#capstone poetry (mine)

[olskuvallanpoe]

Skipping Stones

There are rocks beneath my skin, buried within my muscles.

Boulders. Like when you eat something but don’t chew it enough so it sinks like a stone through your esophagus.

These are other places, though. My calves, the middle of my back.

I’m skipping my painting class today because they settle painfully against the wooden bench I have to sit on.

Well, I’m not skipping class, not really. I’m told that missing class due to chronic pain flaring up is a valid excuse.

I’m still not completely sure I believe that—

Or maybe I’m completely sure that I don’t know if I believe it. What’s the difference, really?

Is there any merit to naming the way my chest tightens when the clock strikes the time I would have otherwise left my room?

Once, my brain was really muddled.

(My mother and I refer to this as “pain brain,” and we first noticed it when I couldn’t tell the difference between left and right while directing her through Google Maps. It’s when I’m in so much pain that my brain stops working the way it usually does. I forget things, and everything gets jumbled, even the way I talk.)

I had a class on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays that started at nine-fifteen. I had another class on Tuesdays and Thursdays that started at nine-fifty.

I left my dorm on either a Monday, a Wednesday, or a Friday—I only know it was one of those days because of which class I was going to that day.

I got to the classroom at some time suspiciously before eight-fifty (or maybe it was eight-fifty, itself?) and the room was dark.

I checked the time on my cell phone and then had the realization that I must have gotten the time wrong. The class must have started at nine-fifty, not nine-fifteen, since no one was anywhere near the room.

To make a long story short: I ended up missing class and sending a frantic email to my professor, trying to explain the foggy way my brain had dealt with the dates and the times.

It was like I’d put the two times in identical bags, completely wiping the dates from my mind. My muscles told me to go at nine-fifteen, but I didn’t choose that bag to pull from. I pulled nine-fifty instead.

But how do I explain that to a professor without sounding like I need to be institutionalized?

My loved ones worry about me a lot because apparently I push myself too hard.

Sometimes I agree, but sometimes I just feel lazy. Sometimes I feel like other people feel like I’m lazy, and that’s one of the biggest fears of mine.

My disability is rather invisible, and this was even worse before I started using a cane.

I always feel like people assume I’m lying or exaggerating.

Sometimes I even agree with them. Often, I agree with them, actually.

Like when I miss class because of the rocks in my calf muscles but don’t know how to explain it beyond a my chronic pain is flaring up and two or three sorry for the inconveniences to assuage my guilt.

I’m dreadful at describing pain. To doctors, especially.

Like—how am I supposed to know what a stabbing pain is when I’ve never been stabbed?

Is it a bone pain? Dude, how am I supposed to know? For all I know it could be a blood pain.

I don’t really trust medical professionals anyways.

I’ve met maybe one in my life who actually listened to me.

I don’t know how much more of this class I can afford to miss.

[gaypoetrycapstone]

Step One: Pretend the sky isn’t shattering into billions of tear-shaped drops, And if you can’t, then collect the tears in buckets And rebuild the heavens with something stronger than hope And let the rain wash away all misplaced affection. Step Two: Repeat their name until it no longer sounds right. Disregard the sacrosanct utterance and forget it, then Repeat your name enough times to reteach yourself its importance, And if you can't, then say your name until it seems just as vital. Step Three: Cry until the world allows you peace. Let yourself break and blame the universe Because you are not Atlas, and the sky is not your burden, And when the weight is a little easier to bear, then pick yourself up and breathe. Step Four: Reinvent yourself into someone current. Take the time and the tears and the memories and fashion yourself Into a person a little stronger than you were, And focus on repairing the damage with something better than Band-Aids. Step Five: Let the forest consume your routes and find an original way through. Find unique flowers to plant on the path away from pain And when people begin questioning what happened to you, tell them Your plants were poisoning you, and you needed something fresh. Step Six: Forgive yourself for everything you’ve done and failed to do. If you can’t, then ignore the guilt just as you learned to ignore the truth Let your heart have the time to create something stronger, To keep them outside your walls instead of inside as a mockery of devotion. Step Seven: Don’t hate them for it; Because hate won’t surpass love so long as they are only separated By a distinction of virtuous or villainous instead of too much or too little passion. Remember that indifference is what you need to achieve. Step Eight: Lather, rinse, and repeat until you’re okay, And for every person that ever makes you weak.

How to Rebuild Ruins | h.m.l

[brechtian]

Thoughts on ancient literature/literature from Antiquity (poetry, theater, etc.)?

Oh gosh that’s a large subject and I have not read much of it. Um, Antigone rules. Oh! I love Ovid’s metamorphoses, and I think Narcissus and Echo is a hugely under-adapted/retold story (it’s my personal favorite). The immense beauty, poignancy, and tragedy of only being able to echo someone you love, and the way in which the parts of his sentences she echos completely change the meaning just! make me go crazy! there’s one line that I’ve seen translated a few different ways but every translation hits me so strongly. A few different translations are

“ ‘Away with these encircling hands! May I die before what’s mine is yours. She answers, only ‘What’s mine is yours!’ “

“Take off your hands! you shall not fold your arms around me. Better death than such a one should ever caress me!” Naught she answers save, “Caress me!”

Which, yeah, fucks me up. One of my aspirations and what I may end up doing for my senior capstone project is writing a full stage adaptation/retelling of Narcissus and Echo. 

[winsmoke]

I've been away for a few days and I came back to see if you had updated anything and I see so much as happened including anon hate which made... No sense? Maybe I'm tired but I read it about 8 times trying to understand.

And then! I read the poem you included and completely forgot what I actually came here to say because I am very affectionate of Chimayo (I'm a New Mexico resident and visit Chimayo regularly) and I had never seen the poem before; I felt shame, but not in a serious way.

Anyway, I just wanted to reiterate what many of your followers have already said. Although I've only known you briefly, I think you're brilliant and kind and fun and produce quality work. Am I being mushy? Maybe a little bit. 🤷🏻���♀️ Expect it. It is a loud personality trait of mine.

Basically my Capstone professor was like finish this book, start a new one, and write your annotated bibliography so yeah nothing has been updated. I don’t understand how I’m so busy with school when I’m only taking 14 credits ugh. Yeah the hate mail was just interesting, dunno what they were on. I’m over here vibing either way. I appreciate your kind words!! I always look forward to your comments/asks/rants/thoughts. I know commenting takes a loooong time and it means so much that you’re spending it on me 💖 You’re not mushy haha.

I don’t often read poetry or fiction since I decided to become a political science major, but while I was flirting with the idea of becoming a creative writing major all the poems and short stories I read stuck with me (from 2 measly reading/writing courses)!!! I am ashamed to say my circle of literature is extremely limited... I do enjoy the books for my political science courses but it’s not the same. So don’t be ashamed, I’m a fake reader of poetry and fiction.

New Mexico?? So interesting to hear where everyone is from here!!

[luaadblog]

Ataja Jackson '20 Double major Art & Psychology AAD Capstone Blackberry The complete collection of poetry prints is titled “Blackberry” and inspired entirely by Rupi Kaur. Rupi tells beautiful stories of her heritage, her culture, love, life and humanity - all through poetry. I print the poems in black ink, 13-14 point font, cover the back of the paper with charcoal, and then trace over the letters with a pen so that the text transfers to the canvas. The next step is to follow the same method but this time with the image I’ve chosen to complement the poem or prose. The images are also mine, drawn traditionally in graphite on sketchbook paper. Lastly, I trace the letters and the lines of my drawing with ink. “Blackberry” is a merging of two methods of expression I feel most comfortable with - poetry and art. There is an order, each poem is arranged with another so that they effectively narrate the story I want to convey, but they can be viewed in a multitude of ways. It does not matter how they are viewed aside from the order, because my healing process is not linear. It never will be. #lehighu #lehighgrad #lehigh20 #art #architecture #design #poetry (at Department of Art, Architecture and Design at Lehigh University) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAXw88Pghqi/?igshid=gxamvzz5mp7d

[haleyfury]

It’s an understatement to say that this March wasn’t the best. I’ve shared some more details below and in some posts this month, but March was definitely an adjustment to a new type of normal for me, having moved home from my last year of college two months early. I am very appreciative of all the people in my life during this time, but the following books and TV also were the perfect way to find comfort.

I’m so especially that I read so many incredible this month- at least five of these are favorites of 2020 and contenders of being my #1 favorite book of 2020!

Chasing Lucky by Jenn Bennett (ARC) | 5/5 Stars

I think I finished Chasing Lucky on the last day in February, but forgot to add it to my February wrap-up. I haven’t met a Jenn Bennett book I haven’t loved, but this May 2020 release nailed everything I love in a YA contemporary.

Blitzed (Playbook #3) by Alexa Martin | 5/5

Blitzed follows one of my favorite characters in the Playbook series, Brynn. I loved the romance and the recurring cast from the first two books.

break your glass slippers by amanda lovelace | 4.5/5

I know I’ll be revisiting a lot of the poems in this new favorite Amanda lovelace poetry collection of mine.

House of Earth & Blood (Crescent City #1) by Sarah J. Maas | 5/5

As expected, I loved everything about House of Earth & Blood. I didn’t fly through it as fast I expected because of the complex plot and details, but I loved every moment.

What I Like About You by Marisa Kanter (ARC) | 5/5

What I Like About You lived up to my expectations and more. Please give me every book about a YA book blogger who loves fandom and cupcakes and also every future book by Marisa Kanter.

Roomies by Christina Lauren | 4.5/5

I plan on eating up all of Christina Lauren’s books this spring and summer, including Roomies. This isn’t my absolute favorite book of theirs, but I still really enjoyed it.

We Are the Wildcats by Siobhan Vivian (ARC) | 5/5

Another very much anticipated book that surpassed my expectations, I loved the emphasis on team building and female empowerment in We Are the Wildcats.

Tweet Cute by Emma Lord | 5/5

There are plenty of must-reads YA contemporaries in this wrap-up, but absolutely everyone needs to pick up Tweet Cute (and a ton of baking supplies because this book will basically make you crave all the food mentioned).

Until the Last Star Fades by Jacquelyn Middleton | 3/5

Although I enjoyed the setting, I did not enjoy Until the Last Star Fades’ main two characters and its writing style.

The Honey Don’t List by Christina Lauren | 5/5

I know some people haven’t loveeddd Christina Lauren’s newer releases, but I have been LOVINGGG them, especially The Honey Don’t List. The home improvement reality TV premise sold so well and I loved the two main characters, Carey & James.

The Mandalorian (Disney+) – I spent some rainy days over spring break binge-watching The Mandalorian. I knew I was going to fall in love with the Child/Baby Yoda, but I loved the overall show way more than expected. I was really sucked into each episode and I am already crying for season 2- I’m hoping since Disney+ has pushed up some other shows and movies, S2 (and The Rise of Skywalker) will be added sooner rather than later. S2 is slated to start streaming in October.

You S1 & S2 (Netflix) – After getting many recommendations to watch it, I’m so glad You lived up to the hype. It reminded me of a darker and honestly more well-done CW show. I enjoyed S1 more than S2 because I liked S1’s main cast and setting more, but S2 was still addicting. I was definitely surprised by its ending and really don’t know what to expect from the third season coming next year.

Continuing On: Schitt’s Creek S6, Brooklyn Nine-Nine S7

Reality TV: Family Karma (Bravo), Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta and SYTTD America (TLC)

Reviews 

A NEW SJM FAVE: House of Earth & Blood Review

Adult Romance & Contemporary Love: March 2020 Mini Reviews

Bookish News Roundup 1: Cover Reveals & Upcoming Releases

ANTICIPATED SEQUEL: Girls with Razor Hearts Review

favorite poetry collection: break your glass slippers review

MUST-READ SPORTS ROMANCE: Playbook Series Review

A 2020 FAVORITE: Harley in the Sky Review

Renegades Series Review

Bookish & Fangirl Fun: 

What I’ve Been Fangirling Over Lately: Life Update, Books, & TV Recs

Funko Wishlist & Collection Part 2

Contemporary Romance TBR

Book Sleeve Wishlist Part 2

I gave a life update in a post last week, but it’s no surprise to say that life turned upside down in March. I am home, safe, and healthy, but I am also a college senior who is still bummed that her university had to go online for the rest of the semester. While I admit that I cried every day for the first two weeks I was home and still have an occasional stress cry session here or there, I’ve been feeling a lot better and more positive lately—also blame it on the online school, homework, and capstone project I still have to work and complete through the first week in May as solid distractions. I shared some bookish news that have cheered me up this month last week, but here’s some more updated fangirls news that have made my heart happy:

More Bromance Book Club – Lyssa Kay Adams is truly blessing us with all the Bromance Book Club books! It was announced that Lyssa Kay Adams will be coming out with three more Bromance Book Club books in summer 2021! If you haven’t yet ventured into this contemporary romance series just yet, you have plenty of time and books to do so!Book #2, Undercover Bromance, just came out this month, and book #3, Crazy Stupid Bromance, is slated for this October.

Yay! So excited to write more Bromance books for ⁦@KristineESwartz⁩ and ⁦@BerkleyRomance⁩ !!!! pic.twitter.com/tkNLffFMCQ

— Lyssa Kay Adams (@LyssaKayAdams) March 22, 2020

Love is Blind S2 & S3 – It was announced that Netflix will be renewing two of its latest reality shows for second seasons: The Circle and Love is Blind! My best friends, sisters, and I are all absolutely obsessed with the latter show, much like the rest of the world. We keep joking around that we’ll be nominating each other to get on the second and third seasons.

What books did you read in March? What did you watch? Any recommendations? Share in the comments!

March 2020 Wrap Up It’s an understatement to say that this March wasn’t the best. I’ve shared some more details below and in some posts this month, but March was definitely an adjustment to a new type of normal for me, having moved home from my last year of college two months early.

[commongoodbookreviews]

This is the last weekend of Holiday Book Signings and we're kicking off our Saturday with Andrea Swensson at 1pm and Bao Phi at 2pm today! ---------- Andrea Swensson is an author, radio host, and music journalist. She hosts a weekly program about the Minnesota music scene, The Local Show, at Minnesota Public Radio's 89.3 The Current and contributes to the Local Current Blog. Prior to joining MPR, she was the music editor at City Pages, where she founded the AAN AltWeekly Award-winning Gimme Noise music blog. Beginning in the year of Prince's birth, 1958, with the recording of Minnesota's first R&B record by a North Minneapolis band called the Big Ms, Got to Be Something Here traces the rise of that distinctive sound through two generations of political upheaval, rebellion, and artistic passion. Funk and soul become a lens for exploring three decades of Minneapolis and St. Paul history as longtime music journalist Andrea Swensson takes us through the neighborhoods and venues, and the lives and times, that produced the Minneapolis Sound. Visit the Near North neighborhood where soul artist Wee Willie Walker, recording engineer David Hersk, and the Big Ms first put the Minneapolis Sound on record. Across the Mississippi River in the historic Rondo district of St. Paul, the gospel-meets-R&B groups the Exciters and the Amazers take hold of a community that will soon be all but erased by the construction of I-94. From King Solomon's Mines to the Flame, from The Way in Near North to the First Avenue stage (then known as Sam's) where Prince would make a triumphant hometown return in 1981, Swensson traces the journeys of black artists who were hard-pressed to find venues and outlets for their music, struggling to cross the color line as they honed their sound. And through it all, there's the music: blistering, sweltering, relentless funk, soul, and R&B from artists like Maurice McKinnies, Haze, Prophets of Peace, and The Family, who refused to be categorized and whose boundary-shattering approach set the stage for a young Prince Rogers Nelson and his peers Morris Day, Andre Cymone, Jimmy Jam, and Terry Lewis to launch their careers, and the Minneapolis Sound, into the stratosphere. A visit to Prince's Paisley Park and a conversation with the artist provide a rare glimpse into his world and an intimate sense of his relationship to his legacy and the music he and his friends crafted in their youth. ------ Bao Phi has been a performance poet since 1991. A two-time Minnesota Grand Slam champion and a National Poetry Slam finalist, Bao Phi has appeared on HBO Presents Russell Simmons Def Poetry, featured in the live performances and taping of the blockbuster diasporic Vietnamese variety show Paris By Night 114: Tôi Là Người Việt Nam, and a poem of his appeared in the 2006 Best American Poetry anthology. His poems and essays are widely published in numerous publications including Screaming Monkeys and Spoken Word Revolution Redux. He has also released several CDs of his poetry, such as Refugeography and The Nguyens EP. A short story of his, Revolution Shuffle, appeared in the anthology Octavia’s Brood: Stories from Social Justice Movements, AK Press, 2015, and an essay of his was included in the anthology A Good Time for the Truth, edited by Sun Yung Shin, Minnesota Historical Society Press. His first children’s book, A Different Pond, illustrated by Thi Bui, was published by Capstone Press in August of 2017. A Different Pond earned six starred reviews, a Caldecott Honor, as well as the Ezra Jack Keats New Writer and New Illustrator Honors, The Asian/Pacific American Award for Literature, Booklist Editor’s Choice, a Hornbook Fanfare book, and was named among the best books of the year by Kirkus, Washington Post, Huffington Post, The Boston Globe, School Library Journal, Kirkus Reviews, Publishers Weekly, and many others. A Different Pond also received the Charlotte Zolotow Award for Excellence in picture book writing. Recently He was named by Minneapolis Monthly as Best Author 2016, and an Artist of the Year and Author of the Year by City Pages, 2017 and 2018.

[emmiehcpsarts-blog]

I first found more obvious, surface level connections between my capstone and those of the people within my small group as Charlie and Julia are also doing largely writing based projects. This was a pretty exciting discovery for me, since I wasn’t really sure how many others were focusing on writing as their art form for this rather than solely visual art (which is fairly common in Arts Scholars). I also felt like Rachael’s photography project connected to mine quite well as we both were inspired by the scholars theme of power and aiming towards empowerment.

I think that the most helpful piece of feedback/support that I received was Julia’s comment in regards to my Spotify playlist and poetry combination post. As she described how she was listening to my playlist while reading my drafts, she said that it made her interpret the poetry in varying ways with the changing songs. This will help me proceed as it has inspired me to attempt to allow different songs to mold my mindset as I’m writing, to try to see how else my words can be interpreted, and figure out how to get across the messages that I actually want the reader to see.

[hwhour]

New Post has been published on Minds Blow

New Post has been published on http://www.mindsblow.net/product/our-modern-way-of-life-is-intimately-dependent-upon/

Our modern way of life is intimately dependent upon

Fossil Fuels: Capstone Name: Fossil Fuels in Our Lives Our modern way of life is intimately dependent upon fossil fuels. There are very few aspects of our daily life that are not, in some way, touched by our usage of them. Just examine what is required to read this activity on your computer screen. If you are in the U.S. and plugged into the local electrical system, the majority of the electricity powering the computer came from the burning of coal. The plastic in the keyboard and computer came from crude oil or natural gas feedstock. The smelters that were used to create the wires in the computer and in the electric and phone lines used some sort of coal or petroleum fuel source. Could all of this usage of fossil fuels be replaced? That is a very important question. The consumption of fossil fuels to provide energy could be replaced by other fuels such as wind, nuclear, and hydroelectric, although it is not going to happen overnight. However, there are many other uses of fossil fuels where replacements are not going to be easy, as the list of viable alternatives is quite short and expensive. How do you replace the use of natural gas for making artificial fertilizers? You could go back to the process of using manure, but it would come at a very heavy price and might result in reduced food crops, which could seriously impact a world population that is still growing. How do you replace the use of crude oil for plastic? There is some work on using plant materials to create biodegradable plastics, but it is still years off. And what of the use of oil as a lubricant or wax? The product that we used to use for this (whale oil) is in very short supply.

Our modern way of life is intimately dependent upon

Our modern way of life is intimately dependent upon

Our nation currently consumes 20.0 million barrels of oil, 6.0 billion cubic feet of natural gas, and 3.0 million short tons of coal every day. These rates have been growing, and are projected to continue to grow over the coming years. As fossil fuel stocks become depleted, it will have a serious impact on our lives. Shortages will lead to higher prices for the products that use them, which given the ubiquitous nature of their usage, means that inflation will take off like a rocket. This will lead to unstable economic and political situations. If history has any say in this matter, this could mean going to war. In this capstone activity, we are going to try to look at our individual fossil fuel usage. It would be nice if we could actually calculate how much each one of us is responsible for using. However, a great deal of our personal fossil fuel usage is hidden from us and almost impossible to calculate. For instance, the food that we eat was produced using oil in the fertilizer spread on the crops, fuel in the tractors that plowed the field, and diesel in the trucks that brought the food to market, amongst other things. The newspaper you read in the morning required fossil fuels to create the paper, run the presses, and deliver the paper. Every product that you use during your day has a similar story. Rather than try to calculate the total amount of fossil fuels that you use, we are going to only look at some rather direct usage that we can track very easily. For the purposes of this activity, we are going to investigate how much fossil fuel we use to transport ourselves and to power our homes. This usage is just a fraction of the total amount of usage for which we are responsible. All of our usage from industrial and commercial processes combined amounts to over 8.2 barrels of oil, .7 tons of coal, and 53 tcf of natural gas per person in the 1 U.S. per year. Even these numbers do not account for transporting products to market or to your home. Activity To aid us in our estimation, we will use an online calculator that will convert the measurable items that we use into amounts of fossil fuel that have been consumed. This calculator is able to do this based upon some assumptions about the mix of fuel in this country. To use the calculator, you will need to find out or estimate the following quantities about your lifestyle: • The average number of miles that you drive each year, and the mileage of your car(s). • The number of miles that you drive/fly each year on airlines, buses, trains, taxis, and motorcycles. • The amount of electricity that you use in your home each year. • The amount of natural gas, propane, kerosene, or heating oil that you use in your home each year. • The amount of gasoline that you use in your lawnmower/weed eater each year. Plugging these numbers into the calculator will allow you to estimate how much of each fossil fuel you are responsible for consuming each year. After doing this, answer the questions on the activity sheet below. (Note: To estimate your usage for each of these categories, you can use your monthly utility bills and determine the amount for a year. If you do not receive a bill, ask a family member or friend for the information. Or, you can use the averages below to input into the calculator. Remember to use only the averages that you use in your household and that this will be a very rough estimate of your usage.) U.S. Annual Household Fuel Usage Averages Electricity: 8500 kWh / year Natural Gas: 400 therms / year Heating Oil: 800 gallons Propane Gas: 20 gallons Kerosene: 5 gallons ESA21: Environmental Science Activities Activity Sheet Fossil Fuel Capstone 1. (15 points) Initial Data Car 1 miles driven 18250 Motorcycle miles 0 Yearly electricity Car 1 mileage 210000 Taxi miles 100 Yearly natural gas Car 2 miles driven 0 Train/Subway miles 100 Yearly heating oil Car 2 mileage 0 City bus miles 100 Yearly propane gas Airline miles 0 Interstate bus miles 100 Yearly kerosene 2 Mower gas gallons Oil usage = _____ barrels Coal usage = ______ tons 50 People in home 2 Natural gas usage = ____ tcf 2. (25 points) There are approximately 315 million people living in the U.S. If every one of them used as much fossil fuel for these processes, how much usage would we have in the U.S. per day and per year? Oil usage/day ____________ Coal usage/day ___________ Natural gas usage/day ___________ Oil usage/year ____________ Coal usage/year ___________ Natural gas usage/year ___________ 3. (30 points) Estimate the number of miles that you travel by car each year for commuting purposes. Go back to the calculator and replace your car miles with either city bus or train/subway miles (depending upon what is available to you). If you don’t have public transportation in your area, “pretend” you do. By how much did your fossil fuel usage change? Would you make this change? Why or why not? 4. (30 points) It is estimated that the average home can save about 1,000 kwhr of electricity by replacing all of the incandescent light bulbs in the home with fluorescent ones. The average cost of doing this is $200, but it yields about $80 in savings each year. What would such a change to your fossil fuel usage? Would you make such a change? Why or why not? 3

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[gaypoetrycapstone]

The moment the world splinters apart Into shards of thought,                   feeling,                    incredulity,                            Pretend it’s just another face and move on. Don’t recognize, don’t remember, it’s an emergency, it’s a triage situation. This man is dead. Please move onto priority one. Blink and the body in the bed is nothing but a chalk outline. People are dying and people are crying “You killed him, it’s your          fault.” Cry until the world turns into cartoon lines Cry until the colours fill you up with too-red blood Cry because the accusations echo in the room of human filth Cry because the cartoon walls don’t stop time and still people are crying “You killed him.” This man is dead. Please move onto priority one. It’s 10:31 pm and I want to text you ‘ruin me, darling, fill me with your knowing questions, and break me on the incandescent.’ I don’t text you, I never text you, I text the easy ex-lover instead. ‘It’s Shakespearean. It's a tragedy in five acts, so rip me open and pretend that it’s love.’ (I’m begging for pain afterall).                                 It’s one of those moments that feel Like it should be taking place in some long forgotten alleyway Illuminated by nothing but the desperate sounds of passers-by And the neon lights of seedy by-the-hour motels from every sad song. Except it’s not, it’s in the backyard where the apples are growing green. And the sun starts to set creating a muted gradient of beautiful sadness. This man is dead. Please move onto priority one. It’s 10:67 pm and somehow I’ve fallen into a summertime movie Turned backwards, or upside down because there is no happily ever after here. I kiss her in the back pages of old and empty notebooks I never filled. I kiss him and I feel  f r a c t u r e d. I kiss her and the exquisite pain in my chest turns to acid.                                                                                                         I don’t kiss you. The radio plays love songs and the sand comes pouring out of the speakers. This man is dead. Please move onto priority one. I spin until I am dizzy,                      and then                      I spin until I am stable. The tilting of the world becomes the metronome to a heartbeat I’m not certain is mine. I dreamt that we were on fire and we danced until the      morning Broke us of our reverie When we started screaming in beat with our hearts. When we started screaming from the pain of the flames. This man is dead. Please move onto priority one. I am sorry about this love, and about the fact you died. And how this tragedy destroyed us both. Tell me if you can forgive me this war. This man is dead. Please move onto priority one.

Priority Zero | h.m.l

[gaypoetrycapstone]

The light on my porch has never worked And I swear that it became a beacon For the monsters in the world to come and rest And take a place beneath my bed And now I’m at an age where I’m “Far too old for such childish fantasies” But I think that we all deserve a place to rest A bed to hide under, a porch light that was never lit A place for the ghosts to convalesce And all of this is to say That your hometown gets into your skin And the dark corners in your room Are only terrifying until you leave and the new ones Hold monsters you’ve not made accords with And the terror of growing up is worth more Than the falling dime collection You’ve had since you were five That taught you about the Victorian ghost in the attic The dimes scattered across the floor And got stuck in the hardwood cracks And above your shoulder was a voice That seemed upset that they fell And that the coins had changed from what they remembered When they were young and excited like you are now And not hung up as the piece of art that you adored I am learning: We are all the Victorian ghost in the attic That caused the dimes to fall when you were still a child Which is to say that we are all In a world that’s different than we remember And all wish to go back to days that seemed simpler In the wake of passing years and the fade from Colour to sepia-toned memory Before you had to sell the dime collection To pay for college textbooks And the new house with the new porchlight Dispelled the familiar ghosts And monsters under the bed I have never considered the yearning For the supernatural to be a part of growing up But I suppose that it all seems far more innocent Than the new terrors in the world That aren't so easy to pretend were just the wind And can’t be blamed on the porch light that never worked.

This, Too, Was a Lesson | h.m.l

[gaypoetrycapstone]

I have bled on your porcelain floor The parts of me that created anything resembling an identity Invisible and indivisible memories that replaced the things I lost The breakdown didn’t matter So long as an hour later I could write an essay And the crushing isolation was just a natural byproduct Or a symptom of the larger issues Unsightly eyes, unsightly times So that’s why no one ever looks twice Because if you look for longer than a second The clean cut veneer of alright splinters And bleeds into the grout lines on the porcelain floor Uneven spots of red in the rooms Are unpalatable consequences of failure But the bleach is too expensive and the effort too expendable To fix the porous openings that leave a metallic aftertaste So you cover over it with red porcelain to hide the fallout And it works. Sure, the math exam means you can’t sleep And yes, the dark corners hide darker secrets And maybe the rooms are stiflingly antiseptic But the report cards come home sparkling And that’s the only thing that’s ever mattered.

Bright Girl, Rather Sad | h.m.l

[gaypoetrycapstone]

'If you want to love me', she says, 'give me better than recycled words' 'Give me your own appellations' She doesn’t say, because it wouldn’t matter You have never been eloquent enough To string words together in anything more than broken phrases Of half adoration, half incoherent facades of poetry This is not to say you have never tried You break your heart and concave your chest Like it will make the birds sing and the rain fall and the muses take note You dreamt of chrysanthemum ideas In the impermanent light casting through the slats in your window That never shows up on camera until you’ve Overexposed the lense and every fragmentary particle Of dust and memory Like some cheap greeting card metaphor you bought for ninety-nine cents And I'm sorry about How I loved you and it wasn’t right And how I broke your heart when I pulled at our seams until the pieces fell away Because I couldn’t love you in a way you understood And you didn’t love me in a way that knew how to balance The untenable poeticness with the clawed-at plagiarism of my own heart You leave me on a Friday afternoon And I write a note in the book you let me borrow My own words delivered far too late And the cheap ink bleeds into the torn off edges Like the light the night you said yes And the night you said you couldn't do this anymore I took a photo and failed to capture the lights I didn’t think to increase the exposure, And the dark cement only reflects the neon theatre signs in past tense And I guess it’s an omen because I try said And it becomes say, I try to write loved And it becomes love. You will never read this, but it’s yours, and the open original emotions you craved.

You’re In Love With a Beautiful Girl | h.m.l