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honourablejester · 3 years ago

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Memories of Fallout

Random (probably spoilery) things that stuck in my memory from playing various Fallout games:

Telling Gob’s mother what happened to him in the hopes that it would start a quest to free him, only to realise that there is no such quest and we just crushed this poor woman with the knowledge that her child is a slave for no reason

(We realised later that you can kill his owner with the old ‘sneak a grenade in his pocket’ trick, but the game doesn’t really react, and you can’t let his mother know he’s okay now. He is free and takes over the saloon, but you can’t talk about it or let anyone else know)

Coming down out of Goodsprings and seeing the huge satellite dishes on Black Mountain, wondering what they were, and winding up going off the track and into a complete brawl with Nightkin and a problem we’re too low-level to solve before even hitting Novac

(We wandered up off Nipton, not straight across the valley from Goodsprings, if anyone is wondering how we even survived to reach Black Mountain)

Running into an assaultron for the first time outside Fallon’s Department Store and being absolutely petrified of them for the entire rest of Fallout 4

Getting that quest to bring a dead NCR ranger’s body back to his widow, somehow getting mixed up and thinking we literally had to manually carry him all the way back to Camp McCarran, before accidentally stumbling over the correct NCR blockade to hand over his body. One of the NCR soldiers admiringly wonders if we’d have carried him to California if we had to, and we’re standing there sheepishly thinking, yes, apparently we would, or at least further than this

Fucking Greyditch! Possibly this is because I’m a pyrophobe, but most of my memory of low-level Fallout 3 is wandering blithely into this hellhole and watching the health bar just get eaten

Learning, repeatedly, that if Nordhagen is in trouble, let them sort it out themselves. I think we died more times defending Nordhagen than literally any other settlement. Just go in once it’s over and fix the broken stuff, it’s fine. They’re tough cookies, they’ll manage by themselves

Old Olney. Just. Old Olney.

Memorably, one time we left Harold the Talking Ghoul Tree, stumbled across an Enclave vs Brotherhood Outcast fight, looted a snazzy plasma rifle and some Tesla armour off an Enclave corpse, and decided to see if we could finally do a run on Old Olney. To our credit, we did gooify about nine deathclaws. And then got murderised by the remaining four. At which point we respawned and decided Old Olney could wait another while longer

Speaking of deathclaws. There is absolutely nothing like the sensation of having fought your way through Lynn Woods, gotten up the tower, pushed the button to see what happens, and then hearing certain noises from outside …

Also speaking of deathclaws, that time we were just randomly headed up near Bitter Springs and an entire bloody pack of them show up and basically chase us into the BOS safe house in a blind panic. We expect that sort of thing around Quarry Junction, not this end of the map! And then the knight in the safehouse just casually pops out for his patrol while we’re (metaphorically) sprawled on the floor behind the door shaking, and there’s nothing we can do to stop him

Not deathclaws this time, but the only location we just noped straight out of in New Vegas is that goddamn radioactive ghoul vault (34? I think?). You know, the one with the respawning glowing ones wearing security armour. That one

Our first playthrough we accidentally totalled the BOS bunker in Vegas, because we had too many open quests, got confused on the map, ran to the wrong NCR ranger, had him try to take the collar off, and accidentally made the Brotherhood hostile. So we had to solo their bunker with a flamethrower, because Boone and Rex could not stay alive down there. As a note, that lady in the armoury was the last knight standing

We felt really bad about this on the second playthrough, because Elder McNamara is actually pretty reasonable as BOS elders go, and his situation is heartbreaking

(I don’t care if you are literally our worst enemy, I will fix your air-filtration system anyway, because talk about fucking horrifying ways to go)

Black-widowing Benny is an experience. Like, by the end of it, we let him live out of pure bemusement. I mean, I was gonna kill you in your sleep, but now I’m just curious what the hell you’re gonna do. Your survival instincts are pants, Benny boy.

The strange, almost meditative feeling when you’re standing in the mist and morning fog of the swamps south of Boston, watching in silence as red laser bursts flash around the distant, looming figure of a supermutant behemoth as it kills its way through a (probably?) Gunner patrol

The significantly less meditative feeling when you accidentally stumble straight into the behemoth in the rubbish dump and get absolutely pasted through a shopping trolley

Is there any weapon better than plasma in 3? There’s nothing like the satisfaction you feel on first reducing something terrifying to a puddle of goo. The ash piles from laser weapons are just not the same …

Gauss rifles in 4 also don’t have the same satisfaction. I mean, yeah, they chew through health bars at a significantly higher rate of knots, but they’re just not as satisfying

Why is there always that one quest in a Fallout game where you get completely off your gourd in a ritual and have to follow a ghost lady or fight a flaming bear zombie? I mean, I’m not knocking the quest where you get completely off your gourd and go follow/fight questionably real entities, it’s just an odd thing to keep recurring

Did I mention Harold the talking tree ghoul? I feel like he’s memorable

To be fair, so is Jason Bright and his merry bunch of lunatics. Also Oswald the Outrageous. Ghouls completely steal the show a lot in these games

How can anyone hit Gob? How can anyone be mean to Gob in general? Why is there not an explicit quest where you can murder Moriarty and free Gob and have the game respond? I’m serious, this is the single thing that bugged me most about Fallout 3. What is the point of telling his mother he’s a slave if it doesn��t let you do something about it?

I feel like these games do sometimes make assumptions about who you will or will not want to help. Spoiler: I will help most people. If you let me. I will make exceptions for some people. Usually Brotherhood (4). Also Mr. Fantastic.

Legion don’t count because who plays New Vegas and helps the Legion?

The most stunned we’ve ever been in Vegas, possibly in Fallout as a whole, is trotting blithely out of a casino and running straight into Vulpes Inculta. On the Strip. In a suit. Looking perfectly normal and sane and not remotely like the Roman werewolf cosplayer with a sadistic streak and a predilection for dirty bombs and chemical warfare that he is. That’s just off-putting. Stop pretending to be a normal human!

(Yes, this is the point, this is why he’s possibly the most dangerous of the Legion, because he can go out and pretend to be a normal person while slipping dirty nukes and chlorine bombs into other settlements, but it’s still just … wrong)

Legate Lanius is weirdly philosophical and persuasive. It’s alarming. Unfortunately he’s no longer scary, at least to us, because of one hilarious glitch on one of our playthroughs where we faced him with several of the Enclave Remnants and he just ran down the hill and glitched onto Cave Johnson’s machine gun and just sat there running in place and eating lead for a solid 30 seconds or so. Really took a hit in the intimidation factor there …

There is nothing on the planet like doing the Battle of Hoover Dam with the Boomers. Nothing. Enclave Remnants are also a nice bonus, but the Boomers are where it’s at. Totally worth panic-running blindly through a bombing trying to get to Nellis, getting lost, running along the fence-line getting shelled to all hell, and showing up at the gate safely to our shock, let alone the Boomers’. We only lost one leg! It’s fine!

If this list seems rather Vegas-heavy, it’s because Vegas was my first, and you always remember your first. Much as I love the other two, Vegas is just … something special

Though it has to be said that the absolute best miniplot in any of the DLCs is definitely the ghoul James Bond vs the Brain in a Jar in Point Lookout. As much as I love Far Harbour, and I love Far Harbour, Point Lookout got there first, and this is easily the most memorable part

Ghouls just steal the show, is the lesson here. Supermutants get a look-in purely for Lily. We built our whole build in Vegas around having enough Science/Medicine to get Lily her best ending. To the extent that Lily can have a ‘best’ ending, but still. A list of Fallout companions I will absolutely die for, straight out the gate, not a single question asked: Lily from Vegas and Nick from 4

(I don’t think we had a companion in our 3 playthroughs? Not even Dogmeat. He kept dying, so we parked him in Megaton where he’d be safe. I know we met Fawkes, but I can’t remember if we brought him out around)

I’m also noticing that a significant chunk of the moments I most remember from these games are the result of getting lost, spotting an ‘oh shiny’ on the horizon, and getting absolutely totalled by whatever happens to live there. The Fallout experience!

The other Fallout experience is deathclaws. Obviously. Also getting schnockered and fighting bear ghosts. And having an NPC glitch out and do something objectively stupid but also hilarious

I really love these games

#fallout #spoilers #fallout new vegas #fallout 3 #fallout 4 #long post #random memories #the fallout experience

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zirkkun · 4 years ago

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I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

#zircon rambles #a lot #lol #its very long im sorry #i spent way too long writing this too #also please don't reblog this

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kinogane · 3 years ago

Text

Essence of Yakuza Combat, Part 1: Counter

(incidental Yakuza spoilers below)

A lot has been said about the core of what brings people to the Yakuza games and plays a role in keeping them interested, which is the way the series juggles its earnest, straight-faced drama with its, let’s say,

eccentricities.

(I don’t bring these up casually, by the way. It would be almost certainly correct to attribute at least part of Yakuza’s growth outside of Japan to the karaoke minigame and someone at RGG Studio thinking that putting a chicken in charge of real estate would be very funny.)

I wrote a bit about that through one specific example here, and while that is core to the series’ identity, it’s just one aspect of the many, many hours you spend playing a Yakuza game. User aggregated times on HowLongToBeat peg the average length of a Yakuza playthrough somewhere in the area of 15 to 40 hours, and even if you’re not on the completionist beat and ballooning your hour count by spending a lot of time playing mahjong and other minigames, you’re going to spend a lot of time with the minute-to-minute gameplay of Yakuza, which is, by and large, getting into fights with chumps and smashing their heads into various surfaces.

Combat in Yakuza games isn’t exactly known for its mechanical depth. Certainly, if you’re willing to poke at its systems you can achieve mastery and do some wild stuff, but I’d wager most players aren’t particularly interested in getting better at the combat. More than likely, they’re content with getting just skilled and/or strong to get past major boss fights (which are genuine highlights of Yakuza combat) with possibly some help in healing and weapons. Yakuza 0 probably exemplifies this most, as the game gives you the option to upgrade both characters’ Legend styles into utter nonsense.

So in some ways, it’s not all that surprising that RGG Studio would make the most of an opportunity to switch combat systems with Yakuza: Like a Dragon. According to series creator Toshihiro Nagoshi, after they floated the idea of a turn-based RPG in a 2019 April Fools’ video, the positive public reception convinced them that changing mechanics could actually work. Which at the time was, and moreso in hindsight is, kinda obvious. Their action combat wasn’t exactly lighting the world on fire, especially with the recent switch to the much more slippery and less weighty Dragon Engine combat in 6 and Kiwami 2, and series staples like random encounters and equippable gear are already part and parcel with more traditional JRPGs like Dragon Quest. Hell, the near universal Yakuza experience of pausing to call a time out and chug Staminans because you’re getting your ass handed to you is more reminiscent of modern Fallout titles (which have turn-based roots) than it is of character action games like Devil May Cry. And to reiterate, it is literally possible to overlevel yourself in Yakuza 0.

There were skeptics, of course. For how relatively unremarkable the combat system is, there were (and still are) players who quite liked the action combat of Kiryu Saga Yakuza games and were a bit sad at the idea of seeing the system go, including myself. Perhaps part of it was just getting used to and developing an appreciation for a system that didn’t wholly merit it. (Though I still maintain that the multiple styles in 0 and Kiwami absolutely rule and also Finishing Hold/Bounding Throw is rad as hell.) But there are two aspects of the action combat in specific that are rather obviously head and shoulders above the rest.

One is the Tiger Drop.

Especially if your first exposure to the Tiger Drop was Kiwami, where it was overtuned as hell, the satisfaction of landing a Tiger Drop, completely stuffing an enemy’s attack, and taking out a decent chunk of their health bar has few equals in most Yakuza games. It’s such a tremendous reward for having quick reactions and mastering knowledge of enemy movesets that it’s warped how I approach combat with characters who don’t have access to the Tiger Drop itself. I absolutely beelined to get Akiyama’s kick counter in 4 and 5 and used it extensively in both, when it probably isn’t even close to being optimal, and when I learned/remembered that Kiryu has access to similar Heavy Attack counters through his Brawler and Legend styles in 0, I absolutely took them for a whirl right away.

The Brawler counter, as it turns out, works well against Sera.

(I probably would have felt similarly about Majima’s Legend style Demonfire counter in 0, for the record, and I did get a lot out of it, but that preceded my first Tiger Drop. So the timeline doesn’t quite fit.)

I did not expect the Tiger Drop, or counters in general, to make the full transition into the new Yakuza combat. While they’re not mechanically impossible, thanks to the Mario RPG-esque Action Commands, Like a Dragon instead opts to reward players for good timing with Perfect Guards that take less damage and don’t knock the character down, which I would argue is for the better.

It’s not difficult to imagine implementing a counter to supplement Perfect Guards as a defensive option, but doing so would fundamentally change the (counterintuitively?) offensive role counters play in Yakuza combat. Additionally, part of the difficulty of landing Tiger Drops comes from not knowing for sure what attack an enemy’s going to throw your way and having to react or make a good prediction. Most turn-based RPGs, including Like a Dragon, let you know a fair bit before an enemy attack properly starts what’s coming your way. Like a Dragon even gives you a bit of extra time, since the Dragon Engine implementation often requires enemies to hobble over to their target before they take a swing. There are plenty of well-telegraphed attacks in Yakuza games of the past, of course, but they’re the exception rather than the rule.

Put another way, it’s not reasonable to expect a player to Tiger Drop every single attack a boss throws at them in Kiryu Saga games. It’s far more reasonable (and for the entirety of the True Final Millennium Tower, basically expected) for the player to Perfect Guard (and hypothetically, counter) every single attack in Like a Dragon. This isn’t a mismatch so fundamental that it can’t be implemented in future games, but at the very least, its absence is unsurprising and not strongly felt.

Furthermore, counters thematically make more sense for Kiryu Saga protagonists than Ichiban. Superficially, counters don’t exactly vibe with Ichiban’s turn-based sense of fair fighting. Not much point in giving someone a chance to take a shot at you if you just punch them out of their turn. (And funnily enough, while my Dragon Quest knowledge is just about nonexistent, the small bit of research I’ve done indicates that counter skills weren’t accessible to Dragon Quest heroes until about 2006, a few years after Ichiban goes to jail.)

On a deeper level, though, counters are inherently more reactive than they are active. Even if you make a prediction that an enemy will attack a certain way, counters don’t work unless they actually do take that action of attacking. Prepping a Tiger Drop means not doing much else but taking up a fighting stance and waiting in bated breath until someone else does something first. This patience intrinsic to counters is temperamentally more suited for the calmer, more stoic Kiryu Saga protagonists (I recognize I’m talking in very broad strokes) than they are for the more hot-blooded, openly emotional Ichiban. Hell, if you really wanna stretch this idea, it’s worth noting that the younger, more impulsive Kiryu doesn’t have access to a powerful counter in 0 while the younger, more restrained Majima does (see the Demonfire counter mentioned above); contrast their playable appearances in Kiwami 2, where the older, more measured Kiryu can relearn his trusty Tiger Drop while the older, openly wilder Majima has no comparable counter.

So the Yakuza combat staple of Tiger Drop and counters didn’t make the transition into Like a Dragon. I don’t think anyone expected them to, and they certainly didn’t need to. All in all, not a big deal.

What about Heat Actions?

(continued)

#yakuza #ryu ga gotoku #rgg #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 #shin ryu ga gotoku #ylad #y7

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