#can you believe I've made 40 panels?

[anti-cosmofangirl]

"I'm going to make a webcomic," I say, confidently, with absolutely no idea how to do lighting, perspective, or environments.

[whateversawesome]

Spy x Family Chapter 97: An Old Love Story

Okay, say it with me: FOIL!

You can see it too, right? Looks like Martha x Henry (Henderson)'s story is a foil of Twilight and Yor's story.

Henderson was in Twilight's place; the smart, lonely young man so focused on his ideals that he was blind about who was in front of him and his very own feelings.

Martha was in Yor's place, the strong and graceful girl too young and inexperienced to know her own heart and that she was in love.

This is exactly what's happening with Twiyor, the main couple of the story, and I think we may get to see one of the possible endings for our beloved Twiyor through Martha and Henderson story.

Now, what do we know about these two 🤔...

We know that Henry Henderson has a daughter and a son-in-law. It was mentioned he writes to them, but there was no mention of his wife. This leads me to believe that:

His wife is no longer alive.

He lives with his wife, so there's no reason for him to write to her.

He is divorced.

So, with this information we still can't know what's the current relationship between Martha and Henry, but we can take a guess 😉

From the way the story is being told, it almost feels like it's a semi-tragic love story, doesn't it? We can almost assume that they didn't end up together...or did they?

Theory one: Yup, everyone is right and Martha and Henderson eventually went their separate ways for reasons we'll probably get to know in the next couple of chapters.

If this theory is right, I think it's beautiful that they are getting a second chance 💖They certainly look more mature, confident, and calm (also elegant!). I love the way they look at each other, so much trust and love 😌

Theory two: I know this one is a long shot (and Henderson just said in that panel that "She is merely and old friend") but maybe...they're actually married. Why am I so bold to even consider that possibility?! Well, there's this panel:

The matron is clearly teasing Master Henderson, don't you agree? If she does it, it's because she knows something. Either she knows that there was something between those two in their youth or she knows they are married. I don't know, but they way she said the word "partner" and the fact that Master Henderson is married made me think that Martha is his wife. I know, I know...it's a remote possibility, but you have to remember that marriage is mentioned a lot through different characters and couples during the story, so maybe those two were actually married. (But, it's quite possible it's theory one).

Other things to consider...

How long have Ostania and Westalis been at war?

My guess is that we're talking about two different wars between the same countries; very much like WWI and WWII, where there was a brief period of peace before a second conflict. So, probably the first war started while Henderson was in his 20s and the second war started when he was in his 40s (and Twilight was a kid).

It makes a lot of sense that now they're in a period of "Cold War", just like in real life.

The Garden

I am convinced that the Garden is involved in this. I've talked about this before (read it here). After this chapter, I still think the Garden is going to pop up. Want some evidence?

Do you recognize this guy?

That's right 😏 That's Matthew McMahon. What is he doing there? Too much of a coincidence, don't you think?

And also the way this is phrased:

Odd that there was a mention of the word Garden, isn't it? And the fact that the whole story between those two takes place in a garden...🤔

In addition to that, in a previous chapter, Twilight observes how Martha moves like a soldier. Franky mentioned earlier that Garden people are like soldiers. And the Garden has a history of recruiting young skilled/strong people, like Yor. Things keep adding up.

The Consequences of War

This is a prevalent theme throughout the whole SxF universe: how war (violence, intolerance, manipulation of information, propaganda, politics) has affected the life of all the characters.

No matter their background, nationality or education, we've seen it again and again with most of the characters big or small, like Twilight, Franky, Sylvia, Millie, and now we're about to see it with characters from an older generation like Martha and Henderson.

My guess is that this won't be the last time and this pattern will continue while the story lasts. I think what the story is trying to show us is how war is seen by some (politicians and men in power like Desmond) as a natural, inevitable course of action, but at the same time how brutal the consequences are in the smallest stories. That's one of the things that is truly remarkable about SxF.

[epivanosilon]

reading demon slayer: chapter 40 panel comparison

hey everyone :) before i do the usual posts for this chapter i wanted to try something a little different. there was one panel in particular that bothered me in chapter 40, and i decided i should write about it to get it off my mind. i don't think i've done an in-depth comparison between the original japanese and official english versions of any demon slayer panels before, so let me know if this is something any of you are interested in!

the panel in question today is of tanjirou's father speaking to tanjirou in his flashback at the beginning of the chapter. below i have the original japanese on the right and the official english translation on the left.

i'll transcribe the text from each for anyone who needs it.

in japanese:

炭治郎この神楽と耳飾りだけは必ず途切れさせず継承していってくれ。約束なんだ

in english:

Tanjiro, be sure you have these earrings when it's time to do the kagura! Wear them always so you don't lose them. Promise me!

when i saw these panels side by side, i was baffled at how different they were. right off the bat i noticed that all the main words were present in the english translation, but the details had changed! and that results in a translation that carries completely different meanings from the original. let's go over each speech bubble individually.

for the first bubble, the words "kagura" (神楽) and "earrings" (耳飾り) are both present, but most everything else is not. whoever was translating seems to have parsed the と as when instead of and. to be fair, that's a valid usage for that particle in many cases. however, this is not one of those cases. notice that in the original japanese the phrase is 「この神楽と耳飾りだけ」. literally, just this kagura and [these] earrings. we'll need to go to the next speech bubble to get the rest of the sentence.

the second bubble reads 「途切れさせず継承していってくれ」, literally continue the inheritance of [them] for me without letting [the inheritance] be interrupted. or in more natural english, pass [them] down for me without interruption. together with the first bubble, we get something like without fail, pass down just this kagura and these earrings for me without interruption.

(i believe that the だけ is there to emphasize that tanjirou must focus on the kagura and the earrings above all else. i don't want to present my feelings as fact, though, so i'll keep it translated as just.)

tanjirou's father is not asking tanjirou to wear the earrings at all, and he certainly doesn't tell him to make sure to have them "when it's time to do the kagura". he's asking tanjirou to remember the kagura and keep the earrings so that he can pass them on to his children in the future, and his children to their children, and so on.

the text in the third bubble reinforces this. tanjirou's father says 約束なんだ, literally it's a promise. 約束なんだ is not a request or a command, it is a statement. and i might be biased because i've already read all of demon slayer in english, but to me that line implies that it is tanjirou's father who made the promise, not tanjirou. which, if you're familiar with the later arcs of demon slayer, is exactly what happened.

a more fitting translation for this panel, in my opinion, could have looked like this:

Tanjiro, if nothing else, make sure to pass on this kagura and these earrings for me. I made a promise.

some information is lost, like the 途切れさせず part, but i think the overall message is roughly the same.

i really don't get why the official english translation is the way it is for this panel. it seems...out of character, almost, because there really haven't been such drastic liberties taken up to now. at least, as far as i can remember. a few choices i found strange, for sure, but nothing like this. that's way above my pay grade, though.

and with that, i'm all out of things to say about this panel! if you read to the end, thank you very much, and i hope you enjoyed the post (or at least learned something from it). please look forward to the next posts! 読んでくれてありがとう！次の投稿を楽しみにしてください！

[my-excellent-bicycle]

Taskmaster Dream Contestants

Whenever people bring up their dream contestants, a few names always rattle around in my head, but I've never actually sat down and wrote out a proper list until today.

I should mention that Ivo Graham would be on this list if I wrote it several months ago, and I'm incredibly hyped to see what disastrous things he gets himself into during S15.

David O'Doherty

I mean, if you've been following my blog at all, this should be a no-brainer. He's a perfect mix of silly, wholesome, and weird that would be perfect for the show, with a hint of athleticism as well. And he hangs out with lots of TM-related people like Alex Horne, Tim Key, Rose Matafeo, Dara O Briain, and others to the point whether I question why he hasn't been on already. Only time will tell whether he becomes one of the fandom's beloved "old men." (A term I use loosely since he's in his 40s.)

Rob Brydon

I'll admit I only know him from Would I Lie To You and his Brydon & podcast (I haven't seen his stuff with Steve Coogan), but Rob seems like the type of contestant who isn't afraid to get into humiliating situations, while also having that combative banter side that Greg would waste no time trying to put down. And I guarantee you he'll try to squeeze in an impression whenever he can.

Susan Calman

Whenever I see Susan in the lineup on a panel show, I already know I'm gonna enjoy it. Her enthusiasm is insanely infectious, and I just know she'll want to throw herself head first into any task she'll get. Her QI episodes are legendary, and the way she can steer the entire room towards the weirdest situations has made me cry laughing numerous times. And she also seems to have a sweeter side to her that will surely make her a fan favorite.

Harriet Kemsley

There's a specific clip I saw of Harriet Kemsley on Hypothetical that was just pure insanity, and made me go "yeah, she's gonna be great on Taskmaster." Unfortunately the clip isn't accessible on US YouTube anymore for some reason, so you're gonna have to take my word for it. Between that one wild Hypothetical appearance, and her appearances on Catsdown and Guessable, Harriet is sure to be among the "chaotic" contestants, bursting with nervous energy. Something tells me that she'll also torment Alex during the tasks. Think Bridget Christie on TM but x20 at least.

Adam Hills

Can you believe I nearly forgot to include Adam Hills on this list? He's always a joy to watch on The Last Leg, and just appears to be a great human all around. He's athletic and has a great competitive spirit, but also very down to earth. Oh, and he's also hilarious and witty, and I bet he'll bring some level of sass to the studio portions of the show, with maybe a joke or two about his leg thrown in there.

Henry Paker

A bit of a left-field choice, but anyone who listens to the Three Bean Salad podcast (which also features Mike Wozniak) would agree that Henry is an odd man. His tangents on the podcast are legendary, and happen so often that someone actually calculated the speaking time between all three podcast hosts, determining Henry spoke over 10x longer than the others. His Wikipedia page sorta reads like a press release, and says Ivo Graham once called Henry's 2010 show the "funniest stand up he's ever seen." I could see him reaching Ardal or Bob levels of absurdity on the show.

Miles Jupp

I don't really know much about Miles' comedy outside of his appearances on Catsdown, but every time I see him show up during the introductions, I already know it's gonna be a great watch. His chemistry with Sean Lock (who would have easily been included on this list if things were different) was always a treat to watch, and I could watch them shoot the shit for hours on that show and not get bored.

Jamie Laing

This might be a controversial choice, since I've seen lots of people call him irritating. I know Jamie has his roots in reality TV (which I haven't watched), but the instances in which he's rubbed shoulders with comedians have really warmed me to the idea of seeing him on Taskmaster. Watching him be "confident" on House of Games despite being absolute shit at the quizzes is the perfect attitude I'd want in a Taskmaster contestant, and the comedian interviews he's done on his Private Parts podcast were excellent, and shows he already has great rapport with more established comics.

Richard Ayoade and David Mitchell

Both of these are cliche answers to the question "who do you want to see on Taskmaster," but they're brought up often for a reason: it would make for amazing television. A prevailing notion that's repeated when the prospect of Richard on TM is mentioned is that he "has a persona that he wouldn't want to break." This might also be true for David, but the joy of Taskmaster is how the show pushes back against personas and presents comedians for who they are, rather than how they would necessarily prefer to be seen. The idea of David having a breakdown over a silly, inconsequential task given to him would be the stuff of dreams, and I could already see Richard starting a task saying "I wouldn't want to do that," before immersing himself in the weirdness presented to him. Will they ever go on TM? Probably not. Do I still want it to happen? For sure. Listen, if VCM could agree, so could her husband.

And as a bonus, here's a list of comedians I don't know as much about aside from brief appearances on shows or podcasts, but have impressed me enough to want them on TM:

Jayde Adams

Cariad Lloyd

Darren Harriot

Ahir Shah

Sam Simons

Huge Davies

Nick Helm

[ddrqoyote]

people keep saying gear 5 is bad cause it turns luffy from a regular guy who made it this far with hard work into another chosen one. ignoring that that was never really true (related to garp and dragon, chosen by shanks and trained by rayleigh, has the will of D, etc), it makes me think of one of the biggest tensions in shonen.

there isn't really a thesis to what you're gonna read, i'm just rambling on something i think about a lot lately.

people want a self-made man for the lead that anyone could see themselves becoming. people also want a world-beater who can stop established, global evils with nothing but a small group of friends, and it needs to happen relatively quickly cause no one but hindu monks wants a story 5000 chapters long. and honestly, it doesn't feel real to have both. anyone who's been around the block a couple times knows that's not how the world works. it's not that easy to dismantle, no one can just stomp through the world like godzilla and knock all the bad stuff down. even kings and dictators can't do that.

i think most older shonen fans know all that, we're not dumb, we just don't like it.

there's this book of wwii superhero comics called "the great comic book heroes". the writer, jules feiffer, grew up on them in the 30s and worked on them* during the 40s and 50s. he talks a lot in the book about how he saw the earliest superheroes growing up.

*assistant to eisner on the original spirit run and wrote the last couple years. though he's probably better-known as a pulitzer-winning cartoonist, author and playwright. also illustrated the phantom tollbooth.

"The problem in pre-super days was that, with few exceptions, heroes were not very interesting. And, by any realistic appraisal, certainly no match for the villains who were bigger, stronger, smarter (as who wasn’t?), and even worse, were notorious scene stealers... Villains, whatever fate befell them in the obligatory last panel, were infinitely better equipped than those silly, hapless heroes. Not only comics, but life taught us that. Those of us raised in ghetto neighborhoods were being asked to believe that crime didn’t pay? Tell that to the butcher! Nice guys finished last; landlords, first. Villains by their simple appointment to the role were miles ahead. It was not to be believed that any ordinary human could combat them. More was required. Someone with a call. When at last appeared, he brought with him the deep satisfaction of all underground truths: our reaction was less “How original!” than “But, of course! The advent of the super-hero was a bizarre comeuppance for the American dream. Horatio Alger could no longer make it on his own. He needed “Shazam!” Here was fantasy with a cynically realistic base: once the odds were appraised honestly it was apparent you had to be super to get on in this world."

the rest of the essay is here if you want to read something about superheroes that isn't "they're the modern mythology (for the 1% of people who read comics)!" or "superheroes are shit even though i make a living writing them, because i'm british!"

but basically a big reason these superpowered characters exist is because real people CAN'T do the things they do. we can learn from them, we can strive to have as much integrity as them, but we can't enforce decency on the world or save everyone from the bullshit that happens to them, even the people we care about (i've tried saving people, believe me, it doesn't work).

i'm not trying to crap on shonen or superheroes, i'm just less and less sure what to do with them these days cause they're a huge part of my life and now they feel less real than when i was younger. i know they don't have to reflect reality for me to enjoy them and it's pretty silly to expect that, but... i don't know. sometimes i feel like i've totally run away from reality and i don't like that about myself. it feels like my life's empty sometimes. and i don't like how socially acceptable that's become either. every time i hear people talk about irl "character development" or "i'm in my [x] arc" or something similar, or some youtuber says "here are the characters in this story [that really happened]", i don't like it. call me a boomer but it worries me.

[beyond-dusk]

Paranormal Lockdown - S3E4

I figured since I've already done posts featuring Buzzfeed Unsolved and Ghost Adventures, I figured I would keep the ball rolling and find other shows that investigate Bobby Mackeys.

As a side note, to keep things brief I cherry pick the moments I can discuss using established facts. I don't like spending time making fun of people like this when they pretend to feel a ghost in the room, its just not worth it.

---

Oh my god! I looked for a picture of the rooftop to help identify the different additions to the buildings over the years but I couldn't find a good picture. I should have watched these ghost shows as a visual reference!

---

So it turns out that one of the men who was on the Ghost Adventures episode covering BM's is the host for Paranormal Lockdown. Not only that, it was the was the dude who said that a spirit that followed him home after the hunt ruined his marriage. Ghost Divorce.

---

I do want to thank this show for not bringing up satanism when they first introduce the story of Pearl Bryan. They did slip up by saying the murder followed a botched abortion, which Scott Jackson planned to do, but it never actually happened (the coroner made note that there was no trauma beyond her decapitation and cut hand, and that her baby was healthy when she died).

---

"But as Nick and Katrina dug deeper, they found that the facts of Pearl Bryan's death may conflict with the rumors."

Wait so they ACTUALLY did research? Is this going to be a nice post and not me getting angry over dumb satanic rumors???

---

So this nice looking gentleman is said to have done extensive research in to Pearl Bryan's murder and I'm already in love (intellectually, though if I was 40 years older...). They don't show much of what he says but now I'm determined to find a way to contact him to compare notes.

---

So they clearly establish that there is no factual basis for Pearl Bryan's head being thrown down the well! I only used that idea as part of the Dusk comic to give the story a short plot, but in reality it's very, very, VERY unlikely that her head ever entered that building. My personal theory is that Jackson threw it into the Licking River like he did with her luggage.

---

So during the clips of the Ghost Adventures episodes, Bobby Mackey mostly talked about what he's heard happened at the club but he says he doesn't believe in ghosts. Here, he seems to say that he heard rumors of the building being haunted all the way back when he bought the building in 1978. This is the first time I've heard this and I'm intrigued.

---

OH MY GOD THIS WOULD HAVE MADE A GREAT PANEL IN THE COMIC. I NEED TO WATCH SHOWS LIKE THIS TO GET VISUALS

---

Okay, so I did make fun of this guy for blaming ghosts on his divorce, but I have to give him credit that he climbed into the fucking well and looked around inside it. I don't believe its a portal to hell but damn, its unnerving.

---

So this show did much, MUCH better dealing with the facts. Instead of interviewing some asshat author who claims Scott Jackson was a satanist and killed Pearl Bryan as a sacrifice, they met a real historian and asked him about the case. I learned that there were already rumors of the building being haunted before Bobby Mackey took over and that makes me happy.

Nick Groff, I'm going to stop making fun of you for your ghost divorce. You went back and dispelled some of the rumors and I always give people who do that credit.

[nofuturecomic]

Chapter 15 behind the scenes!!

As usual there will be spoilers for chapter 15 of No Future.

I kind of can't believe I managed to do 48 chapters of this (so far) that's almost 2300 pages x.x with an average of 4 - 5 panels a page, do you know how many times I have had to draw Andrew and company?? And I'm not even close to finished ._.

Anyway for this cover we got Lorelei, Lorelei is unfortunately a character that took a long time for me to be able to draw consistently x.x I'm really not sure why she gave me so much trouble but it was a problem for a while. Though I think I've got the hang of drawing them by now 40 chapters later (at least I hope)

Era explaining how gods can just casually erase themselves from photos while harassing Osiris.

I really need to go back and make Osiris's hair poofier in this scene, it was much more everywhere in the sketch but for whatever reason I toned it down in the finished version? I'm not sure why actually?? But I remember not really liking the end result of that panel and feeling like I could have done better after posting it. I was really feeling that 'erasing the image from existence' energy Osiris was feeling I guess.

Abaddon jump scaring Andrew again.

Andrew is truly a wordsmith.

This scene was a lot of fun to do, despite how tedious that balcony was to draw in every panel. At this point I was defiantly used to Era and Aeon's characters so they became far easier for me to work with both in concerns to writing and drawing. Working with them was very natural at this point so I think a lot of their scenes where they are together turn out better now than they did in earlier chapters.

I messed up on Lorelei's height trying to get the door frame in the panel so the visuals for the gag would work better. I tend to focus on one detail at a time instead of the whole picture x.x so I run into a lot of mistakes like this when going through pages. The consequences of being the only person working on a project I suppose.

"Andrew is smart" was a plot twist for readers just as much as it was for Era and Aeon.

Also this scene made a few readers think that Lorelei was into Osiris, she isn't, at least, not like that. She just got focused enough on what he wrote on the board to inquire about it, she's just like that. Unfortunately this does not apply very often for things that pop up in school so she some subjects she's in the below average version of the classes. She has learning disabilities, she mentions so later in the comic, but that doesn't make her incapable of learning, just things have to specifically interest her for her to want to learn about it.

This was kinda of a thing for me too, a lot of people I know think I'm smart, or must have done well in school because I just... remember the most random facts and can bring them up in a conversation, but then they are always really shocked to learn that actually, I did not do well in school and was often in the below average classes. There's a very specific stereotype of kids that are in those classes that is really unfair, and I generally wanted to give a more accurate example of some of the kids that do end up in classes like that.

I enjoy how completely unbothered Lorelei is with Era's comments and just works with them.

Era please.

Aeon please.

This chapter was fairly straight forward compared to other recent chapters, from beginning to end we remained in the same location despite the topics of conversation jumping from one things to another.

Sometimes comic chapters will jump around to all kinds of different scenes, and sometimes it'll just stick to one, both a great as long as your readers are still engaged I think. Just do whatever your story needs for you to tell it.

[gay-jewish-bucky]

marvel will give us lines like "even when i had nothing i had Bucky" and scenes like the fight scene in sibera then give us steve being so uninterested its ridiculous in endgame. like steve and buckys lil interaction right before he went to put the stones back was so fucking depressing. you can just tell that something had shifted and not in a good way. bucky looks depressed and he sounds like it too. its not at all how they interacted in wakanda (b4 the battle) its a polar opposite. its almost like they wanted to completely scrap their entire relationship but then remembered that they're canonically friends so they had to leave a little something in.

i've seen a lot of people claim that bucky was okay in that scene and it's just.... did we watch the same scene?

he looks like he's hardly holding it together and "steve" *cough*skrull*cough* does not look or act like steve at all the entire movie

there is a panel out there where seb talks about this scene, he didn't know about it until 40 minutes prior to shooting

when he asked "wouldn't they talk about this?" he was dismissed with "it happened off screen" (imo they didn't even try to write it bc there is 0 way that scene could have gone and not shown how truly monstrous it was or ending with him leaving)

i have to admire the inner work he did in such a short amount of time because it is in character and gutting

bucky doesn't think he deserves steve, it's made clear in cw, he's resigned himself to steve realizing he isn't worth all this one day and leaving him

so even though it kills him, he lets him go and tries to pretend to be supportive because who is he to stand in the way of what he believes is his steve's happiness?

[saezurufeels]

Handling the cards we are dealt

Since I can't get enough of Yashiro, last night I started thinking about possible explanations of what might be going on in his mind, post-timeskip. Obviously, my ideas here are completely hypothetical, because there is not much information about Y's internal state/thoughts since the timeskip. I'll be using a lot of my imagination, and less actual "primary evidence." So, I don't expect any of this to necessarily be true; I'm moreso looking into possible explanations of character-change, because it's fun to theorize :-) So, if you're interested keep reading.

First thing I want to mention is, plot wise, using a timeskip gives the author a lot of room to surprise us (just look at AoT); so as an audience we won't know anything at all, until it's completely over. Super fun, right?! So, that's why I think it's important to look at Saezuru chapter by chapter, and change any ideas or expectations we had from before. At least, I find that I'm constantly questioning my previous convictions when I see a blurry, out-of-context, cropped-out panel from a 40-page chapter that hasn't even been translated yet. Life is so fun.

That being said, let me begin by saying that since the timeskip, it occurred to me that we, the audience, have not seen Yashiro have sex at all. Remember in the first three or four chapters of the manga, Yashiro's sexual endeavours were the focal point of his character? Yoneda Kou made sure to add it everywhere, including other characters' descriptions of Y, Yashiro's own admissions and thoughts, but most importantly, in actual sex scenes. It was to reinforce this idea that Yashiro is reliant on sex; he couldn't remove it from his daily life, because it was a dependence.

In my first post on this blog, I talked about this phenomenon as Yashiro having sex addiction. In that post I said that many experts believe that sex addiction is an obsessive-compulsive disorder. To give you a quick run-down of how that works in relation to Yashiro, I'll quote myself:

"When individuals with SA begin to feel anxiety, they engage in sexual behaviour (the compulsion) to get rid of the cause of their anxiety (their obsession). For Yashiro, feelings of worthlessness (due to being unloved, alone and abused) cause him anxiety, which compel him to be on the receiving end of sadistic sex so that he can convince himself that he is a masochist and likes to suffer, thereby relieving his feelings of worthlessness."

So, in line with this definition, Yashiro was having rough sex constantly because he was constantly feeling unloved (or in the way I described above, worthless). Keeping up with this logic, then, what has changed? Why aren't we seeing Yashiro have sex all the time? Keeping something visually hidden keeps it ambiguous. Let's discuss.

Remember, seeing an action play out in fiction is different from hearing it about it from other characters, because those characters can be unreliable narrators, or simply unknowledgeable. So, although Nanahara tells Yashiro not to pick up random strangers for sex, it doesn't mean that he understood what actually happened when Yashiro "almost got kidnapped." Yashiro even said, "what does that have to do with my sexual tendencies?" The scene is ambiguous because we didn't see Yashiro have sex and because we know that Y isn't always forthcoming about his private life, even with Nanahara.

More evidence to suggest that Yashiro isn't the same as before is evident in his reaction to Misumi's aggressive attempt to get him naked and riled up. Yashiro claimed that Misumi was "so sexy," but based on his attempt to stop him during the act, we can just as well guess that Y wasn't being truthful.

Before I move on, I'll mention that I do believe Inami and Yashiro have a sexual relationship, but I think it's out of necessity, rather than lust. Yashiro needs a guy in law enforcement to know when to switch casino locations and to keep up with other yakuza dealings. I've talked about this lots before, so I won't bore ya'll with it again. Okay, moving on.

If we assume that Yashiro isn't having sex anymore (other than with Inami), then we can assume that he isn't dependent on rough sex anymore. So, if he's not dependent on rough sex to relieve his feelings of worthlessness, does that mean he doesn't feel unloved anymore? Yes, that's exactly what I'm arguing. I believe Yashiro feels very much loved by Doumeki; it's what helped him overcome his OCD (I'm not a mental health expert, so please don't take this as actual advice in your real life; this is just for the purpose of fictional character analysis). But the more important aspect I want to talk about is: if Yashiro wants to be loved and treated gently deep down, what is keeping him away from Doumeki now? I think the answer to that lies in what he experiences when Doumeki treats him gently.

This is where I get more hypothetical, because I really don't know why Yashiro doesn't like being treated gently in bed. I've tried figuring it out for a long time, but it's beyond my understanding. Maybe it's because I don't have the same experiences, maybe it's not meant to be understood, or maybe it wasn't fleshed out properly (I'm not suggesting that's the case here, but it's a possibility that's worth mentioning). It could be because it reminds Yashiro that he's a victim of abuse, or because of the scene where his step-father equates him to a girl during an assault; maybe it's something that was never brought up explicitly in a flashback. Either way, because I can't find a reason that I can stand behind confidently, I'm not going to focus on the question of why. Instead, I'll focus on the question of what Yashiro is feeling while he's intimate with a gentle Doumeki.

So, what is Yashiro experiencing when he's intimate with Doumeki? Well, the first time, Yashiro was refusing lots; they did it anyway, and afterwards we see Yashiro cry for the first time as an adult, while remembering an abuse incident as a child. This is post-traumatic stress disorder and it happens when a stimulus in our environment (something we see, hear, smell, taste, feel) triggers a memory so profound that it feels like we are re-living a traumatic incident again. It's more intense than "normal" memory and is very difficult to go through. Shortly after sleeping with Doumeki, Yashiro let Hirata attempt to kill him. I'm not saying one caused the other, but I think they are strongly linked to each other. Chapter 46: Doumeki takes his glove off and touches Yashiro tenderly; Yashiro gets a vision of Doumeki touching a naked woman, one thing leads to another, and suddenly Yashiro is reminded that Doumeki is being too gentle. He pulls Doumeki off of him and lands sweating, ungracefully on his stomach. This is just my take, but it seems like that was a scary moment for Yashiro. He wasn't there in the moment with Doumeki; he was in his head, reframing the situation. While Doumeki was trying to be sexy and alluring by taking his glove off with his teeth, wearing this sultry expression, Yashiro's face was literally like: 🤨. The point I'm trying to get at, if I ever get there (jfc), is that Yashiro becomes triggered when he's having sex with Doumeki. He's not having a good time at all. It doesn't mean that he can't be close to Doumeki, because we all know he was imagining that Doumeki would passionately kiss him in the elevator and in Tsunakawa's guest bathroom. But sex is a different story.

Gentleness versus roughness is like a double-edged sword for Yashiro (idk if that's the right expression lol), on the one hand, Yashiro doesn't like being treated rough, because it's not loving, and on the other hand he doesn't like being treated gentle, because it's not rough. Whichever way Yashiro goes, he's up against a wall. There is no path for him to turn, because either one will lead him to his trauma.

And that's the point. I think Saezuru is trying to suggest that some things can't be so easily changed, or at all. It makes the argument that we must to come to terms with the cards we are dealt, and that the healthiest way to deal with unfavourable circumstances is to adjust to them, instead of forcing our conditions to change. Forcing change onto someone, when it simply isn't possible can do more harm than good, as we saw with Yashiro's suicide attempt, following Doumeki's insistence on showing Y that he's "beautiful, inside and out." Post timeskip, Doumeki is trying a different approach to "change conditions": now he seems to be a little more cold, rough, BLUNT (smh), and seductive; is it working on Yashiro? Based on what seems to be a whole-body jerk to get Doumeki off of him, I'd say no.

What would it look like, then, if Yashiro and Doumeki adjusted to the circumstance, instead of forcing change? Again, this is hypothetical, but it could mean that they have to accept that Y can't have sex. He can kiss, hug and touch, non-sexually, because it is not triggering. If anything, tenderness is a comfort for Yashiro. Whereas sex for him has always either been a trauma response or a trauma trigger. I'd like to be proven wrong though :) And again, this is all just hypothetical. There still is not enough evidence, and as I said above, about 50 pages ago (sorry), things are always changing and evolving with every chapter.

[sineala]

What age is Carol Danvers supposed to be? I mean I get that no one ages in these things but the panels that I've seen depict an older woman.

Welcome to the wonderful world of Marvel Time! People have come up with various ways to reconcile comics time and real time and generally the consensus in fandom is that it’s been maybe fifteen years since the start of modern Marvel – the Fantastic Four getting their powers – and so this tends to mean that pretty much all the adult Avengers are going to be in their mid- to late-30s, now and forevermore. I don’t think Marvel’s going to let any of them turn 40.

That said, I can give you some numbers for Carol but none of them make all that much sense.

While the original Avengers have to have been very very young (probably early twenties) when they started superheroing, Carol presumably got off to a much later start personally, as we know she had a career in the Air Force prior to the Kree shenanigans. We know, in fact, that she was a major, and poking around the list of average age at various ranks gets me statistics that say the average age of majors is 35-44, and I’m going to do Carol the courtesy of assuming she was very good at her job and got promoted very quickly.

Having said that, the one datapoint I have for Carol’s age is from Avengers Annual #10, in 1981, in which she is stated to be 29:

This is a few years since she’s gotten her actual superpowers and she was already an Avenger for a bit at this time; this is when Rogue has brainsucked her, stolen her powers, and dumped her, amnesiac and comatose, into San Francisco Bay.

So she’s 29 and (apparently) a major in the Air Force, but considering that she’s been out of the Air Force for a while at this point she presumably made major when she was even younger and okay, yeah, it’s comics, and you just have to believe that every superhero is really just the most amazing at their jobs and you don’t really need ten years of service when it’s Earth-616′s Air Force.

(Her Marvel Wiki page, contradicting this panel, actually says she was bumped to full Colonel upon retirement. I– I don’t even know what to say.)

So if you can just accept that she’s 29 then I feel like the speed of Marvel Time makes it plausible that there’s been… I dunno, close to a decade since then and she’s in her late 30s now? That’s what I assume, anyway.

[mysynthfetish]

Um, Yeah.

Well it's damn near March already. What the hell? Where does the time go?

The whole world is in a huff about COVID-19, and here in Japan too, obviously, but people are in full-on freakout mode. First thing they did was go on a panic-buying-spree of masks, like surgical masks, you know, the ones everyone here wears when it's either flu or hay fever season. So, there's a shortage of masks now. "ONE BOX PER CUSTOMER!!" signs at the shops with any remaining stock. For me, the funniest thing is that masks do not prevent the wearer from catching a virus. The seal around the face is not perfect, so guess what, shit don't work. Unless you strap on a military grade chemical warfare motherfucker of a mask, like with the filter cans and shit? Nope. I mean, even the homepage of the WHO where you can find a coronavirus FAQ says so ("BUT THE WHO IS CONTROLLED BY THE UN AND THEY'RE SECRETLY OUT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD SO YOU CAN'T TRUST THAT!!!!" yeah yeah yeah. Shame. On. You). But nahhhh who cares about actually using your head and thinking about how viruses spread. See, the masks work (sorta) when worn by people already infected, as they trap most of the fun stuff ejected by a sneeze or a cough. Not all of it. We can still hope for some fun to be shared among the general populace can we not? Ahhh but it's easier to be a total idiot and follow the herd mentality and panic-buy useless shit. Then there was the fiasco with the cruise ship and not letting passengers disembark, and then it turns out a number were let off without having to go through screening, but the Chinese are still being confined to quarters blah blah blah. Jeeezus Fucking Christ EVERYTHING is made in China anyway, from rubber dog shit to the (probably) fake ICs in your military hardware to your beloved smartphones and related devices, shit, even the incessant machine-diarrhea geyser of clone synths too, so what the hell is the big deal about a potentially pandemic-level megavirus every few years? Chinavirus. Next in the ongoing series. Personally, I don't really care where the viruses originate, and to tell the truth, I get a warm feeling inside when people lose their shit over stuff like this, and even warmer when the death toll rises and rises. Can't think of a better species to get a good culling than the old homo sapiens. Heh. Mister Misanthrope at your service! But anyway.....

Found this ancient beast sitting forgotten and forlorn in a closet at work. It's a Luxman 38FD "High Fidelity Stereo Integrated Amplifier" made around 1970 (like me!). It is in near fucking mint condition. HEAVY. AS. FUCK. And the winningest part of the whole thing besides it being destined for the Big Garbage pile and as a result free for the taking? IT WORKS. Oh, and even better...

IT'S A VACUUM TUBE AMP!!! Those are the main tubes, 50CA10, pretty much but not totally unobtanium. Yeah, they fucking glow a warm orangey red, and after a bit you can see blue vapor inside. Well, if you turn off all the lights and take the top cover off. It runs hot as fuck too. I was just shocked the thing worked. It's sitting comfortably atop the desk in the lair, where you'd normally park a printer, with a pair of Yamaha NS-100X speakers on risers above it. Sounds great. There's considerably more noise (hiss?) than a modern amp, but with the volume knob raised to about 10 o'clock, it's already loud enough that the hiss isn't even a consideration anymore, and any louder would be asking for trouble with the neighbors. I can't believe it because the amp is supposed to be a mere 30 watts per channel. I guess 30 watts from vacuum tubes is a hell of a lot different from even triple that from a modern amp. LOUD!!! So yay me.

Oh and speaking of viruses....

I was watching this one on the auction for about a month and a half. The opening bid started out at around $1700 but nobody bid, and the auction ended, and one option here on the yahoo auction is for an automatic re-listing with the opening bid discounted by a certain percent. I watched for a while, then just when I'd forgotten about it, it came up in the look-at-me feed and the price was down to a grand so I bid on it and won. I had one of these before and regretted selling it, thus the TI Polar in my arsenal now, but the 61-key TI has THE BEST keys ever. Feels so good to play. Fatar! I thought yeah ok I'll just say see ya to the Polar and call it even. But... Hmm... Wait... One thing led to another and in the end I decided to keep both the viruses and... and...... and...... sell the ION. Say WHAT?!?! After all the work and repairs and maintenance and customizing LEDs and and and and.... Yeah. It's a hell of a synth, no doubt about it, but I think anything with the Alesis logo on it has a very definite shelf-life. The pots are gonna go, a few are acting up already, and those are unobtanium unless you wanna shell out the dosh and buy from syntaur. You can't get NOS pots either. So... After some serious deep-thinking and careful consideration and deliberation I had to say to myself, "self, it's a wonderful machine capable of some great sounds, but it's only 8-voice polyphonic, there are barely any effects to mention, ok sure the mod matrix and plethora of filter models and waveshaping are fantastic, but you know how ridiculously MORE powerful the Virus TI is almost every respect!" And I admitted defeat. To myself. Weird, I know. But there you go. I don't think I know anyone with two Virus TI (or TI2) synths in their collection. Maybe Anthony Rother. I know he has two IONs. 

Ahhhh but this 61-key virus wasn't without problems. Uh, well, OK one BIG problem. The power supply shat itself when I turned it on for the first time. The LCD sorta flashed, there was a brief sign of life with some of the LEDs, but then blip! Nothing. Aaaaargh! Unseat the power cable, reseat it, try again. Nothing, just a high-pitched whine that was getting louder. I put my head up against the front panel, listening for where the whine was coming from, and figured out it was the far right side. That's where the PSU is. Then suddenly the sound changed to a higher pitch that swept downwards over the course of a few seconds, all the while sputtering like it had a downward sawtooth filter on it, then POP! No more sound. When I opened the case up, I immediately remembered that for whatever reason, Access decided to go with a PSU like you'd use with a laptop computer, the big brick-like deals, and that they'd carefully bracketed the brick in so that the eyeglass-socket for the plug lined up with the hole in the rear panel. OK so all I needed to do was find a same-rating PSU and then go about modding the bracket so cosmetically it would look from-the-factory. Incidentally, I contacted Access and asked about parts, but the rep said they don't have any more PSUs for the TI series, only ones for the TI2 series, and that they aren't the same size so when they do the repair, they put a DC jack on the rear panel and the PSU gets left out—goes from internal to external if you catch my drift. Well, no thank you, I do not care for that approach, no sir, I didn't wanna go that route at all. So, thanks to having access to a drill press and diamond-saw dremel tools at work, I made the necessary mods to the bracket, padded it a bit so it would securely hold the new PSU in place, and in the end you can't tell it isn't a factory PSU (from the outside). Yay me, part two.

This is the bracket, post choppy-grindy. Yeah so I "secured" the cabling with Scotch 33+... Hey, from the factory it was held down with hot glue!

Yeah that's where it attached to the PCB. CHEEKY!!!!!!!

Not bad, right? You'd never know. But I've told you, so now you know. Oh and the PSU was $22 from a local parts chain (Marutsu). I think Access wants about $50 but I think that includes free shipping anywhere in the world. I'm just glad it's working fine now.

Other goings on... I've sold the Timeline and Space pedals, and used part of the proceeds to pick up a Sony DPS-D7 delay and a DPS-R7 reverb to use in their place. But the D7 had a wonky input knob that actually broke off in my fucking hand the second time I went to use it. That pot is super unobtanium, so I thought I'd just epoxy the broke-off-bit and not worry about separately controlling the input levels for the L and R channels (does anyone even DO that?)... Here's the pot.

Even after it was epoxied back together, it was fucking bent as fuck. Red line shows the angle, blue arrow shows where the epoxy ghetto fix went down. I saw another D7 listed as-is for $10 and nobody bid so I won it, and I had intended to just cannibalize the pot, but it turns out that it has a newer OS and it works fucking fine, so that was kind of a head-scratcher. People are weird. This delay is stupid deep. There's a multi-tap algorithm that has like 40 separately programmable taps, each with its own level, pan, feedback, and all that. The reverb (R7) is just as insane with parameters... Dudes, and dudettes, seriously, you need some deep-sea rated scuba gear to really get to grips with these Sony DPS motherfuckers. DEEEEEEEEEEEP AS FUCK. I've owned these before too. Had the F7 Filter too. That thing had a 40-band vocoder and a multi-part digital drum synth in it!? Man I think the engineers at Sony had access to some GOOD drugs back when they were working on this line of effects processors. Seriously. I mean, I love programming, but even I was intimidated by the sheer amount of programmability in these things. The ones I had before were a bit noisy, but these aren't at all. Strange. Fun shit though. Oh and there's this:

Ah fuck, looks a bit out of focus. That right there is a TOA DE-1000 delay. Rare as shit, and this one is in NEW condition. Insane! I've had this one on my radar for a while. Why? Because it's fucking WEIRD!!!! So the max delay time is 255ms or something really not that long at all, but you've got three to control: Left, Center and Right. Individual times (LEDs) and levels (white sliders), plus global wet/dry and feedback, AND modulation time and depth sliders. SLIDERS!!?? Ok it only has four memory slots, and no MIDI, but you can get up to some good mischief with this thing. Last two goodies to blab about:

Top: SONICWARE ELZ_1. What a weirdo synth. I heard that it's a raspberry pi under the hood but really? Who cares. It can do some off the wall shit. A handful of wacky synth engines, topped off by four effects processors at the end. And it has a speaker. My only complaint is no DIN MIDI, just USB and you have to buy a class compliant dealie. I suppose I should do so before I forget. Sounds pretty damn good though, and it does things that I've not heard other synths do. Built well. Fun to play and fun to program. Runs on batteries. Worth looking into. I was so impressed with this that I backed their next project (a groove box type thing it seems). Bottom: KORG AM8000R. This fucker does some WEIRD SHIT! I had one before (and its delay counterpart, the DL8000R) and for whatever reason didn't hold on to them. I think I was looking for more bread and butter, set it and forget it type effects. This was really cheap and it's in great shape. I don't think so many people know about these. Relatively easy to program, and you can get some really good, usable stuff as well as some super far out WTF stuff. The WARP! knob is good fun too.

Oh I suppose it's worth mentioning that I had an album released by Anti Gravity Device out of Tokyo a few weeks ago. Let's see if I can find a link...

https://anti-gravity-device.bandcamp.com/album/black-rainbows-agd036

Have a listen. It's stuff I recorded from about November through December last year, maybe even the first week of January this year. Live jam format, no master sequencer, wish I was an octopus because two arms and ten fingers just wasn't enough type stuff. All hardware. Fun!

So, my invisible tumblrpeeps, it's been a busy 2020 so far here. More things in the works. Keep your eyes peeled. Stay well. Watch out for number one, and don't step in number two. (thanks, Carlin!)