sadlyanon-blog

[sadlyanon-blog]

JAN 27 2020

1:34 am

It's early and late at the same time isn't

thats weird how time works like it's late but also early see.. people say if you're still awake from the day before then you're up late but what if you tell people that you go to bed at 4 p.m. and you wake up at 1 a.m. everyday.. theyd be like "wow that is so early" and they would respect you

I don't feel respected ever. I feel like people treat me like a child, even tho im 19, they dont necessarily mean it in a bad way just in a way that everybody knows that I'm constantly struggling and it's just sometimes people don't care and people get angry that you're sad. theres nothing that you can do about it, its how you feel and there's nothing they can do about it because its how they feel

today but also technically yesterday kobe bryant died and I can't stop thinking about the fact that he knew he was going to die and he knew his daughter was going to die his daughter knew she was going to die and she knew her dad and everybody else on the plane was going to die and they knew that everybody that was with them was going to die ... of course everyone ony cares about the star player, the Grammys were also today but technically yesterday and they paid tribute to him by keeping a spotlight on his jersey throughout the event

Death is very hard for me to cope with, i think just because it's a hard thing to grasp really, Death is so much and nothing at the same time. So many people believe so many different things when it comes to death. like what happens when you die? do you just sleep or do you go somewhere else?

so many religions and so many people believe in so many things that it's so hard to know for sure some people believe that you go to heaven or hell, others believe that you just simply don't exist anymore and some people think that you are reborn and you have a whole other life…..

that our souls are recycled

my soul is sad all the time. i can't function like a normal human, all I want to do is sleep & when I can't sleep I just want to lay in bed until I can sleep

Tilly bullies me for having depression and I know she's doing it because she's my best friend and she's just joking, like a hahaha thing but today in particular she really hurting my feelings........Braylin hadnt brushed her hair so it kind of nested in the back nd she said “ hey Braylin, you have a Caitlin (me) ” talking about her nappy/unbrushed hair

When we were eating sushi we were talking about depression and Tilly said “atleat youre showering” and looked me dead in my eyes because ive opened up to her about how when my depression gets really bad a sign - its even a clinical sign- is loss of hygeine and ive explained its not that i dont want to shwer or not brush my teeth... id rather just sleep and not do anything

Tilly is hurting my feelings and making me feel hurt and anger towards her. I cant tell her how i feel because she will just say that shes just joking and im just being overly sensitive because i havent been taking my medicine but its honestly really pssing off an making me feel like i cant tell her anything bc if i do she will just bully me for it. i cant help that im depressed and the fact she bullies me for it when she has her own mental illness really in the topping on top of the cake. shes dyslexic, has ADHD and anxiety so shes perfect either.

Another thing tilly does that really pisses me off is that she swears Up and DOWN shes so fucking good at math when really shes fucking not, shes in LAB CLASSEs and a year behind everyone ele. i finsihed ALG2 last year, when i walked into her ALG2 class a few weeks ago thy were learning things i learned in PREALG in 8th grade.... like sis youre not good at math?????????? youre just in a lab class and eveyone happens to suck more then you, you stupid fucking bitch. so stop making fun of me for struggling with math alittle bit when im atleast four years ahead of you in the subject. also the A in a math class would probably be a D in general education class and an F in AP so you can literally fuck off. Everyone swears im terrible but out of tilly, braylin and i ... I GOT THE HIGHEST ACT SCORE so they can literally all fuck off.

1:52 am

[sadlyanon-blog]

i promise i care much more than i show.