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thatreggaetone · 10 years ago

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Maybe College isn't right for me? Part 1

This is meant to be as short as possible. So I guess part 2 will cover the history and other extensive details. This will be just plain facts and opinions. I know, I know, at times those things aren’t meant to be together. But other times, the heart is both logic and feelings, which I guess can be just as opinionated and factual.

So many things have happened to me for these two years. Many things at home, in school, inside of me, and right now, as I’m dragging the minutes on, I now ask a different question now. I used to ask God will things ever get better, I used to ask my parents why are these things happening, and I used to asked myself if this is all life is going to be. Disappointment here and there. Heartache wherever I turn. The thing is, I try to aspire for higher things, for better things. And I just can’t accept the notion of mediocrity. I’m not saying my past was mediocre in nature. For me, anything that doesn’t improve, anything that is based on complacency is mediocrity. I’m not being cynical or what, it’s just my opinion. And I guess that’s how I felt in my first university, a repetitive pattern. That it’s going to be the same thing every day for me. I guess it’s like sports, just because your shooting guard can’t get those buckets doesn’t mean he sucks. Maybe he just needs a new scenery? They usually trade the guy and he gets better. It happens. People bloom differently.

I cannot accept the pop notion of “Royals” by Lorde: “We will never be royals.” I just refuse to believe that human lives, the way they are lived out will never result into something good. So I kept asking those questions. Repeatedly. Constantly. It became a small obsession.

Now I ask a different question:

Maybe college isn’t right for me?

College is a big deal. I will give more insights in part 2. But college is important. College is where you get most of your connections and career path- something that will affect what you will be doing for the next twenty to forty or so years. College is where you usually finally say: I really think this is what I want to do in life. But, college is really expensive. I won’t draw the figures, but you get the idea. Not only is college expensive in a monetary value, but it takes effort, time, hard work, and determination. And if you’re not going to like what you’re doing then you are wasting your blood here.

College is such a big deal for people. It’s such a big deal for society. It’s so big that people cheat, cheat to get in, cheat to stay, and cheat to graduate. For those who work hard, who gets in through the right ways, college is such a waste of time because of cheaters. Think about it: if someone can get in to college because of an under the table favor, then those who review for entrance exams, those who really work hard, those who really strive to get in, are being cheated. Being cheated by an unjust, corrupt, and degrading system.

If we can cheat anything- why know anything at all?

So yeah. You could say I’m bitter. I guess I really am. I’m currently 0-5 when it comes to my tries in getting in to the schools that I want. That’s a 0.00 batting average. That’s 0.00 field goal percentage. I’m angry I didn’t get in in those five chances, I really am because I know how society is. But I am frustrated and really bitter knowing that some people I know got in because of a favor. And I’m not faulting those people, you chose your path, work smart, not hard, right?

I’m not bitter because I didn’t have a friend to walk my papers for me. No. I’m bitter because somehow, despite the fact that something illegal is being allowed to happen just like that, I cannot get in through the right way. So I don’t know about you, but that just sucks. It sucks thinking that the one who cheats is farther along the line than me. And to those who didn’t cheat, are in the same line as you.

It’s a messy thing, thinking about it again and again for the nth time. I sometimes don’t like thinking about it, but I tend to anyway. It’s all my mind does nowadays. Thinking.

And now, I keep asking the question:

Maybe college isn’t right for me?

This war- this struggle for college. Maybe it’s not for me. I mean, I wasn’t the brightest student in highschool. I’ve had a teacher call me a disappointment, and she seemed to know a lot about everything, but that’s none of my business. I wasn’t the brightest student in college, either. I worked hard and got results. But the smartest? Far from it. I’m not saying I’m dumb, I know I’m not dumb. But right now, if there is anything I learned from all of this, those 0-5 trials, is that maybe you can’t force something that isn’t for you. And maybe, college isn’t really for me.

I mean, if it was, in at least those 0-5, especially the 0-4 and 0-5 ESPECIALLY the 0-5 trial would’ve been a go. I mean, it was one of those moments that you’d just have to go and say: This is it, this is going to work. I mean, I won’t describe that day, I won’t draw out every single detail, but that day all everyone could think about this was: This is it, this is going to work.

But life ain’t a fairytale. It’s not always roses in the end. And maybe this isn’t the end for my trials for college, I might just go 1-6 tomorrow. And yes, I am currently awaiting a call telling me I got in. But I honestly feel it’s not going to work out as well and proceed to 0-6. If I was hopeful, I’d tell you the same thing I said when I went 0-5: This is it, it’s going to work.

But I’m not going to get my hopes up anymore. To be honest, I don’t mind going 0-6. I’ve had several rejections in the past. I’ve been rejected by people countless times. I’ve been rejected by universities 5 times. What is one more rejection?

So I’m not saying I’m giving up on college- I’m simply giving in to the notion that it’s not for me. Maybe college isn’t right for me? Maybe this isn’t the path I am meant to take. Maybe out of the so many billion college students out there, maybe I am not meant for the same path. Maybe. I don’t know.

I’m not saying as well that I’m not going to college because of those people who pulled in favors to get in- they are merely a factor as to why the idea of college turns me off. Other factors will be mentioned in part 2.

At this point, even if I get the “yes, you’re accepted” my parents are really wanting to hear, I will have to think about whether or not I’m still going to take it and go to school. I have a lot of thinking to do. There are so many factors to consider.

Even if I pass and do go back to school, I will put out part 2. ;)

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