#can you guys tell i wanted padme vibes for my girl

[deckoftrickcards]

hai sorry for dropping off of the face of the earth i was in the ER anyways here’s some allura i always wish they had given her more fits

[cherryblossomshadow]

#helen my girl....you were absolutely INSANE for this!!!! #DON'T GET ME WRONG. I'M NOT JUDGING YOU. NONE OF US H0RNY IDIOTS ON THIS SITE CAN JUDGE YOU ITS KEANU REEVES #but WOMAN.

LIKE. OKAY. you had a meet cute with a tall dark and handsome man! fine! #and you agreed to meet him again bc he's very solemn and polite and seems to be very interested in you in a non-creepy way #maybe you bumped into him while doing photography in the city or whatever the heck #and you start up a relationship - still fine! he's got a weird work schedule and has to cancel at odd hours #and he seems to have an ungodly amount of money from some vague maybe-finance-y job #but no obvious red flags yet just a general Weird Vibe that is MORE than compensated by everything else

#AND THEN YOU SLEEP WITH HIM. YOU SNAG THAT GOLDEN TICKET...and guy has a FULL BACK PIECE OF MOB TATTOOS #does he EXPLAIN them? does he try to lie? or more likely does he just ask you not to keep going? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING #and then as you keep dating and you keep falling more in love #he seems to be getting more and more intense and then he just...disappears #straight up disappears for a couple weeks. no calls no texts nothing

#you figure he ghosted you until he shows back up at your favorite coffee place outside the city #you're used to seeing him knocked up and you assumed he did martial arts and he never corrected you #but this time he's REALLY beat up. beat up enough you ask him if he got mugged #he asks if you guys can go to your place - which is very forward for him #you go back to your place. he sits down. AND IT TURNS OUT...YA BOY WAS A HIT MAN. FULLY KILLED PEOPLE FOR MONEY. A LOT OF PEOPLE #and he only uses past tense bc he spent these last IMMEDIATE WEEKS EXITING THAT LIFESTYLE. HE GIVES YOU HIS WORD THAT HE IS FULLY AND COMPL #FULLY AND COMPLETELY OUT. you take his word for it without corroboration bc WHY WOUDLN'T YOU? #and what does he want? he wants you to keep seeing him!!! #AND YOU SAID YES

GIRL YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY INSAAAAAANE FOR THIS BUT NONE OF US CAN JUDGE YOU

#i would call this padme amidala brainrot but it ISN'T THE SAME it's like...distant mutual ancestor with monsterfucker #except the kink isn't for physical monstrosity it's for a very specific kind of taming/power trip sort of thing #EVEN IF HELEN WOULD NEVER ACTUALLY DO IT. EVEN IF SHE WOULNDN'T EVER TELL JOHN TO KILL SOMEONE...UNLESS???? (tags courtesy of OP)

Come on, John.  Let’s go home.

[phoenixyfriend]

I want an AU where Anakin and Padme get a divorce halfway through the war on AMICABLE TERMS instead of the "Padme was using him" that I saw recently. Potentially it's in the context of that "Anakin's crush on Padme was comphet because she was an unattainable ideal, he realizes he's gay after he actually attains said ideal" AU.

He still goes over to her apartment when he's meant to be on meditative retreats, but now it's to lie back on her couch with take-out and complain about things, and she complains right back because the Senate is terrible.

Padme has a gay best friend but he's not helpful with fashion at ALL he just tells her she looks great in everything which is very flattering, but also doesn't really do much for her to decide on which headdress to wear to the gala. He can do all the handyman jobs around her apartment, though. She tells him it isn't necessary, but he does it anyway.

Palps sabotages Padme's birth control but nothing happens because she and Anakin aren't actually sleeping together anymore.

Anakin always greets Padme with a huge smile and a hug that spins her around because he's no longer worried about someone figuring out he's married because said marriage no longer exists.

Anakin at one point just whining on Padme's couch like "I'm surrounded by so many hot guys, and I can't hit on any of them, because I'm their commanding officer! Do you know how much that sucks? It sucks so much. Padme. Padme it sucks so goddamn much."

People keep hinting at Anakin's marriage and now that he's not panicking about it he just fucks with them by pretending to be oblivious to the insinuations.

Drunk Anakin comes out to Obi-Wan with the usual 'so many hot dudes and I can't date any of them' complaint and everyone in the room is just like "wait... wait I thought you had a thing with Amidala......"

Something something Anidala maintain the illusion of being a somewhat exclusive couple so Padme can imply to gross dudes that she has a violently protective S/O, which is... mostly true? He's still a significant figure in her life! He is violent! He is protective! He will hurt them if they keep hitting on her! He's just no longer married to her.

Anakin gets confirmation in a roundabout way that he's not going to get punished for a marriage that no longer exists and then just starts referring to Padme as My Ex-Wife and it's uncomfortable for literally everyone except the two of them.

(Same vibes as introducing your wife as "my ex-girlfriend.")

Ventress: Oh? And how would you feel, Skywalker, if I went and stole that pretty little girlfriend of yours for-- Anakin: Ex-wife. Ventress: ...what? Anakin: Get it right, she's my ex-wife. The divorce went through months ago, you're really behind. Ventress: ...what? Anakin: You probably have a shot, though, she likes projects. Ventress: ...what?

In her defense, Ventress meant "kidnap for torture." Anakin was the one that heard "steal yo girl."

As suggested by @thisarenotarealblog on discord:

Anakin: Hey babe you know how you like disasters Padme: I'm listening

Sabe: She's a separatist assassin, my Lady! Padme: Thats what she does, not what she is.

And from @atagotiak at the same:

Now, Ventress being a separatist assassin does make things complicated but it’s not like massive differences of political opinion is a turnoff for Padmé.

IMO Padme's bi/lesbian lover would have to be either Ventress or Bo-Katan, they are the only ladies that have anywhere near Anakin's batshit moral nonsense going on while still plausibly being someone she could turn.

Padme needs a non-hopeless "I can fix them" project in her life.

Anakin, doing the Will Smith pose as Padme disembarks from a ship: BEHOLD, MY GLORIOUS EX-WIFE. Padme: [laughing indulgently] Obi-Wan: [pinching the bridge of his nose] Mace: 😒