#can’t I just live somewhere where it’s a constant 15 c every day

[fourteenbatsstapledtogether]

I wish I lived somewhere that didn’t make me feel like I’m dying three quarters of the year

[toinfinitywinning]

What you see & hear- or even if you can. Just a cover.

Open it? There’s no tellin’ the worm. But you bought the ticket. It’s your Day 1.

They’re gonna try to break you.

Yk every Day I wake up. And I’m scared of it. Don’t want to. And not b/c im warm in my bed snuggling w/ my feather duvet and rain, with the weight of a horse on my legs play pretending he’s a 3 lb Show shhnowzaa but b/c I’ve already, already lived it. And having been in a constant State of fight or flight, normal or abnormal, sometimes u can’t tell —I still feel bad. W/e differentiation you had to separate the two both ended up at the North Pole but you’ve at least got Santa.

So this means I’m confused all Day but I still want some of Michael’s Secret Stuff Gatorade (haterade) from “welcome to the space jam—alright.” 🎵. To get me through. A safe energy drink. And your body doesn’t ☊ anymore so the more you talk to yourself the saner. It’s just I’ve never had to fake I’m physically okay to be present so much. Physical sickness affects ur mind Health and if you already struggle w/ that my condolences b/c your leg hurts too.

It’s a nightmare never 1-upping to a dream of being without. Then some days it’s will hear a song or remember a Good time or just Start crying-faucet not included. No acute-reason onset. (We gotta find another word for trigger no joke). I only subconsciously wonder will today be better…Will I get better? And I don’t know why I continue to continue being somewhere inbtw positive and negative. All the sudden my mind is taxed and so are your paychecks and I’ve been up for 15 minutes not even thinking I was thinking b/c Truth is, when something becomes your reality for such a Long time, everything just runs together. You’re afraid to feel anything yet know if you don’t it’s not just your body ready to atrophy. Not Good. And it’s a sneaky lil’ mf.

I can’t Imagine the omnipresent (best word for constant I got) Pain people feel having been with Illness their whole lives. How differently their world is shaped. Pain, prolonged cynicism, Illness prolonged, disability prolonged, w/e u used to think about things is gone unless you’re born one of these ways. Now to be clear I was born this Way but not THIS Way don’t get it twisted. Some days I wonder what it would be like to swap around. W/e it is—This presence does not belong to God— but maybe its mere existence really does b/c we won’t have anyone to thank if things get better? And there’s no joy in the things we’ve hoped for and overcome? And everything always has an End result of some kind…Right? If that’s my endgame I can only look at some things very matter of fact-ly. But. Here we are. Pending. Loading. Accept All Cookies. Your Health for potential healing is At the mercy of literally a button click away from quality or lifesaving or changing Medicine or therapy. CAN YOU AFFORD TO STAY ALIVE? Be fired? Bankrupt-ed? Evicted? No college, no trade School, but you work ur butt off to provide but you’re still paid $7.25/hr as I was as head intramural supervisor at Georgetown College. 15 years ago. Not just that, exist, like eating, clothes to wear, some sort of roof. So you’re choosing between crappy and crappier. Literally no difference. How in the is someone even going to try to stay healthy?!

Thankfully I don’t have to worry as much about the material, which, its Stress alone induces more trauma and Anxiety, but I’d bet how we feel physically isn’t too different. All the sudden again in the subconscious where I am all the time I’m figuring and not truly present you really think existentially like how in not God’s name clearly did I get here? I fixed everything. But Life isn’t played by a claw that has never won anybody a teddy bear. I wouldn’t pin karma to me in itself but it sure makes you think.

None of this is about to make sense but it’s where my mind took me.

Think about what was happening in your Life before things changed. Before literally waking up one Morning and knowing that very second things had to change or I was headed toward death a lot faster than I thought until that God moment. I don’t have many of them that are that dramatic but nothing was clearer to me in that moment. And then that Damn bat and conspiracy crap of government population control. If anthrax was sprinkled in Amazon boxes we’d be extinct. But Pretty sure we know how to get rid of people without breaking a beaker or test tube and then turning on a fan just gifting particles. And Unraveling ALL of the many ways of healing I’d finally lived into. I was so close. To every Fk up id invited. And so asking why anymore seems vacant. Echoing. And my ears hurt. ATP I’m More so saying well, I’m not sure that strategy is going to work anymore. Where’s the ღ in Health. It’s lost it. How much are you worth? No, like write down a monetary number on a piece of paper, fold it and slide it across the desk. Insurance companies be like: I see your offer and I’ll raise your offer: have you tried dying yet? B/c you could save a lot of money that way. The money it will take to bury you might even be more deadly.

So The most defeating part is beginning the Day as it ends. When I think about that it’s just like how did I get here? I’m still stubborn about it but maybe regardless of w/e someone accomplishes there’s the reality you’re still living in an imperfect world where you can only control so many things. Even if u gain that control back all those traps R still available. So you can Imagine my surprise when there’s not enough OCD to Go around to control THIS. regardless of what we can have control over, do that, b/c the smaller victories become magnified and walking to the kitchen to take your Meds that may or may not be helping is like an 8-ball w/ only 8 options. Eenie meenie miney. Mo.

I don’t set out to cry or tear up in the videos I share. I’ve always been a cryer. I’ve been told I feel things more intensely so it hits different, does different. The direct quote will remain anonymous but the sentimental pack rat in me wrote it down ASAP. Like, a handwritten letter. You took TIME for me. The quote—It was several years ago and I almost can’t stand it b/c it’s me in whatever kind of Shell is available at the time.

[“people perceive me as an individual who has the kindest of all hearts, but who struggles with the realities of life given that kindness…Like how the tenderhearted feel the pains of the earth more intensely.”]

It’s so true. But if I can’t be real what Good’s that gonna do? For me it further affirms what I already am living. In Edgar’s scary A** pit or with the company of not one canary in the coal mine.

C’ya in the AM. 🫡

[rantingwriter]

Body Guard (Levi x Reader)

Day 1

I still don’t fully understand what happened...I was at work at the behavioral hospital, some big dark GMC type car pulls up, and now I’m riding in the backseat getting told I’m actually related to some big shot that’s being threatened and everyone she holds dear is in danger. “Can you please elaborate how someone I’ve never met...holds me dear…?” 

“Your dad was her secret lover when he was working at her company. She has kept tabs on you for years and even sent him money for child support. There, all caught up.” The stoic man with sharp, narrow blue eyes, who also looks really tired, sighs in exasperation. He cards his fingers through his straight black hair and looks at me through the rearview mirror. I am still reeling, I have a mom and dad who are happily married, but now I’ve got a mom who I’ve never met? “Geez, what’s so complicated about this for you?” 

“My current mom is not my mom, my real mom is some bigshot that pissed somebody off that’s more violent than my psychosis patients, and I’m in the back of a fucking car that should only be used for this scenario in movies!” I’m starting to freak out when a voice comes over the radio. 

“Captain, you lack delicacy…” It sounds like a woman, “don’t worry [f/n], you are safe with us.” 

“W-Who are you?” I try to sit forward and look around, a hand pulling me back into my seat. “WhO?!” 

“Please stay seated, that’s just Petra.” Another woman with glasses and her hair up in a ponytail is looming over me. “We’ve got a team ready to protect you and we’ve already taken care of your job since you won’t be able to leave once we get you to our safe house.” 

“Safe house? What about my parents? M-My cats?!” 

“They have been picked up by our second team and taken to a separate location.” The driver sharply turns down a backroad. “We’ll fill you in on everything at the safe house. Just sit still and shut up.” I tried to relax in the backseat, but it was impossible to relax with all this new information careening around in my brain. Before long we roll up to a townhouse and I am led inside. It’s nicer on the inside than it looks on the outside, my stuff is already here too. The driver starts barking orders to the other members of his team, soon enough it was just the two of us standing in the living room. “I sent for dinner, you go wash up.” 

“C-Can I at least get your name?”  

“Levi, I’ll be staying with you in the house. The others will man the outside.” 

“Okay, nice to meet you.” He simply nods and goes to do what I can only assume is his bodyguard duties. I go to get showered up and process my thoughts. It’s way too much to handle all at once. 

Day 3

It’s been a couple of days. I’m still reeling, been crying myself to sleep from fear at night, but overall...I guess I’m okay? “Hey, you look like shit.” 

I jolted at Levi’s sudden comment, “gee thanks…” I wipe at my eyes, they feel puffy and dry. 

He stares at me a long moment, before extending me a cup of coffee. “I know it’s rough the first couple of nights, you’ll adjust.” 

I take the cup and inhale the aroma of coffee, “If you say so…” I take a sip and make a face at how bitter it is. I grab the creamer from the fridge and add some more to the little cup. Levi says nothing, he just watches me as he leans against the counter. I don’t understand why he insists on watching my every move, it’s like he’s studying me or something. I eat some breakfast and go to the living room to play on my laptop. Before I can do anything online, the muscular guy snatches the device. “Hey!” 

“Do not sign into anything, they’ll be able to track you if you do.” He goes through and logs me out of everything I usually use. 

“B-But-”

“No buts, nothing that can be tracked.” He finally hands it back to me and sits in the nearby armchair. I simply sigh and try to enjoy some me time with the stoic statue in the room. 

Day 7

I’m starting to wonder if Levi’s constant staring at me is simply his way of learning about me. He has been making my coffee exactly how I like it without me saying anything. He has been paying attention to what I like to eat. If we weren’t basically living together, I would be super creeped out by his attention to details. It’s honestly really sweet and I think he is growing on me a little. “Hey, [f/n], want to go somewhere?” 

“I thought I couldn’t leave the safe house,” I was putting away my laundry when he came into the room. 

“We can go somewhere so long as it’s visible for the team and not super crowded.” 

“What’s even in this area?” 

“Some restaurants, a park, we might be able to swing a movie theater, and one of those animal cafes.” He doesn’t sound very excited about any of the options. 

“I’d like to go to the movies and m-maybe the café afterwards?” 

He does his signature stare at me, “we’ll see. We’ll start with the movie at least.” I smile and hurry to get my shoes on, we go to the local movie theater and Levi keeps me close to his side the whole time. Once we are seated, he drapes an arm over my shoulders and whispers. “Best to look like we are dating while we are out of the house.” 

“O-Okay…” I’ve never heard of this kind of tactic in all of those movies and games involving bodyguards. Or maybe I just never found those specific ones. He idly moves his fingers along my upper arm. His touch is giving me goosebumps. The movie goes by without a hitch and we are able to visit the animal café. I didn’t realize how much I missed home until a cat curled up in my lap while I tried to eat a slice of cake. I also try to make small talk with the quiet bodyguard, but he has his guard up constantly. It’s hard to get any information about him personally or otherwise. I’m almost finished with my cake when he suddenly pulls me out of my seat and throws the table up as protection. My ears are ringing from the sudden downpour of bullets that destroy the little café. Animals and people alike scatter trying to find safety. Levi yells into his earpiece for his team to engage. I can only tremble in fear as the man shields me. When the gunfire finally stops, he leads me out the back and we are forced to relocate to a new safehouse. 

Day 10

I’m struggling with sleep again, I think Levi is starting to take notice. “Do you need me to start sitting in the room at night?” 

“How would that help?” I’m a little snappy, I don’t mean to be.

“It’s just a suggestion,” he seems unfazed by my words. 

I sigh and sip my coffee, “it’s worth a shot, I’m not sure what else to do at this point.” 

He sets his cup down and grabs my wrist, half dragging me to the couch where he sits down and pulls me down to join him. “Lay down.” 

“I’m not napping, if I can’t sleep how can I-” He cuts my protests off by guiding my head into his lap, I feel my face turn red hot at the realization of my position. 

“Just shut up and try.” I couldn’t see it, but he was hiding his face in his hand. Sure enough his little experiment works and I finally get a little sleep. 

Day 15

Levi’s been staying in my room for nearly a week now and I’m surprised to say it’s helping a lot. His presence lately has brought a great source of comfort and also been generating some...feelings...I don’t know what to do about it. He is my bodyguard, he is just doing a job. “Hey…” I can’t believe I’m about to ask him this. “Have you ever...caught feelings for a client?” 

“No, never.” His stoic stare is unwavering. “Why?” 

“Just curious…” I need to just do what I usually do, bury these feelings deep down inside until it festers and then slowly rots away over the course of a few years...or until he does something that just kills the feelings all together. 

“Do you feel like trying to go out in public again?” 

“Not really, getting shot at once was enough.” I turn to take care of something when next thing I know I’m on the ground with Levi hovering over me. Jesus, this is not helping! 

“Damn it, we are under fire!” Despite the fact he is yelling, my ears are ringing enough I can barely hear him. How did these guys find us again? We haven’t been out of the safe house at all! Levi leads me to a secret exit and he drops his ear piece and has me ditch basically every electronic. We take the car we’ve been using and ditch it in the middle of town before getting set up in a motel. He pays in cash and uses a fake name, I’m pretty sure the receptionist thinks I’m a mistress or something. We get in the room and he starts frisking me. 

“Whoa, what are you doing? What what what are you doing?” I feel my whole body goes warm at his touch. 

“I’m checking for anything that might have been placed on you to track us. I’ve purposefully gone dark in case it’s a mole in the ranks.” He stops frisking me and suddenly starts stripping his clothes off. 

“Whoa! A warning would’ve been nice!” My heart can’t handle all of this. He says nothing as he inspects all of his clothes. 

“Okay, looks like we are safe, I’ll sweep the room for bugs and then go get us some new clothes. Will you be alright alone for a couple of hours?” 

“I-I think so?” I feel anxious at the thought after being shot at again mere hours ago. 

“Lock the door, do not open it until you hear this knock.” He completes a little sequence on the coffee table. “Can you remember that?” 

“Y-Yeah, okay, got it.” He goes around the room to check for any secret cameras or microphones or anything out of the ordinary before running off to resupply everything we left behind. I’m ready for this madness to stop.

Day 20

There is tension, I can feel it! Ever since we were downgraded to this motel and basically forced to stay in the same room day and night it’s been harder and harder to ignore my budding feelings for the bodyguard. He just stares at me half the time, the other half we are sleeping. On top of that there is only one bed and I’m starting to feel bad that I’m the only one using it. He swears he is fine in the chair, but I don’t believe him. “I’m going to take a shower, are you getting hungry?” 

“Yeah, a bit.” I can feel his eyes on me as I go into the tiny bathroom. I shower up and try to relax under the hot water. It’s only after I turn the shower off I realize I didn’t grab clothes to change into. I tightly wrap my towel around me and venture cautiously out into the room. Levi hasn’t moved. 

“I...forgot to grab my clothes…” I try to break the awkward silence, but it only proves to make things more awkward for me. “C-Could you look away for a moment?” He doesn’t move his head, only his eyes as he looks off to the side. I turn so my back is to him as I pull my clothes on to get ready for bed. I’m not used to wearing half the stuff he bought the other day, but at least they fit. I turn and run straight into him, when did he get behind me?! “S-Sorry, do you need something?” 

His face is harder to read than usual, I can’t tell if he is pissed about something or what, but it’s starting to scare me. Before I can try to awkwardly fill the silence void, he simply replies “you.” 

“W-What?!” 

He leans closer to my face, “I need you.” He closes the distance and presses his lips to mine. I instantly melt into the kiss and drop my towel on the floor. He backs me up to the bed and we both fall back onto it. The rest of the night is a hot and steamy blur as we made love. He was surprisingly gentle at first, but that didn’t last once he was sure I was okay. In the morning I’m surprised to find him still in bed with me, his arm draped over my side. 

Day 30

They finally located us and gave us the all clear, they caught the guys and I can return to my life as it was. But...I don’t want to. They are already trying to assign Levi elsewhere and I can’t imagine being apart from him now. I can’t exactly go with him on jobs and I doubt they have local work. Is this really going to be goodbye forever? “[F/n]?” I am startled out of my thoughts by a tall blond man with one arm. 

“Yes?” I have to crane my neck a little to see his face. 

“Your biological mother has extended an invitation for you to go live with her.” 

“Really? I...wow, I’m not sure how to respond to that.” 

“She also requested that the one who kept you safe joins her new permanent security detail.” This catches my attention. “He said he would gladly take it, but he requested that you be there too. He didn’t specify why.” I feel my cheeks turn red as I consider the offer. 

“S-Sure, I’d like to get to know my mom and I’d hate for her to not get such a well trained bodyguard on her team.” I try really hard to cover up my excitement. 

“Alright, that settles the matter, I will make arrangements to have your belongings transported over there. Levi will give you a ride.” I see him pull up behind the blond man as if on cue. I thank the mystery man and rush to see Levi. He gives me an emotionally charged kiss as soon as the door shuts behind me. 

“You didn’t think you could get rid of me did you?” He smirks as he backs up to look me in the eyes. 

“No, I figured you wouldn’t be gone that easily.” He gives me one more kiss before driving off towards my soon to be new home. I honestly can’t believe how much happened in the span of a month.

Day ???

“What’s this scar from?” I point to one on his forearm as we snuggle in my bed. 

“That was from a knife fight I got into as a kid.” He holds the scarred arm up while his other holds me to him. 

“Why were you in a knife fight?” I rest my cheek against his bare chest. 

“I had an uncle that figured I would be better off learning the ways of knife fighting instead of going to actual school. Oddly enough it worked out.” He puts his arm down and tucks some stray hair behind my ear. 

“Would you teach me knife fighting?” 

“Hell no, I’ve got a track record of unscathed clients to upkeep.”

“But I’m not a client anymore.” 

“Still no, I will teach you some self defense if you want to learn to defend yourself.” 

“Deal!” He gives a rare chuckle as he shifts to get more comfortable. “Aren’t you supposed to be on rounds this morning?” 

He shrugs, “I’m sleeping with the boss's daughter, I think I have some immunity.”

“Are you sure about that? Think about what you just said.” He takes a moment then moves to get out of bed. 

“Fair point, I’ll see you after work.” He pulls his pants on then turns to give me one last kiss. Gotta admit, despite the chaos that prompted our meeting, I’m glad it happened.

[chickensarentcheap]

Sanctuary - Chapter 15

Warnings: smut (just a tad), bit of angst

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @valkyrie-of-the-light

Her sleep had been restless. A couple of hours of broken, disjointed dreams that have left her both confused and anxious. Vivid memories of people and events of the past; incidences while overseas in Kuwait and Kabul, troubles in New York City and Boston, the flight for both safety and survival on the Sultan Kamal Bridge. All joining together in chaotic, mind numbing fashion. Causing her heart to pound furiously in her chest and her lungs to painful contract, struggling to catch a breath as her eyes snaps open. And it takes several minutes for her to both orientate herself with her surroundings and manage to calm herself down. Her stomach clenching, head pounding, sweat beading across her brow and gathering at her temples. A mixture of the dreams themselves and the shedding of alcohol from her system.

She’s suddenly aware of a tiny foot pressed into the small of her back and a warm, furry body next to her head on the pillow. And when she opens her eyes, she finds Mac intently watching her, both his ears up and alert, and his head cocked to the side. Normally he sleeps at her or Tyler’s feet, but had more than likely been disturbed by her kicking and thrashing during her sleep -or maybe even concerned- and had moved up to lie where he could keep a better eye on her.

“It’s okay baby boy,” she whispers, and strokes those impossibly large ears and runs the tips of two fingers down his snout. Then scratches him under the chin and presses kisses into that soft fur. “Mommy’s fine. She just had a bad dream. You go back to sleep now.”

 He stretches, yawns noisily and then retreats to Tyler’s side of the bed, where the sheets are cool to the touch and undisturbed. Frowning, she reaches across a snoring Millie to snag her husband’s charging cell phone from nightstand, turning on the screen to check the time.

 1:35.

 Groaning, she sets the cell phone down and then sits up in bed, yawning loudly and pushing her hair away from her face. The rest of the house is in cozy slumber; the baby down the hall in his crib, the twins downstairs in their pillow and blanket fort, Ovi and Chloe on separate ends of the couch. All signs point to Tyler still being home. Somewhere. Wallet and cell phone always where he leaves them before going to bed every night, a half empty bottle of various and various prescription med bottles next to them. The latter is evidence that he’s had a rough night. The majority of his nights are fairly good; the pain allowing him to rest at least somewhat comfortably without the need to turn to drugs to fight both the agony and the insomnia. But the other nights are horrible. Constant tossing and turning, nausea and headaches a side effect from the different meds, pain that will just not subside or even turn down a notch.

  A couple of days leading up to a mission, things got especially difficult. The insomnia became relentless. He was anxious, on edge, ready and willing to bite anyone’s head off that he thought even looked at him the wrong way. His mind consumed with all the variables; the mountains of information he’d been given, the things that could possibly go wrong and the percentage that they will, worry about how she and the kids will handle him being gone and if it will be the one time that someone hell bent on revenge will use his absence to their advantage.  There were so many things went through his mind that she’d never even considered until last night; when he’d tearfully confessed about being scared that he wouldn’t make it back.  That is only comfort was the fact that he knew how strong she was; she was fierce and tenacious, and she’d be able to go on without him and raise their kids on her own. In five years, he’d never once mentioned those fears. He’d always been the strong one; the rock. The one who kept shit together when it seemed as if everything was falling apart. The one who made sure everyone else’s fears and anxieties were taken care of, yet completely ignoring his own.

  She knew he saw it a sign of weakness. That he struggled with such things. All his life he’d been taught to bottle things up; his father instilling him in that it wasn’t many to show emotion, then the army with the same line of thinking, followed by his own perceived failings as a husband and father the first time around. He’d spent many years building up the walls that surrounded his heart, and they’d been damn near impenetrable by the time she’d come around. But solely by surely, he’d let her in, starting with the physical. And she’d patiently and methodically chipped away at those walls with little to no resistance on his part. Perhaps he’d been ready to let someone in. Relieved to have met someone that was willing to give him a chance. Someone that wasn’t afraid to show him just how much they wanted him. And maybe it was because she’d been just as damaged as he was, and helping heal her would in turn grant him the absolution he’d been searching for since the death of his son.

  Carefully slipping out of bed, she pads over to the window that overlooks the driveway and peels back the curtain, peering out into the night.  It was something she repeated several times a night when he was away; all three of the older kids tucked into bed with her, paranoia revolving around revenge seeking villains running on high. She would be on constant vigil, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop. Pacing the bedroom and constantly peeking out from behind the curtains to see if anything or anyone lingered in the shadows. Tonight, it is still, not even the slightest of breeze in the tree tops or the rustling of wild animals through the tall grass and shrubs. All of the vehicles are in the driveway, but the light to the garage is on; bright rays just managing to squeeze through the bottoms of the doors.

  “Stay here,” she whispers to Mac, running a hand over his soft fur. “You stay here and keep an eye on Millie, okay?”

  Yawning, he moves up the bed, curling into a tight ball and pressing himself against the little girl’s back and resting his chin on her hip.

  “Oh Mille…honey child…” she sighs as she leans over the bed, gently plucking the thumb out of her daughter’s mouth, then smoothing her hair away from her forehead and pressing a kiss to her brow. Her daughter stirs: only long enough to mumble something in her sleep and nestle her cheek further into her father’s pillow.

  Grabbing one of her husband’s hoodies from the back of the bedroom door, she slips it on and zips it half way as she steps out into the darkened hallway, pausing at the nursey door to see if she hears any noise coming from inside before heading down the stairs, floor boards creaking under her bare feet. And she stops in the living room just long enough to check on everyone; covering the twins with the unzipped sleeping back they share, tucking an old comforter around Chloe’s sleeping form and laying the throw from the back of the couch over Ovi.

  He’s awake immediately.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” she assures him, and pulls the throw up to his chin. “It gets cold in here at night and you didn’t have a blanket on. You’re going to catch a chill. Go back to sleep.”

  “Is everything okay? Is Tyler…?”

  “He’s still here. He can’t sleep. He’s out in the garage doing God knows what. He doesn’t leave until tomorrow night. Well, tonight now. Quarter to ten. Did he talk to you?”

  “A little. He seemed in a bad mood. I didn’t want to ask too many questions. He wants me stay right in the house. Not in the basement. To keep an eye on everyone.”

  “You don’t have to. We’ll be fine. It’s not like the basement is miles away.”

  “I’d rather be close by though. I’d feel better if I was closer. It makes me feel better. Just in case. If that’s okay with you.”

  “It’s perfectly okay,” she says, and takes his face in her hands and presses a kiss to his forehead.  “Now go back to sleep. He’ll be in a better mood in the morning and you can talk to him then. Okay?”

  He nods and stretches out once again, drawing the throw tighter around his body and nuzzling his face into the cushion. “Esme?” he calls to her, just as she reaches the front door, and she pops her head back round the corner.

  “Thank you,” he says. “For doing mom things for me. Like you just did. I really like it.”

  She smiles. “Good night, Ovi. Get some sleep.”

  “I love you,” he says, and tears immediately well in her eyes as her smile broadens.

  “I love you too.”

  ******

 He sees her out of the corner of his eyes; lingering in the doorway in one of his hoodies and who knows what else underneath. If anything. The sweater is absurdly large on her; extremely baggy, falling well below her knees, the sleeves rolled up several times. Her hair messy, eyes tired and no make up gracing her youthful features.

 Yet he’s never seen anything…or anyone…more beautiful in his entire life.

  “You should be asleep,” he says, and continues with the task at end; two large wooden tables end to end, one dedicated to dismantling and cleaning weapons, the other for not only keeping the parts separate and organized, but for the rebuilding as well. Two large and heavy gun and ammo crates sit close by; open and waiting. One Nik and Yaz had brought with one, the other was his own personal stockpile that was kept in the garage under lock and key and hiding away from curious eyes and hands.

  “I was going to say the same thing to you. It’s one thirty. What are you doing?”

  ‘Things that need to get done before tonight. There’s lots to do.”

  “There always is,” she says, as she journeys towards him, eyeing the collection of various weapons on the table and those still in the crates. “These aren’t all going with you, obviously.”

  “Have to figure out which ones will be the best to bring along. IRA is some heavy-duty shit.  They’re heavily armed. I don’t want to underestimate them.”

  She nods, then picks up the tactical vest that sits in the crate belonging to him. Holding it in one hand as her fingertips explore the heavy and coarse olive green fabric; travelling over loose threads, slices made from blades, dents, holes and pulls made from bullet fragments, shrapnel from explosives, various sharp and possibly deadly debris. Blood staining the cloth in several different places. Not nearly as bad as the mess the one he’d worn in Dhaka had been; the blood so heavy it had soaked right through and could be wrung out like a sopping wet washcloth. With its seemingly endless bullet holes and pieces of glass and other debris lodged into it. She can remember when the surgeon had brought it out to her in the hospital in Mumbai, a sheepish expression on her face when he asked her if she wanted to keep it.

  Logic had said no. To just burn the goddamn thing. But she’d numbly taken it from him and sat there in the waiting room with in on her lap, Tyler’s blood soaking through her clothes, the smell pungent and nauseating. And she remembers how she’d taken it into the bathroom and sobbed as she attempted to clean it in one of the sinks. Scrubbing until she was exhausted, and her hands were raw and bleeding and she’d cried herself dry.

  She hasn’t thought about it in almost six years. Those horrible moments afterwards. In a hospital where English was the second language and she felt lost and alone. Her shocked and traumatized brain shutting down and her body moving on auto pilot. Not fully comprehending what any of the surgeons or specialists were saying to her. Percentages on coding on the table, percentages on making it through the night, percentages on making it a week. Numbers and more numbers. Chances of brain damage because of such profound blood loss. Every scenario more dire than the next. Words that she wouldn’t even recall until days later and the fog finally lifted.

  “What do you know about them?” he asks. “You always know about these kinds of things.” There’s pride in his voice as he says it, and his smile is soft and reassuring despite the storm that’s brewing in his eyes.

  “You’ll want flash bangs, concussion grenades and the standard one for sure. Several of each. I’d lean towards taking more of the concussion ones than flash bangs. They get the job done and cause a bit more damage,” she moves towards the table. “Three rifles. One with night vision. All fully automatic. Bump stocks. Heavy duty scopes for night and day. At least several magazines for each. You’ll be able to get more there. They’re easily available on the black market. Especially in Belfast. You don’t even have to be quiet about wanting these things there. Someone is more than willing to cough them up at a good price. And you’ll want the standard shit like two handguns, a couple of knives.”

  She picks up one of the rifles, a fully automatic with laser sensory and high definition scope. The exact same make and model that he’d carried and used when taking Ovi to the extraction point. She hasn’t held a gun of any type in years, but her knowledge is still there; checking to make sure the magazine is empty and there’s no ammo in the chamber before lifting it to her shoulder, peering through the scope and pulling the trigger.

  She doesn’t like what she hears. To the untrained ear, the ‘click’ would seem to just right. But she moves to the second table and begins dismantling it; all the memories and the hands-on experience instantly coming back to her. And he watches her; a smile on his lips; pride, awe, utmost respect. The way those hands move so quickly, completely stripping down the rifle and expecting each piece and cleaning each one before just as quickly snapping everything back into place.

  She tries again. This time nodding.

  “Let me guess,” she says. “It’s been lagging and pulling to the left.”

  “How’d you…”

  “There was debris lodged next to the firing pin. Eventually it would have just seized right up and you would have been well and truly fucked.”

   Tyler smirks. “Is it wrong I am totally turned on right now?”

  “Some men like their women in lingerie and heels. You like when I read Guns and Ammo and talk fully automatics and bump stocks. It is what it is.”

  She steps beside him now and they work silently and diligently side by side. Neither of them speaking despite the flurry of emotions both are feeling and the words that they both know should be brought out into the open. They haven’t done something like this in years, since the early morning hours before he drove her to the extraction point so she could meet up with G and the others and he could hook up with Ovi’s captors.

  The same silence had overcome them even then, but for entirely different reasons. Back then they’d been coming off one hell of a wild five-day ride; spending what time they didn’t devote to the job having sex. Nothing else. Just two people giving in to lust and need and carnal want. Both had been feeling other things yet neither of them had the courage to admit it. So they’d made plans instead; he’d meet her in Colorado three days after the extraction and they’d spend a week there before travelling. Getting to know each other outside of sex.

  That had been the goal. Until everything just went to shit.

  “I’m going to take the kid to the range in the afternoon,” Tyler says. “Just for a couple of hours.”

  “Why?” she asks, as she adds parts of a Glock nine-millimeter to the second table.

  “He hasn’t held a gun since he killed Gaspar.”

  “He probably hasn’t wanted to. I’m sure that traumatized the shit out of him. I mean, he was only fourteen and killed someone. That would screw anyone up.”

  “I figured now is a good as time as any for him to learn. Just in case.”

  “Well in case you haven’t noticed, I’m perfectly capable of using a gun.”

  “You’ll the kids to worry about. I’d rather you think about them than worry about having to use a gun. Ovi’s 19. He’s a man, just like you said. He can handle it. And I trust him.”

  Tyler doesn’t trust many people.  It takes a long time for him to form that kind of bond with someone. If he ever does.

  “Did you come to bed at all?” she inquires, as she takes in his tank top and athletic shorts, the thin sheen of sweat that covers his body.

  “Slept for maybe half an hour, forty-five minutes tops.  Millie woke me up kneeing me in the balls when she was climbing into our bed. So hopefully…” he grins and playfully nudges her with his elbow. “… there’s a baby in there already because I don’t know how good things are going to work now.”

  “If there’s one thing I don’t want happening, it’s finding out I’m pregnant and you’re not even around,” she says. “That’s not something I want to have to tell you over the phone or Skype or whatever. So just hurry up and get home and then we can properly concentrate on things. Deal?”

  “Deal,” he agrees, and leans in to press a kiss to her temple.  

  “Did you work out? Because you’ve got that oh so lovely gym smell going on. It’s sort of nasty yet totally sexy all at the same time.”

  “For about an hour.  Needed to sweat the booze out.”

  “I could have thought of other ways to help you do that.”

  He grins. “Not with our daughter hogging every inch of the bed and all the covers. I don’t know how she manages to do that. She’s five. How does she manage to take up that much room?”

  “Because she’s tall as all hell. All legs and torso like someone else I know.  Do you know how many times I’ve gotten up to go the bathroom and I come back and you’ve stretched out and taken up the entire bed? You leave me like this much…” she holds her hands a foot apart.

  “Just lie on top of me.”

  “Oh, you’d like that. That’s just an open invitation. We both know that if I did that, no sleeping would ever occur.”

  “But it would be no sleep for a good reason,” he points out, then loops a piece of hair behind her ear and once more pressing a kiss to her temple. “A very good reason. A very fun reason.”

  “There won’t any fun happening if your daughter doesn’t go back to sleeping in her own bed,” Esme points out, and then side steps to the second table and begins the process of putting cleaned weapons back together.  “And this sucking her

thumb business. She does this every time you’ve gone away for a while. She just reverts right back to these things.”

  “She’ll be fine. She always is. She’s tough. Like her mom.”

  “It’s getting harder on her, Tyler. She’s getting older and she’s starting to notice things and ask a lot of questions.  She’s not a baby anymore.”

  “She’ll always be my baby. Always.”  

  There are no if’s, end’s, or but’s about it. This is his first child after Austin. A rainbow baby, or so he’d been told. Before Esme, he’d never even considered the possibility of having another kid. That meant having to settle down, or at the very least find someone he could tolerate well enough to co-parent. And he’d been such a mess that adding another human being to the world would have been the worst mistake he’d ever made. Who needed a father that was THAT fucked up?

  Millie was the start of a new life. A second chance. A perfect, beautiful little being that had been conceived during the craziest and most unsettling of times.

  “She’s curious and she’s crazy smart and knows when things aren’t right,” Esme continues. “She has your instincts. She just knows when there’s something wrong. You can’t keep hiding it from her forever. The whole truth.”

  “She’s only five,” he reminds her.

  “Five going on fifteen some days. I’m serious, Tyler. You need to tell her.  I don’t know how you’re going to do it or when, but the truth…the whole truth…needs to come from you. Don’t you think it would be better that way? To hear it right from you? She idolizes you. She takes everything you say as gospel.”

  “I’ll tell her. When she’s older.”

  “So on her wedding day when you’re getting ready to walk down the aisle?”

  He frowns. “Don’t be a smart ass.”

  “And this time you’re telling the kids that you’re leaving. I’m not doing your dirty work. You always take off in the middle of the night and then I’m the one that has to explain things when they wake up and you’re gone. So you figure out a way to tell them. I’m tired of being the bad person.”

  “It’s just easier if we do it that way. If I leave you to explain it.”

  “Easier for who? You? Because it tears my heart out of my goddamn chest. Because I’m the one that has to put up with their meltdowns and listen to them cry for hours. So I’m not doing it. Not this time, Tyler.  You made the decision to go and now you can be the one that breaks the bad news. Pull up your big boy pants and get it done.”

  “Will you pull down my big boy pants before or after that?” he teases, grabbing a hold of her wrist when she attempts to punch him in the gut ad pulling her into him. An arm wrapped tightly around her waist, a hand on the back of her head as he holds her to him.

  “Sometimes you really test my patience,” she mumbles into his chest, her arms wrapping around his torso. “But I’d still miss you if you weren’t here anymore. Promise me you’re coming back. Promise me that you’ll be walking back through the front door. Because if you...”

  “I promise you. Nothing…no one…is going to stop me from coming home. Everything’s going to be okay. In and out. A week tops.”

  It’s wishful thinking. He knows it. But he has to hold onto some kind hope that things aren’t going to go nearly as bad as he’s anticipating.

  “And I’m fine with it, you know,” her hands up and down his back. “If you really want to take this job that Nik is offering you. To run things. If she’s telling the truth that you’ll be home more, it would be stupid not to take it.”

  “The money is good. Damn good. More money in a week than I’d see in two months doing anything else.”

  “Nik’s right, you know. You are the perfect person to pull this off. You’ve been doing the job for years. You have the experience. And the reputation.”

  “That’s not always a good thing.”

  “People respect you. And they fear you. You’re the best person for this, Tyler. And you know it. So if you want to do it...”

  “Let’s give it until I get back,” he suggests. “In case things really go to shit and I just want out once and for all.”

  “But right now, you want to do it.”

  “Yeah…” he runs a hand over her hair and down her back. “…I do. I think it’s best for us. For our family. It’ll be more stable. Less surprises. Less being on the move. Although maybe you really like when I’m gone so much because I’m not here trying your patience or driving you insane.”

  “I’ll take you driving me insane and testing my patience over the alternative any day,” she says, and tilts her head back to look at him. She hates this; those hours before he leaves when her emotions are already so raw and fragile. Where the ache of loneliness and worry has already started to settle in and the tears come effortlessly and easily.

  There is just not enough time. There never is.

  “Don’t…” he pleads, pushing his fingers through her hair, hands settling on her shoulders, thumbs run along her chin. “…this is hard enough…don’t do this…”

     Leaving is always hard, despite the strong and stoic front that he always presents in the hours and the minutes leading up to his departure.  Knowing how badly they’ll miss him and how much they actually do need him there. And he’s torn every time; between just saying ‘fuck it’ and walking away from the job for good, and knowing just how much the money would mean to all of them. But he is never okay with leaving. It tears him apart inside in ways that she could possibly never begin to understand.

  “I’d never leave you unless I had to,” he says. The same words he’d used years in Dhaka, when he’d had to force her to leave with Ovi and Saju.  “You know that.”

  “Do you ever just wished you’d walked away?” she asks, lower lip quivering, tears brimming. “That you’d just said no and pushed me away that day in the motel?”

  “Once or twice. When I think I’m an epic fuck up as a husband and a father. When I think about all the bullshit I’ve put you through. Why? Do you?”

  “Sometimes. When the pain and the worry is just too much to bear and it feels like I can’t breathe. And it’s not because I don’t love you. Because I do. I love you so much that it physically hurts sometimes. But then I think maybe it’s because I love you too much. Do you think that’s possible? To love someone too much?”

  “Maybe,” he admits.  He’s often thought about it himself; at one point is the agony just too much to bear? When you can’t stand the thought of being away from them. When all of your thoughts are consumed with worry and fear and you can barely concentrate on anything else.  “But I’m glad it happened. Dhaka. Maybe not the ending. I could have done without the ending. It would have been a lot better to just come here to Colorado and take things from there.”

  “Definitely a lot better,” she agrees, fingertips trailing along the neckline of his tank top.  “I could have done without you nearly dying in my arms, that’s for sure. And it would have been really nice to end up in Turks and Caicos or the Dominican Republic or a place like that. Instead of spending all that time watching over you in a hospital.”

  “Hey, you think you had it bad. I was the one stuck in the hospital bed pissing into a tube. But think of it this way…” he hooks a finger under her chin and tilts her face up towards him. “…if none of that happened, if the things in Dhaka never happened, then none of this would have either. We wouldn’t have Millie. Or the boys. We might not even have each other. So I think in a way it was all worth it. All the pain and all the time in the hospital and all the rehab and all that other bullshit. It was all worth it to get where we are now.”

  She sniffles, tears threatening. “When did you become the thoughtful and introspective one? Aren’t you supposed to be the quiet and brooding one that just kicks and takes names?”

  “Like you said…” he grins and pecks her lips. “…I’m a lover and a fighter.”

  “Well in that case…” her hands slide down her chest, fingers fidgeting with the bottom of his tank before slipping underneath. “…can you guess which one of those I’d really like to come out and play right now?”

  “Please tell me it’s not fighter because I don’t think I have that much energy left in me.”

  “The other takes just as much energy. If not more.”

  “Yeah, but it’s fun. Fighting, not much.”

  “Not even the making up?”

  “Maybe at the time. But afterwards? Afterwards I feel like complete and utter shit. Because this…” he runs a finger over the bruises that mar her throat. “��and those…” he nods down at her forearm. “…that shit should never…ever…happen.”

  “It’s not like it wasn’t consensual,” she points out. “We were both into it. And you would have stopped if I told you to.”

  “Still makes me feel like an asshole. An abusive asshole at that. So please, don’t ever get me that riled up again. Because that’s twice now and I fucking hate myself for both of them. Can we agree on that? That we don’t let things get that out of control again? Because that was fucked.”

  Rough sex is one thing. He’s all for that. But that kind of rough sex?  He’s more than capable of flipping that switch and giving her exactly what she wants and needs. But what had led up to it? The shit that had been said and the accusations that had been tossed out and the fact he been thisclose to actually inflicting serious physical injuries on her? Well that’s a side of himself he never wants to visit again.

  “It was a little...intense…” she admits. “I didn’t mean the things I said. Especially about the kids. When I said you were using them as a replacement for Austin. I didn’t mean that. Because I know you’re not. That you’d never do something like that. It was a shitty, horrible thing for me to say and I’m sorry. I won’t even use being drunk as an excuse. I was just being a huge bitch.”

  “Isn’t that like your second name?” he teases, his hands sliding across her shoulders and down her arms before settling on her hips. “I’m pretty sure I saw that as your middle name our marriage licence.”

  “And this…” she smirks. “…this is a prime example of when you test my patience. I’m trying to be serious here and you…”

  He silences her with a kiss, then slides his hands around to the small of her back, resting just above her ass. “I’m sorry too. For the things I said. I was drunk and being a total dick. I shouldn’t have brought your ex up like that. And I shouldn’t have gotten so pissed off when you said what you did about Nik. But that’s a fucking sore spot and you know it. That’s the first thing you bring up and excuse me of every time we fight. You honestly don’t think I’d do something like that do you? Cheat on you?”

  “I want to believe you wouldn’t. But I see the way she looks at you. She doesn’t exactly hide it.”

  “What does it matter? I love you. I’m married to you. And I’ve never do that do you. Not with Nik. Not with anyone. And besides,” his palms slide down to her ass. “Where the hell would I find the time and the energy to have an affair? I’ve got four kids at home. And a wife that won’t keep her hands off of me.”

  “Excuse you, but I’m not the ones with my hands on your ass right now. So I think it’s the other way around.”

  “Can you blame me? It’s an amazing ass.”

  “I think you might be a bit biased,” she teases, and applies just a tad of pressure as she scrapes her fingernails down his chest and onto his abs, then sliding lower to toy with the drawstring on his shorts. Twirling them around one of her fingers before scraping her nail through the wiry patch of hair on his lower stomach before following its path.

  “Maybe just a bit,” he admits, and digs his fingers into the soft flesh of her ass. “Doesn’t make it any less true though. It’s all mine though. No one else’s.”

  “Does that mean this…” she gropes his growing erection through his shorts. “…is all mine?”

  “It has been for almost six years.”

  She grins. “Very good answer, Tyler.”

  “In that case,” one of his hands passes over her hip and slips under the hoodie and in between her thighs. “This is mine, then?”

  There is a mischievous glitter to her eyes. “Have you ever…for one second…doubted that?”

  Not once in nearly six years. Since they’d given in to the desperation and the need and the lust in that Dhaka hotel room. And he slides his hand through the hole in one of the legs of her shorts, fingertips brushing against her mound, finding those lips already moist and hot.

   It’s always been so easy to illicit that kind of reaction from her. He’d learned that right off the hop when they’d first started hooking up. All he had to do was look at her a certain way, or find those little sensitive spots that drove her wild when kissed or licked or nibbled, or even indulge in a little dirty talk in his deep, accented voice. And when all three were put together, she was more than ready and willing to go. Even then it had been his secret weapon. Always knowing what he had to resort to get exactly what he wanted out of her.  Always having the upper hand.

  Always.

  He presses two fingers inside of her, and she issues a long, content sigh and drops her head onto his chest.  Her own hard working him as he fingers her at slow, steady pace. Her breathing growing rapid and ragged, breath warm against his chest. And he shudders when he feels her thumb pass over the head of the cock, spreading precum in its wake. “Tell me…” his voice rumbles in his chest, as he presses his palm flat against her pussy, forcing his fingers are far as they can go. “…tell me who this belongs to.”

  “You,” her voice is muffled against his chest.

  “I can’t hear you. Tell me. I want to hear you say it. Tell me who this belongs to. Who you belong to,” with his free hand, he grabs a hold of her hair and pulls her head up and back. “Tell me.”

  “You,” she says, as her hand continues to jerk him off. Those slender fingers so nimble and so fucking perfect. “It belongs to you, Tyler. I belong to you.”

  “Good girl,” he praises, his hand tightening in her hair, yanking her head back further, mouth zeroing in on the tender, pale flesh. Licking, nibbling, suckling, his beard scratching and burning the tender skin. Marking her more than once as his fingers continue to work her into a frenzy and her hand never once stutters or halters.  

  The hair on his face is rough and coarse as his lips move along her jaw to her mouth; lips and tongue demanding and hungry against her own. The kiss is savage and relentless, robbing both of them of breath yet neither of them willing to break away.

He brings his free hand to rest over top of her own, halting its movement. “Stop,” he orders. “You’ll make me cum.”

  “That’s the whole point.”

  “Not like that. I don’t want to cum in your mouth. I want to cum inside of you. We’re trying to make a baby here, remember?”

  He kisses her once again; both of her hands now working together to yank and pull at his tank top. His heavier and stronger body pushing her across the garage, mouths only breaking contact when he removes his pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it to the side. Eyes momentarily closing and a moan escaping his lips when she drags her teeth along his chest and bathes his nipples with her tongue.

  She falls backwards as the back of her legs hit the edge of the old couch in the corner, her fingers working on the drawstring of his shorts as his hands quickly remove all of her clothes, allowing them to drop into a pile on the floor. Placing a hand on the side on the side of her face, he kisses her again as her hands push his shorts over his hips and ass. Anxious to feel that hard, strong body against hers.

  “Get on top,” he instructs, hands on her hips to guide her as he sits down. “I want to watch you. I want to watch you as you ride me.”

A gasp leaves her mouth as she slides down onto his, hands on his shoulders for stability, loving the feeling as he stretches and fills her in a way no other man has ever done before. His head falling forward to lick and suckle at her breasts as she begins to move; slow at first, repeatedly pulling herself up and off, and then taking him all the way to the hilt. One of her hands on his shoulder, the other in his hair, fingers tightly gripping the longer locks. Giving a pout and a mewl of disappoint as he abandons the delicious, agonizing torture of her breasts.

  “Open your eyes,” he says. “Open your eyes and look at me.”

  She finds it almost impossible to do. Even after five year she finds this example of intimacy too much to bear; raw and unapologetically vulnerable. When he’s buried deep inside of her and his eyes are dark and intense and never waver from her face.

  “Feel good?” his voice is low, a deep rumble within his chest, and his fingers bite into her hips as he encourages her to move faster. Harder.

  She nods, then issues a small cry when he presses his thumb against her clit. Eyes closing, head falling forward.

  “I said look at me,” he pulls her head back by the hair once again. “Keep looking at me.”

  She does as she’s told, mesmerized by how beautiful and vulnerable he looks in this moment. As he temporarily hands her some of the control. His throat tightening; vein bulging and pulsating on the left-hand side. Breath coming out in ragged gasps. Eyes dark and intense.

  “I want you to look at me when you come,” he says, and adds another finger to the mix. Stroking, plucking, and pinching at the sensitive, hard nub. Until he feels the beginning of her orgasm take hold. The muscles in her calves and thighs tightening, her fingernails digging into his shoulder and scalp. The initial fluttering of those internal muscles. His finger and thumb continuing their ministrations as his hand encourages her to continue riding him.

  “You are so beautiful,” he praises. “You are so beautiful, and you feel so good and I love you so much.”  And he grunts as she begins to move even faster, desperate to find her release. Increasing the pressure of his thumb and finger, rubbing at her clit until she’s crying out his name. Her eyes never once closing or leaving his own.

  “Good girl,” he breathes, as he grasps both hips now, continuing to thrust through those impossibly tight -almost painful- contractions. Until he’s coming as well, her name tumbling from his lips, eyes closing and his head falling back against the couch cushion. Filling her with hot, thick semen. Cock sputtering, balls contracting, until his legs begin to cramp, and he feels light-headed.

  She collapses against him. Both arms circling his neck, head on his shoulder.

  “I love you,” he says yet again, and tightly wraps both arms around her.

  Never wanting to let her go.

[comeondowntosouthparkrpg-blog]

Allison Mertz

Is she still wearing glitter all over her face?

Allison has been accepted! Send in your blog ASAP.

out of character info

Name/Alias: sam(ael) Pronouns: she/ he / they / them Age: 20 Join Our Discord: hella ( exhausted n queer#8766 ) Timezone: est Activity: 5 bc work n stuff Triggers: n / a Password: jimmy can fast pass my ass Character that you’re applying for: “Kinder Vamp” Allison Mertz Favourite ships for your character: Allison / chemistry

in character info

Full name: Allison Verona Mertz Birthday: December 19th Sexuality, gender, pronouns: Heterosexual – questioning, cis female, she / her Age and grade: 15, freshman Faceclaim: Meghann Preddy / @sugoimeg on instagram

Appearance:

Head / face: Allison’s face just exudes innocence. She has big, honey colored – often concealed by colored contacts – doe eyes framed with thick black lashes and sharp eyebrows above. Her features are delicate and feminine – she has a button nose, full lips, rosy cheeks, and a heart shaped face. Her pale skin has few imperfections, she doesn’t have much acne, but she does have moles and freckles scattered about – however, they’re pretty light, making them barely noticeable if you’re not standing close to her. When she smiles, she has soft dimples and pearly teeth with caps over her canines to make them look like they’re longer and sharper. Her hair is naturally black – however, over the years, her purple highlights have started to cover more of her thick locks. The purple fades often – sometimes looking pink-ish, but she tries her best to keep up on dying her hair. She has a deviated septum – this makes it so she can hardly ever smell and breathing through her nose is a struggle.

Body: Allison didn’t grow much since her younger years, topping off at only five feet tall. She’s stayed relatively thin over the years, and if you look at her torso, you can faintly see her bones.   She is actually very anemic – she gets dizzy a lot ( sometimes she even faints ) and craves medium rare steak. Her porcelain skin gets cuts and bruises quite easily, so it’s not unusual for you to see a few cuts or bruises on her at any given time. She has a pear-shaped figure, meaning that her hips are wider than her waist and shoulders.She has a lot of moles and freckles on her body, most of them are pretty light, but there are still a few dark ones. On her ankle, she has a dark birthmark that looks like a big bite mark.

Style: Allison is very into dark and muted colors, so it’s safe to say that her wardrobe isn’t that bright or colorful. On a normal day, you can see her in a pair of dark jeans, combat boots, a simple dark shirt, and a cardigan or jacket / hoodie of some sort. She doesn’t like wearing skirts or dresses much, because she strongly dislikes showing off her legs, as she often gets random bruises from going about, and isn’t comfortable showing them off. In the warmer months, showing off her midriff isn’t an issue for her. She has prescription glasses, but hardly ever wears them in public. In style terms, she can be described as edgy, in a classic way, but still comfortable, and more than willing to accessorize. Allison is the type of person to hang chains from her belt loops, and decorate her book bag with pins.

Personality:

Allison is generally a sweet and bubbly girl – but, that’s not to say she can’t be a bitch at times, particularly when provoked. She’s very opinionated, so sometimes her words don’t always come out the way she wants them to. What I mean is that she’s kind of a passive aggressive brat – unless she likes you, then of course she’ll tell you exactly what she thinks, in a assertive, rather than undertone based way. When it comes to emotions, she doesn’t really know what to do about them. She tends to isolates herself until they go away – or if she’s around people she trusts, she’ll try and distract herself with them or ask them for advice. Most of the time, she tries her best to conceal her feelings and show everyone her best self.

She’s a very intelligent kid – it’s more book smarts than street smarts – and she earns mostly a’s and b’s. Despite that, she isn’t the fastest learner, her best work takes the practice from revision. Taking the extra time to study so she can keep up with other students, she has an intense phobia of failure. Even though the young girl knows she’s pretty smart, she’s very insecure about her knowledge. She will often beat herself up over getting things wrong as she hates messing up. Her smarts are more rooted in her hardworking and studious habits, something she tries her best to work towards, and gets upset when she fails at.

Like most girls her age, Allison strives to be liked and validated by her peers and even of her elders ( aka the older kids ). She does her best to be nice to mostly everyone – offering her friendship to those who she feels are worthy, or who she thinks is just plain interesting. For instance, she still doesn’t smoke cigarettes, but due to seeking validation and sequentially falling into the trap of peer pressure, she started smoking weed. Flora was the root provider, and instigator of this. Which in turn, helps with her chronic migraines.

History:

One freezing December night, young Olive Mertz went into labor, her husband Xavier by her side at all times. The birth didn’t go as planned, halfway through, the baby girl got stuck. The doctors had no choice other than to transition into an emergency caesarean section ( c-section ). Thankfully, there weren’t any other complications, and the birth went well. Olive and Xavier decided to name their new baby girl Allison Verona Mertz.

Allison was a pretty abnormal baby. She was quiet most of the time – hardly ever waking her parents up out of their sleep – and was very calm. She never got along well with most other children, so Olive didn’t take her out much, trying her best not to upset her little angel. Since she was an only child, she got almost all of her mother and father’s attention – and they were guilty of spoiling her with gifts and almost anything she wanted. When she hit the age of four, her parent’s marriage started to fall apart bit by bit.

Of course, Allison was young and didn’t really understand what was happening between her parents – but she knew that it wasn’t good. Olive and Xavier got into arguments almost daily. The quarrels were rarely about anything in particular that would cause problems – such as neglect or affairs – no, it was mostly little things that the two found annoying about each other. Maybe one day, Olive would hear the smack of Xavier’s lips as he ate, and she’d put up with it for mere seconds before bursting out in anger. Allison would often go to her room and occupy herself with drawing or writing – trying her best to not pay attention to the screaming adults downstairs.

Around a year after the arguments started, she started school. Allison felt out of place in Kindergarten, but quickly found a group of people that were willing to take her in; The South Park Vampire Society. The group comforted her during hard times and made her feel at home. They were like her second family. She loved them with every fiber of her being. She dealt with the disgusting taste of clamato juice just to feel like she was a part of something. The vampires were her happy place – they felt like home.

Five years of the constant arguments had passed before the two got divorced. Once Allison understood what they were going through, she was actually happy that they’d gotten away from each other. Not long after the split, Olive and Xavier had started a custody battle over Allison. She bounced between her parents houses, which exhausted her mentally. In order to ease her mind from all of this, she began taking piano lessons and writing poetry.

Two years after the custody battle started, it had ended. Olive and Xavier settled for joint custody – meaning that Allison would be spending the weekdays with Olive and she’d spend the weekends with Xavier. When Allison’s twelfth birthday came along, Olive decided to get her a pet – at first, Allison requested getting a bat, but her mother wasn’t too keen on that – instead she got a Brewer’s Blackbird.

Now, she’s fifteen and much happier than she used to be, from utilizing healthy coping mechanisms, and healthier habits, her stress levels have lowered and she’s pleased with her living situation. She’s kind of a ( not-so-secret ) weeb, from using anime as an escape from her problems, like when she’s too drained to play piano or write poetry.

Sample paragraph:

It was the end of the day and many students were rushing the leave the school, but Allison stayed behind. Today, she was going to try something new – something that scared her out of her wits. She was going to share her poetry. She’d contacted the leader of the poetry club earlier in the week, she was told to come by to check out the club before she officially decided to join – and she was doing just that.

Allison took a seat beside the one person she was familiar with there – Bloodrayne, or rather, Katie Gelson. The club leader stood before the rest of the members and began to speak. “Today, instead of working on something new, we’ll share something we’ve already written. Each member will stand where I am, and read their poetry. I’ll go first.” They said with a gentle smile. One by one, each member read a piece of their poetry, and then it was Allison’s turn.

“Allison, come on up.” The leader spoke. She obeyed and went before the rest of the members with a piece of paper in her shaky hands. She examined the faces of the members who were waiting for her to read the words on the paper. Her eyes landed on Katie, who just gave a nod and a barely noticeable smile. She nodded to herself and began,

“Somewhere, tucked away in the vastness of it all, hidden between the horizon and the sea, there exists a world where you are loving ‘the one who got away’, where the words you never allowed yourself to say flow freely between your teeth. There exists a realm where everything you’ve done, you’ve done differently. It’s where you chose happiness. Maybe you’re much more joyful there – but that’s not the point. Maybe, just maybe, despite the regret, despite everything, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Right here, right now.”

The members shared a quiet applause. Allison felt like she was going to burst out in tears, but she didn’t. She just smiled sweetly and went back to her seat, taking deep breaths to calm her nerves.

Maybe this is where she was supposed to be.

Headcanons:

♡  She still doesn’t drink coffee; she usually goes for tea or hot cocoa.

♡  She loves the vampires dearly – and still goes to meetings and stays active in the vampire society.

♡  She has a lisp, even without her fangs in. She actually considered getting her teeth permanently sharpened to look like a vampires, but she decided against it because it was way too expensive.

♡  She also still writes poetry and plays piano at school. In fact, she really likes classic literature and poetry, she’s in the photography club and the poetry club.

♡  She has a pet Brewer’s Blackbird named Echo. Originally, she wanted a bat, but her mother is was very against it ( as mentioned in history ) – so she got a blackbird. Echo is now three years old. She’s also very protective of Echo, and doesn’t usually resort to violence, but if you hurt her birdie, she’ll probably try to stab you.

♡  She loves cop dramas and true crime shows, she really enjoys the mystery behind them, and the suspense leading up to the grand reveal.

♡  Her dream job is to own a funeral home and be the head mortician.

♡  She used to have one of the biggest crushes on Dougie O’Connell – the feelings have mostly dissolved.

♡  Her aforementioned chronic headaches have lead to having to take time off of school, and will often impair her vision.

Anything else: i hope i meet the requirements this time!! thank you for the second chance and putting up with my shit!! ♡♡

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Sleeping at last (E.D.)

Summary: Ethan learns the hard way that not every story has a happy ending.

A/N: Ethan is older in this one.

Warnings: angst, sad, maybe one swear word

Word count: 2750

Sleeping At Last - Saturn (the song that inspired me to write this one)

The first time I ever saw her was on a rainy Monday at exactly 3 pm. After spending the past 8 hours in surgery I finally got a little lunch break and I was waiting for Grayson because he wanted to talk to me about how to propose to his girlfriend and since I was on call, this lunch break was the only time I had to give him. He was running late and I got annoyed, deciding to get something from the vending machine in the lobby because it was the only one that had gummy worms.

I remember thinking about waiting for him in the lobby since I was already there and I’m really glad I did because that’s when faith stepped in.

Instead of Grayson, she walked in and I swear my heart skipped a beat. She was one of those people that emit a certain type of aura that just draws you in.

I was standing there with my mouth open, eyes following her slowly disappearing figure, but I couldn’t move. I stared at the stairs thinking I should probably follow her, introduce myself, get her number…something! Anything! But my feet were glued to the ground.

I missed my chance.

The second time I saw her was only two days later, on a Wednesday morning at 8:15 am. I was standing a bit closer to her thinking maybe I could just accidentally run into her, apologize and use it as an opportunity to introduce myself. It didn’t happen because I got paged and by the time I looked up, she was gone.

Every break I had during that week was spent in the lobby, just hoping I’d see her again.

It didn’t happen...at least not while I was awake.

I dreamed of her every night since Monday but her face was blurry and it frustrated me. Sure, I never saw her up close, however I could easily tell how beautiful she is.

I saw her again next week. This time I just chickened out and didn’t approach her.

Why was she here so often? Did she work in the hospital? Was she visiting someone? If she was, was it her boyfriend?

The thought of her with someone made me depressed and I was losing hope I’d ever get to speak to her.

I watched her come and go like that for three weeks. Then all of a sudden, she stopped showing up. She was just gone. She wasn’t there the fourth week...nor the fifth...and by the sixth I realized she wasn’t returning.

Why did it hurt so much? I never even met her…Why did I miss someone I’ve never met?

I just got off a 48 hour shift but I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Plagued by the thought of her I decided to visit my favorite cafe right by the beach.

The sun was just coming up, even when I was drowning in my own frustrations and hardship, the sky remained beautiful. Sunlight filled the sky, pure scattered light illuminating each crevice of the land and in the distance I could hear seagulls waking up as well.

I love this time of the day. The town is just waking up, there aren’t as many people walking around. It was perfect for lonely dreamers like me.

Just when I thought I was never going to feel happiness again I saw her again.

She was sitting at the cafe with a milkshake in her hand. She was facing the sun, eyes closed with a gentle smile on her lips, letting the soft amber glow of the sunrise caress her beautiful face

With breath paused in my lungs, I wished time would halt.

She opened her (Y/E/C) eyes and noticed me staring immediately. She blinked and the beauty of her eyes was momentarily covered by the shield of her eyelashes; naturally long and soft looking without a trace of make up.

I walk right up to her and sit at the table in the chair across from her. I wasn’t afraid of approaching her anymore. I was a lot more afraid of never seeing her again. This girl felt like a dash of spring in my dark days and I needed to know her.

At any cost.

She didn’t react when she saw me take a seat but I could tell she was curious.

“Hi.” I manage to say. I hide my shaking hands under the table. I don’t want her to know how nervous I truly am.

“Hi” she responds, that beautiful smile graces her lips once more.

“I know this is weird, me just walking up to you at 6 am on this beautiful sunny day, but I had to meet you.” I blurt out.

Shit, she’s probably going to think I’m a crazy stalker now.

Thankfully, she gives me a smile that seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me.

“That’s okay. I like weird people. Usually they’re the one with the most interesting stories to tell.” I return her smile and decide this was probably a good time to tell her my name.

“I’m Ethan.”

“Y/N.” Wow, even her name was beautiful.

We started talking and never stopped. I was so comfortable around her which never happened with other people. She was the type that made you feel like you were the only person in the world that mattered.

I was flying high, living on cloud nine.

That day was only the beginning. We’d talk all the time. I used every chance I could to see her. I was addicted. It was like she was my own personal brand of heroin and no matter how much I take, it was never nearly enough. The chemistry between us was amazing.

Whenever we got together and talked it was as if we had a language of our own. It felt as if she spoke the same language as I, yet no other was able. I didn’t feel alone anymore as  before. I always had a feeling of being isolated, in a windowless room, in a door-less room… and then suddenly she walked in as if strolling over a summer meadow. She became my sunshine, a breath of life, my medicine.

Three months later, I still didn’t make my move. I didn’t mind, mostly because I didn’t want to scare her off or overwhelm her. We were supposed to go out tonight but she called and said she wasn’t feeling well.

I might not be her boyfriend (YET) but I was her friend. I bought some chicken soup and a lemonade and headed to her place.

I knocked three times and the door swung open. I expected to see her beautiful face, but I was met with a middle-aged woman’s face instead. Just by looking at her I knew she was related to her. Probably her mother.

I tried explaining who I was to her and gave her the things I bought. I begged to see her daughter, even for a minute, but she turned me away.

I was so worried about her that night. I called and texted, but she never responded.

In the morning I got a text:

I don’t want to see you or hear from you. We’re no longer friends. Forget this number.

Where did this come from? Where did I go wrong?

I tried visiting every day for two weeks but I was sent packing each time. She never took my calls, never replied to my messages.This loneliness was a vice on my heart, squeezing with just enough pressure to be a constant pain. It killed me every day just a little bit more, taking what was once my inner light, my sun and replacing it with a darkness that overshadows each moment.

I needed an explanation! Anything!

I went to her place and her mother opened the door again. She sighed and shook her head slowly. I could tell she felt sorry for me. It was written all over her face.

“I’m sorry Ethan, she doesn’t want to see you. I think it’s time for you to move on. This isn’t healthy.” She says gently almost as if she saw just how broken I already was and didn’t want to add onto the damage.

“I can’t move on ‘till she talks to me. I need a reason! Tell her I’m not leaving until she gives me an explanation. I’m going to sit here, right at your doorstep until she comes out. If she really doesn’t want me here, I need to hear it from her.” I insisted, no longer willing to play by her rules.

I stayed true to my word. I didn’t leave. Not when the rain started. Not when I had to pee. Not when I got hungry. Not even when the darkness of the night engulfed me.

Somewhere around 3 am the door finally opened. I jumped up like an eager dog when their owner cane home.

There she was.

My beautiful Y/N.

Just by looking at her I could tell why she refused to see me. I was a doctor, I’d know something was up immediately. She was pale, her eyes sunken without their usual glow. She was skinny...too skinny. She looked fragile, like a gush of wind could cause her to crumble.

“Hi”, she says, her voice weak and hoarse.

“Hi” I respond quietly. I was still shocked to see her like that. She was a shadow of her former self.

Without a second though I take a step forward and engulf her in my arms causing her to break down. I pick her up like she was a little child and use my foot to shut the front door. Sitting on the red couch, she wrapped herself around me and cried. I cried with her the entire night till she exhausted herself and fell asleep in my arms. Soon I followed suit.

In the morning she finally opened up to me. It was excruciating, but I need to hear it.

“It’s cancer. Stage four. It started in my thyroid and spread everywhere. They can’t do much.”

She starts, her breathing shallow and fast…I knew it was a sign her lungs were affected as well.

“They diagnosed me almost 5 months ago in the same hospital you work at. I spent a few weeks doing tests only to get a terminal diagnosis. I don’t have long...the past month...it really started to take its toll on me.”

“You knew about it when we met and yet you kept it from me? ” I murmur trying not to sound too offended but probably failing completely.

“Just a moment before we met, before I opened my eyes and saw you, I wished for something good to happen to me. One last good thing. I opened my eyes and there you were.” She answers with a small smile and a twinkle in her eyes.

“I didn’t want to ruin everything by telling you. I didn’t want you to treat me any differently or pity me. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I wanted to be happy and make you happy as well.”

“I wouldn’t treat you differently”, I start but she cuts me off.

“That’s a lie and you know it Ethan. I see it in your eyes. You’re afraid to even yell at me for cutting you out of my life when you and I both know you’d be screaming at me if I was healthy!” She raises her voice a bit but it caused her to cough.

“Why did you cut me out? Do you know how much pain you’ve put me through?” I question, my hands weaving into her hair.

“We got close. Too close. I was getting worse and I’m definitely not going to get better...ever. It would hurt you a lot more to watch me wither away, bit by bit. So I let you go, but you’re too stubborn to leave.”

“Hell yeah we got close! I fell for you even before we met. I saw you at the hospital and my life hasn’t been the same since. You weren’t doing me any favors by disappearing on me! Why did you let me In last night?” I was yelling now. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s inevitable.

She just smiled and took my hand in hers. “Now you sound like a creepy stalker…just a bit.”

I shake my head. “Why did you let me in?”

“Because I’m weak and selfish. I missed you. I needed you.” She shrugs.

“Contrary to what you think, I just wanted to protect you. I’m a grenade Ethan. I’m going to blow any day now and when that happens, everything in my proximity will be annihilated. You’re the closest one to the blast zone and I had to get you out. I didn’t want you to suffer.” She says and wipes away tears that started to spill from her eyes.

“You do realize that no matter what you say or do it does not in any way, shape or form, lessen what I feel for you. I love you (Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N). I’ve loved you from the start and I’ll love you for as long as I live.” I confess.

“I’ll be with you till the end and no matter what you say or do, I’m not going to leave you. Ever.”

“I love you too Ethan Grant Dolan, so damn much.” She says and moves closer to me.

I couldn’t wait any longer so I cupped her face and connected my lips with hers in a kiss that would be our beginning and my ultimate doom.

It was four months since our first kiss. In my mind I knew she was getting progressively worse, but my heart still had so much stubborn hope.

I’ll always remember the day I lost her.

We were dancing in the kitchen. I put her feet on my own and held her in my arms because I knew she was too weak to do it herself. Her exact last words to me were: „This is perfect…You are perfect.“

I remember her laughing in spite the pain she felt, her kiss that held so much love I have never felt before. I remember her hair that smelled like lilies and I remember the moment she started to suffocate when her lungs finally gave out.

I raced her to the E.R. and they intubated her. Soon after her body gave out completely and the only thing that kept her alive were all the tubes and wires and machines. I knew her choice was never to be left on life support and she left a DNR. They turned the machines off and I held her in my arms.

I stayed true to my world. I stayed with her till the very last breath she took, until the very last beat of her heart, and the very last synapse in her brain died. I kept repeating ‘I love you’ to make sure the last thing she heard is how much love she evoked in the world she’s leaving behind.

She’s been gone for ten years now, but I’ve never felt alone.

In a way she’s still here with me. I see her in every sunrise and every sunset, in every star and every flower. I feel her in every raindrop and hear her whispers in every gust of wind.

She’s still in my dreams from time to time as well.

“Sunshine, I still love you. Till my last breath, remember?” I carefully put a white lily on her grave with a heavy heart and walk away.

Grayson is waiting by the car with his wife and the moment I got there they both hug me tightly.

I look back at her grave underneath a willow tree and smile.

She taught me how to love and showed me what it truly means to be loved. She taught me the meaning of life, gave me hope, faith and above all...happiness.

Life is an unwritten book. You get to be the star of your own story, crafting it day by day, interacting with loved ones who are the stars of their own stories too. As we all travel the pages, it is our connections that make the tale worth telling.

I made a connection with a real life angel and I’ve never had any regrets. I got to spend 9 and a half months of utter happiness with her and it was worth all the pain that came right after. I know I’ll see her again.

Till death do us apart doesn’t apply to us.

Soulmates always find their way back to each other.

[thedivinefish]

TGIWednesday and appreciation and humility in all things

TGIWednesday News

This time of year I am reminded of my NDE (near death experience) which was just before Thanksgiving.  Breathing is now something that I will never take for granted.  What are you thankful for right now?  Make a short list. Do your best to remain humble and kind regardless of what may be going on in your world or our world.  A single act of kindness goes a long way.  I have dealt with royalty and people that “live outside” and every kind of person in between.  I make every effort to treat them with appreciation and I remain steadfast and humble in all of my dealings and I hope this time of year you will remain appreciative and humble and allow all the goodness of the season to find it’s way to you. IMPT! There will NOT be a Zoom call tonight for November. It's been a busy month and we have the Thanksgiving holiday tomorrow so we wish everyone a happy and safe day!  Our next LIVE Zoom MySwitchWorks event is scheduled for Wednesday December 30th at 7:30pm Eastern - the registration link will be available in the coming weeks. 

FINAL DAY OF DISCOUNT!

MyBeliefWorks™ for Experiencing a Bountiful Harvest  has over 130 clearings on 31 minutes of audio AND I do all the fishing for you! Click this link to learn more and read sample clearings. Now only $44, tomorrow... it will be $57.

You'll ALSO receive the special BONUS Mystical Magical Prayer for Prosperity PDF/MP3 recording w/purchase! This new, exclusive and NOT SOLD SEPARATELY 4:44 Prosperity Prayer is a supercharged, turbo-charged MLF healing prayer that will serve as a deep and expansive prayer for all listeners. You can play it low in the background, read it, speak it or just listen to me several times and then have it playing on low volume in the background.  

Download the PDF today and the Audio MP3 link is IN the PDF!  The Bonus Prayer files will be emailed to you separately.

Get it all NOW for $44

"I am delighted with the Bountiful Harvest mp3. Thank you for sharing all that you do. Each recording brings a positive change in my world when I listen. Gratitude is a constant friend due to all that you have shared. Thank you for your time and effort responding to this email." - A.B.   

"So cool, Jimmy Mack. I appreciate all of you at Team JM, too! Also in the news, I FINALLY received my unemployment monies last week after some big-time glitches in their system that took a couple hours over a couple weeks to sort out, but I received the debit card last week and it was over double what I expected it to be, which really helps me out this time of year.  Yay! Happy Thanksgiving and thanks so much again for this bonus prayer.  Love that it's 4:44 in length.  Go, Angels!" - T. Diaz

TGIWednesday Download

~ APPRECIATION & HUMILITY ~ I believe, think, know and feel that I am appreciative and humble. I am ready, willing and able to perform random acts of kindness today and every day.  I know, when, where, how and why the time is right to be humble and appreciate every breath I take. I am asking in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is.

LIVE Appearances

SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS RADIO with host Charlotte Spicer WEDNESDAY, December 2nd at 2:00 pm Eastern Call in LIVE at (347) 934-0751  OR  Listen Here Online

THE MYSTICAL MATCHMAKER PODCAST with host Marla Martenson THURS. December 3rd at 12pm ET/9am PT Call in LIVE at (347)-215-6966 OR  Listen Here Online

From the Fish Box

Q&A with Jimmy Q) "Do you have to muscle test for the I am clear, unclear, etc. before listening to the healing download for it to be effective? Thanks" - Rebecca B.

A) "Everyone should make sure they are clear yes, unclear no, and running forward yes before starting anything new, meaning new car shopping, and or working on yourself.  However in this case as with all of the Audio MP3’s I do the basic clearings for you prior to starting the list in each Audio MP3.  After 2 or 3 listens relaxing or laying down, you can put the audios on low and or loop and have them playing somewhere in your home and they will still run through the word tracks and make a difference for you and your life!" - Jimmy

 Tampa Office Sessions

SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS FRIDAY DECEMBER 11th from 10-4pm  

Jimmy Mack will be offering sessions at Dr. Charla Tempone’s NEW office at Swann Holistic Health Solutions from 10am - 4pm on Friday December 11th 403 S. Habana Ave. Tampa, FL 33609 Just south of Azeele next to Skin Savvy http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com

Please call their office directly at  ☎️ (813) 873-7773 in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes $38 or 30-minutes $68. If you’re new to working with me, I suggest you schedule 30 minutes.

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS 

Friday sessions are back to being phone-only for folks that I usually see at Kodawari until further notice. You can book time with me in the shop and schedule online.   3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa ☎️ (813) 999-1874 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack NOVEMBER 25th "Today I concentrate more on inflection and tone of how people are saying things rather than their words. I will realize that deeds and actions are so much more powerful than words. I will create movement by doing instead of just talking it to death."

The Jimmy Mack Healing Show

WATCH IT LIVE  TUESDAY'S at 4pm EDT / 1pm PDT Watch and Participate (via Comments) during the Live TV Show streamed on Goldylocks Productions YouTube Channel, Facebook Page and Periscope.   NOTE: You will need to log into your YouTube (Google) or Facebook accounts to comment. If you watch the Live show from any other location other than the 3 listed below, your comments will not be seen by the Show Host or Producer. https://www.facebook.com/GoldylocksProductions https://www.pscp.tv/Goldylocks168/follow Or watch all live and replays in the archives here: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Instructions for the VIEWERS: 1.    One reading/message per person. The first question posted will be answered, so please think about your question carefully before posting it.  2.    If you want a longer and more detailed message, please book an appointment with the Show Host.  3.    Spirit does come through and gives messages that can apply to many, not just the person asking the question. 4.    It is not required nor should be expected that every question or comment will be addressed by the Show Host. 5.    If you have any issues with the show host or show format, please contact the Show Producer... not the Show Host. 6.    Contact the Show Producer, Rev. Tiffany White Sage Woman via email: goldylocksproductions@hotmail.com  

Yesterday's Replay with Special Guest Rev Debbie | Our resident trans medium communications with your loved ones in spirit. Visit her Facebook page December 1st - Joanne Psychic Leo | Numerology, Astrology, Intuitive Card Readings www.psychicjoanneleo.com December 8th -  Marla Martenson | Author, Intuitive Reader, Tarot https://marlamartenson.com December 15th - Kimberly Marooney | Angel Expert, Author, intuitive http://kimberlymarooney.com/angel-expert-kimberly-marooney December 22nd -  NO SHOW THIS WEEK  December 29th  Rev Debbie Dienstbier | Trans medium communication with your loved ones in spirit Visit her Facebook page

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Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN ABOUT CERTIFICATION HERE

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library. 

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better. Don't forget... you can share these with your immediate friends and family.  

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Bountiful Harvest COVID-19 Clearings Creative Spark Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Improving Sex Improving Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Windfall Youth & Vitality *MySwitchWorks Videos

TGIFunny

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Tweet

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Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2020 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

[divinefishingtips]

TGIWednesday and appreciation and humility in all things

TGIWednesday News

This time of year I am reminded of my NDE (near death experience) which was just before Thanksgiving.  Breathing is now something that I will never take for granted.  What are you thankful for right now?  Make a short list. Do your best to remain humble and kind regardless of what may be going on in your world or our world.  A single act of kindness goes a long way.  I have dealt with royalty and people that “live outside” and every kind of person in between.  I make every effort to treat them with appreciation and I remain steadfast and humble in all of my dealings and I hope this time of year you will remain appreciative and humble and allow all the goodness of the season to find it’s way to you. IMPT! There will NOT be a Zoom call tonight for November. It's been a busy month and we have the Thanksgiving holiday tomorrow so we wish everyone a happy and safe day!  Our next LIVE Zoom MySwitchWorks event is scheduled for Wednesday December 30th at 7:30pm Eastern - the registration link will be available in the coming weeks. 

FINAL DAY OF DISCOUNT!

MyBeliefWorks™ for Experiencing a Bountiful Harvest  has over 130 clearings on 31 minutes of audio AND I do all the fishing for you! Click this link to learn more and read sample clearings. Now only $44, tomorrow... it will be $57.

You'll ALSO receive the special BONUS Mystical Magical Prayer for Prosperity PDF/MP3 recording w/purchase! This new, exclusive and NOT SOLD SEPARATELY 4:44 Prosperity Prayer is a supercharged, turbo-charged MLF healing prayer that will serve as a deep and expansive prayer for all listeners. You can play it low in the background, read it, speak it or just listen to me several times and then have it playing on low volume in the background.  

Download the PDF today and the Audio MP3 link is IN the PDF!  The Bonus Prayer files will be emailed to you separately.

Get it all NOW for $44

"I am delighted with the Bountiful Harvest mp3. Thank you for sharing all that you do. Each recording brings a positive change in my world when I listen. Gratitude is a constant friend due to all that you have shared. Thank you for your time and effort responding to this email." - A.B.   

"So cool, Jimmy Mack. I appreciate all of you at Team JM, too! Also in the news, I FINALLY received my unemployment monies last week after some big-time glitches in their system that took a couple hours over a couple weeks to sort out, but I received the debit card last week and it was over double what I expected it to be, which really helps me out this time of year.  Yay! Happy Thanksgiving and thanks so much again for this bonus prayer.  Love that it's 4:44 in length.  Go, Angels!" - T. Diaz

TGIWednesday Download

~ APPRECIATION & HUMILITY ~ I believe, think, know and feel that I am appreciative and humble. I am ready, willing and able to perform random acts of kindness today and every day.  I know, when, where, how and why the time is right to be humble and appreciate every breath I take. I am asking in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is.

LIVE Appearances

SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS RADIO with host Charlotte Spicer WEDNESDAY, December 2nd at 2:00 pm Eastern Call in LIVE at (347) 934-0751  OR  Listen Here Online

THE MYSTICAL MATCHMAKER PODCAST with host Marla Martenson THURS. December 3rd at 12pm ET/9am PT Call in LIVE at (347)-215-6966 OR  Listen Here Online

From the Fish Box

Q&A with Jimmy Q) "Do you have to muscle test for the I am clear, unclear, etc. before listening to the healing download for it to be effective? Thanks" - Rebecca B.

A) "Everyone should make sure they are clear yes, unclear no, and running forward yes before starting anything new, meaning new car shopping, and or working on yourself.  However in this case as with all of the Audio MP3’s I do the basic clearings for you prior to starting the list in each Audio MP3.  After 2 or 3 listens relaxing or laying down, you can put the audios on low and or loop and have them playing somewhere in your home and they will still run through the word tracks and make a difference for you and your life!" - Jimmy

 Tampa Office Sessions

SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS FRIDAY DECEMBER 11th from 10-4pm  

Jimmy Mack will be offering sessions at Dr. Charla Tempone’s NEW office at Swann Holistic Health Solutions from 10am - 4pm on Friday December 11th 403 S. Habana Ave. Tampa, FL 33609 Just south of Azeele next to Skin Savvy http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com

Please call their office directly at  ☎️ (813) 873-7773 in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes $38 or 30-minutes $68. If you’re new to working with me, I suggest you schedule 30 minutes.

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS 

Friday sessions are back to being phone-only for folks that I usually see at Kodawari until further notice. You can book time with me in the shop and schedule online.   3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa ☎️ (813) 999-1874 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack NOVEMBER 25th "Today I concentrate more on inflection and tone of how people are saying things rather than their words. I will realize that deeds and actions are so much more powerful than words. I will create movement by doing instead of just talking it to death."

The Jimmy Mack Healing Show

WATCH IT LIVE  TUESDAY'S at 4pm EDT / 1pm PDT Watch and Participate (via Comments) during the Live TV Show streamed on Goldylocks Productions YouTube Channel, Facebook Page and Periscope.   NOTE: You will need to log into your YouTube (Google) or Facebook accounts to comment. If you watch the Live show from any other location other than the 3 listed below, your comments will not be seen by the Show Host or Producer. https://www.facebook.com/GoldylocksProductions https://www.pscp.tv/Goldylocks168/follow Or watch all live and replays in the archives here: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Instructions for the VIEWERS: 1.    One reading/message per person. The first question posted will be answered, so please think about your question carefully before posting it.  2.    If you want a longer and more detailed message, please book an appointment with the Show Host.  3.    Spirit does come through and gives messages that can apply to many, not just the person asking the question. 4.    It is not required nor should be expected that every question or comment will be addressed by the Show Host. 5.    If you have any issues with the show host or show format, please contact the Show Producer... not the Show Host. 6.    Contact the Show Producer, Rev. Tiffany White Sage Woman via email: goldylocksproductions@hotmail.com  

Yesterday's Replay with Special Guest Rev Debbie | Our resident trans medium communications with your loved ones in spirit. Visit her Facebook page December 1st - Joanne Psychic Leo | Numerology, Astrology, Intuitive Card Readings www.psychicjoanneleo.com December 8th -  Marla Martenson | Author, Intuitive Reader, Tarot https://marlamartenson.com December 15th - Kimberly Marooney | Angel Expert, Author, intuitive http://kimberlymarooney.com/angel-expert-kimberly-marooney December 22nd -  NO SHOW THIS WEEK  December 29th  Rev Debbie Dienstbier | Trans medium communication with your loved ones in spirit Visit her Facebook page

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

Nightly prayers include COVID-19. Each night we work on scrambling the frequency for everyone on the prayer list. Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you.  

In addition, throughout the full 30-days, Jimmy will be dialing into your energetic signature each day upon rising and make certain that you are a clear yes, unclear to no and running forward before you start your day. He is doing the heavy lifting for you around 3am NY time while most of you are asleep in order to smooth out your way and increase your most favorable life outcomes.

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively  and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

Upon written email request, for each new order we offer a one-time email analysis via the intelligent healing software that Jimmy uses on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes!

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers. *NOTE if the MDP Service was purchased via a special telesummit or radio show offer, prayers will be limited to BUYER ONLY - and will not include family members or pets.

You can run this monthly and stop at any time after the 30 days is up, you will have the opportunity to renew and update your list each month but are under no obligation. I believe you will experience magical transformations and make progress every day! 

Sign Up for 30-Days - $99

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN ABOUT CERTIFICATION HERE

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library. 

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better. Don't forget... you can share these with your immediate friends and family.  

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Bountiful Harvest COVID-19 Clearings Creative Spark Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Improving Sex Improving Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Windfall Youth & Vitality *MySwitchWorks Videos

TGIFunny

Share

Tweet

Forward

Pinterest

Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2020 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

[advancedthetapractitioner]

TGIWednesday and appreciation and humility in all things

TGIWednesday News

This time of year I am reminded of my NDE (near death experience) which was just before Thanksgiving.  Breathing is now something that I will never take for granted.  What are you thankful for right now?  Make a short list. Do your best to remain humble and kind regardless of what may be going on in your world or our world.  A single act of kindness goes a long way.  I have dealt with royalty and people that “live outside” and every kind of person in between.  I make every effort to treat them with appreciation and I remain steadfast and humble in all of my dealings and I hope this time of year you will remain appreciative and humble and allow all the goodness of the season to find it’s way to you. IMPT! There will NOT be a Zoom call tonight for November. It's been a busy month and we have the Thanksgiving holiday tomorrow so we wish everyone a happy and safe day!  Our next LIVE Zoom MySwitchWorks event is scheduled for Wednesday December 30th at 7:30pm Eastern - the registration link will be available in the coming weeks. 

FINAL DAY OF DISCOUNT!

MyBeliefWorks™ for Experiencing a Bountiful Harvest  has over 130 clearings on 31 minutes of audio AND I do all the fishing for you! Click this link to learn more and read sample clearings. Now only $44, tomorrow... it will be $57.

You'll ALSO receive the special BONUS Mystical Magical Prayer for Prosperity PDF/MP3 recording w/purchase! This new, exclusive and NOT SOLD SEPARATELY 4:44 Prosperity Prayer is a supercharged, turbo-charged MLF healing prayer that will serve as a deep and expansive prayer for all listeners. You can play it low in the background, read it, speak it or just listen to me several times and then have it playing on low volume in the background.  

Download the PDF today and the Audio MP3 link is IN the PDF!  The Bonus Prayer files will be emailed to you separately.

Get it all NOW for $44

"I am delighted with the Bountiful Harvest mp3. Thank you for sharing all that you do. Each recording brings a positive change in my world when I listen. Gratitude is a constant friend due to all that you have shared. Thank you for your time and effort responding to this email." - A.B.   

"So cool, Jimmy Mack. I appreciate all of you at Team JM, too! Also in the news, I FINALLY received my unemployment monies last week after some big-time glitches in their system that took a couple hours over a couple weeks to sort out, but I received the debit card last week and it was over double what I expected it to be, which really helps me out this time of year.  Yay! Happy Thanksgiving and thanks so much again for this bonus prayer.  Love that it's 4:44 in length.  Go, Angels!" - T. Diaz

TGIWednesday Download

~ APPRECIATION & HUMILITY ~ I believe, think, know and feel that I am appreciative and humble. I am ready, willing and able to perform random acts of kindness today and every day.  I know, when, where, how and why the time is right to be humble and appreciate every breath I take. I am asking in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is.

LIVE Appearances

SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS RADIO with host Charlotte Spicer WEDNESDAY, December 2nd at 2:00 pm Eastern Call in LIVE at (347) 934-0751  OR  Listen Here Online

THE MYSTICAL MATCHMAKER PODCAST with host Marla Martenson THURS. December 3rd at 12pm ET/9am PT Call in LIVE at (347)-215-6966 OR  Listen Here Online

From the Fish Box

Q&A with Jimmy Q) "Do you have to muscle test for the I am clear, unclear, etc. before listening to the healing download for it to be effective? Thanks" - Rebecca B.

A) "Everyone should make sure they are clear yes, unclear no, and running forward yes before starting anything new, meaning new car shopping, and or working on yourself.  However in this case as with all of the Audio MP3’s I do the basic clearings for you prior to starting the list in each Audio MP3.  After 2 or 3 listens relaxing or laying down, you can put the audios on low and or loop and have them playing somewhere in your home and they will still run through the word tracks and make a difference for you and your life!" - Jimmy

 Tampa Office Sessions

SWANN HOLISTIC HEALTH SOLUTIONS FRIDAY DECEMBER 11th from 10-4pm  

Jimmy Mack will be offering sessions at Dr. Charla Tempone’s NEW office at Swann Holistic Health Solutions from 10am - 4pm on Friday December 11th 403 S. Habana Ave. Tampa, FL 33609 Just south of Azeele next to Skin Savvy http://www.ctholisticsolutions.com

Please call their office directly at  ☎️ (813) 873-7773 in order to get on the schedule for 15-minutes $38 or 30-minutes $68. If you’re new to working with me, I suggest you schedule 30 minutes.

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS 

Friday sessions are back to being phone-only for folks that I usually see at Kodawari until further notice. You can book time with me in the shop and schedule online.   3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa ☎️ (813) 999-1874 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack NOVEMBER 25th "Today I concentrate more on inflection and tone of how people are saying things rather than their words. I will realize that deeds and actions are so much more powerful than words. I will create movement by doing instead of just talking it to death."

The Jimmy Mack Healing Show

WATCH IT LIVE  TUESDAY'S at 4pm EDT / 1pm PDT Watch and Participate (via Comments) during the Live TV Show streamed on Goldylocks Productions YouTube Channel, Facebook Page and Periscope.   NOTE: You will need to log into your YouTube (Google) or Facebook accounts to comment. If you watch the Live show from any other location other than the 3 listed below, your comments will not be seen by the Show Host or Producer. https://www.facebook.com/GoldylocksProductions https://www.pscp.tv/Goldylocks168/follow Or watch all live and replays in the archives here: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Instructions for the VIEWERS: 1.    One reading/message per person. The first question posted will be answered, so please think about your question carefully before posting it.  2.    If you want a longer and more detailed message, please book an appointment with the Show Host.  3.    Spirit does come through and gives messages that can apply to many, not just the person asking the question. 4.    It is not required nor should be expected that every question or comment will be addressed by the Show Host. 5.    If you have any issues with the show host or show format, please contact the Show Producer... not the Show Host. 6.    Contact the Show Producer, Rev. Tiffany White Sage Woman via email: goldylocksproductions@hotmail.com  

Yesterday's Replay with Special Guest Rev Debbie | Our resident trans medium communications with your loved ones in spirit. Visit her Facebook page December 1st - Joanne Psychic Leo | Numerology, Astrology, Intuitive Card Readings www.psychicjoanneleo.com December 8th -  Marla Martenson | Author, Intuitive Reader, Tarot https://marlamartenson.com December 15th - Kimberly Marooney | Angel Expert, Author, intuitive http://kimberlymarooney.com/angel-expert-kimberly-marooney December 22nd -  NO SHOW THIS WEEK  December 29th  Rev Debbie Dienstbier | Trans medium communication with your loved ones in spirit Visit her Facebook page

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

Nightly prayers include COVID-19. Each night we work on scrambling the frequency for everyone on the prayer list. Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you.  

In addition, throughout the full 30-days, Jimmy will be dialing into your energetic signature each day upon rising and make certain that you are a clear yes, unclear to no and running forward before you start your day. He is doing the heavy lifting for you around 3am NY time while most of you are asleep in order to smooth out your way and increase your most favorable life outcomes.

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively  and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

Upon written email request, for each new order we offer a one-time email analysis via the intelligent healing software that Jimmy uses on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes!

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers. *NOTE if the MDP Service was purchased via a special telesummit or radio show offer, prayers will be limited to BUYER ONLY - and will not include family members or pets.

You can run this monthly and stop at any time after the 30 days is up, you will have the opportunity to renew and update your list each month but are under no obligation. I believe you will experience magical transformations and make progress every day! 

Sign Up for 30-Days - $99

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN ABOUT CERTIFICATION HERE

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library. 

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better. Don't forget... you can share these with your immediate friends and family.  

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Bountiful Harvest COVID-19 Clearings Creative Spark Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Improving Sex Improving Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Windfall Youth & Vitality *MySwitchWorks Videos

TGIFunny

Share

Tweet

Forward

Pinterest

Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2020 All Rights Reserved  

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com  

Stay connected!

  Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

[faeriefully]

I want you to answer ALL THE QUESTIONS in the writer's ask. ALL OF THEM. lol

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE ASKING FOR, MY DEAR??? DO YOU REALLY??? 🖤 Okay, let’s go! Thank you, lovely. 

1. Tell us about your WIP!

I am currently working on the first draft of the Fire Novel™️, a contemporary fantasy set in a small town filled with magic and secrets and unspoken politics. 

There are also a few fanfic WIP that I am tossing around, including a PJO Princess Protection Program AU, an angsty pjo fic. (I’m pretty sure a Star Wars fic is about to join them.) 

2. Where is your favorite place to write?

I’m not too picky, but I do prefer to be somewhere I can be left alone. My current home life has made me able to adapt to people moving around me and background noise (though most times I write with headphones in… like right now). I’ve written in bed, at a table, in my closet, on the floor, and I’m rather fond of writing outside. 

3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing?

Favorite: Being able to explore worlds and characters that I’ve created. (Or, in fic, the situations and complexity of characters that I love).

Least Favorite: Constant doubt that I can do this, pressure I put myself under in order to call myself a writer. 

4. Do you have any writing habits/rituals?

Do making character charts, outlining other stories, and searching twenty minutes for the perfect “mood song” when I should be writing, count as habits or rituals? 

5. Top five formative books?

This one is hard. I’ve been reading as long as I can remember- and before that, my mother read to me. There are a few that stand out, I think, as what you could call formative for me as a person and writer. Most are children’s books. (I’m going to cheat and mention series.)  Also, I’m not listing the Bible because I’m sure this is meaning fictional books. 

The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis was the first series I bought, then read all by myself. It’s been dear to my heart and taught me so much as I’ve grown. 

The Little House books by Laura Ingles Wilder taught me so much about family, and they were something my mother and I bonded over as she read them to me. (She also read me the first three Narnia books as a child.) 

Harry Potter… because… Harry Potter… 

The Willow Falls series by Wendy Mass taught me a lot about getting older, people, and threw me into what would be my book hoarding collection. 

The Gallagher Girls series by Ally Carter opened the door to YA for me, and gave me a fun, optimistic start to my teen years, and the basis for my first fanfic which is nearly 100k, and I’m still writing it almost five years later. 

6. Favorite character you’ve written?

That would be Mari, the sarcastic, blunt, mortal girl who shows up at random times when the magic is becoming too much in the Fire Novel™️. 

7. Favorite/most inspirational book?

You expect me to choose one? Um, no. I will give a few titles that are on the ever expanding list. 

The Naturals by Jennifer Lynn Barnes (damaged teenagers working in the FBI…) 

Heartless by Marissa Meyer (the Queen of Heart’s story before Alice…) 

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell (college freshman and fanfic writer tries to survive in a world she doesn’t understand…) 

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen (because I love Jane Austen) 

8. Do you have any writing buddies or critique partners?

I used to. 

9. Favorite/least favorite tropes?

Favorite: Everyone knows/understands something except for one character. OR ‘secret sibling/family member’ or ‘we know each other but we can’t let anyone else know we know each other’. 

Least favorite: non-con (despise it with all my being), also not a fan of “nerdy girl takes off glasses and suddenly everyone wants her.” 

10. Pick an author (or writing friend) to co-write a book with

*cough*@colubrina​*cough* or Jennifer Lynn Barnes 

11. What are you planning to work on next?

*looks at my giant file labeled ‘ideas to write’* *nervous laughter* 

For novels… probably my book about a corrupt monarch system, a girl who doesn’t know when her birthday is, and a gardening boy who’s not all he seems… 

Fics? Umm… probably my Slytherin story about the Greengrass sisters staying with the Order, and most likely a star wars fic… 

12. Which story of yours do you like best? why?

There’s a 100k Gallagher Girls story I wrote over the course of two years (when I was 14-16), and to this day, it is the longest fic and the most complicated plot I’ve ever thought up. It’s my favorite because it was my first real story. It made me realize I could do this. The actual writing is absolutely horrible. 

13. Describe your writing process

Sit. Put in headphones. Scroll through spotify for an absurd amount of time. Open document and read what I last wrote. Cringe and scroll to the end and start writing. 

14. What does it take for you to be ready to write a book? (i.e. do you research? outline? make a playlist or pinterest board? wing it?)

I’m never ready. “Ready” is a concept that writers construct in order to force themselves to push aside the million questions and start writing. But, I do make playlists throughout the writing process, I do have multiple pinterest boards for my characters, and I do like to have at least an idea/sentence summary for the main scenes. I construct the base plot points, and wing it on how I get to them. 

15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing?

I have a pintrest board with nothing but motivational writing quotes. I remember that I am not obligated to show anyone what I just wrote. I remind myself that published books have not only gone through numerous drafts, but also have been looked over by the author, author’s friends, an agent, and a professional editor. (This: IT’S MY BOOK AND IF I WANT IT TO NOT MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL THEN THAT’S WHAT IT WILL DO BECAUSE IT’S MINE.)

16. Cover love/dream covers?

I like this picture? That’s about it for ideas on covers for Fire Novel. 

17. What things (scenes/topics/character types) are you most comfortable writing?

Twins. If it were up to me, every single character would have a twin. Ironic, because I have no twin, nor do I interact with twins regularly. I’m also intrigued by unspoken understandings. I love writing those. 

18. Tell us about that one book you’ll never let anyone read

The book with six siblings (four of which are pairs of twins), a zombie apocalypse, a bunch of inside jokes, weird romance, and basically no plot other than forever looking for someone? The one that hasn’t really ended, it’s just a forever story I write when I’m bored or procrastinating? I don’t know what you’re talking about. 

19. How do you cope with writer’s block?

Normally, I play on spotify, making playlists for characters or scenes, read, or make character outlines. Then I sit and set a timer and force myself to hit a word count goal before the timer ends. 

20. Any advice for young writers/advice you wish someone would have given you early on?

Don’t delete anything, just move it to a “deleted stuff” document, you never know when you’ll want to go back to it. It’s okay not to like it, but don’t let everyone saying “I hate my writing” cause you to second guess yourself. If you like your writing- good! Be proud of your writing. Your favorite writer has been exactly where you are. There are billions of people on this planet. Pick one to talk about your writing to. It helps. 

21. What aspect of your writing are you most proud of?

Oh, this won’t sound arrogant or snobbish at all… 

I’m proud of complex characterization, which is something I’ve tried to improve on over the years. The darker characters have always been my fancy. 

22. Tell us about the books on your “to write” list

Only the tropiest book ever about neighboring best friends with overlapping roofs and a girl who moves in across the street. 

And another tropey one about a corrupt monach/class system and the girl who meets the rebellion. 

There’s also one about underground Mages in a darker version of New York and a boy who finds them during a heist. 

23. Most anticipated upcoming books?

Not if I Save You First by Ally Carter

whatever book Jennifer Lynn Barnes is working on

Again, But Better by Christine Riccio

24. Do you remember the moment you decided to become a writer/author?

After two years of reading fanfiction, I decided I wanted to write one because none of them had this one scene I couldn’t get out of my head. Then two years after that, I had this idea for a book, and decided if I could write other people’s worlds, why couldn’t I write my own? 

25. What’s your worldbuilding process like?

It mainly consists of asking, how/why the heck does this happen? And somewhere in there lies the answer to about five world building questions. 

26. What’s the most research you’ve ever put into a book?

For the Fire Novel, I’ve spent hours delving into the severity of burns, multiple myths and folklore, and what life is like when you live at the base of a mountain. 

27. Every writer’s least favorite question - where does your inspiration come from? Do you do certain things to make yourself more inspired? Is it easy for you to come up with story ideas?

I… have no idea. When I’m washing dishes or in karate class or falling asleep is when I get most of my ideas. I have a giant folder of them… I don’t know how they interlock or what half of them mean, but they just pop into my head, begging me to let them distract me from the story I’m currently working on. 

28. How do you stay focused on your own work and how do you deal with comparison?

Focused isn’t really a problem, as I am a very obsessive person. I’ve actually been happy when people compared my writing to others’ in the past, because it was people I used to admire. I’ve had an experience which has made me very individualistic when it comes to my writing. It’s mine. It’s unlike anyone else’s. Good or bad, it’s mine, and I’m (most of the time) proud I’ve written anything at all. 

29. Is writing more of a hobby or do you write with the intention of getting published?

I want to be published eventually. But for now, it’s a hobby. 

30. Do you like to read books similar to your project while you’re drafting or do you stick to non-fiction/un-similar works?

Similar. 

Then again, I read things both like my book and unlike my book while drafting, because it helps to keep my brain from getting into a repetitive cycle. 

31. Top five favorite books in your genre?

My genre? Of my novel? Ummm…

The Darkest Part of the Forrest by Holly Black 

Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan 

Tithe by Holly Black 

Harry Potter 

Elenor and Park by Rainbow Rowell

Those are kinda different… but they fit??? I don’t know the genre of my book, okay? 

32. On average how much do you write in a day? do you have trouble staying focused/getting the word count in?

I’m trying to stick to 1,200 a day. It’s hard some days, and others I fly by it. Really, it’s a matter of not letting myself get distracted by what’s going on in the house when I’m home. If I can do that, I’m okay. 

33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like?

Open document. Look at document. 

Scream. 

After the first draft is done, I pull it up side by side with a blank document, and rewrite the whole thing, adding/taking out/changing the obvious things. Then I step back from the second draft and read it through and dissect it first by plot points, then by characters. Then I work on actual writing quality. 

34. Unpopular writing thoughts/opinions?

Not all my writing sucks? It seems to be the norm that no writer likes their writing, and while I don’t like my first drafts at all, I actually like my writing… it’s why I do it. 

35. Post the last sentence you wrote

Eyeing the twins nuzzling their sister’s side, Seri wondered where Deirdre fell in the line.

They’re Weres… Seri’s meeting Deirdre’s family… It makes sense in context, I swear. 

36. Post a snippet

From a Harry Potter one shot I’m working on… 

Her eyes widened slightly, and her hands lowered from whatever she was about to do with the bundles in her hands. “Oh, hello.”

Theodore blinked. His gaze hadn’t left her hands. “Is that… raw meat?”

The girl glanced down at the pink lumps in her hands, then to the small pile by the tree. “Yes.” The clumps made an horrible squishing sound when they landed in the pile.

37. Do you ever write long handed or do you prefer to type everything?

I journal long handed. I outline and take notes and develop characters long handed, but all story writing is typed unless I am struck with clarity for a scene and I write it down to remember it. 

38. How do you nail voice in your books?

I don’t think I do???

39. Do you spend a lot of time analyzing and studying the work of authors you admire?

Yes. I’ve read and reread so many different books and even fanfics that I love just to study the writing style and techniques. 

40. Do you look up to any of your writer buddies?

@colubrina​, and there were a few others but I can no longer call them buddies. 

41. Are there any books you feel have shaped you as a writer?

The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis fed my love of magic and fantasy that means something a bit deeper than the surface appearance. It was the first series I read on my own as a child.

Thirteen Gifts by Wendy Mass was the first book I read with more subtle hints of magic woven in a contemporary setting. It taught me not all fantasy has to be in other worlds or past years. I read this book (the third one) before the others in the series. This book is what made me fall in love with the tropes of “inside jokes the protagonist doesn’t understand, but the reader does” and “I know something you don’t”.

The Candymakers by Wendy Mass is the book that showed me point of view is everything. Your main character can do and know a lot, but they will never know what the other characters are thinking (unless they have a mind bond or something, but you know, let’s ignore that.) Wendy Mass was wonderful to read as a child.

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee showed me the impact writing can have, the deeper meaning a simple story can have. There are some books that leave me blown away, and this was one.

1984 by George Orwell is by no means a favorite. Reading it was a blood-chilling, horror; but it did teach me the depth and psychology writing can expose, predict, and explore. The worldbuilding in this novel is solid, and leaves you feeling as if you’ve fallen into a terrifying world- especially considering the intentional parallels.

42. How many drafts do you usually write before you feel satisfied?

Define satisfied. I’m ready to show someone after draft two, I’m convinced it’s decent after draft four. I haven’t ever gotten past that stage. 

43. How do you deal with rejection?

Thankfully, I haven’t had to face rejection yet. (Partially because I haven’t let anyone read my writing in a long, long time.) 

44. Why (and when) did you decide to become a writer?

I’ve been writing since I was six. But it wasn’t something I thought about it. There were just little prompts in my little journal thing, and I would write small poems or stories and show them to my parents. 

When I was fourteen, I read a lot of Fred Weasley/OC fanfiction, and couldn’t find the one I wanted to read so I decided to write it. (I tried, and instead got caught up in the Gallagher Girls fic.)  When I was sixteen, a thought for a book concept popped in my head, and a few days later, I told my mother the (first) idea for Fire Novel on our way home from a grocery store. I won my first Nanowrimo that year, and I have yet to finish the first draft for Fire Novel because the story keeps changing, life keeps me from writing, small bout of depression, and some people made me not want to write anymore for a while. 

In the past few months, I’ve decided to be a writer again. 

45. First or third person?

Third. 

Because I jump from character to character too much for First. But, I have written a few things in first person. 

46. Past or present tense?

Past Third Person.

Present First person. 

47. Single or dual/multi POV?

Depends on the story. Most of the time in fafics, I have multi POV. In my novel, I’ve been trying to keep it single POV, but we’ll see where revisions take us. 

48. Do you prefer to write skimpy drafts and flesh them out later, or write too much and cut it back?

Skimpy first drafts. I want to get the first drafts down as fast as possible. Get the plot out, then I can flesh it out when I know where it’s going. When there’s small first drafts, it’s easier to change things. 

49. Favorite fictional world?

Harry Potter. 

STILL MAD I DIDN’T GO TO ILVERMORNY OR HOGWARTS. 

50. Do you share your rough drafts or do you wait until everything is all polished?

Rough drafts are not even recognizable as stories. Most times the story is completely different in the beginning than as the ending. I wait at least until the second draft to show anyone. 

51. Are you a secretive writer or do you talk with your friends about your books?

I used to talk to people. 

I’ve become a very secretive person about my writing. If I talk to you about my stories, if I tell you anything more than two sentences about the most basic summary (see above), then I honestly trust you more than I trust a LOT of other people. 

52. Who do you write for?

Me, myself, and I. 

53. What is the first line of your WIP?

Fire Novel:

Trains, Seri thought, should invest in some windex.

Theodore/Luna HP one shot:

There was a spot at the edge of the lake, partially hidden by a small cluster of trees, that had become Theodore’s favorite spot to read when he wanted to be alone.

PJO Princess Protection Program AU:

The bell hanging over the door chimed as a customer walked inside.

54. Favorite first line/opening you’ve written?

Trains, Seri thought, should invest in some windex.

55. How do you manage your time/make time for writing? (do you set aside time to write every day or do you only write when you have a lot of free time?)

I really need to work on this. I have the time, I simply suck at managing it properly. I write at night mostly, before I go to bed. 

THERE YOU GO, MY DEAR COLLIE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME PROCRASTINATE AND TALK ABOUT MYSELF OFF AND ON FOR A FEW HOURS!!!! 🖤✨🖤

[let-them-eat-rakes]

RED REALITY (part 2)

…

…

[Dr. Scranton's voice is noticeably distorted now. Hypothesized to a combination of both him and the control panel finally showing signs of reality breakdown.]

Robert… cold. I can't… I can't feel my legs anymore. I think… I'm beginning to… Hitting that point I… talked about… Low Hume Field… Diffusion… Equilibrium… bunch of… stupid… garbage…

I don't know what's real in here any more. Hell, I'm not sure I'm real. Or… something… something close to it… If… If I really am going out like this, I… I… I don't want to die yet. I don't want to die yet. Oh, god I don't wanna die yet…

I ran up in one straight diagonal line, for six months. I went down in one… no I just went down again… for… eight. There's still no bottom, red, there's still no bottom.

What have you been up to, Red? Have you been listening for me all this time? You're a stubborn little guy, Red…

Lucy.

Huh, Red? Sorry, I must have fell asleep. What did you want? Oh… sorry, I-I'll try to remember…

Lucy. That's what we wanted to call our kid if we had one. Lucy Scranton, Lucy Lang, Anna and I both thought it would have a nice ring. I-I- No, Red, I… I don't remember picking out a boy's name…

"Good morning… good morni-i-ing. We've talked… the whole… through…"

Man, I really suck at tap-dancing. Can't feel my feet at all. Okay, you try then, Red.

Kejel's Law states that Hume Fields diffuse, Kejel's Law states that my balls will eventually fall off if this keeps up.

"Anna… Anna bo banna…" Heh, she hated that song, and I loved to tease her with it. "Anna… Anna bo banna banana… banana, banana canna…" It actually became a joke between us, did you know? We made it the words that turn you on. [Pause.] Come on, red, act your age, don't be immature. [Sighs.] Fine, guess you have a sense of humor after all, maybe!

Heheheh, we're gonna have to fuck with so much science when we get out, this place breaks apart rules like my hand is breaking right now.

Spiderwebs. My left hands. Spiderwebs.

There was a reality-bending spider at Site-120 once. I should crush it. Red, would you crush it for me when we get out?

Average ten, fifteen kilometers a day, plus a few breaks. Thirty, two, thirty, ten, no, eleven, no, no ten, I think. At least, three hundred left, and… and… shit no, was faster going down… Fuck it, I'm saying about six hundred kilometers down. Took a hell of a lot longer coming up.

Far down. Bottomless? Infinite? And beyond. Shut up, Robert, you're not funny.

Hume Field, boom field… breaking down at a rate of… shit, what's the constant of Modified Prommel Relations? Ten to the fourth? No, no… fifth… fifth, I think…

One year. Maybe add a few more months.

Red, how does David sound? David. You know, you asked about… yeah, yeah, that. Sorry I woke you…

My… my hands. I… my hands are going through each other… Red. Red! RED! Red, help, help, please, my hands, I can't feel my hands, they're going through each other like… like… they're like ice water, Red, I can't, oh god, oh god…

Huh… huh… huh… Red… You know… you know that… that stupid magic trick your uncle would show you where he'd pull his thumb off, but it was really just his other one tucked under?

I just did that. With my real thumb. It didn't even hurt, it just came off. I think… Oh, god I'm gonna be sick. I-I- [Sounds of retching.] I think… I think it's just floating right now, and I can't even pick it up, my hand just passes through it, oh god, oh god, I-I-

My left pinky feels like… an onion.

Yeah, it's separated.

NICE TRY HELL, ring's on the RIGHT hand, nice try left.

I can… go… right through myself… I can… feel inside me.

It feels… warm.

But also cold.

When I sleep… my hands go in my head. I'm sleeping on my back now.

Static. I'm like static on a TV.

Chhhk. Chhhhk. Chhhk.

Ha. Hahahaha. Hahahahahahaha. Well, I-I-I only need one kidney, right? RIGHT? RED, RED LOOK AT THIS! Haha. Hahahahahaha…

Let me keep my heart, just my heart, that's all I want.

Lucy. David. Are you there? I want to see you.

Lucy. David. That's not fair. Come on, hey, quit messing around, I was joking when I said that, I was joking. COME ON, THAT'S FUCKED UP, I WAS JOKING.

I'm a man, be a man, Robert, you're a man, WHAT THE FUCK.

Anna… Annaaaa…

Four years, six months, eighteen days.

I'm not… I'm not even doing it myself anymore. I can… feel it happening on its own… Finally. Finally, I can… I still can't say it… I'm… I'm still scared…

I… definitely won't eat anymore now…

Still really hungry.

That is fucking disgusting, Robert, and you know it. NO. SEE, RED THINKS SO TOO. NO.

This little piggie went to market.

This little piggie went… somewhere.

This little… foot. Foot… RED?!

Five years, 13 days.

Haha.

Hahahahahahaha

Hahahahahahahahahaha.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Five years, 14 days.

Five years, 15 days.

Five years, 15 days.

Five years, 15 days.

Five years, 15 days.

Five years, 15 days.

Five years, 15 days.

Five years, 15 days.

Stop it, you're hurting me.

Five years, 19 days.

I'm feeling better now, red, sorry.

How do you do it, red? Keep it together? Spill it out, I need some help here… I need some help…

Red. Come on. Don't do that. Don't go. I know it's hard. I know it's dark. But-but- it's dark and we're together still. Come on. Red. No. No. You-you can't. RED! Come on, buddy, stay with me, Red! Come on! I can still touch you! I CAN STILL TOUCH YOU LOOK AT ME RED YOU ARE NOT DYING YET NO RED NO!

[No audio is recorded for the next 9 months.]

Five years, nine months, two days.

…

Red?

Five years, nine months, three days.

Five years, nine months, three days.

Five years, nine months, three days.

Five years, nine months, three days.

Five years, nine months, three days.

Five years, nine months, three days.

Five years, nine months, three days.

Five years, nine months, three days.

[Automated message repeats 97 more times.]

You little shit, I thought you left me… [Dr. Scranton's voice is barely audible/coherent, as if through a heavily distorted, muted radio.]

…

Sorry to say, red, but… there's not much left here… I… it's been hard. I've… 184. I've tried to kill myself 184 times. It didn't work. …None of them worked. I'm… I don't even know how much there is of me anymore. At least one foot, because I can move. Probably a few leg muscles too, but I'm wobbly. Insides are… insides are shit. Still a heart, maybe a lung. This place… really won't let me stop… Tired…

I… did die, red. Come on red, don't look at me like, I don't want your pity and I don't want shock, or anger, or fear, or, or… I can't… When… 224, I miscounted…

One, two, three, four… [Dr. Scranton counts from one to 220-245 several times over for the next 13 hours.]

I died. I died, a lot. I tried to suffocate, I tried to snap my neck, I tried to bite myself apart. And… and… This place. It's not real. I left, I saw myself, on the ground and I couldn't— I couldn't— I couldn't go anywhere. I couldn't leave. There's no way to leave, I just floated back down, and each, damn, time, there was less and less of me. I-I- oh, god, how much more can I take away and still live?

So why are… why are you back now? What do you want to tell me?

Five years, nine months, twelve days.

Heh…

This place is getting smaller. Red, did you somehow do this? I… there's an end here for sure now. It's gone from… god knows how long to… There's like a veil further out and when I touched it hurt like hell. Red, what's going on?

It's… it's not dark. That border or whatever is getting brighter and, I mean, it's still fucking dark but… oh god, I can actually see something now. I…I… oh, god, what the fuck is this? I… oh, god, I didn't know I was this bad. Oh, god, oh god, oh god, there's so much gone—

Five years, ten months, ten days.

Red, you're solid. Like, no, you're really fucking solid. You're… you're real. And… and… I'm real too when… only when I touch you. But… Red, it… it really hurts when I do. I… I think that if I touch you I might fall apart…

You — really fucking hurt, Red, Jesus Christ, you hurt, what the fuck is going on?

About three kilometer in radius, and closing. Is this… is this something like Kejel's Fourth Law? But… but… what the hell is taking it? Hey! HEY! I'm in here still stop! You're causing a collapse! HEY! HEY!

Two kilometers. Oh god, what's gonna happen when it closes? DAMMIT, RED YOU HURT!

Not collapsing. Waves. They're… waves… What?

Robert, you are a goddamn genius. Not walls, windows. Open windows.

Five years, ten months, twenty-eight days.

Anna, Anna can you hear me? These waves… this place… Okay, imagine, two realities as two pieces of paper stuck together. This place is the space squished between. There should be only two realities, parallel, but this place is a tiny, but infinite third… third… in-between, like what would happen if you fell into a hole crossing a bridge from Point A to Point B! Remember Class-C Wormholes? Those theories about a wormhole that was full of goddamn holes. I think… I think this is where one of those holes leads. It doesn't lead to a different universe, it leads to nothing. A dead end. This place is a dead end. Class-C "Broken Entry".

These waves. Wherever they're coming from, they're from some parallel reality interacting with this place, displacing this in-between place every so slightly. And they're all… pushing on me and red, because since we still have some level of reality, they're pushing, or… or sucking us towards them, gradually creating a new wormhole towards… towards… home.

…

What's going to happen to me when I go back? When the window closes?

Think, dammit, Robert, think. You've got to think! Think harder! THINK HARDER!

Red, I'm gonna, ah, I'm gonna have to, Jesus- gah, I'm gonna have to move away from you, you, I don't know, you're sick or something, you're really messed up right now. Call me when you're feeling better.

…I can't… I can't think… right… Blood. Blood. There's… way… too much… ha…

Drip, drip, drip, where does it allllllll…. gooooooooooooo… [Retching noises.]

I haven't… [Retching noises.] tasted barf in forever. Not even when I threw up after my… my… you're a man, Robert.

Oh, god. Oh god not again, not again, not again— [Retching.]

…

[Voice breaks.] How…? How…? How can I be throwing up this much, red, tell me… I don't… [Retching.] I don't even have a stomach to hold it in anymore… And the bleeding never… stops… [Dr. Scranton breaks down into crying for the next two hours.]

Be- [Retching.] better… now. Thinking.. straight…

Red, I… I don't know if I'm ready to go back anywhere yet…

Five years, eleven months, three days.

No, red, I'm not being selfish, it wasn't you, it was these goddamn waves coming in. I can't be near them. Red, look, look at me. See this? Red, look at me. LOOK. I can't be near them, they'll kill me. I passed the three years quite a while back, remember?

Because, even… even after all this time… I don't want to die, red. I'm still scared. [Voice breaks.] Red, I am scared, okay? You wouldn't understand, you're not… you're not human, red.

Oh I'm sorry for offending you, red. No, red, come on, I didn't mean it like that. Red, look at me. You're my friend, do you get that? You are, my best friend. But… let's face it, you've got a much better chance of getting out of here a—…. Just leave me alone, please, red? Just for a bit… I'm sorry, okay? I really am…

Can you… hear the waves coming in, red? That little hum and shake as it hits your ears? I can. And it's getting louder every time, and it hurts so bad. [Begins to sob quietly.] It hurts so bad.(4)

No… No, no, no, no, no… NO. NO. NO. Why? Why?! Just let me go, let me go… LET ME GO DAMMIT, oh god… [Sobbing.]

[Sobbing groan.] Another five years. Five more years. If this keeps up, I'm getting re-stabilized for another FIVE FUCKING GODDAMN YEARS, RED WHAT DO I DO?!

[Over the next five days, the control panel does begin to pick up a low frequency hum that comes in pulses. The volume increases steadily, and as it does, Dr. Scranton can be heard screaming, crying, and speaking incoherently in the background.]

[Voice is noticeably shaky.] Red.

[At this point the background humming noise is picked up at a rate of 20 pulses/min.]

Five years, eleven months, nine days.

Help. [Loud splattering noise heard as something strikes what is assumed to be the control panel.]

[Complete silence for five days. Pulses increase in volume, as well as frequency to 30 per minute.]

[Loud splattering noise.]

Red. [Dr. Scranton's voice is extremely slurred, almost incomprehensible.]

Red.

Red, give me your leg, I need support.

Red, give me your lever, arm. HAND!

Red, I need to see better, give me your light, no sorry, no, no light needed, got it, sorry, something else.

Anna.

I want pretty eyes. Anna, Anna, give me your eye, I only have one.

Anna, Anna, give me your lips, I want to kiss you again.

[bts-love-sweat-tears]

How BTS members take care of you when you are sick

A/N: I accidentally typed “memebers” the first time in the title, which isn’t entirely incorrect. Anyway, I’m sorry to say that there will be no update to “The Seven” tonight (though it might be only me who is sad). I feel like death warmed over, and apparently look like it too (thanks for the love, brohan). I just took two kinds of  cold medicine, so we’ll see if I’m totally delirious by the end of this post. I have zero energy to write something long and involved, but wanted to leave you all something cute, and hopefully make myself feel a little better in the process.

Seokjin

You coughed again and moaned softly as a cool hand touched your forehead. It had been awhile since you were sick, but it was hitting you now with a vengeance. Jin had been an amazing boyfriend, keeping you on a constant rotation of soup, cold medicine, and cool compresses to bring your fever down. You had honestly never felt so cared for in a relationship, but you knew you would do the same for him in a heartbeat if he ever needed it. He seemingly never got sick though. Maybe all the water he drank and fruit he ate? 

Your thoughts wandered as he applied a new damp towel to your forehead. Honestly, it was kind of hot how capable he was at taking care of someone. You would have told him if you weren’t so drowsy from the medicine he had just given you. As you drifted back to sleep, you could feel him stroking your hair and humming a quiet lullaby.

 Yoongi

You shivered under your blankets, trying to curl up as small as you could to maintain your warmth. You had taken some flu medicine to bring down your fever, but it seemingly hadn’t kicked in yet. You heard the front door to your apartment open, and knew your boyfriend was home from work. You hadn’t wanted to bother him, so he was surprised when he saw you shivering under the covers.

“Babe, you should have told me you weren’t feeling well,” he said a little gruffly, though you were too tired to argue with him about the tone he was taking. “I would have come home early.” You knew it was unlikely, but the sentiment was nice nonetheless. Before you could muster the energy for any kind of response, you felt the edge of the mattress shift and a warm body shift closer under the blankets. Yoongi wrapped his arms around you and you snuggled closer, addicted to the warmth that had been evading you all day. He rubbed calming circles on your back, and peppered your forehead with kisses as you drifted off to the best sleep you had since you got sick. 

Namjoon

You had finally fallen into a restless slumber when a crash from the kitchen jolted you awake, followed by a string of curses echoing down the hall. You could only surmise that Namjoon, your boyfriend and the God of Destruction was trying to make something. As you debated the pros and cons of leaving your admittedly very comfortable bed, he came into the room, somehow looking relieved and sheepish at the same time, presenting you with a small mug of ginger tea with a bit of lemon and honey. 

“All that noise-for this?” You wiggled your eyebrows at him as you took a sip, but he knew you were joking. Proudly, he held up his hands. 

“All of my fingers are still attached, and no burns.” You hated to admit that this was a rarity. He was so competent and gifted in so many ways, but taking care of someone without hurting himself was not one of them. 

“And that’s not all-I have chicken noodle soup at the ready as well” he said excitedly. As you heard him pad down the hall, you thought to yourself that this was too good to be true. You heard another loud bang and more curses, and Joon came back empty-handed with a wet mark down the entire front of his shirt. You sighed. 

“At least you didn’t burn yourself, Joon, that could have been bad.” You tried to sit up, aches everywhere, when Namjoon stopped you. 

“I suck at this, I know, but I still should take care of my girlfriend,” he sighed, looking dejected. 

“Joon, rather than risk life and limb, why don’t you read to me more of that book we were reading? I’m interested to know what’s next…” you suggested, trying to redirect his attention. He picked up  the old hardcover on the side table, removed the bookmark and began to read in his deep, rhythmic way. It was almost like he was rapping, even when he wasn’t. As you drifted off in your thoughts and slowly toward the lure of sleep, you were happy to think that Joon was with you, and more importantly, safe. Unless he gets a paper-cut or something, you thought. Before you could finish the thought, only one word rang out, and you were pretty sure it wasn’t from the book.

“Shit.” 

Hoseok

As soon as you had felt the first sign of a sniffle, your boyfriend Hobi had been there with Emergen-C packets, tissues, throat lozenges, echinacea and literally anything else someone could want to try to stop a cold from coming on. Seriously, where had he been stockpiling all this stuff? you wondered. He also (not so) secretly, added more blankets to the bed, and propped your pillow up with another so you could breath easier. You would have to get sick more often, you chuckled to yourself, if this was how he reacted. 

 In the middle of the night, you woke up to hear him quietly crying. Where was his sunny disposition. You nudged him and snuggled closer, and he showed you his phone screen. WebMD. A rookie mistake- you knew where this was going. You couldn’t even pronounce the name of the disease that affected 0.000001% of the population and was, undoubtedly, terminal. 

“Hobi,” you chuckled, “I promise it’s just a common cold. My coworker was out a few days last week, and it has been making its rounds through the office. But I promise that she’s back now and better than ever.”

“Jagi-ya, you can’t ever leave me!” He borderline shouted. The neighbors would not be happy. You nestled closer. 

“I’m not going anywhere, except maybe to the pharmacy tomorrow,” you said emphatically. He smiled and kissed your cheek. How had it turned into you comforting him? 

Jimin

It was taking all your willpower to not roll your eyes in exasperation as your boyfriend stuck his head into the bedroom to see if you needed anything, AGAIN. It felt like the 15 millionth time in the last 15 minutes, and that was only a slight exaggeration. You knew he was just doing it because he loved you, but you just wanted to sleep it off. And you definitely didn’t want him catching whatever it was that you had, since he would be leaving for the tour in a few days. Despite your best efforts, including sanitizing every surface in your apartment, and wearing a mask the minute you felt something coming on, he was going to get sick if he kept coming into the “quarantine zone” as you were calling it.

 Just as you thought he had finally realized, he burst back into the room, a defiant look on his face. You had an idea where this conversation was headed, and you didn’t like it one bit.

“Jagi, do I really have to be on the couch again?” He whined. “I don’t sleep as well when I’m not next to you.”

You resisted the urge to tease him and fake gag. How could he say stuff like that with a straight face? And more importantly, how did he ALWAYS know the best tactics to get his way? 

“Yes, Jimin,” you replied, “you really do have to sleep in the living room. I don’t want you getting whatever it is that I have. Least of all right before you go on tour.”

“Let me snuggle with you! I saw a nature documentary that showed that being with members of their families helps monkeys improve their mental well-being, and then their physical well-being.”

“We’re not monkeys, Jimin,” you sighed, knowing the battle was already lost. “And I def did not see this documentary.”

Before you could think of anything else to strengthen your argument, warm arms were around you, and Jimin was clinging close enough to make you wonder if the documentary he saw was actually real.  Jimin was giving you whiplash, going from the whiny aegyo to sensitive boyfriend to full on mochi mode. You decided that you didn’t have enough energy to deal with him right now, and accepted your fate, which earned you ear nuzzles from your cute, but high maintenance boyfriend. If he got sick, let it be on him (though you knew you would cave and take care of him in an instant).  

Taehyung

One of the main things you loved about your boyfriend, Tae, was his ability to see things from a unique perspective, and not be bound by traditional ways of thinking. Right now though, you were wishing that he were slightly more traditional in his caregiving techniques. After you had felt your cold coming on all day, texting him about how crappy you felt, you had come home to a massive pillow fort, with Tae asking how this could not make someone feel better. You didn’t have the energy to answer, and plopped down into the mountain of pillows.

 He had also turned the heating way up, stating that he had read somewhere that it was good to sweat out whatever fever might be coming. You just wanted to be comfortable. He ran around haphazardly, looking at his phone, trying whatever homeopathic remedy came up first. While you appreciated his enthusiasm, you were way too tired to deal with him right now. 

After declining a mixture of avocado, honey, and god knows what else, Tae finally gave up, and joined you in the fort with a comic book. The next time you looked over, he was out cold, facing pressing into the spine of his book. You slowly moved the book, rolled him over, and got up to turn the air conditioner back down before rejoining him in the fort, falling deeply into a dreamless sleep. 

Jungkook

 You and Jungkook had only been dating a short time before you got your annual summer head-cold, and you had texted him to say that you weren’t feeling well and would see him in a few days.  What seemed like minutes (though your conception of time was becoming hazy from the meds you had just taken) later, he appeared at your door, with pre-made soup, ginger ale, and an assortment of OTC meds that you recognized from the drugstore down the block. You hadn’t expected him to come take care of you, since he often seemed “shook” by anything remotely unexpected. But he was surprisingly capable, heating the soup and reading the labels on the medicine thoroughly before giving you any. 

You had assumed that he would leave, but he hung around, flipping casually through some gaming magazine. You didn’t have to talk or entertain him. It was the perfect companionable silence, and you were happy you were dating such a considerate man. Seriously, what wasn’t he good at? This was completely out of the realm of anything you had expected this early in the relationship. You two joked around a  lot and you weren’t sure how serious the two of you were, but the fact he came over and risked infection left no doubt in your mind.

The next morning you woke up slowly, remembering everything the Golden Boy had done for you the day before, and smiled to yourself. As you got out of bed, you tripped over his curled form. He had apparently spent the night on the floor to make sure you were okay. What a gentlemen, you thought to yourself. He was a keeper. 

[marcusssanderson]

50 Transformation Quotes for Elevating Your Mind and Body

These transformation quotes will help you become who you really want to be.

Are you living up to your full potential? Are you learning new skills, going after the things you want, and chasing your desires? Or are you like most people who live ordinary lives with plenty left on the table?

Most people lack the drive to try anything else and change their situation for the better, so they live their lives waiting for something to happen. They just sit and keep doing nothing to transform their lives.

But with the right attitude and a little bit of guidance, you can live up to your full potential. You can surmount your challenges regardless of their scale. You can create habits that allow you to live the life of your dreams.

If you’re on a path you don’t want, or are struggling to implement positive changes in your life, inspiring words from wise souls can give you the drive to change your trajectory.

To help you achieve your highest potential, below is our collection of inspirational, wise, and thought-provoking transformation quotes, transformation sayings, and transformation proverbs, collected from a variety of sources over the years.

Transformation quotes for elevating your mind and body

1.) “Real transformation requires real honesty. If you want to move forward – get real with yourself.”  – Bryant McGill

2.) “It’s not about perfect. It’s about effort. And when you implement that effort into your life. Every single day, that’s where transformation happens. That’s how change occurs. Keep going. Remember why you started.”   – Anonymous

3.) “You and I possess within ourselves at every moment of our lives, under all circumstances, the power to transform the quality of our lives.”  – Werner Erhard

4.) “Don’t fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today.”  – Michael Hyatt

5.) “Embrace each challenge in your life as an opportunity for self-transformation.”  – Bernie S. Siegel

6.) “You have to love yourself enough to set a standard for your life that you’re unwilling to compromise. If you accept the standards of others for your life, you’ll never be happy.”  – Tony Gaskins

7.) “Change can be hard. It requires no extra effort to settle for the same old thing. Auto-pilot keeps us locked into past patterns. But transforming your life? That requires courage, commitment, and effort. It’s tempting to stay camped in the zone of That’s-Just-How-It-Is. But to get to the really good stuff in life, you have to be willing to become an explorer and adventurer.”  – John Mark Green

8.) “Each tiny effort builds on the next, so that brick by brick, magnificent things can be created.” – Robin Sharma

9.) “The wings of transformation are born of patience and struggle.”  – Janet S. Dickens

10.) “Transformation is a process, and as life happens there are tons of ups and downs. It’s a journey of discovery – there are moments on mountaintops and moments in deep valleys of despair.”  – Rick Warren

Transformation quotes to help you become who you really want to be

11.) “When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation, we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness.”  – Joseph Campbell

12.) “The only way you survive is you continuously transform into something else. It’s this idea of continuous transformation that makes you an innovation company.” – Ginni Rometty

13.) “Life is a moving, breathing thing. We have to be willing to constantly evolve. Perfection is constant transformation.” – Nia Peeples

14.) “You have to maintain a culture of transformation and stay true to your values.” – Jeff Weiner

15.) “Don’t ever empty the bucket of mystery. Never let people define what you do. It’s not about zigging when you should zag. It’s not about doing something unprecedented and unpredictable. It’s just about never being a word, or something that is not in the process of transformation.” – Marilyn Manson

16.) “You can’t have a physical transformation until you have a spiritual transformation.” – Cory Booker

17.) “We need to realize that our path to transformation is through our mistakes. We’re meant to make mistakes, recognize them, and move on to become unlimited.” – Yehuda Berg

18.) “When you find your definitions in God, you find the very purpose for which you were created. Put your hand into God’s hand, know His absolutes, demonstrate His love, present His truth, and the message of redemption and transformation will take hold.” – Ravi Zacharias

19.) “I think that any time of great pain is a time of transformation, a fertile time to plant new seeds.” –  Debbie Ford

20.) “Every good business story has a conflict and triumph at the core and a turning point where a transformation takes place.” – Dinesh Paliwal

Transformation quotes to help you live a life you’re proud of

21.) “The purpose of meditation is personal transformation.” –  Henepola Gunaratana

22.) “When someone chooses to value herself over the things she can buy, true transformation begins.” – Suze Orman

23.) “Transformation in the world happens when people are healed and start investing in other people.” –  Michael W. Smith

24.) “Changing is not just changing the things outside of us. First of all we need the right view that transcends all notions including of being and non-being, creator and creature, mind and spirit. That kind of insight is crucial for transformation and healing.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

25.) “The great solution to all human problems is individual inner transformation.” – Vernon Howard

26.) “Genuine equality between the sexes can only be realized in the process of the socialist transformation of society as a whole.” – Mao Zedong

27.) “It’s important to recognize that forgiveness is more than mere words; it’s a heart attitude that induces a spiritual transformation.” – Victoria Osteen

28.) “All girls know that they can be anything now. That transformation is to me one of the most satisfying things.” – Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

29.) “For me, the key to longevity – and immortality, in a sense – has to do with transformation.” – Marilyn Manson

30.) “In the kind of world, we have today, transformation of humanity might well be our only real hope for survival.” – Stanislav Grof

Transformation quotes that will give you the drive to change your situation for the better

31.) “If you start thinking of stress as not a bad thing but inevitable, resulting in change that itself leads to transformation that leads to sharp and radical changes… it can be a very useful way of thinking.” – Marilyn Ferguson

32.) “The art of transformation is a very important thing to me, and I always believe I can say something more truthful through characters that are further away from me.” – Andy Serkis

33.) “My transformation represents more than what is just skin deep; it represents my motivation, drive, and willingness to constantly improve.” –  Jinder Mahal

34.) “Transformation is an ongoing process that tends to appear ordinary, when, in fact, something extraordinary is taking place.” – Suzy Ross

35.) “Nothing gets transformed in your life until your mind is transformed.” – Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha

36.) “The key to our transformation is simply this: the better we know ourselves the better equipped we will be to make our choices wisely.” – Gregg Braden

37.) “Transformation does not start with someone else changing you; transformation is an inner self reworking of what you are now to what you will be.” – Byron Pulsifer

38.) “To transform yourself, you don’t need to do big things. Just do small things in big way. Transformation will follow you.” – Rahul Sinha

39.) “It is our own thoughts that hold the key to miraculous transformation.” – Marianne Williamson

40.) “Transformation does not happen by learning new information. It happens when you change how you view and react to other people, events and things around you.” – Med Jones

More transformation quotes to help you change your habits and life

41.) “As the caterpillar undergoes transformation within the cocoon before emerging as a butterfly; likewise, life experiences shape character.” – Lorna Jackie

42.) “I know this transformation is painful, but you’re not falling apart; you’re just falling into something different, with a new capacity to be beautiful.” – William C. Hannan

43.) “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” – Abraham Maslow

44.) “The price of doing the same old thing is far higher than the price of change.” – Bill Clinton

45.) “Growth and self-transformation cannot be delegated.”  – Lewis Mumford

46.) “The way must be in you; the destination also must be in you and not somewhere else in space or time. If that kind of self-transformation is being realized in you, you will arrive.”  – Nhat Hanh

47.) “Self-transformation is not just about changing yourself. It means shifting yourself to a completely new dimension of experience and perception.”  – Jaggi Vasudev

48.) “Transformation is not five minutes from now; it’s a present activity. In this moment you can make a different choice, and it’s these small choices and successes that build up over time to help cultivate a healthy self-image and self-esteem.”  – Jillian Michaels

49.) “Enjoying success requires the ability to adapt. Only by being open to change will you have a true opportunity to get the most from your talent.” – Nolan Ryan

50.) “There are things I can’t force. I must adjust. There are times when the greatest change needed is a change of my viewpoint.”  – Denis Diderot

Which of these transformation quotes was your favorite?

Most people struggle to make adjustments in their lives. When they find themselves in the wrong direction, they lack the strength and drive to pick themselves up and get back on the path to fulfilling their passions.

Though habit changing isn’t simple, you have the potential to become who you really want to be. Hopefully, the above quotes will help put you on a path to becoming who you truly want to be.

Which of these transformation quotes resonated with you best? Do you have any other favorite quotes to add? Let us know in the comment section below.

The post 50 Transformation Quotes for Elevating Your Mind and Body appeared first on Everyday Power.

[jayatisvaid]

31 Motivational Quotes which help you to overcome Depression and Anxiety

In today’s world, people of all ages either they are male or female, older or child feel stress. In this present-day, anxiety disorders, depression is the most common mental illness across the country, with millions of adults infected every year.

Once in a while, we all go through a phase in life where we feel anxious about the things we are afraid of. It is perfectly normal to feel anxiety in some areas of your life but if this starts stopping you to enjoy your life then it becomes a burden.

The experts at APA define anxiety as “an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure”.

People who don’t know about it or have never felt anxious in their life don’t know how blessed they are and they also don’t understand how it feels like to be against your own mind all the time.

Those who are going through anxiety disorders, panic attacks or depression only understand what they really are going through. If you know someone who going through it, be patient with them and lend them an ear. That will be really helpful.

You can also help them by sharing some of these anxiety and depression quotes. Words are more powerful than you can imagine. It can take one person to a place where they feel safe or really uncomfortable.

These anxiety and depression quotes will help you to find out more about it or the once who are already going through it, will help them to get relax for a while.

1. “Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”  

― Corrie Ten Boom

2. “After all, what is happiness? Love, they tell me. But love doesn’t bring and never has brought happiness. On the contrary, it’s a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield; it’s sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we’re doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstasy and agony.”  ― Paulo Coelho, The Witch of Portobello

3. “Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.”  

― Søren Kierkegaard, The Concept of Anxiety: A Simple Psychologically Orienting Deliberation on the Dogmatic Issue of Hereditary Sin

4. “To hear the phrase “our only hope” always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn’t work, there is nothing left.”  

― Lemony Snicket, The Blank Book

5. “If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”  

― Amit Ray, Om Chanting and Meditation

6. “The more you pray, the less you’ll panic. The more you worship, the less you worry. You’ll feel more patient and less pressured.”  

― Rick Warren, The Purpose of Christmas

7. “Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems”  

― Epictetus

8. “Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”  

― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

9. “To venture causes anxiety, but not to venture is to lose one’s self…. And to venture in the highest is precisely to be conscious of one’s self.”  

― Søren Kierkegaard

10. “Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.”  

― Anais Nin

Social Anxiety Quotes

11. “Don’t worry if people think you’re crazy. You are crazy. You have that kind of intoxicating insanity that lets other people dream outside of the lines and become who they’re destined to be.”  

― Jennifer Elisabeth, Born Ready: Unleash Your Inner Dream Girl

12. “Life is ten percent what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to it.”  

― Dorothy M. Neddermeyer

13. “Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths.”  

― C. H. Spurgeon

14. “Do not let your difficulties fill you with anxiety, after all, it is only in the darkest nights that stars shine more brightly.”  

― Ali Ibn Abi Talib AS

15. “Life is like a game of chess.

To win you have to make a move.

Knowing which move to make comes with IN-SIGHT

and knowledge, and by learning the lessons that are

acculated along the way.

We become each and every piece within the game called life!”  

― Allan Rufus, The Master’s Sacred Knowledge

16. “I’ve spent most of my life and most of my friendships holding my breath and hoping that when people get close enough they won’t leave, and fearing that it’s a matter of time before they figure me out and go.”  

― Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way

17. “Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.”  

― Jodi Picoult, Sing You Home

18. “It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.”  

― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

19. “If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief.”  

― Brené Brown

20. “I want to be the best version of myself for anyone who is going to someday walk into my life and need someone to love them beyond reason.”  

― Jennifer Elisabeth, Born Ready: Unleash Your Inner Dream Girl

Living with Anxiety – Short Quotes

21. “Feelings don’t try to kill you, even the painful ones. Anxiety is a feeling grown too large. A feeling grown aggressive and dangerous. You’re responsible for its consequences, you’re responsible for treating it. But…you’re not responsible for causing it. You’re not morally at fault for it. No more than you would be for a tumor.”  

― Patrick Ness, The Rest of Us Just Live Here

22. “Anxiety was born at the very same moment as mankind. And since we will never be able to master it, we will have to learn to live with it—just as we have learned to live with storms.”  

― Paulo Coelho, Manuscrito encontrado em Accra

23. “But I can hardly sit still. I keep fidgeting, crossing one leg and then the other. I feel like I could throw off sparks, or break a window–maybe rearrange all the furniture.”  

― Raymond Carver, Where I’m Calling From New and Selected Stories

24. “Even if she be not harmed, her heart may fail her in so much and so many horrors; and hereafter she may suffer–both in waking, from her nerves, and in sleep, from her dreams.”  

― Bram Stoker, Dracula

25. “It was that sort of sleep in which you wake every hour and think to yourself that you have not been sleeping at all; you can remember dreams that are like reflections, daytime thinking slightly warped.”  

― Kim Stanley Robinson, Icehenge

26. “Chronic anxiety is a state more undesirable than any other, and we will try almost any maneuver to eliminate it. Modern man is living in anxious anticipation of destruction. Such anxiety can be easily eliminated by self-destruction. As a German saying puts it: ‘Better an end with terror than a terror without end.”  

― Robert E. Neale, The Art of Dying

27. “I get so god damn lonely and sad and filled with regrets some days. It overwhelms me as I’m sitting on the bus; watching the golden leaves from a window; a sudden burst of realisation in the middle of the night. I can’t help it and I can’t stop it. I’m alone as I’ve always been and sometimes it hurts…. but I’m learning to breathe deep through it and keep walking. I’m learning to make things nice for myself. To comfort my own heart when I wake up sad. To find small bits of friendship in a crowd full of strangers. To find a small moment of joy in a blue sky, on a trip somewhere not so far away, a long walk an early morning in December or a handwritten letter to an old friend simply saying ”I thought of you. I hope you’re well.”

No one will come and save you. No one will come riding on a white horse and take all your worries away. You have to save yourself, little by little, day by day. Build yourself a home. Take care of your body. Find something to work on. Something that makes you excited, something you want to learn. Get yourself some books and learn them by heart. Get to know the author, where he grew up, what books he read himself. Take yourself out for dinner. Dress up for no one but you and simply feel nice. it’s a lovely feeling, to feel pretty. You don’t need anyone to confirm it.

I get so god damn lonely and sad and filled with regrets some days, but I’m learning to breathe deep through it and keep walking. I’m learning to make things nice for myself. Slowly building myself a home with things I like. Colors that calm me down, a plan to follow when things get dark, a few people I try to treat right. I don’t sometimes, but it’s my intent to do so. I’m learning.I’m learning to make things nice for myself. I’m learning to save myself.

I’m trying, as I always will.”  

― Charlotte Eriksson, Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself: growing up is a wonderful thing to do

28. “How can a person deal with anxiety? You might try what one fellow did. He worried so much that he decided to hire someone to do his worrying for him. He found a man who agreed to be his hired worrier for a salary of $200,000 per year. After the man accepted the job, his first question to his boss was, “Where are you going to get $200,000 per year?” To which the man responded, “That’s your worry.”  

― Max Lucado

29. “It did what all ads are supposed to do: create an anxiety relievable by purchase.”  

― David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

30. “Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith. I don’t agree at all. They are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the Passion of Christ”

― C.S. Lewis, Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer

Inspirational quotes for anxiety sufferers

31. “Life is like a sandwich!

Birth as one slice,

and death as the other.

What you put in-between  

the slices is up to you.

Is your sandwich tasty or sour?

― Allan Rufus

So yes, these were some of the anxiety and depression quotes which you should read.

Which ones are your favorite anxiety and depression quotes that really touched you in a way or something?

Do share your views about anxiety disorder, your experience with it or the overcome anxiety and depression quotes with us.

Original Source:- Quotes about overcome depression and anxiety

[surveysonfleek]

258.

A – Accidents

01. Have you ever been in a car accident? never. *touchwood* 02. Do you have a lot of scars? no. 03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? nope. 04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? nope. 05. Have you ever had stitches? Where? on my hand i believe.

B – Beauty

06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? no. 07. Are you self conscious of how you look? yes. 08. Do you put on a lot of makeup? not a lot, but i do wear makeup whenever i go out. 09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? no. 10. What do you think makes a person beautiful? their spirit and personality.

C – Consequences

11. What was the longest amount of time you’ve been grounded for? i don’t remember ever being grounded lol. 12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? i’d keep it. 13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? not usually. 14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? making me never see my loved ones ever again. 15. What is one thing you wish you didn’t do, just because it wasn’t worth it in the end? start working for my current job four years ago.

D – Dealing

16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? i’ll tell them or ignore them. 17. Name a time when you had to be strong. when my parents separated. 18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? Any kind of abuse at home? my parents had a lot of verbal arguments before they broke up, thankfully no abuse. 19. When people at school don’t accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? i don’t go to school. 20. Have you ever lost someone to death? Explain how you got through it. yes, i’ve lost all my grandparents. some were harder than others. you just gotta cry it out, remember the good times and think of them.

E – Experience

21. Have you ever had a job? Any volunteer jobs? yes. 22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? i’ experienced enough i guess. 23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? i’ve gone through a lot but i’ve pretty much swept things under the rug. 24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? not yet. i need to find another job first. 25. How old do you act? my age.

F – Family

26. Is there anyone in your family you don’t talk to? Why? i talk to everyone in my immediate family. 27. If you had to choose, family or friends? family. 28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything? if i had to, yes. 29. Do you have any siblings? If so, do you ever get jealous of them? yes, a younger sister. not jealous of her, we’re at very different stages of our lives. 30. How often do you spend ‘quality time’ with family members? every week.

G – Growing

31. How tall are you? How tall do you wish you were? 5′4″. i’m happy with it i guess. i could do with a couple more inches but i’m not fussed. 32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? no. 33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? somewhere in the middle. 34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? not really scared of it anymore. as long as i have my shit together. 35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? of course.

H – Hope

36. Love – real or not? real. 37. Are you a pessimist of an optimist? realist. 38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way?  honestly our actions lead the way. 39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? no idea. 40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? there’s always tomorrow.

I – Issues

41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? no. 42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? no. 43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? neither. 44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? no. 45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away? never.

J – Jokes

46. Say a word or phrase that would not be funny to anyone but you & one of your friends (an inside joke) millus. 47. Are you usually the one who makes people laugh,Or the other way around? a bit of both tbh. 48. Do you cry when you laugh hard? not all the time, but it’s happened. 49. Write down a hilarious moment you had with someone that makes you laugh to this day! i’m good lol. 50. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class? it’s been years since i’ve been in class.

K – Knowledge

51. The purpose of school: to learn, to cause trouble or to hang out with friends? all of them. 52. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? smart but i’m far from it. 53. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark) ever? i’ve received full marks before, during early high school days. it continually got worse after lol. 54. What was your last average? This year would you like to maintain it or aim higher? idk haha. it’s been years. 55. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? art.

L – Love

56. Are you currently in love? If not, have you been before? yes. 57. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? yes. 58. Is love worth it? most of the time. 59. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they ‘love’ someone that they’ve been dating for a few months? haha i never hear it so i don’t care. 60. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? it takes a lot.

M – Money

61. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? in some ways, yes. 62. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? average. 63. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? i’ve finished college. 64. Would you rather win millions of dollars & be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry & start a family with? find the perfect person. 65. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you? 7.

N – Naughty

66. Are you a virgin? no. 67. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you’re not going out with? it’s fine as long as you’re not cheating. 68. Do you know anybody you consider a ’slut’? What makes you say that? no. 69. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? neither. 70. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? You can’t say both! more nice lol.

O – Openness

71. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? quite awhile. 72. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? just building up a good relationship, being open with one another etc. 73. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? i’m untrusting towards people i don’t know. 74. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? idk, you just know i guess. 75. When it comes to parents and close friends, what’s the limit of what you can tell them? not fussed.

P – Positive

76. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn’t necessarily end positively? If so, would you rather erase the memory of that person because of

the sad times or keep the memory of that person because of the good times? keep the memory of the person because of the good times. 77. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? haha idk. i don’t wna even imagine losing someone i love. 78. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? What do you try to be? i’m a realist. 79. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? not always. 80. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? If so, please explain what it was: no.

Q – Questions

81. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? i’ll try figure it out myself first. 82. Do you often question the world and how we came about? What are some things you would like to know about creation? i don’t question it at all. 83. Do you think the government is truthful? If you could ask the president one question, what would it be? let’s be real, probably not. 84. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? i’ll confront them. unless it’s not worth going into. 85. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? idk.

R – Respect

86. How do you show respect? use manners, be polite. 87. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? do something intentionally bad to me for no good reason. 88. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? yes. 89. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? i’m hardly disrespectful. 90. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? i’ll be mean back.

S – School

91. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? - 92. When will you graduate high school/college? - 93. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? - 94. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? - 95. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school? no.

T – Temptation

96. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? yep. 97. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? Did you do it? no. i just decided to do it myself. 98. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? nope. 99. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn’t really know or love? What did you end up doing? no. 100. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed? i’ll make up my mind myself.

U – Unique

102. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? no. 103. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? wear whatever i want. usually boring shit. 104. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? Do you do things such as smoke, drink, or have casual sex? hardly ever. 105. What makes you different from people your age? i’m over the whole partying thing. i’ve had my time.

V – Value

106. What’s the most expensive thing in your room? probably my macbook or camera. 107. What’s more valuable: your life or the lives of your loved ones? Would you sacrifice your life for other people? yeah i’d sacrifice my life for my family. 108. What is something you value not because it cost a lot, but because it means a lot to you? anything that’s been given to me by family. 109. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the first thing you would grab? my handbag and laptop. and my dog. 110. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could possibly happen in the future? they’re about the same.

W – Wishes

111. If you had three wishes, what would they be? unlimited money, health and happiness for me and my family. 112. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? my loved ones. 113. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? haha no. you gotta make it happen yourself if anything. 114. Have you ever had a wish come true? If so, what was that wish? no. 115. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that’s meant to happen, will happen? more like, you have to make it happen yourself.

Y – You

121. Are you more independent or social? independent these days. 122. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? acts of terrorism. 123. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? hopefully. 124. Do you think people are born a certain way, or develop their personalities based on what they go through in life? definitely nurture over nature. 125. Do you think people are generally good ? i feel as though everyone is born good.

Z – Zest

126. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? no, i should have a more stable job tbh. 127. Do you go on FacebookCraze.com to get facebook survey’s and quizzes like this one? no. 128. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? scared always, but i push to be excited for it. 129. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? i hate meeting new people. 130. What is the most motivational thing in the world? idk.

[oceanicplanets]

It took me a long time to realize that included me. When I was younger, I could go hungry at a restaurant because I was scared to give the cashier my order, and then a few hours later, I would be on stage at my weekly drama class, strutting my stuff with my performing arts pals. My hand would often be the first to shoot up in the classroom, but I once burst into tears when I had to read an essay of mine aloud. I baffled my parents and my friends—the drama kids couldn’t figure out why I turned into a wallflower offstage, and everyone else in my life didn’t know what to make of me when I wasn’tacting shy.To put it simply, I was TERRIFIED of negative attention. I’d rather freeze up and not do anything at all than say the wrong thing and be criticized for it. At the same time, I was hungry for praise, and I structured my life around getting a lot of it. I was good in school, so I spoke up in class and took every extracurricular that I had room for. Teachers loved me and I won academic awards left and right. Drama allowed me to express myself without having to come up with my own words, and as long as I worked really hard to please the director, I couldn’t go wrong—at least not until I left school. My community-theater dreams were shattered by three failed auditions, and afterwards I stuck to classes and clubs, where I was always guaranteed parts.This anxiety didn’t end in the classroom. I’m a naturally shy person, and I used to want all my interactions to go perfectly, so I practically wrote them out in advance, always terrified that the other person would go off-script and force me to think on my feet. If I was ordering food, for example, I’d expect the waitress to ask what I wanted, I’d tell her, then she would leave. If she unexpectedly asked me what toppings or sides I wanted with my burger, I was rattled and took WAY too long to decide. Or, worse, she might be chatty and ask a completely unrelated question about my day, and now my whole narrative was off and I wouldn’t know how to answer. Do I just say “good” or do I give a full rundown, and then how do I segue back to my order, and oh no, I’m taking too long to answer and I look like an idiot, WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME? Basically, even the prospect of feeling awkward counted as negative attention, which made me more awkward, because now I was this creepy quiet girl who would turn into stone when asked to do ordinary things like order a hamburger.I can’t tell you how many times my parents cajoled me into doing something I didn’t want to do, like cash a check at the bank, and then I’d make a tiny little mistake, like writing down my routing number instead of my account number, and I’d stutter a little bit but pretend to laugh it off even though I was dying inside, because I’d made a stupid mistake and now that teller was thinking that I was a dumb teenager who didn’t know how banking works. I’d get outside and yell at my parents “DID YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED? You made me do this and it all went wrong and don’t you feel terrible?” And they’d just shake their heads wondering where they went wrong raising me.In those cases, my social anxiety was extreme and noticeable, but I think the more damaging stress I dealt with is something that many, many people experience: I was working so hard to be perfect that I took any sort of reprimand or critique or social misstep as a judgment on my character.As you can imagine, school was a minefield. When I was six or seven, I once got caught climbing a tree on the playground, and I’ll never forget how sick I felt after my teacher yelled at me to get down. It was like I’d done something very, very wrong and it could never be rectified. I couldn’t understand why all my friends, who’d also gotten scolded, were able to happily play somewhere else—it took me all day to get over it.In high school, I wanted to get good marks on all my assignments, because being an honors student earned me the praise I desired, but also because when I didn’t live up to my high standards, I’d be crushed. Math was my weak point, and the few Cs that made it onto my report cards stood out as black marks that would forever paint me as a failure. Even constructive criticism could shake me up, like the note I once got on a creative writing assignment to come up with a “punchier ending.” The teacher loved the piece, but the ending was mediocre and now that I was aware of it, I felt terrible for turning in that piece of crap.That same sick feeling I got as a kid after climbing that tree was triggered any time I did something wrong, like accidently hurt someone’s feelings or make a mistake at work. A gentle reprimand—“you did this incorrectly, please fix it, and don’t do it again”—sounded to me like someone screaming at me. I once forgot to return a book I’d borrowed from school before summer break, and I’m not exaggerating at all when I say it took me about EIGHT YEARS to be able to hear the name Nancy Drew without feeling shame. I was certain that the teacher who lost it harbored a grudge against me, so I hid the book in my room and spent the next decade or so fighting random spikes of anxiety whenever I thought about it.After high school, criticism becomes even more common, while praise is harder to come by. College professors don’t get excited just because you understand the coursework, and your manager at the big box store you’re working at on weekends probably won’t even notice you unless you screw up. It was a big change, and it forced me to make an important adjustment: I had to start looking to myself for encouragement. Was this essay/poster/poem something I could be proud of? Did I do the best I could? Did I have fun doing it? I started doing photography as a hobby, just so I could look at all my pretty pictures, and spent ridiculous amounts of time on projects that had no purpose except for the fun of creating them, like the time I started making wall art out of old sticky notes. And this was surprisingly easy—it turned out that pride in yourself for hard work feels just as good as praise from another person.Learning to deal with criticism, on the other hand, was much harder. My constant fear of failure was starting to interfere with my schoolwork, because I’d procrastinate to stave off the possibility of not excelling, and then I’d turn in less-than-stellar work anyway, because I didn’t give myself enough time to complete it. So my freshman year of college, I made the big decision to see a school counselor. And, man, I wish I’d done it a lot earlier.One of the very first things my counselor did was ship me off to a doctor for anti-anxiety medication. Once I was on the right cocktail of pills, I felt like a new person. Suddenly, talking was a little less scary, and the shame of failure was much more fleeting. (Not everyone who has anxiety needs drugs to cope, but if you feel it’s interfering with everyday life, I do recommend at least talking to your doctor.) I also started therapy, and my counselor really helped change my outlook on the world. In some cases, I just needed practice. She’d give me assignments to do things I found terrifying, like asking for a job application at a local fast-food restaurant, and I slowly gained more confidence in my ability to handle these kinds of interactions. Most of my fears of rejection were in my head—no one ever told me, “Wow, you really effed up that conversation!”I also talked about other things that were bothering me, and I got some clarity. Everyday schoolwork just wasn’t important enough for me to feel so stressed about it, and furthermore, it was OK to fail. I took this message in, and when I started to crash and burn in college biology, I didn’t force myself to stick it out. I accepted that biology and I were just never going to get along, and I dropped the course. Just a year before, I would have berated myself for weeks this for doing this, but now I only felt relief.A year or two after I graduated high school, I had a conversation with my old algebra teacher. I said something about being bad at math, and he told me that I was never bad at math—my other classes just came so easily to me that I didn’t know what it was like to struggle to learn something. He pointed out that many of my classmates celebrated when they got a C. My perspective had been so skewed that I assumed I had really embarrassed myself by not being the best, and that others thought less of me as a result.I realize now no one is thinking as hard about me as I am. That teacher on the playground was just worried that I’d fall, and she probably forgot about the incident five minutes later, while I’m still thinking about it 15 years later. My creative writing teacher just wanted to help me improve my story. Waitresses and bank tellers have dealt with literally thousands of small mistakes and awkward moments over the years.Earlier today, I made a rather large mistake at my day job, resulting in my having to send a correction email to several thousand people. It was really, really embarrassing. But instead of retreating in panic and begging my boss not to fire me, I calmly apologized and then wrote a self-deprecating Facebook post so that EVERYONE had an opportunity to laugh at me. It felt a lot better than mentally beating myself up.On the flip side, with the understanding that my failures were not permanent came the knowledge that most of my accomplishments have been similarly fleeting. My academic awards have done absolutely nothing for me apart from a few moments of pride and fodder for scholarship applications. Most of the compliments I got from my drama teacher are just fuzzy memories today.I’m not saying that any of this was worthless. Being a good student served me well, but not because my teachers loved me—rather because it gave me skills and opportunities to move on in life. It’s important to work hard and nurture ambition, but for the right reasons—not to escape criticism, but because it makes you happy. It’s better to learn from your mistakes than not to make them at all. ♦