for me,” he said. You hummed in agreement. And by now he could hear the sirens of an ambulance nearby.

Good, he thought, especially when he went over to the passenger side and wrenched the door open. He leaned George back in his seat, away from the airbag, and measured his pulse at his clammy wrist. It was a bit too fast for Dean’s liking.

“I’m good, right?” George asked. He was pale and sweating.  

“That’s right. You’re gonna be hittin’ the roller disco in no time,” Dean said. George smiled in amusement, letting out a huff.

Dean smirked, then gave you a reassuring look. “The paramedic’s coming now. Just keep taking even breaths for me.”

A couple of minutes later, two paramedics came with a board and a neck brace to carry someone out. Dean recognized them from the shift opposite to his: Ed and Harry. They were a couple of chuckle brothers, but they did their job well. Dean instructed them to get George out first, and he helped them do it.

“We’re going to get to you next, ma’am,” Ed told you.

“Is he okay?” you asked. Worry for your grandfather was steeped in your watery eyes.

“They’re taking him up to the ambulance now. Another one’s coming for you,” Dean said. He was on his way back over to your side of the car, but he hurried when he saw you trying to get out. Apparently you’d managed to unclip your seatbelt when he wasn’t looking.

“Whoa, hey! What’re you doing?” Dean said. You gave him a small heart attack when you nearly fell out of the car on your shaky legs. He guided you back to sit, but you were adamant about getting out.

“I don’t want to wait,” you said sternly, though the effect was hampered by the way your voice also trembled.

“Okay, okay. I gotcha,” Dean nodded, but he urged you to let him help. He was careful in how he slipped his arms behind your back and under your knees. “Any sharp pain? In your neck, anywhere else?”

Truthfully, your neck did hurt. But it wasn’t that bad, you reasoned. The rest was just aches and bruises you were sure you would have later. You rested against his chest.

“I’m okay,” you said. Your arm curled around his shoulder while your free hand laid against his chest. “Thank you.”

Dean sighed and pressed another kiss to your hair, and then your forehead before he made his way up the slope with you in his arms. Once he got back onto the road, he spoke to Donna Hanscum, the police officer who’d arrived at the scene. She worked in the same precinct as his father and Jody.

You briefly explained what happened to cause the crash—the SUV drifting and your car locking up out of your control. Donna took notes all the while. Dean then let her know that he was taking you to the hospital.

“She really should wait for the ambulance,” Donna said, though her eyes were kind, taking in your tear-streaked face and the way you clung to Dean. She might have to visit you later for a more detailed statement, but she knew an honest mistake when she saw one.

“Eh, I’m saving them a trip,” Dean said. “That’s gas and labor cuttin’ costs right there.”

Donna shook her head, despite a smile.

“All right, Dean. Just go.” She gave you one last look of sympathy. “Feel better, hun. Looks like you’re in good hands.”

You nodded with a small smile. Letting out a breath, you closed your eyes and relaxed against Dean.

Dean stayed with you in the Emergency Department while a nurse cleaned the blood from your face, took your vitals, and tested your vision and hearing.

Your blood pressure was high, but that was to be expected. All else fell into the realm of normal, considering. Though when the nurse checked your neck, you grimaced a little when she slowly turned your head from side to side.

“Hmm. Scale of 1 to 10 on the pain?” she asked.

You glanced at Dean, who raised his brows at you expectantly. That look said, Tell the truth.

“I don’t know…4,” you replied.

The nurse gave you a knowing glance. “You can be honest. Is it a 4, or more like a 6?”

You bit your lip. “Okay, a 5.”

“All right. That’s understandable,” she said. The nurse then grabbed a brace to set around your neck. “The doctor will be in shortly to check you out, but likely she’ll order some X-rays, and possibly prescribe you something short-term for the pain.”

You sighed in annoyance. “How long will that take? I need to see my grandfather.”

“Want me to check on him again?” Dean asked. Now that the nurse was done, he came over to where you were sitting on the edge of the examining bed to rest a hand on your back.

He’d made sure George was stable and comfortable in his own room. The ED doctor had ordered blood tests, among other things, since he was a former cancer patient. But also because he had a fever and an elevated blood pressure that didn’t seem to just be related to the crash. He was now sleeping while the hospital ran the rest of their tests.

You turned to Dean with red-rimmed, tear-filled eyes. “I want to see him.” 

Dean slipped an arm around you and tucked you against him more securely.

“You will, sweetheart. You just need to get checked out first,” he said. He was worried about you. You seemed all right, but he didn’t like your tendency to forget about yourself. Sometimes, you were a bit too much like him.

You sighed in defeat (for now). But after a moment, your small voice broke through the quiet.

“I should’ve let you look at the car,” you said.

Dean glanced down at you and caught the guilt written across your face. His brows knit together as his heart clenched again.

“Don’t do that,” he said with a sigh. “It’s not your fault.”

“My car, my goddamn fault,” you said through tears.

“Stop, baby,” Dean said. He held you closer, laying a kiss on the top of your head while you tried to stifle your tears.

He waited with you until the doctor finally arrived to examine you. She spotted the same things as the nurse, and after another hour of X-rays (clean of any breaks) and tests (all ultimately fine), she prescribed you an anti-inflammatory pain killer, as well as rest. And of course, if your pain worsened, you were to come back to the ED.

After the doctor left for the last time, Dean agreed to walk you down to your grandfather’s hospital room. George was awake, though he seemed groggy with the pain medication they had him on through the IV. He greeted you and Dean with an attempt at a smile.

“Hey there, sweetheart,” he said. His hand turned over to welcome yours, and he squeezed, seeing the tears in your eyes. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, sniffling. “I’m good. How’re you feeling?”

Your gaze drifted to his chart, to the medications and fluids they had him on, what tests were listed…

George’s hand tugged on yours, pulling your attention back to him.

“They’ve got it in hand. Don’t you worry about me,” he said.

You flickered at a smile, as you both knew that wasn’t in the cards. In fact, you’d barely been sitting down on the edge of his bed for a couple of minutes before you were asking if the recline of his bed was comfortable. If he needed more water, or another blanket.

George responded negatively to most of your questions, though he shot Dean an imploring look over your head. The other man nodded and gently grasped your shoulders.

Dean could see why you were blustering around—so you wouldn’t crack from anxiety and exhaustion. But he needed to stop you before you hurt yourself. (Not to mention, before you drove George crazy.)

“Hey, come ‘ere a sec,” said Dean. He guided you into a nearby chair and soothed a hand over your hair. He kneeled down next to you and grabbed your hand. You let out a breath and held onto him back. 

“You need to take it easy, okay? Need to,” Dean said, in a quiet but firm tone he didn’t often use with you. He reached for the slip of paper the doctor gave you, now stuffed in your purse. “Everything’s gonna get taken care of. You just relax here, and I’m going to go fill out your prescription.”

Dean waited for you to meet his eyes; he was only satisfied when you nodded in acceptance. He gave you a smile, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips. It was comfort and relief, for both of you.

You held him there for a moment with a hand on his cheek. Your fingers traced across his brow, and down his jawline. If it were even possible, after everything he’d done today, you were never more grateful for him than in this moment.

George watched the little scene from his bed with a soft smile.

Finally, he thought. And it meant many things.

After Dean reluctantly pulled away, he promised he’d be back soon. He then left to take your prescription to the closest pharmacy, also fishing out his phone to call Sam and let him know what was going on at the hospital.

Dean had a feeling you all were going to be here for a while.

AN: *exhales* Okay. 😅 A lot going on in this chapter. Another piece of the puzzle, more of why Nick needs his ass handed to him, and a dramatic save. Let me know what you thought!

And please forgive me for where we're going next...

Next Time:

Dean held your face, brushing the tears away with his thumbs.

“Hey, I’m here, all right? Just let me help you,” he said. “You can lean on me when you need to.”

“I haven’t had that in a long time,” you admitted. “Part of me doesn’t know how to lean.”

“I get that,” Dean said. But you both knew that there was a long and difficult road ahead. He knew he didn’t have to remind you of it. “Whatever you need, you just tell me, okay? If nothing else, I’ve got a strong pair of shoulders.”

Somehow, you smiled. You pressed your forehead against his chest and inhaled deeply, to steady yourself.

“That you do, Lieutenant.”

Keep Reading: PART 11

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Series Tag List (Part 1):

@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb

@vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @roseblue373 @this-is-me19 @emily-winchester @spnexploration @deans-spinster-witch @deans-baby-momma @iprobablyshipit91

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[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I love jack so so much he's perfect but tbh I do think it would've worked much more with the show if he was a destiel baby instead of lucifer's. and I'm not just saying that as a shipper or whatever I mean narratively it would've been a lot cleaner- and actually, I think it would've been super funny to no-homo them creating a baby together, like, literally all they would have to do is say "oh, when cas rebuilt dean after hell he accidentally left some grace tangled in his soul, and every time he's healed him since then it's been growing stronger until a nephilim was born". like yes the studio is homophibic etc etc but all the jokes they'd make about dean being spiritually pregnant would be very funny for me personally.

but ANYWAY, jack's story gets messy and convoluted and I think this would've been like...a simple fix. them worrying about him going dark side could be because they're worried how demon!dean and lucifer!cas affected him in development, the show LOVES bloodline drama, chuck's wanting abraham and issac 2.0 would've worked better this way, dean's storyline with him would be improved, bc rather than 'oh no I slowly but surely emotionally adopted the antichrist' like I think he would've had an easier time clocking his john-behavoir if it wasn't a question whether he was jack's dad or not. plus last time dean actively raised a kid he went to great lengths to keep the supernatural away from him, so it'd be interesting to see how he handles a kid he CANT possibly hide from this part of his life. it would make more sense why michael wanted jack as a vessel- yes obviously he wanted the nephilim power boost but also having him as part of the winchester bloodline, making him a PERFECT vessel he doesn't have to worry about burning up would add a lot. we could also use this argument for why lucifer is so interested in him if anyone actually liked that plotline in season 14 lmao. we know chuck hated cas and dean's relationship, could you imagine if he checked in and found out they made an unauthorized baby together💀 like that really would've given better context for why he hates jack so much. cas wouldn't need that whole weird brainwashing arc to wanna protect unborn jack, PLUS it could've been an interesting source of angst for him- he feels like he's failed once again, creating an abomination and putting dean in danger, but also still loves jack immensely. it'd be so good! also imagine how fucking stressed out heaven would be to find out a mini castiel is on the way. they wouldn't even wanna exploit that kid for power they'd be preemptively treating the headaches they know they're gonna get lmfao.

also. the casting directors literally put jensen and misha into a face morph app and cast the first actor they could find that matched the results. which would've made more sense if,,,,he was just Theirs. the comedy of dean and cas making a baby before either of them managed to admit their feelings to each other would be more fun then the "dude adopted a kid and pawns him off on his unwilling roommate's all the time and they eventually warm up to the kid" storyline we actually got. we also could've replaced some of the jack-dean angst from the show with "dean wants to connect more with jack but he feels shut out whenever cas is around bc he can't relate to any angel stuff so obviously jack's going to cas for help more!", which I think would be interesting!! how AWFUL dean and cas would feel that jack didn't feel safe enough to be a baby. dad!sam is still in full swing but he cares for jack right off the bat instead of trying to use him for his powers at first. lily sunder talking about how cas killed her kid bc he thought it was a nephilim and dean, who's already fully aware he's (spiritually) knocked up by cas is like 👹 inch resting cas-tee-elle tell me more. mary having a 'my baby has a baby' crisis. cas insisting jack looks nothing like him is a running joke but then at some point he explains its bc jack's 'true form' looks just like dean's soul....

ALSO- in a show where, canonically, the very first act of free will was cas falling in love with dean...the physical manifestation of that defeating chuck and taking his place as god? come ON.

[castiwls]

Hey there! 😀 Can I request two sets of headcanons about being Sam and Dean's twin sister?

"i was with you before we were even born"

Being the boy's twin

Dean

He’s older by like 5 minutes (he never lets you forget it)

You were both really close even as babies. I imagine there was a phase where if your parents separated you both for too long you would cry.

You both get closer after the fire. For the first few months, you would always curl up in the same bed together out of fear of the other one disappearing.

As a teen, you started to question your dad more and more about hunting. You're not as complacent as Dean is to John and his rules. This led to many arguments. 

“Why can’t you just do as he says?” “Because Dad’s word isn't god Dean!”

He’d be just as protective over you as he is of Sam.

When Sam left for Stanford you and Dean started to take cases on your own.

You would try and sabotage any hookups he found in bars. You really hated having to go for ‘walks’ during said hookups. He got you back for it. 

You both look very alike. 

When it was just you and Dean hunting there were multiple times where people would mistake you for a couple of cases.

After your dad died you and Dean didn’t talk for a while. You both argued over why John did what he did and it led to one of your worst fights.

Bobby had to kick sense into you both.

You and Dean don’t fight often but when you do it's bad. When you were younger one time it got so bad that it took Sam yelling and walking out for you both to stop.

When Castiel came around you were unsure but after he saved you on a hunt you began to trust him.

Knowing Dean wasn’t ok after Hell and begging him to talk.

“Dean I know you're not ok.” You frowned and reached out to his arm. “You can talk to me, no one's gonna judge you.”

He did eventually tell you he remembered hell. He begged you not to tell Sam though. (You did tell Sam though)

Finding out about the whole vessel thing and freaking out.

“What do you mean vessels? Why is Heaven and Hell’s fight our issue?”

Since you and Dean were twins you both were classed as Micheal vessels.

You were adamant that Dean wasn’t doing it and he was the same about you.

This again led to another argument.

In the end, there was no way you were letting Sam walk into that fight alone so you ended up saying yes also.

Dean was pissed.

Dean begging for months after that Cas or someone would pull you both out of the cage. (Little did he know someone had)

You randomly appeared on Lisa’s doorstep 6 months later and Dean completely freaked.

After that, he barely let you out of his sight.

You didn’t tell him about Sam also being out (You knew something was wrong with your younger brother and you didn’t wanna worry Dean.)

Eventually reuniting with Sam and feeling so guilty when you found out he had no soul.

Dean insisted that it wasn’t your fault.

He helped you with nightmares from the cage. You found yourself sleeping in the same bed as him again.

Sam

You were older by like 10 minutes. You always teased him about it.

He got you back by teasing you over being short.

Neither of you have any memories of life before the fire so as children you used to both make up stories to help comfort each other.

These stories helped you both pretend that you at least knew your mom and what normal life was like.

You both kinda depended on each other growing up.

While you didn’t verbalise it like Sam, you also didn’t like hunting or the constant moving around.

You were a bit more of a social butterfly than your twin but you still struggled with having to make new friends constantly. 

Like your brother, you were also quite smart and did well in school.

For a while, you wanted to be a doctor but knew realistically you had no chance.

As you got older you began to grow a slight resentment towards your dad for forcing you all into this life. One day after a bad hunt you snapped and told your dad how you felt. New’s flash it went really bad.

Your eyes widened as you realised what you had just said. Dean slowly pushed his arm in front of you urging you to move back as your Dad turned to face you. “What did you just say.” Your dad’s voice was hard as he took a step forward. You felt Sam pull you back further as Dean tried to defuse the situation.

After that things were awkward for a while. You went to go stay with Bobby much to Sam’s disdain.

You came back a year later when you were 17.

Things were ok until Sam left for Stanford. You were happy for him but also jealous that he was getting out and you weren't.

During that time you and Dean became close.

Reconnecting with Sam after your dad went missing and helping him when Jess died.

Feeling guilty when your dad died that you spent so much time resenting him (He apologised just before Azael came)

Unlike your brother, Azael didn’t do anything to you so you never had any issues with demon blood.

Convincing Sam that he wasn’t a monster. 

When he died the first time you were inconsolable for days. 

You and Dean arguing over Deans's deal.

Hating Ruby and knowing she was up to something. Her also causing you and Sam to fall out over his powers.

You and Dean both knew that while Sam was trying to do a good thing she was not.

Helping him with his guilt over Litlth and Lucifer.

Him and you making up after Rubys' death. This actually made you and Sam closer than ever.

Again having to convince him that he is not a bad person when the whole Lucifer and Micheal thing comes to light.

You’re the middleman in the situation. You spent most of your time trying to convince both your brothers not to say yes.

Convincing Dean but not managing to convince your twin.

Before saying yes Sam said that he wanted you to get out and have a normal life.

You were pretty heartbroken but after hanging around Dean and Lisa for a few months you ended up meeting someone  (Lisa set you up but you don’t know that)

You both moved in together and you found yourself actually enjoying this normal life.

Then Sam appeared and you had to choose. Dean told you to stay but you knew you couldn’t leave Sam.

When you found out about Sam having no soul you felt so guilty.

“How didn't I realise sooner?” You sat down on the bed placing your head in your hands. Dean gently rubbed your back with a small sigh. “None of us knew. It’s not your fault.

You ended up kinda living two lives for the next year until Sam got his soul back and you realised living two lives was too dangerous. You broke up with him but you both ended up getting back together a few years later.

Sam was happy that you'd found someone and pushed for you to stay with him. But you knew your place was always gonna be with your brothers.

[shallowseeker]

I love that it's shown, at least a couple of times I think, that Dean tends to switch on loud music and crank UP the volume precisely when he doesn't want to discuss something.

But in 12x10? Sam is so uncomfortable, he wants music. Any fuckin' music. And Dean...

SAM: All right, who wants music? DEAN: I'm good.

Holy, shit balls. LOL. Dean doesn't even turn the music on. Dean wants them all to suffer through the silence.

And it gets so much better. Dean acts like CAS started the silent treatment post-12x09. (And who knows? Maybe Cas did! I find either idea pretty funny.)

MORE SILENCE. SAM LOOKS AROUND AND SHAKES HIS HEAD. SAM: All right. Guys, you know what? This – this silent treatment thing, it's silly. It's not gonna work. Whatever we're walking into, we should, you know, probably have an actual plan. CAS: (sighs) What do you wanna know? DEAN: Oh, he speaks.

Then it gets funnier.

I forgot that it was DEAN who fired off the covert communication. He was the one who first started complimenting Benjamin! (Aside/// 14x08 Our Father Who Aren't in Heaven has another great example of Dean-Cas talking about things under the guise of other mission-ish things.)

CAS: It was, um... Look, Benjamin wouldn't call for help lightly. And he wouldn't put himself in harm's way if he could help it. DEAN: Wow, this Benjamin seems like he's pretty cool, you know. Like he wouldn't make any half-cocked, knee-jerk choices.

First, pot-kettle! Second of all, LMAO. Benjamin is cool BECAUSE he doesn't put himself in danger! This will be what Dean struggles with till the end of time, only accepting Cas's relationship to him as "protector"near the bitter end. In season 15, Dean's trying to be okay with Cas providing strength in his "Cas way." There's the Mark in 15x09 of course, but there's also the awful 15x18, "She's gonna kill you... and then she's gonna kill me."

But back to Benjamin and their coded comms:

CAS: Yeah, you know what I like about him? Is that he's sarcastic, but he's thoughtful and appreciative, too. DEAN: Now what is that supposed to mean?

Cas is hilarious here, too. Appreciate what I do for you, when I protect you, Dean! It's how I show love.

He's telling Dean how he wants DEAN to behave, even amidst the looming cosmic consequences. He doesn't want Dean to not-be Dean, to not throw a fit, he just wants a little "thank you," and maybe some thoughtful "kindnesses," as a little treat. Meanwhile, Dean's like HELL NO I am not gonna give you applause for being a hero for me. You can FORGET IT.

I mean, yes, it's the jealousy thing too on the surface, but it's a LOT MORE than that, too. It's their covert communication in beautiful form. It's Dean screeching, "You want me to be what about your sacrifice?"

(Happy, acquiescent, thankful.)

We'll see later from the script of 12x19 that Cas wants Dean to be thankful and relieved in general. And he thinks that him shouldering Dean's burdens will make Dean happy.

via @spnscripthunt-inactive 12x19

The tragedy is that Dean isn't relieved whenever Cas chooses to carry those heavy burdens. Whether it's the burdens of Heaven or Dean's...

When Cas is gone, Dean's in pieces.

via @spnscripthunt-inactive 12x23

[river13245]

The Angels Protector

Navigation / Castiel Masterlist

The sun had started to go down as you were driving back to the bunker. You had one job and that was to find a way to bring Jack back. Castiel had a special relationship with Jack he was like his own son and you had noticed the toll it had started to take on him when he died.

You knew about how Jack had killed Mary and had done things because the angels were using him. But the Jack that you knew wouldn't do something like that. So you were determined to find out how to bring him back so you could help him.

Dean would be so pissed with you but you could deal with him later when he did end up finding out. Right now you just wanted to get to the bunker and crawl into bed and just hope that your angel of a boyfriend would get into bed with you.

After an hour you had pulled up in front of the bunker. You grab your bag and throw it over your shoulder and start to walk in. What you heard when you entered made you place your bag by the door and walk into the living room.

You see Dean with his arms crossed looking at Cas and your boyfriend looks frustrated. Dean is looking at him as if he cant stand to look at him. Cas was explaining to him about how he had to do what he did even when he knew it would mess up the plan.

Of course Dean wasn't listening to him since he only cared about what he thought was right. What caught you off guard was when Dean looked straight at Cas and said "you know we do sometimes have plans fail and we have problems. But you always seem to be the cause of all these problems" There's a pause and your boyfriend speaks "what are you saying Dean?"

Dean was predictable he always lashed out at other people when things didnt go his way. You knew where this was headed so you look over at him and shake your head warning him to not finish what he was going to say. It didnt stop him. "You didnt tell us that Jack had been acting strange and then he killed my mom. You didnt stick to the plan and look where its gotten us. You are the problem Cas"

The glare you had on Dean could kill him if looks could kill. Castiel stood there and took it because he knew that what he said was partially true. But wouldn't you want to protect your kid and make sure that you were right before causing everyone to attack them. He also believed that he was the problem. Hell he spent most of the years doing everything he could to help just so he could fight that voice in his head.

A minute or so passes and Castiel just turns around and walks straight past you and to the door. "where are you going?" Dean asks and Cas looks back at him "Jacks gone, everyone is out doing their own things. Its time I leave especially when my time here is done" He leaves it at that and walks out and Dean doesnt try to stop him.

Dean goes to the kitchen and grabs a beer and then asks if you would like one. That sets you off because he just acts as if nothing happened. "are you fucking serious right now?" a scoff escapes you as you try to control yourself. Its not often you let out any anger or snap at people. You and Dean were very similar you just handled your anger better than he did and were more emotional.

He looks at you a little surprised by your outburst. "Yes I'm serious its not my problem he left after screwing us over" This causes you to walk straight up to him and punch him in the face. The skin and bone that hits your knuckles hurt but damn does it satisfy you. Dean doesn't try to even hit back. Not that he has the time too because your already speaking to him in such a tone that would make anyone shiver.

Looking up at him you defend your boyfriend who wouldnt do it himself because he cares to much about what dean and everyone else thinks of him. "Castiel does his best to keep the two of you safe. Yes does he sometimes fail but so have you guys. You have been too late to save Sam and vice versa. Hell other poeple have died to save your asses. Castiel has done so much good for you, for us, for the world. He turned his back on the angels and god himself after he spent who knows how many years he has spent loyal to them. He stays awake for days just to make sure there is always a way that all of this ends well for all of us. So ill be damned if you ever speak that way to him or about him like that again. Next time you ever tell him that he is the cause of all the shit things that have happened you will be on the floor"

Dean who is your best friend just stares at you. As if he is contemplating on what to say but turns out he doesn't have to cause Sam had heard everything and he clears his throat. Turning your head you look over at him and Sam and he is giving you a apologetic look. "y/n Dean he just-" you cut him off by shaking your head and grabbing your bag. "don't try to apologize for him."

When you get to the door you look back "I love you boys. You guys are my family but ill be damned if you talk to someone that i love like that."

-----

When you get your things into the car you start to head home. You could only hope that Castiel would be there. He wasn't home often because he was always out and you were always helping someone with something but you knew he wasn't feeling the greatest right now.

Your angel he wasn't fragile by any means because man did he look good beating the shit out of someone. However that doesn't mean that he doesn't feel things, he's an emotional man and you love that about him because so are you. he's better at keeping them in check than you are but you wanted to spend tonight taking care of him.

As you arrive to your cabin that the both of you had found empty a few months ago during a case you cant help but just hope that he was there somewhere. When you walk in and close the door there's no sign of life anywhere. "damnit Cas"

Walking to your bedroom you put your bag down and then go back down to the kitchen and make a sandwich for you and for Cas. Even with knowing that he didn't have to eat you still liked to include him and he would also always go along with it just to spend time with you. Once you place the sandwiches on a plate you close your eyes and you begin to speak to your boyfriend hoping he would come to you.

Taking a deep breath you begin "Castiel, my angel, come home please. I made food and can put on a movie" You weren't really good with words something in common you had with the Winchester brother but you hoped it was enough.

When you open your eyes to see he hadn't come a sigh leaves you and you go and pick out a movie to watch. One that you have watched hundreds of times but haven't seen in a while. So as you sit down you hear a voice from the door way. "y/n"

Your name that's the only thing you need to hear to know that he isn't doing well. The way his voice is strained as if he had been forcing so many emotions down. Looking over you see how small he looks as if the world is weighing on his shoulders. As you place down your plate of sandwiches you hold out your arms and he walks to you and sits beside you resting his head on your chest. "Castiel I'm so sorry"

He shakes his head and then looks at you and kisses your cheek "its not your fault. He is right I should have found better ways to help instead of-" You place your hands on his and squeeze them "don't think like that. You did everything right you cant control everything. Not even god himself can"

In return he squeezes your hand "I just hate that I cant do more. But I don't know what else to do. I'm so lost" You bring your hands to the sides of his face gently and nods. "well how about we eat and watch this movie. Let us both relax for a little while hm?"

"yeah that would be fine" He sits back and gets comfortable then you yourself get comfortable and play the movie. As it starts to play you hear a small laugh escape from the man behind you. "How to lose a guy in 10 days again really?"

"you love this movie and you know it" The angel smirks at your words and throughout the movie his eyes never leave the screen while your mind runs a thousand miles per minute. Even as you start to fall asleep but before you do you place a soft kiss to his lips. "you know i would do anything for you right?" He nods "i know y/n. Sam told me what you did after i left. You didnt have to"

A scoff escapes you as your hand rests on his side. "i know i didnt have to but Dean had no right coming at you like that"

"Dean means well he just. i dont know. we will figure it out tomorrow. Right now you need sleep" he says and you nod in response and close your eyes.

[dotthings]

Finally!!! Some light and hope returns to S7. Made it through the Casless stretch to 7.17.

Some thoughts on Dean and Cas:

Dean's quest to save Sam leads him back to Cas. The mysterious breeze (we know who that is) shows Dean the taxidermy guy's card, and he tells Dean about Emanuel.

"Screw Cas" -- because Cas knocked down Sam's wall and then abandoned them, by dying, or so Dean thought, so Dean's still angry and hurt. Trying not to care, but he still cares

Oh the staring when they are face to face again. Dean cannot seem to stop staring at Cas. That's not me being poetic with a headcanon exaggeration, that's what's on the screen, I didn't make the rules.

Dean watches Daphne and Emanuel a little bit like how Cas watched Dean and Anna kiss. Less furtive. But the open-eyed wounded baby seal longing sense of wonder on Dean's face is stabbing me in the heart.

"What's your issue" -- how much time do you have Emanuel? Okay, in simple terms, Sam needs help. But the things Dean doesn't say is you!! you are my issue I loved you and you betrayed me and then died and I'm not okay I didn't want to lose you and I'm still mad but glad to see you again and I'm a mess and I've been angry grieving, that's my freakin' issue!!!

The golden-amber light washing over Dean and Emanuel's faces in the car. Light washing over Dean with Cas's return, first invented in S7.

Dean's treading carefully. He wants Cas back, he also doesn't want to disturb Emanuel's peace. And Dean's still upset and hurt and angry and not over it but also he's glad to see Cas again. Dean's going through it. And Dean can open up to Emanuel in ways he's not ready to with Cas. "You're angry...he betrayed you." "Yeah, well, he's gone....I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. You know. Whatever it was. Might take me some time but I always could. What Cas did--I just can't, I don't know why." YES I WONDER WHY THAT IS WHY DOES IT MATTER WHY DOES IT CUT SO DEEP "Well, it doesn't matter why." "Of course it matters." "No. You're not a machine, Dean. You're human." THERE IT IS. After a series of characters telling Dean to suck it up and deal, Emanuel is the one who looks at him and sees Dean's vulnerability and humanity and says it's okay. Some part of Cas is Emanuel, even if he has amnesia, it's instinct, it's things Cas wouldn't be able to open up and say, not at this point, but that he believes. Cas sees Dean even if he doesn't know himself right now.

"Now picture Crowley with his hands on harmless little amnesia Cas" -- soooo interesting how Meg tries to play Dean's worry for Cas into inveigling what she wants. She knows some things.

Dean's pissed at the idea of Meg using Emanuel and turning him back into "an angel sized weapon." He wants to do this carefully. He needs Emanuel to fix Sam, but he doesn't want Cas harmed or his peace shattered. This is Dean trying to let Cas rake leaves.

Dean also seems incredibly annoyed by Meg sidling up to Emanuel and trying to flirt. Protective. Jealous even.

"You just met yourself. I've known you for years." The way that's worded. Dean doesn't just say "I already knew you." He says for years. They've been through a lot. It's like Dean is feeling all of it.

Dean is finally persuaded, for Sam's sake, to let Emanuel break out the angel mojo, but he's reluctant. Knowing what this could do to Cas, the pain he'll experience if his memories return.

That SPN used Turn Into Earth by the Yardbirds, which was the band who became Led Zeppelin, for a music video montage of Cas's memories returning, where Dean is prominently featured in 98% of the images. ACTUAL THINGS SPN CANON DID. Making a Destiel fanvid and stuck it in an episode. Okay.

Where did Dean's anger fly off to? "If you remember then you know you did the best you could at the time." He doesn't think Cas is a bad guy. "Don't defend me." -- Cas has always taken responsibility for his screw ups. Always. And takes a lot on himself to atone. That is how the character has been and he's like that all the way through. And he comes back to fix it.

Dean pulling Cas's trenchcoat out of the trunk of the junker of the week and handing it to Cas. Dean kept it!!!! He didn't just stick it in storage, he moved it from junker to junker, for months, keeping the last piece of Cas Dean had left with him and Sam. The ep that aired isn't even as sentimental as the cut scene--the dialogue we saw in a promo "something in me always knew you'd come back"--yet it's unhinged enough as it is!!!!

"I should never have broken your wall, Sam. I'm here to make it right." Cas always tries to make it right.

Dean doesn't know what's going on as Cas walks over to Sam, and asks "Cas, what are you doing" a bit alarmed. Dean wanted Cas to fix Sam, and they both at first Cas could with just a touch to rebuild the wall, but the wall's crumbled. And there's only one way--for Cas to absorb Sam's Lucifer hallucination. It's Cas's decision, and it's done before Dean can even try to stop it. While Dean of course is glad Sam is okay--that's not how Dean wanted to get there.

At the time it seemed a bit cold that Sam and Dean parked mentally ill Cas at the asylum and left--we'd only just gotten Cas back on the show and he gets shoved off screen again. But there are contractual things--Misha was signed for a 4 ep arc. Looking at it in-story, Dean says he's worried they can't protect Cas, with all that's out there, between Crowley's demons and the leviathans, and Dean says they should leave Cas where he's safe. Watched over by one of their former enemies--but Meg is the only resource they've got who can do it and she's at least playing at being an ally and she does seem to like Cas. It's again Dean's version of letting Cas rake leaves, keeping him safe.

[shallowrambles]

It's fascinating to me how much I've changed my mind about Dean in The Trap. I'm waaaaay more sympathetic to the whole Cas-being-forgiven aspect of it, because yes, Cas apologized initially, but the root of the issue was Cas's painful withdrawal of his partnership and his withholding of critical information. Full stop. He and Dean are NOT equally culpable in this one.

It's not just about Mary and Jack, and yet Cas keeps pivoting to "Dean blaming him for Mary." Which oversimplifies the whole thing in a terrible way. Yes, they're all culpable, and yes they all saw that things were wrong with Jack, but next to Donatello, Cas is THE authority on souls and physically the strongest of TFW. To make matters worse, he all but demanded Dean to parent Jack and take care of Jack's emotions, even though Dean expressed discomfort over his memories of soulless Sam. Dean has repeatedly expressed how he wants Cas to be open and honest with him, especially now that they're co-parenting, and although Cas demanded Dean parent Jack, he then turned around and hid Big Parenting Stuff from him and went off to meet Anael.

Barring Cas's one feeble and poorly-timed, "I tried to fix it on my own because I was afraid of losing this family," he doesn't really spell out his part in the communication failures or apologize very well for withdrawing from Dean, specifically. He sorts of sulls up and say, "I already apologized and I'm not doing it again." Yet, Cas has a continued, longstanding pattern of withdrawal from the partnership. I'm floored that my Cas goggles kept me from seeing it before, and maybe I'm a little embarrassed, too. I mean, honestly, it's amazing that Dean takes him back at all. :/ Once you look past, "Oh no! Dean said mean things!" anyway.

I think by The Trap, Dean has given up trying to get Cas to change or hold him accountable for his lack of communication. Cas sort of gave Dean ultimatums over it, if you squint, and Dean rolled over. And Dean wants to get back together. He needs Cas's support and Cas need his. He looks at everything Cas is and decides that Cas's avoidance and want to protect the family is just woven into the fabric of him, and Dean decides to accept that. It's something he loves about him as much as he resents it. Cas's chivalry is a feature and a bug. Dean loves him for it. It makes his life a Hell sometimes.

Occasionally, I still see people harping on how horrible Dean was for "forgiving" Cas, like Cas doesn't need to be forgiven. And with some distance and clarity, I find that pretty baffling now, but I also remember feeling that way when I wasn't looking at their partnership equally and giving Cas too much leeway on his continued absence from the partnership. I almost...respected Cas more. That thought makes me wince. But his bad decisions I was way more likely to stamp as protective or tactically genius, at least compared to some of Dean's similar decisions. Dean's things I tended to group as "too angry/emotional/irrational." :(

I guess I've come a long way when it comes to holding Sam and Cas accountable for their actions, too. Much of the time, my issues with Dean devolved to unfortunate tone policing or not liking him to express his anger and be angry at his boundaries being breached over and over, even when he was taking his anger out on inanimate objects. I balked just because it made a loud sound that made Sam wince (oh noes, not the wincing).

///

On the other hand, I'm quite impressed that Dean and Cas were finding their way back to each other after the Death of a Child. That's about the hardest thing a marriage can go through, and they were getting back together and trying to heal even before Jack reappeared. Clearly, it's a stress-tested relationship. WAY more stress-tested than your everyday marriages; they've been through multiple apocalypses. On the whole, they often have good communication, even when they disagree, they knew where they stood (like with Donatello). It's just these huge, incredibly unusual horrible earth-shatteringly terrible things that throw them. Chuck's grooming is such a bitch.

[delulu4dean]

“Five Gum…”

Warnings: idk, cringe outdated pop culture references. Gender neutral terms(just wanting you so you don’t get like confused <3 )

Pairings: Cas X autistic!reader(platonic), Dean x child!reader

Summary: Castiel is hanging out with Dean’s autistic child, and they have a lot in common.

Word Count: 1,278

Your dad, Dean Winchester, is out on a hunting trip with your Uncle Sammy. He left you alone with Castiel. You don’t know what Castiel is to your dad, they say they’re best friends, but the way they look at each other says more.

You didn’t mind being at the bunker with Cas though. Out of everyone, you got along with him the most. You had some sort of mutual understanding that Sam and Dean don’t get. You assumed it’s because Castiel didn’t know much about human interaction, social cues, pop culture references, and you were well, autistic. Your dad has made the joke that you and Castiel tilt your head the same way when you’re confused, and both don’t understand his sarcasm, and how even though your Dean’s kid, you’re a mini-Cas.

“So what are we doing today?” Castiel asks you.

“I know my dad is protective, but you really don’t need to babysit me, I’m 18. I am an adult,” you explain to Castiel.

“That’s not why he leaves me with you, he just doesn’t want you to get lonely.”

You nod, understanding. Today you’re probably going to do what you and Cas always do, exist next to each other while doing your own things. He’ll be reading something, you’ll be drawing something, and occasionally you two will look at each other, and ask how it’s going. It’s always worked that way.

And that is what you do today. You both go to the library together, Castiel picks out a book, you pull out your sketchbook, and you start doing what you learned is called “parallel play.” At least that’s what it’s called in kids, but you figured the term can be applied here too. You start sketching away as Castiel looks at you, narrowing his eyes.

“You wear that jacket all the time, why?” he asks.

“It brings me comfort. You wear that trench coat all the time, even indoors when you don’t need to. Why is that?” you throw the question right back at him.

“I suppose it also brings me some sense of comfort,” he concludes.

You nod, satisfied with his answer, and go back to sketching, as he goes back to his book. The only sounds filling the room are Castiel’s occasional page flipping, and your constant scribbling. This goes on for half an hour, only to be interrupted by your stomach erupting in hunger. Castiel does not say a word, as he gets up and goes to the bunker’s kitchen, and comes back with a prepackaged peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

“Oh thanks. When did we get these?” you raise an eyebrow.

“I got them the last time I went grocery shopping with your dad. He said you were having trouble eating because the foods we’ve been getting weren’t the right texture, and I remember when I was human I loved peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, you can never go wrong with them. But I know you sometimes just want ready made food, and when I saw these in the freezer section, I told Dean to get them.”

A smile comes across your face as you open the packaging and take a bite. These prepackaged peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were one of your safe foods, your other one being boxed mac and cheese. You bounce happily as you eat, something you do whenever you’re eating food you really like. And if it’s super good, you’ll kick your feet a little too.

You lick your fingers after you finish your sandwich, and sign “thank you” in ASL, something you do when you don’t feel like talking much. It’s a thing you do with everyone, you’ve taught them basic signs like “yes” or “no” or “please” or “thank you” or “food” or “water” to communicate when you don’t feel like talking.

“No problem,” Cas responds, smiling at you.

You nod and get back to your little activity while Castiel gets back to his. The silence is nice, you get to focus on you sketch, which is a picture of Castiel sitting down in his chair, reading. You occasionally glance up at him, getting the details you need, but you’re not going for realism. You have your own cartoonish art style and you’re drawing Castiel in it. Once you finish, you show him, and a big smile appears on his face as he puts down his book.

“You drew that? That’s me,” he says, and you nod. “I love it.”

You smile and start putting your art supplies away, as he goes back to reading. You clean up your space and put everything back in your room, before returning to Cas. You look over his shoulder at the book he’s reading, trying to not disturb him. He flips through the pages as he reads. But the page flipping and the silence get too much.

“Dicks out for Harambe,” you blurt out, not thinking.

Castiel once again sets his book down, this time not intending to pick it back up, as he looks up at you concerned. You didn’t think before speaking, but being on the internet you hear this phrase a lot. So you said it, and now Castiel is concerned.

“Who is Harambe and why are we exposing ourselves for him,” Castiel asks.

You think for a moment, wanting to answer him, but there’s no way to answer him without sounding stupid and insane. You take a deep breath, giggling a little at the thought of explaining “dicks out for Harambe” to Castiel.

“It’s an internet thing. This gorilla, Harambe, was killed, so we uh, expose ourselves, as you put it, to pay respects to him,” you attempt at an answer but Castiel furrows his eyebrows, getting even more confused.

“How is that paying respect?”

“Well it isn’t… it’s a joke…”

“I thought jokes were supposed to be funny,” he bluntly says.

“It is… to younger people I guess,” you shrug.

“And you said it because…?”

“I said it to fill the silence.”

Cas takes a moment to think, nodding, taking in what you just explained. He then takes his phone out and types away and you look at him, waiting for him to say or do something. He pats the seat next to him and you sit and look at his phone. It’s one of those fruit sensory videos on TikTok that you got Castiel into. Not the baby videos(well they are the baby videos) but the ones to popular music. You and Castiel watched as blueberries and strawberries bounce around the screen to Lincoln Park’s “Numb.”

“Why are we watching this?” you finally ask.

“You seemed like you needed something stimulating to watch or listen to,” Cas answers you.

“That reminds me,” you say, running to your room to grab something quick.

✰✰✰✰✰

Sam and Dean walk into the bunker, and as soon as they see everything, they just look around, confused. The ground is covered in bubble wrap, and the map table is full of Pop-it fidgets. You look up at your uncle and dad, as you and Cas run around barefoot on the bubble wrap, playing with the fidgets.

“What are you doing?” Dean asks.

You look up at him, with an innocent smile on your face.

“Five gum!” you yell at him, throwing a pop-it fidget at him, and he catches it. “Stimulate your senses!”

“I think they are making a joke, because this is a way to stimulate our feeling sense, which is something people on the spectrum often do,” Castiel explains to Dean.

“Yeah, I know what they meant, Cas,” Dean chuckles. “You two have fun while we were gone?”

You and Cas both nod.

✰✰✰✰✰

A/N sorry if this is silly, I’m autistic and Kin cas so I thought it would be fun to do Cas and Dean’s autistic kid. But autism is a spectrum! While this may be how autism is for me, it doesn’t represent everyone with autism :)

[hexedwinchester]

How come u dont love Sam protecter and older brother Dean🥹

By Sam own words Dean raised him, a-lot of the good qualities that Sam has he got from Dean. Yeah Sam childhood wasn't the best, but he was deeply loved by Dean, i believe this love helped overcome many obstacles in his life.

In fact again by Sam own words, Deans love and protection is the only thing he could always count on.

I am not saying Dean is perfect, but who is ? To say that Sam needed protection from Dean sounds odd, where Dean is literally his home and the only place he feels safe.

hi @rosedark88

Interesting question and perspective you have offered.. this would be fun to analyse 😊

Before I start, let me be honest: I'm not Dean's biggest fan because I find a lot of his actions to be problematic. Please proceed with caution: you may not like the answer but I'll break it down as logically as I can. (Please remember, this is not a hate post)

Yes, I agree Dean has been Sam's protector (but only until early seasons. I'll explain what I mean) and he did raise him but time and again Dean has confessed if not to others, then his own subconscious that he hated having to carry that burden. He has let it slip that he is bitter about having to raise Sam (which I can understand, it wasn't fair) but I've seen him pretends otherwise which is two-faced IMO. (He confesses this in S03E10 Dream A Little Dream of Me when he is facing himself, in case you are looking for a reference.)

He is also a hypocrite with repressed emotions. He says he admires his dad but deep down he too resented him but he still gave Sam shit about him because Sam was just more blunt about his opinion of John unlike Dean. Again, in the same episode he says "my dad was an obsessed bastard. All that crap about keeping Sam safe was his crap." See what I mean?

Continuing on the hypocrisy, his whole agenda of "what's dead should stay dead" is gone for a toss when he makes that deal the first time to save Sam in S2. He gave Sam a lot of shit for trusting Ruby because she's a demon (unfortunate for Sam she had bad intentions) but Dean trusted Benny, Gadreel, Crowley and Cas when all of these guys have broken his trust later. But we don't see Sam bringing that shit up like Dean tends to.

Let's also not forget that Dean berated Sam for getting Charlie killed over the Book of the Damned but apparently no one cares that his manipulation got Kevin killed too? Do you see the double standards here?

Speaking of saving Sam, every single time he has done something apocalyptic to save Sam, it was for selfish reasons. The main reason is because Dean struggles to let go, to move on. He'd rather drag a zombie Sam around than let the man die. Even you have to agree there's some truth in that.

Dean hated that Sam left for college and it wasn't because he was afraid something might get to him. No, it was because he saw that as Sam's betrayal. That Sam picked college over him.

Now, coming to your question about why Sam needs protection from Dean his apparent 'savior'? Yes, Dean is willing to do anything to "save Sam" from every evil thing out there but that's the whole problem. Why even Billie doesn't like the Winchesters because these guys are willing to risk the destruction of the whole world to save each other which isn't right.

let's look at those grave "save Sam" moments and see what's wrong with those pictures:

Sam's first death in S2: Dean bought himself one way ticket to Hell to bring Sam back because he didn't want to keep doing this without Sam (he confesses this in his monologue to Sam's corpse and also in the Croaton episode when he finds out Sam is infected and doesn't leave). Dean is literally nobody without Sam and I'm not saying this. This is who Dean is. Sam is Dean's essence for survival. So Dean saved Sam for himself putting Sam through the same ordeal that John put Dean through. Dean passes on his trauma to Sam like a hand me down.

Sam's detox: Bobby tried to knock sense into him that it's probably the cold turkey thing that's killing Sam. I know Dean was trying to help him but I doubt he knew the right way to do so. Even when he realised his method would kill Sam, he was okay letting him suffer like that until he died (because then at least he dies human). I'm sorry that's not how you deal with someone with addiction problem. Despite everything, Sam is still willing to work with Dean but he can't get over Sam choosing Ruby and calls Sam a monster.

In season 6, the brothers realise something is off about Sam. At the end of the episode 'You Can't Handle the Truth' Sam comes clean that he felt different since he was brought back and he needs help to figure it out and how does Dean help him? By beating him unconscious, tying him to the chair like he is a monster? The way he talks to Sam in that scene: "you better hope he (Cas) can diagnose you. he asks, you answer and then you shut your cakehole". So Sam isn't allowed to talk about his own body? Oh wait I know, he's not, not when Dean said so.

In Season 8, he impersonates Amelia, sending Sam SOS just so he can he rendevous with Benny? Amelia was a shore in his Sam's storm. He loved her and deeply cared for her. To let him think something happened to her was cruel. Especially given how Sam's past relationships ended up his beloveds dying horrifically. Who plays such sick mind games? And to your own brother??!

Season 9, my favourite, the one that completely dissolved the rose tinted glasses that the show created for Dean: Manipulating Sam into saying yes to be possessed by an angel (an angel you know nothing of) knowing Sam's history of possession, that was just sick. Sam wanted to die. He was ready. If Dean wanted to save him, the least he could do was be honest about it. Not manipulate him into saying yes. But he didn't. He resorted to manipulation because he knew Sam would rather die than be possessed. Something that people fail to understand here is 'the idea of possession' is a hard limit for Sam. But Dean has no regard for it because in his head "he did what he had to and he won't even apologize for that". I'm sorry, that's the biggest red flag to me. I don't care if you have raised me, protected me and kept me safe only for you to stab me where I'm the most vulnerable. You are no different than all those evil things out to hurt me. That's why I love Sam for standing his ground and not forgiving Dean for this. He was right to say he didn't want to be brothers. If my siblings betrayed me like that, I'd leave too.

And whenn in Season 9 finale, Dean wanted to go off to kill metatron on his own, Sam wanted to tag along but what's dean's response? Punch him into unconsciousness and leave him on the street like that? All vulnerable for any monster to attack him? Really?! How is this protecting? Ya maybe metatron won't kill him but something else still might!

Oh and in Season 15, Dean pulled a gun on Sam and mind you he under no dark influence. This was all him. I'm not even going to elaborate further on this.

I can list at least 10 occasions where Dean has hit, punched, beat up Sam but Sam hasn't fought back. And that's not even what bothers me the most. It's the fact that Sam doesn't look surprised (meaning Dean beaten him before and I so believe he has and it's a frequent, almost business as usual like) or he looks scared (I'll try to find that gif where Sam is on the ground putting his hands before his face to protect himself against Dean). Dean is abusive when he is angry.

Something you said in the ask that struck me odd. What qualities did Sam learn from Dean? Let's see some of Sam's core good qualities:

Emotional intelligence

Forgiving

Compassionate

Empathetic

Selflessness

Determination

Self awareness

Open mindedness

Authencity

Dean is not known for any of the above qualities, so I disagree he learnt his good qualities from Dean. Dean has an emotional intelligence of a wooden plank. He holds grudges and isn't nearly as forgiving as Sam is. Compassion and empathy are not Dean's qualities either. Dean is selfish. His first thought is how to use someone to his advantage. He did that with Cas, Crowley, even Jack. I've seen Dean give up more often. His "I can't keep doing this", "why is it our job to save everyone", "who says I want to do this?" are all indicators of this. Self-awareness tends to dwell in his blindspot. I've said this before, Dean is black and white, Sam is grey area meaning Sam is more open minded than Dean. My favourite: nothing about Dean is original. His leather jacket? John's. His car? John's. His music? John's. His life motto? Also John's. Whereas Sam has been authentic, true to himself than Dean ever could. Did Sam learn hunting from Dean? Yes. Loyalty? Yes. But neither of these are Sam's core qualities. So I disagree that Sam's good qualities come from Dean. If anything, his good qualities are actually him trying not to be like Dean.

Sam can count on Dean's love and protection because he has been conditioned to since he was 6 months old. First by his father and then by Dean himself either through emotional abuse (he keeps reminding him about how his decisions always end up with someone dying or gaslighting him into guilt tripping on things outside his control) or downright physical beatings. The Winchesters have dysfunctional family and relationships. Again, remember Sam is the forgiving one in this relationship. In fact Sam is forgiving to a fault and that's what this is. It doesn't make Dean's actions right just because Sam has been forgiving them.

To summarise, here why I feel Sam needs protection from Dean:

Dean saves Sam only because he doesn't know how to live without him. That's not normal. He has done crazy shit to "save him" resulting in causing Sam more trauma

He quickly lashes out (often resulting in verbal or physical violence) because of his repressed emotions and poor anger management

He has verbally and physically hurt Sam either by calling him a monster or saying he doesn't trust him or by beating him unconscious on multiple occasions

he is controlling, bossy and threatening. "If didn't know you, I'd want to hunt you." Sorry, if I were Sam, I wouldn't feel very safe

Dean doesn't see the wrong in his action or worse, even when he knows he is wrong, he is too stubborn to apologise for that. Everything is shoved under "I did what I had to" or "I'm not apologizing for saving you".

Dean has manipulated Sam and gaslit him

His whole "this is a dictatorship" comes across as a red flag which takes me to my next point:

He never treated Sam as his equal. Don't see how that counts as love

Dean was mad at Sam in DSOTM because Sam's happy memories (that Sam wasn't in control of and the whole situation was probably rigged. I mean, Zachariah cosied up with Mary's image for god's sake) didn't involve Dean. The idea that Sam can have a life outside Dean has never sat well with him

He has locked Sam in the panic room on at least 3 occasions. Sam hasn't done that even once

Sorry, but Dean is not a poster boy for love and protection. When I look at a character, I not only analyse their actions but also try to understand why they acted the way they did. In Dean's case, the why has always been problematic.

Dean's intentions maybe good but his actions don't always align. His philosophy has always been "if the means justify the end" but I don't stand by it. This is what makes room for immoral, tyrant and corrupt actions and an excuse to hide you wrong doings behind those.

These are my views on why I feel Sam needed to be saved from Dean. You may or may not agree and it's fine either ways 😊

Damn! That was lengthy. But thanks for this interesting ask, it was fun! 😇

[narrynukezankielover]

If you are a Jared or Sam fan please don’t read this. If you are a Jared or Sam fan and you leave a comment I will block you without reading it so don’t bother. The end of season 6 (ep 20, 21 and 22) seems like a turning point for Destiel to me. Maybe I’ve read too many gay fan fics but it just seems like their relationship changed in these eps. Like before this point they obviously had feelings for each other but they both thought it was a crush and they both thought it would go away. Then in these eps it feels like because of the storyline they both kinda accepted their own feeling but too afraid to say anything.

In The Man Who Would Be King (think that’s right) from the very beginning of the ep there was a difference in the boys.

They were lying to each other and couldn’t even look each other in the eyes.

It looked like it was physically hurting Dean to lie to Cas and to even think that Cas was lying to him. He’s been lied to before usually by Sam and he gets pissed off but this isn’t a hurt by your brother look.

If Cas is just a friend to both Dean and Sam why is it that Sam had no problem believing Cas could lie to them and go behind their backs (that to me isn’t even friend behaviour) yet Dean defended Cas. I find it funny that Cas and Dean think they are hiding their feelings yet Bobby and Sam had to question Dean to find out what he said to Cas so obviously they know what affect they have on each other and that it’s not just friendship.

“You’re distracted.” “I’m holding up my end.” “Yes but what else are you holding up. The stench of that impala is all over your over coat angel.” So Crowley thinks Cas and Dean are haveing sex in the car by the sounds of it. I just found this funny considering only a few eps before the angel told Dean Cas was in love with him.

The fact that Cas was loosing his mind yet he still had to protect Dean and yet again he protected Dean first before Bobby and Sam and there was a small pause before he said “my friend.” It was like he wasn’t sure what to call Dean. Even at the end when Dean called Cas his family I think it surprised him. As soon as Dean said family Cas looked shocked. I think sometimes in the season he thought Dean just called him because he needed help not for any other reason and then knowing Dean thinks of him as family really surprised him. I know Dean said Cas was like a brother to him but I think he just didn’t know how to express his feeling without actually saying the truth and that was the easiest thing to say.

The moment tho that for me it all changed was when Cas was in the oil fire. Dean told Cas to look his in the eyes. It sounded like I know Bobby and Sam are here too but how could you do this to me. I’m different from them.

They both looked like they were trying not to cry. Both their eyes were glassy. Even Dean looking back at Cas before he left was emotional. He didn’t want to leave Cas in that fire. That whole scene to me was them admitting the truth to themselves.

In ep 21 I can’t believe how emotional this scene was. Like all Dean said was that Cas and Crowley can kiss his ass. Cas looks so hurt and scared and Dean has to actually put his hand up to his mouth to stop from crying.

I find it interesting that this is when they choose to get Lisa and Ben out of Deans life. I’m happy that they finally did it but it’s just interesting timeing. They could’ve done it at any point but no they chose to do it during this very Destiel episode.

I’ve heard that whenever Cas dies (which I’ve also heard is quite a few times) Dean gets depressed and suicidal. I guess in The New Boss was the beginning of it. I’m pretty sure drinking that much alcohol and watching Asian cartoon porn is considered depressed.

When Cas went to the church and the homophobic priest was trying to tell the people how god hates gay people and Cas says “your wrong. I’m utterly indifferent to sexual orientation.” They didn’t have to have the priest talk about gay people but they did. Then Cas confirming his opinion on it.

Then when they were trying to get death to kill Cas (I’m not convinced Dean would’ve let him actually do that) when death said there was more then just souls in Cas Dean looks worried for Cas. If he was willing to let death kill him he wouldn’t have been so worried.

Every time in these eps that Cas came it was always to talk to Dean never to talk to Sam. He didn’t care what Sam thought he just wanted Dean to understand what he was doing. Even when he thought he was going to die he was trying to make up with Dean. Bobby was in the room and Sam was in the building but it was Dean he wanted to make up with and it was Dean he said he was going to redeem himself to. He f*cked over a lot of people but he didn’t say I’m going to redeem myself to everyone or even you guys (as in Dean, Bobby and Sam). It was just Dean.

Last thing I think this was the first time I ever seen Dean choosing to save someone other than Sam first. When Dean went to get Sam and seen the jar of blood on the floor he had no idea what happened to Sam. Any other time he would’ve went back to Bobby with the blood and told Bobby to handle it so he could go find Sam but this time he chose to stay and save Cas. Even when those monsters took over Cas body Dean told Bobby to go get Sam. By the sounds of it he is starting to put Cas ahead of Sam. I like that.

[sastielsfandom]

The Rain Is Our Playground

Dean was singing to himself, using his beer as a microphone when Castiel teleported into the room. Glancing around, they noticed Sam, or rather the lack of Sam.

"Where is Sam?" They asked, startling Dean, who spilt his beer on himself.

He groaned and muttered something under his breath, "Fuck, would you stop doing that?"

"Doing what?" Castiel asked, walking forward, still searching for Sam.

"Poofing in scaring the crap out of me," Dean berated, "You know it's pretty fucked up to do that to a guy with a heart condition."

"Your heart is fully healed, you have no conditions." Castiel told him, they made sure of it when they resurrected him.

"Still." Dean said, grabbing something to clean his shirt, Castiel waved a hand, restoring the shirts cleanliness.

"Sam?" They asked again, Dean sat back into his chair, nodding him head towards the window.

"He's out in the rain jumping in puddles and shit," Dean picked up his beer again, when he looked back up, Castiel was already gone.

---

"Sam," Castiel greeted, the young man was holding an umbrella that got shifted towards the angels presence.

Sam smiled at the angel, "Hey, Cas." Sam's gaze went back to the rainfall hitting the messy lot. The sound of rain hitting the metal became background noise to Castiel, while Sam focused on the soothing sound.

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked, stepping closer to Sam who was trying to angle the umbrella towards them. Not that it was necessary as Castiel's wing was blocking the rain in another plane.

Sam shrugged, "Staying away from Dean, he's well, he's being an ass right now."

"I noticed," Castiel agreed, Sam laughed, and nodded.

"Yeah, he's actually calmed, but just that and wanted some air," Sam told them, his posture looked relaxed and happy. But also soaked.

Castiel looked at the muddy clothing and at the puddles surrounding them, "Dean said you were jumping in puddles."

"He pushed me into one," Sam said, glancing at the house, shaking his head, "but no, I haven't been jumping in them."

"Oh," Castiel said, it did make more sense with the coverage of mud over Sam jumping into puddles.

Sam could practically hear the gears turning in Castiel's head, "Do you want me to?"

The angel looked around, it was an intriguing idea, "I've never seen it."

"Have you ever jumped in a puddle before?" Sam asked, and the angel shook their head. Taking the angels hand, Sam dropped the umbrella, rain still going around the two, and led the angel to a puddle.

"This one isn't deep," Sam said, letting go of the angels hand, "here, watch." Immediately jumping into it, causing a splash that would've hit Castiel if they allowed it.

Castiel watched curiously for a moment, jumping into the puddle next to Sam, allowing the water to sink into their clothes. Letting the mud coat their shoes and pants.

Sam's smile lit up the stormy clouds as they raced to another puddle, jumping in it, kicking the water up into the air, laughing as Sam lost his footing and fell in. Just to grab Castiel and drag them down with him.

The two were a muddy mess, Castiel had to let the rain fall upon them in a desperate attempt to clean their faces.

They bounced from puddle to puddle, spinning around, splashing as much as they could, trying to get the other messier than the other. Sam had never seen Castiel smile so brightly as they kicked the water up towards him.

"I swear if you two start dancing in the rain I'm going to puke," Dean said, gathering both of their attention. Leaning against a wall on the porch, protected from the rain as he sipped his beer.

Sam raised an eyebrow to his brother, "Is that a promise? Why are you watching us anyway?"

"Because," Dean said with a shrug.

Sam rolled his eyes and waved him off, "Well go do something."

"Nah," Dean said, "bothering you is fun."

Sam looked at the angel, "Cas?"

"Yes?" The angel asked, inspecting the hunters expression.

Dean recognized the smile, "Have you ever danced in the rain?"

Castiel looked at Dean and back at Sam, "Can't say I have."

"Would you like to?" Sam proposed, offering a hand out to the angel.

Castiel took it, "I'd love to."

Sam held one of Castiel's hands, his other hand pressed against the angels back, Castiel following suit with their other free hand. The two stepped close together, leaving no free space in between them.

"Oh come on," Dean exclaimed, "no no, break it up, leave room for Jesus, God dammit." He told them, which both found an odd statement coming from Dean of all people, and ignored it.

"Nah," Sam told him, "this angel has the space covered."

To Sam's surprise, the angel did know a basic one-two step, and even spun Sam around, pulling him back into their arms. Sam thought that was the end of it until the angel dipped Sam, following the direction, their faces incredibly close to one another.

The angel pulled Sam a little closer, their was a moment where they thought to pull away, but the hopeful look in Sam's eyes were too much to ignore. They captured Sam's lips, Sam kissing them back, even as Dean shouted in the background, "There goes my lunch, I need bleach."

The door opened and closed, only then did either pull back, but they remained close, "Was that to get him to go away?"

"Yes, partially," Castiel admitted.

"The other part?" Sam asked, trying to keep his hope down.

The angel smiled softly at the hunter, "I never kissed someone in the rain."

[ezra-editss]

"Dean doesn't reciprocate" MY ASS

I'm just kinda gonna write down my thoughts about this. I'm in season 7 now, I know what happens in the very last episode, but nothing else so I don't read any posts about the show here yet :) (just so yk and don't accidentally spoiler me) Oh and I do this mostly out of memory and some notes that I took, so this might be a little chaotic :,)

Okay, so the whole season 6 fight was crazy to me. The way Cas was watching while Dean kept on defending him. And he knew how much Dean trusted him. ("The worst part was Dean. He was trying so hard to be loyal, with every instinct telling him otherwise.") It hurt him, but the whole time he was, again, protecting Dean. And yes, he hurt Dean, but I think it was as bad for Cas to hurt Dean, as for Dean to be hurt.

Then, Dean apologizing for the others? They (thought they) were wrong and Dean had kept on trusting Cas, so why was it him who apologized? Because he knew it meant more to Cas when he did it? Idk.

Cas wasn't able to lie when he looked in Dean's eyes.. come on? Also, the fact Dean wasn't actually mad when he found out was really interesting. He was just extremely sad. Yes, his trust got broken and maybe he was just tired of it all, but it didn't seem like that to me, I felt like he usually got madder.

I love how they always share those sad looks when they go apart after the fights btw, such a best buddys thing to do.

It was really hard for both of them. We can see that Dean can't sleep that night and that Cas comes back to talk to him alone, because it only matters to him that Dean understands.

Oh and the "I'm doing this for you, Dean." I don't even need to explain his motives, because he reveals them himself.

Then the scene from my edit. (at the top) (it's kinda laggy, bc it's slow-motion, but anyways) They both have teary eyes a lot, but this is different. Dean turns aways because he knows he's gonna cry and Cas disappears before he really starts crying, but they are both fuckin crying about this. They're both just sad and want this to end. Even when Dean said he's gonna stop him and so on, it was way less threatening than usually. And Cas kept coming back when Dean was in danger.

But Dean still cared as well. In the first episode of season 7, when Cas asks for help, he pretends he doesn't care about him anymore for a bit, but you can clearly see that he still does. You at least can see it when he thinks Cas is dead. He's devastated.

It's kinda funny how Bobby's there but Cas very obviously only cares to make it up to Dean. Like he always says "they're my friends" but in reality he means Dean.

AND THEN.. Cas tries to protect everyone else again and sends them away but DEAN STAYS. I think he knew that there wouldn't be anything he could do, but it didn't matter.

Cas dies again. (give my man a break, please) Dean keeps the god damn coat? I think he might've done it, because he was hoping that Cas would come back again. Anyways, scene was devastating.

In the judge/court episode about Dean's guilt, I immediately hoped Dean didn't feel guilty about Cas too, but was pretty sure he did. My worries were confirmed in episode 5.

So yeah, I suppose that's the part where I am, I guess I have to wait 'till Cas comes back now :,)

I don't think anyone read all this, but I hope I didn't make any grammar mistakes, bc English isn't my first language, so I sometimes get stuff mixed up (I definitely made the tenses confusing). Anyways, rant end.

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

10 mg of Truth

Cas approached Dean’s hospital room with a mixture of trepidation and misery pulling on his heartstrings. On the one hand, he was incredibly relieved that Dean was alive and would make a full recovery. On the other hand, Dean was in a lot of pain, and Cas knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. He’d depleted his grace saving the hunter from those five rabid demons who’d tossed him about like a football. For the time being, there was no juice left in him to heal the numerous fractures Dean had suffered, and it would be hard to have to watch him heal the old-fashioned, painful way.

Cas steeled himself before knocking softly on the door and entering Dean’s room.

He was awake - or as awake as someone on a high dose of morphine could be. Drowsy green eyes blinked at Cas from a face mottled with bruises. Dean’s right leg was in a heavy cast, his left arm immobilized in a sling to protect his broken collarbone. The thin hospital gown, Cas knew, was hiding a spectacular swath of bruising across Dean’s fractured ribs.

“Hey,” Cas greeted him softly.

“Hey…” A loopy smile tugged on Dean’s split lip when he recognized his visitor. He blinked again, as if those long, thick lashes of his were too heavy to keep his eyes open.

Cas’ heart did a sweet, painful little flip. He stood awkwardly by the side of the bed.

“How are you, Dean?”

That was what one asked a recuperating human, right?

Dean lazily clucked his tongue. “Peachy. Good as new in a few weeks. Hell, better than new!” He nodded at his leg. “They put hardware into me. I’ll be friggin’ Robocop!” He grinned, revealing his somehow adorably chipped front tooth.

Surprised, Cas couldn’t help but smile. He’d expected an angry, impatient Dean in a get-me-out-of-here temper. He’d expected a clenched jaw and the white-knuckled denial of pain. He’d expected the classic Winchester bravado on full display.

What he hadn’t expected was cheerful, drugged-to-the-gills charisma, and it was making him a little dizzy.

“I’m sorry that I can’t speed up your recovery,” he said, remembering his earlier woe. “At least not yet. I hope my grace refuels swiftly, so that, when we have you home–”

“Nah,” Dean interrupted him, flapping his good hand. “Don’t worry about it, Cas. You saved my ass. At least most of it.” He shifted with a goofy, crooked expression on his face. “Got a boot print on my left tush the size of Kansas, ‘s far as I can tell. But I’m alive, an’ those motherfuckers would’ve ganked me if it hadn’t been for you.”

Cas didn’t know what to say to that. But he didn’t have to, since Dean continued his hopped-up rambling.

“‘Sides,” he slurred, mischief in his eyes, “the nurses are really nice to me. And they’re hot. Well, most of them. Should’ve seen the one who took my temperature this morning. She was…” He gestured a “chef’s kiss” and smacked his lips. “Not as hot as you, though.”

Cas blinked.

What?

“Course, no one could beat that angel vibe you’ve got going on,” Dean continued, unfazed and chatty. “‘Holy’ my ass. You, Mr. Hot Accountant - “ Dean winked at him. “- were made for sin.”

Cas, struck dumb, felt his cheeks flush and his heart somersault in his chest. He’d felt attracted to Dean for so long, had hidden it as best as he could, badly, but determinedly, certain that, in spite of their special bond, Dean would never feel the same way about him. And now this - a medically induced, uninhibited flirt?

“Ah, yes- I mean, no!” he stammered. “Thank you, I -...” He struggled for words. He didn’t want to break the moment, desperately wanted to know if Dean meant this, or if it was just the meds talking. But he also didn’t want to take advantage of someone who was clearly off his head with pain meds and who, most likely, wouldn’t remember a single thing he’d said the next day.

“Cat eat your tongue?” Dean asked, his grin drooping sleepily.

Utterly confused, Cas looked around. “There is no cat.”

Dean huffed, wincing a little when the movement jarred his ribs.

“Cas,” he said softly, losing the fight against his heavy eyelids now. “I love you, man. Never change.”

His unencumbered hand searched and found Cas’ arm and slid down his sleeve against Cas’ palm. Castiel grasped and held it.

The angel had no idea what to say. Or what to think. How to correctly interpret Dean’s words. Chaos in his head and hope surging in his chest, he just stood there, Dean’s warm, calloused hand in his, and watched the hunter close his eyes and drift off to sleep.

[loserchildhotpants]

a little destiel drabble written for @atomicteaparty who posited (and im paraphrasing here) ‘what if Dean never hugged Cas after Lucifer stabbed him and he came back? he’d be really hot and cold w Cas bc he rationally thinks he should push Cas away to protect himself from ever being so hurt and lost again but also he gets pissy when Cas DOES pull away, so Cas is getting a lot of mixed signals and is secretly and quietly just v sad that Dean hasn’t hugged him - but then ofc something goes wrong on a hunt, and Dean sees a flash from far away or something and he thinks it was Cas’ Grace being burned out again and he rushes to him and Dean hugs him for like half an hour straight’

i took some creative liberty but here have a drabble of that What If:

_______

Breathlessly, Sam and Dean rush to Cas’ aid, and Dean knows the terror that must be writ across his face; he never learns.

Pushing away never works, pulling close is a death sentence, and with Cas, there’s never any in-between. But he’s known for a long time now that he’d rather have Cas around than not, and so if it’s all or nothing - for Cas? He’s all in.

And he should’ve made that clearer in recent weeks. 

He never learns.

Dean and Sam are shouting Cas’ name across the open field behind the barn Cas disappeared around; out in the boonies like this, it’s like the night and woods can swallow up all the sound. It’s like shouting into space; the sound doesn’t even seem to travel anywhere.

Eventually they find him, though, standing in tall grass.

Bodies are scattered across the ground with burned out eyes, and some with heads that appear to have imploded.

Lovely.

And not Dean’s immediate concern.

He sees Cas standing in front of the carnage, splattered with some blood, but otherwise looking okay, if a little uncharacteristically exhausted.

“Cas,” Dean breathes out, running to stand in front of him, “Cas, you okay? I - we saw a flash...”

“I was being swarmed,” Cas tells them both, glancing over at the bodies of shifters, “I deemed you were both a safe enough distance away that I could allow some of my trueform to disable them. It seemed a more efficient method than to use my blade on them all.”

“You look sorta pale,” Dean mentions, nearing him, standing close, wanting to be closer, “are you hurt? You need anything?”

Staring resolutely at Dean, Cas firmly plants his feet down, lifts his chin, and tells him, “... a hug.”

“... what?”

Dean thinks Cas must be joking, but, frankly, Cas isn’t that good at joking, and he looks entirely too serious.

“I don’t feel perfectly well. What will make me feel better is a hug.” 

When Dean huffs a half-laugh and rolls his eyes over to Sam, Cas specifies, “from you.”

Face flushing, Dean hates how pleased he is to hear Cas say that.

That’s idiotic, maybe. He’s been blatantly avoidant of Cas lately, and maybe this is just Castiel, the Rebel Angel, calling Dean on his bullshit, because when he sees an immovable object, he becomes an unstoppable force, and he becomes an immovable object when faced with an unstoppable force.

This is just what Cas does.

“... seriously,” Dean says more than asks.

“Yes.”

As if Sam’s surprise-slack face will provide any kind of out, Dean looks to him for help, but predictably is met with a shrug.

Turning back to Cas, whose eyes have not left his face for a second, Dean feels his heart thump hard, and that makes his embarrassingly warm face even warmer, which makes his hackles rise defensively.

Cas doesn’t say anything about Dean’s probably very obviously red face, though; he just stands there, waiting.

Dean doesn’t have any good excuse out of this, not when he’s being asked so directly.

“... God, fine, you little weirdo,” Dean mutters, stepping up close to Cas to take Cas into his arms.

Cas has this habit of hugging Dean around the neck, and, being that Cas is just a smidge shorter than Dean, it forces Dean down a little bit, maybe just an inch, but it makes Dean feel... big. 

It occurs to Dean in this moment that Cas maybe does that on purpose; he knows Dean, he knows Dean more intimately than any other being would or could, and not in the academic sense - he doesn’t know all of Dean’s funny one-liner’s or embarrassing childhood memories, but he knows the fabric of Dean’s soul.

He knows the often times contradictory and paradoxical desires that make up Dean’s impossible dreams; he knows Dean wants to feel big and strong, and Cas is a giant in that vessel - he’s stronger and larger than what Dean can fathom, and he hugs Dean around the neck, as if to make himself smaller. As if to give Dean a moment of feeling like he’s the one protecting Cas.

Cas does that now; his arms loop around Dean’s neck, and Dean’s hands waffle near Cas’ sides for a second, but then plant themselves as Dean inwardly chants to himself that this isn’t awkward (which is probably making it awkward).

After a few beats, he pats Cas’ back to signify the end of the hug, but Cas doesn’t pull away. 

Cas stays right where he is, and Dean suddenly realizes he’s hurt Cas’ feelings by avoiding him this long.

Oh, Dean thinks to himself, I was just thinking about myself again. I do that too much. Fuck. Did you think I wasn’t happy to see you? I could’ve leapt to the fuckin’ Moon when I saw you standing there, Cas, you stupid son of a bitch.

A little more repentant now, Dean slithers his arms more securely around Cas’ waist, gives him a proper embrace even as his hands start to shake, and he hears Cas sigh happily; Cas making that sound of relief is instant dopamine to Dean.

Their chests are pressed together, Dean thinks Cas can feel his heart beating harder than usual, but he tries not to mind Cas knowing; Cas would probably know even if Dean were at the bottom of the Atlantic.

“‘m sorry,” Dean mumbles quietly behind Cas’ ear, “... I’m sorry, Cas.”

“There is no need to apologize,” Cas assures him, his arms tightening, keeping Dean close, a hand coming to the back of Dean’s head, “I missed you very much, Dean.”

Beyond Dean’s control, tears well up in his eyes - he did miss Cas. He missed Cas more than he can safely say. He missed Cas so much, he wanted to fucking die. 

He missed Cas and Cas doesn’t even know, he doesn’t get the scope of it, he probably wouldn’t believe it even if Dean were to try and explain it (with words he is very sure he doesn’t possess), because Dean’s spent weeks avoiding him, arguing with him, never happy with Cas staying or going.

They curl more into one another, slotting into place like puzzle pieces, and Dean’s hands smooth across Cas’ back, feeling at the broad strength of him, dragging that holistic comfort into him like he could shove Cas into his ribcage and put him there for safekeeping. 

I’d quit hunting, Dean thinks to himself, nonsensically imagining Cas small enough to fit nestled next to his heart, I’d never put my life in danger again. I’d keep you right there, and I’d wear chest armor and I’d keep you safe with me, right there, forever. Part of me, where you belong, where I could protect you.

Dean knows that’s fucked up and codependent of him or whatever, but Cas never minds those fucked up parts of him. Cas is never fazed by how sick in the head Dean is, he barely ever bats an eye.

Even now - Cas isn’t letting go. He’s staying as long as Dean will keep him, and Dean knows he’s unwell, he knows his attachment issues are off the charts, but God, there’s such a profound comfort in the thought that as long as Dean keeps him, Cas isn’t inclined to stray.

If Dean doesn’t want to pull away, Cas won’t, because he wants however much Dean wants - or however much Dean is willing to take.

All this pent up, unspent tenderness rises up in Dean; he feels stupidly sentimental, protective, and much too comforted. 

The soft shush of their hands moving across clothing, the light scrape of Cas’ dull nails across the nape of his neck, how they breathe in tandem, never pushing one another away even by a centimeter; it’s a sedative like Dean can’t remember last having.

I missed you. I missed you like crazy, Cas, Dean thinks at Cas, pulling away in this slow, syrupy way that doesn’t actually indicate he wants to stop touching Cas, and Cas actually picks up on that subtle cue and keeps Dean in his arms, though loosely enough to let Dean’s nose trail across his stubbled cheek.

Up this close, there’s the smell of Cas, his vitals there for Dean to track, to keep count of, to let lull him into a dream-like state of calm.

He doesn’t mean to kiss Cas.

It’s like he’s sleepwalking; dazedly, he just turns his head, lets his nose and lips drag across Cas’ face, and he naturally slots into place there. He kisses Cas because Cas is there to kiss, and it only makes sense. It’s the only thing that makes any sense.

Not a single thought is crossing Dean’s mind when he does it. His eyes are shut, he’s breathing in deeply, moving his lips just so, sleepy, lazy, even. He doesn’t know where his hands are. He’s floating.

His tongue is met with zero resistance, his blood flashes hot across his body, his dick twitches with interest, and it’s like his whole body is thrumming with; Cas, Cas, Cas, smell of Cas, sound of Cas, taste of Cas, feel of Cas, Cas close, Cas good, Cas safe, Cas mine, safe with me, in my arms, need to touch, need to protect, missed him, love him, love him...

Something Dean does with his tongue in Cas’ mouth makes Cas’ breath hitch, and that’s when Dean’s frontal cortex comes back online and he realizes he is kissing Castiel on the mouth.

As if he’s stuck a fork in an outlet, Dean flies backwards, scrambling away from Cas, realizing with mounting terror what he’s just done.

His heart rate ratchets up, his stomach twists into knots, he remembers Sam is right fucking there, and he looks over at Sam, who’s looking at him in shock - having known each other all their lives, they have one simple exchange in silence.

Sam’s face says, I can’t believe you just did that!

Dean’s face replies, panicked, this is why I was keeping my distance. This is why I wouldn’t touch him. This is why I wasn’t supposed to touch him.

Sam’s face falls - Dean can’t tell who he feels sorry for, but either way, he hates it.

Too scared now to look back and see the state of Cas, Dean silently begs Sam, ... what have I done?

[captain039]

PART 7 LAST PART Serving her

Alpha!Cas x omega!reader

Warnings: AOB, light swearing, light gore, first time, smut, talking about claiming, dominant cas, CAS has experience and is a fast learner, mates, angst, mental health issues, feelings

Last part <-

“I asked to claim her” Dean jumped when he heard Cas.

“Damn it” Dean muttered glancing to Sam.

“What?” Sam asked.

“I asked to claim her” Cas repeated.

“I thought it would be appropriate to ask seeming our last talk” Cas sighed. The angel didn’t look good, he was pale too, exhausted also. Cas sat down on shaky limbs and Dean glanced to Sam.

“Cas what’s wrong?” Sam asked.

“I have not fulfilled my duty as a mate, my body is weakening” Cas said.

“Huh? That an angel thing? Cause we don’t, we don’t weaken” Dean asked.

“Yes it’s an angel thing” Cas sighed annoyed.

“I thought you two were um- progressing” Dean said and Sam raised an eyebrow.

“We were till I asked her, she doesn’t believe she’d be a good mate, she thinks that I don’t want someone like her” The angel saddened and Dean stiffened glancing to Sam.

“Cas she, she’s never had this before ok” Sam sighed sitting down also.

“I’ll get drinks” Dean muttered.

“I do not understand how she can think that, she is my soulmate and made for me” Cas let his thoughts out to Sam.

“I do not expect anything from her, I don’t expect things to change, maybe a few intimate things” Cas said and Sam gulped slightly. She was their younger sister, not by blood but hell if Sam wouldn’t do anything for her like he would Dean.

You could hear everything they were talking about. You were on the floor, knees by your chest.

“Cas it may take time” Sam said.

“We’ve known each other for four years and a hundred and two days, thirty seven minutes and thirteen seconds and counting” Cas said and Sam blinked.

“That’s precise” he muttered as Dean came back. Sam took the beer quickly and opened it as Cas slumped.

You sighed walking away quietly and back to your room. Castiel was an angel, a celestial being made by god. You were human, a simple boring human who hunted monsters and stopped the apocalypse. Ever since you met Cas you knew, you knew he was the one but never commented or did anything about it. Someone like you would never get a soulmate. Night time came and you stared at the ceiling. It was nice to be in your own bed and not dying in some hotel room. You weren’t dying really just too many things happening and being cursed. You sat up in bed and sighed.

“Cas?” You mumbled and heard wings.

He stood in front of you before stumbling.

“Woah” you said standing up and bracing him.

“Apologies” he said straightening himself.

“I didn’t think you’d be weakened” you said worry filling you.

“It’s ok” Cas assured.

“It’s not!” You said.

“I did this! I-“ you began to worry but Cas wrapped his arms around you and you calmed down.

“You didn’t do this” he said seriously.

“This isn’t your fault” he added.

“How is not my fault?” You muttered.

“I’m your mate, I have to look after you” you said.

“It’s my job to make sure you’re ok” you added.

“I’m sorry I was selfish” you muttered and he pulled back.

“You are not selfish” he said frowning.

“Cas I made you heal me and kicked you out, I freaked out after you asked to claim me!” You sighed and sagged.

“That is normal in this situation, anyone would’ve done it, I am an angel it is not a normal bonding” he said his gaze constantly on you.

“We’ve known each other for four years, you’ve saved my ass too many times, you’re family and I can’t do one simply thing to help you” you whispered sitting back down on your bed.

Cas knelt on the floor between you legs, hands on your knees as he looked to you.

“I do not expect anything from you, I do not expect you to accept me or change anything if that is what you choose, I will overcome this weakness and continue to protect you and the Winchesters” his eyes lit up as he spoke with sincerity.

“I love you” he said softly and you felt tears in your eyes.

“I will not stop loving you, no matter what you do” he added and you let your tears fall silently. You leant your forehead against his as one of his hands came up and wiped your tears.

“I love you too” you whispered and you felt the relief and happiness from him.

“I need some time” you muttered and he nodded as you pulled back seeing his smile.

“I can wait” he said.