#can you tell I'm having a bad day posting all of these really long text posts?

[foxglove-garden]

Reason why I, an intersex trans man, got called a TERF #958465:

I don't support people who say that they're FTF or MTM "trans" or dfab trans women/DMAB trans men.

I don't really care if you're intersex or not, you can't transition to the gender you were raised as. That's just not a thing. It devalues actual trans experiences imo.

I can speak personally about the experience of being raised as a girl and actually being transmasculine and having that affect my experiences. A person who was raised has a girl and identifies as a woman does not have those experiences. A person who is raised as a boy and identifies as a man does not have those experiences.

I can fully respect people who identify as cisgender intersex, or consider intersex to be their gender, or identify as intergender, or even identify as intersex to female or intersex to male because those make sense. If your experience being intersex affected how you were raised and you identify as a different gender than your parents raised you to be, I totally understand that. But "I'm intersex and identify as the gender I was assigned/raised as" doesn't equal being trans.

But no amount of logic in my brain can ever understand how someone can transition to the same gender that they were raised as. It just seems like cis with extra steps to me, it seems like intersex erasure, and it seems transphobic.

I know that it's controversial to critique certain identities, but as someone who is intersex and trans, I feel like my opinion is valid. I don't see "MTM", "FTF", "dfab trans women" and "dmab trans men" as good faith identities.

People are still welcome to use those terms for themselves, but I don't feel comfortable interacting with them.

Usually when I have in the past, they've treated me weird (I've had people from that community insist that I can't be FTM because I'm intersex, I've experienced a lot of casual transphobia from that community, and I've had a lot of them basically pull the whole "transandrophobia is fake because trans men have male privilege blah blah blah") and I just don't want to deal with that.

So yeah, IDC if people criticize this tbh. Unless you're also intersex and trans, it's not really something you can invalidate because I'm talking about my own community.

I'm going to block anyone who leaves comments bothering to say that they don't agree with me because I really don't give a shit if you agree with me. You aren't changing my mind and talking over me is transphobic and intersexist.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[mirmidones]

3.40 i woke up bc i was cold and needed to pee and now i can't fall back asleep i keep thinking of the people i accidentally ghosted. is it ghosted if there was no intent to ghost? i feel so bad and it's not even like i don't think about them i often do think "i should really reply to them... once this is over ill properly sit down and write them... " and then i don't bc something else happens and im dealing with that and the longer i leave it unanswered the more difficult it becomes because i feel so guilty and therefore want to do things properly not half assed but bc i feel so guilty a part of me also tends to avoid it even more. if i do this to you just know i'm really sorry and ill get back to you i swear

[cardo-de-comer]

soo helloo and i think it's time for me to explain the deal with my characters and this whole "you're not supposed to be here" thing. EDIT: just fixed some stuff. thank you folks for your support, i really appreciate you all <3

i made these characters way back in june and by today they have a lot of lore around them in my head. i even have a dream to make a game with them but it's just a dream for now so i'm gonna try to explain the main things about this story. Obviously this is a long post, although I tried to keep this stuff short. and excuse me for my writing and any mistakes, I don't usually write this much text.

It starts with the world. Alternate 15th century, humanity is almost gone and what's left of it shares quite a big city with demons and angels. However, demons and angels are usually being treated like servants - eventually one gets tired of it all, so everyone knows an uprising is just around the corner. Let's just ignore that for now.

The City has a catch of it's own - it's alive. The walls have eyes and ears and the City knows every resident by heart and soul, both figuratively and literally. Usually City acts through the King, it chooses protectors for itself, ones who have strong minds to comprehend it - they will be called the royal knights, each of them have a company of a /more wiser than the rest of them/ demon and angel to help with their tasks. Only the King and ten royal knights know that the City is alive and very talkative but they don't understand fully what it's trying to tell them. Most of them choose to ignore the voices in their head because hey, that's what you do usually in this situation, otherwise they drive you nuts.

City is also extremely emotional and appearance depends on its condition. Usually it's a sunny day out and the city looks welcoming, but you don't want to be there when the City is scared: it might eat you alive by accident. Now that the environment is aside, time for the main three characters.

Imri is a young lad who will soon be a royal knight. He actually wanted to be a painter when he grows up but well, you cannot disobey the king's orders. Quite emotionless and a man of a few words, he tries to stay on a neutral ground between good and bad - a perfect candidate for manipulation to all three sides, demons, angels and the City.

look at him

Royal knights get to know their angel and demon companions at least a week before they get knighted to avoid any misunderstandings. Imri doesn't mind his friends at all, although one of them caused quite a fuss.

Angel /they name themselves Lyra/ is an overly positive, naive and blindly kind entity. A bit childish and very fond of justice, they try to act as a voice of conscience, not understanding that sometimes this can make everything even worse than it was. There is a feeling that they're trickier than it seems but you can never quite tell.

the latin text all over them is just a part of their design

The demon though... That's not even a demon, that's the Devil himself. Yes, everyone knows who this is, everyone avoids him and he's not supposed to be here at all. Despite being THE Devil, he didn't try to do anything horrific yet and, when he's not joking around, he tries to be the voice of reason, the voice that no one listens to. He seems to know a lot more about this whole world than anyone else but he talks about it only when he wants to.

no one likes him at all, expect maybe Imri who just tolerates his presence like he always does

That's the main three. There is a few secondary characters, Imri's father being one of them.

sir Jastrab /or just Dell/ is one of the royal knights, he's a bit naive, loyal, and a soul so kind that his demon hung himself. Oh well. He lost one hand in what he calls "a work accident" which is partly true but he never goes into details.

He never wanted for his son to be a part of the knights because he knows by experience that it's not an easy job and not every father wants for their child to go insane from the voices in their head.

few people said that the angel accompanying him looks like d20 and so be it

The others are Sun and Moon - local deities, despite being on the sky every day and night, usually they don't really care about what's going on down below. You can still talk to them but don't expect much action. Regardless of all this, they are still loved by almost all living things. They can rarely meet each other but humans always depict them together no matter what. Although maybe humans are right...

creators of the Stars - some part of a human soul that i can't talk about :)

Angels and demons come in all forms and sizes but those are the main population - lesser demons resemble the Devil in some ways and lesser angels look like clovers. Rivals usually but when the revolution happens, they learn to tolerate and work with each other. Humanity doesn't really have a chance.

they hate everyone equally And there is another being, that Imri meets a few times through the story - it's Death. Death is just having fun in this end of the world and there is a lot of work to be done.

this is an old and rough design so maybe it'll change The whole story begins at that day when Imri is supposed to be knighted. Everything seemed fine until Imri gets to hear the City for the first time and realizes that he hears and sees a lot more than everyone else. Completely overwhelmed he blacks out - even the toughest of minds often can't take it - and wakes up later only to find out that the King got killed somehow, angels and demons saw this as the starting point for a revolution and the City starts to panic.

Now Imri, guided by his companions and the voice of scared City that's crumbling and slowly drives him insane, shall travel to the center of it to find out what really happened, getting through demons and angels who are busy destroying the rest of humanity. Fun.

There is a lot more to this whole thing but I cannot tell the entire plot because spoilers, in case if i actually will make something out of this story. Think of it as a game lore. I'm not sure about making sth yet because i operate only on hopes and dreams and i barely have any strength lately but who knows... But now you have at least some context! And yeah, thank you if you actually read all of this, you're a hero.

Now i need to get back to drawing. Thank you all for your support. <3

[ov6rheated]

worst behavior

summary: billie had a surprise for you before you went out.

warnings: oral r!receiving, strap-on, fingering, teasing, masturbation, mommy kink (lmk if i missed some)

a/n: NOT PROOFREAD!! sorry for taking so long to post, i’ve been really unmotivated. also, ive seen your requests and i’ll write them soon.

it was a friday night, and you had got home from a long day just a few hours ago. whenever you got home, you facetimed billie, but she never answered. it was bothering you but you just assumed she was busy.

after waking up from a small nap, she texted you. “busy rn baby. i’ll ttyl”

you hearted the message before getting ready to go out with some friends. after scanning your closet for thirty minutes, you picked a skin tight dress to wear. the dress made you think of billie because you knew that she loved this dress so much.

you did simple makeup and left your hair down, curling it. your friend was coming to pick you up and you check the time. you notice that you got ready too early. she was going to arrive at your place at nine o'clock, and it was still only eight o'clock.

after debating on how to kill time, you chose to catch up on a show. you constantly check your phone to see if billie texted you, but nothing. you check her location and see that she's driving. you had no idea where she was going, but you knew she'd text you after she reached her destination.

after 30 minutes, you heard your front door open, and you become startled. you thought someone was breaking in, and you stay quiet. you get up slowly and walk down the stairs, seeing Billie in the hallway. she's always had a key to your house just in case anything happens.

you stare at her and push her playfully before turning around and rolling your eyes at her. "gosh, billie. you didn't even tell me if you were coming over."

she was silent as she walked behind you. once you reached the bedroom, she closed the door, and you had no idea what was happening. you could feel her eyes on you, not sure how to react.

you gulp when you feel her body pressed against your back. she started kissing your neck and pulling your dress up your thighs. "b-billie..." you mutter. "hmm, baby?" her voice was like butter, and you knew exactly what this tone meant.

"you know i'm going out tonight. we can't." she chuckled once she heard you and shook her head.

"you're gonna have to text them and tell them you can't make it, mama. you're mine tonight. and gosh, this dress. it's stunning, but i wanna see what you look like without it." the longer she spoke, the wetter you got.

she kept kissing your neck and you reached for your phone, texting your friend. you told her that there was an emergency and you couldn't make it. you hated lying, but billie always came first.

she watched you text and she wouldn't stop smirking as you did. when you finally put the phone down, she smiled and said, "good girl."

she kept raising up your dress, swiping it off of you. she was teasing you, her movement soooo slow. “billie.”

she chuckles once she hears you and finally removed your dress, leaving you in your lace bra and thong. she lifted you up effortlessly and placed you on the bed, turning your body over.

billie just started scanning over your body, imagining how it would look in the next few minutes; all marked up and loved on.

she assaulted your neck first, moving her way down. eventually there was a trail of hickies down your stomach.

the entire time, you kept whimpering softly, and it only encouraged her more. you kept arching your back off of the mattress and kept craving more.

“beg.”

she could tell you needed more, but was nervous to ask. you became annoyed, and luckily, she couldn’t see your face as you laid back. you rolled your eyes and bit your lip, looking down at her. she looked back at you, tilting her head and smirking, trying to see how bad you wanted it.

“please, mommy.” she shook her head and chuckled.

“you can do better than that, mamas.” she mumbled.

you whined and threw your head back, biting your lip. “pleaseee, baby. i’ll be so good for you.”

“hmmm, that’s my girl.” you melted at her words, and you even nearly moaned.

she pressed her middle and ring finger against your clit through your thong, pulling a whimper out of you. she bit her lip as she searched for your expression, but you were laying back as she was on her knees. "look at me, mama."

you lift your head up, biting your lip as she looks at you. she finally pulls off your thong and sees how wet you are. she could smell your arousal, and it only turned her on more.

“fucks sake, y/n,” she says as she dips a finger in your heat.

your legs jump a little whenever you feel her finger effortlessly slide in. she was still teasing though, just keeping her finger there and looking.

“bills…” you whimper.

“nuh-uh. what do you call me, baby?”

“mommy… please.”

she leans forward and captures your clit in her mouth and sucks. her eyes roll back as you try to look down at her, and she makes eye contact with you. she added another finger inside of you and massaged you g-spot.

“b-baby. please, don’t stop.”

it was like she could read your body better than you could. she knew exactly how to bring you over the edge and make you see stars.

as she kept going, you swear that you were starting to see white. she was humming against your clit, stimulating you more and more.

you were moaning and whimpering so loud and you didn’t even notice that she was touching herself. you looked down and seen her eyes roll back. it only turned you on more and made you closer to your orgasm.

“mommy, i’m close,” you mutter.

she stops and looks up at you. “how bad do you want to cum, princess?”

“so bad baby.”

she leans down to kiss you and caresses your face before reaching under the bed to grab her strap-on. “don’t cum until i tell you to, okay?”

you nod, and she aligns her cock with your pussy. she moves slowly, teasing you. she knows you want it fast, but she couldn’t help but tease a little more. “tell me what you want, princess.”

“faster, please.”

she finally speeds up, and she watches your breasts bounce as she keeps going. you felt your orgasm coming already, clenching down on her cock to hold it in.

she could tell by how loud you were moaning that you were close. a smirk appeared on her face as she watched your face contort in pleasure. “billie, please. let me cum.”

she thrusts a few more times before letting you cum. “go ahead, princess.”

she loved when you were like this. she loved when you were on your worst behavior.

she watches you orgasm and smile at how pretty you looked. “my sweet girl,” she murmurs.

whenever you finally came down from your high, she took off her strap and cuddled next to you. she placed her hand on your waist, caressing your skin with her thumb.

the two of you sat there in silence as you both caught you both caught your breath. she finally broke the silence after a few minutes, checking up on you. “baby? you okay?”

“mhm,” you hum.

“you’re so pretty, baby.”

“thank you.” she could tell by your short answers that you were tired. she looked over at the time, noticing that it was 11 o’clock.

“go to sleep, princess.” she kisses your cheek before tucking you in and turning off the light.

“okay, baby.”

[antinitoniny]

anton as your affectionate bf: headcanons

this is so long help + it’s organized in sections 😁😁

💭 anton x fem!reader

💭 texts in pink: oc, texts in blue: anton

💭 fluff fluff fluff (and crack)

physical touch

- anton might be the humanized version of ‘physical touch.’

- hand always on ur back or around ur hips

- top of the head kisses

- fixing ur necklace or hair while you’re talking

- as long as you’re in the same room, anton can’t last a minute without physical contact.

- anton’s hand will always be on ur hip or around ur waist.

- he’s backhugging u like 30% of the day

- morning kisses. barely awake kisses.

- tracing anton’s nose while he’s sleeping (he’s actually awake so he’s giggling w his eyes closed)

- “TON I LOVE U BUT IT’S SO HOT. STOP HUGGING ME” “are we breaking up”

- waking up w his leg on you, his face nuzzled on ur neck, and his hand placed light on ur head — it’s a heavy morning.

- “can i bite you?” */stares at anton for 5mins* “is that a yes”

- imagine being against pda while dating a guy who'd tear up if you sit on the other side of the table at dinner? yea, anton.

- fav kissing spot: anton’s nose

- his fav kissing spot: */his nose bled while trying to answer the question

- you guys would last for 5hrs on the couch in silence as long as anton’s wrapped around you

down bad anton

- when he’s talking about his day but you’re rlly focused on what he’s saying so he got flustered all of a sudden “stop staring at me, you’re making me nervous” — “YOU’RE telling a story, where else am i supposed to look at?”

- suddenly smiling from ear to ear during breakfast because “1 year ago, i just thought you’re really nice to me and now i’m eating breakfast with you in our shared apartment” */insert anton giggles (and grumpy you ‘coz u js woke up & he’s talking non sense)

- smiling from ear to ear whenever he hears ur name in his group of friends. (would result to 1hr of anton yapping about how cute you were yesterday and the day before that, and two weeks ago)

- anton buying matching EVERYTHING. and giving them to you with a shy smile.

- matching rings, matching trinkets, matching bracelets, matching phone cases— told u, everything.

- “why are you hugging me all of a sudden?” “you’re the cutest i adore you so much” (you’re just eating bread)

- “hi, can we date with the intention of marrying you & having pets as many as you want”, “anton, we’ve been together for almost two years”, “oh, i thought i was being delusional”

- even on casual days, anton would send his newly made playlists for you.

- "i'm gonna take a nap" "okay, me too" "are you sleepy?" "no" "then why..?" "i wanna take a nap with you"

- anton taking care of you when you're sick. and you always feel bad. "baby, sleep somewhere elsee. you'll catch my fever" "i can't sleep without you next to me"

- "have i told you that i love you?" - anton says while eating dinner.

- anton having five story highlights with just you

- anton using a photo of the two of you as his profile photo in every social media platform.

- has two pouches of things that you MIGHT need in his everyday bag (thats why his bags r always gigantic)

- anton's really expressive. he's expressive but would get shy right after saying that he loves you.

cute stuff

- "they're cute, they're just like us" - anton w every single couple in a romance movie

- anton learning how to cook your favorite foods & baking ur fav pastries at home

- would always be on a facetime w u even in social events (he can’t function w/o seeing u)

- anton massaging u after a long week !!!

- handwritten notes :(

- anton writing post-its and sticking it on ur forehead while you’re sleeping whenever he has to leave early in the morning

- anton writing DETAILED handwritten letters for you every monthsary to tell u his favorite moments w u that month, to tell u that he’s proud of u for every single thing that u’ve done that month. he’s such a words of affirmation guy.

- anton not ordering a lot because he knows that u get full easily so he’ll get to eat ur leftovers anyway

- but anton would always make sure that you’ll eat A LOT. that’s why he’ll research a lot about the restaurant menus that you’ll eat in.

- anton brushing your hair every night

- anton letting you style his hair (once went to work w pigtails)

- reading together (and anton falling asleep on ur shoulder right after one chapter)

- SUNDAY RESET IS ANTON’S FAVORITE DAY !!! the everything shower, doing each other’s nails, cooking together, eating a homemade fancy dinner with candles, talking about your week, and ending the day with wearing couple face masks while watching a 2000s romcom movie.

- anton going with you to ur nail appointment and him sitting next to you for 2 hours.

- anton’s closet is basicslly your closet, and your closet is basically anton’s.

- you wearing anton’s clothes & anton wearing your watches and accessories in a daily basis

- gazing at each other in the midst of the crowd, exchanging warmest smiles

- anton running to you to carry you in a hug

- you mentioning that you like this specific cake ONCE in a casual conversation and anton buying it for you every night.

- “did you hear something?” “BABY STOP SCARING ME”

- when you wanna wear something revealing but you asked anton first so now he doesn’t know if he’ll be mesmerized with you or he’ll be offended that you think he won’t let you wear that

- anton waiting for you to come home til midnight because he wants to have dinner with you (it’s 12am)

- anton carrying your handbag / shoulder bag as if it’s his bag.

soft spots

- arguments w antons barely happen but when it does, it often ends almost immediately.

- anton’s always the one to apologize first. even though you’re at fault, anton makes sure to talk to you without making you feel invalidated.

- anton’s definitely a date to marry guy. which is why during deep talks, he’s always talking about the future with you.

- anton finding you crying. he won’t ask why, he’ll just hug you warmly til you feel better. once you’re feeling better, he’ll buy u guys pints of ice cream and watch your comfort movie in silence and in each other’s arms.

- imagine anton’s soft voice welcoming you home after a tiring day. "how was your day, my love?" anton asks, carrying your bag, gently pulling you to the couch so he can massage your shoulders while you spend 2 hours talking about your day.

- mornings with anton are always so warm. you're cooking your breakfast while anton's just hugging you from the back. his face buried at the side of your neck, while talking casually about your plans for that day.

[4chensungs]

don’t kiss and tell

brothers best friend!jisung x fem. reader

after the incident of your brother finding out you hooked up with one of his friends, you promised to yourself to never look out for him anymore. but who says he’ll give up on you that easily?

wc. 2.8k

warnings. smut (mdni), jisung is down bad, body worship like crazy in here, tit sucking, fingering, ass slapping, unprotected sex

part 1 for context here <3

IT HAS BEEN one whole month since you last talked to jisung. one month since you saw him probably for the last time in a hot minute.

the last few weeks have been extremely unusual; you keep questioning yourself how was he doing, if he's even ever going to appear at your house again to hang out with you brother, like he always did. he's probably not.

and fuck jaemin, fuck him for screwing your bond with him. it's useless, pure jealousy and he's so stupid!, stupid for being this mad with one if his best friends of years, simply because he thinks you're still a child.

on the other hand, jisung is being not so subtle in the way he still wants you. he keeps liking the pics you post on your instagram stories, sometimes even replying to them. and it's the sad fact you're not giving him a single reply.

his mind wanders to the thought of you being already completely over him, wanting to distance yourself fully right now, thanks to your brother.

but your heart knows that's not what you want, and it keeps giving you a warning that the next time that you see him, these feelings will come back stronger than ever.

you miss him. so bad, thinking about him makes you sick.

you're laying in bed, scrolling quietly through your phone when the damn notification appears. why does he keep trying? you sigh out loud.

the__and.y liked your stories.

you ran your hands through your hair, turning off your phone to stare at the ceiling to collect your breath. you can't, your brother is still furious with both of you.

jisung ♡: why do u keep ignoring me in every existing social media

is he really going to do this? at this late at night?

jisung ♡: i miss you

you kept reading his messages and not replying. you didn't contact him for a month.

maybe, just maybe, things may have gotten lighter with jaemin. perhaps he's not really remembering this whole thing, yeah?

you: i'm sorry jisung

you: idk if this is right i really don't know

you: im confused

you turn off your phone again while waiting for his reply. let's give it a try.

jisung ♡: why wouldn't it be right

jisung ♡: jaemin can't control your life, you can do whatever you want

hm.

you: i felt bad that day and he's still so mad with you

you: idc if he's mad with me, he's my brother at the end of the day

you: i worry about you and how hes fucked up your friendship

jisung ♡: baby you know what's fucked up

jisung ♡: you trying to convince yourself that you don't want this because of him

jisung ♡: say to my face that you don't want it

you want this so fucking bad. to be in his arms again, and the thrill of being with him behind closed doors. god, that's all you want in every way.

you: ji

you: i want to see you

jisung ♡: that's right

jisung ♡: i've waited for this princess

jisung ♡: waited so long

you: i need you

you: i don't care anymore

you really don't give a fuck - your brother can hold his protectiveness instinct for himself, he actually can. you can't control what your heart aims for.

and it screams for park jisung.

"you can't ignore him forever, you know that?"

"who says I'm ignoring him? I texted him yesterday saying he should come this weekend." jaemin huffed, acting oblivious to the fact that the only reason why he invited jisung over was because of the boys' annual end of year party.

chenle deadpans at him with his stare, letting out a chuckle, "if you didn't invite him I would've done it myself." he paused, turning his head to look at the man, "that would be bullshit."

bullshit. jaemin swore he almost threw chenle out of the car in the harshest way possible - clicking his tongue in pure annoyance, "yeah, it was just fine when he fucked my sister behind my back."

"i'm pretty sure they did not fuck."

if you didn't then why were you both half naked. in his car. at your backyard?

"i'm telling you, I saw it. she was literally on top of him and she was fucking moaning his name, chenle. that's fucking wrong." your brother spat while still not looking at his friend - eyes focused on the road.

chenle keeps going, "cut this off, jaem. you can't see her as a baby anymore. let her live."

jisung is indeed coming to your house again - sooner than you thought. but it did take some days for you to find out, tho. you brother wasn't the one who told you.

in the same day, the last messages jisung sent you before you went to sleep.

jisung ♡: dress up prettily for me tomorrow

jisung ♡: will you?

you: what??

you: you're coming???

jisung ♡: jaemin told me to go and yeah i didn't expect it as well

jisung ♡: dreaming of you again

jisung ♡: kissing your sweet lips holding you so close to me

jisung ♡: it'll be all mine princess

you: go to sleep ji

you: silly

jisung ♡: i'll show you what's silly tomorrow

—

the sound of the boys laughing and loud pitching talking in the living room did quite mess with your head, anticipating the moment when he comes. it's crazy how you got so dolled up for him only, he's the reason why you're even going out of your room this night.

if it wasn't for jisung, you'd probably just greet the guys and come back to your own quiet place, drowning in your thoughts, alone. just like you always used to do before he appeared in your life.

a knock was heard on your door just right after you finished your makeup. unexpectedly, you meet a very tipsy jaemin.

"what the fuck is this outfit?" he spats, crossing his arms in front of his chest - his body unbalanced. for a split second, you closed your eyes and thanked all the existing Gods under your breath. he's drunk.

you smiled, "felt pretty today. you smell like beer, don't talk to me."

"hey, hey, hey." he grabbed your arm before you could close the door and kick him out, "come say hello to my friends. don't be rude."

you fixed your hair and outfit and went to the living room, being find with chenle, jeno and donghyuck's figures sat around the big table, nestled with all the different kinds of drinks and alcohol.

your breath hitched when jisung was nowhere to be found.

after greeting the guys, you decided to wait in your room - not sure on how, or when will jisung get there and you'll finally get to release all of your wants. show him how much you miss him and vice versa.

not much time had passed before another knock was heard on your door. you were sprawled on bed, dim lighting decorating the ambient.

"come in."

you said that because you thought it was your brother. jisung carefully opened the door, eyes peeking first to check on you.

that scene truly felt like a movie. you slowly got up, a smile starting to pop up in your lips as you walked to him.

your voice trembling, "hi, ji."

you opened the door fully for him to enter your space, he wasted no time to step in and pull you into a hug.

a mess was happening in your head, so ridiculously dizzy from him - the masculine smell of his cologne filling your nostrils, his hands holding your body flush to him while yours gripped his black t shirt, so simple and casual but yet made him look so attractive.

or maybe that’s just because you miss him a lot.

jisung leaned away from your embrace, gently taking your hair out of your face while holding eye contact - hands flew to your hips.

"you look gorgeous. more than ever."

your arms secured their hold around his neck, feeling your cheeks burning red from his words, "just for you." you announced.

he nodded, "all for me."

you both smiled like two idiots in love as he leaned down to kiss you, mouths melting so sweet at first - tongues brushing here and there, hums being heard throughout the kiss, "so pretty in this dress." he mumbles in between.

his back hits the door as he closes it, left hand leaving your hips for a mere second just to lock it.  making absolute sure that no one will be able to interrupt.

jisung grabs a hold of your thighs to help you walk further into your room, so familiar to him.

all the times you've sneaked out, when jisung slept by and left jaemin's room in the middle of the night when he was in a deep sleep. all behind his back with so much carefulness.

when he lays you down he's quick to trail his wet kisses down to your neck, firm hands caressing your whole body, going up and down in motions.

you arch into him, playing with his black hair strands as his face rests on your chest, meanwhile his lips keeps smooching your hot skin.

you sigh in contentment, knees pressing together - trying to give him a sign that you're needy, so painfully needy for him.

"jisung i want- mhhm" your words get cut off by your own whine when his hand grabs the top of your dress to pull it down, hanging it just below your bra.

"don't want to take your dress off.. youre looking too beautiful like this." his deep voice quietly said.

you smile at his sweet comment, holding back all your whines combined with the feeling of his fingers messing with the lace of your white bra, throwing your head back with no shame when he pulls the fabric down to expose your breasts, still not taking it off your body.

"so pretty, princess. i could admire you all day."

cool air is fast to hit but it's soon replaced by jisung's hot mouth, circling your breast with his tongue, hand massaging the other while his mouth does wonders on your soft flesh.

when he reaches for your nipple you whine even louder, his saliva pooling and soaking your whole breast when he sucks it into his warm hot mouth, humming nonstop.

"you're crazy ji-jisung."

"should i stop?" he teases, leaning his mouth away from your nipple and replacing it with his finger, rubbing it.

"no for fucks sake.. but I'm trying so hard to keep quiet." your voice trembled slightly.

jisung looks at you then laughs, “they’re so wasted right now, no one’s conscious in that room, love.”

you pout at him, he softly traces your bottom lip with his thumb before kissing you again, “I promise you, it’s okay. but I need you to tell me it’s okay with you.”

his soft and caring voice did turn you on even more, it shouldn’t, but it made you wetter. eyes holding so much love and appreciation looking at yours - “I want this. I want you, ji.”

jisung smiles one more time, giving you a nod and resumed his work, mumbling a deep “fuck” under his breath when he tested the waters, hand went under your dress to feel your core.

he pulled the ends of your dress up to your stomach, your thighs ridiculously pressed together. you should be ashamed of how wet you were, but you’re not, not even a single bit.

he gives your thighs a caress, “let me spread them, hm?”

your breath hitches when he brings your knees to your chest, spreading you all open and full for him. jisung mentally coos at the scene in front of him.

just like your bra, white lace panties with a wet dark patch decorated in the middle, like a gift for him. it drove him crazy.

“did you miss me that much, princess?” you can only moan as response when he touches the wet patch with his finger before pulling the lace to the side, holding it in place with one finger, while his middle finger travels up and down your cunt.

wet, so fucking wet, “fuck. love, i might cum just by looking at this.” he cursed and cursed again, eyes wide open and looking straight at your puffy displayed cunt, so wet just for him. he knew that and so did you.

“oh fuck baby i can’t-“ jisung’s fingers spread you open to admire you better - in love, genuinely in love with how your pretty pussy shines for him, glistening and begging to suck him in.

he leans down fast enough to give your clit a quick kiss, “can’t stop thinking about how beautiful she is.” still caressing your core.

you moan his name desperately at his nasty but sweet comment, tons of whines and “jisung” ‘s leaving your mouth.

“ji please. want your fingers.” you manage to say.

“of course, gotta prep my beautiful girl.” he smiles, an expert finger circling your clit before diving down into your entrance. covered with slick, your cunt invites him just as soon.

experienced fingers pumping in and out continuously, you whine with your eyes closed at the sound of wetness.

jisung’s in complete awe, stoping his staring at your hole to kiss your face, first at the corner of your mouth, then at your lips, shutting your whines off.

“you’re perfect.” he leans away to say.

nothing’s more perfect in this world than the sensation of his long and thick fingers inside you, scissoring you and reaching the deepest and most sensitive spots ever. you’ll say that to him later.

you try to smile but you soon harshly bite your lip when he curled his two fingers inside, you yelped, “jisung! oh my god-“

he kisses you again, and again, until he’s satisfied and thinks you’re ready to take him. jisung’s fingers leave you empty, and you let out a cry - his eyes make their way to between your legs to see how you’re pulsating.

“never seen my princess this wet..” deep cocky voice says.

you reach out to take off your dress, “i’ve missed you.”

when your dress was discarded to the floor, he was quick to unbutton his jeans as they went to the same destination of your clothes.

you could see his erection through his boxers, and as much as you want to such him off right now, you’re needing him inside. now.

your panties were about to be discarded before jisung grabbed your hand and shook his head, “want them on, baby. s’ pretty. keep the bra too.”

knowing how he likes it with you, you turned around and pinned your front to the bed, arching your back and your ass in the air.

“fuck, just like that.” he pumps his cock at first, cooing you while you wait for him.

jisung’s hands flew to your back to arch it even more, then to hold your hips. he rubs the head of his dick on your entrance, how your pussy almost sucks him in just from the rubbing.

when he enters you, you let out a little too loud moan. hands clutching the sheets and tears filling your eyes.

he’s completely focused on how you keep clenching around him - the amusing view of your cunt sucking him all the way in, then out again.

your hips were pressed to his shaft, feeling him so fucking deep into your womb.

jisung coos again, “you don’t know how I’ve been dying for this.” he slaps your ass.

“jisung! jisung fuck, jisung.” you whine like a baby, lost in the pleasure. ass stinging from his big hand slap and cunt begging to be filled until you get sore.

“my love.” another slap, “fucking made just for me.”

his cock is so big and it leaves you like a babbling mess, so big that it almost hurts from how good it is, hits you in all places.

you both were getting closer, his thrusts started to get sloppier and messier, slower as he pulled away to release at your back.

your own release dripped down your pussy and thighs, while his hot cum painted your back down to your ass cheeks. what a scene.

“want them all to see this mess.. jaemin needs to see how you’re good to me.“ he admires the sight of your cunt clenching and unclenching around absolutely nothing but the air, “can’t believe you’re mine and no one can ever change that.”

you tiredly laid back on your back again, trying to fix your hair. jisung’s sweaty body joined you after tossing the dirty sheets aside, he breathes heavy, but still with that cute smile on his lips.

“do you think they heard something?.” you look up at him, voice low.

jisung thinks for a second, furrowing his brows, “i honestly don’t think so, baby. but you need to change these sheets..”

“of course i will, ji.” you laughed fondly. there’s still some questions hanging in the air, with what face will he come back to the boys?

“and if they ask you where were you this whole time and what were you doing…?”

“then i’ll just say that i was fucking the prettiest girl in the family and i don’t regret it.”

—

© 4chensungs

[zreamy]

things i know that i can't have (teaser)

jake's life was hard enough before he fell for you—balancing uni, football, and being a good christian son. in some cruel twist of fate, sleeping with you has only made things harder—and, according to sunghoon (and scripture), damned him to hell the first time he thought about it.

genres: college au, (established) fwb to lovers, smut, fluff, angst

teaser warnings: minors dni, smut (yn sends nudes and jake jerks off)..........extremely dramatic (jake is going through it basically)

teaser word count: 1,125 (chose peace)

fic word count: probably around 35k???

post date: apr 3 !!!

message from zo: yeah uh huh zreamy finally finished a jake fic.. yeah uh huh (i say as i'm still writing this fic.. im affirming #lawofassumption ..sigh whatever whatever) the wip page is literally cursed !!! it is it is it is .. anyway.. jake nation will always win accept me please jake nation.......

r/Christianity 

u/footballfan1511 | 2m

How bad is premarital sex, really? (Need quick answers!!!)

I (20M) have been having sex with my friend (20F) for three weeks now. I knew it was wrong, but she’s everything (very hot, totally, completely sexy), so I didn’t care. BUT I just saw this verse (Matthew 5:28-30) and apparently it’s a sin just to THINK about it??? 

The last time we did ‘it’ was this morning before church (sorry), and I was supposed to go over there tonight, but I’ve been freaking out about that verse all day…….. idk what to do but I really like her, so much, and I still want this, with her. Please give me advice .. 

Every Thursday night. Ten p.m. sharp. Almost no exceptions. You call Jake, talking shit for as long as it takes one thing to lead to another. Tonight is an exception—you had friends over, rescheduled for midnight. Jake lies in bed, hair still damp from his post-football training shower, counting each minute as it passes. 23:55. His leg is shaking. 23:56. He sits up straight, jolting as if waking from a nightmare, nerves sharp and restless as his thumbs fly over the keyboard, texting Sunghoon. 

Jake: What about phone sex?

Jake: Like if I don’t think about her while I do it? 

Sunghoon’s groan reaches Jake through the thin walls of their shared flat. Drawn-out and long-suffering. Read receipt. 23:57. Three dots. 

Hoon: I can’t tell you what to think, but if you’re asking me then you probably alr know

Hoon: Also..??? Do you think you can jack your shit on the phone without thinking about her 😭😭😭

Jake snorts despite himself, much too loud for the quiet. Echoing as if even the room disapproves. He closes his eyes, shakes his head. Palm to his cheek. A low smack, half-joking, half-sincere. Guilt snakes around him, a hot, unwelcome coil that won’t ease. Jake gets the sense that the choice ahead — to answer or not to answer — might drastically skew his life one way or another. 

A minute early. 23:59. Your name on his screen. Phone humming in his hold, pulse lashing his throat. On the other end of the line, before he has the chance to weigh his options, you dead the call—making his decision for him. 

Jake’s heart stumbles, clumsy in his chest. He thinks of the verse, sharp and prickly—crown of thorns on heavy head. He has been thinking about it since Saturday morning. Extra training with Team B, avoiding you, six-thirty wake-ups to join Sunghoon at the rink. Ice-cold mornings melting into afternoons. No matter what he tries, it always comes back. Lustful intent, adultery, with her. And despite his best efforts to pray for rapture, Thursday has come, and Jake has lived to see it. 

A minute late. 00:01. Your name on his screen. Hovering thumb. He knows that phone sex and sex-sex aren’t the same thing, Matthew didn’t even have a phone—but if he could’ve, and he could’ve known you, and you wanted him? Jake sighs. He should answer. If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off, and throw it away. The words sink their senile claws into him, holding on for dear, frail life. His phone stills in his palm. 

You don’t call again. You never have. If this phone call is going to happen, it’s up to Jake to make it so. This knowledge and its weight multiply by the second. An itch he doesn’t try to scratch, knowing he won’t be able to reach it. Another agonising nine minutes trudge along. 00:10. His phone buzzes on his chest, and he knows it’s you before he looks. Two texts.

YN: Said you’d stay up for me Yunie :((( 

YN: You don’t think I’m worth the wait?

Reading your messages through the notifications, he’s having a hard time convincing himself not to reply. Not to tell you he waited, that of course, you’re worth it. His guilt loosens, making space for his desire to reassure you—he cannot rule out the possibility that this desire outweighs his guilt. Silence settles in his room, stretched thin and strange around him. He sighs. 

YN: Attachments: 2 images

YN: Wanted to hear your reaction, but you can tell me when you’re up ig.

YN: Night, loser :P 

Butterflies, sudden and bright—teenaged. Foolish. Tucked under the notification, the photos dare him to look. His curiosity clicks it, and the first picture fills the screen, yanking his breath from his lungs. 

Most of your face is cut off, showing only your lips—pouty and glossy and pretty. Pulling at him in a way he’s not quite equipped to name. This would be enough for him, an innocent selfie, you and those pretty eyes, that smile. More than enough—pulse quickening just thinking about it. His gaze lingers on your lips, stuck for a while. Then, unintentionally, his eyes flick lower. Hair fanned over your pillow, breasts peeking out from under black lace. Fuck. A sight he’s seen a million times, but somehow, each time feels like the first. Jake gulps. Holy shit. He ignores the throbbing in his pants, how much tighter they are—he won’t give in. No matter how badly he’s craving it. He’s stronger than that. With his eyes, he traces your lips. Ogles until his screen dims, locking the picture away again.

Picture two. Fuck. You on your stomach, grainy in your webcam. Arched back, black lace panties over your hips. Fuck. The lingerie, the shape of your body.. Seeing you like this, so perfect and all for him—it’s taking every last shred of his self-control not to get in his car and rush over to you. Want, need, tugs at him. A tether he can’t break. His phone locks. 

Enough is enough. He drags his feet all the way back to the shower, oppressive cold water hitting him. Doing absolutely nothing for his revolting need. This isn’t working—not the water, not the attempt at self-control. Not when he’s already hard and aching against his stomach. Soft breasts. Round ass. Wet—his hand moves instinctively, forehead resting on the cool tiles. He closes his eyes, your body clear in the dark. Full lips. Arched back. He’s breathless when he finishes, head bowed as heat coils low in his stomach. The water carries his release away. Nose crinkled as it swirls around the drain, cringing at the sight—guilt, shame curling around him.

Again, he dries off, pulls on clean pyjamas, and drags his feet to bed. On his side, he closes his eyes, your body like a brand behind his eyelids, thoughts filling the quiet in his room. Exhaustion however, is its own kind of mercy, and eventually, pulls him under.

[checosbluespring]

you are my everything → sp11

sergio "checo" perez x wife!fem reader

genre: established relationship, hurt/comfort, shower sex

cw: 18+ MDNI, smut, p in v, slight angst, slight possessiveness, dirty talk, pls let me know if i am forgetting anything

word count: 1.6k

song: tommy & pamela - peso pluma

sidenote: hi everyone!! i have not uploded in so long but this has been in my drafts for a while so i though i would finally finish it up and post it. i miss checo so bad but i genuinly hope he is enjoying life right now, he deserves it and so much more. please let me know if y'all have any ideas or requests for a fic (I write for all drivers including indycar) and marvel/9-1-1, also not beta read. hope you all enjoy <3

♡♡♡♡

Sometimes you hated being married to an athlete, especially an athlete who risks their life every time they work. This was the second time this year alone you had witnessed your husband Sergio get in a really bad accident. The first was in Monaco and now in Baku. This crash terrified you. It happened out of nowhere and all of a sudden you see your husband crushed up against the wall. You feel a pit in your stomach start to form and tears start to well in your eyes. Everyone in the paddock is looking at you.

You feel a bit of relief when you see him jump out of the car, looking seemingly fine. You knew though that he would be pissed. You silently thank yourself for not letting your kids come to this race because they shouldn't have to see their dad hurt. Although you know that they are probably watching the race and that you should call and tell them their dad is okay.  You decide to try and find him before he is taken to the stewards and has a team meeting. 

Pushing through crowds of people you make it to the front of the garage and see Sergio, walking fast into RB’s hospitality. Part of you knows his emotions are high and he's angry so you want to leave him but you need to check on him. 

Just as you venture off to go find him, your phone dings and you see a text from him.

I'm fine Amor, we will be fine. Please go back to the hotel room. We are going to be here for a while and I don't want you just waiting. Go get dinner and call the kids. I'll be back as soon as everything is done. Te amo mucho mi reina.

You feel a bit disappointed as you read the text, but you know he's doing what's best for you and himself at the moment. All that matters is that he's okay and you are willing to back off until you see him later tonight. 

You catch a ride back to the hotel and make yourself comfortable. You call your kids and reassure them that their dad was okay and that he would call them as soon as possible. 

While you wait for your husband to make it back, you decide to take a shower and order some dinner for the both of you. It was incredibly hot at the race and a fresh shower was all you needed to feel a bit better after the emotionally draining day you've had. 

Time is passing by very slowly, you've already eaten, showered, watched a movie. You keep looking at the time on your phone, it reads 8:00, but it's been radio silence on your husband's end.

Another hour passes and you finally track his location to see where he is. You see that he's finally leaving the track and on the way back to the hotel. 

30 minutes pass before you hear the door unlock and open. You sit up and watch as your husband walks in and takes off his shoes. 

“Amor…” you speak, but are quickly cut off by Sergio saying “babe, I know you have been waiting all night for me, and I love you so much but can I please shower first and then we'll talk”. You nod your head and that's all he needs to start undressing and heading to the shower. He closes the door and you hear the water start. 

Knowing that he's so close but still so far away builds a fire in you. You need to talk to him, be close to him, feel him. You make the split decision to walk into the bathroom and confront him. Your plan is to just sit on the floor, and ask him questions that's all you need. 

As you walk in you see droplets of water run down his toned back, everything is steamy in the room, further adding to the flush on your cheeks. Seeing your husband naked shouldn't make you so hot and bothered but it does, the way his shoulders flex, his long legs, and broad back. 

Something snaps inside of you and you decide to take your clothes off, you’ve already showered but you needed this. Opening the door you slip in right behind him and hug his back. Instead of breaking away from the touch he embraces it, pulling you in closer.

“I’m sorry mi amor, I was just so upset and I didn’t want you to have to see that side of me, you or the kids” he says while turning to face you.

“I know baby, I know but you have to talk to me, let me know that you are okay, I was terrified that something happened” you respond.

He nods and says “ I know I’ll always keep you updated. you and the kids are my top priority always”

Satisfied with his response you place your head on his chest and hug his hips loosely. Peering up at him you ask “are you sore?”.

He nods “my back and neck are killing me, but nothing a good massage couldn’t fix” he winks down at you. You laugh at his response but feel a pit form in your stomach when he says he’s hurt. 

“Let me take care of you” you say as you turn him around and grab the shampoo to wash his hair. You silently thank the hotel for having a removable shower head so you can properly wash Sergio up. Taking your time you run your hands up and down his body, your final resting place being a firm grip on his beautiful cock. 

You have seen male genitalia in different forms but nothing ever compares to how pretty and satisfying your husband’s is. You grab some conditioner in your hand and slowly flick your wrist up his length, pulling a soft moan from his lips. “Fuck it’s been so long since you’ve had your hands on me”. You silently nod, it really had been too long. With you and him separated most of the season, you find yourself craving him more and more with each hour you are apart. 

“I’ve missed your cock so much, my fingers don’t compare to yours” you whisper into his neck. 

Your husband reaches down in between your legs and shoves two fingers in you simultaneously. It doesn’t hurt from how wet you are but, you know that you have to be tight because the last time you’ve had something in there was a couple of weeks ago when Sergio was able to come home for the weekend. 

“Mierda you are so tight, you need my cock in you don’t you?” 

You nod desperately, all you need is to feel him inside of you. Next thing you know Sergio is pulling his fingers out of you, placing a heated kiss on your lips and tightly gripping your hips to turn you around so that you're facing the glass wall of the shower and your ass is presented perfectly for him. 

“Fuck look at this big ass, it’s all mine right baby? It’s mine to fuck nobody else” you feel yourself getting wetter and wetter with each filthy word that comes out of him mouth. You aren’t necessarily into ass play but you do love how obsessed your husband is with yours. 

“Fuck me please Sergio, I want you so bad” 

Sergio spreads you open and slowly thrusts into you. The burn is undescribable. But also one of the best feelings ever. He grabs your hips like a vice, making sure to leave bruises for the following days. He slowly rocks into you, as you try to find any piece of dry surface to grab onto so you don’t slip. Moving your hips backwards you start to meet his thrusts.

“Fuck, it feels so good” you grit out through your teeth. 

Sergio grips a handful of your hair and pulls you flush against him. He attacks your neck leaving a trail of soft kisses and hard bites. 

You start to feel that familiar sensation in your pelvis, desperately wanting more you trail your hand down to your clit and start rubbing circles in hopes to get you across the finish line. 

Sergio sees this and pounds into you hard and fast. If he keeps up this pace you are gonna come in minutes, you look back at him and whisper “just like that”.

He understands and keeps going at that pace and suddenly you feel something snap inside you and you are cumming all over his cock. You lose feeling in your legs and your knees start to buckle, Sergio keeps you steady while still trusting in you. The overstimulation getting to be too much, your husband notices and says “too much baby?” You nod and he pulls out finishing the job with his hand around his cock. 

His hand grabs your hip to keep you in place and he shoots his load all over your ass, he cums with a quite fuck and leans his head over your shoulder while he catches his breath. 

After a few seconds of pure blissful silence, your husband speaks up “thank you amor, I truly don’t know how I got so lucky to have you as my wife. I love you and nothing will ever change that” you feel yourself getting choked up because it’s not common for Sergio to get sentimental like this but you turn to face him and hug him, whispering a quiet I love you. 

At the end of the day no matter how worried you are about his job, you would always support him, and honestly life couldn’t get better than this. 

[apartmentsmoke]

that poll going around about which character would be most likely to have a tumblr is making me think about an AU where Buck - Evan - joins tumblr while roadtripping around, after a woman he spends a couple nights with tell him about it

after first, he posts photos he's taken during his travels, occasionally makes text posts about how he's feeling, and then he discovers the hornier parts of the site and starts contributing

and in LA, starting to explore his own sexuality, is one Tommy Kinard, who googles and googles and this website seems like no one uses it and it's pretty anonymous, and unlike the dating apps there's no expectations. so he makes an account

he starts going through a few tags and he discovers Evan's account, and he's enthralled by the content Buck posts: he seems so free. he devours all of the content Evan has on his blog. eventually Tommy works up the courage to comment on a few of Evan's travel photo posts and then, after he's had a few interactions with him, likes some of Evan's more risque ones

Evan's s flattered by the attention and how sikorsky1942 likes every part of his blog because usually people are just there for one thing, and they start chatting

when they talk sikorsky doesn't mention Evan's other photos, but he keeps liking them and Evan keeps posting them and if there's ever one where he doesn't, Evan finds himself weirdly disappointed

there's one time - when Evan posts a video of himself jacking off, only a few seconds long, and sikorsky messages him "I wish I was there" and Evan jumps on it, asks what he would do

"I'd touch you. Learn what you like. I want to hear you."

Evan sends him another video, makes sure to capture audio this time, because this guy is his friend and the idea of someone learning him - learning his body - he's really into that - wants to moan sikorsky's name but realizes he doesn't know it - maybe one day

but sikorsky doesn't respond and Evan bullies the rejection he feels back down his throat, especially when he does come back a day later with a message that doesn't acknowledge the video at all. maybe sikorsky didn't like what he heard. Evan still gets to keep his friend

usually sikorsky speaks in the vaguest terms, couches a lot of his stuff in hypotheticals especially when it comes to his personal life, but Evan learns a few things. like how sikorsky likes helicopters - his username is a reference - and he's funny, can cheer Evan up after a bad day. and, the one time that Evan coaxes him into sharing a photo - no face required - ridiculously built, Evan wishes he had those abs, and asks how sikorsky got them. repeats sikorsky's words back to him, from a month ago - "damn I'd touch you"

it's a couple days before sikorsky answers and Evan wonders if he scared him off but then he gets the notification. two, actually

the first saying "I'm a firefighter. In LA."

and then, a few hours later when Evan was still sleeping (at 4 am in LA, he did the math) - "Maybe we could meet up if you're ever nearby."

and Evan steers the Jeep towards LA

[writtenbythemoonandstars]

First date

**I don't believe this has any content warning you should be wary of!

When Robby is pushed to try online dating he's very hesitant. Talking to someone online is entirely different than seeing them up close in person... and he's not even sure he's ready.

1k words

Robby's eyes burn beneath his glasses, staring at the bright blue computer screen for too long. "How long have you been talking to her?" Dana prods. Smiling knowingly. 

"Three days." He knows it's futile to try and keep this nurse, or any of them for that matter, out of his business. She's the one who made him set up the damn profile in the first place.

He had been very wary of the entire thing. But after a long day in the ED he'd been laying in bed and curious…

Which led to her. 

"You haven't asked her out yet?" Dana wheels her chair closer. "Why the hell not?" 

"Because I don't think I want to." He sighs, "It’s one thing texting her on this dumb app it's another seeing her face less than six feet away. In person."

"She wants you to ask her out. Otherwise she wouldn't be responding. Not after three days." She replies. 

"How do you know?" Robby rolls his eyes. "You've never been on these things." 

"No, but I am a woman. Ask her out." She nods. "Or I'll do it for you." Already reaching for his phone. 

"No thank you." He snatches it before she can. "Fine…" He says after a long time. "I'll invite her for dinner." 

--- 

She's late. 

Maybe she had to stay late at work and forgot to mention it, or she got into a crash on the way here. Or maybe she realized he's actually a giant loser and why would she even want to go out with an old man like him anyway? His spiral leads him to the conclusion that she stood him up. 

Robby knew this was a bad idea. He'd just gotten off work, which ran long since the rain always causes at least one major pile up. Ran home and barely had time to change before rushing to the restaurant only for her to be late. 

"I am so sorry-" He hears behind him. His date breathing heavily. Soaking wet. "My car broke down. Then my phone died… and then I dropped it in a puddle so I couldn't call." She rambles. 

"That- that's alright." He waves her off. 

She stands a little straighter. Now having caught her breath. She tells him her name. 

"Michael." He replies. They shake hands. It's formal. Awkward.

She uses the fancy fabric napkin to dry herself off a little when they sit down. Robby watches her quietly. Unsure what to say. So he says nothing. Making things even more uncomfortable. "How was your day?" She tries to break the silence.

"… A teenage boy overdosed on fentanyl and died in front of his parents." He blurts. 

"Oh." Is all he gets in reply. Shit. Why did he say that?

"What… what about your day? What is it that you do again?" He coughs, trying to recover. 

"Marketing. I manage a few non profit Instagram pages. Post them on my own to boost their engagement…" She explains. "I work for a company, though the followers I've gained are all mine." 

This is totally out of territory for Robby. He has no idea what she's talking about. Not really. He doesn't even have any social media accounts. He has caught a few of the med students dancing in front of their phones on a lunch break but has never asked the reason. He doesn't care. He's old. He has no time. 

Thankfully the menu comes and he doesn’t have to pretend to know what CTA means. 

"Oh… uhm… I'm so sorry Michael-" She flushes. 

"What's wrong?" He asks. 

"I uh… I thought I mentioned I was vegetarian." Her voice soft. "There isn't anything here I can eat…"

Shit. Just another thing that's gone wrong tonight. "Right. Yeah, no, I knew that." He closes the menu. "Uh…" 

"That's okay." She waves him off. "I'm sure I can just… here I'll get the pasta with no chicken." 

"That is not a sustainable meal." Shaking his head. Like he eats anything more than air and sleep most nights for dinner. "Fuck." Robby mumbles. 

He stands. "Come on." Already grabbing her coat and purse before heading out the door. 

"I'm sorry-" She starts. 

"No. Don't be sorry, I should have remembered." Robby sighs. He helps her into her jacket before pulling her across the street. "My uh… my ex was vegetarian-" Why is he doing this to himself? He stops at the windows of a taco truck. "She liked… to eat here…" His voice quieting as he finishes. 

Robby is never listening to Dana again and he sure as hell is never going on another date again. He is just destined to be alone forever. It's probably better that way anyway.

"These are really good." She smiles, taking a bite. "I've actually passed by this place a few times but never stopped." 

Robby nods, taking a bite. 

“So you’re a doctor…” she begins. Setting her taco down. 

“Yes. And I will not look at any rashes you may have.” He says it in a joking tone but also not kidding. At all.

It does get him a laugh. That sound. He turns his head, a soft smile on his lips. He needs to hear it again. 

“I was just wondering if it ever gets easier.” She says. 

“Does what get easier?” 

“Seeing people hurt. Or dead..” Biting her lip. Feeling maybe she shouldn’t have brought this up. Probably not on a first date. Or ever actually. And her friends wonder why she never gets passed the first date. 

“No. It doesn’t. But you get better at hiding it.” Robby replies honestly. 

They both finish their meal quietly after that. Then he drives her home. 

“I haven’t been on a date in… a really long time so… thank you.” She gives him a soft smile. Looking over at him as he stops the car in front of her building. 

He isn’t sure what to say so he nods. He doesn’t feel the date went well. Maybe they aren’t compatible. Or he just isn’t ready. 

“… text me?” She leans in and he feels like the breath has been ripped from his lungs. 

“Y-yeah-“ a soft kiss pressed to his cheek and it’s the greatest thing he’s ever felt. He imagines what her lips would feel like on his. 

But then she’s gone. Running through the rain up towards her apartment doors. She waves at him before disappearing. 

His cheek tingles where the faint red print lays on his cheek. 

Fuck what he said before. He needs to see her again. 

---

Unedited...

Let me know if you like this one! I was actually a little more nervous about posting this because I feel better writing sad or angsty with a happy ending rather than silly or something

[lostbookmark]

MDNI 🔞

Main Masterlist here

Whispered Vows Masterlist here

Summary: You thought planning your wedding was going to be a magical memory. You didn't realize that it might make you second guess everything.

Pairing: Fiancée Yoongi x Insecure F. Reader

Genre: Romance, Angst, Smut, Hurt-Comfort

Warnings: Explicit Sex, Toxic Family Dynamics, Arguments, Sex Toys, Self Doubt, Over Thinking, Yoongi Overworking Himself, Reader Just Needs To Speak Up.

A/N: I know I just posted chapter 5, but I'm in a good mood. Here is chapter 6.

Chocolate cake is perfectly moist, raspberry filling a touch too tart. You write down your thoughts on the provided worksheet the bakery supplied you after you swallowed the chocolaty goodness. You have been looking forward to your cake tasting for weeks now. Now, as you sit at the table with ten beautiful cupcakes before you, it just feels empty. Your eyes turn to look out the window and see Yoongi pacing up and down the sidewalk in front of the bakery while on the phone with Namjoon, running his hand through his hair. He promised that he would help you with this, but once again, here he is working. Your patience is almost nonexistent at this point. You just wanted this one day with him, and he couldn't even give you that.

Reaching out, you grab the next sweet confection, cut into it with your fork, and take a large bite. Vanilla cake is moist and sweet, lemon curd filling has a perfectly smooth texture, and vanilla buttercream is not too sweet. Favorite by far. You place your pen back down and sigh as you swallow that bite. You look at Yoongi through the window again and see him hang up the phone before entering the bakery. Sitting next to you, he opens his texts, and you see him message Hobi something. Your eyes drift back to your notes, and you think you might go with the vanilla.

“You can go,” you tell him softly while still focused on your paper but not really reading anything. You just wanted to make sure your handwriting was neat and legible. This would be a nice little keepsake.

“Hmmm,” he says, still looking at his phone as his fingers fly across the screen. His face is scrunched in pure concentration as he rereads what he just typed. “What? What did you say?”

“You can leave,” you say louder, looking at him, and his head finally snaps to you. “You clearly don't want to be here, and I don't want to force you to be here. You can go.”

“I took the day off to be here,” he tells you, furrowing his eyebrows. “Why would you say that? You know how hard it is for me to make time for anything right now. We should be lucky that I am even here right now.”

“You took the day off? Did you really?” You question him and sip on your water that was provided to you to cleanse your palate.

Yoongi hasn't touched his water nor his worksheet. He probably hasn't even looked at the cupcakes that the baker worked hard on. The beautifully piped buttercream and colorful fruits and chocolate pieces were probably not appreciated. You appreciated them.

“I'm right here,” he argues and touches his chest with both of his hands to prove the point that he is indeed there. "I'm sitting right next to you."

“No, you're not,” you whisper. His phone rings again, with Namjoons name popping up on the screen.

“There is something wrong with our software at the studio. We lost a bunch of files,” he explains, gripping his phone tightly when the ringing stops. “You just don't understand. This is really bad.”

“I understand,” you tell him, nodding your head. “I do, I get it, and I said you can go.”

“It's not like I wanted this to happen,” he argues a bit too loudly, causing the bakery staff to look over at your table out of curiosity. You want to shrink away from embarrassment at their stares, and he quickly changes his tone. “We just lost weeks if not months of work,” he said much more softly. “All this time that I had to be at the studio, working all those long hours. It was all for nothing.”

Your heart sinks into your stomach as he starts getting texts in rapid succession, his phone continuously chiming. It rings so loud in your ears. You're tired. You haven't felt this tired in a long time. Not since that night you thought he was cheating on you. You're tired of dealing with this wedding and making these damn choices. You're tired of worrying about him. You're tired of sleeping alone at night. You're tired of being patient. You're tired of being tired.

“Yoongi,” you say and take a deep breath. “Please leave.”

“That's not fair,” he said. “This isn't my fault that this happened.”

“I…I don't care. I want you to leave,” you tell him as you turn back to the baked goods and take the card in front of the next dessert. Chocolate cake, salted caramel filling, and chocolate buttercream. “This experience is ruined. I'm just going to choose a stupid cake that you don't give a shit about and be done with it.”

“Y/N,” he says your name softly.

You ignore him and take a bite of your next pastry. Picking up your pen, you get ready to make your notes. Yoongi’s phone rings in the background, and you can hear him swear. Cake is a little crumbly. The filling is delicious with the right amount of saltiness, and buttercream could be a little sweeter. You can hear him sigh loudly before he gets up from the table and walks out of the bakery. You breathe deeply through your nose and blink rapidly, trying to stop the tears that threaten to fall.

“Is everything okay over here?” The owner and head baker asks as she approaches the table quite cautiously.

“Yes,” you say, giving her a small smile. “I'm ready. I think I have decided.”

“Oh, perfect,” she says and claps her hands together lightly. “I'll go get my tablet. We will get you ordered and get you scheduled on the calendar.”

Your smile drops as she walks away. You are such a liar. You are not ready. Not even in the slightest.

“I'm calling the wedding off,” you say as soon as the door opens.

“I'm sorry….WHAT?” Jisoo says clearly in shock. You push past her and enter her apartment, making your way to her couch where you collapse face first into the cushions in exhaustion. “I think that I heard you wrong. Please say that again and maybe more slowly.”

“No,” you said, your voice muffled by the cushion. You don't even bother looking at her. You know she is looking at you like you are crazy. “You heard me right.”

Jisoo sits on the floor next to the couch and moves your hair out of your face. She gently continues to stroke your hair in a comforting manner. You close your eyes and relax into her touch. She smiles sadly as she looks at you.

“I don't think you really mean that,” she tells you softly as she pulls her delicate hand away. You huff out a breath of irritation and sit up on the couch, pulling your knees to your chest. “Tell me what's going on.”

“He's been so busy, and I don't see him that often unless I make the effort to go to his studio. Then, I just end up cleaning the studio for him. I finally got him to help me with the cake tasting, and work still came first. I don't know if I can live like this forever,” you tell her. “I don't know if I want to.”

“Have you talked to him about this?” Jisoo asks, moving from the floor to sit next to you on the much more comfortable couch.

“Not really,” you admit, shaking your head. “I just miss us. I miss how we used to be before he got all busy, and the studio became everything to him.”

“Relationships change,” Jisoo tells you. “You may have hit a small rough patch now, but is it worth throwing it all away? After everything that you have been through. Do you want to throw it away?”

“Sometimes, I look at you and Seungkwan or Lisa, and Jimin and I get so jealous. You get to go out on dates and sleep next to them every night. You get to have real conversations and homemade dinners,” you explain to her. “I get to go home to a frozen microwavable dinner and a television for a companion. Sometimes, it's like he doesn't even exist, and it feels like I'm back on my own again.”

The door to the apartment opens, and you see Seungkwan enter. You watch as he takes off his shoes and hangs both his coat and bag on a hook, protruding from the wall before entering the room. He spots you on the couch and gives you a contemplative look.

“Well, that explains it,” he says and walks away to the kitchen.

“What?” Jisoo asks her boyfriend. You can hear the refrigerator open and close before he walks back out with a bottle of water in his hand. “What explains what?”

“I needed something signed, and Yoongi…well…he was grumpier than normal when I went to his studio. He also, kind of…” he trailed off for a few seconds. “Looked like he had been crying. Maybe? Does he do illegal substances?”

“No,” you say, shaking your head at him.

“Then he was definitely crying,” Seungkwan confirms.

On one hand, your heart sank as the words Seungkwan just said sank in. Had he been crying? Maybe you were too hard on him. Maybe you shouldn't have kicked him out of the bakery. You guess you probably could have been nicer about it. On the other hand, it just made you even madder. You were suffering too, and you still don't think that he cares. If he cared, he would have turned his phone off and stayed with you today. However, he didn't. He left. He left you there alone to order one of the plainest wedding cakes there probably ever was. He left in his car, leaving you to take the bus to Jisoo's.

“Can you please give us a minute,” Jisoo asks her boyfriend. Without a word, he walks down the hall and into the back of the apartment to the bedroom. You don't speak until you hear the bedroom door shut.

“Do you think….” You trail off in a small voice. “Do you think I should be getting married?”

Jisoo wraps her arm around you and pulls you down into her lap. She once again moves her hand to your hair and gently smooths it away from your face. She doesn't answer your question right away. It probably takes her a full two minutes before she finally speaks.

“I can't answer that,” she tells you, and it makes you clench your teeth in frustration. “I won't tell you not to marry him. It's okay to be jealous of me and Lisa and our relationships. However, I get jealous of you, too. The way that Yoongi looks at you, Y/N. Jimin and Seungkwan don't look at us like that. Yoongi looks at you like he would hang the moon for you. He would burn the world down for you.”

“I know he would,” you say as a tear drips down your face.

“If you don't love him, then I say don't marry him. If you do love him, then I say fight for him. You tell him how you feel and you fight,” she says seriously.

“I already told her to talk to him weeks ago, but no one ever listens to me," Seungkwan called from the back of the apartment. You and Jisoo start giggling and sit up to look at her. Her nosy boyfriend clearly had been listening to your entire conversation. “I would also hang the moon for you too, Jisoo.”

“Please don't tell Lisa about this. I don't need her saying anything to anyone,” You look at her, hold your pinky finger out. “Jimin loves gossip just as much as she does.”

“I won't. I promise,” she said softly and wrapped her own pinky around yours. “I promise.”

You checked the apartment first but you were not surprised when you found that he wasn't there. Now, you stand outside of his studio door, not sure if you should ring his doorbell or enter the code and walk in. You look up and down the deserted hallway before you slowly raise your forefinger and push the doorbell. Standing up straight, you wiggle your fingers that hang loosely at your sides as you wait for him to open the door. Your heart feels like it's going to pound out of your chest. You take a deep breath through your nose and slowly release it out of your mouth. Again…again…again.

“Y/N?” Jungkook says as the door finally opens and loud rap music flows out of the darkened room from the speakers.

You look over Jungkook's shoulder and see Yoongi look at you from his chair in surprise. His hair was disheveled and sticking up in all sorts of directions. He had changed into black track pants and an oversized white hoodie. They were both wrinkled, and the hoodie might be a little stained. You'll have to try and wash it for him later. Hopefully, you will be able to get the stains out. Yoongi stands from his seat and stares at you but doesn't say anything.

“Umm, can he and I have a minute?” You ask Jungkook, who still stands in the doorway. “Unless you're too busy.”

“NO!” Yoongi exclaims as he takes a few steps away from his chair. “Kook was just leaving.”

“Yeah, I was just leaving,” Jungkook agreed and nodded his head. “Everything is all set now. Have a good talk, bye.”

Jungkook practically runs out of the studio and down the hallway, nearly tripping over his own feet. Yoongi catches the door with his hand before it closes and opens it for you again. As you walk in, you notice that it was pretty cluttered with several discarded white styrofoam carryout boxes on his table and couch. A small pile of dirty laundry sat on the floor in the corner of the room. You can't even begin to imagine how long they have been there for. You know that you haven't been by in a while to clean up for him, but this was ridiculous. It even smelled a little bit, and it made you scrunch your nose as the stench hit you. Yoongi dropped his head and rubbed the back of his neck as he caught your facial expression. Good, he should be embarrassed.

“Is everything…” you trail off and motion to his work space.

“Oh, yeah. We got the files back pretty quickly, thankfully. I hurried back to the bakery, but you were already gone.” he explains.

“Oh,” you say softly and continue to look at his mess.

“You weren't at home either,” he tells you, and your eyes went back to him. “I figured you probably went to Lisa's or Jisoo's.”

“Jisoo's,” you confirmed. “Seungkwan said he saw you today. He said it looked like you had been crying. Were you?”

“He's got a big mouth,” Yoongi snaps, turning away from you. He pushes his chair, and it goes rolling across the room before hitting the wall. It makes you jump just a tiny bit.

“Were you crying over me or the lost files?” You ask, crossing your arms.

“Are you seriously asking me that?” He asks, turning back to you. “You think I would cry over work. Baby, I hurt you. I hurt you, and I took you for granted. You take care of me, you have been planning this whole wedding by yourself and I can't even do one damn thing for you.”

“Yoongi,” you say with a sigh and drop your arms.

“No, it's true,” he argues. “I don't even know why you are still with me. I would have left me a long time if I were you. Jungkook is even surprised that you're still here. Jimin tells me all the time that Lisa is worried about you.”

“Do you want to marry me? Be honest with me,” you plead.

“Yes, of course I want to marry you. I want nothing more than to be yours…forever,” he assures you.

"It doesn't feel like it,” you say, kicking a stray chopstick that was on the floor. “It feels like you don't care about the wedding at all. You’re always so busy.”

“Do you want me to quit? Make Namjoon buy me out so I can work some crappy, dead-end 9 to 5 job? Have us both worried about making ends meet? Working paycheck to paycheck?” He asks, throwing his arms in the air out of exasperation.

“Now you're the one not being fair, Yoongi. If you can't figure out how to balance your life with me and work, then maybe…” you say, but he immediately cuts you off.

“Stop right there,” he growls at you and points his finger at you. “Don't you dare finish that sentence. I am trying my best.”

“I don't know how much longer I can do this,” you tell him as you will yourself not to cry. You want to be strong. For once in your life, you just want to be strong and not run away to lean on someone else to help you. “If I knew how alone I would be all the time I….”

“Stop!” he says loudly. “Don't you think I get lonely too? Don't you think that I miss you? It's not easy to live like this. I get that!”

“THEN WHY CAN'T YOU JUST COME HOME!” You scream at him.

Immediately, you feel guilty for yelling. The two of you both stand there, glaring at each other, breathing hard. A large lump has formed in your throat, and your heart starts to race once again. The tension in the room is heavy and thick but not in a good way. It's never been this way between you two, and you don't know how to climb and claw your way out of it. The music in the studio changes over to something slower and almost melancholic. It feels fitting for this moment.

“Y/N,” he says quietly, breaking the silence.

“I’m sorry. I'll clean up,” you whisper as you turn toward the messy couch.

“No,” he says, grabbing your hand, pulling you to him, and you let him. You don't want to fight him anymore. It hurts too much. Your heart hurts so freaking much.

Yoongi guides your hands up and around the back of his neck, and he wraps his arms around your waist, pressing himself right up against you. Yoongi buries his face into your neck, and you rest your own on his shoulder. He gently starts rocking the two of you back and forth. Dancing? Dancing to that slow beat pouring out of his sound system in the middle of his dimly lit studio. His arms and hands cling onto you as if you are his lifeline. Like he would drown if he were to let go of you. You lift your face and kiss the side of his neck softly, lips barely touching him. Yoongi pulls his face back and rests his forehead against your own. Your bodies are still gently swaying side to side in your own little world.

“Please, don't leave me,” he gently begs, “I promise I'll do better.”

“Don't make promises that you can't keep,” you say, looking right into his eyes.

“I promise,” he says again, leaning toward your mouth. You close the gap and gently kiss him on the lips. “Tell me to quit, and I will. Tell me to run away with you, and I will. Do you want to move to Paris? Our own little island? I'll make it happen. I would do anything for you.”

Jisoo was right. He would probably burn the world down for you.

“I know you will,” you tell him and lay your head against his chest. Yoongi rests his head on the top of your head. Your bodies still sway with the music. Dancing. Dancing in your own little world in the middle of his studio. “I know you will.”

《Chapter Seven》

Tagged Readers:

@mggv97, @granataepfelchen, @kam9404, @svnbangtansworld, @futuristicenemychaos, @notarshia, @busanbby-jjk

[goat-guy-tm]

I was talking about deep analysis of Curly and Jimmy's dynamic in my discord server (which you should join), and I thought "Hey! Maybe tumblr would like this!" So, here this is! It's a rough copy paste of what I said, edited slightly to fit better in a post format:

Also long post warning.

I feel like because a lot of ppl haven't experience people like Jimmy irl they have a hard time understanding why Curly acts the way he does, and by no means is it still 100% okay, but when you know someone that's been mentally manipulating you for years if can become easy to be tunnel visioned to they pain they cause others. I think a big example of that is when Anya shows concern over Jimmy's last psych evaluation but when Curly does it Jimmy (from the little text we get about it) tells him it was just all jokes, which could have been, but when it's just Jimmy and Curly it's much lighter in perspective, because Curly believes him, and Curly sees no reason for Jimmy to lie to him about his mental state (which he obviously was doing as he has quite the psychotic break a few days later)

Not to mention, Jimmy gets quite aggressive at Curly when he notices that Curly is rethinking his career. He activly calls him horrible things for 'not appreciating his position and wanting something new' (<not direct words but overview), when if Jimmy was a good friend he would have been talking about it with Curly. Instead he shames Curly for it, that in Jimmy's mind it's unfair for Curly to not be happy cause Curly has a better seat than him, but he'll frame it as them, the whole crew, to make Curly feel bad about it.

Like, when the rest of the crew learned they were going to be let go after that haul, none of them were really mad at Curly for him being the only one to be given a recommendation and compensation. Yeah Anya and Swansea are upset about it, but only Jimmy is the one to call out Curly for being the only one to relieve special treatment, when it's pretty established Curly is/was one of Pony Expresses' best pilots. But Jimmy doesn't talk about himself during the party. Swansea mentions how unfair it is that PE is throwing them to the side after all these years, Anya almost has a panic attack over not having any money in savings, Daisuke isn't really phased since he's only an intern, but Jimmy gets mad at CURLY, not Pony Express. He even full on calls it Curly running away, as if Pone Express closing them down is Curly's fault for wanting something different for his life

I mean what's wild to me is I'm p sure Curly even has a conversation with Jimmy in the game about how he hasn't been handed anything and has been working hard for where he is. Curly never out right really says it, but he does make mention of both of them working hard. Then again Curly doesn't talk about himself a lot even in conversation (minus the "on the edge of a bridge with your feet in the cememnt" one cause Jimmy made it about him)

When going back through the playthrough, I realized Jimmy is such a well written villian because he convinces even Curly that Curly is the villian here, the one in the wrong. Curly isn't perfect, he is quite literally the imperfect victim, but Jimmy is such a big manipulator that he convinces Curly it's HIS fault all this is happening, that Curly needs JIMMY so that he can fix all this, only for Curly to realizes what Jimmy's been doing when he finds Jimmy curled up outside the cockpit with a ship wide system failure blaring.

Buddy Corl: "Hey, just an idea, would Jimmy keep Anya alive so that Curly can stay alive? He berates her medical expertise but never elects to care for Curly beyond feeding him pills."

I'd say 50/50. A big thing is Jimmy quite obviously doesn't view Anya as a person, or at the very least views her as bottom of the barrel useless, but after the crash and with Curly how he was, there was no way he'd be able to do it and survive, because the entire time Swansea has the axe and Jimmy even recognizes that if he steps out of line too far within the lines of "I'm captian so I say so", then Swansea would basically usurp him. His own personal caring for Curly was most likely to keep him suffering. He voted on keeping Curly alive, and unless he was just trying to blend in with the others, then he did it because he wanted to keep Curly suffering.

Friend Corl again: "There was a Tumblr post that claimed the hands of the others were missing (the overview angle of Curly on the table was used as evidence) but this could just be the angle of the scene itself as he was going to die shortly after."

Hm, it could have been either the angle, a rendering choice from the devs or Jimmy could have cut their hands off. Idk why he would only go for the hands though, since he seems to show full intrest in cannablism. But you could chalk it up to a concept of keeping them from being able to do anything. Yes they are dead but Jimmy is far gone enough to believe that cutting their hands off could still make him better because they can't do anything to change what he's done.

Anyways that's it! For some context on why this is so important to me, from elementary school to the end of middle school I had a 'friend' that I was extremely close with. She was a horrible person who mentally, emotionally and physically tortured me for years, but since I was a child I never saw anything wrong with it. I would even rush to her defense when people would point out to me that what she was doing was bad. Now a days I hate her, and I love to talk shit about her, but I think a lot of people don't fully take in Curly's actions because they haven't gone through that (and they shouldn't, mind you).

I feel for Curly a lot, because I see myself in him in how he tries so desperately to protect someone he didn't even realize was killing him. Curly isn't perfect, and believe me I wasn't perfect when I was friends with her. She made me act out against people to gain her approval, she made me bitter and mean to others, do things I would never do. Very few people acknowledge what an over powering manipulator that has been controlling you for years can do to a person.

[sneakyfungi]

I felt like expanding my introverted reader post

Price who after training rookies, going to missions, dealing with paper work and multiple stress factors just wants to stay at home with his lover but at the same time worries that they are gonna get bored staying in one place without doing anything.

Y/n: sooo... Do you wanna do something now that you have free time?

Price: *sigh* honestly love I just wanna stay here and relax but if wanna go out-

Y/n: NO!!! sorry, I mean, I would love staying here with you just the two of us ❤️

Price: you don't have to stay here and get bored.

Y/n: love I a hundred and ten percent prefer staying here at home that going outside dealing with people.

Ghost who after a really rough mission only wants to be alone but also wants to be with you so in reality he wants some quiet after the guns, the explosions, the screams, the noice of everything. but feels bad because he bets that you'll want to talk to him about your day and everything that happened while he was away but once he gets home and hugs you, you only tell him to get a bath and change into something more comfortable while you prepare something to eat.

The rest of the day is silent except for the sound of the TV but is so low that it can be ignore, he is glad that you are indulging him in the silence he wanted and that makes him even more guilty so he does the effort to talk

Ghost: so how was your day?

Y/n: shhh... We are in quiet time.

Ghost: what?

Y/n: It's obvious you want some silence and I gotta say I also want silence after what happened at work.

Ghost: what happened?

Y/n: I'll tell you later for now let's just enjoy ❤️

Gaz who wants to take you to a nice tea shop that he saw in social media but while you were getting ready your phone made a sound when you got a message.

Y/n: babe, can you check who is?

Gaz: it's your friend, they are asking if you want to go with them to a karaoke...

Seeing this Gaz felt bad that he was taking you to a boring tea shop when you could go to anywhere else and have fun with your friends, when you finished you took the phone from his hands and texted something to your friend.

Y/n: ok, let's go.

Gaz: wait, you are not going with your friend?

Y/n: nooou?... We have plans already.

Gaz: Don't worry about that, the tea shop it's something that I want to do, go have fun with your friends.

Y/n: first of all, who said that I don't want to go to the tea shop? Also they want to go to a karaoke, I don't think I can endure that, between the noise and the smell of alcohol, because I bet they are gonna order drinks, I prefer for us to go to a cute and cozy tea shop ❤️

Soap who it's on your side all the time after being away for a couple of months, while you're cooking he has his hands around you, while you are taking a shower he seats on the toilet, while doing the laundry he helps you but all of this it's in complete silence, something unusual for him, you think that maybe something happened in the mission so you do the talk although it's also a bit complicated for you since you didn't do a lot while he was away, mostly you tell him stuff that happened at work, but it was when you were cuddling that you decided to ask him.

Y/N: baby, are you okay?

Soap: what? Yeah, I'm ok.

Y/n: are you sure? You haven't talked much since you came back and you don't leave my side at all.

Soap: I just... I just feel bad that you stay alone for so long so I guess I want to kinda compensate for leaving you.

Y/n: I understand, but let me tell you that I don't mind being alone because I also understand that your job it's gonna make you be away for a while so there's nothing that can be done, besides I don't mind the alone time because I know that I'll never be alone when you are with me ❤️

[loudclan-clangen]

Alright, now I'm curious, what are the rules of StarClan's Oneway Dunktank? Are there cats who can't touch it (mediators for sure but anyone else?) Do healers meet there every half moon? They can sacrifice a life to speak directly to StarClan but what about other times?

(Also you're not gonna believe this, I looked up effects of crude oil exposure and studies indicate it may cause Anemia and low white blood cell count, so maybe she got a bleeding disorder because she can't stay out of the Forbidden Jacuzzi).

VERY LONG, LOTS OF TEXT, SORRY I GOT EXCITED TO LORE DUMP

The rules/powers of the Black Water Pool and Starclan are intentionally very nebulous. 1. Because I think starclan is more effective as a mysterious force than a clearly designated entity, and 2. Because I would like to have some flexibility going forward in the comic regarding the powers/rules of starclan. Here's what's clearly defined:

Any cat can touch the oil, like physically speaking. They will not just drop dead unless something else is going on that is worsened by the experience. But something may be worsened by the oil, especially if they are deeply exposed to it, like swimming in it or ingesting it the way one might if they weren't specifically trained in how to interact with it safely (like a healer or a leader). This leads to rumors of cats being cursed with terrible visions (hallucinations), disease (coughs caused by respitory damage), or wounds (chemical burns from prolonged exposure) because they touch the Black Water without permission. These could be actual curses from starclan, or they could be biological reactions to the oil, but that doesn't really matter because the cats believe that they are curses. (If that makes sense). For this combination of reasons, (religious belief and biological evidence), cats with open wounds, bad coughs, or who are actively pregnant are absolutely not allowed to touch the oil and are encouraged not to be near it. (Excluding dried oil worn by healers, we've covered in an earlier post that that is a stable form that isn't going to pollute others). This is justified by the healers as being times when one does not want to tempt death, and that being near the pool brings one's spirit closer to the dead, which is good for communing with them or asking them for favors, but bad when you are fighting for/actively creating life.

All of the leaders and their leadership teams have meetings staggered throughout the moon. Leaders and deputies meet on a full-moon, healers meet on a half-moon, and mediators meet on a new moon. (Gatherings also happen on full moons, just later in the day/night. The clans meet the leaders at the gathering place.) Healers might meet at the Black Water Pool but they do not always. Specifically, the Freezingclan healers refuse to meet at the Black Water, so if they want all of the clans' healers to meet they have to pick another place, usually the gathering place for simplicity. Since the healers can only commune with Starclan by sacrificing a life, they don't do it on a monthly basis and not meeting at the Black Water isn't inconvenient for them.

The healers (and leaders) can only speak directly to Starclan by sacrificing a life period. One of my biggest issues with the actual books is that speaking to Starclan is so casual that they constantly have to justify the cats not being able to in order to maintain any form of mystery or miscommunication, or risk making beloved characters look like jerks for not telling the living cats something important/make the entirety of Starclan look less powerful by claiming that they just "didn't know". My very simple solution to this is to put a layer of separation between them. In order to talk to the dead you have to die. This means that characters will only do so if they feel it is VERY important and they are certain that Starclan will give them a helpful answer, which they will not always do. (Why doesn't Wildfirecry ask Starclan how to cure Rosehippaw? Because he knows that there is a very high likely hood that the answer is "you can't" and then he'll lose both his daughter and a life that he could have used to help his clan in a more effective way).

Circling back to how normal cats are meant to contact starclan if they aren't allowed to touch the Black Water Pool by themselves, we finally get to talk about Loudclan burials! (This idea has been rattling around in my brain since the bonus art for Moon 18!) Okay, so: When a cat dies, the ground on the mountain is too hard and shallow for them to really be effectively buried. Due to this, the body is placed into a shallow dip dug into the ground and then covered by a pile of heavy stones in a make-shift cairn. The cairn discourages larger scavengers, like foxes or ravens, who might carry pieces of the deceased away, but allows smaller scavengers like mice and insects to eat away the fleshy bits. After a few moons, (during which family and friends are encouraged to keep their distance and learn to live without the deceased) when the scavengers are finished and all that is left are clean bones, the body is exhumed and repositioned so that the skull is left exposed outside of the cairn that covers the rest of the body. This is meant to allow cats to speak directly to the spirit of specific dead clan mates, though there is, of course, no expectation that the spirit speak back. (This is what we see Fiercestripe do in the Moon 18 Bonus Art). All burials happen in a field of forget-me-nots (small, blue. five petal flowers) as they cover the scent of decay, and therefore the cairns/graves are often decorated with them, along with other flowers or plants that may have been special to the deceased. Less commonly, a family member may ask to take a piece of the deceased from the cairn, such as a small tail bone or claw that they will wear to "carry the deceased with them". This is only allowed if the cats are known to have a close relationship, and is very frowned upon if the requestor is not a close family member or lifelong mate.

The major exception to all of this "Starclan is nebulous and distant" stuff is when I draw ghosts (like Bluepaw talking to Owlstar, which, admittedly, I drew before I had a good grasp of what I wanted to do with spirits and starclan). I know that it sort of negates that distance but... I just think it's fun. I think it's more fun to see what the spirits have to say (on occassion) than strictly sticking to never seeing Starclan outside of the Black Water Pool. So for those instances just remember that you, as the audience are getting sort of a third person omniscient view. You can see the ghosts but the characters in the story cannot (unless it is stated that they can due to like ghost sight or something).

Of course, as I said at the beginning, I'm trying to remain flexible, and I'm sure I'm going to break all of these rules at some point, but if I do my job correctly, then moments when these rules break should be important, and not just because I'm disregarding or forgetting them.

On a completely different note: You're not gonna believe this but I actually did know that! I did a decent amount of research into the effects of oil exposure when i was thinking up the Black Water Pool and yeah! It absolutely has played a part in Eklutna's condition. She's had hemophilia since birth, (which very simply means that her blood doesn't clot very well (for all of you biology nerds out there yes i know that it is rare for a cis female to have full hemophilia but it is possible if both of her parents had it)), but that has 100% been worsened by her love of swimming in "the forbidden jacuzzi". As long as we are sharing fun facts: exposure to crude oil while pregnant, while not always, can occasionally cause birth defects like weak lungs!

[prettypinkporkchop]

hii! if you don’t mind, can i request a paul or jared x reader where the reader is a private person and he is frustrated because the reader doesn’t post them on social media or don’t show off their relationship, which makes him a little insecure and it could end with the reader reassuring and shocked because the reader didn’t mean to be so private. sorry if it’s too long lol <3

You kiss Jared on the cheek as he picks at his dinner you cooked. He seems upset. He doesn't look at you. "Babe, what's wrong?" You sit at the dinner table across from him to eat.

He looks up and looks over you. "Did you ever post those pictures of us from yesterday's date?" He asks.

"No, babe. I haven't. You know I don't post much." You giggle and take a bite of your food. You're not lying! You rarely put anything on social media. You don't have many friends or followers. Social media for you is mainly used to see what your family is up to because you're nosey (same).

He nods his head and eats his food.

-----

Jared plays with the ends of your hair, which tickles your back and wakes you up.

"Good morning." You smile and then roll over to face him. You reach up and touch his face.

"Good morning, my love." He says. He stares at your face and observes your features. His eyes wander. Your hand runs up and down his side.

"You have training today. Ready to get the day started?" You ask.

He nods his head and then rolls out of bed. You both get ready and eat something small. Emily is always cooking, so you're not worried about getting full right now.

At Emily's, you sit down at the table where Rachel is. She reaches out and shows you her phone. It's a text that Jared sent to Paul.

Jared: dude is she ashamed or something? There's pics of her but none of me or both of us.

Paul: no man. She's just private. You should know that.

Jared: I do but I thought being in love, you'd want the world to know. Because I want to show her to the world.

You look up, confused. Rachel pulls her phone back to her. She bites her lip. "I didn't realize I made him feel that way." You whisper.

"I just thought you should know. This isn't the first time he's asked Paul about this." She looks at you.

"I just don't like social media that much." You sigh.

"Oh, we know. We don't blame you. Jared doesn't understand that." She touches your wrist.

"Well, it's not a big deal, I'll just post a picture of us." You take out your phone and pull up Instagram. You post a picture of both of you from your date the other night.

----

You get out of the shower and go into your bedroom with a towel wrapped around you. Jared is sitting on the bed, watching you.

"Am I ugly?" Jared asks while you dry off and put his shirt on you.

You look at him with a stern face. "No." Is all you say. You plop down on the bed beside him. "I know what you said to Paul. You could've just told me how you felt instead of going to someone else. It's not even that deep. I posted a picture of us. The first picture or thing I've ever posted in like three years." You roll over and face the wall.

"Are you really acting petty over it?" He grabs your waist, pulling your back into him.

"No. I'm mad because you talked to Paul about it and not me. You know I literally never post anything. If it made you upset, I have NO issue at all showing you off. I love you. You're so attractive. You're mine, most of all. You're supposed to come to me with that shit." You sigh.

He lets you go and rolls over. You leave him be. You feel bad, but you're hurt he couldn't tell you. You're caught out of your thoughts when he sits up. You sit up and look at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you how it made me feel. But just know, you made me feel insecure." He looks ahead of him, never making eye contact with you.

This broke your heart so bad. You grab onto him and pull him into your chest. "My sweet, Jared. I'm so sorry." You rub his shoulder.

He holds onto you and breathes in your scent, calming down. His hands grip onto his shirt that's on you.

"You shouldn't be insecure. You're the sexiest man alive." You giggle and kiss his head.

He breathes out a chuckle and just nods his head.

"I swear to you, babe. I'll kill a bitch for looking at you." You continue.

"O..okay babe." He sits up and looks at you with a concerned face.

"No other woman can look at you. Breathe the same air as you." You scarily stare at him.

He slowly backs up and nods his head. "Okay. Got it."

"I know how to fight, Cameron." You warn.

"Y-yeah. Point has been made, babe. I feel a lot better. You can stop scaring me now."

You laugh and then kiss his cheek. He smiles, shaking his head and plants kisses all over your neck. "You're so silly, my love." He whispers against your skin.