#can you blame dazai for confessing immediately

[luneariann]

Chuuya love of my life fr

[zafirosreverie]

Their reaction to you asking them out (BSD)

a/n: Lovecraft's mentioned in three of these other than his simply because I LOVE him. Sorry not sorry.

Doppo Kunikida:

"T-tell Dazai this joke isn't funny."

You blinked in confusion, before realization hit you. You didn't need Ranpo's mind to know that the blonde in front of you had a soft spot for you, it had been that way since you entered the ADA, and for you it was an immediate crush.

But neither of you had acted on it, keeping your interactions purely professional at first and then simply being friends. The complete opposite of Dazai. After rejecting his proposal of a double suicide with a simple laugh, the brunette decided that you were his friend and that was it, you had nothing to say about it, not that you cared much.

Since you had no ability, you simply worked as a secretary at the agency, but that didn't stop Dazai from dragging you into his chaos. When he wasn't bothering Kunikida, or traumatizing Atsushi, the waste of bandages was stuck to you, trying to coax you into doing something diabolically chaotic, simply because he was bored.

You usually ended up taking most of the blame, since Fukuzawa and Kunikida were softer on you anyway, but at the end of the day, Dazai was a good friend. He had given you the courage you needed to finally confess to Kunikida, after teasing you of course.

Honestly, you believed that if the blonde rejected you it would be because you hardly fit into at least five of his ideals, you didn't expect him to be jealous of his partner.

"It wasn't a joke" you said softly "but we can talk about this at lunch."

Kunikida looked at you surprised, his green eyes shining with distrust but with a hint of hope as well. You smiled at him and quickly walked back to your desk, not caring about the evident blush on your face.

For lunch, he would take you to a restaurant further away from the agency building and you could finally talk. You would show him that you were worth more than the ink in his notebook and even though he didn't think you would last long together, in time he couldn't imagine a life without you.

H.P. Lovecraft:

You sighed internally but tried to keep a kind smile on your face, although you honestly didn't know how much you could fool an ancient god with that. You mentally cursed Mark and John for convincing you this was a good idea, but you cursed yourself more for thinking Lovecraft would actually agree to go on a date.

"Explain to me?" he asked after a minute of just looking at you with those piercing but empty eyes.

"Uh?!" You stammered, jumping a little “D-don't you know what a date is?”

"No, I know that" he replied "I have been here since before humanity, I have seen you develop, break down, and rise again, and although I am never near you unless summoned, I know enough to know how those types of relationships work"

“Oh” you whispered.

You weren't really expecting a philosophy or anthropology lesson, you just wanted a yes or no (preferably the former), but realistically, when, since meeting him, have you been able to have a simple, easy conversation with Lovecraft?

"Then what?-" you started, but he interrupted you, still staring at you.

"Why would you want to form that kind of human bond with someone who...isn't?"

You blinked and, for the first time since you started this awkward conversation, looked at him. His face showed no emotion, as always, but there was a sparkle in his eyes that hadn't been there before, as if he really wanted to understand what was going on in your mind.

For some reason, the minuscule possibility of being a mystery to a man whose mere existence was the biggest mystery of all, made you feel important, like the entire universe was watching only you.

"I don't know" you shrugged "maybe it's your way of treating me a little warmer than you treat others, or maybe it's because my eyes can't see anyone else as soon as you walk into a room… Maybe I'm just crazy, who knows?"

"Why would you want to join your being to an evil eldritch god?"

“I don’t think you’re evil” you refuted.

"Then you don't understand me" he said.

"No, but I've never said I do" you agreed "but…if you really are older than humanity…shouldn't you be immune to the criteria of good or evil?"

Lovecraft looked at you with, what by his standards, must have been a ghost of amazement. He didn't respond, but the gleam in his eyes intensified and it only took you a few moments to register that his normally cold and indifferent aura seemed warmer and… joyful?

"You're not an ordinary human" he finally said "You're not afraid of the dark"

"I never have been" you smiled "Hawthorne says that will condemn my soul to hell…nice guy right?"

"Your soul already belongs to the abyss"

You looked at him curiously and swore the ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. You weren't sure if that was a yes or no to a date, but the moment he took your hand, you decided it really didn't matter.

Edgar Allan Poe:

Why? Was it a joke? Were there hidden cameras capturing his humiliation? No, you weren't like that…but you spent a lot of time with Mark, maybe he had convinced you…No, he liked to make fun of Hawthorne, not him. So it didn't make sense, why would you ask him something like that? Why would you want to stain yourself with the same madness, anxiety and loneliness that accompanied him everywhere? Why would you want to subject yourself to such torture? Not even he could beat his own demons, why would you want to see them yourself? Why would you, of all people, ask him out on a date?

Those were the questions that ran a thousand miles an hour through Poe's mind as he looked at you silently, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. Karl had long since moved onto your shoulders, sensing the imminent defeat of his owner.

"…Edgar?" You asked softly, worried.

It was a good thing you were in his study, because the moment you touched him, the writer fell back as if he were a statue, making you jump and scream a little before running to his side.

"I think I broke him" you said to Karl, as you fanned the man on the floor.

"I'm fine" Poe grunted, sitting up.

It seemed like the hit was what he needed to get his mind working again. He hadn't really expected your confession, much less for you to ask him out, damn it, he hadn't even hoped that you might like him like he liked you. But there you were, looking really worried about him (and damn cute, but that was another story), and he owed you an answer.

"I-I'm sorry" he stuttered "You took me by surprise"

"I noticed" you laughed softly, awakening butterflies in his stomach "I didn't mean to"

"N-no, it's okay, just…I didn't think you saw me like that"

"Really?" You blinked “I thought it was obvious. Even Lovecraft noticed”

"He did?!"

You nodded. It was true, the entire Guild knew about your feelings for Poe, some had even bet how long it would take him to realize it or if you would have to tell him yourself (you could already hear Margaret complaining about having to pay Nathaniel and John), even the eldritch horror had noticed it and he was asleep 18 of the 24 hours of the day. It seemed like everyone knew except Poe.

"I understand if you don't want to" you said "don't feel obligated to-"

"No!" he interrupted you, making you both jump at his sudden shout "sorry… I do want to, it's just… it's hard for me to think that anyone would want to spend their time with me willingly" he admitted awkwardly.

You looked at him for a moment, not understanding how he could not see how cute, not to mention how incredibly interesting, he was. You smiled at him and held his hand tenderly, waiting for him to make eye contact with you.

"Don't worry" you told him "I do"

Nathaniel Hawthorne:

"I miss her"

Herman looked curiously at Hawthorne for a moment before following the man's line of sight. You were sitting, talking calmly with Steinbeck about the small garden you had decided to start a few days ago, and although the blonde was more than happy to give you tips and advice, it was obvious that your attention was more on the tired sea god at your side. It was no secret to anyone that Lovecraft was one of your favorite beings.

"And why don't you tell her?" the older man turned his attention to the minister next to him.

"Its not that easy"

Melville looked at him a moment longer before looking back at you. He was a wise man, and he has known Nathaniel for years, even before the latter joined the Guild. He knew the man's faith, his ideals and moral compass, he knew that he could be stubborn and immovable in his convictions and that few things mattered more to him than his religion. After Mitchell's failed attempts at a romance with him and his relentless way of ignoring Twain's jokes, it had become clear to everyone that Hawthorne was a man of god, that his devotion was to him, and no one else. Most simply opted to leave him alone when he wasn't needed for some mission and he had been fine with that. Until he met you.

Of all the new Guild members, you were by far Melville's favorite. You were kind, happy, calm, willing to learn and rarely caused problems. You were often the first to offer help to whoever needed it, and although you possessed a dangerous ability, you had complete control over it, so no one was worried about you hurting them. You were practically an angel, and it was obvious that you were quickly earning a place in everyone's hearts. Nowadays it was common to see Poe leaving his room more often thanks to you, or how Louisa laughed more, how Fitzgerald praised you even for the smallest things, and Herman himself loved the peaceful afternoons with you in his office. You were even replacing John as Lovecraft's favorite human. But it was obvious that the person you had most under your spell was Hawthorne.

The usually serious man smiled as soon as he saw you, he talked to you about all kinds of things, often even forgetting his Bible and his talk about sins, he accompanied you everywhere if you asked and was always the first to welcome you when you arrived from a mission, always making sure you were okay. It was a lovely sight, and Herman appreciated your presence in the other man's life. But all that ended a few days ago, when he had broken your heart.

Melville was the only one who knew the story thoroughly, listening to what you were able to tell him between sobs and what Hawthorne himself had confirmed the next day when he confronted him about it. Apparently, he had rejected you without hesitation, and although he tried not to make drama about it, it was obvious that his words hadn't necessarily been soft, but rather dry and direct. You had smiled and accepted the answer, before quickly leaving, but Nathaniel had caught a glimpse of disappointment and sadness in your eyes, which had pierced his chest for some reason.

It took him a terrible sleepless night and a tough talk with Herman to realize that he had made a terrible mistake. He hadn't wanted to realize the true nature of his feelings for you, he hadn't wanted to face what that meant for his faith and ideals, but he gave up when he couldn't get you out of his head for days. At first, he was surprised by your ability to act in front of others as if nothing had happened, but in reality you no longer spoke to him, you no longer smiled at him, nor did you look for him, you had left him alone, and that, like he himself confessed to Melville, felt like the greatest penance for a mortal sin, the sin of having hurt an angel like you.

"I can't face those broken eyes, not again" Nathaniel whispered, not taking his eyes off you.

"You've already lost her" Herman sighed "what else do you have to risk?"

The minister didn't respond, watching as you softly laughed at Lovecraft, who had fallen asleep with his head in your lap. He knew that the other man was right, he had already lost you, there was nothing more he could risk, the only thing he had left was the hope that you would give him a second chance.

Herman Melville:

(shhh lemme be, we love Sea Santa Claus in this house)

"My child" he laughed softly "I'm sure Mark would be happy to date you."

You blinked in confusion, as your cheeks quickly heated up. In the man's defense, you really shouldn't have confessed your feelings to him… like that. Seriously, what did you expect by basically yelling at him that you loved him while you played chess in his office?

"I- I don't like Mark" you simply said "not that way"

"Oh… John's pretty nice too"

“Steinbeck scares me” you shivered

"Really?" Herman raised an eyebrow “You spend a lot of time with him”

Was that… jealousy you heard in his voice? A part of you clung to that thought, despite the very clear surprise, confusion, and rejection in his voice.

"I do it for Lovecraft" you admitted "I like him… Steinbeck gives me nightmares"

Herman looked at you for a moment before sighing and laughing softly. Really, he couldn't understand you, the idea that someone as young as you, with a whole life ahead, could have fallen in love with someone as old as him, was ridiculous. But if he had learned anything in the time he had known you, it was that when you wanted something, there was no human power to change your mind.

And if he was honest with himself, you had truly earned a permanent place in his rusty old heart. You were a happy and confident soul, kind and gentle, something rare in the current Guild. Apart from him and Lovecraft, you were the only one who saw Moby Dick as more than just a ship, you had brought warmth back to his chest, and he would do whatever it took to protect you.

“I guess Poe is out of question” he whispered in amusement, gently taking your hand across the table.

You quickly understood the joke and caught the glint of hope in his eyes, which made your heart race and a huge smile bloom on your face.

"Nope" you said "I already made up my mind"

Herman smiled at you and nodded, bringing your hand to his lips to kiss it reverently. It would be awkward to explain this new step in your relationship to others, but it was worth it to see you smile.

"Besides, we all know that Poe belongs to Lovecraft. I'm not going to fight a sea god over him."

Louisa May Alcott:

"M-me? R-really?"

Louisa looked at you with wide eyes as you laughed softly and nodded, repeating your question for the third time, just to make sure she believed it.

"Would you like to go on a date with me?"

She felt her already red cheeks heat up even more and tried to hide her face in her hands. She was basically a tangled mess of nerves and little squeals.

Listen, she liked you too, ok? Louisa just wasn't someone who thought much about dates and partners and stuff, mostly because she had long ago accepted that no one would notice her that way, but deep down, she had to admit that her heart had always harbored a little bit of hope for romance. She just didn't expect that you, who had become Guild's golden girl thanks to your charisma and power, would be the one to be interested in her.

On one hand, she was afraid that this was doomed to be a failure, that the more you got to know her your interest in her would fade, but the braver little part of her told her that it might be worth it. After all, you had always been kind to her, you tried to include her in everything you could and it was not unusual for you to spend your afternoons reading silently next to her. You made her feel special, like no one had ever made her feel before. She supposed that, in a way, it had been impossible to stop her from falling in love with you.

"I-I…I'd love to!" She responded, a little louder than she would have liked.

But it didn't seem to bother you, you simply smiled wider at her and gently pulled her closer to you to hug her, giving her enough time to get away if she wanted to. Louisa hid her face in your shoulder and as she felt your hand rubbing gentle circles on her back, she was mentally grateful that someone was finally noticing her for who she was, not her power or position in the Guild.

Bram Stoker:

"Why?"

"Because now you have legs and I don't have to carry you on my back all the way?" you joked lightly, feeling a little silly under the vampire's piercing gaze.

Bram just frowned and tilted his head in confusion. You had told him that you would like to go for a "drink" with him, or just "walk around the fair", mundane things, but little lady Aya had told him they were "dates".

It had taken the poor girl a couple of hours to bring him up to date on modern courtship customs, and even longer to convince him that it was fun and romantic. In his time, there was not much room for romance, marriages were arranged according to the political and economic advantages that the union could achieve and that was all. Much easier if he was honest.

But that wasn't what bothered him, it was the fact that apparently you, of all people, could have developed feelings for someone like him. Yes, you had helped him and Aya escape from Fukuchi and had remained loyal to the end, despite your lack of ability, but that was precisely why he couldn't understand your reasons.

A mere mortal who didn't know who they were talking to, he could understand, but you? You knew what he was, you knew the monster you were trying to court. Bram was no fool, and despite his lack of understanding of modern times and customs, he had never been one to deny his feelings (from that to him acting on them was another story, of course), and could easily admit to himself that he had developed a liking for you, especially after the whole vampire apocalypse.

But you? What could you want with one of the ten calamities of humanity? It just didn't make sense, no matter how much he thought about it.

"Uh-…Bram?" you asked softly

"Why?" he asked again

"…because I like you?" you said, giving up on your jokes and opting to be direct.

"Why would you?"

"I don't know" you shrugged "I just do."

"Why me?"

"Why not?"

Sigma:

"You're cruel"

You blinked before frowning in confusion. It wasn't exactly the answer you had been waiting for. When you decided it was time to ask Sigma on a date, you had prepared yourself for a no or a yes, what were you supposed to do with this answer?

"Excuse me?" you murmured

"YOU'RE CRUEL!" he shouted, looking at you with tears in his eyes.

Now you were worried. You tried to approach him, ask him what was wrong, and apologize if you had upset him with your question, but he just walked away abruptly and turned his back on you, furiously wiping the tears from his face.

"Sigma-"

"Why would you?" he whispered "Of all the pranks you could play, why such a cruel one?"

"What?-"

"You know how I feel about you" he continued, completely ignoring your worried look "I'm not even good at hiding it, but I thought you'd at least stop Gogol from using it against me…why would you? Why would you give me hope like this?"

His voice broke on the last sentence, just like your heart. You watched him fall to the ground, covering his face as his shoulders shook from silent sobs and your mind tried to catch up with everything. You couldn't really blame him for thinking this was a joke, after all, you were friends with Nikolai, his main tormentor.

Usually, you tried to stay neutral about the pranks the clown played on the poor boy, mainly because you knew that if you defended him, Nikolai would just make an even more evil prank. But you didn't expect him to actually think you would do something like that to him.

You felt guilty beyond words, and you promised yourself in that moment that you would do everything you could to repair a trust you didn't even know you had lost. It didn't matter if Gogol or Dostoyesvky got upset, you swore you weren't going to let them (or anyone) hurt him again.

"I swear on my life that this is not a joke" you said softly, sitting next to him "I'm so sorry if I ever gave you reason to believe that I would hurt you like this."

Sigma glanced at you, but he didn't respond. You took it as a small victory when you moved his hair back a little to caress his cheek and he didn't move away from it. It took you a while, but in the end, you managed to get him to look at you, still with tears in his eyes, but a glimmer of hope in them.

"I really like you" you said "and I promise I'll do everything I can to make you believe me."

He gasped when you leaned in to place a tender kiss on his cheek, and his entire face heated up as you held him close to your chest. You both knew that it would take you a while to convince him that you weren't really trying to use him, that you were sincere in your feelings, but at least, you were pointing in the right direction.

Nikolai Gogol:

"I knew you couldn't resist my charm"

You rolled your eyes as the clown laughed maniacally in front of you. Honestly, sometimes you questioned why you liked him, and if this had been a good idea. You knew he wouldn't let you live with this, he loved any excuse to boost his ego and tease you, but deep down you knew you wouldn't want him any other way, murder and obvious insanity aside.

"Oh, but darling, you didn't think it would be that easy did you?" he smirked at you and you could feel a shiver running down your spine "oh no, before you date me, you have to prove how much you love me!"

"Oh no" you shuddered "on second thought, let's stay friends."

"No, no, no" he said, grabbing your wrist before you could escape "you can't back out now!"

You looked at him for a moment before sighing and giving up. You knew that there was no human power that could stop him when he planned one of his "games" and that no matter what you did, you had already let the cat out, there was no way he would forget your confession, much less that you could get out of this.

“Okay” you sighed “what do you have on your mind?”

Nikolai simply smiled at you before using his power to transport you somewhere else.

In the end, you ended up spending hours solving puzzles and tests that, if you were honest, weren't even too difficult, at least not by what he was used to, but it was frustrating that every time you finished one, another immediately appeared, it seemed like a never-ending punishment. You assumed he wanted to test your willpower.

However, the reality was that Gogol wasn't even thinking about it, he was simply keeping you busy while he dealt with the sudden rush of complicated emotions, doubts, and fears that washed over him. It wasn't a secret to anyone who was observant (which meant it was only obvious to Fyodor) that the DOA clown had really taken a liking to you, which was why he teased you so much, as an attempt to keep your attention on him.

He never expected you to have feelings for him tho, much less ask him out on a date. A part of him was happy about it, but his mind was yelling at him that he shouldn't accept, that he shouldn't be tied to anyone. His entire life was supposed to have been dedicated to seeking his freedom, he couldn't risk that, not even for you. You really were a danger to him, and for once, he didn't know what to do with it.

Ogai Mori:

tw: manipulation.

"Bold and brave" he smirked "I like that"

Are you okay? Is someone threatening you? To be fair, you really didn't know what you were getting into. You didn't know the true nature of the man in front of you, you simply knew him as the kind doctor you had met by accident on the street and who you sometimes ran into.

It was weird at first, but after the third time "casually" meeting each other, you just decided it was funny and started a friendship with him. Bad idea.

You had no idea of the danger you were in, you didn't know what he was capable of. Developing a crush on the Port mafia boss was probably one of the stupidest things you could do. But he had made you feel safe, appreciated, and it really wasn't long before he had you under his spell.

It wasn't really your fault though. Mori is a brilliant man and a skilled manipulator, he rarely took a step without thinking, and it definitely wasn't a coincidence that he found you. You had a powerful ability, one that would be a huge asset to the mafia or any organization that had you.

It had gone unnoticed for so long because, as you had confessed, you didn't really like using it, but it was only a matter of time before someone else found out, so he had made sure to get to you first.

Honestly, he didn't expect this turn of events. His plan was simple: lure you in with kindness, make you feel safe before showing his true colors and then offer to join the mafia, which was an understatement, he was more than ready to force you to join if you didn't accept of your own free will, he even had planned to use Elise (he knew you had a soft, motherly spot for children) to convince you.

The fact that you were offering yourself on a silver platter only made things easier for him. Besides, he wouldn't say no to other kinds of advantages and a pretty face. (He would never admit that in that time of "knowing you" he had developed a… liking for you)

[awoogayanderes]

BUT I’LL KNOW - OSAMU DAZAI

➪ sypnosis : after another reoccurring nightmare of yours, you and your lover have a conversation

➪ warnings : mentions of a past toxic relationship with port mafia dazai

➪ other notes : this was inspired by christmas kids by roar

another one. another nightmare that’s woken you up in the middle of the night. you feel suffocated, swallowing a sob back inside of you, not wanting to wake the man next to you. the same man to blame for your nightmares. the monster who your lover used to be can’t help but leave an imprint in your mind. your relationship with osamu dazai was confusing in the mafia, two violent and deranged teenagers trying to make the best out of it.

maybe it was the fact you loved him or maybe it was the fear you had of him, you still stayed with him despite all the flaws everyone else, including yourself could see. sometimes you wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t left the mafia. would he have killed mori and taken his place? would he have yokohama under his control? would he have killed you? you’re glad you didn’t have to find out, yet the ghost of your past still haunts you to this day.

despite your efforts to not wake up osamu, he wasn’t asleep in the first place. he knew there was something wrong with you especially when you would be shaking in his arms or when you scooted yourself to the edge of the futon. he just didn’t know how to bring it up, truth be told, he was scared of what you would say. he was scared as to why you didn’t feel comfort in his arms anymore. but today was the last straw when he realized you wanted to cry.

“why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” his arm tightens around your abdomen. you freeze, staring up at the ceiling, “i’m sorry i woke you up,” you quietly say to him. “i wasn’t asleep,” he responds, an uncomfortable silence enveloping both of you. “why are you so scared,” he asks, not wanting to let go of this conversation, knowing it would never happen again. “do you regret leaving the mafia?” a question you’ve been longing to ask finally comes out. almost immediately, you regret what you said, feeling him stiffen even with his arm still around you.

“no,” he simply says. “i keep dreaming of you, the old you,” you start to sit up, dazai pulls you back down, not wanting to let go, in fear you’d actually leave him. “you didn’t say anything before,” he says, and if you would have noticed, you would have heard the sadness in his voice. “neither did you,” you responded. you haven’t seen dazai be so quiet and so small before. even when oda had died, he tried to hide everything from you, but now he can’t.

“i’m sorry,” his words break your train of curious thoughts. before you could say anything, he continued, “i’m sorry for everything you’ve had to witness of me, i’m sorry for all those things i’ve said and done to you, for all the times i forced you to be by my side.” he pulls himself closer to you, and you turn to face him, being almost nose to nose. “i can’t do this without you,” he confesses, to you and to himself. he’s glad you can’t see him in the dark, his face contorted in disgust at himself.

and with that, silence. you wrap your arms around him, a silent way to show that you forgive him and the monster who torments you in your sleep. after that night, no nightmares came knocking at your door. he can change his profession, his personality, his name, everything, but you’ll always know. you’ll always know who laid beside you before lovable dazai. and even then, you’ll stay with him. even in the afterlife and beyond, you’re meant to be the counterpart to osamu dazai.

[straycat-writes]

Hi! If you're up for it can I request a scenario for Dazai where the female reader loses a bet with her friends (let's say over a game, fell free to choose the game or sport) and now she has to confess to him in front of the whole agency wearing a sexy bunny costume. She's super shy and nervous but has to do it BC she's true to her word! Dazai's as well as the agency members reactions as well please! Thanks a lot I hope you like this request enough to write it(✿^‿^)

[I cannot express in words just how much fun I had while writing this lmao xD thank you so much for the request]

Of Costumes and Confessions (Dazai Osamu)

“Naomi, please, I’m begging you.” You pleaded to her for the umpteenth time, “Don’t make me do this.”

“A bet is a bet, (y/n).” she laughed, “Plus, I’m really tired of you silently pining away after Dazai – san.”

“Silently pi – “, you let out an indignant cry, “No, I absolutely am not!”’

She rolled her eyes, “Sure, and the sky isn’t blue…Come on, (y/n)! You know you look smoking in that outfit!”

“That’s not what this is about!” you huffed, then sighed in resignation.

You and Naomi were standing in the storage room of the agency, dusty files piled up on all the shelves around you, and you were hoping against hope somebody wouldn’t need anything from here right at the moment.

You looked down at yourself skeptically. The costume you wee wearing was made of a shiny black velvet, a tight-fitting dress that ended just below your butt, cinched at the waist and with a sweetheart neckline. Sheer black stockings adorned your otherwise bare legs, feet clad in black stiletto heels. On your head, you wore a black hairband with bunny ears attached to it.

“Where the fuck did you even get this ridiculous costume?” you fumed at Naomi, “It’s the most indecent thing I’ve ever seen in my life!”

She pouted, “I have my sources…Now, quit whining and go out there already!”

She pushed you slightly and you let out a yelp, then looked at pleadingly once more, as a last-ditch attempt to get here to let you off the hook. Naomi’s expression didn’t change, and you sighed.

This bet was a mistake. Scratch that, my life was a mistake.

Out there, the main office of the agency was swarming with your colleagues. Kunikida was probably storming through paperwork, Ranpo lazing around somewhere, and the rest busy with their own chores. And worst of all, Dazai was there, probably sprawled on the couch, but he was there. You got a slightly sick feeling in your stomach.

Taking a deep breath, you braced yourself, sneaking out of the storage room as stealthily as you could and making your way towards the office. Naomi followed you, and you stopped just outside the door. Come on, (y/n). What’s the worst that could happen?

Just the first couple of answers that came to your mind horrified you so much that you reflexively sprang into action.

The door creaked open, and it took everyone a while to notice you standing there. Once they did, though, a hushed silence fell upon the entire room. With your face already flaming red and hot, you forced yourself to take a look around.

Atsushi’s face was just as red as yours, and he was trying and failing not to look at you, Kunikida’s mouth was hanging open, an utmost confused expression on his face, Jun’ichiro looked flustered beyond belief, while Kenji just looked like he was about to compliment you. Dazai, however, was lying face down on the couch, refusing to budge.

It was only when Yosano let out a low whistle at you that he turned around. And once he did, his jaw almost dropped to the floor.

You took another deep breath, trying not to hyperventilate. Okay, compartmentalize. Imagine nobody’s here. Imagine they have all disappeared. God, I wouldn’t mind disappearing myself.

Your heels clicked loudly on the floor as you stalked over to Dazai, face still burning in embarrassment. He looked up at you, a starstruck expression on his face.

“Holy….shit.” he whistled slightly, looking up at you with wide starstruck eyes, “Damn.”

You squeezed your eyes shut for a second before opening them again. You’re not done yet.

“Dazai!” you said quickly, voice too high and loud, and he almost got startled.

“Yes!”

“I need to tell you s-something.” You say looking down at your feet and unconsciously tugging down the hem of your too-short dress.

He smirked at you suggestively, shamelessly looking you up and down, “Of course, how can I deny you anything when you look like that, sweetheart?”

“Shut up.”

“But I – “

“Shut up and listen to me. I like you!”

You could hear Naomi slightly cheering in the background. There, you wanted to scream, I said it! Can I please just dig a hole and bury myself in it already?

Dazai immediately sprang up from the couch, hands clasped together and eyes wide in wonder, all mock and for show, obviously. “Do my ears deceive me? What is this that am I hearing? You’re here to confess your undying love to me!?”

You rolled your eyes slightly, mumbling, “That’s not…quite what I said.”

“But it’s exactly what you meant, isn’t it?” he trilled, clasping your hands in his own, “And you donned this ravishing look all for me? How can I ever say no when you look so smoking hot? Oh, I have never seen anything more beautiful, I think I might just die!”

“That’s enough, you two.” Kunikida finally interrupted, coughing awkwardly and refusing to look even in your general vicinity, “Take this elsewhere!”

Gladly, you wanted to say, but Dazai beat you to it. “That’s right, people.” He said, trying to sound serious, “Move along, nothing to see her. Just my darling (y/n) wearing the sexiest bunny costume I’ve ever seen, just to impress me…Oh my, I think I’m melting again.”

It didn’t take long for the both of you to be kicked out after that. You rushed back into the storage room, desperately trying to hide yourself away until you could change back.

“Wait! My fairytale bunny princess! Don’t leave me now!” Dazai called out, following after you. Then he smirked, “Can’t believe you really agreed to such a bet.”

“Whatever. Now get out, I need to cha –“ you stopped midsentence, frowning, “…Wait, what? How do you know about that?”

He smirked, still shamelessly ogling you, “Well, I may or may not have bribed Naomi to place a bet with you about this…”

“What!?”

“Come on, it’s not like your crush on me wasn’t glaringly obvious, and since I more than just reciprocate your feeling…” he trailed off purposely, before his face lit up with a suggestive grin, “Those bunny ears really suit you, you know?”

Your face heats up even more, though from shame, anger, or embarrassment, you couldn’t tell. Most likely, it was all of those. You punched him in the chest, “I cannot believe you!”

He laughed, “Oh, come on! You cannot really blame me when you look this sexy, standing here in that costume like a - .”

“Shut up.”

“Although, in all fairness, I was the one who picked it out…”

“Shut up! …Oh my God, what!?’

“Alright, fine! I’m sorry.” He laughed, not sounding sorry at all. That smug smirk still sat on his face and you wanted nothing more than to punch it off.

You scowled, “I hate you.”

He smiled at you, sickly sweet, “I love you too.”

[imaginethoseguys]

Dog... not me saying I won't be writing fanfiction anymore, then asking for Haikyuu inspo and then finishing 3 seasons of Bungou Stray Dogs in a week and writing this...... I have no explanations. bye

One Way

Pairing: Dazai Osamu x fem!S/O Word count: 2.7k Warnings: suicide and depression, angst, it ends good tho Summary: After parting, Dazai thought he would never see her again. He convinced himself he wouldn't. But then, a new lead for a case appears, and Dazai feels his entire being shattering to pieces.

When Dazai saw that case for the first time, he didn’t believe it. It was too good to be true. No, it couldn’t possibly be true. After they parted the last time, he never imagined such a chance to present itself to him. But all the evidence said otherwise, so it left him no choice but to believe. His deadly precise logic was in a raging conflict with his emotions, which Dazai never thought would be an issue. Although, lately, everything became too possible for his comfort.

In existential fear of meeting her again, he regretted meeting her at all. Not for the reasons one would assume. Looking back, he should’ve killed himself months, months, and months ago because now that he knew her, he understood how difficult it was going to be. Before, he was eager and ready to end his life. Nothing really held him back, no bonds strong enough to regret leaving them behind. The issue lied not in reflexivity or thinking too much about others. It was in nothing but his own overbearing and absolute selfishness when it came to her. He didn’t want to live to keep her company, he wanted to hold onto his privilege of looking at her, touching her, smelling her hair, kissing her knuckles, feeling her gaze on his face, feeling her fingers in his hair. He was rid of it after they last saw each other, which was ages ago.

Now, this crushing lonely bliss was tumbling down, all because of a file that stared at Dazai from the surface of his desk. Dozens of people dead, Yokohama was on the brink of a cross-organization conflict, and the newly located lead had Dazai completely taken aback. He wasn’t working, of course, to Kunikida’s great annoyance. He was thinking, spiraling into endless rabbit holes, staring at her photo attached to the file. She looked so nice, why did she always look so nice? Well, he knew why, she was elegant and stylish, there was a metaphysical kind of beauty to her, she looked breathtaking no matter what she did. Perhaps, it was his bias talking. She always looked after his appearance back in the Port Mafia days. She fixed his ties, she taught him to buy good-fitted pants and shirts. She wouldn’t shut up about Mori’s coat asking him to please throw this doormat away and get something nice. He figured it probably wasn’t the coat as much as it was her hate for Mori and his nasty pedophilia, it’s so disgusting it’s probably contagious please wash your hands. She cared. It felt nice. She would be happy to know he burnt it. He wondered if she would like his new coat. He bought it trying his best to remember her advice. He wanted to show it to her.

Wanted but couldn’t, there was no way. There were rumours about her death a few years ago among the Port Mafia crowd, but Dazai called bullshit on it right away. She knew better and she did better than just dying somewhere. Staring at her photo that was clearly taken here, in Yokohama, he couldn’t understand. Why was she here? Why was she involved? She had no reason to be. She wanted to get away, there was nothing she wanted more. After Oda died, they both decided to leave Port Mafia. But Dazai intended to stay in Yokohama and she wished to leave without looking back. Mutual loss drove them apart, they both weren’t mentally ready to find compromises. So she left. And he stayed. And now there was this photo of her, shamelessly lying in the file and destroying the elaborate image of a life he has built for himself. He stated at it for another minute or two. There was one reason for her to be back, Dazai was deliberately avoiding even considering this reason because everything inside him screamed how unrealistic and stupid this reason was.

Still, he had to suppress his inner turmoil because no matter what he thought, rationally, there was only one way to find out. Uttering a quiet ‘I see how it is,’ he got up and started walking towards the exit. Kunikida was quick to stop him.

“Where do you think you’re going, Dazai?”

“Weren’t you the one who gave me the file? I’m off to work, of course.”

“Don’t say ‘of course’ like it’s something ordinary, idiot.”

Kunikida eyed Dazai’s face and fell silent for a moment.

“Do you want me to come with you?” He asked, calmer and noticeably more serious. Dazai looked back at him, eyes half-closed, giving him a moment of silence in return before breaking into another exaggerated smile.

“No thank you, I don’t want you ruining my disguise plan, Kunikida.”

Kunikida started yelling again, but Dazai paid it little attention since he was already out of the door.

One way, he thought repeatedly, as if to burn the phrase into his mind. ___ The building Dazai found himself in was no coincidence or convenience. Universe was speaking to him, furiously punching the obvious into the back of his head as he dodged and ignored the impact. The old abandoned church was the place where he found her after a failed attack mission. She wasn’t a stranger to murder, and she was prepared to face death of her associates as well as her own, but it was her first mission in command and a first horrifying defeat, which she did not take lightly. He found her hysterical, sobbing and holding onto her arms so hard it bruised, fingers almost piercing through fabric and skin. Never in his life has Dazai ached for someone else’s pain as much as he ached for hers. He couldn’t bring himself to say something usually harsh, like stop pitying yourself or get over yourself and get your shit together. Instead, he grabbed her and pressed her trembling body into his own, hugging her so hard she could barely breath anymore. He wanted to squeeze all the anguish out of her and absorb it. It wasn’t a problem, he dealt with worse, he could take it, so please let him so she doesn’t have to. His head pulsated in despair, at a loss of what to say and what to do. So he kissed her, so hard their teeth collided. He kissed her and kissed her, until she couldn’t think. He wanted to distract her, to leave her head an empty space, to leave her no chance to reflect, remember, or blame herself. No chance to feel anything.

Looking back, Dazai wouldn’t call it the healthiest way to comfort someone in distress, but it kind of worked, so who’s to judge. He walked up to the altar, allowing the nostalgia to take over his senses for a little while. He always found it funny: they made their secret meeting place a church, yet nothing they did here was close to holy. Nothing they ever did in their lives was holy. A murder 9 to 5 takes a pretty big toll on your mind and soul so having someone in your orbit who relieved your sense of existential dread and sometimes made you forget you’re dead inside helped. This is why Dazai wanted so badly for this lead to be a dead end. He was doing such a nice job of having his shit together and seeing her meant all of it would go to hell. One could say he was being too harsh on himself, but these were facts: as an analytic, Dazai knew himself in and out, and he acknowledged that his feelings for her, which was arguably his most irrational part of being, were a threat to his work performance, moral compass, and strive for the sweet embrace of death. It had to be fake. Then, he would come back to the agency, and she would be gone, and he would be able to solve the case like 2+2 and move on. Then, he would commit suicide, perhaps with some lovely lady, in some poetic and melancholic way, letting the black hole in his chest ascend into space and settle somewhere in its infinity. And all would be well. If this lead was a fake. If it’s a fake. If it’s—

“Fancy meeting you here.”

A second, and Dazai can swear he hears the sounds of glass breaking all around him. Everything is vacuum, the following silence is deafeningly loud in his ears. His body aches and his chest feels tight and prickly. He can’t find it in himself to breathe.

“You know, I wasn’t even sure this place would still be here, but I sacrificed logistics for the sake of a romantic sentiment.”

Her heels tapped against the old wooden floor as he felt her get closer to him.

“I guess great minds think alike,” Dazai said without turning around. There was silence again. He could feel her soft (he knew it as) gaze on his back. His fingers trembled.

“What do you have to do with this whole thing? You’re a primary suspect. What’s your gain?” Deciding to wait no more, Dazai spoke.

He hears her chuckle.

“Why do you ask me if you already know the answer?”

“I want to hear you say it.”

Don’t say it.

Don’t say it.

Don’t say it.

“I got involved on purpose, of course.”

“Why?”

Say it isn’t so.

“To get to you.”

The hole in his chest shifts, it grows bigger, hungrier, it howls, like a whale on the bottom of an ocean. Even though she has left a long time ago, her ghostly presence lingers inside of him, a little smoldering coal, red sparkle inside a black pit of nothingness. It senses her presence, her scent, the timbre of her voice, and it starts absorbing everything it can reach just to get her closer, to lure her in.

“It was a pretty risky affair, I confess. I’m on a radar right now. I’m surprised no one followed you here, but you’re Dazai, so I shouldn’t be too surprised.”

She waited for his reaction and when nothing followed, continued to talk.

“My leave from Port Mafia was messy. I’m not on good terms with Mori, like you. I’m not on any terms with him except for my ever-burning hatred of that perv. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything, but after Odasaku things moved fast, so I had to leave immediately. The only option of me not dying was a one-way ticket. I wasn’t supposed to get involved with anything in Yokohama, otherwise they would be fast on my ass.”

He knew that, he knew all of that, he wasn’t stupid. He understood she was telling him this to fill the silence and not to explain herself. But seeing, or hearing in this case, her alive meant her escape was successful. So why? Why would she come back? To a person who did not follow her. Who did not write her. Dazai did not want her being tracked by anyone, so he kept his distance. But this distance was supposed to drive her away, to separate them. To turn them into strangers.

“So why,” Dazai said out loud, finishing his train of thought. “Why are you here? Why on earth are you here? Are you out of your mind?”

“Probably, “she mused. She was right behind him now.

“Tell me the reason,” Dazai gritted his teeth. It was the only way to stop his entire body from shaking. Just tell him something, anything but not what he wants her to say.

“Because life without you is meaningless and miserable.”

Dazai scoffed. Who is she saying this to?

“I don’t want to live if it’s a life where I never see you again. I’d rather live 5 minutes after seeing your face than god knows how many years with you as a fading memory. I fucking hate your memory; I don’t need it. I need you. I’m not a good person, I don’t deserve chances at life, I’m not gonna use them. I killed a bunch of innocent people in hopes of getting you on the case, you think I care for my life anymore?”

He remained silent. He knew this feeling too well. To live with a bottomless pit for a heart, to meet someone who covered it so nicely to then be rid of that someone? It was better to never cover the pit in the first place. It only hurts more when you know things can be different. Better leave them untouched and let the black hole swallow you, thinking this is how it’s supposed to be.

“Osamu. Look at me.”

He let in a shaky breath. He hasn’t heard his name like this in forever. No one else could say it like her. In no one else’s lips did it sound so soft, so tender, so welcoming.

So loving.

“Please don’t make me turn around,” he said quietly, barely a whisper, voice filled with pity and hurt.

“Why?” she echoed as quietly.

“Because I’ve been doing such a good job ridding my life of any meaning. I’ve convinced myself I won’t be seeing you again and that I’m fine with it. I’m numb. It makes the work so easy, you know? I can execute any plan and not worry about anything. I’ve studied so many ways of suicide. I’ve never been closer to making my wish come true. I can spend a bit more time helping others and then clock out into nihility.”

He felt her forehead softly press against his back. Her long gentle hands went around his waist and locked on his stomach. Her delicate fingers reached to his hollow chest, to the hungry wailing emptiness that was devouring him and cradled it. She took it into her warm benevolent palms and held it carefully, warming it up. Dazai breathed out brokenly, his own hands lingering above hers, hesitant.

“How am I supposed to kill myself after seeing your face?”

He felt her smile.

“I’m sorry. I’m too selfish.”

Her body shifted back slightly, which made Dazai instinctively turn his head to the side.

“Got you.”

With that, she leaned onto him and caught his lips in hers. Check mate. Losing any last bits of control, he spinned around, grabbing her, pressing her body closer to his. He wanted to hold her close, so close, closer than ever before. He wanted to dissolve in her, to become one with her because it seemed to be the only way to never lose her again. Life didn’t need to have meaning, there was no meaning. No meaning, no God, no purpose, no higher power, no morality, no ethics, no good, and no evil. There was only her. He only needed her. Her lips, her scent, her voice. She could be his God, his judgment his atonement, his nationality, his worldview. His sin and confession, his modesty and decadence. His culture and ignorance.

He could feel her own darkness longing, begging for his presence, the way his longed for her. She talked to him through her tongue entwining with his, through her hands clutching his shirt.

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you

A small and hesitant do you love me? Do you want me?

Dazai smiled helplessly.

Why do you even ask? Of course I love you. I can’t fucking live without you, life is pointless without you in it. I want only you, there is nothing else in this world. It’s only you.

you you you you you you you you

When they break apart, they are both breathless, like they just ran a marathon. He finally opens his eyes and looks at her. It’s a paradox, how she looks so different yet so comfortably same as the last day he saw her. Same glimpse in her eyes when she looks at him. Same soft hands cupping his cheeks. Same breathtaking scent that blurs your mind and vision. It’s her. The pit in his chest is quiet, for the first time in years. The lingering coal is lit up, it’s bright and warm, and the flame is her figure.

She looks him up and down, pleased.

“You got a new coat.”

He grins, pressing his forehead against hers.

“Yeah. Do you like it?”

She closes her eyes again, placing her palm firmly on his chest, sealing the darkness shut.

“I love it.”

[patchwork-panda]

If A Moment Is All We Are (36/?)

AO3 link HERE

S1 OP2 HERE

“Wait,” I sputtered, looking from the paper to the bandaged brunette. “They said they weren’t going to be able to get this to me until—”

“Well,” Dazai drawled, “the nice lady on the phone said that it sounded like your case was pretty urgent. So she sent it over a little early as a thank you for helping them close the CORVID case from last time.”

“So, it’s not really a present from you,” I deadpanned, lowering the page and shooting him a look.

“I still thought it would make you happy,” Dazai replied, shrugging.

He grinned.

“Did it?”

“Yeah...” I begrudgingly admitted, “it did. But it still doesn’t count.”

“Okay.”

And as he stuck his hands in his pockets and turned to go, I suddenly remembered there was something I needed to ask him.

“Dazai-san, wait.”

He stopped walking away immediately. However, as if sensing what I was about to ask, he didn’t turn around.

“I’m listening,” he said quietly.

I scrutinized him.

“About yesterday...” I started. “What did you and Kunikida-san talk about in the break room after I left?”

“Hmm, yesterday...” Dazai mused, rocking back a little on his heels. “Can’t recall.”

“You’re lying.”

“Am I?” he asked, tilting his head up so that he was looking at the ceiling instead of me. “And how would you know that? Were you listening in?”

I flinched.

“You’re not answering the question.”

“And neither are you.”

He began heading for the front door.

“Dazai-san—!”

“If you want to know what we talked about so badly,” he said at last, pausing with one half-bandaged hand on the door. “Then I would suggest speaking to Kunikida-kun himself about it. I did tell you yesterday, didn’t I?”

He opened the door and walked out.

“It was a private conversation.”

“Dazai—!” I called out.

But it was too late. The door had already closed.

It was no longer just Yosano. Now Dazai was pushing me to confess to Kunikida, too. Even though I wasn’t ready...

Frustrated and confused, I felt the note crumpling in my hand just a moment too late and I cursed under my breath as I stalked back to my desk to smooth it out again.

“To my dearest Shin-kun...”

I skimmed down the page until I got to the place where I’d left off reading yesterday.

“In several years time, you will be a history professor at your chosen university, lecturing starry-eyed students while your research papers make it into journals read all around the world. And not only that, but you’ll have Natsuki-chan, while I...”

I squinted at the page and smoothed out the creases one more time. This was where the note looked like it had been blurred with drops of water—Kei’s tears.

“I must complete the remainder of my journey in some other way.

You must know or have guessed by now that I was denied admission to the program in England. I knew it was going to be a long shot, but I still can’t describe to you the devastation I felt upon reading the rejection. It was foolish of me, I know, to have ignored your advice and refused to apply to other schools in Japan, but I felt I simply had to leave. My parents are no longer around and the remainder of my estranged relatives have long since moved abroad.

You are my only remaining family now and I cannot bear to taint your happiness any more than I already have. I feel as if I have been a burden to you for far too long already and now that your engagement to Natsuki has been formalized, I realize I have long since overstayed my welcome.

I have a confession to make, dear brother. A confession and an apology. I haven’t been able to look at you or Natsuki the same way again after the night you proposed to her. Sometimes, I wonder if you can see it, the regret, the range of emotions that I feel when I see you two together. I must confess that I have not been as happy for you as I said I was. I lied through my teeth when Natsuki asked me if I was alright and I have been lying to you both ever since.

I do not wish to harbor any more ill will towards the two of you. Not when neither of you have done anything wrong. Indeed, it was I who made mistakes—and far too many at this point to keep track of. I have no one but myself to blame for how things have turned out and it is all because I found myself too afraid to move forward with my life.

Shin, my brother, my friend...

Do not cry for me when I am gone.

Although I attended classes with you and stayed by your side as your roommate, I had been dying a little each day since the middle of the last semester. I have learned a most painful lesson—a lesson I hope you can learn through me and not have to experience for yourself.

Shin-kun...

In remembrance of our old days, I offer you one final piece of advice.

Do not let what has happened to me ever. EVER. happen to you.

I want you to understand that if you do not move with Life, it moves on without you. You become a shade of your former self, fading a little with each passing day until you are merely a breath in a body passing through the world.

Please, if you have any love left for your foolish elder brother, heed my advice and continue to live your life to the fullest. Leave me and my broken dreams behind and chase what is precious to you.

And now... now that there is only one thing left for me to do, I would like to make a request. One final, selfish request.”

I felt my lips moving along with my eyes as I read the last sentence aloud.

“Please... take good care of our beloved Natsuki.”

I lowered the page and let it rest on my desk.

“I’ll be seeing you.”

Our beloved Natsuki?

I thought back to the elegant woman I’d spoken to on the tree-lined path. I reached for the folder with all the photos taken at Kei’s apartment the night he’d killed himself.

That’s right, she, Shin and Kei were all friends at some point in time. From what the professor had told me that day at the cemetery, it sounded like he, and probably Kei as well, had met Natsuki after getting into the university.

Shaking the contents of the folder out on the table, I moved all the photos aside one by one until I found the one I was looking for.

That photo in Professor Matsuyama’s office—the photo of the three friends—must have been taken while Shin and Kei were grad students. Natsuki seemed to be at least four years younger than her husband, so there’s no way they could’ve all met as undergrads. Which means...

I placed the photo depicting the couch, table and TV stand in the center of the table and placed a magnifying glass over the set of pictures in the TV stand.

That photo was first displayed in Kei and Shin’s shared graduate housing apartment.

And as I placed the photo showing the TV stand next to the photo of Kei’s body sitting on the couch, I began connecting the dots.

Kei had been looking at that photo the moment he pulled the trigger. And given the way he had talked in the suicide note, I was absolutely sure of the reason why...

I placed Kei’s suicide note on top of the two photos.

Kei had been in love with Natsuki.

I bit my lip.

A love triangle. Was this the reason the professor felt so guilty about Kei’s death even though it was clear that the man had killed himself? Had they been fighting over Natsuki before the engagement was formalized?

A sharp ringing pierced the air and I looked to my bag to see my phone vibrating inside.

I picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Kusunoki-san?”

My eyes widened.

“Nomura-san...”

I glanced back down at the photos I’d just rearranged.

Good timing.

“Good morning. Are you calling to get an update about the case?”

“Ah, not quite...”

Nomura sounded hesitant. I could hear the sound of rustling leaves in the background.

“I’m sorry to call so early in the morning but I was hoping you could help with something.”

I raised an eyebrow.

Don’t tell me he’s going to ask me to tail the professor again?

“Uh, that depends...” I trailed off, my eyes momentarily flicking to the door. “Is it related to the case?”

“It is,” Nomura said, his voice momentarily cut off by static. “I was actually hoping you could...”

The rest of his words were lost in another burst of static.

I pulled the phone away from my ear for a moment and walked towards the nearest window.

“Hello? Nomura-san?” I half-shouted into the receiver, cringing a little as I caught the strange look from Tanizaki as he passed by in the background.

I smushed myself against the glass, pressing my phone as close to the window as I could.

“You’re breaking up. Can you say that again?”

“I was wondering if...!” Nomura’s voice returned, much clearer this time. I heard the crackling noises fade as the words finally burst from Nomura’s mouth:

“I was wondering if you could help me find the professor!”

I froze.

“What?”

“I said!” Nomura shouted, “Can you help me find the professor? He’s missing!!”

“Missing?” I stuttered. “What do you mean missing? Didn’t you just see him last night?”

“Well, yeah, but that was last night!” Nomura pressed. “I’m on campus right now. I went by his office to drop off some of his books but when I got there, it was locked. And when I peeked in the window, there was no one there—in fact, the whole room looked deserted!”

“Wait a minute,” I interrupted, “Nomura-san, why did you go to his office to return his books? Didn’t you know?”

“Know what?” Nomura asked, now sounding a little on edge.

“That yesterday was the professor’s last day?”

I gripped the phone more tightly in my hands.

“Weren’t you out at dinner last night because you were celebrating?”

“W-what?! No!”

I heard Nomura fumbling with the phone a little as he spoke.

“He just said he wanted to take Natsuki-san and me out for dinner last night. A-and that he had some more books he wanted to give me.”

“Books?”

My eyes settled upon the globe Professor Matsuyama had sent me. It rotated slightly on its squeaking axis as a small breeze wafted in from one of the open windows.

“Y-yeah,” Nomura continued, his voice hushed. “He said these were some of his favorites and that he wanted me to have them.”

Giving away his treasured things...

I chewed on my lip.

“Go on...”

“So, I figured since I still have a bunch of his things over at my dorm, I should return his old books before I got everything mixed up,” Nomura said. “And that’s when I realized there was no one at the office. Then, when I tried calling him just now...”

A sinking feeling bloomed in the pit of my gut.

“He... he didn’t answer.”

I didn’t speak. I just kept on chewing my lip as Nomura continued talking.

“Then, when I called Natsuki-san to see if maybe she knew where he might be, she didn’t pick up either. Kusunoki-san...”

The sinking feeling turned into a familiar gnawing sensation and once again, I found myself visualizing the professor standing in the graveyard before Kei’s headstone.

“...should I be worried?”

“L-let’s not jump to any conclusions just yet,” I said, sounding far more confident than I felt. “Maybe they just went out to run errands somewhere and couldn’t pick up? Or maybe they just didn’t hear...”

I started heading back to my desk, my eyes glued to the photographs and documents strewn across its surface.

“Why don’t you head over to their house? See if they’re there.”

Grabbing my jacket off its hook, I threw it on and started stuffing every last paper pertaining to the case into my bag.

“If they’re not there, call me and we’ll figure out what to do then.”

I think I might know where he is...

“I’m going to see if I can find him on my own.”

It’s just a hunch...

“O-okay,” Nomura said, still sounding just a touch nervous. “But... what if you can’t find him?”

A small, but unsteady grin came to my face.

But even if I’m wrong...

“You hired a member of the Armed Detective Agency, Nomura-san,” I said, slinging my bag over my shoulder. “Rest assured...”

I grabbed the doorknob and turned.

“I will do everything I can to find him.”

***

I closed the door to the taxi and turned towards the familiar set of gates up ahead.

The cemetery...

I gripped my bag a little tighter as I headed in, past the pair of marble angels flanking the entrance.

Honestly, I wasn’t all that confident that Professor Matsuyama was here; he could be out running errands or reading a book in a cafe.

But if he wanted to go somewhere quiet, somewhere no one else knew about so that he could have a private moment...

I paused in the middle of the grounds, shielding my eyes from the sun as I searched for the hilltop with the tree, the one on which S. Oda was buried.

Wouldn’t it make sense for him to come here?

Finding the hilltop at last, I stopped shielding my eyes and headed towards it.

Masaoka Kei... Matsuyama Shin’s best friend turned brother. Kei had met Shin in high school, lived with him as an adopted sibling and helped him with his studies. Thanks to that help, Shin had been able to attend a prestigious university for his undergraduate studies and eventually did so well in school that he actually surpassed Kei. Then, sometime during grad school, the two met and later fell in love with Natsuki.

I hiked my bag a little higher on my shoulder as I began ascending the hill.

By the end of grad school, Shin and Natsuki were engaged. Shin, having been accepted into his dream program, would go on to become Professor Matsuyama, while Kei, who was rejected from his, despaired that he no longer had any real place in the world and committed suicide.

I sighed.

Even without the added complication of a love triangle, it sounded like Kei had been dealing with a lot. It seemed unlikely to me that Kei had killed himself solely because he’d lost Natsuki to Shin, but if that was the case... why did it seem like Shin blamed himself for Kei’s death?

I frowned.

Actually, it seemed like both Kei and Shin blamed themselves for what happened.  But why? Why did each of them act so guilty when it came to Natsuki and why had she chosen Shin instead of Kei?

And as I made it to the top of the hill and paused for a moment to take in the view, I thought I saw a familiar figure standing among the headstones... a figure in pale, cream colored clothes with long, wavy sand-colored hair...

I let out a gasp.

“Matsuyama... Natsuki?”

I ran to her.

“Matsuyama-san!”

She looked up at the sound of my voice, her dark brown eyes going wide with recognition as I finally came to a stop before her.

“Oh!”

She brought her hand to her lips as I dropped my bag on the ground and tried to catch my breath.

“You’re the girl I met on campus,” she said, bowing slightly as I tried to do the same. “Nomura-kun’s friend. What was your name again?”

“It’s Kusunoki,” I gasped, wiping the sweat off my forehead. “Nice to see you again, ma’am.”

“Likewise,” Natsuki said, smiling. “Now, what brings you here so early in the morning?”

She looked around at the graves.

“Are you here to visit someone?”

“Oh, uh...”

My eyes darted back towards the hillside, where S. Oda was buried.

“Kind of.”

I smiled.

“What about you?” I asked, noting the bouquet of bright yellow flowers in her hand.

I’d thought for sure that Natsuki didn’t know about the cemetery, given that the professor had asked me to keep his visits to Kei’s grave a secret from her.

Is she here alone?

“Who are you here to see?”

“Ah.”

Smiling wistfully, Natsuki turned towards Kei’s grave.

“I believe I told you about my old friend Kei the last time we spoke?”

No honorifics...?

I studied her.

That’s right. She hadn’t used honorifics that first time either.

“Y-yeah, you did,” I mumbled, watching as Natsuki knelt and placed the flowers—Adonis blossoms—on the marker on the ground.

“Well...”

She paused and lifted one hand to the name on the headstone.

“This is his grave,” she said, tracing the characters carved on the gleaming white surface with the tips of her fingers. “I try to come and visit him at least once a year, usually on his birthday, if I can, but this year...”

Her fingers dropped away from the last number on the right—the day Kei had killed himself, almost exactly fifteen years ago.

“Something came up and I had to settle for coming today instead.”

Natsuki turned to look me, her smile growing sheepish.

“I try to keep my visits here a secret from my husband, you see. He doesn’t like to talk about Kei...”

She lowered her eyes.

“I know that makes him sound like a cold person, not wanting to talk about someone he was once so close to, but that really couldn’t be further from the truth.”

Her smile softened.

“My husband is a kind, sensitive man and I know how much it hurts him to think about what happened. I believe the kindest thing I can do for him is to try not to mention it, even if I understand that this won’t lessen the pain or help him forget. Not that either of us could, even if we wanted to...”

She trailed off, staring ahead at the grave as a light ocean breeze wafted through the cemetery. The bright yellow petals of the Adonis flowers waved back and forth on the right side of Kei’s grave marker and as I moved a little closer to Natsuki, a spot of dull beige and white caught my eye.

I stopped in my tracks.

It was the bouquet of white chrysanthemums that Professor Matsuyama had left the other day. Natsuki had placed her flowers right next to his.

“I know my husband has been coming here to visit Kei without me,” Natsuki said quietly, her eyes focused on the two bouquets. “And I understand why. Kei’s death was devastating to him and I’m sure it still haunts him to this very day.”

Her words brought back the memory of the professor, standing in her place, his voice pitched up into an agonized cry of pain...

“That’s why,” she continued, closing her eyes at last, “I don’t say anything and pretend I don’t know about his visits. And why I come here to visit Kei on my own instead.”

“So then, Professor Matsuyama...”

“He’s at home,” Natsuki said. “He said he wanted to be alone for a while and so, I decided to come here after running my errands.”

I couldn’t help breathing a sigh of relief.

“I... I see.”

Thank God. Then Nomura should be able to find him and stay with him. In that case, maybe he was going to be alright.

“I wish,” Natsuki murmured, “more than anything, that he and I could just talk about it, about the things that happened fifteen years ago. But I don’t think he’ll ever do it. I think talking to me about Kei just makes him feel unbearably guilty. Not to mention...”

Her smile grew smaller and disappeared.

“...insecure.”

I felt my breath catch in my throat.

“Matsuyama-san...”

I gripped my bag tightly as she continued to kneel there, silently gazing at Kei’s grave.

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked, as another soft breeze wafted through the graveyard.

“Because...”

The breeze picked up into a full gust of wind and as I wrapped my arms around my body, Natsuki looked up at last.

“You remind me of myself from fifteen years ago.”

I froze.

“What?”

“I know,” she said, her voice breaking with the barest traces of a laugh. “It sounds crazy. I don’t even understand it myself but there’s just something about you, something familiar.”

Taking a handkerchief out of her pocket, she dabbed at her reddened eyes and nose. Even with her mascara running and her face slightly blotchy from crying, she still looked so elegant...

I tucked a lock of choppy black hair behind my ear as the wind picked back up.

How could someone like me remind her of herself?

“For some reason,” Natsuki laughed, glancing up at me from her place before Kei’s grave, “I feel as if by talking to you, I’m talking to myself from fifteen years ago and if I can tell you what I wish I’d known back then—”

She paused to wipe the tears from her eyes as they fell.

“Then perhaps all of this could have been avoided. Perhaps if I’d decided to become Masaoka-san instead of Matsuyama-san, Kei would still be here.”

Her lower lip trembled.

“But then again,” she sobbed. “If I’d done that, what if that means I’d be kneeling here in front of Shin’s grave instead?”

My bag fell to the ground.

“Matsuyama-san...”

I dropped to my knees next to her.

“What are you saying?”

Natsuki sniffled again. I waited for a moment as she blew her nose and slowly calmed down.

“I think...” she said quietly, her voice so soft I could barely hear it above the rustling trees. “Rather than listening to any clumsy explanation of mine.”

Her hand went to the pocket of her dress, from which she carefully drew out a thin set of folded papers, which were slightly wrinkled and just a touch yellowed with age.

“It would be easiest to let Kei explain it to you himself.”

And as she slowly held it out to me, I realized that her hand was shaking.

“Matsuyama-san...”

My eyes flicked from the paper to the woman holding it.

“W-what is this?”

“A letter,” Natsuki said simply. “Written by Kei and addressed to me. I got it about a week after he died. My husband... Shin... doesn’t know about it. It was sent directly to me at my dorm. Not even the roommate I lived with knows it exists.”

The tears began to fall again.

“I think if you read it, you’ll understand.”

“Are... are you sure?” I asked, glancing from her to the paper and back. “It seems so personal.”

Natsuki nodded.

“Yes. It would feel like a relief for someone to finally know my secret at last.”

“I feel a bit better after talking to you...”

I could almost hear Professor Matsuyama’s voice floating back to me on the sea breeze.

“Knowing that Nomura-kun will at least know my shame after all these years... However...”

I watched as Natsuki dabbed at her eyes yet again, her eyelashes sparkling with tears.

“I’d like to remind you to please, please keep what I’ve said to you from my wife. If she were to find out how horribly I have wronged Kei...”

I sighed.

How ironic...

Lifting my hand, I reached for the letter.

If only the two of them—no, maybe the three of them—had been able to talk more openly with one another, all of this could’ve been avoided.

I took the letter from Natsuki and began to read.

“To Natsuki-san:

I hope this letter finds you well. If you are reading this, then that means I’ve followed through on my plans to end my life and have departed this world for the next.

I know this must seem like a great shock, getting a letter from a dead man, but I’m not sending this letter in order to scare you... I’m sending this because I feel I owe you an explanation.

I’m not sure how much Shin-kun has told you about my situation but as you can probably guess, it wasn’t good. Truth be told, I’d been planning to leave the country for ages and against Shin’s warnings, I’d stacked all my hopes and dreams on it. I was hoping to make a new life for myself in England, to start over and finally make something of myself but... I failed. I was foolish enough to not have any backup plans so that when the whole situation fell through, I didn’t have any idea what to do.

My first thought was to ask you and Shin-kun for help. I thought perhaps if the three of us could continue on in the way we had, then I could find a way through. But then... everything changed. And I realized I could not find it in me to impose upon you any longer.”

He must be referring to the engagement...

I glanced over the letter at Natsuki, to see if she was watching me but she just continued to sit there quietly with her eyes closed, her lips moving as if reciting the contents of the letter from memory.

I kept reading.

“That’s why I avoided you both for the next several days. It wasn’t that I was upset with either of you or that the two of you had done anything wrong.

No, more than anything... I was upset at myself.

I was so focused on trying to carve out a place for myself in a new country, in the far future that I completely failed to notice what was happening right in front of me. I could see that my feelings for you were slowly changing from those of friendship to something more but I couldn’t find it in me to admit it to myself. In a moment of confusion, I tried talking to Shin about it a short time ago. But I’m afraid that the conversation did not go the way I had planned. Rather than allowing him to advise me on what to do, the conversation we had only made him realize that he, too, had long since fallen head over heels for you.

And how could he not?

Shimomura Natsuki, you are... kind, intelligent, beautiful and generous. I understood the danger I was in from the first moment I laid eyes on you but I paid those feelings no mind. Getting to know you and spend time with you were among the greatest joys of my life. Even now, I would not trade those days away for anything.

But those days are now past.

You’ve chosen Shin, my best friend and brother, the man I love above all others and I couldn’t be more understanding of your choice. I’m so proud of him and how far he has come and after my rejection letter came, I understood that I could not give you the happy, comfortable life that he would be able to provide.

I thought... that it would be best for me to depart for the next life with no one but the gods knowing my secret. But then I realized that I couldn’t bear to hide the truth from you any longer.

Natsuki-san...

You must have guessed by now what my secret is. I fear Shin may have guessed it as well but I sincerely hope he hasn’t. It would tear him up inside to know that my feelings for you are the same as his and I fear he may blame himself if he knew.

I do not want that.

I do not want either of you to blame yourselves for what has happened to me. What I want... is for the two of you to have the longest and happiest of marriages and as many pets, children and grandchildren as you could possibly want. I want you to leave your old friend Kei behind in the past, where he belongs and continue on to a brighter future.

Take care of my brother for me.

I leave you with love,

Masaoka Kei.”

I lowered the pages.

“This is a goodbye letter...” I whispered, glancing over it at the woman kneeling beside me at the grave.

“And a confession.”

Natsuki nodded and blew her nose yet again. I felt my heart twinge at the sight of her blotchy face and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort her. But instead, I just held the letter back out and sat there silently as she took it and put it back into her pocket.

Poor Natsuki...

I bit my lip, watching as the silent tears continued to drip down Natsuki’s face.

Caught between two men who both loved her and that she loved in return...

I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d been in such a situation.

“Thank you,” I mumbled, staring at the cobblestones between us. “For sharing that with me.”

“No,” Natsuki said, shaking her head. “Thank you for sharing my secret. It’s been fifteen years... fifteen years and one week since Kei died. I know what he said in the letter but.”

She let out a shaky breath.

“I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if I had chosen him instead. It’s not that I didn’t like him, you know.”

She cracked a small smile.

“He was so tall, and so handsome. I loved the way he laughed and more than once I wondered if I should pluck up the guts to ask him out.”

“Kusunoki...”

My hands twisted in my lap.

Something about the way she spoke suddenly made me think of Kunikida...

“But he and Shin were so close,” she continued. “I was afraid of making things awkward if my feelings were to become known. So, I kept them to myself. Then, during his last year of school, Kei began pulling away from me. He... He kept talking about moving away to England and starting over and I...”

She sighed.

“I was so upset that I cried for a week. I thought maybe he’d figured me out and wanted to reject me kindly. But then, I started spending more time with Shin. And I began to fall for him instead...”

She looked away. I thought I saw the traces of a blush coloring her cheeks.

“He was so kind to me. And so full of energy. I could see that he was the kind of man who knew what he wanted and where he wanted to be in life and before I knew it, we were engaged.”

Smiling a little, she lifted her left hand up to her face. The bright morning sun caught on her finger and I found myself looking at an absolutely breathtaking opal ring shining on her ring finger.

“Shin bought this for me with some money he borrowed from his parents,” she said, noticing my eyes on it. “He said opals represented love and hope in Ancient Rome and he wanted to get me something that could symbolize a bright future together.”

“That was very sweet,” I said, returning her smile. “I can see why you chose him.”

Natsuki nodded.

“You can, can’t you?”

The low notes of a ship’s horn sounded from far in the distance, across the bay and as I turned towards the water, the older woman stood.

“Thank you for listening to my story, Kusunoki-san,” Natsuki said, tucking a strand of long, sandy hair behind her ear. “I appreciate your being here to comfort a foolish woman in her moment of weakness.”

Her smile grew.

“I wonder if this may be part of why my husband spends so much time talking to Nomura-kun about history. Sometimes it’s nice to speak of the past to someone younger, someone who still has much to do and may perhaps benefit from the lessons of a bygone era. Perhaps...”

She turned slightly, facing the water as well, and I watched as the breeze lifted through her long hair and the sunlight brightened her face.

Natsuki’s smile softened as she glanced back at me.

“Perhaps it’s time to revisit the idea of adopting children with Shin...”

Having children... with the man you love...

Without warning, the image of tall, blonde Kunikida returned.

My face began to burn.

“Th-that sounds nice,” I mumbled, turning away.

Great, now I’m thinking about Kunikida again...

My heart sank at the thought of the man as I’d last seen him, sitting alone in the middle of the training room floor, his back to me and his face in his hands.

Was he still mad at me?

“It does, doesn’t it?” Natsuki said, beaming. “I hope that the two of you can find happiness someday too, whoever it is you’re thinking about.”

“Huh?!”

I spun and gawked at her as she brought a hand up to her mouth and giggled.

“Forgive me,” she laughed, her hand still covering her mouth. “It’s just... the look on your face. It’s clear you’re thinking about someone special to you the way Shin is special to me—”

“Ahh, let’s not talk about that,” I stammered, diving for my bag so I wouldn’t have to see the amused expression on Natsuki’s face any longer. “I should probably get going. I don’t even know what time it is—”

“Oh, yes, I’m so sorry!” Natsuki gasped, bowing quickly in apology. “I didn’t mean to keep you from your busy schedule.”

“N-no, it’s okay,” I insisted, finding my phone at last. “I was just going to meet up with Nomura-kun, see if he’d found—”

I stopped talking immediately, realizing what it was I’d almost said.

That’s right, the professor...!

I flipped open my phone.

I’d been here for almost forty minutes and there were no missed calls.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

If that was the case, then maybe Nomura had found Professor Matsuyama. I’d specifically told him to call me only if he couldn’t find the man...

“Nomura-kun?” Natsuki said, tapping her chin. “Ah, if you need to call him, you should probably go beyond that big tree on the hill.”

She took out her own phone and held it up so that I could see it.

“I’m afraid there’s really no signal once you’re out past that point,” she said apologetically.

“Ah...”

I felt a subtle tightening in my stomach as I nodded.

“Right, thanks for telling me.”

“No problem. I’m going to stay here for a little while longer but, please say hi to Nomura-kun for me.”

She bowed again and I did the same.

“I will, thank you for everything, Natsuki-san.”

“No...”

Natsuki turned back towards Kei’s grave.

“Thank you...”

***

So the mystery was solved...

I kept my eyes on my phone as I walked up the path and headed past the tree on the hill.

Professor Matsuyama had figured out that his best friend Kei was in love with Natsuki, same as him. And yet, because he’d asked Natsuki to marry him and she’d said yes, he thought he’d taken Natsuki away from Kei and in doing so, had inadvertently killed his friend. Sure, there was a lot going on in Kei’s mind and in his life, but in the professor’s mind, this must’ve been the final straw.

This was why he blamed himself for Kei’s death.

Hmm... I probably should’ve taken a picture of the letter but that would’ve looked a little too suspicious.

I sighed, watching the bars on my phone begin to go up as I continued up the stairs.

Lack of communication, huh? What if the three of them had been more honest with each other fifteen years ago? Would the result have been, as Natsuki wondered, her marrying Kei and then Shin killing himself instead of Kei? Did both brothers have suicidal tendencies even then?

Speaking of which...

I stopped at the top of the hill, near S. Oda’s grave as all five bars on my phone finally appeared.

I wonder if Nomura found the professor yet?

And just as the thought finished echoing in my head, the first notification appeared: a text message from Nomura.

“W-what?!”

I nearly dropped my phone as notification after notification rocked my phone, the tiny device beeping and buzzing as they kept coming, message after message, all from Nomura. I went to the message center and opened up the first one so I could read them in order.

“Kusunoki-san,” the first one read. “I made it to the professor’s house pretty quick but it doesn’t look like there’s anyone here. I’m going to try ringing the doorbell and waiting a little longer.”

The next one read: “While I was waiting, I suddenly remembered that the professor had told me where they kept a spare key, in case of emergencies. I’m going to look for it.”

I clicked “next.”

“I found it! I’m going in through the back.”

I’d just finished reading it when a flash of red caught my eye. I looked to my phone app and gasped.

“Ten missed calls?!”

I clicked “play” on my voicemail and held the phone to my ear, my stomach suddenly churning with nerves.

“Kusunoki-san!” Nomura’s voice came through, the patchiness of the static unable to hide the sheer panic in his voice. “I don’t know where you went but please, please pick up! I can’t find the professor but I found something else! He—he left a message on his kitchen table for his wife...! He—”

** A loud clattering went through the receiver and I realized with a start that Nomura had dropped the phone. The line clicked dead but the next message began to play almost instantly.

“Kusunoki-san, it’s me again, Nomura—”

He sounds like he’s on the verge of tears...!

“I—I read the letter! I need to bring it to you and show you but, oh, God—”

I had to strain to hear his next words through what sounded like a choked sob.

“It’s a suicide note...! He says—”

I sank to my knees and let the phone drop to the ground. It bounced along the cobblestones with a sharp clattering noise, Nomura’s panicked shouts echoing through the air.

“He says he’s going to kill himself!”

***

ED HERE

[perlanemesis]

My Heart Belongs to You

Pairing: Kunikida Doppo/Oda Sakunosuke Word count: 1702 Summary: Dazai decides that Kunikida and Oda are taking too long to get together, so he decides to play a wingman for both of them. Links: ff || ao3 For @kunioda-week, day 3 (Future)

It's a normal day at the Agency, Kunikida and Dazai are the only ones at the office. Kunikida is working hard to squeeze out as many reports as possible since he doesn't want to pile even more work on Oda (and Atsushi). Dazai is sitting quietly at his desk, absently flipping through some cases. Kunikida is sure that he's doing that to pass the time rather than out of genuine interest but it is better than laying around the office or cafe. Everyone else is either busy with work outside (Oda and Atsushi, perhaps Kyouka as well) or slacking off somewhere (literally everyone else). This sort of behavior irritates Kunikida but the war against the Guild was exhausting and then there was that incident with Shibusawa, so he can't really blame them too much. However Dazai wouldn't be Dazai if he let Kunikida live in peace.

"Hey, Kunikida-kun," Dazai breaks the silence as he flips another page. "when are you going to confess to Odasaku?"

Kunikida's face goes red and he immediately turns his attention to Dazai who is pretending to be reading the file.

"W-What are you even t-talking about?!" Kunikida sputters. Dazai looks up from his file and looks at Kunikida. Kunikida knows this look all too well. It's the look Dazai has when he's up to no good.

"I asked," Dazai speaks slowly, like he's talking to a child but his grin betrays his true motives. "when are you going to confess your love to Odasaku?"

Kunikida looks away and pushes up his glasses in an attempt to regain some composure and dignity. Technically, Dazai is right. Kunikida is absolutely in love with Oda but admitting it to himself and actually confessing are completely different things.

"I highly respect Oda as my co-worker and he is a wonderful friend but I am not in love with him," Kunikida answers in a serious tone. But Dazai doesn't seem to buy it.

"Oh really?~" Dazai drawls and looks directly into Kunikida's eyes. "So you want to tell me you never dreamed about holding Odasaku's hand? About kissing him?~"

Kunikida has actually thought about both of these but that doesn't mean Dazai has to know it!

Kunikida's response to the questions is just a bunch of incoherent words and noises.

"You two are pretty much married at this point!"

"We are really not," Kunikida attempts to argue.

Dazai hums and after a short pause goes on. "Odasaku's kids adore you and you spend a lot of time with them. Ah, actually you spend a lot of time at Odasaku's place in general.~"

"You do too," Kunikida counters weakly.

"Hmm, not as much as you. No need to be jealous.~"

"I'm not jealous!" Kunikida yells but Dazai just grins.

"You two keep flirting with each other.~"

"We do not!" Kunikida barks in response.

"Fine, you two keep unintentionally flirting with each other. I don't know which is worse."

"We do not..." Kunikida protests quietly. Okay, he may have said some compliments to Oda but it's nothing!

"Also, I heard that you went to parents meeting for Shinji!~" now Dazai sounds excited, as if he just uncovered some deep mystery.

Kunikida says nothing, so Dazai continues. "I would have went there since Odasaku couldn't but Shinji asked you.~ I wonder why?~"

"What do you mean?" Kunikida grumbles.

"I mean that the kids already see you as their father figure~" Dazai explains, once again drawling words to annoy Kunikida.

Kunikida says nothing again, so Dazai drops the grin and gives Kunikida a serious look.

"I was teasing you but I'm actually serious," this time Dazai speaks seriously, his voice lacking any playfulness. "You both clearly like each other. Everyone can see that. But for whatever reason neither of you is willing to take the first step, so I'm giving you an advice - ask out Odasaku on a date and confess. You will thank me later."

Kunikida falls silent.

"I mean it. I want you two to be happy." Dazai says gently and pats Kunikida on a shoulder. Then stands up and leaves the office.

Kunikida has never seen Dazai act so nice before. And for once he is grateful to be left alone in the office. He thinks back to the conversation with Dazai. It hasn't been long since Kunikida has realized his feelings for Oda. He has always admired and respected Oda, how hardworking he was, how he honestly spoke whatever was on his mind, how much he loved his kids. Of course, there was also a fact that Oda was really handsome. However, acting on those feelings is a different matter. Despite what Dazai said, Kunikida isn't even sure that Oda feels the same way. Kunikida sighs. Needless to say he gets no more work done that day.

---

It's a Friday evening, so Oda and Dazai meet at a bar for a drink. Bar Lupin is in the mafia territory and Oda, unlike Dazai, prefers to keep out of mafia territory and mafia owned places. Therefore they were forced to find another bar.

When Dazai shows up, Oda is already sitting by the counter, lost in some deep thoughts but his friend's arrival forces him back to reality. They chat about some unimportant things until Dazai suddenly changes the subject.

"Soo, how are the things going between you and Kunikida-kun~?"

Oda chokes on his drink and faces Dazai.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know what I mean!" Dazai's tone is teasing. "Are you going to confess? Or are you waiting for Kunikida-kun to confess first?"

Oda turns back to his drink and remains silent for a few seconds.

"Neither," he finally answers.

Dazai arches his eyebrow. "Why? Everyone in the Agency can see that you two like each other."

Oda doesn't give any answer and Dazai sighs. "Why must you two be so difficult?" He ponders what to say and then continues but this time in a serious, non-teasing manner. "Is it because of your past? But you see, Odasaku, that is the past. It is thanks to you that I had left the mafia. You really helped me a lot back then and... I want you to be happy. You deserve it." And then in a lighter tone he adds. "And Kunikida-kun is a good man. A bit too nagging but you him. And besides, you kinda need that.~"

Talking about feelings, taking steps forward is not easy. Dazai knows this very well, so he doesn't pressure Oda to speak. He gathers his things and turns to leave.

Before leaving Dazai, turns to Oda, "Do think about that".

---

On Monday both Kunikida and Oda show up at work looking rather gloomy, both often seem to be lost in their thoughts. If anyone notices that, they say nothing. On Thursday Atsushi gently inquires Oda if everything is okay and Oda assures him that yes, he is fine. Atsushi clearly doesn't buy it but lets it slide. He doesn't dare to ask Kunikida fearing to set him off.

In the end it is Kunikida who decides to take the first step and invites Oda to their favorite cafe.

Kunikida feels nervous, incredibly so. He has spent the whole thinking over and over his conversation with Dazai. For whatever reason for the past few days Oda seemed rather gloomy and in the end that was what prompted Kunikida to take action. It's now or never, he tells himself.

Oda arrives exactly on time.

"You said you wanted to talk?" Oda asks looking a bit uncertain.

"Yes!" Kunikida answers, perhaps a bit too quickly, his nerves driving him crazy.

"Then I'm listening," Oda says as he sits down in front of Kunikida.

Kunikida takes a deep breath to calm himself down. He didn't spend several days preparing for this just to blow it up.

"I'm in love with you! And I want to be your boyfriend!" Kunikida blurts loudly.

Oda's eyes widen, he looks surprised and Kunikida feels like his heart will jump out of his chest at any moment.

Oda is silent for a minute. He looks nervous, so Kunikida patiently waits for the response.

"I... I have to admit something," Oda swallows and takes a harsh breath before continuing. "I used to be a part of the Port Mafia. I killed a lot of people."

Even though he still feels incredibly nervous, Kunikida feels that needs to comfort Oda, so he gently takes Oda's hand and smiles.

"I know. I've figured it out when I found out about Dazai. But it's okay."

Kunikida gently squeezes Oda's hand. Oda shakes his head, his eyes still downcast.

"You don't understand... I wasn't just an ordinary member. I used to be one of their best assassins..." Oda trails off.

Kunikida still doesn't release Oda's hand.

"But that's the past. You took in those kids, left the mafia and became a part of the Agency. You helped us to save a lot of people," Kunikida speaks softly. "I forgive you. You left your past behind you and that's what matters."

Oda finally looks up at Kunikida and is met with a warm smile.

"Are you sure you want this?" Oda asks hesitantly. "Are you sure you want someone like me?"

"Yes. I am sure. If you let me, I want to stay by your side forever. My heart belongs to you anyway..."

Oda squeezes back Kunikida's hand.

"If you are sure..." Oda swallows. He finds it hard to keep looking "If you really want this... Then... I want to stay with you as well. There's no one else I can spending the rest of my life but you." Oda confesses quietly.

---

When the next day two of them appear at office, they both look happy. Dazai immediately catches on this and as soon as Kunikida sits down, he swivels his chair to Kunikida's desk.

"I assume the date went well," Dazai smirks and Kunikida's face goes red.

"Yeah..." Kunikida answers and refuses to look at Dazai.

"Hmm..." Dazai doesn't say anything else but has a knowing look on his face.

Dazai swivels back to his desk and a comfortable silence falls upon the office. About an hour later Dazai suddenly breaks the silence.

"Soo, when's the wedding?

[chuuyaaf]

Hi! Could you write a scenario of Kunikida, Chuuya, Atsushi, and Akutagawa being super jealous of their s/o and s/o has to reassure them that they're the only one(s) she loves? Thanks in advance!

Atsushi is a precious cinnamon roll and I need to protect him. 

(f/n) = friend’s name

Scenarios are under the cut because it’s super long again T_T

~Admin Kat

Kunikida:

“(f/n)!!!” You squealed, attacking your long time friend with a massive hug. “It’s been forever! How have you been?! Oh my god, it’s like my life isn’t the same without you.”

Your best friend had recently come to visit from your hometown and you were ecstatic. You haven’t seen him in ages and seeing him in front of you now made you nostalgic for the old days. He was staying in Yokohama for about a week, both for business and personal reasons.

“Personal reasons?” Kunikida, your boyfriend, peeked up from his computer.

(f/n) nodded, scratching the back of his head and smiling, shutting his eyes. “Yeah, I have some unfinished business to attend to.”

That was the first day that Kunikida noticed that something was up. Over the course of the next few days, (f/n) visited the agency daily, often sitting next to you and chatting while you worked.

“Can you even get any work done with your ‘friend’ visiting all the time?” he asked one day.

You giggled and nodded. “Of course~”

It didn’t take long before Kunikida came up with the conclusion that his personal business was you.

Every time he saw you with (f/n), his temper shortened and he immediately buried himself into his desk to work. He’d even create work so he’d have something to do just so he didn’t have to witness your interactions with your friend.

If he was married to his work before, now he and his work were one and the same. It was the only thing he did. One day, when Dazai was pulling another one of his infamous antics in an attempt to commit suicide and ate a hallucinogenic mushroom and was standing on the main desk, muttering nonsense about pink elephants, Kunikida just simply walked by him and sat down by his desk, working. That meant that the rest of the ADA had to deal with Dazai, which was about as chaotic as anyone would think.

You began to worry about your boyfriend. Not only was he burying himself in work during the day, he began to come home later than usual as well. Most of the time, you were already asleep by the time he got home. If you were awake, he barely said anything to you, which made your chest tighten with worry.

But you weren’t stupid. You knew something was up. So you decided to talk to him. Tonight.

You waited up for Kunikida to come home and when you finally saw him enter your bedroom, you immediately went up to him and gave him a long, affectionate hug followed by a gentle kiss.

“You seem tense,” you whispered to him.

“I’ve had a lot of work,” he replied shortly, although he did enjoy the sudden affection as soon as he arrived home.

“Are you sure? It’s not like the Agency has had an influx of cases, recently…If anything, I’d say you’re trying to avoid something.”

“Something like what?”

You pursed your lips together to the side in a little smirk. “Maybe…(f/n)-kun?”

Kunikida’s breath halted for a second and he felt his heart jump at his lover’s ability to read him (although one can’t really say that it’s that difficult).

“No way.” He attempted to walk past you, but you moved so you were in front of him once again.

“Kunikida-san~ How many times have I told you that you’re a really bad liar?”

“I’m not!! J-Jealous or anything…” he looked away from you, whispering the last half of the sentence.

You smiled at him and wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him again.

“Don’t be. (f/n) is just a friend, that’s it. He just had to take care of his personal business.”

“And what was that?” he grumbled.

You giggled at your boyfriend’s jealousy. “He had a pretty bad fight with his sister and she left to here, so he’s trying to make up with her. I’ve been helping him track her down.”

Ah…That was the personal business…..

“Kunikida…”

He looked down at you, looking a bit more relaxed.

“You’re the only one in my heart. And you always will be. Promise.”

Chuuya: 

“My beautiful lady, would you care to commit a double suicide with me?”

Dazai Osamu took your hand and looked up at you with suggestive eyes.

You giggled and pulled your hand back. “Not quite, Dazai-kun~”

Overhearing Dazai’s proposal, your boyfriend stormed over.

“Tch. Your face was the last thing I wanted to see after working that job,” Chuuya grumbled, grabbing you by the waist, holding you tightly up against him, causing you to blush.

Dazai sighed and stood up. “You know, the building we raided had a collection of those weird hats. I even saved one for you!”

“Wait, really?” Chuuya’s eyes lit up like a puppy.

“I’m lying, of course.”

“DAZAI!”

For the past three days, you were on a mission with Dazai, himself. He no doubt picked you for the sole purpose of pissing off Chuuya. The entire time that you were gone, Chuuya was grumpy and had a shorter fuse than he ever had. Having you gone was bad. Having you alone with Dazai was hell itself. He even considered going on the mission itself just to make that bastard didn’t lay his hands on you. But the boss wouldn’t have liked that.

Your cheeks returned to their usual color upon witnessing Dazai and Chuuya’s typical, but comical fight. They were now yelling insults at each other back and forth and you swore your boyfriend would pop a vessel if this escalated any further.

You sighed loudly enough to get both of the boys attention. “Chuuuuuuyaaaa, I’m tired,” you whined. “Can we go home? I brought a gift for you.” You looked up at your boyfriend with a smirk.

And he knew exactly what your gift was. He pulled you closer to him and gave Dazai a death glare. “Sure, (y/n)-chan. Let’s go home and away from this bandage-kinked asshat.”

On the car ride home, Chuuya was holding you against him fiercely, but you felt how tense he was.

“You’re jealous,” you accused.

“What?! No, I’m not.”

“You. Are. Jealous.” You walked your fingers up his chest and poked him in the nose.

“Who knows what that asshole was saying to you?!” he finally confessed, earning a hearty laugh from you.

“I knew it~” you teased.

You moved yourself so that you were sitting on his lap, your thighs on either side of his hips. You planted a passionate kiss onto his lips. “You have nothing to worry about,” you whispered. “I couldn’t stop thinking of you the entire time. I love you. Chuuya. You and only you.”

Chuuya looked into your eyes with a gentle gaze before a smirk appeared on his face.

“You better,” he said before roughly kissing you and turning so that you were now laid underneath him. “Maybe you can just give me that ‘gift’ now~”

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Atsushi:

You carried a stack of papers against your chest and walked next to your boyfriend, Atsushi. The two of you were assigned to an errand of delivering paperwork to some important organization. Since you were both new, neither of you really knew what importance the paperwork had. But you didn’t question it.

You two took the elevator up to the floor of the office you were expected at, which was on the fourth floor. The elevator stopped on the second and another boy walked in. He immediately noticed you and completely ignored Atsushi.

“Oh? And what’s your name, pretty lady~?” he said with a grin.

You blushed slightly and then extended your hand out. “(y/n)! And you?”

The boy stated his name, shaking your hand, holding on for a bit too long for Atsushi’s comfort. The two of you talked for a bit until the elevator arrived on the fourth floor.

“Oh!” you noticed once the doors opened. “I have to go now, it was nice to meet you!”

“Nice to meet you, too, (y/n)~” He waved with a pleasant smile before the doors closed again.

After you two dropped off the documents, you were back in the elevator. During the whole ride down, Atsushi didn’t say a single word. This continued until you two exited the building.

Atsushi was trapped within his own mind, again.

It’s my fault.

I’m not good enough.

I deserve this.

She’s going to leave.

She’s already planning to-

“Atsushi-kun.”

He got ripped out of his thoughts.

“You’re making that face again.”

“?”

You smiled at him. “You always make that face when something’s bothering you. And when something bothers you, you tend to blame yourself for it.”

You stopped walking and pulled on his hand to get him to stop, too. You leaned into him and gave him a gentle kiss, smiling at his slightly pink cheeks.

“You don’t have to be jealous, love. I know you always think of yourself as the one who gets abandoned…Do you remember the promise I made you when we first started dating?”

Atsushi smiled at the thought and pulled you in.

“I won’t ever leave you. I promise. You’re the only one in my heart.”

Akutagawa:

When you weren't off doing missions for the mafia, you were at the local bar. You were usually with the girls or with coworkers from a recent mission, but tonight you were alone.

Unfortunately, considering the type of bar that this was, that wasn't the case for long.

"What's cookin', good lookin'?"

You had to stifle your laughter at the random guy's cheesy pick-up line.

"Really? That the best you got?" you teased before taking another sip of your drink.

"It got your attention, right?" he said with a grin. "You're one of the higher-ups, right?"

You gave him a weird look. "Not really, I just work with the executives a lot because of my-"

"I was wondering what a pretty lady like you is doing in the Port Mafia~"

"...boyfriend," you mumbled the last part, irritated that you were interrupted.

"(y/n), who's this?" a familiar voice spoke from behind you.

"Ryuu~" you looked back at Akutagawa and smiled. You turned back to the stranger that was hitting on you. "I don't know, some random guy that decided to talk to me. Anyway, I was telling him that I work with the executives a lot because of my boyfriend," you made sure to emphasize the last word this time.

With that information and the glare that Akutagawa was giving him, the guy hitting on you immediately paled. "OH, I'm sorry, Akutagawa-san!"

He quickly left, nearly pissing himself in fear.

You smirked at his reaction and turned back to your boyfriend. "What brings you here, Ryuu?"

He shrugged, still eyeing the guy, who was now hiding in one of the corner booths. "Figured you'd be here."

You followed his gaze and chuckled. "Why are you still staring at him?"

"He's dangerous, (y/n)."

You eyed your boyfriend with a raised brow. "Really...That low-ranked member who can barely steal something from a convenience store without confessing...is dangerous...?"

Akutagawa lost his composure for a split second, knowing that his efforts to keep him away fell through. "..........Yes."

"Oh~?" you smirked at him, smiling while biting your bottom lip. "Are you jealous~?"

"!!!" Akutagawa reacted in shock, accidentally knocking over an empty bottle. He straightened himself up and sighed. "Of course not, I would never be."

You grinned and poked at him. "Yes. You. Are."

He grumbled and turned to the side to hide his slightly pink cheeks.

"Don't be, love~" You stood and hugged him from the side, kissing him on the cheek, which made him even more flustered.

He's so cute.

"You're the only one I love, I promise~"