#carrot luanne

[hellokittystims]

Carrot Luanne Squishmallow 🩶

x / x / x / x / x / x

[jaxteller87]

Tangerine Dream

I was trying on the nightgown that arrived in the mail before the telltale sound of his footsteps reached our room. The pink, see-through one had been such a hit that I’d ordered black and red ones, along with an orange one.

“Hey there, my love,” he smiled as he entered our room, catching sight of the black and red nightgown and running his fingers over it.

“So, what have you been up to, darlin’?” he chuckled. He gave me the playful look I fell in love with back in high school.

I was wearing my big, fluffy robe overtop of the orange nightgown. With a dopey grin on my face, I clutched it closed as if I were some pervy streaker ready to flash the next person who walked by.

“What’s with the grin? Smilin’ like that, your face might crack,” he teased, sitting on the bed.

“So— since the pink nightgown was such a hit, I ordered two more – the black one you see here and an orange one,” I couldn’t contain my upcoming embarrassment and let out a round of schoolgirl giggling.

“Babe, clothes on or off, nightie on or off, you look beautiful to me,” he took my hand in his, so I quickly grabbed the center of my robe with my other hand to make sure I kept the nightgown I was wearing a secret for a few more seconds.

“What are you hiding in there?” Jax joked, making a move to open my robe, but missing.

“Well, you liked the pink one, we know that. And you can’t go wrong with black, right; black goes with everything— sexy and sleek. But the uh— the other one, the orange nightgown…” I bit my bottom lip and prepared myself for the big reveal.

“Alright, all this build-up, now I have to see it,” he sat back against the headboard like he was waiting in the movie theatre for the film to start. “I can do a drum roll; do you want me to do a drum roll?” he started tapping his pointer fingers on his leg.

“Oh God,” I rolled my eyes, “And I thought I was the cringey one here. Anyway, here it goes!” I flung open my robe like a stripper on payday. “Ta-Da!”

The room fell silent. Jax stared at me with distant eyes. His smile was half on, kind of like a mannequin. I raised my eyebrows, waiting for homie to say something— anything. Finally, after an uncomfortable pause, he nodded and then burst out laughing.

“Ah, there it is,” I said.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Jax hastily covered his mouth.

“It’s fine, babe,” I could feel myself blushing at the embarrassment.

“No, I’m sorry, you’re beautiful,” he managed to say through his laughter as the robe slid off.

“It’s okay; I’ve been laughing for the past several minutes. I look like a carrot,” I held my arms out.

“Or a pumpkin,” he chuckled, pulling me into his lap. “Do you want to be the jack-o-lantern, and I’ll be the candle?”

I reared my head back and looked in his eyes, “That was stupid, Teller.”

“Yeah, not my best, was it?” 

“No, not really,” I kissed his forehead.

“Well, then, let me try again, my little Tangerine Dream,” he flexed his eyebrows at me.

“Okay, that one was cheesy but a little better,” I snuggled up to him.

“Why aren’t you a tall drink of…” Jax paused and did the eyebrow thing again, “…orange juice.”

“And just like that, you’re back to stupid again,” I ran my fingers through his beard with my head on his chest. “I’ll give you Tangerine Dream; that one is nice. Maybe I’ll use it as my stripper name if you ever die doing biker stuff.”

“Stripper?” He looked at me like a mother who had just found a porno magazine under her son’s bed. “Why on earth would you be stripping?”

“What,” I said snarkily, “you don’t think I can?”

“Don’t think you can what? Take your clothes off? Of course, I think you can do that; who can’t? That’s not what I mean—”

“Chillax, Action Jackson, it’s a hypothetical— like if something ever happens to you and I have to make ends meet. I figured I could get a job with Luann or something at CaraCara.”

He just stared at me, as shocked as a priest hearing the most scandalous confession ever. “Girl, you best be kidding, or—”

“Jesus Christ,” I twisted his nipple, “Of course, I’m joking! But I do have a question. Why did all the comparisons you made of me in this nightgown circle around food: pumpkin, tangerine, orange juice?”

“Why? You look good enough to eat,” he smirked, nuzzling my neck.

“And your boobs look perfect, too” he grabbed a handful of one of them, giving it a firm squeeze.

“So, you like it, then?” I asked curiously.

“Hell yeah, I like it.”

“Well, you spoil me daily, so I have to return the favor,” I started sucking on his neck a little.

“Fair enough,” I felt him relax his muscles.

“Oh yeah,” I pushed myself slightly off his chest, “so I was going to cook us a nice dinner, put on a sexy nightgown for you in case you just wanted to snuggle and take a chill night. You sounded like you had a rough day when we were on the phone earlier— but I started trying these all on and lost track of time and well— I didn’t get dinner in the oven.”

“That’s fine. I say we skip dinner and go right for dessert?” he suggested. He gently pushed me to the side and stood up to remove the rest of his clothes. 

“You wanna have a little fun?” I asked curiously before he kissed me, getting back on the bed. We moved together in a slow, sensual dance.

“Oh, big papa,” I bit into his neck.

“There’s my Tangerine Dream,” he purred, moving a little harder. He moaned when my hands reached his butt, giving it a good smack. I was really turned on, but I wanted to laugh at the Tangerine Dream comment in the middle of foreplay— but I kept it together.

A little while later, we were in bed, finishing up dinner. Jax had brought home Chinese food. We were cuddled up in each other’s arms. I reached up and gently scratched his beard as he smiled.

“Thank you, my love. This has been wonderful,” he said, kissing my forehead.

[randymarshiszaddy]

You ever see a character that makes you so mad. Not cause they did anything wrong it's just that they are in desperate need of an autism diagnose check.

First up Edward Elric, literally me. The way he hates milk because it's gross definitely gives off autistic vibes and I have no idea why. Honestly so much shit I barely feel like writing but him and Winry are both autistic and ADHD

Alphys is an Autistic and a disaster bi my fave. The way she acts in the game is just not neurotypical. Love her and her adhdgirlfriendd Undyne.

Everyone in Scott Pilgrim. No one is safe from being neurotypical even Envy. The way everyone is kind of a horrible person through their actions is not because there being autistic. It is because they live in Canada which is the greatest sin you can do.

April from parks and rec. The montone voice, the aspiration of death and love of animals... Shes just like me fr.

Also her husband Andy too cause he reeks of Adhd and Autistim.

Also, Ron cause Hes literally me as a 40-something-year-old man. Also, the way he cried over that banana is very autistic of him.

No explanation everybody knows this mf is autistic. The whole show is like a metaphor for unmasking at this point.

He was just me when I was 10. Plus were both Virgos. Anyway, the whole episode of him at the sleepover is the autistic girl hellhole every autistic girl goes through.

Everyone in this Damm show for some reason. fun fact I am Bobby and Luanne at the same time.

Every single character Danny Puddi has played. Like he must be a helluva actor to pull off every character he's done as autistic props to him man.

very queer autistics loves him and you know it .

I don't care if her social skills are bad cause she lived with a narcissistic mother She is autistic to me cause she is my fav Disney character. Anyway, Rapunzel did no wrong so don't get me started on that whole varian nonsense SHE HAD A WHOLE ASS KINGDOM TO RUN.

EVERYONE FROM THE OWL HOUSE EXCEPT THE PIG AND BELOS. ALSO THEY ALL HAVE ADHD TOO !

Both dee and charlie, they know my pain.

Mike from Fnaf GET A DIAGNOSS YOU MADE ME MAD JUST SITTING THERE AND SLEEPING ABOUT YOUR BRO CARROT.

[ghostly-writers]

Ok so these will be two fanfics in on both based of fan-art by Abrlik so let’s get started

First story: run Bunny

Nicky ran as fast as he could through the complex house. It’s many doors could either lead you to the kitchen or to certain death. Nicky held the crowbar in one hand and a key in the other he tried to scramble through the window but failed miserably as he fell flat on his face and blood started to dribble down his face in a thick line staining his shirt slightly. He half heartedly wiped it away with the back of his hand and kept trying to climb out the window his foot got caught multiple times. “Hey!” Nicky’s blood ran cold he twisted his head round and saw it two emerald green staring straight into his soul. “ H-hey n-neighbour” he stuttered out. He felt a sharp tug on the back of his shirt he gagged as he was pulled back into his neighbours chest “well” he started a vice like grip on Nicky’s shirt to keep him from bolting. Nicky scratched and scraped at the hand in a desperate attempt to get away. “God your like a bunny all jumpy and quick… wait bunny”. He suddenly grinned evilly and grabbed Nicky’s chin so he was now looking him straight in the eyes and smiled again “ I have an idea”. He walked through the house dragging Nicky behind him Nicky struggled and begged to be let go Theodore ignored him and dragged him upstairs letting Nicky hang limply behind him. Each step was pain as his legs thumped against the wooden stairs. Nicky felt himself being thrown into a room and onto a bed he watched dumbfounded as his enemy started looking through an old tattered box that was positioned inside the wardrobe at the other end of the room he saw photos and shoes and a few dresses placed on the bed next to him then finally he seemed to find what he was looking for he smiled as he held up a tattered pink bunny suit! Nicky's mouth hung open in horror he was going to wear that! “I know exactly what your thinking and yes you are going to wear this” he grabbed Nicky’s ankle as soon as he realized he was about to bolt and forced his legs into the suit than his arms and finally zipped it up. Nicky stared at Theodore with hatred his hands were in a pair of mittens attached to the suit to make as if he had ‘paws’ .“Now don't you just look adorable!” Nicky growled at Theodore. “ I'm not cute and if you don't get me out of this then I'll shove one of my paws up your a-” he was cut off as a fake carrot was shoved in his mouth Nicky's protests were muffled as he tried to say something. “ this was my wife's Diane we dressed up as a bunny and a carrot farmer for easter and you fit it well.” Theodore clicked his fingers and searched through the box and found what he was looking for a sweater a lot like his own except this one was a deep brown and had a cartoon carrot on the front he replaced his normal blue sweater with this one, smiling happily. He picked up a camera and pointed it at Nicky .“Come on bunny smile for the camera” he smiled at Nicky. Spat out the carrot and gave him a grimace he bared his teeth his cheeks were dusted lightly with a pink blush. “ I played you little game now what,” Nicky said after the photo was taken. Theodore placed a finger on his chin and complemented what do next “ well since your so cute as a bunny why don’t you keep it on. Nicky’s balled his fists and growled at Theodore. He felt a carrot pushed against his cheek and Theodore horsley laughing .“What’s wrong Nicholas did the bunny not get enough carrots?”

Second story: smile Nicky please!

“Come on Nicky sweetheart just one photo and that’s it I promise” begged Luanne. She held the family’s polaroid camera in one hand and attempted to reason with Nicky with the other “please Narf one photo then we can go home I’ll get you ice cream”. Nicky crossed his arms and let out a frustrated huff he turned away from both his parents and let out a stubborn “ No”. Nicky was dressed in an itchy brown sweater that had a cartoon reindeer on the front his mum had picked out because it made him look ‘adorable’. Tangled in his messy hair was a pair of fake plastic reindeer antlers, the paint was peeling off and was falling into his hair. He wore a pair of elf shoes that had tiny silver on the end that jingled when he walked. Jay sighed and placed a hand on his son's shoulder. "One photo with Santa ok?"

Nicky didn't want to but to get his parents off his back he would do it. He hesitantly walked past the fake candy canes and elves. The screaming and crying, toddlers that littered the floor and approached the man in the white and red suit. A kind-looking woman came to Nicky with a wide grin on her face she was dressed in a green button-up shirt with white and green socks that came up to her knee caps and her hat has an obnoxious golden bell on the end that jingled with each step she also wore a green skirt that had red baubles on the end. Her brown hair fell over her face as she talked to Nicky. She looked as if she had fallen into a box of Christmas decorations. Nicky had to suppress a laugh. “Come on honey are you ready to meet Santa?” Nicky looked back at his parents who mouthed ‘please’ Nicky sighed and looked back at the women and nodded. She gently took his hand and led him up the red carpet to we're ‘Santa’ was but when he saw who it was he almost choked laughing. His neighbour

Mr Peaterson was sat there just finished talking to a spoiled little girl who has just wished for a pony. As soon as she left his wide grin fell and he turned to scowl at the elf. “Who’s next?” The sweet women motioned towards Nicky Theodore's eyes lit up as if to say. ‘Oh this will be good.’ He suddenly had a sickly sweet smile plastered on his face Nicky could see behind the eyes though that he was trying not to laugh. Nicky hid behind the women leg who gently patted him on the head .“There's no need to be nervous sweetie Santa won't hurt you". Nicky shook his head but the elf took his hand and walked him towards his neighbour when he was close enough Theodore lifted him up onto his lap and lent very close “have you been a good little boy or a naughty one?” Nicky gulped nervously “I-i-ve b-been g-good.” Theodore's smile spread wider he pointed at Nicky's mum and dad “come on Rudolf smile for mommy and daddy”. He squeaked Nicky fake nose and attempted to make Nicky smile. “I'm not smiling” Nicky grumpily said. Theodore pushed the corner of Nicky's mouth up in an attempt to make him smile, Luanne quickly snapped a photo of Nicky sitting on his sworn enemies lap. After the photo was taken Theodore was unable to contain it anymore and let out a wheezing laugh. Nicky scowled at him and growled out. “Keep laughing and I will tell my parents you tried to touch me there” this ‘threat’ only made him laugh harder. “You wouldn't” he said between wheezing. After he was done he slid Nicky off his lap and stared at him right in the eyes “Merry Christmas Rudolf!” Nicky was about to say something when his mum grabbed him by the hand and led him away from the still laughing man. “ there's the next Christmas card!”

Present time

Theodore sat laughing as he held the photo for Nicky to see. “ I told you I still had this photo” Nicky scowled at Theodore a bright blush on his face “ don't.you.dare!”

[icecreamartist]

I made a bbieal oc Meet Luanne Cooper -24 years old She works as a Lunch lady in the cafeteria at the school Whenever she runs into the player, she gives them a bag of carrot sticks to help keep their energy up. I thought she'd fit in @mobox87 or @baldi-the-baldimore Au

[tuscanwalker]

August 30: Lisbon

After LuAnne and I suffered a month of constant cloud and drizzle in the mother country, Kim and I awoke in Lisbon today to sunny skies and a forecast high of 29C. It is predicted to heat up more over the weekend, so we will be rising early and moving out fast to avoid the worst of the heat of the day when we walk. For now, it is just an opportunity to enjoy Lisbon at its best.

Yesterday we went to Belém. This is a suburb a few km further west along the Tagus River Estuary. The nobility moved there after the 1755 earthquake (magnitude 8.5-9), which the central city on All Saints Day while everyone was in church (ironic don’t you think). It is the site of the beautiful Monasterio de las Jeronimos (St Jerome) with its exquisite cloister which took the entire 16th century to build. Nearby is Belém Tower which controlled the entry to the harbour for 500 years. Both structures are in a Manueline (King Manuel I) style of highly ornate architectural decoration. This style is unique to Portugal and dominated during the height of the Renaissance and Portugal’s overseas empire. It typically has tons of naval symbolism and exotic vegetation from the 15th Century explorations of Magellan and Vasco de Gama.

Along the way we stopped at Pastéis de Belém. Since 1837 they have been serving their “secret” version of Portuguese custard tarts. They now cook and sell or serve (in a 400 seat bakery/restaurant) roughly 20,000 tarts a day and sometimes double that on weekends. It apparently has the largest number of reviews on tripadvisor of any restaurant in the world. Customers are lined up down the street all day. Kim and I had two each with our cafe con leche and all I can say is that you should imagine eating a vanilla flavoured cloud in a flakey and delicate shell, dusted with cinnamon. I could have eaten a dozen more.

Also nearby are the Monument to the Discoveries (see yesterday’s blog) and a half a dozen of Lisbon’s 40+ museums. I really like the Maritime and the Coach museums but frankly we were just too tired to bother.

On the way back to hotel we stopped for dinner at the Ribeira Market. Time Out magazine bought 1/2 of it last year and invited all of Lisbon’s best chefs to open booths serving gourmet food. Rather than serve fast food, you order from a menu and are given a pager which calls you to pick up your food and wine when it is ready 15 or 20 minutes later. Kim had catch of the day at one stall and I had bacalhau with carrot and spinach from another. We both agreed that the dishes were what you would expect in a fine restaurant and not from a glorified food court.

Still catching up a bit, so will post today’s visit to Sintra later tonight.

[veganmeatloaf]

red curry ramen w bamboo shoots seitan slice pickled daikon ooooooo yum and udon miso seaweed carrot black sesame from luanne’s wg in new york city ny

[nighthoundsblog]

TT: The Harvest

AO3|FF.Net

The early-morning fog was as thick as pea soup as the sun rose over a castle that was perched on top of a very steep hill. Currently making the journey upwards was an army of knights, all clad in suits of armor, each carrying a shield and some form of weapon.   This sizable army was led forward by a pair of rabbits. The two rabbits, Carol and LuAnn Hopps, carried a sword and mace respectively. The mission for them was clear: take the castle in the name of their king. To prepare for this mission, they had undertaken five years each of intensive training and another five years of various, smaller, conquests. All of it, from the time they left the Grey Manor to the different lands they had conquered, led to this very castle that laid before their eyes. As the troops advanced, they heard a horn sound, signaling that they had been spotted. The fog began to clear as the invading army pulled out their weapons and prepared for the defending army that would surely come. And come it did. The drawbridge lowered, the castle doors flung open, and the first wave of enemy knights poured out of the opening. The invading army charged head on. Both armies screamed as they raced towards each other, eager to have the knight who drew first blood.

*Cock-a-doodle-doo* A rooster crowing signaled the start of another day for nine-year-old Carol Hopps. As the daughter of lowly serfs snapped her eyes open and rose from her hay bed, her much older sister, LuAnn, appeared at her doorway. “You’re awake,” the older rabbit stated. “Morning to you too sister,” Carol yawned. “Ready for your first harvest?” “Uh huh, I can’t wait!” her younger sister replied enthusiastically. In truth, she had been looking forward to meeting the Grey Knights. “I brought you breakfast.” The eighteen-year-old brown rabbit said, shaking the tray for emphasis. “Remember to say grace before you eat.” Carol nodded and got to her knees. LuAnn did the same, and the two sisters put their hand paws together. “Remember, work as hard as you can. OK?” The older sister asked. The younger rabbit responded with a nod, and they recited their grace. “Bless, O Father, Thy gifts to our use and us to thy service; for Christ’s sake. Amen.” The sisters prayed. After grace, they ate the grass laid before them without a further word. The rabbit duo then got up, brushed themselves off, and prepared for a grueling day of farm work.

They walked into the outside world to find that the harvest day had already begun. They found a section of cabbage was not being tended to and ran over to help. They had to work quickly for the Knights that served under Tyson Grey would be arriving shortly to collect their crops before the day was done. They wasted no time in digging up the heads of ripe cabbage. Remembering what her sister and Andrew taught her, she took a knife, pulled up a head of cabbage, cut it from the root, pulled the outermost leaves, and placed each head on the cart that had pulled up behind her. “Hi, Carol.” She turned around to find a tall, stocky ox. “Hey, Andrew.” The rabbit smiled, then turned back around and returned to her work. “Remember to work really hard today. It’s critical ya know.” “I know, I know,” she replied. The young rabbit put her knife away when the cabbages were all hauled away. She then and bounced over to the still-maturing tomatoes to find her sister, LuAnn, already plucking weeds. She bent her knees and helped. “Hey, sis?” Carol said. “Have you ever wondered about what the world is like outside these walls?” “No.” “Come on, really?” “Nope. The only world you need to know is inside these walls here.” “But don’t you get curious sometimes about what other lands there are out there, other castles, other villages maybe?” “No,” she repeated, “the only world you need to know is inside these walls. Let’s talk later. We have to finish pulling these weeds.” “Right.” It took another hour before they were finished. Idle chatter among the two bunnies helped the time go by. The group was finally done, and good timing, as Carol saw a group of knights approaching from the horizon, their armor glistening in the sun.

The oxen had pulled carts containing various crops from cabbages to tomatoes towards the center of the village where every serf had gathered. After the Knights picked the best crops for their Lord and themselves, they would leave the servants with the rest. The portion left for them was enough to live on until the next harvest. Carol looked around the crowd and noticed that some of the older mammals had become nervous. Some were twirling their fingers while others were slightly shaking, but she had no reason to be nervous. She turned around to find, to her surprise, her sister was trembling along with everybody else. “Sis,” the younger one asked, “there’s no need to worry. You worked harder than everyone else today.” “Yeah, I did,” LuAnn replied, still shaking “I did.” Her ears drooped down. Carol began to notice that wolf knights were gathering the eldest of rabbits. This was what the penalty was for not working hard enough. She was so distracted by the sight that she almost didn’t notice that her sister was also being taken away. “Wait, what’s going on?” she asked in a near panic. “She’s coming with us,” The wolf knight replied. “But why? She worked harder than anybody here,” she said, to no response from the wolf. “Wait,” Carol said, about to run to her sister who was going willingly with the knight. She found herself held back by a familiar ox’s arm. “Let me go. That’s my sister. Andrew, what are they doing?” she asked in a rising panic. “They’re doing their job.” “But my sister, she worked harder than everybody else,” she said, struggling to fight back tears. “I saw her; I need to tell them.” “They know,” Andrew said solemnly. “But they also know that she could not have children.” “Why couldn’t she have children?” “They just know, they know.” Carol watched as her sister walked out of sight without looking back. Andrew decided to speak further. “God will take good care of her, don’t worry.” “Will I get to see her again?” “Eventually, if you’re a good bunny. Keep working hard and know that you will join her one day.” She could not hold back anymore and broke down crying. Andrew moved to put a hoof on her shoulder for support, but he stopped when a paw fell on his. “It’s your time to go, you’ve been selected to pull the cart,” the tiger knight behind him stated. Andrew knew what this meant. “This rabbit just lost her sister. Please, The ox pleaded. “I’m all she has.” “You’ve grown too old; you know what that means,” the feline knight flatly stated. “I know, but can I have one more harvest cycle to be with her?” “No, it’s your time. You’ve been selected to pull the cart.” Andrew nodded. “I’ve got to go now,” he said to the still-bawling rabbit. “It’s time for me to meet God.” Her ears perked. “No, you can’t leave me,” she pleaded. “I have to. He’s calling for me. We’ll meet again someday, but you have to be a good bunny for Lord Grey and God. Promise me that.” She struggled to speak as more tears left her eyes, so she only nodded. Andrew, along with a few other oxen, departed with the now monstrous knights. Each wolf had a convoy of rabbits in tow, while the oxen were hauling away the noble’s share of the harvest. Every step that Andrew took felt as if he was walking over her heart. The Grey Knights marched towards the castle gate. Carol stopped crying as she was carried away by another rabbit. She vowed to still work the hardest of them all and to have as many children as possible when possible.

Later that night, in the central manor, Lady Grey had prepared a dish of stew. The stew consisted of rabbit meat, carrots, onions, tomatoes, and potatoes. This was everything an omnivore such as the red fox needs. She brought the pot to the table and prepared four bowls of the stew. After she had done so, she took her seat next to her husband. “Let’s say our grace,” lord Grey spoke. The four foxes held each other’s paws and prayed. “Bless, O Father, Thy gifts to our use and us to thy service; for Christ’s sake. Amen,” the family said in unison. As they ate the stew, Lord Grey was the first to speak. “What a lovely meal you’ve prepared my dear.” “Thank you, darling. I thought about saving some for his majesty when he comes for a visit.” “You should; I’m sure that he would love it, along with the ox meat.” No further words were spoken as the noble fox family enjoyed the taste of young rabbit stew.

[jumperlink2-blog]

MORE JAW DRAMA…LIKE IT’S ALWAYS SOMETHING

MICHAEL SAID IF HE HEARS THE WORD JAW ONE MORE TIME WE MAY DIVORCE.

Lol.

But seriously, I am sick of it too. Such a drag.

So basically as you guys know, I had double jaw surgery about 4-ish years ago. Well, recently I realized that my lymphatic system in my face wasn’t draining properly- this was causing me to swell up like a balloon any time I stepped on a plane, traveled to higher altitude, &/or drank too much alcohol. Even salt! Like forget it- one too many grams of salt & I was immediately Fat Bastard.

I was over it. Personally, I became convinced that the reason I was swelling so much was because of the screws & plates in my face. I mean it can’t be GOOD for you to have metal in your face blocking your flow. My acupuncturist told me this too- he said the screws/plates from double jaw surgery were JUST BAD. Especially because it goes against everything Chinese medicine says.

So I said to myself “fuck it- I want this shit out!”

MY JAW SITUATION

If you can’t tell, when I get my head stuck on something, I get my head stuck on something. I couldn’t let it go.

So I found a jaw surgeon in LA ( as you know we recently moved from San Diego to Los Angeles ) & immediately booked an appointment. It all went well. We didn’t remove every single screw but the majority of them. Immediately after surgery I SWELLED RIGHT THE FUCK UP. Which is to be expected- it happens after an invasive surgery. But now, 3 weeks later, I am feeling better…& I should add: more contoured & less swollen than before the surgery. WHICH WE LOVE.

You could definitely say it was a success…& I am convinced my theory was right.

Anyway, so that’s my jaw drama. & while we are at it- let’s talk tips to fight inflammation because boy I am the fucking queen of that. AHEM:

♡ Watermelon juice!!!

Watermelon juice was my main request because it’s non-acidic. I like to add a TON of lime too. Lime is acidic but turns alkaline in the body. So watermelon x lime is just fucking gold. I’ve been chugging it like a sorority sister chugs Jungle Juice at a frat mixer. Watermelon juice is just perfect in every way. Go for the juicy red flesh at the center of a watermelon because it’s the only nutrient-rich area, forget the white part. The white part sucks, kinda. Some other benefits: watermelon is great for blood flow, it’s anti-inflammatory ( perfect for surgery ), & has TONS of vitamins and minerals. ALSO IT’S A DIURETIC. Cleans you out. Bottoms up!

♡ Next up, Mr. raw coconut juice.

I like this baby for its electrolytes. Raw coconut water is filled with electrolytes which REALLY boosts hydration. Hydration is key in sickness recovery. I always search for the pink coconut waters because supposedly they contain more antioxidants. This one is my favorite brand by far! Love it when it’s a baby pink mixture ( this happens only sometimes depending on the coconuts they get ).

♡ Heyyyy Kefir!

Since I had to take some more antibiotics for this surgery, I needed something with probiotics to coat my stomach. This kefir smoothie makes all the difference. Kefir is a whole different blog post but basically it’s “a sour-tasting drink made from cow’s milk fermented with certain bacteria. Also, a great source of probiotic bacteria and yeast, and requires daily maintenance, if using milk kefir grains. It is generally more sour in flavor and of a pourable consistency. Milk kefir may also be used in many, many recipes.” When I take antibiotics I ALWAYS balance it out with a probiotic. This is why kefir is amaze; it balances the antibiotic out by promoting good bacteria. This smoothie is simple. Nothing crazy because I definitely don’t want to shock my system.

♡♡♡ TSC Kefir Probiotic Smoothie

1 banana 1 cup kefir Handful of kale 1 splash almond milk Handful of ice Top with cinnamon ( << an anti-inflammatory )

Directions: blend. Garnish with cinnamon & cheers!

♡ Now let’s talk about liquid gold!

A full blown Vitamin C juice!! My favorite…orange/carrot/ginger/turmeric. SO healing for the system when you’re in recovery ( or on any day ). The orange relieves constipation, is full of potassium, & again, turns alkaline in the system ( so it’s essentially NON acidic ). The crunchy powerfood carrot does wonders: they’re full of fiber & literally flush nasty-ass toxins from the body. SO cleansing. Ginger, one of my favorites, is a real life saver because it takes away nausea. And typically surgery brings on nausea, yuck. Ginger also reduces gas, has a warming effect, & stimulates circulation. Lastly turmeric root!!! My home girl. Turmeric ( like real turmeric. Ever seen it at the grocery store? It looks like a sick bug. You can actually buy it online too ) is the shit in juices. Turmeric root is INSANE for inflammation. I’ve been shooting it in shot glasses #rebel.

♡ ICE ROLL THE FUCK OUTTA YOUR FACE.

Here’s the deal. I’ve been doing ice facials since Sonja Morgan from RHONY recommended them after a brutal hangover circa 2014-ish when noble Countess Luann was yelling at Heather Yummie Tummie about being ‘uncool.’ It really wasn’t until my brutal jaw surgery that I discovered the IT beauty tip of 2016 ( AKA MY LIFE LINE ). IT FIGHTS INFLAMMATION- I DO IT EVERY MORNING. TRUST ME.

Let me set the scene, years ago: I was actively perusing Amazon ( SHOCKING, this is something I do on the regular ) & was searching ‘jaw surgery book.’ Weirdly, an ice roller popped up.

So I was like, “umm, yes. This will make life easier PLUS give me a little lymphatic drainage while I’m rolling downward on my swollen jaw.”

Added to cart……..& then shit, the rest is history.

Not only did I fall absolutely HEAD OVER HEELS in love with my ice roller ( I use the white roller with a blue handle ), I also entered into a committed relationship with my ice roller. Like I said: I use it every ( EVERY ) day, once sometimes twice a day for as long as it’s cold ( usually 2 to 3 minutes per time ). In fact, I’m grumpy if I don’t get to use it first thing in the AM! Bye swelling.

♡ Lastly: TEA.

This one isn’t really too healthy but it’s keeping me refreshed. I get a large Starbucks iced green tea with two splashes of passion fruit & no sweetener. Obviously this isn’t like organic, homegrown, gold star tea BUT it’s cold on my throat & feels good plus it forces me to drink more water. And well, I just like it. Also, I’ve definitely been sneaking some mint chocolate chip ice cream because ‘help me, I’m sick.’ If you’re so healthy, lucky you, drink organic Numi green tea & skip the iced Starbucks.

♡ Oh, & another one not pictured:

I HAVE BEEN CHUGGING OWL VENICE BONE BROTH IN DISGUSTING AMOUNTS. I’ve been told it’s the best thing you can put in your system BEFORE & AFTER surgery. I add lemon & seriously GULP, GULP, GULP. A post on the broth can be found here.

ALSO: using Valor oil, taking massive amounts of arnica & turmeric ( I AM OBSESSED WITH TRUVANI’S TURMERIC TABLETS because they’re real deal turmeric with black pepper- I take them all the time ), using TONS OF ICE for ice facials ( which has helped me the most, especially this specific ice roller ), dry brushing, detoxing, juicing, applying real aloe vera/raw coconut oil, & also I’m really trying to avoid salt. ANY OTHER TIPS? Please share.

Before we go I also want to discuss pros of having double surgery in the first place because it seems like it’s been an on-going thing. Also this is important because I receive a lot of DM’s on questions about the initial surgery:

SO PROS OF MY JAW SURGERY:

+ I feel balanced now. I felt out of whack/alignment for my whole life. Towards the end I started to get used to being uncomfortable. Now I feel at peace. This is me now ( still have a long way to go, but this is without photo editing & no makeup- you can’t edit on Snapchat ). Swollen still, but coming down.

+ I haven’t been grinding my teeth AT ALL. This is huge for me because I’ve been grinding my teeth every night of my life to the point where Michael couldn’t sleep.

+ I haven’t snored once. This is another big one because I sounded like a freaking wildebeest when I was sleeping. Now I sleep like a baby without waking up in the middle of night…& Michael can sleep peacefully. This is AMAZING.

+ My bite fits together. Before I could only chew on one side of my mouth & my bite never fit together. Now my teeth fit together like a perfect puzzle piece & my mid-line is on point.

+ No more headaches, cracking my neck, or anxiety around my neck. I would also try to fix my bite myself by holding my jaw in the proper place. Because the issue was skeletal, it put major anxiety in my shoulders & neck. This feeling is gone, gone, gone.

+ Michael has literally seen me at my lowest point looks-wise, so I’m thinking he’s a keeper….LOL.

+ Lastly, my cheekbones look a little higher. A vain plus, but hey it’s a plus.

So that’s that. Thought I would share the process with you guys because you know I like to get specific.

I am off to eat a sourdough peanut butter & jelly sandwich because I got food poisoning last night. The culprit was either bad shrimp or bad cauliflower rice- you decide. If anyone has any food poisoning tips, I am all ears because man, do I feel queasy. Like I said- it’s always something! LOL.

HOPE YOU’RE ALL HAVING A PRODUCTIVE WEEK. See you tomorrow, lauryn x

+ to read more about my jaw surgery experience check out my other jaw surgery posts: still swollen | jaw surgery | finding energy after surgery

++ for more posts on how to recover from jaw surgery: facial massage | Gua Sha | cryotherapy | how to lymphatic drainage

Source: https://www.theskinnyconfidential.com/double-jaw-surgery/

[ibrahimboel0-blog]

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[patinagreen]

Into The Garden. A Patina Green Event.

They say that rain on a wedding day brings the bride and groom good luck. It also brings a certain level of excitement (slash panic) to an outdoor dinner for 100. Thankfully, the last bit of "good luck" drops came and went as the first guests arrived, replacing that sinking feeling with a kick-ass-and-take-names approach that continued ALL. THROUGH. THE. NIGHT...and right up to the standing ovation.

"Art is not what you see, but what you make others see" Edgar Degas.

Replace the "see" with taste, and you have defined the evening.  Artists, taking the ordinary and arranging them in ways to make them extrordinary; a backyard turned into an oasis and simple ingredients masterfully crafted into 12 courses; all with the focused intention of creating an unforgettable experience for the attendees.

"All the beets" Matthew McCallister

Heirloom Popcorn. Robert Lyford

The food was playful and the anticipation of each dish electric. The courses were served family style and placed on wood stumps arranged every 2-3 feet on long farm tables covered with live moss. A salad was given to guests as a present in a closed paper box that had to be opened. Tin cans were the clever vessels for Chef Robert's "Pork and Beans". Other courses were served in mismatched vintage dishes, emphasizing the artistic yet relaxed atmosphere of the evening.

"Pork & Beans" Heritage Pork Collar,Yellow Indian Woman Beans, McKinney Carrots, Charred Rapini from the winter. Robert Lyford

Charred Sweet Onions, Lemon Thyme, Foraged Chanterelles.  Matthew McCallister

As Kaci, Luann and I took a breather, we looked out onto lawn and upon the happenings of a fabulous dinner party. I turned to the mother/daughter duo and said, "Look. There are YOUR people...it's the Patina Green people''. In the garden we saw a community of farmers, chefs, and real food enthusiasts brought together for the evening by two of the movement's most passionate members. Looking back, it was without a doubt a "best of 2016" moment for the Patina Green Home and Market crew.

*Many thanks to the Cavalier Family for allowing us to host this event in your beautiful home. Thank you to Chef Joey Dawkins for joining us in the kitchen and a special thanks to Chef Matthew McCallister with FT33 for working alongside Chef Robert and creating unforgettable dishes and moments for our Dinner in the Garden.

To see all the mouthwatering moments from this event, view the slideshow below.

photography and writing by Melinda Ortley

June 11, 2016

Chef Robert Lyford, Patina Green

Chef Matt McCallister, FT33

Heirloom Popcorn, Peanuts, House Cured Olives, Biscuits w/ Ribbon Cane & the Good Butter. Robert Lyford

Summer Squash, Feta, Oregano, Blackberry.  Matthew McCallister

Local Produce. Fresh and Preserved Air Dried Beef. Robert Lyford

Fried Egg & Coriander Caper Custard, Half sour Bok Choy, Puffed Rice, Aleppo.   Matthew McCallister

Charred Sweet Onions, Lemon Thyme, Foraged Chanterelles.  Matthew McCallister

East Texas Heirloom Tomatoes, Sprouted Rye Berries, Linda's Green Beans, Strained Yogurt.  Robert Lyford

All the beets . . . Matthew McCallister

Duck Liver chicory Mousse, Barley Miso, wild Berry Mostarda, Brioche. Matthew McCallister

Raw Milk Ricotta, Grass Fed Beef Bolo, Grits cooked in the Whey. Robert Lyford

"Pork & Beans" Heritage Pork Collar, Yellow Indian Woman Beans, McKinney Carrots, Charred Rapini from the winter.  Robert Lyford

Peaches, Brown Butter, Financier, Chamomile. Matthew McCallister

Chocolate Pudding, Anglaise, Cornbread, Agarita.  Robert Lyford