#cant believe its almost been 2 months already! thank god

[lulladae]

randomly saw a month old nyp article against my will and decided to try blackout poetry!

[writingstoraes]

begin again 🌷 (split pt. 3)

pairing: charles leclerc/fem!reader

type: instagram imagine, social media au

notes: the long awaited part 3! this took so long only cause i had no idea how i want it to go lol anyway i hope u guys love this one :D lmk what u think!

about: almost a year after your split with charles, fans take a trip down memory lane and wondering why the two of you seemed to have watered things down after soft launching other people months ago. a bunch of rumors also set twt crazy along with speculations at your paddock appearance where you apparently support ferrari.

read: part 1, part 2 (can read on its own, but the parts provide context hehe)

yourusername

liked by isahernaez, lilymhe, landonorris, and 231,298 others

yourusername back at the happiest place on earth ❤️

lilymhe Have fun, love xo

yourbff Looking that good just to watch a race????

tyretactics QUEEN I ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO YOU EVERY RACE

charliez1655 miss mam twt is on fire we all miss you 😪

leclercsluv wdym shes almost always at every race ricciardoshooey no they meant w charles lol

yourusername recently added to her instagram story!

Now playing: Charles Leclerc, 2023 Austrian GP, Post-Sprint Shootout Interviews

yourusername

liked by yourbff, lilymhe, carlossainz55, and 210,593 others

yourusername on a wednesday, in a cafe, i watched it begin again

lecslover looking GOOD AS HELL QUEEN

sainzplaylist god shes back to the man shes been soft launching i think i am going to be: sick

1655lecs that might be charles, we don't know 🙏 sainzplaylist yeah i think its time we let that go lol

wagsqueens mam im sorry wym by begin again???

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, finemidnights, carlossainz55, and 982,221 others

charles_leclerc It's nice to have a friend 🌅

tyreexpert u cant tell me thats not y/n 😪 she's his friend after all...

joris__trouche Looking sharp!

lecssainz16 war is over you guys theyre back at it i am in my acceptance stage now

Some months later...

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, lilymhe, and 756,293 others

yourusername i am and willl always be your number one fan. words cannot encapsulate how proud i am of you; truly, you deserve all of this and so much more. congratulations, my love ❤️

it's nice to see you running towards me again :)

ps. yes we've been soft-launching each other the past months hahaha

leclercfan AM I DREAMING SOMEONE PINCH ME

livwatchraces i screamed when i saw you guys on the screen!!!

carlossainz55 Aaand they're back 🎉

charles_leclerc Thanks, number one shipper

charles_leclerc

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen, arthurleclerc, and 1,982,384 others

charles_leclerc Sunshine in human form.

A few months ago, I started hanging on to the fact that in good faith and in good time, things will eventually work its way out. Almost a year ago, it seems as if we have closed a chapter but today, we are living proof people who are made for each other can begin again.

Ce sera toujours toi 🤍 It will always be you.

scuderiaferrari We missed you tons, Y/N! ❤️

wagsf1 the queen of all queens is back we love to see it

lecslover it's years later and he still talks about her the same way he always have 🥹

sainzchamp The way theyve been soft launching each other all this time and that one rumor of Charles being with another girl was still Y/N 😭

yourusername sold our apartment already? too bad 😆

charles_leclerc I never actually sold it, if I did, I'd probably buy it back

---------

tagging: @slytherheign, @honethatty12, @siovhanroy, @mehrmonga, @mess-in-side, @leclerc16s, @thelovehypothesis, @dakotali, @aldene-styles

notes: eeee and its finally done! cant believe it took so much time before i finished all three parts lol anyway thank you so much for those who waited for the part three (i see all the asks on my inbox and the comments ehehe) i really just didn't know how i wanted it to go so! i hope you guys love this and lmk what you think <3

[cynettic]

Stay with Me pt.3

Summary - You manage to escape from Scaramouche, if only for a moment before you realize there’s no escape. It only takes until you’re sitting back in your regular spot that you know what you need to do.

Pairings - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warnings - Suggestive content, mentions of death, swearing, slight gore / blood 

A/N - Its really hard to make this depressing while I’m vibing to Rasputin. Like no joke- I have it on one of the 1 hour playlists :D

Here you’ll find -  pt.1 and pt.2

He’d left a key.

Scaramouche didnt make mistakes, not while he had you captive in the vicinity of his bedroom. He didnt have room for mistakes, not when you were watching his every movement while he was in your line of sight. 

Sure, he mightve killed a person or two in front of you, but those were necessary mistakes. There was a sign on the door, it specified not to enter. You’d understand that, right?

Thats what he thought at least, lulling himself into belief after belief that you’d be there waiting for him every time. That you’d welcome him with open arms, even if there were chains ensnaring your wrists. That you’d accept your fate at his hands and submit yourself to him.

The Balladeer was a fool.

He’d kept you there for too long, and while you searched for an easy way to escape, time sent your head spinning. Into a spiral that begged only for the wind against your face, back laying on dirt with the familiar chirping up birds waking you up in the morning.

You wanted to go outside.

And when push comes to shove, you had to risk a little more to make it happen. Lure him into bed with kisses while your hands unbuttoned his vest. But what he believed to be alluring contacts was just your way of finding the keys hidden in the back pocket of his shorts.

It wasnt hard to find the one to your cuffs while he was asleep, cuddled in your chest with both arms around your waist as if to get you to stay put. You took the key, hiding them back in his clothing and hoping he didnt notice.

He didnt say anything the next day.

You werent going to wait any longer.

“Oh for fucks sake, why won't the goddamn door open?”

The room was left in tatters behind you, a little gift for Scaramouche once he got back. Turns out a pair of chains can smash up a lot of things, and rage can be used as a great source of strength when contained for such a long time.

But you’d done more than throw the blankets around, cut up the drawers and smash open the windows. Because your fists had bled red when you punched through the glass, puncturing your skin. Your knuckles were an ugly red, bruising already.

Ah, Scaramouche deserved a much better gift.

Gruesome as it was, you rubbed your knuckles against the pale walls. Till the blood stopped coming, till there was a nice little message for the boy which you held so dearly to your heart.

‘Balladeer.’

The first time you’d found out about him being a harbinger he’d told you not to call him by that name. You weren’t someone he associated with by work, you were a treasure to him. That’s why you continued to call him as he pleased, although the temptation always arose.

You were no longer his.

Shoving the door with your hand again, palm fiddling with the handle and groaning when it hardly budged. “Stupid,” you grumbled when the knob began to loosen. Backing up, you charged with your shoulder to the door, full force as the momentum broke the hinges. The door fell down with you along with it.

It was expected, you’d been stuck in the room for a long time, and thats considering you’d sat on the ground for decades. Your body was slight numb, muscles sore and unused for so long. 

“You a-arent supposed to leave your room!”

A young man stood in the hallway along with a woman who looked relatively the same age. The two were wearing uniforms, flinching when you stood up from the debris and off the door. “Excuse me?” You asked, voice unnecessarily icy and stern. But you couldnt care less, you were going to get out of this house, damn anyone who stood in your way.

They both continued to shake when you walked towards them, staggering from side to side. The woman stepped up in front of the man, presenting a brave face. “If you leave the mansion, the harbinger will kill us all!”

“Well then I expect you should be on your way then. Actually…” you gestured to the maze of hallways. “You can lead the way.”

“What…?”

Your hand went limp to your side, an exasperated looking momentarily crossing your face before you sighed. “Im not staying trapped in that room, I’m sorry if that ruins your life, but frankly you're not the one stuck in there are you?” You took an extra step just to intimidate them, eyes wide to make the appearance of crazy. “It would be a great help if you showed me where he hid my vision too.”

“We can show you to the door…” The man began, “But the whereabouts of your vision are unknown, he wouldnt tell us something like that.”

A gift bestowed from the gods, a piece to help me thrive with my ambitions and pursue my goals.

Gone.

You really wished you’d taken to clawing out Scaramouche’s face instead, but you’d take what you got. Right now your main priority was getting out of this place, even if it meant leaving a piece of you behind.

“Door.” Your voice was raspy and there was a terrible feeling that crawled up to your throat, but you didnt have time to be emotional. “Show me where the door is… please.”

The conflict in their eyes dissipates by the time they lead you along, mumbling words between themselves. You didnt bother to try eavesdropping, you were so, so tired. You wanted to go home.

Anywhere. Anywhere but here.

It took a few minutes until you were standing in front of a grand door, almost twice the size of you and just as wide. You then began to notice the decorational plants and furniture that filled the empty space, there wasn't an inch of dust. Even though you could tell none of it was used.

“Hurry,” the man warned when you paused. “I dont know when our master is coming back, but if its soon, we’ll all be screwed.”

You couldnt feel your head as you numbly nodded, hand clenching the knob and flinging the set of doors open. “Thank you,” you merely mumbled, taking your first step out of the house in what felt like forever.

The days after that were a blur, the area around Scaramouche’s house were nothing but void. Empty and filled with forests and vast plains. You knew he didnt like people or socializing in general, but to this extent?

Your only option was to run.

Let your feet take you somewhere, anywhere. It was a constant pattern of running and taking breaks, leaning on a tree and gasping in a few breaths before you were again scurrying through the forest. 

And yet you felt better than you’d felt in past months that you’d been stuck with Scaramouche.

Food became any boar you came across, the claws you’d spent so long hiding with Scaramouche coming to unleash a wrath beyond your comprehension. Till the animal was cut to shreds and no meat was left even to eat. You’d slaughtered it, without intention to eat or benefit for it, you’d killed it just to kill.

“I’m sorry,” you’d sobbed into the ground where you’d buried the harmless animal. Forehead pressed into the dirt as you pleaded for forgiveness to whatever archons would accept it. You couldn't even remember what archons you were supposed to pray to. “Forgive me- forgive me…”

But eventually you found your way around to somewhere you knew. Territory of Inazuma where you could find your way back, back home.

Where was home?

You’d been on the run from the vision hunt decree, abandoning your post for the Kitsune Saiguu for such a thing. Even now that you could return without a vision and as no threat under the decree…

You’d sacrificed everything for your vision.

Where were you to go now…?

Rain patted down, the trees providing only a slight cover as stray drops fell into your matted dirty hair. You didnt mind, it hid the tears that slid down your lifeless face, feet taking you into the far meadows of your hometown. Till you plopped down underneath a tree, knees curled to your chest and arms hugging them close. You were crying.

You were home.

____________________

“Awh,” a ginger haired murmured, elbow resting on the cool wood of the tabletop. “Is little Mouchie sad? I heard your kitty cat escaped~”

A death wish, even fatui that idly minded themselves around the bar knew it. Sipping cold drinks and swirling their cups, the soft chatter was nothing but a distraction from the main course of events. That being the smaller Harbinger who sat sulking in his seat, hunched over with a drink in hand. He’d drank far more than what was on the counter, but everytime he finished a glass, he’d smash it on the ground, watching the fragile glass shatter into pieces.

“I dont have a cat,'' was his only response, tone daring Childe to pursue further. To give him a reason to start throwing the glass in his face instead.

And Childe was an idiot when it came to challenging someone.

“No cat?” The rest of the drink in the taller harbinger’s glass was gone when he threw his head back. “Hmmm, I cant think of what else could’ve had you so enraptured in returning home then~!”

Scaramouche didnt respond, uneven bangs shadowing the bags under his eyes. “Stronger,” he said instead, elbow on the counter and hand outstretched for something. When there was no movement from the man managing the wine, the harbinger looked up. “I need something stronger to drink,” he repeated, voice seething.

“Of c-course!”

The glass was nestled in Scaramouche’s palm in no time, fingers curling around the circular form to down it in seconds. The drink merely slid down his throat in one movement, alcohol burning his senses. It didn’t matter, he was numbed by the growing rage inside of him.

Finally, he turned to the ginger haired boy, eyes hazily dancing along the counter till it reached his fingertips. Up his hand and along his arm, till Scaramouche was staring right into Childe’s eyes. “They escaped,” he admitted softly. “But it’s alright, because I sent something that’ll bring them back.”

Childe paused, raising his drink up away from his lips to pose a question. Hesitation danced along his features before he brought the glass back, he’d rather not provoke the shorter male any further. Wasn’t like he could interfere anyway.

____________________

“That… that…” 

It was preposterous, having returned to that same spot for a day or two and heading back to the hometown you’d once lived in. The one Scaramouche had lived in. There shouldn’t have been an issue, you were solely gathering supplies for the sake of it, ambition driving you to travel far far away.

Out of Inazuma.

It was your new beginning, convincing yourself that you didn't need a vision. Finding some sort of purpose before Scaramouche shattered the vision and your life along with it. You’d seen how people had reacted when it had been ingrained in the statue, neutralized and broken. They lost hope, purpose and aspirations for anything new.

It’s not like the Raiden Shogun took my vision.

But you’d taken that fact for granted, expecting some sort of new start without Scaramouche. A victory, getting away from him just for a split second and getting out of Inazuma altogether, you’d never see him again.

Until you got his message.

“How the hell…” You crushed the note until it was just crumbled paper in your hand, slowly leaning on the stone wall. “Piece of shit… what kind of person even…” 

Not only did he manage to find you, but without making his presence known, he’d tugged at your one weakness with an ease that had you down on your knees.

You threw the paper to the ground, deliberate as you stared past the alleyway. Pensive as you considered your options. Damn, what options did you even have? You’d been an idiot to underestimate Scaramouche, he wasn’t a child, you knew that… but archons he seemed like one when he was with you. Shown you a vulnerability he wanted only you to see. But maybe that had been part of his plan all along, until all you believed was his soft demeanor.

He may act like a child, but he’s a harbinger.

You stared down at the crumbled piece of paper in disgust.

Not only that, but he has no regard for human life.

Either way, you’d lived decades more than him. You could face him, you would present yourself to him just as he expected you to. Even when everything in you rejected the idea, sobbed at the thought of returning to that house, those chains. Being locked up and confined only for the purpose of coddling a small boy, a selfish boy, a cruel boy. 

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

You’d figure out a way, and this time you wouldn’t rule out the option of his death.

———————

Oh darling Y/n, how have you been?

I hope this letter reaches you rather soon, we both have much to discuss, no? About me, about you, and much more. You see, I’ve taken up quite a distaste to your little friends. Stone statues in Inazuma as small as Kitsunes truly hold no purpose, what will they do, come back to life? Haha, I should think not. I’ve already arranged to have them demolished, who knows what kind of material they might possess. Ah, and of course I’d show you the finishing product, unless you’re willing to come and have a chat with me once more? Under the Sakura tree like we used to, you’ve waited years, I believe you can wait for me?

I hope this letter reaches you in best interests. I’m always looking out for you after all.

Sincerely, your Balladeer

——————

It was raining.

Beautiful weather as you lay sitting there, feet crossed and tucked in the same you’d often do. After all, there was no need to fear the vision hunt decree or the Raiden Shogun. Let them come, let them take care of you before Scaramouche did.

You werent cold, not when the cold drops dampened your clothing, slipping down the length of your spine and drenching your face. Despite having lived in a luxury residency for such a long time, this was where you were most comfortable, enduring whatever the weather had for you, taking it with a smile. Because you were waiting…

The Kitsune Saiguu was a distant memory.

You were waiting for Scaramouche, the young boy that often bound into the field in lengthy strides, childlike wonder in his eyes. The one who’d cried when the other kids pushed him away, the one that just wanted to be praised. You’d held him in your arms, and now, even knowing the results, you wouldnt have done differently.

He was just a boy.

Just a boy when he joined the fatui, looking for praise that he was given. He created chaos and bellowed orders with a cruelty that was highly looked upon. Told that he was doing well, so he continued to do so.

He’s just a boy.

You wished you’d held him in your arms, if not only for a tad longer. Shield him away from the wrongness of the world, if only for one last time.

Banishing away your hatred for him was hard.

But you found it under the tree, rain soon dimming down to a clouded cold breeze that swept through the meadow. You’d hated him while stuck in the mansion, but you could now see it from a larger point of view. What he did was wrong of course, but you could remember him so vividly now. His small form giggling, tiny arms around your neck. 

“Play with me!”

Was it your fault?

For not holding him tighter? For trying to rectify his bad doings and teach him what was wrong and right? Maybe if your grip was firmer, if you’d spoken to him about the warmth he’d given you that day when playing cards...

“Lazy ass.”

Burying down that pile of worry and insecurities, you took a deep breath in to relax. The edge of your lip perked up, only slightly. “Still terrible with your social skills arent you?”

Slowly securing a dry space under the three with you, Scaramouche sat down. His features were the same ones you’d grown accustomed to at his mansion. Rich clothes, sharp eyes, and the baby face that refused to go away. His movements were soft as he pulled out a deck of cards. The two of you didnt speak as he distributed them between you both. It was tense… no, it felt too much like the warmth form long ago to be tense. You only wished the situation to be different.

“I love you.”

But you could only offer a bitter smile to his words. “I love my vision,” you replied. “I love the Kitsune Saiguu, and I love my friends.”

His touch was gentle when his fingers came to gently cradle your cheek. Holding your face dearly as he peered into your eyes, his were soft. Different from the cruelty he held within, the hatred that burned and destruction that seeked to explode.

You saw a little boy.

Your hand came to press his hand further against your cheek, till you slid his palm to your lips. He appeared so calm when you pressed the first kiss, lips tracing the lines along his palm with all the care in the world.

But you needed to change your view, see him as the man he now was. As the man he had become.

“I love you,” he repeated, and you let go of his hand. It fell limp by his side, cards all but forgotten. There was a much more pressing matter at hand, because you truly needed to see him as he was.

It was necessary if you planned to kill him.

[actualsunflower]

I have a huge life update to share rn--- My top surgery consultation is scheduled for July 5th!!!! I’M SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!! I’ve also been vaccinated!! :D ANNNDDD MY LEGAL NAME AND SEX HAVE BEEN CHANGEDD!!!!! :DDDD kind of a lot has happened since I’ve been actually active around here But now I guess is the much harder part, my official surgery date will be set at the consultation, but there’s a required $1,000 fee to set the official date for my surgery. The $1,000 covers a portion of the surgery as well, and the base price for the surgery is $8,500. I’ll get the exact price on July 5th, but that’s their base rate. I need to earn or raise at least $1,000 of the total cost before July 5th to secure my surgery date!! I’m going to take commissions when I can, I have 1 almost entirely complete right now and then I can take on more! I’m gonna have a more detailed explanation of everything under the cut so this isnt super super long so pls read under there if you want all the deets Pls consider commissioning me or donating so I can get top surgery!! read more for more info and me being sappy abt my emotions--

I’ve waited so long for this and I’m fricken excited, it’s the last step in transitioning for me! It really means everything for me, I feel like I’ve been waiting forever and I can’t believe it’s finally happening !?!!! I am forever in everyones debt here and everywhere because I never wouldve even been able to start hrt if it wasn’t for the help here. I’m just so. Overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude I cant even tell how many times Ive cried and just felt like... actual gender euphoria since starting t..

So abt the appointment, I’m getting surgery with Dr. Javad Sajan, and I’m getting button hole double incision. Im serious his before and after pictures make me so emotional I am so happy and emotional for those people and I cannot wait to feel that kind of happiness and relief. But a big problem about this for me, is that he is in Seattle, and I live in southern Oregon. I can’t drive, so I have to rely on someone else, or take the train from a nearby city (Eugene). My consultation is over skype (which is amazing and a huge relief), but my pre-op appointment is in person, and of course so is the actual surgery. We’re planning on taking the train from Eugene because it seems to be the most reliable way to get there and back each time. Aside from my surgery, I’ve got to cover the price of the trip there and back (twice, once there and back for pre-op, once there and back post op,) and the price of a place to stay during the pre-op appointment. Right now my goal cost wise, is just the booking and base appointment price ($8,500, that’s including the $1,000 appointment setting deposit, which is just a part of the surgery cost and the base covers everything, surgery, the stay at the hospital, nips, anesthesia, everything). The full price is due at the pre-op appointment, and that’s the final bill. My insurance doesn’t cover anything because it’s out of state and county, and because its informed consent model. (which Im choosing because Id have to battle insurance for 2 years minimum if I was getting the surgery in Oregon, but I am very set on my surgeon after considering everything and calling many offices and looking through many subreddits and talking to ppl who’ve gotten it here and there) A lot of this information is on their site as well. As soon as I have my consultation, I will be right here to update everything and set the exact price, which I’ll also be including the price of transportation and staying there. As for paying, I’ve been applying to so many jobs, and even when I get interviews I never hear back from them. People keep telling me to stop admitting I’m disabled but I just can’t do that. Lying about being disabled doesnt make me abled and they don’t get that. I’m still trying though, and I am not going to stop trying until I get a job. But until then commissions and donations are my only source of income. I’ve been struggling getting help psychologically, because I have schizophrenia, and because I was diagnosed with adhd as a child, but I think I’m actually autistic rather than having adhd, and it’s been really hard trying to get diagnosed because I keep getting pushed off or told I cant have autism because I have paranoid schizophrenia or because its “just adhd”, but the medications are just making everything worse, and Ive tried more than one already. My medications for schizophrenia have started not working right, and when my schizophrenia meds get under control, it makes my adhd (?) significantly worse. Genuinely, I really dont know what’s happening. I really dont know whats going on with me right now and it’s hard and confusing and I keep swinging back and forth and it’s making everything deteriorate so fast I cant keep up with it. It seriously effects my ability to do anything at all, even art, and its been like this for the last 6 months. I am trying though, still trying to work, still trying to get a job, still trying to get a real diagnosis and help and Im not going to stop any of that. But I think getting top surgery as soon as possible is going to help me too, because dysphoria has just gotten so much worse focusing on my chest since t has started helping me pass and look so much more masculine. It’s like all my attention went from everything DIRECTLY to my chest and its almost unbearable. Even now since my sex has been legally changed I keep having the horrible thoughts of ‘why, why I am a man Im not supposed to be this way’ and shit idk. I’m getting too serious right now I have an appointment with the dmv to get a new updated driver’s permit with my name and fixed legal sex, and when I do that I can set up a bank account (I cant yet bcs I dont have a valid id/ id at all because I actually lost the other one and have been carrying around that paper one you’re supposed to destroy that is literally from 2016) and when I do, I’m going to set up a proper gofundme for my surgery and the travel expenses, but for now all I have is my paypal and online banking savings account. I’ll get that up asap once I have my id, though (Ive already been to the bank with my notarized judge passed papers and they wont take those yeah I know it’s stupid its like the same thing) But uhhh yeah! Thank you for reading this far if you did lol and considering helping me bcs my god, it literally means everything to me. pls share hehe

[sleepysnk]

wait wait WAAAAAIT i was reading ur zeke x reader fic and now i need a story of zeke supporting reader while she gives birth! u cant leave me starved for content like that 😭

THE ZEKE LOVE IS REAL I SEE. everyone seems to really like the three fics about him, i decided to give you a 4th one, because let's be honest we need to see what happens to reader lol. i hope you enjoy! ♡

Zeke x Fem!Reader: I Promise Pt. 2

Warnings: Mentions of birth/pregnancy, some slight manga spoilers

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

It had been about 9 months since (Y/N) had gotten pregnant. She could barely even believe that so much time has gone by.

The girl had been through so much, dealing with the sleepless nights, constantly peeing, food cravings, mood swings, etc! She didn't know that pregnancy would be such a crazy thing. She just assumed her whole life that it would be easy, but boy was she wrong.

(Y/N) was lucky to have Zeke by her side. He cared for her a lot, and the two spent a lot of time together. Sometimes he would have to disappear for reasons she knew were understandable, and she did have to deal with some things on her own.

(Y/N) was beyond excited to meet her baby. She was due in any day now, but she showed little to no signs of any birth happening soon. It confused her a lot, she thought that maybe the baby was just taking its time to come out.

Zeke was also very excited too. Being a dad was something he's always wanted to be, even if it was unexpected. He loved babies, and he had major baby fever at the moment. He would always find himself holding her stomach, or laying his head to feel somewhat close to his child. It always made (Y/N)'s heart flutter.

He dealt with a lot. He knew pregnancy was very serious, and having to deal with her mood swings, and all that other stuff was quite the hassle. Nevertheless, he still cared and dealt with it as time went on.

(Y/N) and Zeke would always play argue about what the gender might be. Zeke wanted a girl, but (Y/N) wanted a boy. The two would talk for hours about names and all that kind of stuff.

Watching her belly grow was probably the most beautiful thing Zeke ever saw. The way her stomach just grew more and more made him so happy. He couldn't explain it, but he just loved seeing her grow. It made him feel warm and fuzzy.

Zeke was currently away, he had to deal with some things with Marley, so he couldn't be with (Y/N). He told her before he left, that if anything happened, she was to get Pieck or Reiner. Of course, she assured him she would be fine, and she could take care of herself.

He didn't like leaving when she was so close to her due date. Zeke didn't want her to be alone, but he didn't have much of a choice.

(Y/N) was optimistic though, she knew what to do if her baby came. She had to just wait and see what would happen. That was really all she could do right?

"How long is he going to be gone for?" Mia asked as she approached (Y/N) in the kitchen.

She sighed. "Not sure... another day maybe? He'll be back soon though" she replied and shrugged.

Mia nodded. "Let's hope he's back in time, you're practically going to pop (Y/N)" she said and chuckled a bit.

(Y/N) drank some of her tea. "Yeah me too, I have been having contractions. Nothing too major though" she said.

Her friend looked at her. "You know where I'm at if anything happens" she said and gave her a smile.

(Y/N) nodded. "Of course Mia.. thank you" she said.

Mia stood up. "Well I'll be going now. Let me know if anything happens" she said and made her way towards the door.

(Y/N) waved and watched as she exited her home. It was getting kind of late. She decided to just head off to bed. She was already very fatigued anyway, this pregnancy made her sleep all the time, and she hated it. She missed having bursts of energy.

She lied in her bed thinking of Zeke and how much she missed his presence. He would always leave her flowers or little love notes to make her feel comfort when she felt lonely, and she absolutely adored it everytime. It always somehow gave her butterflies.

When (Y/N) woke up the next morning, she felt off. She had this feeling in her gut that something wasn't right, but she didn't know exactly what it was.

Zeke was ready to go and see (Y/N). He got let go pretty early, so he decided that he would make his way to go and see her. Though, he had to make a few stops on the way before that could happen.

(Y/N) had gotten dressed and showered. She still couldn't help but feel extremely off. She looked in the mirror, and admired her face. Maybe she was just tired? She wasn't sure, but she got some good rest the night before. She exited her room and went to her kitchen to grab something to eat, her cravings were high this morning.

That's when she stopped. Something wet was going down her legs.

Her water had just broken.

(Y/N)'s eyes went wide at the sight of her soaked pants, and suddenly she felt pain. They felt like contractions, but they weren't at all. Her baby was on the way.

"Shit!" she cried out as the pain struck her.

She had to get to Mia. She was the only person nearby that could help her. The pain was making her vision dizzy, and she struggled to get up.

She wobbled her way outside of her home. "Mia!" (Y/N) cried out as she looked around outside.

Mia opened the door to her home, and saw (Y/N) doubled over in pain. "Oh my god! (Y/N)! What's going on!? Is the baby coming?" she asked.

She nodded. "Yes Mia! Please we need to go to the doctor now!" she yelled as she held her lower stomach.

Mia began to help (Y/N) walk to the doctor's. Luckily, the doctors office wasn't too far from where she lived, so it wasn't a very long trip. (Y/N) was sobbing in pain. Mia couldn't bare listening to her best friend cry in pain, but she wanted to be there.

Reiner turned the corner and saw (Y/N) being carried over by Mia. "Shit! (Y/N)! Are you alright?" he asked and rushed over.

She struggled to stand up. "N-No! My baby is coming you idiot!" she yelled.

He looked at Mia who was struggling a bit as well. "Shit, I got her Mia. Go find Zeke, he should be back" Reiner said and picked up (Y/N) bridal style.

Mia nodded. "Alright, be careful. I'll be back (Y/N)" she said and began to quickly run off.

Reiner rushed to the doctor's. "Help! She's pregnant and she's going to give birth" he yelled as he entered in.

The nurse stood up and rushed over. "Oh gosh! Okay! Bring her back over here" she said and ran to a back room.

Reiner took (Y/N) and placed her on the bed. "Fuck!" she yelled as the pain radiated throughout her body.

The nurse began to remove her clothes. "What's your name? How far along are you sweetheart?" she asked.

"(Y/N) (L/N). I'm 9 months! Argh!" she cried out.

The doctor came in. "Okay (Y/N)! We're going to see where your baby's head is" he said and looked down.

(Y/N) was screaming and crying. Reiner stood there trying to calm her down.

Mia was running around trying to figure out where the hell Zeke was, Reiner said he was supposed to be back already. She wasn't sure how long her best friend had until that baby came out.

She spotted him from afar talking to Pieck. "Zeke!" Mia yelled as she ran towards him.

He stopped and noticed how frantic she was. "Huh? Mia? What's up? Is something wrong?" he asked and furrowed his brows.

"It's (Y/N)! Her water broke this morning! She's giving birth right now" Mia replied.

Zeke felt like everything went in slow motion. "I have to go" he said and looked at Pieck.

She nodded. "Go. She needs you" she said and gave a smile.

Zeke and Mia practically sprinted their way to get to the doctor's office.

Meanwhile, (Y/N) was a total mess. She was in so much pain, and her body was practically screaming. Reiner tried his best to make her feel calm, and to make her feel more relaxed, but she was giving birth. Not much he could do anyway.

"Okay (Y/N), these next few moments are going to be very difficult. Relax and take a deep breath" the doctor said and looked at her.

(Y/N) nodded. "O-Okay" she said and looked at Reiner.

"We're going to induce you okay? This is going to help your cervix dilate. It'll be easier for the baby to come out" he said.

She looked up at the ceiling trying her best to get comfortable. She needed Zeke right now, he was the only thing that could calm her and make her feel at ease.

"Sir we need you to stay here" the nurse said in the other room.

Zeke rolled his eyes. "My girlfriend is in labor right now! I don't give a shit" he replied.

(Y/N) opened her eyes and heard his voice. "Is that Zeke?" she asked and looked at Reiner.

"Is he your boyfriend?" the doctor asked and looked up at her.

She nodded. "Y-Yes... please let him in" she replied and gripped the sheets.

"Nurse let him in!" the doctor yelled.

The nurse moved so Zeke could enter. He saw (Y/N)'s face scrunched in pain. "(Y/N)!" he said as he ran to her bed side.

She turned her head towards him. "You're finally here.." she said and smiled at him.

He smiled. "I wouldn't miss it for the world" he replied and held her hand.

"Okay (Y/N).. you're gonna need to push just a bit. I need you to help her through this" the doctor said and looked at Zeke.

He nodded. "Got it" he replied and looked at her.

(Y/N) began to push, and as she did she cried out in pain. "It's okay (Y/N)! Keep pushing, you got this my love" Zeke said and held her hand.

She squeezed his hand tightly as she kept pushing. "Oh shit! Fuck! This hurts so bad!" she yelled.

The doctor looked under the blanket. "You're doing great! Once we see its head, you'll have to do one big push" the doctor said and looked at her.

Zeke kissed her hand. "You got this... I'm right here (Y/N). Just breathe" he said trying to reassure her.

She started to push again, she felt the pain starting to feel worse. She felt like she was going to pass out from all of it.

"Almost done! I see its head! One more push and it'll be out" the doctor said and smiled at her.

(Y/N) nodded. "Okay... fuck! I don't think I can do this.." she said and felt tears slip out of her eyes.

Zeke looked at her and wiped the tears from her face. "You can do it, I know you can. One more push... and it'll be done" he said and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

She swallowed and looked down at the doctor. "Okay.. okay! One more push.." she said and looked up at the ceiling.

She then pushed once again, and she screamed as loud as she could. "Nurse! Get me a blanket!" the doctor yelled.

She sighed and looked at doctor. "Is everything okay?" she asked.

He smiled as the nurse came in with blankets. "It's a boy!" He yelled happily.

(Y/N) became overcome with emotion. She heard the cries coming from the baby. Zeke looked over astonished, he couldn't believe their son was born. He felt tears come to his eyes as well, he never thought he would be able to have a child.

"Here you go (Y/N).. you did so well" the doctor said and smiled.

He handed her the baby. She smiled and looked up at Zeke, the baby had her (e/c) eyes, and his blonde hair. He was the cutest thing she had ever seen. Mia and Reiner stood in the doorway smiling at the two.

"He's so... beautiful" (Y/N) said and smiled at her baby.

Zeke nodded. "He's perfect" he replied and gave a kiss on her head.

"Do you both have a name?" the nurse asked and smiled at them.

The two looked at each other. "Anthony!" (Y/N) replied and looked excitedly at Zeke.

He nodded. "Anthony it is" he said and looked back at the baby.

(Y/N) felt so tired, her body felt like giving out in the moment. "You did so well" Zeke said and smiled at her.

She laughed a bit. "I wouldn't have been able to do without you" she replied and looked at him.

"I love you.." he said.

(Y/N) felt her heart flutter at those words. "I love you too Zeke..." she said.

"I promise to stay by your side" he said and held her hand.

"You promise?" she asked.

He smiled. "I promise" he replied.

[words-for-holland]

Happier (2) | T.H.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Kate and Harrison question Y/N on why she really left Tom. Natalie and Harrison become Tom’s shoulder to cry on. Another message?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

A/N: By popular demand, Ive decided to continue Happier! Thank you for the support !

Traumatic

The only word that can describe Y/N and Tom’s experience after being apart for a whole week. The feeling where you wake up from an awful nightmare praying to never experience it again. The only difference, this was no nightmare. It was very much real.

Happiness and love were now just meaningless words for them. Days and nights can pass, but the emptiness in their hearts stayed. While Y/N had her fair share of reasons for being apart, Tom still couldnt understand. She had to have known that no matter what, Tom would always pick her. With the slightest ounce of hope, he’d text Y/N at least once a day to make sure she was okay. But each unanswered text brought a wave of disappointment.

“Hey mate...Cmon I know you’re waiting for her, but now’s not the time.” Harrison explained, his heart breaking for his best friend. “You need to give her the space she needs.”

“I just cant believe she really left me.” Tom muttered. His head hung low, hair an unruly mess, and his facial hair sprouting, but his eyes remained the same. Brown, puffy and welled up with tears. “All because of these stupid fucking rumors!” He yelled out in frustration throwing his phone at the closet. Tom sulked into the closet to grab his phone, right next to it was a small box that contained a promise he was going to make to her, had everything not gone all to shit.

“Shit...” Harrison muttered. “You were going to propose to her.” He knew Tom was bound to pop the question to Y/N, but he never thought he’d see the day that she would fall out and leave his best friend. Yet, it all seemed off. In the time he knew Y/N, she was never the one to give up, especially when it came to Tom.

“Yeah...I was going to ask on our anniversary next month. I love her...more than anything.” Tom confessed, staring at the diamond cut ring. “Before she left, she wished me happiness. Saying I’d be happier with Natalie, but i just don’t believe that.”

Harrison was about to open his mouth, when Natalie popped in their doorway, giving a small sympathetic smile. “Hey...I heard you two in the hallway. Is everything alright?” She asked.

“Mmm..Nat. I don’t think now’s the —”

“No it’s okay. She can come in.” Tom interrupted Harrison as he gestured Natalie to sit with them.

“Look. I know you’re upset by the whole thing, but you shouldn’t have to be.” She explained, her hand rubbing Tom’s for comfort. “She left you. For what? Because she couldn’t ignore a few comments about us...When there wasnt an us to begin with? She just didn’t care about you as much as you thought she did.”

“Yeah, but Natalie this is Y/N and Tom. The bond between them was supposed to be unbreakable. They’re practically soulmates.” Harrison argued. “It doesn’t mean that Y/N didnt care for him.”

“Look Im just saying if she really loved Tom with all her heart she wouldnt have left him because of me.” Natalie spoke out, flipping her dirty blonde hair to the side. She grabbed Tom’s hand again, and gently stroked soft circles. For Tom it felt good, but it wasn’t Y/N’s touch. Y/N would have traced squiggly lines on the top of his hand because it was less boring.

Harrison scoffed at her gesture. Sure he had known Natalie to be a flirt at times but never picked her to be the friend that got too friendly with another after a messy breakup. “I’ll be back. Have to make a call.” He muttered as he walked away from the most cringey and awkward situation a person has ever been in.

As Harrison made his call, Natalie scooted closer to Tom, leaning on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him. “Tom...I know it hurts, but you have to believe she wasn’t right for you. There are so many girls out there that could treat you better.”

“What like you?” Tom rolled his eyes as he put the ring away.

“If you wanted me, yes I could. I’d handle your career and your personality better than anyone else. I dont want to seem forward but I always imagined you’d end up with me. Its silly but I wanted that with you, the whole romantic movie experience.” She explained, endlessy spilling out her idealistic fantasy with him.

Tom was shocked by what he heard. To him Natalie was just a friend he had known most of his life. Maybe there was one time he did have a slight crush on her but that was just it. It was an attraction and nothing more. He thought for a great deal, wondering if this was where it all went wrong. Maybe he should have listened to Y/N more. “Tom did you hear what I said?” Natalie spoke up again, this time threading her fingers on the nape of his neck.

Tom shrugged her off, as he shook his head. He couldnt do this right now, he needed to be alone. “Look lets deal with this another time. I just...I really need to run right now...alone.” Tom excused himself as he grabbed his airpods and quickly left the room. Truthfully he always hated running, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Meanwhile back in the States, Y/N still felt the affects of her heartbreak. She trudged through the New York apartment like a zombie with no purpose, waiting for someone to finish her off already. It wasn’t like she wanted to break it off, but it was the only logical solution at the time. The only problem, it built off a lifetime of regrets.

Kate watched Y/N from afar, the message she read still clouding her mind. Her best friend was terrible at keeping secrets, let alone she was always the first person Y/N would go to if she ever had one. She observed her very closely, waiting for Y/N to come to her.

Kate felt the usual vibrations of someone calling her phone. Again another unknown number? It was almost similar to the one Y/N had recieved. Maybe it was a robo-call or a psychotic fan, which if it was she’d have to talk with Tom about. A mental note she promised she would get too.

“Listen I dont know who you are, but if its the same person that sent my best friend a threatening message that she’s better off breaking up with her boyfriend...I swear to God I’ll fucking punch you in the face.” Kate threatened, her eyes glaring and fist balling up on the counter.

“Whoa...chill out. It’s me, Harrison. Im a friend of Tom’s.”

Kate looked up with surprise with a helpful pinch of embarassment and relief. “Oh. Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to know how Y/N’s holding up. I know she broke up with Tom, but something’s just not right about this. Has she told you anything?” Harrison confessed.

Kate shook her head as she continued to watch Y/N lie on the couch mindlessy scrolling through an already watched list on Netflix. “No. It’s like her soul left her body. I can barely get through to her.”

“Blimey, it’s the same with Tom. This is ridiculous, we should just get them together so they can talk about it.” Harrison groaned, thinking how stupid this all was. They could have saved each from the heartbreak and depression. “Are you sure there’s nothing she told you?”

Kate hesitated for a moment on whether she should answer. “Well... there may be one thing, but she didnt talk per say. It’s more of what I found.”

Harrison stood up, intrigued by her response. “Oh really what did you find?”.

Kate was about to answer until she hear a text go off on her phone.

Unknown:

I wouldnt say anything if I were you 😚

She squinted at the text when another popped up.

Unknown:

That is...if you want to keep your friendship with Y/N 🤫

“Uhh..it was nothing actually. Just found a wallpaper of her and Tom. She hasnt changed it since they broke up and she got a couple of messages......from Tom.” She lied haphazardly.

Harrison was confused and disappointed by her answers, knowing it led to nothing. While Kate was a great liar among all things, this wasn’t her best work. Of course it was all planned in hopes that Harrison, if he was really smart enough, could figure it out.

Harrison was not that smart, but he was a good lie detector, and that was all he needed to know something was definitely up and Natalie, although may be a good friend of his, became a prime suspect.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams

[deadmanshandthecursed]

"Well, kid, you'da loved to see the assortment of folks at the farm yesterday.

sure I know you were with us, just not in the way so you could take more of your selfies with us all.

I tried to give you so many words over the years.

I guess these are my words for you.

Thank you to Tom for hosting us today,

Thank you to those friends he had at Fright Farm for welcoming the rest of his haunt family into your house.

And thank you to all his Real Life family for sharing him with us.

I am honored that people call me Steves mentor. But we would be remiss if we didnt mention another kid I mentored when I could, and who did the same for Steve, even before I got him.

His great friend and big brother in all this, Ethan Turon.

From his 1st day at 100 Acre Manor, till days before he left, Ethan was there for him.

Let’s start with a quote from an old black and white monster movie. One of the ones I forced Steve to watch for some horror roots and set design education.

The way you walked was thorny, through no fault of your own, but as the rain enters the soil, the river enters the sea, so tears run to a predestined end."

Maleva the Gypsy

1940 The Wolfman,

I think there’s been plenty of tears in the last 2 weeks. And no doubt we all have some more ready to go.

But with someone like Steve, every time I feel myself getting upset, it’s so easy to bring up a good memory, something cool, sweet, funny, or just dumb and goofy, to bring me back. I’m sure

you can too. If not now, you will..

Because he was easy to like, to love and to get close to.

In my case, I didn’t choose him. He chose me. I had no say in the matter. He was gonna be my friend and bring his brand of haunt magic to Castle Blood whether I liked it or not.

He was like a 10 month old golden retriever, How could I not get taken in by him, become close to him, and end up with such a bond

He was Romantic about Halloween. The love, the magic, the escapeism, the fantasy. I would warn him about that. Don’t love something that can’t really love you back. And he would then read back a list in his head of all my stories, and things I’ve done in the name of Halloween, and the consistency it brought to my life.

And I would reply with the loses, the hardships, divorces, bankruptcies, missed chances and lost loved ones. And he’d ask, then why is it almost 40 years and you keep going.

I would answer, How can I not, and I’d smile, how can I not be romantic about Halloween. It’s given me everything, just like it has you.

And he’d laugh at me and I’d tell, him the controller on that animation still wasn’t working. Shut up and what do you want for lunch.

He collected friends in the industry like other kids collect baseball cards.

He wanted the old ones. to learn from, understand the industry history, and the how and what and especially the why of things. I told him always look for WHY people do what they do.

And he wanted the new ones, to get energy from youth, to bond with fresh ideas and new materials and new ways to do things. He got that from so many of you.

And in his head he tried to figure out how it all made sense and blend it together into how he wanted to see things.

It’s why he could collect and discuss cute Halloween decorations from 20 years before he was born, with the same enthusiasm as a new formula for blood, or what the latest big ass prop was at a haunt convention and how he could chop the poor thing to pieces and make it move.

Its why he would work on the Castle in a style that is meant for all us weirdos to want to live there, and the next morning be at his real gig doing a room that makes people stop and say, NNNNope I’m not going in there.

Duality. It’s a tough one to deal with. Sometimes we just say, well HE was a textbook gemini wasn’t he.

But we’re here today because it went deeper than that.

I believe we only honor him if we realize that.

When you take your love of Halloween and decide to go pro, and especially when you find work in as many haunts as he did, it’s a very tough thing.

He worked in no less than 6 different haunts in the past 2.5 years. Not counting all the haunts he just sold props to.

When you do that, you pick the owner. And he was only once in a while wrong in that. But you don’t often get to pick your surroundings or even your co workers. For someone that needs safe and trusted friends, that’s hard.

He did make great friends everywhere he went, but not everyone is gonna like the new slick hired gun that just came onto their turf. You just cant please everyone.

That 10 month old golden retriever we spoke of earlier, didn’t understand that.

We make Halloween everyday, for MONEY. why would anything need to be bad?

I don’t know kid.

This world we live in, surrounded by spoopy all day everyday, is not for everyone, not even close.

We are all on our own island of misfit toys. Every haunt, anywhere in the country.

We would all do well to realize and remember that. We come to this interest, whether livelihood or hobby, trying to find joy and happiness by latching on to the dark side of life.

That’s probably messed up, but I am as 100% guilty of it as we all are.

Should we be careful of the wierdos? Mister, we ARE the weirdos.

Do you know what they call an everyday average well adjusted person in a haunt?

They call them a customer.

As we remember Steve, we should remember all the good times and tell his stories and show his pictures, and crazy videos.

And honor him by realizing the next kid that walks into our lives wanting it all, Loving Halloween, may need help too.

Now lastly , I know, Lastly, thank god, I’d like to read you part of this coming seasons opening speech at Castle Blood. We hope you’ll come see it. None of you have any other commitments in October, do you?

I wrote it a week before he left, but he was obviously already in great distress. As I wrote this I didn’t realize how he was already affecting me.

The tour had already been named Labyrinth, and he was already working on effects for it.

We’re all travelers of one sort or another in this world.

Often wondering about the path we’ve chosen, the obstacles we find, the private battles we face, and what inside, drives us to continue.

We all make it to the other side one way or another.

It’s what happens along the way that matters.

We are all travelers.

And remember, we all get lost sometimes,

So there ya go. I miss you"

~ Ricky Dick's eulogy to Steve Guild

[anythingandeverything1d]

Congratulations

���(y/n)” the nurse called out from the door. You stood up and walked over with an anxious smile. She handed you a clip board of medical information that you needed to update and then said she would grab you once it was completed and turned into the desk. You sat back down in the waiting room and flipped through the pages. Ugh I wish my mom was here...am I allergic to anything? I mean I don't think so but maybe Im just unaware of it..I don't remember having surgery-well my tonsils were removed but does that count? You were filling out the page to the best of your ability when your phone buzzed. You looked down and saw his name flash across the screen before immediately ignoring the call. You rushed to finish the paperwork and handed it in as the nurse came back. “Ready?” she asked.

“Yeah.” you followed her down the hall where she took your height and weight before escorting you into the room. You hopped onto the chair and anxiously tapped your foot as she checked your temperature, blood pressure, and oxygen levels. After finishing up she sat on the stool and smiled. 

“So, what are we here for today?”

“Uh...” you looked at your feet and shifted in the chair. “I think I may be pregnant.”

She smiled and nodded, “when was your last period?” 

“My period tends to be irregular but the last one I had recored was around two months ago.”

“Okay, were you on any kind of birth controls, or using any type of contraceptives?”

“I was on a birth control, am on a birth control but I missed a few days while I was on vacation which is when I believe this all happened.”

“Okay. Have you had any symptoms other than your missed period?”

“No, not really.”

“Okay. Have you taken any pregnancy tests at home?”

You nodded, your brain flashing back to that day. 

*Tears were flooding down your cheeks as he grabbed his last hoodie from your closet. All you wanted was for life to stop. You wanted him to say its okay, to make a change in the relationship, to stay. You sat on the bed crying as he walked out the door for the last time, taking with him every once of happiness you had. You ran to the bathroom, physically sick from the situation. It wasnt until you were hunched over the toilet that you realized the box of tampons had gone unopened. Missing periods was normal for you, they had never been regular. There was a slight doubt in your mind though. You had never missed a period more than once, so the fact that you were going on two means something was wrong. You had been under a lot of stress though, the distance, the lying, the excuses, all of it. Wiping the snot running from your nose, you had gotten up, washed your face, and thrown on sweatpants and a sweatshirt. You had mustered the courage to drive all the way to the drug store, purchase three pregnancy tests, and drive home. You had gotten three, you wanted to be sure. You wanted to be positive before making any other decisions. You sat on the bathroom floor after peeing in a cup and dipped each end, turning them over so you couldn't see the lines. You set a timer on your phone and closed your eyes. The only thing that could've possibly made this situation better was having him here. Of course he was gone already but you could still dream right? When the alarm on your phone went off you anxiously flipped them all over. Picking the first up and squinting you saw the dreaded double lines. Picking the second one up: dreaded double lines. And the third: PREGNANT in bold. You dropped them all on the counter and threw your phone. Of course, of course this this happens. He leaves and I end up pregnant with his baby..just like the movies except he won't be coming back. The rest of the day had been a blur. You had kind of just ignored the fact that there were three positive pregnancy tests in the bathroom. When your friend Luke had come over, you had cried into his arms. Cried about him leaving, about the break up, and finally about being pregnant. “(y/n) if you have positive pregnancy tests you need to call him.”

“No. I can't do that. Im not doing that.”

“(y/n)...hes the father, he deserves to know.”

“I may not even be pregnant though..they come up wrong all the time.”

“Not this wrong though.. this seems pretty sure.”

“I mean I've been stressed lately maybe its just a hormone thing.”

“I think you should go to the doctor and check. And if you are then you need to ball up and tell him. Seriously he needs to know”

You had nodded and cried some more before Luke left. Then you had called your doctor and made an appointment.*

Now here you were answering questions about your sex life and body. The nurse handed you a cup and showed you where the bathroom was. She said the test would take only around ten minutes but that she would be coming back to the room to do a blood test as well. Great, what a fun day... You quickly peed in the cup, leaving it on the counter for the nurse and wandered back to the room you had been assigned. Your hands were sweating and you felt dizzy. Having your blood drawn was probably your least favorite thing. In fact, you fainted almost every time. You checked your phone and thought about texting him...instead you texted Luke and told him how terrible the doctor was and that you were going to die while having your blood drawn. His only response was “lol” and you rolled your eyes. Typical guy.. The nurse came back in with a smile and sat down. “Well it does look like you are in fact pregnant so congratulations! We want to do a pelvic exam and ultra sound today just to see where everything is at and then have you come back for a blood draw in the future.” 

“Thanks.” you smiled and relief flooded your face. At least you didnt have to have your blood drawn today. On the other hand, you were pregnant, which was a whole other nightmare in its own. Not that you hadn't wanted and dreamed of having kids. You just thought it would be under different circumstances and that you would be married. 

“Im going to leave this gown here if you just want to change real quick we can do an ultrasound and hopefully see where the little baby is at.” She left for a minute and you quickly changed, your warm body freezing against the chair. When she came back in, she had an ultrasound machine on wheels. She started with the pelvic exam, lightly pressing all around your pelvic region. Satisfied she got out a tube of gel. “This is going to be cold at first.” You had nodded and watched as the clear gel squirted out and the ultrasound machine rubbed against your skin. You watched the screen as she moved it around looking for the baby. After what felt like months, she found a small white dot looking blob and smiled. “There it is...looks like you are measuring around 2 months right now which makes sense to when you thought everything happened.” She looked at you and smiled. “I know it can be a lot to take in..I’m guessing this is your first?”

“Yeah...its just a lot I guess.”

“It is, but it gets easier. Want to hear the baby’s heartbeat?”

You smiled and nodded. She pressed a button and you heard soft thumps. Tears slipped out of the corner of your eye and you wiped them away. “Thats pretty cool.”

She smiled and nodded before handing you a towel. “You are all set to go, we will have the pictures at the desk where you can make your next appointment. It was nice meeting you (y/n) good luck on your pregnancy and congratulations again.” You smiled and thanked her before climbing back into your clothes. 2 months pregnant...theres a living being in there...my baby...mine and Harry’s baby...oh god, what am I going to tell Harry? At the desk you scheduled another appointment and the receptionist handed you a picture saying congratulations. You looked at the little pea shaped blob inside you and grinned. Thats mine...thats inside me. 

Luke surprised you by standing at your car door with an ice cream sundae. “Soo did you faint? did you die? did you live?”

You laughed, “Yeah I lived. I didnt have my blood drawn at all actually.”

“Oh? Why’s that?” You took the sundae from him and smiled taking a bite, the hot fudge melting in your mouth. 

“Because of this.” you waved the picture in your hand and he grabbed it his mouth dropping. 

“Is that what I think it is? Do you have an alien growing inside you?”

“Lukeee seriously”

He laughed and looked into your eyes. “Okay okay but wow, a baby. That’s amazing. How are you feeling about it?”

“I feel like it hasn't sunk in yet....but that I’m really happy. I mean Ive always wanted a baby...why not do it now? I don't need a man in my life. Im a strong and independent woman.”

“That you are, but don't worry you will have me too. Im going to be a great uncle, its the best job anyways. But uh- are you going to tell Harry?” 

You shrugged your shoulders and continued eating. “(y/n)...it is his baby right?”

You rolled your eyes and nodded. “It cant be anyone else's.”

“So then you're going to tell him.”

“Idontknow” you mumbled, your mouth full of ice cream.

“You have to..you know he would want to know.”

“Theres a lot I wanted to know and he didn't tell me so I’m not sure yet. I haven't decided anything.”

“Okay...” he gave in and hugged you. “I’m happy for you I really am.” 

You hugged him back and smiled. “Thanks. I’m glad you're here...I’m glad I have someone to go through this with. And I’m so so glad you brought ice cream.”

“It’s okay. What are friends for right?” You nodded and jumped in the car after saying goodbye. You didn’t quite know who to call yet so you decided to just enjoy some time with yourself. You did the only logical thing you could think of after finding out that there was a baby inside you: you went shopping. You picked a local baby store and walked in, looking at all the onesies, furniture, blankets, binkies, and bears. 

“Hi! Anything I can help you find today?”

“No, thank you I’m just looking.”

“Okay well we are having a two for one deal on onesies and bibs so make sure to check those out.”

“I will thank you.” you smiled at the girl working but she kept looking back at you. 

“Are you (y/n)...the girl dating Harry Styles?” she asked shyly.

“I was dating him, not anymore actually.” She nodded and gave you the look, you know the one of pity and sorrow? You went back to shopping looking at all of the little outfits, there were so many choices. You also had no idea if you were having a boy or a girl..something told you it was a boy but obviously you had no clue whatsoever. You decided on a cute grey onesie with little animals on it...gender neutral. You also grabbed a cute binkie that had a stuffed bear attached to it. 

“These are super cute.” the girl said while checking out. “There's a whole collection that goes with this if youre interested.”

“No, that's okay this is enough for now?”

She nodded and wrapped the stuff in a bag. “So how far along are you?”

“Not very far, only a few months.”

“Well congrats! I hope everything goes smoothly and I hope to see you back here soon for more stuff.”

You smiled and nodded. “I for sure will be back.” 

You drove home, your phone blowing up the entire way with twitter notifications, instagram tags, and more. Inside you scrolled through it, only to find pictures of you shopping for the baby clothes. Your name attached to headlines stating you were expecting but not far along. Great...this is not what I need...how do they even know.... you were scrolling through more twitter notifications. Harry’s name was now being brought into this. Another daddy in One Direction? Harry Styles Expecting? ugh...this literally cannot be happening.. and then everything got worse.. Harry’s name and photo popped up on your screen as he called. “Harry?” you answered anxiously.

---

Part 1 of my new series, hope you all enjoy! Goal is to have another part posted tonight or tomorrow! This is kind of just an intro to the story, I’m hoping to have them be a little longer but let me know what you all would rather: longer and less stories (may take more time to upload) or shorter and more stories (updated a little faster)

Let me know what you think so far and what you think will happen.

xoxo

[scandeniall]

we’re us

pairing: atsumu x f!reader

summary/warnings: after atsumu almost lost you he decides ts time to make things official. But he’s overly sweet and its weird. Thats not who you two are / mentions of near death, implied sex, hes grossly sweet for part of it, mentions of bad parents

a/n: this is a PART 2 to the rulers. a few of you asked and i decided to give us a happier ending than what we wre left with in rulers. (rulers is 12k words and gives the context to this so kinda impt!)

wc: 2k

“Would you fucking stop,” you scowl swatting at the hands on your waist as you stumbled into the office. You roll your eyes at the way your desk chair is pulled out for you. “No can do. You’re supposed to be taking it easy.” Atsumu replies ignoring the frown at him sitting in the desktop. His hand subconsciously takes yours stroking at the skin and you resist the urge to take your hand from him. He needed it. 

It’d been three months since the incident and since you’d gone into a coma. You stayed in it for a little over a week. Atsumu remembered how he numbly took in the doctors diagnosis. Something about a complication from the surgery or maybe it was blood loss from the bullet wounds? Something about a seizure thus prompting your state. All the medical terminology confused him. 

After he finally decided to visit three days later he came as often as he could. He assigned people like Oikawa to do press releases on his behalf. It was already hard enough having to hear events recounted over the news. He couldn’t be the one to talk about it. 

“President of Yokohama (Y/L/N), (Y/F/N) caught in apparent shootout with parents among others. The 23 year old was rushed to the hospital by non other that Vice President Miya Atsumu. As of now it is known that (Y/N) has fallen into a combs and that Miya will be taking over. The voting families are likely to vote over a course of action within the upcoming days.”

One thing Atsumu made sure to do was to get your recording. You risked your life to get a confession out of your parents. A confession that they had plans to kill you. He sent the recording off and following their own minor recoveries they were promptly arrested. Trials took long and there’d be no way an official one would happen until you were ready, but nonetheless he was happy that both them and Terushima were out of your hairs. 

The day you woke up Atsumu actually shed tears. It was something he denied and claimed that the hospital fumes were finally getting to him when Osamu teased him. But everyone knew better. He’d take your condition worse, a factor that even your little sister teased him on. “(Y/N’s) strong and a bad ass. She’ll be fine. Stop acting like a wimp” he couldn’t even scold the 14 year old for the word choice. 

Even though the first face you made was a grimace, followed by confusion and agitation he couldn’t help but think you were beautiful. He stayed in the room as they took the feeding tube out, gagging himself at how gross it all seemed. He held your hand as you took sips of water all disoriented. 

A few days after that you were able to go back home and he took you to his. Your sister had been staying there and there was no way he’d let you go back to neither your parents or your own now trashed house alone. He’d wheeled you out of the hospital demanding you to keep your head down at the flashing lights and journalists. He’d buckled you in like a child despite you rolling your eyes and complaining and driven you to his. 

He made sure you took all your medications and attended your personal physical therapy sessions. A month in when you wanted to go back to work fully he refused, citing that until you were fine he was the one in charge. He could and would disobey your orders to keep you safe. “I swear once I’m fine I’m going to fucking fire you.” “How do you fire the family head sweetheart? Try again.”

Now two months later you were heading back into your office for the first time. With non other than your shadow practically attached to your hip. You watched as he animatedly recounted some events from his latest press conference and boring financial meetings as his thumb subconsciously rubbed circles into onto the back of your hand. Your hand was slightly sweaty but you resisted the urge to pull away. Ever since you’d found out that you technically died, Atsumu had been more touchy than normal. 

“Hey Tsumu?”

The call of his name stopped him mid sentence as his eyes peered at yours with concern. He started questioning if you were ok or in pain and if it here time for your meds.

“Thank you. For everything. Stepping up, I know this isn’t easy for you, especially since it was so sudden. And for watching after my sister and me.”

“Well it is my job as VP. Ya know when ya can’t do your job. It’s annoying but-“ he chucked as you stood up and told him to shut up. His hands found your waist both as a way to stabilize you and to resume physical contact as you eased in between his legs. “You talk too fucking much,” you mumble arms locking around his neck. 

“I was trying to be serious and thank you and here you are making me regret it.” You don’t miss the way his eyes glance at your lips as you talk. You continue playing with the ends of his hair as you talk. “I appreciate it a lot. Even if you are overbearing and annoying.”

“Yeah well, we’re us. And you know I’d take a bullet for ya”

“Too bad you didn’t take this one,” you muse using one hand to motion at your healing side. You smiled as his hands slipped under your sweatshirt to caress the scar. 

“I wouldve.” He says the words without missing a beat while you frown. “Being sweet doesn’t suit you. Where’s asshole Atsumu.”

“I almost lost ya. I was the one who held ya in the backseat as you bled out. I had to get rid of the car. Couldn’t get the smell, stains or memories out. I was there when you flat lined (Y/N). Sorry if I cant act normal like the shit didn’t happen.”

“All the more reason to act like the man I fell in love with,” you shrug. “The non punctual asshole who doesn’t listen to half the shit i say. The smartass who cares for his friends and family more than he lets on. The one so committed to what he does that id never trust anyone else even a fraction as much. Life is short. Clearly,” you snort referencing your own situation. 

“No point in being different. What’s done is done. Besides, we’ve got a lot of work ahead of us. With the trial and reformations and-“

“Ya just said you loved me.” Your face scrunched up at his smug one. His voice had a happy lilt to it. “If you didn’t know that by now you really are dumber than I thought. Pretty sure it’s been obvious.”

His reaction was to hop off the desk, this time his arms coming around you in a hug.  “God, I’m so in love with ya.” The words came whispered in your ear and you couldn’t help but melt into the hug. “Good or this would’ve been really awkward.”

“Wait a fuckin’ second-“ you eyed him in confusion as the embrace ended you stepping back to cross your arms. “I said i was gonna confess first. Ya just had to mess things up. Take it back. I bet Samu that i would” You looked at him in disbelief. “On second thought-“

Your words are cut off by his hands pulling your hips into his. “Will you be my girlfriend. Let’s make it official.”

“What did i tell you about being sweet,” you scold the both of you leaning in your lips hoovering over each other. “Give me a few more weeks to worry about ya alright?” You nod hands locking around his neck. “Deal. And yes I’ll let you be my boyfriend.”

“Gonna ignore that for now,” before you could react he turns the two of you so that your back was against the desk. His lips ghosting the shell of your ear as he tells you to sit. Before he steps back eying you. “Can’t believe I almost lost this.” 

The words are whispers to himself and you almost didn’t hear him as his hands trail up your thighs. “You’re so beautiful.”

“I’m literally in sweats. A far cry from how you usually see me” you tease leaning back to shift your weight into your palms. “Still the most beautiful woman in the world.” You ignore the warmth that blossoms within you opting to grab at his wrist. “I thought I said to stop being sweet.”

You thought you hear him say something about your deal it it’s quickly forgotten as he slots himself between your legs and roughly presses his lips against yours. 

—-

A few months later

“Well it’s done. How d’ya feel.” Atsumu is the first to speak out his words filling the space within the car. “Like shit. But I’ll live.” You mutter honestly. “Ya want to take a few days off from the office?” His hand rubs comfortably up and down your thigh. 

“And have you try and mess up my office. I’ll pass,” you sigh out, head coming to rest upon the headrest. “Sorry my taste is better than yours.” You flick your middle finger at him before closing your eyes. “Yeah well redecorate your own damn office. Oh wait- it’s not as nice as mine”

His laugh fills the car and you smile as his lips press against the back of your hand. The two of you sit in silence, the forming clouds outside seeming to match the conflict in your heart. “It’s just weird you know.” He nods in support. 

“I know they tried to like kill me but— they were still my parents. They taught me everything I know.” A silence fills the car, Atsumu not really knowing what to say. “I hate that you’re so quiet these days.”

“I’ve lost at least 7 years of my life having to worry about ya through all this s-OW!” You roll your eyes as he rubs the arm you’ve just hit. He complained about you having a good arm before telling you to look at him. 

“You’ll be fine. Ya got me and-“

“Is that supposed to be comforting?” 

Shaking his head he continues,” and your sister and Granny. Our friends, and the whole city behind ya babe.”

You found yourself slowly nodding. You’re right,” you mutter more to yourself before leaning over the console to press a kiss on his cheek. Atsumu gives you a look before complaining. “That’s all I get. What a shitty thanks.”

You notice he slightly reclines his seat a smirk now on his face. “You’re definitely back to being annoying,” you scoff. “If you think I’m gonna ride you ride now you’ve lost it.”

“I’m just getting comfortable. What’s so bad about that. But what’s 1 kiss.” You ignore the way his hand creeps higher as you lean over the console. “It’s not even gonna be that if you don’t meet me halfway.” His eyes soften for a minute as he complied allowing your lips to connect. “Ya know what always makes me me feel better,” he mumbles lips against yours. 

The hand that had been on your thought moved to cup your jaw. “If you say sex I’m gonna walk home,” you breathe out as he presses fluttering kisses along the side of your neck. He only laughs. “That and spending money. Let’s go out.”

You ignore the shiver that runs down your spine as his touch gets harsher and you can feel the beginnings of a pain in the ass bruise at the junction between your neck and shoulder. “Only if you’re buying.” That causes him to stop, his eyes catching yours. “Aw c’mon ya have more money than me.”

“It’s official. I hate you,” you deadpan pulling away to sit in your seat. “I’m just joking. Lighten up woulda,” he teases the two of you fastening your seatbelt. “Just drive already.”

“Hey, (Y/N). I love you”

“I love you too. Now I think I deserve a treat right?

a/n: well one day i may add on to this universe but for now my longest piece of work is complete. Are there things id do differently? absolutely but for a total of 14k words between the two pieces? IM PROUD. thank u if u read it ily. Untl the next celebration yall

[idjitlili]

The toy store

A request.

I hope this is what you want ,my dude. When i got it was like damn  gotta write this now ahhhh, I started writing this at 00:26 am.finished at 2:14  Anyways here you are. i tried , i hope it is what you wanted xx

summary:imagine visting Bofur's shop often with your kid brother ,but you cannot help but find him attractive,in which thats exactly why you keep bringing your brother as an excuse to see him.

wordcount:1363

y/b/n=your brothers name if you dont have brother ,uhh your brother is named jared.

Your parents had had you very young ,and decided to wait a while until they were able to afford another child,that wasnt until you were 10. You were now an adult ,but you still lived with your parents because they would have to travel often due to their work,so you would look after your brother, y/b/n. You enjoy that as you could make whatever you wanted for dinner , take him out . In which you would take him to this toy shop,ran by a dwarf and his brothers,he would work in shop three days a week,and he's the exact reason you go there so much.

You would only go during those three days, you would always get your brother small everytime,with the money that your parents gave you. You didnt have anything else to spend it on other than clothes ,but you didnt need anymore ,plus you got see Bofur,yes you knew his name. Plus you liked seeing your brothers excitement when he got to pick a toy,he had so many because of you.

Your parents had left yesterday,for a week or two trip,your mother had suspected there was a reason you would always happily take care your brother.she had followed you and your brother to the toy shop ,only to see you talk a dwarf while your brother placed the toy on the counter. You had pulled your money gently from your pocket ,counting the right amount before offering it to Bofur. He smiled widely at you,shaking his head no, you looked at him confused.

"Miss y/n, you are always here ,this one is on me." he sent a soft smile to you,gently pushing your coin filled hand away,a blush covers your cheeks ,as you put the money back in your pocket. You mother watched from outside,smirking knowing exactly why went to the toy shop so often,she wanted grandchild desperately ,even though her son was still a child. She knew you wouldn't make the first move,so she would push it to happen.

"are you sure? i do-""really its on me ,anything for my prettiest customer." he had interrupted you making you blush brightly,smiling nervously at him. Y/b/n grabs his toy,"thank you mister Bofur!" he excitedly shouted grabbing your hand with his free hand. "you are very welcome laddy,you make sure you look after your ma." you blushed hard ,he thought he was your son,darn how old did he think you were ,jesus. "oh i-im not ,i-im his sister." Bofur had chuckled before speaking smoothly "I was messing with you, you've been coming here long enough ,for me to hear him call you y/n." you sigh in relief almost ,laughing quietly.

"I cant even get a boyfriend ,let alone have a child." you state quietly ,avoiding eye contact ,watching y/b/n play with his soldier figure on the counter ,you move your feet removing the prssure from standing in one place so long.  "thats hard to believe miss y/n, you a-" before he would even finish the bell on the shop door jingles;as it opens revealing your mother, your smirking mother who struts over to you ,picking up her son holding him in her arms.  "ma, I thought you and da-" you begin to speak only to be cut off again,Bofur is beyond confused on what is happening ,he liked you but he was nervous,

"I came to see what you do when we leave." she stated simple smirking still ,you look at her annoyed,how much more embarrassing could this get honestly. " what you do think I do? go get pissed and pregnant?" Bofur looks at you shocked he hadnt seen you like this before ,he would feel the same if his mother followed him out. Your mother laughed at you "no of course not,so this is what you spend all your money  we give you on?" you nod you head ,you were beyond motified at this point.

Bofur that it was sweet you spent all your money on your sibling,he could see how you were with children. "well are you going to introduce me to your friend or not?"you gugled "ma this Bofur,Bofur this is my ma ,y/m/n." he smiled at you and your mother ,holding his holding out for your mother to shake "nice to meet you ,ma'am." he had spoken politely,your mother took his shaking it smiling "you too."

After letting go of her hand she had already popped out another question, "so is there anything going between you two,that i dont know?" god she never stopped smirking ,as much you loved her ,you really couldnt think of anything worse right now. "MA, no there isnt." your face was sweating,you were so angry,and upset,but you would thank her later. You had gotten out your mothers grip long ago playing with toys on the shelves,lucky it was almost clsoing time so it was just you five in there,

  "why do you come her so so often then ,hm?" she was beyond cheeky ,but she was choking out the truth and she knew it. "uh to get y/b/n toys?" you knew shes had you, "and you I saw you flirting with her,dont try to deny that werent because i cut you off when i walked in." Bofur was too red face as were you ,she was winning. "MA.you need to stop being creepy,i bet you had your face agaisnt that window ,looking like heres johnny." she ignored you "i will leave you two to talk it out,come on y/b/n lets go home." she gestured for y/b/n to follow ,he runs after her with soldier in hand ,waving goodbye ,you both watch them leave making their way down the street.

You turn back to Bofur embarrassment imprinted on your face,"I'm so sorry,Bofur." you spoke ,lip trembling ,eyes filling up with tears yet . "hey,dont cry,if anything she was right" he had spoke walking around the counter infront of you wiping the tears that streamed down your face, look at him confused.

"w-what?2 before you could say anything more he had pressed his lips to yours gently. "you dont know how long i wanted to confess," he spoke ,pulling you into an embrace,you hug him tightly back taking in his scent,your cheeks now drying slowly."me too."  you had been going to his shop for months ,it was a little crazy. "you would like accompany me to dinner,miss y/n?" he spoken pulling slightly out of the embrace,you nod smiling he presses his lips upon yours again.

He closes the shop before talking you to dinner ,lets just say you didnt live with your parents for much longer,and even so Bofur would still maake y/b/n toys,he really liked Bofur and your mum teased you all the time saying she got you both together.In which you would tell her and for that I am grateful. Within two years you were married and already had given birth to a son.

your mother was over the moon ,and Bofur made hundreds of toys for him,your brother didnt like didnt give him as much attention as before.Bofur was a great husband and father ,and you had your brother to thank for pulling you into his shop all those years ago.

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

“Enthusiastic Sobriety programs tearing families apart and convincing parents to kick their kids out onto the streets.” Originally posted on OnTheEmmis.com in 2004. ICECAP is the former incorporation and has since dissolved due to the efforts of OnTheEmmis.com

There is a thread on the other message board that I think the parents need to be informed about. This is about the harm that is caused to the children from parents that are still in an ICECAP program. These are true stories (not edited) just copied and pasted for you to read.

What Bob AND Joy teach parents about "tough" love and their version of "unconditional" love are just that "their version".

Does this seem as though families are being brought together and healing to you?

This is a great example of the pain that is caused when one person in the family (the child) wants to leave ICECAP and another person (the parent) believes the lies that they have been taught (that they are or will get high, can't live without being in the program, etc.) They, ICECAP, breed the fear that you as a parent have when you see them making choices that YOU don't like. What is the true meaning of letting go? Or the true meaning of unconditional love?

This is not to make any parent feel guilty for their time in an ICECAP program. I truly believe you thought you were doing the best thing. You were also a victim of the cult and it's way of thinking. That is the very reason I am posting this thread. To show the harm and hopefully save some pain for others.

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Author:

Bailey [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

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Date Posted: 13:27:44 12/22/04 Wed

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Getting kicked out of your house by your once all loving supporting do anything for you family

As most of you know my family is ALL involved in Crossroads and sense I've left its been hell, Thursday night my dad and step mom freaked out on me and my dad started pushing me and threatening to "lay me the fuck out" My dad has never so much as spanked me before we used to get along great until x-roads we got high together went to concerts movies dinner and what not, But now its as tho i don’t exist to them they call me ungrateful bitch and many other names after all that happened he told me to pack a bag and he didn't want to see me anymore, Luckily i see a therapist and he talked to my dad and calmed them down they still want me out of the house tho. I cant leave now because i belong to the state until me 18th birthday which thank god isn't far off but if they kick me out or i move out i have to spend the next month and half in juvenile again, this has happened to many of my friends who have left too they end up homeless because if there not in the group they cant be at there house, i was just wondering if anyone else's parents went crazy after they left and if it does get better?

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[> Subject: It happened to me Part 1

Author:

Hollywood

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Date Posted: 17:59:18 12/22/04 Wed

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I lived threw this every time I left the group, but especially the last time.

The last time I left I bailed the group with a guy, I knew from prior experiences that my parents would not tolerate me living in their house and not be in Pathway. So I did what I knew how to do, and hopped on a bus to California. When we got there we had no money or anything. At that point and many points throughout my time in Pathway I was willing to be a street person rather than be involved in the group. To say it didn't last long was an understatement; he was scared and refused to talk to anyone. His parents agreed to fly us back to AZ. I almost did not go because I knew that upon arriving I would have no place to go. Mind you at this point I had over a year sober. I did not bail because I wanted to get high.

When the plane touched down in PHX he had people from the group waiting to take him back. They shunned me. I had been in the group for about 5 years at that point and they could care less if I had a place to go. I now know it was because my parents would not shell out even more money for me to go into IOP (that would have been the third time).

I truly did not know who to call; I had been in the group since I was 14 years old. Not many people I knew had left and were around or willing to talk to a program drop out.

I finally gathered enough courage to call a friend of mine that had left the group, I knew she was getting high but at that point I didn't care. The streets of Phoenix were a lot more cruel than the streets of Hollywood. Her mother answered the phone, she did not sound very happy to hear my voice, on a previous runaway trip I bailed the group with her daughter and a few other people and we stole her credit cards and over $1000 dollars cash if my memory serves correctly. So this was a lady that I had fucked over to say the least. This kind woman opened her home to me. More than what my own family was capable of at that point. She allowed me to stay at their house and helped me try and find a job. At the same time unknown to me she was in contact with my parents trying to convince them to take me home, that I was actually doing fine and wasn't what the group was telling them about me.

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[> [> Subject: Re: It happened to me Part 2

Author:

Hollywood

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Date Posted: 18:00:08 12/22/04 Wed

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For some reason on Christmas Eve my parents called and told me I could move back in, but I had to live in the garage. They would set up a cot in there. I would not be allowed to use anything in the house, except the bathroom but my parents had to escort me to and from it. I agreed I didn't care; I just wanted to see my father.

When we were driving to my parents house the kind mom who allowed me to stay at her house explained to me that this was all my mothers doing, my father wanted nothing to do with my and had informed her that I was dead to him. It was because of him I would be sleeping in the garage until I could find my own home (mind you I was 18 and had never held down a job, paid bills, etc.) I lost it, this man, my father, my hero wanted nothing to do with me. This was a turning point for me. This is when I decided in my crazy still experiencing the effects of Kool-Aid that I needed to get high in order to get in the house. Because, try and follow this it is way crazy thinking looking back, if I just got high I would have something to cop to, the group would take me back, I could make amends and therefore my father would allow me in his life again. Crazy I know.

Well living in the garage lasted about 2 hours before my parents (read mother) got sick of it. My father sulked in his room and wanted nothing to do with me. Christmas Eve with all the family and Christmas day were rather awkward, to say the least. My father still did not speak to me. I believe that year they even attended the round robin. I sat at home. I soon got a job and almost immediately began getting high, smoking speed, snorting coke, and shooting heroin. This went on for about 2 years. I worked therefore my parents didn't care. They had both left the program (details of that have never been disclosed to me, I do not know why or how). And my father and my relationship finally started to re solidify.

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[> [> [> Subject: Re: It happened to me Part 2

Author:

Hollywood

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Date Posted: 18:01:09 12/22/04 Wed

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Except by this time I was strung out on heroin. Believe it or not I did go back to the group. After my parents discovered my horrible habit and asked me to check myself in to a detox center, I made an appointment with the then OG counselor. He told me to that I was going to die, that I needed to go into some Step something or other. I told him I had no money. He told me to sell my cars, I told him he was on crack my parents would never let me do that. At the same moment I was absolutely terrified they would. I told him to call them and if he could convince them I was willing. From what I understand that counselor did call my father and my father told him he was full of shit. That was the day my father became my hero again and not some brain washed ego maniac. I wound up getting off heroin a few months later. My father and my relationship has been wonderful ever since, for Christ sake we even work together. My mother is still struggling with the fact that I drink . But her and my relationship is better than it ever has been my entire life.

Sorry this was so long and detailed I never knew I would share all of this. I hope this helps you to realize to hear that some else has been threw a similar nightmare.

Good luck and if you ever need anything or need to talk about the ‘rents and the evil things they can do when they are still slugging down the Kool-Aid but you are not, email me. I am more then willing to listen.

Also if a parent reads this who is considering throwing their child out on to the streets because they are no longer in the group, let me tell them from being that child: They have no place to go! The situation that they are in worsens, they feel abandoned, and the people that they turn to are usually using drugs much heavier than they are or ever have!

PLEASE DO NOT BUY INTO ICECAPS TOUGH LOVE- this is what killed Bob’s son, this is what almost killed me, and what almost killed or even did kill many people I knew.

Hollywood

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[> Subject: Re: Did this happen to anyone else

Author:

michele

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Date Posted: 22:27:49 12/22/04 Wed

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ok bailey, i know you've already heard this but there are some who haven't... the first time i left stl i was 16. i lived on the streets and 20 dollar hotels and at my old sponsee's house. it was bad but didn't compare to when i left atl. that time i was 18. my dad had driven a car down for me. i eventually got myself kicked out. i knew it was coming. i packed up my car with at much crap as i could and then i left. i went to stl then kc. stealing gas the entire way, oh yeah and wrote a bunch of bad checks. i had to go back down to atl to pick up more of my stuff. so i took a friend with me. i got there and packed up more crap. i made it all the way back up to nashville, then my car broke down. to anyone who lives in there car it's the most important thing to you. it's your bed, your transportation, your only way to and from work. it makes your whole life work. my friend's parents wired her money and left me 60 miles south of nashville, in manchester. i took what i could from my car and started walking. i hitch hiked from there to kc. it took me 3 days almost. i looked like complete shit when i got home. think the garage is bad? my mom made me sleep on the back deck for 3 weeks. like a dog. i woke up went to work (walked my happy ass) came home and then when my mom got home from work she would let me in to go to the bathroom and shower, then i got kicked back out. when i finally proved my self she let me in the house. well that's the most important parts i guess. there's more but i wanna go to sleep. point is that things did get better. i just had to fight so hard for it. i've never had to fight for anything harder then to survive. but i'm still here. and to everyone who will ask, i never touched a truck driver, and they never asked. actually the fed me and let me sleep.

[> Subject: Re: Did this happen to anyone else

Author:

Jen from AZ

[Edit]

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Date Posted: 02:27:25 12/23/04 Thu

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It's stuff like this that really gets me riled! It bothers me that the "Family" (talk about dysfunctional families!) pushes parents to treat their own flesh and blood like animals! I'm sorry - but tough love is bullshit! As parents, we are to care for our kids - whether we love them or not - they are a gift from God and these parents ought to be damn grateful that they have children! Do these parents not realize that there are LAWS about this?! As long as their kid is under 18 they are required BY LAW to give their kids food, clothing and shelter. Parents, if you are kicking your kids out of your house - YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE THEM!

I will NEVER turn my back on my child! I don't understand how any parent can do that! How can a parent look Their child in the eye - no matter how old they are - and turn their back on them? How can they sleep at night not knowing if their child is dead or alive? How can Bob and "friends" push this kind of treatment?! This is just totally beyond my comprehension! My blood is boiling right now!

I would give ANYTHING to have more kids at home! I cry almost every night because I want a houseful of children! Yes, I love my son with all my heart - but yes! I also want a houseful of laughing - hell, even screaming - children running around! And quite frankly it fucking pisses me off that parents treat their children like this! Sleeping in the fucking garage? On the damn patio!? Wake up you parents who are in ICECAP! I don't care if you believe the Bible or not - I do and I believe it with all my heart and it says in there that "whatever you do to the least of these, you have done to me". Guess what parents! When you treat your kids like this, you are treating God like that! I pity you! I pity the fact that one day you will have to answer for the way you have treated your kids! And I pray that you get the justice you deserve!

Sorry webmasters for going off and for using the language I used. I haven't talked like this in years, but this is a hot button for me. I get into a lot of trouble when I'm out and about in stores and see a parent yelling and/or cursing at their child. One of these days I'm probably going to get punched - but I will not keep silent! The treatment that ICECrAP pushes parents to do to their kids is abuse - pure and simple! And I refuse to hold my tongue when I see it going on!

To those of you who are experiencing this treatment or have in the past - please know that I am thinking of you and praying for things to change. Especially that your parents wake up and seek your forgiveness for the treatment they have given you! NOTHING a child does - NOTHING - warrants throwing your kids out on the streets! The atrocities that are out there... it just makes me shudder! And want to scream and rip out Bob's eyes with my bare hands. Not much gets me this worked up.

[dayasbun]

Fame - Angus Cloud (6)

Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.

Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 {reading now}

-

“Okay! So all we’re doing today is the makeout scene, sound good?”

You and Angus nodded, both sitting on the poster bed with cameras surrounding you.

“What did I do?” He muttered to you for the tenth time that afternoon, and just like the other nine times, you didn't respond. Just hours before, Z had properly informed you of Angus’s secret girlfriend, someone he clearly had a thing with-but made sure to tell you nothing of.

THAT MORNING...

“Z!” You rushed over to her, your eyes wide as Storm came up beside you two.

“You have to film in an hour don’t you?” Zendaya questioned, quickly pulling out her phone. You nodded giving Storm a quick smile.

“Yeah, and you already know what I have to film-”

“Mmmmm right, you gotta make out with Angus, trust me we know. Everybodys talking about it, they won’t let us on set to watch y’all though, we tried.”

“I can’t stand you two,” You laughed shaking your head “Anyway, you know why I’m here. What you find out about Angus? That you texted me about last night? And make it quick, I gotta go to hair and makeup in a bit.”

“I’m debating if we should tell you before or after you film your scenes…”

“You basically already told her Ms. Blabbermouth, so just tell her the full thing.” Storm said to Z with a shrug.

“I am not a blabbermouth! I think its just right that she knows!”

“Then tell me Daya, come on!”

“Okay, okay. So my social media is set up so that when someone is following me I can see who follows them that I also follow without even clicking on- this doesn’t make sense, anyway! This girl followed me and the only person following her that I also follow was Angus. I didn’t think much of it, shes public so I wanted to check out her pictures cuz I was bored. She doesn’t have that many followers, but this girl is hot. Like I’m not even gay and she’s fine as hell, that’s why I was going through her pictures because she was just so gorg-”

“She’s pretty, I get it, can we move on?”

“Oh- Sorry. So yeah, I’m scrolling and I get to this picture of her on some man’s lap right? You cant see his face or anything, and there’s no tag. This was posted last month by the way. So there’s no tag or caption, but guess who commented?!”

“Wild guess, Angus?”

“Exactly! And guess what he said?”

“I don’t have time or patience for guessing right now-”

“He commented- and I quote, ‘Baby I miss you, sit on my lap again’ with those nasty thirst trap emojis! So I’m like wait a minute! And I’m going through her pictures now for a whole other reason. I find out they been dating since 2017 and she has a million pictures with him on her page all booed up but get a load of this- she literally never tags him. She always tags this other guy named Steve.”

You let out a huff and crossed your arms. “That’s fucked up. Real fucked up.”

“Yeah, I kn-”

“But I am not going to let it affect me today. I have to make out with him either way for our scene, so being petty isn’t necessary. I’m going to go on that damn set, and I won’t say a single word to him unless it’s on the fucking script!”

NOW...

“And...action!”

Angus let out a long sigh before jumping into the scene for the seventh time. You could tell it was bothering him why you were suddenly giving him the cold shoulder due to it affecting his performance as being Fez. You wanted to feel bad, but who just decides it’s cute to lead practical double lives? You tried to move the topic out of your mind so you wouldn't feel completely livid again and focused on the scene in front of you.

“Don’t do that girl, you got me fucked up.”

“Don’t do what? This?” You bit your lip and moved closer to him.

“You just tryna get some today ain't you?”

“I've been trying to get some since when I came back last week, Fez. But I’m glad you finally decided to notice.”

“Lemme gives you some then, come ‘ere.”

You got onto his lap wrapping your legs around his waist, just like you had the night before. You looked into his eyes and you felt your heart melt, and at this point, you didn't know if you were in character or if this was just you.

But then you remembered you were most likely the side chick.

Your facial expression hardened a bit, not enough for the cameras to pick it up, but you knew Angus noticed. Before he could ask you what was wrong or what he did for the eleventh time and ruin the scene, you pressed your lips to his and kissed him deep.

“Fuck baby...” he groaned into your mouth, his hands working their way up and under your shirt to cup your breasts. Once his large hands reached them, he gave them a nice squeeze causing your breath to hitch as you bounced a little.

Yeah, sure you were mad at him right now...but you loved that shit.

You grinned a bit wrapping your arms around his neck and pushing him down onto the bed. “You want me Fez?” You moaned out in a breathy tone, pulling your shirt over your head.

“Fuck yeah I want you girl, take this shit off for me.”

As you slowly unclipped your bra, you specifically remembered that at this point in the script he was to say ‘Jess’, not girl. But of course, the one-time {yesterday} you wanted him to say girl he had to say Jes-

Your thoughts were quickly interrupted by a sudden “Cut!” from the crew. Letting out a breath you got off of Angus’s lap and clipped your bra. “Good stuff guys, we need Daya and Hunter next so if you see ‘em remind them its time for their scenes in about thirty minutes.”

You nodded putting your shirt back on, and trying to rush off of the set before Angus could catch up to you- but you failed.

“Aye,” he said walking by you “What's good?”

You shrugged. “I don’t really know what's good.”

“Why you acting like this, all different and shit. It’s on god starting to weird me out, what's the dealio wit’ you?”

“Just fuck off.”

Angus raised a brow and stopped walking. Thinking you finally had gotten him to leave you alone, you slowly walked to your trailer but ran into Jacob on the way.

“Hey!” You said softly. You hadn't exchanged many words with him over the time you'd been filming, but every time you had, he had been sweet and polite. The run down with Jacob was that he was talented and cute...that's about all you knew.

The conversation between you and Jacob was brief but pure. He asked you some questions about filming and you told him about how much you loved his performance in the show. Soon enough he reached his trailer and you two parted ways, leaving you alone as you walked to yours.

You stayed more focused on your phone that your surroundings, leading to you not realizing that Angus wasn't far behind you. As soon as you stopped walking and leaned against the side of your trailer, you felt someone in front of you. Looking up from your phone your eyes widened, why the fuck was he still here?

“Angus what the fu-”

“So you think you can talk to me like that?”

Suddenly feeling shy, your voice and confidence lowered. “I was playing...”

“And you think you can just flirt with anybody and everybody?”

“What are you-”

“Imma tells you something, so imma need you to listen to me real clear.”

You swallowed and nodded, looking up at him.

“Ion think you know this yet so imma let you know.” He placed his thumb on your cheek. “You mine, got it? Not Jacobs, not anybody fucking elses, mine.”

You almost couldn't believe the words you were hearin-

“Uh, Y/N, you good?” Jacob asked you. Quickly snapping out of it you nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine thanks.” What a hell of an imagination you had. You took a quick glance behind you and saw no one at all. Letting out a sigh you said goodbye to Jacob and walked into your trailer. As soon as you closed the door you heard a ding that was specially set for your male costar.

Angus☁️: come to my trailer. now.

and why should i do that?

Angus☁️: now Y/N im not fuckin around

im busy

Angus☁️: busy my fucking ass im fr

alr but don't expect me to stay.

Angus☁️ read at 1:34 PM

And even though you didn't quite know what was up yet, just from the texts you could tell that Angus was not happy.

-

taglist:

@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins @patientplum @babygurlbarnes

[mecommentating]

Twilight: Chapters 1-8

I was bored and when I’m bored I read cheesy romance novels. Now seemed as good a time as any to read this series that I’ve heard so much about. 

Basically these are just my thoughts on the novel as I’m reading it. I already know quite a bit about the story so that is heavily effecting my thoughts and predictions. 

Of course there will be spoilers. 

Bella is like a kitten she tries to be intimidating and angry but really she’s just this cute little fluff ball that trips over nothing. It’s hilarious

Edward is just infuriating

Bruh. This guy- He was like you shouldn’t be my friend, stay away from me. Then he goes so do you wanna go to Seattle with me on Saturday? DUDE just stop 

I can’t take this book seriously. The writing’s bad. The characters are bad, the story is meh. But, inexplicably, I love it. It’s so funny. 

Okay. So I know Edward likes her but at this point in the book he has made no indication that his fascination and attraction to her is anything but pure friendliness and curiosity. But she’s like YO HE LIKES ME WHAT DOES THIS MEEEAAAANNN?!?!?!

WHAT THE- DUDE This guuuuuuuuuuuy Come on!  He has repeatedly been like nope we can’t be friends you should avoid me and then he asks her to go to Seattle with him. And then he’s like you should stay away. AND NOW he is sitting alone at lunch makes eye contact with her and then motions her over AND WINKS

He sounds like someone who would trick her into his car and then drive away and rape her. The way he asked her to sit with him sounded terrifying. Of course I can’t actually hear him but that was 100% the vibe I was getting 

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU FRICKING MORON

Edward after Bella questions why he invited her to sit with him for lunch: “I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.”

I’m team anybody but Edward 

Yeah if I didn’t know he was a vampire who has no idea how to handle his emotions I would be terrified that Edward was going to assault Bella

This guy has no idea how to talk to people. I get it he’s in love or whatever but dude stop being creepy

THERE YOU GO AGAIN SAYING THEY CANT BE FRIENDS

This dude is being her friend and when Bella says he’s her friend he’s like WOAH no no no we’re not friends I just like hanging out with you and stuff....

HOW CAN SHE AVOID YOU WHEN YOU’RE DROP DEAD GORGEOUS AND KEEP GOADING HER?

HA she thinks he’s Batman or Spider-Man she can’t decided that’s awesome

Because he can read minds Bella! Just not yours for some reason.

Ooo this boy is hot and he knows it look at him wrapping her around his finger

Edward go shoot your self

Oh my gods Bella. He has literally told you stay away I’m not safe like 10 times and it just now occurred to you that he might be dangerous?!

Ooo look at Edward skipping class how edgy

WHAT KIND OF SCIENCE CLASS HAS ITS STUDENTS PRICK THEIR FINGERS AS PART OF THE ASSIGNMENT?!

ooooh I see why Edward skipped class today

Haha this girl is scared of blood and she’s going to join a vampire clan? That’s a stupid idea.Her fear of blood is like crippling. She almost passed out and is now lying on the sidewalk trying to calm herself down.

How does she handle her period then? That must be a traumatic week...

OF COURSE EDWARD SHOWS UP

This guy just kidnapped her 

Edward I know it’s hilarious but you laughing is just going to piss her off so please let’s avoid a temper tantrum and stop laughing

What the- So Mike (he likes Bella hates Edward I find him annoying) just walks into the nurses office with another guy who fainted when he saw blood and Edward is like Bella get out of the office right now

What is Mike gonna do? What did you read in Mike’s mind, Ed?

Bella is like 2 steps from being a Vampire. She hates the smell of blood. Not the sight of it just the smell. And did she not notice that Edward just referred to her as human as in he’s not

He actually just dragged her to his car. Is nobody else concerned? 

Oh look at that they just bonded over classical music

LOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL  Edward like low key just asked if Bella’s parents would be okay if he married her. You have known her for barely two months you need to calm down lover boy. 

“There are no secrets in Forks.” oh then I guess everyone knows that the best doctor around and all of his family are vampires??

Edward. Shut up. 

Nobody likes you Jessica. Shut up, I don’t want your opinion. 

Okay how does Bella plan on getting out of town with Edward with out her dad and the entire town asking questions. Her truck is loud and distinctive. If she leaves it anywhere in town everyone will know within 5 minutes. And she cant leave it in her drive way because then her dad will get suspicious. AND is she going to take Edward clothing shopping with her?! I see flaws in this plan. 

Do drift wood fires really burn blue? holy frick it does. Whaaaaaaaaaaat. OH it’s also toxic and not safe to burn so um they’re all going to die. 

*gasp* is this when we meet the werewolf people?! Jacob? *mutters* is that his name? 

Haha I knew it

If they’re pretty they’re not human. That is what this book has taught me. 

I like Jacob. He sticks around right?

haha he likes her. Man I wish I could in good conscious ship them. He’s funny, a good talker, attractive, builds cars. What more could she want? But no. She chooses Edward. Which is fine. I assume I’ll eventually like him too. But right now I’m all for Jacob. 

Oh I bet the Cullens don’t come to the beach because of the Blacks. 

NOOOOOO no no no Bella please for the love of god do not try and flirt it will not work and will only end up embarrassing you and me. 

How is this working?

Jacob has got to be pulling her leg or something. There is no way he’d actually be giving away clan secrets like this. 

Looks like he is.  

What an idiot. 

YEAH Vampires! Finally. 

Yeah uh huh be worried Jacob. You just told the biggest secret ever to the one person who is going to believe you. 

Yeeaaaah Team Jacob. Bella stop leading on the better of your two options. Everyone knows you won’t choose him except for him. 

 Listen to your dream. It’s more accurate than you know. 

Her just listening to the same album over and over again is so relatable. 

Believe it Bella. He’s a Vampire. Now go confront him about it. 

Foreshadowing that Edward is from the 18th century? Did he know Jane Austin? 

ha I love her dad. 

Lol Tyler my guy you don’t have a chance. 

OOOOOOH sunlight right. The sparkle or whatever in the sun so they can’t go to school when there’s direct sunlight. I’m so freaking slow. Thanks for explaining, Angela. 

oh no... The dudes have her trapped. Edward is going to show up. I would bet money on it. 

haha silver car that had better be edward- aw that move was smooth as hell- yeah edward! 

Little did you know that Vampires are amazing get away drivers. They can even do fancy driving tricks. If you want a good chauffeur hire a Vampire. 

What’s wrong, Eddy? Why you so mad?

Aw. He got so riled up for her. He really needs to learn to not feel things so strongly but it’s still cute. 

Yeah maybe don’t try and distract him by talking about someone he might see as a threat to your affection for him.  

Dang he’s a good driver. 

lol I haven’t liked Edward at all. He’s annoying, possessive, can’t control his emotions, cocky. Then I find out he’s a good driver and I’m like ooo I like him. I am such an idiot. 

Edward you don’t eat. Why do you want to take Bella out for dinner? That’s just going to be awkward. 

Oh nooooo. Every single person in Forks is going to know that Bella stayed behind with Edward. uuuuugh this is a nightmare. 

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?? This guy has been alive for who knows how long and you’re telling me he has no idea the effect he has on women? He doesn’t know the paralyzing ability his smile has? Bullcrap. 

oh oh oh he’s giving her his jacket oooooh she has fallen forever

oh and he wears turtle necks. I aproooove. Turtle necks are so cool. Idk but I love them. 

Lol I don’t think he thinks she’s human. He knows she’s not a vampire but she does not act like a human. 

NO do not question him Bella. This is a bad idea. I do not advise.

“Let’s call him ‘Joe’“ LOL

OH my GOSSSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSH 

lol she’s a trouble magnet and it’s the truth

ooo that’s a nice word: Unequivocally

HE WAS FOLLOWING HER?! that’s not creepy at all! 

wait. what?

Ooooh he wanted to kill her the first time they met and yet he didn’t kill her I get it now

Tell her. 

okay calm down buddy Bella is okay everyone is fine you need to take a deep breathe and calm down. 

oh shoot okay going to dinner was a smart idea it kept him from killing people

Why can’t he read her mind? I wanna know. 

[blackgirlblues]

Being A Black Girl: And Chasing Your Dreams.. Yikes.

Hi, 

It’s me, your resident black girl back with some new shit to rant about. I’ve been posting a few screenshots of short poems and paragraphs I’ve been writing on my phone as a way to heal and get over Capricorn boy from my last post on here and I see you guys like and reblog. Thank you for showing love, although it makes me sad that so many of you seem to be going through the same range of emotions I am. I’m sorry. 

I know it’s a lonely place to be in. 

But, on the bright side, I’ve got a lot of new followers joining the diary/manual/rant page that is blackgirlology and it’s nice cause I think it’s becoming a little bit of a community. So, in a way, were never really going through any of these emotions alone. If you’ve found this page-you’re part of a community. Bask in it. 

Anyways, that aside, a lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I don’t know if any of you may remember, and for some new people this will be a surprise. But I’m actually a singer songwriter from Ireland. Moved to London a year and a half ago to pursue my music dream and that’s how I met Capricorn boy whos been the source of all my poems. 

Throughout this time in between, I’ve been trying to chase my dreams, and chase them relentlessly. and this summer i did just that, let me tell you, what im about to tell you guys, is to put it simply, wild. I’ll just cut to the chase. 

It all started in July. I’d been in London for quite a long time now, over a year and now have a manager who’s my best friend first and foremost. We’ll call her Maya. I met her in my first week of moving to London in the student halls I was staying at and we became best friends pretty quick. She studies music business, so it made sense and she just naturally ended up taking up the role as my music manager. Shes seen everything. The songs I wrote about Capricorn boy, the tears, everything. And she saw everything this summer. 

I saw an ad for a record label opportunity in London. It was advertised on my university facebook page; a new indie label, looking for demo submissions for a competition they were setting up to find their new signee. I sent a screenshot to Maya who agreed I should send my stuff in. I did, they liked it, I got a meeting, we were sent terms and conditions for the competition. We signed it, the rest was supposed to be history. 

Big yikes. 

There’s so many layers to this story that I will be shortening it, just because it can get very draining for me to talk about or even write about. I’ve healed from it i think, but I still want to put it here and write it about to finally close that chapter and be done with my feelings about what happened to me and my music. 

Basically, the whole competition, the record label, the dickhead CEO, it was all a scam. I had accidentally signed away the master rights to my new song to a record label started by a fake CEO who was committing fraud and known for tricking young artists into handing over their master rights so he could profit off of them, for power. 

It was a mess. Another contestant told me and Maya when we were outside of their office. Just minutes before we were under the impression that I was doing an interview for Billboard Magazine. Honestly, I never truly believed it. Shit was too good to be true. 

But she told us everything. How he was actually a run away from Spain, where he was caught and exposed for doing the exact same thing to artists there, how he didn’t have any money to fund the competition he had somehow roped all of us into, how he was illegally avoiding paying his team, how none of the creatives we had collaborated with for photoshoots etc were paid, how everything was a lie, how he didnt have any connections, and how he was trying to convince me specifically to sign a 360 deal with his label. 

Which, guys, I’m not stupid. After the first week of being with the label for the competition and letting my song live through their disastrous marketing campaign, Maya and I long decided that regardless of what they said, I would not under any circumstances be signing anything with any entity of their company. 

After being told the truth, I had to sit down. You see, when I came across this opportunity, I thought this was finally the life I’d been manifesting coming true. I had begun to grow in my spirituality and start journaling, writing down my manifestations, and getting to work with a record label who would later offer me a fair contract before I turn 20 was one of the manifestations I had written down every night before I went to bed. However, what I’d gotten was the exact opposite. 

I remember, me, Maya, and 2 of the girls from the competition all stood around in a circle outside of their new office that the CEO also hadnt paid for wondering what our next move would be with this new information. There was still 2 other contestants inside who had no idea what was really going on was an elaborate scam. One of them wanted to go in and expose them on the spot. I said no, we had to go in and pretend like everything was normal until we figured out what to do afterwards. 

So in I went, plastering the fakest smile on my face and pretended like I still thought I was about to be speaking with Billboard Magazine. Once I got out, I broke down in Maya’s arms. 

I went home to my flatmates, Ellie and Bea and cried for hours before I had to go work a 7 hour shift at a pizza place. 

I stayed in bed, and cried, and cried. and cried again. I didn’t get out of bed unless I needed too. The only people I talked too were my flatmates E and B and Maya. 

Everything was sorted out eventually, a lot more happened, but as I’ve been writing this article for you guys, I realised that all of that stuff is no longer relevant to my journey and isnt something I want to bring back into my energetic circle because I’ve made peace with the fact that a lot of people who betrayed me when I was at my lowest, peace with the fact that these contestants who wanted to “work together” to get out of this mess, actually wanted to save their own asses and leave me in the cold. 

But I still got out of it and I’m still here. 

I nearly got sued by a man with less than 20 pound to his company account online, but hey, I’m here.

I guess why I’m telling you guys this really short account of my summer is to both record it for myself but also to say its okay to flop, its okay to fail. I did both this summer. and thank god i did. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

following your dreams is scary, doing it as a black girl is terrifying because society has already kind of set you up to fail. there’s already misconceptions about what you do, who you are, where you come from and how good you’re going to be at what you do. its almost like we cant fail and we need to work 10 times harder to obtain half of what the average white person will get. and sometimes it can feel like we dont have any space to fail or make mistakes because of this but let me tell you thats not true. 

if anything, the universe will put you in places that will force you to grow through the mistakes you make. and thats exactly what happened to me this summer. 

i chased my dream so relentlessly i ended up in an environment i thought i manifested, i thought was good for me, only for the universe to show me that that specific environment i’d been wishing to be in is the furthest from what i need right now in my life. 

this so called failure showed me that not everybody who smiles can be trusted, and that people can be way more deceiving than i ever thought, especially when push comes to shove and they need to save themselves. you start to see the real them when it starts to get tense. the people who seem to be around you when you’re doing good will most likely dissapear when things start to go south, including some of your oldest friends. you will get radio silence on their end. be upset. cry. but after that be glad that this situation revealed their true colours. 

and then never put any more energy into them again. 

this failure showed me how fucking strong i am. how resilient and kind i am even in the face of disrespect and actual evil. it showed me how much i can care for someone who i believe is at a risk of losing it all, and showed me that this will not always be reciprocated. and for a while i thought that meant that i had to harden myself up and grow a shell. but i dont think so. i will not allow the things ive been through to make me into a hard person when i was born soft. i mean now, im a little rough around the edges, jagged enough to cut anyone who comes too close with some of that bad energy, but soft enough to hold myself tight and glue myself back together when i need to. soft enough to hold the people who held me this summer. soft enough to help people who i know deserve it. 

im a good person in a shitty world, i don’t need to match the world and become a shitty person to survive. 

after all of this happened, i stopped writing music. 

i haven’t written anything properly or produced anything in months and sometimes i get worried that ive completely lost my talent. but thats another thing that this failure taught me, i can never truly lose whats meant to be mine. i know that i was put on this earth to create change, to inspire, to be an activist and a voice for people who dont have one. i know i was put here to do it through a creative medium and right now i still think that is music. 

i think i just need to stop being so scared to start again, to learn my craft again.

i used to be so scared of failure but now i am so thankful for it and the lessons its taught me. i had so much hurt and pain and hatred in my heart for the universe for, in my head, doing this to me. but then i realised that the universe never does anything to you, it does it for you. all of this happened in my best interest and while i definitely didnt understand at the time, i get it now.

thank you universe for the worst summer of my life. 

and my black ass will be continuing to chase my dreams relentlessly, failing, tripping and falling on my ass until i get to the very top. 

besides, if everything had just gone right, that wouldnt have been very interesting, would it?

[margaritasfromabag]

This is part 2 of that fic I wrote like months ago.

It had been almost two weeks since that incident on the sidewalk. He's played it on repeat in his head.

You weren't happy to see him.

The small twinkle in your e/c eyes wasnt there anymore.

He tried and tried to text and call you but he stopped seeing as you probably needed space.

But this time was different. He knew what he done and was dead set on atoning his actions.

Midtown only had a half day today so Pete figured this was as perfect as any. He made his way all the way down to Marietta. It was honestly way farther than he remembered.

He sat on the steps knowing you'd come out of those huge metal doors any minute amd worked on his apology.

Like clock work the bell rang and kids came running. He tirelessly waded through the waves of adolescence before he saw you.

You were smiling.

God how he missed that.

He wasted no time running over.

There you were minding your own P's and Q's when someone furiously tapped your shoulder

You turned quickly knocking off a "Teagan i tould you I'd give you chem notes for...oh."

There he was. Peter.

You slammed your locker abruptly before trying to run off. But he grabbed your backpack in resistance.

"Please Y/n just...just give me five minutes okay. Dont like what I've got to say the thats it okay. Please just-"

"Fine." You sighed.

"Listen I know it was wrong to not say anything when they were talking about you. I should have stopped it. I know you have every right to be mad at me." He pleaded still holding your jansport in place.

"You know its not just that Peter right?"

This shocked him. What else did he do? He was sure that that while kinda a dumb thing to get pissy about was it.

He scrunched his brows before you continued with a sigh.

"That. Was just the cherry on top. What I'm really 'mad' about is that you've blown me off what seemed any chance you got, to go and i don't even know but I'm assuming it was so you could hangout with those assholes."

His eyes widened and he tried to pull you closer.

You gave in and turned to face him.

Your e/c eyes had turned glassy and tears threatened.

"You were my best friend Peter. Through thick and thin remember. We promised we would always be there for each other and you stopped being there all together."

Peter looked down. He kmew he had been running off and away a lot but it wasn't for his friends it was other things. Like save the world kinda things. He never really thought what he was doing was hurting you.

"Y/n I am so sorry...but i promise you that it wasn't at all what you thought.-"

"Then what was it Peter?"

"Well i can't exactly ...tell... you."

You shock your head before taking a step back.

"Come on Y/n please. What are you doing?."

"I cant tell you." You spat back before grabbing your things and walking away.

Peter chased you to the door before you could open it.

"Go away Peter."

"Right now. I cant exactly tell you...right now." He whispered.

You looked up at him his face was full of worry.

"Just trust me okay? I swear i will tell you just not now. Not here."

________

You had agreed to go over to May's and he would tell you everything, no more lies and shitty excuses.

You pulled the strap of your bag as you knocked on the door only to be met by a very nervous boy.

He wasted no time and pulled you in and to his room.

You sat on his bed staring at him waiting for an answer.

But this one was not what you expected.

"Im Spiderman." he stated dryly.

You dropped your shoulders and rolled your eyes and before you could protest he already started again.

"I'm Spiderman and.. And I know you probably don't believe me but I am."

He got up and walked to the closet and pulled out a box from stark industries.

He pulled out the iconic red and blue suit and your jaw dropped.

"Spiderman? You Peter Benjamin Parker. Are spiderman?! Peter how? I just?"

And after a bit of explaining and complete mom freak outs Peter had convinced you to go web swinging with him. Kinda his was of saying im sorry.

To which you spent the whole time holding onto him for dear life and screaming.

When he finally stopped at the top of a radio tower on the old Stark tower. You still held onto him like glue.

"Are we on the ground now?" You asked, face still stuck in his shoulder.

"Nope."

He sat down with you in his lap and looked out at all the city lights.

You looked up and around and smiled.

It was beautiful. The lights were like a billion stars all shining bright.

"So are you alright?" He asked.

"Alright? Peter i just found out my bestfriend is a fucking superhero!"

The res of the evening was spent catching up on everything the other has missed you told him about the new album your favorite band released and he told you about the science trip to the new museum on tuesday he's excited for.

The world was right again.

****

Thanks for reading

Sorry i didnt really tag anyone

I also wanna say sorry it took forever and sorry its awful.

[journalistquinnfabray]

Tagging: @doveportcedes

Time frame: Post the accident 2/14

Location: Hospital 

Notes: Directly post accident. Mercedes feelings about it and Quinns feelings about her life/ seeing puck again. 

Quinn:  Quinn pulls her car up to the scene, the flashing lights making her unable to see how bad it is. She had gotten a text from her boss about a crash and how she had to go report on it for the morning. Grumpily, she left Oliver behind and drove to the scene. The closer she walks to the scene, the more is revealed, and Quinn feels like shes walking into a horror scene. She knows that car, the black four door car. Her heart sinks as she approaches, seeing blood and glass scattered across the asphalt. Shes startled when her phone rings, dropping her camera.

 "Hello?" Quinn answers. "Is this Lucy Fabray?" An unkown man asks. 

 Quinn almost forgets her own name for a moment. "n- Yes this is her" "You're Mercedes Jones' emergency contact, theres been an accident." 

 The rest of the call fades out into a blur as Quinn realises its true. This is one of her closest friends cars. Crushed like a can, sitting infront of her. She searches out for a body in the car before realising the flashing lights are getting further away. She runs back into her car, almost forgetting to pick up her camera before speeding off to the only hospital she knows.

Mercedes:  It had been hours before Mercedes had awoken. The room was dark and she knew it was early morning, it was just a feeling. For a moment, it was all a dream, for a moment she was in bed and the rest of the world had just witnessed her concert, she saved a cat and she was on top of the world. 

But then the pain started, her head, her body, her leg. She heard movement and noticed someone sitting across from her. Her eyes adjusted and she realized it was Quinn. "Q?" She said hoarsely and trying to sit up.

Quinn: Quinn was starting to drift off sitting on the couch. She was worried for her friend, and the anxiety had been eating her up inside, but shes had to wait hours and its getting kind of late. The doctor told her not to expect Mercedes to wake up anytime soon, and she doesnt feel bad if she takes a quick 20 minute power nap. Just as she starts drifting off she hears a hoarse voice. Sitting up quickly, she can see her friends eyes open, and shes struggling to sit up. Her heart blooms with happiness that her friend is alive. "Mercedes!" She almost yells in her excitement "Thank god! Here, let me help you" Quinn rushes over to help her friend sit up.

Mercedes:  Mercedes stared at Quinn and accepted her help sitting up. "Q what happened?" She ran her hands through her hair but stopped feeling a bandage on her forehead. "It wasn't a dream was it?" She swallowed remembering the accident. Her leg being crushed by the door and steering column. Connor telling her everything would be okay.

Quinn:  Quinn looks at her friend with pity as she watches the revelation come over her. "There was an accident. Some idiot ran a red light and crashed into you. It wasnt a dream." She holds her friends hand, hoping to be the support the girl needs.

Mercedes:  Mercedes felt tears come to her eyes. The averted down to her leg. She couldn't bare to look at it, to move it, if she lost it... She was about to ask Quinn about it when the door opened and the nurse walked in. 

 "Oh good you are awake I was just coming to check on you." She said softly. "I know you must have a ton of questions, I can get the doctor for you." 

 Mercedes just nodded, still trying to process it all. She looked at Quinn as the nurse stepped out and squeezed her hand. "You look tired Q, tell me you haven't been here all night?"

Quinn:  Quinn watched Mercedes with sad eyes. She wished she could take the pain away from her friend. "How could I leave you here? I didn't even know I was your emergency contact" Quinn sighs "I came to report and saw it was your car, and then I got the call" She rubbed circles into Mercedes hand. "I couldn't go home without seeing that you were okay, regardless of what the doctor said"

Mercedes:  Mercedes nodded. "Sorry Q I meant to tell you." she said softly. "I have you and San." She exhaled laying back for a moment. "I am so happy you are here,  I don't want to be alone. God Q i was so scared...I thought." She shook her head as she closed her eyes.

Quinn:  Quinns glad that Mercedes chose her to be an emergency contact. "Its okay, I know now. Thank you for picking me" Quinn looks down at the cast, worried about her leg. "You're okay, I promise. The doctors even think you'll get back most of your motion"

Mercedes:  "I might?" She couldn't believe this was happening.  She looked at her friend and forced a smile. She knew Quinn, knew she felt it all. "Hey, hey its okay, I am okay."

Quinn:  Quinn smiled at her friend, trying to force happiness for her. "The good news is that we have tons of time to catch up on brooklyn nine nine?" She says, it coming out as more of a question than a statement. She hugs her friend. "I'm really glad you're okay Mercy"

Mercedes:  Mercedes tried to smile widely but only got halfway. "For sure! The new Season started and I am so behind." She hugged her back. "Me too Q." The doctor walked in with a soft smile. 

 "Well nice to see you among the pand of the living Mercedes. Your dad would have my hide if anything happened to you."  

"Hi Dr. Carter." She said hoarsely.

 "So looks like you had a very bad accident. You suffered from whiplash which is normal and a minor head lack, but your leg is what we were worried about. Your femur bone was fractured from the crash, and you ankle was broken. Most femoral shaft fractures take 3 to 6 months to completely heal. You will need therapy but the worst of it is you need to stay off your leg for at least 8 weeks if not more." 

 "What!?!?!"

Quinn:  Quinn swallows. This is not good news. She worries for her friend, and she hopes her face hasn’t gone pale. “Mercedes, the most important thing is that you’re alive okay? You can overcome all this other stuff”

Mercedes:  She may have nodded at Quinn, but her mind was running rampant with thoughts of fear and loss. Her future, her life it was all gonna change. And she wasnt ready to face it. "Yeah you are right." She lied.

Quinn:  Quinn rubs more soothing circles into Mercedes hand "Anything you need, I'm here for you okay? I'll help you get better. Its only a few weeks and you'll be back to normal! You're so lucky"

Mercedes:  Mercedes sighed. "Thanks Q, I am so glad you are here. I dont know what I would do if I were alone." She squeezed Quinns hand.

Quinn:  Quinn softly smiles. "You know I'd always be here for you." Squeezing her hand once again "So, tell me all about how you felt at the concert!"

Mercedes:  Mercedes sighed closing her eyes. "I felt complete. Like, like that is what I should be doing every day of my life. I love my job I love my patients but Q, I belong on that stage." She looked down to her leg. "Or at least I did."

Quinn:  Quinn feels so much sadness for her friend. This was supposed to be the night of her life, and now here she is in the hospital. “You’ll get back there, I promise. You killed it on that stage”

Mercedes:  Mercedes shook her head. "This just proves that I need to stay put and not venture away from what I know."

Quinn:  "No!" Quinn states. "Mercedes, you cant let this stop you if its your dream. What if this is just the lord testing you? Maybe he wants you to fight for it"

Mercedes:  Mercedes stared at her. "How is this a test? Its devastating. My heart was so full and now im certain that I was never meant to do this." Could it really be a test? Could she really be happy not being on that stage again?"

Quinn:  "I don't know. We both know he works in weird ways. I know you were meant to do this. You were up on that stage, and you just looked so at home. You're supposed to do that 'Cedes. Dont let this stop you, let it make you stronger"

Mercedes:  Mercedes sighed with tears in her eyes. "Q what if I can't walk the same or stand the same? What if I can never do it again?"

Quinn:  Quinn doesnt know how to answer her friend. She can say the right thing, but it may not be true. "I don't know. You might not be able to. But that cant stop you, please don't let it stop you"

Mercedes:  Mercedes wiped her eyes before closing them. Her hands wrapped around Quinn's hand. She knew Quinn was right and maybe just maybe she could make it this time. "I won't."

Quinn:  Quinns glad her friend seems to listen. She'll follow up with it later. "I'm glad. How else have you been?"

Mercedes:  Mercedes sighed. "Nothing really I have been so busy with work and the concert I dont think I've had a life."

Quinn: Quinn smiles, a thought coming to her head. "How about I tell you some stories from my fucked up life to distract you? The Quinn Fabray show always seems to have drama"

Mercedes:  Mercedes sighed moving slowly to make room for Quinn. "Come on lay down and tell Cedes everything."

Quinn:  Quinn lays beside Mercedes, tucking her head carefully onto the other girls shoulder. "Well, for one, you'll never guess who lives in this dumb town. Puck, as in, that Puck"

Mercedes:  Mercedes eyes widened. "No, Quinn no! Noah Puckerman is your "Puck?"

Quinn:  She expected Mercedes shock, heck, even she was shocked herself. "Yup, the one and only. I couldn't believe it! and to make matters worse, I literally ran into him on a beach when I was already trying to calm down"

Mercedes:  Mercedes knew about their history and knew how hard seeing him had to be for her. "Q, oh I am so sorry. What did he say?"

Quinn:  Quinn sighs. "It was a kind of awkward catch up. Did you know Sarahs pregnant? We're getting old. And he has heaps of tattoos now" Quinn sniffles, hes not the easiest topic to talk about.

Mercedes:  Mercedes leaned into her and took her hand. "Had I known... I am sorry you had to see him like that."

Quinn:  Quinn shakes her head. "You couldn't have known. I barely told you about him, its alright. It just bought up all those feelings about Lily that I thought I was over"

Mercedes:  "Q, you will never truly be over any feelings about Lily. Its not in you. He just brought them to the surface. I wanna punch him for hurting you."

Quinn:  "Don't punch him, you can't run away right now" Quinn chuckles, hoping its already an appropriate time to make jokes. "I had stopped thinking about her you know? I wasn't stuck in my head anymore about it. Yeah, I still think about her daily, but it wasn't torture. And now, its all back."

Mercedes:  Mercedes couldn't know the pain Quinn was feeling, but her heart broke for her best friend. "You did what you had to do. There is no need to feel tortured I know you can't help it but I wish you could see that."

Quinn:  Quinn sighs, she always feels so heartsick about it.  “I don’t know. He’s all mature, and adult now. I can’t help but think about what it would be like if we could’ve kept her. I know we made the best choice at the time, but we were kids who didn’t know better”

Mercedes:  "Trust me Noah Puckerman is not all Mature." She leaned against Quinn. "You gave Lily a life, you gave her a chance. And that was you being her mom."

Quinn:  Quinn nods, she tells herself those words all the time but shes not sure if she ever believes them. "He's much more mature than back then. He used to spend hours lecturing me on the different super Marios and why 2 was the best”

Mercedes:  "Okay he has grown up, yes I guess but he's still the ass who hurt you and I am not here for that."

Quinn:  "Please don't go fight Puck right now. Hes not worth it. The good news is, I think I might actually be getting over him"

Mercedes: "Why?" She whined but then smiled. "Getting over him?!?!? How whats up?" 

Quinn:  "Because you're literally injured Mercy. He'll still be there to fight when you heal up." Seeing Puck was a shock for sure, and it reminded Quinn of all her relationship fuck ups. "Well I think I was in love with him for a while back then, and then he you know, took off and ran, so I never really got closure. But seeing him, it kind of made me realise just how much he wouldn't fit into my life anymore."

Mercedes:  Mercedes sighed. "Fine." she whined. "Your life is so much better than it was and you are right he doesn't fit. And I am happy about that."

Quinn:  Quinn nudges her friend, looking up at her. “I love you, you know that? Today has reminded me just how grateful I am to have you in my life.”

Mercedes:  "Oh Q. You are my best friend. I am grateful for you too. And i know seeing him was hard, but I am so proud of how you handled all of that."

Quinn: Quinn presses a kiss to her friends cheek. "My life does seem to be an endless list of fuck ups doesnt it?" 

Mercedes:  "No." She assured her. "This is all about finding our way. Finding your way and you are already there."

Quinn:  “Ah, I dunno. I still have a lot of things I need to check off my adulting list” Quinn jokes.

Mercedes:  Mercedes laughed. "You and me both. But if anyone can reach their goals and check em all off its you." She sighed. "I don't know where I would be without you Q, thanks for being here with me."