#can you tell i dont outline or Ever Know Where I'm Going With My Words

[cinnabunwanda]

kinktober day one - the angel and the ghost stu macher !wxm!

summary

-> yn goes to a party with her sister and friends, when she asks where the bathroom is only to be faced with a ma in a ghost face costume. confused she follows his demands only to find out that it isn't the person she thought it was.

⚠︎ disclaimer; this is 18+, so mdni.. I will be keeping an aye out on everything but again I dont care if you read this and you are underage you are the only one responsible for reading shit you aren't supposed too.

content warnings - knife play, swearing, underage drinking, alcohol, underage partying.

pairing - young!stumacher x young!reader (please note that consent was given!)

word count - 662

authors note - welcome to the first kinktober, please be kind to me! if you have a request please send them in I know that my requests are closed for normal fics but!!! I will open them for KINKTOBER REQUESTS ONLY! anyways please enjoy and let me know what you think xx

I stand in front of the full-length mirror, my bedroom a chaotic mess around me. The scattered clothes and makeup bottles are a reflection of my indecisive state. Outside, the faint sounds of music and laughter can be heard, tempting me to give in and attend Stu's infamous Halloween party.

My sister Sidney barges into my room, dressed as a seductive devil and looking stunning as ever. She tries to convince me to come with her, offering to lend me her spare wings. But I can't shake the feeling that I look terrible in my planned costume - a sexy angel.

"I don't think I'm going," I sigh, glancing at myself critically in the mirror.

"Don't be ridiculous," Sidney says, coming closer and placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "You look absolutely amazing, don't let your own insecurities hold you back."

Reluctantly, I agree to go and quickly change into my costume. As we arrive at Stu's house, the sight of drunk teenagers stumbling around fills me with unease. But I put on a brave face and join in the festivities, grabbing a drink from the overcrowded kitchen.

As I wander through the crowded house, trying to avoid the rowdy party-goers, I find myself accidentally stumbling into Stu's bedroom. And there, standing in front of me is someone wearing Billy's iconic ghost face costume. My sister's boyfriend.

"Billy? This isn't funny," I try to laugh it off, but he doesn't respond.

He steps closer to me, his eyes filled with primal desire. My heart races as he runs his hand down my face and then down to my breasts, where he stops and looks back up at me with hunger in his eyes. In a moment of recklessness, I give him a nod of approval.

With one swift motion, he grabs me and throws me onto his messy bed, pulling out a knife and teasingly tracing it down my body as he slowly strips me of my angel costume. My heart pounds with fear and excitement as he takes control, leaving me vulnerable and exposed in only my white dress and heels.

He rips my dress off in a frenzy, his eyes wild with lust as he exposes my soaked panties. With a glinting knife in hand, he cuts them off with a sharp motion, sending shivers down my spine. My head falls back in submission as I see the throbbing outline of his cock and feel a surge of desire course through me.

In a low, commanding voice, I tell him to put it in and he obeys without hesitation. His rough hands guide himself to my wetness and he slowly pushes inside, filling me completely. A guttural moan escapes my lips as he starts moving with powerful thrusts, each one eliciting primal grunts from under his mask. Our bodies merge into one, our moans and heavy breathing filling the room.

Suddenly, he pulls out and roughly flips me onto my hands and knees. Without warning, he slams back into me, his movements becoming faster and more intense. Our cries of pleasure echo off the walls as we reach our peak together, collapsing in a tangled mess on the bed.

As he pulls up his pants and leaves me alone in the room, I can't help but smile at the rush of adrenaline and satisfaction coursing through my body. Adjusting my dress and fixing my appearance, I confidently make my way downstairs to rejoin my sister and friends.

Curiosity burning in her eyes, Sidney asks where I went. With a sly smirk, I reply that I got caught up talking with some girls from the cheer team in the bathroom. Stu hands me drink and thanks me for the quickie before adding with a knowing wink that it was amazing. My stunned expression reveals that I had no idea it was him until now, but the memory of our intense encounter lingers in my mind as the night continues on.

do not translate, copy, publish or edit my works without permission. © bunnie 2024-25

[starlightkun]

sorry if you've gotten this ask before aljrksjd

you don't have to answer this, but I just wanted to know how you write longform fics or just long pieces in general. it's one of the things I've struggled with as a writer, and I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how I could go about it or do it.

I'd be so grateful if you could provide some advice or suggestions 🥹🥹

i want u to know that i saw this ask when u sent it, but i had a 5hr drive today and wanted to make sure i had time to answer this!! it's under the cut bc i yapped a bit <33

so one thing that i feel the need to say up top is that i never go into pieces with a "goal" length/word count (often times my fics end up being longer than i expected/intended). because i never really write with the goal of a specific length in mind, these are things that i think have helped me write more cohesive and narratively fulfilling pieces in general, which tends to make my fics longer

my first thing is planning/outlining!! i used to just write my fics start to finish in one go with little to no planning, and since i've started slowing down and taking my time outlining/planning beforehand (and even during the drafting process i continue adding to my outline), i've seen the average lengths of my fics go up a lot. you don't have to have every single scene, moment, and piece of dialogue planned out before start writing (lord knows i never do), but you should have a pretty good idea of the major story beats, character dynamics, and any important conflicts, and make sure it's written down in a way that's easy for you to refer back to while you write. never think you're gonna keep it all in your head

build out your characters' lives!! i love introducing a good b-plot involving the main character's friends (see: strawberry sunday) that doesn't take too much attention away from the main plot that it seems out of place, but instead complements the main plot and allows there to be space in between those major plot beats for the readers and the characters to breathe. it also helps make your characters feel more well-rounded and real to the readers if you throw in a scene of their daily life at school or work or with their friends/family both to add texture to them but also to your world. it can also be good to use an establishing scene towards the beginning of their daily life, then a similar one towards to the end that shows any character development, or some other impactful change that happened during your story. instead of just telling us that everything in your character's life changed, show us how it did (or didn't! or maybe it only changed a little, but the little change was important, too)

in a similar vein, build out your world!! im not saying to spend ten pages describing an intricate magic system to us that has little bearing on the plot itself, but feel free to weave in extra details about where/when we are and how the characters interact (or dont!) with the world around them (even if its our normal old world in the modern day)

and i mean i guess my last thing that's really helped me is just sort of getting out my head when it comes to writing? like, not forcing myself to write everyday, not having any sort of word count goals, no posting schedule, etc. just letting myself sit with my ideas for a while and really play around and have fun with them. it's made writing fic something that i look forward to doing when i come from work, or when the weekend is approaching, and i genuinely am making probably my favorite things that i've ever made right now. and they happen to be pretty long!!

i've talked some more about my writing process in some other asks (x, x, x, x, x, x) and i have a writing tag where i post about more general writing stuff if you want to hear me yap some more

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME quick fast. last night we watched tng's "gambit part ii" and ds9's "cardassians"

gambit part ii (tng):

well, this continued to be underwhelming and frustrating for reasons outlined in my previous post

i will cop to maybe not following the plot as closely as i could have been but i thought the artifact turning out to be a weapon was fucking stupid, especially considering it was a Mind Weapon. girl what on earth. we didn't even get to visit vulcan properly

i DID however call that vulcan racefaking as romulan which i was quite thrilled about

vulcan race purity extremists right as we're having bajoran race purity extremists in ds9...girl what is in the water out there. everybody calm down. globalization (galaxization?) is not the end of the world

i did perk up a little when riker was forced to play his literal charade with other people, such as worf and beverly, but it was so brief as to be nearly insulting

this is the only time i think i have not sided with data in an argument...i don't think there was any reason to take poor worf to the woodshed like that :( i'm glad they're still friends though

cardassians (ds9):

oh i had STARS in my eyes this entire episode. i have been COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS until we see garak again and he did NOT disappoint

from what i saw of gifs i never expected his and julian's relationship to be like this...i expected julian to be mister stammery and for garak to enjoy making him squirm. which would have been great and i would not object to it in future content but what we got was a welcome surprise in that it was way more complex!!

like, julian as the garak whisperer...sisko didn't summon garak to his office directly he told julian to have garak there at a certain time. "he never tells me what he's actually thinking i just sort of deduce it"etcetc. i also like julian instinctively knowing when to let garak come to him and when to be firm with him ie stop the whole fucking shuttlecraft until his ass gets some real answers. we havent seen much of his bedside manner yet so to speak but he actually CAN be good with people! or maybe just good with garak

i can't wait to find out more about garak. the worst part of a garak episode is knowing now you have to wait a long time until the next garak episode. i love that he deliberately keeps us out of the loop even though i am DYING to know everything about him. you get the idea that he's really been through something

side bar how and why is he able to get into julians room in the middle of the night???? did julian give him the door code jic 👀other side bar i love this mans little silk pajamas. actually everybodys pj game was on point

cardassian war orphans FUCKED UP. no one is coming to take them back to cardassia, except the one who doesn't want to go. i am SO relieved they didn't pull a tng here by the way. going in i was almost sure they wouldn't but still

bonus points for obrien being fantasy racist in front of his japanese wife. she used her teacher voice to set him straight and not another word of that came out of his mouth for the entire episode. one that man knows about happy wife happy life. two it's a good callback to him also having a card in the cardassian-hating game. pretty sure we said "that was a very ugly thing you just said i dont need to hear it twice" about 1000 times to each other during the rest of the episode

my only gripe with this episode is that i would have liked to hear where kira comes down on this...this episode was very full and not really About her, but the absence of her felt very weird, especially when most of the cardassian stuff involves her so heavily. you can sort of guess where she'd stand ("if they don't like the way we parent they shouldn't have left them here and also we're being way nicer to them than they ever were to bajoran children") but i'd still like to hear it FROM HER. a shame we just didn't seem to have room

of course, i cannot possibly end this post without a shoutout to my very best friend sisko. my favorite sisko moment in this episode was his increasing incredulity when bashir interrupted his MEETING WITH A CARDASSIAN POLITICIAN to interrogate him without warning and then said "it was the highlight of my day. don't do it again." and then bashir did it again. my second favorite part was when bashir woke him up at fuck o clock and said he needed a runabout and sisko was like girl why and julian was like im sorry i have no idea and sisko was like well by all means. will one runabout do. like. he's so wry and sarcastic and at the same time so chill with breaking the rules when it matters - he trusts julian enough to know he wouldn't ask for a shuttle without a good reason and julian trusts him enough not to get mad at the request even when it comes at fuck o clock in the morning. like, he's so GOOD with his people and they respect him so much. im anxiously waiting for more sisko-centric content almost as much as i am for more garak content!!!

TONIGHT: tng's "phantasms" and ds9's "melora."

[studiobeebo]

~♡ Shio, Shoyu, Miso ♡~ [1/?]

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

Pairing: Megumi Fushiguro x Female (she/her) Reader

Warnings: None

Words: 1.9K

Genre: y’all already know it’s just gonna be fluff

A/N: so i made a lil thing sorta based off this cute thing i saw on reddit. idk what i’m doing pls don’t ask.

reblogs are greatly appreciated as they are the main way to get my works around so please consider doing so if you like it! enjoy!

When you had first met Megumi, you honestly didn’t think much of him.

Now, that’s not to say you didn’t find him attractive, but a cute guy around your age coming into the shop with a few of his friends just really wasn’t something very noteworthy in your life. You had only been helping your parents around your family owned ramen shop for about a year or so, but that was long enough to know that the general demographic was people who wanted a tasty, warm meal without having to blow too much money. Needless to say, teenagers fit that demographic fairly well. 

Your shop was well known in the area, but it was by no means fancy. In fact the building was a tad bit run down, you didn’t even have any decorations or anything hanging up on the walls and the entirety of it only seated maybe thirty people, so it was clear people didn’t frequent the place because of the ambiance. No, the reason you always seemed to have a steady stream of customers was that the food was simply so good that despite the lack of an enticing atmosphere or even many food options, people couldn’t help but be drawn to it. That mashed together with your friendly family and the decent prices made for a perfect little neighborhood place to eat. So again, when a group of three slightly noisy teenagers sat themselves down at one of the bar tables on the far side of the seating area, you didn’t really have any reason to bat an eye.

“Hey welcome guys!” You put on your usual cheery customer service voice as you filled their glasses with ice water, trying not to lean into any of their personal spaces. “Your options are salt, soy, or miso ramen, with or without beef and or pork. Do you need some time to think about it or do you think you’re ready to order now?” 

Like you said, there weren’t many options.

“Oh, can I get soy?! Or maybe- hm, maybe I’ll have miso…”

“You’re tasteless, miso is the worst kind.”

“I bet you’ve never even tried it, Kugisaki!”

“They’re going to need a minute to think. That bit’s hard for them.” 

The taller boy with dark hair and an apparently permanent scowl on his face groaned out in annoyance, his eyes only meeting yours for a moment before he turned to yell at the other two to lower their voices. You nodded with a smile, leaving them to decide and chuckling to yourself as you moved on to ask the customers at the other tables if they were doing ok.

“Ok! Excuse me- er....crap, what was her name again Fushiguro?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“I don’t know, usually you remember to ask the important stuff like that!”

The not-so-subtle arguing was enough to catch your attention as you made your way back over to the trio, your smile being a bit more genuine this time around in response to their odd yet funny dynamic.

“It’s (Y/N), sorry about that guys! So, what can I get for ya?”

The three of them listed off their orders and after you repeated them back for confirmation, you gave them a quick thumbs up before going back to the kitchen to put their orders in with your dad. Within a moment of your absence, Itadori was turning to Fushiguro with that excited puppy look that adorned his face almost 24/7.

“She’s kind of pretty, don’t you think?”

Fushiguro’s eye twitched, but luckily Kugisaki was quick to butt in with an argument of ‘How come you’re only asking him what he thinks, huh?!’. It was a simple question, but what annoyed him was the added use of ‘kind of’. Itadori was extremely simple, so the thought that he only thought you were ‘kind of��� pretty irritated him because how could Fushiguro be here doing a double take just to get a better look at your features every time you spoke to them while Itadori just barely took note of it? It was uncharacteristic, but he couldn’t disagree. He could tell you definitely had a slight air of putting on a cheery showiness for the sake of good customer service, but either way, you were...cute, and he was insistent on leaving it at that without bothering to admit to it out loud.

“I hope you both know you’re paying for yourselves.” He interrupted, hoping their argument had moved on from their waitress so that he wouldn’t be asked about his thoughts on you again. 

“Eh?! Since when were you so cheap!”

“Ok guys!”

The three of them jumped slightly at the sound of your voice, simultaneously turning to see you holding up a tray with three steaming bowls of ramen sat atop of it. 

“Soy with beef, soy with pork..” You listed off while setting the bowls in front of the copper haired girl and the smiley boy respectively, “And miso with no topping.” You finished, eyes flicking up to meet the dark haired boys as you placed the final bowl in front of him. It was only for a moment, but you could have sworn your saw a speckle of pink dust his cheeks before he looked away from you with a short “Thanks.”.

“Mhm, no problem.” You hummed out, scanning your eyes around the restaurant to see if you were immediately needed elsewhere before deciding to continue and indulge your interest in the three, or more specifically, your interest in the cute boy with the black hair. “So... you guys are from that traditional religious high school, right?”

The pink haired one’s eyes lit up as he struggled to finish the noodles he was halfway through slurping up so that he could speak.

“Yeah, yeah! I guess our uniforms are a giveaway..”

You laughed, leaning your back against the empty seat that sat next to them at the bar. As if you needed any further confirmation, you could tell he was the energetic extrovert of the group.

“Yeah, you don’t really see many of them around. Though I’ve heard it’s kind of a hard school to get into.”

“Pfft, maybe for normal people, it was no sweat for us.” There was that copper haired girl again with a confident look on her face as she too stopped eating to interject, though you hardly took what she said in a bad way as she didn’t seem to mean any harm from it.

“That so? Guess I’ll have to call you guys next time I’m having trouble with my classes, I swear I can barely manage the workload I get.”

“Haha I feel that, I actually started school elsewhere but I just transferred a few months ago! Oh- I’m Itadori by the way! This is Kugisaki, and Fushiguro’s the sulking rude one!”

“Hey.” Fushiguro finally stopped his eavesdropping to join in, sending a glare Itadori’s way, but he just seemed to brush it off as if he’d been under his friends' scrutiny plenty of times before. After a moment though he turned back to you, though as much as he wanted to say something to you, he didn’t really know what to say. He wasn’t like Itadori or Kugisaki who could just strike up a conversation with anyone anywhere, but while he turned over his conversational options in his head, you pushed away from where you had previously been leaning and gave a sheepish, apologetic smile that easily brought his attention away from his thoughts. 

“No no you’re good- Sorry, I should be leavin’ you guys to eat anyway. Just call me over when you’re ready to pay or if you need anything, alright?” You spoke, your words being directed more towards who you now knew as ‘Fushiguro’, however it was his two friends who responded with an affirmation before going back to their meals.

Once again you were off to tend to other tables and do the other tidbits of your job, though this time your head was filled with questions galore. Did Jujutsu Tech students come into town often, or was this some special outing? What grades were the three of them in? And most importantly, you wondered if they would ever be coming back? You weren’t one to get flustered or form crushes easily, but you had to admit you were a bit taken by Fushiguro. He was cute, sure, but he had a cool, mature air about him that could make anyone be left wanting to know more about him, especially because most of the conversation you did have was with his friends and not him. However once again your mental flow was interrupted by Itadori waving you over, barely waiting for you to make your way by their side to start speaking while the three of them handed over their respective payments.

“That was crazy good, (Y/N), we’ll have to come by some time again if that’s ok!”

“It’s not like she’s the one making it, Itadori.”

“You realize that a restaurant’s whole goal is to get people to come back, right? Of course it’s ‘ok’..”

Despite Fushiguro’s matter-of-fact statement, his eyes still shifted to yours as if he secretly wanted to know if you wanted them to come back as well and the smile you gave him in return only solidified the fact that he wanted to return either way. Though of course he boiled that down to ‘The service was good and so was the food’, but part of him knew that was bullshit.

“I’d love to see you guys around again!” You said, collecting up their empty bowls as you spoke. “I work most weekends and some days after class so you should try to stop in while I’m here.”

“Hell yeah!” Itadori exclaimed as the three of them got up from their seats one after the other, Kugisaki and Itadori saying their goodbye’s as they pardoned their way through the tables and other customers to leave, though Fushiguro stayed behind for a moment, a hand rubbing at the back of his neck as he spoke.

“...Sorry about them, it’s practically like wrangling preschoolers whenever we aren’t on du- er, in class.” 

He knew the apology wasn’t necessary and that you didn’t seem all that bothered by either of his friends’ lively personalities, but he found himself feeling a bit...left out in the fact that he had yet to really speak to you. Why he even felt compelled to speak to you in the first place was a mystery, but he figured that was one question that didn’t really need an answer for right now.

“Oh, it’s no problem.” You laughed, giving another smile as you tried your hardest to not act as fidgety as you were feeling on the inside. “I mean- I’ve got friends like that too so I-“

“Excuse me?” 

A polite voice cut you off halfway through your sentence and you turned to see an older woman waving you over, clearly not wanting to be rude but wanting your attention nevertheless.

“Sorry-“

“You’re fine!” You sputtered out, maybe a bit too excited as you slowly backed away from him, “I’ll see you around if you guys stop by again, huh, Fushiguro?”

His eyes widened slightly, a bit surprised by that hopeful tone to your voice before he nodded, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips and a bit of slightly shameful excitement tugging at his heart. 

“Yeah, we’ll- I’ll see you around.”

[greyeyedmonster-18]

Hi Grey.

If you ever have the time I would really like ti hear more about your writingprogress.

Like. How do you come up with your ideas? Do you do a outline? Where and when do you write? Are you finishing all your stories before posting them? Do you fact check things? How long time does it normally take for you to finish a story? Have you ever regretting posting a story? Why do you write? Do you have a beta?

Youre one of my favorite authors here and I’m really just curious of the mind and work behind the story’s that I’ve spent so much time with.

weeping. I'm one of your favorites???? what the hell??? thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for being so nice. that just made my day.

i am going to put the answers to all those things below a cut to not spam my dash with a long post. but also, i shouldn't give writing advice ever and while i appreciate you asking your questions, everything with a grain of salt. because...i know absolutely nothing and this is just what I do. (and also, im an affectionate idiot so <3)

How do you come up with your ideas?

often my ideas start with a very very specific image in my mind, and then i go from there. sometimes they happen while im listening to a song (for example, FFTF happened because I was listening to Since We're Alone by Niall Horan and there's a line in there that says Why would you want to be someone else? I love you best when you're just yourself and an entire wolfstar narrative exploded, but i had to figure out how Sirius would be guarded in this particular way and....here we are) or sometimes when im on a walk or driving. also, as a total cop out, i write romance-- i get ideas from making foolish scenarios in my mind where people should fall in love and I'll never have a shortage of those.

Do you do an outline?

No! I don't. Once I have the idea, i usually start by writing the specific scene that came to me first (so for ten reasons, i wrote the voicemail scene first. i heard remus's voicemail in my mind so loud and clear and wrote it out) and i go from there. this is for my own unpacking but i almost always can see how things end in my mind before they begin (lol, isn't that a fucking metaphor; for a fun personal fact, I've always said since i was like...very little that i wasn't planning on living past 33, which is horrifying to hear out of a ten year olds mouth, but like...i still think its true). for almost all my fics, i wrote the ending first and then wrote around it. never chronologically. just everything that i want to happen and then i put it in some sort of order (i wish i could show you my doc for tight ends right now). and then i make them lead into one another.

I DO. however, do an obligatory chapter count. and i mean, so arbitrary, with no thoughts applied to it. NMTW i literally said 14 chapters, and stuck to it. this is the only structure i give myself when i write. and its my job as a writer to make sure i fit in there.

i do the same when im writing tumblr series. so like fault lines got SIX, chosen at random, and six it was. it was my job to tell that story in six parts. no more no less. (this is admittedly weird, i understand most writers dont work this way, but this actually helps me immensely. the only time i deviated was with FFTF when i added more chapters because the chapters i did have ended up being like TOO LONG in my eyes for a chapter, so i broke them up).

but also--i know other authors who DO outline and its helpful for them!! Find what works for you!!! I tried to outline once and the fic never left my drafts.

Where and when do you write?

To quote Shakira, "Whenever, Wherever"

I write a lot in parking lots on my phone. a lot of my tumblr drabbles are written on my phone and in a parking lot, ten reasons and tight ends were both started in parking lots.

otherwise on my desktop! in google docs! or if its smut, in a word doc! i write the best early in the morning or super late at night when i should be sleeping. I write when i can! Usually at my desk, or i'lll bring my laptop over and write while my kid is playing video games or we're watching something on tv. sometimes i write in the middle of my work day when i have a second in my office (this is also very quick and very on my phone). i just wrote smut at a nail salon. whenever, wherever.

Are you finishing all your stories before posting them?

yes. head to toe, top to bottom, signed sealed delivered. the stories are written before i post. this works better for me! i need to see the whole thing finished!! it also makes it very fun for me when readers are commenting and are like...in anguish, and im there like "tee hee, i know what happens next".

tumblr drabbles no. i pants those. fault lines, mercy, the pact (is part four written? nah but its started and i have no idea where its going to go!!!), the best worst thing to have ever happened-- PANTSTED. sat and written flat into the tumblr post machine. no outline, no plan, just feelings and vibes. (and yes this means that the end of fault lines was a pants decision and im very sorry it ruined everyone, whoops).

this again varies from author to author! most of my writer friends write as they go because they like to be align with the readers! or they work better chronologically and will just write and post and write and post, but again, this is something personal! do what works best for you!

Do you fact check things?

Lol sometimes? I probably should more often, tbh. I do a lot of geography fact checking because i couldn't map my way out of a paper bag, but otherwise, not...really. But also, my fics dont tend to have a lot of....information in them that needs a fact check. People are just falling in love. also, not to flex, but i have a big brain that stores a bunch of useless information and remembers a lot of things, so if i write something i usually believe myself (writing tight ends right now and putting my football knowledge to good use and there's been a few times I've been like "...hmmm" and referenced google and WE WERE RIGHT! so i mostly just trust my brain.)

Writing NMTW was also challenging because i had to reference SOURCE MATERIAL to see if there was a designated teacher for x subject, or when exactly school breaks were etc etc. but that said, i did not care about being accurate with full moons or course timestables or hogsmeade visits or anything like that. we...simply do not care. (this obviously does not apply to things that very much need fact checking such as if i were to write a medical procedure or something relating to disability or race/ethnicity/languages spoken; obviously do your homework for that.)

How long a time does it normally take you to finish a story?

Cop out-- it depends! Sometimes less than a week. (The pact is short, will be done by tomorrow most likely). I wrote ten reasons in four days. it took me 3 months to write an alleged wip though. it just....depends on my time and my schedule.

Have you ever regretted posting a story?

Sometimes! There was a moment when i was fresh on AO3 (pre-tumblr) where i got a few really nasty comments and it made me regret posting the story at all and made me regret joining AO3, and made me regret thinking my fics could be a thing or that my writing was worth sharing etc. I know I give FFTF a hard time because they're....out of pocket, but there are parts of that fic i really really like, and it seems to connect with a lot of people, so i can't have regrets about that.

i have deleted a few one shots off my AO3 though, because i decided they didn't need to be shared, but i wouldn't necessarily call that regret. just...re-evaluation.

Do you have a beta?

No. I do have one trusted person though who i send things to before i release them into the public, not as a beta but as.....a litmus test (to see how the fic reads but also for me and how i feel about sharing it in the first place; I've done it before with this person where they got something and then WEEKS later tumblr got it. Sometimes months.). I 10/10 recommend doing this. and i feel so so so so so so lucky that i found someone like that here and they tolerate my existence. but pre-tumblr, it was just me myself and i doing the thing. and also it took some time before i even trusted this person (did i mention im paranoid? and private?) to get my work because you can't take it back. and what if it didn't need to be shared? there are a few things this person has gotten that i havent and will never post. but like...im so fortunate to have that. you know?

I...am way too chaotic for a beta. and also have a very particular way i edit my stuff (because ND) and adding another person into the flow of that can get confusing. Too many cooks, you know?

Why do you write?

i saved this one for the end because my heart.

i think i've said before that like...a lot of my time as a child and a teenager and young adult in spaces was spent believing that i was a bad writer because neurodivergent and i don't understand mechanics of grammar or...words or...write in a way you're supposed to (outlines for example). and spent a lot of time giving my ideas to other people who i thought were GOOD writers.

but i...am a creative person. and sometime in 2019, i hit the biggest artist block of my life where i literally didn't draw or paint for a year. and picked up writing instead.

poetry, and then it evolved into romance, which i...turned into fic and here i am. and ultimately, i write because i like to. because its creative and it makes my brain happy when a sentence just hits, you know? because i believe in love and want to see more queer love stories and if i...can do the thing, i should, right?

i write because i...realized that i had stories in my head that needed places to go that i couldn't express visually through my artwork. also, ive mentioned it here before, that i am...young and have experienced an absurd amount of death and loss in my life (personally and professionally). and...well, i write a lot of fics about grief for that reason. i don't think i could ever run out of words for this (and have also published ACTUALLY on grief, both creatively and academically), and sometimes i write to like...sit with those feelings for a bit.

i...also think i write because i am a soft human in a very hard world in a hard career path who experiences things deeply and these things and observations need places to go. i cant carry them around all day, that's too heavy and my hands aren't big enough.

so i make art. and i dance. and i play music.

and i write.

i hope any of this is helpful. and if you get the courage to come off anon, i am more than happy to talk with you in DMS about processes or answer any more questions <3

[tokyoghoose]

is it hot in here, or is it just me?

pairing: daisuke kambe x reader

playlist: dirty dirty - charlotte cardin, so hot you're hurting my feelings - caroline polachek*, i touch myself - borns ( cover )

warnings: mentions of sex and dirty thoughts, fighting/violence, mentions of murder, the word slut ( towards reader ), daisuke being hot af ig

summary: while on an undercover mission you reunite with an old partner before things get 'frisky' and not in a good way.

announcements!

first full length balance unlimited fic! im actually quite proud of it even if the anime is postponed. I will continue to write for them 😌

feedback is welcome and appreciated! requests are open!

—————

The bar is more like a club, except for the fact there's no one so extremely intoxicated that they're acting a fool. No, it's actually quite prestigious for being underground. White and gold outline outline the area and it smells like expensive cigars and leather. Live jazz music plays in the background, setting the mood for the couples huddled together in love booths. It's nice, beyond nice— whose daddy paid for this?

In a red dress, you stir your gibson cocktail, awaiting the signal from your boss over the earpiece. It's already been an hour and there's been no sign of the suspect. Maybe you've been played. As time passes that seems more and more likely. At this point you were ready to turn in and call it a night. Places like this were no fun unless you had someone with you. And honestly, being alone in a place like this wasn't the most comfortable. There were eyes looking your way from singles and couples a like. Who knew there would be so many swingers.

There's a patterned knock at the door that makes you perk up and glance through your peripheral. The body guard looks through the slit in the door, moving to mention something about the password. The club was always tight on security, afterall. To get in you needed to prove you were coming with a member or waiting for someone who was one. The whole process is quite time consuming when you're faking your identity.

Finally, the door opens and you can see a tall man in a dark grey suit walk in. Curiously you turn your face to place your chin in the palm of your hand. Eyes travel up the figure before finally reaching the face of the mystery man. Not the suspect, but he's even better. A fond smile comes to your face at the realization of Daisuke Kambe. The name has a familiar taste on your tongue and it's honestly quite uplifting seeing such a 'friendly' face. He looks the same after three years and you wonder briefly if he's undercover too or if he has paid his way in. Daisuke was never frugal when it came to getting what he wants. Where he was lacking in words, he made up for it with expensive charm.

Oh how you had missed him.

Meeting his eyes, you raise both brows in question before turning away to down your drink. You push the glass to the bartender, holding a finger up before glancing over at daisuke, who sits in one of the booths across the room. He narrows his eyes at you in question, jutting his chin over to the bar before nodding to the door.

So he's on a mission afterall.

Your eyes shift to the door as well with a nod. He seems to understand well, but it's not a surprise after the time you worked together. It was a brief two years, but during it you learned to communicate in silence. His eyes told you much more than his mouth ever could. Now thinking of it, all the Kambes were better with actions than words.

—————

A few conversations have picked up after twenty more minutes of waiting. Perhaps if there wasn't another man in the area, the other's advances would have moved you. You weren't picky with your men, but you weren't one to settle for second place when first is still an option. Still, it kept you distracted for the time being. Besides, Daisuke looked was busy with a man himself.

You lean in, placing a hand on the chest of some patron with a giggle before the door opens once again. This time you're quick to look, seeing another man trail in. The static in your earpiece comes alive, the voice on the other side stating that it is in fact your target. The patron you were with turns his head as well and smiles before pardoning himself to shake the hand of the man. You briefly recall the suspects name: Vince Aiko.

Now the party was getting started. You wave them over, batting your eyes with a small smile. You don't miss the woman that walks in behind them, but she doesnt stop at the bar anyway. Instead, she heads over to the raven haired across the way. You resist the urge to follow her figure, instead keeping eyes on the two men and starting conversation.

—————

The goal was simple. Get the target alone and eliminate him. Usually you weren't one for death, but the police weren't helping in this case. The company you worked for took it into their own hands, given the okay. Even if it wasn't your task to kill him, someone else would. No jail time would follow as apart of the deal, so there were no repercussions against you for killing the scum. It's a win win.

The other man had gone to the restroom by now, leaving you alone with Vince. He smells lavish as well. It was clear he belonged here by the way his hair was combed back and how whitened his teeth were. He has money and it's not ruining out anytime soon.

It took you until he ordered a drink and didn't have to pay to realize he was the owner. The assumption that it was daddy's money grew stronger. He was outwardly trying to flex wealth he didn't even own. He wasn't trying to be subtle when he asked for the most expensive bottle or paid the band to play his favorite song. It was entertaining, yet disappointing. At least Daisuke spent the money without mentioning anything about it. At this point you just kinda wished the guy would shut up.

Placing a lingering touch on his shoulder, you lean in again. He smells like a new car. He places a hand on your upper thigh, quickly catching on to your advances.

"Why dont we go to the back."

It's not a question, it's a demand and it's exactly what you wanted. Right in the palm of your hands. With a giggle, you take his hand and stand while plucking the toothpick out of your glass and pulling the olive between your teeth smoothly. Walking past Daisuke and the woman at his booth, you wink.

The backroom looks like how it sounds. Behind another door and a pink curtains, you enter a red room. It has a single loveseat in the shape of a heart and there's champagne and wine on a side table. There's a dark blue light overhead that contrasts the rest of the room like a spotlight. There's no music except for the quiet hum behind the doors, but the further you go away from them the quieter they get. He takes your hand and pulls you to the loveseat.

"I'm can't say I'm surprised. My friend out there thought you were in to him, yet here we are... Is it the money that gets you going?"

His eyes trail over your figure and you understand what this room is for exclusively. You resist the urge to roll your eyes or push him off as his fingertips skim your arms and you play along.

"What can I say? Rich men are the sexiest."

You play with the collar of his suit, looking up at him through your lashes and parting your red lips. He stands up taller to glance down at you, trying to assert his dominance. It's sad knowing that's how he got off. He wants control and he wants you on your knees, the only other thing he could ask for at that point is for you to lick his dress shoes. It makes you sick.

His fingers stop at the thin strap on your dress, fiddling with it before starting to slide it down. You push him away and into the seat behind him. Taking a hold of his tie, you lean down to his ear to kiss underneath it.

"Why rush when I can give you a show."

He chuckles when you turn around and you roll your eyes. What an idiot. I almost want to laugh. You move your arms up, brushing your hair off your shoulders before reaching for the top of the zipper. Glancing at him with a smirk, you shake a finger and turn to face him. His fingers rake up his thighs, reaching out to touch you but you smack his hand away with a tsk.

"Lookie, no touchy."

You start to make a round behind the chair, fingers grazing his shoulders and pulling at the fabric. Once behind him and forcing his head forward you take out the earpiece and reach for your thigh. There's a gun there in the holster and a knife beside it, hidden by the red drapes. Thank god the for the slit. When rounding his other side you pull the firearm out and aim it at his temple, stabbing the knife into his thigh before he can jump up.

"Sit down, sicko. Don't try anything or I'll put a bullet through your skull."

You stick the earpiece into his ear, waiting for the receiving in to chime in.

"Who let you think a soundproof room was smart? It's like one of those double sided mirrors in here. Honestly, you're such an easy target."

His eyes glower at you like his expression alone will make you back down.

"You slut! I'm gonna kill yo-" He's cut off by the earpiece. They ask for information, stating that if he complys his life will be spared.

"I'm not stupid-"

"Beg to differ."

"-I know you'll just kill me anyway. I'm not telling you shit!"

The earpiece goes back off and you take it from his ear to listen to the other side. Two words is all you need to finish the assignment. Kill him.

"This could've been so much easier for you if you just listened. " You feign a pout, clicking the safety off. He struggles against the metal, rambling on about killing you and the company, finding you and blah blah blah. Having enough of his whines, you silence him with a quick pull of the trigger. You look down at the body on the floor and then at yourself, cleaning up quickly before leaving the room, making sure to step on his back in the process.

—————

There was maybe ten minutes before his bodyguards would notice he hasn't left the room. You go to make your leave, but not before stopping by Daisuke's booth. You stand a bit aways, watching him try to get information out of the girl before his eyes glance over to meet yours. A one-sided smirk creeps onto your face. He was never very shameless when it came to things he did and the way his eyes did a slow once over of your body was deliberate.

How you missed that look. It's the same bedroom eyes from the nights you spent together in the sheets. You start to wonder if the body under his shit looks the same and if his fingers still produced magic without even trying. Were his lips still as soft?

Now isn't the time for that. You narrows your eyes and go to slide into the booth beside the girl after you notice the disgusted look she gave you. Shame is her freshly manicured nails were to get messed up in a fight. Not that she was trying to pick one, but-

"Long time no see, Kambe."

Daisuke quirks a brow and gives you a warning look when the girl glances at him. You shrug, placing your head in your hand.

"You know her?"

"Of course he does! I miss the sex we shared every night."

He chokes on his drink, shaking his head. What has gotten into you? You're lucky he had finally gotten the break they needed in the case before you came over. Still, you were way out of line with that one.

"Y/N, this is Lily. Y/N was just kidding, we used to work together. "

When he scowls at you, it actually scares you because he means it. He could take you down with him if need be. He adjusts his suit jacket and clears his throat before continuing, "Thank you for your time, but I suppose i should get go-"

"Aiko's dead! Code red!"

Daisuke looks over with his tongue to his cheek as if to say you fucked up and you're not ever hearing the end of this if we get out alive. Honestly, he might just leave you behind if in sacrifice fkr the case. You shrug in innocence, already calling in help for an escape. Until then you'd have to fight them off. Apparently these dummies were smart enough to notice who Vince went in with and they are quick to lock eyes with you. And so did the rest of the club goers.

You make a move to get up, sliding out of the leather seat with hands in the air in surrender.

"Would you believe me if I said he did that himself?"

It starts with someone attempting to grab you before people go ducking under tables. All those grueling hours of training for really coming in handy now. You just barely miss the grabbing hands, taking the bottle of wine on the table and breaking it. Lily gasps at the shards, going to hide under the table as well and tugging on Daisuke to follow. You gesture the broken bottle about, thrusting it forward.

The men simply laugh and go for the kill. The bottle doesn't last long and you move away from the table for the fight.

Hell is broken loose and it isn't long before Daisuke resorts to joining the fight. It shouldn't surprise you, but it does. He punches one of the guys with a right hook, grabbing the collad of his shirt and throwinf him into another. For someone so weak looking, he sure was strong. It makws you swoon.

"I really do miss us, Daisuke. Just like old times."

He scoffs, continuing to fight beside you. He hates fighting and always has. He finds it undignified and perfers to just dodge and have them attack each other if he can't pay it off. But right now there was no room for negotiations.

"Now isn't the time to relive the past, y/n."

It stings, but you know it's true. Daisuke was the kind to get straight to the point. It's part of the reason he was so easy to work with. Suddenly, it makes you upset to realize that this was in the past.

You hear a car screech outside, trying to land one more punch on some bald guy before looking at the door. You tug at Daisuke's suit, practically dragging him towards the door before pulling out your gun and pointing it at the rest of the men standing. The hesitate. As much as they want to go after you, none of them want to die for it.

You push him to there door and nudge him to open it. There's a revved engine outside waiting for you, and apparently now another guest. He takes the hint, pushing the door open and taking the gun from your hands as you flee. There's one shot fired, but you know the victim won't die. He may seem heartless, but he wouldn't kill someone unlwss he had to. He knows when someone will save someone else and he knows what's in people's conscious. He had always been good at reading people when he cared enough to.

The night has turned from blue to black and you aren't sure when. It's suddenly too cold to wear the dress and it's starting to rain. This has really been one hellish night. The passenger waves you over from down the block in a hurry. There are sirens in the distance—they must've called the police to arrest everyone else involved. That's always how it went. They gave the company the ok to take the case and then come in to finish the job and take the credit because of the unsavory ways you deal with the suspects. If you weren't always in such a hurry and you didn't want to be arrested, you'd be pissed. With a huff you kick off your heels and run down the pavement with Daisuke hot on your trail. He didn't usually flee scenes like this, not anymore at least. He'd be lying if he didn't miss the rush of it. He'd be lying if he said he didn't miss the past life he lived.

When you get to the care, it starts to pour and Daisuke puts his suit jacket over your head and shoulders before pushing you into the backseat. Caring, yet impatient. His attitude makes you roll your eyes and shove him when he gets in.

The car pulls away just before the police arrive and it's quiet except for the low hum of some tape playing. The radio didn't work and the volume knob was stuck, so you'd have to strain your ears to actually listen. But it seems no one minds.

You take off the jacket, handing it back of to him and he puts a hand up to say you can keep it. He says something along the lines of, "It'll still be raining when you get out. Give it back later." Is he insinuating you'll meet again?

"Or I can give it back tomorrow morning, if you feel like staying over. "

The sudden bravery shocks you and apparently it takes him aback as well by the look on his face. His face drops back to deadpan almost as fast as it lifted and he scoffs, looking away and out the window.

"I really do miss you, Daisuke. In more ways than one," you say quietly, looking down at the jacket and running the fabric between your thumb and forefinger. He glances back over at you before dropping his gaze to your hand and with a sigh he places his over your own and squeezes. It's a conformation, a returned feeling, but of what exactly —you aren't sure.

It'd be enough for tonight.

[normal-thoughts-official]

i'm not trans but i want to write trans magnus, what are ig the dos and don'ts? (only if you dont mind <3)

i don't mind! happy to reply to those. altho i'll be real, there's a lot of stuff, so it's a bit hard, which is why i'd say that my first tip is to have a sensitivity reader (even better if it's multiple). i even offer to do that, more trans magnus content is what i want! so i'd tell you to consider that

i'm going to make a list, but i ask you that first of all, you try to understand the reasons why i'm saying what i'm saying (i'm trying to outline them as clearly as possible) instead of just taking it as a checklist of what you're supposed to write or not. the most important thing is that you understand why certain things are/can be harmful, and approach them accordingly. there is rarely ever going to be a rule like "EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU DO THIS THAT'S TRANSPHOBIC". it depends a lot on the story and how you do it

(sidenote: of course there are things that ARE always transphobic, like using men in dresses as the butt of a joke. but that's not the case for most things, and I hope this kind of very obviously transphobic trope is already understood to not be a good thing doiajdsoija)

other than that, i think the first things that come to mind are the following (i'll try to have more do's than don't's cuz i feel like giving you a path to follow is more helpful than paths NOT to):

DO research about transphobic tropes in media and make sure you understand why they are harmful. that's a great way to avoid the most glaringly obvious Bad Takes™

DO try to understand your character's identity as much as you can. are they a trans man/woman? are they nonbinary? if they are nonbinary, what do they identify with? you don't have to have a fully fleshed out identity, but at least know whether they lean more towards neutral, fluid, multiple gendered, outside of the gender binary, etc. if you want a culturally specific gender, KNOW WHICH ONE. have details. and do your research on that. i don't recommend doing that if you don't know exactly what you're talking about

DO try to incorporate the character being trans into your understanding of their backstory. did they have help from their community? what was that like? how did that influence other parts of their story? when did they realize and when did they come out? being trans is going to have an impact on a person's story, so the more you know about that, the more you can build a character that feels real, not a cis person with "trans" slapped on their forehead

however, DON'T have their entire backstory and life be about them being trans. that's not how it works with anyone. you want to understand how being trans intersects with their life, not reduce everything about them to being trans. your goal here should be to incorporate the aspects that are related to that person being trans and the ones that are not into one thing that feels cohesive, because that how it works

DO wait until it's pertinent to mention the fact that your character is trans. it's kind of *sigh* when the fic starts like "Magnus Bane (who is trans) was buying groceries". that feels like what i just mentioned in the last don't: everything revolves around him being trans. you don't want that. if it only comes up halfway through the fic, then it only comes up halfway through the fic. i actually think that's kinda rad because it really normalizes a character being trans, but it all depends on what the rest of the story is like

DO approach their transness like any other element in the story. if it's a light-hearted story, you don't have to approach their transness from an angsty perspective. that doesn't even necessarily mean u can't approach transphobia as a topic, but it's just weird when the whole fic is happy and upbeat and then suddenly there's an on-screen transphobic microaggression and the person is very sad, and then back to upbeat. if you really want to broach this topic on your light-hearted fic, you can do it in ways such as "*flops down on the couch* god, i'm exhausted. some asshat tried to pick up a fight with me today" you know? again, i'm not saying "don't talk about X or Y subject", you just don't want the tone to be completely different from the rest of your story. it feels not only like his transness is out of place (which alienates the reader) but also like just... bad writing, i guess you don't have to take that as an absolute rule, just... as with anything else you're writing, make sure that it fits the story you're telling. if it's gonna have a different tone when u mention something, know why and how you want to do it

DON'T feel obligated to approach every aspect of their identity/backstory/everything they face as a trans person. it's good that you, the author, know it, so you can even know what is or isn't important to mention. but you don't have to give the reader a whole exposé on his transness. approach what's relevant

DO include them making jokes, puns about being trans, having other trans friends, etc. it just feels more real and we do all that all the time. it's just unrealistic for a trans person to hear the word "transparent" and not crack a joke (with people they feel safe with, of course)

when you do mention them being trans, please DON'T treat it like a big deal. when the whole narrative stops so you can mention that a character is trans, it just feels like their transness is a spectacle for a cis reader. similarly, if the reader can tell that their reaction is supposed to be like "*gasp!*" it just feels like trans people aren't supposed to be seen as normal. i'm talking specifically about how the narrative treats it here, not necessarily what happens in the story. you could have a scene where the character comes out, for example, and then of course this is going to be a big deal for them. but there's that, and then there is "magnus bane put on his binder. that's right, hE IS TRANS!". a trope i wouldn't call harmful but that i particularly hate and turns me immediatelly off any story, particularly, is the thing where the character is like "I put on my binder, getting ready for school. I am trans, and anyone who has a problem with it can fight me". no one thinks about how they are trans every time they do anything that's related to their transition. that'd be exhausting. you don't brush your teeth and are like "that's right. MY TEETH NEED CLEANING! i want to avoid caries, because i am human and that might happen"

DO try to think of every element of how they express their transness in relation to that character. you don't have to outline the reasons in the story (that'd be exhausting) but don't just go "well, magnus is trans, therefore he wears a binder and a packer, wants surgery, and [list of Transmasculine Traits™]". WOULD magnus want a binder? WOULD he want a packer? remember that those things are all choices, not a checklist that determine whether or not you're trans. each trans person is an individual, and thus each trans person's relationship with their transness and how they express it is different. so treat your character as such

DON'T make him being trans something that is only used for sad things!!!!!! again, i'm not saying "you can't approach transphobia", but if him being trans only comes up when it's to bring Bad Things His Way, it just feels like being trans = bad for you. know what i mean? try to mention it in neutral or positive ways more than you do in negative ways. a few things that i think are positive: you get to choose your own name, you get to rethink every bit of how you want to express yourself instead of just following a script, you get a lot of friends who Get It, you have the jokes about all the guys named Skylar, the flag is cute, transitioning feels so good! every new thing is a discovery. coming out as trans and transitioning is very liberating, it feels like you are so much more real. sex feels a lot less like a scripted ordeal when you have a completely different relationship with your body, i feel like trans ppl naturally communicate a lot more about sex and explore a lot more of different ways to touch their bodies even when they don't necessarily have genital dysphoria. the puns and jokes are also a nice bonus. the slang is so fucking funny. you learn a lot about your body and hormones and the such just from having friends who hormonize and looked up every detail. as for neutral things, just being like "magnus put on his binder" is a neutral thing. it's just a part of his life! when you only remember that a character is trans because they are going through violence, it just makes people scared of being trans

and i guess those are the most important pointers? just, don't make trans identity a whump thing and remember that not every trans person is the same, build that character just like you do any other. if anyone wants to add more stuff, feel free to! i have a tendency to forget to mention or explain certain things (like "don't make trans ppl the butt of a joke") because to me they are obvious and i forget that they aren't obvious outside of trans circles. i have very few cis friends (that's something that makes a difference too) so ya know. diajsda

another tip i think can be helpful is, if you're uncertain whether or not something sounds natural, try to imagine that instead of talking about a trans character, you're talking about a person who wants to be a mechanic. when you're building a character who wants to be a mechanic, that can be part of a super angsty backstory about how they lost their parents in a car crash due to a car malfuction... or not. it can have relevance to a certain point of the story, or not. it can fit naturally into this part, or it can feel like you just really want the reader to know that the person wants to be a mechanic. it can be integral to the plot, or it can be just another thing about that character. you know? that sounds kinda lame, but i think it's a good way to try to think about what you're writing without all the pre-conceptions and pressure not to Fuck Up Your Representation. idk, something to try out and consider whether or not works for you

if you have any questions, let me know! and ask other trans ppl about their perspectives too, i'm just one person. if you want a sensitivity reader, i'd really be super happy to help :) just DM me, or whatever you feel more comfortable with

[purekesseltrash]

This is my final ask talking about BTD so it has to be perfect, I literally created a google doc so I wouldnt fuck it up before I sent it

Shoji replaying a song over and over while doing a task reminded me of when I listened to “Ophelia” by The Lumineers on repeat while drinking coffee on my kitchen counter and lemme tell ya, I’ve been chasing that high ever since

Yeah knowing you'd have *some* family but not all of them after coming out sucks major ass but its the truth, I'm ever so grateful that the only person who would react negatively that I know would be my maternal Grandmother whos a narcissistic bitch who I haven't spoken to in years so like, i dont give a shit what she thinks but I know that it would be hard on Shoji seeing how family oriented he is in this story and him knowing his relationships with his siblings and parents would be rocky makes my heart break for him

OOOOO BITCHHHHHH HES TEXTING HIMMMMMMM

That went over a lot smoother than I thought it would, I mean i'm incredibly happy that they’re like, getting together, but I honestly expected it to be more drawn out

Awww Tokoyami getting their as fast as he could and Shoji being soft for domestic Tokoyami

Sweet jesus I can relate to Shoji just randomly thanking his friend for being his friend, the amount of times I’ve wanted to just ominously text my friends a “thank you for everything” is too many to count

I LOVE GRITTY, HE REMINDS ME OF MY CAT WHOS A MAINE COON (his names Chewie if you're interested)

I knew Mic would suck at cooking, its just so him

I practically squealed at Shoji changing Tokoyami’s contact name to Fumikage

Okay, little background story, I keep a list in my notes app of headcanons for Tokoyami and literally one of them on there says word for word “Dogs absolutely love him and he loves them right back” so im SO GLAD you made him a dog person, making him a cat person seems like the easy route

LAWYER MOM IS INTRODUCED i honestly didn't picture her as a blonde but now I see it

Tokoyami’s mom being incredibly enthusiastic reminds me a lot of my mom, she always get excited when people have pride flags hanging up and suggested we get a pride flag so that made me appreciate my mama more than I already have been

I swear to god my eyes got as big as saucers hearing the part about cheesecake because I'm from New Hartford and forgot Hartford was a different city.

I can just picture Aizawa SLAMMING the brakes and whipping his head around, hair flying, as he looks at Shoji

“And he let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding” how much more cliche could you get, not gonna lie that made me laugh

All right I have to confess something. I've skipped every transcript of Put Your Sticks Up because I was impatient and wanted to get to the story. Now you know my biggest secret, I always felt bad but would get frustrated cause I wanted to hear ‘bout my boys.

The last precious worm ask! I am finally on my laptop so I can give this the proper attention.

Ngl, when my head isn't working, I will just put on one song and play it over and over and over and over and over until something comes into my head. My ShinOji fic 'Gold Rush' came from that. Still not sure how I managed to make a somewhat decent fic out of a song about gentrification but my mind is a wild and wonderful place.

Yeah, Shouji goes through it with his family. One thing that I can say though is that as Shouji starts to get more and more successful with his art, Tokoyami starts to spitefully send articles and reviews written on his work to his parent's house. He never gets a response but doesn't expect to, he just feels like they should see how amazing their son is, goddamnit. The one day, a letter comes back. Tokoyami opens it, expecting it to be them telling him to knock it off and instead, one of the pictures has been sent back with 'This is beautiful' written in pen, an arrow pointing to one of his vases. Tokoyami then has to show it to Shouji and explain what he did. Shouji cries basically all night. That starts a very, very tenuous back and forth with his mom.

Gonna put the rest of this under a break because it's gonna be long

You should have seen my first outline if you thought this was quick with them figuring it out. Basically, the only reason that Tokoyami broke it off in the first place was because he didn't see that there was a chance of it working. They worked so well otherwise. Amazing chemistry, complimentary senses of humor, Tokoyami didn't want to break it off at all. He just felt like he had to because otherwise they were both going to get more hurt. So when Shouji was like 'okay, but actually I do want to try this', he was all in.

Ojiro is legit Shouji's first real friend. Which is really really sad given that they met when they were eighteen but Shouji never really got a chance to do anything normal.

Maine Coons rule and Chewie is an excellent name for them. I was going to name their cat after Marie Phillipe Poulin, the greatest women's hockey player ever, but I decided that Gritty would be funnier. Mic as a bad cook is deeply satisfying, I picture him being like me, just all 'okay but I just do enough to make something to survive on and uh.... who needs all the details and stuff'.

The name change actually came from my beta. They asked why his contact was still Western Civ Tutor in the beginning of the chapter and I was like 'oooo, great way to show how they have changed'.

And maaaaaaaaaan. I'm sorry but how is someone who is a bird gonna like a cat. Nah. Tokoyami is a dog person. They do go on to get a dog. They were going to get a Shiba Inu or something catlike until Kenta came through with a hound puppy that he'd found in the rain while on his route and just dumps it in Shouji's lap like 'Surprise!'. They name it Lu after Roberto Luongo, famed goalie. The dog is a goddamned menace and Shouji ends up having to take it to classes and learn about dog training so they can all keep their sanity. He ends up loving Lu the most. (I do some part time dog training so I had to throw that in)

Tokoyami dyes his hair. He's actually a mousy blond under the dye like his mama. And yeah, my parents are hella supportive too. I figured it would be healthy for one of them to have accepting parents.

Aizawa was pretty pissed, ngl. For all that he should know better, he got caught up in the same shit that coaches tend to slip into, which is a responsibility because they have someone with potential that they must mold and then when they go on to do amazing things, they can feel a part of it. But then he realizes where he fucked up and how he was so busy seeing Shouji the hockey player that he couldn't see Shouji the person.

Listen, it's my fanfic, so I'm gonna get as cheesy as I damn well please. I'd written a super cheesy ending for the end of 'Black Sun' and was waffling on keeping it until somebody was like 'it's a fic, be as cheesy as you want'. I can has my cheese, as a treat.

WHAT IN THE FUCK WORM. HOW CONFUSED HAVE YOU BEEN THIS ENTIRE TIME?!?!?! this legit made me laugh out loud when I read it. GO BACK AND READ MIC'S SHOW!!! I set up so much stuff to try and prepare the reader to understand the emotional stakes, not to mention the basic facts of hockey! That being said, I get the feeling.

Thank you for this last super mega grande worm ask, sorry that it took me so long, I wanted to be able to give it my full attention. <3

[haechanmochi]

Ofc I'm comfortable boo 😏

So I wrote one and I ALWAYS FORGET TO SAVE THE DRAFT and so I had to rewrite it.

Genre: Minho X Reader

Warnings: smut, public sex kink, lil bit of degradation

-

After their taste of the international leg of the tour, the boys were finally having their well deserved break. Minho had done exceptionally well with his position as main dancer and brought himself out of his shell more with his starting verse in Boxer and you couldn't have been prouder.

You were one of their many make-up artists and the Minho and you situation had begun as a series of quick hookups in the dressing rooms but it soon progressed to late night video calls when he was stressed out and late night drives to his studio with food and affection. He had found the confidence and comfort he needed in you, so much that even JYP couldn't stand to watch you two apart.

You watched on at the boys playing netball in the water and Minho noticed your gaze, paddling over to you like a little puppy.

He sat on the small step and pulled you closer to him until you eventually settled on his lap. His warm chest was pressed to your back and you leaned back in his hold, resting your head against his shoulder.

Night was starting to fall and the pool was getting a little more crowded. There were no kids in sight, seeing as the hotel was mostly famous for its bar and casino.

You were so caught up in the aesthetic of the moment that you had barely notice that Minho had moved his hands from around your waist further up, cupping under your breasts.

You would've usually given him a warning but you laid back, he was probably just playing around, having missed you due to his busy schedule.

While his right hand stayed firmly cupped over your right breast, the other moved down and gave your ass a grope.

"Minho stop touching my ass, there are people around"

He removed his hand from your butt and instead started trailing his fingers up your thigh and towards your core. The soft tickly sensation was sending shocks through you and you felt electrified at his smallest touch.

When his mouth came into contact with the base of your neck, your breath stopped short in your throat, shifting on his lap at the heat that the work of his lips was sending down to your core. While adjusting yourself, you'd rubbed down on the hard bulge protruding out slightly from his swim trunks, showing clearly the outline of what lay ready underneath.

"M-Minho", you moaned out as the boy sneaked his fingers into the thin line of your bikini-panties and moved down to press two cold wet fingers flat against your clit that was entirely warm from his arousing kisses to your neck.

In an instance, he had turned you in his lap to face him.

"Take off your bikini bottom, now".

His commanding tone was nothing short of a turn on, shooting sparks of heat down to the very place where you needed him the most right now.

"Minho, as much as I love you and a good fuck, I'm not stripping in a public pool, when literally anyone can see"

He didn't seem to be hearing you because he tugged at the two knots on either side of your bikini, having it float up to the surface in an instant. You were completely exposed underwater and praying that nobody decided to do some goggle diving.

On the plus side, it was getting darker outside and the pool lights were too dim and too far away to illuminate the area in which Minho had you trapped.

"If literally anyone could be watching, let's give them a show babygirl".

His fingers finally stopped teasing and easily slid into you, your slickness immediately coating his middle and ring fingers and the feeling of finally having him like this after so long, gave him a much more positive response from you than he had expected. Your back arched, lifting your hips off of his lap, only to grind back down onto him when the thrust of his fingers became more consistent and familiar. You clenched desperately around his fingers, quietly hoping for a wider stretch.

You opened your eyes to be met with his stone hard, handsome face, eyes bloodlust and watching your movements with a sinister gaze that had you weak t the knees.

"Tell me what you want, my pretty slut, tell me what you want everyone to see me do to you"

The strength with which his fingers pushed against you already had your stomach churning for a climax, the addition of his words, in soft grunts too, was almost enough to make you finish right there on his fingers.

"I want m-more, more fingers, more anything, please, do whatever you think is right, please just hurry up", you pleaded, rolling your hips down on his hardened member.

You knew how much he loved you begging for him and the sensation of your naked ass rubbing against his clothed member was proving to be too provoking for Minho to handle.

"You want more my little whore?"

He sounded like he was almost begging to be inside you, struggling to keep his dominant demeanor as he whimpered out the question.

You nodded frantically, showing him he was still in control of you and that drove him wild. He felt his dick throbbing at every response you gave against his fingers.

"Min, I'm so cl-"

You whined at the loss of contact when his fingers were suddenly pulled out, leaving your wet entrance clenching around nothing but the cold water that was lapping against your clit and making you crave more of whatever Minho was willing to give.

"I'm going to fuck you so good, right here and I dont fucking care if anybody sees, they can watch".

He was growling in the most sexiest way you had ever witnessed as he fumbled with the cords of his swim trunks and pushed them midway down his thighs, just enough to give enough space for his member to spring free from where it was held captive. He was bigger than usual, pinker and more warm when you wrapped your fingers around the base of his cock. Just seeing him pulsating in your hands, because of what your body had done to him was making you greedy to have him in your mouth.

"Do you want-?"

"No, n-no, I can't wait that long, just wanna fuck you", he confessed, knowing that otherwise, he would be riding out his orgasm the moment you would've wrapped your lips around him.

You grinned, lowering yourself onto him without warning and the way you stretched deliciously around him almost had him finishing on the spot.

Minho gritted his teeth and thrust up into you,

"You're such a naughty girl y/n, letting me fuck you out in the open, you like the risk of being caught don't you?"

You gasped at his words and the effect they had on you. He had almost given you an orgasm before and it was building back up now, too fast- considering it had been a while since he had last fucked you.

Ignoring all possibilities of being seen riding the life out of your boyfriend, you did just that. The water pressure and the speed at which you were taking in his dick made lapping noises against the water and it only turned you on more. To know that you were fucking him with everything you had.

"Fuck, just like that, you're such a whore for my dick baby, you take it so well".

You knew that if he kept talking, his words alone would make you climax so you forced your lips onto his, kissing him open-mouthed, making loud smacking noises. Spit dripped down his chin but you were quick to lap it up with your tongue, gathering much more wetness between your mouths. Your tongues were past battling, instead rubbed against each other, lips clashing restless into the messy kiss. You felt so vile, so dirty, kissing him like that, the intimacy of the kiss making you wetter down where you and Minho were connected.

His thrusts had sped up to a rate where he had you moaning his name in chants and he swallowed the sound into his mouth, while he continued to kiss you and fuck you wildly at the same time.

When his thrusts got sloppier and less timed, you felt yourself grow drowsy as well. The churning in your stomach tightened and before you could even get the words out completely, you were climaxing on his cock, still riding him as he pushed himself a little further.

To assist him, you tiredly rolled your hips in a powerful final thrust and clenched around him, tightening yourself. The new feeling shoved Minho off the edge and he almost blacked out at the ecstatic feeling of his orgasm exploding, his cum shooting out in hot spurts inside you, coating your walls with his strings of white.

His fingers dug into the skin at your hips, his mouth lazing kisses onto yours as he rode each spurt out, slowing down his thrusts until he finally comes to a stop.

Minho drops his head lightly onto your shoulder and wraps his arms lovingly around your waist, kissing your shoulder.

"Fuck, I've missed you so much"

You laughed tiredly at his remark and ran a hand through his wet wavy hair,

"'m right here, not going anywhere", you replied

And all Minho could do was smile.

[crue6xx]

It's cool pt2 [Nikki×Reader]

Warning:smut, mentions of sex and such

Also:some kink? Shit I think i dunno

--------------------------------------------------

You and Nikki have been heated since your last vacation, with Nikki on tour you still hang out and have time for some fun but barely.

And all those blonde girls festering over him you dont mind but you could loose the weight of them, but one night on a tour after a super crazy hiped up show Nikki is in his dressing room you walk in and hes all sweaty and out of breathe he ran over to you nd kissed your cheek "hey ima take a shower" he rushed to the restroom in his dressing room.

You sat down and waited for Nikki to finish his shower, you started hearing moaning and groans, you were a mix of anger and confusion you rushed to the restroom and busted the shower curtain to the side and saw Nikki in the corner of the shower with his dick in hand with his head thrown back

"Oh, Nikki I thought...nevermind" you turned around and stood still for some seconds you started hearing Nikki goign at it again, you soon walked out the room.

You had fone home to the apartment with the boys and you had been napping in Nikki's room. "Yeah I was in thw shower jerking off and ahe just came in like a swat team" Nikki tols the guys "hey I thought you were with Stacy- you stumbled into the room with messy hair and one of Nikki's shirts on and some jean booty shorts you plopped on the couch, "what's up guys" you say with your elbow on the edge of the sofa holding your tilted head, "not much" the guys stepped out of the room to go grab some beers you and Nikki stayed inside "hey Nikki who's Stacy I heard the giys talking"

"No one baby" he said softly "are you sure"

"Look baby I cant get into it" he said trying to give you the hint "c'mon Nikki, sometimes I gotta hear it" "you don't trust me" he looked confused at this point you can really understand anything "I do, I just wanna know" you say making him soft "fine, Stacy was a groupie and she used me to make money and basically become rich off me use me for sex and money and lt broke me" you felt bad about it "as Nikki its ok I won't ever do that to you I love you" he smiled.

It was getting hot in the room, Nikki took his shirt off *damn his has abs* you thought starring at him and biting your lip without knowing "hey what was that huh" Nikki asked raising an eyebrow, snapping out of your trance "huh? Oh nothing" you smiled Nikki laughed.

Nikki had been looking hot sitting down already but you almost melted in a puddle to Nikki unzipping and unbuttoning his pants but keeping them on, he wasnt wearing hnderwear so you saw his pubes a little bit just starring at them he looked at and lauhges while kicking the coffe table a bit

(Btw no ome ia there but you and Nikki so pretend Tommy ain't there)

You notice Nikki grabbing his dick through his pants and intensely rubbing it as kicking the table, "what ya looking at" he barked at you hinting to it "huh nothing" "cmon don't play dumb tell me" you blushed "your giant fucking boner sticking out" Nikki chucked and looked down a bit squeezing the outline of his dick harder in the moment "you want a ride?" Nikki said submissively raising an eyebrow, you got up and sat down beside Nikki on the couch on his side curling into him with his arm aournd your shoulder whilst kissing.

Nikki and you started feeling tgis intence stigma while kissing passionately, Nikki grabbed you and placed you on his lap with your arms around his shoulders and making out, both of your tounges fighting and intwrtwining with each other,after the 20 second make out sesaion on his lap, while bouncing on his lap you kept feeling his rock hard dick rub your clit a little bit, you slightly moan.

Nikki slid his jeans down to his ankles revealing his giant boner you are so horny right now, you take off your bootly shorts ass Nikki slaps your ass and removes your shirt and uncips your bra throwing them to the floor, he toys with your breasts squeezing them and sucking your nipples making you tingle with goosebumps, the hair on tour neck stands out, you feel Nikki's hand run down you legs and reach your inner thigh rubbing your clit until slipping his finger in "your so wet baby" he groaned as your wrapped your hand on his joystick, he teased almost to death "please baby please" you begged Nikki he only smirked and stuck a third finger up you causing you summer "oh Nikki fuck me Nikki I want you to fuck me..please" you begged him mercilessly he had his tip almost in "you want me to what?" "Nikki please..i need you" "tell me what do i do" he smirked "GOD DAMN IT NIKKI FUCK ME I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME" "thats my girl" he stuck it in hard and fast his hips moving up and down as you bounced on his lap, tossing your head back in pleasure, "oh Nikki" you grabbed his locks of black bushy hair "harder....faster" "hmm I can't hear you" "faster" Nikki amped up the speed making you moan loudly and curse words flying out your mouth like all he'll breaking loose.

"Baby I can't......last" Nikki slapped your ass "well im no where near done so hold it in" Nikki going harder and faster deeper and everything with his hands on your hips as he rubbed your clit slowly "Nikki I'm.....oh nikki I'm gonna cum" "no not yet hold it" he moaned and groaned " fuck yeah, god your so fucking wet and warm inside" he went faster and faster and harder and finally you couldn't take it "Nikki please I can't...i can't hold it anymore" "almost there just one more second" Nikki literally rammed you hard "I'm gonna m....cum" he started moaning loudly, "oh fuck babe, cum on my dick, yeah cum all over my hard dick" he said twice you finally came with chills down your back and scrapping his back with your nails tossing your head back "oh Nikki...oh fuck" Nikki pulled out fast and came all over your breasts and clit "oh shit babe" you looked at him in the eyes "god i love you Nikki" he smiled and kissed you looking down noticing he ia still pumping cum out still 6 seconds after you though he was done "omg Nikki how much are you pumping" "I veen savjng up all day since the shower I never got ro finish" you both laughed.

You bent over to grab your clothes only to see 6 pairs of shoes, you look up Mick, Vince, and Tommy all standing there "omg shit" you screech and grab your shirt and cover yourself "how long have you been stand- "2 minutes" Mick says blankly Nikki just sitting back smirking but embarrassed "woah dude nice load"Tommy says looking over vinces shoulder "wow Nikki I disnt expect to walk in and see you fucking your girl in our couch and yelling cum on my dick but I did" Vince says kind of surprised "well I'm nit surprised" Mick says grabbing a bottle of jack Daniel's and plopping on the couch opposite to were you are you put your shirt on and hop off Nikki's lap and sit next to him curling up in his side with his arm wrapped around you "Nikki pulls up his jeans, still unbuttoned and unzipped "I didnt expect to be walked in on while cumming so mt bad" Nikki saying sarcastically "it's cool" Tommy says on rhe couch as Nikki takes his embarrassment.

[radiqueer]

Hey, I have question for you and that is have you ever made a post or know of one where a minor like you outlines the specifics of how we adults are supposed to interact with you (on Tumblr, for example)? I know, you'll probably be thinking: "Just don't be ageist/treat us as equals, duh!" but please hear me out, I'm asking this in good faith. One of my main problems is, for example, that - online culture being dominated by US culture and it's norms - that I will leave myself open to... tbc

Part 2: potentially life-destroying accusations of grooming/pedophilia not from you or other minors who want to interact in good faith, but from adult antis/minor antis who are not acting in good faith but want to get back at me, as soon as I say something they don’t like. I absolutely agree with you that such bad faith behaviour is NOT exclusive to minors but in the current climate - especially here - interacting with minors in fandom leaves one especially vulnerable. I would like to know tbc..

Part 3 (and I forgot sending the last one anonymously, please don’t publish my username) …whether you could accept/understand that some of us feel this need to protect ourselves. I want these conditions to change as much as you do, because I remember what it was like being in your position and I truly hated it, so I want very much to act differently towards minors now that I am an adult. But I really don’t know if I can for the above reason, which is not your fault of course but still… tbc

I have never made an entire post about it, no. I have, however, set clear guidelines in my faq and in interactions with adults on this website. 

honestly? I don’t know. this isn’t how I set boundaries; most of my experience setting boundaries with adults is over discord DMs and moderated servers and I’m exceptionally good at self-moderation, thanks to the adult friends who taught me exactly how to regulate my interactions and modeled various forms of relationship boundaries for me

please note that I use “relationship” as a neutral word - it doesn’t signify anything romantic unless it explicitly talks about a romantic relationship. 

the clearest and most objective set of guidelines I can give you is:

don’t violate DNIs. ever. this is a big one. if you violate a DNI in any way, and it’s always best to interpret DNIs generously, back off at once. block them, just to be safe. do not engage even if they engaged first. if they keep harassing you, block and report. it is not worth your skin, and manipulative antis can and will use your hesitance to block them out of hand as an indication that you are a predator. give them nothing to go on. 

you do not have to read the blog links of every blogger you come across, but if they’re in their bio then it’s best to skim through them at least once. 

for me, personally, I practice intelligent boundary setting, which is a really fancy way of saying “it depends.” if a friend I know and regularly speak to tells me that my fear fetish is showing on one of my posts, that’s different from like, you saying the same thing. which seems obvious, but you’ll be surprised at how many people think boundaries can be objective and set in stone. 

take, for a lighter (hah) example, my eating disorder. [tw eating disorder and weight talk ahead] I have an ED, I don’t really try to hide it. one of my friends is more invested than the rest in making sure I eat more-or-less enough as regularly as possible. she does it because she struggled with food herself and because she knows I’m underweight, and she wants me to be okay. the problem is that there’s only so much advice I can take before I shut down entirely. so we have to navigate that in an intelligent manner - she checks in with me regularly, and in turn I tell her when she’s going too far or stepping too close to a line of conversation which ends in a shutdown. I also make sure to let her know when I need help, and to thank her for her help no matter how many times I get it, and in general I make an effort to be an equal participant in our conversations even when she’s helping me. but there’s other people in my life who I don’t allow to talk to me about food (they violate that boundary constantly, reinforcing my need for it) and that’s bad. so like, I can’t go “adults talking to me about food is Okay” or “adults talking to me about food is Not Okay” because that boundary can and has to be set and reset as the conditions around it change. [end ed tw]

or like, sex. sure, as a minor I can (hypothetically) go “don’t talk to me about sex” but……what is sex? is heavy petting not sex? can my adult friend - lets call them Brianna, she doesn’t exist I made her up for this example - can Brianna not talk to me about the cute guy she flirted with at her college mixer? is it different if Brianna and the cute guy most definitely did not make plans to fuck after the mixer? what is the difference? can Brianna recommend me a song which contains explicit lyrics? what about explicit themes? can Brianna and I talk about #metoo? can we talk about how she’s afraid to walk back her to her dorm room at night because the security guard on her street creeps her out? can Brianna read my explicit fic? can I read Brianna’s? can she recommend it to her friends who don’t know me? 

this is an annoying amount of questions, isn’t it? now you get it. there’s a few more paragraphs where that came from. 

the best way to tackle this is to answer each question as it comes. there’s no need to spend a month hammering out each detail. flag certain subjects - I ask my friends to warn me before showing me explicit images (of the sexual and violent variety) because that boundary is fluid. some of my friends can complain to me that they’ve been horny and some of them refuse to discuss sexuality with me outside of academic contexts because they’re wary of influencing me. and you know what? both of those are fine. both of those are good and normal and they can co-exist. you will never have the same set of boundaries for everybody in your life. that’s just impossible. 

so focus on what you can do. learn to regulate your own boundaries, and know that the first step to teaching others how to set boundaries is to model your own. ask, “is talking about this okay?��� when something sensitive comes up. learn to go “let me know if i ever say anything that makes you uncomfortable” - understand that in your bones, if you can. people telling you something makes them uncomfortable when it’d be easier to be silent is how you know you’ve built trust. it’s a compliment. when they let you know, back off and also go “I’m sorry”. maybe let them pick the next topic of conversation, or move onto something else. 

on tumblr, like I said, don’t violate DNIs. read every link available to you if you plan of following that user. don’t reblog posts tagged #dont reblog. some people (like me) prefer to interact largely over anon, and some people have different needs. it isn’t your job to parse that. communication is a two-way street. try not to say creepy things (”is it something I would say to someone on the street? did they ask their followers to send them things like this?” no and no? don’t say it)

if you’re an adult with “minors dni” in your bio and you’re going to interact with minors off anon, that’s generally a rather bad move. some may take offense - some may not, but it’s a toss-up you don’t want.

let me know if this helps! 

[theroninknight]

Rambling about writing

If I had to say where I ever went wrong in my writing, it would have to be in undermining the process. I love the spontaneity of creating on the spot and seeing where the adventure goes. However that comes at the cost of needing to do extensive editing afterwards.

I HATE EDITING.

Losing ideas and moments that got you excited to hear what would happen next just has a way of souring the experience.

See, I thought I was one of those "discovery" writers when in actuality, I more of an outline guy. I mistook the discovery part of brainstorming and thought that was writing.

No, real writing is when you can poke and prod at an idea from any angle and it still hold up under scrutiny.

That is what editing is. Intense scrutiny of your work looking at every aspect through a magnifying glass and tearing it apart until all that's left is the clay you mold it from.

Sometimes, there is something salvageable left in the aftermath but most of the time it's just wreckage.

Wreckage can't feed anyone. Wreckage does nothing for the already beaten and downtrodden. Wreckage is just a reminder that you failed to achieve your goal and this is what's left.

But then I stepped away from my book, which I have revised 4 or 5 time in 10 years. I stepped away and something happened.

I wanted to go back. Back to the wreckage I created and pick up what little I could save.

See my story didn't fail because it was bad. It failed because I didn't want to breathe the life into it I always knew it deserved. Every revision, every edit, every time I ran away from my own words and wrote new ones was because I was afraid it wasn't good enough. Truth is I KNEW it wasn't good enough because I knew I didn't give it the history and background it deserved.

In the discovery phase, I wrote whatever sounded good at the time and called it a day. What I should have done was build the world to the point where things had no way of happening beyond what I wrote.

Main character has a gun and a sword as his weapons. Why did I give them to him, because I like guns and swords and thought it looked cool. What I should have done all those years ago was explain to myself and the reader that those where the tools to defend himself and everyone learns them by his age.

See it's stuff like that that made me realize that it wasn't the story at fault but me. Had I been real with myself, or had a seasoned veteran cool my jets from the beginning, maybe I wouldn't have needed 5 revisions to realize that discovery writing isn't my style.

Or it could be that writing 90k words 5 times over was enough to extend my attention span so that I'm actually thinking about what I'm writing instead of vomiting out long strings of text to make me sound more intelligent than I really am.

Last part was a joke.

I dont need run on sentences to tell me what I already know.