#can you tell i'm procrastinating on an article

[wardensantoineandevka]

tbh I feel like it says a lot about me that I had a conversation with a TTRPG editor in which I said out loud with my mouth, "We need to introduce the concept of mise-en-scène into our conversations and commentary on actual play. It'll make us all more obnoxious. Like, yeah, we'll start having conversations about what the elements of the production design contribute to the tone and narrative of the work instead of just talking about production values and polish, but mostly it'll make us all even more unbearably obnoxious. We should do it."

[actuallyadhd]

hello! i just saw your recent post about procrastination as a learned behavior and had a "....oh." moment after doing a bit of research. i thought things would be fixed when i got on meds, and they weren't. i started realizing that the reason i confused executive dysfunction and procrastination was because dysfunction made me start to think "well, i know i'm not going to get this done, so i might as well not try" and i started pushing things to the side. this felt a lot better short term, but it's not sustainable. i'm stressed all the time, and double stressed because i can't figure out how to stop.

i've been trying to figure out a way to get myself to just do things, but i don't know how, and knowing that it's a learned behavior helps me a lot, because now i know it's possible to unlearn it. do you have any advice? thank you.

Sent October 4, 2023

I'm so glad this helped you reframe your procrastination! I know how much it can help to realize that it might be possible to change things that feel impossible to change.

There are a number of different ways to deal with procrastination. I just learned a new method that I'm going to try, called the "Solve-It Grid", that has you categorize the things you need to do based on how they make you feel. What I like about this method is that it emphasizes how much ADHDers rely on how we feel to get us through the day, and it can help us get things done by getting us to consider how we feel and how the tasks will make us feel. The idea is that if we match our tasks to how we feel, things will be easier overall.

I linked above to the article on ADDitude about it, but I actually first heard about it on YouTube, via the channel Minimalist Home (link to video). I've been trying to use the TickTick app on my phone, but I find it really anxiety-inducing to have all these scheduled tasks telling me I didn't do them.

TickTick has an Eisenhower Matrix section, and I'd tried personalizing it using a slightly different method from the usual, but it wasn't quite as helpful as I'd hoped due to the due date issue. So now I've redone it and changed the requirements for each quadrant based on the Solve-It Grid. I'll try to remember to update you on how it's working out. (If you decide to try TickTick and would like help personalizing the Eisenhower Matrix section like I did, let me know and I'll see if I can make a video showing how.)

Several years ago, I read the book The Procrastination Equation, by Piers Steel. It was really good and had lots of interesting information in it. He talks about the different reasons people procrastinate and how to deal with each reason. He never hits on the whole executive dysfunction/ADHD part of it that affects us, but I found that if I applied his methods half the battle was done. As in, the ADHD part was still an issue, but the non-ADHD part was dealt with. Because as much as we all like to pretend that ADHD is the problem, the fact is that we aren't just ADHD. We have lots of other stuff going on in our heads, and those impact our functioning as well. I took loads of notes and am happy to share what I learned in a dedicated post if people are interested. (I thought I might have posted it already but I can't find it, and my notes are on my personal LJ so I can copy them over easy.)

-J

[thetruearchmagos]

Well, not 'need', wouldn't want to force you or anything, but I would be very appreciative of anything you do make! Also;

#thinking of#would you want to reblog it to your advice blog#i don't know how pure you want that blog to stay#but you can if you wish

I'd actually always wanted folks to submit stuff to the blog as they wished, particularly their own Military worldbuilding or any advice / details they'd like to share. So, I might not reblog your post(s), but if you want to cut some details out in a submission for AAA I'd definitely share it there!

Hellooo~

if I were to, hypothetically, write a post about the basics of writing horses and horse related things, what might you want to know from it? I figure I might cover gaits, equipment, the main different styles of riding, anything else?

Hello there! First of all, a hypothetical good luck! Secondly, after some thinking, I think I've got a short list for you.

What're some of the jobs and trades that would be needed to maintain a group of horses? Both in 'general', and with my Military focus.

How much food would they need, and what kinds?

What are some things to consider when it comes to transporting horses, particularly by ship?

[marshmallowprotection]

Could I request Saeyoung with an MC struggling with motivation for classes? I know I need to get them done but I would rather do pretty much anything else lmao

"Hey, kitty-cat. You've got that look on your face! You know, the one where your screen is flashing off and on at the start of an essay and you know there's work to be done but the words aren't there?"

You groaned. "Is that your way of trying to tell me you know I'm just procrastinating?"

"Actually," he chuckled, leaning over your shoulder to get a better look at the book you were staring at. "I was just going to say even if you do have the energy to write this paper, you're probably not going to get a lot of this article. I know a little about this subject, and it feels like the biggest mountain if you don't know where to start."

You glanced back at him and then at the screen. One of the reasons why it was so hard for you to get your work done was because you knew there was so much that had to be done now, but staring at a mountain made you not want to start at all. Why bother when there was hardly any time to get it done?

"I just... what's the point if I don't finish in time?"

That admission hurt.

"I have so much that needs to get done and not enough time to do it by myself."

You were doing everything you could, all the time, but it didn't feel like it was good enough. All the work that you were putting into your studies didn't feel like it was going to work out if you continued to hit a wall like this. You hated it.... You hated grinding for hours until there was nothing left to do but sleep.

You wanted to relax and have fun... you didn't want to burn your fingers to the grindstone.

Saeyoung was quiet for a moment, before he pulled a stack of your books into his arms, and planted his butt next to you. "Well, I know there's this saying... two heads are better than one? I can't get your work done for you, but I can annotate what you need so you can save some time. You'll have to read it later, so it's not really cheating when you look at it that way."

"Saeyoung..."

"Oh, don't 'Saeyoung, no', me. It's fine. I love learning and this helps me stay fresh! If I take some of the load, you'll feel that much better climbing this mountain."

"...Thank you."

[daphdarling]

Haikyuu matchups? =0 yes please!! =D

she/her, Aries Star + Taurus Rising, ENTP. I'm pan so any gender is fine with me =)

Personality: I'm usually a very optimistic and cheerful person. I have little to no volume control. I'm very open and friendly. I have a dark sense of humor. I'm a procrastinator with the attention span of a dragonfly. Not sure if it matters but I'm autistic and waiting on an ADHD diagnosis. I can read people's emotions pretty easily, and while I might not be the best at comforting people, I try my best!! As for flaws, I'm impulsive. I tend to act/speak before my brain can catch up with what I'm about to do, which causes problems often. I'm indecisive, stubborn, and a bit dishonest. I've been told I brighten up people's days, though sometimes I wish I knew how to brighten up my own day. I get frustrated and annoyed easily, and I'm very sensitive. People have told me I'm chaotic, though I'm not sure if I am. I'm energetic though, which might be why I'm drawn to people who are calm and have a comforting presence. I have a bad habit of picking/chewing on my fingernails.

Romance: My love language is physical affection. I'm a huge fan of subtle PDA. If I have a partner, I will hold their hand EVERYWHERE and give them random cheek/forehead kisses. Quality Time is also very important to me, and although sometimes this leads to me being clingy, I can tell when my partner needs space. Around my partner, I will try to flirt with them by using insults in a humorous way while also snapping at anyone who dares insult them. I will also try to learn more about their interests, and show them my own interests. I often find myself drawn to softies people who can balance me out. I often like to say I want a moon to my sun, though I'd also want them to be a bit similar to me so we have stuff to bond over.

Hobbies and random likes: I love listening to music! Mother Mother, Crane Wives, occasionally some Cavetown or Lana Del Ray. I also like to watch cartoons and play videogames. I love to come up with various food combinations, such as BBQ sauce on tacos or putting Cheetos in my ham sandwiches. I like singing too! I love the color orange, especially pastel orange. I also like sharks, reading articles on activism, and journalism. I love perfumes that have REAL smells, like mint and lemon and vanilla. I like collecting stickers, and temporary tattoos. My body is a canvas, and I intend to cover it head-to-toe in art. I also collect plushies!! And, of course, Indie Rock/Indie Folk music has my heart and soul forever.

Looks: short curly hair(side-shave) dyed bright blue, kinda flat, dark brown eyes, acne scars, 5'2(I'm not sure if that counts as short or tall)

Other: I have a pet hermit crab named Rocky and he is my son. When I grow up I want to grow the family and get a smol turtle!!

Dam... I just realized how long this is... I'm sorry for making you read all this ToT if it makes you feel better I think your blog is very pretty and I like it a lot, especially the aesthetic. I hope you have a great day!! =) here, have a song recommendation as a thank-you/congratulations for reading all this: Pelicans We by Cosmo Sheldrake

YOUR MATCHUP IS…

KEI TSUKISHIMA!!!

Personality Match:

Tsukishima is clever, a bit sarcastic, and has a darker sense of humor, which complements your own. While he can be reserved, he’s also capable of understanding emotions, making him a good fit for your empathetic nature.

Romantic Connection:

Tsukishima can be playful with his teasing, and your humorous insults would resonate with him. He appreciates quality time but doesn’t need constant attention, so he’d respect your need for space while also enjoying your affectionate nature.

Hobbies and Activities:

He enjoys reading and has a keen interest in strategy, which could lead to engaging conversations about various topics, including your interests in activism and journalism. You could bond over your shared moments, whether watching cartoons or discussing music.

Looks and Vibes:

Tsukishima’s tall and slightly aloof demeanor contrasts nicely with your bright energy. His calm presence would provide a balance to your impulsiveness, creating a dynamic relationship.

Final Thoughts

Together, you’d have a relationship filled with witty banter and deep conversations. Tsukishima’s understanding nature would help you navigate your feelings, while your lively spirit would bring excitement and fun to his life. You’d challenge and inspire each other beautifully!

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

I told my mother that I think I have ADHD a year ago. she clearly didn't think so, but booked a doctors appointment for me anyway, but she was clearly only entertaining the idea in a 'sure, the esster bunny is real' kind of way. we went to the doctors, she said 'do these two things and come back in a month'. I did. we didn't go back.

my friend with most of the same symptoms as me went and got a test done, and she was diagnosed with adhd. she said she asked the person who was testing her about me and my symptoms, and they said 'that definitely sounds like ADHD'. adhd and autism run in my family, but my mum doesn't seem to like the idea of me having it so she just dismisses me.

I was trying to explain how hard it is for me to get started on things, and she said 'you just need to figure it out'. no help offered at all. I was trying to explain sensory issues and she said 'it's not that bad, just deal with it'. I was trying to explain lack of emotional regulation (made worse by my period) and she said 'you need to calm down'. i was apologising for forgetting to do the laundry and she said 'you need to be better.' one time I went nonverbal and she was yelling at me to 'just speak, it can't be that damn hard'. my symptoms are always dismissed as 'find a way around it' or 'just do better'.

she just doesn't listen to me whenever I try to tell her something, yet she's always preaching that I can vent to her.

I wanna go back to the doctor but im scared she'll say no. it's just really hard to get shit done with her always breathing down my neck and telling me I need to do better, because I'm doing the very best I can but it's never good enough. I don't know what to do to get through to her

I'm sorry that this is long a turned into a vent... don't feel pressured to answer this

Hi there,

I’m sorry you’re going through something that seems very nerve racking. Have you tried explaining specifically why you can’t start a project and why you forget things.

Here’s an article about trouble getting started with tasks. It’s for adults, but I think it could be applied to teenagers too:

If you’re having trouble with chores, here’s a helpful blog post talk about making routines and checklists for chores:

Hopefully these can help. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[1moreff-creator]

Happy birthday to Min Jeung, the Ultimate Student!

As you may have noticed by my blog name and pfp, I relate to this girl more than what is probably considered healthy. I wanted to show appreciation by talking about her a bit in a half-baked character analysis, and explaining why I find her so amazing!

-Despite being the Ultimate Student, and by her own admission having dedicated her entire life to her talent, she isn't just a souless studying machine. She still makes time to participate in various school clubs and even has a procrastination problem. She is outright offended when Xander insinuates she must have no friends because of her talent. In this, she just like me fr.

-Despite excelling in academics, she has grown to dislike and resent the education system for the seemingly endless amount of information it forces its students to memorize without actually learning anything of value. In this, she just like me fr. Additionally, this fuels her surprisingly interesting dynamic with Xander, one which I may have to cover in another post. Wouldn't want you getting distracted from my post about the birthday girl with thoughts of the pretty British boy.

-Her studious nature has developed into an unrelenting curiosity for the most random shit you can imagine. One of her favorite pastimes is, after all, browsing W*******a articles. Because of this, her knowledge seems to know no rhyme or reason, as she is both perfectly capable of explaining the entire process of baking a cake down to the molecular level, while also not knowing anything about milk beyond how good it tastes. Yes, this is mostly based on that one joke, but in case you can't tell, there's not much info we have to analyse her character with and I'm also sort of projecting really hard. In this, she just like me fr.

-One of these peculiar curiosities are insects and other critters. She decorates cookies with centipedes, collects insects, and her character profile states she likes tarantulas (not an insect, but you know). I chose to believe this means she is a Ghost & Pals fan, and yes that's me projecting again. I, too, am obssessed with funky little animals, so in this, she just like me fr.

-She dislikes children. Based.

-She is kind and patient and maybe a little gay, helping Unnamed Classmate study for a test they are clearly not ready for. Although she can get exasperated by the other's laizzes faire approach to studying, she still puts up with it for her friend. In this, she just like me fr.

-She suffers from pretty bad impostor syndrome, not considering herself on the same level as other Ultimates because of the way she was accepted in. She seems comfortable hanging out with them, but deep down doesn't believe she deserves it. In this, she... isn't like me fr, thankfully. Dodged that trauma.

-Her impostor syndrome is only exacerbated by the fact she doesn't believe she was the highest scoring of the Ultimate Contest for Eminent Students, just the one that best fit the ideal of "Ultimate Student". She sees that as a badge of shame, as she considers herself neither the smartest nor the most knowledgeable from those who took the test. Especially if her secret is the one about poisoning the competition, as many believe. This highlights the needless competitiveness of the school system, where even the students doing well can sometimes feel insufficient or dissapointed if they are not the absolute top of their class, or they don't perform perfectly at every opportunity. ...she just like me fr-

-She feels uncertain of her future, as being the Ultimate Student does not seem to guarantee any kind of future success, nor does it help her narrow down what she wants to do in the future. This is a great representation of a common fear and worry of top students, who worry having so much of their life be defined by their excellence in academics will mean they won't know what to do with themselves once they stop studying. Well, I say it's common, but maybe it's just Min and I, because in this she just like me fr. I assure you, I am fine.

-She didn't mean to kill Xander. How tragic, for someone whose entire life was defined by the pressure to never make a mistake, to never fail and especially not fail that Contest for Eminent Students, who was promised a bright future if she only gave up her present and her past to a souless system that does not truly care about her; to have that future ripped out from her, just because of one mistake. She only wanted to save Teruko...

-Fukc Danganronap asdkanej I wil why did this happen why she was so great and smart and I loved her and fuak's sake why why why. She's the first killer death that hurt me the most, by far, and her hug with Teruko actually fucking destroyed me aaaaahhhh-

-I love DRDT so much, and thank it for being able to live up to its name and giving me the despair I crave. Although Min's death made me sad, it made me sad in the good way, and I thoroughly enjoyed her character as long as she lasted. She may be the best written first chapter death I've ever seen! :D

Now please let Veronika live past chapter 3-

Anyways, thanks for reading, and happy birthday to Min Jeung! I will go cry now.

Bonus: Here's just a few songs that remind me of her. You may not be able to tell, but I like Vocaloid.

+Abnormality Dancin' Girl by Guchiry

+Lost One's Weeping by Neru

+Aishite by Kikuo

+Entomologists by Ghost & Pals

+Star of the Show by Ghost & Pals

+Pathological Facade by Ghost & Pals

+Appetite of a People-Pleaser by, guess who, Ghost & Pals

+Marionette by KIRA

+Meltdown by iroha(sasaki)

And of course,

+Happy Birthday!

[sallow-tales]

Strong and Sweet – Garreth Weasley x GN!Reader

Summary: Modern coffee shop AU; The ever lovely Garreth Weasley catches your eye from behind the counter of your local cafe. Pure fluff.

A/n: Once I got this idea into my head, it would not leave, so here we are. It's been edited, but only lightly. This is genuinely the longest fic I've ever written, I'm usually a sucker for short and sweet, but not in this case. I'm pretty sure this is gender neutral, but once again let me know if you catch a mistake. Also, the topic of the paper is incredibly self indulgent. With love, your friendly neighborhood anthro major <3

Word Count: 2897

You let out a sigh, fingers pressing almost painfully to your temples as you stared at the screen in front of you. You’d been trying to write this damned essay for hours, but the words didn’t seem to want to get out of your brain and onto the page. Not to mention that nearly every potential source you found was useless to you for one reason or another. 

The article currently open on your computer began to swim in front of your eyes, words blurring together as you tried to read them. As much as you wished you could take a break, you’d procrastinated this paper for far longer than you should have, and you were now to the point of questioning if you’d even be able to get it done before the due date. The due date, you realized, that was now only six hours away. Why’d your professor have to be special and make things due at 10pm on a Tuesday, instead of midnight on a Sunday like a normal person?

Dragging yourself out of your train of thought took more effort than you’d have liked as you once again tried to read through someone else’s science. You were slightly more successful this time, but once you’d gotten through the next three paragraphs, you let out a frustrated groan. There was no sense to this study–it ignored nearly all precedent and was trying to test a theory that anyone with common sense would know to be impossible. 

You slammed your computer shut in mild frustration and closed your eyes, taking a breath to calm yourself down, only for your meditation attempt to be interrupted by a familiar voice. 

“Careful now, doll. If you get much more frustrated you might start throwing things, and as much as I love having you here, I’d hate having to clean that up.” Your eyes open and you glance up to look at the redheaded boy standing over you

Your face relaxes as your gaze lands on him. You couldn’t be stressed when he was smiling at you like that.

The two of you had first met in this very coffee shop at the beginning of the term–him behind the register and you desperately needing some caffeine to get through your first week of classes.

“Give me something strong,” you’d said when you walked up, and he’d given you a playful salute in response.

“Yes ma’am, one americano coming right up.” 

His playful demeanor and charming smile had you grinning right back at him despite your exhaustion. When he’d handed you your drink, though, you couldn’t hide the grimace that crossed your face. You needed the caffeine, but boy did you hate the bitter taste that it left on your tongue.

“You should have told me you didn’t like it straight when I took your order.” You weren’t expecting to hear his voice and you looked back at him.

“I’m sorry?”

“You asked for something strong, but you didn’t have to take my first suggestion if you knew it wasn’t something you’d enjoy. Tell me what sorts of flavors you like and I can make you something you’ll actually drink.” You could tell he was eager to make you something new, though you weren’t sure if he actually wanted you to like it or if he just wanted to show off; either way, you rattled off your usual order, and some likes and dislikes, answering his questions when he asked and before you knew it you had a brand new cup in front of you.

This time when you took a sip, you practically moaned. It was spectacular. “How the hell did you do that? I don’t think I’ve ever had something this good in my life.”

His cheeky grin widened. “What can I say, I’m great at what I do. Though if you’d told me from the get-go that you like it strong and sweet, I could have just given you my number and been done with it.” His wink that followed sent flames through your cheeks and you’d turned your head to try and hide them.

Despite his flirtatious remark upon your initial meeting, nothing more had ever happened. Well, except for you developing one of the biggest crushes you think you’ve ever had in your entire life.

Against your better judgment (and to the chagrin of your wallet), you found yourself back in that cafe nearly every single day, always hoping to see his green eyes glittering at you from across the room. You knew the crush was stupid, but you didn’t blame yourself for it. How could you? It wasn’t your fault he was so ridiculously charming, and handsome, and kind. Nor was it your fault that he somehow always seemed to know exactly the drink you needed for your current mood–after that first day, you’d never had him hand you something unsavory again… well, at least that was intended to be enjoyable.

Every once in a while you’d come in during a particularly slow spell, when there was no one else around and Garreth–alongside his coworkers–were clearly extremely bored. It was days like these when you’d get to try his little experiments.

You’d see him furrow his brow, deep in thought, and then wander from place to place in the store, tossing various syrups, powders, and milks together in incredibly interesting combinations. Yes, interesting was definitely the word to describe them; sometimes they were spectacular, but other times… not so much.

“Oh my god, Gar, this is absolutely disgusting.” 

He had called you over a few moments prior, insisting you try his most recent mixture. You didn’t know what was in it, but it wasn’t good. It was almost slimy in texture, and the flavor certainly left something to be desired. Through your wince, you saw the twinkle in his eye. The bastard knew it wasn’t going to be good but he had you try it anyway.

Attempting to hide the grin that threatened to poke through, his face had twisted into a look of mock betrayal. “How could you say such a thing? I poured my heart and soul into this. You wound me, love.”

Your heart had nearly stopped at the nickname but you did your best to play it off, grinning at him. “Well, perhaps you should pour a little less of it next time, that might help with the texture issue.” He’d scoffed at you playfully, and the memory of his playful expression is still one of your favorites.

His expression was eerily similar as he stood beside your little table, eying the books you had spread about from your research. 

“Garreth! I didn’t realize you were here, I never saw you walk in.”

He chuckled. “I’ve been here for hours. I would’ve said hello earlier, but you looked focused and I didn’t want to bother you. However,” he paused, “it was about time for my break and I noticed you looked only inches away from violence, so I figured I should come intervene. Distract you with my relentless charm and all that.” His grin was contagious, and you found yourself smiling fondly at him.

“You should well know by now that I’m a pacifist,” you quipped back. “Violence would never be my first reaction. You wouldn’t have anything to worry about until after I’ve wallowed in self despair for at least 30 minutes.” He sat down in the chair opposite you and it’s not until he placed the cup and plate on the surface in front of you that you realized he’d been holding them. “What’s this?”

“A refill, and some sustenance. Figured you could use them, based on the fact that I haven’t seen you move in the entire time I’ve been here.” Your heart gives a little squeeze at the gesture as you take in the items. He had, in fact, brought you another coffee and the pastry that he by now knew to be your favorite.

“I can’t accept this, Garreth. I didn’t pay for them.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s on the house. Don’t bother resisting, you know I won’t stop pestering you until you’ve eaten.” 

You relented with a sigh, taking a bite. “Happy now?” you mumbled.

He smirked at you. “Happier. Now, why don’t you tell me what’s frustrating you so much. Maybe clearing your mind of it will help you make some progress.”

You proceeded to rant to the ginger about the articles you’d been reading, the roadblocks you’d been encountering, and the various other issues you’d been having.

“I don’t know why it’s so difficult for people to have some common sense, y’know? It’s not so hard to realize ‘Hey, perhaps if you can’t sex an individual via this bone without population specific numbers, perhaps we shouldn’t try to sex an individual of an entirely different species.’ You’d think that’d be easy!” Garreth nodded along, a small smile playing at his lips. “And this one!” you gestured to an article on your computer, which you’d reopened part-way through your rant to show him evidence of your problems, “in this one, they try and argue that grave goods can be used to accurately sex an individual, which might be fine in some populations, but it’s a know fact that gender and sex variance is a common occurrence in this population.”

You finally paused to take a breath, and you realized that you didn’t really have much more to say. “And… and yeah that’s about it actually. There you have it.” You glanced up at his face, mildly surprised by the expression he harbored. It seemed to be a combination of amusement and… fondness?

“I do hope you know I don’t know what any of that means. Do you feel better though?” He rested his chin on his hand, hair falling just slightly in front of his face.

You immediately nodded in response. “Yeah, actually. Loads. Thanks.”

“My pleasure, love. Now, I do believe my break is over, so I should get back to it, but good luck on your paper. I believe in you.” A wink was sent in your direction before he turned and walked back behind the counter, deftly tying his apron behind his back.

With that, you dove back into writing. You were almost surprised at how much easier the words came to you now that you’d gotten all the swirling irritations out of your brain–before you knew it, you’d surpassed the page minimum, wrapped up all your thoughts, and read through it a few times to make sure there weren’t any errors. Thoroughly pleased with your work, you grinned and threw your hands up. “I’m done!” You turned your head around, searching for the smile Garreth was surely throwing in your direction. You weren’t surprised to find you were correct. “And with…” you turned back to check the time, “45 minutes to spare!”

Wait a second…

45 minutes to spare… that meant that it was 9:15. You turned to glare accusingly at Garreth.

“Don’t you guys close at 9?”

He shrugged noncommittally. “Technically, yeah. I was supposed to kick you out 15 minutes ago. But you looked so focused and I could tell you were close to done. I didn’t wanna be the reason you lost your stride. Besides,” his usual cocky grin came back to his face. “I’m not sure you could rob this place if you tried.”

The boy turned back to mopping the floor, ignoring your huffed “hey” in response. You began packing up your belongings in a hurry, trying to get out of his hair as quickly as possible. Despite your efforts, though, he had still managed to finish closing before you were completely ready to go. 

“I’m so sorry Gar, I really should have been paying closer attention to the time. I didn’t mean to be an imposition.” You rushed the words out as you exited the building in front of him. His only response at first was a small huff of amusement.

His words came a minute later as he turned back to lock the door to the building behind him. “As if you could ever be an imposition. Any time spent in your presence is time well spent.” You couldn’t even begin to process what those words meant as you took in the parking lot, empty except for one single car. A string of curses swiftly left your lips. If you’d thought yourself stupid earlier when you struggled to write your paper, it was nothing compared to how stupid you’d felt in that moment.

You’d completely forgotten that you’d taken the bus today. And in your time-blindness, you’d also forgotten that the bus stopped running at 8.

You glanced over at Garreth beside you, and let out a frustrated sigh at his barely concealed laughter. He knew that you sometimes took the bus, and by the lack of car in the parking lot belonging to you, it hadn’t taken him more than a moment to figure out what was going on.

“Don’t look so down, it’s not like I’d let you walk. Get in the car.” You immediately began protesting, not wanting to burden him any more than you already had this evening. “It wasn’t a question, get in the car. It’s too far back to campus for you to walk during the day, let alone at night. I’d be the world’s biggest asshole if I let a pretty individual walk home alone after dark. Get in.”

You conceded with a sigh, walking around to the passenger side door. “You think I’m pretty?” you grinned, trying to joke away the nerves you felt at getting in his car.

Sure, you’d become pretty close throughout the term, but your interactions had always, always been limited to that building. And now here you were, getting into a car with the guy you’d been crushing on for months. 

“If you’re just now noticing, then maybe you’re dumber than I gave you credit for,” came his snarky reply. He got in the car and grinned at you over the console. You hoped he couldn’t see your cheeks turn red in the dark. His gaze held yours for a beat too long and you looked away nervously. He cleared his throat before starting the car. “Where to?”

You directed him to your place, basking comfortably in the silence of the car in between instructions. Against your better efforts, though, you also found yourself staring at him. It was such an odd thing to find attractive, you thought, but the sight of him driving made your heart do a flip. 

You were admiring how his gentle features looked under the red of a stoplight when he turned to glance at you and caught you. “See something you like?” 

“And what if I do?” You replied, lips quirking into a smile. You had no idea where this bold streak came from, but you weren’t complaining. He didn’t reply immediately, focused on turning into the parking lot of your building. He parked, and then turned to you. 

“I’m less concerned about the ‘what if you do’s and more concerned about the ‘what if you don’t’s if I’m being honest.” Your face twisted slightly in confusion as you tried to decipher his meaning.

“I- what? I don’t understand.” Stumbling over your words, it took you far longer than it should have to realize how much closer he’d gotten to you. 

“What I mean,” he said lowly, his voice barely above a whisper, “is that if you don’t, you need to tell me now because otherwise I’m about to do something really really stupid.”

Oh. Oh.

“Oh,” you said in reply. “I see.” You wet your lips nervously but didn’t move away from him, your gaze flickering between his eyes and his lips. “Well, there’s not really a good way to know if it’s stupid or not until you’ve done it.”

Apparently that was all the approval he needed, because the next thing you knew his lips were on yours and his hand was cupping the back of your neck and a low whine sounded in the back of your throat. This was happening. Oh my god this was happening.

He pulled back after a moment, panting just slightly. He was nervous, you realized. You’d almost never seen him nervous before, but right now, in this moment, you were sure that’s what the expression on his face was. 

You let out a soft giggle that apparently eased his nerves, causing him to break out into a wide smile and tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “Well, was it as stupid as I thought it was?”

“Verdict is still out,” you said with a grin. “I’ll have to let you know tomorrow. You work?” 

“Same time as usual, yeah.” He chuckled at the smile on your face as you unbuckled yourself from the car. 

“Well, I suppose I’ll have to let you know then. And maybe after you’re out, we could go get dinner or something. If the jury rules in your favor, that is.” You grin at him over your shoulder as you get out of the car.

The last thing Garreth sees as he pulls out of your lot is you pressing your fingers softly against your own lips, grinning like an idiot. And though he’d never admit it, in his head he was doing the same.

[archaic-stranger]

tips for.. not procrastinating; ya girl needs it

yeah! as usual, some of these might work for you while others won't. some trial and error will give you a better idea of what techniques are helpful. here are some strategies that i've found effective:

make a list. this is a pretty basic one, but even knowing what you want to get done is a step towards getting it done. break large tasks into manageable, specific, steps - instead of "write term paper", try "research for term paper - 30 min".

a general to-do list is great, but you can also go a step further and sort tasks by how aversive they are. often i procrastinate because there's one thing i really don't want to do, and i'm avoiding it by not doing anything at all. once you know what the most aversive thing is, give yourself permission not to do it. set it aside and pick something less unpleasant to do instead. essentially, procrastinate on something you really don't want to do by doing something you only sort of don't want to do.

have fun with it. brew a cup of tea, put on your favorite music, or use a pen with your favorite color of ink. making your space more appealing won't completely stop you from procrastinating, but it might make it a little easier to get started. try romanticizing the task - you're not taking notes for a class you hate, you're a scholar unraveling the secrets of the universe. it's kind of silly, but having fun, in whatever way works for you, will make it easier to get things done.

just get started. i'm sure you've heard this one before, but it really does work. set a 10 minute timer, or tell yourself you're going to do one math problem, and see what happens. if that's all you get done? great - a little bit of work is far better than none at all.

have someone hold you accountable. this goes hand in hand with the last one - getting started on a task is way easier if someone else tells you "okay, you're going to work on this for 10 minutes". sometimes a bit of encouragement or positive reinforcement from a friend or family member can make a big difference.

plan ahead. when you wake up, set aside a certain time later that day and decide what you're going to work on. it's easier to tell yourself "in two hours, i'm going to work on my math homework for twenty minutes" than it is to say "right now i'm going to get everything done". like with the to-do list, plan tasks that are manageable and specific.

finally, take care of yourself. procrastination isn't always a bad thing - sometimes it's your brain and body letting you know that you need rest. if you keep trying to be productive but just can't find the motivation, remember to be gentle with yourself. procrastination isn't a moral failing - there's nothing wrong with you as a person if you're struggling to get work done. if you have the opportunity, take an evening off. watch some tv or go to bed early. letting your brain rest might feel like a waste of time, but you'll feel more refreshed the next day.

good luck! you've got this, and don't be afraid to ask for additional help if and when you need it. if you're a student, your school might have resources available to help with procrastination and task organization. if not, there are some more in-depth articles here and plenty of other internet resources available to people struggling with the same stuff you are.

[avgvst-h]

Rents Due

Kaveh has been procrastinating his part of the rent. He has been trying to scrounge up the money, but he's a bit short. Maybe he can find a way to make it up to Alhaitham.

kavetham

nsfw 🔞

choking, masochistism, blood kink.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Tighnari!" Kaveh runs up to him.

Tighnaris ears perk up, turning to face him, "Oh hey, Kaveh. What's up?"

"Please tell me there's a way that I could help around, I need mora!" Kaveh pratically gets on his knees, pleading Tighnari.

"I - I'm sorry, Kaveh, but there isn't. What's going on? Are you in trouble?" His ears pin back.

Kaveh curses, "No... well, yes. With Alhaitham."

"Late on rent, again?" Tighnari giggles.

"Yes."

"Well, maybe you can make it up to him then?"

"How would I do that?" Kaveh asks

Tighnari shrugs, "Seeya later, Kaveh."

"Fuck." Kaveh curses under his breath. Going back home was something he was seriously dreading. He's been late on rent before, but the last time Alhaitham said, "If you're late on rent again, I'm actually kicking you out.". Where else would he go? on the streets? He decided to go ask more friends for some errands.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day quickly comes to a close, "Fuck." Kaveh counted the money he recieved today, he was still 200 mora short. He begins doing the walk of shame home. He had no idea what Alhaitham would do. He was always so unpredictable. As he approached the door, he unlocked the door.

Alhaitham sat at a chair with the rent papers, Kaveh quickly tried to avoid him, walking quietly to his room.

"Kaveh."

Kaveh's heart dropped, "Y-yes?" His voice breaks.

"Word on the street is that you've been asking people for errands in exchange for mora. I assume you don't have the money?" Alhaitham asks. It appears that the room gets darker.

"No... I'm so so sorry, Alhaitham. I promise I'll get you the rest of the money by tomorrow..." He sets the pouch of mora beside him, "But as of now, is there any way I can make it up to you?"

Alhaitham chuckles, "There is something..."

"And what would that be?" Kaveh asks.

Alhaitham gets up, stepping closer and closer to Kaveh. Kaveh's heart races. What was he asking of him?

Alhaitham pushes him against a table behind him, "What the fuck?!" Kaveh grunts. Alhaitham pushes their bodys together, chest to chest, hips to hips...

"Haitham... What are y--" Kaveh gets cut off by Alhaitham kissing him, Kaveh is surprised at first but quickly melts. The kiss progressively gets more aggressive. They start to remove different articles of clothing, trying hard not to break from the kiss. Once they eventually do disconnect, Alhaitham struggles to take off his leotard, Kaveh just begins to unbuckle and unzip both his and Alhaithams pants.

"Kaveh, I can't -" Alhaitham grunts, struggling to take off his body suit.

Kaveh smiles, "Leave it."

Alhaitham stares at him, confused but trusts him and slides off his pants.

Kaveh drools at him, his leotard is slightly see-through, and he's able to see every crevice.

"Fuck..." Kaveh says under his breath. Kaveh slams Alhaitham against the table, grabbing his hair, his clothed groin lines up with his hole. Alhaitham moans, sending shivers down Kavehs spine.

Kaveh instantly removes his pants and boxers. Then, he runs his hands up Alhaithams one piece. He digs his nails into the fabric.

"Kaveh, don't you dare..." He threatens, breathless. His heart beats quicker. Kavehs heart skips a beat, smirking then ripping the fabric, spliting it through his groin and ass.

"You jackass, these are expensive." Alhaitham moans. Kaveh begins kissing his back, neck, and hips. He grabs his hair again, pulling him back up to get a better angle to kiss on his neck. He begins leaving marks on his neck. All while this is happening, Alhaitham moans and whimpers under him.

"Are you ready, Haitham?" Kaveh asks.

"Y-yes.." Alhaitham stutters, Kaveh slowly puts the tip in, Alhaitham grunts. He continued going further and further in.

"Shit..." Alhaitham mutters under his breath.

"Is this okay?" Kaveh asked. He tries pulling out, but Alhaitham stops him

"No! Just keep going..." Alhaitham leans on the table again. Kaveh then thrusts in gently, trying not to hurt Alhaitham. Alhaitham grunts loudly, pantly loudly at only that. His thrusts progressively get faster and faster.

"Kaveh..." Alhaitham moans, He whimpers under him. Kaveh replies with a small moan, completely lost in Alhaithams noises, Kavehs nails dig into Alhaithams hips accidentally, Alhaitham moans with pleasure, Kaveh stops as the Cresent shaped marks in his skin start bleeding.

"Haitham, are you okay? I'm so sorry." Kaveh asks, concerned.

Alhaitham laughs, "That felt so good. Do it again.". Kaveh eyes widen, but he continues digging his nails into him. Alhaitham moans loudly. Kaveh goes faster, a loud slap each time he reaches his base.

"Haitham, I..." Kaveh starts to talk, but then he pulls out.

"Kaveh, what's wrong?" Alhaitham asks, Kaveh turns him around, then lifts his legs, placing him on the table. "What are you doing?"

"I want to see your face." Kaveh then continues thrusting into him, much further into him this time. Alhaithams head jolts back in pleasure. The table under him begins to hit the wall, and cups and paprrs start falling off, neither cared. Kaveh connects their lips again. They share a sloppy kiss. Kaveh begins playing with Alhaithams breasts, something he's dreamt of doing. Alhaitham moans in the kiss. The amount of pleasure was overwhelming.

"K-Kaveh... I'm gonna cum..." Alhaitham stammers, His head hits the wall each thrust, shaking paintings on the wall. Alhaitham grabs Kavehs hand, guiding his hand to his throat, Kavehs eyes open and widen. He wraps his fingers around his neck, putting on slight pressure.

"More..." Alhaitham moans, he puts more pressure on his throat then speeds up the pace, chasing his own orgasm. As Kaveh gets closer, he becomes more vocal.

"Fuck... Fuck! Haitham... AaH~" Kaveh grunts, Alhaitham moans loudly, cum splurting out of his dick, coating his toned stomach and Kavehs chest. Kaveh speeds up, watching Alhaithams face, his eyes roll in to his head, panting loudly, and sweat running down his face. His chest goes up in down quickly. Kaveh kisses Alhaitham one more time as he fills him up with cum. He grunts loudly, dick twitching inside Alhaitham. Kaveh progressively slows down to a stop and kisses Alhaitham passionately.

"Fuck..." Alhaitham pants, "That was..."

Kaveh giggles, "So, what about next months rent?"

[literaticat]

In publisher’s weekly and some other publications, I’ve seen it more than once said by librarians that there’s a need for books for that black hole of an age range of 14-15, and a need for shorter books for the MG category. I think the article described some MG books as being as thick as your palm.

So, if we’re hearing these cries-- what does it take for publishers to hear the cries too?

(I realized after I pressed send on this that It's REALLY long and rambly -- even more so than usual -- probably because I am procrastinating packing for a trip I'm taking in an HOUR. SORRY!)

*

Publishers hear them.

It might surprise you to know that publishers actually DO publish books for 14-15 -- they are generally called in parlance "upper MG" or "lower YA" (or sometimes if somebody is feeling cutesie, "tween") -- unfortunately it's a little hard for people to FIND those books because, well, in the US at least, there isn't any place in the bookstore specifically for them. And there are fewer school librarians and others to do readers advisory to show kids (and adults!) where they are.

In the UK, as I understand it, bookstores sort of go "Children's - Teen - YA" and what WE consider "upper MG/lower YA" is "teen", and their YA is the saucier older stuff. This is smart, because a lot of times, kids of 8-12 ARE really strong readers, and WANT to get into more sophisticated fare and "read up", but they really AREN'T ready for, or even interested in, the sex-drugs-rock-and-roll of the older YA. (Hell, I don't even know that I'M ready for it sometimes lol). And kids who are 13-14-15 may want to read books about kids who are, you know, their own age, going through authentic middle school and early high school stuff -- but MANY of those kids are not remotely close to having boyfriends/girlfriends, worrying about their gap year before college or whatever.

SO ANYWAY - those books do exist, though I agree there could be even more. However, there's a discoverability problem, because if nobody KNOWS how to find them and they just have to troll through the MG or YA section trying to randomly figure out which MG books are a little more sophisticated and which YA are a little less sophisticated, like, they are going to give up.

Well, why don't BOOKSTORES just CREATE A SECTION then, and publishers can publish books labeled SPECIFICALLY FOR THAT SECTION? Yeah, I don't know. As I said, that seems like the elegant solution. The thing is, I think that a lot of times people chafe at "over labeling" things. Like if I say "this book is for 8-10, this book is for 10-13, this book is for 14+" and actually put prescriptive LABELS on them saying that, it's almost like "rating" the book or telling kids "you HAVE to read this level of book" when they are really ready for or want something different.

There ARE good reasons to keep "MG" and "YA" as broad categories that can encompass LOTS of kinds of books, rather than getting super granular. The kids section has always been a big tent where LOTS of kinds of books fit, regardless of genre, supposed age range, etc -- Like when I was 10 I very happily read Babysitters Club AND Sweet Valley High AND Judy Blume's YA fare AND Beatrix Potter AND Pippi Longstocking (not to mention Stephen King and VC Andrews!).

As for lengthy books: The fact is that big fat commercial series and such DO often sell better than quiet, introspective and short books. So those chonkers are also what they push the hardest and what people are likely to know about. (Not to mention, they are the most visible and take up the most LITERAL real estate on the shelves). So it can be hard to see the "little" books about 13 year olds going through friendship crises when there are 1000 giant books about cats having wars etc. They ARE there, though there could and should be more! (Yes, even though shorter books are published -- ALL books should be shorter, IMO -- and I think some publishers would agree).

I dunno, there's lots to unpack here and it's an interesting conversation for sure. As far as creating a new category -- it's tough. (Just look at the trajectory of "New Adult" to see how tough!)

I just think that it's bigger than "oh publishers can just decide this" on a dime -- there's actually several groups that would need to get on board (educators, librarians, booksellers, AND *all* Publishers) and likely an education campaign for readers and parents that would have to happen, yadda yadda, and it's above my paygrade!

[magical-wishies]

9 & 10 if you dont mind me asking two ! Just curious

No worries! Oh, but I do have quite the stuff to say about these.

Ask Game: Question 9 & 10 - Worst Part of Canon and Fanon

Alright, here we go!

9.

Worst of Canon

I wish that HAL would spend more time properly establishing characters.

Ok, please tell me I'm not the only one with this sort of opinion!

You would think that "Less is more because we can interpret them in unique ways", right? I mean yeah, but this doesn't apply to all cases! Look at Gryll! They do have a fanbase, but the reason not a lot of people give them a chance is because there's so little to work on!

I get that this sort of thing has to be done; not every character is gonna get focus, and I'm not saying every character should.

It's just really frustrating to see those characters that have potential to be kinda screwed over because they're there for one/two games and then cast to the sidelines!

I do like HAL adding new characters. But it's sad to see that some characters will really never be in the spotlight again/in the near future. They're so close to really getting the chance to shine, I can taste it...

If you wanted an answer more related to the story and not the meta stuff..

Definitely some of the cookie cutter personalities. I get it, we can't all have morally grey/corrupt characters, that is not what Kirby is about, but I do hope they ramp it up a little bit.

Elfilin has the most interesting backstory I've heard of. Half of a powerful final boss being? Embraces the being as the end of their arc? Wow! That's sick! But then you look at the in game dialogue and it's just like

"Wow Kirby I love travelling with you"

Anddd it's up to the headcanons again to add the flavour into it. I really wish some of the characters would seem more different from one other.

That's not to say the cast isn't diverse, but it's just that specific type of character. I could really like them a lot more if I could refer to the canon about their differences more.

10.

Worst of Fanon

Interesting...?

I really don't like the interpretations that reduce characters to one/two simple traits. It gives me the feeling of pasting a trope onto a blank slate and calling it a day. I would prefer if people could look a tiny bit more into stuff so that all of our interpretations can all properly thrive.

Add some spice, people!

Susie organizes her home neatly so that she can be work efficient? Actually, screw that! Make her leave it a complete mess because a) she procrastinated it and b) she read an article online about how it can help! Go wild! Do what you want! It's how we keep fandoms alive. Don't feel restricted to whatever the fandom leans towards, do it your way!

(as long as it's not problematic but that should go without saying)

It feels like we're confined to what fanon has established the characters we love as. And that gives me a feeling that maybe, that really isn't good for artistic freedom. And I might be taking this too seriously, but I think I'm suggesting the opposite to all of you.

Stick to the headcanons YOU like the most! After all, it's your fandom experience in the end.

[retourne-toi-eurydice]

The parallels between Barnabas Bull and Sean Stone are really interesting! Nine Lives Kat is playing on common tropes, but Reece having played a stereotypical, autistic detective certainly adds a different flavour to the episode (and maybe shows his awareness of the flaws in Sean Stone's character).

Sorry this took so long, i had to email my landlord about something and obviously procrastinating that ate up about five days.

So, my main thing about NLK is that although it's not the only time Steve and Reece have referenced their previous work in a 9 this one stands out because it's just so overt. i even had a moment of thinking "hmm, is this a good look?" when Barnabus Bull did the "stop shouting" thing because it's such a blatant reference to Chasing Shadows and (imo) almost disparaging the other show. i can't say myself what aspects of CS are troubling to autistic people (though i've enjoyed reading other people's thoughts on here!) but i know it's slightly controversial and therefore this latest portrayal of a fictional autistic detective* very well may have been him demonstrating his awareness of the flaws, as you said.

Or maybe it wasn't? It's like a lot of things with them- for example in the 2017 League revival Barbara has a lot more nuance but it still devolves into an acronym/pronouns joke. it's hard to tell what is a genuine reflection of their modern views and what is yet more satire about their comedy being in conflict with the same. Additionally neither of them has qualms about talking negatively about their other works (see: literally every commentary 😅) so i really don't know what to make of it.

i feel like i'm wittering, but do you get what i mean?

*i watched Chasing Shadows just recently and lots of the articles and reviews for it mentioned how it was a take on the autistic detective "trope", but i didn't know that was a common thing. i've watched a lot of crime dramas and i think Sean Stone is the only autistic character i can name from one. am i missing something?

[karangarin]

Get to Know My OC [tag game]

nobody tagged me. i tagged myself! bcs i'm procrastinating on drafting ipap lol!!

Transcript of Interview with Huang Xiodan a.k.a. Darren Huang.

Interviewer: Good morning, Mr. Huang. Have a seat, please.

Darren: Right here?

Interviewer: Yes. Or anywhere that's most comfortable for you.

Darren: Right. [chair scraping] Thank you. You can just call me Darren, by the way.

Interviewer: Sure, if that's your preference. Darren, I'll be asking you a few questions today. Feel free to answer them however you like.

(Darren is visibly uncomfortable. He wrings his hands together.)

Darren: Is this being recorded? For a... magazine or an article or something? If so, then sorry, I'm not interested.

Interviewer: Yes, this interview is being recorded. However, rest assured what you say in this room is strictly confidential. It will neither be published nor distributed.

(Darren appears somewhat comforted, though he still seems wary.)

Interviewer: First question.

(From this point onward, unless otherwise indicated, assume all words spoken besides the questions themselves are the words of Huang Xiaodan.)

Are you named after anyone?

Not that I'm aware.

2. When was the last time you cried?

[laughs nervously] Not holding back, huh? Uh, I don't know? Maybe... (He purses his lips.) Uh, yeah. I don't know.

3. Do you have kids?

Are you saying I look old enough to have kids to you? [laughs] I'm joking. But no, no kids. They're cute, but not interested in them. (He stares at his hands.) At least, not right now. Wait, you promise this isn't for some magazine or anything, right? Disregard my previous statement if it is.

(He calms down once I reassure him his statements will indeed remain confidential.)

Right, sorry. It's just been a while since I've done something like this.

4. Do you use sarcasm?

Sometimes. (He looks to the distance, smiling fondly.) Not as much as Naia, though. Have you interviewed her? Holy shit, I'd love to know what she said. Huh? I can't? Oh, right. Confidentiality. (He flashes a smile and cocks his head.) Not even a little? No? Aw, man.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Whether they're smiling. I think you can tell a lot about someone by seeing whether they're smiling the first time they meet you. Helps me tell whether they might already like me or not. It's why Zeke gave me all the wrong vibes first time I saw him.

6. What's your eye colour?

Just basic brown. I think they're nice, though. But if I could have any other eye colour it'd be gold. Ooh, or I'd want to have heterochromia and have one eye be gold and the other brown. That'd be cool.

7. Scary movie or happy endings?

Happy endings. [pauses] Definitely happy endings. (He smiles. It is somewhat rigid.) But I've watched my fair share of scary movies because of Naia. Not my cup of tea. Let's just leave it at that.

8. Any special talents?

There's not much I can't do, you know? [laughs] That sounds like such a brag. But I am. Bragging. I can paint, waltz, sing, act, sculpt, write some impeccable Chinese calligraphy—and that's not even mentioning the instruments I can play. Piano, violin, cello, harp, flute. You name it, I can probably play it. Oh, but wanna know my coolest talent? I'm Candy Cupid. (He grins.) What's that? Oh, I'm so glad you asked. Basically, I can match people with their favourite candy. I just know. Every person has their own candy soulmate. It's like—

(He speaks at length of his Candy Cupid talent. The rest of the transcript has been cut for brevity's sake.)

9. Where were you born?

Shanghai. Beautiful place, you know? Even after moving, I went back there a lot as a kid. Wouldn't go again.

10. What are your hobbies?

I uh... [laughs sheepishly] I like knitting. You swear nobody's gonna publish this, right?

11. Have you any pets?

Nah. I'm not home a lot. Would be really mean for me to have a pet. But I'd love to have a polar bear. Have you seen them wet? They look so pathetic. It's hilarious. Don't tell Naia I called them that, though.

12. What sports do you play/have played?

I mean... you wanna hear me start bragging again? [laughs] I was trained to play any sport there is. Again, you name it, I can play it. I'm a monster at tennis, though. Dominate the court.

13. How tall are you?

Six foot one. And I swear I'm not lying!

14. Favourite subject in school?

Chemistry, no contest. Think that's pretty obvious given I literally teach it for a living. But yeah, I loved it. Still do.

15. Dream job?

Having my own app where I match people with their favourite candies. Like Tinder, you know? [laughs] No, but on a more serious note, I really enjoy being a chemistry teacher. Wouldn't want any other job. Plus, I get to bother Naia all day. So, I love my job. Which is crazy to say aloud, because who loves their job?

Interviewer: Alright, thank you—

Darren: Oh, that's it?

(He appears disappointed.)

Interviewer: Yes, that's all the questions I have for you today, Darren. Thank you for your time.

Darren: Right. Of course. No problem. It was a pleasure. (He extends his hand.)

Interviewer: Likewise.

(I shake his hand. Darren stands from his chair, pushes it back in. At the door, he bows his head slightly and smiles. He leaves the room.)

[anvoo]

Midday 22.04.2023

Woke up feeling pretty ok today, probably around a 6.5 5/10.

Woke up earlier than I planned today, so I laid in bed for a while. It was nice to know that I still had some time left to lay in bed and chill, but I felt a bit weird during that, unsure what exactly it is yet.

When it was actually time to get up though, I really didn't feel like it xD Even though earlier I couldn't wait to get up and do something, when the time came, all of that just went away. The procrastination monkey really going at it.

A few minutes before it was time to get up, I started to think about whether or not I wanted to hang out and play some with Cat later today (evening), then I asked myself if it was a good idea to hang out so often. During these moments, I try to find an answer to all my questions, and it would always throw me for a loop. If I'm stuck just debating and arguing with my own mind, then there really is no end in sight, but I remember what I talked about with my mom the other day.

I remember telling her that I do value my relationship with Cat, and the connection and understanding between us, and I would want for us to not have to break off contact completely. However, it's important that I am aware of what this entails. Right now, I'm really prone to procrastination, and my lack of self-love and care makes it so that I can be really desperate for outside validation, love, and attention. These two things feed off each other, and can turn into quite a vicious cycle of "feeling bad because I'm procrastinating - self-hating - looking for validation - procrastinating via looking for validation - feeling bad for it - ...". I read an interesting article related to this,

The difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship lies in our motivation. When our threat brain [1] emotions are dominant, our attachment to others is driven by fear and the need to be validated, saved, or protected. However, when our safe brain [2} emotions are active, we are motivated to nurture mutual growth in our relationships through compassion, openness, and trust. Threat brain motivation says, ‘I love you because I need you,’ whilst safe brain motivation says, ‘I need you because I love you.’

My mind was used to connecting Cat with "validation, safety, escape,...", and without Cat as "fear of losing all of the above", and that created a really unhealthy attachment.

So how do I break free of this?

My answer to this question before was always "to think harder about it, to change my mindset by altering my thinking, to just stop thinking that way." Reading it out loud makes it obvious to me how ridiculous that answer was, but I really believed that, and sometimes I still do now. And this is exactly what the procrastination monkey wants. It wants me to just "think, be sad, think more, cope" because all of that doesn't really involve "doing". It's difficult when you're stuck in that vicious cycle. It feels hopeless, and like there's no way out. But I know better now, that the only way out, is to break one of the chains. I don't want to procrastinate, and just "do nothing". By breaking off one of the chains, the rest will fall and crumble, and that's exactly what I want. I want to have a healthy friendship with Cat, and not have it mentally drain me; I want to have more friends that I can socialize with and be around; I want hobbies and happiness; I want to do well with Uni;... All of that starts with one thing: Actions.

So, that was a good midday update on myself and my mental. I just finished eating and resting (wrote this during my allocated chill time), and now I'm heading to the library for a little study session. I'm hoping that the feeling of accomplishment (a win against the monkey) will boost me up, to keep going forward with all of this, to break the vicious cycle, and to be one of the first few bricks that'll be the foundation of my mansion (figuratively) later. The article I quoted from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/spellbound/202101/desperately-seeking-love#:~:text=In%20many%20ways%2C%20this%20is,purpose%20and%20direction%20in%20life.

[superfuxkinghungry]

**PART 2 OF RANT**

So sorry for the late ass post, I procrastinated again *face palm* even though nobody really views my shit anywayz, to all those ppl who do tysm, I'm trying to tell y'all the real, horrible things that happen to the animals that are supposedly "humanely" slaughtered for our selfish consumption, and get my point across. The more we breed these animals, the more pain-feeling and sentient lives we put through fear, depression, sadness, torture, and suffering. Nothing about physically and mentally torturing and abusing, taking animal's children from them right after birth for the consumer's selfish demand, and depriving an animal of their needs is humane AT ALL!! We as individuals may not make a big difference of course, but together we can make a change in the demand for products from brands that use animal testing, meat, dairy, and poultry, lessening the amount of products made, if we all stood up for the innocent lives put into a world of cruelty and suffering before their eventual MURDER. So in order to help stop this, we can protest publically or online, stop buying from brands that use animal testing, (animal testing is also a terrible procedure done on animals in order to expirement the goodness of a product.) stop buying from domestic pet breeders, from the poultry, meat or dairy industry of course, and talk to our friends, family, or other people, or show them real videos depicting terrible instances that animals in slaughterhouses that can easily be found on youtube, articles, and google. not all people are convinced easily, we can always try to slowly help them understand the horrors of which billions of animals each year are subject to in the cosmetics industry, medical industry, and the dairy, meat, and poultry industries. I understand not all are easily convinced and we can always start at the pace that will help us transition fully, its just the best to keep in mind that we are doing this not for us, not for our needs, but for the animals that are constantly abused in slaughterhouses and not able to see their children, raped to be impregnated to produce even more meat to be consumed. Male cows are taken from their mothers and used as veal because they are unable to produce milk. It is so sad. Pigs are raped to give birth, confined in metal cages so claustrophobic that they are unable to even cuddle or hold their young near (Only big enough to let their babies drink their milk) and slaughtered by throat slitting and boiling (they can be conscious during) after suffering cruelty their whole life at the hands of the people who buy their products and the people who murder and torture them for consumption. Does that sound humane to you? It is EVIL and needs to be stopped. If we were in the animal's place, we wouldn't be able to stand one day in a slaughterhouse, so why should we treat these sentient beings like they are below us? They feel the pain we do, they feel anxiety, fear, sadness, affection, and depression. There is no excuse to contribute to the suffering of these lives subject to inhumane and disgusting ways of cruelty just so we can have something to eat. I also do NOT in any way support the breeding of domestic pets as I am an antinatalist that believes putting any life in a world full of suffering, depression, hate, sadness, and risking giving my child a mental or physical disability (I have a mental disability, it sucks ass!!!) is super weird and nasty and will never consider having a child. Anyone who thinks their genes are SOOOOO special to pass them down to an offspring is so disgusting. The world is very overpopulated first of all, secondly there's so many children and teens in need of adoption and a loving family that are constantly ignored because people want their own mini them or whatever, its weird af!! And if you want a pet, then get as many as you want at an animal shelter or pound!! It makes no sense to put a new life in danger of suffering the raising prices and economical ruin of today, instead of tend to ALREADY EXISTING life!! We could all make a change, if we TRIED.