#cant stand that heifer
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ohello0 · 11 months ago
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Wack nicki again for me
Then pass me the stick
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zialltops · 1 year ago
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honeysuckle’s & huckleberry’s
Cowboy!Joel (41) X F!Reader (25) | 27.7k | wip | explicit | 18+ minors dni | enemies to lovers | slow burn | au: no cordyceps outbreak
After four years away at collage, you’re finally home with the tools and knowledge to save your family ranch. That is, if their ranch hand would stay out of your way.
Or: Ranch hand Joel doesn’t know how to handle the return of his bosses prodigy daughter, her snarky little attitude, or her sinfully tight jeans.
a/n: howdy ya’ll! This chapter took me a HOT minute to finish because i’ve been severely sick (if you’ve been on this ride with me since esos you know i struggle with my health) but it’s finally here! I cant thank everyone enough for reading and as much as I wish i could hear from you guys more often, i’m just going to keep writing along and hope someone likes it! The smallest interactions bring me so much joy.
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Masterlink
ao3 link | spotify playlist
Chapter 5: On My Way To You
He’s never been more humiliated in his entire fucking life. Never—not ever, has he ever felt this embarrassed about someone seeing him naked. He’s been shot down mid alleyway make-out when she’d pressed too close and felt it. He’s been left in a hotel room when he had a woman naked under him and he finally pulled his pants down. Hell—he’s been told it hurts, asked to stop—asked to leave. But never has it made his heart pound and his cheeks stain red, never made him wheeze from anxiety and dread.
He didn’t mean for it to happen—he’s been doing his best to avoid you, give you the space you want, but you’ve been nicer lately and it makes him want to get closer, test those waters and get to know you, but the second he lets himself start to give in, his body goes full force and he has to get away. Today was a hard day for him because he’d been up late the night before trying to rewire a break in the fence that let out three heifers and the little calf you’d saved on Christmas.
He’d crashed hard last night and woke up too late to work himself over before starting his day—it usually helps him keep his cool, but today he spent two hours hours in the saddle of one of Hank’s horses, moving the heifers getting ready to calf to a smaller pasture, the older steer that were about to be sold off from last years calves to a quarantine pen. It was mindless and easy and Joel spent the whole time thinking about you and your pretty eyes and the way you still wear that necklace every day, like you haven’t even thought to take it off.
By the time he stops by the house for something to drink, he’s already spent half his morning picturing you in every position possible—real like he’s never had it before. He’s smack dab in the middle of one of his favorite fantasies, one where you’re going down on him, fully aware of what’s under his belt buckle and wranglers. You’d be so sweet to him, make him feel desirable without feeling like a chore. You’d kiss the length of him over his denim, drag his pants down his thighs and you wouldn’t gasp in shock. You’d want him—your mouth would water for him and you’d give him those pouty lips and bright eyes when you finally run your tongue from base to tip—it would be perfect—
“Morning Joel.”
He’s so caught up in his vision of you in his head he’s completely unprepared for this version, with berries smeared on the corner of your mouth, like the jam is just too sweet for you to leave untasted—you’re swimming in a sweater too big for you and christ he hates when you wear legging, hugging every curve of your body, filling in the shape of your body like a shadow. He does his best to form a sentence, keep himself from staring at the necklace chain he can see poking out of your collar. you’re wearing it, you’re wearing it, you’re wearing it.
When you lick the spoon clean, his stomach hits the floor and his head spin’s suddenly from loss of blood as everything warm and tingly in his body travels south. He knows he has to get out of there, doesn’t have time to stand here for another second if he wants to keep what's going on in his pants to himself.
He’ll kick himself later for not giving you an excuse to run off, but he doesn’t have a choice in the matter right now. He practically runs for the barn, the small bathroom inside is a well learned friend, where he can rub one out fast and get it out of his hungry system. His body is famished, starved for your skin and he isn’t sure how much more of this he can take.
He gets his pants down as fast as he can, spits in his hand and starts quick. God, the way you’d looked at him when he walked in there, like you were happy to see him for once, glad to share his company—if only he wasn’t such a complete piece of shit who can't take a kind gesture for just that.
He sees your smile and he wants to dig his hands into the meat of your ass and hoist you up. Wants to hold you down and take you apart with his mouth. Your eyes meet his and he wants to watch them roll back when you take all of him, like no one ever has, ever will but he can let himself imagine it in this tiny bathroom that smells like livestock and dirt. He can imagine the way you’d want it, want him. The way you’d tell him how good he felt, how good he made you feel despite what he’s always been told about himself.
Just a few more—a couple more tugs and he’s almost there, so fucking close to the thought of your body and his, and…and…
The next thing he knows your eyes are on him, then tick down to his hand wrapped around himself like the pathetic man he knows he is. He’ll never forget the way you looked at him, the way you told him how traumatized you were to see him like that, he’s sure it would have hurt less if you’d stabbed him in the heart with a dull knife.
He fucking runs back to the cabin and get’s himself under a cold shower, trying to keep his hair from getting wet so you don’t know while his body takes a shock to its system, flushing out the desire and replacing it for his shame. When he’s red and shaking from the cold, he re-dresses and heads back towards the house. The longer he hides, the more likely you are to piece together the odd string of occurrences surrounding his disappearances. The longer he waits, the more guilty he looks, so he forces himself up the stairs, trying his best to catch his breath outside of the door until he finally has the gull to knock. He knows you’re in there, he can faintly hear something, soft little sounds that he can't quite make out, so he calls your name when the small rasps don’t catch your attention.
He nearly leaves when the door finally comes open, and…fuck if you aren’t a sight for his painfully sore eyes. You’re red all over, stunning, breathing hard with wide eyes like you’ve been caught at something. Maybe you have, he can imagine, maybe you were touching yourself—thinking about him. It's a futile dream, but he lets himself have it anyways.
No matter how much he runs, how much he tries his hardest to stay away, everything you do ropes him in and hog ties him up, unable and unwilling to be moved until you’ve decided what to do with him now that everything he is, is yours.
It’s shame that keeps him from embarrassing himself again once he drives into town, because the way you press against him in the truck makes his skin boil. He doesn’t deserve to have you beside him after what you’d been forced to witness, but that doesn’t stop him. He wants to slip his hand along your thigh, wishes Tommy wasn’t sitting beside you and he could stuff his hand down the front of your leggings and show you a thing or two—he knows he’s good with his hands—his mouth, he has to be if he wants to get a woman off. He wants to show you exactly what he could do for you, to you, but he keeps his mouth closed and taps his fingers against the steering wheel the whole way. It’s infuriating, how much you get along with Tommy now, who’s been nothing but crude to you, making passes at you left and right and god help him, you let him. He wants you to talk to him like that too, he wants to make you laugh, make you giggle and blush prettily.
But he just loads the truck. Watches when you and Tommy snicker over a bottle of whiskey he knows he can't touch because last time he made a fool of himself. He tries not to intrude on your space, tries not to bother you and Tommy around the fire later after he’s done unloading the truck alone. Not even Tommy helps him around here anymore, too far up your ass that he’s damn near useless.
He watches from the window like a fucking creep, trying not to work himself up over the way you smile at his brother, the way you throw your head back laughing at something stupid he probably said. He wants that to be him, sitting beside you with whiskey making him bold, faking it for him since he doesn’t have the ability to just talk to you. He’s sure he’d tell you everything, how beautiful he thinks you are, how much smarter than him you are. He’d probably tell you how many times he’s thought about you with his hands wrapped around himself, in the dark of his room with your name on his lips.
He doesn’t do any of that, instead he watches you from the window and lets his heart ache and pound until he sees the way Tommy lingers closer, touches your leg absently and you let him. He has to put a stop to this, so he tracks out into the cold and tries to put his foot down. Maybe Tommy will go to bed, you’ll let him walk you home and it will be so cold that you’ll ask him to stay again. But before he has a second to beg you otherwise, you’re kissing his brother.
You’re kissing his brother instead of him and he can't watch for another second, so he hightails it inside and slams his bedroom door behind himself. He can usually hear right through Tommy’s wall, but he holds his hands over his ears and tries his hardest to keep the sound of his ragged breaths from making it through the walls. At some point, he falls asleep, wishing you were laying right beside him, sprawled out, satisfied and spent with the shape of his teeth on your shoulder.
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When he wakes in the morning, it’s not even close to sun up yet. He has a long day ahead of him, has to ride up to the north pasture, acres upon acres of beautiful pine covered land, but Joel has to ensure that the streams aren’t frozen over if he wants to move the heifers and their calves there soon. He gets dressed with a ache in his bones that he knows didn’t come from his age, his stomach is in knots because he knows what's been done, he knows he can’t change it—that he might not ever stand a chance with you now that you’ve been with him. Women always preferred Tommy over him, all the same cowboy charm with a bit more confidence.
He slips on his boots and places his hat on his head before lingering in the hallway for a long moment. He stares at Tommys door and imagines you sleeping on the other side of it. Did you like it? Do you like him?
He turns and starts down the hallways when the door comes open with a slow creak. He turns back around in the dark light of the hallway and, there you are wearing one of Tommy’s shirts and nothing else, your hair is mused and you have this look on your face, one that reeds shame and worry and for what Joel just can't quite put his finger on. You don’t say anything for a long time, just Joel and you and the fading darkness outside, your eyes tracking over him with a shiny hue to them.
“Where are you going?” Where is he going is the first thing you have to say to him? Like he climbed out of your bed and snuck off. “I uhm…I have a long ride up to the north field, thought I would get a early start on it.” He clears his throat and glances down at his boots, then back up at you. “Though I should give ya’ll some space, no one wants their brother listenin’ in.”
He starts to turn away again because he can’t look at you for another second when he knows you have his saliva on your skin and the shapes of his hands on your body.
“Can I come with you?” Go with him? You want to go with him when there’s a warm body waiting for you in a warm bed, where you can hide from the cold world, the impending darkness and a man like him. “You want to go? Why?” You close the bedroom door behind you like you don't want to wake Tommy and it makes Joel’s heart pound out of his chest for reasons it shouldn’t. “I don't know, it’s cold out there, you’re uhm…you’re naked.”
He tries, really tries to keep his eyes off your bare thighs, the shirt hanging off your frame and your sock-less feet on the hardwood. “I’m not naked, I have underwear on,” you lift one side of the shirt like you have to prove it to him and his eyes track to the black lace hugging your hips. Saliva builds in his mouth and he clears his throat, needing to turn away from you again. “If you want to come you should probably put some clothes on, I’ll meet you in the stable.” He starts to gather up his things, a light and his phone, trying to make himself busy so he can get away. “Well, will you wait for me—I don’t want to walk alone.” And Joel doesn’t want to do this right now, walk with you for a half mile back to the stables, sit beside you, wondering if it aches sitting in the saddle because his brother fucked you.
But he waits anyway, fiddles with the brim of his hat while he sits on the couch in silence as he waits for you to get dressed. You come out in your clothes from the night before, bundled up in a big jacket with your hair tied back. He tells himself not to think about it and heads towards the door. The walk to the stables is nearly silent, but the pounding in his ears drowns out the awkwardness in the interaction. How can he stop thinking about it? How you slept with him but dragged yourself out of bed to follow Joel into the cold? How you would trade a warm body for Joel’s cold shoulder?
“Need help with your saddle?” His voice feels raw from not using it, his hands aching from the cold while he cinches up the girth strap. This time next year, hell be saddling up Cersi to take this trip, he cant wait, but for now he’ll ride Hanks sturdy horse through the mud and snow. “I’ve got it, thank you.” There's no snap in your tone like he expects there to be and you work with him in unison, getting your mounts ready while the sun starts to climb into the atmosphere. By the time he gets out of the barn, you’re smiling at him. Smiling from your spot in the saddle with the reigns in your hands like you’re made for that.
“You ready to get a move on, cowboy?” His chest tightens at the way you gaze at him, wondering if you’d given Tommy that same look the night before. He wants to pretend it was all for him, pretend that you’re looking at him like that because you see something you haven’t before.
“You ready, cowgirl? When's the last time you were in a saddle?” He tries his damndest to keep his tone light as he hooks a foot in the stirrup and hoists himself up. “Been a couple years, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget how to ride.”
Did you practice last night? He shakes his head and wills away the image. He doesn’t think he'll be able to stop thinking about it for the rest of the ride, he can’t get the image of your mouth on his out of his head no matter how much he tries. It’s always fucking Tommy. He’s always been the favored brother, no matter how much of a fuck up he is. He’s always been the one to get the girl, the popular one in school, hell even his wife—
“You okay in there cowboy?”
Your voice comes like a shock to his system, snapping him out of another unpleasant memory. “Huh?” He looks around until he lays eyes on you, riding beside him with your hands resting on the horn of the saddle. “I was asking if you’re okay…you’ve been really quiet for the past half hour.” Half an hour? It's been a half hour since he started this ride? “Yeah, no, sorry. I have a lot on my mind, is all.” You pick up the pace beside him a little, till your horses are walking alongside each-other on the path. “Anything you want to talk about?”
He sits on the words for a second. He doesn’t want to talk about it, not particularly—but its you and your asking him and fuck, he wants you to get to know him. Maybe if you knew who he was, maybe if he had a chance to explain why he’s like this you might change your mind.
“I was thinkin’ ‘bout my ex-wife.” He keeps his eyes ahead of him, because he doesn’t want to see the look on your face when you hear that, that he had a whole other life away from this place. “My mom told me you had an ex-wife. She didn’t tell me what happened.”
You knew? He’d told Hank and Louise a lot about his life, he had to if he wanted them to trust him. He wasn’t a bad man, just a burdened one. “We uh…we had a rocky marriage. Got together young, right out of high school. I was learning to work a cattle ranch and I thought I would be able to give her a good life but—she wanted more, I suppose. Started steppin’ out on me. She got pregnant by another man, but I still didn’t leave. Helped raise that little girl like she was my own.”
He thinks about Sarah and her curly hair that definitely didn’t come from him or her mom, her sweet smile, her first day of school—all the things he missed.
“What made you finally leave?” Your voice is so quiet beside him. He looks over at you under the brim of his hat and sighs. “She slept with Tommy. Came home from picking up Sarah from school and I…caught ‘em together in bed. Tommy said he did it because he wanted to prove to me that she wasn’t any good for me but, I don’t know, I’ve never been very good and stayin’ angry at him.”
Your eyes look far away in that moment, like you’re clouded in some kind of guilt, maybe because you’d slept with Tommy, too. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Joel.” He clicks his tongue and shakes his head absently. “Ain’t no thing. I’m used to it by now, he’s always had a way with ‘em that I never had.”
He has, Joel can't even recall every encounter he’s had with a woman that ended with them leaving with his brother. Hell, it had been five years since the last time he’d (kind of) had sex, no thanks to his cockblocker of a brother. The first time in years since he’s felt more than just attraction to a woman and Tommy takes that from him too.
“We should get a move on, we don’t have all day and I have a lot to do when I get back.”
He digs his heal in and the horse picks up speed and to his surprise, you keep gate with him along the trail.
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When he gets to the gate of the north pasture, his ass hurts from being in the saddle and his face feels wind chapped, but you don’t complain about a lick of it, like you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now. “Joel?” He’s closing the gate behind you when you call his name. It makes him look up from the latch. “Yeah?” He gets it in place and mounts his horse again, adjusting his hat on his head. “I’m really sorry, about how I treated you when I first came home.”
Fuck do you have to do this right now? Out here, where he has nowhere to run off to? “You're not the one who needs to be sorry. I never should have done half the things I did to you. I didn’t even know you and I assumed the worst of you. Should’ve never done any of that to you.” He never should have left you in the cold, never should have treated you any differently than anyone else because he thought you came from somewhere that didn’t like folks like him when he really likes girls like you. So smart and put together, so capable and confident.
“We got off on a bad foot, I suppose…do you think maybe we could…start over?”
You want to start over? With him? give him a second shot to not fuck this up again? Or maybe you don’t mean it like that, like he desperately wants it to mean, even if you fucked his brother last night, he doesn’t care, he’d take his sloppy seconds any day because it’s you.
“I’d really like that.” There's a sweet kind of shimmer in your eyes when you smile at him, rosey cheeks and a crinkle by your kind eyes. His sight ticks down to your chest, where he can see the necklace he’d given you sticking out of the top. You’re still wearing it, had you worn it last night? When he laid you down on his cold sheets while Joel wished desperately it was his?
Despite the pang in his chest, the rest of the ride is easy and light, you talk about nothing and absolutely everything, your favorite color, your favorite time of the year, Joel tells you how much he loves the spring and you excitedly agree, going on and on about watching the world come back to life.
You tell him about college, how out of place you felt surrounded by people who were so different from you. How nervous you were for the first year, but you’d made a best friend out of your room mate Mel, and you finally got the hang of it in your second year.
He tells you about drifting from place to place because Tommy usually stirs up some trouble and runs them out of town. He tells you about all the times he’s had to save his ass to your parents and how much he’s tried to hang on to the one good place he’s had in so long. He could talk to you for hours, all day if you’d let him, and you do. You hold his conversations like you’re a pair of old friends, catching up after years spent apart.
He’s so lost in you that he doesn’t even realize you’re back home until the house comes into view. He’s spent so much time immersing himself in talking to you that he’s completely lost track of where he is, letting the miles blow past him. It’s mid day and he still has a lot to do and he can tell you’re starting to get sore in the saddle. “I’ll get them cooled down, you should probably get some rest. You couldn’t of gotten much sleep last night.” He swings his leg over and climbs off the horse before taking yours by the halter so you can do the same. “Thank you for today…it’s been a while since I’ve had a good reason to ride.” You give him one of those smiles again and it takes everything in him not to lean in and kiss you because of it. He’s wanted to kiss you all damn day, slide his fingers into the hair at the base of your skull and hold on tight, slot his lips over yours and breathe you in deep until he can’t let you go again.
He doesn’t and you head off towards the house while he looks on. He watches till you make it inside and then some before getting back to his chores.
Work consumes the entirety of his day, until the sun sets and it starts to get dark and chilly when he’s finally got the animals fed and the equipment locked up. He knows Tommy is back at the cabin because he dropped off a plate of dinner to Joel in the stable on his way home. He’s about to start the walk back to the cabin himself when he hears the creak of the screen door on the house just across the yard. He closes the barn door behind himself and follows the sounds. You’re standing on the porch in a pair of sleep shorts and slippers, a tee-shirt that's too big and a nervous look on your face. You don't say anything, but Joel’s feet carry him to the steps, then up them one at a time, carefully and painfully slow, like he might spook you away if he moves too quickly. The wind is absolutely howling right now, whipping your hair around and cinching your shirt tight against your frame.
He hits the landing and takes a few more steps forward, until he’s a foot away from your shaking form, your big pretty eyes that are searching every corner of his. He should say something, he should say how much he enjoyed today, how much he wants to do it again and again and again.
“I didn’t have sex with him.”
It’s not what he expected you to say standing out here in this unforgiving cold, but its the best damn thing he’s heard you say all day. It feels like an endless weight coming off his shoulders and he lets out a loud gush of air he didn’t know he was holding. “What?” You puff your chest out a little, like you’re trying to get a point across to him. “I didn't have sex with Tommy last night.” You say it so matter of factly.
“Why didn’t you?” He reaches up and pushes his hat up a little, wiping sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. His heart is pounding, his limbs shaking at the admission. “You know why.”
All at once, his pounding heart comes to a staggering stop, standing there on the porch looking down at you while he tries to keep himself upright. He doesn’t know why but the way you're looking at him now tells him there's something else here besides anger and hatred and shared distaste. You didn’t sleep with Tommy, because on the other side of that wall you were wanting him just as desperately as he wanted you.
“It’s cold out here…do you want to sleep on the couch tonight?”
Joel’s bottom lip quivers so much he has to suck it into his mouth to make it stop, bite down on it to put it at ease. “Yeah, I…I’d like that.”
A warm little hand finds his, tentative fingers intertwined with his while you lead him inside of the house. You don’t take him upstairs, Joel doesn’t expect you to. You lead him to the couch and he sits down, kicking off his boots when you reach up for his hat. You set it on the arm rest beside him and grab a blanket off the back of the couch when he lays himself back on the pillow.
His body aches, his eyes feel heavy, but he doesn’t dare close them when he’s got an angel standing right before his eyes. “Goodnight, Cowboy.” You hum sweetly, lean down and press your lips against the apple of his cheek, more delicate than he’s ever been touched before in his entire fucking life.
When you pull away, those same cheeks are painted pink and he does his best not to grin too stupidly. “Goodnight, Cowgirl.”
You take the stairs up to your room but Joel rides the elevator to heaven from his spot on the living room couch.
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comatosebunny09 · 3 years ago
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How Many Drinks? [ Pt. 2 ]
Summary: It’s no secret that you’ve had a thing for your bestie for quite some time. With a few shots loosening your tongue, will you finally have the courage to confess?
Genre: Romance, Humor, Drama, Modern AU
Warnings: Language, Mild Sexual Content, Alcohol, MDNI!
This didn’t come out nearly as good as it sounded in my head. 😭 Thank you so much for reading!
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He’s never too far off.  
And for that, you are thankful.
Kyojuro stands in your peripheral, a watchful big brother swirling the contents of his glass, looking like a five-course meal. He exchanges laughter and stories with a couple of his co-workers who came out to partake in the dollar shots, too. He’s close enough to intervene in case someone gets too handsy with you, but he gives you enough space to do your own thing. The notion brings a sloppy cant to your lips. It’s nice to be doted on. Nice to pretend like he’s an overprotective boyfriend instead of just a hyper-vigilant homie.
You flag down the bartender for the fourth time tonight, feeling like you’re wading through molasses. Your words are slurred as you ask for “another long island, please,” casually drumming your nails against the empty, highball glass.
“Coming right up, gorgeous,” he shouts over the conglomerate of conversation and music, gracing you with a boyish beam. Your lips quirk. He’s cute. Dimples, brunet, nice teeth. You make out the strength of his body as he mixes drinks behind the counter. Someone you’d typically flirt with. You would’ve asked for his number a couple hours ago if not for a certain blond living rent-free in your muddled mind.
Speaking of him…
You watch Kyojuro chat up a pretty redhead. She’s short and curvaceous, breasts spilling from her blouse as she leans forward and purposely squishes them together. Touches his arm with her slimy paw; a fake, girlish giggle added for affect. You scoff, brow twitching with irritation. “Girl, he don’t want you. You’re trying too damn hard,” muttered under your breath.
You’ve only ever seen him in two serious relationships since you’ve been friends. His last girl was a prima donna, too focused on his pockets. You wanted to choke slam her after Kyojuro showed up to your apartment with red-rimmed eyes and a broken heart.
He’s a sweet, romantic baby not into one-night stands. Deserves someone who will appreciate all the cliché shit he loves. Flowers, midnight strolls on the beach, kissing under the stars. He deserves a slow, all-consuming love. Not some grabby-ass heifer who’s only interested in fucking.
The bartender returns, placing your drink down on the sticky counter. You raise the tumbler in a silent thank you. He responds with a sensual wink before moving to another patron.
“Come here often?” floats a saccharine voice from over your shoulder. You tremble, nearly spilling your drink. L’Homme and warmth consume you when Kyojuro reaches around to set his glass down. Presses a deft hand to the small of your back. Your eyes lock briefly, your breath corked in your throat. “Apologies,” he says, flashing you a disarming smile, gradually backing off. “I did not mean to startle you.”
You swivel in the barstool to face him fully, alcohol sloshing around in your gut. “Don’t be sneakin’ up on me like that. You know I’ll beat your ass.”
Kyojuro chuckles deeply in response, the sound singeing your innards. “Calm down, tigress.”
It should be criminal to be so damn fine.
You drink in the subtle tilt of his cerise lips through hooded lids. Amber irises descend into a dark ruby, glittering under the strobe lights as he gives your drunken form a once over. Emboldened and moving on autopilot, you sweep a wayward lock of crimson-tinged hair behind his ear. Fingertips graze the cool, gold metal of his cartilage piercing. The act feels too intimate. Freezes you both in time, the thunderous music briefly fading into distorted hums around you.
Friendly. That’s all it was. At least, that’s what you tell yourself when his eyes fasten to your quivering lips.
“Want another drink?” you ask, dispelling the tense air. You don a boozy grin despite the subtle fluttering of your heart.
“No thank you,” Kyojuro replies, slipping his hands into his pockets, gaze averted. He wears an easy smile of his own whilst he moves to stand beside you. “I think I have reached my quota for the evening.”
You huff, turning back to the bar. “You had like, one drink, bro. You’re no fun.” At that, you down what’s left of your watery long island.
“Do you want to make it home tonight?” Kyojuro playfully chides, poking your rib.
Depends on whose home we’re ending up at…
You fix your mouth to retort, but the song blaring from the speakers melds into one you’re well acquainted with.
“Aw, shit!” you holler, ready to shake your ass now that the liquor’s loosened your limbs and inhibitions. “This is my shit! Kyo!” You grab for him with childlike mirth paddling across your features. “Kyo, dance with me!”  
He casts you a humored look before offering a hand. Carefully plucks you from the stool, twining five thick fingers with yours. You ignore how tender they feel; how normal it is to have his digits scorching your skin. He cups your hand like a lover, guiding you through the sea of writhing, sweaty bodies toward an empty space near the DJ booth.
Once safely nestled between other clubgoers, you let the rhythm possess you. Throw your hands up in the air, jumping in time with the beat. Kyojuro bops in front of you, grooving from a safe distance. He’s told you multiple times before that he’s not much of a dancer. But he’s a far cry from the wallflower he was when you met way back when. You’re grateful that he never leaves you hanging, even if he’s out of his element.
You mouth the lyrics, swaying your body. Wind your generous hips, not missing the subtle darkening of Kyojuro’s eyes as he watches your sinful gyrations. Thinks you haven’t noticed, but you’re on to him. You slowly sashay towards him, a hawk closing in on its prey. Reach for his hands again until—
You exhale sharply, back colliding with a taut wall of muscle. You toss a look over your shoulder, vision doubled and distorted around the edges. You hardly make out the contours of his face through the fluttering lights, but you have an inkling of an idea who’s behind you. And dammit, he feels good.
Fuck it, you think, letting the bartender draw your hips into a sinuous sway against his groin. The liquor’s got you feeling weightless and numb, and you love this song. Maybe you’ll put on a show for Kyo. Get him hot and bothered and craving your touch, much like you pine for his.
You look up after brushing up on your new dance partner. Can’t help the slight grimace that descends onto your mouth.
The ginger from before has Kyojuro in her clutches, pushing up on him as if casting a spell. Grazes his exposed chest with idle fingers, dragging him into a slow wind. Kyojuro spares you a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure that you’re alright. She molds his hands to her waist, snatching his attention back to her.
For the umpteenth time tonight, you sigh.
“Yep, I’m done,” you admonish, dismissing yourself from the dancefloor. Heat floods your body as you simmer with a silent rage.  
“Aw, what’s wrong, baby?” the bartender whines, scrambling for your fingers. You swat his hands away, a childish pout worrying your lips. You stride across the tiled floor, dodging awkward limbs and other men trying to draw you in for a dance. You set course for the ladies’ room under the pretense of needing to freshen up.
Your name is called from behind. Distress lurks beneath the depths of that familiar tenure as it closes in.
“Gotta pee!” you shout, dipping into the bathroom.
Once enclosed in the safety of a stall, you melt against the toilet seat after dressing it with a generous amount of toilet paper.
“Get your shit together,” you chastise, feeling like you’re sinking into quicksand. Cradle your swimming head in your hands, trying to remember how to breathe.
What the fuck was that about? You’re upset because of what? Because Kyojuro is doing what a single man should? He’s not yours; never will be. You don’t deserve someone of his caliber, anyway.
A defeated groan wrenching itself from your chest, you swallow your resolve. Give yourself a couple beats to collect your thoughts before flushing the toilet and exiting the stall. The woman who looks back at you in the mirror is hardly recognizable. Hair slightly mussed, eyes dark and hollow.
Yeah. It’s time to go.
You pat your hands dry and fix your dress. Exhale loudly before dumping yourself back into the hallway in search of your DD. You want to apologize for leaving him to fend for himself on the dancefloor—
“There you are,” Kyojuro calls, catching up to you in three long strides. You watch his silhouette dance beneath the dim light of the hallway. Not sure if the alcohol’s got you hallucinating. But damn, he looks scrumptious like this.
Hair spilling from the half-ponytail he’d tied it in earlier, cheeks speckled with color. Lips pillowy, panning in close enough to kiss. He places his large, torrid hands on your naked shoulders, bending down to your level. Concern swirls beneath the molten pools of his eyes. He knows you too well; can tell that you’re out of sorts because the alcohol’s turned you into a brat, and he’s one of the few people you catch an attitude with.
Kyojuro asks if you’re “ready to go,” in a subdued, cautious tone. You nod lamely, still entranced by his beauty; still feeling the long islands warming your innards.  
“Yeah,” you say with a slight cant to your lips, curling your hand around his proffered arm. “Let’s get the hell up out of here, Kyo.”
Wordlessly, Kyojuro guides you through the crowd back into the inky, glacial night.
The analog clock of the stereo reads 2:00 AM.
In the stillness of his convertible, your stomach growls audibly.
“Hungry?” Kyojuro queries, reaching over the center console to squeeze your thigh. If not for your inebriated state, your tummy would be a jumbled mess of knots from the contact. Instead, you nod slowly, dragging your eyes across the side of his head.
“What would you like?”
You shift around on the heated leather of the passenger seat, his jacket sitting homely about your shoulders. “I’m not really picky.”
“Waffle House?”
Scowl. “I’d rather eat dumpster sludge.”
“Taco Bell it is, then,” he relents with the humblest of grins.
You perk up, pawing at Kyojuro’s arm like an overzealous kitten. “Oh my God, Kyo! I want all the tacos! Order me all the tacos!”
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yumihoe · 3 years ago
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Cow Hybird! Momo
So Ive been thinking about Cow! Hybrids 🧎‍♂️
Pairing -Cow hybrid! momo yaoyorozu x Cow hybrid! fem reader.
18+ Mdni
CW- Noncon, cow hybrid fuckery, toxic relationships/abuse-vague mentions of a beating and broken bones, afab anatomy.
Cow Hybrid Momo! who's become the resident problem heifer of her farm. she refuses to let any of the bulls breed her so that she can produce a calf, or even come near, often bucking and nipping at them whenever they try to help her through her heats. going as far as to break off a chunk of Todorokis horn the last time he had tried to offer his services.
Cow hybrid momo! who can't stand any of the other annoying heifers in her stable, always rams into Ochoco and mina when they ask her to come graze in the fields with them, sticking out her tongue sneering at anyone who stares too long.
Cow Hyrbid momo! Who takes a special interest in you. The Farm's newest Heifer. A cute little Limousin cow whose shiny brown coat sticks out from the plain black and white of the other cows, cute Lil lopsided ears, and huge doe eyes. Adorable
Cow hybrid momo! Who somehow convinces farmer Deku that there's no point in building another stable unit to the house you in, that she has no problems sharing hers with you, being stablemates.
Cow hybrid momo! who hogs you away from any bull looking to make a move on you, weaves you a flower necklace to show her ownership over you, even though you laugh when mina points it out, saying it's just a friendship necklace. Mina shrugs it off, not noticing the daggers momo shoots at her from the side of her eyes.
Cow hybrid momo! who gets tired of you talking to mina and Ochoco and all the other stupid idiots on the farm who seem to only want to fill your pretty little head with stupid ideas and take your attention away from her. Who corners you in your shared stable, telling you to shut up with your blubbering as she backs you up agianst the wall, sharp hooves digging into your leg over and over as you whimper whole body shaking, leg bloody, disfigured and raw.
Cow hybrid momo! who shushes you, afterward, telling you that you're her stablemate, and she would take care of everything. including your upcoming heat. She brings you your feed in the morning, and a water pail twice a day. She stays with you during her even if it means missing out on her leg-stretching time and if she hadn't have crippled you -you might have thought her efforts were sweet.
By the time your heat finally rolls around, everything is going according to Cow hybrid momo's! plan. Your leg is still healing from your accident and farmer deku refuses to let any of the big brutish bulls near you and its not like you can soothe yourself with your injury and all so It's only natural that your best friend and stablemate would be by your side in these trying times.
And by your side she is. Ringing orgasm after orgasm from your shaking body, rutting against you like a bull no matter how many times you cry out that she cant breed you, two girls cant make a baby, she stuffs her fingers into your dripping cunnie anyways, hellbent on putting a calf in you regardless. Cow hybrid momo! who spends every day of your heat bringing you to orgasm over and over, on her face, thighs, fingers, and a wonderful vibrating contraption she found snooping around in farmer Deku's drawer. By the time your heat is finally over, you're a sticky mess.
cow hybrid momo! who laughs in your face when you thank her, saying you no longer need her assistance with your heats anymore, you're all healed up and farmer dekus paired you up with a pretty bull named Denki. She pulls you in real close, teeth nipping at your ear as she whispers
"I'll break your other fucking leg before I let anyone else touch what belongs to me ."
There will be no escaping cow hybrid momo.
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cow hybrid momo supremacy!🧎‍♀️
Reposts are always welcome if you enjoyed!
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hitoshisbabygirl · 4 years ago
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Author's Notes ♡:Sooooo I wrote this once with no mythological background and it was so blank because one I half read and two it had no pizzazz. So here I am...enjoying this collab wholeheartedly. For some context the readers dad is Dionysus, yknow the festive, wine maker? So I tried to incorporate that with being a potions maker! Rappa is based on a mix between Behemoths and the Kusarikku, so i wanted him just a big and a bull man hybrid but not fully a Minotaur! I hope whoever reads this enjoy it as much as I did writing it! (Also I’m slowly realizing how much I hope this man)~ bunny ❥
Here’s the lovely masterlist of the others beautiful arts!
Warnings : NSFW again! (◎_◎;)
A use of pet names l, uh some heavy size kink (if you know who I based him on, also is one of my kinks showing yet) , Needy Rappa, breeding, Light cursing, a bit of a pussy job, female oral and a bit of overstimulation.
Word count : About 6.5k (ooof) !
Paring(s) : Bullman! Kendo Rappa x F!Reader
Summary : Being a demigod had perks, you could travel, you had god and goddesses as siblings and family members and of course the power! But what happens when you have to help a stubborn farm...pet?
Enjoy ♡
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Growing up as a demigods daughter who owned a garden on earth was one experience. All types of people, gods, goddesses and hybrids needed her experience with all sorts of plants and other things from nature ; rather it be for healing medicines , a bouquet for an upset lover or for help with livestock growth, [ ] and her parents helped with every little working class they could. As [ ] went from child to young adult she was used to her fair share of men from every place asking for her attention. A human asking for her hand and giving her the bare minimum, a god, wanting to make her a goddess, or just simply flirting to warrant her attention. But alas to them all she gave them no leadway, keeping her same polite smile and overall sweetness to each and every person she dealt with. On a warm day in the heavens as she walked the sky castles grounds she ran into a farmhand, one she remembered worked for Demeter approached her hesitantly, his eyes wandering to the young maidens “U-uh M-miss [ ] right?” The male asked her , her eyebrow raising as a silent answer “Lady Demeter would like to speak with you, she need some help but she did not tell me exactly what” he said with a bow and soon turned to leave. Wondering what the goddess could want she headed to her ranch, watching the cattle and other animals graze. Suddenly the door swung wide, revealing the deity to her “[ ] my favorite niece how are you love!” The tall woman sing songingly yelled, hugging the wide eyed girl “Hello Auntie Dem, im quite alright! Uhm, what seems to be the problem? One of your hands came to get me” [ ] said as she took in the ranch home her harvesting aunt had, all sorts of gains, wheats, fruits and more spewed about in her living room “Ah yes! Your father told me how great youve become with your potions and mixes of herbs, being the daughter of Dionysus im not surprised! I told him to let you grow and do more now look at you, serving us gods and mortals alike!” Demeter went on, handing her confused niece a large apple as she took one for herself. Becoming her to a table by the window they both sat, eating on their fruit as she explained her issue.
“You see, i have a lot of cattle, different kinds, different kins and legacies, but im a bit stuck. My favorite mare, had a child a little while ago and he seemed to just be your average bull at first….but..as time went on he out grew his father, my prized minotaur bull and even his normal cow and bull family.” Taking a glance to the field they watched as the minotaur children and some sheep danced and played, other average cow cults running to join. Sighing Demeter continued “Hes a hybrid, my prized minotaur as his father and well, my biggest and prized heifer as his mother. He wont come out of the shed, doesnt deal with his other kind, minotaur or not. Hes around your age now, getting to be his prime but..he wont converse in the fields. Both his father and mother voiced concerns to me about his health but when i checked on him, hes fine! Fields away under a sun and away from my younger and ready cows! I dont get it! Maybe because hes more human than he is bull, he does have a human face and even body, just taht everything below is...well bull. Tail, those wonderful breeding-” “Auntie!” Before she could finish [ ] was hushing the woman, waving her arms “I get it i get it Bull bottom human top i dont need to hear about his loins!” She pleaded.
Laughing, the goddess reached to a pile of hay, whistling to feed some of the nearby cows “Ah you silly girl, I was only gloating about my finest bull yet! I even tried bringing him mortals but...he crushed them, saying they were too small. Every single one! Younger older it didnt matter, he wanted nothing to do with them and just squashed them like a bug under his hoofs! I'm at my wits end, Im not sure what he needs, and hes so large i cant just let him walk around the palace place, he intimidates the clerks and huffs when talked to!” Dramatically laying against the table she looked to the thinking girl, her eyes shining with an idea “Hey auntie, how about you take me to him, i can see if hes loss any weight or seems sickly anywhere. Where do you think hed be at this time?” [ ] asked “Ah you brave girl, what time is it, almost high noon? He might be in the field but its the one with my giant tree that he likes” Demeter responded, pointing to a large tree up a few fields with nothing much around it but luhs grass. “Doesnt even matter if i put up a fence, he walks on two legs so he just hops over it” She sighed again as the duo headed outside.
Seeing a tall minotaur coming towards them [ ] stopped along Demeter, her goddess aunt speaking “Ah Milvor, how are you and Altine?” “Lady Demeter and I'm guessing this is [ ], we are fine. The misses is in the field now, seeing if she can see our boy” He said. Realizing that this was the after for her case [ ] spoke up “Uhm sir have you noticed anything amiss with er-” “Kendo, his name is Kendo” The Minatour said “Ah yes with Kendo, anything seem to be hurt or missing from his way of life” She asked. “Well..not particularly. Hes always fought some of the other males here so bruises and marks are a common thing we see from him. Besides a broken horn he doesn't have anything major going on. Just that he refuses to be around anyone here. Even us at times when were out with the others” He said solemnly , looking at the girl. Grabbing her hands he pleaded “Please, help our son? I know he can be rude and dismissive but down there our sweet boy is in there, were worried sick about him” Milvor said, a sad moo coming from his approaching wife “Miss i do appreciate you checking on him, I just hope he'd be home soon” A half cow women spoke , coming beside this Kendo’s father “Well i'll do my best, it doesnt sound like hes too hurt or anything serious so i'll make sure to try and get him to be with you both” Giving a reassuring smile [ ] started off, heading to the tree at the top of them hill. Just before she got far Demeter called to her, handing her sweet wheat “Heres some of his snack, he sometimes will come back if we offer him more” She said. Taking the wheat and putting it in the side of her flowing peplos. Soon with enough treading uphill , she got close to the tree , soon seeing a tail swish from in front of the tree. Hesitantly she walked forward before seeing hooved legs, also covered in black fur, pop out from the tree. Placing a hand at the side that had no person on it she peeked over to in fact , find a rather giant back in the sun, small flecks of freckles on the toned skin. Holding her gift closer she walked to the male before hearing a snort “ ‘M tellin’ ya Elinor I dont want nothin’ to do with ya, go on, go back to the heard” A rough and deep voice said, a larger hand coming up to wave off whoever was behind him. Feeling a bit bad for this mysterious Elinor and offended, she was brushed off [ ] walked closer , standing at the ends of his legs until the male growled. “I told ya to-'' Stopping himself from yelling once he turned around he was surprised to find not hybrid named Elinor but in fact the small [ ] her eyes widening as amber ones looked down “Yer not Elinor” He said as [ ] giggled “And im guessing youre Kendo” She said as the bull sat up, cruising his legs and the curious woman in front of her. “Whos askin?”
He huffed as [ ] looked at him as she did the same , sitting across from the hybrid “A…. doctor of sorts. Your parents, along with Goddess Demeter asked me to come check on you, see how youre doing” she said as he huffed again “ ‘M fine, now why did they send you” He said as he watched her pull things out, paper , a quill, ink and is that..? Pointing to the bustle of wheat he called out “Is that… for me?” Blinking [ ] looked at the almost childish Kendo, smiling as she untied the snack “It is for you, I heard you liked it. Brought it in the hopes youd talk to me?” She questioned, holding a piece out for him to take. Hesitantly he did, gnawing at it as he hummed in delight, his tail swishing. “ So uhm… Doc what do want to know” He asked, watching as the smaller girl touched his chest and arms, squeezing lightly as she wrote down different things “If ya wanted to touch me ya shouldve asked” He teased, taking his own hand to her face. Felling he face warm up she moved back, poking him with a finger “Now now be good im just seing if youre injured. Besides that horn, do you have anything broken or doenst feel well?” She asked as she waved a pisces of wheat, making him focus. “Nah, im as fit as a fiddle” Side eyeing his response she still gave him a piece , hearing him hum in delight as she wrote more notes.
“So no injuries, no pain , nothing?” shaking his head he continued to eat , taking some pieces from her bundle as she reached for the uneatten pieces “Hey! No you get these as a reward for answering me not to eat at your leisure!” She scolded. Reaching as far as she could she grabbed at his hand before he lifted them higher, smirking “Well miss doc i want what i want, and I want my snack” He said before she grabbed his arm, poking a manicured nail at it hand “Well Kendo ill let you have it if you tell me whats wrong, without covering it up deal?” Feeling him flinch at her poking she did it again until he moved away , glaring at her through his bangs that hung low “Fine! Stop poking me though, ya nails hurt! And theres nothing wrong, i just dont like ‘em cows! They stink!” He said as he knelt closer, moving her from his arm. “They stink? How old are you 5? Why do they stink!” [ ] huffed back as he chewed more of his treat, looking to the flustered girl “Im 22 in human years little girl , and like i said they stink! Reeks like open sores and meat” He said as he kept eating , laying in the sun. Thinking over his words it dawned in her what he could be talking about “And what do i smell like Kendo?” [ ] asked, catching the half bull off guard “I dunno, you dont stink, Neither does lady Dem” He said as he turned to her. Leaning over she gave him a piece of wheat again but this time, pushing herself a bit forward, watching as his body shook before he took the piece , eating it. “Well Kendo, my name is [ ] and ill be checking on you moreoften okay? I need to run down to the house but ill be back if that's okay with you?” Silently he shook his head, watching her run off as he opened his still crossed legs, feeling himself unsleeth as he groaned ‘Shit...now why am I gettin turned on’ he thought to himself, rubbing away what he could before the girl came back
As soon as she got to the farm she was met with the eyes of the worrying three, the first to speak being his mother Altine “Oh! [ ] youre back!” She said, the bell on her neck dangling as she ran to the fence “How is my boy? Kendo is he alright?” she asked as Demeter and Milvor came soon after for the report “Well maam i can confirm he is healthy, not is wrong with him the only thing is..” [ ] hesitated as she looked at them “He might have a heat approaching, is this his first one by any chance?” SHe asked as they all looked at eachother, Demeter speaking up “Well not exactly, this is why I kept bringing mortals up here, he wouldnt mate with the cows, and even other hybrids! Nothing! Hed turn his nose up at them all and go back to that field. He actually broke that horn of his fighting a bull from a neighboring farm who wanted to cow that was trying to get his attention” Demeter said, sigh as she saw her nieces blank face , afraid she overwhelmed her “Its alright if you dont think hes fixable [ ] i can-” “No hes fine. I can help him, and i think it wont be that hard either” [ ] said, giving the group a smile. “Watch him for a few days for me , im gonna go back up there with him, see how he is then come back in a few days with some of my things, ill stay here as long as need be to help your son” She said as she gave them all a smile, going inside to get her something to eat. Soon she hear her aunt appear, shuffling about to give her a basket to put her things in “Here, Im so gald helping him is a easy fix” She said sighing happily as she continued “I know he should mate on his own time, but im more concerned for his heath of it all, he doesnt even release into anyone or even by himself” Glancing towards her auntie she took in a breath before saying something “Well, i know it has to be bad now, he even said the er, cow women here stink, so their hormone have to be covered with other bulls or maybe he genuinely doesnt see appeal with them” [ ] said. Thinking it over Demeter gave her an almost alarming look “Well if thats the case just as you arrived he asked me what i was cooking, that something smelt good. I told him I didnt have anything and he just retreated back to his part of the barn before leaving for the field again.” Slowly [ ] realized she might be in for more than she imagines but brushed it off. “Interesting..” She said as she took her full basket “I have an idea, im gonna see if his heat hits its peaking times in a few days, I do plan on staying here if youd have me here?” She asked as a delighted look spread across Demeter’s face “Of course dear child! I missed having you around! Your Father was bad at bringing you over, him and his festivals” Demeter huffed before she poked her nieces cheek “Besides! We can have a girls night, or well er, weeks depending!” She said as the laughed together “Well it's a deal!”
Heading back up the hill she saw that Kendo had moved, facing a running river as he sast in the sun once more, looking content. [ ] smirked to herself before grabbing some of the things she had ; a brush, a lavish soap and a towel. Heading to where the behemoth of a hybrid laid she noticed his ear twitched, before he opened an eye to look back at her. “Hey Doc, ya back.” He said as she gave him a smile, sitting beside his head “Why yes I am. You seem to be enjoying yourself” She teased as he smirked, turning to face her. “Well i do enjoy the sun, keeps me warm nd my hair soft.” Looking him over again she noticed that his hair was always up in a bun but his bangs covering his eyes, a different hue of color, more of a rustic red than his black furred legs. “Well about that...Im gonna give you a bath!” the giant bull flinched at her words, seeing the happy look gracing her face “Oi now look, ‘m fine i dont need no bath” He argued as she pouted “Why sure you do! I know you dont go when the others get theirs, and if that bun of yours is any indication, you need to wash all of that dirt and grime off. Now let me help you” She barked back, pointing the soft looking brush towards his face. He stood up, now overthrowing the girls height as he pointed a finger at her “Now look, I like being this way, it keeps those girls offa me if you clean me now they wont leave me alone!” [ ] sighe before stepping closer, pointing her own small hand at his face, moving closer “Now you listen to me Kendo, I have things to help keep them off of you, this is for your own health! I can leave you here, dirty but your hair and fur is gonna get so matted theyll have to shave you!”
At hearing a potential that hed be shave Kendo flinched, moving his bangs so his soft eyes could meet her determined ones “Theyll shave me? Ion wanna be like the sheep” he said she she gave him a satisfied look. “Well go into the water then and ill make sure you wont!” Reluctantly he sighed, walking into the river as she followed behind, pinning her longer robe so it wouldnt get too wet as she sat at the side of the river. Holding a hand out she waved him closer, the male coming to her as she undid his hair. To her utter surprise it fell down his shoulders, stopping just short of his waist. Gently she pushed his bangs back to see his pretty amberish eyes looking up to her [ ]’ed ones. He had a typical Bull hook through his nose , the gold shining in the warm sun. He was quite handsome, sun kissed skin and a clear face, broad shoulders and a nice body. Even with his mostly human body his horns, tail and ears were bull, on top of his legs and...neithers , that were covered in fur. Softly she traced a scar under his eye, the wound slightly tender as he jumped from the touch. Going to her wrist she tied a string to hold his long bangs up, a giggle falling from her lips as he almost looked like a younger child getting a bath “What're you lookin at me like that for” He huffed as she laughed more, pushing his face together “You look like an upset child is all. Now go ahead and dip in the water for me , ill scrub you after.” Listening to her, Kendo dropped watching as some of the debris and dirt washed off around him as he stood up, shaking his hair “Good enough?” He asked as she shook her head, pouring some of the sopa on the brush as she started to was his chest,making sure to scrub him as clean as she could from land. Sensing her struggle he reached to her, lifting her over his body as she squealed “Sorry, you were just strugglin so i thought i'd help you” Kendo said as [ ] hesitantly started to wash as much as she could, tapping his arm anytime she needed to move. Being up there did help, she was able to was his horns and his hair, revealing the rust orange and copper hair underneath. Surprised she ran her finger though it, giving him a shy smile. “See dont you feel a bit better?” She asked as he shyly nodded, noticing how her clothes clinged to her chest. He reached to put her back on land, coming out of the water himself as he allowed her to scrb his legs and hoofs, the dull black fur coming to life as he watched in awe. She didnt mind helping him, still came to bother him when he said he didnt want help and now she was bathing him. Kendo mulled over how helpful she was, and realized she was more comforting than most. After scrubbing his hoofs shiny she tapped his legs, signaling she was done.
“All right! Now that youre all clean and such Ill make sure you stay this way okay Kendo?” [ ] said as she went back to the basket, pulling out two apples. The bull in question watched as she came back to him, handing him the other one “Here ya go! Thought you could use something sweet” kendo took the apple from the girl, before biting into it, thanking hier softly as they sat in silence. Soon [ ] spoke up, breaking their silet aurora “So...ill be around here the next few days or so, ill probably stay longer, giving how nice it is” She laughed, looking at the curious male beside her “Dont be afraid to ask me for anything okay? Im here to help you” With that Kendo nodded, going back to the apple. Quietly Kendo touched her arm, making [ ] look to him as an unfamiliar look went over his face. Gently herself, [ ] put her hand on his, shaking her head as a signal for him to talk. “Would you mind...pettin me?” he asked before [ ]’s eyes went wide. Now feeling a bit more embarrassed he spoke up again “I have problems going to sleep, ‘ts why i like it out here in the sun, its warm , nd comforting…” Pausing he continued after he got his words together. “You do the same thing like the sun. Youre warm...comforting.. And make me feel sleepy...so if you pet me...ill be comforted to sleep..its what my mama did, but im too big to be in her lap” With that kendo finished, glancing to the girl who gave him a soft look “Of course i can! I have to get pick some more clothes up but once i get back, I can stay with you out here.” Shaking his head Kendo looked back to the river “Ya dont have to sleep outside with me just...put me to sleep” Unable to stop herself [ ] hugged his arm, looking at him through her lashes “Oh cmon you big baby, I dont mind it! Havent slept under the stars since i was a kid!” Brushing off her dress she ran a hand though his thick locs of hair, giving him another warm hug “Ill be back before sundown, now you be good” And with that he watched as his new found friend walked down the hill.
As promised she brought a blanket and joined him, laying under the tree as the large male went to sleep on her lap, contently humming as [ ] ran her fingers through his hair, making Kendo groan as he fell asleep like mentioned, hugging her thighs as he slept the most comfortable he had in weeks. Watching the hybrid sleep she saw all types of scars, some down his back , others on his chest. A few on his arms and only one on his face, plus the broken horn. He obviously got himself into different groups of problems, but he was sweet, not as curt as he expected. Running her fingers down his back she watched him shiver, going to wrap his arms higher around her torso. Giggling as softly as she could [ ] started to braid his hair back in his sleep, the moving under her ceasing as he was well resting once more. Thinking to herself ‘ If he’ll be like this it should be a breeze to help him.’ Oh how wrong she was.
A few days passed with little to no incident , [ ] going around helping with the daily chore and hanging out with her deity auntie. As the two of them sat in the living quarters, drinking a mixed juice that her father set them they heard a bell appear towards the window, it being Kendo’s mother “I'm so sorry to bother you , but i think something is gravely wrong. Kendo is whining in the shed, earlier he even started to-” Before she could finish a thumb came from his shed, followed by a groan “and that, he's been head butting his room” sitting up [ ] looked to his shed, seeing the door shut but large banging still coming from inside “Hey Auntie, is it alright if we could move him to the other field? I dont want his lashing to accidentally hurt anyone here” Coming besides [ ] Demeter chewed at her lip, thinking “Well, if we can stop him then yes, I'd get the boys to move it quickly”. With that answer [ ] got up, heading to the rocking shed. Taking in a breath she knocked, hearing that the groans subsided. The door slowly creaked open, showing a heaving Kendo “[ ].....?” He whispered, looking over her body as she reached to his forehead, pressing her hand against it. Hot, way too hot. “Kendo, sweetie come with me okay? We’re gonna go to the fields and we're gonna move your shed there okay?” Silently he nodded, coming out of his place. He was gasping, chest heaving as his eyes swirled a darker color than normal. Taking the outstretched hand of [ ] his larger fingers curled against it, following the light pull of the girl. Softly, He nudged her back “ ‘M hot..” he said as she looked back at him, making sure the fever wasn't wearing him down. He gave her a weak smile, rubbing the back of her hand “ ‘M alright princess, just hot” Kendo said as she noted how his voice dropped octaves. “Well theyre gonna bring a bigger shed for you out here and ill check on you every hour. Does anything hurt?” [ ] asked as they walked up the hill “Nah, but my horns are ackey.” “Is that why you were bashing them on the shed?” “Yeah...its like trying to scratch an itch you can reach” Kendo sighed, seeing his usual tree coming into view. As the duo got there he dramatically fell under it, pulling [ ] with him. “K-kendo! Careful!” she fussed as he let go of her apologizing as he drifted to sleep. Soon some of the workers had started working on the new roomed shed for him , finishing just before sundown as they would inform Demeter of where she was.
Gently pushing the deep sleeping boy from her lap she went to his new place, checking everything out. It was more of a small home than a shed, filled with a huge bed and a nice aesthetic to them, the touch of the goddess laced through the look of the place. Going around to sort some of the things they brought for Kendo, [ ] felt a presence behind her “whats all this..” the groggy bull said, ducking down to walk into his lavish bedroom “Your new home! I had them build something spacious but also not overwhelming, and these white are just so lovely.” [ ] kept talking as she soon felt two large arms wrap around her torso “ Ya did this for little ol me..?” He whispered as she ran a hand over his forearm. “I did...you need somewhere to relax in this state” She responded, trying to get from his grasp as he tighten it “Uh uh dont leave...tell me whats wrong with me doc..why cant I stop feeling hot...and anytime you come around I...cant help myself” He ended with a groan , burying his face in the shorter girls neck “Well once im sure of you being in a state of need ill be back okay? Just...relax for me and i promise ill be back.” finally convincing him to let go of her waist, not without a pained groan as he went to the bed, hazy eyes glancing over the short dress wearing girl “Get some more rest okay? Im gonna get something to eat and ill be back in the morning. Call me if you need me okay?” [ ] said as he just groaned a meek response, turning to his side.
Earlier the next morning [ ] woke up to an empty house. Stretching she found a neatly written note with some food on the table
Dearest Niece, Im currently headed to your Uncle Poseidon's place, I should be back some time later ; an update on Kendo, hes been begging for you all day, wont let anyone touch him or check on him. He should be awake now but do be warned ; He’s a lot more scatterbrained than usual
Auntie Demeter
Reading over the note again [ ] sighed, putting on her more comfortable and workable dress as she headed up to his new little house on his hill, the sound of groaning and whines coming to her ears as she got to his door. Seeing it ajar she pushed it open slightly, the place dark except from a crack of light coming from the window. Going to the shades she opened them, hearing a hiss from the bed. “Kendo its me..[ ]?” She called out as the wild set of hair came into view. He was even more disheveled, eyes filled over as he looke to the girl before growling, crawling out of the bed to her. With a gasp she was in his arms, body shaking as she was met with unnaturally feral eyes from the boy. “You left me yesterday..” he rapeseed out, burying his face in her neck again as she grabbed at his thick neck “Kendo honey, i told you id be back this morning didnt i?” She calmly said as he held her tighter, pushing her chest to his “Dont care, ‘ts too long” Realizing why he was so needy [ ] tried to reason with him “Well im sorry love, here lets sit down on the bed” Trying to get him to move she walked forward only to feel something large and hot push into her bare thigh. Nervously she looked down only to be faced to what she feared it was ; His hanging member. A wicked laugh came from above her as she was met with his ever lust driven eyes, a hand of his going to cup her ass and pull her closer “See what you left me with? No matter how hard i fuck my fist i cant cum, it wont come out” He whined and burried his face again, rocking himself on her thigh “Please ill do anythin..youre the only one who sgotten me like this...the only one i want..[ ] please princess help me” Overwhelmed but the situation she tried to pull back, eyes searching his “K-kendo youre getting yourself worked up relax-” Without warning he picked her up, making her screech as he brought her crouch to his face, inhaling as he whimpered, reaching down to his growing dick “Fuck you smell good, like flowers...and sweets..” Letting his tongue roll out he sucked over her panties, making her squeal as she gripped his messy hair “N-no kendo put me down i need to help y-you!” She moaned as his tongue flicked over her clit, a mutual groan coming from both of them. Soon a hard tug to his hair resonated, cause him to put her down as she barely touched the floor, hand grabbing his biceps “Kendo please, please sit down youre overworking yourself.” Trying to calm her racing heart she saw how hazed he was, his hand coming to wrap around his visually throbbing head, stroking himself as tight and fast as he could, looking at the awe struck girl infront of him. His hips lifted up as he was chasing a high but he soon groaned, thrusting meekly in his fist “I-I cant, fuck I cant do it doll, ‘t hurts...p-please” Finally snapping from her haze she got closer to Kendo, hand still trying to milk himself as she put her hand over his, stoping the motion.
“K-ken..ill help you okay? Youre gonna rub yourself raw at this pace..” nervously [ ] pulled his hand away, precum coating it as she gulped. He was huge, red and swollen tip curved in the right places. Even with his bull heritage he was still humanly manageable, but with a lot of work to try and get it to fit. With her staring at the intimidating size it twitched , curving up to his belly button as he gave her a lop sided snarl “ Cmon darlin, he... er, we need you . ya keep staring make me feel a bit exposed” He laughed as [ ] gave her own light chuckle. Facing her fears she wrapped a hand around his tip, a hurting yelp falling from Kendo at the touch made her eyes flicker to him but what she saw was pure lust, eyes blown with his tongue licking over his lips “Y-yes finally...shit I-i can feel somethin” Kendo couldnt help himself. Reaching down he grabbed her other hand , wrapping them tightly around his tip as he thrusted between them. “Mhmm im cumin, im gonna cum o-oh shit” As soon as she twisted her wrist to help him he felt himself twitch , spurts of warm cum splattering on [ ]’s face and the floor a he gave her a nervous laugh “S-shit doll face yer good...im sorry i couldnt hold it in..” he said shyly as [ ] gave him a sympathetic look, stroking over his still throbbing head. “[ ] please...can I fuck you? I-I promise ill go slow its juts the smell of you is..mhmm intoxicating” Kendo pulled her up from her knees, pressing his mouth against her clinging panties ,pulling them with his teeth. [ ] squeaked, grabbing his hair as he pushed her hips closer, trying to lick her. “W-wait ill take em off” Pushing at his shoulders she pulled the piece he had in his mouth out, sliding the flimsy lace as she came a bit closer, a growl coming from his lips as he pushed her dress higher, finally able to taste her. Throwing one leg then the next on his shoulder kendo fell back, making her fall onto his lips.
[ ] let a pitched moan come out, startled by his rummaging in between her thighs , his diligent uskcing on her clit taking a toll as she came, bucking her hips onto his mouth. Swallowing her juices Kendo flipped her on her stomach, pushing the fabric of her dress up and over her shoulder to release her covered chest, now exposed “mhmm i want more of that sweet nectar baby why dont you give it to me?” whispering in her ear and now bucking his even harder dikc between her small lips [ ] started to panic “K-Ken wait I dont think youll fit!” ignoring her thrashing Kendo looked over her body, seeing how she shook at every stroke of his tip against her sopping core “I told ya ill be gentle, hold still [ ]...i wouldnt hurt my mate” The heaviness of those word took over [ ]’s body as she looked back to him, only to see the save behemoth size push against her ring of muscles. Agonizingly slow he pushed, letting his tip slide in as he pushed each small inch he could in, a whine falling from them both. Once he was halfway in he slowly thrust his hips, causing the girl to yelp “I-its alright i got ya okay? Youre fine...its okay im here” Constantly praising her , Kendo was able to slip more into her, each mini thrust pushing him a bit closer to her, the sounds of squishing and pleasure filled moans filling the room. Becoming overwhelmed at almost being full [ ] pushed her hips back to take the rest, making Kendo yelped and [ ] moaned, the sudden feeling of him bottoming out almost too much as he placed his hand on her stomach, feeling him brush her cervix. Swinging his hips more fluidly he started to pounder her even more, gripping her neck as he pushed her deeper in the bed “Fuck yeah i knew youd be my perfect little minx, taking me so well i cant wait to see you swollen with my babies” He huskily whispered , the stretched out girl too blissed at taking him whole to care about his words.
“I bet youd love being my mate, wouldnt have to lift a finger for anything , id take good care of ya..” Continuing his beating against her cervix he felt something strong hed never felt before, a blind need to cum hitting him like a train “mhm..please let me breed you, this pussys’ mine, all i ever wanted...ill make you a cute little house wife hm? Make you swell with cute little us running about.” Feeling her weakening clench over him he reached for that bundle of nerves, switching his hips to hit even deeper, his throbbing dick pushing against that sponge in her walls. Crying out [ ] fell lower, feeling him slip impossibly deeper as he sped up.” Cmon [ ] , babygirl cum for me..give me it..t-then i can give you what you want yeah? Fill ya to the brim so you can bear me a strong child….”Finally at that the little sense of control snapped coming from a particularly hard push and roll of her clit she was whining , grabbing the arm beside her head as angry red lines welted up. Feeling her hit her peak Kendo got to his knees , nursing her bud as she tried to tug him away, thighs shaking as teary eyes looked down to his fierce lust filled one. As soon as she started whimpering and pulling her hips away he stopped, scrubbing his tip along her folds as he entered without too much pull, [ ]’s mouth falling open “Mh..i'm so close baby...just wanted to look at you when I fill you full..” Kendo felt his tip twitch, making his hips stutter as he picked his pace up again, watching as her arms went are far as they could to his back, stretching his shoulders as he came with a growl, and almost audible sound of him pumping in her heard as she weakly pulled him closer, their lips meeting in a intimate kiss.
With care he pulled from her lips, seeing her eyes fill up again as he kissed tears away “Its alright...its okay ‘m here princess...its alright..I didnt hurt you did I?” Kendo asked as he looke at her slightly bulged stomach, a satisfied smirk on his lips “ Hey [ ]...” He started as she gave a weak hum he continued “Be my mate..I know i didnt ask before filling you bu...id be honored to make such a caring woman my mate and wife...treat you just like my father does my mom..…” He said, nuzzling her cheek before [ ] pulled his face up, kissing him lightly as she gave him a tired smile, rubbing his cheeks “I-id be honored to be your mate..take good care of me okay? Or Auntie Demeter has your head..” Laughing he kissed her lips again, sealing their new deal
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goth-girlfriend · 3 years ago
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I´m sorry about your family and calves hun, we understand that it can be a lot of pressure and that right now the most important thing should be is to help your family and take care of you cows and their babies. could you also give us an update on them? Baby cows are so cute ^-^ but if you cant we understand. Just remember its ok to take a mental health day and sit down every now and then, drink water, eat good foodies, and listen to ur fave music and do whatever makes u calm! <3 <3 <3
Thank you so much, it’s been more than a while, but we actually have a few calves now, they’re coming up on their seven month marks by the end of august!
I’ll try to share some pictures as soon as I can get some! I usually lose my phone outside due to always being moving and full pickets usually limit motion,
But! I’ll gladly share names!
Our eldest calf, is “Star”
Out Second eldest is “Miracles”
She born and survived by a miracle, her mother during birth had laid down to close to a ledge and ended up sliding into a softer patch of land on the edge of swamp, and you could swear where Miracles was born and how the mother struggled to push her up out of the swamp. We did find the mother about an hour after she’s given birth, we pulled her out and into a barn, she was cold so we brought her a heater and a horse blanket, but after a family friend (vet) came to look at her after she wouldn’t get up from laying, it turned out she was lacking in calcium which sometimes causes cows to be unable to stand after giving birth leaving them disabled.
We left her the night with her child, who nursed for the first and last time with assistance, the next morning we started to bottle feed her as her mother had passed away around 5 in the morning. And she’s a miracle because she was severely underweight, and had a deformed hoof, but was running around from the minute she was born, and after altering her diet and learning she was actually premature, after about five months, she was up to the weight she should be and running around with the other calf’s!
Next is “Star Light”
She was born healthy, after her mother had a miscarriage with her first calf and was deemed to never have another calf, but by surprise almost a year later here comes her first live calf and she was born running and kicking and sturdy. At first due to her size and broad shoulders and back everyone thought she’d be a bull, so it was a big surprise to figure out she was very much not a bull.
Our fourth calf is “Moon” she was born from our largest heifer whose a sweet heart but her first child is chaotic and refuses to “Obey the system” and just like her elder sister, Moon is rebellious and is often found laying the hay ring on the fresh hay or completely laid out on her side neck stretched out scaring everyoneinto thinking she’s dead until you get close enough and she takes off running.
They’re all chaotic in their own ways but we love them! 😌❤️
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luxuryt-shirt · 4 years ago
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tshirttrend · 4 years ago
Text
You Curse Too Much Heifers You Breathe Too Much Cow shirt
Nooo, pair what You Curse Too Much Heifers You Breathe Too Much Cow shirt . So that she can sing 45 minutes and that she can be cute as a small child and grow, like the last time she came to Kansas City, so much that I have trouble earning my money to waste it? !! Naaaaa. Kai gaucho k The artists put the audience to sing, Wei no names we are going to see you and hear you sing to you, not To the public .. so expensive The pinches tickets pa k ni cents !! The gentleman sings so well that in his songs I think that for his category of singing to the girls as one design has no league point. Someone who tells me where the concert is going now I could not go to Puerto Rico ?? and I want to go to Vos now closed in the US if Iran one in Pennsylvania ufff I think it sells all the functions. You Curse Too Much Heifers You Breathe Too Much Cow shirt, hoodie, sweater, longsleeve and ladies t-shirt
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Unisex And the mierdselena talking about respect for women when Maluma said he wanted to sing with her You Curse Too Much Heifers You Breathe Too Much Cow shirt . Hopefully, the two kidneys and the heart will rot why the brain already has it that way. Aaron Peralta because according to her the reggaetoneros denigrate the woman and she is a feminist, and she has just collaborated with Ozuna, call me double moral. T-shirt design near me. And now I wonder how it is that Selena could fall so low to participate in this song? The truth is that it has no future, the song is not good, it does not have a good rhythm and the lyrics are not. Mm there is something I do not understand. Andreita Castedo Asi the problem is not Maluma q at women was Justin q he had pure zeal or to sure he was afraid to work with Malema because he is handsome. Do not pay for that không có cante is not mammon win the silver bn fucking for that better I put the radio in my house. It is not that brother simply mind one struggles to earn the money so that this agan those concerts are not worth the only thing they like is to stand on the stage and jump like crazy and one of stupid watching how they take the money so easy. look at first Nobody forces anyone to spend and buy lockers leave that ignorance, you sound so hot and envious why people know how to take advantage of their talent. That’s why it costs you to earn your money, you’re too busy envying and complaining about those who make money. Nobody knows you … You Can See More Product: https://luxuryt-shirt.com/product-category/trending/ Read the full article
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ohello0 · 1 year ago
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The same bitch that was called out for anti blackness and mocking the death of a black child killed by police is being aired out once again for saying she’s refusing to boycott brands that support israel….
Clap if you’re shocked. See how no one clapped??
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theleaderdotinfo-blog · 6 years ago
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You Can’t Be Serious…By Bernie Comaskey has been published at http://www.theleader.info/2019/05/23/you-cant-be-serious/
New Post has been published on http://www.theleader.info/2019/05/23/you-cant-be-serious/
You Can’t Be Serious…By Bernie Comaskey
“What are you doing with yourself these days …” I literally bumped into an old friend on the corner outside the new Cabo Roig Inn. I have known Sean and his wife Deirdre since we opened Paddy’s Point ‘in the last century.’ ‘What are you doing with yourself these days’, asked Sean - after the customary salutations. (This is an Irishman’s way of asking if all is well with you). ‘Come in for one’, suggested Sean. This is an Irishman’s way of asking if you would like a drink! I went in for a coffee and after we filled each other in on our respective wives and families I eventually got around to cataloguing ‘what I am doing with myself.’ ‘I miss reading your column both here and at home’, my friend told me before I started on my story. ‘Well, sez I, ‘I have news on that front as well’, but we’ll leave that until I fill you in on my latest life chapter. This is a rough translation of what I told Sean. ‘Like yourself, I was once a farmer in another life. Of all the jobs I have done, farming is the one that sticks in the DNA. I would still dream something about cows and calves about twice a year. After I sold out all my business interests, I realised beyond all doubt that there is one thing I cannot do. That one thing is idleness. Then just at that critical moment – as often happened in my life; fate – or the hand of God stepped in and I found the perfect module to scratch my itch. On a visit to Denmark I was introduced to a couple who had asked to see me. The man is a vet and the family owned two Dexter cows, two yearlings and two suck calves. They thought that because I came from a farming background in Ireland I would know everything about the beautiful Dexters. In actual fact I knew nothing about the Dexter breed, but I learned quickly and I came home in love with them. The Dexter cow is the oldest breed of cow in Europe and also the smallest. Bred by an Englishman; a Mr Dexter, the cow originated in County Tipperary around 1760. Easily fed, hardy and resilient, the Dexter was known as ‘the poor man’s cow’. Mr Dexter had set out to breed a cow small enough to help feed a family with nothing more than a cottage garden. Today, the Dexter is prized in the four corners of the world. Ironically, the breed became almost extinct in Ireland in the 1970s – when we ‘got too big for our boots!’ Happily all has changed now and there are 170 Irish breeders registered with the Irish and British Dexter Societies. Nonetheless, the Dexter is currently classified in Ireland as ‘a rare breed.’ I don’t want to get any bigger than ‘hobby farming’ – even though I have a fairly large farm, which I rent out. I have fenced off sixteen acres around the house and this is our paradise. It contains a pond and a ‘fairy fort’. It is rich in colour and wild life – and I just love pottering around with the animals. We have ten Dexter cows, and they are all individuals with their own names. Each one has a baby calf at the moment. There is nothing more therapeutic than to stand and watch the cows nuzzling and suckling their babies out in the field. I rear the calves, putting the heifers in calf and selling on the bulls. They are all pure-bred registered stock. As you can gather from this, the cows and heifers keep me happy … but not nearly as happy as they make Oscar. Oscar has the best job on the planet!  Oscar is the Dexter bull!’ ‘As for the writing, Sean, I took a break after never missing a deadline for eleven years and writing four books as well. I am ready to do a column again, and you will be happy to hear that I am resuming ‘You Can’t be Serious’ and doing it exclusively for ‘The Leader’ newspaper out here.’ ‘That’s great’, said Sean … adding the usual Irish wish ‘best of luck’. ‘But I’d like to learn a bit more about the Dexters?’ ‘Ok, I said; you can either come up to Westmeath and visit them … or you can read The Leader when you are here – and you’d never know what you might learn!’ Don’t Forget Man is the only animal that laughs, but when you look at some people, it’s hard to understand how the animals keep from laughing. [email protected] *Author, entrepreneur and newspaper columnist, Bernie Comaskey, now spends most of his time on a farm in Ireland; but he retains his strong links with the Costa Blanca. Bernie has published four books; ‘If Ever a Man Suffered’, ‘The Best of Bernie’, ‘The Team’, and ‘Just Between Ourselves’. Bernie’s books are available at half price, on sale from ‘The Leader.’ Call 637 227 385 for info.
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theleaderdotinfo-blog · 6 years ago
Text
You Can’t Be Serious…By Bernie Comaskey has been published at http://www.theleader.info/2019/05/23/you-cant-be-serious/
New Post has been published on http://www.theleader.info/2019/05/23/you-cant-be-serious/
You Can’t Be Serious…By Bernie Comaskey
“What are you doing with yourself these days …” I literally bumped into an old friend on the corner outside the new Cabo Roig Inn. I have known Sean and his wife Deirdre since we opened Paddy’s Point ‘in the last century.’ ‘What are you doing with yourself these days’, asked Sean - after the customary salutations. (This is an Irishman’s way of asking if all is well with you). ‘Come in for one’, suggested Sean. This is an Irishman’s way of asking if you would like a drink! I went in for a coffee and after we filled each other in on our respective wives and families I eventually got around to cataloguing ‘what I am doing with myself.’ ‘I miss reading your column both here and at home’, my friend told me before I started on my story. ‘Well, sez I, ‘I have news on that front as well’, but we’ll leave that until I fill you in on my latest life chapter. This is a rough translation of what I told Sean. ‘Like yourself, I was once a farmer in another life. Of all the jobs I have done, farming is the one that sticks in the DNA. I would still dream something about cows and calves about twice a year. After I sold out all my business interests, I realised beyond all doubt that there is one thing I cannot do. That one thing is idleness. Then just at that critical moment – as often happened in my life; fate – or the hand of God stepped in and I found the perfect module to scratch my itch. On a visit to Denmark I was introduced to a couple who had asked to see me. The man is a vet and the family owned two Dexter cows, two yearlings and two suck calves. They thought that because I came from a farming background in Ireland I would know everything about the beautiful Dexters. In actual fact I knew nothing about the Dexter breed, but I learned quickly and I came home in love with them. The Dexter cow is the oldest breed of cow in Europe and also the smallest. Bred by an Englishman; a Mr Dexter, the cow originated in County Tipperary around 1760. Easily fed, hardy and resilient, the Dexter was known as ‘the poor man’s cow’. Mr Dexter had set out to breed a cow small enough to help feed a family with nothing more than a cottage garden. Today, the Dexter is prized in the four corners of the world. Ironically, the breed became almost extinct in Ireland in the 1970s – when we ‘got too big for our boots!’ Happily all has changed now and there are 170 Irish breeders registered with the Irish and British Dexter Societies. Nonetheless, the Dexter is currently classified in Ireland as ‘a rare breed.’ I don’t want to get any bigger than ‘hobby farming’ – even though I have a fairly large farm, which I rent out. I have fenced off sixteen acres around the house and this is our paradise. It contains a pond and a ‘fairy fort’. It is rich in colour and wild life – and I just love pottering around with the animals. We have ten Dexter cows, and they are all individuals with their own names. Each one has a baby calf at the moment. There is nothing more therapeutic than to stand and watch the cows nuzzling and suckling their babies out in the field. I rear the calves, putting the heifers in calf and selling on the bulls. They are all pure-bred registered stock. As you can gather from this, the cows and heifers keep me happy … but not nearly as happy as they make Oscar. Oscar has the best job on the planet!  Oscar is the Dexter bull!’ ‘As for the writing, Sean, I took a break after never missing a deadline for eleven years and writing four books as well. I am ready to do a column again, and you will be happy to hear that I am resuming ‘You Can’t be Serious’ and doing it exclusively for ‘The Leader’ newspaper out here.’ ‘That’s great’, said Sean … adding the usual Irish wish ‘best of luck’. ‘But I’d like to learn a bit more about the Dexters?’ ‘Ok, I said; you can either come up to Westmeath and visit them … or you can read The Leader when you are here – and you’d never know what you might learn!’ Don’t Forget Man is the only animal that laughs, but when you look at some people, it’s hard to understand how the animals keep from laughing. [email protected] *Author, entrepreneur and newspaper columnist, Bernie Comaskey, now spends most of his time on a farm in Ireland; but he retains his strong links with the Costa Blanca. Bernie has published four books; ‘If Ever a Man Suffered’, ‘The Best of Bernie’, ‘The Team’, and ‘Just Between Ourselves’. Bernie’s books are available at half price, on sale from ‘The Leader.’ Call 637 227 385 for info.
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