#can u tell that this is my fixation atm

[itsjusbleh]

my babiessss :(

[pjsk-headcanons]

nenekasa au: the girls who were once the size of strawberries (gone extremely wrong) (PART 5‼️)

okay this one deals with a process called pregnancy. idk if you’ve heard about it… (this is my prompt for mod to add in the appropriate content warnings just in case 🗣️🗣️)

im gonna say that they’re like mid twenties when they find out about the twins. ok. one of my favorite relationship tropes is consenting adult x consenting adult.

okay anyways: nene did not mean to find out she was pregnant. it happened on pure accident. she had to get some routine bloodwork done and the doctor was like “oh hey tenma-san your hcg is through the roof are you expecting?” and nenes like “what that’s so rude” and starts sobbing

and then when nene comes home she tells tsukasa and tsukasa is like “oh.. wait you aren’t? i thought you were?” and that prompts her to go out and buy a pregnancy test.

the second line shows up clear as day.

nene cried.

she goes in for the ultrasound with tsukasa and there’s TWO of them. two. they were actually mono di (same placenta different amniotic sacs) twins so extra risk.

she was told that the twins were the size of strawberries at that first appointment. nene would stare at the sonograms and bawl. because tiny = cute = hormonal bawling. 💞

n: tsukasa they’re the size of strawberries! UEE 😭🥺💧 Eu 💧💧 E E 😭😭 E EUE 🥺🥺😭 UUUUE 😭🥺💧🥺😭 ue 💧 ee 😭🥺 ue 🥺 e e e 😭. e 💧🥺😭 Uueuuue. 💧💧 ue 😭🥺 ee e 🥺🥺😭 eUEE 💧🥺💧 EEE 💧💧😭 U E 🥺😭 EE H 💧🥺😭 E EUU 💧🥺😭 UUEHH 🥺💧😭 EUEH 🥺😭💧💧 ue e 😭😭 eeeeee 💧💧💧 uu 🥺😭 hh 😭🥺 uUEEE 🥺😭💧 uuuue. 💧

t: i know honey you’ve said that 47 times already.. do you want to do something that’s not fixating on their size??

tsukasa would try his best to comfort her but autism. and autism. he kinda sucks at comforting people and his main strategy is distraction (projecting + pimh event where he tried to cheer up the girl by distracting her)

nene was really fixated on what fruit to fetus comparison they were at during the week. and she cried about it. a lot. but it’s okay she can be a hormonal mess or whatever.

she was on the struggle bus for a lot of it. (hyperemesis gravidarum + and the general discomfort that comes with literal moving beings inside of you)

tsukasa was very happy to be the father of girls. he screamed and hugged nene.

then nene gave birth at 37 weeks via c section. she was grateful that day

(don’t ask why this was oddly detailed. i have a pregnancy hyperfixation atm 🙏) (gang lmk if i should go more in depth. 🗣️🗣️🗣️) (it’s ok if not 🗣️🗣️)

.

[phagodyke]

okayyy I need to force myself to finally play a videogame again tmr before the last of my mind crumbles away entirely so I'm outsourcing the choice to avoid decision paralysis stopping me.. beautiful ppl of the internet cast ur votes now

for context:

elden ring I only have 2 achievements left, both endings so I need to do ng+ and then ng+2. but I'm just farming to get all weapons etc atm before I Actually Start ng+ and also to get used to/balance the build I've designed for my other oc before I lock her in for ng+ (won't be able to redesign/respec again until I defeat rennala) so it's mainly My Fixation carrying me but also once I 100% it I'm gonna get myself shadow of the erdtree......

new game would probably be ummm. idk actually I have so many on steam I havent touched yet maybe don't vote for this one bc it'll give me more decision paralysis 😥 unless u have a specific suggestion for which one. wait no dont tell me or I'll get demand avoidant and not do it sorry...... 💀 well I'll leave it as an option anyway

rdr2 is 66% off 😳 and also my roomie has just started it too so we could do multiplayer at some point maybe.... hmmm

[the-travelling-witch]

Holly how have u been! And please give us a recap on ur fixations rn

i’ll be real honest and say… not great, to put it lightly, mainly bc my irl life is like 99% stress rn and bc i can’t write and i‘m missing a vital part of balance (validation) /lh

ngl when i first read that you want a recap of my fixations i was like

‘have i liked anything in my life ever’ bc i have the thought and object permanence of a 3 y/o

anyway… as you probably know if you’ve been on my blog in the last few months, you’ll know that i had a huge fixation on twst for a few months but it’s starting to die down atm; carmilla (my twst oc) also took up a lot of brain space along with a few choice characters

haikyuu is a constant fixation at the back of my mind, like it takes one conscious thought about atsumu and i’m logged back in, so when i went to see the haikyuu movie and made a literal presentation to sum up the plot of season 1-4 for my friend, i was definitely hyperfixating

other stuff was probably not as long lasting as those two, and a bit more rapid fire fixations

my twst pokémon au always makes me think a lot about pokémon itself and what team i’d have etc (and the thought of changing my theme has entered more than once); i’ve also really been enjoying hades and its characters; frieren and the apothecary diaries have become some of my favourite pieces of media ever and i don’t want to tire of them

i’m also catching up to kpop atm, much to my dismay, especially skz and especially especially svt (and how is that working out for me); as always i’m also binging video essays and gaming videos for some background noise and have been going back and forth between a few creators

i think that sums it up?? tbh i suck at identifying, remembering and talking about hyperfixations, though if you’re talking to me you can definitely tell when i’m going through one since i will not shut up about it

anyway i really appreciate the ask!! :]

[txxfiles]

writing

hhhhhhhhhhhh.

I’m struggling with my feelings towards my passions atm. Nothing new in all fairness, but this month is starting to put things into perspective in a way that feels like a tonne of boulders falling upon my head.

I finished university in august and graduated in december with a first class honours which i worked really fucking hard for. but i’ve done nothing since. the idea of sitting down in front of my laptop and planning out a new idea is so incredibly daunting to me i don’t know how to put it into words.

one of my friends i went to uni with gave me a gentle (ish) lecture on becoming more disciplined. apparently motivation doesn’t exist, you just have to be disciplined. i don’t know how to discipline myself, i would love someone else to do it for me in both senses if u catch my drift. he then compared me to a car, saying i need someone to jump start me and then i would be away and as much as that made me laugh, he’s right. that monologue from fleabag came to mind, the one where she says how she just wants someone to tell her what to do, that’s me. i don’t know how to make myself do stuff, especially if it’s something i know will be difficult. i don’t know why and i don’t know how to stop but that’s the way it’s always been. uni was great because i had people around me doing the same stuff and a level of responsibility to the school and myself to get shit done to the best of my ability. it was also very expensive so that helped. that was the motivation. i didn’t need to discipline myself because i knew i could do it. so, where do i stand now? there’s no one here to tell me to do something or give me a level of responsibility to something to make me work. it’s just me. me and my rapidly failing mental health and my shitty job that i hate. why would i want to do anything other than rot in my bed all day on my days off?

but i do want to do it, that’s the problem. i love writing, it’s one of my favourite things to do. i used to do it all the time. like literally every night i would be writing something new. i don’t do that anymore and i don’t know why. i was writing fan fiction about whatever i was hyper fixated on at the time but i don’t even have a hyper fixation atm so there’s nothing their either!!!

writing comes easy to me in a way that i don’t quite understand. we had a lesson at uni where we talked about our writing processes and i got embarrassed because i don’t have one. i have an idea i like and i write it. that’s it. it sounds like a cop out and a lie, but it’s true and i got shit from other people in my class about it (not that i care) but hearing other people talk about the planning and extensive research they do into their projects made me feel ashamed for not working that way. not working harder i guess. which is mad because everyone is different and no two people work the same but it feels shameful to have something come so easy to you when some people work so so hard to achieve the same thing. its weird, feeling embarrassed for being good at something. probably because i’m not super good at many things and i know the others will tell me different but i’m not putting myself down i’m just saying i’ve been average at everything my whole life except for a couple things that i’m very good at so, being in a room of people who all wanna do the same thing as you and being at the top of the class pretty consistently and having people tell you you’re good at something is such a foreign concept to me that the fact i also can just do it without planning feels like a cop out.

and now i have no structure, no one to give me tasks and no one to hold me accountable for my actions and i’m stuck. it sounds like i’m trying to push responsibility onto someone else but i’m not i just don’t know HOW to get to the point where i love doing it again. i wanna write something great and be successful and fall in love with it again but i can’t find the strength to slap myself on the ass and do it. doing this is helping, the blog writing is fun and i’m enjoying it a lot so that’s a start.

it feels superficial, why not just do it i hear you scream in my face but trust me i would if i fucking could. i’m sat here with one of the shows that made me wanna go into screenwriting playing in the background and thinking damn maybe one day i’ll write something this good. but i won’t if i can’t FUCKING START.

i’m at my parents this week and have been sorting through old stuff of mine and found a load of old school stuff and every single thing is average, every grade, every letter from school, every silly little award slip is average. i don’t do well in academic settings, i’m aware of this and my strengths lie in other things which is great. sure i get confused about stuff that comes easy to others but i can do stuff those people can’t with ease. we had a conversation about intelligence the other week that shook me to my core because the way i view intelligence is so wildly different from my friends that i was genuinely confused. i don’t think i’m smart because i’m not academic but that’s simply not true. intelligence comes in many different forms which is very hard to wrap my head around. especially at my age and having been told i’m not smart my whole life. it feels even more relevant at the moment because i’m struggling to do one of the things i’m good at. which sucks. especially being with my family and being reminded of the fact i’m the only creative going into a creative industry whilst everyone else is in their safe secure jobs doing better than me when they’re all younger than me. it’s clear they all quietly think i made a mistake going to uni and leaving my old career behind, but i’m so so glad i did it, even if i’m stuck at the moment.

i really needed to vent. i don’t know how to talk about this to anyone.

i’m a very unmotivated person, partially because my enthusiasm for being alive is so low so why do things to help myself progress in life when i don’t want to live it.

wow this went dark lmao. can someone jump start my battery for me please. no? ok. i’ll figure out how to do it myself some day.

in the words of charli xcx, lets ride.

love,

eucalyptus

[ask-obt]

// wow, that was surprisingly easy!

// well not actually lol

so it turns out my 3DS had some bad luck and decided it didn't want to be modded directly- instead I would either have to reformat it (not happening, I have a lot of downloaded titles I don't want to lose saves for), or backup my saves on a flashcart and then reformat it. so I bought a flashcart with ok reviews on amazon, waited patiently for it to arrive, and it worked...! kind of. well, it was already pre-loaded with modding software that I don't think was what I was looking for- but I also wasn't sure whether or not to try getting it a new SD card for it or if that may potentially brick the dang thing (I have bad luck with bricking things lol). in the end I just decided to use the flashcart as-is and just play it directly on my DSi and just give up on the 3DS modding for now. yeehaw!

I fiddled around in sky temple for a little bit (read: 8 hours) to add little tweaks to the game. mostly adding fairy-type in (using one of the premade ASM patches, I tried learning the coding language for 3 seconds and wanted to explode), and then adding fairy moves and learnsets in by hand using the stats from the mod Explorers of Skies- which seems like a super fun hack! I'd just boot that on the flashcart directly, but I wanted to keep mods for OBT minimal... with one other change, to make milotic's body size 1. because I want eilwyn to hang out with more pokemon pre-postgame than just rune and [partner] :(

working on this though did make me want to attempt one of my own hacks someday! i'd love to implement stuff like: - nuzlocke setting (not sure if there could be a recruitment limit of 1 per dungeon, but I could possibly see there being a way to delete a recruit automatically when they faint) - option to switch hero/partner out mid-playthrough - early unlocked luminous spring (maybe post-future arc?) ... but I also don't know a lot about coding! I'd have to be pretty far ahead in OBT's buffer to fixate on a big learning project like that, hehe. wishful thinking in the meantime! there was also a mighty temptation to change the sprites here into custom OBT sprites, but that would've made this into a MUCH bigger project, and I really should focus on drawing pages since I don't have a buffer atm u,w,u (also also I'm a lil freak that wouldn't want to mix the art style of the game with the art style of my art, so it'd take even longer on account of me trying to emulate the canon style, rip)

this does mean I couldn't really find a way to port the game files for OBT's data directly though, so for now I am settling on starting a new file and playing it to the point current OBT is at, of course keeping recruits and items the same- it'll be a big project, but I'm warming up to the idea of streaming a casual run where y'all can watch me collect a million gummis to give shiny new alolan rune stair sensor. being able to play on-the-go with the hardware is already pretty helpful, since I hate playing games at my laptop haha.

finally, here's a clean screenshot! I also gave her the shiny model, which... is hard to tell because that's just how shiny alolan vulpix is

is rune an alolan culprit ingame?

// she is! or at least, my best approximation of one. see OBT is played on a physical cartridge, with modifications made using ye olde action replay (which boy oh boy I sure hope that never explodes, they're hard to come by nowadays). I use a combination of cheats that can change rune's type, moves, and even abilities to get my closest approximation to alolan vulpix based on a combination of what was available at the time and what would be closest to kantonian vulpix in build (since a lot of pokemon get better movepools in later gens). she very very briefly had snow warning (but no snow veil since it isn't in the game's data), but I quickly found it made the game borderline unplayable since every 3 turns or so, EVERY pokemon currently in the dungeon had to take damage. which takes forever. so she instead has no ability at all. however, the game does have flags to reset pokemon types and abilities, so I always need to reactivate the codes every time I enter a new dungeon... it's a lot of work haha

of course I set all this up before the super cool Sky Temple ROM editor was released! the very talented community has options to include alolan vulpix and fairy-typing in the game, along with many other fun mods. I have considered porting OBT's data from the physical copy into a modded ROM, but I haven't gotten very far haha. the other option is to start with a new file on a ROM and play up to where OBT's gameplay is with items, recruits, levels, etc... which is probably way more work, hehe. though typing this all out, maybe a casual "mimic" playthrough would be good streaming material? that said if you're in the modding scene and would like to baby someone through save porting and/or editing, feel free to hit up my DMs!

[goldenkid2]

update: the ydyd fanfiction is now nearly 8k words long and went from me being like I think i’ll write everyone’s deaths from ydyd 3 but with more feelings and dramatic licence to a story about a team of people dropped into the wilderness with the distant goal to fight the dragon and the knowledge that not all of them will make it, people dying and everyone having no choice but to carry on even as they become more burdened with grief, the horror of watching people die suddenly in front of you and the knowledge that it doesn’t matter, that you have no choice but to keep going

anyway here’s a couple excerpts (cw death, mild body horror, grief n that)

The day Gavin dug his own grave was the day the commune started to knit itself back together. The gaping wound of loss turned to a scar, and they got back on with their work. The nether portal was boarded up, a rough wall of stones blocking it off on either side, and someone erected a memorial board just behind it. Every day they walked past the blocked portal and the names of the fallen, and every day they inched closer to their goal.

---

They sit silently in the graveyard for a little while, but somehow it’s peaceful, and when Gavin looks at Michael’s grave the hole inside him aches a little less.

‘Trevor told me about this place,’ Fiona says finally. She pauses. ‘He told me about the others too.’

Gavin just nods. He finds that he’s glad—and also a little sad, that Fiona is now burdened with the same ghosts as the rest of them.

‘I’m sorry,’ Fiona says, following his line of sight to Michael’s grave. The way she says it, quiet and sad in the misty morning air, betrays an edge to Fiona that Gavin’s never heard before. He’s used to confusion, bravado, enthusiasm. Not this. Somehow, it makes the apology seem even more sincere.

---

Fiona looks up, away from Trevor’s body, a crumpled heap of armour on the ground but he fell face up and she can see his face, empty with the eyes wide open, still looking, still seeing, and the ragged hole through his chest, blood and muscle and pale twisted ribs, warped by the enderman’s hand and she wonders how much it hurt, in those moments before he died, and knows that her face was the last thing Trevor saw, the thing Trevor died for—

---

Ryan holds the sword in both hands, the blade notched and dull from months of fighting and then repairing. He’s fixed it up as well as he knows how, repaired it countless times, but the blade will never be what it once was. It’s dull and scarred and some part of Ryan—a large part of him—knows that it won’t stand up to this fight. That he won’t either, bruised and exhausted and reeling with fresh grief.

But maybe he doesn’t care. Maybe, as he steps forward and takes a swing at the enderman, Ryan just doesn’t want to see anyone else die.

[4dtk]

hi 🖤 you could write something like sugar daddy? not smut explicit, something like fluff and horny 🖤 pls ! with any nct / wayv member.

ok bestie im going to do this with my fav members (and also those who have sugar daddy feels). reader is in uni like usual! not proofread. let me know if i’ve missed any of the kinks. SO fucking long, enjoy.

also anon i couldn't resist doing nsfw stuff, part of the headcanons too, it's just brief looks into their sex life with reader!

warnings: sugar daddy!au, discussion of kinks like mutual masturbation, eating out/cunnilingus, dacryphilia, oral (f receiving), oral fixation, mirror sex, public sex, quickies, wax play, ice play, bondage, shibari, humiliation, praise, daddy kink, blowjob, deep-throating, double penetration (dp), (consensual) somnophilia, clothed sex, cuckholding, sensory deprivation, overstimulation, gagging, shower sex, phone sex, riding, doggy, spanking (also with a paddle)

members: johnny, doyoung, yuta, jaehyun, jaemin, kun

NSFW UNDER THE CUT, MINORS DNI

JOHNNY

lawd this man. i’d say that a sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship is lowkey really fun when he wants to be.

even if he’s older and may be out of the loop he still wants to know what the ‘younger’ kids are doing nowadays as if he’s like 30 years older.

he’s not he’s just being dramatic

generous with his money. always tells you it’s just a gift, or it’s reward for you behaving well but he just really likes giving you money.

buys you the craziest gift and shrugs when you ask about it

gets you the prettiest outfits

acts like a kid in public LOL its honestly endearing.

the poor man has so much stress on him from his job that he’s very at ease when you ask to go on a date

if you’re talkative, he’s one to be a bit more quiet in order to hear you vent or just talk about stuff (since he’s pretty talkative too)

but if you’re a little more introverted, he doesn’t mind leading the conversation. just wants to make sure you feel heard, whether you can talk for days or would rather not say a word at all

loves u the way you are :)

tries his best to help you with uni stuff. always distracting you with hands on your body tho, and also a bit confused by your major. he’s trying his best.

would unironically fuck you on a bed full of money, im not kidding

the bank is so suspicious as to why he’s drawing so much money from the atm all at one go but it’s really to just admire you naked on shades of green. the sheets smelled like copper after it was lowkey disgusting

the whole sugar daddy thing would feed into his daddy kink, likes it even in normal circumstances like asking him to buy something for you

“what’s the magic word, princess?”

“please?”

“nuh uh, baby.”

“can i have this, daddy?” you put on your best pout and it doesn’t take long for him to cave tbh

mix between being soft and rough with you in the bedroom. surprisingly, his voice is more levelled and calm when he’s punishing you for being a brat, and when he’s rough it’s more of a softer reason (something like he missed you on his work trip or he got a bit of a scare when you get hurt or stuff like that)

always gives you what you want tho, would tease you for a bit, but like i said he caves easily and just ends up allowing you to cum because he hates to see his baby all worked up

would like stuff like quickies before a meeting, under the table shit. loves your pussy, boosts his ego when you’re writhing under him bc of his tongue and his fingers

the bedroom would mostly involve him giving praise to your cunt lol he’s obsessed. face-sitting, etc. would fucking love mirror sex holy shit (esp when you’re at a event and he can’t control himself, both mirror kink and quickie kink go brrr), clothed sex in his office, lots of praise from him, turned on when you CRY bc he’s making you feel so good. cocky bastard

DOYOUNG

your sugar daddy? or your mom? this man will NOT stop worrying about you

“do you have enough money? need me to give you more? how bout that carnival you were planning to go with your friends? aren’t the tickets and rides super expensive?”

doyoung please calm down your baby has enough cash

really doting sugar daddy! wants your best interest in mind and is the one to set boundaries in the relationship

when you’re getting your allowance, if you need more money etc, he’s usually the one planning for dates as well as choosing the outfits for events he needs to attend

likes more to follow you where you want on dates. doesn’t care much for his own interests when he’s with you. like he’ll go into a store to find suits and stuff but most of the time he’s accompanying you into the shops you want to go to

heart fills with pride when you confidently explain that you’re doyoung’s plus one and lover at events, when you claim that you’re his.

would purposely go to uni so your friends can see you with him lol. pulling up in his sports car and stuff and lean against it outside of campus

you’re like flustered and keep asking why he’s here.

“i’m picking you up for our date.”

“but you aren’t supposed to come until later! i’m not even ready…”

“just wanted to see you, angel. i’ll wait here till you get ready.”

is one to buy you like expensive gifts that he’ll only see. a promise ring, a necklace with his initials, a clutch that you use for events. they’re always really expensive that you never fail to gasp when you take it out of the gift bag. he loves that reaction

gentler dom in private. honestly makes love to you as opposed to rough fucking. there’s times where he comes home stressed and wants to take it out on you. you are NOT against it and yes he does it but is so sweet with aftercare right after.

but most of the time he’s actually pretty gentle and will only transition into a rougher person if you ask for it.

like johnny, he really likes eating you out, but believes that he should get equal treatment. loves to see you taking his dick, in your mouth, up your pussy. when you’re struggling is when he goes crazy. because he’s not forceful most of the time, seeing you deep-throating him really gets him going bc what’s better than your partner wanting to subject themselves to discomfort just to please you?

oral fixation 100%. likes you when you’re sucking on stuff like mentioned above. bonus if there’s drool coming out the sides of your mouth

bc of this he’d love mutual masturbation. more disappointed than mad when you act up, ignores you when you’re asking for him and only shoots you a raised eyebrow. he’s so smitten with you that he has to turn away to hide the smile when you’re begging.

that said, he also likes it when you beg. and like johnny, he’ll give it to you bc he’s just… so in love with you lmao

YUTA

very different when he’s in public vs when he’s with you at home/in private

doesn’t look like it but he’s mushy when he’s with you, always hands on your hips, hands in your hair, legs in his lap

crazy about you

sleeps half naked all the time, so he can feel you closer to him

times with him are always suggestive tbh but yuta likes riling you up in general

it doesn’t always lead to sex, just general make-out sessions and squeezes on your ass etc

that being said, yuta’s genuinely pretty stoic in public, bc he’s got an “image” to keep up that only makes you roll ur eyes

you find it funny sometimes and you live to make him smile slightly when you do something cute on your outings.

makes you hold onto his arm when you have outings, kinda likes the sight tbh. sometimes would hold your hand in the pocket of his coat.

likes to take you out to eat. feels satisfied when you’re eating the things you like whether it’s fast food or dessert

surprisingly really easy to talk to i guess, experienced from his time around the world and learns a lot fo things. has a lot of experience with business in japan so he likes to teach you a bit of the language while drinking at a bar or something. also teaches you the customs in drinking or alcohol games that they do in japan.

likes kissing you in public just to make other people annoyed

also likes to tease you when you’re out

but if it’s the other way? tease him and you’ll get your punishment alright

the fastest way to shut you up is when he threatens to take his black card away

one to make you sit you in his meetings with a vibrator up your cunt. fucking filthy ass

turns up the setting when people are explaining stuff to him at the office. smiles when he sees you twitch and the business partner thinks it’s bc of him

yuta’s nice to at least get the quieter ones tho so don’t worry.

lowkey has a language kink, idk idk. teaches you the lewdest words in public and doesn’t tell you the meaning, asks you to moan it out in the bedroom and he nearly cums from it. he finally tells you what it means after and you whack him after, he only laughs

if u want to rile him up, just use those words and he’ll get insanely hard

sex with him is heavenly. ALSO the type to fuck you in his office/against the window of his office. yum

would have a bit of a kink for public sex, like in a dressing room of a high-end designer store. pays the staff there to keep their mouths shut if their manager asks why there’s underwear in the dressing room.

yuta asked you to walk out the store without underwear :( poor baby :( well too bad yuta doesn’t care

doms most of the time, but likes to see you work for it on his dick. more in private and he leans back and lets you do all the work until you’re begging for him to do the fucking

humiliation is a big yes, using a paddle to spank you is something he would wanna try too

wouldn’t mind some bondage (shibari omfg!!!!!), wax play, ice play, one of the more explorative ones when in the bedroom

JAEHYUN

observant when you want something. either you’re looking at something online or when you stop by a shop’s display case, he’s getting it for you by the next time you meet

very doting on you, always helping you with uni work, helping to solve your friend’s relationship problems LMAO he’s all up in your shit.

not hesitant with affection when he’s showing you off/trying to get someone jealous. ofc his ears will show but he takes pride in handling your ass in public lol

has no patience to deal with people who questions your relationships. would stuff a huge sum of money down their pants just for them to shut the fuck up

he loves you, you love him, what’s more is there to question?

this man keeps wanting to update his wardrobe its lowkey like “uggghh… another designer store???” and he just rolls his eyes at your groans.

it’s funny, but he makes it up to you instantly when he brings you to one of your favourite stores later

mix of doyoung and johnny, believes that there should be equal things in a relationship but at the same time he loves you too much that just HAS to buy you that dress you were whining about

events with him are pretty annoying bc he’s pretty particular about his outfits so your fits always have to match with his. in colour, in brand etc

you always look good by the end of it though so who’s really losing tbh. he has an eye for fashion

likes when you take him to food places he’s never heard of before. doesn’t exactly mind expensive restaurants but likes it when you take the lead in dates and you bring him to where you want to go

i think we established this thru the fandom but this man is obsessed with breeding/creampie-ing you. likes to see it seeping it out of you after he finishes. convinces himself he doesn’t intend to do it but always cums inside

wouldn’t mind toys (kinda like dp, where he’s in you while the toy’s up your ass). would use the toys together with his tongue/fingers to make you absolutely lose it too.

i feel like he would like cuckholding but isn’t one to last to the end LMAO he’s too jealous and competitive for that.

semi-public sex ftw. a hand in your underwear at dinner or fucking yourself back onto his cock under the table as he’s in a meeting, either online or in person

also like yuta, likes seeing you lose it on his dick as he lets you do all the work, only helping you when he finds you’re moving too slow or when you’re getting tired

oh my god also another one to fuck you with cash, just not with the actual cash, but more of the stuff that he buys you. expensive dress, dangling of your bracelet, whew

also SOMNOPHILIA!!! omg (consensual ofc). when you moan quietly in your sleep as he inserts his dick, the unconscious spreading of your legs drives him crazy

JAEMIN

another one who’s generous with his money. wires you cash whenever he wants to or feels like it

shows interest in the course/major you’re studying in and actually does some reading so he can help you with your assignments. kinda like jaehyun but less interested in your personal life

if you want him to know, you’ll tell him, if not he won’t purposely pry into it

a little closer to your age so he understands the stress if you decide to put up an attitude. he’s patient, usually you’ll come back to apologise or offer to go on a date to make it up to him. he coos and gives in immediately, letting you love him in your way that he forgets you were ever mean to him

as for dates, he wouldn’t mind to go anyway but loves taking you to some of his fav cafes. the people in those different cafes know him and he always tips generously, so they usually have a table reserved for the two of you

like johnny, he would let you talk if you’re extroverted, would take the lead if you rather not talk, but at the end of day wants you to be comfortable around him

sometimes doubts himself, idk, whether he’s too young or not giving you enough cash, but you’re always there to reassure him.

would go to uni WITH you just to relive his younger days lmfao. bc he’s younger and looks younger he’d turn heads with questions like “is he a new student… i’ve never seen him before” you just let out a sigh as he giggles

shows you off at events, but is a little possessive. always has an arm around you, or an eye on you.

doesn’t like when people look at you in a sexual light

like i said before in other posts, he’s a gentle dom when he wants to be, but will NOT hesitate to put you in your place if you act up

might take away his black card, reduce the amount of times he’ll take you out, cut down on your allowance whatever

even in the bedroom too, just fucking mean if you decide to be a brat. orgasm denial, the flip side too like overstimulation, gagging, rendering you speechless literally when he fucks your face or makes you cum for the nth time. hair pulling holy shit.

okay but although he isn’t always mean, there’s some days when he still wants to treat you as such, but is softer. letting you breathe in between orgasms, praises you for taking his cock for the nth time instead of just asking you to shut up.

fucks on everywhere but the bed too. on the counters, in the shower, against the wall/floor, carrying you

especially likes the shower. uses the shower head to see your body jerk in sensitivity and he relishes in that.

phone sex is a big thing too, esp when he’s on business trips. wants to hear you when you’re bouncing on a toy as he jerks off in the hotel suite

KUN

another parent-like sugar daddy, although he’s worried about your daily life and whether you’re good at school, with your family.

is another one to also show interest in your course/major. would try his best to help you with your major but his answers are really long-winded so you tune it out after like three sentences LOL

enjoys taking you on dates. they’re usually at night since he likes to work overtime too. poor man is addicted to his work and he’s always busy so he feels weird if he’s laying around doing nothing.

will only leave it alone when you coax him out of his comfy office chair

also one to keep upgrading his closet it’s so annoying. one look from kun though and you’re shutting up because you know what he’ll do. even if you do shut up, he’ll still bring it up later anyway.

unlike jaehyun, he would rather shop for suits so he can ‘keep up with the trends’

like jaehyun, will also put people in their place when they talk about your relationship.

they don’t know shit so he just asks for their number and wires money to them so they can keep quiet. baits them by saying that he’s giving money, but it’s very little. $15 tops. it’s so funny seeing them freak out and get pissed at kun for tricking them, just says “but i never said how much. now keep your fucking trap shut unless you want me to take away your money. i already have your details.” (i know it doesn’t work that way just act like it does.)

mean ass dom. he’s really sweet on the outside but in the bedroom he kinda switches. there’s his good days, but most of the time he’s rough and asking who’s his slut

(you. you are.)

there ARE days where he goes a little gentler. when you’re aching from doing schoolwork or stressed then that’s when he fucks to make you feel better. when you’re fine tho he has no problem breaking you down and making you call out his name like it’s a prayer

boundaries/comfort is VERY important in his book. before you got into the whole ‘mean dom’ dynamic he always asks you if you’re okay with it. if you’re together for a while, he would ask you less and be rougher, but make sure you’re okay after each orgasm.

sensory play/sensory deprivation. blindfolding you is one of his favs. likes it when you jerk in shock bc you don’t know if he’s there or not

pussy. slaps.

spanking!

enjoys cuckholding like its a GAME. calls you a whore for wanting his friends’ cocks and then snatches you back to finish inside of you.

of course this is all done with everyone’s consent, and if you feel uncomfortable you’ll either use the green-yellow-red system or your safe word.

oh my god, also blindfolding AND cuckholding. makes you guess who is he with such a calm voice it scares you. you aren’t sure if he’s even enjoying fucking you bc he speaks so smoothly without a hitch in his voice.

wrong answer and you’re dead LMAO good luck

extremely gentle with aftercare tho. doting on you like doyoung does, draws a bath, changes the sheets if he needs to, brings you a cup of water.

you question him, too, when he hardly reacts/feels almost stoic as he fucks you in a cuckholding situation with his friends that you’re worried he’s become bored with you. he’s so sweet to reassure you that he only does it for the dom role that he’s in, but he truly loves your cunt and how it hugs his cock so well.

not to say that he doesn’t like pillow talk but bc he’s the one doing most of the things to make you comfortable, he rather sit in silence and just trail a hand over your features.

kun will let you talk if you need to, but sometimes you talk so much he finds himself dozing off. he doesn’t mean to! he’s just genuinely tired. even so though, he will try his best to stay awake until you fall asleep. feels safe knowing you’re asleep before succumbing to slumber himself

explicit nsfw under here. go back if you don’t want to read it!

“oh my god-!” your hands tangle itself in his hair, holding it close to your cunt as his skilled tongue works over your clit. it drags up and down the sensitive area, while his fingers thrust deeper and deeper into you with you arousal providing lubrication. it’s dizzying, how your skin heats up so easily with his touch that you’re falling apart at the seams. the silk sheets he has on his queen-sized feel soft against your skin, giving just a bit of comfort in contrast with the squirming that you do. “that’s right baby, let it all go f’r me, pretty.” they groan into your core, increasing the pace of their fingers, continually reaching that spot that it sends shivers up your whole body as he hums and laps up at your slick. “so sweet.”

— JOHNNY, DOYOUNG

“that’s right, lovely, fuck yourself with my cock,” he only groans softly, briefly checking if his microphone is off. he sneaks a glance under his table where you’re currently moving your hips onto him, on all fours as someone in the finance department goes off onto something he deems boring. biting his lip, he can see how you turn your head back to meet his eyes from below, face morphed into pleasure that all you can manage is a pathetic lolled tongue while your eyes roll back. he wished you went faster, though, snapping finally when the finance director’s speech reaches an all-time boring state. kicking away his chair, he leans on the table for support and pumps his hips into you. “oohhh fuck- mmfng, uh uh!” is all you can manage, not caring for how your head bangs against the front covering of the table as he fucks into you with impatience.

— YUTA, JAEHYUN

your head’s pushed into the pillow, mushing up against your head as it soaks up all the sweat that forms on your forehead. you’re whining into the sheets as he continues to pound into you, roughness through the rough. you love it, though. “who’s making you feel this good, whore?” you can’t even answer, distracted by the squelching noises of your dripping cunt that it makes you squeeze your eyes tight. “look at me when you’re being fucked. want to be blindfolded again?” he pulls on your hair from the back, forcing your head into an uncomfortable position to see how his cock goes in and out of you. with your head turned to the side, he kisses you messily, sloppily, and one last deep thrust has your body spasming from the immense pleasure. you can’t return the kiss, moaning instead into the other’s mouth while your back arches to feel every inch of his cock.

— JAEMIN, KUN

[dangermousie]

CFC Chapter 54

“A crashing car?” Ahahahaha I see you, Meatbun. But it was indeed an utter pileup!

I know I commented on this passage in its various iterations eight billion times already but I still have more to say. And it’s that XQC taking so long to realize that even though HY is young, his emotions and feelings are as genuine and strong as those of anyone older is so realistic - people do tend to think that especially with regard to children - think of a reaction of an adult to a three year old crying over ice cream they dropped. It’s all amused even if not meanly so. Because to an adult with vastly more experience, this is not a big deal. But what that forgets is that whether it’s ridiculous to someone else or not, to the person at issue that is a real feeling, AND that of course a person can only feel through the lens of their experience - what else is there? Emotions aren’t any less valid because they are informed by lesser or different experience.

Honestly, to me so far this is one of the driving messages of the novel - everyone is in their own world of issues and pain and none of these characters can truly look through the lens of another person and it would be so much better if they did. To XQC, for so long, He Yu’s strong feelings (and we know so many of these feelings are awful - despair, and self-loathing, and loneliness) never quite felt real and therefore never quite felt fully valid. And by the time it wasn’t the case, it was too late.

But the same is true for He Yu - he is so concentrated on his own grievances and his own pain, he cannot perceive others’ different issues. In He Yu’s mind, he’s the winner and always champion of Misery Olympics and while he’s had a horrible time of it, that doesn’t mean other people didn’t either just in different ways. Whether because of his condition, his issues or just his age, HY is not empathetic in the least.

And think about it - XQC does not have a horrible illness. He does not have unfeeling parents. But he had to watch his beloved parents brutally murdered in front of his eyes at 13 (!!!!) and then had to raise a 5 year old by himself. Is it worse or better than HY’s trauma? That’s a matter of opinion but what there is no question about is that is a different type of trauma and a different type of scar. Or think about the patient in the asylum whose name I am too lazy to look up - her life is such a theater of horrors that to me, it makes the combined issues of HY and XQC seem small, though once again that’s subjective. Nobody wins when people start this sort of competition.

My heart breaks for XQC but also - I am sorry - if/when HY x XQC hook up again (how? I have no idea! But that is one of the joys of Meatbun - I both have no idea how/where it’s going and utterly trust her), please have He Yu read up and learn things because Good God. You should not be in major pain the morning after unless you are into pain and XQC clearly is not!

The other thing is the bit about XQC forcing himself to walk in his usual ramrod-straight manner is the moment I went utterly gone for him. I mean, I liked him and found him interesting before. But this is the thing that flipped that invisible switch for me and I went rabid and irrational and now I am Team XQC and I don’t care what he wants and does from now on, he should have it. It’s so small but so real. My mother and her mother were both big on straight posture. And one of the reasons they gave was when you walk with good posture - you look confident but also it makes you feel confident and stronger. And I’ve actually found it to be true - when you throw your shoulders back and straighten your neck and hold your head up, it does not just give others a signal, it gives a signal to your own brain. So to see XQC insist on doing it, despite being emotionally and physically shattered - because of his pride refusing to give up, because he’s so unbending, but also this being some sort of instinctive armor, just hits straight through the heart.

OK, I laughed at HY as a fucking machine. But also, this is another point in the whole “everyone has issues” narrative and HY’s life could be worse. HY, with all his other issues, can pay an insane amount, an amount that XQC could not pay in a million years, so easily. It’s not even a blip to him. Hell, the fact that he forgot to pay speaks to that - I can see forgetting to pay a friend a couple of bucks back right away because it’s not much money. HY forgets because it does not loom in his mind. And this rich lifestyle is instinctive, is ingrained in him. I think he’d find it hard to be poor.

THAT is what he’s thinking about? Priorities are...

The sole good thing that came out of this insanity is that XQC is getting in touch with his emotions, even if those emotions are (rightly) rage. He’s too closed off from them normally.

The fact that you slept with a man should be secondary to the fact that you drugged and raped him, but here we are...

To me, this sums up He Yu as a moral wasteland. To still, when sober and past his fit and not under influence of wine, to still feel excitement over his revenge and to somehow twist it that it’s XQC’s fault for being raped by He Yu is !!!!!!!!!

(I suppose if I were charitable, I’d assume that the disquiet is small stirrings of almost dead conscience and his “he deserved it” is an attempt to justify the unjustifiable to himself, but I honestly don’t want to think so because I am so angry at him. Not until I see some more evidence. I don’t feel like being indulgent with He Yu since he’s indulgent with himself enough for two.)

1. The fact that you can tell from the picture XQC got taken by a man (I am gonna defer to Meatbun’s expertise here) definitely points to the fact that the pictures are going to be used for something bad later - because if it’s just oh XQC had sex, so what, he’s single what’s the big deal. But like this it becomes a different matter. No idea if it will be used for HY or XQC or both, and by whom (money is on Duan and co, but after the way HY went off, I would never say HY himself won’t use it badly somehow) but knowing Meatbun, it will go for maximum damage.

2. Ruthless? Perhaps. Unfeeling? Hmmmm. I am not He Yu’s biggest fan atm but that’s a wonderfully misleading adjective here. He does still seem to be in shock. And fixating.

3. The whole “hahahaha XQC is a hypocrite when he was all ‘I am not interested in sex’“ is - I am not sure if HY is just short-circuiting (fine) or using a rapist justification/rolling in a sea of toxic toxicity (not fine) because I am sorry, that’s totally like “he/she had a reaction, can’t be rape” writ large. Yeah, sure he had a reaction - you poured drugs down his throat. That has nothing to do with his default preferences or his actual state. THE FUCK?!

Anyway, we end on the whole “u mad bro?” bit and you know what strikes me? HY was all “I am done, we are done, my revenge is complete I don’t care” but here he is, still desperately seeking and craving reaction and interaction from XQC.

I remain utterly puzzled as to how these two will ever be a couple except for a couple being defined as “two mutually homicidal people.” Leaving aside everything else, I am willing to accept HY is in the closet - clearly whatever his orientation is, it includes men. But I do not get that sense from XQC at all. When he’s not drugged, he’s barely interested in sex with anyone and I do not get the sense he’s in the closet either. Chances of anyone, let alone He Yu, who is both a man and someone who raped him to humiliate him, being able to entice him into sexual encounters voluntarily is about the chance of me going to visit Mars. Meatbun loves doing insane things so I can’t wait.

PS I know people use the term psychopath all the time casually but ummm, I think He Yu may actually be one? When he has his father (!!!) on speakerphone, calmly carrying a conversation with the man as he’s raping his father’s friend in the club as he talks (!!!!!) that is...in RL I’d be “team lock him up for life, there is something so basic broken in him that it can’t be fixed.” Like - the hell? The ability to put things on different shelves so much is not in the same country as sane (it makes me think of 2ha and TXJ banging CWN being the curtain while performing court business but TXJ was bona fide clinically insane and also this is worse because this is his actual freaking father omg.) Of course, only time will tell whether it’s evidence of him being irreparably incapable of normalcy in terms of living in the world/interacting with others or it was an extreme psychotic (in casual parlance not medical one) break because most people are capable of truly horrific stuff if certain levers are pushed and his default is saner. It’s the question, isn’t it? Whether He Yu’s factory default setting is the monster of the previous chapters or the kid who’d cut his wrists so as not to hurt others.

Anyway, this novel is a terrifying roller coaster ride and I love having strong emotions.

[habitatimagines]

jafxkljslofajwlfj,, ok so habit x reader but his s/o has some BIG fangs. I'm talking like MEGA teeths my dude; the reader has LITERAL ROWS OF SHARP CANINES... but they look so sweet otherwise.

Ohoho yes. Anon I love the way you think.

Tad bit unrelated but it makes me think of that one comic where fk had these sharp chompers and Habit was like “plz don’t bite me” but they bit him anyway. I can’t find the post but I’ll hunt for it and reblog it because it’s funny. Anyways shehegwhwg on with the hcs

🦷 Habit with an s/o who has REALLY sharp teeth 🦷

🦷- So Habit had heard that you had sharp teeth but he didn’t want to be rude and ask. Part of him almost didn’t want to believe it since you’re so,,sweet. It was hard to imagine you with large sharp teeth

🦷- Also he’s become a little uncomfortable (I don’t think that’s the word I’m looking for but it’s the only one that can come to mind atm.) around teeth because of his history with them. He still has a oral fixation but like?? He feels more guilty for it now.

🦷- He’s felt them before when you two kissed a few times but he didn’t mention it.

🦷- Finally he brings up the courage to ask.

🦷- “U-Uhm...anon..if it isn’t too much trouble could I...see your teeth”

🦷- This mans face is so fuckin red right now he’s never been so excited but so worried of a reaction in his life

🦷- So you warned him but he insisted you let him see

🦷- So you did and needless to say he was 😳

🦷- Wow. Those are some sharp chompers. Really huge too. He wouldn’t have expected such large teeth to be on someone who looks so harmless.

🦷- Is he intimidated? Possibly. Does he like them? Absolutely.

🦷- He has to kind of compose himself after he sees them and tells you they look nice.

🦷- Kissing him makes him a little bit more nervous and flustered now. Especially if the kisses are more passionate.

🦷- He’d definitely give you a shark related nickname to tease you sometimes?? Like “Little shark”, “Sharkie”, he’d call you these in either English or his Mother tongue, depends on how he feels.

🦷- He tries to hide his excitement about them but you eventually catch on that he’s liking it way more than what he’s letting on.

🦷- So help this man if you tease him, you know he likes them and he blushes easily.

[straighttohellbuddy]

🥺🧡 Im gonna send a snippet in my next ask!! Also I’m cool w/you posting it. If anything it might actually give me the push bc I have ideas!!! but most ppl I often scream abt ideas with are in different fandoms and they’re not too keen on corpse so it’s low-key awkward but my fixation does not let me rest lmao. I have been working on a playlist for the fic tho and I’m trying to group it in order of kinda progression in the fic if that makes sense? but atm the current playlist is just jumbled mess. STOP THATS SO COOL omg pls find a way for it to come up as a discussion point between reader and corpse bc that kinda stuff makes the dopamine HIT. I am excited for this music adventure n I hope life helps you find the right people to work with on that!!! -🐈‍⬛

I LOVED THE SNIPPET DUDE!! also i definitely feel ya on the ‘friends in different fandoms aren’t too keen on corpse/yt’ hence why i have a wholeass YT sideblog. cannot BELIEVE corpse revived my yt blog. my older posts are SO INCREDIBLY EMBARRASSING it was from 2014. someone liked a gifset of eef from idk how long ago where i was relentlessly thirsting in the tags, like, NO past me, you’ve got gender envy and an aesthetic attraction, but you are a Fucking NB Lesbian please calm down. but that’s a whole other thing. 

i’ve got too many playlists for this fic specifically, cos i have the album ones, but i also have the sykkuno and y/n vibes one, and also the full fic playlist that’s just the vibes for the playlist, which is so jumbled rn but i also definitely know what you mean abt chronological order for the songs relating to the fic, i do that with all my fic-specific playlists

side note, a list of songs you definitely shouldn’t think about in the context of angel!corpse/demon!reader:

Take Me To Church - Hozier (for obvious reasons, but it makes me yell when considering that they almost definitely think it about the other, if that makes sense??)

Saint Bernard - Lincoln (im going to go feral)

Crave You (Original) & (Adventure Club Remix) - Flight Facilities (the remix is much more the vibe im going for, but also the original has some lyrics that hurt my little rabbit heart. if this ain’t the reader idk what is;

there’s more but i don’t have them on hand rn.

yesssss so i’ve just started on the reader working on a song abt corpse, even though they haven’t really spoken, because things have kind of changed and ive got more of a story arc than i did before, but it makes sense. y/n needs a rest. badly. 

also welcome to wildly unrealistic things i think about that won’t happen in the fic, but that i literally cannot get out of my mind because of the aesthetic of it all. (and if ur sick abt me talking abt billie eilish in relation to this fic i’d scroll on now im sorry but her musical aesthetic is what i want my soul to look like)

so i go back and forth abt the reader telling the world that they’re a demon, on the one hand, that’s their business and the world can get fucked, it needs to learn respect and boundaries, on the OTHER HAND there are so many ways that they could?? the one that lives rent free in my head is while performing live, at a festival. SPECIFICALLY (the theatrics, ladies and gentlemen, and those of us who know better, the theatrics) i have this idea of them joining Billie Eilish on stage during her set, since they’ve collabed before and they’ve worked this all out, (if it doesn’t load properly, bcos its a 7 min video, the bit im thinking of starts at 6:11)

so it’s bury a friend, with this whole semi-choreographed duet thing, so the lyrics become kind of a conversation, and the reader’s kind of playing this confident, antagonistic character on stage as they both jump around, and duck and chase, but they get to that bit, to the second chorus, and y/n steps up behind billie so they can rest their chin on her shoulder, and y/n has their eyes closed and is mouthing the words, but their microphone is lowered, and billie’s the one singing

Step on the glass, staple your tongue (Ahh-ha) Bury a friend, try to wake up (Ahh-ha) Cannibal class, killin' the son (Ahh)

but, BUT, Billie gives this pleased little knowing smile, which the cameras that are getting close ups catch, and projecting them on the screens either side of the stage, and Billie moves the microphone so y/n can say the- Bury a friend - as their eyes open to show of their demon eyes and this wicked smile, and the - I wanna end me - is said as the crowd is GOING OFF and the bass drops, and y/n reveals their wings as the lights and screen behind them are strobing and going off behind them, creating the silhouette of these gigantic black, iridescent, feathered wings, and it’s so bright people can’t be quite sure if what they’re seeing is right, but then billie steps away from y/n as the lights flood the stage with red and everyone can see them with their arms out, like royalty, confident and intimidating and incredible, and billie’s laughing her fucking head off, delighted, before they both get into the final bit of the song, even though the music can barely be heard over the crowd at this point.

like i said, SUPER unrealistic and mostly just for aesthetic and will not be what happens, but the image in my head is very cool so i had to talk abt it. thank u.

[eroticcannibal]

Bananon here, & oh gosh, big same on the gentle dehumanization angle. Ive got so much 'Ur smart & capable & just not living up to ur full potential' style trauma, being diagnosed as autistic was like a rapid spiral from 'Slow & simple & special needs r bad terms n I dont like them' to 'Actually yes plz to all of those, but like, extra syrupy sweet & condescending.' Like how u talk to rly stupid cats. Tell me Im cute & silly & talk to/abt me like I cant understand u, fuck. Major bonus (1of3)

points for babying/littlespace types angles, altho kittenplay works too. Just wanna b coddled n spoiled n shit. Treated like Im completely helpless & dependent, or better yet, /made to be/. Never left alone for more than a second, no doors allowed to b shut, no unsupervised internet access, etc. Maybe taken advantage of sumtimes, but like, gently, w/ lots of reassurance. Like how u would give a pet medicine. Like u kno its scary, but its ok, Im safe, I need it for my own good. All cooing & (2of3

comforting & shit. My main fandom atm is v creaturey, so Im v fixated on like, being in heat type concepts with that. Also I saw I maybe missed a weird foods hour, so I contribute late, cheddar cheese sticks w/ peanut butter, & pan fried quesadillas w/ salami, dipped in mayo & honey mustard. Take ur pick. (Also can confirm, am not u sending urself messages lol. If nothing else, ur kinks r way more hardcore than mine. Which is rly v validating on that 'Am baby' from tbh.) (3of3)

honestly now i think about it i wonder if that’s why im so into subby shit and being controlled???? hmmmm this is genuinely facsinating

also the cheese sticks and peanut butter??? NOT VALID. the other sounds good tho

[comicteaparty]

April 20th-April 26th, 2020 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from April 20th, 2020 to April 26th, 2020.  The chat focused on Only In Your Dreams! by Tuyetnhi Pham.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Only In Your Dreams! by Tuyetnhi Pham~! (http://oiydcomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace until April 26th, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Discussions are freeform, but we do offer discussion prompts in the pins for those who’d like to have them. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic! Whether you finish the comic or can only read a few pages, everyone is welcome to join and chat with us!

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 1

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic?

2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)?

3. Who is your favorite character?

4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most?

5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it!

6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores?

7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content?

8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

5. I like how distinctive the character designs are! The mcs are both very unique and recognizable

8. It doesn't take itself too seriously, but it also explores some real neat concepts

the story is full of personality

carcarchu

the comic's not loading for me shakes fist at wifi, gonna try again tomorrow but i just wanted to say the look of the site is really cute!

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Got the chance to read it So here are some of my thoughts: 1. I like the romantic atmosphere that the comic starts off with warm colours and it gives a vacation ad sensation? 2. My favourite moment is in the pink strange dream world, the colours contrast to the reality of Cara. 4. Fave moment: When that mystery guy shows up and he had corny lines like a romantic parody. It seem so fantastical. 5. I like the colour palette choice of brown tones, shades of pinks. 6. I think the theme is about expectations (it's not clear atm), how Cara is distancing from real relationships and prefer to indulge. 7: I like how the creator shows Cara looking scared of confronting things. It sets an interesting tone of uncertainty. Is she hiding something?(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm super curious about the situation of Cara not remembering her past dreams with Richie, and how that ties into the theme.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

1. I like how I don’t know what to expect. I also like how the premise is relateable; the idea that you are scared of imperfection making you have high standards in life hit close. 2) Every single time we’re treated to....Tuyetnhi’s lovely use of expression. Also the end part of episode 2, because that’s when I realized it’s going to get dark. 3) A tie between Ana and Richie. Ana because she makes me laugh with her blunt assertions (which...aren’t wrong) and Richie because he’s so flamboyant and extra. I love how much personality they all have. 4) Hands down Richie and Cara. They have a really hilarious dynamic going on. 6) The idea that people seek perfection through their dreams instead of facing reality. Also I really liked how it tackles society’s fixation on everyone to find someone....maybe Cara doesn’t need that and needs to focus on herself first? 7) That I won’t know what to expect. I came into this thinking it was going to be a classic romcom, and then I get hit with implicit horror and trippyness. I have a feeling Tuyetnhi is hinting at some darker aspects of the story we have yet to see. 8) Good lord the expressions. They really do the story justice and make me turn the page every time. Also the colours are beautiful.(edited)

(Whoops sorry keiiii)

7) two moments actually!

The fact that their wide eyed sweaty expressions matched made me laugh really hard

And also Cara’s quick acceptance of the situation was so unexpected and hilarious I took a double take. Also props to the colour dissonance; that looks like meme material right there!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah. I want to make it clear that Cara is like "This is really not my day." lol

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Well....you portrayed that sentiment perfectly

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Omg yes the wide eyed expressions were also making me laugh! Well that was an expression I didn't expect coming into the story(edited)

I was wondering if that was suppose to be serious or humorous?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

both LOL

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I see the horror you got going there Tuyetnhi Reminds me of...I dunno Jojo?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

well............ yes and no lol

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

But I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen

Although...if we’re going by the silhouette....is she scared of herself?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

C:

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I like that sense of not knowing what's happening? :)(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

that will be coming up in Ch. 3 soon

so please wait till then thank u lol

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

So far it's tough to choose a fave character right now since I feel the story has just started its first segment. I would like to wait until more content is shown before I can make a firm choice? (I'm analytical, I like to go over OCs flaws and strengths once I know more about them)(edited)

I'm curious to learn about her ex crush, since we only get a glimpse of how Cara precieve him. But what is Dean really like? *Drum rolls(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

you got.... good questions

it will be rewarded.... later on LOL

mariah (rainy day dreams)

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic? I really liked the colors and island vibe. And this was even before Animal Crossing came out and I started hardcore living that island life I just love a good, soft pink to purple gradient generally speaking so the opening of the story was like falling into a comfy brain pillow for me. 2-4 I'm just gonna answer these ones kind of all together because they thoughts on then are all kind of threaded together into one big thought. After having read through the archive I really liked the scene with Ana and Cara. When I first read it I was like "dang, she's giving Cara such a hard time," but after having read the scenes where Cara just refused to admit to Richie she doesn't know what's going on I really retroactively appreciated Ana's willingness to call Cara on her bullshit XD I think it's a really good foil trait to have for a protagonist who seems dead set on avoiding confrontation even though it seems like doing so is most likely just gonna come back to bite her later. I imagine we aren't going to see Ana for a while though unless Cara is able to use her Phone A Friend card in the dream realm XD I am also looking forward to seeing more of the Cara doppelganger and how she and Cara interact with each other going forward. That feels like an exciting and drama filled mystery

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic? I also love the atmosphere. The color choices are just so beautiful. 2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)? Ana pointing out Cara's BS hahahaha. 3. Who is your favorite character? Definitely Ana. She's so down-to-earth from what I can tell, someone I'd want to be friends with. 4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most? Probably Ana and Cara. I like to see good friendships depicted, especially in a romance. 5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it! In general, everything is so soft and pretty. I also really appreciate the fact that all the characters have larger noses. If I had a favorite panel, it would be at the beginning, the sunset beach waves. 6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores? So far, I'm not sure about themes, but I like the talk about the pressure parents give to their children to get married. 7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content? There's a lot of mystery, so I'm looking forward to learning about Cara's dreams, Richie, and the key. 8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are? The visuals are really nice. I can't stop gushing about the color choices and the pretty atmosphere.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

The way Cronaj sums up their thoughts on OiYD, I'm agreeing with the statement on Ana and Cara! Esp friendship part

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'll answer the questions hopefully later this week, but this song reminded me of the comic!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4z5ecLCvSQ(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

@Deo101 [Millennium] damn that’s a good song

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Oooo

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

He's definitely hot and extra

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

lmao

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

My joke idea is that Cara is secretly in a reality show starring Richie and her and the bonds they play out is meant for a live broadcast. But she's clearly not agreeing to this(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh god. i don't think that's good for Cara's mental state lmao

Feather J. Fern

Also I have to say, I do love how the first cover is literally Cara being the meme of "Oh no he's hot"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

fjdkalfdjdklfj

Feather J. Fern

Also I finally started it, while a bit late, I have to relate to Cara being an accountant.

Also I think my favourite panel is "Welp that worked"

Also I have to appreciate picking a pink that doesn't grate on the eyes.

https://gyazo.com/71fe22ea6ac2ebf6b3d85531c66bf8ed Another really good panel

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I enjoyed making that one LOL

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

that face is one of my favourites not gonna lie

Feather J. Fern

I really like the surrealness of the story, can't wait to see what happens next

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

same! I feel like something is about to happen

I'm also wondering how Richie would react to the real world

like....the ex. And her parents.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

soon™️

Feather J. Fern

More like everyone reacting to Richie XD

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Yeah pretty much

Like can Richie handle the world?

More like

Can the world handle RICHIE

RebelVampire

I like that the beginning really contrasts the dream and Cara's reality pretty quickly. I kind of feel it catches that feeling of coming out of a dream to face reality which kind of sucks, and also plays into the themes of dream vs. reality and expectation vs. reality. It's very easy to idealize things, whether as a route of escapism or just because it sounds appealing. But the reality of things generally is always different, and I like that we're seeing this full force in the comic through Cara's perspective. And the contrasts between the two really enhance those topics. My favorite moment in the comic so far is probably when Cara meets what I assume is Dean. Cause I really loved that both parties were kind of at fault, and I also liked how quickly that convo devolved into a grumpfest, because that felt very realistic. My favorite character right now is definitely Richie, because he is ridiculous and sympathetic at the same time. I adore his exaggerated personality, while at the same time feel sorry for him since for him the memories are clearly there and like...I would not want to be in the shoes of someone where the person they loved no longer remembered them. As for character interacting the most, Cara and Richie because that entire premise of one person remembering and the other not makes for a really tense and awkward situation. It's hard to tell where it's going to go. What I like about the art is the palettes of color chosen, since there's some beautiful scenery as well as fantastic contrasts when needed to make certain moments pop (like dream vs. reality).

As for the story content, what I actually like the most is that Cara is a flawed protagonist. I've read a lot of stories where the protagonist is always 100% right in the relationship and is just eternally the victim because society pressure. But Cara has a lot more going on, since she's clearly been at fault in some interactions, and while we can sympathize with people pressuring her into relationships, she also maybe takes it too far by being avoidant of basically every relationship. However, since she has these traits, I'm more invested into her personal dilemmas since she'll actually make mistakes when dealing with stuff. Which I think this is the overall strength of the comic. Cara is just a damn good protagonist who is easily likeable but isn't perfect and whose imperfections are not just brushed off so easily.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

;_; .... thank you.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I love the story so far! When I first started, I figured it would be some sort of awkward story where Richie comes into the real world and he has to figure out how to, like, act natural, and hilarity ensues. But holy cow, Cara losing her memories, and the slide into somewhat of a horror angle - it's not something I expected (though admittedly I could have read the synopsis lol), but it's definitely something I like!(edited)

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 2

9. Do you think the people around Cara were right to try and pressure her into a relationship? Overall, what do you think the comic has to say about relationships and the themes regarding relationship pressure?

10. Is what Cara experiencing dream or reality, and where is the line between them in this case? Additionally, why do you think her dreams have the potential to become reality as opposed to other people? Also, what is the overall message underlying these themes?

11. Is Richie really just a dream Cara dreamt up, or is there something more to him? If he somehow makes it to Cara’s world, do you think he’ll be able to adjust to that reality? Also, can he win Cara over?

12. What do you think the Cara imposter is about, and what does this have to do with the entire situation? Do you think Cara will eventually remember her dreams? Lastly, what do you think Cara has in store for her as the story continues?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

9. I personally don’t think it was great of the people in Cara’s life to pressure her like that. Sure, they mean well, but it’s most likely bringing Cara’s self esteem down by a lot. I have a feeling that her dreams/reality colliding together is partially motivated by that; the pressure of pleasing society has made her....subconsciously take drastic measures?

10. I’m actually not sure! Maybe there’s a supernatural explanation to it, or it could all just be a dream. Dreams have a way of showing a person’s innermost desires or fears, so maybe Cara’s desires and fears are coming alive in response to external stress factors. So perhaps she opened a portal of sorts between the realms in some way (there’s a key!!!!).

11. Oh I’m thinking they might end up together. But the realist inside me thinks...perhaps what Cara needs isn’t romantic love, but more independent love and being able to love herself. What DOES worry me, however, is the fact that Richie seems...a bit desperate for Cara to like him. Is there a condition to his love after all? If so, that means that it’s possible he’s forced in some way to love her or make her love him. And that’s not really conducive to romance, is it?

12. Ah...the thing that makes me mystified the most. Cara seems to have a negative view of herself, since she told her to get out in the end of chapter two. However, Cara #2 seems to be pretty helpful; knocking on the door to tell her to get out of the house (which Richie has her in), so in a way letting her out. While our Cara seems to dislike her a lot, I think the key to the story would be our Cara needing to accept this double Cara to be really free. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t! But from what I can see from the story and like I’ve said earlier...maybe Cara needs to be able to find love within herself. Love for that Cara double, and enough love to become independent and not bend to society’s overwhelming pressure for outside romance. I hope she finds that as the story comes along, and know that it’s okay to not be ready for love.

As for Richie...hmm. He’s dealing with an amnesiac heroine, and adjusting to the real world. I’m sure it’s going to lead to some hilarious hijinks, but hopefully he can manage! He seems up to the task

RebelVampire

I think whether people were right to pressure Cara is a tricky gray area. On the one hand, no, they were wrong. Nobody should be forced into a relationship. But on the other hand, if you know a person is actively self-sabotaging, isn't it more correct to speak up? So to me this is maybe a situation of good intentions with bad execution. However, I do think overall the comic does say pressuring people into relationships sucks and plz don't do that cause that's how you make ppl run further away. I think it's both, because a dream is reality in a sense. I think many of us have had dreams that caused real emotional affects, whether negative or positive. So the line between them is merely the fact effects are limited. Cara have may have just found a way to cross that line and make a dream a tangible thing that has more consequences. As for why her dreams, I don't know. Maybe she's just super good at dreaming. I do think as the overall message though is that dreams are good but not when we get lost in them, because then we idealize and reject "reality" in ways that aren't healthy. I do think Richie is primarily something Cara dreamt up, but kind of not maybe. Like sure maybe Cara is idea creator, but something else was involved in making the physical reality of that idea. As for Richie adjusting to Cara's world, I'm sure it will be laughably hilarious. I do think he can sort of win Cara over, at least in the sense of being friends. Cause how can you hate Richie? I'm taking a shot in the dark and saying Cara imposter is the embodiment of Cara's missing memories but since they're just memories, all they can do is imitate. As for Cara remembering, I feel like it will be yes but I kind of want it to be no. I like the idea of them having to reform a relationship entire from scratch.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Oo good impressions! I wish I have more to say but it would affect the story LOL. Enjoyed reading everyone's theories tho!

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Ok my turn, let's see what my head theories are: 9: I felt the same annoyance as Cara but it's a mixed feeling, Even though, people shouldn't pressure a lady on her love life, she also has a problem with being in relationships. Or I remember one quote from the story was how she 'ditched her dates by rushing to the bathroom.' although I don't know her circumstance, I do know she has issues to settle too. Relationship pressure is real, especially as a young person grows older. 10. From the comic visuals, it feels much like it's her escapism dream. The only clue I got, is that her holding a literal 'key' connecting both worlds, is evidence that both world could collide. So far, we haven't seen other people's dreams, or whether this is an unusual occurrence in the world? It seems to be a message about idealistic relationships. Since Cara seem to turn away real ones, it manifested? 11. I'm curious about Richie's character too. He seems like a powerful imagination, enough to sway the lead, so he's more than a simple figment. I wonder if his submissive, flirtatious (?) personality was build in him. He doesn't seem to have a 'life' outside his dream house, or so far. 12. I'm not sure whether the 'Other Cara' might be trying to help her or is that.. actually a shadow side? I don't want to say too much, but it's interesting to see where the story goes.(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh! You make a good point about Richie; I never thought about that! Do you think maybe he's simply a part of Cara and eventually gains his own sentience/personality?

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Hehe I like analyzing dreams :3 In dream theory, I feel he could be? I was more skeptical whether he should be treated as a real character or something else.(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

man this does make me want to look up dream psychology

i have a feeling...Tuyetnhi is using some theories from that

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Hmmmm dream psychology you say?

I guess you can say there's some elements of that, but it's not a major chunk of it if that makes sense lol

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 3

13. What are you most looking forward to seeing in regards to the comic?

14. Any final words of encouragement for the comic?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

13. Maintaining the will power to finish OIYD! so I can see it as its end lmao. As a passion project but also something that I want to invest in when I have the time, I hope ya'll looking forward in reading Ch. 3 very soon lol.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

13. I really want to see how both Cara and Richie will develop as characters. Whether Cara will figure out for herself what being both independent means....and whether she does want a relationship for herself and not for other people. Likewise with Richie, I want to see if he'll be able to be his own person...and whether he's real or not. I have a lot of questions that I want to be answered, and I can't wait to keep reading.

14. Tuyetnhi, good luck on the webcomic. It's hard to start one and even harder to pull off a good one, and I know yours is a good one. I really look forward to reading more from you. You're amazing (edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

thank you

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

13. I'm interested in learning more about Cara's conflicts, why she is hesitant about having a real relationship vs her dream one? I love the unexpected dark twist that the story seems to be going. 14. I want to say, no pressure and take your time to complete the chapter. Just know you have my support and willing to read when it is ready. Good luck

RebelVampire

I'm looking forward to more Richie being Richie. Because he is an adorable person. And also because I'm waiting for some 'reality' culture shock. My final words are that this comic has a strong themes game going on and an intriguing premise, so it'll be fun to see where the comic is in a few more chapters since I'm pretty sure we're in for a wild ride.

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Only In Your Dreams! this week! Please also give a special thank you to Tuyetnhi Pham for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Only In Your Dreams!, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://oiydcomic.com/

Tuyetnhi’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/oiydcomic

Tuyetnhi’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/tuyetnhip

Tuyetnhi’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/tuyetnhip

[nobilitae-blog]

SO here’s a handful of hc’s with no particular relation to one another. 

-- jeralts lowkey that dude from dodgeball who throws a wrench an tells u ‘if u can dodge a wrench u can dodge a ball’. can’t imagine him being as intense as that, maybe, but like...he def gives off a “YOU KIDS HAVE NO UPPER BODY STRENGTH! STREET SMARTS!” vibe. anyway, what im saying here is, he probably gave byleth like a whole lotta firsthand experience and training lol. *drops a hammer by accident, bends over to pick it up* Y-yeahh....STREET SMARTS. 

-- this is sort of a bigger one and one tht i wanted to supplement with caps from supports and canon dialogue but i dont really care to atm, but, (i fold my hands together) ferdinand can definitely be interpreted as a person with autism and theres a lot of evidence to support my reasoning. also im partial to believing so bec of personal reasons. but. ANYWAY. take into consideration his difficulty to read social situations and properly respond to them like...every time he talks to his classmates; difficulty interpreting the tone / body language of his classmates and professors; strong affinity and fixation on historic events and recounting them / fixation on minutiae of weapons, weapon development, armour, and independent histories surrounding each of the former (which greatly strays from the ‘noble etiquette’ that the other students r necessarily taught and trained to know; like, its clearly a very big interest for him that goes beyond just ‘having’ to know it as a noble). like i think its easy to mistake a lot of what he says pre-timeskip as his huge ego impeding everything but i don’t think thats entirely a fair read of his character; like yea that plays into some of it, of course, (even tho i think theres reason to question just how big his ego is in the first place. ie., i dont think its that simple, given how insecure he is, but i digress), but licherally in 90% of his supports ppl dont get angry bec hes talking abt things that concern even himself its more like frustration with how he cant entirely ‘read the room’, as it were, lol. and coupled with that! he has a large amount of trouble understanding ‘what’ he does wrong when he annoys people; which, again, yeah you can probably just chalk up to ‘oh he doesnt pay attention to the ppl he talks to bc hes so full of himself’ which isn’t an invalid interpretation of his character but i think that it misses the mark just a little. if anything, i think that ferdinands biggest flaw is that he pushes his own methodology and ways of thinking on others before he comes to understand their side of things (but never fails 2 apologize and try to come from a more empathetic / understanding point of view after the matter...anyway, im getting away from myself lol). like i could go on in greater detail abt the other points ive made but at this point im like...does n e 1 care, is it just me reading this, who thinks this hard about a certified himbo named ferdinand. i really wish i didnt. 

-- i have a metric tonne of thoughts about dedue and his family pre-duscur but this post is already getting so long but tl;dr i feel like having been the son of a talented blacksmith, he’d know a lot about the finer things re: weapons and smithing, and see the refinement of them and the artistry in making them but i feel too like that side of smithing is sort of stained for him now. in a lot of ways dedue is a person who values practicality, too, like why would you want a beautiful weapon, a thing of death and instrument of war, it’s almost like it glorifies the tool that kills us; weapons honed in beauty almost belie their meaning, and is that a good thing or a bad thing, or is that simply a thing? i think it’s unfair, though, to solidify so much of his personality in a tragedy that happened. he probably respected his father and admired the skill and discipline that hailed from being a blacksmith, but clearly dedue values artistry more so than such practical vocations. he likes gardening and cooking and art and beautiful things and it’s actually really saddening that he’s classed into this stereotype of ‘gentle-but-stern-faced-giant’ bc its so much more than that. anyway stan talent, stan dedue.

[oasisprngsmoved-blog]

125 questions about me

i was tagged by @surreysimmer and @oasisable, lov u guys. the point of the tag is to create a simself w your traits and answer the questions!

i tag: @brndletonbae @vvindenburg and anyone else who hasnt done it yet!

my traits are dog lover, geek and hot-headed!

125 questions below the cut

1. what is your name? taylah

2. what is your nickname? tay

3. birthday? aug 30 1998

4. what is your favorite book series? the illuminae files by amie kaufman and jay kristoff

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts? yessss

6. who is your favorite author? neal shusterman

7. what is your favorite radio station? i only use apple music

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything? raspberry flavour mhm

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? incredible

10. what is your current favorite song? i literally have no idea

11. what is your favorite word? no clue

12. what was the last song you listened to? i can hear my mother listening to abba downstairs

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch? brooklyn nine nine

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? mr beans holiday

15. do you play video games? yeeee, lately ive been playing detroit become human, the new spiderman game and gta v :-) 

16. what is your biggest fear? CLOWNS

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion? im really empathetic 

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion? i can be an asshole

9. do you like cats or dogs better? dogs

20. what is your favorite season? winter

21. are you in a relationship? no

22. what is something you miss from your childhood? my dad,,,,,

23. who is your best friend? jacqui + kelsey and also jills + haley

24. what is your eye color? hazel

25. what is your hair color? black

26. who is someone you love? my dog

27. who is someone you trust? see q.23

28. who is someone you think about often? my dad

29. are you currently excited about/for something? christmas

30. what is your biggest obsession? i develop fixations real fast u could ask me my biggest obsession and itll change in 2 days

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child? probably zoey-101 or smth like that

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? bold of q.32 to assume i trust people

33. are you superstitious? yeah

34. do you have any unusual phobias? broken glass

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

36. what is your favorite hobby? watch netflix, game, work kkfbcuaajl

37. what was the last book you read? sadie by courtney summers

38. what was the last movie you watched? bohemian rhapsody

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any? none

40. what is your favorite animal? dogs, sloths and sharks

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? i cant narrow things down im indecisive

42. what superpower do you wish you had? invisibility

43. when and where do you feel most at peace? when i knock tf out and finally sleep kwbaubfdl but also when im home alone

44. what makes you smile? when someone laughs at my dumb jokes

45. what sports do you play, if any? this is so funny

46. what is your favorite drink? vanilla coke

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? no clue

48. are you afraid of heights? kind of

49. what is your biggest pet peeve? when people dont listen

50. have you ever been to a concert? yeah 

51. are you vegan/vegetarian? no but i want to be

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? hotel manager

53. what fictional world would you like to live in? harry potter lmao

54. what is something you worry about? everything!!!!!

55. are you scared of the dark? not really

56. do you like to sing? like to yes, but i cant sing

57. have you ever skipped school? yes and i skip uni all the time im depressed

58. what is your favorite place on the planet? my bed

59. where would you like to live? anywhere but australia

60. do you have any pets? i have a fifi!! (a dog... she was gonna be in the photos with my simself but her breed isnt in the game so sad)

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunsets

63. do you know how to drive? yes

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones? i call them earphones so no clue what the difference is

65. have you ever had braces? no

66. what is your favorite genre of music? literally anything

67. who is your hero? no clue

68. do you read comic books? i read graphic novels but not comic books

69. what makes you the most angry? rude people!!!!!

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? both im not bothered

71. what is your favorite subject in school? rn i love my social science classes

72. do you have any siblings? 4 brothers 2 sisters

73. what was the last thing you bought? gta v

74. how tall are you? 5′4 / 163cm

75. can you cook? yeah

76. what are three things that you love? my friends, my family, my dog

77. what are three things that you hate? stress, rude opinionated people, people who ignore what you say

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends? female friends i dont talk to men besides my brother and my boss

79. what is your sexual orientation? lmaoooooooooo no idea atm ha

80. where do you currently live? australia

81. who was the last person you texted? sam

82. when was the last time you cried? the other night larbnlcbadj

83. who is your favorite youtuber? how ridiculous

84. do you like to take selfies? not really

85. what is your favorite app? tumblr

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like? pretty good but my mums a taurus so shes stubborn af

87. what is your favorite foreign accent? french

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? everywhere im stuck in the bottom of the globe someone save me

89. what is your favorite number? 7

90. can you juggle? no

91. are you religious? no

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? space!!! but both are interesting tbh

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? no

94. are you allergic to anything? no but im lactose intolerant

95. can you curl your tongue? yes

96. can you wiggle your ears? no

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something? no im also stubborn af

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach? neither

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? someone, the other day, told me im young with relatively little life experiences and that struggling with myself is okay and to not worry about the future idk this makes no sense with 0 context to what we were talking about but it helped a lot.

100. are you a good liar? depends i can tell my boss im sick and i cant work when im Depressed^tm just fine but i cant lie to a friend

101. what is your hogwarts house? slytherin

102. do you talk to yourself? yes rip

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert? bitta both

104. do you keep a journal/diary? i have a priv twitter acc where only 2 people follow me and i act like its my journal so close enough

105. do you believe in second chances? depends on the circumstances

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? turn it in

107. do you believe that people are capable of change? again depends

108. are you ticklish? oh yes

109. have you ever been on a plane? yes

110. do you have any piercings? i have my ears done twice, my helix and my nose

111. what fictional character do you wish was real? cress from tlc

112. do you have any tattoos? no

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? deciding to go to uni

114. do you believe in karma? yeee

115. do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses, contacts freak me out

116. do you want children? no, if i were to have kids id wanna adopt

117. who is the smartest person you know? no idea

118. what is your most embarrassing memory? anything from 2015/2016

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yes

120. what colour are most of you clothes? black and grey

121. do you like adventures? depends

122. have you ever been on tv? no

123. how old are you? 20

124. what is your favorite movie quote? the gone girl monologue i wont quote it because its a SPOILER but its my fav

125. sweet or savory? sweet

[uniformbravo]

time for the thing where i yell about gay wizards Even More than ever before (with my heart, soul, AND ass) get ready

let's gooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

---

[Simon] "Why all the wars? Why did they all start with the vampire raids?"

"The war with the dark things started there," she says. "That should be obvious. I mean, mages and vampires have never got on--we need Normals alive, and they need them dead. But invading Watford, that was an act of war. And it was the first real attack by the Humdrum, too."

ok. my brain is fresh just getting back into this so bear with me but like. it was established that the dragon was under some sort of spell or trance or something when the humdrum sent it to attack watford, right? idk if it's different bc the creatures it sends are like. Creatures. but vampires are just People, so is it maybe not the same for them? is the understanding in the magickal world that the vampires were Working with the humdrum, like he told them to attack and they were like u got it boss, or were they similarly under a spell

bc if it was the latter then doesn't it mean they're like. not Technically at fault. like the dragon

and if they were working with the humdrum, why have they literally never shown up again since then. or are we just missing context here. if there's a war against dark things, as penny says here, then maybe that's implying that vampires and other Funny Guys are doing other shit on the side, just not directly relevant to watford or any of our characters' povs atm

(or MAYBE they were under a spell during the attack and their continued part in the war is because they were blamed for something they actually had no control over??? i mean they ended up having a Lot of casualties that day, what with being burned to a crisp and all that. whatever the reason for the attack was, it had to have been either really worth it for the price, or not even their choice in the first place)

thirdly, does the humdrum actually attack people who aren't simon? there was a point earlier in the book where simon was like "maybe the mage is right and i should leave watford, then everyone else would be safer because the humdrum wouldn't be sending shit to attack the school" which VERY much implies that it only goes after simon specifically

so then like. why would it send a bunch of vampires to attack watford before simon was even old enough to attend 🤔 and going with my theory that it came into existence directly because of simon, it just makes even less sense bc its number 1 fixation during its entire existence is. simon. at least that's what i'm assuming

also, last thing, that bit about "we need normals alive, they need them dead" is another detail highlighting how out of the ordinary the attack was- if they always feed off of normies then Why attack watford

it's all just more clues pointing to there being way more to the vampire attack than just another Humdrum Incident

-

"You didn't hurt Baz."

"Maybe I did--he'd never admit it."

"Maybe it didn't hurt him," she says, "because he's already dead."

"Baz isn't dead."

"Well he's not alive."

"I....I think he is," I say. "He has magic. That's life."

👀 simon????

-

[Baz] When I come back, Bunce is gone. I can tell she's been sitting on my bed again--it smells like her. Like blood and chocolate and kitchen herbs. I'll snap at her about it tomorrow.

lol saving it for later

-

I need to go hunting in the Wood again; the rats are getting few and far between in the Catacombs, even though I try not to take the females.

It's a pain to hunt in the Wood. I have to do it during the day because the Mage brings the drawbridge up at dusk, and I can't Float like a butterfly over the moat every night like I did today; I don't have the magic.

bro get this guy some freakin ACCOMMODATIONS @ the mage i thought ur whole thing was diversifying and opening up the school to anyone w magic u ran ur mouth now WHERE'S ur money

not to get all up in arms abt fantasy boarding school but this guy shouldn't have to be scrounging around for rats down in the Cat of Combs to get by no matter HOW goth he is smH

-

At first it was as if Snow was giving magic to me. Sending it to me. But then the magic was just there. It was mine, in that moment, everything that was his.

All right. I have to stop thinking about it like this. Like it was a gift. Snow would never have opened himself up to me if there hadn't been a dragon overhead....

ehehehehe getting carried away there :3c

I wonder if I could take the magic from him if I tried, but the thought turns my stomach.

Nice nice nice nice love it love this love that for u baz sweetie ur doing amazing

-

"Baz?"

"What." I sit on my own bed, on top of the covers.

"I....can you come here?"

"No."

"I can come over there, then."

I cross my legs and arms. "You may not."

Snow huffs, exasperated. Good, I think.

baz sticks his tongue out at simon in the dark when he can't see

(simon does the same thing, forgetting that baz can see-)

-

"You can't sit on my bed," I say as he sits on my bed. "And neither can Bunce. My bed reeks of intensity and brownies."

"Here," he says, holding out his hand.

"What do you want from me, Snow?"

"Nothing," he says. And he means it, the actual bastard.

LOL LMAO baz freaking out that none of his psychic attacks are working as simon continues to nonchalantly invade his personal space, none the wiser to the effects of his own unintentional psychic attacks,

-

"Are you going to let me do it again?"

"No."

"Then it doesn't matter if it was a fluke!"

Snow's still sitting on my bed. "All right," he says, "Maybe."

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe I'd do it again," he says.

uououghguough 👀 👀 👀

(also the detail "he's STILL sitting on my bed," kfkdjglsdjdkgjdk lmaooooooo)

[...] "What if I turned it against you?" [...] "What if I took your magic, cast it against you, and settled Baz versus Simon, once and for all."

(he said s-)

Snow's mouth is hanging slightly open. His tongue shines black in the dark. "Why are you such a villain?" He sounds disgusted. "Why have you already thought of that?"

"I thought of it when I was still rhyming at the dragon," I say. "Didn't you?"

"No."

"This is why I'm going to beat you," I say.

GFKGJDOJFKDJGKD BAZ

he had to think the villainous thoughts first, to make room for all the gay thoughts later,

"We're on a truce," Snow says.

"I can still think antagonistically. I'm thinking violent thoughts at you constantly."

LOL

He grabs my hand. I want to pull it away, but I don't want to look scared--and also I don't want to pull it away. Bloody Snow. I'm thinking violent thoughts at him right now.

look dude with how twisted up ur thoughts of love and hatred for him are, expressing violence towards him is Basically a confession at this point

-

the way baz is like, trying to defend himself by spitting Violence and Aggression at simon like he usually does, only to be met with simon just. calmly advancing, sitting on his bed, taking his hand, is like. so beautiful. so fucking good. baz is an angry hissing spitting cat and simon is slowly reaching his hand out to pet him and Then (what happens next will warm ur heart)

-

Snow licks his bottom lip and closes his eyes halfway. Is this how he looked this afternoon? Crowley.

LMFAOOOOOOOOO if simon had stood in front of baz instead of behind him that dragon woulda crushed the entire school into rubble

I feel his magic.

At first it's a buzz in my fingertips, then a rush of static up my arm. I try not to squirm.

"Okay?" he asks. His voice is soft.

🥺🥺🥺

HIS VOICE IS SOFT AHGUGGHAUGHG STOP

-

The static in my arm settles into a heavy thrum, like electrical sparks catching into flames. The discomfort goes away, even though the licking, flaming feeling gets stronger. This I know what to do with: This is fire.

👀 HAS NO IDEA HOW TO INTERPRET THIS BUT KNOWS IT MEANS FUCKING SOMETHING HRUGAGHUG ARE U KIDDING MEEEEEEEEEEE

"Still okay?" he asks.

"Grand," I say.

HE KEEPS CHECKING IN IM KIND OF SOBBING????????

"What does that mean--does that mean you could use it?"

I laugh, and it comes out more good-natured than I mean it to. "Snow. I think I could cast a sonnet right now."

"Show me," he says.

SCREAMSSSSSSSSSSSSSS WHY DOES THAT HIT WHY IS THAT SO GOOD WHY AMD I SCREAMINGGGGGGG AAAAAAAAAAAAA

-

I speak clearly: "Twinkle, twinkle little star!"

By the time I get to the end of the next phrase, the room around us is gone, and the stars feel close enough to touch.

"Up above the world so high!"

Simon grabs my other hand, and my chest opens wider.

my face is in my hands this is so much this is SO MUCH THEY ARE IN THE STARS,,,, THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS,,,.,, FELLAS,,.,., CAN I GET A

-

"Is it too much?"

"No. It's like you completed the circuit," I say, gripping his other hand. "I feel kind of drunk, though."

"Drunk on power?" he asks.

I giggle. "Shit, Snow. Stop talking. This is embarrassing."

"Do you want me to pull back?"

"No. I want to look at the stars."

"I'm pulling back," he says.

LET HIM LOOK AT THE STARS

-

Now we're just sitting on my bed, holding hands. Simon Snow and I. I can't look at his eyes, so I stare at his cross.

Just Two Bros Sitting On The Bed Holding Hands After Visiting The Stars Together, What's Better Than This

-

He looks uncharacteristically thoughtful. I wonder if he's forgotten that he's holding my hands. Or if he's forgotten what it means to hold hands. Or if he's forgotten who I am entirely.

I think again about pulling my hands away--but Snow could light fires in my palms at this point, and I wouldn't pull away. It feels like he has.

WE'RE LOSING HIM ALERT ALERT WE ARE LOSING HIM FAST

"Baz," he says, and it's not unprecedented for him to say my name, but I know he avoids it.

There It Is

He Avoids It

"This is stupid. If we're going to be working together, you can't keep pretending that I don't know."

"Don't know what," I say, yanking my hands back.

-

"Get off my bed."

Snow stands up, but doesn't stand down. "I know. I've known since our fifth year. How're we supposed to help you if you're still keeping all these secrets? Like, why did you start school late this term? And what happened to you? And why are you limping?"

"That's none of your business," I hiss. "None of it."

fuck. fuck every time simon brings that up baz clams right the fuck up and i just. im dying to get to a point where baz CAN tell him like. is he even gonna TELL him or is simon just gonna like. Find Out. i want it so fuckin bad this is like. benchmark how much baz trusts simon it's gotta keep coming up and EVENTUALLY.......

-

"We're supposed to find out who sent blood-sucking vampires to kill your mother, and you are a blood-sucking vampire. You don't think that's relevant?"

As if I can just admit that. Out loud. On the record. As if every other magician wouldn't gladly light me up if they knew it to be true.

:(((((((((

As if Snow himself hasn't been trying to expose me every day for seven years.

I clamp my jaw shut.

:(((((((((

JUST!!!!!! this is an assumption on my part but the idea that he DOES want to be able to trust simon with that information, in another universe, on another timeline, where allowing that info to be exposed wouldn't be a direct threat to his life LIKE. does simon even realize.

like im sure that was the point when he was trying to expose him as an enemy, but now that they're trying to be on the same side, temporarily, does simon even realize the implications of what he's asking baz to do.

this is just the "i could steal your magic" thing all over again, really. the "i thought of it immediately, didn't you?" baz's outlook on this entire situation, the baz vs simon situation, is through a lens of self-preservation, survival, taking any chance he can get to get the upper hand bc he knows he'll lose in the long run

so while simon's sitting here like "this is my current goal, we need to cooperate to make it happen, baz is just being stubborn because he sucks and hates me" whereas baz is like "this truce isn't gonna last forever, thinking about the long run the stupidest thing i could do right now is openly admit to the thing he's been maliciously trying to pry out of me for years"

it's just!!! kinda sad!!!!

and also. thinking about it as a Gay thing. u know, the "hiding an enormous part of ur identity from a community that would immediately turn against you if they knew" metaphor. baz really just straight up has No place he is truly accepted for all parts of him. like obvs there's the vampire thing everywhere except for home, where it's known, but then he said earlier that his dad doesn't accept his sexuality so even though he's technically safe at home, he's still not Accepted as he is

(and i'm pretty sure his aunt fiona knows and accepts that he's gay, but she fucking hates simon for war-related reasons SO LIKE)

makes me sad :(

i also wanna quickly touch upon smth else tho, which is simon's point about how honesty and openness between them will help with their search; baz is currently the only one who holds all the pieces to the puzzle so far; along with everything the three of them have discussed together, he also has the memories of the day of the attack, as well as what happened to him at the beginning of the school year.

bc that's another piece of it, i think; his kidnapping has everything to do with what happened with the vampire attack, probably the same person/group who orchestrated the attack was behind the kidnapping too, bc like. ok

the point of the attack was to turn baz & natasha into vampires, right, and that worked. baz is a vampire, and it's a Super heavily guarded secret- but obviously whoever ordered the kidnapping knew about it, or else the numpties wouldn't have thought to put him in a coffin or give him blood (and obvs they had numpties do it to conceal their own identity but like we already knew that)

ALSO while im talking abt it another theory to add onto that, u know what was Conveniently happening at the beginning of the school year at the time of The Numpting?? the whole thing w the Veil Lifting and all those ghosts comin thru w juicy info for me & u???

penny Literally said at one point that it used to be a Thing for people to get kidnapped or murdered before the veil lifting so they couldn't be told Crucial info abt like conspiracies and crimes n stuff SO LIKE. GUESS WHO SHOWED UP W CRUCIAL INFO ABT CONSPIRACIES AND CRIMES N STUFF

in conclusion baz was kidnapped to keep his mom from spilling the beans abt her murder by the people who murdered her and the WHOLE reason i bring this all up is bc baz is the Only One who has all the info necessary to make these connections but obvs he's not about to tell simon or penny about it, which potentially Does hinder the effort

so my point is to properly solve the mystery and get to the bottom of the whole conspiracy baz is gonna have to open up to them eventually and i am SUPER looking forward to it, PLEASE crack this guy open like a walnut i am Ready 2 Witness It my opera glasses are OUT

-

[Simon] I have to admit, my first thought is that Agatha misses me. That she wants to get back together.

I'll say yes, of course. I won't even make her ask. We can go right back to how we were.

PLEASE not this not ur pathetic ass inventing a situation that glosses over agatha's issues and the reason she broke up w u in the first place

Maybe I'll even tell her what's going on with Baz--maybe she can help.

[...]

This has all been such shit. Ignoring each other. Sitting apart. Acting like enemies when all we've ever been is friends.

ok but this is making me sad :( i'd REALLY love to see simon get over the breakup and become friends with agatha again bc they're not right for each other romantically but as friends they would be so cute ;w; and also it just makes me sad when years long friendships are broken in general :(((

-

But also, she's just not that social. Especially at school. She used to be really involved in dance, before Watford, and she's still all caught up in horses, and I think she's closer to her summer Normal friends than anybody here.

[...]

I don't think Agatha cares that much about magic, full stop. The last time we talked about the future, she was thinking about becoming a veterinarian.

bro how did it only hit me Just Now agatha is a HORSE GIRL she's out here begging her daddy not to get rid of the ornery stallion they got saddled with last week, she can tame him if he just gives her some time, she can teach him to LOVE

but jokes aside SEE this is what i mean agatha has her whole entire Other shit going on offscreen and it's just so. she is Neat

-

I've been thinking a lot about Christmas lately. I always spend it with the Wellbeloves. I have since I first came to Watford.

[...]

It's how Agatha and I got to be friends. [...]

They're all good to me, Helen included. Agatha's mum gives me nice clothes for Christmas, and her dad talks to me about my future like I'm not going to die in a ball of fire.

I just really like them. And I like Christmas. And I've been thinking about how weird it's going to be to sit around the dinner table, talking to Agatha's parents, knowing that we're broke up.

🥺

(also that ball of fire line simon PLEASE)

-

"My dad wants you to know that of course you're still welcome at our house for Christmas," Agatha says.

"Oh," I say. "Good."

"But I think we both know how uncomfortable that would be," she goes on. [...]

"Right," I say. It would be uncomfortable, I guess.

"It would ruin Christmas," she says.

[...]

"Right," I say instead.

"So I told him that you were probably going to stay with the Bunces."

Agatha knows I can't stay with the Bunces. Penelope's mum can only take about two or three days of me before she starts treating me like a Great Dane who can't help knocking things over with its tail.

[...]

"Right," I say to Agatha. "Okay."

She looks at the floor. "I'm sure my parents will still send gifts."

"I'll send them a card."

"That would be nice," she says. "Thank you."

GENUINELY SO FUCKING SAD OVER THIS?????

like ok agatha's not perfect & i know i've generally been in her corner but this is straight up like. a mean thing to do gjdkfjslgksdjkdf

i mean it's one thing not wanting ur ex to come over for christmas, completely understand that, but also. he's been coming over since before they were dating, since his first YEAR at watford, AND she knows he has literally nowhere else to go so he's just like. gonna be alone for christmas i guess????

IDK LIKE I SAID I GET WHY SHE'S DOING IT BUT ALSO I AM SAD FOR SIMON he was looking forward to it he didn't even consider that he might not still be going this year bc it's such a staple for him, like it's not just a breakup he legit considers the wellbeloves as family, or something close to it, and now he's being cut off from that and im just :((((((((((((

-

I roll my eyes. He probably thinks pixies are a lesser species. Half-sentient, like gnomes and Internet trolls.

*SPITS DRINK* WHAT NOW?????????? HUH??????????????????? U WANNA RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN???????????????????????????????? HELLO??????????????????????

"It's like being a fairy named Mary," he goes on.

"Or a vampire named Gampire," I say.

"Gampire isn't even a proper name, Snow. You're terrible at this game."

GAMPIRE SIMON. GAMPIRE

-

He still won't talk to us outside of the room.

Baz says it would confuse his minions to see him consorting with the enemy. He actually called them that--"my minions." Maybe he was taking the piss....

My Minions (affectionate)

(honestly after what he said abt internet trolls i wouldn't put it fucking past this universe to have Canonical Minions)

I can't always tell when Baz is mocking me. He's got a cruel mouth. It looks like he's sneering even when he's happy about something.

another one for the autistic simon headcanon, boys

Actually, I don't know if he ever is happy. It's like he's got two emotions--pissed off and sadistically amused.

(And plotting, is that an emotion? If so, three.)

SIMON PLEASE I CAN'T AKGJAGJSLDGDS

-

Plus Penny doesn't want Baz to know that her family might be on the outs with the Mage. (Even though Baz'd probably sympathize.)

Even Though He'd Sympathize

(let them be allies! stop having them be enemies!)

Penny keeps reminding me that Baz is still my enemy. That when the truce ends, he could use everything he's learned against me.

But I'm not sure I'm the one who needs reminding. Half the time we're together, I'm just sitting on my bed reading while Penelope and Baz are comparing their Top 10 favourite spells of the 1800s or debating the magickal worth of Hamlet versus Macbeth.

GOD they're so FUCKING CUTE

The other day, he walked her over to the Cloisters on his way to the Catacombs. When he came back, he reported that there weren't any clues about how she gets into Mummers House. The next day, she told me he didn't acknowledge at all that he was on his way to suck blood out of rodents.

LMFAOOOOOOOOOO literally besties. literally Companions

"You going my way?" she says to him now, from the doorway.

"No, I'm in for the night," he says.

So fucking weird.

LOL simon bluescreens: a saga

-

I'm getting my pyjamas together when he speaks up:

"So what's your plan next week? For the holidays?"

BROOOOOOOOOO HE SAID IT

-

"Snow," he says.

"What."

"You should come to Hampshire."

I stop and look at him. "What? Why?"

HE DEADASS INVITED HIM OVER FOR CHRISTMAS BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IM OPEN MOUTH SCREAMINGGGGGGGGG

Baz clears his throat and folds his arms, lifting his chin to emphasize how much he looks down on me.

he's posturing dude he's trying to cover up how much he's screaming on the inside asking you this question show some respect

-

"You're suggesting I go home with you."

"Yes."

"For Christmas."

"Yes."

"With your family."

Baz rolls his eyes. "Well it's not like you have any family of your own."

"You're mad." I move again towards the bathroom.

"How is it mad?" he demands. "I could use your help, and there's nothing here for you--you'd think you'd appreciate the company."

TEN REASONS WHY SIMON SNOW WOULD BE AN FUCKING IDIOT TO REFUSE MY GENEROUS CHRISTMAS INVITATION:

-

"I can't stay in your house. Are you kidding me?"

"Snow, we've lived in the same room for seven years. How can you have a problem with this?"

THE DESPERATION..... THE JUMPS IN LOGIC...... BAZ PLEASE YOURE INSANE

-

"She's sent his Men away again," Penny says. "Premal says the Mage himself is coming to the house next time."

"Then I should be there," I say. "He'd never hurt her in front of me."

Penny stops in her tracks. "Simon. Do you really think the Mage would hurt my mother at all?"

I stop, too. "No. Of course he wouldn't."

O O F

😬

-

"Tell the Mage you're staying here for Christmas," she says. "He'll want to spend it with you."

That makes me laugh.

"What?" Penny asks.

"Can you imagine?" I say. "Christmas with the Mage?"

[...] "Think of the gifts," I say, laughing. "He'd probably wrap up a curse for me just to see if I could break it."

"Blindfold you, drop you in the Hell of the Wood, and tell you to come home with dinner."

"Ha!" I grin. "Just like in our third year."

the fact that they're joking that if the mage gave simon christmas gifts they'd just be more of the trials and tribulations he's been putting on him since he was like 12?????? HELLO???????

not to read too much into it but ZOOMS IN the way that simon's relationship w the mage is such that to imagine spending a holiday usually reserved for friends and family with him is SO ABSURD he can't even take it seriously, like the mage falls so far out of the categories of friend or family, their relationship is in no way sentimental but rather Strictly Business i.e. the mage setting Tasks for simon to complete like a fuckin rat in a maze, this whole excerpt just speaks volumes about their dynamic in contrast to the feelings simon has expressed on the matter in the past, in this essay i will

-

He closes the lid of his trunk and snaps the latches. Then he looks at me, frowning, and decides something. I'm familiar with that look. I put my hand over the hilt of my sword.

LOL LMAOOOO GOD

"Snow....," he says.

"What."

"I feel like I should tell you something. In the interest of our truce."

I look over at him, waiting.

"That day you saw Wellbelove and me in the Wood..."

need to officially document that the second i read this line i shoved my face into my pillow and Had Emotions for a second

-

I open my eyes. "You weren't trying to pull my girlfriend?"

"No."

"Sod off," I say. "You've been trying to get between me and Agatha since the day she chose me over you."

"She never chose you over me."

"Get over yourself, Baz.

He looks pained; that's a new one. "No," he goes on. "What I'm saying is--I've never been an option for Wellbelove."

SCREAMS SCREAMS WAILS AND SCREAMS HELLO HELLOOOOOOO??????????? IS HE LITERALLY TRYING TO COME OUT TO SIMON RN HELP HELLO PLEASE???????????? WHAT ELSE COULD HE POSSIBLY MEAN BY THIS IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

-

"She interrupted me," he says. "That day in the Wood."

I ignore him.

"She interrupted my dinner. She saw me. I was asking her not to tell anyone."

OUGUGHGHUHOUGHG ???!?!!?!!!?!???!?!?!?! HE'S BEING VAGUE ABOUT IT BUT STILL GOD THIS IS SO CLOSE THIS IS LIKE TEETERING ON THE EDGE OF IT HES TRYING SO DAMN HARD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"in the interest of our truce" MY ASS u are doing this for ur WHOLE ASS SELF "hmm what can i do to maybe make snow hate me a little less Oh I Know" FJGOFUGJFJGJ THOUGHT PROCESS EXPOSED

"And you had to hold her hands for that?"

"I only did that bit to piss you off. I knew you were watching."

"Well, it worked," I say.

popped him out of existence like an angry little pimple

"You're not listening." He's looking very pained now. "I'm not ever going to come between you and Wellbelove. I was always just trying to piss you off."

it's 3 am and i am kicking my legs and squealing and going like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i am PROCESSING FUCK

maybe not DIRECTLY coming out but at LEAST trying to communicate that he isn't interested in agatha and wasn't trying to ruin simons fucking love life (even tho we all know secretly he was)

but why is he looking so pained if he's NOT trying and failing to communicate that hes gay. maybe it's just that he's being genuine for probably the first time ever on purpose and it's going right the fuck over simon's head and making him even MORE pissed at him and gkagjsodgsdgkd

"Are you saying you flirted with Agatha just to hurt me?"

"Yes."

"You never cared about her?"

"No."

I grit my teeth. "And you think I want to hear that?"

"Well, obviously. Now you can make up with her and have the best Christmas ever."

WAS THAT THE REASON. HE FELT BAD THAT HIS MEDDLING CAUSED SIMON TO BE ALONE FOR CHRISTMAS AND HIS ONE ATTEMPT TO MAKE UP FOR IT BY INVITING SIMON OVER FAILED SO NOW HES LIKE I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO GET THEM BACK TOGETHER BC HE ASSUMES THE REASON THEYVE BROKEN UP IS BECAUSE OF THAT DAY IN THE WOOD

he's GENUINELY trying to do simon a solid even tho it means they might get back together which he doesn't want to see but he feels he owes it to him especially with the truce at play I?????????!!!!!!?!?!!!??????!!!!

im actually gonna SCREAM

"You're such an arse!" I say, jumping to my feet and charging at him.

"Anathema!" he shouts, and I hear him, but I almost plant my fist in his jaw anyway.

INVOKING THE PROTECTION OF ANATHEMA IN THE FACE OF IMMINENT DISASTER it will never get old it will NEVER not be so fucking good

imagine at some point in the future they're not even in their room but they start fighting and one of them yells ANATHEMA out of habit

Anathema Cant Save U Now Bitch *gives the wedgie of a lifetime*

-

"She was carrying around your bloody handkerchief, that whole time you were gone. Since last year."

"What handkerchief?"

I go to the drawer where the handkerchief is shoved in

KEEPS IT IN HIS DRAWER,

with my wand and a few other things, then I wave it in his face. "This one."

Baz pulls the fabric out of my hand, and I pull it right back because I don't want him to have it. I don't want him to have anything right now.

LMFAO NOT THE DOUBLE SNATCH

NOT THE "FUCK YOU UNPULLS YOUR HANDKERCHIEF" REVERSAL

"Look," he says. "I'll stop. I'll leave Wellbelove alone from now on. She doesn't matter to me."

"That makes it worse!'

"Then I won't stop!" he says, like he's the one who should be angry. "Is that better? I'll damned well marry her, and we'll have the best-looking kids in the history of magic, and we'll name them all Simon just to get under your skin."

LOL LOL LOL LMAO LOL LMAO LMAO BAZ LMFAO BAZ SCREAMS

"Just go!" I shout. "Seriously. If I have to look at you anymore, I won't even care about the Anathema. If I get kicked out of Watford, at least I'll finally be done with you!"

oh SHIT he's not fuckign playing around baz u gotta get outta there he's gonna kill u in real life hgjfugjfugkdjgkdf

absolutely tragic. he tried so hard to make peace HE TRIED TO MAKE AMENDS IN THE NAME OF THEIR TRUCE and all he did was make things fucking worse AND THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS NO LESS

genuinely tho poor baz :( legit tried to make an effort and it blew up in his face

i mean it IS his fucking fault but STILL

it reminds me of before, back towards the beginning of the book, when simon was recounting the chimera incident and talked about how baz was shouting at him and "accidentally" told him what using magic felt like to him, when in reality he was offering genuine advice to help him in a dire situation

this again is an example of miscommunication as a result of their years long rivalry, because simon is basically incapable of registering anything other than antagonism on baz's part, he literally just always assumes the worst of him. so when baz Actually goes out of his way to be helpful or anywhere within the realm of amicable his intentions just fly right the fuck over simon's head because anything baz does gets put thru a Bad Faith filter before it even reaches simon's critical thinking center and he just goes Yeah Right Asshole every time

and this time especially went south bc simon is still very much hurting over the breakup and still 1000% blames baz so of Course when baz says shit like "yea no idgaf about agatha i was just trying to piss u off" simon's not gonna hear "oh baz isn't actually a romantic rival so there's no threat to mine and agatha's relationship" he's gonna be like "SO U RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP FOR NO FUCKING REASON U WEREN'T EVEN TRYING TO STEAL MY GIRLFRIEND U LITERALLY JUST WANTED TO SEE ME MISERABLE 😡😡😡"

which TBF is all literally true LMAO

so basically baz's plan to save simon's christmas fucking backfired to hell and back which is why he finally snaps and gets pissed at the end, because he can't fucking do anything right and now simon's For Real mad at him and he doesn't even have a date to the prom

-

[Baz] I was trying to do Snow a favour.

A favour that doesn't serve my interests at all--at all.

yeah??????????????? Yeah????????????????? Are U Sure About That

I bloody well should marry Wellbelove. My father would love it.

Marry her. Give her the keys to whatever she wants keys to. Then find a thousand men who look exactly like Simon bloody Snow and break each of their hearts a different way.

LOLLLLLLLL Bring In The Twink Parade Tell Them All That They Bombed The Modeling Audition And They're Banned From Their Local Sephoras

-

I didn't expect to mend any fences with all this...co-operating. I didn't expect to convince or convert Snow. But I thought we were making progress.

SOBBING AND WAILING

Like, maybe when this was all over, he and I would still be standing on either side of the trench, but we wouldn't be spitting at each other. We wouldn't be spoiling for the fight.

I know Simon and I will always be enemies....

But I thought maybe we'd get to a point where we didn't want to be.

U CANT DO THIS TO MEEEEEEE WHAT DO U MEANNNNNN 😭😭😭😭😭

ANY time baz uses simon's 1st name gets me in my fuckin heart BUT THIS ONE HURTS SO BAD AAAAAAAAAAAAA "i know simon and i will always be enemies" SNIFFLING AND HICCUPING AND WHIMPERING UAUAAAHGHG

the way he only does this shit when he's being Genuine and Unguarded abt his feelings for simon i. I!!!!!! i can't do it bro i cant take this anymore im literally gonna snap like a dry ass twig this is a TARGETED ATTACK,,,, ON MY FEELINGS,

he wants it so bad he wants simon so bad but he has to be Realistic he can't even hope for a future in which they're together he's SETTLING for this fantasy in which maybe, just maybe they can get to a point that they're not right at each other's throats, that he isn't completely despised by the one person he cares about most- he's hoping for the bare minimum, not even a happy ending but just the bare minimum of mutual reluctance to fight- and he can't even have THAT

the line between "lol rip baz" and "SOBBING AND WHEEZING LET HIM BE HAPPY" is a FINE ONE and all it takes is one funny lil pov switch and some vulnerability to make me pop like a go-gurt getting stomped into the playground

MAKE-A ME SAD :((((

---

alright so i LIED about catching up to where i was this time gjgksdjfkjdg BUT IN MY DEFENSE THEY WERE BEING SO SOFT AND GAY,,, AND THEN THEY THREW MY HEART AGAINST THE WALL LIKE A WET PAPER TOWEL,,,,, HOW WAS I NOT SUPPOSED TO LOSE MY SHIT OVER THAT

so correction: NEXT TIME we might catch up to where i left off gjdfkjskdgsdfndgjdfj (did you see it??? the inclusion of the word "might", implying the possibility that we won't actually catch up next time,)

i make no promises c ya ✌️