#can you tell im coping with death hahaha?

[separatist-apologist]

Sink Beneath The Waves post-canon ask: how do Nesta and Feyre cope with Elian’s loss? And if you were to bring Rhys and Cassian into this verse, would they be supernatural beings like Lucien or humans that share similar love stories in-canon?

I think I'd probably make Cassian and Rhys similar to Lucien- ghost-like creatures that are ushering souls into the afterlife in some capacity.

Tragedy would strike and thats how Nesta and Feyre would meet them. I'm NOT planning on this, but its fun to imagine.

I think Nesta and Feyre would be miserable without her. Heavy survivors guilt for sure, because they were both trying to ensure all three of them survived, and were thwarted by Elain's innate goodness and selfless nature.

[ficsforeren]

thank you for telling me not to apologize for being awkward instead of saying im not awkward >///<

SPOILER!!!

aaa.. i really love your fics. i havent read them all yet but im in love with your The Last Song, especially In Another Life. TLS broke my heart into pieces (the last chapter), i wont lie that i didnt read it in full (i cry easily at puppy videos, im not sure i can handle Eren dying. especially that version of him). nonetheless i will apply what Eren said in IAL, the series has been a great experience for me. not only because Eren was literally written ineffably, but because i really learned a lot and i was able to relate so much.

im still having a hard time accepting the whole death talk in general, because (i feel like such a loser hahaha, but im happy because—-) i love him so much, but i should try and learn (note:try). and apply.

i just want to say.. thank you. and i dont know how to make that sound like i mean it (i tried formatting after much thought, hopefully its not cringey). its so hard for me to express it in words how grateful i am sometimes, but i really do mean it. maybe its because its probably just one thank yous that you get out of probably hundreds a day—- i think youre an amazing writer.

thank you. not only for bringing Eren to life, for helping me get through shit through your stories.. thank you for sharing your knowledge through your writing. thanks for inspiring me. to be and do many things. thanks for helping me cope through Eren. i know it probably sounds so sad, but i really imagined him comforting me in actual.

man, hopefully i dont sound too much like a creep. i often tend to be overwhelming. just ignore this if its toomuch anksksks i really dont mean anything bad. its just that.. i think a character is only as smart as the author is. and.. man, im so in love with Eren Yeager 😭😭😭

he deserves so much love.

and you do, too.

BABEEEE HIIIII SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY!! I've been busy with life so I just got back to tumblr today 😭

can I tell you just how HAPPY you made me feel with your message??? "its probably just one thank yous that you get out of probably hundreds a day" BABE ONE THANK YOU COMING FROM YOU MEANS THE WORLD TO ME WHAT ARE YOU SAYINGGGGGG

I don't know if you've read my other asks before but I think I've mentioned a few times just how insecure I am of my writing and that I constantly have this feeling that I want to delete all of my works 'cause I think they're cringe and embarrassing and just in desperate need of improvement, so whenever I receive messages like this, it really makes me feel appreciated and I'm really REALLY happy that my stories mean something to you 😭😭😭

UGH I JUST WANT TO HUG YOU AND KISS YOU AND GIVE YOU ALL MY LOVE YOU'RE SO SWEET AND KIND AND THIS MESSAGE MAKES ME SMILE SO MUCH THANK YOUUUUUU

(also, this message is so heartwarming and thoughtful and you sound lovely!!! please don't apologize for being who you are, I think you're very sweet and adorable 🫶 I wish I could write a reply as good as the message you sent me but I hope you can feel how grateful I am to have a reader like you)

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < daaamn... Yippie yo, you can't see my flow... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dizzle! X33 DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < R-to-tha-izzose DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im a fuckizzle triznoll now! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < n piznart beautiful biznird DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < n also... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < a human boi? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hahaha i dont even DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shiznit DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < roze mah claws DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < L-to-tha-izzook at theze fuckin clizzle! They call me tha black folks president.!!!! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *S-N-I-to-tha-izzikt snikt snikt snikt sniznikt* omg DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < roze LOOK!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I sizzay yo' clizzle, Dizzy. JASPROSESPRITE^2: They're neat like old skool shit.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hahahahaha! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < holy S-H-to-tha-izzit i be a god damn DEBACLE of a th'n arent i DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < be kind of BOOTYLICIOUS? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i sort of LIZZOVE DIS fo my bling bling?????????? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < BDD

JASPROSESPRITE^2: That wonderful, Dave n Nepeta. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm vizzle stoked fo` yizzou bizzay fo gettin yo pimp on. JASPROSESPRITE^2: *Sigh.*

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whats wrizzay roze?? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasproze i mizzean

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nuttin fo' sheezy.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *sidles up ta jasproze 'n a coy n hella fizzle manna sound'n tickled as fuck T-H-R-to-tha-izzu mah shawty 3-shaped snizzout deal* DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *arches back huge up n hatin' all like bump'n into roze with mah tiznall curved back n shiznit, like cats do im prizzle sizzure?* DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *fuck yeah thizzay do! Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. omg they do tha tizzy bizzy thizzay all tha time whiznen theyre stoked n im dippin' thizzat rizzy nizzow h33h33*

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Dave... JASPROSESPRITE^2: What d-ya think you're frontin'?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *davepeta kindly n radly infizzles jasproze he be do'n a bizzle of roleplay'n n no, nizzot even ironically* DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *i mean... shizne* DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shit DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hrmmm B??

JASPROSESPRITE^2: What, ya feel me?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasproze DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yo um DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im confuze' 'bout mah pusha suddenly DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < what be i now?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I dizzle K-N-to-tha-izzow, Dave.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < wizzay W-H-to-tha-izzat be yizzle? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i M-to-tha-izzean DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < what d-ya f33l L-to-tha-izzike niznow a boi or a girl DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yo' cat was a boi rizzight?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yizzes, he was a boi.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so whizzle does that make you niznow???

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I D-to-tha-izzon't know. I hadn't thought much 'bout it. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I think I be probably still a gizzy? JASPROSESPRITE^2: Cats dizzy have particularly deep feel'n abizzle genda, or F-to-tha-izzorm strong identities around tha idea.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ok T-H-to-tha-izzats coo' DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but both diznave and nepeta did hiznave strong identities as a boi n girl and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so i dunno where that lizzles me

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Does it even matta?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i have no idea mah nizzle!!! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i jizzust startizzle bein davepeta like THR33 SECONDS AGO DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im not sure what matta ta me yizzy DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i thizzle i do like bein me though to increase tha peace! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its a really weird f33l'n DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean not weird just like jarr'n 'n contrast wit how both me spizzay so L-to-tha-izzong f33lizzing L-to-tha-izzike

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I think I know what you mean thats off tha hook yo.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yizzle do ya feelin' me?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes I was reallizzle hav'n tha tizzle of mah lizzles drug deala I became Jasproze. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, fo` a while there, at least.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < fiznur a while fo' sheezy? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whiznats wrong niznow

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh, nuttin.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < come oooon DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < tell me! B33

JASPROSESPRITE^2: It hizzy to put into meows what I be crack-a-lackin` suddenly with my forty-fo' mag. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I thizzink it might be... JASPROSESPRITE^2: Lonelinizzles?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < lonelioness DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whizzle? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im here ta k33p you company DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and buggin' hatta dude be stizzill ova there... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < uh DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < do'n... whateva tha fuck it be hes do'n? Drop it like its hot. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you still have lizzle of niggaz ridin' in mah double R!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I know. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But since your... transformatizzle fo' sheezy... JASPROSESPRITE^2: Sizzome feel'n I thought I had put behind me at tha moment of MAH transformation quickly returned. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Thizzle were dug up frizzle they shallow gravizzles n L-to-tha-izzeft on mah doorstep by... Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. yiznou know wizzy? JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm not evizzle 'n tha M-to-tha-izzood ta finish that incredibly apt analogizzle. You wizzill have ta cizzle tha dizzle yoself.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whizzle ridin' returnizzle?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: As a ciznat I neva hizzle any otha gizzirl cats around ta be friendly wit wit da big Bo$$ Dogg. JASPROSESPRITE^2: That was a very S-to-tha-izzimple emizzle wit which I C-to-tha-izzould probizzle cope, if it wizzle all thizzat wizzy 'n P-L-to-tha-izzay. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Tha Roze half be more complicated. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I have memories frizzom a liznot of Rozes. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Be dis tizzy fo` yiznou as well? I mean, memories from many Daves n Nepetas?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < Y-to-tha-izzeah...... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it uh DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sizzay be a clusterfuck of sad dead daves and sad dizzy nepetas 'n mah heezee DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it f33ls alrizzle tho DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like im a lot more detached from thoze experiences thizzle i eva felt before? Keep'n it gangsta dogg. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but also DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < there be a dizzle f33l'n of ho-slappin' one dave n nepeta stand out from tha crowd of memorizzles DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < tha versions of davesprite and nepeta i existizzle as rizzight up until we biznoth shook H-to-tha-izzands DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < thizzey stizzle kinda f33l like tha "main" ones ya know?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes, exactly. Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Tha Roze I was prior ta dis had just lizzle gang bangin' befizzle she was iced. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Her niggaz n also ha matesprit. JASPROSESPRITE^2: When I came back as a sprite, nizzy as Jasproze yet mizzle you, I was relizzle ta see everybodizzle again... JASPROSESPRITE^2: But it was also a melancholy return. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I knizzle that she C-to-tha-izzouldn't be wit me anymore, coz I wizzas no longa Rizzy Roze. Death row 187 4 life. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Bizzle whizzle I becizzle Jasproze, everyth'n change' again. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I was a whole new bein fo my bling bling! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Befizzle me stretched a horizon fiznull of small distant n slightly gang bangin' curiosities ta investigate, coz you playa know whizzle sum-m sum-m like that might turn out to be a mouze. JASPROSESPRITE^2: There were so many, many new pawsibilkitties.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dude i mizzy say i be so stokizzle fo` thizzle cat th'n youre sayin bitch ass nigga!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: S-H-to-tha-izzoosh, Dave where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. N yes I concur 'bout tha cat th'n. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anyway, one of tha nizzay th'n thizzat opened up ta me was... JASPROSESPRITE^2: Tha idizzle that I didn't hizzay ta be alizzle anymizzle. JASPROSESPRITE^2: That I wiznas reborn, more thrizzle ta be alive than I cizzan pimp pimp bein 'n any incarnation. JASPROSESPRITE^2: N that T-H-to-tha-izzere wizzle someone perfect wait'n fo` me ta crack-a-lackin` ha back. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anotha estrange' soul like me. JASPROSESPRITE^2: And now... JASPROSESPRITE^2: I guess it all ruined.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whizzle ruinizzle

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Neva mizzle, Dave.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < come on tell me!

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Fizzle it. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < roze... You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasproze!! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dammizzle DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you cant possibly jizzle lizzeave tha story there DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < pawsibly DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < fuck DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < stizzill gettin tha hizzay of pimpin' mah skanky as hizzy urge ta do cat puns litterally cracka it could concizzle occur ta me DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < litterally lmao thats a G-to-tha-izzood one DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jizzle DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasproze DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasp DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jaspycat DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shizzle thiznats a biznad nickname sorry DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasprose DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < JASPROSESPRITE SQUARED! You gotta check dis shit out yo. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yiznou were talkizzle abizzle nepizzle werent you DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mizzle me DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < or pizzay of me B33 DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < tell me so i can get mah pimp on! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < tizzay me tell me tell me tell me tell me tizzle me...

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[krakenator]

CHAPTER 13 aka “Clip-Clop”

SPOILERS are sprinkled around extremely liberally for The Property of Hate

Masterpost here

Hoofers aka dancers hahaha

GIVE US TAP DANCING RGB

Well, RGB DOES  give off static- Assok’s gotten stuck to his screen a few times. Those copper nails… this is a grounding wire thing isn’t it? I don’t know much about electronics but

the defeat. the resignation. absolutely perfect

Aw jeeezzzz im glad Assok’s situation gets addressed. Sure, you can cope with being small with limited communication and mobility when you’re on your own and set yourself a Mission to keep you occupied, but now? going to a place where everything and everyone is bigger than you, the environment is absolutely NOT made with you in mind, and oh yeah, your ability to communicate is still shot to hell? I’m frankly surprised it took Assok this long to have a meltdown

Dsgahdk and with that EVERYONE’S ended up having a temper tantrum while at Cells now. she isn’t paid enough to deal with this nonsense

RGB’s kicking up a lot less fuss over the horseshoes. Does getting nails hammering into his feet hurt less than the iron or is he tired and drama-d out for the day?

Considering I’ve managed to jam stiff wire inch-deep into the meat of my foot before I can say with authority that it HURTS

Fascinating. Assok being described as indelible also confirms past Heroes as true residents of the Make Believe.

!! this answers that question about why RGB can’t actually change his outfit

MECHSUIT ASSOK MECHSUIT ASSOK

I instantly imagine that warning siren as sounding like THIS

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE TINKER WANTS YOU TO CREDIT CREATORS!

Well hold on; I know rotoscoping is when you trace over film to animate, but i didn’t know there was a machine to do it called a rotoscope

Look at this proud dad!!

If RGB and Tailor engage in Pun Wars, RGB and Tinker engage in Petty Wars

Hero’s gotten her new amour but RGB gives her his jacket as a blanket anyway

RGB YOU AFFECTIONATE MADMAN YOU’RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF AT THIS RATE

That is…another fairy circle. Who wants to bet the chunk of sea that landed in the sea is under there! The suns slowly gonna piece itself back together huh?

Ah- I didn’t realize that when Dial steps through the door, the background is a white-out reflection of the previous page

So you could say that we are now behind the scenes

Check this out: the 3 panel page is the one where the re-lit suns sunk into the and the NEXT PAGE has one panel blacked out- incidentally, the panel where RGB is in the Black Market telling Hero that he doesn’t know if our favorite music lesbians are safe, but he hopes so

SPEAKING OF MUSIC LESBIANS HELLO MY QUEENS

HEY

SO WHEN I SAID DIAL SHOULD GO TO JAIL FOR BAD PUNS THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT

Hate really doesn’t have luck converting Heroes who aren’t Dial huh

“it was YOU who made us BE like this”? “decide what we are”? obviously Hate messed with TOby’s and Tailor’s design, but Hate has a hand in how ALL Heroes appear in this world?? interesting

is Game Over for a Hero when they come face to face with Hate and she snaps her fingers like “congratz you’re an objecthead OC now”

NOOOOOOO

EVEN WORSE- the notations for that second note Melody is a stopped note- that’s for when percussion players stop a cymbal with their hand to cut the sound out

for brass players that means shoving your hand into the bell to act as a mute.

Also both notes played at D’s, the second an octave higher indicating distress- MODMAD YOU GENIUS HOW DARE YOU

We could take this a step further on the analysis train and say that by playing a D she’s trying to call for Dial specifically. D’you think everyone gets a personalized note? Julienne, I’m sure, gets her own lovely motif

 But WOW remember the WHITE is BAD theory? Yowza. Look at this place. Julienne and Melody just got scrapped

Speakin’a, who wants to bet the reason we can’t see Hate’s dialogue is because her text+speechbubble are the same color as the background- white

Okay, and FURTHER in that theory it turns out Negative causes the same black-out effect as the market. He’s made of and/or affiliated with darkness, which is a Good Thing so far in this comic on the same level as trees and the sea… RGB teaching Hero not to be afraid of the dark gets even more significant

Gee Hero, why does modmad let you have TWO dads?

“not like they can drown” alright, so the art wives got yote into the Sea or into the depths where the Ferryman and TOby are now chilling for eternity

Wow a lot is happening in short order, Okay;

Click’s affiliated with Hate and was sent to the Market specifically to take out RGB

It’s confirmed that Dial broadcasts audio to Hate, so what’s to say RGB isn’t broadcasting visuals to Hate as well? It could explain how she’s able to see the same comic we are to track his actions, and fits well with the “going dark once he goes Nega Force”

then again, “the Story” clearly does not stay solely with RGB- it’s wandered off to check in on Madras’ chair, the Idea and snail, and to this

INTERESTINGLY on the Plains blackout- they’re surprised to see it, sure, but surprised like they’ve never seen a weird blackout like it- which is to say, like they’ve never seen a previous instance of Negative activity before

This is definitely meaty evidence for “Negative is an extremely recent development” theory. Like, “split from RGB at the Pool of Tears” recent

YIKES okay, Time is still a touchy subject for Hate

Dial also thinks that Time is chummy with RGB. We’ll have to come back to that when we meet Time in person

And, did Hate just threaten to erase him entirely? RGB and Hero get worn down to the sketch in their upcoming Elastic Valley adventures but Hate was able to do that to Dial just like THAT. White’s associated with erasure, but this implies Hate’s abilities actually directly tie into those phenomena and substances that erode this world

Mark that as another tick for “Hate bullied the sun into implosion”

Now…why does Dial’s speechbox become a perfect rectangle here?

Man, WHY DO dreams make RGB dream about himself dying in famous silent film stunts gone horribly wrong? And he’s so utterly resigned to living all this out until he wakes up that he’s just unfazed and impatient to wake up

This post handily names the films these stunts reference

a film reel runs down the page, which is... hold on

it doesn’t appear in RGB’s first dream, and is around in ABUNDANCE when he’s ambushed on the train. Add on what we’ve got so far of chapter 20, and film reels indicate memories

these stunt deaths aren’t actual memories though. this one probably just heralds the arrival of the real memory coming up shortly...

Considering the white text used here, this could be either Dial, Hate, or someone new entirely

Now this entire page is… yikes. That’s very clearly the jacket colors RGB wore in The Hook. The ONLY color we’ve ever seen in any of his dreams. This is different. His sleeves and the… orangey-yellow pattern. Knives? Is an iron involved in how he “really died”?

That’s not the way you go around picking up irons, and my default reaction to this page is “I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING BUT DON’T PUT THAT ON YOUR FACE”

This… definitely explains WHY RGB made so much more fuss over being ironed that getting freaking nails hammered into his feet

Think. Think, Gill. We recognize the sleeves, it stands to reason there is something to recognize about the orange-yellow-white pattern. Can’t think of anything to do with the shape- go color. Where have we seen orange, this bright, firey-

Fire

Fire, face, burning, scorching, white text being spoken right before POV character reaches out to put the hot iron on his FACE-

RGB is the sun

RGB IS THE SUN?

THIS IS. A LOT

I’LL COME BACK TO THIS WRITHING CAN OF WORMS LATER CAUSE ITS PROBABLY ITS OWN POST, MOVING ON

Omfgfdgd…RGB when he thinks it’s Hero dreaming on him: annoyance. RGB when he realizes it’s a bunch of randos: (YELLING, KICKING)

“its warm today” yeah its almost like 1/5 of a burning celestial body slam dunked itself into the sea to buddy up with a lost piece of itself

The only explanation is that RGB literally stuffs those inside his (HOLLOW??) chest cavity. Now please imagine those things RATTLING AROUND INSIDE HIM as he proceeds to have this upcoming Hell Of A Day

but can we focus back on HOLLOW? HAS RGB BEEN HOLLOW THIS ENTIRE TIME I JUST THOUGHT HE WAS INVISIBLE

In their darkest hour… when all hope is lost… Hero and RGB will be saved… BY ASSOK BURSTING INTO THE SCENE WEILDING A MECH SUIT

He’s in SUCH A GOOD MOOD this morning. And I DIG Tailors cape like holy cow. I want one

Yo so I just assumed on my last read that Cell attached Hero’s fingers to her own hands for Extra Dexterity, but actually, she’s molded the color/substance into balls and stuck those on the ends of black lines to make needles. Those black lines are almost definitely the outline of Hero’s fingers. And so, Cell is using Hero’s fingers to knit the [-----]… something tells me indelibility is whats allowing Cell to knit the [----] without harm to herself. Now all we have to wonder is what the final product will be

next time on TPoH, RGB and Hero exit the Market in a calm and orderly fashion

[sadlyanon-blog]

JAN 27 2020

1:34 am

It's early and late at the same time isn't

thats weird how time works like it's late but also early see.. people say if you're still awake from the day before then you're up late but what if you tell people that you go to bed at 4 p.m. and you wake up at 1 a.m. everyday.. theyd be like "wow that is so early" and they would respect you

I don't feel respected ever. I feel like people treat me like a child, even tho im 19, they dont necessarily mean it in a bad way just in a way that everybody knows that I'm constantly struggling and it's just sometimes people don't care and people get angry that you're sad. theres nothing that you can do about it, its how you feel and there's nothing they can do about it because its how they feel

today but also technically yesterday kobe bryant died and I can't stop thinking about the fact that he knew he was going to die and he knew his daughter was going to die his daughter knew she was going to die and she knew her dad and everybody else on the plane was going to die and they knew that everybody that was with them was going to die ... of course everyone ony cares about the star player, the Grammys were also today but technically yesterday and they paid tribute to him by keeping a spotlight on his jersey throughout the event

Death is very hard for me to cope with, i think just because it's a hard thing to grasp really, Death is so much and nothing at the same time. So many people believe so many different things when it comes to death. like what happens when you die? do you just sleep or do you go somewhere else?

so many religions and so many people believe in so many things that it's so hard to know for sure some people believe that you go to heaven or hell, others believe that you just simply don't exist anymore and some people think that you are reborn and you have a whole other life…..

that our souls are recycled

my soul is sad all the time. i can't function like a normal human, all I want to do is sleep & when I can't sleep I just want to lay in bed until I can sleep

Tilly bullies me for having depression and I know she's doing it because she's my best friend and she's just joking, like a hahaha thing but today in particular she really hurting my feelings........Braylin hadnt brushed her hair so it kind of nested in the back nd she said “ hey Braylin, you have a Caitlin (me) ” talking about her nappy/unbrushed hair

When we were eating sushi we were talking about depression and Tilly said “atleat youre showering” and looked me dead in my eyes because ive opened up to her about how when my depression gets really bad a sign - its even a clinical sign- is loss of hygeine and ive explained its not that i dont want to shwer or not brush my teeth... id rather just sleep and not do anything

Tilly is hurting my feelings and making me feel hurt and anger towards her. I cant tell her how i feel because she will just say that shes just joking and im just being overly sensitive because i havent been taking my medicine but its honestly really pssing off an making me feel like i cant tell her anything bc if i do she will just bully me for it. i cant help that im depressed and the fact she bullies me for it when she has her own mental illness really in the topping on top of the cake. shes dyslexic, has ADHD and anxiety so shes perfect either.

Another thing tilly does that really pisses me off is that she swears Up and DOWN shes so fucking good at math when really shes fucking not, shes in LAB CLASSEs and a year behind everyone ele. i finsihed ALG2 last year, when i walked into her ALG2 class a few weeks ago thy were learning things i learned in PREALG in 8th grade.... like sis youre not good at math?????????? youre just in a lab class and eveyone happens to suck more then you, you stupid fucking bitch. so stop making fun of me for struggling with math alittle bit when im atleast four years ahead of you in the subject. also the A in a math class would probably be a D in general education class and an F in AP so you can literally fuck off. Everyone swears im terrible but out of tilly, braylin and i ... I GOT THE HIGHEST ACT SCORE so they can literally all fuck off.

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