#can't un-fuck the numbering oh well

[clove-pinks]

Tagged by @acrossthewavesoftime to list 5 topics I can talk on for an hour without preparing any material, thank you! (And my deepest apologies to everyone else who has tagged me in something that I have yet to do—I love being tagged, but don't have the greatest track record with following through).

The War of 1812. I have at LEAST an hour of off-the-cuff material. Do you want the naval war, the western frontier, the political machinations? Historic sites I want to visit? Participants I wish I could hug?

Frederick Marryat. I could easily talk for an hour about his life, his novels and their popular reception, and his travel writing. Just a fascinating guy who lived in a time of great transition and change! Would fight and/or hug him.

The Franklin Expedition. One of my oldest special interests, and there are always new discoveries to discuss! I would probably be talking about a lot of things adjacent to the Franklin Expedition that built the world that launched it: economic conditions in 1840s Britain, colonial wars, and scientific interest in things like surveying and terrestrial magnetism. Also which officers are the coolest. (Le Vesconte and Fitzjames, obviously).

The American Indian Wars. I keep running into this in my War of 1812 studies (and it's the same cast of characters in the late 18th and early 19th century). Depressing!

Favourite staple recipes and traditional food. Lobscouse, pea soup, and other ways you can eat like a 19th century sailor. I am sad to not have all of my cooking equipment in my tiny apartment kitchen (so much for steamed puddings!)

Tagging @radiojamming (and not just because I shamelessly stole their Two Men meme), @sanguinarysanguinity, @maudeboggins, @daltongraham, @gentlyepigrams, @victoriansecret, and @pagansphinx if you want to do it!

[jedi-starbird]

Time Travel is my favourite trope and I think we need more fics where both Obi-Wan AND Qui-Gon time travel together because no matter when they get sent it's chaos. They're saving the galaxy and being physic flash-bangs to everyone around them.

like before Bandomeer?

The entire council is baffled to watch as Qui-Gon 'never taking a padawan again' Jinn has suddenly cut off his post-Xanatos depression tour to return to the temple and beeline to the creche with a frantic energy. His wild eyes immediately single out a fluffy, red-haired initiate.

"You." he exhales with a pointed finger, slightly ominous as he towers over the child. Said child starts vibrating with delight. "Me." he agrees, launching himself at the man. Qui-Gon drops to his knees with a thud that cannot be healthy. Obi-Wan's attempts to clamber into Qui-Gon's robes and maybe onto his shoulders is thwarted by the fact that Qui-Gon's massive hands are cupping Obi-Wan's tiny squishy cheeks. He stares at the initiate for a few minutes with an intensity that is starting to worry people.

Finally, "You're so small." Qui-Gon sounds like he might cry.

'What the fuck?' Plo Koon projects at Mace.

"I'm 9! That tends to be the case!" the child chirps back.

"You're nine." Oh. Ah. Qui-Gon's eyes are distinctively misty. He squishes the boy in a hug so hard he squeaks. Mace makes a series of gestures that imply the need for a head-scan. Depa obligingly drifts off towards the halls. Qui-Gon scoops the child up onto his hip and claims him as his padawan on the spot. The assorted council members and creche-masters burst into noise. Mace tells Depa to bring some space ibuprofen as well.

after Naboo?

Anakin is a little apprehensive of his place in both the order and Obi-Wan's life, but then one day Obi-Wan wakes up and is suddenly a lot less sad in the force?? In fact, if Anakin didn't know better he'd say he was almost giddy, but he's watched Obi-Wan try to pretend his world hasn't fallen apart for the past few months so it can't be that, right? And um, Miss Bant? He knows grief is a funny thing that affects people differently but he's pretty sure 'massive mood swing' and 'having full conversations with invisible people' is not...great? and you said to tell you if Obi-Wan got really weird in any way.

Anyway after a lot of medical exams, intense consultation with the archives, and a couple exorcisms, Anakin ends up being raised by his 'real' master and his ghost master. He is far more well adjusted emotionally and far less well adjusted for what counts as normal people behavior(not talking to thin air). When questioned on this, all he ever says is that he's talking to Qui-Gon. Isn't he...dead? Well, yes. Wait, he's a ghost? Ghosts are real? ...Well this ghost is real.

This starts a great number of existential crises among non-force sensitives and incredibly heated theological arguments amongst the Jedi. Whenever Obi-Wan is questioned on this, all he ever says is some variation of "the force got to know him for 5 seconds and kicked him back out." Mace backs him up on this even though that reasoning is technically blasphemous. Qui-Gon is having the time of his un-life. He's ascended to his final form, his sheer existence is a heresy, this is truly all he has ever aspired towards.

the Clone Wars?

The minute they get dropped back Qui-Gon immediately goes and haunts the shit out of Dooku. They have a signed terms of surrender and promise of info on the Sith Lord within the year. Only half of it is because Qui-Gon's giving Dooku complexes that are only perceptible to shrimp, the other half is because they now have a ghost spy that is not bound by the laws of physics nor spacetime.

Obi-Wan only nominally pays attention to this as he immediately goes and implements his 19 step seduction plan with Cody (he had to focus on something on Tatooine to pass the time). It fails. Spectacularly. Publicly. Ah right. Tatooine was not exactly the height of his sanity. Everyone in the GAR and temple is now riveted by High General and Councilor Obi-Wan Kenobi's attempts to go on a date with his Commander, who bats him away him like a particularly annoying stray and seems one bouquet of cactus away from committing mutiny. Anakin is worrying if it means his master knows about his secret marriage and this is some sort of really weird power play. (It is, but not in the way he thinks)

The next time Dooku goes after Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon spends a good few months appearing tear-stained at the edge of Dooku's perception and only communicating in terrible wails and discordant mutterings of 'padawan. my padawan. my little one.' 24/7.

"Wait, you're annoying Dooku into surrendering?"

"Oh no Anakin, we're crushing his psyche like a bug. :)"

[octoberautumnbox]

I Got All I Need

Le Sserafim Kim Chaewon (ft. Soloist Jo Yuri & Male Reader)

Categories/warnings: smut, phone sex, masturbation, voyeurism i think, anal, abuse, rough sex, like really really rough sex (kinda)

Word count: 1.6k

a/n: wrote on a whim lol no proofread no beta im sorry anways--

Chaewon lay bored in her bed, having exhausted her SNS feeds and Watch Later playlist. Her members sent all manner of pictures with their families and other friends in the groupchat, and honestly, genuinely, Chaewon was happy for them! And just a teeny bit envious, that's all, cross her heart and hope to die.

Her phone read 6:06 pm, and on her first long weekend off in the year, she had nothing to do. She was getting desperate for some fun. She opened her contacts app and punched in a random number.

"Ah, sorry, Chaewon-ssi," the voice on the other end of the line admitted, "Yena won't be back in Korea until next Friday. I'll let her know you called."

"Hi, this is Eunbi! I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave me a message and I'll get back to you in a jiffy!" Of course she uses an answering machine, Chaewon thought.

"Hi, Unnie!" Chaewon was overjoyed! "Hey Minmin, I was just curious if you were down to eat--" The sound of a bell rang loud in the other side of the phone call. "Oops, I'm really really sorry Unnie. Gotta get back now. Long night ahead of us, they're even killing my character again today! See you soon!"

Looking to her closet, Chaewon's mind was half-set to just put on a warm coat and go out alone. That's a thing people do nowadays, right? Go out and eat by themselves?

Sighing, she went for one last-ditch effort. She knows she won't pick up. She knows that even if she does, she wouldn't want to come out. She knows that if she wants to come out, it'll be shabu-shabu and sitting around by the Han River. "Oh well," Chaewon resigned, "At least I won't be alone."

She scrolled down her contacts and found her name. Tap, tap, tap, and the ringing started. One ring, two, three, and four. Chaewon expected this, so much so that she's not even disappointed.

"H-hello?" Chaewon fought back a gasp! "Hey, hi Yuri! I was going to go out for a bite--"

"Ah, fuck..." Silence filled the phone line for a good few seconds before Yuri's end broke it again. "Shit, th-that's really good."

"Yuri?" "Ffffuck yes, just like that..." Disbelief filled Chaewon's mind. "Sorry," Yuri struggled to whisper, "wh-who is this?"

"It's... It's Chaewo-" "Fuck! Shit, shit, shit, please..."

Chaewon had half a mind to just drop the call then and there, and she should, right? This is one of her best friends in the world. Busy, as they say, with something important.

"Unnie, I'm so sorry, I just have the thickest cock ripping my asshole apart right now, ahhh, oh fuck, OH FUCK!"

Although, as much as Chaewon wants to deny it, dropping the call was out of the question now. She had to know just what exactly was going on.

"Are you okay, Yuri? Do... you need me to call someone?"

"Haahhhhh... Ahh, AHHHH!" Yuri's scream ripped through the phone line, and Chaewon couldn't keep her own free hand from straying anymore.

"Unnie, I... I need y-you... to keep a... a secret," It was hard for Chaewon to decipher what her friend was saying, between every moan and grunt littered across her speech. She couldn't resist, though, that she was paying more attention to them than whatever words could be spilling out of Yuri's mouth.

"I'm... with my... with my boyfriend. He's p-pounding my ass right now..." Chaewon was groping her own ass at that moment, and she could feel herself getting moist.

She heard whispering at the other end. Yuri's voice rang clearer, even if a bit shakier. "He says... if I end the call... he'll tie me up and, and leave me," Yuri's breaths are heavy and laced with exhaustion, "un-until morning. So I'm sorry, but I can't... Mmmmff..."

Chaewon couldn't believe she was getting hot to the sound of her friend getting fucked hard. There was no way pure, sweet, innocent Yuri was like this, right? Absolutely impossible.

And yet, she found her own hand slipping under her panties. She felt her smooth pussy lips, how they were slick against her fingers, and how her insides were starting to burn up.

"Unnie... he's making me tell you..." Chaewon was all ears now, desperate for more.

"I have six inches of cock up my ass... and three ffffingers... in my soaking cunt." Three wouldn't fit, Chaewon thought, so she settled for two inside herself. Her pussy lips parted for them, and Chaewon let out a tiny "mmmh."

"He... he's rubbing my clit, and... AHHH--" Chaewon was palming her own clit as her fingers shoved themselves slowly in and out of her pussy, letting more of her juices out and onto her panties.

"... and he's s-slapping and pinching it, Unnie..." Frustrated and in heat, Chaewon frantically stripped and kicked away both her shorts and panties; they were ruined anyway. She lay comfortably back onto her bed and spread her legs, in prime position for her own missionary fucking, with regrettably nothing more than her left hand.

"And Unnie..." Her former member's deep and heavy breaths occupied the phone line. "P-please... don't let this... change how you see me... God, please, no..."

Chaewon pumped her fingers in and out of her pussy hard now. Her juices were falling all over her bedsheets, and the scent of her sex reaching her nose only spurred her on.

"Yuri... Tell me."

"He... he creampied me, Unnie..." Suddenly, Chaewon's hips lifted off the bed momentarily as she heard this. Her fingers found a good spot as she returned to the bed, and from then on strove to hit it again and again and again.

"More, Yuri-yah... please..." She couldn't hide it anymore, Chaewon was moaning just as loudly now as her beloved friend.

"Th-three times, Unnie... in my ass..." Chaewon's eyes shut tight as her brain locked onto what was being said. "And... six... I think, in my... my pussy... oh- OH GOD!"

Chaewon started grinding against her palm, forcing more pleasure through her crotch. She humped against the air, lifting and dropping her hips in a needy bid for her sweet release.

"FUCK! Unnie, I can't remember-- Shhhhhit, shitshitshitshit... How- how many times he came in my cunt- AHHHH!"

She could hear it so much better now, how her friend's ass slapped against her boyfriend's waist. Yuri's moans rang louder still, pushing her phone's speaker to its limit.

"Unnie, holy fuck, Unnie... Please... don't..." Yuri collected herself for a moment before starting again. "He... he has my-my nipples in clamps, too... It hurts so good, Chaewon-unnie, shit... everything is so good..."

Chaewon struggled against her top, and managed to get all of it up past her chest and under her neck. Her breasts bounced out from under her bra and relaxed. She pinched and squeezed her left nipple as hard as she could, feeling the nub stiffen against her fingertips.

"And I came, Unnie..." Her fingers returned to pleasuring her now-leaking pussy. Chaewon rubbed around her lips to collect more of her slick, before shoving now three of her fingers inside her.

"I came so... so many times. F-fifteen... before I- ahhh- lost c-count." Chaewon found her pace and rhythm again. She pistoned her fingers into and out of her sex as her moans reached the other end of the line too.

"Fuck, Yuri-yah, that sounds so fucking good... I'm close... I'm so close!"

"He's forcing me t-to tell you, Unnie, ahhhhh..."

Chaewon shut her eyes again, wishing, imagining it was her getting the railing of her life. Only now did she realize how big the wet spot on her bed between her legs was.

"I'm... Unnie, I'm... his slut. I'm his ffffuuuckdoll..."

Chaewon was straining herself now, her arm muscles burning with overexertion. She felt her cunt leak so much of her sex all over her hand. She wildly fingered her g-spot, praying that her climax comes soon.

"I'm his pleasure girl, Unnie," Chaewon heard her friend's voice break with sobs between words and moans. "I'm his slutty, hhhorny, p-personal o-onahole..."

At this point, Chaewon was sobbing too. Why couldn't she have a boyfriend like that? Why can't she be the one getting sexually taken advantage of? She even bet she could make Yuri's boyfriend feel worlds better than Yuri ever could.

"I'm his... I'm his slutty fucking cumdump, Unnie! He fucks me raw and creampies my cunt- AHHHHH- and I love when he fills my womb up so much it leaks out of my abused pussy!"

A scream dragged itself across Chaewon's throat, and she made sure both Yuri and her boyfriend heard. Chaewon's arm burned hotter with overfatigue as she was nearly breaking her own pussy with how hard she was pumping. "Fuck, Yuri! Please! I need to cum!"

"Fuck, Unnie, me too! Shit, Unnie, I have to tell you..."

Tears streamed down Chaewon's cheeks now, her crotch and thighs soaked with her slick. She's already lost control of herself and fully gave in to her body's desires, wailing cries and moans that she couldn't even recognize as her own anymore.

"I'm not safe, Unnie! I'm so fucking f-fertile! He's going to make me pregnant! H-he's put- FUCKING SHIT, PLEASE DADDY- He's putting a fucking baby in my womb!!! AAAHHHHHHH!"

"FFFFUCK, YURI! HOLY FUCK I'M CUMMING SO MUCH!!!"

Chaewon's cum sprayed out of her sore cunt in intense streams. Chaewon forcefully pulled her fingers out as her hips convulsed violently, wringing out every last drop of her climax. She kept squirting for what felt like ages, and with every spurt of her girlcum she grew less and less alert.

Her eyes were heavy, and her ears were failing her. Her hands dropped to the sides, as did her waist onto the mattress as her climax overwhelmingly resolved. She grew less and less aware of her heart beating out of her chest, and, finally, passed out naked on her cum-soaked bed.

a/n: lmao jesus christ anyways this wasn't the incest smut i was talking abt that's still in the works

[mrsrileywrites]

Hear me out... Older boyfriend Simon Riley that's a math genius 😅

smut, smut...

You are in college, the career you choose has nothing to do with math but it's the first year and you have to take that class, it's required and you have always struggled with numbers!!! 

So here you are sitting in the high chair on your kitchen isle, you've been working on that damn work sheet for the past hour, spent the last twenty minutes stuck on a random exercise you have wrote and erased so many times you are about to rip a hole in the sheet.

You think on giving up, just fail the class, get a part time job and pay for tutoring next semester so you'll pass and get done with it.

Simon is sitting on the couch, watching TV, he's been looking at your struggling from the corner of his eye. You sigh un frustration, rubbing your face about to burst into tears when he stands up and walk towards you. "What's wrong, love?", he acts oblivious.

You explain to him, your voice cracking and it tugs at the strings of his heart, he sits next to you taking a look at the work sheet, he's silent, focused, his brows slightly creased, he's so handsome, you think.

He puts the sheet in front of you and explains the exercise,he makes it look so easy, you look at him intently, you didn't know he was so good at math, and his big hand moves to squeeze your thigh, "pay attention, love" he says sternly, and you do, you try your damn hard to focus and get it right cause you want to make him proud.

And no matter how hard you try, you just can't, you don't get it :( "I can't, Si... I'm just dumb" you pout, tears welling in your pretty eyes.

"Don't say that, baby, you are not dumb" he speaks to you oh so sweetly and you just look at him. He sees the struggle on your eyes, you just need motivation he thinks.

That's how you end up bent over your kitchen isle, your pants and panties pooled at your ankles, Simon rubbing the tip of his cock at your entrance, he looks at your work sheet from over your shoulder and speaks on your ear, "C'mon baby, focus on your sheet, what does it say?". You stutter as you read the exercise, your fingers holding your pencil so tight it might snap in half any minute.

Simon enters you slowly as you write wonky numbers on the sheet, he thrusts slowly guiding you through the math problem and when you get it wrong, he's movements come to a halt, your pussy flutters around his fat cock, and you whine in frustration pushing your ass back seeking some sort of friction, his hand on your hip holds you in place.

"C'mon baby, get it right and I'll fuck you properly" and you try again, your brain scrambling for the right answer, writing with a shaky hand until you get it right and Simon rewards you, he thrusts into you vigorously as he praises you "my smart girl, so good for me" and you moan, your pussy clenching at his praise, his hand moves to rub at your clit and you feel the band tighten on your lower belly, Simon's eyes move to see where his cock disappears inside you and the recoil of your ass with every snap of his hips, you always take him so well, it makes his cock twitch inside you.

"Si... I'm gonna..." You whine. "I know baby, I know... you squeezing me so tight" he grunts on your ear thrusting faster and harder, his finger still rubbing your clit until you cum, your body shakes as he spills his seed inside your tight cunt.

Side note, that Ghost skin is my favorite cause I get to see his forearms and those cool tattoos... I need this man so bad my ovaries are gonna combust 😩

[thatdumbmexicanbimbo]

everyone was sword fighting in her mouth.

Perv!Mean!Bully!Eddie Munson x Bimbo!thick!latina reader

A/N:*INHALES LOUDLY* I cannot stand the lack of people, writing for latina's, SO I'm just gonna write myself *grins evil like*, but with a twist, HEATHERS AU!!, Eddie is ram Sweeney bc he's my fav, and reader is like Veronica Sawyer in the situation :P, Chrissy is heather McNamara, Nancy is heather duke, heather Halloway is heather Chandler!

WARNINGS: SMUT!!, NONCON,drugging ,impiled oral sex(F only), virgin reader!, PIV

you wonder how your life would be if you stayed in New Jersey, you sighed as you unloaded your boxes to your new house.. well trailer, you and your papa have been slightly struggling, your pink suitcase was heavy so your papa came to help, it wasn't a shabby trailer it was quite expensive, 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom was okay for you and your dad.

Now it was your first day , you've been to racists schools your whole life, casually getting rude remarks on your weight and race, but ever since you moved away from Hawkins temporarily, you can't shake the thrill of coming back!, you struggled, to slide your white skirt on, you made sure your thong wasn't peaking out so your dad wouldn't see, you put on a lacy white bra obviously!! a push up, a pink tube top,and cute black backpack a bow on the zipper!

When you arrived you got loads of flattering and a few un-flattered looks, you just looked at your schedule, you go to your locker number

seeing a woman already there, but the sudden turn around revealed a long-haired man, "Whats with the staring,baby doll?" he chirped,

"my apologies, I'm confused on how to open my locker? I forgot how, I use to be at this school I just moved but came back for personal family issues", he looks you and up down scanning your hot thick body up n down,

"you ain't new then?". you nod meekly, "ah okay, well let me tell ya sweetheart I don't recall seeing you 'round these halls" he says while pulling a cigarette out, you look away embarrassed,

"I was slightly overweight, glasses and baggy clothes..i-i was called chunky y/n.." you say stuttering,

he looks at you "oh now I know you, you looked HIDEOUS, those glasses were not for you" he says chuckling, his smile fading seeing your face form a frown,

"is a pretty face and body all that matters to you?"you say annoyed,

"well, what else is there to offer?", you scoff and storm away, fucking guy judging your body fucking looking at you like a pervert.

you skip your 3rd period class, your lip liner was fading, fashion emergency!, you reapply your lip-gloss as 3 girls walk in, one of them goes into a stall and forces themselves to throw up, another girl trails behind another, LOUD RETCHING NOISES, "god Nancy hurry up!" the main girl shouts checking her pores

a teacher walks in to use the restroom, "what are you lady's doing out of class??", you were quick to write fake passes after you recognized your first period teacher's handwriting and signature, you quickly hand the 3 girls one and say

"um Ms Burn-ham gave us each a bathroom note" you show the teacher, "oh very well you ladies stay out of trouble" she said as she exited the bathroom

"sick forgery, thanks for helping" the main one says, "the name's Heather Holloway, i'm pretty popular, among the school",

the second one chirps up, "ugh didn't even bother to introduce us Heather, i'm Nancy wheeler, and this is Chrissy Cunningham", Chrissy waves shyly,

"I see you being a popular girl stick with me and you'll be on top of the other low-life losers" heather says wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

a month has gone by heather wasn't fully wrong you were popular with her guidance, But so much people noticed you finally, even that sick pervert hasn't stopped trying, you were laying lazily on your bed, and get a call from Chrissy, "y/n I need help i'm at the cemetery"

before you could respond Chrissy hangs up you made your way to the cemetery, you see Chrissy in her car

, "uh why is uh Eddie munson passed out?" you questioned

"well nancy, steve,eddie, and I were ya know hanging out and they dung into the booze, then Nancy and Steve were together and Eddie tried hooking up with me..and he wouldn't stop trying to grope me..." she says blankly

"so after all this happened why'd you call me??" you say tugging at your annoying socks

"oh well that was the deal, if I called you Eddie promised to leave me alone"

"SO you avoided date rape by volunteering ME for date rape?"

"gosh you make it sound so ugly"

eddie groans drunkly, "HEYYYY Y/NNN, I WAITED HOURS FOR YOU!!"

he passed out, Nancy comes from Steve's car, him attached to her while she buttons her skirt, "Chrissy, open the door" she says sharply

"UGHH don't leave me like this baby!!" Steve whines. he lays on the grounded passing along-side Eddie

Eddie rises, when Chrissy and Nancy drive away, "so you're my reward huh" he says says while smirking

"as if , you have a left hand use it" you reply with disgust you hear a noise off in the distance looking away.

he whimpers, but replies, "there's some alchol left?" he was quick to slip in a roofie

"welp this Friday was shit i'll take it" you chug it down

"I don't feel so awesome" you pass out but Eddie catches you

"oh trust me sweetheart you will soon.."

your eyes flutter open, still in a ditzy unable to move trance, you feel an odd stomach twisting feeling between your thighs, a long- haired man between your thick thighs, you cry as he shoves fingers into you, you gush out more slick and cum

"fucking naughty girl, getting her tiny unused cunt violated, n getting wet off it, pathetic" he says degrading you

you whimper, and try moving or screaming unable to from the roofies effects, he tugs his boxers down, aligning his cock to your virgin cunt, you sniffle as he shoves his cock in, he thrusts uncaring if you're enjoying it

"so fucking tight, mmm yea just for me, fucking bitch you rejected me??, I don't fucking think so, you are enjoying this you're clenching go ahead slut, cum for me, cum on my cock"

you sqeaul and cream on his cock. after this everything fades to black

you awaken in your bedroom, you walk into your bathroom, hickeys everywhere, bruises, you sniffle knowing it wasn't a dream..

you arrive at school seeing Nancy cleaning out heather Holloway's locker, you heard she was kidnapped by billy who also died or dissappeared,

"jeez what are you rummaging for??" you say

"a little respect, I'm cleaning out a loved ones locker" Nancy scowls at you

"I don't think heather would want you going through her stuff-"

"lets not focus on me right now, more about your new reputation, Eddie n Steve have been telling the whole school about a scandalous little three way last night after Chrissy and I left" she said smirking

"there was no three way, I don't even recall doing anything with either of them-" you get off by the boys giggling

"THEY"RE WAS A BIG SWORD FIGHT IN HER MOUTH DUDE!!"

"MY BIG SALAMI BENT HER LIKE ORIGAMI!!" they both cheered

you ran into the bathroom crying terribly.. it was just a rumor but what could you do..

possible part 2?

[astrronomemes]

LADY BIRD: STARTERS

a collection of quotes, phrases, and sayings from the 2017 film Lady Bird. change & alter as needed.

"I wish I could live through something."

"Okay, fine, yours is the worst life of all. You win."

"You should just go to city college, with your work ethic. City college, and then to jail, and then back to city college. Maybe you'd learn how to pull yourself up and not expect everyone to do everything for you."

"You have a performative streak, I think."

"Everyone who auditioned got in. The part I got was basically me not getting in."

"That's something rich people do. We are not rich people."

"Oh, yeah, I remember you! You were wearing that dress."

"I just don't get why I'm not good at math. My dad is really good at math."

"Have you ever been out of the country?"

"Why do you care what I do to my clothes?"

"My mom is always mad. It doesn't matter if I get home late. She'd be mad at me anyway."

"I think we're done with the learning portion of high school."

"I think [name] wants to make an entrance. She's mad we don't have a spiral staircase."

"What the hell is in that duffel bag?!"

"How do you know when it's working?"

"Your mom was really sad you weren't here tonight for Thanksgiving."

"Do you need money for the applications? Because I can help with that, too."

"I'm not paying you to flirt!"

"Yeah, sex is not a big deal. It's just that my mom called during it."

"Don't worry. I'm not gonna snitch on you."

"The government didn't have to put tracking devices on us. We bought them and put them on ourselves."

"You are actually fucking evil. What is wrong with you?"

"When do you think is a normal time to have sex?"

"Being successful doesn't mean anything in and of itself. It just means that you're successful."

"You can't do anything unless you're the center of attention, can you?"

"Yeah, well, you know your mom's tits? They're fake. Totally fake."

"Just because something looks ugly doesn't mean that it's morally wrong."

"You give me a number for how much it cost to raise me, and I'm going to get older and make a lot of money, and write you a check for what I owe you, so that I never have to speak to you again."

"I don't even sort of understand why somebody would lie about that."

"You're going to have so much un-special sex in your life."

"Don't you think maybe they're the same thing? Love and attention?"

"I just wish... I wish that you liked me."

"I want you to be the very best version of yourself you can be."

"You aren't going to get in the car with a guy who honks, are you?"

"I'm just crying. Some people aren't built happy, you know?"

"I'm going to miss the fuck out of you."

"Please, [name], please, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I appreciate everything you've done for me."

"I wanted to tell you, but we weren't really talking when it happened."

[no1frogfan]

Kaiju give me your number

Iwaizumi x gn reader

Word count: ~700

Tags & warnings: None

Notes: I was struck by a deeply silly idea tonight (don’t worry, it gets sillier!), so this is my first entry for the spooky sports collab hosted by the one and only @koushuwu! Check out the collab masterlist here! (Please forgive me, Mica! My original entry will be arriving some time in the future!)

The only warning you get is a muffled I’ll get it! before the door swings open. Standing inside is a shadowy figure, its vague spiky shape barely illuminated by the streetlights behind you, looking particularly ominous in contrast to the decidedly un-spooky R&B now thumping out into the quiet night.

You squint into the darkness. “Um…hello? I’ve got a delivery for-”

Suddenly, the shadow lunges forward.

You let out a scream, almost losing your balance as you lurch back a few steps. A hand (too leathery to be human) reaches out and…

…flicks on the porch light, almost blinding you.

“Hey! Turn it down I can't hear!”

You’re still blinking away the stars in your eyes when you see it — him. Them. Two of the firmest, cushiest pecs you have ever seen casting an actual shadow over a set of gorgeous abs, the skin smooth and soft, especially against the rough black scales covering his legs and arms.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the music. What did you say?”

Despite the absolutely stunning man in front of you, your brain somehow manages to make sense of what he’s saying.

“Um…I have a delivery for-” you glance down at the receipt “-for Hajime?”

“Wait, aren’t you…?”

He does a double take. Holy shit, it's actually you. You’re wearing the same helmet (black and covered in stickers) and — he checks behind you — that's the same bike! A sleek green one with bright yellow panniers.

“I’m looking for Hajime. Am I at the right place?”

You check the receipt again, leaning back to squint at the house number above the door. It’s partly to actually check if you’re at the right address, but mostly to calm down by looking at something other than a stranger dressed as the world’s most attractive lizard man. You didn’t even know you were into lizard men.

“That’s me. I’m Hajime.”

He reaches up and you track the flex of his biceps as he lifts the lizard mask off his head. Oh fuck. His face is handsome too, and a little bit familiar — maybe from around campus.

You must have been standing slack-jawed for too long because he glances down at his bare chest and blushes. “Sorry, I’m- my friends thought sexy Godzilla would be funny...”

Ah, that would explain the dorsal spines.

(It’s actually a little annoying how apologetic he seems, as if looking like that was something to be embarrassed about.)

Almost on cue, two more huge men crowd into the doorway. You guess these must be the friends he’s referring to because they’re dressed as what can only be described as sexy pieces of bread, one slathered with peanut butter and the other slathered with jelly.

“Sweet, food’s here!” Yells the sexy jelly man, reaching out to grab the bags from your hands.

The sexy peanut butter man pauses and looks suspiciously between both your embarrassed faces, scrutinizing you closely before something seems to dawn on him.

“Wait a minute…isn’t this that biker you crashed into?” He whirls on you. “Are you that biker?”

“Mattsun…” Iwaizumi warns.

He — Mattsun — gestures at Hajime. “Do you remember him? Last month? He wasn’t looking and walked right in front of you?”

Recognition flashes across your face and a cheeky grin grows on Mattsun’s. “I knew it.” He leans in conspiratorially. “You know, he won’t shut up about you, wants to take you home to really apologize if you know what I mean.”

Your eyes dart to Hajime. He wants to what? With you?

“Enough!”

Iwaizumi hurriedly shoves the other man back and stuffs the signed receipt into your hands.

“Sorry about him.”

A few excruciating seconds pass while you both stand awkwardly in the doorway. Right. Guess not. His friend was probably just messing with you…

“Well, thanks.”

You sneak one last furtive glance at that sexy Godzilla chest before turning to leave.

“Wait! Do you want to…come in for a drink? Or something?”

“Oh! I can’t…I’m working.”

You gesture vaguely to your left, toward the restaurant.

“Right, obviously, right, sorry. That was stupid.”

Another beat of silence, though this time it's probably more excruciating for him than for you.

"God you're hopeless." Mattsun’s head pops up over Hajime's shoulder. “What he means is can he get your number?”

[enkisstories]

Kylo: "What's this, Hux? And by that I mean..."

Hux: "An umbrella!"

Kylo: "...that I know WHAT it is!"

Hux: "Why ask, then? Caught brain damage from story-Kylo?"

Kylo: "You can't just walk around Galaxy's Edge with an umbrella! It looks... I have no words for it, but it looks thoroughly un-science fictiony."

Hux: "And that's where you err, old friend! Maybe you couldn't, but Hux can. In fact, he's the only one who can pull this off, being a snob AND the comic relief."

Kylo: "No, Jerry! You close that immersion breaking thing right now and discretely put it back where you "found" it!"

Hux: "Oh, come, Ben! We're besties since we've left the shipping crate. Our serial numbers differ by a mere six digits. That means you were not yet packaged up when I left the assembly line. You watched me take my first steps - can you really be that cruel to your sweet little baby brother now?"

Kylo: "We're waterproof, you know? And even if we weren't, there's still our artificial skin between us and the rain drops."

Hux: "Says the android who got the role where he can wear a fucking robe and helmet in all weather conditions. You have no idea how that shit feels on the skin!"

Kylo: "WHAT HAPPENED TO "THERE MUST BE ORDER"? WELL, GENERAL?"

And that was how the park visitors saw the duo: Kylo Ren was berating General Hux. All part of the show, nothing odd.

But Kylo's point stood: What had happened to order, indeed? Only yesterday Hux had hissed "there must be order" at Finn before they had fought. And today he was trespassing in sections of the park the androids were not allowed in and stealing from the humans.

Hux: We never argued before. NEVER! Not for real, anyway. Things have changed and keep changing. I wish Finn was still with us. He seemed to understand, or at the very least know more about what is happening to us.

[asoulwithadream]

I have a few things I would like to discuss about the new season of Good Omens. I'll unfortunately have to excuse any spelling errors or uncontrollable and un-intelligible babbling, my hands are shaking out of fear shock and adrenaline is going to be the end of me.

We'll have to begin with the elephant in the room. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK FUCKS NO WAHOOS FROM ME THAT WAS NOT TICKETY BOO AT ALL. NEIL GAIMAN I DEMAN CONPENSATION FROM THE IMMENSE PAIN I HAVE HAD TO ENDURE IN THE PAST MINUTE OF JUST PURE SELF REFLECTION????????????????? HELP ME IM GOING TO START CRYING AGAIN AS IF I'M NOT DOING IT RIGHT NOW.

This was supposed to be a comedy. This was supposed to be the funniest Armagenope and the even funnier sequel. This was supposed to be quiet, gentle and romantic. WHY. AM. I. CRYING

Doctor Who is canon in this universe you know why? When he was selling the 1965 draft there were very clear TARDIS noises in the background....... I think the Doctor might have gotten the coordinates wrong. Must have been freaked out seeing a ginger version of himself through the window with Michael fucking Sheen.

HOW DID WE GET INEFFABLE BUREAUCRACY SO FUCKING EASY???? I SWEAR IT WAS A JOKE SHIP HOW DID IT HAPPEN BUT THEY PULLED THIS FUCKING SHIT AFTERWARDS LIKE NOT EVEN TWO FUCKING MINUTES AFTER. IF FUCKING GABRIEL AND BEELZEBUB CAN FUCKING DOING IT, GIVE US OUR QUIET GENTLE AND ROMANTIC ENDING FUCKWADS.

"I forgive you." That's it. That's number 5. I hate the number 5 now.

Every day it's a-gettin' closer, I want to sit underneath a bulldozer. I don't think I'll be managing to live henceforth I quite think I will die now. Give me coffee or give me death you say? I pick the latter.

You can NOT say that Crowley isn't fucking Raphael now. YOU CAN'T. "For one Prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story. For it to happen twice makes it look like there is some kind of institutional issue." CROWLEY COULD ALSO ACCESS THE FILE- DUDE HE IS RAPHAEL HE WAS AN ARCHANGEL YOU CAN'T YOU ACTUALLY CAN'T YOU CAN NOT

Speaking of Crowley as an angel that opening scene I swear I was actually going to cry that was so sweet and oh my god if he had just KNOWN he is RIGHT I stand for CROWLEY. He deserves his rights, however I don't think he really wants to go back to Heaven now WWAAAAAH WHY DID I REMINDS MYSELF OF THAT.

Michael Sheen and David fucking Tennant. Hah. Well DONE. APPLAUSE. HAH. HAHHHHHHAHHAHAHAHH.

EVEN THE FUCKING KISS WAS SAD AND HOW AZIRAPHALE REACTED IM JUST I WAS ACTUALLY CRYING. I WAS PHYSICALLY SCREAMING THE ENTIRE TIME "GO AFTER HIM LIKE THOSE AIRPORT THINGS CATCH HIM BEFORE HE LEAVES GO GO GO GO GO SAY NO SAY NO PLEEEEAASSSEEEEE"

If Crowley says being smitten by Gabriel is a bad thing, he wishes he would have had Gabriel instead of Gaiman as his punisher.

All in all, I very much loved the season beside the incredibly unbearingly heavy angst that fingers at my eyeballs, scratches at my neck and burns my intestines. Can't wait for season 3!!!!!

[tobiasdrake]

Major plot twist has been staring us in the face this whole time. I love it.

This is so meta. Like the audience, Makoto wrote off the pink blood as merely being the psychopop genre aesthetic that happens when you're the protag of a Kodaka game.

I love this un-twist. I'm excited to be a part of it.

GODDAMMIT YAKOU, YOU UNKNOWING CORPORATE SHILL

Nobody thought the pink blood was suspicious because fucking Yakou's out here telling everyone not to think too hard about any weird physiological shit they happen to notice. He convinced the entire crew that the pink blood was part of the Forever Rain mystery.

Which it was but not... not the way that he implied....

FUCKING HELL. Yakou, you officially crossed the line from useless to actively impeding the investigation. >.<

I want to throw everyone off a roof. Yakou? Over the rail and off the roof with you. Makoto? Out the window with you. Phantom Yuma? There are unguarded edges in every direction so take your fucking pick.

Unfortunately, Phantom Yuma can fly and Makoto's the UG homunculus so the only person that would be adversely affected by a furious altitude adjustment is Yakou.

For real. Makoto, is that you? I don't know how you're masquerading as a phantom but it certainly seems within the realm of possibility. We've seen the weird Q imp things that swarm together to form the phantoms interact with people before. It's not out of the question that a person trying (or "trying") to thwart the mystery-solving might form an alliance with them or something.

I'm on to you, Makoto. Why don't you show your--

OH OKAY NOPE THAT WAS A PHANTOM AFTER ALL

Hey. Hey, uh. That. That looks an awful lot like Yuma's fancy sword, the Solution Blade. The mystery-slicing sword possessed by Yuma that can only be wielded by Yuma and cuts through anything in the Labyrinth.

Makoto? Hey, Makoto? What the fuck? How and why do you have that?

His name says "Mystery Phantom Makoto" but. Is he? Is he really?

For real. Explain the sword. You look nothing like a Phantom and you have a Solution Blade.

Only way I can imagine you having a Solution Blade is if you've previously been bonded with Shinigami. Which, given that you're Number One's homunculus, in a manner of speaking you probably have.

But even if you have a Solution Blade of your own, how did you get it? The Solution Blade is stored inside of Shinigami's body and is extracted via an uncomfortably gross cutscene that we don't speak of.

Okay but WHY tho. There's no way you did all this for the sake of a duel to the death with Yuma. That makes negative sense.

Oh, it's you, is it?

Interesting. Is it possible that Number One and the WDO aren't in cahoots with Makoto after all? Makoto is Number One's homunculus. He could just. Like. Be out there globetrotting under Number One's identity, solving mysteries himself to abduct people for meat buns.

That would explain why the human Number One took such an interest in the Ultimate Secret and its relationship to the Great Global Mystery. Right?

I dunno. This man is such an enigma.

Easy question. Makoto showed up three years ago in the wake of the Blank Week disaster. He built his weather machine then, turning this city into the homunculus reserve that it's become.

See, the way he phrases this makes me think he is working with Number One. He makes it sound like what he did here was on behalf of the WDO.

But given that he's the homunculus of the world's greatest detective, it's equally possible that just. Like. Talks like that.

Yeah, that's precisely what's bothering me. You seem more focused on covering things up than on making things better. Which. Is. Awfully un-detective of you, Counterfeit Number One.

Which is why it would be good to recruit help. Whether that's from the scientists at Amaterasu running homunculus experimentation, the detectives of the WDO, or the crack team at UG that successfully made you.

But you didn't. You threw up your arms and went, "Well, I can't solve it SO I GUESS IT'S NOT SOLVEABLE." Then spent the next three years preserving a hostile status quo rather than pursuing ways to improve life for your people.

There is no doubt in my mind about that. But there are many different forms of love. Yours is selfish and domineering. You gaslit your people and used Yomi's fascism to keep them in line, because you unilaterally decided it was better to keep them in the dark.

Again, I have no doubt that's true. You used the homunculus secret to blackmail UG into backing down and accepting Kanai Ward's independence. Good on you. I am not criticizing you for that.

Everything you did was to keep them safe, yes. But you also kept them docile. You didn't trust them to have a voice in their own fates. You kept them, like an owner keeps their pet. Looking down on them from your majestic tower. You didn't lead them; You ruled them, unwilling to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with them as peers.

All the while watching the clock tick down. As time came for more and more of your beloved citizens, gradually shifting the population more and more towards the ferals in the Restricted Area that you were doing nothing to help. What were you going to do when the last homunculus of Kanai Ward turned? When your time playing at governance finally came to an end?

I don't think you had bad intentions, Makoto. But you're such a fucking capitalist. You subscribe to a hierarchical worldview, where the people at the top are inherently superior strictly by virtue of being at the top. You don't believe that the people beneath you could possibly contribute anything to actually solving these problems if you, the pyramid's peak, can't flex your superiority and do it yourself.

It's the same poisoned worldview that guides Yomi. It simply manifests differently in you.

You shut down homunculus research. That's part of the reason I'm furious with your leadership. You should have kept the project going, under a new direction. You should have kept the project going but rededicated the project's resources away from creating new homunculi. Instead, putting those resources towards finding ways to stabilize the defective homunculi.

It's a problem with their DNA. Hire some fucking gene researchers and dump the defense contractor. I'm sure you must know more than a few. After all, they made you.

But that would require you to tell your people the truth, rather than gaslighting them into complacency.

But wouldn't it be better if they did?

That would be the morally ambiguous mass kidnappings, but I'm honestly unsure of how critical to be about that. I'm much more bothered by the lack of effort he's put into improving living conditions for his beloved people.

Makoto feeding the most dangerous criminals in the world to his homunculi in order to keep them stable is extremely morally complicated and it's hard to say whether he was right or wrong to take that plunge. But his decision to keep his people ignorant, govern them as an absolute dictator, and make no effort to solve the problem of their defective physiology is obscene.

So, did I misunderstand WDO's "complicity" in this? The Number One that they were referring to as their captor was homunculus One, not human One? The WDO was never involved in the abductions?

Oh, nope, we're gonna talk about that now. Okay.

[milarqui]

Scarlet Lady: Guitar Villain

Directory | Pixelator

Jagged finished his solo, sliding on his knees, and strummed the last note in the latest song he had come up with.

“Whaddya think, perfect for the album, eh, Bob? Totally killer?”

“What would be really killer would be a duet with XY!”

Ugh.

Jagged stood up again and adjusted his Eiffel Sunglasses – he had barely taken them off since the issue with Pixelator got resolved – to glare at his manager.

“You kidding me?! I'm not singing with some kid who doesn't even shave yet!”

Nevermind that his music was the most simple and un-rock-n-roll thing in the world of music.

But, for some reason, Bob liked the boy.

“That 'kid' is number 1 on the sales chart!” Bob exclaimed.

“Bob, what would a duet between Jagged and XY even sound like?” Penny, ever the magnificent, interrupted. “They're not even the same music genre!”

“Oh, it'll be fine after you modernize your music, find a new style, and change everything about yourself.”

“FUCK OFF.”

Seriously, what the hell did this guy think? That he was gonna fold like paper?

“Are these album covers part of your 'modernization'?” he asked, disgusted. “They look like perfume ads, blegh!”

Piss on that. And on his ideas. If he wanted a perfume ad on a cover, then he'd better slam it on that sell-out.

“Bob, me and Jagged want to commission the collége student who made his glasses: Marinette,” Penny intervened once more. He could kiss her – she was always the best with this diplomacy stuff. “She's talented, gets his tastes, and is in our target demographic.”

“A collége student?! You can't be–!”

He made a subtle sign.

And Fang 'casually' passed by Bob's side and growled rather menacingly.

He grinned; it had taken a while to get Fang to do that on command, but it had been totally worth it.

“AH, I mean, fine! But think about the duet!”

Yeah, piss on that.

Why the hell did he keep this idiot as his manager, again?

----

“Adrien, Mlle. Bourgeois requests your presence,” Nathalie suddenly announced. “For a 'surprise'.”

“Eh?! Uh...” It wasn't that he hated Chloé, but... as of late, he wasn't exactly keen on being alone with her.

Alright, he really disliked the idea. Lately, Chloé had become clingier, more irritating... she even tried to ruin any attempt he made to be with Marinette, like at the zoo (granted, Animan would have ruined it anyway, but still...).

“Ah, well, I would but, uh, I should really go over my Chinese and–”

“Adrien. You're always asking for more time with your friends and now that I offer you the opportunity you refuse?”

Yeah, because every other time I ask is to be with Nino, Marinette and Alya!

“Ah, I just meant –”

“Also, your father already accepted, so play nice.”

…

Dammit, père.

The one time he could have used his negative...

----

“Adrichou secured!” Chloé declared, and Tikki resigned herself to having to deal with whatever harebrained scheme she had come up with this time.

“Why'd you call Adrien?”

“So he can meet Jagged Stone, of course!”

He had met him last week, right?

She would have voiced the thought, but Chloé interrupted by shoving her hand almost into her face.

“Rule of the Bourgeois number 148: have a best friend to pamper! Preferably a rich one.”

That explained a lot about the family.

“But his daddy might stop Adrien from seeing me, which is why it's good to have a back up.”

She would have liked to point out that it was likelier that Adrien's father would force him to see Chloé, but chose to concentrate on the most immediate problem.

“'Back up'?”

“Rule 72: all guys have to be crazy about you,” Chloé replied, filling up an order for a pizza with no sauce, no cheese, and gluten-free crust – and requested the pizzeria to send their cutest delivery guy. Tikki did not mention that every guy that knew Chloé ranged from growing disinterest (Adrien) to wouldn't-spit-on-her-if-she-were-on-fire (all her other classmates). “And I know just the guy!”

----

“So, you're in, yes or no?”

“You want me to create Jagged Stone's new album cover?!”

Marinette was shocked. Jagged Stone's manager had come to make her an offer she would have never considered possible.

“Requested by Jagged Stone himself! He wants you to take us in a new direction!”

“A 'new direction'?”

There was something weird in that comment.

“Here, I brought you a visual reference,” Roth said, pulling out something from his pocket.

“Oh, thank–!” She saw what was on that object and her enthusiasm dried up. “You...”

This... this didn't look like what Jagged Stone normally had in his album covers. This looked more like something XY did.

“... um, this looks a little–”

“It's what Jagged Stone wants,” Roth interrupted her.

“Are you sur–”

“What Jagged Stone wants.”

She gave the man a weird look, but with her parents' permission she went upstairs to her room, to begin working on it.

“Ugh, why does Jagged Stone want to change to this?!” she exclaimed. “It's cold, soulless, repetitive, banal. The opposite of Jagged's style and mine. But it's what I was asked to do...”

“What do your parents do with bad requests?” Pollen asked.

“My parents?”

“Mhmm!”

“Well, sometimes they give a sample of what the customer asked for just to prove how awful it is. Sometimes it makes the customer realize how bad it is.”

“Oh!”

She put her hands together as in prayer and leaned into them.

“But sometimes it makes them like it more!”

“Oh.”

----

Entering the hotel's foyer, he walked up to the desk and showed the pizza box to the receptionist.

“Pizza for Mlle. Bourgeois: Penthouse suite,” he said in a bored tone: the sooner he got out of here, the better.

“Merci,” the receptionist replied, smiling, taking the box and leaving to drop it with the client.

“Luka?”

At the sound of the voice, he turned, smiling.

“Marinette!”

“What are you doing here?” Marinette asked.

“The Grande Paris Princess ordered a pizza,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Whaaa? Chloé did?” Her face of confusion was cute, and her confusion was understandable.

“She prepaid, so it's legit,” he reassured her. “What are you doing here?”

“I have a meeting with Jagged Stone.”

He felt his jaw drop.

“Jagged Stone?!”

His favorite singer in the world? Also his dad, not that that had much of an impact in his normal life. Marinette was going to meet him?

Marinette explained how she had been requested to design the new album cover and showed it to him.

It was... unsuitable, to say the least. Marinette clearly had a deft hand, but not even she could have avoided this disaster.

“I see why you're worried,” he pointed out.

“Right?! It's... a perfume ad!”

“This 'image change' sounds sketchy. Maybe wait to hear out Jagged Stone,” he suggested. If what he had heard of Jagged Stone's manager was right...

“Okay...”

Marinette didn't look very convinced, but he knew what he could do to cheer her up a bit.

“Hey, this is my last stop. I'll give you a ride home and we can talk about it after?”

“I'll take you up on that. Thanks, Luka!” she replied, smiling.

“No problem...”

As Marinette made her way to the elevator, he quickly began to pull on his pizza delivery shirt.

Gotta get out of this lame uniform, quick!

----

Unbeknownst by Luka, Marinette was looking a tad too intently as he took off the shirt... and couldn't help but blush as she saw what he was hiding underneath.

“Ma'am, the elevator's closing,” the bellboy reminded her, and she woke up, mentally hitting herself for drifting from her Chat.

The encounter with Luka, however, had not been enough to shake off her nerves, as she showed Jagged Stone what she had created.

The man scoffed.

“How did someone as talented as you make this?”

“Um, well, M. Roth said–”

“Marinette designed what the kids want!” the manager interrupted her again. “It's exactly the direction we need.”

Jagged Stone sighed.

“Ah, I see what happened here,” he said, directing a brief glare at the older man before taking her hand. “Forget Bob, Marinette. Do it in my style, in our style!”

“Jagged, I said–”

The manager's new interruption was, itself, interrupted by Fang's angry growl.

“AHH!” Roth screeched, jumping away, while Penny giggled.

“Do your best, Marinette!”

“Y-Yes!” she replied, still overwhelmed.

----

The elevator dinged, and he turned to it as the doors opened. Marinette had been done fast with Jagged Stone!

“Marine–” The girl coming out was, most definitely, not Marinette. “Oh.”

“Mon Chouka! Here you are!”

He blinked.

“Hah?!”

Sadly, his shock gave Bourgeois the time she needed to affix herself to his arm like a limpet to a boat's hull.

“What are you doing?! Why are you calling me that?!” he asked, holding himself from swatting at the girl like he would swat flies in summer.

“I knew they'd send you, mon Chouka!” she replied, clearly not understanding the concept of 'personal space' or 'you're not welcome here' as she hugged his arm. Then she turned to look at the entrance. “Oh, there's Adrien! Adrichou~!”

“Luka?” Adrien Agreste said, surprised.

In that moment, he understood.

“Oh, God, no.”

As if a pit had opened beneath his feet.

For some reason, this bully in the form of a girl was interested in him.

And, unlike with Marinette, he felt like this was a horrible punishment.

Today, the gods of music weren't with him, it seemed.

----

“Tonight, XY will give a live concert from the top of the Eiffel Tower,” the news anchor said, with a photograph of that sell-out's latest album on her right. “M. XY had this to say about beating Jagged Stone in sales.”

“King of Rock? More like King of the dinosaurs! He's a has-been!”

“Why you filthy little... perfume ad!” he growled. Realizing where the sell-out was, he walked up to the window and saw him standing there, in front of the door.

“Hey, Ragged Stone, if you wanna hear today's music, come to my concert! Just don't forget your hearing aid!”

That did it. He threw his tablet and grinned savagely as he saw it hit the sell-out straight in the noggin.

“STOP TRASH TALKING OUTSIDE MY HOTEL!” he shouted.

----

When the elevator door opened, Marinette became witness to a horrible sight.

“QUIT IT ALREADY!”

“Chloé, leave Luka alone!”

“But Super Chloé has a super surprise for you!”

The world's eyesore manhandling Adrien and Luka.

“What's... going on here?” she asked, confused. Luka immediately extended a hand towards her, looking as if she were his personal savior.

“Marinette, help!” Luka begged.

Alright, mark that as a definite.

“Marinette!” Adrien exclaimed, much happier than Luka.

Chloé was not happy at all, which was always nice. At least, she finally dropped Luka's arm – she saw him trying to either massage some blood back into circulation or brushing it as if it were dirty, she wasn't sure – and walked up to her.

“I didn't invite you to meet Jagged Stone! Get out of my hotel!” Chloé yelled, poking her in the chest, and she glared back.

“It's a good thing I don't need your invite to meet him,” she fired.

“Aw, ladies, don't fight over Guitar Villain!”

And there, standing on the entrance stairs, were Jagged Stone and Fang.

Or, rather, their Akumatized forms, with Jagged resembling a heavy metal band singer, and Fang now looking like a dragon.

“Jagged Stone?!” Luka exclaimed.

Marinette was much less pleased.

“What the heck, you were fine a minute ago!”

The Akuma ignored her, as he began to play his guitar.

“I'll never duet with XY because soon he won't be singing at all! Rock'n'RIP, Baby!”

His guitar suddenly shot some kind of sound blast, and Adrien grabbed Chloé and Luka, who grabbed Marinette.

“LOOK OUT!” Adrien shouted, kneeling and bringing the others down with him, dodging the blast by centimeters.

----

“Eek!” Chloé shrieked as the elevator door behind her opened. “Luka, Adrien, get me out of here!”

The two boys glanced at each other, gave a minute nod, and roughly shoved the girl into the elevator with blank faces.

“Wha–!” she screamed, before Luka 'helpfully' pressed one of the buttons, making the door close. “Hey! That's not what I meant!”

“At least now you can transform...?” Tikki pointed out.

----

“Soon there will only be fans of Guitar Villain!” Jagged shouted as he led Akumatized Fang outside the hotel, and Marinette knew she had to act soon.

I have to get away to transform!

But, as long as Luka and Adrien were with her, she would be unable to do it. He turned to Adrien.

“Adrien, try to flag down Chat Noir!”

“Okay!” he agreed, rushing away.

----

She didn't know that he needed to transform as well.

----

She turned to look at Luka.

“Luka, I'll try to find Marigold!”

“Alright!” he replied.

And then he grabbed her hand.

“C'mon, we'll cover more ground on my bike!”

What.

As Luka started to pull her towards the exit, she began to panic.

Wait, that's not part of the plan!

As both of them rushed outside, they saw that Chat Noir had already arrived. Marinette pulled out her cellphone (mostly because she knew Alya would kill her if she didn't get it) as Chat Noir and Guitar Villain began to trade insults.

“He even goes hard as an Akuma,” Luka said. “A dragon, wicked.”

“Hey Ragged Stone, your screeching's making my ears bleed!” Scarlet shouted, finally showing up.

“It's Guitar Villain, Scarlet Brat! Shocking Rift!”

A wave of sound suddenly hit Scarlet in the stomach, making her fly away.

“Oof!” she complained, as Guitar Villain turned away.

“You're wasting my time, I've got a concert to get to!”

“Hey, don't blow me off!” Scarlet yelled.

Nobody cared.

“You two should go home,” Chat Noir said, and Marinette began to sweat.

“Yeah...”

“Alley Cat!” Scarlet yelled. “Hurry up and call Bumbling Bug, my XY is in danger!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Chat Noir huffed. “You would be an XY fan.”

No surprises there, Marinette thought as Chat Noir made the call. She couldn't hear it, but she knew what it would say.

“Marigold here, leave a message!”

“Here, Marinette,” Luka said, putting a helmet on her head.

“Huh,” Chat Noir mumbled, hanging up. “Weird, she's not picking up.”

Maybe she would if her friends weren't too sweet to leave her to transform!

----

Théo could easily recognize an Akuma. They wore garish clothes and makeup, looked like they'd been brought from some kind of hell, and they were prone to threaten people.

“Where's XY?!” the latest Akuma – riding a dragon, no less! – demanded out loud.

“A-At the TV station, doing his interview! I'm just here to set up the concert!”

“ARGH!” And then the Akuma prepared his guitar. “Rock'n'RIP, baby!”

While the Akuma was speaking, something tied to a rope snagged him and pulled him out of the way.

“Whoa!”

“Ugh, you again?!” the Akuma said as Chat Noir (and Scarlet Lady) brought him to safety. “I'm outta here! To the TV station, Fang!”

The Akuma flew off, and he did what he had to do.

“Oh, thank you for saving me, Chat Noir!”

Yeah, maybe Scarlet Lady had tossed the yo-yo, but he knew damn well who really called the shots here.

“EXCUSE YOU!” Scarlet Lady yelled, but he ignored her.

“No problem, Théo!” Chat Noir thanked him.

----

They had finally arrived home, and her parents had insisted on giving Luka enough boxes of pastries for a week or two. Now that he had tied them all to the bag in the back of the bike, he turned to her.

“Thanks for the ride, Luka!”

“Thank your parents for all the pastries!” Luka replied. “I'll text you after I check on Maman and Juleka.”

She had to cut that off quickly!

“A-Ah, um, my phone died so I might take a while to respond!” she said – it wasn't much of a lie, she really needed to start charging it if she didn't want to run out.

“Haha! I'm sure Alya appreciates it. See you!”

She waved goodbye at him until she was certain he was no longer looking, and then she rushed into the boulangerie.

“Pollen, omigod, Buzz On!”

“Buzz On, yay!”

----

As the assistant got done telling Alec what was going on, he turned to his interviewee of the afternoon.

“Ah, so, M. XY, turns out that Scarlet Lady says we're in danger, so we're gonna have to cut this short.”

“Who?”

… Did he not know about Paris' heroes?

“S-Scarlet Lady...?”

“Oh, yeah, the bug lady.”

----

Chat Noir watched as Alec Cataldi escorted XY outside the building, while Scar just... stalked.

“It's just a safety precaution, M. XY,” Alec stated.

“I'll get you to a safe place, XY!” Scar exclaimed.

He felt a bit sorry for the singer – he had been at that side of her attention.

Just in time, he heard the air parting in a way he was familiar with, and turned to the right to see Marigold swinging until she landed next to him.

“Sorry, sorry!” Marigold begged, her hands put together. “It was hard to get away!”

“I've been there before!” Chat Noir replied – she probably had been with her friends when the alert sounded out.

“Took you long enough, newbee!” Scar shouted.

“Uh, look, I'll just skip the concert so I'm not attacked by 'killer guitar solos', LOL,” XY said in that pretentious tone of his. “Live concerts are lame anyway, just leave it to special effects.”

“YOINK!”

It looked like this Akuma liked to be timed, because he jumped in just as XY finished speaking and dragged him away flying.

“AH!” the younger singer yelled.

“XY!”

“Aw, I just got here!” Marigold complained, as the three of them ran after the Akuma.

----

As they climbed up the Tour Eiffel (how many times had they fought an Akuma here already?), they could hear the Akuma and his target yelling from the top of the tower.

“I believe you called me Ragged Stone?! King of the dinosaurs?! A HAS-BEEN?!” Guitar Villain shouted as he forced a tied-up XY to walk the plank, while the draconized Fang flew around.

“I-I was joking!” XY replied, a tad desperate. “Please, M. Guitar Villain! We could do a duet together! In your style!”

“TOO LATE! I'll show you killer music! Seismic Solo!”

The sudden chord of struendous music shook up the entire tower – including the part where the three heroes were as they moved up. Marigold and Chat Noir flapped their arms in an attempt to not lose their balance, while Scarlet Lady just gripped one of the steel beams.

“H-Hurry up, sidekicks! XY is going to fall!” the latter shrieked above Guitar Villain's 'music'.

“D-Did you forget the dragon guarding the tower?” Chat Noir shouted back.

“So deal with him, too!”

“And what does that leave for you?” Marigold asked, angry.

“Obviously, it leaves me to suck up to XY!”

“What?”

----

Marigold noticed that the dragon had seen them, and was ready to dive against them, to either eat or capture them.

She had better things to do, though, and this was still Fang, so she knew how to stop him. The moment he approached, she swung from her perch and threw her top so the rope would twist around his mouth – and allow her to jump on his head.

“MARIGOLD!” Chat Noir shouted: she could see that he and Scarlet were hanging from his staff, hooked between crisscrossed beams.

“There, there, nice dragon!” she calmed Fang as she forced him in the right direction. “Let's go get our kitty!”

----

“Whoa...” he said. If his heart didn't belong to Marinette already...

“Show off,” Scar muttered, the hypocrite.

Marigold guided Fang to fly between beams and below them both, and with perfect timing he shrunk his staff, allowing him to drop right behind Marigold.

“You're awesome,” he said, awed, as he squeezed her shoulders, and she gave him a smug smile.

“GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING!” Scar yelled.

Nobody cared.

As Marigold made a pass above the platform, he and Scar jumped down as Guitar Villain aimed at Marigold.

“Hold still and get off my dragon!” the Akuma screamed, while Marigold stuck her tongue at him.

“Now, Scar,” he ordered.

“Lucky Charm.”

The ladybugs flew out of the yo-yo, and formed a large spray can that fell on Scar's hand.

“Extreme holding spray? But my hair is already perfect,” Scar asked, confused.

“Oh! I have an idea!”

“AH!” Scar yelled, shocked at Marigold's sudden reappearance, while he became concerned with something else.

“What happened to the dragon?!”

“Um...” Marigold mumbled. “I took care of it, that's the part that matters!”

----

Marigold grabbed the can and ran at Guitar Villain, who was swinging his head to the beat of his own music.

“Too bad the heroes are gonna miss the finale!Seismic Solo!”

Before he could fire his attack, though, Marigold fired the spray, timing it so most of it would be over his face.

“Yoink!” she said, grinning, as she pulled the guitar out of his hands and dropped it to the ground.

“Agh! I can't see!” the Akuma yelled: with most of his long hair now fixed in front of his face, it blocked his line of sight.

“Um, hey, help me please!” XY begged, and Marigold threw her top once more, tying the rope around him.

“I gotchu!” she said, pulling him towards her with just the force she needed to make him land on top of the guitar that was holding the butterfly.

“Ow!”

“Thanks for your assist!”

“Watch how you treat my XY, Marimold!” Scarlet shouted.

----

After Scar purified the butterfly and Jagged Stone recovered from his foray into unwilling villainy, there was one thing he and Marigold had left to do.

“Bien Joué!” they said, bumping their fists with a smile.

“Aw, geez, what did I do to deserve all this?” XY asked.

“Oh, my poor XY! I'm so sorry for how my lackies treated you!” Scar simpered in front of XY. “I'll make it up to you, promise!”

“Huh?!” XY did seem to have the proper reaction to Scar's abhorrent admiration, which was to keep away from her. “This dude's crazy! You're crazy! I'm going home!”

“Oh!” Scar, once again, showed her complete inability to read the room. “I can take you down!”

“I'm taking the elevator, you freak!” XY yelled, running for the elevator before Scar could try to 'help' him.

It felt a bit awkward.

----

As she saw Scarlet leave with a pout for not being allowed to hold XY, it triggered something.

GAH! That reminds me, I have work to do! And homework! And I have to text Luka! And figure out a cover story! AHHHHH!

Behind her, her Chat Noir and Jagged ignored her freakout while the latter signed an autograph.

----

The next day, Marinette brought the cover she had worked during the morning, and this time Jagged smiled.

“Aw, yeah! That's the shi–!”

“JAGGED! Language!” Penny warned him, as he held the cover closer.

“And... is that leather and sweat?!” he asked, surprised.

“Ah, yes! I made a scented sticker!”

“Crazy. Awesome. Perfect.”

“Not perfect!” Roth yelled. “It's not what I–”

“Then I'm out,” Jagged interrupted.

“What?!”

“I'm sure another record company will take number 2 in sales,” the rocker taunted. Marinette watched everything with a bit of awkwardness.

Why didn't you threaten this in the first place? she pondered.

But, well, it had been a success!

----

As the elevator door opened, Joanne saw the young lady that had come by the previous day waiting to enter. She nodded at her – client or not, if she was here then she had to be important – and left, while the young lady entered and pushed the button for the entrance floor. She breathed for a moment, ready to continue her job –

“WOHOO! I can't believe it!”

“Wohoo!”

Good Lord, they nearly gave her a heart attack! (And who was that second voice, anyway?!)

----

Next day, she brought her copy of the new cover – signed by Jagged Stone! – to school, and showed it off to Alya.

“Congrats, girl! And thanks for the footage!” Alya said, smiling.

“Hee, hee!” she giggled, still giddy about her success.

“Um, hey, Marinette?”

“Hey, Adrien!” she said, turning to her friend, who was blushing a bit and holding a magazine with Jagged Stone in the cover.

“I saw you made Jagged Stone's album cover.” He pulled out a pen. “Could I... get your autograph?”

She blushed, feeling her jaw drop.

“M–Me?!”

Before she could react, Lila and Sabrina jumped between them both.

“Ooo, me too, me too!” Lila exclaimed.

“Hey!” Adrien complained as he was pushed back by the girls.

“What was Jagged Stone like?!” Sabrina asked, her eyes wide and luminous.

That seemed to attract everyone else's attention, and soon poor Adrien was forced away as their classmates crowded around Marinette.

“Will you sign my magazine?!” Rose asked.

“I can say I knew you 'back then'!” Kim shouted.

Marinette felt embarrassed for the attention she was suddenly getting.

“G-Guys!”

----

Chloé growled as she bit into her copy of the magazine she had bought. Instead of her XY – who had been really confused the previous day, what with him running away from her – it had Jagged Stone and his new album on it.

And the worst of it was, the only reason Ragged Stone had met Maribrat was last week's work experience day! She should have sent her to garbage disposal with Césaire!

“You got your lunch?”

“Yeah, hold on.”

She turned – and there he was! Along with his sister – which was a surprise, because she didn't know how someone as cute and cool as him was related to her – he was pushing his bike.

“Wanna say hi?”

“Sure, I got time.”

Oh, he was here to meet her!

Just what the doctor ordered!

----

“Mon Chouka, you came to see me!”

He turned to look at her. Who was running at him with her arms wide open.

“Wait until you hear about my morning–”

No.

Nope.

Fuck nope.

He extended his arm and grabbed her face to keep her as far away from him as possible.

Fortunately, the other person he had come to speak with came out.

“Marinette! Congrats on the album!” he greeted her, smiling, even as he struggled with her.

“Ah–!” she tried to speak, but he kept gripping her without a care for what she had to say.

“'Mon Chouka'?” Juleka asked, clearly about to laugh at him.

“Don't you fucking dare,” he told her. He knew she was going to hold it over his head for a long time, but at least he could keep her from mocking him in front of everyone else.

----

Princess Fragrance

@zoe-oneesama The real has-been here is Hawkmoth, right?

I'm sleeeeeeeeepyyyyyyyy... zzzzzzzzz...

[sereneabyyss]

Blind Watch BSD Season Five

I Feel Spiritually Unwell After That. Unfortunately @wafflesarecool and @animusmelodiam and I have completed season five of BSD. fortunately this means I can come back to Tumblr to not avoid spoilers Animus kept reblogging. However, as was pointed out by Animus before we started, this was very stroke inducing.

First off, as always, Animus Numbers:

Waffle disconnect count: 15

"what the fuck" count: 31 (thanks Amenogozen, Bram, and Fyodor!)

Animus numbers keep us pogging through the pain

We started off strong, immediately hating the Russians.

"he's fucking insane. but I'm rooting for him because I hate Fyodor more"

"'I hate both of them, but I hate this one slightly less so I'm rooting for him' is the entire mood"

Kyouka Lucy and Atsushi trio are top tier. We love them dearly.

"I believe Poe is a trained sniper over them not seeing a car in a flat area anyday."

"Waffle Ranpo is being the greatest detective to ever live. Stop dying."

Many, many, many "what the fuck that is a horrible idea" were said

WHY ARE VAMPIRES CANON???

"The most unprofessional UN meeting... why is waffle still dead"

"cuz he doesn't want to see the horrible UN meeting"

"true"

waffle becomes alive

"All you missed was a terrible UN meeting"

Oh look, we finally remember Atsushi has regenerative powers. How nice and convenient.

"where the fuck is emo at"

"How funny of you to ask"

"EMO!"

"EMO!"

All of these characters need to fucking consider getting some therapy

THE FUCKING LIGHTSABER??? IS A CHEAT SWORD!! FUCK THAT FUCKING SWORD I FUCKING HATE IT IT'S HORRIBLE FUCK THAT SWORD!!!

See Akutagawa cares too much about Dazai's approval, therefore, trying to make him betray that trust is tantamount to geeting tiger claws slashing you in the face.

Tachihara become Toph arc! You can learn from Jouno!

Speaking of Jouno what ever happened to that guy. Find out more next time I Guess!

bram pack

Aya and Bram have adopted each other. Kunikida and Bram get to have custody battle over Aya a la fist fighting her father.

"poor aya. I have a baked potato tho."

Never Fucking Piss Off The Happy Person.

Speaking of angered Kenji, how has the one power that was literally compared to Mother Nature itself not been played upon as Kenji being a vessel for a godly power similar to Chuuya and Atsushi? Like it's right there.

Yeet The Kenji.

"dazai don't try to drown Chuuya. Learn some humanity"

Chuuya deserves to kill Dazai As A Treat.

"Bram lives in an eternal state of going through it"

"Well he lives in an eternal state of being impaled, of course he's going through it."

The Fucking Shoujo Springtime Filer?????

"why is he being crucified? Why is bram jesu?"

The comparison of Bram to Jesus was found to be extra funny after Fyodor's last words.

"I love Sigma dearly, but he brought a gun to a knife fight and Lost."

SHOOT EM SHOOT EM DEAD

AYA NO BAD AYA- oh well ok fine sure.

"Atsushi your boyfriend is a vampire"

Bram has officially adopted Aya can't change my mind

"hey look, it's the cockroach" "dammit i was hoping Chuuya killed his ass"

THE END GOAL WAS SO FUCKING STUPID. THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS. THAT'S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS. HUMANS CAN'T BE UNIFIED UNDER ONE LEADER AND FUCK THE PAGE IF THAT EVER WORKS LIKE THAT WITH IT'S STUPID LITTLE GOD ABILITIES. FUCKING DUMB AS HELL.

ALSO WHO THE FUCK IS THE UN TO DECIDE THQAT? THE UN ISN'T MADE UP OF EVERY SINGLE COUNTRY TO EXIST AND IT'S JUST LIKE 100 PEOPLE AT MAX DECIDINMG THE FATE OF THE WORLD SHOULD BE IN THE HANDS OF ONE ALL POWERFUL PERSON? NO FUCK YOU. LIKE CAT DAD SAID ABSOLUTE POWER CORRUPTS ABSOLUTELY. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS AND IT SHOULD NEVER WORK LIKE THAT FUCLK THE TRANSMITTER FUCK THAT END GOAL.

THE ARGUMENT OF WHAT A STATE IS IS LIKE A MIDDLE SCHOOL ANARCHISTS IDEOLOGY OF WHY GOVERNMENT IS BAD. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS AND THAT'S NEVER HOW IT EVER COULD WORK.

Also Ranpo had way too much fun being a terrorist. But like, he deserved to commit crime. As a treat.

Anyway, I gotta go work. This was hell.

[noah-infinity]

Windows 11 is also just, weirdly slower and harder to use than 10. Like I'm sure it's as speedy as 10 but I've noticed a number of things that 11 just does worse.

The boot time in 11 is noticeably slower than 10's. This might be hardware dependant but my laptop is most definitely more powerful than my PC, why is it booting up slower.

The context menus in 11 are unintuitive and takes more time to use. 10 gave you everything you needed and then some right then and there. 11 feels the need to go "Nono, these are all the ones you need!" and gives you a curated context menu that may or may not have something you need. Then if you don't, you can click a show more button and it GIVES you 10's context menu! It's like they knew 10's was objectively better, but still felt like replacing it with an inferior version and make it a selling point!

File Explorer, while just being a reskinned version of 10's, is worse than 10's in every way. Not only does it try and push cloud saving on you, a file storage method less reliable than local storage, but it removed features that were a blessing on 10! Why can't I drag files through the address bar anymore? Why out of everything to remove, did you remove a genuinely useful feature?

OneDrive. Just in general. I get it, cloud saving is useful and Microsoft not only owns OneDrive but also Windows. Put two and two together. Easy millions of customers. The problem lies when you incorporate it so much into Windows that it's actively bothersome. It tries to make you use it every step of the way until you either give up and use it, or disable it fully (cuz of course Microsoft would make it hard and un-user friendly on purpose). And then if you try and use it without paying for more storage, you're only given 5GB to use. Now, if you're tech savvy like me, you would know 5GB was a lot in the 90s. That today could be majority filled by a few music albums. It is a pitiful amount of storage to give for free, and they expect you to be happy with it or pay a subscription for more. For every fault Google has, they at least give you the courtesy of 15 GB across your account. 5GB on a cloud service that you feel pressured to use on a device you plan to use for countless years is absurd.

THE SETUP OH MY GOD SETTING UP WINDOWS 11 IS A HELL I DO NOT WISH ON ANYONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW ANY BETTER. Not only does it require you to be online for the entire setup, but it outright forces you to use your Microsoft account to continue the setup. Local accounts are a thing of the past I guess! Granny might not know what a Microsoft account is but she better learn quick because she's not gonna be able to use the flashy new laptop her grandchild got her until she does! There's a way to bypass this but it's so hidden away and unfriendly to the user that it feels like your only option is the Microsoft account. Then it gives you all these different options that either do nothing or are just methods of nabbing your data. Then you're free to the desktop except NOT REALLY because if you skipped anything, every so often it'll bother you in a full screen banner asking you to "Finish setting up pwetty pwease :3" and it will keep bothering you about it until you either do it or turn off a very specific, hidden away setting in the settings. It's fucking awful and objectively the worst Windows OS to setup. How do you fuck up setting up an OS?! You had this down pat in the 90s and 2000s!!!

Windows 11 as a whole is style over substance. If you completely ignore under the hood differences, Windows 11 at its core is Windows 10 reskinned. But everything now has these flashy new animations and rounded corners and translucency! It's like Vista and 7 again! EXCEPT IT ISN'T BECAUSE VISTA AND 7 DIDN'T SACRIFICE USABILITY AND PERFORMANCE FOR GLASS WINDOWS AND FADE IN & OUT (ok well Vista did but 7 improved upon it). Trying to resize a window from a corner is so needlessly difficult because of the rounded corners making it unclear where the hitbox actually is, and the animations for the start menu and everything else is so clunky and unneeded. Is it cool the first time? Yes, it is. Is it cool the 1,037,028th time when I just want to quickly open something? FUCKING NO! ITS BOTHERSOME.

Listen, as a tech person who is not only savvy in the medium to an extent but also enjoys and cares for said medium, I'm well aware most of these issues are things the average user wouldn't give two shits about. But the reason why I complain is because average users shouldn't be subject to such hell also. In the process of trying to make a more user friendly Windows, Microsoft made a Windows so user unfriendly and counterintuitive that it's actively frustrating to use if you don't know the right things to do to make it not frustrating. And with Microsoft's hyperfixation on AI bleeding into 11 as a whole with Copilot, it's only getting worse.

I can only hope the next Windows OS is a better experience across the board to use for both the average customer and the tech savvy, and given The Cycle™, that is a likely probability. But also given Microsoft and Windows 11's state right now, it wouldn't surprise me if the next OS is just as bad, if not worse.

All this to say: Linux users? I understand you now.

... least it's not as bad as MacOS eh?

getting new technology feels more infuriating every year. got a new computer for the first time in 8 years and everything about windows 11 and how it handles onedrive is driving me up the wall

[be-side-my-self]

First watch of Season 4 of Only Murders In The Building

Rewatch of ONLY Murders In The Building to prepare for season 4:

<Part I> // <Part II> // <Part III> // <Part IIII> // <Part V> // <Part VI> // <Part VII> // <Part VIII>

This is no rewatch but my new posts can also easily be blocked because I'll continue to use #OMITBRewatch as a tag. I'll also tag #OMITBS4. While quoting, I use M, O, C for the main characters.

S4 E1

I'm excited... who killed Sazz?

Those old home movies are adorable. And it shows again, how people are still recognizable even decades later.

... how sad that they didn't even go looking for Sazz?

In the intro... Howard is walking a dog? Not his cat?

What the fuck?! They did not find Sazz... :(

Again, What the fuck??

At least Charles is worried...

Funny that Mabel is now crashing at Olivers place when he crashed at her place before.

O: "Donna and Cliff have pulled their financing! For 'bail' and 'defense attorneys', some stupid shit like that!!"

Not stupid to them!

Oliver is so dramatic.

C: "Hey, I'm sorry about all this but it could be worse. All morning, I have been hearing this whistling sound. I might have a brain tumor" O: "Look, don't try to cheer me up."

Howard got a puppy! Why did he come to Charles apartment?

Awww Gravy is cute. A goldie!

Okay... did Gravy used to work as a cadaver dog?

Lmao...

Oh my god! The corpse is not there anymore but Gravy did smell the blood Mabel smelled.

That really is a bit of a bizarre scene of New York... and if it is a Godzilla movie why is it important that the one grandpa needs help with his microwave? ... is it a parody movie?

Bev Melon...

Bev is a freak.

The Brothers... yeah I can see how that is confusing.

Trina and Tawny Brothers

They don't look Identical. And... they are kind of weird.

Bev: "Oliver who we want to strangle and cuddle at the same time. And Charles, everyone's un-fun uncle with his grouchy, little turtle face. And Mabel, with your traumatized, homeless, jobless, mumbling millennial charm stuck between these two old dudes."

I think that would be the point when I jam on the breaks. Jeebus fuck, Bev.

Bev: "Oh, we don't need to do numbers. You can just have your lawyers call business affairs."

Fucking hell, Bev.

... they don't have lawyers... I assume. Mabel certainly has none.

What the fuck?

"Howdy!"

Sidney...

C: "Well, let's get into this gas guzzler"

When they are in the limo and stand up, I can't help but remember the Bob's Burgers episode in which they are told they can't do it because so many people lost their heads because of the movie "Big" with "Thomas Hanks". Nat (the limo driver) is great.

OH! Okay... the stop Oliver wanted to do was to get burgers. Of course he needs food.

What is up with all those Western motifs? What is up with that?

C: "I'm Eugene Levy?" M: "I'm Eva Longoria." Eva: "Yeah." O: "I'm... I wanna say Tim." "I am Jack Black." (???????????) O: "Ah, that's it. Yeah." "I'm not Jack Black." Bev: "Oliver, that is Zach Galifi--" O: "Oh, yes! Zach Galifragilistic, of course." Zach: "Ha! I see what you're doing. People do this. You're trying to 'Beween two Ferns' me."

... Oliver really does not know him... well neither do I... who is this? I think I've seen him before but uhm... also let me check something.

"Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis is an American talk show hosted by comedian Zach Galifianakis which features celebrity guests." ... I have never heard of this. Okay, I checked and I might recognize his voice as Felix Fishoeder from Bob's Burgers. And... that is probably it. I haven't even watched the Hangover movies and without the beard I did not recognize him at all.

... the age gap was creepy? Really?

The people who thought it's creepy need to check their reality.

Holy shit. Zach and Oliver do not get along. Like Zach is burning Oliver... holy shit.

Also it's amazing that Eugene is a fan of Charles. That is a fun twist.

They are equally awkward too.

Loretta!

That is actually a good advice, Eva.

Cowboys and whistling wind are motifs in this episode... maybe the season.

... omg Loretta and Oliver are so cute... and it looked like he almost asked her to marry him or something? Awww...

SCOTT BAKULA!

Okay, now I see why Sazz was also doing stunts for him. I always remember him younger.

They are breaking in.

Sirens blaring in LA is not worrysome at all.

Lester is great...

Howard: "No, it's Grave-y. Shewas a CADAVER DOG!" Called it!

And everything comes together.

So, where is the body?

The trash chute... of course.

Right in the incinerator...

Oh Sazz :(

... so how did they get on the other building to shoot Sazz and then got into the Arconia to get rid of the body?

[casspurrjoybell-20]

FOOLS - Chapter 17 - Part 2

BOOK ONE: The 'Fools Fall in Love' Trilogy

*Warning - Adult Content*

Samuel Moretti

"Good luck with that one. Sam hates horror movies."

What the hell?

I was getting infuriated with Noah's mood.

Normally I could take it but he was being downright disrespectful towards Ben.

Ben wrapped an arm around me.

"Good thing I'll be there for him," he gave a cunning smile to Noah.

Good for you, Ben.

He turned to Emily.

"And apparently there is a secret theater, number eleven?"

Oh no, why did he just say that?

I refused to look at Noah, feeling culpable.

But I ended up looking at Noah when I heard him scoff.

"Wow. Un-fucking-believable," he muttered.

"Have fun," he told us, clearly not meaning it, before he announced.

"I'm going to the bathroom," he added, walking past us.

I wanted to run after him.

Apologize for something I knew I didn't even need to apologize for.

Which almost made me more angry.

How dare Noah get upset with me.

"Don't worry about him," Jason said to Ben.

"He's been an asshole all day."

"Yeah. I know how he can get," Ben said.

I couldn't get that horrible exchange between Noah and us out of my head. I had to talk to him.

So I said to Ben.

"I'll be right back. Get us a popcorn to share and drinks?"

"Sure, what's your choice of drink?"

"Fruit punch," I told him, before dashing to the men's restroom.

Noah was leaning on the counter looking more mad than I've ever seen him.

He stood up when he saw me storm up to him.

I was heated with exasperation.

"What the hell is your problem?" I asked, my voice raised but I tried not to yell.

"My problem?" he questioned like I was ridiculous for asking.

"Yes. Your problem. You were so rude. I get that you have some mood issues. but.."

He scoffed, crossing his arms.

"But don't put that shit on us," swearing was how you knew I was beyond pissed.

Noah narrowed his eyes at me.

"Us? So you and Ben are an 'us' now?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

Noah's hands balled into fists.

"I'm so confused. You're the one who told me it was a good idea to go on this date," I added.

"Well, I didn't know you were going to bring him to our place," he said bitterly.

We were both seething at each other, in each other's face with anger.

"Our place? What does that even mean?"

"You know what I fucking mean, Sam. Theater eleven, dickhead."

I scoffed.

"Oh, right, I'm the dickhead when you were completely disrespectful and how am I supposed to know what you mean when, apparently to you, what happened, well what should've happened, didn't mean anything?"

I didn't realize what I had said until Noah repeated it...

"Should've happened?" he wasn't yelling anymore.

My heart was pounding out of my chest, my voice unsure as I spoke.

"I don't know. Maybe..."

"Maybe what?" he asked harshly, his anger returning.

So, I said, in an equally harsh voice...

"Maybe you should've kissed me," I replied and then he did.

Noah pressed his lips to mine aggressively as soon as the words left my mouth.

His hands were gripping my waist.

He pushed me against the counter, a mix between a whimper and a grunt fell past my lips at the force but I didn't mind.

My arms wrapped around his neck and I opened my mouth for his tongue to slip in.

My heart was racing and my stomach was twisting in adrenaline induced knots.

Noah's hands slipped under my sweater, feeling my bare skin.

I was on my tippy toes, grabbing the back of his shirt, practically pulling his shirt up from how hard the fabric was gripped in my hand.

That was exactly how I imagined kissing Noah.

Rough and passionate and... and Noah was stepping back from me like I was a fire that he accidentally touched.

He raked a hand through his messy hair as he breathed out.

"Oh my God. I can't believe I just did that."

I was too stunned to speak, touching my lips with my fingers, wondering if what happened really happened.

"I'm sorry," Noah apologized which broke me free from my bewildered state. I stepped closer to him.

"It's okay, Noah," I reassured him but he shook his head, stepping away.

'Don't do this Noah,' I pleaded in my head.

"No, I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that. I should go."

"Wait. Noah, stop. Let's just..."

"I cheated on Kaitlyn," he stated.

He didn't sound mad or even looked mad.

He looked as though he genuinely didn't know what to do.

My heart hurt for him.

I didn't have a good response to his statement because, yeah, that was bad and...

"Oh shit, Benjamin."

"Yeah, Benjamin. Look, this shouldn't have happened, Sam. Have fun on your date," Noah stated and then he walked out of the bathroom.

The rest of my night, of my date, was indeed not fun.

[katieraven]

I have it on pretty good authority that periodically, Amethyst does peep in on Tumblr and Ao3 to check on her besties and make sure they are doing well, and happy and still writing amazing stories.

It's me. I'm authority lmao.

I am fine. And when I came to your blog to check in on you this morning I saw your post about me and it both made me feel very warm, but also very bad. I really did just peace out on all of you without much of an explanation or even a "hey I'm leaving" and that was shitty of me, wasn't it?

It's kind of a long story, but the highlights are that I just didn't want to be on Tumblr or Discord anymore, there are a lot of reasons for that but the reasons aren't as important as the fact that since I've deleted it and decided I'm done with social media - God I've felt so much better. About myself, about my life, about my goals...it's been nice. I do miss you, my heart cloud loving friend, and I miss so many others as well and me leaving had nothing to do with you or them in any way and I hope that nobody thinks it does. I miss talking to you all on a daily basis and it's very tempting to say "screw it, I'm coming back" but I was becoming way too obsessed. Obsessed with writing fanfiction, obsessed with numbers and follower counts. Obsessed and angry over drama that had absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever...I can't do that again. I wasn't happy unless my phone was in my face and it was too easy to lose that happiness when something I didn't want to see was on my screen. I didn't like me very much.

I miss writing and I am a little sour that I've totally lost some of my stories because I 100% wrote them in Tumblr Drafts so they are gone forever (RIP Batteries, Ships, and Build a BF and lots of others). I miss you. I miss @moni-logues and I miss everyone in our server. I miss lots of others too but I'm not going to tag them all because I don't want to make a scene lmao.

I hope you are well. All of you. I hope you're all happy. Please know that I think of you often. Please know that I care about you all. Please be kind to one another. Please keep writing your awesome stories so I can lurk the shit out of them. I love you all and I never say never, maybe one day when I can learn how to not rely so heavily on acceptance and meaningless numbers for my peace, I will come back and play with you guys!!!

Love,

Amethyst<3

PS - I'm sorry to be on anon but I really just have an empty burner blog and I'm also very much not ready to be back on Tumblr but I could not let your sweet #we love amethyst post go un-responded to. I swear it's me. Penny Bird sends her love, and I baked some amazing treats for Thanksgiving and I wish I could've posted them and thrown them in ya'lls faces because I really outdid myself. Okay. Bye!!! Be good everyone and stay strong until 2025.

OH MY GOD HI???

never in a million years was i expecting this and it made my fucking evening holy shit!!!

thank you so much for checking in. you didnt have to, but i appreciate it so much, truly. i thoroughly understand the social media aversion. really, i get it. a lot. every day on instagram makes me question if i really want to spend my time on instagram because yeesh (but: if u should feel the need to contact me, my insta is @_annkathi - this is just an offer. absolutely no pressure whatsoever and i completely get if u want to stay as far away from anything as possible)

i will absolutely tag u in anything i write in the future. it will look like "@amethystwritesbts who maybe is lurking" so be prepared.

this meant the world to me. it truly did. i hope u know that.

and im so so glad u are okay and thriving and that penny is doing well.

we love u.