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princessjungeun · 4 years

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Best Friends: Ryujin Scenario + 6th Member of Itzy

I think read something Red Velvet that was similar to this? I cant remember but that’s where I got inspired from. I don’t remember who wrote it so if it’s you and you want inspo credit please message me and tell me. I’ll be happy to do so.

Y/N is the 6th member of ITZY and has no romantic affiliation with Ryujin or any of her members.

You sat on the couch with Lia and Yuna curled up into your sides with Yeji at your feet. You four were watching your favorite drama together while Chaeryoung took a nap. Ryujin walked past you all and simply stated "I'm going out."

You scanned her outfit and saw she was wearing more form fitting clothing rather than her usual loose clothing. Yeji sat up from the floor "where exactly are you going?" Ryujin responded plainly "out." Yeji reminded her "remember to keep your mask on." She nodded and ducked out of the dorm quickly.

When the door closed you hesitated before saying "did she seem a little suspicious to you?" Lia picked her head off your shoulder and said "she was dressed more nice than usual." Yuna chimed in "and she did that thing where when she's hiding something...you know where she only says one or two words." Yeji added in "she has been going out a lot recently, no home body goes out three times a week." You gasped from your spot on the couch "OH MY GOD! She must be seeing someone!!"

“Why are you all so loud?" A sleepy Chaeryoung made her way into the main room where you all now sat facing each other. Yuna said excitedly "We think Ryujin is seeing someone." Chaeryeong rubbed her eyes and said "is that why she's been smiling at her phone every hour?" All four of you looked at each other with huge smiles knowing that your member was probably with someone on a date right now.

"Let's go spy on her?" Yuna jumped up from her spot on the floor followed by Lia. "Woah woah woah! We can't do that." Yeji stood up and stopped the two. She continued "Ryujin-ah would not be happy if we did that." Lia and Yuna looked at each other then said "she'd do the same thing if it was one of us." Yeji looked at you then Chaeryoung to see if they were telling the truth and you both nodded at her.

Yeji caved "Ugh fine but we need good disguises." You all went and dug out your oversized sweatshirts and hoodies from trainee days. Yeji gave out sunglasses and Lia passed out masks. Unfortunately Lia fell short one mask so Yuna had no face covering, but she did find a bucket hat with a large brim that covered her face. But of course Yuna being Yuna she thought she needed more disguise, which is why the maknae is now wearing a thick noticeably fake mustache.

You looked at the youngest and said "youve got to be kidding. You look ridiculous." Yuna responded confidently “I look unidentifiable." You rolled your eyes and Yeji herded everyone out of the dorm. Lia asked "Ok now just to find Ryujin...where would you all go on a date?" Yeji responded "it's fine I have all of your phones GPS tracked and synched to mine."

You all nodded before realizing what she said. "I'm sorry you have WHAT?!" Chaeryeong's change in tone shocking all of you. "You all should thank me, after we lost Yuna and Lia in the airport that one time, our managers wanted to be the ones who GPS tracked you all. But I talked them out of it and they told me I had to do it instead." You all mumbled thank you's before finding Ryujin's location.

The streets weren't that crowded mostly because it was lightly raining. You all kept your heads down so possible fans, sasaengs, or netizens/Dispatch wouldn't see you if there were any.

When you all got to the location it was a cute bakery you knew Ryujin came to a lot since you two were trainees. She's even brought you and the girls here a few times. Yuna reached into her pocket, grabbing a thick pair of binoculars. You and Lia held back your laughter as Yeji smacked her to put them away before your cover was blown.

The five of you ducked into a bush on the side of the building while trying to peek into the front window at the same time. "Is she in there?" Chaeryeong whisper yelled. Yeji responded "yeah she is." There was a moment of silence before Yeji snatched the binoculars out of Yuna's pocket and held them up to her face.

“Oh!....interesting. I mean I always knew but I didn't know know." Yeji mumbled to herself quietly but loud enough so you all could hear her. "I WANNA KNOW WHATS GOING ON!" Yuna whisper yelled before standing up and stomping inside and slipping in a booth undetected. You watched the maknae quickly snatch a menu off the table and hold it over her face.

You whispered to the rest of your members "Ok. Lia and I are gonna go in then you two follow us in ok?" They nodded before Yeji shoved the fat binoculars into her jacket. Lia held your hand out of nervous habit as you two walked in and sat down. You two quickly walked past Ryujin and her friend and sat down at a table in the back of the cafe. You watched Yeji and Chaeryoung sit diagonally across from them, also covering their faces with newspapers and menus.

Lia's back was facing Ryujin and her friend so you were the one who had to do the spying. You two pretended to make conversation while you peeked out from the side of the menu. You were thanking dear lord that Ryujin was so fascinated with the conversation she was having that she didn't notice you two.

You stole glances of the two whispering to Lia what your thoughts were. "What if that really is a friend though? She's never said she...ya know?" Lia questioned. You responded "Lia. Think about it. Ryujin has never shown any feelings like that towards a boy. Ever. She's said herself that she would date you. She's admitted to having a crush on Siyeon, Hyunjin, and Heejin all at the same time. And she drunkenly kissed me, you, and Yeji unnie three months ago. She's definitely not straight." Lia responded “I see your point.”

Right as you peeked from the menu again, your eyes were met with a cold and frightening stare. The girl's eyes narrowed and you immediately looked down and said "we've been caught." Lia stayed back facing Ryujin, too afraid to turn around.

Just as the pink haired girl was going to approach you, a familiar sneeze echoed from the front of the cafe. This was followed by two unison "bless yous" that immediately gave away Yuna, Chaeryeong, and Yeji's cover.

Ryujin now had all of your sitting at a table, your heads hanging in disappointment. "What is wrong with you all?" Yuna kept her head hung low but very audibly said in her best American accent "My name Hussey..." You kicked her under the table and whispered "cut it out cover is blown!"

Ryujin raised her voice at you all. Just as she was about to give a classic mom speech a voice cut her off. "baby be nice...I wish my friends would spy on me like this. It just means they care." All five of you looked up and saw possibly the most beautiful girl you all had ever seen. "Yeah she's right. We did it cause we love you!" Lia pouted knowing it would get Ryujin to cave. "Wait. "I'm sorry did she just call you baby?" Yeji raised an eyebrow.

Ryujin sighed and said "maybe..." You all immediately started talking over each other trying to get a word in, overwhelming the taller girl who's arm was linked with Ryujin's. Before she could answer any questions her phone rang freeing her from the table.

Ryujin whisper yelled at you all for about ten minutes before the girl came back and said "Jinnie...my mom told me i have to go home to take care of my little brothers. I'll text you later ok?" Ryujin smiled, her eye dimples that your members adored showed up instantly.

The girl pulled her in for a hug, all five of you trying your best to not stare at the two. Ryujin held her in her embrace before kissing her lightly, the girl's face turning bright red. "Bye it was nice meeting you all!" She quickly waved and ran out of the door heading back to her dorm.

The second her girlfriend was gone Yeji sternly stayed "spill." Ryujin told you all how she had been seeing this girl for a few months now, seven to be exact. They've been girlfriends for two months now, which you all weren't surprised about because it's no secret Ryujin was gay but she never really talked about it. Yeji unfolded her arms from her chest and said "we wish you didn't hide this from us Ryujin-ah." The pink haired girl responded "I just didn't want you all to treat me differently."

Yeji pouted and said "we'd never treat you differently. Just talk to us next time ok? We're practically sisters, we always have each other's back." Yeji pulls you all into a group hug before you all stand up to head back to the dorm.

Ryujin yanked the thick mustache off of Yuna's upper lip earning a whine from the maknae. "You all are so embarrassing” Ryujin groaned before pointing you all to the door. You were the last one out, hearing her mumble "but you'll always be my best friends."

#kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff #itzy imagines #itzy scenarios #itzy yeji #itzy lia #itzy ryujin #itzy chaeryeong #itzy yuna #itzy reactions

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la5t-res0rt · 4 years

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i was just sent a post from the blog who must not be named it was a post reblogged from someone who ive added to my list of really bad people but one of the things that struck me was a tag i saw in the post

antis seek therapy

we do

we do seek therapy often to combat the trauma some of us have endured through being groomed and being abused we spend time on ourselves to heal we find ways to cope and enjoy life again after it feels like parts of ourselves have been ripped from us and broken and tainted and violated

we work to be comfortable again we work to feel like ourselves again we find things we love again we allow ourselves to enjoy media again

we are taught to stand up for our own levels of comfort and to take control of the space around us we are taught mechanisms to move forward and we are encouraged to help others and support others at least thats what my therapist of multiple decades told me

we all seek shelter in our own ways and many people seek it in media its literally what so many beetlebabes shippers claim to be doing like they’re quote reclaiming some lost childhood thing unquote and yeah i think youre going about it in a terrible way that continues the cycle of pedophila and is normalizing it but thats not even what this is about right now this is about the blatant disrespect and inability to open your eyes to someone elses experience and story

so many antis are so uncomfortable with the content created by beetlebabe shippers myself included since its so similar to the material used to character veil up abuse me character veil down

we try to curate our spaces for that we say beetlebabes dni dont reblog dont put yourself in this space im making for myself but then people come in and call it gatekeeping and try to illustrate how someone is a bad person for not wanting exposure so pedophilic content like its absolutely baffling to me that people can state such a clear and simple rule and then people will whine and moan about it as if its oppression newsflash its not fucking oppression you whining slime mold being asked to not interact on the ground of pedophilia isnt fucking oppression read a book go outside and learn something anyway

people are entitled to have control over the space in which they occupy people have the control to remove people from their spaces its like ok weird metaphor but this whole ordeal with wearing masks in public spaces yes you may have the right to refuse to wear a mask and you have the right technically to harass service industry workers but the businesses that employ these workers also have the full right to not allow you in and to even remove you from the property free speech also comes with consequences this is such a simple principle like talk shit get hit metaphorically is basically the same principle

coming into someones space after they specified that that your content is something that makes them uncomfortable makes you a major asshole and also makes me think youre dumb and maybe cant read

all of that is bad enough

but to continuously berate someone and belittle their very real trauma all in the sake of you wanting to ship and post pedophilia is simply abhorrent it is truly vile behavior to come back multiple times is truly a disdainful act in my eyes and im sure im not the first person to feel this way

if youre close to people in the field of psychiatric medicine you should know better than to belittle someones trauma and as a csa survivor yourself you should have the compassion to respect someones boundaries

have you discussed this behavior with this psychiatrist husband of yours not the pedophilic stuff but this blatant disrespect and dismissal of someone elses trauma and the growth theyve achieved thanks to their therapy and counseling have you addressed this narcissistic holier than thou approach you have to discussing such serious issues with people because thats something that should be addressed along with your acceptance and tolerance and even romanticization of pedophilia in media

this is harassment and gaslighting in action folks nether receipts I hope youre taking notes because you clearly dont know what either term means and the fact that youve gone out of your way to promote this abusive behavior is yet another reason why people dislike you i can’t tag you because youve finally taken the hint and blocked me so I see no point but you know who you are also people don’t hate you because youre a woman they hate you because youre a pedophile anyway this isnt about you

back to the person im actually addressing

trauma is not an experience that is easy to read and apply to every person you yourself sourced years of trying to deal with what you went through who are you to dictate how long someone can feel pain for what theyve gone through who are you exactly to say whether or not if has been too long of a time for someones trauma to effect them you of all people should know that this shit doesnt go away it lingers and it grips you forever it doesnt matter if you’ve been apart from it for ten days or ten years

in one sentence you belittled a person for still being effected by their trauma and then in the next stated that the battle is life long which is it which statement do you actually beleive because it seems to me you only seem to care about your own horrible self without taking this other person into account at all because their response to their trauma was to break the cycle and work to make his space safer for himself and i beleive that takes more courage and more strength to actively oppose what hurt you rather than let it become how you cope and it becomes something you reintroduce into the cycle by keeping the its all okay attitude alive

i do not usually do direct posts its not exactly my style but i am so disgusted by what i have seen and what has been shared with me that it would be a disservice to not alert as many people as i can about your behavior

for a closing statement i will quote you

quote i hope you find your way to it instead of wasting all of your time being afraid of pictures and words on a screen, and picking fights with people who harm nobody unquote

what the fuck so you think youre doing by coming back over and over to belittle trauma denounce treatment and all around be unpleasant and high and mighty thats fucking harming people you narcissistic fool

im sorry you were hurt that fucking sucks but that doesnt give your the right for one fucking second to come into someones space where it was specified that you were not allowed and proceed to harass them and belittle them like you have done

@soeur-tiame you should be ashamed of yourself

dont bother responding as ive shown before with that transmed guy i dont like to waste any more of my time on filth than i need to

#ill be blocking you as soon as i know that youve seen this

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the-marvel-imagines-blog · 6 years

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Madness | Chpt. 5

Requests are Open

Chapter Title: “Thunder in the Rain”

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Word Count: 7,968

Warnings: angst (I mean, when is it not angsty?), new character alert, also some kissing :*

Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”

A/N: Y’all are my favorite people in the universe. Thank you so much for reading and enjoying what I’m writing. Even if not every chapter is you cup of tea, it means a lot to see that people are leaving likes, messaging me, reblogging, etc. I love you all so much! Also, please note that I have taken and will be taking a lot of creative liberties pertaining to these characters. This will be shown in excess during the upcoming chapters, so I just wanted to give a bit of a warning.

Tagged: @teddyboobear @alledeglyfunny (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)

As I walked away from him, a part of me hoped to hear some kind of regret in his voice or anything at all, even. Instead, I heard nothing. He was silent. Maybe I had to do what everyone had been telling me to do all along: let him go. In my heart, I knew what would have been best for me. I knew that I would have been safer and filled with less grief if I let him go and went to Midgard to be with the Avengers and her. I knew that she would undoubtedly fill the void in my heart that Loki left there, as she had been the one to fill it ever since he fell. Still, I felt responsible for him as well as the Nine Realms. I saw the damage he had done to the world we knew as our second home. His suit was black (the absence of light), gold (what had once been my favorite color), and green (his favorite color-the color of my eyes). He attacked the part of Midgard we had last been to together. It was a night of laughter and happiness for both of us and a memory that was now clouded with pain and darkness. He still used the daggers I had given to him before he left for a battle with Thor-a battle Thor talked the Allfather into keeping me out of, as I was still recovering from the last one.

A piece of me wondered if he had a reason. Maybe he truly didn’t care for me anymore, maybe he lied to me all those years, but for what? What did he have to gain from an orphan girl? He was a God, and I was just another Asgardian. There was nothing extraordinary about me. If he wanted to manipulate someone for so long, why wouldn’t he choose someone with more power? I had to believe that it was more than that. I had to believe that there was something else that I just wasn’t seeing clearly. He was still in there. The man I knew was still holding on and fighting back this new version of himself. I didn’t know what happened or what made him turn on me so quickly, but I had a few theories of my own. Perhaps he found out about my secret from Odin that day, but I still didn’t even know how Odin would know in the first place. Maybe he fell out of love with me quicker than I had ever anticipated he could. I didn’t understand, but it wasn’t for me to try to figure out in the middle of the night when I was still sick from the ale that evening.

I made my way up to the training grounds, casting the illusion just long enough to make it past the guards. Once my eyes were dried, I dropped the illusion, finally visible again. I lifted a dulled sword from the rack and walked over to one of the training dummies before taking out every ounce of anger, frustration, and pain on it. I didn’t need to build my skills with the sword anymore. However, I knew to practice regularly to stay nimble. Tonight, however, was simply to hit the dummy as hard as possible to make my muscles sore. I just wanted to make myself tired enough that I could fall asleep for the rest of my life, and if I couldn’t achieve that, I at least wanted to be tired enough that when I laid down in bed, I could fall asleep immediately. I didn’t want to think of his harsh words or the way he glared at me like it was my fault he fell in the first place. I didn’t want to think of the mistakes I had made or the grief I felt over the loss of a man who meant so much to me.

Listening to the loud crack as my sword hit the dummy over and over again helped drown out the sorrow in my heart and the voices in my head that were even more cruel than Loki could ever even hope to be. As I growled, I thought of every moment in my life that I felt anger, every moment I felt alone, every moment I felt weak. I thought of the night he told me he hated me, the fall, when I saw him on Midgard, when I left her, when Tony Stark shed a tear for me, when she cried. There were so many moments, but they all came rushing back as the wall I had built up to keep them away finally broke down and crumbled into nothing. Suddenly, I heard a loud crack and opened my eyes to see that my last swing of the sword had been too successful, as the blade lay broken on the ground.

“For a woman as peaceful as yourself, you sure like breaking swords when you’re angry,” Thor’s voice rang out from behind me.

I whipped around, surprised by his presence. I hadn’t heard him coming, and I certainly didn’t feel him because of my clouded thoughts. As soon as I looked at him, my mind quieted once more. He was a peaceful soul with eyes as deep as the oceans. He leaned against one of the pillars with his arms crossed over his chest. His robes cascaded over his broad shoulders, and he wore a slight grin upon his lips. I shook my head, dropping the handle of the sword, which would be of no more use, “I apologize if I woke you,” I murmured, attempting to walk past him. I was in no mood for speaking as my frustration had not been washed away completely.

He caught my arm before I could pass him, and as my chest continued to heave, he spoke, “you did not wake me, Lady Eva. I figured that after you visited Loki, you would come here,” he said, hinting at the fact that he already knew what I had been up to that night. My mouth gaped open as I searched for any possible explanation other than the one he proposed. Before I could lie, he continued, “my brother has been playing tricks on me since we were children. Do you not think I can tell? Plus, I’ve known you since we were children, and I knew you would go down to see him at some point,” he shrugged.

“I had to. You can be mad, you can tell the Allfather, you can do whatever you need to do, and I won’t be upset. All I ask is that you continue fighting for him the way I have,” I said, straightening my shoulders, “I will accept whatever punishment my King sees fit.”

“Your King will never know,” Thor replied in a hushed but stern voice, “I will not be speaking a word of this to my father. You did what needed to be done, something he doesn’t believe is worth the time or energy. You’ve looked out for my brother since we were kids, and I would’ve been ignorant to believe that you would just stop because of what happened on Midgard. You still see the good in him, and I admire that because I still love him just as much as you do,” he added, “how was he?”

I stepped back over to him, and he released my arm from his grasp. I motioned around the training grounds, “well, I’m out here, so it didn’t go as well as I had anticipated. He’s still hurting, and it continues to break my heart every time I see him. I can feel his pain just as I could before, but it’s amplified.I just don’t know if I can keep doing this to myself, Thor. I don’t know if I can keep trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. It would kill me to abandon him like this. His mind is chaos. He needs a moment of clarity, of peace, but...maybe I can’t give that to him,” I answered the best way I could.

“Who better to show him that moment of clarity than you?” he asked, gazing down at me with eyes that shined like the sun on my darkest day. While every other love I felt paled in comparison to that which I shared with Loki, Thor brought something else into my life, something more beautiful than life itself. He reminded me that life was not about power or status, it was about living. He had a love for all living things that matched my own, and I loved him all the more for it. Thor never pushed me away, “you have done so much for him, Eva. You may not think you’ve done enough, but you’ve done more than everyone else put together. You have sacrificed more than anyone else. All I know is that you need to take fate into your own hands sometimes. Maybe you find that you don’t want to wait for cooperation from Loki or the Allfather. All I know is that you have allowed others to control your destiny for too long, and it’s time for you to take your control back,” he added, “and if you need to talk or cry or scream, you know that I’m always here.”

My eyes filled up with tears, and I pushed them back, having cried more than enough over the situation. It felt like I couldn’t stop since the fall. It was that moment that I made the promise to myself: I would be weak no longer. I would weep over my situation no longer. I could mourn for the man Loki once was or give him no other option other than to accept my help. As my chest continued to heave due to the unchecked frustration, I grabbed the back of Thor’s neck and attacked his lips with my own. It was the only thing that felt right. It only lasted for a second before the shock forced him away from me, and he held me at a short distance. He cleared his throat, color filling his cheeks, “why did-what are you...we can’t do this when you’re still a bit drunk, Eva. I don’t know if this is you or the ale from earlier, but...you aren’t in the right state of mind for this right now,” he noted, chuckling to lighten the mood.

“Does that really matter anymore?” I asked, closing the space between us once more, and he allowed me, “I want this. Do you want this?” I asked, gazing up into his eyes.

He sighed, “you know I do, and you know I’ve wanted this for a long time. There’s a reason I haven’t done anything since we were young, though, Eva. You belong with Loki, and I don’t want to get in the way of that. I love both of you too much to ruin what you have,” he whispered, his arm snaking around my waist, telling a very different story than the one spilling from his lips.

“What do you think you would be ruining? The rubble of our love? Do you think you can shatter heart we shared anymore? Could you kill a flower that was already dead?” I asked, realizing that, while I loved Loki more than life itself, he loved me no longer, “I will love your brother until the day I die, but he has hurt me so much, I think I deserve a moment of happiness. I deserve to remember the sweetness of love, which is something I have forgotten the taste of for so long. Remind me...please,” I begged, grasping onto his robes in a desperate attempt to let him know that I would not hold anything against him.

He searched my eyes for any hesitation that could have been lingering there, but he found none. He found only loneliness and grief. Perhaps he felt sorry for me, or perhaps he was giving into urges that had lain dormant since our childhood. Either way, he kissed me. I threw my arms around his neck as he lifted me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around his waist, grunting lightly when he pressed me against the pillar he had been leaning on only moments ago. His lips were smoother than I had remembered them, and I could feel the areas he bit when he was nervous. As his left hand grasped my thigh, offering me an extra level of support aside from the pillar, his right hand steadied my face as he kissed me with more passion than I’d ever anticipated.

To my disapproval, his lips departed from mine, and he began to sprinkle kisses along my jaw and down to my neck, a place Loki always loved. As I squeezed my eyes shut, I forced the thought of him from my mind and focused on Thor. When he grazed his teeth against my neck, I arched my body into his, feeling a shiver run through me. As I arched into him, his arms wrapped around my body, squeezing me against him hard enough for me to feel every muscle and every crease even through the clothes. For the first time in such a long time, I felt small in someone’s arms. Aaldir, Hjalmar, and Loki always made me feel that way, like I never needed to worry when they were around. However, she had the opposite effect on me. I was the one to make her feel small, the one to protect her. Ever since her, I had not felt like the small one until now.

With one arm still draped over his shoulder, balancing myself, I grabbed his face with my other hand and turned his head so that he was looking into my eyes. I saw joy and desire and so much anticipation. I pressed my lips to his once more before pulling away and trailing kisses along his defined jaw and down to his neck. His hold on me tightened as I ran my lips along a sensitive spot. As I kissed him, he walked us down the hallway toward his chambers. He opened the doors with his back and shut them with his foot. When we were finally in the comfort of his room, he peeled me off of him and pushed me down onto the bed. I chewed on my bottom lip and laughed as his eyes scanned over my body.

Before I could react or speak, he joined me on the bed, nestling his body between my legs and proceeding to kiss me once more. As soon as I felt his warmth, Loki’s face flashed behind my closed eyes. I tried to blink away the tears in my eyes, but it was like he could feel my hesitance. He pulled away from the kisses and pushed himself off of me in an attempt to figure out where he had gone wrong. I shook my head, trying to collect myself, but I was failing miserably. The promise I made to myself such a short time ago was already being broken as I began to cry, “I’m sorry, Thor. I’m sorry,” I broke down, hiding my face in my hands. I felt so much guilt in that moment, so much anger at myself for being so stupid as to believe that I could just replace the love I received from Loki.

As soon as I began to cry, Thor crawled over to me and wrapped me up in his strong arms, “I know that you don’t want to hear this right now, but as your friend, I need to say it,” he stated as my body quivered and trembled in the arms of the man I wished I was meant to be with. If I was destined to be with Thor, my life would have been so much easier because he would have loved me from the very beginning until the very end. I wouldn’t have felt this pain. Maybe I was just cursed, though. Maybe it was my fault that Loki was hurt the way he was. Maybe I was at the center of his pain. Before my mind could continue down the darkened trail any further, Thor spoke, “I love you, Eva. I have loved you since before I can remember, and I’ve never stopped loving you. For a long time, I wished that you chose me instead of Loki. I wished that you would find happiness with me, but I always knew that you two were meant for each other. Even though it kills me to say it, you and I don’t belong together. You belong with Loki. You always have. And I can’t let my love for you ruin your relationship anymore than it already has,” he said, grief clear in his deep voice.

I shook my head, wiping my tears away as I found the strength to gaze up at him, “you didn’t ruin our relationship, Thor. You had nothing to do with this,” I murmured.

He sighed, “there’s something I need to tell you.”

*Thor’s POV*

I had been more surprised that she stayed after I told her the story of that day, more surprised than I was that she didn’t try to hit me. Instead, we shed tears together, and I sat with her until she fell asleep. After I told her what happened and apologized profusely, she lessened my guilt by being adamant about how it wasn’t my fault. Still, I could see the pain the truth brought her. She was heartbroken, and she went to sleep that way. A piece of me wished I had kept it from her, but it had been two years of her questioning why Loki turned his back on her, and I knew the truth.

Unable to sleep, I found myself with Heimdall in the Bifrost. Though even looking at the Bifrost brought Eva a sense of misery, she spent much time in the very spot I was standing, and I knew that it was because the her fear and sadness over that fateful day paled in comparison to love she had for the Midgardians and...her. She asked about them often, and Heimdall would always fill her in on the health and well-being of each of them. She was always the most concerned about Tony, the two of them having a special connection that I could not understand. Steve also held a special place in her heart, which I could understand much more. He was a soldier and always put the needs of everyone else above his own. He didn’t like to fight, but he did so that others could know peace. Eva did the same.

As I stood next to Heimdall, staring out at the stars, I felt his gaze shift over to me for a fraction of a second, “you told her,” he noted, clearly having cast his gaze upon us when he felt her distress. The two of them were connected the same way her and I were connected. It paled in comparison to Loki’s connection to her, but we could feel when something wasn’t quite right.

I nodded my head, “I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t keep it from her any longer. She deserved to know the truth,” I insisted, feeling guilty that I brought her to an even deeper level of grief but feeling hopeful that it would help her see the truth, that she had done nothing wrong, “she’s become far more destructive since Hjalmar’s death, and I sensed that she was spiraling. She’s lost so much. She blames herself for Hjalmar’s death, and she blames herself for Aaldir’s sorrow. She blames herself for Loki’s turn and believed it to have been her fault, like she could’ve stopped him from wreaking havoc on Midgard. She had every right to know the truth,” I added

“You are not wrong,” he stated, gazing back out at the stars, “she sacrificed so much for Loki, but I fear that she will now try even harder to free him, even if it means committing treason. She has no reason to show the Allfather anymore respect, for she now knows that he played a pivotal role in pushing your brother over the edge,” he added, and I gazed over at his solemn expression. He lowered his grief-stricken eyes, “I fear for her safety if she tries to disobey the orders of the King.”

“You have my word that I will do everything in my power to keep her from doing anything reckless, but she has never listened to me the way she listened to Hjalmar,” I said, thinking of one of my dearest friends, “how is he?” I asked, hoping for some words of comfort about Hjalmar’s new home in Valhalla.

Heimdall sighed, “I...cannot see him,” he confessed, hesitant to speak the words to me. I furrowed my eyebrows, confused as to how the gatekeeper and the guardian of the Nine Realms could lose track of someone. Before I could ask any questions, he turned his haunting gaze upon me, “I have searched for him, hoping to regale Eva with some stories of him when she came; however, I have not found him. I have searched every realm, every planet, every moon. I have searched the entirety of Valhalla, and I even looked for him in the Realm of the Dead. Still, I have found nothing,” he said, turning back to the stars, “I suggest keeping this between us for the time being. There is no need to put her through anymore pain right now,” he stated, strongly.

I nodded my head, “but what if she comes to you and asks about him?”

He frowned, the mere thought of it bringing a sour taste to his mouth, “then I will be forced to break the heart of a princess.”

*1 week later*

After another night spent watching over Eva and getting barely any sleep, I found myself standing beside my father, the man who was the cause of so much of her grief. She knew it now. She knew what he had done, and while I was surprised that she didn’t hate me for the role I had to play in Loki’s downfall, I was unsure of how generous she would be with my father. The two of us watched her as she practically danced around the training grounds with Sif and Ephinea. She hated fighting, but there was a side of her that came out when she fought that I had never seen before. She was skilled in battle the way no other man or woman could ever even hope to be. She blocked the attacks from each of the goddesses, and the two of them pulled no punches. Sif and Ephinea never went easy on Eva, so for Eva to hold her own against the Goddess of War and the Goddess of Strength, respectively, said so much about her skills.

As gracefully as she blocked what would have been a “finishing blow” from Ephinea, she began to take the offensive, swinging the dulled swords and moving like the ocean. I had gotten the chance to see her on the battlefield so many times throughout my life, and it always left me in awe. She had a plethora of her own weapons, many of which Aaldir had crafted for her or helped in the crafting process. He had given her two short swords that she used on occasion, and he also gave her the greatsword she used most of the time. Loki had gifted her a set of daggers, which were delicately crafted but stronger than anyone could anticipate due to their beauty. She danced around Sif and Ephinea, fighting both of them and successfully knocking them down and finishing them. After her success, she helped them back up onto their feet before starting again. I glanced over at my father, “she has grown far more skilled in the art of battle than even you could have anticipated,” I smiled, gesturing to her.

He nodded, a faint smile tugging at his lips underneath his beard, “if this is how you plan to sway my mind on the matters she has brought up time and again, it will not work,” he reminded me.

I shrugged my shoulders, “it wasn’t my intention, but it would’ve been nice,” I stated, gazing upon the girl who was so strong but so broken, “she has a point, you know...about Loki,” I murmured, wanting my words to be between us. I watched as his eyebrows raised in shock, which was understandable as I had always been fairly quiet on the matter, never explicitly taking anyone’s side, “I don’t believe you to be delusional, which is why I think you know-as well as she does-that Loki doesn’t belong in the dungeons. He is far more dangerous around people who think like him. His mind was corrupted far more after he fell. Even if we could get him back to the way he was before, when he was only trying to take over the throne, instead of killing hundreds of innocent people on Midgard, it would be better than leaving him down there,” I explained, hoping that he would listen to me with an open heart and open mind, unlike when he listened to Eva make the same case about Loki.

He gazed over at me, the icy blue eye as solemn as ever, “so, you are proposing the same thing? I release Loki into Eva’s care, knowing that he is a weakness for her? Knowing that she could never do what needed to be done if it came to it?” he asked, “I simply implore you to think through every scenario,” he added, sensing that he had offended me.

I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing that he was not completely sincere, “no, you are asking me to doubt her. You are asking me to trust her less, but you don’t know her the way I do. You didn’t see her on Midgard the way I saw her. You have no idea what she has done-the sacrifices she has made-for the good of the Nine Realms, for the good of Asgard. You don’t see what she has given up, but I have,” I growled under my breath, angry that he would try to plant the seed of doubt in my mind.

He shook his head, “I do not wish for you to doubt her, but I do wish for you to look at this from a place of objectivity. If you did, you would have the same doubts I do,” he replied, a voice as calm as the breeze that morning.

“I can look at this objectively, and that’s why I believe she could take on this task. While we cannot go back and rewrite the past, she can turn the tides in our favor. If she were somehow able to turn Loki back to our side, think of what our strength could be with an ally like him! We would be much stronger with him as our ally than with him as our enemy,” I exclaimed, gesturing out at her, “look at her, Father! Truly see her for what she is! She’s no goddess, but she possesses the same skills as one. I don’t think this is coincidence. I truly believe that she is meant to be much more than another Asgardian woman.”

“You have much to learn about her, my son,” he frowned, trying to force a smile and failing. I watched as the look in his eye became distant, like he was revisiting a memory that brought him pain. He tried to push it away, but it lingered there.

I shook my head, “I know all there is to know about her. I know her better than I know myself most of the time,” I chuckled, gazing out at the woman I was in love with. For a long time, I fancied Ephinea and Sif. The two women were stronger than anyone gave them credit for, but I couldn’t talk to them the same way I could talk to Eva. Eva was just...special. I knew every little thing about her, even though I was sure my brother knew far more, things I couldn’t even imagine. I glanced back up at my father, “there’s nothing I don’t know,” I assured him, thinking of the many secrets she had hidden from him, secrets he would never even know.

“There is so much you don’t know about her, so much that you need to know,” he said, a sad smile spreading across his lips as he gazed out at her once more before stepping away from the railing and turning to face down the hallway, “walk with me and learn,” he motioned, and I obeyed, falling in step with him and casting one final glance back at Eva. Once we were far enough away from the prying eyes and ears of everyone else, he began speaking, slowing his pace, “before you or I, before my father and his father before him, Asgard was created. Where once there had been nothing, we received a land of beauty, peace, and salvation. This was the place where the Asgardians could call home, a place that was more beautiful and rich with life than any other, and we took it all for granted,” he explained.

“The land began to dry up. Where there had once been lush forests and beautiful mountains in the distance, it was barren. The Asgardians who lived her long ago took from the world but never thought to give back. They built this city upon her natural beauty, hiding the plentiful gifts she bore to them. The creeks and streams began to dry up. People believed that it was the world’s way of grieving. She had always provided for them, always gave more of herself than they could possibly take, but they did not rejoice as their ancestors once did. They took the gift of life for granted, and they took this realm for granted. They did not thank the world for her blessings, and they did not live their lives the way we were meant to,” he continued.

“The drought of the world continued. Food was more difficult to come by, and we were running out of fresh water. We began sending people to various realms to acquire what we needed and bring it back here. We had already stripped our world of all she had to offer, and we were doing the same with as many others as possible. Life was dwindling, and we were unsure about the future of Asgard,” he said before letting out a long sigh. When I cast my eyes over to his face, I saw that he was reliving a memory that haunted him, and a sadness came over him that I hadn’t seen before, “I had an older brother growing up, a man I’ve never spoken about, a man no one speaks of anymore,” he confessed.

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering how it could be that an entire piece of Asgard’s history was lost to me, “I forbid his name to be spoken, and there are not many who remember him, not the way I do,” he frowned, “Cul was older, stronger, and much more capable than I was. He believed himself to be the rightful King of Asgard, and when my father-your grandfather-died, Cul took the throne for himself. My father had groomed me to take his place after he died, but my brothers and I allowed Cul to rule because of his promise to keep us as his close advisors, a promise he broke shortly after his coronation. He picked from a group of his loyal followers to be his advisors. It wasn’t until he took the throne that we saw just how twisted he was, how his desire to rule festered into a madness we had never seen before.”

As we walked into the throne room, he stopped and stared up at the golden throne for a long moment, “he ordered that we strip the other planets of their resources, and if we were met with hesitation, we were to take the resources by force. He wanted to make it clear that no one would stand in his way. A part of me wants to believe that he had good intentions, that he wanted to show the Nine Realms that Asgard was still a powerful seat. However, the more he took from other planets, the faster ours was dying, so my brothers and I did what needed to be done. We stopped him,” he said, frowning at the memory. I could tell that it brought him so much pain even recalling it, so I couldn’t imagine the pain he went through when he lived it so long ago, “there was a bloodbath in this throne room. My younger brothers fell that day along with so many others, and it came down to just Cul and I. He had sent his followers away to spare their lives because he knew I wouldn’t kill him, that I would spare his life because of the ancient rules, rules he never followed but rules I couldn’t break,” he explained, glancing back over at me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, “but you broke them on that day?” I guessed, hoping it to be true.

He shook his head, a few strands of white hair falling out of place, “I couldn’t, and it wasn’t because of the ancient rules. I couldn’t kill him because he was my brother, he wasn’t the King of Asgard, not to me. I couldn’t kill him because I could still remember running around the palace with him and getting in trouble for fooling around for too long when I should have been studying battle techniques. Instead, I banished him to the Realm of Death, hoping that Death would be able to do to him what I could not bring myself to do. It was where he belonged. He delivered so many souls to Death that day alone that he deserved to face them all once more,” he said, glancing back over at the throne and narrowing his eyes, “but if I could go back with the knowledge I have now, I would have killed him when I had the chance because-”

Before he could explain his reasoning, a booming voice caused the entirety of Asgard to quake beneath our feet. It was the first time in my life I saw pure fear in my father’s eyes, “Odin!”

*Eva’s POV*

I stood in the courtyard that overlooked the Rainbow Bridge. Thor and Odin stood side-by-side in front of Sif, Ephinea, Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg, and I. Behind us were members of Odin’s kingsguard. While I had not wished to even wake up at all that week-let alone see the Allfather-I stood there out of the love I had for Asgard and my willingness to protect the people from any intruder, including the one that stood before us with his battleaxe strapped to his back. He stood the same height as Hjalmar once did, only slightly taller than the God of Thunder himself. The man before us all held himself like a King with his shoulder straightened and his head held high. He looked massive, like he was a force to be reckoned with. I had never met him, but he looked so oddly familiar to me, like a face I had seen only once before.

Dark brown hair that matched his short beard fell in waves nearly as long as mine, but he pulled the strands from his face and fastened them behind his head to see clearly. Even from our distance, I could see myself clearly in his piercing green eyes. Those eyes were filled with so much anger, so much hatred, but they were still so beautiful and pure...a green that matched the colors of spring. My breath hitched in my throat, and it felt like I was going to suffocate. I knew those eyes. I knew them from somewhere, and when he spoke, I began trembling with unchecked fear, “I am Ezra, son of Cul, and I have been sent here by my father, Cul, son of Bor, the rightful heir to the throne of Asgard. I have been instructed to deliver a message to the usurper, your false king,” he spat out, grimacing at Odin. I was shocked by his words, unsure whether or not they were truthful. I had never heard of Odin having any brothers aside from Vili and Ve, and neither of them had any children of their own. It was clear by the looks on the faces of my comrades that I was not the only one who was confused by his claims.

Even if he did, Odin was our King, and for an outsider to show up in Asgard and insult the throne, it was unacceptable. While I was angry at Odin for justifiable reasons, I did not hate him, and I would still fight to protect Asgard and her people. As I made a motion to step forward, Ephinea put out her hand to hold me back. When I tried to pass her still, she grabbed my arm, making her movements as small and unnoticeable as possible to keep from gaining the attention of the the outsider. She gave my wrist a gentle squeeze, trying to remind me without words that this wasn’t the right time. The small motions still pulled the attention of Ezra, and he glanced over at me in particular. His green eyes scanned over my body, and he smirked, “you’re just itching to kill me, aren’t you?” he asked before glancing back at Odin, “I see why you keep some of your best warriors chained up in the dungeons-like your son. It must be terrifying to have this one roaming around,” he said, gesturing to me.

A fury erupted in my chest as he mentioned Loki. I gritted my teeth, my chest continuing to rise and fall at an alarming rate. Still, I remained silent, not wishing to escalate the situation. Odin spoke up, “did you come here to discuss the population of Asgard’s dungeons, or do you have another motive?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow with a mischievous grin. He was pulling a page out of Loki’s book, smiling in the face of danger. It was one of the things that made me love Loki even more, and it made me see Odin as so much more than I had been willing to in the past. In that moment, he became so much more three-dimensional than ever before. While he had forsaken Loki in the past and made his own mistakes, there was a piece of him that still loved the young trickster. When I saw him find his confidence the way Loki did, it made me think of the impact Loki’s actions must’ve had on the Allfather. While I wished to speak with Odin about it, I knew that this was neither the time nor the place for such discussions.

Ezra cast one more glance over at me with a smirk that made me sick to my stomach, but he turned his attention back to Odin when I grimaced at him, “my father sent me with his demands. In his exile, he has been building allegiances with many people within the Nine Realms and beyond, and I can assure you that none of them are particularly fond of Asgard. They would be willing and able to tear Asgard apart at my father’s command, but he is willing to go about this peacefully,” Ezra stated in a menacing tone.

“And what does Cul want in return for his promise of peace?” Odin inquired.

Ezra chuckled, stepping forward, “he wants the throne back, the throne you stole from him,” he growled, pointing a finger at the Allfather, “he demands you hand over the throne of Asgard, and in return, you will be exiled to the Realm of Death just like you did to him. As I see it, you have two options: you can surrender and meet his demands, which will lead to a peaceful life for your people; or, you can resist, which will lead to our return and the subsequent bloodbath that will take place. Either way, we will take the throne of Asgard, but your decision could save thousands,” Ezra said, offering Odin the ultimatum as if he was in any position to do that. He came to Asgard with no supporters behind him and threatened a King with the entire Asgardian army at his disposal.

Odin smiled at the man in front of him, and I saw the condescending undertones, causing me to smile as well. While I harbored some ill will toward him upon recent news, I could not bring myself to hate him or declare that he was a poor king. He held himself with strength and dignity, which was something that would not work in the strangers favor, “you forget the third option,” he smirked, and Ezra cocked his head, clenching his fists, “it’s where I let your armies come, and I defeat Cul just like I did all those years ago. I had no problem doing it then, and I won’t fail now. You do not look for peace, but I pity you if you try to fight us. We know much about what must be sacrificed to maintain peace, and I do not wish for a war. However, I will do what needs to be done should your father attempt to wage a war against Asgard and her allies,” he explained, “so, you can tell my brother that his proposition was met with resistance.”

Ezra chuckled, stepping even closer to Odin. As soon as he was too close, the entire army behind us drew their weapons, but Odin raised a hand, wishing to entertain the boy for even longer. I listened to the warriors lower their weapons, but they did not put them back in the sheathe. I glanced down at Thor’s hands that were balled up in fists. Ezra leaned in close to Odin and spoke, “well, I came here for your surrender, and I’m not about to leave empty-handed,” he murmured before stepping away from the two of them and pointing at me. Once more, his eyes trailed along every piece of my body before locking eyes with me, “I’ll take that one,” he dictated, closing the space between the two of us.

Before he could stand directly in front of me, Ephinea stepped between the two of us, “try to take her, and I will rip you in half with my bare hands,” she threatened, rage clear in her voice. She had always been like an older sister to me, so it didn’t surprise me that she would react like that to someone who was threatening my safety.

Ezra glanced over at her but then back at me, “call off your dog, pet,” he instructed, cocking his head to the side with a smile filled with false admiration.

I scowled at the nickname he decided to give me, and I felt a chill run down my spine at the thought that I could be traded off to ensure peace, even if that peace would be short-lived. Odin’s stunned silence was not helping ease my troubled thoughts, but I had to act with strength and grace just as I always tried to, just as my father taught me all my life. I raised my hand and rested it upon Ephinea’s shoulder as I stepped out from behind her. She gazed over at me, horrified and flustered because of my actions. She had no idea what I was planning to do or why I was planning to do it, but I offered her a short glance that I hoped would set her mind at ease. When I stepped between her and Ezra, he didn’t break eye contact with me. He smirked, one of his eyes twitching ever so slightly as he narrowed them at me.

He searched my eyes-for what, I didn’t know-and when he didn’t find what he was looking for, he grabbed my chin and brought his face impossibly closer to mine, “tell me, what is it you want, pet? Do you wish for acceptance? Strength? Power? A real family? A place where you belong?” he asked, “I’m sorry to break your heart, but you won’t find any of that here, not with the current ruler. And, what about Loki? I’m sure you want him back, too, don’t you?” he asked, causing my breath to hitch in my throat. How did Ezra know about Loki? How did he know about my deepest desires? As I stared up at him with wide eyes, terrified that he was able to pick me apart so easily. He raised his eyebrows, sympathy crossing over his face, “you have so much to learn, beautiful, and if you cooperate, we’ll give you the answers you seek and the opportunity to live out the rest of your life with Loki,” he murmured before grabbing a fistful of my hair and pulling me even closer to him, “but should you fail, I will find your girl on Midgard and tear her apart in front of you just for fun!” he growled, my heart twisting and shattering into a million pieces before he pushed me down onto the ground.

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Thor’s loud voice boomed, almost like thunder itself. I could barely think of anything aside from Ezra’s threat. I was paralyzed with fear at the very idea that enemies of Asgard knew about her, that they could use her against me. Thor spoke as I tried to collect myself, “you are sorely mistaken if you think we’ll just hand her over to you. Now, we have entertained this madness for long enough. If you try to take her, you will not live to see another sunrise,” Thor promised, glancing down at me and nodding his head. I knew that I would have nothing to fear with Thor by my side. Even if Odin, for some reason, wanted to send me away, Thor would betray his father just to keep me safe.

Ezra chuckled again, laughing in the face of the God of Thunder, “I haven’t seen a sunrise in nearly 300 years,” he confessed, and a piece of my heart broke for him. I couldn’t help but see small pieces of Loki in him, the anger, the pain, the hate. I had nothing to compare Ezra to, though. I knew the man Loki used to be, so I knew that pieces of him were still alive. Still, everyone could be saved, and that included the enemies of Asgard. Ezra continued, “no matter! I’m used to taking what I want by any means necessary, and I don’t lose,” he said before unsheathing his axe in one swift motion and swinging it down toward Thor.

In the split second it took Ezra to begin the attack, I jumped up to my feet and drew Hellbreaker, one of the many swords my father had helped forge for me. Right before his blade could graze my prince, I stepped in front of it, catching the handle of his battleaxe with the blade of my sword and stopping him from hurting Thor. His eyes widened in clear astonishment. I was sure someone like him didn’t anticipate anything extraordinary, especially not from the person he nicknamed “pet” only moments prior. I pushed him away from the Thor and I, “you don’t lose?” I asked, grinning up at the intruder, “well, neither do I!”

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favoriteliar · 3 years

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hi ily 💌

to di (the loml),

you have been with me basically since the start and have continually supported me and been someone for me to lean on. like youve been there for it ALL, and i cant thank you enough for all the love youve shown me. you are such a kind and considerate person and i am so lucky to call you a friend. i love you an insane amount and i cant wait to see you continue to succeed in everything you do because you deserve the world

love, star

#ask #sarah-snook #babylove di 💖#yes i am carrying that tag over to here #star talks #star100

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simkjrs · 7 years

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Hi. I usually dont comment on fics bc as you said it is extremely difficult to find the right words (especially when its not your first language and have severe social anxiety) but after seeing the shit you have to deal with im gonna leave a lil review fic. Tbh your fics are the best fucking fics i ever read, for real, like infinity/10. I love how you give importance to how the event that happen have their psychological consecuences bc THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS and most people ignore that (1/?)

And that shows the effort you put into the fics, and thats not even mentioning the god tier writing cos, dude, when i started reading your fics i wouldnt stop till i finish them and spent god knows how many hours daydreaming about what could possibly happen next and excitedly waiting for next chapter if it comes. Tho it seems some people forget that fic writers don't owe shit to the ones who consume their work. You are doing this for free and could easily choose to not share your work (2/?)

But you do, which is great, but that also means that if anything we should be THANKING you for bestowing these blessing upon us. And if people dont like the works or are not for them then they are free to leave and look for things that suits more their tastes but doesn't give the fucking right to leave shit on the fics they didnt like. I really love your works and im happy when you update whenever you can. You should enjoy to do what you do, and that means you shouldn't be preassured at all (3/?

And this whole thing should really be enjoyable for everyone. I'd like to think writers write bc they WANT TO and readers read bc the also want to, so it really should be what its meant to be, a nice symbiotic relationship with no need for any kind of toxic behaviour in the interactions. So i'd really like to thank you for your work, its great and you are awesome and seem to be a great person and I admire you lots, I love readiing all your tags in which you appreciate the little details in (4/?)

other people's works and it makes me SCREECH in glee and happiness when I see your own fanart for your fics bc 'oh my gowd ITS OFFICIAL ART!!!! And also, bless the angst, really, it gives life and feeling to the stories and makes the happy moments and improvements of the characters situations a hella lot sweeter -im a sucker for angst with happy/ish endings-. And its fucking awesome how you focus on the development of the characters & their bonds & stories instead of just sexual attractions (5/?

And I love how we can connect and sympathise with your izukus regardless of their personalities and how you make him flawed, people arent perfect and as much as izuku is an incredibly selfless and beautiful person he isnt the epitome of all things good and right and can also fall in toxic behaviours towards his self and it also shows how trauma and abuse left their mark on him instead of just acting as if none of it happened. In byggualom I liked how izuku and bakugou could actually hang out 6/?

and maybe even have a good time but THAT DOES NOT MEAN everything is fine and dandy, which gets shown quite explicitly. They COULD potentially and eventually have a nice frienship/healthy rivalry but they BOTH have to get over a lot of stuff (izuku already has had a rocky but eventually good start there), their relationship as it is now and as it was was/is too unbalanced to be anything but unhealthy. And you can see both sides of the story and each their espectators different perspectives (7/?)

Its also nice to see a change from the 'uraraka and deku immediately liked each other and became best friends' trope and how even with their not quite great star they have been able to reach and understanding and maybe a bit of mutual respect. There are no words to describe the blessing that mitoki is, truly, he deserves that big toblerone and should share it with hatsume and shinsou. Speaking of which, I loved how it seemed that Shinsou was going to get adopted into their weird but adorable 8/?

dynamics before the angst rollercoaster decided to fall of the cliff hanger into the pit of dispair and suffering. And dont even get me started on msa. I adore izuku's sarcastic little shit's self and how much effort he puts to being as unhelpful and uncooperative as humanly and spiritually possible even tho he'll end up helping anyway bc he cant just do nothing even if he'll complain about it to everyone involved. And kirishima is so pure, bless that boy, he is just trying to do his best (9/?)

hey this is such a long and in depth review and you are so kind to me!!! thank you for your concerns, im sorry if i made it sound like bad comments were a bigger problem than they really are, they just get me down occasionally. i’m happy to share the stuff i write as long as there are people who enjoy it. and im really overwhelmed by how much detail youve put into these asks!!! i dont know if you finished saying everything you wanted to say but this alone has really helped lift my mood.

i put a lot of time and effort into thinking about characterization so im really happy to hear that you liked the way i wrote so many of the characters... ;_; i feel so acknowledged and validated right now. im sorry i dont have enough to say to write as long a response as you wrote a review but really, thank you so much for the long review. it means a lot to me.

#ask #byggualom stuff #msa stuff #i think i need a tag for feedback in general #Anonymous

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cas-backwards-tie · 7 years

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Batfam with a girlfriend/boyfriend that doesnt take care of themselves (barely sleeps, barely eats, or just eats junk) bc they lowkey hate themselves and dont feel like they are that important (a.k.a me ) 💖💖💕💕 Also youre very talented and I love your writing so if you cant do the request take the compliment because youve earned it 🤗

Thank you so much! and I know it’s been awhile but I’ve pushed this to side the because it always takes me SO long to do headcanons. Though I love them. Also this is me too, so I totally understand. I may have gotten carried away with Damian...

Bruce:

-for sure would do everything in his power to try and make sure you knew deep down that you are worth it and important because you are, you just don’t believe it.

-if it’s because of depression or anything of the sort he might suggest medication, willing to pay for all expenses because you deserve to be happy and he’ll do it in whatever you want.

-he’ll remind you to sleep and eat, and if he’s not around to do so he’ll make sure Alfred does.

-he’ll make sure that (i mean, Alfred would tbh anyways) all the meals you guys eat are healthy... so... if you are eating junk then you’d probably get scolded bc “why aren’t you eating Alfred’s meals? Alfred is an excellent chef and you’re just eating junk food instead?!” everyone would be baffled.

-overall Bruce loves you so so much and would do his best to try and ingrain in your brain over time that you ARE worth everything, and are the most important thing in his life.

Jason:

-Jason understands all to well your pain, and even though he could just as easily wallow in his own feelings about the same issues. He knows he has to be strong and there for you because you’re the one who needs it right now.

-Jason might stoop down to your level on some days and join you (which you’d probably enjoy somewhat not being alone) in not sleeping or eating junk food, but of course if it came to barely eating then he’d complain because this man needs to eat!

-Jason feels like it’s his fault when you tell him how you feel that you’re not important or worth anything. He feels like it’s his fault that he hasn’t shown you that you are enough. You’re more than enough in fact.

-Jason understands you and will try anything and everything to make you feel better. He’s been there and done that, and sometimes he still has his moments. He’ll go to the ends of the earth to try and contradict your thoughts.

Dick:

-Dick is a busy man so for the most part I feel like he wouldn’t notice these things at first.

-Once you told Dick though, he’d be all over you in his mama bird ways, trying to protect and comfort you. Dick loves you more than anything and knows you deserve the world.

-He just can’t wrap his head around why you don’t think the same. Dick would eventually get worn down with his busy schedule and everything that’s been going on with you lately- his efforts seeming to not be that helpful he’d turn to Jason knowing that after all the teasing was done, Jason would know what to do. Dick saw how much Jason went through this and hopefully Jason could have some advice.

-Dick would do what Jason told him, but he’d throw in his own twists. Dick would also definitely try to get you out of the house way more than you’d been going out. He’d make sure you guys started to go on way more fun dates.

-Dick doesn’t want to see his world: you- tumble down into the dark where he knows you don’t belong. He’ll do anything to try and get you out of the pit you’re currently stuck in, and mostly importantly he wants you to know that he’ll be by your side the whole time. He’d never leave you just because of something like this, and he wants you to know that.

Tim:

- Honeslty I feel like Tim would just be there with you. He already barely sleeps- okay! More time to hang out with you. You don’t want to eat? That he couldn’t really get with. He’d tell you all the downsides to not eating and what’d happen to your body if you stopped. Of course he’d probably scare you into eating.

-Eating junk food? He doesn’t mind, but of course that won’t be the only stuff you’re eating!

-Tim can understand why you’re feeling this way, and as much as it pains him to see you going through this he hopes you know he’ll be there for you. He’ll listen to what you want to tell, he’ll support you in any way you want and need. He’ll be with you until you get out of this funk.

Damian:

- Damian doesn’t understand... how could you hate yourself? you’re literally beautiful and amazing. You’re kind and caring... You’re perfect. Why would you hate that?

-Damian listens to what you have to say, knowing not to interrupt like he did last time (it did not end well), and waits until you’re done talking.

-He holds you in his arms, his hands absent-mindedly running up and down your back.

-he starts to think of what you were saying and starts to understand... he sometimes looks in the mirror and wonders who he’s become. Sometimes he hates the things he’s done, the things he was forced to do.... was it like that? is that how you felt? you hated what you saw in the mirror sometimes and felt like you were nothing?

-he inhaled sharply realizing that this is what you were talking about. “what’s wrong?” “nothing, I just remembered something Father told me to do” it wasn’t true. but he also knew it wouldn’t help to talk about his own troubles at the moment.

-Damian still couldn’t imagine how it’d be to feel these feelings and think these things all the time, but he could imagine how bad it’d be. I mean, he knew- just by looking at you how it’d turn out.

-Damian would make sure to spend extra time with you, doing the stupid, sometimes annoying cheesy things he knew you loved- which he also loved but would never admit.

-He’d make sure you were never alone and if you needed to talk to someone better than him- a professional- he’d make it happen. He’d find a good person you could talk to.

- Damian would try and spoil you with gifts, but of course he’d only get something if “I thought you’d like this,” or “I saw this and thought of you”. He knew those were the most meaningful gifts and Damian never did anything without meaning.

-Damian would hope everyday you’d get better but knew that this could take awhile or may never go away for sure. He knew this would be hard but he’d be determined to keep at it- trying to get rid of this mindset. He’d stick with you through it and try his best not to explode when you don’t sleep enough or when you become unhealthy from your habits.

-He’d somewhat feel like it’s his fault if you relapsed into this behavior but he’d understand and try his very best to be strong and helpful when you needed him.

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progressivleythin · 7 years

Text

whos to blame

whos to blame for the reasons you drink

whos to blame for the reasons youve screamed about how you hate her

it was me i was once again the reason.

i dont want to keep going, i want to end it so bad but ive people i wanna see

you tell me im being dilusioinal but i remember seeing you threaten to leave this house if i keep doing that

i was simply laying down by my dad at the time. simply laying down smiling,,happy

shes a child mom my sister yelled i watched from the top of the stairs wondering what was happening. i was four or five

at 13 i witnessed or heard persay my dad finally beat you in front of me. you threw his phone you were both drunk so i was scared to call 911 as id have to live with his mom.

at 14 i realized my dad was a piece of shit but you mom, you stayed golden to me because you were on my side most

still. at 14 my dad punched me for the first time while screaming about how disrespectful id been to him i was simply walking away from him to keep from bursting into tears. he came two days later apologizing saying he cried at work about hitting me.

nearing the end of age 14 you had a fight with him. he was gonna leave and i didnt mind ive been wanting him to since i was around nine maybe?

he kept slamming doors and id chosen to mock him out of anger. bad choice as itd lead to your constant wish for death sofia. “you know what!? shut the fuck up sofia, its your fault its all because of you that me and your mom are always fucked up. if you werent here wed be fine but you and your fucking ungrateful ass keep getting in the way. im fighting it right now but you dont know how much i wish i could beat your ass right now for what YOU did to us”

thats when it clicked..youve never cared about me all along. and my fear of my dad peaked that day and my suicidal thoughts took control i relapsed that day after nearly two years clean! are you proud? you were both drunk and he admitted to his thoughts of abuse to me while you hid away in your bathroom “cleaning” to which i found out meant doing cocaine and smoking weed. i sat completely straight faced listening to him say that and worse trying to shw i wasnt weak but that one tear left my eye and i knew it was over im never gonna be stronger than the fucking hate from my “parents”. that night i tried suffocating myself before bed because i thought itd be better if i was gone.

at fourteen years old you led me to my first suicide attempt,or second if you consider the time i took four ibuprofen pills “because of my headache”.

im fifteen now and nearly cried tonight on the way home because you screamed fuck you to dad and i was scared hed hit you or me in front of the baby. or maybe hed decide to turn into oncoming traffic and end us all. that fears only been growing since and its only been four hours maybe? i nearly cried in front of you both because the baby knew what happened and wanted to cry too.

thank you parents! for showing your child how happy you are to have them in your life.

to anyone currently reading this ive only listed some of the worst. im not abused im not treated as a slave im simply treated as a human im happy when im not around them but im ok i have my older siblings to save me if times get rough.

to my mom if you ever find this i wanna say fuck you but i fucking care about you too much to mean it. i constantly think youre there for me but its because ive tried to forget the moments youve said bad about me.

and my dad i have nothing i want to say to you. no thank yous none at all not even a fuck you because itd mean i care enough to waste my breath. you try but i wont let you back in no matter what.

to my brother.. the only one whos helped me most i truly love you more than my own life! id take anybullet for you okay? youve been more of a parent to me than mom and dad and i thank you more than anything for that i love you so much so so so much franco too. i havent ended my life because of you and im truly grateful for you youre my angel and i cant live without you were both pretty broken after all. i hope you find yourself soon and i find my happy soon. i really really do love you okay? you shaped me into most of the person i am now and i cant imagine not having you. id probably be dead because you know how to make me feel happy. im crying most while writing to you because its true i cant be unhappy with you. thank you so much brother so much youre an angel with your own problems and you still take time to listen to me angrily rant about mom and dad.

to franco. youre three ive known you for a while and im glad i can. im also staying alive for you i want you to remember me as a great older sister rather than an aunt. youre like my little angel too..one that bothers me enough to get out of my room or enough to laugh genuinely inlove you and your dad so so so so so much youre both the light of my life im so truly grateful for youre presence in my life

to my sister. were not as close as sisters should be. im closer with my brother but i have amazing memories with you i hope we have more dude. ive had some deep convos with you maybe not like my brother and me but enough to know how your relationship is and im glad you trust me with that info. i love you so so so so so much too i hope you have an amazing future. i hope we get closer soon otherwise idk who ill come out to first

to my closest cousins. im sorry most of you didnt find this out sooner im sorry for being so awkward with every interaction we have for constantly fucking things up. i feel like an annoyance constantly so thank you for putting up with my shit.

my internet friends ive never met any of you but thanks to you guys too even the most recent ones :) some of you really listen and helped me through some dark shit.

to anna, the first person id ever r e a l l y dated. weve never met and we dated and yeah it didnt seem like it but it feels nice saying i have dated someone even if it was barely anything physical. you truly have heard my nearly darkest thoughts ive kept most because i dont wanna be a burden. you fit with the lil gaurdisn angel group too, youve helped me alot and were both pretty fucking fucked up people. idk what my life would be with out you. you mean alot to me maybe not as much as my brother as he has the highest “score” so far but its near that.

to keana and amaya. im fucking sorry for constantly speaking about my fucking weight to you guys especially you amaya youre so fucking young and ive already shown you eating disorders i hope you never have these thoughts. keana i feel the same i gotta get annoying to you at some point im sorry

to past me this is your “rough draft” maybe? for a suicide note. im not killing myself i just wanna get it out.

once again to my brother your tribute made me cry most dont tell me i dont care for you. you mean so much to me youre really keeping me alive by alot okay? keep it up big bro please i cant do this without you i know youre as broken as me somewhere youre doing great and youre gonna make it i hope i do too.

10.06.17

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xielians · 7 years

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You watched Ajin?? Please bombard me with thoughts and opinions.

omg yes i have, sahana!!! thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to talk about it because i really love ajin a lot and???? there’s not enough people who has actually seen the show, so all my thoughts are buried inside. im assuming that youve watched it too, if you’re asking about my opinion :o if so, go ahead to read bc lots of spoilers and such! if not, tread carefully.

i really really like the fact that our mc is first shown to have a normal school life that got messed up after a car accident. in a way, it should be fortunate that he still lives after going through a fatal car accident, but the fact is that everyone ends up shunning him and there’s a bounty on him simply bc of something that he cannot control and he ends up having to run for his life even though he didnt ask for it. i just really like the idea that he literally didnt know that he is an ajin until the incident, and his life really did turn upside down – both in terms of his own identity & his daily life.

i also really enjoy nagai kei as a character? he’s an asshole, and sassy with a sharp tongue and intelligent. and although he doesnt particularly have a strong body / good at physical activities, he makes it up with his brains and quick thinking. moreover, i really enjoy how apathetic he is as a character. he literally doesnt care about anyone other than himself. i still remember that bit where a nice human tried to help kei but when he died, all he thought was ‘aww, he died. time to run i guess’. he doesnt care and i think he’s very fascinating to watch!

the fact that his character also influences his ibm is also something that i appreciate. which the sass and how dick-ish he is, it makes sense that even his ibm will refuse to listen to him.

furthermore, his r/s with the other characters are fun to watch too; he treats them so differently! we see how he appreciates kaito and pushes him away at the same time, bc despite the fact that he’s cold to many, he very clearly does care about kaito ( who won’t tbh? he’s such a sweetheart and i really cant wait to see him show up again in the manga ). and then there’s kou, where he constantly sighs bc kou is such a dumb and he cannot deal with his stupidity. the moments where he simply just disregards the naivety of his words (eg here) is absolutely hilarious to watch.

it doesnt help that his voice actor is mamo-chan and we both know how much i love him. usually his characters are either the popular, charismatic ( ouran’s tamaki ) or a completely joke / crazy ( tg’s tsukiyama ) and hearing him act as kei is very different from what he usually does and i really enjoyed the constant irritation in his voice!

if im talking about characters i cannot not talk about satou because as much as i love kei, the star of the series is undoubtedly satou. villains whose motives are simply to have fun have been done maybe a thousand times and usually it ends up making the villains dull, and evil for the sake of being evil. but satou is different! firstly, how often do you see a villain be an old man? and for once, i actually get how charismatic a villain is. his ploy… pushing the wheelchair… announcing to the entire world that he’s an ajin and with tear-filled eyes, tells the world how cruel ajin are being treated… it’s the fact that he’s an old man that makes it even more convincing.

not to mention, if kei is smart, satou is insane. ive never seen an anime character as old as satou have that much agility. and heck, he uses the fact that he’s an ajin to do absolutely crazy things. literally killing himself in order to play the game. okay this part is only in the manga, but heck, he literally cut his own hand and made them into like chicken wings to be sent to the location where he will infiltrate next and then throw himself into the shredder or whatever it is so that his body will start forming where his biggest body part is– ie his hands. that is downright crazy. and then there’s this!!

there are so many moments where i legit just covered my mouth because of the mind games kei and satou are having and how they outsmart each other in ways that are utterly inconceivable. so yee i really like it a lot!

i also particularly like the discussion of ‘what is death’ for ajin, who essentially cannot die. it brings up a whole new perspective. because arent you the same person if you have the exact same memories and experiences? but there comes a discussion that since your brain is where your thought processes and memories are and hence the very thing that forms your own individuality… if your head gets destroyed and its a different brain that is doing the thinking… arent you already dead? and you’re an entirely different person now.

which makes satou even more of a beast, bc he literally doesnt care if he did die in the ajin way. he just wants to have fun. and for that, he doesnt care if his comrades even betrays him because he’ll just see it as another obstacle – a new difficulty in his game.

lots of people dont watch ajin bc of the choice in 3d animation which i agree can be jarring and awkward to watch at first but once you get used to it i dont think its that bad. but then again, recently i came to realise that i dont really care that much for aesthetics because apparently some people do care a lot. but what i do care about is characterisation & plot. but either way i liked the choice in 3d animation. its because i think using 3d to animate ibm is a good choice and for them to go all the way in using 3d in the characters and such would make the ibms look more natural.

there are so many things that really appeal to me in this series particularly the way it treats its characters. and i only talked about two so far but uh i should probably stop here haha. oh and i really appreciate izumi and her backstory!

#darkest-symphony #darkest symphony #asks #did i just spend 5 para talking about nagai kei #yes i did

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nature-pagan-witch-in-train-blog · 8 years

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Letter to Milky (because i dont know if the messanger on this site will support the amount of characters in this text. so ima just post it. and i know the ask system dosent support over 500 characters)

hey there Milky, i just wanted to finally thank you personally. i have a blog here on tumblr and have been following you for a LONG time. and i remember the post when you said youd be switching your blog to an E-Shrine. At the time I didnt care nor know itd be an E-Shrine. But. it crossed my mind to unfollow you as thats not what i wanted on my dash for that blog. but.. i didnt. i kept following you and i began to see you worshiped aphrodite. and thats opened me up to religion again and honestly its changed my life and has led me to a new path in life.

When you changed your blog... Ill be honest I thought "I dont wanna see whatever the hell shes gonna post now" but.. Something in me just compelled me to keep following. I can distinctly recall thinking that. I promise I thought that. A cruel but truthful promise. Anyways. After awhile I caught your blog again on my dash when you started posting aphrodite things. And It... Sparked something in me? Something like that? And in all my years of hating gods. Resenting religion. Hating everything to do with religion. Because I couldnt worship what I wanted to worship. Which would be aphrodite, and nature. I have never once thought id go back to religious life. But....... Youve opened my eyes and opened my heart to give religion another chance. Youve shown me indirectly that religion can be good and open and flexible and not so binding as other religions. Recently I discovered wicca and paganism. I literally never knew they still existed. i thought pagans were long gone. And witchcraft nothing more then a old Salem story used now to attract tourists. But now I believe it all. Now I see it all and its all so beautiful and real. I love it so deeply and dearly. I love the idea of nature worship. I love the pagan gods and goddesses. And I love aphrodite. And ill have you know. Ive never written ANYone fan mail. And this isnt even what ID call fan mail. This is more thanks from me to you. And I cant thank you enough for what youve done for my life without even realizing it. So... Anyways. Thank you Milky. Keep being awesome. Keep posting. And if youd like to talk to me im open to that too. Id love that. Ill be messaging you and sending you an ask about this post because I dont know how the "at" system works on tumblr yet. But anyways. If you could talk to me. Even for a little bit that would be amazing. Id love to chat with you and ask you questions to see your answers. Thank you.

Lots of love,

Blessed be,

Elizabeth.

#luvmilk #thank you #pagan #witch

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narcisbolgor-blog · 7 years

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To My Husband: Thank You For Our Average Love

Elizabeth Tsung

Some say you fall in love, while others say you choose it.

I say love found me because I wasnt searching for it when you came into my life at the innocent age of 12. In fact, I dont even think I knew what love was. My frizzy hair, T-shirt, and ill-fitting jeans certainly suggested I wasnt trying to lure love in.

Still, love found me just the same at that art table so many years ago. Your blue eyes and blond hair whispered to me. Something about the way you looked at me roped me in. I cant say why or how or what even happened that day in August. All I knew was once love found me, it didnt let me go.

Over the years, weve built a life together. Weve graduated from high school and the typical prom photos to a settled-in life. We shared first kisses and first dates. We endured first fights and doubts. We stepped through many stages of life, always together. Weve walked through many storms hand in hand, heart glued to heart, and eyes locked on each other.

We said I do, and we signed for our not-quite dream home but dream enough for us. We bought a dog and way too many cats. Weve grown up and grown together.

Theres nothing special about us, not really. Our love story started when we were young, and weve managed to prove monogamy is possible. But other than that, were just an average couple living an average love story.

Still, you remind me every single day that love stories dont have to be extraordinary or full of twists and turns to be exciting. Youve shown me over the years that love stories arent about flashy events and grand gestures.

The love I have with you is a soul building love. Its a solid love. Its a simple love.

Its funny because even though Im a romance writer, our romance typically consists of lounging in our house in our comfy clothes watching Netflix. We spent last Valentines Day at home on the sofa, surrounded by our mastiff and our cats. We ate pizza and watched a mediocre movie.

Theres no place, no Valentines Day, Id have rather been.

Our romance isnt about building a novel-worthy tale for others to gawk at. Our romance, our love story isnt about impressing upon others the obviousness of our love.

Being with you has shown me that love comes in many, simple forms.

Our love story is awkwardly dancing around the kitchennothing like in the moviesto an odd song we have in our head. Its when we both come home from the grocery store with a carton of eggs and a surprise candy for each other because were on the same page but cant manage to text each other. Its a funny meme you send to my phone on a Monday that just totally fits with whats happening in my day. Its the look we give across the room because we know exactly what were thinking. Its the joy we get of doing nothing but sitting around the house together, laughing at our laziness but being totally content.

We have a simple love, an average love, a love few would be excited to read about. But thats what our love has shown me. The most simplistic, average love story is often the one that resonates with us the most. Its the one thats most important.

Each love story is a beautiful, romantic saga in its own right. Thank you for reminding me to celebrate that.

To my husbandthank you for an average, simple love. I wouldnt have it any other way.

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adambstingus · 6 years

Text

Every Halloween, I Have A Story I Like To Tell

I liked Ben, I really did. I mean, he was a nice guy. We had some fun times together in college, messing around the dorm, going to parties, all the dumb shit that college guys do. He was cool and all, but he was a little pretentious. Well, I guess the word he used was artistic. He thought he was real smart, spent a lot of time trying to prove it to everyone. He had his own blog developed to film critiques not the big ones, though. Just little indie productions because nothing else was worth his time. When he got like that, he could be pretty insufferable.

Perhaps the most annoying thing that he did was performance art.

Now, I dont wanna be the guy who says that all performance art is dumb. But yeah, no, all performance art is dumb. Oh, look, youre on display painting a picture of Jesus from your own urine, how original and edgy! Maybe Im a little jaded, but it always seemed so contrived to me. Unfortunately, Ben really loved it. He thought there was something beautiful in art that was physically living and he devoted an embarrassing amount of time to it.

Anyway, I hung out with Ben a few times after college, but we mostly just met up to do some heavy drinking and maybe hit a strip club or two. He considered THAT performance art as well, which was just fine with me, it gave me an excuse to waste some ones. Since we didnt hang out very often, I had a bad feeling when he contacted me about a month before last Halloween.

He called me up at about seven in the morning on a Saturday, which is too early to even consider waking up, in my opinion. I answered in a daze and he started running his mouth like crazy, as though afraid that, if he didnt get it all out at once, he never would.

Mike, hey, Mikey, listen, buddy, I need your help, okay? Okay, okay, Ive got this idea for a performance and, well, its going to be , you know? So good! Its going down on Halloween. Can you come help? Look, Ill even pay you, man. Fifty dollars. So how bout it?

Now, Ive never cared much about Halloween one way or the other, and Im a pretty easy guy. Fifty dollars to probably just sit there and run a fog machine or some bullshit? For the right price, I could even pretend that I wanted to be there. Besides, what else are friends for?

A few days later, he gave me the details. To be honest, I was a little shocked when he sent the email. I know that performance art is intended to be edgy and can sometimes get a little dangerous, but this seemed downright negligent.

Mike:

Thanks for agreeing to do this for me! Ive talked to a few other people, but they werent really comfortable with it, for reasons youll probably be able to figure out. Of course, I understand if you want to back out, but I think you are probably the most reliable person I know. Its really not that big of a deal, Im sure youll agree.

As Im sure youve noticed, vampires have become very prominent in the media as of late. I say vampires because they are beginning to deviate so wildly from the traditional myths that they resemble forest fairies more than anything else. Altruistic? Sparkly? Whiny? Give me a break. We need more Dracula! We need more Carmilla! We need more death, destruction, and blood!

My performance will center on the theme of rebirthing the vampire. For the vampire to be reborn, he must first be buried. To turn peoples attentions back to the myths of old, I will be doing just that: I will be burying the vampire.

I have a group of viewers signed up already to participate in the performance, so you dont need to worry about that. Im going to plant a series of vampire-themed clues around town for them to follow. The clues should be pretty simple, and it will probably take no more than an hour to an hour-and-a-half for them to find me.

Here comes the somewhat controversial part. Essentially, for this performance to have any semblance of meaning, I need to be buried alive. Dont worry, its perfectly safe: I have a buddy from back home who is building me a coffin with a hole in the top. Ill be fixing it with a pipe that will stick an inch or two above the ground. That way, I wont run out of air. Ill also have a few necessities in the coffin in case something happens: food, water, and a flashlight.

Once they arrive at my grave which will be completely vampirized they will be provided with an array of shovels and will bring me back to life, a reincarnation of the true mythological history of vampires.

Here is where you come in. I need you to bury me. In addition, I need you to be my safety net: if they cant find me, if something goes wrong, if I become sick, I need you to be the one to get me out or call the police, if necessary. Ill also need you to decorate my grave, make it really creepy dont worry, Ill send you some blueprints.

I know this is a little stressful and it may take some time for you to decide, but, rest assured, this is a completely safe project. Theres no danger of suffocation and the coffin is sturdy, so its very unlikely that it will collapse. I really just need you there for support and the actual hard work of burying me.

What do you say? Id even be willing to up your pay to a hundred dollars, if thats what you need.

Let me know!

RIP,

Ben

I stared at my screen for a few minutes, completely dumbfounded.

Once I cut through all the bullshit about art and vampires and rebirth, what it came down to was death.

This guy actually wanted me to almost kill him.

I mean, sure, it probably WAS safe. But my mind went over the plan slowly. What if I couldnt get him out in time? One shovel and a pit of dirt wouldnt be a fast job. Furthermore, what if something happened to me?

Before making a decision, I sent him another email asking if he was really sure he was up for this. Of course he knew, he said. And then he said something that would always stick with me.

Art must be a little dangerous, my friend, for it to be real.

A month later, I found myself standing at the foot of a grave. It was six feet deep and perfectly rectangular. Sitting at the bottom was a tapered coffin covered with black lacquer, a white skull painted on the top. In the eye of the skull was a hole just big enough for the PVC pipe. Stenciled underneath was a line from Dracula: Denn die Todten reiten schnell.

I stood there like an idiot, waiting for Ben to show up.

In the end, Id decided to go along with his stupid gig. Ben was a stubborn bastard, and if I didnt help him, someone else would. At least, thats the justification I gave myself. But the real reason was that, deep inside my heart, his words were still echoing.

Id ended up doing a little more work than I had intended. For one, I had to place his stupid clues around the city. It wasnt hard work, but it took some time to get them all in the proper places. Luckily for Ben, they were pretty obvious clues. There was no need to worry that his participants would be unable to find him.

Ben had set up the grave and the coffin a few days prior to Halloween. It was out in the woods just on the outskirts of town, no chance of it being disturbed. Id tried to talk him out of burying it the whole six feet down.

If something happens and I need to get you out fast, what will I do? Cant you put it closer to the surface?

Ben had just shaken his head in exasperation. You just dont get it, do you? It has to be done right. Remember what I told you.

So I shrugged and let him mess around with whatever dumbassery would get him off.

I was just beginning to wonder if I should have brought more beer this promised to be a long night when Ben showed up.

I had to restrain my laughter when I saw his getup. A cheap Dracula costume from Wal-mart had never looked so pathetic, especially when topped off with those cheap plastic fangs. Hed greased his hair back and painted on a widows peak.

I couldnt resist. Wow, seriously, dude?

He gave me a stern look. Its a comment on the commercialization of vampires and horror as we know it today. He fished around in his pocket and pulled out a walkie talkie. Here, take one. The range isnt very far, but my cell phone wont work that far underground. Youll have to stay nearby. Let me know if youre going out of range.

I shrugged and took it. Okay, but you brought your cell just in case, right?

Nah, what good will it do if it doesnt work?

This guys batshit insane, I thought. But he handed me the hundred dollars and, suddenly, it didnt seem to matter anymore.

I helped him into the coffin and shut the lid. He seemed pretty calm if it were me, I knew Id be having a panic attack. I fit the PVC pipe into the hole. It slid in perfectly snug. I climbed out of the coffin and grabbed my shovel, taking one last look at the shiny black peeking out from the dirt.

With a resigned shrug, I started to shovel in the dirt. Okay, well, he asked for this, I thought.

It took almost a full hour to get all the dirt piled in. The PVC pipe was just barely visible over the grave. I piled the earth around it to hide it as well as I could. Then, I set up the rest of the grave: a hideously gothic headstone made of Styrofoam, and cheap Wal-mart flowers. Once it was finally finished, I sat back against a tree and waited.

There was an awful lot of waiting to be done.

Three hours later, his participants still hadnt come.

Hed buzzed in on the walkie talkie a few times, asking if theyd shown up. I continually answered in the negative, wondering how long hed be willing to keep up this charade. He must be getting worried, I thought, staring at my watch. It was already 10 pm and not a soul to be seen.

Hey, Mike? Something must have happened, I dont think theyre coming. Can you get me out of here? Bens voice crackled and faded in and out of the static fuzz. I took another swig of my beer and heaved a sigh.

Of course they werent coming. They were frantically searching for the last clue. My hand crept into my pocket as I felt it folded there, the creases poking at the soft flesh of my palm.

Mike? Are you there? Did you go out of range?

I turned the walkie talkie off. I didnt need it anymore, anyway. Carefully, I picked up a handful of disturbed earth from the top of the makeshift grave. I poured it down the pipe and listened.

I heard the muffled exclamation, the series of expletives. I thought I could hear a thumping sound he must be hitting the top of the coffin. I smiled a little to myself as I poured some more dirt in through the pipe.

Bens struggles got louder and I felt a certain heat rising up in me. Oh, I knew it could be good, but I didnt know it could be good. This was incredible. This was perfect. This was .

Eventually, I grew bored of shoving the earth down into the coffin. I could hear Bens screaming and sobbing reverberating up the pipe. I yanked a handkerchief out of my back pocket and stuffed it inside. I made sure to plug it up good and tight.

It would only be a matter of time, now. Assuming he could regulate his breathing, he could possibly have a few hours. But I knew he was panicking. And that would simply serve to shorten his time.

The pounding grew weaker as I finished my beer. Once I was certain there was no saving him, I went to finish my work.

Ben was right everything really did go off without a hitch. I dont know what I was so worried about.

Id gone to find his lost sheep, the wayward participants who were scrambling in frustration for the last clue. I scolded them for making us wait so long, acted the part of the reluctant friend indulging his lunatic companion. I took them out to the grave. It was now past midnight.

They sat hushed as I gave the stupid speech that Ben had prepared for me. Everything seemed normal Id made sure to stow the rag before anyone could see it.

Friends, foes, and everyone in between. Tonight we gather to resurrect the ancient horror that has plagued mankind for centuries. Its tale, once a gruesome epic of blood and seduction, has become nothing more than commercialized fodder as society has aged. Now, the time has come for the phoenix to burn and rise again. So, too, shall the blood-soaked visage of the vampire! My voice resonated throughout the woods, and the morons in attendance clapped as they all reached for their shovels.

We dug him up in about half an hour. It was much faster work with his host of suckers. It was good that we reached the coffin quickly, because I could barely contain my excitement.

Two of the men opened the coffin and screamed. The women leaned in over the grave to peek as well, full of expectancy. There was something dreadful about the scene, to be sure.

Bens face had gone gray, sprayed over with a few specs of dirt. His hands were bloody, his fingernails pried off. Deep scratches decorated the top of the lid. The men who had opened his tomb dragged him out in a panic, unsure if this was part of the performance or not. A few moments of silent listening at his chest produced no heartbeat. The proclamation was definitive: he was dead.

They screamed. They called the police. They alternatively looked at his body and shielded themselves from its horror, enraptured yet struggling.

They ignored me.

But that was fine. It was fine because they were admiring my work, the work of the artist. Finally, I had been given this opportunity to prove my worth. Finally, I had found my sacrificial lamb. And it had been a rousing success. The heat raging in my body affirmed that much. I didnt even care if I was caught, so long as I could have this moment to hold for the rest of my life.

Ben was right. I should have known a man of principle never lies. And I owe him a debt of gratitude, for realizing the artist within me.

Art must be a little dangerous for it to be real.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/every-halloween-i-have-a-story-i-like-to-tell/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/172357360662

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samanthasroberts · 6 years