#can you tell im experiencing a crisis this is like the 6th time ive posted about dan and phil this month

[pissfartboy]

someone should commission me for the price of a Dan and Phil tour mezzanine ticket

[haunted-dinosaur-lover]

2-6-24

ive denied system rumors for so long, maybe since like 6th grade when i like found what it was, and then refound it sometime in 10th grade, and im always like

hmm, interesting

we'll come back to this eventually,

and then i dont!

and its been fine but wvery time it does come back i go into a mild crisis about it, it always sends me into questioning my memory and trauma.

maybe trauma related? or like major stressor something like that, cause i only came back up when something else came back up after arizona.

----

but either im schizophrenic and just having delusions and paranoid thoughts, or i truly am experiencing symptoms of a dissociative disorder.

I have parts of my day that are just gone. I did them, i know i did them but I for damn sure didnt do it.

I "talk" to myself but like not to myself not just mental checks, full thoughts that are not my own.

I right now am thinking about it a little bit more bc of **** but its something thats been mildly haunting me for so long.

I think im faking this, but also the extent that I believe its happening and is like and active part of my life that im actively pushing down. Because like, these thoughts are my own but also theyre not, someone else is saying these thoughts and I have a completely separate brain to what this other person is saying to me.

i hear 3 possibly 4 in my head that are regulars.

Mara

Mars

Gaby

but details are a little blurry, i can tell you about me now;

im 19, bout to turn 20

love RKS, struggle with an ED. Mars. Hi this is mars. im trans??? He/him i guess. either way, im very gay.

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I've been writing this post since yesterday around 10 am so at least i can fit in the other one,

-- lol no

Mara - 22 - corporate girly by day, raver by night. I like Hyper-pop EDM and stuff like that, i use she/they. im bi, mildly on the straighter side of things. Im the one thats been mostly hosting for at least the past year pre-december.

Mars is the more disordered part of my brain i guess, comes back and gets us through the trauma. well actually i dont know. as i was writing this i think no one is perfect. Mars is the one currently dealing with the ED but is not the one with the ED trauma, theres no recolection of what happened last time.

Gaby - Gibby, idk, its hard to talk about other people when theyre not here. I believe gaby is 16, bi, NB. introverted, on the shyer side. Not as socially set as others, i believe they have not changed since 3 amigos in 2020. scene indie 2020 emo kid.

Its weird. I cant tell you more about them as i am not there rn. Currently Mara is here, were listening to hyper-pop. I was able to eat lunch with my friend fairly guilt free until about the end but im okay now.