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writingsofadream · 6 years ago

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Masterpiece | Part II

Pairing : Yoongi x Reader

Story : He’s looking for heartbreak and inspiration, and you’re just looking for a new laptop.

Set during the writing and recording period of Love Yourself: Tear. Involves angst, fluff, and smut. Multiple chapter series. 5.9k words in this part :)

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Staring at the stranger beside you indignantly, you couldn’t help but show your surprise at his words. This earns a smirk from him, which you can’t decide if you love or hate.

“I’ll buy it for you, Y/N. If you’ll let me buy you a coffee too.” His words follow the smirk just as confidently, and you narrow your eyes suspiciously. The dingy store’s owner gives a low whistle of disbelief, seemingly just as confused as you were.

“What’s your name?” You demand, crossing your arms to close the open air between your body and his. His hard, no doubt fit body…he certainly wasn’t chubby like the blonde guy.

“Yoongi. Min Yoongi.” At this, he extends his long-fingered hand to you, waiting for you to slip yours into his. Swallowing, you reach out and grip it lightly. His hand is cold, and smooth. His skin seems to electrocute yours, and after a moment in his firm grip you wrench your hand back.

“And why exactly are you buying me a laptop, Mr Min Yoongi?” You arch an eyebrow, pulling your arms back into a somewhat stern cross again. It feels childish and no doubt looks it too, judging by the amusement dancing in his deep, dark eyes.

“Because I’d like to interview you, and paying you for your time seems only natural. Plus, I have the money for it.” He throws the last sentence out like an easy addition, shrugging his shoulders naturally.

“Yea, I noticed the ring.” You scoffed at this, unable to hold it back at how ridiculous it was to be smug but not show your wealth until someone asked. What a…snob?

His jaw hardens and a sliver of the amusement drops from his eyes. Whoops. He breathes in deeply before addressing you again. The words that come back out sound no longer lighthearted, but annoyed.

“Look, take it or not, I don’t care. Just make your mind up. Either I buy it for you and get that interview, or I can pay for it and walk away with it. I was here first.” His gaze is intent on you, and you feel your cheeks become hotter with embarrassment. How did you always manage to make yourself seem like a fool, you thought to yourself quietly. No wonder you’d been single for over a year; you didn’t give off good girlfriend vibes, whatever the fuck they were.

“I’ll take it.” The words are out of your mouth before you can properly consider it, and once they were out they sat in the cold air of the shop. A smile crept across Yoongi’s face, and then the shop owner broke the thick silence.

“So, Yoongs, I’ll ring it up?” Yoongi nods to the man, and peers at you as though inspecting you. Feeling as though you’re compelled to say something, you clear your throat and thank him. He shrugs again, as though buying strangers laptops was something he did all the time. You were certain it wasn’t. Somehow, between his dark clothes, demeanour, and his steeled gaze, you didn’t pick him for the type of guy to hand out MacBooks like Oprah.

“Where are we having coffee?” You direct towards his shoulder, as he faces the machine to swipe his Platinum credit card. Without glancing back at you he answers, throwing the words over his shoulder in your general direction.

“Wherever you want, Y/N. My shout.” The last two words come out with a wink, and he tugs his card from the machine and faces you once again.

“Here you are, Y/N. I’m Chaen, by the way.” The store’s owner hands you the bag with your new laptop in it, a grin on his face though still obviously a little confused. Thanking him and promising to come back next time you needed anything electrical, you took the bag from his hands and made your way out of the store. Yoongi followed behind you, shaking the man’s hand as though they were good friends. Grabbing your raincoat from the stand, you pushed the heavy door open into the small alleyway. Noting the rain had stopped, you shoved it into the bag with the MacBook box. It was still overcast and chilly, so you were thankful for the warm jumper you’d been smart enough to pick out. Whipping around, you faced Yoongi and bit your lip. Where should you two even go? He seemed to be thinking the same thing as he stared at you, clearly waiting for you to voice your decision.

“The cat cafe.” Pleased with your decision, you attempt to throw a friendly smile his way, only to be met with a bemused one.

“A cat cafe?” He laughs. “I could’ve guessed, Y/N.”

___

Why had he invited her? Well, he supposed, she was as good as any person to ask. A pretty girl like her? Surely she’s had her heart broken by some obnoxious jock at least once in her lifetime. And if he wasn’t any good at the questions, it was only a loss of a few thousand won that he wouldn’t miss. Plus, he would know not to do any more of them. That’s what this is then, he decided. An experiment.

She sits across from him, a white and brown kitten on her lap. Sinking into her oversized lilac jumper, the kitten seems to be falling asleep, much to her delight. Looking down at the little animal and stroking its small ears with her delicate fingers, Yoongi feels something tighten in his chest. A strand of her hair falls into her eyes and she tucks the unruly piece back behind her ear. Looking up, she meets his eyes and he coughs in a not-so-subtle attempt to hide his blatant staring.

“So, what’s this interview anyway?” Her voice is pretty and light, and Yoongi thinks for a second before answering. He has to be careful with what he says, especially since she seems unaware of who he is. She’d been a little confused at being ushered to the back and tucked away in a little booth - luckily he’d managed to convince her the rest of the cafe was too loud to record properly.

“It’s for a project I’m doing. On heartbreak.” She cocks her head and furrows her brow a little at this.

“Oh…and they’ll just be a few questions, then?” Yoongi nods at her question, perhaps a little too enthusiastically as she scoots herself and the kitten towards the window. Shuffling over so she’s directly facing him again, he tries to set her mind at ease.

“I just need reliable answers and it won’t take that long. I promise.” She seems convinced, or just like she’s giving up. Settling back into the plush of the booth, she sighs and closes her eyes for a moment. Yoongi watches her, enthralled by the way her delicate collarbones peak out from the top of her jumper. She opens her eyes again, and his own jump back up to her face.

Reaching into the back pocket of his jeans he pulls out his phone, opening the recording app and setting it in between them. Pressing the record button, he starts.

“So, Y/N, have you ever had your heart broken?”

He’s pulled his hoodie back, and you can see now that his hair is black and makes him even more fucking handsome. His question is calm and controlled as he watches you from across the small booth’s table. Nervously stroking the kitten in your lap, you paused before answering.

“No.” He doesn’t seem pleased by your answer, rolling his eyes and leaning back in his seat. As he does, his hands lay out on the table and his jumper is pulled up. Sitting on his wrist shines a Rolex, brand-new and gleaming. You instantly reach out to touch it, stopping yourself just before making contact.

“Is that a Rolex?” You ask, eyes wide. You hadn’t actually ever seen one in real life before, and no one you knew owned one, that was for sure. In fact, you weren’t entirely sure anyone bought them other than celebrities and business men with too much time on their hands…or rather, wrists. Definitely not dark, brooding guys like the one sitting across from you.

“Yea, it’s a Rolex. Says so on the face.” His smart-ass comment and smirk annoys you, and you pull your hand back quickly. He definitely was fond of smirking, you’d give him that. Frustratingly, it made him even more attractive.

“I can read.” Your retort sounds stupid as it leaves your mouth, and you regret it instantly. Hurriedly, you switch the conversation back to what it’s supposed to be about.

“Why heartbreak?” Your question seems to puzzle him, and his eyes leave yours to look out the window into the pouring rain. Outside, the trees swayed heavily with the weight of the wind, Seoul’s streets a mix of green, grey, and various lights shining through the haze. It was beautiful.

“Why not?” He’s turned his attention back to you now, resting his chin in his pale hand. It framed his face, and for a spilt second you wondered what they’d look like around your neck. Shaking the image from your mind, you motioned for him to explain.

“Love is a difficult emotion. That’s all.” He brushes it off nonchalantly, then turns the questioning back around.

“What do you do for a living? Between school, that is.” His question doesn’t seem to have anything to do with his chosen topic, but you answer it anyway. Lucky for him, you’re starting to feel a little more comfortable in the warm cafe. The kitten on your lap purrs softly, the hot hazelnut mocha relaxing you.

“I work at a cafe. It’s a little quaint, but it’s okay. It’s the best I can do for now.” Hoping he’ll leave your life at that, you open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it.

“Do you like working there?” His face seems genuine, and the question is natural enough. You shift slightly in your seat, and the kitten stirs.

“I do and I don’t. I guess it’s just one of those things.” The kitten bounces off your lap, and you pout a little as it prances across the cafe to a couple walking in from the rain.

“One of those things?” He really won’t give up, will he? You look down into your coffee, bringing it up to your lips for a quick reassuring sip.

“Yea. Life. Have to get money somehow.” He sips his coffee, which he took black, unsurprisingly. Setting it back on the wooden table, he licks the drink from his lips. You instinctively stare at his mouth, the way his tongue darts across the soft pink. Feeling a familiar warmth in your crotch, you bring your eyes swiftly back down to the brown beverage in your hands.

“I love what I do. Do you want to see?” You peer up at him. What the fuck? That probably wasn’t safe, right? Then again, you couldn’t help but be intrigued by his proposition. Besides, you had nothing better to do, and the man did buy you a MacBook.

“We can continue the interview there, if you like.” Your answer is greeted by a gummy smile, and he suddenly looks soft and inviting. Just as quickly as it appeared, though, it’s snatched away as he brings his mouth back to a smug, subtle smile.

“Cool. I’ll call a taxi.”

Why was he bringing her back to his studio? He had no fucking clue. As he paid the taxi driver and stepped out into the rain, he pulled his hoodie back onto his head. She reached into the MacBook bag for the scrunched-up raincoat, wrapping it around her body but leaving the hood down. Maybe she just didn’t care about how she looked, he thought, and the rain started to wet her hair. Grabbing her arm, he tugs her into the building. Unmarked, BigHit logos are nowhere to be seen. The company had agreed to keep it clear of anything that would bring attention to the building that held all their personal studios; that way they could work in peace, without the incessant fans and management. Keying in his personal code, the door swung open. The lobby inside was marble and modern, and he heard her gasp at the presentation of it. He hated it, to be honest. It felt cold and uninviting, though ironically people said the same about him.

Walking up to the elevator, he pressed the button to his studio’s floor. In fact, all the boys’ studios were on the same floor. It was a big fucking floor.

The silence in the elevator was palpable, but Yoongi simply felt like he didn’t know what to say. She was chewing her plump bottom lip, and between her slightly damp hair and delicate features he felt stumped on what to say. Usually he never wanted to say much at all, but now he kinda longed to say something to her. It’d be great if he just knew what to say.

He wasn’t sure why he’d suggested it, like the cafe, but he definitely wanted to show her what he did. That much was clear. He liked her sense of humour, her way of putting things. She seemed almost…whimsical.

The ping of the elevator jerked him from his thoughts, and he pointed out into the extending hallway.

“Those are a lot of rooms. Which ones is yours?” She looks at him, eyes wide at the length and breadth of the expensive-looking way ahead.

“Follow me.” He sounds smooth and his pitch is normal, thank god. For a second he thought he’d choke on his words looking into her eyes. He wanted to fuck her, dammit.

Walking into the room was a stark contrast from the marbled floors and walls of the rest of the building. It was unlit, save the grey light of the late afternoon rain shining in from an open window on the end wall. There was a couch, big enough to double as a bed pushed against one of the walls. The rest of the room contained computers, a keyboard, microphones, and a whole array of other recording devices you couldn’t even begin to guess at. The monitors were massive, and when Yoongi shook the mouse the screens displayed various softwares, all seeming to do with music. He ran a hand through his hair, then turned back to look at you. He looked almost nervous, as if searching for your approval, and you felt that feeling in your stomach again. Lit up in the grey, rainy light and the soft white of the screens, he was so good looking you thought you might pass out right there and then. Instead, you felt arousal prick at your body. Fuck. Trying to push it away, you finally spoke.

“You’re a musician?” His shoulders relax, and he leans back against the desk on a rare spot that isn’t covered in sheet music and other scribbles of paper.

“And a producer. I’m in a group.” He points at the small couch underneath the window. “Wanna finish the heartbreak and shit interview?”

“I hope it doesn’t involve literal shit.” The joke is bad and poorly timed, and you cringe at the bluntness of it. “Sorry, my jokes are…well, shit.”Surprisingly, he bursts out laughing. You join him, releasing some of the tension in your shoulders as the two of you fill the air with the sound.

“Nah, no shit.” He walks over to the couch, clearly amused. Plunking down, he pulls his phone back out again. As you sit down next to him, you accidentally read the top message on his screen as he turns it on and goes to lock it. It’s from some guy named Namjoon, and the only words you made out were ‘tear’ ‘soon’ and something about dinner with the guys tonight. Interesting, you thought. So this Yoongi guy apparently has at least two friends, Chaen and this Namjoon. And who were the rest of the guys? Before you could think more on it, though, he turned to face you.

“Can I propose we do something else instead?” He looks nervous again, but this time his eyes are…fixed. He knows what he wants. His stare runs through your whole body, and you push back a little further away from him.

“What do you suggest?” Your voice is barely a whisper as his eyes cut through you, trailing down from your face over your breasts and down to your hands in your lap. Bringing them back up, he stares at you intently from his spot just a metre away.

“I want to fuck you.”

Yea, he’d just said it out loud. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. Looking at her, watching her, showing her something so intimate to him. Her stupid little joke, her loud and shameless laugh. He wanted to fuck her, plain and simple. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually had a good fuck. It had been some girl from another idol group, and she’d been tight and compliant but…not quite what he’d needed. He’d booty called her a few times, sure, but things had ended once she’d figured out he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Of course he wasn’t looking for a fucking relationship, why the fuck would he?

You froze at his request, realising he said it in all seriousness. Shifting on your butt, you tried to push a little further away from him but your back hit the wall instantly. He spoke again, less intensely this time.

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine. It would just be sex, though. I’m not looking for anything, and don’t feel obliged because I paid for that laptop.” His words take a moment to sink in, you feel nothing but shock throughout your body. But then, something else creeps in. Those lingering feelings of attraction and lust all hit the critical points in your being. Basked in the grey of the rain, hearing it pour down outside, it mixes with the soft whirr of his computers and various electronics. Looking at Yoongi, wearing his black clothes with his black hair, his handsome face with a sensual expression. You couldn’t believe it. You were actually contemplating fucking him.

He seems unnerved by your silence, and moves back on the large couch.

“The back goes down and we can pull it out, so it’s like a bed. I sleep here sometimes.” His confession barely makes its way into your ears as you continually toss about his proposition. Over and over it whirls around in your head, but finally you start to think clearly. Why not? You hadn’t had sex in over a year, and this was one of the only days you hadn’t had class, study, or work in literally weeks. Why not take the opportunity, you thought.

Heart pounding in your chest, you bolted your body towards him, practically throwing yourself on top. Inches away from his face, you nodded fast before you could back out.

“Yes,” you heard yourself say, “I’ll fuck you.” There it was, that smirk of his. This time it was more implicit than the others, the presence of sex hiding behind it.

“Just this once.” You add with a rush at the end, just to make sure he doesn’t get any ideas. He turns his smirk into a grin, then brings his smooth hand up to cup your face. His long fingers take a disobedient strand of hair, tucking it back into place with a calculated slowness to it.

“Works for me.” He gives you a dark wink, then suddenly his hand is gone from behind your ear. Your skin feels hot where he’s touched it, and despite any reservations you had you felt your panties become a little wetter. Dammit. Your body was almost betraying you.

Standing, he started clicking something on the side of the bed. You stood too, realising he was pulling it out so it could become an even larger bed. So you could fuck.

Pushing you back with one arm, he grabbed the underside of the furniture and tugged hard. It pulled back from the wall, the back falling to become the top of a bed. Clicking the buttons back into place, he then reached up into a higher cupboard to pull pillows down. Throwing them down onto the plush now-bed, he also pulls down a single white sheet.

In an instant, his lips are on yours. Kissing you hard, he places his hands on your hips and pushes you down onto the bed in a rush. Bouncing against the soft mattress, you both shimmy up to the top. He pushes a pillow under your head, still feverishly kissing you. He nipped playfully at your bottom lip, his hands now exploring up under your jumper. You could taste the coffee on his tongue, in his mouth, and no doubt he was tasting your hazelnut mocha. As he ran his tongue across yours you gasped a little, and he smirked against your mouth. You felt as though your whole body was on fire, particularly the spot between your legs. It felt like a distant, yet all-too-familiar ache.

He shifted his hard body above you, moving his top half off your body. Pulling off his hoodie, he threw it to the side with abandon. Coming back down, he supported himself with his elbow beside your head. You bit your lip, expecting more hard and rough coffee kisses. Instead, he slipped a hand between your thighs, meeting the denim of your cuffed blue jeans. He groaned a little, closing his eyes for a split second before rubbing a little harder, hard enough to meet your pussy through the fabric. Suppressing a soft moan, you bit your lip a little harder, tasting a small amount of blood in your mouth. Pulling his hand from your jeans and between your thighs, Yoongi reaches up and pulls your bottom lip out from your teeth.

“Take off your jeans, now.” The ‘now’ is said like an order, and a shiver of anticipation runs through your core. He rolls off you, sitting next to you patiently.

“Hurry up, Y/N.” That one was definitely said like an order. Unbuttoning your jeans with shaky hands, you pulled them off your body without a second thought. Throwing them to join his hoodie, he suddenly brings his body back on top of yours.

“Good girl,” he whispers, hot breath in your ear tickling your senses. “You’re good at taking orders.” Fuck, his words ran from your ear straight down to your heat. His head comes back down, his lips pushing against yours again. Opening your mouth for him, the tip of his tongue curls around yours. Now, his free hand is running along your inner thigh, slowly making its way closer to your wetness. Each inch feels antagonising, and the closer he gets the more you feel as though you’ll explode without his touch.

“Tell me what you want, baby.” His order is directed into your mouth, and you murmur back quietly.

“Touch me.” You don’t have to elaborate; Yoongi gets the message. His long fingers start to rub you through the thin fabric of your panties, and you moan against his swollen and wet lips. Through half-lidded eyes he brings his mouth from yours, his lust-filled eyes staring right into yours. It sends a twitch through your whole body, and he presses harder with his fingers. The pleasure is intense but manageable, just hard enough to feel good but not hard enough. He’s teasing you.

“Press against me.” He utters the words so lowly you could almost swear you’d imagined them if you hadn’t seen his soft lips shape out the words. Every nerve in your body is electric, tingling. Rolling your hips, you push harder against his hands and he rolls his fingers less gently. The pressing feeling becomes more intense, and you whimper against his touch.

“You’re so fucking hot.” His words are said roughly, and he latches his mouth to the sensitive skin of your neck. He sucks hard on the skin, and you can’t hold back the deep moan that comes up from your throat. The sensation of his sucking paired with the rubbing friction of his fingers pushing your panties against your clit bring you close to the edge, and you know he can sense it. His mouth leaves your skin with an audible pop, and he looks down at his handiwork with a gleam in his dark eyes.

“That’s gonna leave a mark.” You press harder against his hand, getting closer and closer to your peak. Slowly, he runs his hand away from your soaked panties and back down your inner thigh, and you let out a dissatisfied grunt. Dropping your hips back down to the mattress, you hum against his ear.

“Not gonna let me cum?” You’re bold, but you don’t care. You catch his lobe in your mouth, running your tongue over it and around his piercings. You hear his sharp intake of breath through clenched teeth, and his hand hovers over your inner thigh. Without warning, he slaps it. Not hard, but hard enough for you to bring your mouth away and yelp softly. He chuckles, nuzzling into your neck a pressing down a kiss.

“Not yet, baby.” His words vibrate against you, and he lets his teeth graze over your new hickey. Already turning a dark shade of purple, it was very…him.

He starts kissing his way down your body, making his way to your collarbones before grabbing the end of your jumper and pulling it up your torso. Arching yourself against the bed you lifted your arms up, allowing him to pull the jumper from your body. Beating him to it, you reached under yourself and unclasped your bra, pulling it off your arms and throwing it off somewhere onto the floor. He started down at your breasts, looking mesmerised and hungry. That tantalising smirk returns to his lips, and he wastes no time in latching his lips to your right nipple. Rolling the hard bud around with his tongue, he flicks at it and pulls the other with his hand. They’re erect at his movements, and he runs his tongue over your breast moving down to your stomach. Kissing past your navel, he reaches the line of your panties and breathes out softly against your skin, sending shivers down your spine. Hooking his index fingers into the waistband of your panties, you feel the cold of his silver ring against your skin. He pulls the fabric down slowly, and you close your eyes to savour the moment. Slipping them over your feet, you hear them join the rest of the clothes on the wooden floor. Daring to peak your eyes open, you look at Yoongi perched on the edge of the bed, looking directly at your pussy. His mouth was open a little, his eyes hazy, and his breath was long and deep. He glanced up at you, and you started to shut your legs.

His hands instantly grab your thighs, pushing them back apart. He winks at you, and chuckles lightly at your sudden display of modesty.

He pushes you further up the bed, and you adjust the pillow under you. Between your legs, Yoongi brings his mouth closer and closer to your wet and waiting cunt. Then, he licks you.

The wetness of his tongue brushing against your clit softly brings a moan up through your lips, and you press against him a little harder. He obliges, softly licking longer strokes until he’s passing over your hole with each one. Sucking on your clit, he brushes a finger against your opening, holding your right thigh back with his other hand. He starts to suck harder, and you mewl in pleasure at the feeling spreading from your lower half.

He slips one, long finger in, reaching his knuckle then curling up inside you. As he swipes your g-spot, you grip the white sheet hard in your fists. Arching your back, you push your pussy closer to him, begging him to give you what you need. The bastard grins before sucking hard, so hard you clit sends shockwaves through your body at the sensation. Locking your thighs around his head, you start to pant and let out a whispered curse as you feel yourself reaching towards your climax.

He slips another long finger in, stretching you a little as you realise how much you’ve missed the feeling of sex. And this was already the best fucking sex you’d ever had.

Slamming and curling his fingers inside you, Yoongi sucks relentlessly against your swollen clit. Like a champagne cork popping from a cold, fresh bottle into the air, you cum hard around his fingers. Pushing back against the sheet, you can’t stop the heavy flow of moans that leave your mouth as he continues to suck you gently through your orgasm. Curling your toes, your eyes roll back a little as you let it completely take over your whole body. Every inch of you feel intense, electric, dangerous.

As you come down from your high, he pulls his lips from your pussy and withdraws his fingers. You feel empty without them, but exhausted from the experience. Looking at him, you see your juices glistening wetly around his mouth and on his chin, Swiping with the back of his hand, he wipes it off, giving you a cheeky grin and looking down at you heatedly.

“Get on your hands and knees.” His voice is breathless but commanding, sultry-sounding to your ears. His black jeans are tight, his cock obviously swelling against the rough material. Seeing you staring, he cocks his head to the side with a smile.

Without a word, he slowly undoes the top button of the jeans. The zipper follows, the noise crisp in the air. Your breathing is still heavy, and you lick your lips at the sight of his bulging cock pressing against his black Calvins. He slips the jeans down first, and they pool down at his knees. Then, he teases you with a knowing look and he tugs down his underwear, his dick bouncing out. Holy. Shit.

Remembering his order, you flipped yourself onto all fours, pushing a pillow under your elbows. Feeling nothing, you look back over your shoulder at Yoongi. He’s pulling his wallet out from the back pocket of his jeans, fishing a condom out of one of the compartments. Wishin a couple of heartbeats he chucks the wallet to the floor, ripping open the foiled packet. Staring, you felt yourself get even more turned on at the sight of him rolling it down his length, all the way to the base. Seeing you watching, he moved forward and grabbed your hips roughly, jolting you back. He slapped your ass, lightly.

“Can I slap your ass hard?” The question is new to you, something you’ve never really done with your exes. Without hesitating or thinking, you agree. You want it. You want it so fucking badly.

The slap to your ass stings, and you cry out a little but bounce back towards his cock. You hear the soft murmur of “fuck” escape his lips, and he smacks you again. This time is harder, enough to bring tears to the corners of your eyes. As if knowing this is enough, Yoongi runs himself along your soaked slit, making sure to rub over your abused clit. Grabbing the pillow hard, you push back against him in a desperate attempt to have him finally fill you.

Grabbing your ass cheeks and squeezing hard, he pulls your body back and buries himself in your pussy. Slamming in all the way to the hilt, you both exclaim loudly at the explicit feeling. You moan sensually, while he grunts deeply. He doesn’t take more than a second, knowing you can handle it, before he’s slamming in and out of you hard. The slapping sound of your bodies meeting fills the studio, matching your moans with each harsh thrust. Gripping your hips, his fingers dig into your flesh as you bounce against him.

“Holy…fuck” you manage to gasp out, your eyelids fluttering at the feelings rushing from your core. He takes a hand from your hip and grabs a handful of your hair instead, pulling you even further back. His pulling is light, and doesn’t hurt your skull, but it’s enough to encourage you to move back harder.

“I’m gonna fucking cum.” His words are said through gritted teeth, and you realise you’re closer to your second orgasm than you thought. Whispering “me too” into the thick air, you feel him drop your hair as he brings his hand down on your ass, slapping it harder than the previous ones. The mix of pleasure and pain brings you right over the edge, without him needing to even brush against your clit. Clenching around him, you cum, screaming your release. He reaches under you and grabs a handful of your tit as he finishes, banging in and out of your trembling pussy as it clenches him tight. He starts to slow as he rides out the end of his own orgasm, breathing heavily. His long breaths continue as he pulls out of you, hopping off the end of the bed. You feel a tinge of sadness at the loss, almost wanting him to have stayed in you; even if only for a few more minutes. Collapsing against the bed, you flip over exhaustedly and prop yourself up on your elbows. He pulls the condom off, scrunching his nose up at the feeling. You hold back a giggle at the his sigh of annoyance towards the rubbery mess. Throwing it in the bin, he makes his way back to the bed, watching you with a fondness you assumed could be accounted to the satisfying sex you’d just had. He rummaged through the clothes on the floor, bringing up your jumper and his underwear. Sliding them back on, he tosses you your jumper.

“Just in case you didn’t feel comfortable staying naked.” He gives you a crooked smile and you return it, pulling the warm jumper back over your skin. You feel sore, your pussy stretched and your butt burning a little from his punishing slaps. You feel good, really fucking good.

He crawls up into the bed, lying next to you on one of the extra pillows. You both slip under the sheet without a word, facing each other in the soft glow of grey floating in through the window.

“It’s still pouring rain.” You say, hearing the drops falling outside in a calming torrent.

“It is.” he says, smiling at you with softer, less harsh eyes.

“Tell me more about yourself, Y/N.” Smiling and rolling your eyes at his predictable request, you snuggled deeper into the blanket, still facing him.

Looking at the girl he had just fucked, with her messy hair, her jumper slipping off her shoulder, the blanket tousled around her body, and her head resting into the soft pillow while she told him about her frustrating housemate and workmate, Yoongi could only muster up three words to sum up his state of mind.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

134 notes · View notes

nuevorealidad · 7 years ago

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how.to.deal.w.damn.eclipses

Don't bother trying to make any sense of it. It'll only throw you. The whole damned thing is just a bunch of juxtaposed pastiché of images and scatterballed memories, a crazy drama mixed with karma, peering in lightness pouring onto the darkest spots, carousing kissers smearing brandied blood upon your gnarling scars.

Maybe it's best you just withdraw into the lair of your reclusive, private universe - a place from which all others are excluded, a shuttled dreamworld in which even those who know you do not recognise you as such. #ᴀᴤᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏØʄɴᴏᴡ ☿ ⊼ ♆ | ♀ ⊼ Ch |♀ △ ♅ | ☉ ☍ ♇

But things are weird, hey... aren't they now? Lots of confusion going down, everyone's feeling so damned grouchy all of their buttons ultra touchy be very mindful what you say, jack in the box ain't far away loaded with angst and toxic bile ready to spring you and revile so please, do not obscure or judge two thousand years of nasty sludge.

#ᴀᴤᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏØʄɴᴏᴡ SOLAR ECLIPSE @20°♋41'

Pluto Opposition Uranus - 7/12 new moon uranus 19/20 degrees

You do well not to resist the ups and downs but to go with the volatility which can take you to the outer edges of what you know. Exhilarating experiences are possible that can make you deeply aware of the weaknesses of conformity and the strength of going counter to the trend. While traditions have their place, this is a time to break new ground if only to uncover the unique qualities that make you an individual. Wherever you have felt a need to be different, this can bring it out with full force. (My Need & Desire for My *F*S*J* &*F*L* to kick in start unfolding manifesting from non-physical to physical reality)

Since you may seek freedom and independence whatever the cost, make certain it is for something that you truly desire (more big money & lucrative abundance) rather than against something you don?t want. If you fully tap into what this cycle offers, you probably will demonstrate an unyielding persistence when you are right or think that you are. The older you are when this transit occurs the more you can make it work for you. The increased self-awareness is a great asset as it allows you to seek the freedom you need without causing so much disruption in your life.

You are likely to receive profound insights that increase your understanding w/ deep curiosity with the unfamiliar /peculiar +extend to new discoveries.

**You can find inventive new ways to transform you life so that you do not need to drop out of society to be different.** Still deal w/ humans but living at undisclosed unknown lat/long domain where am free detach from all irita & bs

I desire something completely new and alternate this new moon / have a need to bring forth my FS*FL* A.I.R. to finally start unfolding in full force . I have already given my F*S*J* 100% green lite & free will to commence. Now i am ready for it to kick in and come into play every single day.

aries - who are u here to be (at this time) & are u spiritually align - this new moon eclipse i am here to align w/ my future self in bringing my future life in accordance & full abundance manifestation. taurus - line up ur emotional mindset attitude to who u seek 2 be in the world & who u want to hang out n associate w/ sagittarius - ARE ABOUT TO TRANSFORM THEIR ENTIRE LIFE - Choosing an emotional tone on how they want to feel thru the whole transformation. do u wanna fly coach or first class - now this is what they have to hold true ; they have to hold true their spiritual faith, they cant be wishy washy or question it. they have to just call it believe it and see it work out (very strong boundaries about faith) and monitor ur emotional situation making sure u always feel safe, engrace, n protected hold true w/ faith and trust this powerful transformation in life. pieces - holding in for some serious passionate joys. everything u teach and preach should be in line w/ ur hearts intention n ur behaviour should be in alignment w/ dat dream too .. so act as if...assume the role. When you are ��’ there ‘’ ...** BE VERY VERY LOYAL TO THE BOUNDARIES YOU HAVE LEARN SO FAR or else u can be very broken hearted n disappointed if U GO BACK ON A BOUNDARY U KNOW BETTER THAN...SO HONOR UR F* BOUNDARIES FIRST AND FOREMOST (remember wat happened the other nite? when u suffered/struggled thru / got redeemed (fr u know who) big time enough to walk but then u kept playin shittin it up ...remember that auwful feeling?? which U beg n promised never to ever feel or experience again??? soo HEED IT once and for all!

Talk it up, stretch facts, use frauds to make human beings appear more grandiloquent than they really are, invent stories where people talk way more eloquently, say smarter things than is humanly possible, make shitty human enterprises seem important enough to want to invest in. It's not a noise - it's music; it isn't shit smeared on a piece of wood - that's art; it's not a house - it's a temple; it isn't boring, if you say so....

Jupiter trine Neptune was exact during Jupiter retrograde on May 25 and will be again on August 19, 2018. It encourages hope, generosity and community spirit. As your personal value system or morals reach a higher standard, you will find that selflessly helping others brings great satisfaction. You can follow your dreams for success without needing to sacrifice your ego or material possessions. WEALTH/ FAME / 7 ALL UR DESIRES come true and you should feel happy and content.

YES I am f* ready to leave the past behind (past=letting go all ill feelings/regrets/fuck ups/sad sacks/doubts/leftover residues)..........Like I said THIS morning i have asked no *demanded* my FS to finally show up! do his thing! bring about w/out shadow of doubt who/what and all that FS/FL is all about. as i am tired of waiting /and isn't this f* WALK IN is all about ? instead of deely dally upgraded yes but still so slow blow....TODAY jupiter stations..( made sense why i ademantly demanded early 4am) ....tomorrow jup direct no more excuses no more delay f*kin get it on then already! .>>>>>>THIS is how i am heralding creating bringing forth these once in lifetime eclipses w/ once in lifetime event desire ..The Manifestation of my FL Completely Alternate Intelligence Realm. Asked /Told /Demanded my FS <3J to f*show up do it to it. HE is ON. its all on him /all about him..its show time m*f* ! let me watch you NOW.............>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.The eclipse, happening midweek at 20 degrees Cancer, is a powerful one. With the energy this supersized cosmic cocktails, there will be some major directional changes as we close one chapter and prepare for a brand new one, unencumbered by the ‘same ole’ sad songs. New career, relationships and opportunities will be opening up.

post above is 4 f*face.dh for deleting my fbomb posts - how dare u when ur mouth is just as filthier than any :/

Let this be your eclipse theme 4 gotz 2 follow thru starting first 1@7/12 (new moon solar eclipses all about NEW beginning pre-requisites on how your FS*FLife will unfold & manifest )

------------------ I have Uranus 19 cancer but in 3rd house what does that mean to 20 degrees? Is no longer opp with pluto?

AstroWeather NYC Yes, 19 Cancer is opposite Pluto, he’s at 20 degrees Capricorn… Capricorn is directly opposite Cancer. We would have to see what natal aspects Your personal planets make. Look for all Planet approx 16 - 23 degrees of any sign

My pluto leo 22 in 4th house mars Sag 20 in 8th house jupiter gem 18 in 2nd house. So it doesn’t matter about their houses it’s the degree that’s affected? With all these opposition will that be bad new moon then? How can I make it work for me??

AstroWeather NYC This is the first of a series of eclipse points that will happen on the Cancer / Capricorn axis. The series is ‘a wrap’ by the middle of 2020. From this one until the end is the perfect ground, for healing, growing things, new construction, building of any type as well as making manifest the off spring of your body and mind. Creating, by using your talents and inspirations, in a caring, mystical, compassionate and passionate manner will transform your world. This is a period where and when you can make some serious loving connections that provide safety, security and protection. Pluto will bring up feelings. Harsh ones… Remember that Life is a flux - things flow in and things flow out - like the ebb and flow of the tide. When you shut down one flow, it cuts off all others. In addition, It is the meaning that you attach that makes these feelings unacceptable or acceptable. It is your resistance that makes them painful. Like life and death they are two sides of the same coin, if you stop one then you no longer have the other, death can not exist without life…….. nor can life exists without death….Thanks Dee

August 8 2018

Stop looking outside for help. You’re sourced and fuelled and funded by a renewable resource, which is within you. It never runs out. It is your Essence. It’s your life.

Source is now always available as a two way process.The Star Gate flows are constant - it doesn’t have to be a flare or solar wind storm day to receive these codes. Your own magnetics are adjusting as you migrate realities to where the Higher Self Can Express Right Through the Physical.

This is the pivotal shift from quaint 3D beliefs that days of loaded significance somehow delivered magic that rubbed off on you - the old seductive /dramatic event/ passive view of how the cosmos operates. And now we know different……we know that energy is neutral, that it is you who makes meaning and that magic happens when you make it. The I Ching hexagram for the Magician is “1 Chien The Creative”. Sometimes -as in this eclipse tunnel- the planetary weather reads “Storms,Hurricanes and Explosions”; sometimes it reads" Calm and Sunny" but whatever the backdrop, YOU CREATE UR OWN EXPERIENCE THROUGH WHAT U BELIEVE AND THE CHOICES U THINK U HAVE. YES WE CAN DO TRUE MAGIC-ALBEIT UP TO NOW UNCONSCIOUS AND RANDOM W/C ONLY BRINGS MIXED RESULTS

What each and every curve of the cosmic cycle brings are moments of chairos - time vectors when events and their resonance to your unique birth mandala conspire to crack open your tiny perspective to the Truth that your mind is not a camera but a projector and that you don’t have to believe your own thinking. “There’s a mysterious door that appears when we stop attaching ourselves to the comfort of what we believe to be are our obstacles. This is where the light of our inner fire appears. This is where we start to see, feel and listen. This is where we stop pretending. And this is where we no longer seek refuge outside of ourselves…” Tanya Lee Markul

🌒🌓🌔🌕⭐⚡☀⚡⭐🌕🌔🌓🌒🌰⭐🌱🌿🍀🎆🌋🎇🌠🔮🔔💰💰💰💰💸💸💸💳💳💳💸💸💸💰💰💰🍀🌿🍀🌿💰 😍😍😍😂🤣😂😆 **hugs**🤗 🤗💗💗 **luv**💕💞💕**likes**& lots of **kisses**💋💞💋🌟💃💃💃🌟✌. ✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️💥🔥⚡️✨🌠✨ 😍😍😍😍.😂🤣😂😆 hot 2 trot 🔥🔥🔥🔥🌀🌀🌀🌀 🐷🐮🐥🐢🐬🐺 🐇 🐥🐢🐬🐱🐶✌💞🎨🎯😇 🎥🖱📡📲📰🌈🏖 🎪🎪🍰🍰💰💰💰😇 🌷☘🌺🌳🌻🍀🌾⚘🌸🍃🌿😍😍😍😍😂🤣😂😆🌟🌟🌟💃🌟✌🌋🌊🌈🎆🎇🎉🎊🔓🔆🔓💰💸💳🔅📈🏁🍚⬆⬇↕🔄✳✴🌊🌈🌒🌓🌔🌕🌠⭐⚡🌋🎆🎇🎆🎉🎊🎍💸💸💸✴✳✳✳✳↕↕↕↕🎆🎇🌋✴✳🐇🐸🍀🌰🌱🌼🍀🍀🍀🌻🌺🍀🍀 🎆🎇🎉🎊🔆💸💸💸💰💰💰💳🔅📈🏁 ❣️💕💞💘👍😍💥 🌞🌟💃🏻✳✴🌊🌈🌒🌓🌔🌕🌠⭐⚡🌋🎆🎇🎆 ARIES WEEK AHEAD FORECAST: 5 - 12 August 2018 Watch your spirits lift from Tuesday as Venus lights up your relationship zone, smoothing over problems and putting you centre stage by shining the spotlight of attraction on you. Then on Saturday the 11th a New Moon eclipse in Leo sets the scene for PASSION, CREATIVITY, ROMANCE. After months of hard work and challenges, gift yourself some time out for socialising, travelling and exploring intriguing new avenues for TURNing what was side HOBBY INTO A LUCRATIVE INCOME STREAM. If your old plans fall apart, tell yourself that the eclipse will bring you something or someone even better.

THROW YOUR SCHEDULE AWAY AND GO WITH THE FLOW.

YOU CREATE UR OWN EXPERIENCE THROUGH WHAT U BELIEVE AND THE CHOICES U THINK U HAVE…& YES U CAN DO TRUE MAGIC-ALBEIT Be The F* Magician and manifest non tangeable non physical to HARD CASSSSSH

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chipsanddespair · 7 years ago

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As the U.S. labor force crests again, a new complex of problems locks many Americans out of the workplace.

Even at so-called full employment, some 20 million Americans are left behind.

Theyre looking for work, out of the labor force but unhappy about it, or report working part-time when theyd prefer more hours, according to data released last week. Their plight comes even as the U.S. flirts with what economists consider the maximum level of employment for the first time since before the recession, having added 15.8 million jobs since the start of 2010. While some of Americas jobless are simply between gigs, those persistently stuck out of work are called the structurally unemployed.

President Donald Trump said wrongly last month that 96 million people are looking for work, having included Americans who are still in school, retired, or just uninterested. Yet his words resonated in a country where economic insecurity is distributed unequally and cruellyfar deeper in Mingo, W. Va., than in midtown Manhattan.

Because of where the structurally unemployed live, what theyve done, or the skills they lack, employers cant or wont hire them. The problems that keep today’s jobless stuck on the sidelines are different than those of past recoveries: a complex web of often interrelated issues from disability and drug use to criminal records.

Behind the statistics are people with 20 million unique stories. Here are five.

Fighting To Get Out of Mingo, W. Va.

Tyler Moores late-December drive to Louisville, Ky., was one of desperation. He was headed four hours west on Interstate 64 to interview for a job. Even if he landed the position, filling his gas tank had left him with $8 to his name. He would have to sleep at a friends place until he could earn enough to pay rent.

The 23-year-old had run out of options. Hed applied for dozens of jobs within an hour and a half of his hometown of Lovely, once a coal-mining stronghold. Instead of opportunities, he had found waiting lists.

Minimum-wage jobs, fast-food restaurants, Wal-Mart, anything like that, a lot of them has already been took, he says in an Appalachian drawl, explaining that the backlog just to interview was as long as a year. There are no jobs.

Moores story paints an extreme picture of how an economic environment can create a vicious circle of joblessness. While he is an imperfect job candidate, his flaws were molded by his upbringing in Martin County, Ky. and neighboring Mingo County, W. Va.

Moore takes advice from Therese Carew, a nun and counselor

His problems started in earnest in 2014. He had been living on his own for several years, having moved out at 18 after dropping out of high school, obtaining his GED, and going to work in security at a coal company. Moore is gay in an intensely conservative region, and he said he left school because of bullying.

Moore lost his job in late 2013 after smoking marijuana and failing a drug test. Though he found temporary work as a remote customer service representative, he lost that one when his mother died of a drug overdose in 2014 and he had to plan her funeral.

Deeply depressed and unemployed, he moved into an old Airstream camper propped on cinder blocks behind his fathers house, at the entrance to the litter-strewn trailer park that the older man owns in the misty hills of Lovely. There, surrounded by long-unemployed neighbors and rampant drug use, Moore began to abuse his medical prescriptions. I guess I used it as my crutch, in a way, he says.

Moore began getting in fights while drugged and was arrested twice. When he landed in jail for several months, he realized things needed to change. He graduated from a rehabilitation program in September, one year, one month, and 15 days after that last altercation. Since then, hes deepened his friendship with Sister Therese Carew, a Catholic nun who ministers to the region, and dedicated his time to job seeking.

Opportunities are few. Coal mines have been closing, and theyve taken most other businesses with them.

To employers outside the area, the fact that Moore is neatly groomed, soft-spoken, and polite cant mask his history. Whats more, hes the first to admit that the math skills he learned in the local public schoolswhere only eight in 10 students graduatearent up to par, and his speaking patterns are colored by regional grammar.

His situation is difficult, but Moore has found a reason to hope.

Coal work, once a mainstay, has become scarce in Appalachia

He didnt get the job for which he made that 240-mile (386-kilometer) drive, but he dropped in to his old rehab center on the way home. When he explained his predicament, the director of operations told him that he could come back until he gets on his feet. The group has found a job for him in plastics manufacturing that could turn full-time after a 30-day probation period. The position is enabling him to pay $100 a week in rent. Its a chance to build an employment record as he fights to have his record expunged.

Still, moving out requires a tough tradeoff: Moore would have preferred to stay close to home, because his family is still in Kentucky and his father is in his seventies. And the job probably isnt a pathway to wealth and ease. But what Moore wants most is mere self-sufficiency.

A simple lifestyle, but being able to have work: I aint got to have nothing exquisite, he says.

David Wolf wears his journey through drugs and crime on his arm.

Branded as Untouchable by a Felony Rap

These days, David Wolf doesnt allow himself to get excited by the news of a job offer. Most get rescinded within days. Its happened at least a hundred times, he said.

In 2012, Wolf was convicted of faking a name and Social Security number to get prescription painkillers. Now the 40-year-old father of three and former Marine, who has an associates degree from St. Petersburg College, has struggled to find employment. He’s received so many retracted offers that hes lost count.

I get more interviews that I can shake my stick at, but again, it always comes back around to the denominator of being a felon, Wolf says from his small, one-level ranch house in a Tampa, Fla., suburb, where religious imagery and family photos decorate his walls. For many, many years, I pretty much got whatever job I wanted. I was able to do anything I felt like doing. Its really been a humbling experience

Wolf researches employment options at a career center in New Port Richey, Fla

Wolf, whose chaotic life before he got clean included several domestic battery and drug-related charges, is one of the more than a half-million people who are released from U.S. federal and state prison every year. The influx occurs as the nation comes out of a decades-long war on illegal drugs. Implementation of stricter laws and tougher enforcement that led to a mushrooming of incarcerations and a booming ex-offender population. Before his identity theft conviction five years ago, Wolf held several jobs in sales and marketing, managed a call center, and served as a recruiter for the U.S. Marines. Since, he and his family have since lived off food stamps and cash assistance.

They wouldnt even hire me to sell Christmas trees at a Home Depot through an employment agency, he says. A lot of times the hiring managers feel like they have their hands tied, due to company policy. Its something that really needs to change. Not only can I not get a job, but I cant get a job with a living wage for my family. I have three children. I have a wife. Im not a bad guy.

Wolf shares his home with his second wife, his toddler, and a cat he gently picks up every time it scurries into the living room. Nearly half of U.S. children now have at least one parent with a criminal record.

A Corinthians verse, Love is patient, love is kind, love never fails, decorates a sofa cushion. Outside his living room window, children gather by a school bus stop as the morning fog lifts in the modest neighborhood of Holiday, Fla.

Less than a 10-minute drive away, he spends his free time volunteering at a Mormon church, where he also gets career training. A workshop book, The Lord Would Want You to Be Successful, rests on his living-rooms desk. Men with criminal records now account for about 34 percent of nonworking men aged from 25 and 54 years old, otherwise known as prime working age.

Family photographs on the piano at Wolfs home in Holiday, Fla.

Myself and many other felons, and were facing demons, downtime isnt a good thing, he says. Almost half of released inmates are arrested again within eight years, either for new offenses or for violating the conditions of their release. Were getting food stamps and cash assistance. We dont like being on it. But the society that looks down on those receiving assistance is the same society that wont hire me, and the same society that judges criminals when they reoffend.

He had the word forgiven inked on his forearm after a stint in rehab. On the worst days of his addiction, which started following a car crash more than a decade ago, Wolf remembers taking as many as 40 pills in one day. OxyContin, Percocet, and Vicodin were his usual ones.

It affected me, seeing guys that have sentences of 20, 30 years. This is a vicious, vicious circle, and were not going anywhere.

Leroy Moore, one of almost 9 million Americans who receive disability insurance, spends nearly half of his monthly check on his apartment.

#chips #despair

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auraelmusicud-blog · 8 years ago

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401: 1.1 Contextual Analysis

I have always felt and been different to my peers, friends and family like I didn't fit in or have the same aspirations in life. I never wanted to stay in once place and live an ‘ordinary’ life. I had this big vision of being an entertainer and I remember the moment I was about 7 watching this Jennifer lopez music video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kGvlESGvbs and saying I wanted to be a popstar.

However I struggled with confidence singing out loud to people especially on stage although I have been performing as a dancer since age 10. I didn't begin doing music until i was 18 during college in a girl group, which was at first my ultimate dream and so much fun. I was the quietest and believed my voice was the weakest. I used to compare myself to the Beyonce’s and Rihanna’s with the power voices. However out of us all I am the one pursuing the solo career now and I have learnt to love my unique soft vocals. The need for me to do music was present at this point due to my happiness. I missed music so much I was deeply lost but didn't know how to find love in what I do again. I tried acting after working in a casting agency when I finished college. Then I decided I should go to study at university. Initially with the interest of working in international trade and then going on to pursue finance because i had always been good at academia.

I started writing but never thought I could be a songwriter or even want to be one. I was led back into it when I met a producer I wrote a song and decided I was able to be the solo artist. Later my song was released on iTunes and by then I hated the song because it had been over a year and I had changed a lot but it opened doors to work with other producers. I did another single with a french producer who eventually flew me out to Paris to work with him.

My first producer also wanted to be my manager and became too controlling and had all the wrong intentions for me. I wasn't getting the instrumentals and sound i` was looking for. Eventually after a disagreement. I wasnt connecting with any local producers and felt they were not connecting with me as I didn't have much to show for myself at this point. I decided I didn't want to depend on people and waiting for things or sessions so I decided to take matters into my own hands.

A french producer found me on soundcloud and had sent me a lot of instrumentals but I hadn't had the time to look at them due to university. I began going through and one caught my attention https://soundcloud.com/aurael/all-about-you2/s-lclFy after that I found more that I liked and began writing to them and recording. Soon enough I decided a theme for the project would be based on the motions of feelings you go through in a relationship. I titled it ‘Feel’ and self funded it by working in an investment bank after uni. After I released the first few songs off the EP I was still writing songs as though for other people and my friend approached me to become my manager. She believed that I was making something special and this gave me even more confidence. We made a plan that I would move to London where she lived and I could actually become an artist. And here I am today working on my new music.

My inspirations draw from 90’s r&b songwriter Kandi Burruso who worked on the Destinies Child, TLC albums and Aliyah, mainly the staccato melodies. I am particularly interested in the writing of Mariah Carey and find some of my work resembles similar in the way she writes it like a diary and her melodies. I also love the work of Max Martin and his catchy pop melodies and I grew up listening to a lot of these artists such as Britney Spears. Over the recent years I have been discovering new sounds and more people will softer vocals becoming a trend in this ‘new wave’ r&b style and this gave me more confidence. `more recent artists such as Tinashe, Jhene Aiko, Ariana Grande I think I am drawn to this new style they have evoked and also connect to the softer vocals that reflect that of my own and make me feel confident in my vocal range. My vocals have been compared to these artists on occasions especially Tinashe. I love her style and sometimes sing similar but I must remember to try to find a unique thing that I do. Between these 3 artists I feel my gap is sitting in between them.

Becoming aware of my skill for songwriting was my first moment I thought I can actually do this as a career. I often ask my mum for inspiration and she gave me some words once and I took it away and wrote a song called ‘Take Me’ when i played it to her she looked at me and said this is incredible. I kind of guess that was a moment I realised I was good at it. With every song I wrote I got better and better melody and dynamically. I have the goal of writing hits but i realised in summer 2016 hits isn't my focus I want to create a body of work that means something. My first EP really allowed me to experiment with photography and do my own videos which taught me a lot goes into it but I enjoy seeing my visions come to life.

During the summer of 2015 I asked my friend who I was in the girl group with to get involved in writing music again as I recognised she wasn't happy. We had a plan to write a catalogue of songs and aim for getting paid to write mainstream or worldwide artists songs. We were writing pop and dance songs but never completing them fully because I was working on my own work. I have about ten songs we have in progress and would like to have them placed with publishing and go onto to write for others while still being an artist here are examples https://soundcloud.com/aurael/sets/catalogue/s-1vEyh.

Whilst making the music that really reflects what I want to sound like and portray is the most important thing for me right now. I have held back on a lot of recording because I do not have the financial stability that I had when I was working a 9-5 to go to the studio and I also don't rush things either thinking about if I record it will I use it. Although this means I procrastinate on getting things finished. When I have studio time I am paying for I get things done.

I found that in contrast to the pop music that I love writing I have an edgier, risk taking, playful side even in my style i don't like to take something as it is i always layer or alter things up to fit with how i envision it or making it look like something you cant just buy off a rail in a shop. I can easily write pop feel good songs but I want them to have more meaning and be really believable to me. Sometimes I find I write my best songs when something bad happens to me. I get inspiration from going through experiences and sometimes just fantasy. Currently I have been going through some things that I feel I need to get out in my music. Almost using my music as a healing process and learning. My current project is based on myself, losing and finding myself and having these two very different sides to me.

During summer 2016 I participated in several music projects since moving such as working for hit songwriter Carla Marie Williams. I thought this would be great opportunity to make contacts and also gain knowledge and opportunity from herself. The problem was the work I was doing was building her brand on social media and it taking up all my time that I had to stop doing it and leave her last minute because I had a mind overload. I am still yet to get back to her but I feel happier without the added pressure and just fully focusing on myself. I made a great contact through her called Jonathan Coffer who helped start her songwriting career. He really liked my voice and said it reminded him of Aaliyah’s style. However I never called him because I didn't feel ready as he wanted to advise on management. I wanted to wait until my music was ready to avoid people trying to take control of the direction I want to go in.

I also took part in Capital Xtra’s music potential on a 3 week course where I performed a more dance/r&b mainstream sounding song I wrote. I realised this was giving off the wrong impression of the type of artist I was. People assumed I wanted to be a dance artist, which is the complete opposite of what I want to be and the other music I was making so I decided to not release the track. This was a great track for a commercial sounding song that was radio friendly. As I used to worry my music wouldn't be played on radio and measured my success off of that for a while. Now I realise there is so many ways other than radio to reach an audience so I do not worry about that anymore. It was a good learning curve.

I have worked a lot on my social media platforms to build a following/fanbase and started connecting to fans of artists that I aspired to be like. mainly a younger audience was attracted to me and i find they are very engaging if you engage with them and have even established some followers who always comment, like or RT my stuff. I am very visual and show that off through my Instagram i like to work themes and colours so it looks like a story. I never just post anything a lot of thought goes into it. I use snapchat a lot to show off my weird but funny shy personality. However recently I have been resting off social media as I began to over think it.

During the summer me and my manager ran a competition for my followers and to attract new followers/listeners and share my EP to win Kyle `Jenner lip kits ,which were hard to get hold of and high in demand especially young/early teens and twenties. It was effective to a small extent, however it attracted a lot of make up artists so if I was ever to do this again I think it should be more music focused to attract the right type of people those being music fans.

My image is something I struggle to find balance with because on stage behind a camera my style is very stands out and more ‘costume’ like and `I like to get creative with different things but on the everyday I wouldn't wear those things. I need to find a balance of being casual but still me. I find that I wear a lot of black and drawn to pink and reds so maybe I should incorporate these colours into my everyday style. During a music project the feedback I got was also do not depend too much on my image. This has made me hold back bit on what I wear during the time I am making new music. Making my image secondary however as I do have strong passion for fashion this is difficult.

I have learnt a lot about myself and now feel that what I want to come out of my music is:

That I am being true to myself and to do what I believe in and feels real to me

Be movable so I can dance and also make people want to move

Be relatable to people and what people go through

Grow as an artist and continuously improve

Having a music career I am in control of

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