#cartoon rap battle

[thevaudevilledemon]

Cartoon Rap Battle: Brian Griffin vs Shane

Shane

I can't believe the humiliation to log Most beloved Bachelor up against a dog?

Oh yeah, you can talk? What good does that Scooby-dooby-doo? When the last remains of your fandom have left the coop and flew?

Take your Paw, tuck it back in your doggy collar Raise your ear I think I hear Peter tryna holler

What stupid crap is he in now I got half-an-hour Maybe I'll tune in to hear another suicide joke, so dower

You went from straight man to nuisance when you were paired with the baby Overshadowed by Arnold's british cousin, that's no fair Lady

So catch me at the Saloon trying to drown my sorrow Gus has a sale on beer so I'll come back tomorrow

Brian

Woah, Ass Ahoy! You aren't the homeless guy right Did you crawl out the dumpster like a baby at prom night?

When it comes to Alcoholics you should stay Anonymous I'm a Writer, you're a stocker, we are not synonymous

At least I take better care of Stewie than Peter or Lois You know Jas would be better without you and your cirrohsis

Don't bother the blue man, because he's for the birds You know that's the word, everybody's heard

I'm accomplished and nothing more needs to be said Except that unlike you I could be revived from the dead

Shane

That revival was a sham, and you know it's true They dropped that whole plotline after week two

You're better than Peter or Lois? what a low bar And I think that is something which you'd be familiar

You say you're a firm believer in fact When you're nothing more than a sell-out hack

Let what Glenn said haunt you until you expire And frankly you shouldn't be talked down to by Quagmire

Brian

Go to Hell, I stood up for what I believe When you stand up it's all you achieve

You're a slob and a drunk at least I have qualities You're only loved by the "I Can Fix Him" mentalities

Shane

They can't fix me, that's the point of my arc I can fix myself, with their light in my dark

You let yourself be bullied and bribed to shut your face Of all the cartoon pets you're a total disgrace

Brian

At least I am total when it comes to something The people prefer shadow monsters over drunk-y nothings

You drink Joja Cola, though you hate it as a gift Maybe you need something else to give your spirits a lift

Take your blue chickens and get them out of here I'm a non-GMO environmentalist peer

So maybe I should date Emily, she's not your type Stick to bitches like Pam, you're not worth the hype

You wanna do good? Take Jas with you when your wed A pair of shoes don't make up for using your floor as a bed

I may be an animal, but you're the real dog You just faced the badest bitch in Quahog

Shane

Why are you giving me your garbage lines? They're an even worse embarrassment than Peter's Crimes

Don't give me parenting advice like I'm a real villain May I ask about your estranged son, where the Hell is Dylan?

You're a bad father, and the show knows it anyway You make me want to kill myself like you made Hemingway

But between the two of us, I think I recovered better You gave a baby herpes, and hid your own tetter

Oh I'm sorry, you don't know what that word means? You'd have better rhymes if you were a better writer it seems

You're a bad dog, Brian, You've had your day So bring back Vinny and just go away!

[chocolatespyro]

sorry our drawings princess movie posting right now this movie is so bad and wonderful at the same time and i love it for that

[rapclash]

URL Rap Clash - Rap Battle Cartoon #shorts

[mr-ribbit]

a TV show where lin manuel miranda¹ rap battles a rude libertarian man* at the insane asylum talent show and by doing so the man* is finally able to win over his freedom from the asylum by going to therapy and being nice SOUNDS like a single or double panel strip in a boomer political cartoon thats readership is mostly ironic leftists posting them to roast on reddit. but it's actually a real part of an episode of house md from 2009² in what some could call one of the most generation defining television moments of the aughts (Ribbits 2024)

* Dr. Gregory House

¹ Pre-Hamilton

² Broken, Part 2 House MD, 2009

[seltzer-tastes-pretty-good]

What are some headcanons you have for Bf and Gf dating?

-GF pays for most of the dates (on Dearest's card, usually)

-Their favorite place to hang out is either the local Mcdonalds or, if they feel fancy, any place with a large buffet table. They usually get kicked out after about an hour and a half though

-A good majority of their dates also take place at BF's home. They can't hang out much at GF's for obvious reasons. They spend most of their time watching flash cartoons and really shitty 'cult classic' films

-They also spend a lot of time 'sampling music' which usually means getting high, pulling up a song GF already made and playing with the audio settings while giggling like idiots

-Boyfriend is a cuddle bug, through and through. He is a burden that GF is more than willing to bear

-If it's a really fancy, special date, BF will break out his finest suit...literally an exact copy of his usual outfit, but the no sign on his shirt will have a very, very tiny, hard to notice heart patch on the front of it, sewn on by GF.

-Due to recent...unfortunate outings, GF has to be extra careful to make sure no one interrupts or try to battle them during their dates. Even she has her limits. She even went so far as to sometimes pay Pico a few hundred to cover them while on their dates, just to make sure nothing goes wrong. Even after he was hired to kill him, GF's money and BF's rap skills still win him over.

-Despite this, Pico isn't really interested in the actual dates of them. Boat's kinda sailed and the dude can, in fact, move on. GF will usually save a McFlurry or something for him as an additional thank you.

-On their special date dates, GF is usually the one singing to him instead of the other way around. You can imagine how many battles can strain a guy's throat and, hey, he needs a little love too.

[krasytoonz]

Welcome Home Gangster AU Fun Facts!

Joke AU pls don’t take it seriously

Wally D

Can bleed blood out of His Eyes whenever he Witnesses Public display of Affection

Doesn’t need to Eat or Sleep (or Shit)

Fragile masculinity

Guilty Pleasure/Special Interest is Bluey (Australian Family Cartoon)

Lil Dawg

Will pay BUCKS for hotdogs ($40 for one? No problem)

Beatboxes 🎶🔥

Apparently despite of his Height and Size no one is really scared of him (maybe because of his Resting Smile Face)

Big Edd

Listens to Kpop girl bands and watches magical girl Animes

He’s everything that Wally’s fragile masculinity FEARS

Shit at makeup but still love doing it on people’s Faces

Fr4nk

Every Voting Season he hacks into the American Government and fucks their Voting System up for no reasonable explanation at all

Trolls on Reddit and 4Chan (probably has Access to the Dark Web too who knows)

Overexplains everything just to piss Wally off

Pøppy

Can unleash her inner Roadman Voice when she’s angry

Once caught Lil Dawg eating KFC and never trusts Anyone ever again even if she’s cool with them

Watches Thai Girl’s Love Series

Howdy Pi££ar

Money is Love, Money is Life

Will do anything for money (50/50 might probably Fight a Grandma for money too, it’s unpredictable)

Tried to flush Wally down a toilet but he came back out (Don’t Ask about it)

JJ

The only gang member alongside Silly Sal that can drive a motorcycle

Horrible at rap battles and Coming up with Lyrics

Deep ass voice

Silly Sal

The only gang member alongside JJ that can drive a motorcycle

Cannot keep her hands to herself (literally POKES everything she Did Not have to poke)

Sunny

Fr4nk’s Ex.. Best friend (BAHAHA)

The Butt of the Joke of everything practically

The Joyful Siblings

Bikers! 🏍️🏍️🏍️💨

Knows sign language (including JJ)

Owns Joyful Burger (that same one you see in TAWOG) but it’s for money laundering purposes

Homie

Best van ever (Automatically Drives! Self Aware!)

Speaks in Onomatopoeia (Vrooommm!)

In General

There is No Blood in this AU, and everyone is stuffed with Cottons

There is no actual ‘serious’ Weapons in this AU, and the gang use Waterguns and slingshots to do Steal from Banks lmao

The Jail Bar’s Gap is so big the shorter gang members (Wally, JJ, Sally) can practically escape through the gap.. But they just don’t for some Reason

All the Tattoos on the Gangsters are Drawn with Markers 🖊️

Y/N

Y/N can be a Citizen, part of the Gang or a Cop, or whatever Y/N wants to Be!

There is no specific ‘look’ for Y/N, so Y/N can look like whatever Y/N wants to look like.

*Will be updated Accordingly!

[hbmmaster]

I feel that I should tell you something that I figured out about Our Drawings now that I have your attention:

Calobi, the director, became infamous for his nonsensical "Cartoon Rap Battles" series a few years back. The "ice [cubes] on my shoes" and "wrist waters on my neck" originate from the Mario vs. Sonic video in particular. The rock with wings also comes from the series, where they play the role of the referee.

Cartoon Rap Battles was criticized for ripping off Verbalase's "Cartoon Beatbox Battles" (a series with a very similar premise), tracing art, and just generally having a very unappealing art style.

Because of this, I'm pretty sure that the movie was at least partially made out of spite.

fun context thank you

[weirdmarioenemies]

WEIRD MARIO RAP BATTLES

SPIKEY!

VS

SLAMMER!

BEGIN

Here comes Spikey, for my first rap battle

But what is my opponent, just a ping pong paddle?

I can curl up and roll through the Mario Land

But there’s nothing you can do if you’re not held in a hand

If someone’s never heard of you, I can’t really blame

You’ve never even been in a video game

Go whack bugs off a carpet, man your products are icky

Nobody’d know you if not for the Mario Wiki!

Pleased to meetcha, Spikey, Slammer’s the name

I hear you rapping at me like you’ve got all the fame

But you’re just an enemy, a disposable goon

While I got myself a speaking role in a cartoon

Even with your spikes you can be jumped upon

There’s a reason after SML2 you’ve been gone

They’ve got better options for baddies with shells

But you seem like a great choice, unless you look somewhere else!

WHO WON?

YOU DECIDE!

[powderblueblood]

GETTING TO KNOW YOUR EDDIE

— the 411 on the loser playboy of the midwestern world

Tagged by @jo-harrington & @deathbecomesthem who got this stunning prompt on the road, love this love youse

let’s talk MUNSON!

What story is he from? What kind of story is it (Fix-it fic, Older!Eddie, Rockstar!Eddie etc)? The Eddie darling that takes up prime real estate in my brain is of course Hellfire & Ice Eddie, which is a teen romantic-dramadey with sprinkles of crime capers on top. We meet him at 18 years of age, drug dealin’, Dungeon wheelin’, at the absolute top of his bottom of the food chain game. He’s all raw nerve and engine sputter, our consummate not ready for prime time player. He is brassy, ballsy, funny, terrified.

What inspired you to write this Eddie? Flight of Icarus, actually! It reignited my initial love for him by basically confirming what I had already known to be true—he’s a little bitch that’ll take any opportunity to be struck down lovesick and he’s doomed by his bloodline.

What are your favorite headcanons about him/share something you never shared in your story? Eddie runs on a full tank of defiance, just burning rubber against what’s expected of kids his age—but to zoom in? Eddie sometimes wonders what it would be like if he was different. Tried harder. Cut his hair, joined the basketball team, really pulled himself up by his bootstraps and divorced himself from his stain of a last name. Folded in and blended, made all the right moves. Why couldn’t I do that? he thinks, Just pretend. I’m good at making shit up. But that’s selling out. And Eddie Munson is no sell out—rap sheet or no, his life is his own.

What does he wear on a casual day? On a dressier day? What does he wear to bed? Casual day, it’s your cartoon character stock costume of insert band t-shirt here, ripped jeans there, doubled up battle vest and leather cut to top it all off. There might be a variant in jean shade but that’s it. He likes to stick to a look. The dressiest he’ll go (he does not own dressy clothes) is a black cable knit sweater, very old, with the thumb holes worried through the cuffs. To bed, preferably nothing, but boxers of absolutely necessary and a very old, ratty pair of flannel PJ bottoms and an old t-shirt or a faded sweatshirt of Wayne’s if it’s freezing.

Favorite foods? This FUCK loves a pizza with the most fuckass toppings. Anchovy, black olive, pepperoni, sweetcorn (for the vitamins!), pineapple (for the jizz thing!) all on the one pie. But he can cook, to an extent, and we unfortunately have to hand this to ex-line cook Al who taught him how to grill a cheese and make a bitchin’ spaghetti with honeyed tomato gravy and lots of oregano. Eddie also loves a snack he can gesticulate with, see: Twizzler, corn dog, ice pop. Bordering on phallic foods.

Tell Us About His Family/Friends: Immediately in the gene pool—Al, the absent and up-to-no-good father who somehow still has a knife in Eddie’s side and will twist it with the simple words, “C’mon, that’s my boy!” Wayne, uncle and father figure, silent but loving and the only real pillar Eddie could ever lean against, and he feels like such a burden for it sometimes. Elizabeth, mommy dearest and dead, canonised like a saint in Eddie’s mind, and might have been but also might not have been. The root of his love of music and his need to tell stories to survive. The found-by-the-hand-of fate family— Ronnie Ecker, the Stalter to his Waldorf, the Bonham to his Page, the only person he’d ever follow into battle because you wouldn’t think it but Ronnie, who is secretly rage akimbo, would accidentally lead that charge. He loves her like a sister, she loves him like a dog. Just kidding. Maybe. He wants to be Ronnie Ecker when he grows up. Granny Ecker comes as part of this deal, one of the people credited with whooping Eddie into shape. We don’t quite know what shape yet, it’s Picassoan in nature. Then, the extension again that is the great Corroded Coffin/Hellfire crossover event—Jeff, Cyrus, Dougie and Gareth. He’s not quite as close with the boys, but they’re good boys. They love and fear him, except for Cyrus who is a true enigma which pisses Eddie off because he’s supposed to be the fucking enigma here, dammit.

Yeah Yeah, he's a Metalhead. Tell Us MORE About His Taste in Music in your story: We are working off Flight of Icarus rules so he’s got a taste in the mouth for Howlin’ Wolf style blues, real down and dirty Detroit shit. He also loves a sleazeball, so enter Tom Waits and when he’s feeling REALLY sentimental, Leonard Cohen. Eddie loves to bite a thumb so he has some punk spinning too—Richard Hell, MC5, The Cramps, and reluctantly Iggy and the Stooges. They’re Al’s favourite so kind of tainted. Last but not least, I think that Johnny Cash’s Live From Folsom Prison album gets a lot of play. Particularly Cocaine Blues and Dark in the Dungeon, which he’s definitely incorporated into some campaign. He does NOT listen to CHICK MUSIC because he’s a loser boy (Wayne has a Linda Ronstadt record that makes him cry).

What are his views on romance? On sex? Eddie Munson falls in love fourteen times a day because at the be all and end all, he’s an artist and he’s sensitive as shit. Let’s get one thing straight—he can flirt to beat the band, once anyone gives him the time of day. Which they don’t. But in his mind? He’s a silver tongued Casanova. It’s just easier to use on people he hates. Once he has a crush, he has an obsession, even if he’s oftentimes too chickenshit to act on it. Cue pulling pigtails in the playground routine. He wants so badly to worship someone and be worshipped in return, okay, it’s reciprocal worshipping—give him mutual pathological obsession or give him DEATH. He wants to build a shrine, and will, to the right person. He’ll preoccupy his mind with every detail about them to the point where, yeah, it is borderline kind of stalkery but he’s still 18 years old. Speaking of, sex? Yeah, he’s done it. Badly. He’s like to do it again, goodly. He’d like to do it with someone that wasn’t treating it like an experiment, someone who’d let him slobber all over them and rut and keen and whine like the hound in heat he fucking feels like. He has no goddamn control! He experiences pleasure in a total headrush, never been able to stay cool and sexy and commanding a day in his life. He just wants, wants, wants and he burns so hot. Eddie wants so clumsily that it comes out at the most inappropriate times, like the nurse’s office after he gets his fist busted. He’s not some sex god, just some dick with an overeager cock. But he sure is willing to put in the work.

Is he optimistic or pessimistic? Pessimistic on the surface, the life is shit and then you die so might as well do some whippits poster boy but so so secretly, Eddie holds the tiniest flame of hope that someday, somehow, things will get better. At the very least easier. That he’ll grow into his bones somehow, or someone will help soothe him into them. That he’ll feel some kind of belonging. Because he does want that, really. Some soft place to land.

Where or with whom is he most comfortable? Those pockets of alchemy at Hellfire Club when he’s got a rapt audience. With Ronnie, sitting on the sagging couch outside his trailer. Playing chauffeur to a certain princess across-the-way.

What are his views of his future? What are his hopes/dreams? Pie in the sky? Cover of Circus with his cheeks out, duh. A Grammy or two, his own metal club, a published fantasy author, shit. He’s not askin’ for the world, here! But honestly, Eddie’s view of his future is 18 year old misanthropist bleak. He hasn’t even considered college as an option, not that he’d get there with his grades. He figures he might just start selling full time for Rick once (if) he graduates then hopefully have the good enough sense to take his money and split to Chicago or someplace. Might hit it lucky when he’s played in a couple more iterations of Corroded Coffin and con someone into letting him be a session guitarist—which wouldn’t be the cover of Circus, but would still be a huge deal! But as much as an ego game as he likes to talk, he’s got this terrible, looming feeling that he’ll never leave Hawkins alive.

What do you imagine his future looks like? (If your story is incomplete or if this would be a spoiler you're not willing to share, you can skip this question.) I’ll give you a couple details, because I am writing a sequel about this. Picture a brief stint in Indianapolis. Meaner, grizzlier, bartender-ier, going on a decade of heartbreak, performing at his sexual best but nearing burnout and about to turn 30 with some side dealings at home that are edging out of the side and into the forefront. Heavy is the hand that wears the ring. You look so much like your father!

Anything else you'd like us to know about your Eddie/your story? He is so full of love and piss and vinegar. He is going to end up cherished. Like, violently so.

Optional Vulnerable Question: Why do you write fics for Eddie Munson? I love a tragedy touched smartass who folds at the first sign of affection. I want to nourish him and eat him up like the witch from Hansel and Gretel. Or have Lacy do it for me, whatever.

tagging: YOU. READING THIS. Not KIDDING IF YOURE READING THIS GET TO WORK

[rakumel]

It's been....a while...since I last talked about anything Animaniacs related. I wound up not really liking the first season of the 2020 reboot, so I didn't bother trying to find a way to watch the second one.

But a few months ago, the library where I work acquired both seasons of the reboot on DVD. And well, I kinda toyed with the idea of trying to watch it again, now that it was a lot easier to do so. Animaniacs was once be a big part of my childhood, after all. Hard to just shut it out completely.

Right before the 4th of July weekend, I broke down and checked out the first season DVDs. I had that day off anyway, was going to be alone, and honestly wasn't feeling very patriotic. (Basically a typical 4th weekend for me, honestly. One year I "celebrated" by staying in and watching both Blade Runner films.)

Anyway, I didn't get around to watching that evening, but I tried again during the next long weekend I had available (this past one). So far I've only watched the first seven episodes. It's taking longer than it usually would because I'm taking notes this time around - in case I want to do a proper episode by episode review in the near future.

Still, even this far in, was the reboot as bad as I remembered? Yes and no. There were some high points that I'd forgotten about; mostly in the first and last episodes on the disc. Some of the cartoon titles are clever, like "Suspended Animation" and "France France Revolution" (seriously, I love that). And there was at least an effort to stay true to the original spirit of the original show while also adapting the new one for today's audience; in a few instances they actually succeeded very well. (Putting Yakko in a rap battle was fantastic. I just wish it had ended a little better.) And most of the Pinky and the Brain episodes I've rewatched so far are very much in keeping with the original.

But....well. (Here I take a deep breath and sigh. Sadly.) Out of all the episodes I've watched so far, I've laughed maybe...twice. And that's being generous. There are a few genuinely good bits, but a lot of the writing just isn't that great. There's a nuance the old show had that's missing in the new, plus they have a bad habit of just reaching a stopping point instead of a proper ending. A lot of times the cartoon would be over, and I'd just be sitting there baffled, or feeling pissed because the ending was just that rushed or stupid. The trademark pop culture references are fine, and they don't over-rely on them (which is good), but even when I'm in on the jokes they're weirdly not that funny.

And then there's the overemphasis on gross-out things. Sure, the old show had its gross-out moments too, but I don't remember them being nearly as prevalent and gratuitous as they are in the new show.

For example, in the last episode I watched, there was a scene in which a woman is reunited with her beloved poodle, Gigi. She hugs Gigi (aww), and then for several awkward seconds Gigi licks her owner's puckered lips in slow motion, complete with copious amounts of animated drool (eww). Then the woman takes a dog treat, chews it up, and opens her mouth to feed it to Gigi, baby bird style (wtf?!?).

Like...I get it. They wanted to show how dedicated this lady was to her dog in an over-the-top way. (Or, if there were an interview where one of the animators said they based that scene off of something they literally saw a dog owner do, it wouldn't surprise me.) But it's still nasty, plus my god you've not only made your point, you've clubbed me over the head with it. MOVE ON. And that's not the grossest thing in the season either.

Speaking of gross, I don't know what it is about the human characters in the reboot, but aside from the new WB CEO all of them look hideous. I still can't put my finger on why exactly, especially since the Warners themselves look just fine. In fact they're a little wilder looking, with fuzzy hair (head fur?) and occasional fangs, and I really like it. It's not the exaggerated features; human characters on the old show had those too and it...didn't bother me then? I just don't know. My best guess is that they've got a Ren and Stimpy vibe to them (which goes with the gross-out stuff), and I never liked that show. I don't care how original or boundary-pushing it was at the time. It's just never been my thing.

Finally, and it's a very very minor thing but it's a little disappointing all the same: they don't quip after the end credits anymore. Boo.

I still don't know yet if I want to expand this into a proper episode review, if I even have the time. I may wind up just putting my thoughts down on some of the better or more famous episodes. But I am curious enough to try the second season, to see if it got any better. My instinct tells me no, but I want to be fair and give it a chance.

I'm also struggling with describing why the irreverence of the original Animaniacs show is endearing to me, but the new one's is off-putting. You could argue it's just nostalgia, and you wouldn't be totally wrong, but I know it's more than that. It's not that one is crass and the other isn't; both of them absolutely are. It's more like...with the old show, when it was crass, I found myself asking things like: "How do we define "high" art anyway?" and "Okay, I just watched the Warners do a swing number for baby Jesus. Was that utterly and irredeemably irreverent, or was it the most genuine gift of themselves they could give, thereby staying true to the message of the song 'Little Drummer Boy' and not actually breaking any taboos whatsoever?"

Whereas when the new show is crass, I ask myself things like, "Did they really need to show them licking a diseased pigeon that close up?" and "Am I wasting my life, watching this?" and "Oh god why? WHY?? Where is the brain bleach??!"

[ponysongbracket]

Brony Song Tournament

Please listen to both songs (at least in part) before voting

The Moon Rises

Pokémon vs. My Little Pony (Content Warning: sexual, violence, cartoon gore, prostitution)

[tozettastone]

Soup fic

------

"Hello Shop Girl-san!" called a voice from the counter above. Fingers rapped on the wood over her head.

Monica emerged, red-eyed from the dust under the bench, with a stack of supplier invoices and receipts of payment in hand. She could feel that the bandana she used to keep her hair covered and in line was lopsided on her head.

She used to get things done on a computer: a sleek little tablet that could fit inside an envelope. There was a point of sale system she connected via a single USB-c cable.

The elemental nations did not have point of sale systems or cute little tablets. They barely had books—the people here loved their scrolls, for some reason.

Her customer was a tall, dark-haired fellow in an orange mask that obscured his face and clashed magnificently with the red clouds on his clothes.

"Hi there," she said brightly.

Monica thought he had serious major character vibes, and hoped that somewhere in this stack of receipts was the one from having paid her shop's insurance. The ninja clause was paper thin, but it was in there.

"Ne, sister, is it really okay to be taking a nap down there during business hours?" her customer wondered. He had an incredibly exaggerated voice and a childish way of speaking. Major-major character vibes.

"Ah, sorry, I didn't hear you come in," she said. The change of light from the dimness under the register to the bright sunlight through the shop windows struck Monica, then. She tried very hard not to sneeze. "I was looking for pape—um, paperwork..."

No, she was losing that battle. She held up one finger "Scu—scuse me..." And then she turned her head away to unleash an almighty sneeze into her arm. "I didn't hear you come in," she said, again. "You ninja are all so quiet."

Ninja were the only people on the planet who would intentionally bypass the bell over her door and then get mad that she didn't magically notice their presence when they actually wanted her. (A lot of things were different when you accidentally switched planets into a cartoon. But customer service was pretty identical... unfortunately.)

The mask, and its rim of dark hair, tilted.

"Is that so...?" He tapped the chin of the mask like he was giving it really serious consideration.

Monica bowed a little. Couldn't hurt. The people here loved their bowing, too, but they were much better at judging how deep and for how long to bow than she was. "What can I help you with, Shinobi-san?"

He thumped his hand into his palm like a little hammer. "I'm looking for your super extra mega special supreme lunch soup!"

"Eh?" Monica blinked. "My what?"

"Your super extra mega special supreme lunch s—"

"Ah, yes, yes, I heard you... But I don't sell anything called that. It's just what you see here, Shinobi-san." She gestured to her display case, which was where she kept the home cooked food.

There were some things in there that were "different," by local standards. Sweets here trended in the direction of fruit or coffee jellies, mochi, things with soft rice flour and red bean pastes or sweet buns. Sometimes they had fancy light cheese cakes, or very occasionally, chocolates. Some of those things were available on the shelves, like the sugar crusted melon bread in its individual plastic wrappers, but Monica had not the first idea how to make them.

She watched the ninja as he made a grand show of bending over and examining the case. Today the dishes she was offering were only two: a savoury meat pie, which was made with a hot water crust pastry, slow cooked beef, root vegetables and mushrooms, and a sweet dessert she made with paper-thin layered pastry, walnuts smashed to a paste, and honey. She'd labelled them "savoury meat pie," and "sweet pastry (contains nuts)" so it wasn't going to take the ninja more than two seconds to recognise that neither was "super extra mega special supreme lunch soup."

He took about a minute, peering at one and whirling to bend over and examine the other, cloak fluttering.

Monica had seen that cloak before, on several people. Some of them gave her major character vibes, but some were utterly unremarkable. That big guy with the pencil moustache? She'd seen him once and he'd looked barely filled in: mid-tone skin, a red nose, colourless grey hair...

That was the other thing about living in an animated world. Most people had bland clothes and indistinct designs, and most of them were pretty uniform. There was none of the natural variation of the real world: everyone was of the same builds, the same hair styles in the same brown hair, the same clothing. Except major characters. Major characters were distinct. They all had something: weird clothes, brightly coloured hair or eyes—or even a silhouette that was totally unique. Something that would stand out on the page or the screen.

Which brought Monica back to this ninja. The cloak was one she'd seen before, but they mask and the fluffy dark hair were both crisp and decided. He stuck out.

In her old life, Monica had never really thought she was missing out when she'd given up on a long anime. But... she wished she'd watched more, now that she lived in it.

"These aren't soup!" he decided eventually. It took some time.

"I know," said Monica patiently. She didn't think she'd ever sold a soup—she made soups out of leftover vegetables and misshapen roots from the garden. They weren't pretty enough to sell to paying customers. She'd occasionally given a beggar or an orphan a cup for free, or any particularly unfortunate looking person who wandered into her store, but she didn't see how this man could have ended up with one of those. Whatever organisation employed ninja in those big cloaks, she doubted they were strapped for cash.

...she didn't have any right now anyway.

"Do you want me to put the pie filling in a cup? That's kind of a stew." A very thick stew.

He turned to look at her very, very intently. Then he stuck his butt out and began wiggling like a happy puppy. For... Some reason. "That would be so kind of you, sister."

She left him exclaiming over shelf-stable mochi while she went into her back room. It was also her kitchen. There was a tiny bedroom above it, so the heat from her cooking rose and kept it tolerably warm all autumn. Monica had lived in worse places. Especially here.

In the kitchen she thinned a serve of pie filling—which had to stew before she could bake it into a case anyway—with extra vegetable broth, stirred it up and decanted it into a broad paper cup.

Whatever Mr Major Character Vibes had come for, he left with his cup of soup, looking extremely pleased with himself—in as much as someone whose entire face was mask could be pleased.

Monica was just relieved that she'd gotten him out of her shop. She went back to trying to find her butcher's receipt for last month, interrupted only by other sales to much more mundane people—two small, gap-toothed children sent on an errand to buy beer and dried fish, an elderly lady who needed bleach, a burly guy who came looking for a pot in which to cook rice and pretended he was so incompetent about cooking that he couldn't figure out which to pick.

She finally found the receipt at about three, which was when a harried grandmother herded five children into her shop and asked for pies and sweets for all of them.

"I like your hair, sister," said the smallest girl when Monica handed her a folded cardboard box full of pie.

"Thanks," said Monica. She raised her hands to her head and realised her hair was escaping her bandana. "Oops. I'd better fix that, huh?"

The girl smiled at her through a mouthful of meat and gravy.

Once she saw the grandmother and her kids out Monica tucked her hair away again. It was a strange irony that, while in her regular life, she'd never even thought to dye her hair from its natural dark brown, now that she too was animated, her hair had turned out to be a mass of thick, dark red curls.

And yeah. Monica knew what that meant.

[malulurivers]

the air stilled, scented rich with magic. floorboards hard at your back, you shifted up onto your elbows. the ridges dug into your skin as you instantly looked to your side.

Jayce coughed. you snorted. his hair was frazzled, his chest rising and falling slowly as he laid strewn like all of your papers—without a care in the world. if he didn't look like he'd faceplanted a sack of coal you would've believed it was a fair comparison.

dragging your safety goggles over your forehead rife with soot, you discarded them atop his stomach. or you aimed to. being knocked onto your ass clearly messed with your coordination as you accidentally clipped his chin with the buckle. he whined dramatically.

"sorry! that wasn't—"

"beating me while I'm down? what did I do to deserve this!"

you rolled your eyes amusedly. "my bad, Talis. thought you wanting your name plastered all over the research notes meant this was your experiment."

he groaned, head turning away from you.

"seems like you got proportional comeuppance, though."

"what's that supposed to mean?"

you giggled quietly, refraining from giving an answer.

your cloudy eyes waltzed across from him to the explosion of dust and soot that painted his side of the lab. what was left of his desk smoked and crackled with cerulean static. following the crux where the contraption had sat mere moments before, you found runes burnt into the flagstone and wood.

"well, there's some good news for us." you slumped back onto the floor beside him.

"really?" his smile was as bright as it always was, gap-toothed and endearing despite everything.

"the sun rune was definitely activated when that spell happened."

"brilliant! see?" he rapped his knuckles against the ground victoriously. "I told you breakthroughs can come from anywhere! they can take multitudes of forms, even the roughest of experiments can yield results...!"

he was so damn smug when he was right. you wanted to wipe his smirk off his lips, but all you would've gotten was more soot on you. at first it would be on your thumb, but it wouldn't take long for it to be on your lips instead.

"Jayce, it's burnt into the floor."

he was quiet for a moment. his gaze was intently on you, in fact it had barely left since you'd laid back down. you avoided the eye contact. soot tasted unpleasant. even if he was cute, was it truly worth it?

"I'm so glad I get to work with you."

your face crumpled. not even the slightest hint of sarcasm, or ingenuity. he always meant what he said, wholeheartedly.

you pouted at him, acceding. your hand found his discarded on the ground, burnt gloves making tough work of intertwining your fingers but you didn't care. "shush. you're making me sound mean."

"you're just practical. realistic. two entries on an endless list of things I love about you." as you broke his gaze, coming to stare back up at the ceiling with a scoff, he squeezed your hand.

and then you felt him shuffle clumsily closer. before you could snicker and call him a dork, his voice softened in your ear, "it's what makes you a brilliant inventor. and it also means if I do dumb things with you, you have to back me up, otherwise you look dumb, too."

you pursed your lips, playfully struggling to hold a smile back. "you're such a—"

"gorgeous, clever, profoundly amazing and loving boyfriend?" he propped himself up on one elbow effortlessly. "I know, honey, I know."

your head whipped to him in shock, a laugh falling from your open lips. you quipped, "an egotist!"

he simply shrugged, oozing confidence and swagger as if he didn't look like a cartoon struck by lightning. oh right, he didn't know.

the fork in the road settled before you. you could win this battle: snark him right back, and out of the corny consequence of his own miscalculations. or you could lose on purpose.

"you still love me either way, don't y—oh!"

pulling by his untucked tie you yanked him down on top of you, melding your lips to his. you could feel his smile twitch into your kiss as he melted like butter in an instant. freeing your hand from your glove, your callused hand traced along his hot cheeks to the nape of his neck until it settled on his jaw. he tilted into your palm, humming happily. putty in your hands, as always.

you ignored the dry taste of soot, and the traces of it gathering on your clean fingertips. it was without a second thought; he was undoubtedly worth it.

☾ ₊ ˚ ✩ ˚ ｡ ☽

masterlist | buy me a hot chocolate <3

[writerofweird]

Rap Battle: Gaspar Le Gecko vs Duchess Diamond Persnickety the First, Last and Only

GASPAR: Look who's come to kneel before the King of the Jungle, Once you enter my realm, you better not grumble, Because there's plenty of wild animals you'll find when you roam, And you're more welcome in their gullets than you are in Foster's Home, Guess Craig used up all his best villains for The Powerpuffs, When you stand against me, you aren't up to snuff, Looking like Spongebob Squarepants after spotting a steamroller, So it is quite a shame you can't be crushed by Lola Boa!

DUCHESS: You dare talk like that to the finest friend? You better forget Uncle Pockets, for on me you can depend, For glamour and intelligence, sophistication and style, You're just a tiny little Grinch, with termites in your smile, How did you even end up on Disney, you repulsive little thing, You're less of a Jafar than Starkid's Aladdin, You're old enough to be Brandy's dad, and yet you want a date, She became friends with Whiskers because you earned all her hate!

GASPAR: Funny that you should say that, didn't the whole house celebrate, When they thought you were gone and wouldn't smash another plate? You know not true sophistication, you know not who's truly great, Coming back to your comparisons, you're only second rate, My show may have had four less seasons than yours, But I remember doing more than sulking behind a door, Ruling over the animals, and doing so while being funny, And if I were at your house, I'd devour that large bunny, It's appropriate you're two-dimensional, because so are your stories, That bright and colourful house doesn't need an Edward Gorey, What a shame when a teenage brat is a more compelling foe, They'll be saying "Duchess Who", when thanks to me you go!

DUCHESS: As much as I'd like to leave, tonight I think I'll stay, Just to make sure this tyrant doesn't get his way, While everyone in the house waits on me hand and foot, The jungle voted for Whiskers and wished for you to get the boot, And after watching your cartoon, I'm not sure which is worse, All your ridiculous plots, or the fact that you're not a purse, I'd rather be in a room with Bloo than spend any time with you, And like Jackie Khones with a book, you had better get a clue, You don't deserve to reign supreme, you better get real, I think I'll join the Carnivore Club so I can have you as a meal, No wait, I spoke too quickly, because you're not fit as main course, Considering you ran Amazon just as well as Jeff Bezos!

[melis-hellis]

looking through a CN archives youtube channel that archives all the bumpers/ids/promos and. Man. looking through the 2024 stuff is. depressing as Shit. like i'm not saying that in a "cartoons were better when i was 12 years old" kind of way. like. this is Objectively depressing

like they literally took a gumball promo from 2013, stripped the text and the announcer from it, slapped a pastel era logo splash at the end, and used that as a "filler promo". they didn't add a new announcer, they just. aired 11 year old shit instead of making something new.

(here is the original promo, this is literally the only place i could find it because the separate upload is laggy to the point of it being unwatchable.)

and i GET why they are doing this. i get why they lobotomized cartoon network and are letting its cool stoner brother eat up its time and host its pandering CN nostalgia block (oh yeah they also nicked ACME night from CN as well!!!). today's children are either watching bluey or other cartoons on streaming services or Skibidi Hazbin Pomni Vs. Catnap FNF Rap Battle or whatever the fuck. so they are keeping CN on life support while all the Real Shit is happening from 4pm to 5am.

but i still hate to see CN becoming a shell of its former self because y'know. it's my fandom hometown!!! it was my favorite channel growing up!! my first fandom was TAWOG, and the show's impact on me cannot be understated!!! this place was so full of Life. the website had SO MUCH STUFF TO DO. games. badges. you could make an account and talk on official FORUMS. you didn't have to convince your parents to let you get instagram or twitter because you had OFFICIAL safe and moderated age-appropriate forums to go to and talk about your favorite shows!!!

but when i look at what CN is now...extremely simple branding i could recreate in illustrator in like 2 minutes, only like 3 or 4 original shows currently airing new episodes, with one of them about to end soon, and only one new original (not acquired) cartoon on the horizon...like Damn. and you go on their social media and they're literally just posting about nostalgia because they have no faith in anything that's airing now or about to come out. there used to be cool games and other stuff that kids could use to engage with their favorite shows beyond watching them. but they don't get any cool brandings. they don't get cool websites. they don't get cool games. they get lifeless streaming services and nothing else.

CN, as a TV channel today, is essentially in a vegetative state. i get that streaming is more popular these days, i get it. but man i will always be sad looking at CN these days.

[pixies-and-poets]

phantom looks and sounds like the "my power is forcing everyone sing" villain in Saturday morning cartoons. he'd probably be fine with it.

rabbid mario and Luigi getting into it and have whole verse just say something they could have summed up in one sentence

meanwhile, edge and rabbid Rosalina are banging their heads against a wall to the beat in pain.

rm: would you like to end this a battle with a duet with me signora?

edge: if it's a love song i will stab you

rm: (throws 99 percent of the songs he had away) No never! hehehehe

Phantom does have Saturday morning cartoon villain vibes in the best way. But he will regret this once he finds someone who's a better singer than him, or at least equal. It already happened with Bea and look how that turned out.

Rabbid Luigi does an extremely cringe (/affectionate) rap about Taco Tuesday while breakdancing