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tinyboxxtink · 4 years ago

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“Helpless” *Part 3*

Ok, I got the 2nd dose of the CoVid Vaccine yesterday and it’s kicking my ASS, so I’m gonna blame the writing on that. I wasn’t even gonna do a chapter tonight but I can’t let my babies down!!!!

Please forgive me, I didn’t plan this story out as well. I don’t know how long it’s gonna go, I’m flailing, coming apart at the seams.

ANYWAY, ENJOY! 😂

Also for the record the micro expression thing is a real thing, there was a whole show about it! #LieToMe

This story is just an excuse to exploit my fascination with it. 😅 #jk

Masterlist

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

My Lovelies:

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@chasingeverybreakingwave

After greeting your new guests, you took their drink orders and handed them two menus, explaining the specials. You glanced over to see Rafael furiously scribbling notes down on his legal pad; SUPER.

“....How’s the Cesar salad here, dear?” the older woman of the couple asked.

“It’s great-- really--” you were explaining when you caught Rafael’s eye when he glanced up to look at you. He smiled, and you thought your knees would give out.

“Amazing,” you sighed in a dreamy wisp.

“Really? That good, huh?” The woman glanced over to where you had been looking. Rafael quickly looked elsewhere, then sipped his scotch and continued writing.

“Well he looks yummy too,” She winked, as her husband looked up from his menu with a wary eye.

“I’ll be back with your drinks,” you nodded and quickly excused yourself to make their drinks. After quickly mixing and serving them, you returned to Rafael who was now grinning from ear to ear.

“Are you going to actually order, or…?” You asked, leaning your elbows on the bar across from him.

“In a minute, sure. FIRST, you answer some questions, camarera--” You gave him a face. “It means waitress,”

“Right...cute,” you rolled your eyes, but inside you were melting. Anything spanish coming out of that man’s mouth sounded like straight porn.

“But, I’m not just going to sit here and let you interrogate me, counselor,” you smirked. “Tit for tat-- you ask me one, I’ll ask you one. And remember, I’ll know if you’re lying,” you wagged your eyebrows at him.

“Well that’s just unfair, don’t you think? You could tell me anything and I’d believe you,” he argued.

“Oh really? Because I look that innocent?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Because you’re that pretty,” he winked, causing your cheeks to flush hot. Damn, he was good.

“Alright alright, down boy,” you tried playing it off like you weren’t mentally squealing like a 12 year old. “First question?”

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“Excuse you? How old do you think I am?!” You didn’t know whether to be insulted or flattered. You had always been told you looked young for your age, but you didn’t want him thinking you were barely jailbait or something. WAIT, was that him making sure you weren’t?

“Why don’t you ask me my age, counselor? Wouldn’t that be easier?”

“Asking a woman’s age is the equivalent of asking to get punched in the nuts,” he chuckled.

“True. Well I’m older than 21 but younger than 40,” you smirked.

“So...22 then?” He winked.

“Whatever you want, papi,” you winked back, causing his eyes to glisten with arousal.

“But to answer your actual question, I want to work in law someday,” you added, turning his amorous eyes to curious ones.

“Really? Because of me?”

“Oh my GOD, could you be any more narcissistic?” you scoffed.

“I could be, most definitely yes,” he nodded.

“NO, believe it or not my world doesn’t revolve around you; in fact until yesterday you were just ‘tie guy’,”

“Tie guy?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Your ties. They are very...intricate,” you nodded to the tie he was currently wearing. To your surprise, he nervously adjusted it and looked down, as if he was embarrassed by his love for flamboyant ties.

“Not in a bad way, I like them a lot. Especially when they match your suspenders,” as soon as the words left your mouth, you heard the “fatal attraction” in them.

“Okay see how is this fair, you clearly know much more about me than I know about you,” You fanned yourself, your skin was going to be permanently burned red from this entire conversation.

“Yes but to be fair you just keep revealing that information yourself, and it’s really only facts about myself, just with a stalker’s viewpoint,” he quickly recovered from his own insecurities once again, reveling in your skill of self destruction.

“ANYWAY-- No, not because of you. I’ve just been fascinated with the micro expression thing since I was a teenager, and I think if it hasn't been already introduced as tactics for law enforcement, it definitely should be. Having human lie detectors on hand would be very beneficial, don’t you think?”

“You do have a point,” he nodded. “If it was a real thing,” he rolled his eyes.

“It IS! Alright you know what-- new game,” You slammed the bar with your hands defensively..

“You tell me facts about yourself and I’ll tell you if you’re lying,”

“Whoa whoa whoa, I never agreed to that,” Rafael shook his head.

“Well you can agree now or I can keep waiting on other people, counselor,”

“...Alright, fine. But it goes both ways,”

“Oh you think you can tell when I’m lying?” You dared him.

“If I really try, sure. I am a lawyer,”

“Alright....fine.”

“So what are the terms of this game?”

“Hmmmm…..if I win, you have to mention this science--”

“Voodoo”

“SCIENCE, to your higher ups. Or someone who could do something with it,” you held out your hand.

“Alright...fine. And when I win, I eat free here for a week.” he smirked.

“WHAT? No no no, that shit will come out of my pocket, jackass,” You winced after the insult came out, you didn’t know what it was about him that caused such flippancy.

“...You know I’ve never been in a conversation with someone insulting me this much,” he chuckled.

“....Maybe not to your face,” You gave him a tongue-in-cheek smile.

“Touché…” he chuckled, twirling his pen between his fingers.

“Alright fine, if I win, you have dinner with me next week. Anywhere but here,” he grinned, amused at the shell shocked look on your face. You quickly shook it off and tried to play it cool.

“....You know I’ve never been in a conversation with a guy who worked this hard just to ask me out,”

“Oh please, I could’ve asked you to follow me home last night and you would’ve done it,” he smirked, causing you to hit him with feigned protest.

“But what fun would that be?” he asked coyly, biting his lip.

“ORDER UP!” You heard the kitchen call your order.

“Shit...I’ll be right back,” You took Rafael’s glass and filled it back up, sliding it back to him.

“Trying to get me drunk?” He gave you a look.

“More like trying for a bigger tip,” you giggled, going back for the food.

---

You grabbed your other guests dinner and refilled their drinks, making sure they were taken care of for a while before returning to Rafael to start your new game.

“Alright….so first question: Any brothers or sisters?” you started before he could think of a question.

“One brother two sisters,” he replied with a straight face.

“NOPE. Lie. Straight out of the gate, really, counselor?!”

“Oh please, how could you know that,” he rolled his eyes.

“Please, with that ego, you’re definitely an only child.” You both laughed, he nodded.

“Alright, same question,”

“8 brothers, 7 sisters,”

“Oh now THAT’S a load of bullshit! In New York City? No way,”

“Well, technically. I was raised in a group home-- orphan,”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he went for your hand, but you shook it off.

“Not a big deal, moving on,”

“Hey--” he took your hand this time. “For what it’s worth, having parents isn’t exactly great either,”

Hint of a sad tone, a micro anger expression at the word ‘parents’.

“...Mom or dad?”

“What?”

Eye twitch at the mention of “dad”.

“What did your dad do?”

“Wha-- what is happening? What are you doing?” his eyes darted back and forth between yours trying to figure you out.

“I told you, science,”

“Well STOP, whatever it is!” he dropped your hand and leaned back defensively.

Wow, something really must have gone down with his dad.

“Okay...sorry, I’m sorry. Sometimes it’s hard to turn off,” you apologized, he relaxed back in his stool. The awkward silence now made you want to run right out of the restaurant.

“We don’t have to play anymore, I’ll tell you whatever you want,”

“No no, it’s my fault. I thought you were full of shit until that just happened,” he muttered with half a laugh.

“Oh, yeah then totally your fault,” you tried to laugh it off, he gave you a small smile. He was clearly still shaken up by the mention of his father, or the fact that you knew something about it out of thin air.

“Seriously, we can--”

“What about my dad?” he interrupted you.

“What?”

“ What do you know about my dad?” he asked, a serious expression on his face.

“Wha--- I’m not actually a psychic, Rafael. I just noticed your eye twitch when I mentioned the word dad, indicating some stress associated with it. SCIENCE, not magic,” you made “magic” motions with your fingers.

“I mean for all I know you could just hate your daddy because he didn’t buy you a yacht when you were a kid,” you joked; a glance of shame.

“...But you didn’t grow up with money, did you?” You couldn’t help yourself.

“....Seriously, I’ll leave,” he dropped his pen.

“Sorry. SORRY. Okay fine fine um-- I grew up in Jersey, in a tiny house in a room shared by five girls, it was like living in a closet. My foster parents only wanted the paychecks for each kid, so we basically raised each other. I made friends with Arianna who was also in the system when I got to high school, and as soon as we turned 18 we took off for the city, and we’ve been living out of our car for years,” you hoped your self deprecating life story negated whatever shit went down with his dad.

“....How much of that is true?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Okay so we live in a studio apartment, but we did live out of our car for a year,”

“....I grew up in the barrio,” he finally spoke after a long pause.

“I assume that’s like the Mexican ghetto?”

“CUBAN,” he was clearly offended.

“Right. Sorry,” you bit your lip, knowing there was no way you’d be able to dig out the stiletto wedged in your mouth.

“I love my mom, she did the best she could. And my abuela is the sweetest woman in the world. But my dad…” he rolled his eyes, his knuckles slightly curled at the mention of his father.

“....He’s dead now, so it’s irrelevant,” he shrugged uncomfortably.

“Right. Yeah no, sure,” this time you placed a hand over his.

“Miss, can we get a dessert menu please?” You heard the woman from the other end of the bar calling for you.

“I um-- I gotta--” you motioned between the couple and the back.

“Right-- hey um, do you think I could get my usual?” He asked softly, his cocky demeanor diminished.

“Y-Yeah! Of course, yeah I’ll be right back,” you smiled awkwardly at him and bolted to the kitchen.

For fuck’s sake, could you be any more awkward? This is why you didn’t have friends; people don’t want their lives being read on their faces.

It’s fine, you’re fine. You’ll just fix it when you come back….

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction

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weeklyfangirl · 6 years ago

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Frat Boy Part 12

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7 (1), part 7 (2), part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11

cheers my dears! here’s a little chappie before Halloween. I live for your thoughts/feelings as per usual so please come on in and say hi!! hope everyone has a fun & safe Halloween ;)

I knew I wasn’t high anymore when the seal stopped understanding what I was saying. Its round orbs were once again expressionless, and it slid back beneath the wave whence it came.

Cliffs and a quaint village-like port painted cotton candy pinks and seafoam greens welcomed us into the bustling harbor of Gardenia Island. In the past, it was the weekend getaway for Hollywood starlets, but as a kid, I used to run up and down the only main street the island had, ice cream dripping down my face, and shoes forgotten somewhere else. Now, it looked like I’d returned- but with a slightly foggy high and without the warmth from making family memories.

“I forget it only takes less than an hour to get here,” Lynn said.

“That’s because you’re literally hauling ass on this thing,” Viv replied.

Lynn popped a hip and Viv popped on her shades - but the distant whistles of other yachters made her raise a hand. Two boys blasting some horrific EDM were doing pelvic thrusts as if it were some kind of mating call.

“There’s not as many tourists now, so hopefully there’s some local hotties.” Karli nudged Viv, but she rolled her eyes.

“I think I need a boy cleanse.”

“I’m going to second that,” I said. I reached for the water glass I’d been nursing, and guzzled it down. I’d been peeing every two minutes but the hydration was worth it. Begrudgingly, I had to admit Harry was right.

“Really?”

It took me a hot minute to realize Viv was looking at me. I faltered. “I don’t know... it’s nice being just girls.”

“I agree,” Karli said, pulling out her phone. “But-”

The yachting boys blared their horns and we all nearly jumped out of our skins.

“JESUS WOULD YOU CALM IT DOWN! WE’RE NOT ON A POLE OR ANYTHING,” Renny screamed.

“YEAH!!” Lynn yelled back between laughter. Her breaths came in short little gasps. “Boys are wild, man.”

They yelled something else incoherent, but we ignored them. The strip of shops and waterfront restaurants weren’t as crowded as the summertime, the fall pushing people to return inland or back across the pond. Gardenia Island never lost its charm though. And with the fall clouds parting to let in the sun’s blazing heat, it was like us locals got a do-over of summer in a very small paradise. And I meant really small. Besides the single strand of inns, shops, and restaurants along the half-circle harbor, the rest of the island was protected land left for deer and bison.

“So, what’s the plan?” I asked.

“Hmm, we can get massages, or we can chill here, tan...” Karli shrugged. “I really don’t care what we do.”

Viv clutched her stomach. “I think we should get off the boat. Jonathon can take us to shore with the dingy.”

“You good?” Lynn asked.

She nodded, but I’ve seen seasickness enough to recognize it. There was a bit of commotion as the girls grabbed their purses, and the yacht captain I hadn’t even noticed before left with a couple deckhands to lower the dingy into the water. My brows rose. This boat was either larger than I thought, or I must have been really out of it. I still was, slightly.

I grabbed my purse from the underground cabin and shoved my sarong further in. Out of instinct, I checked my phone, and I almost choked when I saw his name.

You okay now?

An instant smile broke out across my face, and I hated it, loathed it! From the second I’d felt a spark with Harry, I knew it was dangerous. But maybe it was too late.

“Y/N?” Renny’s distant voice carried, and I heard the sound of the motor. I locked my phone without replying. How many times had he left me hanging? He could wait for once.

At the back of the boat, the girls were already adjusting themselves semi-comfortably on the dingy. Though seemingly harmless, the harbor water was rocking the yacht from all the passing yachts. The platform was seeping with water, and there was an ever increasing gap between the dingy. This wasn’t going to be necessarily easy.

“Do I just… hop in? I haven’t changed..”

“We’re going to the beach, if anything you’re overdressed!”

Fair point.

I placed my foot out, but with another swell of the water, I was lifted way too high.

“Come on,” Renny urged.

“I’m trying.”

I stretched my leg, barely reaching it.

“We’re getting further away, hurry.”

I reached it- well, barely. My calf slid and burned against the dinghy’s rubber as I tried with all my gusto to lean into the little boat. Another yacht was coming in on my peripherals, and I suddenly felt even more ridiculous than I looked.

“It’s not that hard,” Kiki said. And if she wasn’t half-smiling I would’ve flipped her the bird. That, and if I wasn’t preoccupied.

“Got it, got it!” I was stretched out like a starfish, and I was just leaning into the dinghy when-

“That’s a view.”

The husky voice made my head around, and with another swell of the water, I was sent away from the dingy and sloshing in the water like unwanted seaweed.

There was a shirtless figure before I went under.

Frick, frick, frick- FRICK. I can’t see him in a thong bikini!!

I wasn’t sure if I was more in shock from him or the cold. Goosebumps sparked across my skin.

Breaking the surface, I gasped for air, making sure to face away from him. The girls were talking, and I hung off the side of the boat like a wet dog.

“You good? Can you get in?” Renny asked, scooting over to make room for me.

Ah, yes. What an excellent time to test the upper body strength I don’t have. I sucked in a cheek, and from pure determination to not look the complete fool, I hoisted myself up from the clear water. Lynn grabbed my arm.

A whistle sounded when I swung my leg over, and it clicked. My heart dropped. BIKINI THONG ALERT. Which was now, ever so perfectly positioned in front of them. I’d never twisted and slid so fast in my life, and my head hit the dinghy floor with a thunk the same time I heard a splash.

��Ow,” I touched my head. Renny’s double chin came before her laugh, and then I started laughing. This would happen to me.

Viv sat a little straighter when I heard someone in the water, and I debated waiting on the floor. A lucky seagull flew towards shore. It must’ve been nice to escape.

Hands smacked on the side of the boat, and I jolted again, hitting my head against Lynn’s knee. Effortlessly, and with the light shining in those speckled green eyes, he rose from the water, perching himself with crossed tanned arms on the side. He looked down at me with a quizzical brow.

“Tired?”

I shook my head, tight lipped. Renny snorted, and I slyly pinched her ankle. I gave myself a pinch for good measure. I shouldn’t be noticing the droplets that fell from his lips.

“You girls gonna go ashore?” Little rivers of water ran along his chest, and I tried to look at the sky, but there weren’t enough clouds on Earth to distract from his toned body. A heartbeat pounded in my temple, and it wasn’t from the sun.

“Yeah, wanna come?” Viv perked up.

Harry nodded. “Yeah, gonna drink a few with Niall first and we’ll be there.”

“Niall’s here?” Renny asked. She studied the boat and came up empty. She did a good job hiding the hurt in her voice, but not good enough to hide it from me.

Harry paused a bit. “Yeah..s’in the cabin.”

“Cool!” Renny said. She nodded, smiling at the other girls.

Definitely not cool.

“We’ll jus’ meet you there then,” he said, and when his eyes slipped down to mine for the briefest second, I wondered what it’d be like to make eye contact from this angle in a completely different situation.

He tapped the side again and pushed off into the water, while I swatted the thoughts away.

Since when was I trekking through the gutter before noon?

-------------

“I want to punch him in his stupid face.” Renny licked her cone where the ice cream was making melted streams. “Like this is so weird. He’s not even inviting us to do anything with them.”

“Okay same, I totally agree- but, um… when was the last time you talked?”

“This morning.” Her frown solidified, a pouty toddler holding ice cream.

“Harry didn’t tell me he was coming either.” I offered, eyeing their yacht in the harbor. Annoyingly, it was bigger than V’s. But perhaps not surprising.

“Okay, right?! It’s just like… why not tell us? He must have known I was going to be here.”

“Maybe he wanted to surprise you?”

She pinched her lips to something sour. “Well he didn’t come jumping into the water like Harry.”

A blush lit up my cheeks.

“He said hello to everybody.”

She bit the ice cream and rolled her eyes. “Right.”

Toddlers ran past us to the Spanish-tiled fountain in the center where Harry and Niall sat leaning back in the sun.

Harry looked up with squinty eyes, but they pierced right through me.

“When do Viv and them get back from their massages?”

“I don’t know. I don’t care. ” Renny shrugged. “Kiki’s voice was giving me a damn near headache anyways.”

I shouldn’t have felt relief at those words, but I couldn’t help it. Any other day of the week, I would’ve pictured Renny running to join them in a massage, but here she was, opting to get a double scoop of mint chip with me instead. I knew my best friend was still in there.

“Want to go in a few shops?” I asked. The sheer sarong was doing little to cover me, and I was down to buy a cheapie sundress to cover myself. Especially because the only way back to the boat was to call the Captain from Viv’s phone.

“The wait was too long at the restaurant,” Harry called. Behind them, the fine dining grill on the harbor was surprisingly packed with last chance locals getting the final tastes of summer.

Renny turned to me, shrugged, and walked over. I followed, sheepishly.

“So what’re you guys going to do?”

“I know a spot. S’like a private beach and there’s a bar and restaurant there on the sand.” Harry licked his lips, biting the lower one just slightly. I wondered if he was trying to hold back any profanity.

“Sounds good,” Renny nodded, flashing him the million dollar smile that would seduce any poor unsuspecting boy. Well, any boy except Niall. She’d completely ignored him, and with his hands in his pockets beside Harry, he resembled a pup who’d just peed on the carpet. Again.

Harry took in my silence.

“But if you girls want to do something else, that’s fine.”

“No!” Too eager. “I mean, if you guys had other plans I don’t want to intrude. We didn’t really have anything on the to-do list, but, I don’t know… I don’t want us to- erm, stop you guys from doing..anything..else?”

Renny’s eyes narrowed as I rambled on. Honestly, I didn’t know what I was talking about either. I just sure as shiitake mushrooms didn’t expect us to be hanging out with Harry and Niall this afternoon without the others.

Harry started, “Yeah, I understand-”

“You were our plans,” Niall.

He stopped mid-sentence, and looked to Niall. He sighed.

Renny perked up.

“Well in that case…”

“Let’s go then?” Niall asked. Proud and stubborn, she didn’t answer, and turned to me. She shrugged.

“I’m fine with that,” I said, communicating both our thoughts.

If there wasn’t drama between Harry and I, there just had to be drama somewhere…

I didn’t know why those real housewives put up with it all the time.

Oh wait, hahaha. Money.

Speaking of which, I pulled out my phone and raised a finger. One minute. Renny nodded, and they waited by the golf cart.

He picked up on the third ring.

“Hello beautiful daughter of mine, what’s cracka-lackin?”

The hustle and bustle of the office could be heard in the background, and I could picture him now with his hawaiian t-shirt, the most professional attire he’d wear.

“Hey dad, I was wondering if you got the e-mail? About my tuition?”

Harry walked a little closer to me, but I turned my back.

“Yeahh, I saw it. It’s taken care of.”

“Really? Are you sure? I can’t register for next semester without that.”

“Yup! Payment will take a couple days, but you should be fine when you go back cutie.”

A rush of relief filled me. “Okay, thanks padre.”

I turned and Harry was waiting, but he showed no signs of knowing anything about the conversation. “Ready?”

I nodded, and we hopped in the golf cart they’d rented, boys in the front, girls in the back. Besides Niall’s portable speaker playing, it was a pretty silent ride. I caught Harry’s emerald gaze in the rearview mirror twice before I committed myself to staring at the ocean. On the harbor’s edge, the old decadent casino whizzed past us - the one that all the Hollywood stars used to visit in the 20s, and I thought about Marilyn Monroe soaking up rays on this exact same island before her fame. It was weird how time passed, and yet how some things didn’t change. She had been looking out at the same horizon, the same span of hilly island…

A white-speckled line of umbrellas and cabanas along the private beach strip caught my attention. It was about half-full, hardly like the summer when it was rare to find standing room, and I could almost taste the pina colada on my lips.

We parked the buggy, and approached the beach attendant booth barring entry to the sand. He looked up from his full moustache and sweat-stained shirt, but his smile grew genuine when he saw Harry.

“Little Hazza, is that you?”

Harry’s brows furrowed only to lift with his laugh. “Ben, my God-”

Ben came around the booth and pulled him in for a hug with “how long’s it been?” and “how’s the pops?” while the rest of us exchanged looks. Not even Niall was in the know.

“And who are these beautiful women? And handsome man?”

Harry smiled, but his eyes lingered on mine a little longer when he said, “Friends from university.”

Friends. I ignored the jab.

“You’ve still got that accent too.” He grabbed Harry’s chin, and looked him square in the face. “Staying out of trouble.”

Harry pulled his chin away. “Yeah.”

Ben swatted him. “That’s a yes from you.”

“Yes,” Harry repeated. But he didn’t seem bothered.

“What are you doing down here? Little vacation?”

“Daycation,” Niall piped up.

“Even better,” Ben replied. “Well here, you want a cabana? Towels? If you need anything…”

“Ask someone else,” Harry and Ben said at the same time.

“You remembered!” Ben smiled.

A shy smile lit Harry’s face.

“Well, pick any one you want.”

Harry reached in to his wallet, but Ben held up a hand. “On the house.”

“No-”

But Ben held up his hands and walked away to the bar. Harry ran a hand down his face, shaking his head.

“Okay, well, you guys choose,” he said.

Renny all but ran to the center-front cabana, and with the sun’s rays beating down on me, I suddenly felt much, much sleepier.

“What was that about?” Niall asked.

“I came here when I was younger a lot. He’s been working here for ages, nice man.”

It didn’t come as a surprise to me that Harry had come here when he was younger. But it was hard to picture him as a youngster. There hadn’t been any photos of him at his house mansion, and it was weird to think he’d had a different personality back then. You can’t really have a toddler shooting back shots and whispering sweet nothings to too many strangers.

Realizing I was staring, I faced away from him, walking more towards Renny as I started to undo my sarong.

“Think your outfit will be a bit more appropriate there, too. Don’t you think?” Harry leant down at me, a slight smirk tugging on his cheek.

A shocked breath pushed through my nostrils.

“Excuse you, sir. I’ll have you know this is Puritan modesty compared to most, okay?” The sea breeze ruffled the sarong, and I ran my palms against the scant material covering my thighs, knowing just how much I was showing. I hadn’t been this exposed to him since the DG’s back to school party bent over a sink in a barely-there skirt. I shuddered at the memory. “I was actually going to pop into the shops to get something to cover up. Kind of trapped here without the dinghy boy.”

“Dinghy boy?” He smiled and shook his head. “I was teasing Y/N, you look fine.”

Fine? I made a face.

“More than fine, alright. Great, even.”

“Gee, thanks for the pep talk dad. You look great, too.”

He stopped in his tracks.

“Gross, did you just call me dad?”

“I would’ve called you something else, but it would’ve done more than stop you.”

He arched a brow, and for once I could say I’d seen him speechless.

“What’d you say?”

“Are you going deaf?” I bit my bottom lip in a wide smile.

A little glimmer appeared in his eyes again, and he slyly shook his head. “Haven’t even heard you yet.”

“What?”

And as soon as it came, the naughty glimmer was gone, replaced with something innocent. “Are you going deaf?” he mimicked. I rolled my eyes and felt the buzz every flirty conversation gave me. I thought the feeling was going to be gone forever with him.

But I was also a tad dramatic.

Renny and Niall were already cuddled up on the cabana lounge cushions- her Arctic behavior quickly thawing in the global warming that was Niall’s charming personality. Harry didn’t make a move to sit down, and I didn’t lower my sarong… in the silence that settled, I wasn’t sure if we were just pretending to be okay again, or if there was some dark cloud waiting on the other side of paradise island.

“You’ve been good though?” I asked. “You seem really happy today.” His brows pinched a little, but they quickly returned to normal.

“Yeah,” he shrugged. He turned to me. “You?”

I sucked in a breath. No, you idiot. I’ve been thinking about you and the bundle of nerves you’ve turned me into. FanTASTIC to know you’re doing so well without me :)

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“Cool,” he said. And just like that the awkward vibes had returned. I laid down with my sarong on, only lifting it off when I was sitting on my bum, but he crashed next to me.

“I’m not very well going to lay on the sand.” He opened one eye, and shoved me a bit, but I stiffened.

“Never expected you, too. You’re fine.”

I closed my eyes, feeling my heart pound against my chest. The last time I’d been with him, I’d been beside him in bed. The positioning was a little too close to comfort, especially knowing the caramel capable tattooed body of his was a hair’s width away. A feather-light touch grazed my fingers, then stayed.

I heard him lightly clear his throat. I swallowed, letting our fingers slowly touch. Were the sun’s rays giving me heat stroke? Was I imagining this gentle touch? I didn’t want to open my eyes and break the moment because if I was imagining our fingers coming closer, I didn’t want to know. But each second felt longer, and he never pulled away...

I slowly cracked an eye, and with his sixth Harry sense, he opened his.

My hand instinctively twitched towards me and the electric current running up my arm fizzled out.

“S’fine?” A lazy shy smirk appeared.

“Yeah, fine.”

His gaze lingered. “You’re not burning or anything?”

In my peripherals, Niall and Renny were lathering each other up in sunscreen. Renny smiled as Niall rubbed in her tanning lotion and my brows stitched. He didn’t think…

“I’m fine,” I repeated. “Are you?”

It looked like he was going to say something else for a second, but he said, “Yeah, I put some on at the boat.”

In another life he would’ve jumped at the chance for a sunscreen innuendo, so why the change? Was he afraid I was falling in love with him? Was the physical perk of touch not worth the emotional girl he’d be left with after? I felt an embarrassed flush take over and I moved on my side, placing my sarong over my bum.

Whatever, Harry.

I yawned, the crash of the waves lolling me.

A cool breeze stirred me and the next time I opened my eyes, the sun was much lower in the sky.

Either it was the weed hangover, or Harry’s pheromones had some sleep-inducing traces in its perfume.

When I turned over I rolled right into his chest.

“Woah!”

His brow quirked.

“Were you watching me sleep?”

I didn’t mean for there to be a slight edge to my tone, but he found it and bristled anyway. “We’re on an entire beach. You moved. I happened to glance over.”

“Right, sorry.”

He relaxed a bit, but he didn’t comment. Renny was already putting her sundress back on.

“Come on losers, we’re leaving.”

I looked at the sun only several hours’ distance lower.

“Back home?”

“No, silly. To karaoke.”

Harry and I exchanged horrified glances, and if I wasn’t so preoccupied in the fact I was being dragged off to karaoke, I would’ve been thinking about how cute that was.

“I’ve avoided Karli and the girls for as long as I could but my phone is blowing. Up.”

“Turn it off,” I grumbled. Harry let out a short laugh before covering it up with a cough.

“Feisty,” he said. I rolled my eyes, slowly getting up and fastening the sarong tighter around my body. The cabana now completely covered in shade, a slight chill ran through me.

“Cold?” he reached for his discarded sweatshirt laying among the tanning lotion.

I looked to him. “I’ll be fine.”

He paused, then grabbed it anyways.

“I said I’m-”

He threw it on himself.

“- oh.”

Of course. Why would he give me his jacket? Without waiting for the others, I made a beeline for the cart. It’d be better to be around the other girls, actually. Someone else would be there to take the pressure off saying something completely ridiculous.

Even from this distance, I saw him peer up from his mussed up beach hair before shuffling through it with his hands. It was ridiculous, how I thought it was attractive. But then again, I was a mere mortal beside Harry. And I’m pretty sure many mere mortals had fallen for that before.

Ben saw me in the cart and waved, walking over as the rest of them packed up.

“Headed home so soon?”

“Yeah, unfortunately,” I sighed. “Homework and work work await me.”

“Bleh,” Ben waved a hand. “Work will always be there. You’re young.”

His words eerily reflected my mothers, and he followed my gaze to the horseshoe beach. “Tell him to come back more, would you? I haven’t seen him since he was this high.” A hand to his hip emphasized how little. “Okay, maybe more here.” He raised it to his rib cage. “You get the point.”

“I do,” I laughed.

“See that home up there?” he pointed to a Spanish-style home at the top of the hill. Much smaller than the Style’s gargantuan abode, but still a cozy place. Probably 2 million.

“That’s his folk’s place. Perfect spot, just sits empty though.”

“You’re joking.”

“Wish I was. It’s a sin, ain’t it? But they always liked staying in the boat anyways. The wife didn’t like being photographed all the time. Bet she wishes she was being photographed more now, though.”

I nodded, wide-eyed. Not really sure why I was that surprised Harry had another home here.

Hell, his family probably held homes in multiple countries.

“Why was the mother photographed?”

Ben paused. “You don’t know? Eh, you’re probably too young.”

He waited for me to drop the topic, but I simply waited for him to expand.

“His mom, Mrs. Styles… she used to be one of the housewives. Not sure why she stopped, there’s been speculation but..” his voice wandered as he looked over his shoulder. “Really sweet guy, Harry. Really sweet. Anyways, tell him thank you for me.”

He tapped the golf cart and gave a little salute goodbye, but before I could ask why he’d want me to thank him, someone else had waved him over to the bar. Something about an exploded pina colada.

Later, sitting at the karaoke bar two pina coladas in while an off-duty mom sung Shania Twain’s Man! I Feel Like a Woman, I felt like I was going to explode. Every possible girl in sight was hitting on Harry, and I could do nothing but sit and watch. Alright, most hadn’t approached, but nearly every girl had conveniently placed themselves by his side at the bar, and whispered to their group of staring friends about his insane jawline.

Like now, when a girl nudged her friend and “accidentally” bumped into him. Her apology didn’t last long because Viv plucked something off his sweatshirt and stole his attention right back.

WHY WAS EVERYONE TOUCHING HIM.

Renny felt my pain and slid a shot over to me, but Lynn grabbed it instead. My bladder was nearly exploding already, so I didn’t mind.

“What’re they talking about?” I sighed.

Lynn shook her head. “I wouldn’t worry about that.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, okay. You’re just saying that because you had my shot.”

She held up a finger. “Fair point, but no. I’m good at reading guys. He’s not into her like that. Wait-”

I followed her gaze, Viv and Harry were close together now, talking about… what??

“What?”

“Let me just preface this by saying I don’t get any vibes that he’s into her, at all, BUT I also don’t stand that close to just friends.”

I nodded, then shook my head.

“That didn’t help. At all. I’m going to the restroom.”

They didn’t notice as I snuck past them, and when I was washing my hands in the mirror, I noticed how ridiculously sheer the makeshift sarong dress was. The bubble of excitement I had in my stomach thinking of Harry had turned sour and was about to rise up in my throat to drown me.

I should just swim back to the boat. Between Harry getting all this attention and Renny making out with Niall I really couldn’t stomach anything more.

Water. I needed water. And then afterwards I was going to swim in it to get home.

Voices outside beckoned me to enter my torturous reality again, but as I put my bum against the bathroom door, dramatically pushing it centimeter by centimeter, dreading my return to the plastic bar seat that stuck too much to my upper thighs -

I heard his voice.

“-take it, I don’t want it.”

“A deal’s a deal. What kind of businessman are you?”

“A fair one. Not here.” His tone was biting.

I peered through the crack I’d created, and saw Viv against the wall, hands - Harry’s hands - placed on her shoulders.

“C’mon,” she teased, wiggling out of his grasp. “Viv,” he said, this time more stern.

“Fine.” But her lips were a little too enunciated for my liking.

She stuffed a wad of cash back in her pants.

My eyes widened, but I must’ve breathed a little too loud because her eyes shot right to mine.

“Hello,” she said, and this time I wasn’t high to misinterpret the something sly behind her smile.

The jig was up. I opened the door, not even pausing to conversate.

“Y/N,” Harry said, but I ignored him, pushing past to the bar.

The bartender was busy, and it took but a minute to have a stranger stand next to me. I could feel his gaze, and I was begging for him not to-

“What’re you drinking?”

I threw on a fake smile and turned to the boy. He was tall, lanky. Not unattractive, but after staring at Harry for the better half of the day, I couldn’t say I felt a spark. His brown hair lay flat, and he had a killer smile.

“Water.”

“No! Really? Ending the night early?”

I saw him look up and briefly scan the bar, probably looking for another easier, less sober target.

“Ha, I wish, just wanting to get back.” I looked over to Renny, but she was busy. Lynn was on her phone.

“Ouch, come on. I’m really that awful to talk to? Marcus, by the way.”

The bartender saved me from having to answer. He handed Marcus a beer and a water. He passed me my drink, then raised his beer for a toast.

“To a good night,” he said.

“To a better night.”

I tipped my glass to his, but it almost shattered when a hand snaked around my waist, and I jolted when I felt a head sit on my shoulder.

“There you are,” he mumbled.

“Harry…” I opened my mouth, but closed it, much too focused on the fact that his hand had pulled me flush against him.

I saw Marcus read Harry’s possessive stance, his arm completely draped around my body.

“Who’s this?”

Harry stopped nuzzling into my neck, and stood tall without moving his hands. His hands were warm against the barely-there material, and I shivered.

The stranger didn’t answer Harry’s question - or was it to me? Marcus just nodded, slowly, and awkwardly grimaced as it registered.

“Okay,” he nodded again, stumbling back, “Cheers to you too, man.”

As soon as he’d disappeared, Harry’s arm dropped.

A third of me thought it was adorable. The other third of me wanted to smack him that it was all for show. The ridiculous third was frustrated he could be jumped on by any girl in the world while I couldn’t be hit on by one guy without him being pushed away.

Instead, I settled with, “You didn’t have to do that.”

His brows rose, clearly not expecting that answer.

“Oh, I thought you didn’t want that attention.” He leant against the bar in his oversized hoodie, looking soft and impenetrable at the same time - like a cuddly boy, but also a boxer who just got off training and would whoop your ass if you gave him a reason to.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Most girls don’t. It’s not like you’re trying to get a free drink or anything.”

He looked at the water, and I sighed.

“Excuse me for trying to have some fun.” I gestured to the table where Viv was keeping tabs. Surprise, surprise.

“I need some air.”

“But it’s cold out there-”

I walked away, determined to find a dinghy, a raft, anything that would get me away from this headache, this constant reminder of what I’d never have. What kind of business deal did Harry and Viv have going on? What could possibly constitute Viv giving Harry that thick of a stack? I didn’t remember if they were $1s or $20s, but it was a fat stack. And he’d said not here??

The only businesses I could think of involving that much money were drugs and tech start ups and I highly doubted Harry was the next Bill Gates. I’d never seen his report card, but a girl could assume.

What use would he possibly have in dealing though? It wasn’t like he needed the cash.

Harry also hadn’t been joking. The sea breeze was ten degrees cooler than what it was earlier in the day. I had nearly reached the turquoise docks by the time I heard footsteps get close to me. He called my name, but I wasn’t going to turn around, I wasn’t. So I just stopped.

“Why are you running?”

I didn’t answer.

“Hello?” he continued around me. The streetlamps on the dock illuminated his confused frame.

“Hi,” I said. “I wasn’t running.”

If I knew him any better, I’d say he looked annoyed. Tufts of hair blew in his eyes, but his hands were firmly placed in his pockets.

“Why’re you always rushing off?”

“Why’re you always chasing after me?”

He paused, caught off-guard. I knew it was bold, and maybe I had a bit of the buzz to thank for it, but I couldn’t handle this wishy-washy secretive behavior any longer. And I wasn’t going to let him think that I could.

“We can hang out here, if you want,” he said. Ignoring the question and answering as if I’d invited him to join me, as if we normally “hung out.”

I sighed, waiting for him to say something else, but he didn’t. Just when our moment of silence was getting too long, he started taking off his sweatshirt.

“What’re you doing?”

“If you’re just going to stand there, you might as well be warm.”

“What about you?”

He let out a disinterested grunt, offering the cozy material. Left in a flimsy gray t-shirt while I stood in my sarong, he did a once-over, lingering a fraction of a second longer on my middle - or was it somewhere lower? I didn’t think too hard before grabbing it and slipping it over my sarong.

“You’re so confusing.”

He waited ‘til I was putting it on to answer, “I know.”

“You do?”

A hand came up and scratched the back of his ear.

“I’m sorry,” he said, but the words fell flat.

“You realize I have no idea what that means, right? And what was Viv trying to give you back there?”

“What?”

I narrowed my eyes. He was not about to play dumb.

“Look, I just don’t want to talk about that with you, not right now.”

“Okay.” I bit my tongue, and if I’d done it any harder, I would’ve tasted blood.

“I’m not trying to be a dick, Y/N.”

Said every dick in the world.

“Ben told me to say thank you, by the way,” I said.

“He told you?”

A part of me wanted to say yes just to mess with him, but what good what that do me. “No, just thank you. He also wanted to know why you don’t come here anymore.”

I walked to the pier’s edge, looked down into the dark water that was so clear under the sun. I wonder if that’s why Harry was constantly unreadable - because he was constantly shrouded in his own darkness, and there was no light let in to illuminate his truths.

Maybe he liked it better in the dark.

There was a deep hum at my ear.

“I guess I didn’t have anyone to come with.” He joined me leaning over the water’s edge, his tats tensing with the motion. There was the sailor’s ship covering the majority of his bicep, the anchor below it… I wondered how much he loved the sea.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sure you’d really have to pull some teeth to get people to join you here.”

“S’different here. The people back home don’t- they don’t mesh here. With what this is to me.” A moment, then- “This is where no one knows me.”

“What about Ben? You don’t strike me as a person who liked anonymity.”

He rolled his head around. “Besides Ben… and besides, he has a better image of me.”

I recalled the beaming smile Ben had when he’d seen Harry, and imagined a brighter version of the shadowed boy beside me. What’d happened since then to make him so stoic? Had life really been that hard for the boy on the hill?

A surge of compassion filled me. My hand ran down his jaw, feather-light, and I could’ve sworn his breath caught.

“Which one’s true then?”

“Both. Neither. I don’t know,” he let out a sigh. “Full of questions tonight are we?”

“Hope this doesn’t count as my third one,” I said, alluding to the night he’d walked me back to the campground when the game of get to know you turned sour.

A gentle crash of the water on the rocky shore made him smile. He shook his head softly. “No, you still have it.”

I gave him a gentle smile before looking at the elderly couple walking along the harbor. With gray hair and canes... what full lives they must have led. Hand-in-hand, my heart surged with a little feeling of hope. I wonder what we looked like to others, two young people huddled closely on the pier, overlooking the only port of the island.

“It’s okay to not know, you know. Who you are, which version of yourself you are. Sometimes I think humans try to categorize too much and we end up more confused then we left off. Why can’t we be it all?”

He hummed, intensely focused on each word. Then there it was, the electrically sparked air like someone had flipped an energy switch and started a magnetic pull. I looked to his lips, to his eyes, then back again. He moved to close the space between us..

“There you are! Niall threw up in the alley, it’s time for us to bounce.”

We froze, looking to Lynn running towards us. The spell broken, I cleared my throat, moving away from Harry.

“I haven’t paid yet.” I moved for the bar.

“I already did.”

“Harry!”

“Are you going to hate me for it?” he asked.

Begrudgingly, I shook my head. “Thank you,” I said.

Niall stumbled out of the bar, supported by Renny, and Viv and Karli weren’t too far behind. When she got close enough, Viv did a once-over to my new sweater. She forced a smile. I walked to Renny.

“Hey, wait.”

I faltered at the rasp, and when Harry caught up to me, he cleared his throat.

His jacket.

“Right, sorry,” I said, easily slipping my arms out of the material.

“Wait, what?” He let out a light laugh. “No, keep it. S’fine. Um…”

He paused, I waited, putting my arms back through the sleeves.

“My parents host a halloween party each year, there’s a maze ‘n stuff, and I know you’re looking for an internship, ‘n… I dunno. It’d be good for you to meet my dad again.”

“Your dad, really?” Though getting an internship with the Dr. Styles would look ridiculously well on my resume, I couldn’t believe that was the only reason he wanted me to come over. I could almost hear my mother yelling, Do it!! Do it, woman!!

“I know, I’m confusing. I don’t care,” he was smiling now, and the innocence of it gave me a clear picture of toddler Harry - little curls, wide smile, running along the sand. “It’d be more interesting, anyways,” he added.

“I am quite interesting aren’t I?”

‘Y/N!” Renny waved, Kiki and Viv already boarding the dinghy. Niall was on his own at a lamp post, one hand supporting his bent-over frame.

“I’m not sure which version of you is inviting me,” I started, backing away.

“Don’t think too much.” He matched my steps forward, using my own words against me.

“Fine. I’ll see if I can go.”

Harry pursed his lips at the non committal response, but there was a trace of humor in them. He could probably read my bluff from a mile out.

“Okay, well-” he lightly punched my shoulder- “See you later.”

“Uh, yeah, see you.”

And as I walked away, I felt the burn of his gaze at the back of my head. A shoulder punch? Really?

Maybe he just wanted to be friends.

But friends don’t almost kiss.

The water almost still now, I climbed in the boat much more graceful than before. The cool air no longer bothered me with his sweatshirt cocooning me in warmth.

And his scent.

I looked back to the pier while Renny nuzzled up against me, eyes closed in exhaustion. It’d been a long day. On the pier, Harry’s dark figure stood watching the water, and I wondered how much he could perceive from the shadows.

I hope he didn’t catch a glimpse of a girl raising the fabric up and inhaling, deep, the intoxicating combo of him and the sea.

part 13

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wyldwon · 3 years ago

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Next weekend,

Rules for boating 2022

1. Show up on time, we don't need to be waiting for your stoner ass to arrive while we bake in the sun on hot asphalt while our ice melts. (And show up with ice) ((I don't wait))

2. Bring your own beer. Seriously? The fact I have to even mention it is pathetic...and bring enough for other people too. Don't be that asshole asking to "bum" a beer off people. I don't care if you're a hot chick or only gonna have 1. Everyone contributes. ((Bringing fireBall huge plus)) edit and cigarettes. People bring a few who never bring enough cancer sticks. Then bum off my friends. It's never happened from my copilots.

3. Don't bring red wine. We already know about your sophisticated pallet. We aren't on a Yacht, and you're a fucking drunk with bad balance, so leave the glass at home while you're at it too! ((Get the fuck outta here with that))😁

4. Kick the boat owner down for gas. And not $20. Remember that big ass lifted truck with the huge wheels and tires and the loud exhaust that dragged the boat to the lake/River? That shit doesn't run on hopes and dreams either. so $40 per person is customary. A day of boating can easily go over $150 in fuel. Not to mention one of you drunk assholes breaks something every time we are out, so consider that a deal. ((150 lmao 300 more like it))

5. Don't bring any random people without prior consent of the boat owner! Nobody wants to be held hostage for 6 hours in a confined space with someone who is Crying, Mad, An Asshole, hitting on your chicks, Ugly or any combination thereof. And don't ask if you can bring a dude, I'm sure he's amazing an all. He can meet up with us later..... Or not.

To bring a chick, send a photo (recent) to the boat owner beforehand (full body in a bikini) for prior authorization. ((If invited I invited you and you only. Fuck that shit.))

6. That chick in your group? The one doing shots at 11 am and vomiting by 2? She can stay home too. You know who your train-wrecks are and you'll be held responsible if you bring one. I don't care if she's hot. ((Besides she will show up on a wake boat anyways))

7. We don't go back early to drop off or pick up. As fun as it is to run the gauntlet of Sheriff Boats back to the dock as they watch you try to dock a boat wasted, in the wind, while you're seeing double isn't fun, not safe. Don't ask. ((💯))

8. Don't smoke on the boat, not even on the edge. You're a drunk idiot, so I'll tell you twice before you burn the upholstery. And chew at your own risk, because if I ever take a swig of chew and get a mouthful of your spit No exceptions. ((If you chew on the nameless you swimming. I may be running AV gas highly flammable.))

9. Dont be a Hoa. Plenty of those arriving on wake boats. It takes allot of time to get the nameless ready. Respect my baby and my friends. Don't get cunty with them. I'm picky who my copilot is for these reason. Many ask to roll with. If invited your special to me

No more bringing sand to the beach. They can use some other boater. 😜

Have a wonderful day and don't forget the sunscreen. 😁

0 notes

xxprincessjewelsxx · 7 years ago

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A Dangerous Game (Suho Mafia!au fic) Chapter 19 - Lego Land

Warnings: None

Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6, Ch. 7, Ch. 8, Ch. 9, Ch. 10, Ch. 11, Ch. 12, Ch. 13, Ch. 14, Ch. 15(M), Ch. 16, Ch. 17(M), Ch. 18, Ch. 19, Ch. 20, Ch. 21, Ch. 22, Bonus Chapter

Nothing could possibly ruin the fact that I was about to climb into a nice warm bubble bath and have a glass of wine from one of the most expensive bottles that Junmyeon owned.

Bang Bang Bang

“Whatever you’re doing in there, finish up! Junmyeon needs you in the living room now!” Minseok yelled through the door.

Expect maybe his voice...his voice could ruin that moment. Wrapping my bathrobe around myself I made my way to the living room where I saw something that I definitely wasn’t expecting to see.

“Why is there a small child in the living room?” I questioned, looking at Junmyeon.

“I need to talk to you about that,” he said, looking extremely guilty, “There was an incident when we went to confront the guy would was giving information to the police.”

“What and you kidnapped his kid?” I questioned.

“No...his wife...the boy’s mom...jumped in front of my gun...” Junmyeon said.

“Is she....” I trailed off not wanting to alarm the small boy who was having fun pretending he was an airplane up on Chan’s shoulders.

“Yes...both of his parents are,” he replied, “Y/N you remember how I told you that I don’t hurt women and children.”

“Yes...well you don’t hurt them physically,” I said.

“Right....” he said with a sigh, “I need your help.”

“With?” I questioned.

He looked towards the boy and then gestured his hands like the answer was obvious. “When women get around kids don’t their maternal instincts kick in?”

“I don’t know...I was around like two kids in my life and then I deal with all of you...” I stated.

“Well...while I try and find a place for him...he’ll need someone to care for him. Think you can do that for me?” he questioned.

“You say that like it’s a question, but I’m guessing it’s more something that I have no choice in the matter...”

“Pretty much...”

I sighed and walked into the living room. Upon seeing me, Chan set the boy on the ground and he looked up at me with big, sleepy eyes. “Hey buddy, my name’s Y/N....what’s yours?” I questioned.

He just blinked at me for a moment before speaking. “Where’s my mommy?”

“Oh well....” I sat down on the couch and thought for a second, “Your mommy had to take a trip somewhere and she asked us to keep an eye on you so that you were safe.”

“Oh...” he said, “Why didn’t she say anything?”

“Well she....” I stopped not quite sure what to say to that. I never knew my mother so I didn’t know how to break the fact that his mother left without a word because she made a rash decision that got her killed. Truth was I probably couldn’t break that to him without completely crushing him. He probably wouldn’t even understand at this point. He was what? Three? Four? He probably didn’t know all his numbers...how was he supposed to understand this?

I felt a hand on my shoulder and Baekhyun leaned down to whisper in my ear. “I looked up his birth certificate...his name is Jinwoo, he’s four...”

I gave a small nod and he moved away and I looked back at Jinwoo. “You look sleepy, are you ready for bed?” He thought for a second and gave a nod. Standing back up I held out my hand my hand to him. “Let’s get you ready for bed then.”

Kai held out a bag out to me. “I grabbed some clothes and toys before we left the house....”

“Thanks,” I said, taking it and leading Jinwoo down the hall, “You get to stay with me tonight...is that ok?”

He shyly gave a nod as I led him to my room. He almost seemed memorized by the size of the bed and all the pillows and fluffy blankets that were on it. “This is your room?”

“Mmhmm,” I replied, as he felt the blankets with his hands, “Do you need to go potty before bed?” He nodded and I led him to the bathroom and went to grab the step stool that I kept in there so that he could use it and when I turned around I saw him reaching his arm over the side of the larger soaker tub and playing with the bubbles and water. “Have you had a bath tonight buddy?”

He shook his head as he looked at the bubbles that clung to his hand.

“Would you like one?”

“With all the bubbles?!” he questioned excitedly.

“With all the bubbles...” I replied.

“Yes!” he said.

“Well go potty and get ready for your bath,” I said.

I didn’t take long for him to get ready for his bath and soon he was neck deep in water and bubbles. He still looked tired, but he had enough energy left in him to splash around.

“You have a bubble beard!” he said putting bubbles on my face.

“I do?!” I questioned, “Is it a good look for me?”

Laughing he put more bubbles on my face and I proceeded to put bubbles on the top of his head.

~Junmyeon~

“Here you go boss,” Kyungsoo said, handing him a camping cot that he kept in storage in his apartment for any emergencies that came up, “Fill it up with pillows and blankets and it will be nice and comfy but close enough to the floor that if he falls he won’t get hurt.”

“Thanks,” he said before heading down the hall to Y/N’s room. Upon entering the bedroom was empty but there was laughter coming from the bathroom. Walking over he pushed open the door slightly and saw Y/N giving Jinwoo a bubble bath.

Junmyeon gave a small smile at the scene before him. He was truly upset about that had happened back at that house, he never meant for this to happen and this is the reason why the members of EXO came to an agreement during the forming of the mafia that women (if innocent and not a threat in any way shape or form) and children were not to be harmed.

He backed out of the bathroom as Y/N drained the tub and began to rinse Jinwoo off. He couldn’t take back what he had done he could only do what he could to make sure Jinwoo ended up in a safe place....

~Y/N~

“And up we go,” I said, as I lifted Jinwoo onto the stool so he could brush his teeth while I finished drying him off. Once that was all said and done and he was in his PJs I carried him into the bedroom where I saw Junmyeon setting up what looked to be a cot of sorts. “What are you doing?”

“Setting this up for him...I mean, we obviously don’t have a toddler bed and he’ll be close enough to the floor that-”

“He’ll be fine with me,” I said walking over and setting the now almost passed out Jinwoo on my oversized bed. I tucked him in and pulled a stuffed animal out of the bag Kai had handed me and put it next to him and see his eyes were completely closed and his breathing steadied.

“I was just trying to help...” Junmyeon said.

I walked over and grabbed his wrist pulling him from the room. “I never said you weren’t. Look, I get you feel bad about what happened...but there is a boy without his parents and you put me in charge of him...let me do that.”

He looked at me for a second noticing my change from my earlier hesitation to now. “You do know that he won’t be able to stay, right?”

“Of course I know that...but for right now he’s here, he needs someone to care for him, and you put me in charge of him,” I said, “Goodnight...” I walked back into the room and closed the door before he could say anything.

Over the next few days it was tough for Jinwoo to adapt to his new surroundings. He would wake up in the middle of the night crying for his mother only to have her not there. He also didn’t have many of the toys or books he was wanting and that a hyperactive four year old needed.

“I need your credit card,” I told Junmyeon causing him to choke on his morning coffee.

“Excuse you? Why? And where are you dressed to go?” he questioned, seeing myself and Jinwoo looking ready to leave the penthouse, which we were.

“We are going to the neutral territory to go to the book store, toy store, and regular store,” I said before holding out my hand, “Credit card...”

“You didn’t ask to go anywhere, and you have your own allowed money...” he said.

“I’m a fully functioning adult who just wants to buy a small boy some learning books, coloring books, a couple new toys, and needs to get some things at the general store....” I stated, “Credit card...”

“You still need an escort-”

“Sehun!”

“What?” Sehun questioned, not looking away from the video game him a Baek were currently playing.

“What are you doing today?” I questioned.

“Kicking Baek’s aaaaaaaa.....butt....kicking Baek’s butt,” he said, remembering there was a small child in the room.

“Oh good...wanna be my shopping escort?” I questioned.

“Not particularly....”

“That’s great...cause you’re going to anyway,” I said.

“What?! Who do you-aw man...you made me lose...” he whined.

“Even better...you’re not busy now....” I said before looking about at Junmyeon, “Credit card.”

He rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet and credit card. Just as he was about to hand it to me he pulled it back. “Don’t go crazy.”

“Aw man....and I was gonna buy a yacht while I was out,” I deadpanned.

“That isn’t funny,” he said.

“Even if I did would your bank account feel the burn?” I questioned.

“Depends on the size of the boat....” he said.

I reached out and grabbed the card. “Books and toys and general stuff... that’s it...no yachts. Sehun!”

With some argument from Sehun we set off from the penthouse and walked to the neutral territory. Jinwoo held my hand as he skipped along next to me, and Sehun lagged behind but stayed near enough that if anything did occur he would be right there.

“Pick out what you would like,” I told Jinwoo as we entered the children’s section of the bookstore. He dragged me around picking out as many books and coloring books as he could manage and then dumping them into the hand cart.

“What about you? Aren’t you getting any?” he asked looking up at me.

“No...not today,” I said as we stood in line. For some reason as we stood there I began to get nervous, like we were being watched by untrustworthy eyes. I knew that we were in neutral territory and that nothing should go down, but that didn’t make the feeling go away.

“Someone’s watching us...” I told Sehun.

He looked around. “Did you see them?”

“No...but something felt off...” I said. Jinwoo could see the worry on my face and he tugged on my pant leg.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” he questioned.

“Nothing sweetie....we’re just gonna finish up our shopping and go home,” I replied not wanting to startle him.

At the toy store the feeling of being watched wasn’t as bad, it could have also been the fact that I was slightly distracted by constantly telling Jinwoo that he could not have every single toy that he saw.

“You can get a few small toys or a couple bigger ones,” I said, as he dragged me down the isle.

And then he found it...

The jackpot of the toy store...

The mother load...

The place where he could live his whole life and never get bored...

LEGO LAND

He let out a happy scream as he ran down the isle. We ended up leaving the store with a Marvel Lego set and a bucket of mixed Legos.

That feeling of happiness disappeared while we were at the general store. For me at least. Jinwoo had no awareness of what dangers may or may not be lurking around the corner. All he knew was that he we getting coloring books, Legos, and he and Sehun were arguing over the last chocolate fudgsicle.

“Are you seriously arguing with a four year old over a fudgsicle?” I questioned as I grabbed a paper from the crate next to the ice cream chest.

“What? I like them,” he said, distracting him just long enough for Jinwoo to jump up, swipe the fudgsicle from his hand, blow a raspberry at him, then run behind my legs.

“Looks like he won,” I teased heading to the counter to pay.

Back at the penthouse after all the excitement of new books and Lego Land and a sugar rush from the fudgsicle...Jinwoo was passed out on the couch.

“Money well spent, I see,” Junmyeon said inspecting the bucket of Legos.

“He certainly thinks so,” I said, motioning to the sleeping boy before going back to reading the classifieds.

“I guess as long as he’s entertained while he’s here I can’t-”

crash

He stopped mid-sentence as the mug that I was drinking from crashed to the floor. “Y/N??”

I gulped before slowly looking up from the paper. “I think my father had a heart attack....”

To be continued....

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scottyunfamous · 7 years ago

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The Importance of Self-Care

Hellur, fancy face!

Welcome to another highly inappropriate weight loss journey post. It may interest you to know that I’ve recently (as in like 5 hours ago) embarked on a lil experiment with a 14 day teatox created by BooTea. It was recommended to me by one of my girls who has lost maddddddd weight (like MAAAADDDDD weight), so I thought ‘Shit den, lemme see what it’s really saying.’ I’ll be doing live updates on my Snapchat and will deliver a full honest review in 2 weeks’ time on your fave new blog (…yes, I mean this blog lol).

Onto what we’re actually talking about today…

When I began my weight loss journey again I had an idea of what to expect; the resisting of temptation to consume things I shouldn't to improve my diet, the physical challenges I would have to overcome to improve my fitness, the discipline to keep at it, and creating the mind-set to help me grow mentally and emotionally on this sometimes very fucking emotional experience.

When we take on these trying ass journeys, it's never a flippin straight road or uphill climb. Nope -the shit goes up, down, left, right…generally any direction you don’t want it to. When it comes to our body’s reactions, there's only so much about it that we can control. Ideally, everytime we eat a piece of salad, drink a glass of water, or do anything that resembles some semblance of exercise (walking to the fridge counts as cardio. Don’t @ me.) we want to see that we are 15 pounds lighter when we step on them scales, but that's not how the shit works.

When you first jump on this weight loss ting and you change yo shit up, your body is on a mad one. Weight loss is you and you are weight loss...then your body gets used to your new diet and routine, which means you've got to push a little more. It's a constant challenge, especially when you aren't blessed with a fast metabolism.

If you’re like me, the constant (self-imposed) pressure to go harder may be a lot for you to deal with mentally, especially when shit isn't going to plan.

Last week I had my cheat day. The following day, Mr took me to a hotel. I got high as fuck, and for those of you who enjoy God's magic flower, you already know how them munchies will have you fucking up a plate of food like it’s your last meal. I ordered too much then ate too much... I should probably stop smoking… Anyway, the following afternoon I stood on the scales to see that I'd gained 3 kilos.

Was.

Up.

Set.

I stripped off and stood on the scales again: 2.5 kg.

I went to the bathroom: 2 kg.

Embarking on these journeys then putting on a significant amount of weight in the process is the worst. You feel like a failure, like you didn't try as hard as you should have, that maybe cheat days aren't for you. As you shrink it’s like you get even harder on yourself because you can’t come this far then go backwards. That’s not progress. Honestly, it doesn't get easier, you just have to get tougher, but tough doesn’t always equal…well, tough.

The thing that has carried a heaux throughout this last year has been making sure that I fucks with myself, heavily, like on a whole other level of extravaganza. Self-care is one of the most valuable remedies I’ve learned through this process, simply because it pushes me to continue without berating myself and gives me a stress-free way to pick myself back up when I’m down.

Do shit that makes you feel good about your fuckin self, betch. It’s okay to take a lil break and switch off for a hot sec to get your head right. It’s vital.

Here’s a few self-care activities that I love that you can try out/incorporate into your own self-care routines for those dayswhen things don’t go to plan.

When I feel like shit I listen to music with high vibrations, the kinda music that makes me feel like a cheeri-heaux (get it? Cheerio...cheri-he...anyway). I sing along at ig’nant volumes and dance in the mirror to it like it’s just me, by myself, and bitch when I say dance in the mirror I’m talking that carefree black girl 'wow wow wow thots' shit that you may not do in public because it’s that peak (in my case, extremely whorish or neeky). Listen, I do not fuck about when it's music time. Lemme get sad and fling on some Cheetah Girls (DON’T PLAY LIKE YOU DON’T FUCK WITH THE CHEETAH GIRLS PLEASE); a heaux will be strutting like she means it and freeing my uckin mind all up and down my room, doing dramatic hair flips with my wig and not caring if it flies off coz ain’t nobody but me there to see it. I’ll be doing big big international diva in my bedroom, singing all the harmonies and adlibs by my damn self all at the same time, because I am a one-bitch-band. Issa wave.

D’you know what else is a vibe, low key -herbal tea. You will drink a cup of peppermint tea and feel like your soul has been cleansed and refreshed, bitch!

Next: baths, and not just any regular bitch bath, nope. Heaux I‘m talking that ‘I done used half the fucking bottle of bubble bath, this water is so hot it will probably burn my skin so I’mma have to ease into it, there are candles all over the place like say I‘m being romanced but really I am romancing my damn self, I got that Sade on in the background and a fire ass book to read, so I will sit in this shit till my skin is wrinkled and the water turns cold, then I’mma top it up with more hot water because bitch, I aint done yet!’ kind of baths. Hooker, it is imperative that you go all out for these self-care baths. Stay in there for 5 hours. Enjoy yo’self!

Personal grooming is also my shit.

Ain’t no better feeling in the world that when you have removed all of the hair from your body. You feel like a vivacious velvet vixen, just be rubbing your thighs together for fun because the shit is smooth.

We doing the whole fuckin’ face regimen tonight, heaux! I’mma exfoliate, lather it in some weird shit that promises to tighten my pores, put some cumbers on my eyes and lay back because I’m bougie and tonight, life is a spa, rinse it off, use my face wash, get that micellar water, clear these pores, get that toner, then bitch I will slap on the thickest layer of Astral you have seen in your life (this tip came from Muva Amber Rose), and just sit there and let the shit marinate.

Wash your hair. Use all the products, deep condition yo shit, massage yo fuckin scalp! Yes betch, you smell like a coconut summer breeze and it’s wonderful!

Do your nails, do your makeup, because sometimes the shit that will bring you back from the edge is remembering how truly tun up you are, and realising that you’re on this journey and this ain’t even your final form. THESE SKREETZ AIN’T READY FOR YOU WHEN YOU REACH YOUR GOAL BITCH, HOW ARE YOU SO FIRE NOW AND THERE’S MORE FLYNESS TO COME. FUCK OFF. YOU ARE TOO MUCH!

Clear your space. Fling on some good music and tidy your room, change the sheets, dust, polish, sweep and reorganise some shit, then light you some incense and relax. This is heaven.

This is another good one; get your thoughts out. When I’m too wound up I write out exactly how the fuck I feel, completely unfiltered ‘cause ain’t nobody reading the shit but me. By the end of it I’ve talked myself down of whatever ledge I’m on, I’ve found a resolution to my problem and my peace is back where it should be.

Go outside. I’m not telling you to go hug no trees or nothing, but it’s summer, there is a park somewhere, just go there by yourself and just be amongst nature. Sometimes being surrounded by plants and animals and shit reminds you how small and magical you really are in the grand scheme of things, that whatever you’re worrying about may not be as deep as you think, and that you will get through it, because bitch, you've gotten over all the other shit in your life and you’re still here, getting these haters mad and thriving.

Take a nap. You remember when you were younger and it was nap time and you just were not on it, these days, as busy as we all are, naps are luxury. Literally, when I get too overwhelmed, it’s nap time. Shut off the world and dream a little dream of no stress. By the time I wake up, I’m good.

However, if you don’t have time to nap, I strongly recommend meditation. For those of you who follow me on Snapchat, you’ll know that I’ve hopped back on my spiritual journey and that my life is on the up because it helps to keep me focused and centred. Being that I fell off for a while, it’s not always easy to meditate without getting distracted, so for those of you who this is new to or if like me you have a little trouble clearing your mind, here is some great meditation music. Literally, all you have to do is set a timer for 10 minutes and concentrate on your breathing and nothing else (saying ‘so’ when you breathe in and ‘hum’ when you breathe out in your head or out loud also helps –recommended by Deepak Chopra). When your time is up you feel a little calmer and clearer.

Go to the gym. Yes, I know, it’s horrible and it makes you get hot, tired and sweaty and there is no dick involved, but girl, working out is scientifically proven to improve your mood because of the endorphins that it releases (endorphins are the chemicals that make you happy).

Understand that you are the captain of your yacht (I know the saying is ship, but I think yacht sounds more bougie and extra, so well go with that), and part of being the captain of your yacht mean that you are in control of yourself at every given moment, even when you don’t think you are. If shit goes left you can either choose to be upset about it and let circumstance control you or you can control your circumstance by choosing to find a lesson in every bad situation. Every negative experience you have can teach you something, if you let it.

It’s all about perspective, heaux. Look at where you went wrong and decide how you’re gonna handle it should it pop up on you again.

This is my best tip so I saved it till last -yell nice things at yourself in the mirror. When you’re feeling down about fucking up, or the way your body looks or whatever, all you’re focusing on is lack. You look for all the results you haven’t acquired yet and you beat yourself down about not having them, overlooking everything that you do have. I stand in the mirror (sometimes naked if I need a lotta love) and I compliment myself. When I first tried this method of affirmation, I begun with all the things I physically liked about myself. As my confidence grew I started finding the good in stuff I wasn’t too hot on: “YOU CAN REST SNACKS AND BOOKS ON YOUR BOOBS AND TUMMY. IT’S LIKE HAVING A DELUXE BUILT IN TRAY, LIKE ON A PLANE. YOU’RE LIKE A PRIVATE JET, BETCH!” I then moved onto my personality: “YOU DON’T SWEAR TOO MUCH, YOU’RE JUST FUCKING PASSIONATE ABOUT SHIT, PLUS SWEARING MAKES SHIT FUNNIER. YOU’RE BASICALLY A COMEDIAN!”

The reason that I harp on about building yourself up mentally throughout this process is because of the times when it’s not as easy as you’d like it to be. It’s important that you can be your own support system because you may not always have someone to lean on. Once you’ve shown yourself some proper love and respect, your mind will be right as rain (never understood that saying. Rain is dead.) and you can get back on track without having anything fucking with you.

If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy my free downloadable guide, #LavishLife, a motivational 9 step programme that I createdespecially for you, to help you live your best life beyond just weight loss, e.g. if you want a new job, more money, a better social life, etc, the #LavishLife guide will have something for you. You deserve to have everything you want and you can. All you gotta do is take care of you, bitch.

If you would like more posts like this, click the heart below, and please be a star and share it with your friends.

If there are any topics you would like me to talk about, just hit me up here and if you haven’t done so already, please make sure you join my mailing list by clicking that lovely blue envelope in the corner for exclusive news, updates and giveaways.

Click the image below to read my previous #SvelteHeaux2017 post:

Fancy something a little more daring? Read chapters 1-6 of my sexy, award-winning urban romance, Running Wilde (new chapter posted every Friday)

Until next time, fancy face

Love Scotty x

#self love #self-care #weight loss journey #weight loss #blog

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alicedoessurveys · 8 years ago

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131 Questions

1. On Saturdays, I like to… Depends what mood I’m in or how I’m feeling. If I’m in a tired, ’cba with anything’ mood I can easily lounge in my jammies at home watching telly and playing sims. If I’m in a more energetic ‘need to get out the house’ mood ill persuade my mom to go shopping, or take the dogs out or something

2. Where would you like to be a missionary to? Idk what that means

3. What’s better — toilet paper rolled over top or underneath? Over

4. Which Scooby-Doo character are you most like (Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Fred, Velma, the monster, Scrappy?) Probably shaggy and scooby cause I’m scared of everything

5. If you had to endure one natural disaster (i.e. hurricane, tornado, etc), what would you pick and why? Idk, hurricane maybe? Id rather not be in any disaster tbh

6. What movie or TV show do you take guilty pleasure in watching? Not gonna lie, there are some shows on kids tv I actually enjoy watching

7. If you had to describe your day as a traffic sign, what would it be? Ive had a mental block and I can’t think of any traffic signs

8. What traditional stereotype would you classify yourself as? I don’t think I really fit into one stereotype. im kind of a nerd but not 100% nerd

9. What “group” did you belong to in high school? My group was a mishmash of people. we were branded as the weird, geeky, unpopular group by most people

10. If you wrote a book about yourself…what would it be about? Probably about my experience with mental health and how it affected my school/college years

11. If your house were burning down, what would you take and why? obviously first thing id do would be check my family and pets were safe. Then id grab my laptop, the teddy I’ve had since I was born and try to get the two boxes from under my bed that I keep my memories in.

12. Describe your favorite pair of PJ’s. My favourites at the moment are my Christmas ones I bought myself this year. They’re red and white, with a kind of Christmas jumper pattern on them. Its hard to describe them but they’re super cosy

13. How many handbags do you own? Like two, I’m not big on handbags. I buy one and keep it until its dies then get a new one

14. If this were your last day alive, what would you say to your friends? Thank them for sticking with me and giving me some great memories

15. What is your very favorite part of your day? getting into bed at the end of the day

16. What is your best scar? Tell the story of how you got it. I don’t consider any of my scars ‘best’.. the one that has the most meaning is the one on my stomach. Its from when my appendix burst when I was two years old and my parents said It was 50/50 wether I survived or not

17. You win a million dollars, but you have to give half to a charity. Which charity do you pick, and what do you do with the rest of the money? probably Birmingham dogs home, or dogs trust

18. Describe your dream wedding where money is no option. IF I every do get married, I would like a winter/christmas wedding cause Christmas is my favourite time of year and winter weather is a bit more predictable. Id want to get married in a church, then go to a big castle hall for the reception. Honeymoon in lapland!

19. What kind of deodorant do you use? I think its either dove or sure..? I can’t remember. its a spray deodrant though, can’t deal with those horrid wet stick ones

20. If you were a spy what would your alias be? is alias like, spy name? I don’t know, I can’t think of anything cool haha

21. Do you have a birth mark? Where? Does it look like anything? Nope, don’t think so

22. You are planning the most awesome dinner party of your life. Which 3 celebrities/historical figures (past or present) would you add to your guest list to keep the dinner talk interesting? Edie Redmayne because.. its eddie redmayne and he’s just adorable. kate mckinnon would be a freakin’ amazing dinner party guests I chose her and I can’t think who id chose for the third person.. maybe Walt Disney. NO WAIT, JOHNNY DEPP!! I choose Johnny Depp, I feel like he’d have a lot of great stories

23. What is your favorite sport, and which team of that sport do you cheer for? None

24. Which would you rather have a kiss or a hug? Why? Hug

25. If you could be a pair of jeans what style would you be? Why? Skinny jeans, so I could be skinny :’)

26. You have multiple personalities, describe some of them. too many to go into

27. What is the best thing you have done in your life? Probably passing my driving test. OR, when I was 17 I got certified as a Zumba instructor. even though I ended up having to give up Zumba, thats probably the thing I’m the most proud of in my life so far. As someone who suffers anxiety/panic attacks it was a massive achievement to travel to blackpool, go dance at Winter Gardens ballroom ON MY OWN in a room full of strangers for 6 hours, and come out with a certificate.

28. If you were blind for the rest of your life… what would you miss seeing the most? Everything. It would be awful. Id probably miss seeing my dogs faces the most

29. What household chore do you hate the most? Washing the dishes, or hanging my clothes up in the closet

30. What is your most disappointing moment in life? the whole college experience. dropping two of my a levels, failing the other two. Then dropping out of college course. And again, dropping out of another college course. Not a great 3 years for me.

31. When have you laughed the hardest? Cried? today. I realised my dog’s haircut made him look like Edna Mode from the incredibles.. easily amused. Last time I cried, Im not sure. The last time I remember crying was Christmas Eve

32. If you had a “theme song” that played whenever you walk into a room full of people, what would it be? My cellophane from Chicago? Haha idk

33. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? General appearance. Probably what they’re wearing, their hair, their face. If I’m up close face to face with someone the first thing I notice are eyes and mouth

34. What time period from the past would you most have liked to live in and why? 80s, I like the music

35. What is the best reward anyone can give you? support

36. If you had a band what would you name it? Idk, I used to have a name I said I would use but I can’t remember now

37. Do you like fruit? Vegetables? Not really. The only fruit I like is apples and bananas. The only veg I like are peas

38. What can someone do to encourage you? tell me they believe in me and be genuine about it

39. If you could be one for just 24 hours, what cereal box cartoon character would you be? Why? What a bazaar question haha! Erm, the one from coco pops? The monkey

40. What was the best thing that happened to you this weekend? New Years day. i spent the day surrounded by family at my sisters house and we stayed they’re till almost 2am playing heads up and singing too loud

41. What is your favorite animal? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Ffs, I don’t know what an adjective is :’) favourite animal: dogs. Loyal, cuddly, goofballs

42. What is your favorite color? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Again with the adjectives, gah! Fave colour, purple. I don’t know why, I just like it leave me alone

43. It’s a very hot and muggy day. You desperately want something very cool and refreshing to quench your thirst and revitalize your body. What would you drink — either make your own or store-bought. Cold water obvs

44. You discover that the person you’re head-over-heels interested in loves a good homemade & handmade dessert. What will you concoct when you have this person over? Cookies, either salted caramel or Nutella filled

45. What would you leave in your will for the person you care about the most? Idk, I don’t really have anything to leave :’)

46. What do you consider to the most valuable thing you own: when you were a child/teenager/now? Child: probably something stupid like dolls. Teenager: idk, laptop? Now: again probably laptop since I bought a new one yesterday. I would say dog but I don’t own the dog

47. What’s the kindest act you have ever seen done? Idk

48. If you could have any job in the world, which one would you want? Actress, or dancer. Or animal trainer for movies/tv

49. What are your best/worst subjects in school and what subjects would you want to learn now? Best subjects: none. Worst subjects: all of them, but especially science.

50. What are you most talented at? Nothing :’)

51. What is your worst nightmare today? Still being the way I am now this time next year

52. How often do you clean between your toes? Idk, like almost every day I think

53. What is your favorite way to waste time at work without getting caught? I don’t have a job so idk

54. If you could have had the starring role in one film already made, which movie would you pick? Tina in Fantastic Beasts.. being part of that amazing film AND getting to spend all that time with Eddie Redmayne <3

55. If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do? I don’t want to be apart of a circus

56. If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom so that you never had to do it again, what would it be? Having to go to the bathroom <- yup, that

57. You were just given a yacht. What would you name it? the mad hatter

58. If you could have been told one thing that you weren’t told when you were a teenager, what would you like to have heard? ‘Dont expect everything to get better in college. It only gets worse’

59. You’ve just been hired to a promotions position at Kellog Co. What would you put in a new breakfast cereal box as a gimmick? These questions are hard man

60. Just like “Everybody Wang Chung tonight!”, what action would your name be if it were a verb? wtf

61. Name your favorite song. At the moment, I’m loving Todrick Hall ‘no place like home’

62. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it say or what would the graphic be? I have a tattoo. I have 3 musical notes behind my ear. I want another tattoo, i want a lighthouse on the side of my foot under my ankle

63. If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be and why? If you already play an instrument(s), what do you play and why? ive just started playing the ukulele, my dad bought me one for Christmas

64. When trick-or-treating as a kid, was there any kind of candy that you didn’t like to get? I never went trick or treating

65. Why do you live in the Washington DC area? I dont :’)

66. What is your favorite memory of Christmases past? Just Christmas in general

67. What is the most outrageous thing you’ve done for God? I haven’t done anything outrageous.. the most ‘unlike me’ thing I did was stand up in front of my church and give a testimony. It was terrifying and I cried with relief when it was over haha

68. If a movie was being made of your life and you could choose the actor/actress to play you, who would you choose and why? Jennifer Lawrence

69. Paper or plastic? Paper I guess idk

70. What was the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten? I don’t eat anything weird, I’m a very boring eater

71. What do you keep in the trunk of your car? I have a basket which I keep de-icer, ice scraper, washer liquid, a torch, gloves, hat, tennis balls and dog poop bags

72. When you were in grade school, what did you want to be when you grew up? Why? I wanted to be someone who looked after peoples cats when they went on holiday.. don’t ask why

73. If you owned a CB radio what would your “handle” be? I dont know what that means

74. If you were given 24 hrs to live, what would you do? I can’t even, questions like this stress me out

75. If you were in the “Miss America” talent competition, what would your talent be? (Note: both guys & gals have to answer this question) i dont know, probably bring the dog on stage and dance with him or something haha

76. What do you think the most ultimate gift of the world is? Uh.. idk. I feel like this survey is gonna be really boring cause most my answers are ‘idk’

77. What is your earliest childhood memory? Earliest memory is mom dropping me off at preschool and my crying my eyes out being carried off by the teacher

78. What was your favorite TV show when you were growing up? I had many. I had a lot of veggitales videos

79. If you had one extra hour of free time a day, how would you use it? Either sleep, or just more time sitting on the sofa wasting my life

79. What CD is in your CD player right now? Rend Collective, Campfire II

80. The great theologian Andy Warhol stated that everyone gets 15 minutes of fame. What happened during your 15 minutes? Still waiting for mine

81. Name the most famous person you’ve had a face to face encounter with. I met the wanted, Andy Jordan and literally bumped into laurence llewelyn-bowen in hobby craft last year

82. Name your favorite children’s story. Anything by road Dahl, the whole chronicles of Narnia or the grufflo

83. If you could spend 15 minutes with any living person, who would it be and why? hmm.. I haven’t mentioned eddie redmayne enough in this survey so ill say him :’) or Kate McKinnon.. love her

84. What person in the Bible do you most closely identify with? Esther was my favourite growing up, and now I’m older I identify with her a lot

85. What article of clothing most closely describes your personality? A hoodie because you can pull the hood over your head and hide away just like I’ve been doing for a long time <-this

86. If you were to write a book what would it be about? Im sure I answered this question earlier..?

87. How many rings before you answer the phone? I don’t really do that. I see who’s ringing and I either answer it or I don’t

88. What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning? Lie there contemplating wether to wake up or go back to sleep

89. If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it? Pay off they money I owe. Pay off parents debts, and sisters debts. Give them money. Buy a house in Bournemouth. Set up a doggy day care business.

90. If you had to, what part of your body would you get pierced? No thanks

91. Who was your favorite teacher and why? My English/drama teacher in the first year of senior school. She found out I was having difficulties and became like a mentor to be. She helped me out a lot.

92. What makes you feel the most secure? My family

93. Who do you admire the most? Mom

94. Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? What was it? I’ve had dreams about my teeth falling out a few times. Recently I keep having dreams about being in bed with spiders and snakes crawling on me and wake up hitting my duvet and generally freakin the f out

95. What was your nickname growing up? Bong

96. Who was your hero when you were a child, and what did you do to be like them? My dad. I would try to play his guitars and would tag along with him when he went to his evening jobs

97. Peanut or plain? Peanut or plain what..?

98. What is your favorite cartoon character & why? I don’t actually know

99. How did you learn to ride a bicycle? all I remember is my dad took me to the park and held on to the bike while I cycled, then let me go and I rode into a tree

100. Based on something you’ve already done, how might you make it into the Guinness Book of World Records? The ability to jump to the worst conclusion in the quickest time

101. What’s the closest you’ve come to becoming a pop star/winning an Oscar? No where near

102. When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it? I honestly can’t think of anything

103. What is your concept of a fruitful day? I dont know what that means..

104. What was your favorite thing to play with as a child? Why? I was quite an active child, I spent a lot of time climbing trees and running around outdoors. When I wasn’t doing that, my favourite toys were bratz dolls

105. If you could be any animal in the world for 24 hours, which animal would you be? Why? a bird, I would love to experience flying

106. Have you ever jumped out of a plane? Nope, im not adventurous enough for that

107. If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be? Hate/war/terror

108. What is your best personal characteristic? Ughhhh I hate questions like this, I’m not good at saying nice stuff about myself

109. What is your favorite quote? “And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those you don’t believe in magic will never find it.” - Roald Dahl

110. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? Sneak onto a film set and see what its like

111. What is your favorite weird food combination? Im not into any weird food combinations. Like I said earlier, I’m not adventurous enough

112. If you had to be a flower, which one would you like to be and why? Maybe a rose, cause they’re pretty but they have thorns so they fight back again people who try to pick them :’)

113. If you were stranded on a desert island, what three books and three people would you take with you? 3 books: Fantastic beasts and where to find them, Harry Potter and the cursed child (cause its the one I’m reading atm) and a bible. 3 people: my mom, my dad and my sis  114. My biggest pet peeve is… People in general

115. What is your favorite commercial? What commercial annoys you the most? I don’t really have a favourite. they all tend to annoy me after a while. OH WAIT! One advert I will never get fed up of is the Coca Cola Christmas one, ‘Holidays are Coming’

116. What’s the most interesting “Ice Breaker” Question you have ever been asked? I avoid situations that require ice breaker questions.

117. If you could be an ice cream flavor, what would it be? Why? Salted caramel, cause its my fave idk

118. Name a turning point in your life that makes you smile/cry. Makes me cry: probably the year I dropped out of college for the third time, got dianosed with depression then got ill with thyroid shit Makes me smile: maybe, going back to church this year because its changed my life for the better and set our family on an exciting journey thats just beginning :)

119. If there were a holiday in your honor what would it celebrate? everyone who isn’t perfect, who is awkward, and fails at stuff a lot

120. What clubs were you a member of in High School? Are you still interested in any of the same things? I joined a drama club for like a week before it got shut down because there wasn’t enough members

121. If you were to be on a reality TV show which one would you be on and why? Probably big brother, I have no talents so I couldn’t go on anything else :’)

122. If you could be anything in the world, what would you be and why? Someone with talent. preferably someone who could sing, dance and act and was in musicals

123. If someone rented a billboard for you, what would you put on it? ‘Make the effort to make someone smile today’

124. If you had to enter a competition for the “Most Uselessly Unique Talent,” what would your talent be? The ability to get animals to like me

125. If you were a Smurf, what would your name be? Awkward smurf, talentless smurf, failure smurf

126. What is your worst personality characteristic? Please refer to previous answer

127. If you had to be a teacher of something, what would you teach? well I completed a night course in canine behaviour so I guess I could teach how to care for and train dogs

128. How would you like to be remembered? Someone who made people smile

129. What is one thing that you constantly think about (other than material things)? Whether I’m doing the right thing or not. what I should be doing with my life.

130. What do you like best about your hometown? I don’t know, I guess the fact that its got a nice reputation

131. Something interesting you might not know about me is… Im not very interesting..

#survey #long

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penumbra-rp · 5 years ago

Photo

Congratulations Aman, you have been accepted for the role of Alastor Moody!

This does mean that he has unreasonable standards for the world, sometimes. He can expect it to be…better than it is. He feels the presence of the younger order members a lot and considers it a personal failure that they’re involved. The ‘adults’ should be handling this on their own.

Admin Ash: Aman, it was all about the details when it came to your application. The fact that you didn’t shy away from Alastor’s disabilities ( the lost sight in one of his eyes and his utilizing a cane to get around after his leg amputation ), the fact that he’s so close with his little niece to allow her to interview him for her school project, the way that you carefully selected traits that showcased both the positive and negative points of his personality, even the pleasantly surprising music minor he took in school! All these things and more added something to our rough and gruff Moody that made him all the more human, all the more intriguing, and those special touches are why we can easily leave him in your capable hands. I, for one, am rooting for Order Dad Moody try to fix the world to his vision of ‘better.’

Please check out our checklist for joining Penumbra.

01. Out of Character

NAME: Aman

AGE: 24

YOUR BIRTHDAY: 9/11.. Why do you need this

PRONOUNS: She/her

TIMEZONE: PST

02. In Character

CHARACTER: Alastor Moody

CHARACTER’S PRONOUNS: he/him

FACECLAIM: Charlie Hunnam

CHARACTER’S BIRTHDAY: November 5th

PERSONALITY: Let’s go with 6 personality traits, and throw some negatives and positives into both of them.

Decisive

He’s not one to linger over decisions. He decides where he aligns very quickly and sticks with it unless something contrary smacks him upside the head. This includes but is not limited to how he feels about people, his alcohol of choice, and what fruit to toss in his bag for a backup snack later.

He’s a creature of habit. A lot of decisions he’s made are because they work (or because they’ve worked once).. Or even the other way around. He ate shrimp and got food poisoning once? Alright, forget shrimp, who needs it anyway.

He can usually fit things into neat boxes. We’ve got good, bad. Any shades of gray are tossed right into the bad. Better safe than sorry, after all.

Steadfast

Once he commits to something, he’s gonna do it. Doesn’t matter if it seems impossible, he’ll figure out a way. This can and definitely does lead him into some messy situations, especially because he’ll sidestep some rules to do it.

He’ll often butt heads with people who feel differently than him. It is very possible for him to argue for hours over something. He likes to think that eventually, enough reason will make someone change their mind. So yeah, he’s the old dude that gets into facebook arguments with the person who posted an anti-vaxx article. And then he’ll spend the next hour grumbling about it to everyone around him.

He’s not easily won over by the ups and downs of mass media. Whatever the hell Amazon did now is gonna have no sway on whether or not that HDMI cable is getting delivered to his place.

He can be a very strong pillar in times of doubt. He might not be the warmest, but he definitely is there to remind you you’re doing the right thing. Or call you out when you’re being a shit.

Extroverted

He gets energy from being around people. It helps him keep his head straight when he’s with company he enjoys. A lot of his friendships are built on mutual respect and bickering. His sense of humor has grown a little twisted over the years.

That being said, he picks and chooses who he trusts very carefully. People fit in very specific roles and tend to learn about him accordingly. It’s very possible that those he works with might not know about his sexuality or that he adopted a dog last year. He tries to keep talk of work out of his romantic relationships, which has definitely led to a weird encounter or two when they stumble across his guns.

He can be pretty candid in situations and knows how to deal with the consequences of his actions/words… or at least he thinks he does.

Adventurous

He can be a bit of a thrill seeker. He’s spent a lot of his younger years with various adventure sports and enjoys the outdoors. Mountain biking, hiking, ziplining, skydiving, paragliding, and outdoor climbing have been a thing.

He’s been in a shit mood about his injuries fucking up his ability to do some of what he’s used to. He has definitely had to reassess his limits, but… he definitely gets a rush out of pushing himself to his limits.

The rush can come inside a city, too. He isn’t the type to sit still and is always poking his nose into something.

Obsessive

He can be very single-minded and has a tendency to hyperfixate. Often times, his cases take the spotlight (at the moment, it’s about The Dungeon). It can be hard for him to pull away even when work is over. He’ll spend his free time doing research, recon, lining up clues. This leads to a lot of falling asleep at his desk and then waking up with a bad neck.

Sometimes he’ll sidestep his own care while doing it. His leg, for example, definitely needs some attention every day. He’ll eat rushed meals just so he can get done faster.

The obsessions can def go somewhere else. He’ll get a crockpot and spend 3 weeks trying out different recipes and make more servings than can fit in his tupperware.

He has a lot of miscellaneous knowledge of random things.

Idealistic

His niece dragged him out to watch Captain America: Civil War a couple years back when he was visiting (shut up). Since then, Captain America is his fav superhero (fuck off, he’s never gonna say this out loud). He likes a man who knows his good from his bad and sticks up for his ideals. Doesn’t matter what the government says, what the red tape is. You should know where you stand.

This does mean that he has unreasonable standards for the world, sometimes. He can expect it to be… Better than it is. He feels the presence of the younger order members a lot and considers it a personal failure that they’re involved. The ‘adults’ should be handling this on their own.

He tends to hold himself to a higher standard, often involving pushing himself beyond his limits. He struggled a lot with losing his leg, since he still wants to do everything he could before.

BRIEF BULLET POINT BIO:

Irene Moody likes to blame her gray hair on Alastor. Honestly? She might not be wrong. A healthy baby boy should not have found himself in as much trouble as her son did. But where there’s a will, there’s a way– he’s a Moody, after all. The young Alastor collected bruises, scabs, and scraped knees like most boys collected comic books. Hell, she’d even bought a stack of them in the hopes that he’d sit down. It’d worked for the month that it took him to read through them all, and then he was jumping off beds with the sheets tied off as a cape.

It’s a good thing his mother is a nurse because the boy found himself back in the hospital on a monthly basis. His father claims that they could have bought a yacht with how many bills piled up, but as a writer, he’s always been a man of hyperboles. Alastor never quite minded the hospital atmosphere when he was younger. He’d lay back on his bed with his eyes open to all the possibilities in the white walls.

Their cozy little apartment was never quiet, between the two kids squabbling over toys, the radio cranked up to full volume in the kitchen, and the TV buzzing in the living room. His father was possibly the only person in the family who could keep an inside voice for longer than an hour. Alastor likes to think that things have calmed down since then, but their yearly Christmas gatherings show otherwise.

With a sister 3 years his elder, Alastor’s the baby of the family but was never quite treated like it. In fact, he complains that he got all of the problems with being the youngest with none of the benefits. Marie would argue back that he never actually fetched anything she asked him to so he’s not allowed to complain. The pair would argue over everything, only ever aligning on the decision to get pizza for dinner. Leaving them alone always led to markers to the wall, ruined cushions, shredded bedsheets and, if their parents were unlucky, a food fight. Prank wars were not uncommon in the Moody household.

As a child, he picked up on concepts quickly, but would have a hard time keeping focus. His grades fluctuated as he danced from subject to subject. When he looks back, all he remembers are his red hot ears, ringing, and unable to process the long lectures from his father. Once they began, they never quite stopped. He began to dread the updating of the progress sheets that were fixed to the fridge, with more frowny stickers than smiling ones.

Alastor his report card once. He’d lied and said it’s delayed while forging his mother’s signature. For the month after, he held his breath around his parents, waiting for it to come around and smack him in the face. Miraculously enough, it never did. His sister likes to blackmail him with it even now.

At age ten, he discovered the Hardy Boys. Despite all his indecision, he latched onto the concept of becoming a detective and never looked back. The boy collected memorabilia and had about 3 different magnifying glasses. Grabbing his dad’s glasses from the other room became the mystery of the missing spectacles. Figuring out what to wear became the Closet Case. There was an unfortunate year where he insisted on wearing a detective hat at all times. He’s tried to consolidate and burn all the evidence, but a few pictures keep coming out of the woodwork… another mystery.

The kid never quite managed straight As, but he excelled where he applied himself. A little elbow grease and some late nights set him up for an admission at Hogwarts. Hit parents never quite got off his back about his performance, however, slipping away to college made it easy to unsavory hide the bits and pieces. He quickly picked a major in criminology and settled into it.

The music minor wasn’t planned. In truth, it was him foolishly following a crush into a entry level piano class. He fell in love that year. With piano, with music theory II, with the history of rock 101.

Before he knew it, his college years were over and he was thrust into a job in law enforcement. With his sights set on detective and an unwavering determination, he muscled his way into the role within a few years. They blur together quickly as he hops from case to case, head bent down, crease between his eyebrows and small frown on his face. His days and nights are spent wrapped up in his newest obsession.

Never one to turn down a good adrenaline rush, Alastor took to adventure sports quickly. At first, it was simply a few good hikes and some mountain biking, but outdoor rock climbing, hang gliding, and bungee jumping quickly became favorites. He’d poke and prod people into trying things out.

Alastor’s the type of person who’s cut out for being a detective. He’s the type who can’t sit still when he knows he can be doing something. It’s probably why he keeps going back. The first accident involved losing his eye. The second, breaking his nose. The third, his leg’s amputation. Plenty of scars and bruises litter the spaces in between. Each time, he was put on desk duty and each time, he found a way to remind his peers that he’s still up for the job. The loss of his leg’s still fresh but the invitation to join Operation Auror is one that he’s meant for.

Misc Headcanons/Thoughts

His colleagues are pretty smh because he keeps getting hurt and coming right back. There’s a betting pool somewhere about wtf Moody’s gonna end up getting himself into next.

He’s actually a bit of a klutz since losing his eye.

He adopted his dog, so he didn’t name her. But he really wants a dog named Jovi

His sister lives in America and his parents spend most of their time there

He has a really nice sound system set up in his place

He can play piano, guitar and is currently learning the flute

He has a bad habit of biting his nails

INTERVIEW:

i. How do you feel about your current occupation?

“Alright, kid,” Alastor starts gruffly, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, looking down at his niece. A flicker of regret flashes across the ten year old’s face as she sits in front of him, worksheet in hand. He grins and gets going before she has a chance to pick someone else to interview. “Let’s get one thing straight. If I didn’t like this job, I wouldn’t be doing it. You’re gonna be hearing this damn debate your whole life.” He puts on a voice as he continues, pulling a face as he mocks the voices that he remembers looking up to as a child. “Do something you love so you’ll be happy. No, you don’t need happiness in work, just stability. Blah, blah, blah. It’s all bull. Do what works for you. You’re the only one who knows what you need… This job, though? With what I’ve got going on’d, it’d drive a guy crazy if he didn’t live for it. ”

ii. What song would you say describes yourself?

“Ah…” He trails off, scratching his beard as he thinks over it. “Ya ever heard of Akimbo? It’s by Stradeus. This beat that gets me every damn time, you can feel it in your bones. Actually, hey Google.” Alastor leans back, squinting a little to see if it lights up in response. “Play Akimbo.” He nods and sits up a little more as the music fills the room. “You can just feel the tension build in this song. It just keeps going, and going, like when you know you’re onto something.” He holds up a hand, listening, forcing his niece to sit through the rest. “And right there in the middle, it backs off, for maybe just a second to breathe. Everything’s just still, pulling itself back together, then we’re going hard again.” His fingers strum against his thigh along with the music as he squints down at his niece’s page. “What’s next.”

iii. Does reputation matter to you?

“I mean I’ve done plenty and people better damn well respect that. But you’re not gonna find me tripping over my feet trying to kiss ass for approval, if that’s what you’re asking.” He’s been told it might make things easier, sometimes, especially with all the damn red tape in the department. Alastor, mind your own business. Don’t be so rude. Be careful about how you approach them. But then, maybe in the end it just comes down to the question of how well you’re willing to compromise yourself just to take the easy way out.

iv. What is your relationship with your parents like?

Alastor doesn’t answer this question immediately. Like any relationship, it’s changed over the years, and peeling back the layers is a process that could take a couple hours in it of itself. His parents have always pushed him to be his best, whether that be in grades or etiquette. He’s taken some of the lessons, shunted others, but there’s no denying that he wouldn’t be the man he is today if not for them. But none of that is a conversation for their grandkid. “Not bad. They in your hair, kid? Get overbearing sometimes, don’t they?” he asks, deflecting any further questions.

v. What languages can you speak?

“I had to learn French in high school, but that’s a bit rusty. Damn French people get annoyed when we use English and then get snarky when we use broken French. Can’t win unless you figure out how to dislodge the sticks from their asses. Anyway, I picked up some German a couple years back when I was working on a case. Mmm, that’s about it.” He pauses, then frowns, as he thinks about the ex who taught him some Arabic, but that was only enough to figure out when her parents were talking about him.

vi. If your home was on fire and you could only save one item, what would you choose?

“We’re going to use the term 'item’ loosely and say Luna.” He gives a small nod towards the dog asleep on the rug by the… fireplace. He frowns. “Oi, that wasn’t a hint, was it? Go put out the fire and turn on the heater.” He responds to her hesitation by picking up his cane and knocking her legs gently. He has to smother a smile as she grumbles and gets up. “Go. I’ll wait.”

vii. Which Hogwarts University faculty did you study at? The Gryffindor School of Applied Science, the Ravenclaw School of Humanities, the Slytherin School of Social Science, or the Hufflepuff School of Art?

“Slytherin, criminology. Want to know the secret, though?” He leans in a little, smiling playfully, and doesn’t wait for an affirmation before going on. “There’s a bit of puff in there. Did a minor in music. See, now get what I mean about the what you love, what makes money debate? I’ve heard everyone talk shit about the other twenty times over.”

vix. What is your social media username?

“AlastorMoody. Luckily I’ve got a unique name, so it wasn’t taken. Not gonna lie, if I had to come up with some nonsense, I wouldn’t have made one.” He might enjoy the avenue for arguing with people online, but any butchering of his name leaves him cringing. His unique name has opened up to more ridiculous puns than he knows how to respond to. Alastor shakes off the thought and continues. “Let me know if you take a look, there are definitely a few articles I’ve linked to that I think you should read.”

#accepted

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liveacompletelife · 6 years ago

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Living An Exponential Life

I typically take time to pause and reflect near the end of each year, and this time I noticed a concerning trend: ever since leaving the law back in 2011, my entrepreneurial endeavors tend to last for 3-4 years before the road splits and I’m forced to choose between continuing on or choosing a new path. With Mowgli, I wanted to have a hit game, get millions of people making music, and sell it for some ungodly amount of money that made TechCrunch headlines. Instead, I stopped pushing when the road got steep and bumpy. I was exhausted and burnt out. With The Tin Man, I envisioned myself playing the main stage at Coachella, selling out venues all over the country, and hearing my songs in movies. Instead, I stopped pushing when the road got steep and bumpy. I was discouraged and broke. While I still make music, my attention lately has turned toward screenwriting, acting and directing. I'm only a year in and the password to my Wifi is already "Emmy2020." My dreams of holding an Oscar for the first time drive me down this new path. But wait. Am I just deluding myself? Two or three years from now will I stop pushing when the road gets steep and bumpy? Why do I stop? And how do I stop stopping?

After reflecting deeply on this, I believe there are two main obstacles preventing artists and entrepreneurs from successfully pursuing their dreams. The first is a lack of purity, and the second is a lack of payoff.

Purity

Do you want to build and sell a business for millions of dollars? Or do you want to run a company? Do you want to be on the cover of Rolling Stone? Or do you want to play music? Do you want to win an Oscar? Or do you want to tell stories?

Earlier this year I had the unique opportunity of watching an interview with Ed Sheeran in a room of only fifty people. Whether you like his music or not, you have to wonder how anyone gets to the point of selling out 30,000 seat venues with only their voice, a guitar, and a loop pedal. So, when the interview opened up Q&A, I raised my hand. "Did you ever have that little voice in your head that keeps telling you your crazy gamble on music isn't gonna pay off? And if so, when did it go away?" I was expecting to commiserate with Ed and hear about how he overcame this common issue, but his answer caught me very off guard. Here's what he said (I'm paraphrasing):

"Honestly, I never had that voice. When I was sixteen, I played my first pub gig and they paid me a hundred quid. I was only playing cover songs, but it occurred to me that I could just play music every night and make enough money to pay rent. So, after that I just played as many gigs as I could get. Sometimes three a night. I'd just go from one gig to the next. All I wanted to do was play music. Even after I started playing my own songs, I never really thought much about playing arenas or any of the stuff that's happened since. In my mind, I'd already made it. I was playing music every night."

Do you want to be on the cover of Rolling Stone? Or do you want to play music? He just wanted to play music. And now he's on the cover of Rolling Stone.

Anders Ericsson, the Florida State professor Malcolm Gladwell got his "10,000 hour" rule from, talks about what it takes to be the best at something in his book "Peak." The short answer – deliberate practice. Breaking down your craft into the tiniest pieces and practicing them over and over and over again. It takes a lot of hard work to master anything, and if you don’t have purity in the love of practicing your craft, you’ll burn out. I’ve watched nearly a dozen MasterClasses with some of the most successful creatives in the world today, and they all seem to agree. If you can be happy doing anything else, do that. The creative/entrepreneurial path is harshly demanding. Purity is paramount.

I used to have a 5-year plan for music. If I didn't achieve it after five years, I'd move on and do something else. Well if you have a drop-dead date on your passion, why are you doing it in the first place?

That’s not purity.

Payoff

When I graduated law school, I started work at a mid-size firm that specializes in the type of law I wanted to practice – technology. The career path was clear if you stayed on track. Eight years later, you'd be up for partner. From a monetary perspective, that meant in eight years I had a decent chance of quadrupling my salary assuming I busted my ass and did great work. If you were to chart out that career path, it would be fairly linear. Predictable. Little did I know how constricting this knowledge would be on the rest of my life.

We are creatures of comparison. Everything is great in life until we see something better. That's why they say ignorance is bliss. In the world of artistic and entrepreneurial pursuits, comparison (especially of the financial kind) can be one of the biggest obstacles to overcome.

Unlike the traditional career path, the artistic or entrepreneurial path is exponential in nature. I hear the word "exponential" thrown around a lot, often talking about the point in the curve where it shoots up or "hockey sticks" as they say. I call that the payoff. But little attention is given to everything leading up to that point – the flat part of the curve. Let's look at these two career paths laid side by side.

The x-axis here represents time, and I've chosen 10 years as the end point. When I researched how long most bands had been at it before they "broke" or hit some level of notoriety and financial success, it was typically in the 8-10 year range. This also seems to be common among most start-up companies and other artistic pursuits, though there will always be exceptions.

The y-axis represents annual income in $60,000 increments. For law, the starting salary at a firm is around $120,000/year, and 8-10 years later a young law partner might expect to make around $480,000/year. This salary growth is roughly linear with a slight increase at the end when partnership is reached.

By laying these two career paths side-by-side on a graph, things started to become clear. The first thing I noticed is these two career paths don’t intersect until around year 8 or 9. The second thing I noticed is an exponential curve is not what I envisioned the path to my entrepreneurial success looked like. I thought it would be linear. So I drew a new linear path connecting the beginning to the ultimate goal. I call this the “expected path.”

We are not conditioned to think exponentially. We spend more time comparing today to yesterday than we do today to eight years ago. So, it’s only natural that we expect the path to our dreams to unfold in a linear fashion, but that’s not how life works. When plotting this expected path, I noticed it intersects the traditional, linear career path around year 2. I thought back to where I was emotionally with Mowgli and The Tin Man two years into each endeavor. It was a really hard time. I’d call it a “reality check.”

The Reality Check

Roughly two years into any major artistic or entrepreneurial endeavor your expected path intersects the traditional path. The problem is, the exponential path you're on has barely gotten off the ground. Many things happen here.

The reality of the sacrifice you've made hits you. Hard. What the hell are you doing?! Look where you'd be now if you hadn't taken this crazy gamble! It feels like you've gone nowhere. You start obsessing about the "overnight success" stories you've heard. You see other people hit "the flip point," which we'll talk about later, and start panicking yours will never come.

As the reality of your sacrifice sets in, something else happens. A new path forms. The path you fear is more likely if you continue. You compare where you are with where you started and draw another linear path in your mind. All of sudden, the best-case scenario looks bleak. Eight years from now, when you thought you’d be achieving your dreams, it looks like you’ll barely be scraping by. We’ll call this path the “fear of mediocrity.”

Many people stop pursuing their dreams here. Knowing you must devote all or nearly all your working hours to reach any dream, you decide it's not worth it. If you don't have purity in your path, it's all the more likely you'll drop off. But let's say you push on despite this painful reality check. What happens next? The new “fear of mediocrity” path starts to consume more and more of your mental energy. Then about two years later it intersects the exponential path you’re actually on. I call this the “breaking point.”

The Breaking Point

Two more years have passed, and your exponential path has intersected your fear of mediocrity. Great news! From now on life will be better than that gloomy picture you painted! Problem is, you don't know it. It looks like you're right on pace with your fear of mediocrity, headed for doom. Besides, you're still hung up on your expectations and sacrifice. You should be a star by now! You should have sold the company and be chilling on a yacht! But you're not. You're not even close to where you'd be on the linear path if you'd just listened to mom and dad and never given up your day job.

Unless you’ve surrounded yourself with like-minded people on similar journeys, this is where outside pressures grow stronger from those around you. “Are you sure you should be doing this? Maybe you’re not cut out for it.” They reiterate everything you’re already thinking.

Purity of your path really comes into play here. If you're not in the flow of loving what you're doing, the breaking point hits you even harder. At least if you love what you're doing you don’t care as much about not making it. Mediocrity doesn't seem so bad anymore. You start to lower your expectations, you start to lose hope, and you stop dreaming. This shift in energy is toxic and self-fulfilling. You no longer put your hopes and dreams out into the world. In turn, your work ethic wanes. After all, what's the point in busting your ass if it's never going to amount to much? But hey, at least you’re enjoying life.

What’s worse is other people can sense this internal shift. Despite our rational brains, we’re still animals. When gazelles are roaming the plains, they’re hardwired to avoid death by lion. So, if you’re a gazelle, you instinctively hang out with your stronger, speedier brethren. You don’t spend time with the slower, weaker gazelles – they’ll get you eaten. As humans, we are instinctively repelled from people who will get us eaten. At the top of the food chain, this looks more like negative attitudes and self-defeatist mentalities. If you give into your fear of mediocrity, you’ll unknowingly push away everyone who would otherwise help you continue along the exponential path.

Maybe this is where you quit or fall into the self-fulfilling prophecy that you'll never reach your dreams. For the last four years (which is a really long time to be devoting all your efforts to one pursuit by the way) it’s felt like you're on a linear path to mediocrity at best.

The drop off rate at the breaking point is enormous, and it's gotten me every time. But let's say you push on and maintain your hope despite this painful breaking point. What happens next? Finally, after another four years, your exponential path intersects the traditional, linear path. I call this the “flip point.”

The Flip Point

This is the moment we all dream about. The point where you're not only back in line with the traditional path you could have chosen, but also seated in a rocket ship facing up! The media loves to write stories about this point. It looks and feels like magic. Money, fame, awards... it all starts to flow in like water. But remember, this point is another three to four years after the breaking point! So not only do you have to stay on the exponential path, you must maintain the same level of intense work ethic and hope you've been putting in for the last four years!! This is no easy task.

After the breaking point, opportunities will slowly start to trickle in because the people who can help you succeed see that you're committed to this endeavor. You've been through hell, and they trust that under no circumstances will you give up. That's the safest investment anyone can make.

Exponential curves are created through the principle of compounding. All the effort you've been putting into your artistic or entrepreneurial endeavor has been compounding like interest. You just haven't really noticed until now. The path starts to steepen with every new opportunity that comes your way. Your confidence builds. You shed the feared path of mediocrity and gain an even more intense focus on your dreams. You have no doubt the path you're on is going to intersect that lame, linear path you could have chosen and blow right past it. No one can stop you now.

Conclusion

The statistics are right, most companies fail. Most artists never make it. Most people give up, lose hope, or stop putting in the effort needed to press on. But if your path is pure (you love what you do every day) and you don't lose sight of your hopes and dreams (you believe in the exponential path), you'll make it.

If you’re considering taking the artistic or entrepreneurial life journey, I promise it will be the hardest thing you've ever done. Knowing the reality check is coming won't make it hurt less. Knowing the breaking point is coming after that won't make it any easier. Living life along the exponential path forces a level of introspection and self-honesty that most people can’t handle. But if you stay the course, find the purity in your path, and diligently follow it every day without losing hope in your dreams, you’ll unlock a richness and fulfillment in life you’ve never known.

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