#can't wait to be disappointed by this season after like 6 weeks

[veryintricaterituals]

I understand people love Baby Colin Robinson and why it's so important to them. But with the conversation about queerbaiting going on I can't help feeling a bit baited about Laszlo and Colin. I remember binging seasons 1-3. In especially season 3 I could tell there was some kind of thing developing between them. It felt so jarring to see Colin getting turned into a baby like that after all that set up. I think there could have been a million different ways they could deal with Collins regeneration without doing that. And now I see some people feel uncomfortable at the idea of Colin and Laszlo because of that. It feels so unfair that laszlin already existed and seemed so possible just for that to get thrown out. Like I'm happy with how Colin is written in season 5 and 6 but that season 4 crap just keeps coming back to ruin things. I don't understand why they couldn't have a side romance in the background. It feels like this show it just allergic against letting a same gender couple be romantically affectionate on screen. It's such a tiny thing and I hate complaining about it, but I hate that Colin and Laszlo didn't kiss in the elevator. It felt uncomfortable that the idea of them kissing was being used as a joke

Season three really got us all, didn't it? I don't really go here, as in, I've never even considered Laszlo/Colin, but I'm very much a person who says ship and let ship. And now that you've mentioned it, they did have their moments in season three and onwards. I guess it just turned into parental bonding in my eyes, but again, I can see it, I can see the vision.

I don't think it was baited in the same way that nandermo was, and by that I only mean: the marketing, the interviews, the articles that focused on the ship and that were clearly designed to bring LGBT audiences and viewers to the show. And that is one of my main problems with the ending and with this season as a whole. That doesn't mean that I think nandermo is better than any other ship, it is mine, so I like it, but please don't take it the wrong way.

You're absolutely right when you point out that this show is allergic to showing affection or love to anything except for the straight appearing relationships. It's a huge problem. For a show that calls itself queer and welcoming I sure haven't seen any same sex couples besides some jokes and allusions. Say if we had Baron/Sire explicitly confirmed (a comment about them even, a hug, anything) I wouldn't talk. If Guillermo had been able to have a boyfriend for more than one episode, if Nandor's search for love had involved men in more than a comedic way, if... If.. if.. if... Then I wouldn't be angry at all, but the thing is that none of that happened, and our "queer rep" ended up being just jokes (mostly at our expense: as in the only reason this joke is funny is because "haha gay". The only reason Nandor and Laszlo hook up is because it's clearly a joke to the writers, it never goes beyond that, it never explores that dynamic between them, same with Laszlo and the Baron).

I think you get to feel whatever you're feeling and it's absolutely valid. I'm mad and disappointed at the whole season, at the time and potential wasted. I'm waiting for next week's episode so that I can put canon firmly behind me and turn to what I have always turned to when canon fails me: fic and art.

I'm probably going to get really mad for a while beforehand though and I feel that as a lesbian, a queer person, who looked for a queer tv show and ended up being queerbaited I get to do that, I get to feel betrayed and upset. And so do you.

[oneatlatime]

Hiii!!! I’ve been binging through your blog for the past few weeks and I noticed how you talk about how Kataang(Katara x Aang) is portrayed in the show. Honestly yeah, I will admit I didn’t like it at first but now I just don’t really care for it. But I’d be interested hearing an in-depth opinion on the ship(unless you already did and I just never noticed or forgot 😭).

Another question, do you think you’re going to read the comics that came out the series? If you’re asking my opinion I’d say they’re a uuuh 7-8 out of 10 IG?

I do have thoughts on Kataang which I haven't shared yet. Part of me thinks I should wait to answer your ask until I've finished the series; it's obvious to me that these two are being set up to be the big finale couple, which means if I talk about them now I'm probably missing the pieces I need to have a full, well-rounded opinion. But you know what? I feel like talking about them now. So here goes.

Short answer: It peeves me that Aang comes from a culture that seemingly doesn't even have parents, yet he still manages to date his mother.

Long answer: they're both way too young. I'm a huge fan of letting the kids be kids for as long as possible. Especially with these kids, who have been prevented from being kids by the war. As Katara points out in the opening scene of the very first episode, she's been the mother since her own died (or at least she feels like she has had to be the mother). Call me crazy, but I'd rather Katara spend a few years after the war doing dumb childish stuff to recapture that lost childhood than jump straight into a relationship. Isn't the safety and space to do dumb childish stuff one of the things those who are trying to end the war are fighting for? Shouldn't she get to enjoy that? And Aang is just way too young no matter what way you look at it. He's 12 right? I think that would make him a grade 6 student. Back in my day (yells at cloud) Grade 6 students collected yugioh cards and feuded over who had the snazzier lunch box. I could picture a 12 year old having a crush on a slightly older girl that goes to the same school, but it would be short lived and unactionable. I guess Katara would be around 14? So, a grade 8 student. A grade 8 girl would not date a grade 6 boy. It would just never happen.

They've both got bigger fish to fry. Aang is the last Air Nomad AND the current Avatar. When he fully takes on both of those positions, what time will he have for a girlfriend? Katara is the only Southern Waterbender. Whether or not she wants the responsibility, it will be her duty to single-handedly reconstruct a huge portion of her nation's culture from the ground up once she returns south. Does she have the time to ping pong around the globe mothering her boyfriend as he rides giant animals or does Avatar stuff? Say she wants to: what will her family and the rest of her tribe think of the only person who can access such a huge part of their culture riding off into the sunset?

Their current relationship dynamic is still too mother/son. This is more obvious in season 1 than in season 2 (maybe that's growth?) but you can't depict a male/female pair as pieta and then expect me to ship. I think this could change somewhat, but I've already been disappointed in that. I thought that once Katara had mastered waterbending and therefore felt she had something other than mothering to contribute to the group, she would back off with the mothering. And she did, a little, but not enough for my tastes. Maybe as Aang fully steps into the Avatar role and the last Air Nomad role (sidenote: no idea what the latter would look like) he'll move on to a more equal relationship with Katara.

I think Katara is meant for better things than rebirthing a nation. Bending seems to be at least somewhat genetic. So if Aang wants Airbending in any form to survive after his death, he's going to need a billion kids. While I could definitely see Katara wanting children, I don't see her as the barefoot pregnant type.

I'm not convinced that Aang has a clear picture of Katara. She has flaws, which is good! Does Aang see them?

I get the feeling that, while they are helping each others' skills grow as they travel the globe, they are also preventing each others' personalities from growing. As long as Aang is around, Katara has someone to mother. As long as Katara is around, Aang has someone who prevents him from feeling the full weight of his responsibilities. Again, this is worse in season 1, but how often did Katara deny that Aang was to blame for something that was at least somewhat his fault? Aang will never become a fully rounded person until he can look at his flaws and mistakes dead on and say "my bad" without a Katara in the background going "no you're perfect!" Katara deserves to find out what kind of person she is outside of a nurturing role. Quick thought experiment: what if you pair Katara with someone who needs no nurturing, or better yet, nurtures her? And what if you pair Aang with someone as bluntly truthful as Toph? Katara and Aang might find both of those situations uncomfortable at first, but I think it would contribute to their growth.

Aang having a crush on an oblivious Katara would be a great single season arc. I think it would fit both of their characters well, and I think Aang growing past latching on to the first person he saw after the iceberg would be a good way to show that he's rooting himself in his time-displaced present, and fully committing to ending the war. And don't get me wrong, I love Aang and Katara both as a fighting team and as friends.

These kids are all fighting a war, and all kids. I don't mind the supporting characters having romances, because it's not like Sokka or Suki can end the war, no matter how hard they try/might want to. But I'm a big believer in doing one thing at a time, and I think if you're the only person in the whole world who can end a war, then ending the war should take precedence over dating. I'm aware that that's an unrealistic expectation and out of step with the show's theme of balance. In the real world, birth rates skyrocket during war time because people live for the moment and grab happiness (read boinking) wherever they see it. But both these kids are pre-boinking age so I'm going to be a cranky old fart about it.

Being the wife of the Avatar is a position that will often come with being relegated to second place, especially with the amount of work that undoing a century of war will take. Although she works well in a team, Katara is a naturally dominant personality. Katara did enough of putting herself in second place before the series started. I think Katara could very easily fall into the pattern of subjugating her own needs and desires and putting her husband's first, but I don't want that to happen. And one way to prevent that from happening is to prevent her from dating the single most politically important person in the universe. (To be clear, Aang would never deliberately squish a wife like that, I just think the workload of being Avatar and last air nomad would cause that to happen)

A lot of my objections to this pairing are very adult objections. I don't know what I would have thought about this pairing when I was the age of the show's target audience. It undoubtedly would have bothered me less, although I probably would have been put off by how twee it is. As an adult, all I can see are babies playing house.

As for the comics, I hadn't made any concrete plans to read them. I don't know where I'd get access to them. I'm not sure how canonical they are. I guess I should probably decide whether or not I want to read them after I've finished the whole series. I've been told that my girl Jin appears in one of them, so I definitely have some interest. I have also had the Avatar Kyoshi novels strenuously recommended to me. But so much of Avatar's charm, to me, is in the medium. And while comics are closer to animation than books are, they're still static. Avatar does movement so well.

[animechick2015]

Anime I Watched in 2023, Part 1:

1. God Troubles Me 5/5

This is technically called a donghua but we’ll consider this an anime for this list. This show is the Chinese version of Gintama and I am for it. It so hilariously charming that I got addicted quickly. There wasn’t a single character that I disliked. In fact, there wasn’t a single episode that made me bored. The animation style was godly that it definitely gave a lot of Japanese anime a run for their money. Please, please, please give this one a chance.

2. Mob Psycho 100 100/10

Epic. Brilliant. Heart warming. Those are not enough to describe how much I loved this anime but it’ll have to do. Seriously, this one blew me away. I thought it was just a quirky anime about a middle schooler going psycho whenever he’s pissed but I’m so glad I was wrong. The second season caught me by surprise; it’s definitely my favorite of the three. Mob’s character development happened so effortlessly that I actually had to take a moment to let it all seep in on how much he changed. Also Reigen is the best Master in the anime universe, hands down. His confession to Mob at the end brought tears to my eyes, he truly cared for Mob.

3. Charlotte 4/5

Absolutely loved this one. The reason that this didn't get 5 stars was because the ending felt a bit rushed. Also, I didn't like Kumagami dying. He was such a vital character that I felt like we should've explored more. If I was the MC I would've definitely travelled back in time just to save him. Overall, I highly recommend this anime.

4. Barakamon 5/5

After watching a depressing anime like Charlotte, you definitely need something lighthearted to watch and this was really got me out of my funk. I wasn't expecting this to be so funny, honestly. This was such a warm, funny, slice of life that made me crave living in the countryside.

5. Blue Lock 5/5

Ok I have to admit I didn't start off liking this one. Isagi's whining was grating on my nerves. Thankfully, I have learnt the error of my ways and have now come to realize that Isagi is HIM! Holy crap the development of this boy was crazzzzyy. There are so many interesting characters in this show that I was confused who was the real main character. Also, it was so refreshing to have an anime without the power of friendship; it was every man for themselves and I was absolutely there for it.

6. Play It Cool Guys 5/5

Ahhhh this was such a cute wholesome anime! If you're stressed out with life please just watch these adorkable group of young men try to navigate their lives. It was so nice to see the uncool side of guys for once. The episodes were short and sweet and I really hope we get another season of them.

7. Tomo-chan is a Girl! 5/5

This was such a funny and sweet show. I'm always a sucker for friends to lovers romance so this was right up my alley. This anime also had so many charming side characters that I couldn't but fall in love with them also.

8. Ice Guy and his Cool Work Colleague 5/5

I felt so single watching this. How do I sign up to work at their company? I swear everyone was finding love and being all happy while all I get in my workplace is stress and more stress. It was also so refreshing to have a romance anime with adults and not high schoolers.

9. Demon Slayer Season 3 5/5

Another great season to another great anime. Can I just add that I loved the OP from episode one while everyone was hating on it; it was such a banger! The animation was once again top tier that I can't wait to see what the studio does when animating the last arc. This was a tough season to compete with the flashy brilliance of Tengen's last season but they did wonderfully. I'm glad I got to see my baby girl Mitsuri finally animated.

10. My Love For Yamada -kun is Lv 999 5/5

I watched the first episode right after it aired and I knew I couldn't hold out for another week. I devoured the manga! It was that good. The anime definitely didn't disappoint. This was such a sweet, comforting anime that put my cynical heart at ease. I really hope that we get more seasons because my boy Yamada is the standard!

[thekimspoblog]

@somethin-stupid-67

Season 6 still canonically happened. He went to prison in 2010. He did end up serving 6 years of his sentence, but in 2016 Kim was contacted by Caleb Dawson, the eccentric preacher of a unitarian church based in Wyoming. He was impressed with her recent heroism at the womens' clinic, but the truth is Dawson has been paying attention to Saul Goodman and his associates for quite a while. Dawson used to be a friend of Ricky Sipes (BCS S1E5), who did end up going ahead with his secession plan after Jimmy turned him down. Dawson opposes the government and prisons in general, and so he's been planting his followers on parole boards for quite some time now. Considering Saul has become an icon among libertarian weirdos (the church's main membership), Dawson would be happy to pull some strings for Kim; because Jimmy is a nonviolent offender, he can be transferred to a minimum security prison in Wyoming, and from there they can get him released on house arrest in a matter of months. There's just one thing Dawson needs from Kim first: The megachurch game is really a winner-take-all industry, and Dawson has made enemies with some of his conservative competitors; other churches he'd like to crush and absorb into his own. Sure, Kim's not a lawyer anymore, not on paper... but she's still got some magic in her... and if she could come up with a plan for the other churches to lose their tax-exempt status... well she scratches his back, he'll scratch hers.

Of course Kim initially runs for the door. She doesn't want to prank anymore; shit gets real. But the universe quickly chips away at her reluctance: before the meeting with Dawson even took place, a corrupt cop beat her for helping a 17 yo get an abortion (and this also leads to her breaking up with Glenn). While seeing a doctor after that assault, she learns she has a few good childbearing years left, but the window is closing fast. What's more, hard to say if it's depression, clairvoyance or what, but Kim has been having this persistent, recurring dream; she keeps thinking back to "Suspiria" 1977, a horror movie she and Jimmy watched one night only a week before they broke up in 2004. It feels like more than a dream; it feels like she's seen a glitch in the matrix. And if her nights are haunted with tingles of the supernatural, her waking hours are plagued with apocalyptic visions. She wants to dismiss the feeling of doom as just being a symptom of hating her life in Florida (something she's tried to just accept) but when Hillary loses the election, and she sees her own cowardice reflected back in Clinton's willingness to just "accept" the results even if thousands will die, it's the final straw. Maybe Kim's not a good person, maybe when she acts, people can get hurt... but she can't spend the rest of her life living a lie/waiting around to die.

*Hillary didn't lose the popular vote. You know what I meant; she won the popular vote but the EC handed the title over to the traitorous rapist anyway. We all saw what happened.

Between 2010 and 2016, Kim and Jimmy were still meeting in prison once every few months. The scene we saw at the end of S6 WAS supposed to be goodbye, but as Jerry Seinfeld famously said, never bet against the backslide. When Kim went back to volunteering as a law clerk, that meant going back to the same old vocational headaches, and that just made her miss him all the more. First she was only visiting the prison every 6 months, then only once a month; by 2016 she's in the lobby like clockwork every Thursday. Everything else in life has been a disappointment, and even if things were going better for her, she'd want him there.

It was a small betrayal, but the fact is she did conceal her reasons from him, for why she really wanted him out. She emphasized the fact that the US prison system was exploiting him in a way that had nothing to do with whether he was rehabilitated; she emphasized how the nation was devolving into anarchy and he's the only man who's ever made her feel truly safe. She didn't mention that she was trying to get pregnant until Episode8 of Slippin' Kimmy, when he was already sprung. And at first he didn't react too well to the proposition; he's getting kinda fed up with how she jerks him around.

[ditzydisaster13]

Dizzy Decisions for DiNozzo

Each chapter will be formally summarized through a repeat of the title and a series of tags.

Any OCs will be mentioned prior to the story, and my personal comments will look like this:

«Hey», and timeskips will be written " NCISNCISNCIS ", finally summations of the chapter and the actual will be separated by a line like this

the rest of the information for the chapter will be listed below,

[Falling on my 6: NCIS, slight angst, Anthony Dinozzo, Tony, Tony comes out, coming out, kind Palmer, Palmer already knew, NCIS team, team finds out, Gibbs is super chill, scared to come out, about season 5, bi, bisexual character, bisexual Tony, mentions of past relationships, headcanon where Tony likes the secondary colours/ purple is his favorite colour, Ziva is weirdly proud, more]

…………………………………………………..

Life is like a carousel, where you just go around in circles of the same old thing every day all the while riding on the horse named expectations and just watching the people on the outside who are also waiting and watching. And you can't help but wonder if your stuck on this ride without escape and that this is truely your fate, or it's the actual maddens of life is the park the ride is placed in but your stuck in one place just waiting to walk down those stairs.

Tony Dinozzo often felt this way. Hoping he could change his ticket for a different outcome. But sometimes he's able to recognize that maybe it's him who keeps feeding the damned machine with coins and that he's the problem of his problems. The stem of the plant and the root of the tree. The stupid thing that keeps it turning. Life is a pattern of circles. Dizzying circles. And after last week, he's absolutely ready for a change of at least the horse he views the rest of the park from.

After last week, another messy break up of his love life, which typically consists of one night stands and sec because he apparently has loyalty and commitment issues, Tony was thrown into feelings of sadness. Not exactly depressed, but dissatisfied and disappointed.

Tony had been well aware of his issues when it came to maintaining relationships for a while.

It's not like he wanted to get scared. But his childhood was pretty flippant in regards to loyalty and romance.

Gibbs was aware that Tony wasn't close with his father. Not since the man cheated on his wife, or Tony's mother, and not since his mother died so his scared of loving a younger human being father remarried about 4 times with many girlfriends in between. And half as many dates with the women he married. Always married not long after meeting. And certainly not after his father sent him away to boarding school until high school age. Anthony paid for most of his life anyways. In cash, or with a system of rewards and punishments. Reminders and patterns. He paid, never mattered how, but he paid.

The days following that one event had and have felt more exhausting than the last. Until yesterday. He was somehow over it earlier than usual. Now, that could just be because of his better loyalty to the job; he often worked overtime just so he could be alone in a familiar place, if alone at all. And the others knew he stayed back sometimes. But only Ziva really had a guess as to why he stayed so long. Not that she never teased him for it. But those were elevator conversations anyways.

That morning, he got into work early. Only because he woke up early. He had barely slept. But he woke up around 3 in the morning, after only having fallen asleep at midnight, and felt weirdly refreshed. It took him all of an hour to shower. Shaving and cleansing himself. Breakups left him unkeen towards hygiene. So he was in need of a shave, and one of the haircuts he typically gives himself. He watched it all swirl down the drain.

The shower continued. He had removed all the scruff from his face and then used the small mirror that was suction cupped to the slipper enclosed walls of his shower to snip away at the tallest hairs on his head. Using scissor and comb that were kept in a small cup next to the mirror. Combing upwards before a cut around the sides of his head, and cutting closer to the comb closer to his ears. He had multiple mirrors for a reason; not just because he’s vain, never really was, but also because he needs to see the back of his own head.

Finishing up with washing and scrubbing and removing everything else that made him feel gross, he stepped out of the warm downpour and patted himself dry. The shower was off now, and he needed to pick out his clothes. He quickly dressed in a pair of formal-ish jeans, a purple turtleneck, and a large black jacket that matched his jeans. He whipped out the pair of dark grey converse he had purchased with his formal lover, a sad reminder of some of the fun things he allowed himself to do. Hopefully wearing his favorite colour would help.

Purple typically helped when he was in one of his moods anyways.

Things would go up and down and spin him around and around till he back on the carousel and ready to puke. But today, as he walked into the office, he had a decision to make. He skipped out on breakfast cause he knew he wouldn't be able to stomach the food. Instead opting for a highly caffeinated drink. Just so he wouldn't pass out and piss off Gibbs.

He walked out of the elevator earlier than normal. Having finished his morning routine in a record time, even with some added minutes for extra hair removal, and skipping out on reruns of the movies that were always on in the morning. Somehow, he just knew that getting some work done before even the boss was there, would be helpful. Tony was starting to understand why his boss, Gibbs, practically survived off of coffee.

Tony's stomach was still doing somersaults, and his breathing threatened to hitch. He made it into work just after 4 am. And it was nearing 8am. It was also a Sunday, so they didn't always have work. But when they did, it was case file after case file and forever. Sundays did however allow coming in as late as 9am, and earlier leave at 2pm. As long as there wasn't a case. Tony prayed there wasn't going to be one. Otherwise his whole plan would be ruined.

Gibbs had walked in about five minutes ago without so much as a word to the agent already in the office. Gibbs had his own coffee a couple of inches in front of him as he stared at something on his computer. Tony decided to go back to looking at the screen that was on his own desk. Referring to emails, and past notes he had entered down into the computer. From his brain to the fingers that typed, it was always nice to see the words he thought appearing on a screen in front of him.

He very well might have just stayed in bed. Another day with little sleep and no taking care of himself. But work always managed to inspire him in some of the weirdest ways. Sometimes good, sometimes bad; but typically just weird. He was excited being the first one on Gibbs "golden team" to be in the office. It was bizarrely refreshing.

Ziva walked in next. Tony figured the only person who had possibly beaten him to the NCIS building would've been ducky. That's typically how it works. But the director advised him some extra sleep on Sundays. He wasn't even permitted in the building before 6am. Tony had made his own way into the building before then, thankful the director seemingly hadn't caught onto him just yet. Ziva seemed just barely surprised at the Anthony DiNozzo junior already being sat behind his desk. Tony knew she was genuinely surprised. But she didn't express much emotion anyways.

Tony knew Ziva could tell he hadn't slept behind his desk. They had done it sometimes as a team. And occasionally one would head in early. Or just stay really late. And wake up in the same clothes they technically dressed in the day before. She appeared surprised and confused; Tony thankful for his ability to read faces.

Even Gibbs. Which was an accomplishment in itself. He knew a few things about Gibbs that Gibbs had no idea he even knew. Tony took a chance and made a move to glance over at Gibbs, but his attention was corrected and directed in the general area of the elevator.

Ducky was getting off. Huh. So DiNozzo was right. Damn. His stomach decided to do a double jump when he saw McGee getting off of the lift alongside Dr Mallard. Even following the M.E. and continuing whatever conversation they had going on before. It looked like this time, one, or both, of them was going to speak up about Tony's early arrival.

"Wow, uh, Tony," McGee started with an audible swallow. "You're in early."

"Couldn't sleep provide. So I decided to come into the office." Gibbs seemed to perk up at that. So did Ziva and Ducky. Abby was most likely at the office by now, but in her lab. And Palmer would arrive any minute.

"DiNozzo. How much sleep did you get?"

Started the boss. DiNozzo slumped a little in his seat. He was getting restless. Eying his own coffee, he glanced over the cup at Gibbs, and Gibbs seemed to have noticed the coffee.

"A few hours boss. Nothing terrible." Palmer had popped out of the elevator by now. He gave the group a wave. Tony gave him a smile, but didn't return the wave. Gibbs would be on his ass if he strayed too long.

"Let me rephrase my question. What time did you go to sleep?"

"Midnight. Tony shrugged. That wasn't bad.

He's done it before. And the barely sleep with cases piling up anyways.

Gibbs sighed. "And what time did you wake up?" Abby had appeared out of nowhere, and Tony felt way too many pairs of eyes on him.

"Like- three? I think?"

Why did gibbs care now?

"One more question Tony. How long have you been here?"

"A few hours. I got here like 4. And I've really only left for more coffee or bathroom breaks."

"Damnit DiNozzo! You've been looking like hell all week. Depressed even. And not to mention today was originally scheduled as our day off. " Gibbs gave the impression that he was upset.

And he was. Tony took the chance to chug the last of the coffee he had in his cup. He was on the last few drops when Abby stole it from him. So that was why. He apparently looked bad. Or something. For the whole week. Was he really in that bad of a shape?...

"I'm fine, guys. I just-" Palmer decided to cut into the conversation with a heavy walk and an accusatory point.

"No you're not! You're wearing purple!"

Ziva looked confused. "What does him wearing purple have to do with anything?" Everyone else seemed to have the same question. Jimmy looked almost upset.

"You guys have been friends with Tony longer than I have! So why am I'm the only one who seems to know that his favorite colour is purple?!" He was met with only silence. "Wow.

Okay- um. How many times have you seen him wear purple?" another round of silence, mixed with glances between ziva ducky and McGee.

Gibbs was still staring at Tony. "So not often I'm guessing. Okay, cool. Purple is Tony's favorite colour. And his happy one. Something has recently happened in the past week that has him upset, and depressed even as you say Gibbs, and now he's trying to make himself feel better so he's wearing purple."

Palmer took a breath. The others didn't seem to care all that much so he was gonna try and take up upon himself to not only figure out what was wrong, but also a better way to help his friend.

James looked for any physical sign he could find. He didn't need to make Tony give him a clue just yet. The purple meant that DiNozzo had been upset, likely by an event. Work events don't typically trigger purple. Not unless it has to do with people. Oh no. Jimmy had a guess now. He decided to search Tony's eyes for anything that could tell him he was right. But he begged he was wrong. If the two had broken up-

Anthony seemed to have caught on to what Palmer was thinking. He gave the younger man a nod followed by tapping his middle finger with the index finger of the same hand. A motion the two of them have assigned to betrayal. Specifically by a person. It basically meant they got screwed over. And there was his confirmation. Oh, poor Tony…

Jimmy knew that DiNozzo wasn't out to the team yet. Or most of the team. There were those that teased without looking deeper, and those that might have already guessed. Palmer himself had found out on accident. Jimmy and his current girlfriend had run into DiNozzo on a date in the same restaurant. In a date with a man. Tony seemed sorta scared. But Jimmy just shook the other man's hand who he was a moment later introduced to as Ethan McClyde. He was a decent looking man with a skinny yet broad frame, chunky glasses, an undercut with longer hair on the top, slight bangs, and a new-York accent that Jimmy could tell was fading away. The man had most likely moved states.

Tony seemed shocked at the acceptance from the autopsy gremlin. But he was faced with a look from Jimmy that told him the younger boy already knew. Or already guessed. Anthony prayed he wasn't that obvious. But then again... it takes one to know one.

Tony snapped his neck to once more look at Palmer with a shocked expression. Jimmy gave him some darting eves and a sharp nod. But the smile on his face only remained gentle. Tony figured out the man was in some sort of questioning of his own sexuality. The two of them left with parting words of work and talking later. And they each went back to their own separate dates.

Ever since then, which had been almost a month by now, the two had had a closer friendship, one with less teasing, and more full actual conversations. It was nice. Each of them having a person to talk to about relationships and sexuality. Jimmy recalled the past week had been super quiet on Tony's part. He now understood why.

"Anthony," Dr Mallard broke in, "we should like to help you, but there is no way we can if we do not know what is upsetting you my dear boy." Tony squinted at Jimmy. Ducky seemed aweful calm and Tony was spectating whether Palmer had said anything to the good doctor or not. But the younger man wouldn't go against his trust.

Tony knew that much was true.

"I know.." Tony sighed. "But I also have know idea how to say it. I mean-" he rubbed at his forehead, " I could just come right out and say it- but I'm honestly scared."

"Doesn't matter DiNozzo," Gibbs started.

"We've asked you what's wrong, and I want an answer. It not gonna change much of anything if at all DiNozzo. Now, tell us."

Tony looked over to Jimmy. Jimmy Palmer only shrugged with the short reply "Well, they did ask." The quip ended in a shrug. And a sigh escapes from Tony once again.

He was terrified. He wasn't even sure if he would be welcomed at work anymore. "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" exists for a reason. When he worked for the Baltimore Police, the same rule stood. But it was put way more into effect when he was working with specific military personnel and peoples who protected navy lives. It made the whole secret way more personal. And much more difficult to tell.

His stomach was like a roller coaster doing loops and twisting upside down inside of him. He was sure he wasn't breathing normally and that he was actually not breathing at all. It felt like he was holding his breath anyways. He knew he was probably sweating too. He felt his own eyes looking in every direction besides his team. It was scary. And he had no plan anymore.

He felt like he was ready puke. He was going to choke on his words. And maybe throw up a little too in the process. The nausea crawling up this throat preventing him from even saying anything anyways. It was clear his body didn't wanna come out to the others. He felt screwed. over. His eyes were looking anywhere but his team. He was sure he looked pale by now. Ziva was giving him a disgusted look. He might as well have turned green in her eyes.

It was exhausting being so nervous. But every time he tried to speak he felt dizzy like he was back on that carousel. Around and around in loop after loop after loop. And every time he passed those faces he felt like puking again. He couldn't face his team. Not just yet. He needed to excuse himself. Or he might just have a panic attack. Anthony nearly fell out of his chair when he tried to get up. Jimmy helped him. And also prevented what could have been a nasty concussion from hitting his head on his desk.

It was a nosedive of nerves. A tumble of terror. A falling of fear. An Ariel dive of anxiety and death. Like it was all walking over his back and keeping his chest on the ground. Suffocating and overwhelming to the point he was sure his breathing was erratic and shaky. Maybe he wasn't even breathing.

If he looked up, he was sure to see the worried faces of Timothy McGee, Ziva David, Dr. Donald Mallard, L. Jethro Gibbs, and Abigail Scuito. But Anthony didn't wanna see their worry. Or their pity, their disappointment at his weakness in the fact that all he had to say was he dates men sometimes. Tony took a chance, just a brief glimps of their faces. He hadn't said that out loud. Good. When he was on his way to look back down, he felt his shoulders being shaken. His blurry vision was full of Jimmy Palmer. A refreshing sight at first. But then pooled with worry in those dark brown eyes.

It was now that he was sort of okay with looking at people. They still spun in his vision. And he would still have to walk away so he wouldn't have a panic attack. But he was sure if he asked, that they would give him a moment. He hadn't been this nervous since he came back from boarding school and was living with his father again.

The man had always been ignorant and drunk. But he had gotten worse by the time Tony was eight. Because of the mother's death, the father acted like a dead man. Tony had basically been in charge of keeping himself alive. And it worked that way for years. They never had maids or cooks in their house; so Anthony learned to cook meals for himself and his DiNozzo father.

And he also got pretty good at cleaning. That actually never left. He liked to keep his space clean. Always his bedroom, and then the kitchen of course because you eat in there and the living room where he often fell asleep watching his movies. Everything else was done about once a week, depending on when he was home. He didn't have too many rooms in his apartment anyways.

But a bedroom, a bathroom, a decent sized kitchen, and a living room area in the front. He also had three closets. One at the front where he just hung his coat and shoes. He never used it anyways. One for his vacuum and other cleaning supplies, all piled well and out of the way. It was the smelliest closet one might ever encounter. Then a much larger one in his bedroom where he kept towels and toiletries on the right side as it was next to his bathroom door, and then the side closet to the edge of his bed was for coats and his clothes.

As strange as it was for most, Anthony actually enjoyed cleaning. It made him feel less dirty. He always did his best to keep his desk organized.Couldn’t stand for it any other way. He liked the control cleaning gave him. And sometimes control was all he ever hope for in his life expectations.

Thinking about cleaning helped to calm him down too. He was now much more relaxed. And when he escaped his head a little more, he had taken into recognition that Palmer had carried him away from the group of people likely still at their desks, and they were now behind the stairs that went to MTAC. Tony looked up at the ceiling while he listened to a watered down version of Jimmy's voice tell him stories. Tony escaped his thoughts of cleaning products and vacuuming up stale popcorn from the night before. Jimmy had a calming voice. And they met each others eyes.

"Is everything okay Tony?"

"I'm much better now Autopsy Gremlin." Jimmy smiled at the nickname. "I'm still a tad nauseated, and I'm probably gonna try and fix myself a little in the bathroom. But I feel a lot better. I just had to think about a few other things besides coming out."

"Good. And I want you to know, that I'm pretty sure Dr Mallard already has me figured out, and that he's fine with it. He doesn't care about my sexuality or anything. And Gibbs is probably sceptical. You've said some pretty strange things before. I bet you have no idea how much he's even heard. And I know you're kinda bad and being private with your phone calls, no matter how hard you try so-"

"James." Anthony started. They rarely used first names at work. More or less nicknames or shorter versions of their names anyways. Jimmy had the nerve to look guilty.

"I hope you realize that you're not really helping, dude. I was doing pretty good before all that."

"I'm sorry. I didn't wanna give you any more anxiety. I was just-"

"You were just trying to help. That's okay. I get it. I know what you mean. I think- but like, you're pretty sure I'll be fine and nobody will care. But all the same, it's a scary thing in general. I haven't even come out to my dad. I mean you found out on accident. And it's not like I don't like women, so I was never really lying. I just left out some of my life. I'm just worried that that won't be appreciated, you know?"

Jimmy only shrugged. He did also nod, but it was lighter than usual. So it was clear he didn't completely understand. Jimmy wasn't the type to talk about every single one of his relationships. And he wasn't close with other people like Tony was. He wasn't as social.

Tony sighed into his arms. Curling up in on himself and trying to make himself smaller. As small as possible. Maybe if he shrunk down, he could squeeze out all of the negative and nervous energy. The thing was, for the whole day, that energy had been squeezing him and trying to turn him inside out. So many Tony could right all the wrong he's feeling. A soft whimper hushed past his lips despite him willing it not to. He could still feel it in his throat.

Jimmy turned to look at Tony with concern, placing a gentle hand on the older man's shoulder. "Everything okay?"

"I don't know..."

"You don't know?" Palmer took on a look of great concern.

"I can't stop. I can't stop shaking. Or thinking. I can't stop thinking of Ethan. I miss him. So much."

"And that's okay. Blake and I are still kinda on and off- but I'm pretty sure she's gonna wanna break up soon. I might even just break up with her. Which is gonna hurt. But I know that we each have reasons to stay or split with our partners."

Tony stuttered at what Palmer had just said.

Thinking about his form boyfriend's reason for ending the relationship.

"It's just- damn. Just really frustrating. I feel almost- empty I guess. Like, I didn't just get high. But I got addicted. And now it's not just the person that I'm missing. It's every little thing. The touches and the kissing. I wish I had Ethan back. Just some part of him to breathe in. And maybe that would make me feel better. But it could also just make this all worse. I wish I could just come out and say it. But I don't think that's gonna work. At least the way I planed it. Because I screwed that up. I've got to be a man about this and try again. So I'll try- to try again. I think."

"Are you absolutely sure? I'm sure Gibbs and everyone else will understand if you wanna wait till another day."

"I don't know if you're right about that Jimmy.."

"If it's causing you this much stress, then waiting is always an option. Don't force yourself to do something you're not comfortable with."

Tony only groaned out in response. Pulling his legs away from his chest and sighing. He let his calves touch the carpeted floor beneath him, listening to his own evening breaths.

"You know what? I think I'm ready to go. I think I'm ready to tell them."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I think so. There's a chance I might puke on my own shoes when I've said everything. But otherwise I'll be okay."

"Then let's get you off of the ground Tony. I'm sure the others are worried."

"You're probably right about that Jimbo" Tony said with a look over his shoulder. He had a corner to run back to if he needed it. Staircases and elevators also as easy access. And he had legs to run on if he wanted to run away. He had multiple ways to escape of it all went bad. He supposed his boss wouldn't put a bullet in his foot just for liking men sometimes. But he wouldn't put it past the man.

Tony's brain was practically mud. Not mush. But mud. Thick and slimy watered down remains of the dirt and filth that was pouring and sanding through every nerve in his body. Shivers ran down his spine more than once on the walk back over to his desk. And a few time he had to stop because of nausea and general dizziness. It was a horrible situation to be in. But he dealt with it.

The moment he was standing behind his desk again, Abby was rocking on her heels with something behind her back. Her face donned a shy smile. One that was hopeful and kind. It wasn't as loud and happy as her normal grace, but it was just as bright. Sometimes smiling quietly says so much more about a person's happiness than the amount of teeth they show.

He didn't wanna see the guilt and worry that was probably drawn out all over his face. In his frown and in his eyes. In every downturned wrinkle on his face. A sob lodged its way in Tony's throat at the thought. He hated making people worry for him. Even when sick or injuried it was always someone else before him.

Anthony returned Abby's small smile with a petit curl of the lips of his own. He hoped that the expression would do something to lesson her concerns. A brief glance told him many of the others felt the same way as Abby.

"What d'y'a got Ab's?" Tony said in his best Gibbs impression, trying to lighten the mood.

The second B this time standing for brave, instead of bastard.

Abby smiled a little wider. "I got you a water." But her voice was still soft. Tony took notice of the pigtail buns she wore that day. Long black pants, a long sleeve red shirt with a low collar, and then her platforms and spiked accessories like always.

"Thanks Abby. A lot. And- uh. I'm sorry for worrying you guys. But I've been dealing with something that's been really hard for me lately. I thought I was over it. But I guess not."

"That's perfectly fine Anthony."

"NOT- Not if I planned to explain myself to you guys. Not if that plan was ruined by me being a pissy weak baby. I'm sorry. I think I still need another second." He breathed heavily through his teeth and looked down at his desk. When he looked back up he was met with gentle nods and a small series of thumbs pointed upwards.

Tony turned to look at Palmer, who despite having been in his vision more than once, had not been given a good enough look. Tony enjoyed looking at peoples outfits. Palmer wore a pair of grey running shoes and some loose jeans. Or which were not held up by a belt. The dark grey t-shirt amplified just how casual Jimmy's typical attire really was. Even on double dates and when the two would spend time together; Palmer always dressed comfortably. He even stole one of DiNozzo's hoodies. Tony laughed to himself, and settled down in his seat. He could judge while sitting anyways.

Then there was Ziva. Her hair was slick back, and held behind her ears with a dark pink bandana. Her shirt was also a low cut long sleeve like Ziva's in a hot pink colour. Her shoulders were covered by a cropped tan jean jacket, and her legs were curtained by brown low waist cargo pants. She also had on some soft neutral toned half-boots. She looked nice.

Tony turned his head slightly to get a better view of Dr Mallard. The man was basically the therapist of the makeshift family. A family it crime solvers. Specifically military related crimes. The good doctor was painted in a lovely palette of strong blues with his usual bow tie with a splatter of colours. Ducky's button up was a pale blue, maybe a watery blue, made up of what looked like a thick and comfortable material. His suit jacket and suit pants were the same shade of dark royal blue. The brown belt around his lower waist was the same leather colour. The bow tie was white with almost paint splatters in blue yellow and orange.

Tony had an idea. This would hopefully help him a little too. He began formulating a slideshow, much like they make on cases. He would make it a short one, with a couple photos and definitions. Pulling out his phone and connecting it to his computer, Tony split his attention between the next person's outfit he would be silently judging, and the mix of screens in front of him.

McGee. And Tony's camera roll. Short, dirty-blonde hair paired with watery green-blue eyes. Scrolling through past memories and past dates. A striped brown and tan shirt with a red neck tie. Wavy black hair with slight stubble, brown eyes, and pink lips he can't kiss anymore. A red zip up jacket. The mango-raspberry-kale smoothies that Ethan used to make before his morning runs. Matching brown suit jacket and suit pants, with sleek brown leather shoes. Looking the part of an author mixed with federal agent. And a New York accent that was getting more distant from his ears despite how he wished it wouldn't. Timothée McGee was dressed in warm colours. But all Tony felt was alone and cold.

Tony sighed, finishing gathering the photos of his now dead relationship. It was definitely dead. It's been over a week. And with guys, breakups were always more difficult. From the probably 30 dinners they had had as a couple, 25 of them dates. 20 of the 30 going to a little restaurant Tony had thought they both liked. Maybe it's because the place was always busy. So if they split, like they recently had, then it wouldn't hurt as much going back. Damn it. Ethan had probably planned this. Well, maybe not. But it still hurt.

Tony bit his lip as he dragged and dropped the definition of Bisexual onto the beginning of the slideshow. He even managed to find a colourful flag in his search too. Shrinking it down to the corner so it wasn't as obvious. He quickly inserted. The rest of the images. Breakfasts. Kisses he managed to sneak onto Ethan's cheek or anywhere on his face really. Tony puffed a sigh through his teeth and across his frowning lips.

Tony felt sorta like an alien as he uploaded the slideshow to the flatscreen. Swallowing thickly as he watched the small white bar fill with blue. It was uploaded now. And fully accessible on the tv if anyone knew what he was doing and grabbed the remote. It was like a crowd of people was singing and chanting into his left ear that he shouldn't do this. His right ear blurred waves almost of encouragement. Telling him all the 'ifs' and that he should run in the case things font work out. If he finds himself between a rock and a hard place.

He decided to analyze Gibbs before he forced himself to puke. He was definitely feeling a lot better than before. And at the same time, like he was drowning. It was up to his ears but his ankle was chained to the ground. Oh god...

Gibbs hair looked normal; grey with pepperings of white, and an undercut with a middle part. A white t-shirt showing slightly underneath. A light grey button up on top. With clear buttons all the way down the torso. His pale and watery Blue eyes piercing against the dark midnight blue of his matching suit jacket and pants. His shoes of black leather; just like the belt around his waist.

Gibbs had been assessed. And now Tony was ready for his stomach to flip upside down and then turn inside out. Waiting for it to bounce down into his feet before playing ping-pong with his rinçage before finally lodging it way on his throat. Reminding him he was alive. Reminder of him being almost alone. Even despite the fact that he was surrounded by people. He would have rather been back at boarding school for the moment.

Gibbs had been assessed. And now Tony was ready for his stomach to flip upside down and then turn inside out. Waiting for it to bounce down into his feet before playing ping-pong with his rinçage before finally lodging it way on his throat. Reminding him he was alive.

Reminder of him being almost alone. Even despite the fact that he was surrounded by people. He would have rather been back at boarding school for the moment.

It starts in his feet. The nerves. The nerves again. He wishes he could flood it out with a few too many drinks. Forcing himself to sober up with a mad hangover that's causing him to spill his guts into a bowl in some hotel bathroom that he doesn't remember checking into but somehow still seems familiar. And there's a stranger in his bed and an Advil in his cold yet sweaty hand and his eyes look everywhere but still can't see straight. But that's okay because he's still oblivious to what he has to do anyways. But that's okay because if he can't walk or sit or sing, then he'll choke and crawl and cry like the poor pathetic baby that he is. Riddled with anxiety. Riddled and rhymes and rules and why's filling his head like the shivers that tickle his skin with nerves and nausea and an ocean of "what will I do after this goes wrong?' crashing over him in waves that pool and churn and lick up to his chest that's no longer taking in air when all he has to do is breathe.

Breathe. And look up. Breathe, and speak. Spill his guts. Confess. Get it all out. Out of his chest. So it doesn't churn or burn like cigarette smoke; like a chimney of a house, like faded dreams and hopes. So it doesn't wallow and wash him away like a storm where the wind picks him up and throws him around. Because all he has to do is let the name fall off his tongue. Say what his heart says when there's a pretty boy. But the future isn't always so pretty.

It starts in his feet. Then rumbles through his chest. Till it's sifting through his head like a poor man mining for gold. And it's exhausting. Telling himself every possible outcome when the fact stands that he can't even open his eyes and breathe. He can't even look ahead of himself and past his own fear to simply just say what could set him free.

He finally decides to speak to the room. One he doesn't know if it's watching or listening. Or if it even cares.

"I can't really start with an apology. I've been out of it. Whatever. Deal with it. I have a right to behave according to how I feel. We've all been there." a short him was heard from someone in the room. It was a more throaty-hum than a chest-hum. So probably Ziva. "I'm about to explain why.

"If you could please look at the board." Tony clicked on the remote. The first slide showed a rule that was becoming old and outdated. Thankful for that, Tony cleared his throat. "Don't Ask, Don't tell. A saying and a rule by this point. If you're homosexual; leave it out of your job. That is, unless you're asked."

The group looked at Tony expectantly. He was the big brother. The eldest son. "And, you guys asked." Tony stood up from his desk chair and paced towards the flat screen. Not brave enough to look at his teammates yet. "So you're getting an answer. Not an apology. But information. Because I have nothing to apologize for. Besides. Rules 6." The unspoken "never say sorry, it's a sign of weakness' left to hang in the air.

"So. Here's your answer. I'm bisexual. I like boys and girls. Or Men and women should I really say. I love them on my good days, bed them on my bad days, and date them on my best. I'm sure you all remember how rough I felt after the whole ordeal with Jeanne... and maybe that I've been acting like that again lately. Like the whole thing. The whole lovesick part. And then the sick to my stomach part."

Tony paused to sigh as well as to click to the next slide. This time it was a photo Tony had managed to take sneakily. It was a blurry selfie of Tony holding the hand of a man with brown eyes framed in glasses, and wavy black hair styled in an undercut with a middle part. Only slightly longer than Gibbs hair. There was slight stubble on the sides of his face and a distant smile almost etched on his lips. The photo was soft and happy. Even a little romantic. It looked like Tony's partner had been in the middle of telling a story. Probably hadn't caught Tony taking the photo. Yet.

There were decorative rings on his finger. A lion on the one visible pinky, and a green eye on the index finger. Tony was in his usual turtle neck with suit, both in shades of grey along with shoes and a belt in black leather. But the other man wore something more casual. It was easy to tell he had some muscle on him. Lean, but broad shouldered. Like a mix between Palmer and Gibbs. He was wearing a dark grey long sleeve shirt with a vertically striped black and white button up t-shirt on top. Black Jeans were layered plainly under the grey shirt, plus a pair of slightly heeled ankle boots.

They looked adorable. "His name is Ethan. Ethan McClyde. And he was technically mine. Until he wasn't. We broke up around two weeks ago. I know the exact date; but I would rather not remember right now. And the break up happened after we had been dating for a month. I didn't waste time by taking it slow, or holding off on "I love You's" until it was nearly too late. The only problem is, that those three words are still on the tip of my tongue. And I don't have Ethan to say them to anyone."

Abby tapped over. Her platforms barely brushing against the ground as she basically tiptoed with speed over to Tony. Her footsteps soft despite the weight they held. She stood before Tony with open arms. The silent question of whether she could hug Anthony DiNozzo Jr or not ringing faintly. Tony decried he needed a hug. Grabbing her with an arm and pulling the science goth into his side. Palmer took his duty as Tony's best friend and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

It sorta hurt. Seeing all their surprised faces. They didn’t look necessarily homophobic. But like Tony himself was the person they least expected to be any sort of queer.

“Back when Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was pressured more, especially with Gibbs every time I made a damned joke, it made me really scared to tell anyone. But I was also hoping that me making the jokes in the first place would have given you guys some sort of hint. I don’t go on dates. I oversexualize myself because I’m lonely. I tease Ziva and Abby with queer jokes when they hang out because I want them to ask me why I do it. But you only ever seem annoyed.”

Tony sat on his desk, after moving a pencil holder and his mighty-mouse stapler. He had come into work today with almost full confidence. Hoping to sort out whatever he needed to with his friends.

“I dont come into work looking to make you all annoyed with me and hate me. I come in with an attitude that I hope is infectious. A smile I hope spreads. I come I to work prepared with jokes and movie references on the top of my head to relax everyone. But all I get are huffs and sighs. Head slaps and extra work. You guys wonder why you never actually know about my personal life, despite all the falsities I tell you. Well there’s your answer.”

The dirty blonde man with green eyes, lost the brightness in his eyes and picked up his backpack. He was tired. He zipped up the bag and grabbed the one folder he had been given. Pretty much all of it was on his computer anyways.

“Call me if we get a case. Or if you wanna tell me that you’re okay with me being a bisexual.” Tony paused and looked at his boss,” Or maybe to fire me. Otherwise, I wanna be alone.” and he left the building.

……………………………………………………………

This wasn’t exactly the ending I was planning on. But I do have a different story planned that I need to start on. So this is finished without as much as I originally wanted.

Lmk if you want like a second part to the ending.

[shazzeaslightnovels]

October 2023

(Series: Fate/Strange Fake | Artist: Shizuki Morii)

The fall season is packed with interesting shows and I've ended up watching more series than I usually would. I'm behind on a few of them but I'm trying to let myself be okay with that. I haven't watched any new JJK episodes since the last update. I'll catch up to it eventually but I'm waiting until I hear that Nobara and Maki have had some quality screen time. I also have nothing new to say about Pokemon Horizons. It's still a delight that I look forward to watching every week. As for everything else...

After-school Hanako-kun (2 eps) - a gag spin-off of Toilet-bound Hanako-kun. I enjoyed the original Hanako a lot so I was looking forward to seeing the return of the characters but I haven't enjoyed this one much so far. I don't think I've laughed once so far which is not a good thing a series of shorts focused on comedy. At least the episodes are only 10 minutes long but I'm disappointed that this isn't better.

Dead Mont Death Play Part II (2 eps) - I enjoyed the first half of DMDP but I can't say the return of it has impressed me much yet. It's fine but I'm not really intrigued by any of the new plot points or characters and I'm struggling to remember what I enjoyed about the first half.

Frieren (7 eps) - really good and worth every bit of the hype. I love this exploration of the elf character and how an elf would view time and relationships differently to how humans view them. The fantasy world is so beautiful, the story is engaging, and I love the characters. Probably my favourite show of the season so far.

I'm in Love with the Villainess (4 eps) - I've read the first 4 volumes of the manga for this and the light novel has been of my wishlist for a long time so I was excited about it getting an anime adaptation and it's good so far. I mostly have the same thoughts on the anime as I do on the manga: the character drama is really engaging but the world building is meh. But the anime does bring something new the table with some amazing voice acting. Yuu Serizawa and Karin Nanami are perfectly cast for Rae and Claire, respectively, and make all their interactions even more fun to witness. Some gags that I didn't find funny at all in the manga made me laugh in the anime due to the impeccable comedic timing. The animation is a bit disappointing at times but it's such a fun ride that I can't be too mad.

Spy x Family 2nd season (3 eps) - Spy x Family is back and it's still really good. Like with the first season, I don't love all of the plotlines but the ones that are good are really good. This show is comforting and I'm glad it's back.

The Ancient Magus' Bride Season 2 Part II (4 eps) - while I thought the first part of this season set up a lot of good intrigue, it's in this second part that I'm starting to get really engaged in the character drama and story. I'm so invested in what's going to happen with Philomela and I'm excited every week for the new episodes. It also helps that the OP this time is incredible. In a season with a lot of strong openings, it may be my favourite.

List of Reviews:

Fate/Strange Fake 6

Danmachi Eiyuutan: Argonaut 2

Hamefura 13

[bongaboi]

Kansas State: 2024 Rate Bowl Champions

The Kansas State Wildcats pulled off a 44-41 comeback win over the Rutgers Scarlet Knights in the Rate Bowl at the Arizona Diamondbacks Chase Field in Phoenix on Thursday.

The underdog Scarlet Knights had a 27-17 halftime lead, and pushed the advantage to 34-17 at 8:57 of the third quarter. The Wildcats stormed back on the strength of several chunk plays and defensive stops and eventually had the go-ahead touchdown on Dylan Edwards’ 36-yard run with 4:15 left in the fourth quarter.

"I think (Kansas State) guys were believing," Kansas State linebacker Austin Moore said, "but once we kind of started playing faster and started sending more pressure, guys really believed and bought in, and I think that’s kind of when we kind of felt that momentum start to switch."

The two-point conversion, an Avery Johnson pass to Garrett Oakley, moved the advantage to 44-41 and marked Kansas State's first lead since 10-7 in the first quarter.

Rutgers didn’t get past midfield on the next drive and had a turnover on downs with 1:55 left. Johnson had a 6-yard run for a first down and then took a knee twice to seal the victory.

Kansas State was led by Edwards' 18 carries for 196 yards and three touchdowns, Johnson (15-for-30, 195 yards, three touchdowns, one interception), Austin Romaine (seven tackles) and Moore (six tackles including 1.5 tackles for loss).

The sophomore Edwards stepped in for Kansas State's top rusher DJ Giddens, who sat out after he declared for the NFL draft. Edwards drove the Wildcats' No. 18-ranked rushing attack that had 347 yards to Rutgers' 164.

"I played the whole season," Edwards said when he was asked about his increased role in the Rate Bowl. "It wasn’t like I was waiting my time. I was just trying to do my job and my part for this team."

"I guess you could say I had more of a job to do today, so as long as I stayed focused and did what I was supposed to do, I think we was gonna be successful.”

The Scarlet Knights' top performers were freshman RB Antwan Raymond (18 carries, 113 yards, three rushing TDs), Strong (five catches, 105 yards) and quarterback Athan Kaliakmanis (14-for-32, 237 yards, one TD, one INT).

Rutgers finished 7-6, ninth in the Big Ten standings.

"I lost count of the number of season-ending surgeries, and in this day of college football, most teams would’ve folded up the tent and said, ‘We’ll worry about it next year,'" Rutgers coach Greg Schiano said. "And this group of guys fought back. They literally ripped themselves off the canvas and fought back and found a way to win seven games and do that in the Big Ten Conference."

The Wildcats ended their season 9-4. They had a 7-1 start, were ranked as high as No. 15 in the USA Today poll, but fell out of the poll in Week 11 as they lost three of their last four games. They finished eighth in the Big 12 standings after being picked by college football pundits during the preseason to contend for a conference title.

“I know that there’s some disappointment, because there’s a lot of teams that don’t win nine games, man,” Kansas State coach Chris Klieman said. “We just won nine frickin’ games and we’re gonna talk about a disappointment?

"I’m out of this business if that’s what we’re gonna do because it is frickin’ hard to win. And you look at what our guys did to win that ninth game, I’m nothing but proud of these guys.”

K-State coach roots for Arizona State in College Football Playoff Arizona State is the only Big 12 team in the College Football Playoff after winning the conference title.

Klieman said after the Rate Bowl that he's partial to the No. 4 seed ASU in the CFP quarterfinals against No. 5 Texas in the Jan. 1 Peach Bowl because of the conference connection and more.

"We know our league plays great football," Klieman said. "I can't wait to watch Arizona State play. I'm a big (ASU coach) Kenny Dillingham fan. I got friends on that staff. They're gonna come ready to play."

ASU beat Kansas State, 24-14, on Nov. 16.

Klieman's not alone in rooting for ASU against former Big 12 school Texas, which is played its inaugural season in the SEC.

The Republic asked K-State fan Cole Copeland, who attended the Rate Bowl, his prediction.

“As for Texas, since they’re a former Big 12 school and they left the Big 12, I don’t care for them very much," Copeland said. “I hope they lose. I know they are stacked as far as talent goes, but I think anything’s possible.

"I think ASU has a good team as proven. They went 11-1 with their starting quarterback (Sam Leavitt), without him they lost … . I think it’ll be within 12 and a half.”

Texas was favored by 13.5 points as of Thursday night.

[chipthekeeper]

acolyte ep. 6 commentary because it turns out i do enjoy the sound of my own voice after all

- Not sure how lively this commentary will be for me tonight because I'm fucking tired and I have a fucking headache and my fucking cat….is probably gonna be a dick

- Also I'm still depressed from last week so that's not gonna help. This is probably a preview of how Andor is gonna go season 2. I'm just gonna log on and be depressed every time

- I kinda hope I fall asleep

- (during Previously On) I don't wanna watch this again

- “Unknown planet” great, thank you! You could've just said nothing, that would've….Very helpful

- It really does have Ahch-To vibes though. But those aren't porgs so I'm gonna say nooo…..?

- Aww...I can't tell if it's cute or very ugly

- (Sol getting mad and sad) You gotta bottle that shit up, buddy

- [previously mentioned kitten sits with me and starts purring loudly]

- Does Sol even know that Bazil's still alive and on the ship? [whining at the adorableness] ohhhhh is he gonna fix him? Can they talk to each other???

- Look it's Darth Arms

- Is he gonna get nekked!!!??? Oh my god. The internet is going to love this

- Oh. Wow....

- [perfect Mulan impression] I never want to see a naked man again

- “you should hold your elbow up higher” Oh are you giving batting lessons?

- “you’re wondering if it’d be honorable to kill me like this” Yes, it would be…….It's still justified because you're fucking evil

- “Did you kill Sol?” Uh well, no that's the only one he didn't kill

- “Did you kill Mae?” Okay well, not her either

- When are we gonna go through the ring on Brendok? I wanna see that

- “Give me a couple minutes” hahaha you don’t know how to fix anything

- Mog? 

- Oh great, we're gonna lose a whole 'nother team. Well no, he’s not there anymore jk

- “It was a really long time ago” Hmmmmmmmm

- “Everyone does seem to want you” Weird thing to say

 - I find this all very unsettling

- Yeah get her Bazil, get her! [laughs hysterically] ooohh right in the eyeball!

- DON’T YOU HURT PIP!!! Nooooooooooo. No, no, no, no, n–oh god. I just keep losing……aw, evil Pip…..

- What is with this little bird family?

- “Anger…fear…” Hmm. Heard of them

- Stab him in the faaaaaace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Yeah cut his head off!!!!!!!!

- [distressed sigh] This is some serious R*ylo shit

- We really don't have to go back to Coruscant, I'm fine

- Mog.....

- Oh fuck yeah. She's gonna whip that saber

- “you get nauseous when you travel through hyperspace” [gasps then moans] Oh noooo…Oh I know whyyyy….Ohhhh….Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me see something. Let me see somethinggggg

- (about Pip) “He’s okay now” He’s EVIL NOW [pouts]

- Are they finally gonna have an honest conversation when it's not actually who he thinks it is?

- Wait does he know?....Yep.

- What the fuck? What is happeninggggg? Where you goin’? Back to Brendok???

- Actually get to see a ship land, that was cool. We didn't get to see Vernestra in hyperspace though [fart noise]

- (smash cut to dead jecki) DON’T FUCKIN' SHOW ME THAAAT!!! (i sounded weirdly italian here???? been watching the bear too much??)

- [pathetic whining] Is no one gonna gather them up? I'm so sick of this shit

- [sounds of me shooting the kitten with the spray bottle, followed by delighted chuckling when Vernestra uses her whip] Sick

- If that's the one time we get to watch Vernestra use her lightsaber and we saw it in the fucking trailer, that's upsetting to me. Just to kill a bug. I mean hilarious….but disappointing

- This is upsetting man, what are you doing?.....You’re not seeming like a good guy right now, Sol!!

- Do you mine it (cortosis) right there? No wonder this is an unknown planet

- (Osha puts on the helmet) Can't fucking see nothing…….Okayyy..I'm sure that means something but I don't…I'm too tired to figure out what that is. Bye!

this was a weird one for me, idk

[diaryoftheunidropout]

DAY 237

Days pass and it seems shit doesn't get better. In fact, it might even get worse. Also, I love how I randomly remember this account.

First things first, my mom has been in the psych ward for a week now. It stops her ED from getting too out of hand, but the real problem is her body image issues. That's what's causing the ED and it REALLY doesn't feel like the ooddles of doctors, psychiatrists, therapists and so on at the hospital seem to realize, or care, somehow. They also prescribed her with new antidepressants which she's having an allergic reaction to, but they say it's "normal" and are going to increase the dose. I hate them. I hate them so much and that's why I'd never want to go to the psych ward. They do the bare fucking minimum like feeding you and cleaning your room which are things you often can't do yourself anymore when you end up there, but they don't actually help you get better so when you go back into the world you can look after yourself again. Maybe I'm too harsh on them, and I'm sorry.

For my part, things are really shitty. I haven't gotten out of bed in 6 days now. I have had a pretty bad cold for a week too, so that'll justify it. Seriously, the truth is I'm going through a really bad depressive episode. It started about a week after I quit my job (so around the 25th of September I guess) and it hasn't left me since (we're the 3 of November right now). Most of the times I got out of bed were because I was seeing my relatives (I spent a week at my grandparents's and at my mom's, I saw my godmother a couple of times). My uni "friends" have completely given up on me and have straight up stopped inviting me to all their little parties and hangouts. I decided I didn't want to celebrate my "uni best friend" 's birthday anymore and came up with an excuse. I'm really disappointed in them. Or maybe I'm disappointed in myself because I should have been the one trying to organize stuff with them. But when you know they've created a groupchat with just the three of them, for some reason, and that was about as soon as I dropped out, you know you're not really part of the team anymore. I wonder if when my "best friend" doesn't walk fast enough compared to the two other girls, they just leave her behind like they did when we hung out the 4 of us, except I'd always slow down and wait for my "best friend" so she wouldn't be alone. I wonder.

These past 6 days, I don't really know what I've been doing except binge watch the last 3 or 4 seasons of BoJack Horseman. I absolutely ADORED this show. It's beyond what words can express. I've also started to develop a strange interest for dolls, specially the new Monster High dolls and Rainbow High/Shadow High dolls. It's okay, I'm going through a little phase and it brings me some comfort. I've also started reading Macbeth since I'm seeing the play in London in December.

All I pray for is winning the lottery. Whenever I don't forget, I play. I usually don't win much, but I play and I pray. Because I don't see how else I could get out of the deep. Just thinking about getting a job makes me feel an even greater amount of crippling anxiety and depression than I already have to bear every day. I've sort of convinced myself I deserved to have this little miracle happen to me because with all the shit I've been through, there is no one that could save me, not even myself, not doctors, not family. All that could save me would be becoming a millionaire and never having to worry about finding a job and losing my freedom, all of that to barely earn anything anyway. If I were a millionaire I could finally be sure I'll always have a roof above my head.

Lately I've lost the will to do things. I don't wanna celebrate my birthday. What is there to celebrate? It's gotten so bad that, although for a few months getting ready to see BTR tour in Europe was my top one priority in life, it's something I can barely find interest in anymore. When I think I probably won't be able to afford doing the whole tour I think "whatever", even though a couple of weeks ago I would have cried at the mere thought of not doing the whole tour. Things are changing quick. I'm losing interest in everything, nothing gets me excited. The BTR side of Twitter is hella toxic, you'll get cancelled over anything by a bunch of hypocrites.

I'd like to go back to the gym but I don't have the money, nor the will anymore. I've been asking for social aids (which I have the right to) but they're not giving me anything.

I don't have much else to say. I hope next time I write here things are a little better. I doubt they'll be, but I hope, still.

See you later :)

"Mr Blue I told you that I loved you

Please believe me..."

[delicate-rainbow]

big brother is back on our television screens in less than 17 hours from now

[number1mingyustan]

Bittersweet (Chapter 6—Lesson 4)||k.mgyu + j.ww

Genre: neighbors to lovers, strangers to lovers, angst, smut

Warnings: cursing, kissing, oral (f.), mingyu gets blue balls, mentions of sex, jeonghan is lowkey mean

Summary: in which nothing seems to make sense anymore

Word Count: 3.7k

series masterlist

_______________________________________________

It's been about two weeks since baseball season has officially started. Much to Mingyu's suggestion, you did end up deciding to help manage the team. You've gotten to know all the boys a little better, thankfully.

All of them except Jeonghan.

You're unsure of what you did to him, but he refuses to open up to you. He hardly acknowledges your presence and does everything in his power to avoid you. He won't do so much as crack a smile when you say something funny. You swear he aimed the ball at you once during practice. It's a bit disappointing because you know you haven't done anything to him.

He just doesn't like you.

You really do try not to let it bother you, but you're bonding so well with the other guys and you have no idea what he's got against you. Nonetheless, you still go out of your way to be kind to him even though he doesn't return the energy.

Aside from that, you're living your best life. You're hanging out with the guys a lot more, inside and out of school. And you and Wonwoo are always together. You've both grown increasingly comfortable around one another. You tend to stray away with him in group settings.

The past few weeks have been a major shift for you. It was a bit scary at first, going from having no friends to an entire friend group, and such a large one at that. Thankfully they've made you feel welcome and accepted you instantly. Except well you know... Jeonghan.

The bell finally rings and you couldn't be more relieved. You're one of the first ones out the door, but to your surprise, Mingyu is standing outside the door waiting for you.

"Mingyu?" you question.

"Hey," he smiles. "You have second lunch right?"

You nod in response.

"Okay good, me and a few of the boys are gonna go to the diner. You wanna come with?" He offers.

A smile creeps onto your face. "Yeah I'll come. Meet me after class?"

"Of course," he smiles.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Lunch ended up being you Mingyu, Wonwoo, Jihoon, Seokmin, and Jeonghan. The 6 of you grabbed a booth, you sitting between Wonwoo and Mingyu on one side, the rest on the other.

"You guys are so uncultured," you giggle. "It's literally the best thing in the world."

"Dipping your fries in your milkshake just sounds... gross," Seokmin responds.

You shake your head. "Mingyu back me up on this,"

Mingyu smirks. "I've gotta side with Y/N on this one. It's like... sweet and salty together. It's really good."

You nudge him lightly, picking up one of your fries and dipping it into your strawberry milkshake, and taking a bite. Seokmin scrunches his nose in disgust as he watches you. You smile at him teasingly before turning to your left.

"What about you?" you ask, turning your attention to Wonwoo.

"Hmm?" he takes a sip of his drink.

"Which side of the debate are you on?" you ask again.

"Oh," he scratches the back of his head. "Never tried it, can't really have an opinion."

"No way," you exclaim.

Without thinking, you pick up one of your fries, dip it in your milkshake and feed it to him. Your action takes him by surprise, but nonetheless, he smiles. A real, genuine smile appears on his face. Not to mention, you were totally right.

"Ohmygod that's so good," he laughs.

Again, your actions don't go unnoticed by Mingyu. The others at the table don't really seem to notice, besides Jeonghan. Mingyu doesn't know Jeonghan saw it too, he was too busy focusing on you. The two boys react very differently.

Jeonghan scoffs and rolls his eyes. Mingyu can't take his eyes off of you. His expression is unreadable, but his eyes don't leave you. He's somewhat proud of you. You've made good progress, and in a very short amount of time too. Less than a month ago, you could hardly look Wonwoo in the eye and now here you were flirting with and feeding him.

When you first became friends again, you were way more awkward. You've started to come out of your shell and grown increasingly comfortable around everyone. Because it had been so long since he'd really talked to you, he too fell victim to hallway talk.

He knew about your reputation as the nerdy virgin. People said things about you that he started to believe were true. "Oh Y/n, yeah she's like smart or whatever but she has no friends." "Y/n? She's like a total loser, I was only talking to her because I needed the class notes from her. "Yeah we had a group project once, I just let Y/n do the whole thing and aced it. Easiest A ever, and I didn't even have to talk to the chick."

It had been years since he talked to you aside from you occasionally getting locked out of your house and knocking on his door. He couldn't really confirm or deny those things about you because quite frankly... he didn't know you anymore.

What they said about you wasn't true. You were actually quite funny. You liked to tease, it was your humor. Talking to people came natural to you, you could carry a conversation for hours. They were right about you being smart, but you had a personality too. A great one at that, and even though it's late in the game, he's happy that he can experience it.

Jihoon finally snaps him out of his thoughts. "We gotta get back for class soon."

The table nods in agreement. Everyone finishes their food quickly before paying and heading back to school. The rest of the day goes as usual, class then practice and back to Mingyu's.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

"Shit," You let out as your back hits the bed.

Mingyu crawls on top of you, pinning your body on the bed below him. His lips attach to your neck, leaving soft kisses along your skin. He pulls away momentarily to slip your shirt over your head.

It's been weeks since he's touched you. You two haven't done anything since you sucked the soul out of him before Seungchol's party.

For once, both of your mothers are downstairs together. It's risky with both of them being just downstairs, but that's never stopped Mingyu before.

His lips start at your sneak, sneakily traveling down your abdomen and to your inner thighs. His breathing grows heavier as his lips approach your heat.

"Can I taste you?" he whispers.

You gasp at his question purely out of reaction. You cover your face with your hands out of embarrassment. Your face heats up immensely. He wants to what? Yes, you've been intimate with him before and you have intentions of letting him take your virginity. But his mouth, down there?

That's completely new territory.

He senses your hesitation, crawling his way back up so he's completely hovering over you, face to face. He gently pulls your hands away from your face so he can see you better.

"Hey kid," he breathes out. "We don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. I just wanna make you feel good. Just tell me if you wanna stop."

"No," you whine. "It's okay, I'm okay... just nervous."

He nods, placing a soft kiss on your lips. "You sure?"

"Yeah" you whisper. "I trust you."

He loves it when you say that. It means so much more when those words come from your lips. It's all the reaffirmation he needs and more from you. He'll never get tired of hearing it.

His head disappears in between your thighs again. You can't see, but you know he's smirking as he pulls down your panties. You've already soaked through the material from a few kisses and touches.

You gasp as you feel his tongue run across your folds. His tongue works absolute wonders on you, making sure to leave no inch of you untouched. He's sloppy, yet calculated. The warm muscle is everywhere all at once, flicking, licking, and sucking all over your most intimate area.

His lips wrap around your clit, sucking on the bundle of nerves. You're writhing and squirming beneath him. Your needy whimpers are keeping him motivated.

"Holy fuck, Mingyu," you moan, screwing your eyes shut and allowing your head to sink deeper into the bbed.

Your back arches above the bed, so he tightens his grip on your thighs to keep you grounded. He groans in satisfaction sending a wave of vibration through your body.

Instinctively, your hands fly to his head, gripping his hair tightly. He takes the hint of how needy you are, slipping two fingers in with ease.

"Oh fuck," you whimper.

He curls his fingers inside of yours, pumping them at the perfect pace without allowing his tongue to lose contact with your pussy. The pleasure continues to build in the pit of your stomach, warmth spreading all across your body.

He can sense you're growing close by the way you're throbbing and tightening. Your legs are starting to shake, and your moans grow weaker, turning into desperate whimpers and whines. He fucking loves seeing you this needy.

" 'M Gonna cum," you whine. "Fuckfuckfuck I'm gonna cum,"

You pull on his hair desperately as you grow closer to your orgasm. He pulls his fingers out of you, flattening his tongue across your folds. Using his hair to push his head into your heat, you roll your lips on his tongue.

He allows you to use him, to fuck yourself on his tongue, practically riding his face. You're moaning his name like it's the only word you know as you get yourself off on him. He's sure he's hard now, cock twitching in anticipation of all the dirty things he wants to do to you.

The slightest flick of his tongue sends you completely over the edge. It's quite the sight to see. Your head is buried deep into the pillow, your eyes are screwed shut, and you sound so beautiful as you enter a state of bliss.

You catch yourself, quickly covering your mouth with your hands to muffle how loud you are. You'd nearly forgotten that your mom and Ms.Kim were just downstairs. You can't see him frown, but he does. He understands of course, but fuck does he love hearing you moan.

It takes a few minutes for you to fully come down from your high. Your mind is still a bit fuzzy and as your eyes flutter open you're met with Mingyu's face. He's hovering over you again with a soft smile across his face.

"You good?" he asks. "That was pretty intense,"

You give him a small nod, allowing a smile to spread across your face. He licks his lips before placing his lips on yours again. You melt into his kiss easily. His lips are soft, making his kisses more addictive. He presses his body closer against yours, allowing you to feel his bulge pressing against you.

Before anything can get any more heated, a knock on the door startles the both of you. The two of you jump up, quickly scurrying to cover yourselves. You slip your shirt over your head, covering your exposed lower half with the bedsheets. He lies parallel to you, quickly grabbing a pillow to cover the very obvious tent in his pants.

"Come in!" he shouts, kicking your clothes under his bed so they're out of sight.

The door opens, revealing his mother.

"Hi mom," he says nonchalantly.

"Hey you two," she beams. "I know it's a school night and you both probably have work to do, but we wanted to all go out for ice cream and take a walk in the park. That sound good?"

You and Mingyu exchange a look before nodding. The door closes softly and you both let out a breath of relief. You quickly get up, redressing yourself. You glance back at Mingyu, chuckling to yourself as you see he's very much still hard in his jeans.

"It's not funny," he groans.

"Yes it is," you tease.

"No it's not," he deadpans. "I'm gonna have blue balls."

"I thought blue balls was a myth," you quirk an eyebrow.

He smirks. "Wanna come over here and find out?"

There's absolutely no way he just said that. You simply roll your eyes and scoff before walking out the bedroom door. Although, he doesn't see the smirk that's plastered on your face from his comment.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

It really is a beautiful night. The sky has started to grow dark, filling up with bright stars to provide light. It's peaceful, and the park is relatively empty. The only noises are coming from nature and the bits of chatter from your mothers. They're walking way ahead of you and Mingyu. And quite frankly, you're slowing the two of you down more because you're distracted.

The conversation between you and Mingyu started off pretty strong, but as soon as your phone popped up with a notification from Wonwoo, you were a goner. Your attention completely shifted to your phone. You really only paid attention to Mingyu when Wonwoo didn't text back immediately, and even then you kept glancing down, waiting for his response.

In his mind, Mingyu tries to brush it off, but it bothers him. It bothers him a lot. It's not jealousy that he feels per se, rather frustration. He's right there in front of you and you're getting sidetracked by his best friend. Who wouldn't be annoyed?

Especially in the moments where he thinks you're listening to him, but then he hears you laugh and sees you're looking at your phone with the brightest smile on your face.

He hears you talk about Wonwoo all the time. And if it's not you talking, it's Wonwoo talking to him about you. He doesn't mind playing wingman, but when it's all he hears about, it gets a bit annoying. He likes talking to you, having your attention, making up for all the missed time he regrets not spending with you.

He hides his disappointment well and chooses not to say anything. You're finally getting what you want, what you deserve. He's not even entirely sure what it is that he's feeling, and even though he's comfortable enough with you to open up, he won't do it if it compromises your happiness. Especially if he's still trying to figure shit out for himself.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Jeonghan is less than thrilled when you walk down the stairs. You see the way his expression immediately changes as you enter the basement. It's Saturday movie night at Jun's. It's a tradition the boys do every time they win a Saturday game. Whether it's a party, karaoke, or a movie night, there's some event where the entire team gets together to celebrate.

Mingyu showed up as your door asking if you were ready to go, which completely surprised you. He barged in seeing you were very much not ready to leave the house and he realized he never actually told you about their tradition. After conversing and... other things, you and Mingyu did end up showing. Granted you were the last two arrive but it was only because of... personal reasons.

Some are seated on the couch, others on the floor and the different cushions decorating the carpet. Greetings are brief, but you're quick to sit on the floor next to Wonwoo. Mingyu sits further away, sharing a beanbag chair with Jeonghan.

Someone dims the lights and starts the movie.

"Are they together?" Jeonghan whispers to Mingyu suddenly.

"Huh?" Mingyu whispers back.

"Wonu and Y/n, are they dating?" Jeonghan repeats in a whisper.

"They're talking," Mingyu whispers back. "Nothing official though."

"Hmmph," Jeonghan acknowledges.

"Why?" Mingyu asks.

"No reason," Jeonghan replies.

From then on it’s pretty quiet. The only noise filling the space comes from the tv . Jun actually picked a pretty good movie, and everyone’s attention is on the screen.

Everyone except Mingyu’s.

Truthfully he was paying attention until about 30 minutes in. He shifted ever so slightly in his seat and you caught his attention. There you were cuddled up against Wonwoo. His arm was draped around your frame and you were leaning into his touch. Both of you look so happy and comfortable with one another. It's quite cute honestly, but extremely distracting.

His head is somewhere else right now. It's like there's no thoughts and a million thoughts running through his head all at once. Mingyu's not very good with his emotions. It's part of why he's allergic to commitment.

Wonwoo on the other hand, he's good with his emotions, good for you. He's more on the quiet side, but he doesn't struggle the way Mingyu does. Mingyu's happy for you, he really is. He knows Wonwoo's right for you, it's part of why this deal started in the first place.

He just doesn't understand why there's a part of him that feels off about it. But he's not good with his emotions, so he'll never explore it. Mingyu does what he always does, suppresses it until he doesn't feel it anymore.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

After the movie ends, conversation amongst the group picks up quickly. Mingyu's not feeling too social, but he sees that you are. He opts to go upstairs and get a snack rather than leave because he knows he has to take you home.

Mingyu stands up, briefly mentioning to Wonwoo that he's going upstairs to get something to eat.

"I'll come with," Wonwoo offers.

Although Mingyu's not feeling particularly social, he doesn't mind Wonwoo. Matter of fact, he prefers it. He hasn't spent much time one on one with him lately since you came around. You've spent plenty of one on one time with each of them, but the same can't be said about the two boys.

The two of them rummage through the kitchen, looking in the fridge, freezer and pantry as though it was their own home. "You think Jun would be mad if we use his air fryer?" Wonwoo asks.

Mingyu chuckles, "As long as we don't break it I don't think he'll care."

Wonwoo replies with his head in the freezer. "I found mozzarella sticks."

The boys exchange a smirk before emptying the bag of mozzarella sticks into the airfyer and turning it on. Wonwoo sits on the counter as Mingyu stands next to him, leaning on the marble surface as they wait for their food.

"I think I'm gonna ask out Y/n," Wonwoo states out of the blue.

Mingyu completely turns his attention to his friend sitting next to him. "What?"

"Yeah, on Monday after practice I wanna do it," Wonwoo says. "YOu think I shouldn't?"

"You like her?" Mingyu asks.

Wonwoo nods. "A lot."

"Then go for it."

"You think she'll say yes?" Wonwoo asks.

Mingyu shrugs, smirking at his best friend. Wonwoo punches Mingyu playfully. "C'mon man, you're way closer to her then I am. She doesn't like talk about me or anything? Give me something."

It seems like Mingyu is just messing around with his best friend, both truthfully he doesn't want to admit anything. If he says it out loud, then it's real. 'Oh yeah, she talks about you all the time and she's been in love with you since literally forever, if you did it right now she'd say yes!'

Yeah no way. It's easy to tell Wonwoo to go for it, it's vague. But the details are what messes with Mingyu. It's selfish, but Mingyu's not entirely ready to give the green light and give up what you and him have.

Yeah, you'll still be friends, but it won't be the same. You've already started ditching him for Wonwoo, how will it be when you guys make it official?

He didn't consider all of this when he agreed to your proposition. Matter of fact, he didn't expect it at all. As much as he's enjoyed it, he didn't think you guys would end up so close and so quickly. He was expecting you to be more like one of his flings.

But you weren't. You're just so... you and now he's grown attached.

Fuck.

"You're an asshole," Wonwoo chuckles. "I'm just gonna do it anyway."

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

The drive home is a quiet one. You're asleep for the majority, which leaves Mingyu alone with his thoughts. You look so cute when you're sleeping, completely and utterly peaceful.

When he pulls up in front of your house he feels bad that he has to wake you up. He ghosts his fingers over your face, pushing some of your hair out the way. He settles for a tap on the shoulder.

You stir a little bit, nonetheless still asleep. His hand rests on your shoulder, shaking your body lightly. Your eyes flutter open, remaining half-lidded as you look over at him.

"Hey," he smiles.

"Hey," you reply softly with a grin.

"Didn't want to wake you, but we're home," he informs you.

You turn your head toward the window, your house coming into view.

"C'mon," he opens his door. "I'll walk you in."

You nod sleepily as he walks to the passenger side of the car. He opens the door for you, walking you inside the house and to your bed. You're still visibly sleepy, moving slowly and lethargic.

He helps to tuck you into bed, to which you reply with a soft 'thank you.' He sits on your bed, running his thumb across your cheek softly. "You're tired now, but I wanna talk to you." he starts. "Can you come over tomorrow?"

Talk to you about what? You're extremely sleepy, but your curiosity may just get the best of you.

"I mean yeah, it's Sunday I'm not busy," you yawn. "But why can't we talk now?"

He gives you a lazy smile. "You're half asleep, and it's something important. Wouldn't be fair to have the conversation while you're basically sleeping right?"

"I guess," You yawn. "Did something happen?"

He shakes his head. "Nah, it's nothing bad, just important. Don't worry about it kid." He places a kiss on your forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow yeah? Come over whenever."

_______________________________________________

this chapter felt so rushed i might go back and edit it a bit

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© number1mingyustan - Do not repost without permission.

[afan1]

The Wilds: Season 1 Rewatch

Hey, everyone! With Season 2 of The Wilds premiering on May 6, 2022, I thought I'd go back and rewatch season 1 again after the long hiatus.

I'm going to be posting my thoughts on the episodes as I watch them, so hopefully y'all will join me in getting excited about the upcoming season! I can't wait, so let's dive right in!

SPOILER WARNINGS — While it is an episode recap, there may be spoilers for the entirety of season 1 of The Wilds. Continue reading at your own risk if you haven't seen all of it yet.

The Wilds | 1x01: Day One

Favorite Quote

Yeah, well, I'm not a lesbian. Sorry to disappoint. I just like storage. — Dot Campbell

Personal Highlights of the Episode

Dot smoking as the plane was going down... total fucking mood. I could only hope to be as badass as Dot if I was ever in a plane crash scenario.

The Jeff / Leah relationship makes me cringe, but I chuckle every time I see the "happy belated birthday" high five in the hotel room. It is so awkward, and then Leah even adds a little hand tap... I can't.

Things I Didn't Catch the First Time

Dot has her lighter and pack of cigarettes just chilling in the cupholder on the plane.

When Shelby walks past Fatin on the plane after suggesting icebreaker games, Fatin is smoothing out her eyebrow with her middle finger. Probably random and unintentional, but if not — it's hilarious.

It's dark outside when Leah is driving Jeff to his hotel. Like, did she have to wait around for him after school? Was the drive that long? Honestly, idk how the school wouldn't get into some shit asking a student to drive a grown-ass man to his hotel. You're telling me there wasn't ONE adult staff member available?

The green dial button is still on the phone screen during Martha and Fatin's calls... oops!

Observations / Theories / Questions

The Timeline Doesn't Make Sense — It's shown that Leah gets (presumably) her last text from Jeff on Wednesday, July 10.

We can assume that they were in a non-sexual relationship at least a few weeks before September 5 (Leah's birthday) based off her reply to his drunk text. Then, following her birthday, a sexual relationship until at least June 2.

Jeff and Leah's relationship could have lasted anywhere from the beginning of August to the end of June/beginning of July the following year.

Does the East Bay Academy of Art go to school year round? When does the Island Retreat begin, because I thought it was a whole summer thing aka 3 months? Someone EXPLAIN this to me pleaaaaase. I'm honestly scared that the writers won't explain any of this and it will be the biggest plot hole for the show.

If you want to get even more confused... We know Martha's evidence box that Young goes through in the bunker has a January 10 date on them. Leah is still worked up over Jeff in her interviews. A whole 5-6 months following their last text in July and after a whole mf'ing traumatic experience living on a deserted island. Girl. I love you, but please, move on (my shipper heart will be content with Fatin).

Theory — Why not have Rachel, the super athletic and skilled diver (aka: swimmer) be the subject placed in the water with Jeannette? They are the only two in the ocean following the plane crash (extremely dangerous btw since Leah was sedated). I think that Leah (Gretchen's favorite) was Jeannette's primary "target," so that she could shift Leah's train of thought about the island, observe her more closely for Gretchen, etc. So how do you get a girl that you don't know to bond with you more quickly? Only place them in a similar situation that none of the other girls are in.

Theory — Gretchen had scouted Leah for her experiment prior to the Jeff relationship (or shortly after). Remember: Leah had thought her life was boring and unremarkable. Gretchen probably could have easily convinced Leah herself or her parents to branch out and goes on a summer retreat. But, enter Jeff: exciting, remarkable, loving... everything Leah wanted. Now Gretchen realizes that Leah's new infatuation would prevent her from agreeing to leave for a whole summer, Gretchen mailed Leah's birth certificate to Jeff to induce the breakup and ensure that her favorite subject would be on the island.

None of the girls question why they aren't seriously injured after a plane crashing into the ocean. The only injuries (excluding Jeannette) are Martha's ankle, blood on Toni's ear, and Shelby's flipper being cracked. To make matters worse — Gretchen's people would have had to manipulate these injuries (super creepy and unethical). Like did these assholes really hurt Martha's ankle so bad that it blew up like a balloon? And completely invading Shelby's privacy by getting into her MOUTH and breaking the flipper. omg.

Probably completely random and irrelevant, BUT the Dawn of Eve logo has nine letters... potentially corresponding with the nine girls sent to the island. Furthermore, there's two periods in the logo between the words... potentially corresponding with the two confederates that Gretchen assigns to the experiment.

Shelby Curse Count: 1

~~~

ANNNNND that's a wrap on episode 1. It's long, I know, but I hope everyone (anyone?) that read it enjoyed it or you know, don't think I'm a complete idiot. There's a lot more that I could have covered, but shit's long enough. Like Rachel and Nora's dynamic together (and individually) in episode one could have led to a 4-page essay. The Shoni interactions early on knowing how that ends up at the end of the season, FATIN in general with her remarks because they are top tier. You get my point.

Tell me what your favorite quotes, moments, theories and observations are for episode one! Maybe we think alike or maybe you have some theories that I hadn't thought of yet. Let's discuss!

I'm going to try to get the recap on episode two out asap, so stay tuned!

[fluffykitteninabox]

Thoughts on the new episode (spoilers obviously)

read at your own risk

So the episode... yeah

fuck I'm still wiping the tears on my face...

um...

it was so painful!

i need to know what ost played during Hawks and Twice's dialogue. It was so good and so sad with the guitar omg

i almost forgive bones for misplacing i don't kill my friends last season. (almost)

Also, Dabi looks actually pretty this season! yay

FUCKING FINALLY!!

Took them 6 seasons to get it right but they got it in the end. Let's hope it sticks now.

There was a neat little detail of hawks braking a little camera thingy with one of his feathers, and we saw Skeptic react to that when the monitor was shut off.

I don't think that was in the manga, at least I don't remember it being there.

I will say one thing that was a bit disappointing. I was hoping for more movement. I mean this is supposed to be "animated".

one thing I was really excited about for this episode specifically, was to see Twice's clones moving instead of the still panels in the manga. But all the cool shots weren't actually animated at all. It was just a coloured version of the manga page. The only thing we saw moving was Hawks' feathers when he was slicing up the clones and the clone goop. Now you could say that this was to show how fast Hawks is, he destroyed them before they even had the chance to move, right?

But I think that would have worked better if they at least had them moving in like a slow motion kind of thing. I mean Hawks even says that Twice is replicating fast, but we don't really see him do that. We just see a bunch of clones standing still.

Another thing is that we don't see Dabi run up the stairs to go to Twice. The part where he says it's not his fault is moved after he barges in, so Twice gets to hear it now.

I'm not smart enough to know what this change may be implying, but I'm sure someone here will make an awesome analysis that will blow my mind in the next few days or so!

anyway these are just my first impressions of the episode, they're not really coherent, because my brain can't function now from crying so much

rest in peace Twice (you'll always be alive in my heart)

anyway can't wait to see Hawks get his ass kicked by Dabi next week! I can already smell fried chicken!!

[your-new-cult-leader]

Alpha (Season 5): You know Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders, and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that's happened, you know what I've learned? It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole, or a pervert, or snob, or they're lazy, or arrogant or an idiot or know-it-all. Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise people on a personal level. Not because they're red, or because they're blue, but because ya know them, and you see them every single day. And you can't stand them, because they're a complete and total fucking douchebag.

Director (Season 6):

 Dear Chairman,

I am disappointed by your decision to press charges, but I am not surprised. My only hope is that the courts will see the matters differently than you have. You see; I never had the chance to serve in battle. Nor did fate provide me the opportunity to sacrifice myself for humanity as it did for so many others in the Great War. Someone extremely dear to me was lost very early in my life. My mind has always plagued me with the question: If the choice had been placed in my hands, could I have saved her? The memory of her has haunted me my entire life, and more so in these last few years than I could ever have imagined.

But, given the events of these past few weeks, I feel confident that had I been given the chance, I would have made those sacrifices myself... Had I only the chance. I know that you disagreed with my methods and that others will as well. This is beyond my control. However, I cannot imagine that any court would be able to convict me no matter how low their opinion of my actions might be. You must understand one basic fact for all this to make sense, my dear Chairman: These AI, they all come from somewhere. They are all based on a person. Our ALPHA was no exception.

And while the law has many penalties for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors that we inflict on ourselves.

So you send your men. They won't find themselves a fight. They'll only find an old man. An old man tired, but satisfied he did his duty. An old man weary from a mind more filled with memory than it is with hope.

Sincerely yours,

the former Director of Project Freelancer,

Dr. Leonard Church.

Epsilon (Season 8): I'd like to say that I found her right away, that I just walked into the Epsilon Unit, and there she was, waiting for me. As you can probably guess, it didn't happen that way, but, I know she's in here somewhere, and I'll find her. We always seem to find each other, for better or for worse. I don't know why the Director did what he did. I don't know if he was trying to revive a memory from his past, or if he was just trying to get it out of his head. But I figured out something that the Director didn't. It took Alpha, Delta, and the rest to help piece it together for me, but what I've learned is that a great love is a lot like a good memory. When it's there, and you know it's there, but it's just out of your reach, it can be all that you think about. You can focus on it, and try to force it, but the more you do, the more you seem to push it away. But if you're patient, and you hold still, then maybe... Just maybe... It will come to you. I just need to make sure I'm somewhere she can find me. I think this place is a little different than it was before. See, out there, everything is based on the Alpha, but in here, I guess I'm the Alpha. And maybe this time through, things will be a little different for me as well. I guess I'll find out. And I mean, hell, if you have to live the rest of your life in a memory... you might as well make it a good one.

Epsilon (Season 12 End):  Dear Chairman; It has come to our attention that you have declared war on the planet Chorus. We regret to inform you that this is a really... shitty idea. Not only have you managed to annoy the people that you've failed to kill, time and time again, you've also found a way to piss off an entire planet. Now they may not have the best equipment and they might not be the best fighters, but as you're aware, they've been fighting for a very long time. And now that they're not fighting each other, they're more than happy to dedicate all of their time to fighting... you. So dear Chairman, to you and your idiotic mercenaries, we would like to say: Bring it on, motherfuckers! We're not goin' anywhere. From your friends, the incredibly badass and sexually attractive, Red and Blue soldiers of Project Freelancer. P.S.; suck our balls.

Epsilon (Seaon 13 Trailer):

A message to the Chairman of the Oversight Sub-Committee.

Dear Chairman, my name is Epsilon. Sometimes called Alpha; sometimes Church. You, of course, already know that, because if you are hearing this message, that means you must be heading the investigation of the incident on the planet Chorus. I believe I can make your job considerably easier. Attached, you will find a series of documents and video files detailing the illegal and treasonous activities of your predecessor, Mr. Malcom Hargrove. I have entitled these files “Red vs. Blue.” You may want to pay particular attention to sections 11 through 13. They contain everything I know about the men and women who fought bravely on Chorus, and I entrust their story to your care. They were unique individuals. I fought both beside them, and against them, and...against them when I was supposed to be beside them. But in the end, they were my friends. And I will miss them dearly. If this message seems a bit maudlin, or perhaps even over-dramatic, I hope you will excuse me. This is, after all, ...the story of how I died.

Epsilon (Season 13 End):

Hey guys, If you’re hearing this, it means you did it. You won. You kicked the shit out of Hargrove’s forces, I knew you could. But this is my last stop. See when I came into this world, I was really just a collection of someone else’s memories. But with your help, these memories, they, they took form. they became my voice, my personality, and after a while I began to make brand new memories of my own. All of these things are what make me who I am but they’re also holding me back. I can’t run this suit, as Epsilon, but if I erase my memories, if I deconstruct myself, the fragments I’ll leave behind will have the strength to get you through this. I believe that. I wish there was an other way but I’m leaving this message, as well as others, in the hopes that you’ll understand why I have to go this time. It was actually Doyle who made me realize something I never thought of before. There are so many stories where some brave hero decides to give their life to save the day and because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors all cheer, and everybody lives happily ever after. But the hero never gets to see that ending. They’ll never know if their sacrifice actually made any difference. They’ll never know if the day was really saved. In the end, they just have to have faith.

Aint that a bitch.

[viscountessevie]

I may rushed it or it could just only be me—

But I must say this.

Anthony had his grand speech.

Edwina had her grand speech.

But Kate was all over the place. Why was she there for? For her sister? And found love for herself? My mother pointer out, very unsettling for me, that Kate doesn't seek to have any lasting effect on her as Edwina. She is the protagonist and yet......

It's definitely me and mum right????

Heya Anon! Thank you so much for the ask and for waiting while I let all my asks sit for the last two weeks. I've just been trying to process the season before answering asks about the new season and also managing some irl personal stuff but I digress.

Everything is under the cut because this got long as always lmao:

When I first saw this in my inbox I'll be honestly I had no idea how to answer it because the lasting impression bit dumbfounded me (so allow me to answer that bit first!).

To me, Kate wasn't lacking or forgettable. But that's my experience and how Kate had already made her place in my heart after I read TVWLM after S1. Even more so when Simone was cast as her because I saw a lot of myself in Kate Sheffield but now Kate Sharma reflected someone who looked like me on the outside as well!!

So no matter how little screen time she got, Kate was always going to blow me away and leave an impact on me.

However, rereading your ask and in retrospect given how much time Kathony and Eddie got compared to the useless B Plots *cough* stupid LW, Cousin Jack and while I love how entertaining Pru, Portia and Philly can be, their screen time this season was 15 mins too long *cough*

Kate was very much shortchanged and compared to Anthony who got his backstory and Kate didn't, it was a very glaring difference. It was really a disservice to the character we loved so much in the book. And it's even more disappointing that your mom had a more lasting impression of Edwina from her breakdown wedding day speech (can we PLEASE get Charithra the Emmy she deserves for that scene). I'm happy for Eddie getting the love she deserves and having a shiny new backbone and agency compared to the books but where was the enhancement and improved characterisation for Kate??

CVD and his team can't say they want to write three dimensional women and then go throw two sisters with the best bond into a love triangle like wtf.

On that note, even if he fleshed out Edwina this season, she was still reduced into a plot device role and was an obstacle for Kathony to overcome. It is SO ironic that CVD thought he did something with Eddie this season. Yes, she wasn't as docile like in the book but as Nia @missfairygodmother pointed out in her post here in a way Eddie had more of a personality in the books. Her main role this season just seemed to be the diamond.

Yes, we did get some insight of her being a nerd and studious but as Molly @newtonsheffield has pointed out in her Ton & Tea videos that while Edwina is very talented in all these things - a polygot, can dance all three dances on the regency dance floor, etc, she had to be taught somehow. It is implied that Kate taught her so Kate has to know all these things too. So I wish we got Book!Eddie's quirks of always carrying a book around, being bored with dumbass Anthony, unconditionally loving her sister. I honestly hated the love triangle with a passion because my fave comedy moments in the book was Anthony and Edwina platonic relationship. They literally had NO romantic chemistry, it was literally crickets every time they talked but like after he marries Kate, he takes her under his wing like a sister because she is Eloise's age so he should have always viewed as a younger sister type!

I'm just really upset that the creative team wanted to prop up Eddie but it was done at the expense of Kate's character. Eddie got to pop off in Episode 6 - WHERE WAS MY DAMN STORMS BACKSTORY IN EP 3 HMMM CVD?? If not Ep3, give it to us in Ep4 AT THE LITERAL LIBRARY STORM SCENE!! Do you know how excited I was to see the library still in the trailer? Super excited, it was one of the turning points of Kathony for me but we didn't get it SIGH.

All in all, anon if you read this far, please know that it's not just your mom and you. The writers did Simone and Kate SO DIRTY this season by not giving her enough screen time or explicit conversations about her past. They always say "Show, not tell" WELL THE WRITERS DID NEITHER FOR KATE THIS SEASON, Simone did it all her damn self. We love to see our queen take the reins of her character and shine on her own when Netflix and the promo are failing to promote her as their lead.

Thanks again for reading all of this unhinged takes from me if you made it this far!

[lovecolibri]

Trust me I want her gone like, 6 episodes ago but Tim has really leaned in to this and the only thing that can save us at this point is jlh and Ken coming back and reclaiming their screen time😫 like her whole storyline (esp. last episode 🤢) has been one huge whiplash

Yeah, I remember the 4x14 kiss was such a disappointing slap in the face after the way 4x13 went down and I have been waiting for her to leave since then. I also went back and rewatched the show and Dosed hit especially hard since I was paying closer attention and wasn't just bingeing my way through. So her leaving has been a LONG time coming for me. I probably could have dealt with her being in the background, but already having to miss Maddie AND Chim (and Albert! 😭) and choosing to have more of her instead of more Eddie and Hen and Bobby and even Ravi the new kid is just....endless frustrating. She definitely needed to have been gone before they tried to force a "tragic backstory" on her that just makes her look like an even worse person.

Again, I feel like it's all leading somewhere and the payoff is going to be sooo good for Buck. But the way I have zero desire right now to go back and rewatch last week's episode (or Ghost Stories beyond the opening clip of Buck, and the elip of Chim with Eli) even though it was an otherwise amazing episode is telling to me personally about how absolutely done with her I am. I can watch clips or gifs of all the good moments from the episode with disrupting my own good mood by having to deal with *all of that nonsense*. Who knows, that may change down the line after she's gone, but I still struggle being excited to watch 4x14 in it's entirety because the forced "new gf so the shooting doesn't look so gay" so 🤷🏻‍♀️. And I can't see giving one single flying fuck about her "backstory" after she's gone so again, why they wasted time on it is beyond me unless they needed filler because so many of the main cast are out. But then why not give us Eddie/Hen/Bobby/Ravi filler or even Buck fucking finally having one-on-one scenes with literally anyone else but her? Why not use the time to give us something that we want to come back to over the mid-season or 5/6 hiatus? IDK, I'm just so sick of her and she needs to go. Buck has never looked more miserable and it's been ages. Let him set himself free.