#can someone please explain to me why people are so hung up on the eras show in the uk happening mostly during light hours

[whyshedisappeared]

.

[leossmoonn]

could i please request a stefan fluff where the reader is like spanish or smth, but she speaks ij english with everyone. and her and stefan are dating. so one day she gets upset over smth so she starts ranting in spanish and stefan can't understand a thing. and he's like "oh- ok-" even though he didn't understand anything. if not thats ok! have a nice day!!

have a nice day too <33

masterlist

pairing - stefan salvatore x spanish speaking, fem!reader

type - fluff, angst

note - i put the reader as a spanish speaker and not just spanish, so it could be more inclusive :). and i'm so sorry that this is so bad. i couldn't come up with a better plot like i wanted to, but i hope you enjoy anyways!

warnings / includes - language, kissing, food and alcohol mention, cute couple stuff, you getting upset (duh), kissing, stefan trying to be supportive but also being really confused lol. you all are like in your late 20s for this lol. for those who aren't spanish speakers, i will put translations in little text under each sentence/paragraph

————

"Sí. Bueno, lo retomaré más tarde. Gracias," you hung up the phone, setting it down with a smile on your face.

["Yes. Okay, I will pick it up later. Thank you."]

"Hey, who was that?" Stefan come over to you, wrapping his arm around your waist.

"That was Lucas's friend. He was able to get the cake and the cupcakes made early!" You squealed, jumping up and down in his arms.

"Oh, that's awesome! Looks like Caroline won't be bugging you anymore," Stefan chuckled.

"Oh, I know. Man, am I happy to finally get this party planning over with," you sighed, turning around and leaning against the counter.

You smiled as you came face-to-face with your boyfriend. You hung your arms around his neck lazily, twirling the hair on the nape of his neck with your first fingers.

"Tired?" Stefan raised a brow, settings hands on your hips.

"Exhausted. And to think the actual party is tonight," you chuckled. "Well, that's the easiest part, right?" Stefan asked.

"Yeah, watching over twenty-to-twenty five eleven years olds is easy," you rolled your eyes.

"You'll have help. Caroline, me, Bonnie, Ric, Elena, Matt. Even Damon has volunteered to watch them!"

"Or lure them in a back corner and fed on them," you scoffed. "Hey, Damon's a lot of things, but he is not a child-blood-sucker," Stefan defended.

"Awe, you're defending him. How cute," you booped his nose.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. We are goals. Or whatever the kids are saying these days."

You giggled at his words, turning back around as you heard the front door open. You looked to see Caroline, Bonnie, and Elena carrying the twins, a bunch of presents, and at least five boxes of pizza.

"Damn. I wish you guys bought me this many presents!" You exclaimed.

"Oh, shut up. We give you a bottle of champagne and you're already over the moon," Elena snickered.

"Well, what can I say? I'm a simple gal," you grinned.

"Hey, Stef, can you help, please? Put these next to the window sill," Bonnie ordered as she was carrying most of the presents.

"Yeah, of course," Stefan nodded. He ran over to her with his vampire speed, picking up the presents at lightening speed and laying them out in towers.

"Thank you," Bonnie sighed. "Yeah, no problem. Hey, why didn't you just use your magic to carry them in?" Stefan asked.

"I need to save my energy for the kids," Bonnie explained.

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. I didn't know we were letting the world know our secret," you frowned.

"We aren't! They're just a bunch of kids. Plus, we can just compel them to forget. Josie and Lizzie really want to show them tricks, too," Caroline bounced the twins in her arms.

You looked to the two girls who were giggling and smiling. You sighed, "Fine. Anyways, guess who was able to get the cake and the cupcakes."

"Oh, my God! You?" Caroline gasped. "Yep. Call me Santa Claus 'cause I just delivered!" You grinned.

Elena, Bonnie, and Stefan cringed at your joke.

"Not your best work, Y/n," Elena shook her head.

"What! Hey, that was pretty good," you frowned. "You'll get 'em next time, babe," Stefan smiled, going over to you and patting you on the back.

"Okay, you guys are just jealous because you're not as funny as me," you scoffed.

"Oh, yeah, we're jealous all right," Bonnie smirked.

You opened your mouth to retort back, but your phone started ringing. You looked at the Caller ID, seeing that it was your brother, Lucas. You gave them all a death glare, picking up your phone and going into the other room.

"Hey, amigo, what's up?" You asked.

"Uh, bad news, chica," Lucas sighed. "Oh?" You raised a brow.

"Yeah, turns out that Darryl can't make the cake or the cupcakes today."

You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Your eyes were wide as saucers as you thought of what to say.

"Y/n? Please say something," Luca begged.

You turned your head, your face screwing up in guilt and anger as you saw Lizzie and Josie playing with Bonnie and Stefan. You turned back and focused on the conversation you were having with you very trusting brother.

"¿Qué quiere decir Darryl no puede hacer el pastel o cupcakes?"

[What do you mean darryl can't make the cake or cupcakes?"]

"I mean that he can't make them. Do I need to explain to you what those words mean? And why are you speaking in Spanish? Afraid someone will —"

"En realidad, lo soy, Lucas. Dios, eres tan poco confiable. ¡Y ese amigo tuyo! Espera, ¿podría recuperar mi dinero?"

["Actually, I am, Lucas. God, you are so unreliable. And that friend of yours! Wait, am I going to be able to get my money back?"]

"Um… probably not. But it's okay, I'll pay you back!"

"Ah, ¿cuándo? ¿Después de sacar dinero del fondo universitario de su hijo? ¿O se lo van a pedir a mamá y papá esta vez?"

["Oh, when? After you take out money from your child's college fund? Or are you going to ask mom and dad for it this time?"]

"Hey, don't blame me! Blame Darryl. All I did was hook you up with him!"

"Y probablemente sabías que era un gilipollas mentiroso y que robaba dinero. Llámame de vuelta cuando seas capaz de no mentirme, ¿sí?"

["And you probably knew that he was a lying, money-stealing asshole. Call me back when you're able to not lie to me, yeah?"]

"Wait, Y/n, I-"

You hung up the phone, throwing it on the chair next to you. You groaned quietly, the bridge of your nose burning as tears welled up in your eyes.

"¿Cómo puedes ser tan estúpido, Y/n? Confiando en él después de todo lo demás que ha hecho. Estúpido, estúpido, estúpido!"

["How can you be so stupid, Y/n? Trusting him after everything else he's done. Stupid, stupid, stupid!"]

Stefan, who was throwing up Lizzie and Josie in the air, heard your mutters in the other room. He frowned and put the girls down, promising them that he would be back in a second after checking up on you. He walked into the next room slowly, putting his arm around you lightly.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

You jumped at his voice and touch, sniffling and wiping the tears from your face. "Y-Yeah. Just some um, family stuff."

"Want to talk about it?" Stefan asked.

You sighed, turning around to him. His hand intertwined with yours, squeezing it for support.

"It's just… Lucas. He's just so… jodidamente molesto," you sighed. "Él simplemente no piensa en otras personas y las consecuencias. Quiero decir, trata de ayudar, lo que es agradable, pero siempre termina por pagar dinero a la gente, o termina por tener un ojo negro."

[“He is just so… fucking annoying. He just doesn't think about other people and the consequences. I mean, he tries to help, which is nice, but he always either ends up owing people money, or ends up having a black eye.”]

"O-Oh, yeah," Stefan nodded, his brows furrowed as he tried to understand. But you were speaking so fast and with so much anger, he barely picked up a word.

"Y como su hermana mayor, sé que probablemente se supone que voy fácil con él, pero es un hombre crecido. ¡Debe saber estas cosas! Ugh, sabía que debería haber ordenado a ellos como, Target o algo, pero el amigo de su “aparentemente” es capaz de hacer diseños realmente lindos y hacer arte fondant en tiempo récord, así que tomé mis mis oportunidades. ¿Y adivina dónde estoy ahora?"

[“And as his older sister, I know I'm probably supposed to go easy on him, but he's a grown man. He should know these things! Ugh, I knew I should've just ordered them from like, Target or something, but hsi friend "apparently" is able to do really cute designs and make fondant art in record time, so I took my chances. And guess where I am now?”]

"Right, right. Wow, I'm sorry, babe, I —"

"Ciento cincuenta dólares cortos con dos niñas que van a estar tristes cuando no consiguen su pastel de sirena barbie y cupcakes con temática de Minecraft. ¡Argh!"

["One hundred and fifty dollars short with two little girls who are going to be sad when they don't get their Barbie Mermaid cake and Minecraft-themed cupcakes. Argh!"]

You stopped your rant when you noticed Stefan looked at you with a confused expression on his face. You thought for a moment to yourself, beginning to laugh at yourself as you realised you were speaking in Spanish.

"I'm sorry, Stef. I didn't realise you couldn't understand me."

He smiled and shrugged. "No worries. At least you were able to get it all out, right?"

"A little. When I punch Lucas, I'll be able to get it all out," you grinned.

"That's my girl."

————

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[azzziiiii]

Dazai Deep Dive???

TW for Suicide, Depression, Alienation, and other things. Please read with caution.

Disclaimer, I of course don't think any of the bad things Dazai did were okay, but I am gonna explain why I think he did them and his reasoning. Reasoning of course does not equal an excuse and explaining why does not mean I condone any of this

Inspired and based on this post by @raventhekittycat

Dazai uses the pronoun "watashi" the most in the anime and manga. Its a very gender netural, and somewhat formal pronoun and very common, but not usually for males in Japan. SO, here's where this gets fun. Dazai is based more off the character from the book No Longer Human than the actual author and in that book a big thing is like alienation and shit. Basically one reason anime/manga Dazai uses 'watashi' is because his character is written to feel alienated and out of place, like he doesn't belong, so using 'watashi' allows him to have the most distance, from people and language and all that shit, cause its the MOST neutral pronoun. It's not that he sees himself as being genderless, it's that he sees himself as being humanless (this is why his ability No Longer Human always hurts me cause I've always had the feeling he didnt feel human). Also, fun fact, in 15 Dazai uses the male-typical pronoun of 'boku', and I think its cause he was comfortable with Chuuya, with his life at the time, but as time goes on he starts using 'watashi', he's using it by the Dark Era episodes. He's using 'watashi' to feel a disconnect from being a human, because he doesn't feel human (No Longer Human hahahahaha cry). He's also letting himself not get as close to people, and for him, using 'watashi' helps him feel that disconnect he thinks is there.

Knowing that Dazai doesn't feel human, that he feels a disconnect from his humanity and other humans, this could help explain why he did some of the things he did. Let's keep in mind he has a record of 138 counts of conspiracy to murder, 312 counts of extortion, and 625 counts of assorted fraud and other crimes. So not a good dude basically. One big thing would be his abuse of Akutagawa. Probably one of his worst crimes in the eyes of the fandom (and I don't disagree with that at all). But, I think a big reason he was willing to do so much is cause he does feel a disconnect from being human. With him not feeling human, he doesn't think it matters what he does. He was told to train Aku and make him strong. So he did, and it didn't matter to him how he did it because he's not 'human'. We see Chuuya be more kind and questioning about many actions that go against his morals, but Dazai frankly doesn't care. Why would he have morals when he doesn't feel human? Morals are definitely a very human thing, and as I've said already, he tries to distance himself from things like that.

"Now the main character in 人間失格/Ningen Shikkaku/No Longer Human states he plays up the part of being the clown, the fool. Because then he can predict people’s actions and he is less scared of them. Fast forward to now. We see Dazai doing that constantly. And we have seen actual suicide attempts by him—the river and the barrel bring two. Dazai is hiding his actual emotions more, wearing the mask of the fool more. He’s doing objectively worse and doesn’t seem to be trying to do better. The only thing that is carrying him through is Oda’s words telling him to be good. But Oda also told him he would never fill the hole in his chest he felt. He told Dazai he is never going to feel better. So Dazai is now living, acting like a better human while feeling that otherness in his chest. So him using 僕/boku the natural masculine pronoun in 15 was a way of indicating that he was actually doing better, feeling more, acting the fool less. But now he’s 22 and suicidal again and hiding behind his pretenses and we can’t see his real emotions as much. And he’s distancing himself from himself and from others by using 私/watashi. And though it’s gender neutral, it’s also neutral on more levels than that and that is why Dazai is using it. If he sees himself as genderless it goes beyond seeing himself as genderless, he sees himself as lacking humanness." (from this post)

THIS ^^^

Oda may have been important to Dazai, but what he told him is always gonna be with Dazai. That he will never fill that hole in his chest. And I love Oda, I do, but I hate him for that. Cause he shouldn't have told Dazai, someone who wants nothing more than to fucking end it all, that he'll basically never be happy. I know Oda was on his deathbed when he said it, and it was spur of the moment, and I think that's why it was done like that, cause I can't truly hate Oda for saying that when I look at what was happening when he said it. Basically Oda's words are gonna be with Dazai forever, and he believed everything Oda said, he's always gonna believe he'll never find a reason to live, something to fill the hole in his chest.

Okay, so we have covered the fact that Dazai is clearly in a bad place mentally, and that he is not getting better, in fact, he is likely getting worse. And as many of us likely know, to get better you have to actively work on it, you have to want it. So why isn't Dazai working on it? If he knows he's doing terribly, why wouldn't he work on himself? I think there are two different reasons for this. The first, clearly, is that he sees himself as lacking humanity, so he doesn't see himself as needing help, needing to get better. In fact, he may not even realize just how poorly he's doing. His morals are already very warped, and he never grew up in a place that cared about his feelings at all. He grew up in the mafia, where he was likely taught to kill at an EXTREMLY young age. He has np sense of doing well or doing poorly. The other reason, Oda's words. Oda told him he was ever going to fill that hole in his chest (a terrible thing to say to be honest). As I've already covered, Dazai hung onto ever single word Oda said, he is never going to forget that. So, if Dazai does know he's doing poorly and is in a bad place mentally, he likely does not care. He's already been told he'll never "fix" himself, in a sense. So why would he ever put forth the effort? To him it's a complete waste of time and energy.

Kind of branching off from the fourth paragraph, Dazai's suicide attempts in present time are seen as annoying and not unusual for the agency, even Atsushi, when he sees Dazai in the barrel, acts annoyed with done with it already. And this brings up the question, why? Why is no one taking it seriously. Suicide shouldn't be used for comedy, but it is. And I kinda think there's a reason for it. Dazai is masking his true emotions. We know he has pent up grief and anger and hatred, but he barely ever expresses it. Dazai very purposefully makes his suicide attempts seem like jokes to the agency, the way he talks about it, the way he asks for help, he makes sure this behavior is not only normal, but expected. He knows that it's a problem, but he wants it to be completely normal and expected, cause for him, one day he is gonna follow through with it. He doesn't want it to be suspicious. Making everyone find him annoying is his whole plan. He doesn't want people attached to him cause he doesn't feel human (although we all know that there's a lot of people who would be affected by his death). He wants to not be missed cause he doesn't think he's human, that he's worthy of being loved. So he acts this way on purpose.

Another thing to add before I finish; As we all know pretty well Dazai calls Chuuya, well, Chuuya, and Chuuya is Chuuya's first name. Obviously there is a close bond there for Chuuya to not be too bothered by Dazai calling him by his first name. However, not once have we ever seen someone call Dazai by his first name, Osamu, but with their bond surely Chuuya would be calling him Osamu instead of Dazai? So, this means its probably pretty likely that Dazai has made it a point to not let anyone call him by his first name, as it would connect him to his humanity more. I'm willing to bet that Chuuya and Dazai had a fight over this too, and Chuuya didn't understand at all, cause to him Dazai is human, Dazai is what keeps Chuuya human. so the whole thing didn't make sense to him.

To sum up, Dazai has a fuck ton of trauma and needs therapy, but seriously, he is a very complex and well done character and isn't just a suicidal maniac.

[cafecourage]

VIO CONTENT PEKASE PLEASE DKJNEOIAJEPLENSENEIWN OIYUEB NWPL EHAHAHAHhSNJKNKNKSLMFDLKSFNKLNFEOIFNEOWIFNEWOFNEWOFIWEMV

Thy....... ok here you didn't give me an AU so I just f***ed around and found out.

Vio headcanons (for all Au’s and general)

General HC:

- Vio crochets. People can fight me on this!!! He crochets and knits. He does it to calm his thoughts, just to slowly zone out. Catch him plotting his own story in his brain while doing so.

- Speaking of stories, this man is probably an Author. He most likely had written a fluffed-up version of their adventure. There wasn’t really a point of him doing so but it did get all of his feelings out on paper.

- Out of all the colors I feel like he would get the most night terrors. It will lead to him having bad insomnia.

General Love HC:

- Indifference. That’s the base emotion he is feeling towards a Reader that ended up traveling with the chain. He does like you! Don’t get that wrong. It’s just the situation calls for his attention to be on the goal. The other colors are better at social interactions then him.

- Reader in a normal traveling with the chain au, would be from a more modern timeline. Not fully but like one of that mixed technology and Medieval fantasy-based era.

- It honestly was weird that you just hang out with Four with him in control. You seem like you just gain energy from just talking or interacting with the others and Vio isn’t…really… that social.

- It was a slow bonding experience. It started as you sitting nearby when he was reading or working on a project. Nether talking nor really minding the other's company.

Isekai HC:

- This man is super anxious around you. The sobs when you were also convinced, he killed green, along with your cries from his betrayal still ring in his ears even now. He hates knowing that you might not trust him anymore because of that. The other Colors think he is just overthinking it because you did welcome him back with open arms after.

- Vio is kind of just dancing around you when they finally realize you’re the voice and presence that they felt during their adventures. While the other colors jumped on to the opportunity to get to know you better. He just… can’t?

- You’re his and the other’s anchor. They consider you their (ex. Imaginary) friend. The one person that was always by their side. Cheering them through the toughest of times, and Vio feels like you would leave them if he even tries to get close.

- He really, truly wants to standby you. He wants to not feel guilty enjoying your hugs. He just… wants you to be happy.

Divide and conquer. That’s normally how Four dealt with supply runs. Four was accompanied by you today. Which meant the others were in town. So, Four decided to let the colors stretch their legs. It was nice for each of them to actually speak to you one on one. However, they had limited time and still needed to get the items before sundown.

With five people it should go a lot quicker than normal. So, with the promise of being able to hang out after. Each Color and you went their separate ways. Vio was almost done with his list of items. The last thing he needed was some more personal items.

“Sneak attack!!” A warmth from behind engulfs the purple hero. Picking him up briefly to give a small squeeze. You were smiling brightly down at Vio. “Hi again.”

It was a miracle that his brain didn’t just short circuit just looking up at them. “I- Hello??” One of the many things you’ve said on their journey came out as, Vio was scrambling for a sense of, for the lack of better words, ground to root himself to. “Why are you here?”

“Is it against the law to hug someone I am closed to?”

“No, but…” he didn’t understand why you wanted to shower him, in affection and love. But how can he ask you that? You’re always giving Four hugs and small platonic kisses. He didn’t want you to stop. He and his brothers loved and craved that warmth you brought with your presence.

Vio didn’t know if he was deserving of it. The others were, that’s for sure. Despite how rough blue is, how bossy Green could be or how much Red cried in their adventure. You always had the patience of a saint. It was him that tested that and found how far that patience went. “Viiiioooooo, earth to my favorite grape color hero!” He was finally put back down on his feet. “Are you ok?”

“Define ok.” He was quick to answer, after finally getting some semblance of his ability to think back. He took his chance to back away from your presence.

That wasn’t the right thing to say apparently as your face slowly twisted to a pout. “Are you mad at me?”

“Mad… at you?” He repeated to confirm he heard you correctly. You gave a small nod now doubting your assumption. “Why?”

Your shrug didn’t give him much of an answer. “Well, it just seems when Four is influenced by you he is more distant.” You paused trying to figure out what to say next. Vio on the other hand was mortified that you were able to read his body language so well. Actually, he should have expected it. That’s how you knew that the colors exist in the first place. “If I did anything-“

“No, it’s not you!” It was him. It was all him. Vio knows logically being still hung up about the past was ridiculous. Emotions are annoying. He isn’t built to deal with them. “I just thought.” There was no nice way to explain this to you though. “You were still mad at me.”

“Oh.” Well, this got awkward really fast. Vio kept up his indifferent front hoping that his cheeks weren’t still as red as his brother’s tunic. “But I like you a lot!” You took his hands suddenly. “Don’t get me wrong I was mad. But I know you’re a good person Vio! I like you; I like your brothers and I like Four!”

Ah. There he goes.

- The first of the Colors to realized he loved you in this AU. Which just makes everything even worse for him. Since he knows the other colors feel the same but are in denial because of your connection with Four.

- He could help the others…..Nah…. Vio wants to watch them suffer.

Cafe HC:

- Coffee? If he feels like death. Yes. Tea mostly though. He tends to get the blunt of the headaches. Tea also helps with his ability to sleep.

- He is the type of customer that comes in and stays for hours. In his case just writing and/or reading. You’ve only ever spoken to him a few times before. Mostly to get his order and asking about his day. Small talk!

- Slowly you learn more about him. You learn that he has brothers. Is an author, (you’ve bought his book and teased him about having it signed now.) Had traveled around the world a few times before.

- You’ve met some of his siblings before. They actually come as often as he does. Striking up more of a conversation than him. Sometimes even getting him to talk to you more…

It’s has occurred to you how much time has passed since you last saw a Vio. It was a long time. A few months honestly. It kind of hurt that he and his brothers just up and left without giving you a fair warning but, it’s their personal business and not yours. Yet…

You thought you five were close.

It’s fine. Maybe Link was around! They were his siblings and you could just go to the forge and ask. Though you weren’t too close to Link so maybe it would be a bit awkward to ask him about his brothers.

They are probably fine.

There is no need to worry, they are all seasons��� adventurers!

It seems like this day was just going to be a slow one. Where you couldn’t get your mind off of your friends. It was almost closing time so another day without any word from your favorite color-coded brothers.

You decided to clean the shelves early tonight. Leaving some smaller bits for the Minish that may or may not be inside your small cafe. Lifting the chairs onto the tables to clean the floor. Making sure they get every nook and cranny. To make your life easier the next morning.

As you picked up the finally empty tray off of the counter you were heading into the back. Until the door to your small shop swung open and a group of similar-looking Adventurers comes stumbling in. “(Y/n)!”

“Vio?” You turned around quickly, only to see him helping to keep one of his brothers up. They looked like they ran through ten monster camps just to get to your sleepy little shop. You felt dread came in full force as the empty tray slips from your grasp. You bolt to his side ordering the others to get in the store. “You lot are staying over here.” You didn’t ask it was a demand. No room for argument. “There are potions in the back. You can use what you need.”

“Thank you, Ms.” a larger man with a scar across his eye went in the direction you pointed.

You gather the knocked-out brother to help Vio. “Thank you.” He said sheepishly.

“It’s no problem,” You smiled back at him. “Let’s make sure your brothers are safe. I was about to get dinner ready. How does something hearty sound?”

“That sounds lovely thank you.”

- You might have not known Vio and his brother for long but they really do consider your small little cafe as a safe space. A little heaven that they don’t need to be a Hero.

- Now when he stops by on this adventure you tend to give him packs of supplies and a bunch of treats for the road.

- You also started writing him letters and care packages when you can. Now that you know that he is traveling around. Though you don’t know how the mailman knows where he is… that’s… not something your gonna question really.

[fatiguing-thoughts]

“Dirtbikes” - Jacob Black x Reader

So this was for my @twilight-secret-gift-exchange​ ! This was written for @laneboyheathens and I hope they enjoy :) 

“I’m honestly a fan of anything angst/whump/hurt comfort related or even character studies.”

This takes place in New Moon time, as that’s the prime era for comforting and hurt characters. I hope you enjoy! 

_____________

“Jacob, I know you’re getting my messages.” I sigh into the phone. 

“Please, call me back when you get this… I miss you.” I hang up the phone, throwing it onto my bed as I stare out my window, analyzing everything that’s gone on the last few weeks. 

Jacob told me that he got sick with mono, I had lost all contact with my best friend. We spent everyday together, just as our usual routine. Though this disruption caused Jacob to fall off the face of the Earth, without a simple trace of his existence, leaving me not only confused, but in a state of solitude. I had lost my only friend, the person I cared for more than anything else. 

Our latest adventure was working on some dirtbikes I picked up from being scrapped, I knew it was within Jacob’s expertise and realm of interests. Spending every day in his garage was a great time, working on the bikes, eating pizza and listening to music. Sometimes his friends Quil and Embry would stop in to say hello, Embry was always very interested in helping with the mechanical work and Quil was always talking my ear off. I enjoyed their company, though if I were to be honest, I would enjoy anything at my best friend Jacob’s side. 

A month and some weeks back, Jacob went through the loss of his friend Embry ditching him to join this guy Sam’s group. He was distraught to lose one of his best friends, as many of the people he’d known his whole life disappeared randomly, changing entirely before joining Sam in his ways. 

“Dan, I just… I don’t want to be next.” He looks at me with worried eyes.

“Jake, why would you be next?” I ask, rubbing comforting circles into his back. 

“Sam keeps looking at me like he’s waiting for me or something… it’s really starting to freak me out.” His worried eyes met mine, puffy and red-- tears brimming the edge of his eyes. 

“I don’t think you’ll be next Jake, try to avoid him. How can I help?” 

“You being here is enough, you always calm me down.” He nods, leaning closer into my shoulder. 

“I’ll always be here, Jake. No matter what.” I smile softly at him, continuing to rub circles into his back. 

The sound of my mother calling me down for dinner snapped me back to reality. The only issue was, is that I was far from hungry. I had lost most of my appetite since Jake had disappeared without a trace. My mother grew worried, but there was nothing she could do to fix this. The only thing to fix this was for Jake to come back, for him to be okay. 

I knew Jacob wasn’t okay, I knew he was stuck with his biggest fear-- he was with Sam. I still don’t understand what could have happened-- Jacob was so adamant on staying far from Sam; so what could have happened? 

I sigh, looking out my window and pressing my hand to the glass, longing for my friend to even let me know he was alive. Whenever I had called, there was no answer; no answers to my texts. He even avoided me in person like I never thought possible. But how could I get my friend back? How could I get Jacob back? This surely wasn’t the Jacob I knew,.

No, the Jacob I knew wasn’t like this. He was like the sun, he was warm, happy, and sweet. His caring nature came through to everyone he met, he was pure and good-- he was beautiful. But the Jake I knew wasn’t coming around-- he was gone. I didn’t give up, though. I knew that Jake couldn’t be gone forever, but I was growing discouraged at the sudden loss of contact. Before Jake disappeared, he had seemingly grown overnight, started to feel unwell, and seemingly grew more agitated as the days went by-- he was more on edge than I’ve ever seen him before. 

I couldn’t do it much longer. Holding onto someone who seemingly couldn’t care less was far past difficult-- it was defeating. I was tired of calling Jake every day to be ignored, it was increasingly difficult. 

As I look out the window, I notice a leaf blowing in the wind. I watch as it blows into the treeline. I look down at the ground, admiring the natural beauty of the Earth. But I was tired, I was beyond tired from hearing nothing from Jake. I was going to go to his house, I had to. I grab my keys off my desk, quickly walking out of my room and heading towards my front car in the driveway. 

“Are you not eating, hon?” My mother asks, looking over to me with sympathetic, kind eyes.

“No, I’m sorry. I have to go. I need to find him.” I shake my head slightly. 

“Be careful.” She instructs me with a pitiful smile. 

“I will.” I nod, opening the front door and making my way over to my car. 

I turn the key, the engine roaring to life. I drove to Jake’s as if my life depended on it, getting there quicker than I should have been able to. 

I stand before their front door, hesitating to knock. 

Eventually, I grew the courage, a soft knock turning into a panicked, rougher one. 

Soon enough, Billy opens the door, surprised to see me.

“Oh, hey, Dan. Jacob’s not in right now.” He says to me with sad eyes. 

“Please, Billy. I need to see him.” I plead. 

“Dan…” His voice trailed off. 

“Billy, please.” I try once again.

“He’s not in.” He swallows. 

“Fine.” 

I turn away with tears in my eyes, only to see Embry and three other guys approach the house. I look back at Billy and make my way over to the group of men. 

“Why won’t he talk to me?” I ask, tears brimming my eyes through my anger. 

“What’re you talking about?” One of them asks.

“You know what I’m talking about. What did you do to him?” I yell. 

“Calm down, Paul.” One says, laying a hand on one the angry man’s shoulders. 

“What did he tell you?” The one I assume to be Paul smirks. 

“Nothing! He won’t tell me anything! I haven’t heard from him in weeks.” I seethe. 

“Good.” One of them scoffs. 

“What did you do to my best friend?” I scream.

“Paul, calm down!” Jacob’s voice rings out from behind me, both infuriating and soothing me. “Dan, please leave.” 

My heart fell right through my chest. 

“What?” I turn around to look at him, tears brimming my eyes.

“You might get hurt, you can’t be here right now.” He says softly.

But then our eyes met, and suddenly I felt a shift in gravity. 

Jacob’s eyes widened, face slightly growing pale, and his mouth hung slightly agape. 

“Jacob…” The authoritative voice trails off, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“Jacob, we need to talk.” I hiss. 

“We do. We do need to talk.” He says with a soft smile encroaching his face. 

“So start talking.” I huff. 

“Follow me, we’re going on a walk.” He mutters, nodding his head to the left. 

We begin walking and I turn around after feeling someone staring holes into the back of my head. I turn around and glare at the group of men. 

“Jacob, what the hell is going on? What is your problem? When did you grow so much, how is that even possible?” I hiss.

“Listen, I know. I disappeared for a while, and I am so sorry. It wasn’t my choice, I didn’t want to do this… Growing just came with the situation.” He looks at me with sad eyes. 

“Well, it’s hard for me to believe that, I have no idea what’s going on. You left me, you dropped off the face of the Earth. It was almost like you never existed, you didn’t care what happened to me.” 

“That’s not true, I always cared about you, that never stopped.”

“You have a real funny way of showing it.” I huff. 

“I can explain it. I can explain it all, now.” He shakes his head as we walk deeper into the woods. 

“What changed?” 

“What?” 

“What changed? Why can you suddenly tell me?” I look at him with raised eyebrows. 

“I can explain that eventually… just not now. I’m not ready for that. But everything else is on the table.” He looks down at his feet. 

“This better be good. You don’t know what I’ve been going through since you left.” I scoff. 

“In my defense, you don’t know what caused me to leave, you don’t know why I had to… You don’t know what I’ve been going through since I left.” He looks over at me with sad eyes. 

“Alright, so tell me.” 

“Would you want me to tell you or show you first?” 

“What? What does that even mean?” 

“I’ll tell you, and then I’ll show you.” He shakes his head. 

“Start talking, Jake.” 

“Okay, so you know that Quiliutes are supposedly descended from wolves? Do you remember any of those legends?” He asks me, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, your dad talked about them a lot. The cold ones and everything?” 

“Exactly, well shifting is real, Dan. Everything in those legends are true. They’re all true.” He looks at me with pleading eyes.

“Jacob, what are you saying?” I furrow my brows.

“I’m trying to tell you that… cold ones exist. Vampires. And because of them being nearby, it woke up the shifting within us… Shifting is real. I…” His voice trails off. 

“Jacob…” 

“I can shift. We all can. Embry, Paul, Jared, Sam, and now we’re waiting for Quil.” His eyes pierce mine. 

“Jake... “ My voice trails off in concern. 

“No, let me show you. Just understand that I won’t ever hurt you, none of us will. Ever.” 

Jacob then begins to undress himself. He pulls his shirt over his head and begins to unbutton his pants. 

“Why are you taking off your clothes?” 

“I’m gonna need something to change into when I phase back, can’t have them rip. You need to stand back.” He says, cocking his head to the right.

I nod, backing up about another ten feet. 

Suddenly, his entire body is shaking, no vibrating. Steam is evaporating from his skin.

“Jacob…” I whisper, taking another few steps back. 

Suddenly, he bursts out of his own skin. A giant reddish-brown wolf appears in front of me. 

“What the hell?” I mutter, falling on my own ass. 

The creature walks over to me, ears laying back and keeping its head low. 

“Jacob?” I ask.

The giant head nods, placing its head onto my lap. I scratch a little bit behind the ears before it takes off, grabbing the clothes and going behind some bushes. 

I hear more bones cracking and then Jake walks out a moment later, fully clothed yet again. Disappointment falling upon his face as he sees mine filled with shock and slight fear. 

“I’m really sorry. I’m just not Jake anymore.” He says, despair filling every fibre of his being. 

“So you can turn into a giant wolf, but are you still you?” I ask, hesitantly reaching out to touch his shoulder. 

His face softened at my touch, giving me some hope to see the old Jacob back. 

“I mean, I’m a monster… but I still care about you and everyone else I cared about. I just can’t be around anyone anymore.” He looks down at his hands. 

“How are you a monster?” 

“Did you miss the part where I just turned into an enormous wolf or should I show you again?” He chuckles sadly. 

“Well, you didn’t choose to? And do you hurt people?” 

“No, I protect them.” 

“Okay, and do you still love your family? And all your friends?” 

“More than anything.” 

“And you still love working on bikes and cars? Still dream of owning your own shop one day?” 

“More than anything, I can’t wait until this is all over and I can resume life as usual.” He scoffs, kicking some dirt underneath us. 

“Okay, so you’re still the Jacob I always knew. You’re the Jake I know and love, you just turn into a massive wolf and kill the vampires that kill people. Sounds to me like you’re a hero, not a monster.” I squeeze his shoulder comfortingly. 

He looks at me, tears brimming his eyes. 

“Thank you.” 

I feel the weight of my best friend’s head fall onto my shoulder. The weight comforted me greatly, in fact any form of contact with Jake seemingly soothed me to no end. 

“Jacob, I told you that I would be there for you through it all, and I meant it.” I smile softly at him.

“I know, but I couldn’t do anything about this. It wasn’t my choice.” He sighs.

“I understand, but now you have no excuse to blow me off.” I smirk. 

“You’re right. What do you say we get back to working on those bikes?” He looks at me with a soft smile, just like old Jacob. 

“I’d say that we should do that immediately.” I return his smile. 

“Thank you. For everything. For handling this so well, for being here.” He gulps. 

“I meant it, Jacob. Through everything I’ll be by your side.” 

We went on our way, returning to Jake’s garage. 

The smell of tools and oil immediately invaded my nostrils, the familiar environment leaving me with an endless amount of comfort. 

Jacob walks over to the old radio, turning it on to play some music quietly.

“Can’t even tell you the last time I’ve turned this thing on.” He chuckles. 

“Probably since I was here last.” I tease, watching his face contort in sadness. 

“Let’s get working on these bikes.” He nods. 

I passed him the wrench he needed and we began working again, finally. 

“I didn’t want this, I wish it could be taken away, but I’m in it for life.” He says, resentment in his eyes. 

We spoke a little of his whole new “situation.” Him growing increasingly upset and seemingly full of resentment. It hurt to hear him speak of himself so full of disdain. 

I let him vent all of his feelings, knowing he needed someone to talk to. Eventually I knew it was time to get back to old times. 

So we spent the rest of the day laughing like we used to, working on the bikes and joking around like nothing ever changed. Because that’s what he needed in his new lifestyle, normalcy. He needed to be brought back to what he enjoyed, he needed something to hang onto. 

And I always kept my promise. 

As darkness crept up outside, we noticed that it was almost midnight now. 

“I should probably get going now, my mom is probably wondering where I went.” I sigh, looking outside into the darkness. 

“Sure, I’ll walk you out.” He gets up, wiping the oil off his hands with the shop towel. 

“Thank you.” I smile softly. 

The walk to my car was quiet, but this time the silence was comforting. 

“Goodnight.” He waves as we made it to my car. 

“Goodnight, Jake.” I smile, opening my car door.

“Oh, and Jake?” I ask.

“Yeah?” 

“We’ll have that shop up and running in no time, don’t you worry.” I encourage, smiling at him. 

“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow, I’m not going anywhere.” He nods, a smile tugging at the end of his lips. 

“See you tomorrow.” I say, shutting my car door and making my way home. 

The night sky bringing me the same level of serenity that my best friend did, giving me the peace I had needed for weeks. 

Things were finally okay.

Jake was finally back. 

_________________________________

Word Count: 1810 

[azurika-writes]

Starstruck

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: you win a competition for a tour around the compound with a group of other winners and a meet and greet with the Avengers afterwards. You’re there to meet your idol, Bucky Barnes but he gets swarmed by other people who are there to meet him and so you almost miss your chance, until Steve Rogers sees the desperation in your face, he comes to your rescue. 

Warnings: this is a slow burn one shot, Bucky is your idol, language, Tony can’t mind his own business for a minute and is rude, sweet Bucky :)

Words: 4,215 (holy shit)

Authors Notes: I don’t know why this is so long holy shit, it’s my first slow burn fic I’ve written so far instead of drabbles. This idea came to me in a daydream and I don’t know if anything like this has previously been written but regardless, I hope you enjoy and feedback is more than welcome as always :)

It was a big day for you, full of excitement and nerves as you glanced down at your VIP pass. It wasn’t often you won these competition things, and you don’t really know why you participated, maybe it had something to do with a certain superhero that was listed to be apart of the special meet and greet or maybe it wasn’t that reason but you’re glad you did as you were one of 5 winners. Winning a special tour of the Avengers compound and then meeting the superheroes in the flesh afterwards. 

You were most excited to meet one particular superhero. The one with the black and gold vibranium arm and the shaggy hair and a full-grown beard covering his adorable cheeks. The one you’ve read and studied so much about the last couple of years. 

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. Former veteran soldier, former Howling Commando, survivor. 

You surprised yourself because, history books, you would normally find quite boring, but knowing he was apart of that era made it all that more interesting and you became hooked, infatuated even as you researched every detail about the war he was apart of, understanding what he had to endure during his time in captivity, the ins and outs of his and Steve’s friendship, the good and the bad. The further you dug into his life, the more your heart clenched tightly in your chest. 

The more recent interviews of him, you wouldn’t believe he was once a different man. You half expected him to be this closed-off person with no interest in the public whatsoever but to your utter shock and surprise, Bucky was so down to earth. Paying close attention to the interviewer’s questions. Answering them in-depth with so much philosophy behind his words. You watched hours upon hours of YouTube videos of Bucky meeting with fans, he took pictures and smiled for the photo. Autographed their merchandise. Bucky was always smiling, despite everything he had been through. You followed him on Instagram and Twitter. He’s never noticed you, but some other lucky fans were noticed, it didn’t bother you because you preferred not to have the attention, you looked forward to seeing his posts, stories and tweets he puts up for the world to see.

You admired him. You wanted to tell him face to face just how strong he was. The strong soldier has endeavoured so much in his life. Hydra stealing his freedom away from him, turning him into their own little puppet. He deserved this peaceful life he was being given. 

You wanted to meet Bucky Barnes and here was your chance, you just hoped you wouldn’t trip over your words once you finally did. You held the folder that contained handwritten stories, artwork and letters of encouragement that you wanted to give to Bucky as a gift and a picture you wanted to be signed under your arm. 

You hung the pass around your neck as you waited with the crowd outside the large black iron gates. A muscled and tall security walked over a few moments afterwards and asked for everyone’s names, checking them off the piece of paper he had in his hand on a clipboard.

“Please pay attention to any instructions you’re given. Please stick together. Do NOT venture off on your own. If you do NOT comply with any rules, you will be asked to leave. Any questions?” The security guard asked and there were mutters of no’s from everyone in the group. “Alright, follow me please.” You all followed the man in silence, occasionally glancing at the other people.

The iron gate that was hinged upon two stone pillars opened easily and quietly. And once everyone was inside, it was closed with an echoing ‘clang’, momentarily startling you. The security guard walked ahead and led the group up a really long pebbled footpath. The bright green grass on either side of the path was littered in gorgeous flowers and blossoming cherry blossom trees. Your feet scuffing across the stones as you walked, taking in the scenery around you. The place was absolutely magical, if someone was to describe it to you, you would think they were just fantasising. Something that you would absolutely do As you continued walking, to your left was a large space where the quinjets were receiving their maintenance from engineers. The large A on the front of the building came into view. The place looked enormous, larger than you ever expected. 

You almost stumbled into the person in front of you. It was only then you realised everyone had stopped walking and was waiting near the doors.

The security guard turned around one final time. “Alright everyone’s attention, please. As I mentioned previously, please stick together. Do not be tempted to break away from the group and roam around by yourself. Please abide by these simple rules. Other than that, have fun and enjoy your experience. Mr Stark himself will take the guide over once you’re inside.” And with that, the guard flashed his key-card and the large glass doors opened. He stepped aside and motioned for everyone to go in. 

The lobby was probably the biggest you’ve ever seen imaginable. Even pictures from Pinterest couldn’t compare to the sheer size of this. The floors and walls were marbled. Workers behind their desks typing away on their computers and phones ringing off the hook.

The ding from the elevator caught everyone’s attention. Excitement bubbled up within you. You knew it was most likely to be Mr Stark since he was going to be the tour guide from here, but something in you wished for a moment it would be Bucky Barnes. 

But when the doors opened on the lavished elevator, it, of course, wasn’t. You hoped your disappointment wasn’t too noticeable. 

“You’re the groups of winners?” Tony wondered, pulling up his tablet to check the list of names. He called each name out one at a time to receive a stamp on their wrist. Once everything was validated, Tony led the way. The group following him closely but quietly. 

“As you folks can see, this is the lobby. We currently have over 10,000 staff employed in this area alone with over 200 security guards.”

“Why do you have so many?” A man from your group asked Tony. 

“Because we’re the Avengers, you don’t know who is out there to harm there. Hydra could walk through those doors at any given time. Moving on.” Tony walked towards the staircase, he explained it was because of maximum weight capacity in the elevator. The stairwell was echoed and so many stairs. You were quite winded when you got to the top.

“Are you alright there, Y/N is it? Do you need a medic?” You didn’t know whether Tony was joking or being serious, but you took quite a few deep breaths and shook your head no. 

“Alright. So welcome to the main floor. Here we have the common room, debriefing room, offices, a kitchen and numerous bathrooms along the hall.” Tony explained, pointing to each doorway down the long and narrow hallway. This was the floor of the common room? Bucky Barnes could be here, he could be through those doors, and that thought alone made your heart jump in your throat. 

“What is the common room used for?” A younger lady asked Tony. 

“The common room is where we, The Avengers hang out, unwind and relax after kicking ass. Follow me.” 

In the near distance, you could hear hushed voices as Tony led the group into the actual common room. It was empty besides two people; Clint and Natasha. Two superheroes you easily recognized.

“I wonder where Bucky is?” You leaned in and asked the girl standing next to you. She smiled back politely, “I haven’t seen anyone yet. They are due for the meet and greet right?” She asked you. With a nod of your head, you noticed Tony had stopped talking and was looking in your direction. 

“If you two are done with your conversation.” You both muttered an apology. “This is Natasha and Clint, our finest heroes. You’ll meet them and everyone else a bit later, let me show you the kitchen area.” Tony led the group further into the compound. The architecture was just incredible and out of this world. It was something you never really expected.

Tony showed you every nook and cranny of the compound; The indoor swimming pool with sauna and jacuzzi, the gym on the lower floor, the sleeping quarters one or two floors up, and he showed you the helipad where the quinjets received their maintenance and checks before takeoff. 

“Have you guys enjoyed yourselves?” Tony asked as he led you all once again into the common room, where this time more voices were heard. Everyone answered incoherently but you decided to keep quiet, afraid of getting told off again by Tony. “It’s been a pleasure having you.” He sighed, stopping just outside the door of the common room. “Now is the time you’ve been waiting for. You will have a chance to meet each superhero and please, don’t be shy. They are not as scary as they seem.” Tony winked, opening the door and motioning for all of you to walk through. As you were about to walk through, Tony grabbed your wrist and held you back. For a moment you were worried you would be denied this opportunity to meet your hero, “Are you alright? You’ve been the quietest out of the group.” Tony consoled. 

“I’m fine, I’m just taking everything in.” You smiled and Tony nodded, letting go of your wrist, allowing you through the door and once you did and made eye contact with those baby blues, you almost died. You became starstruck and it was almost impossible to peel your eyes away from him. In a line next to him stood the Avengers in their casual clothes, each with a glowing smile on their faces as they saw the pure shock on the group’s faces. 

“Hi and welcome!” Wanda smiled ushering everyone forward.

“Hi, Wanda. I’m your biggest fan.” One of the girls gushed as she stepped towards Wanda, tears running down her cheeks. You watched the group approach the one superhero they wanted to meet the most, you didn’t anticipate 3 other girls would approach and crowd Bucky so quickly. But the guy took it well, smiling and talking to them as he answered their questions, they were giggling and no doubt flirting. You stood back awkwardly, unsure about what to do. 

“Hey, kid. Are you gonna meet anyone?” Tony asked amused as she stood next to you, pushing his glasses up his face. 

“He’s kind of occupied.” You chuckled, your eyes wandering over to Bucky. 

“Yeah, he usually gets all the ladies.” Tony chuckled, stepping away to help someone. 

Your heart sank into the pit of your stomach as you noticed more and more people were now waiting to meet the former Winter Soldier. He was a lot more popular than you had realized, and it was just a realization that maybe you weren’t meant to meet him. You instead chose not to waste this once in a lifetime opportunity and decided to approach Steve Rogers who was free from a crowd and he was your second favorite superhero.

“Hey!” He said smiling as you approached, his perfectly lined teeth on show. His T-shirt was pulled across his broad chest. Steve stretched a hand out for you to shake.

“Hi! How are you?” You asked politely, returning the firm handshake. His hand was silky smooth like he had dipped them in a butter dish prior to meeting everyone.

“Can’t complain. Got a few days off to enjoy the sunshine. What do you have there?” He pointed to the folder that you had under one arm. 

“Oh, it’s kind of embarrassing but these are some things I wanted to gift to Bucky Barnes, but it looks like I won’t meet him.” You chuckled sadly, looking down at your feet. 

“He’s the popular one with these greets. He really outshines us all, I’m sure he would really appreciate it though.” Steve comforted but knowing time was running out and people just kept swarming him. You pulled your lip between your teeth, desperately willing yourself not to let your true disappointment show, but you couldn’t help it. You would never get this opportunity again and Bucky was impossible to reach out to on social media with over 50 million followers on Instagram and a whopping 20 million on Twitter. Even if you did reach out, there were too many people trying to reach him, your messages and tweets would be swallowed. This just annoyed you since you were only a couple of feet from the man you’ve spent a long time learning everything about, sympathizing with and he was still out of reach. 

Steve had been looking at your contour of emotions while you remained quiet. The folder under your arm was thick, he knew you were a genuine fan of Bucky’s and not just some fan girl who was here to flirt and try and get a hold of his personal number or request a follow on social media. 

“May I take a look?” Steve asked, pointing to your folder. His voice startled you slightly and you nodded shamefully. There was far too much dedication in that folder and you were sure he was going to lecture you for being too invested in Bucky when Bucky didn’t know who you were. You passed him the folder and Steve quietly looked through, you watched his eyebrows rise and fall on occasion and small smiles here and there. You swallowed the lump in your throat and bounced on the balls of your feet. 

“Alright, guys. That’s it, time is up! I really hope you all had a wonderful experience and could I please ask you all to calmly exit the common room and I’ll meet you in the hallway.” Tony spoke up and you panicked. Bucky was still laughing and joking with the girls and it was a moment lost. But Steve still hadn’t given you your folder back and you knew he must have heard Tony. 

“See you later ladies!” Bucky called out to them as they waved and blew kisses. You heard Bucky chuckle, “Man I thought they’d never leave.” He told Clint before walking out after the group.

“Uh Y/N?” Tony started but Steve looked up with glossy eyes. 

“Wait Tony, I’d like to keep her a while longer, don’t worry I’ll show her out afterwards,” Steve said, Tony was confused and you were confused, was there something he found in that folder that bothered him? Were you in trouble? Oh god, maybe your letters were too personal.

“Alright, freezer burn. Rest of you follow me please.” 

One by one the avengers left, except for Steve. You were still standing in front of him awkwardly, your heart beating a thousand beats per minute. You noticed he was now taking his time flicking through your folder. 

“This is really beautiful.” Steve complimented, he made sure Bucky was out of earshot before he continued, “You’ve spent so much time on this, your dedication, you really meant every word you think about him don’t you?” You knew he was referring to one of your many letters of encouragement, reminding him he’s human and a good man. 

“I meant it.” You replied sheepishly.

“You should meet him, Y/N. He would love this so much.” 

“I can’t. Tony has already kicked everyone out.” You chuckled, reaching for your folder but Steve wasn’t giving it back just yet. 

“And I’ve already told him I wanted to keep you a while longer. You’ve clearly come here to see him and it’s only right you did. FRIDAY, where did Barnes disappear to?” Steve asked the disembodied AI.

“Sergeant Barnes is in his room, Captain Rogers.” Steve sighed and rubbed his neck. 

“Please tell him to come back to the common room.” 

“Yes sir.” The AI responded almost immediately. 

“Cap? Can I have a word?” Tony walked through the door with his arms folded. Steve nodded and handed your file back to you. 

Your heart rate was still accelerating at a dangerous speed once you were left alone in the common room with your folder clutched to your chest. You were still worried Steve found something that might have bothered him, you were confused why he wanted to keep you behind while everyone else had to leave and you didn’t understand why he wanted you to meet Bucky so badly, you were already given the opportunity and it didn’t happen. 

Your thoughts froze when you heard heavy footsteps in the hallway and a tall, muscular figure round the corner with his hands shoved in his pockets. His eyebrows creased together when he saw it was just you in the room and not Steve. 

“You’re still here?” Bucky asked, his eyes narrowed and you gulped, nodding your head. “Not keeping you hostage is he?” He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. A smile grew on your face as he stepped closer to you. The purest of blue eyes you’ve ever seen in your life and they were looking right at you, one side of his shaggy hair was tucked neatly behind his ear and from this distance, you saw the dog tag chain around his neck and the tags clanking under his black Henley. This was your last opportunity to say what you wanted, to give him this folder, you knew you wouldn’t get this chance again and you were grateful to Steve for helping you out. 

“I um… sorry I’m a mess.” You chuckled and blinked the tears away. It was like a reunion you weren’t really prepared for. 

“It’s okay, let’s take a seat.” He motioned to the couches and you followed him. He sat on the coffee table opposite you and once you were ready and collected, you spoke more clearly. 

“This is for you.” You handed your folder to him and he took it gracefully. “I um…” your voice came out shaky and nervous but you kept going, “I just really have to tell you that I think you’re wonderful, a true hero, one of my heroes and um, I never really thought I’d get this opportunity to meet you in person and definitely not, um one on one, this really means the whole world to me.” Tears were starting to run freely down your cheeks at this point and Bucky sighed happily.

“You know, I’m extremely grateful for wonderful people like you. I noticed you when you walked through the door but unfortunately, I got swamped and I felt kinda bummed out myself that I didn’t even get to say hi. Thanks for coming here today and staying behind. I’m really glad you did and thank you so much for this.” He waved the folder in his hand. “I’ll definitely take a good look through it later in the privacy of my own room.” He smiled. 

“I do have one thing for you to sign if that’s okay?” 

“Yes of course!” He shifted on the coffee table slightly and the wood cracked under his weight. Your hands immediately covered your mouth as you tried to suppress a giggle. 

“If anyone asks… that wasn’t me.” He chuckled and stood up, choosing to sit next to you instead. 

“What happened to the coffee table?” Tony asked as he reappeared through the doors. “You’re here an awfully long time Missy.” Tony pointed accusingly at you. 

“Sam did it and leave her alone Tony. She has Steve’s permission to be here as well as mine.” Bucky glared and your cheeks heated up. “What did you want me to sign, doll?” Your heart almost choked on its own blood vessels at the pet name you knew very much about. It was more common in the 1940s and you wondered if Bucky or Steve ever used it today as an endearment to their women. 

“Make sure she’s gone so-”

“Fuck off Tony. Excuse my language, doll.” God, was he trying to kill you?

“You... you called me ‘doll’.” your breath got caught stuck in your throat. 

“Twice.” He winked.

Tony muttered under his breath as he left the common room with a weird looking android following him. Once you collected your thoughts, you pulled out one of your favorite pictures of Bucky that you had printed off the internet and handed it to him. Bucky reached into his pocket to pull out a sharpie and pulled the lid off with his teeth as he signed it. Your eyes slightly wandered over to his metal hand, it was the black and gold you loved so much. You remembered reading into so much detail about the different bionic arms, this one was made in Wakanda by Shuri herself with a lot of features that weren’t disclosed to the public. It looked more comfortable than the old silver arm with the red star which symbolized Hydra. 

“There we go!” His voice startled you. Your eyes shot up to meet his own and you blushed under his stare. 

“Th-thank you so much.” You stammered. Feeling hotter than a cookie baking in the oven. 

“You’re welcome!” He smiled, clipping the lid back on the sharpie. 

“Again, I really do appreciate this. Thank you for being so humble and I hope you find the letters encouraging.” You grinned looking down at the signed photo with a long message scripted on the back that you’ll read a little later.

“Well as I said, I really appreciate you for staying behind and for the folder. I can’t wait to look through it.” 

“Could I… could I be cheeky and ask for a quick selfie with you?” You bit your lip nervously. You were prepared for him to say no and that you had outstayed your welcome, so you were a bit surprised when his face lit up like a Christmas tree. 

“Yes!” You pulled your phone from your pocket and brought the camera app up. Bucky scooted in closer to you. “Tag me in it so I can add it to my story.” he smiled for the camera and you clicked the button, checking the photo to make sure it was good. You thanked him for the hundredth time.

“Okay, but I doubt you’d see it.” you chuckled and stood up, putting your phone back into your pocket. 

“Why’s that?” He deadpanned and you chuckled. 

“Um, sir. I don’t know if you know this but you have like 50 million people following you and probably 100 million DMing you to try and talk to you.” 

“Hmm. You’re right, maybe I’ll have to try and find you then.” He winked and before you could react, Tony reappeared. 

“I’m leaving,” you told him before he made another snarky comment about you still being there. 

“If you’re ready, would you please follow me.” He started to walk towards the door but you, for some reason kept still in your spot, contemplating whether to throw your arms around his midsection and give him a hug or walk away and regretting not hugging him. You went with the first option, and Bucky, seemingly reading your mind already had his arms opened wide and embraced you gracefully. They were big and strong, just like you had anticipated. His cologne was like sandalwood and vanilla, mixed with spearmint. Daring yourself further, you reached up on your tiptoes and kissed him quickly on the cheek. 

“Thank you, Bucky. It was a pleasure meeting you.” you smiled, pulling away from his embrace. He nodded curtly towards you. Tony huffed impatiently by the door and you reluctantly walked away from your hero.

Tony led you to the elevator since it was just the two of you. You felt the need to apologize for outstaying your welcome.

“Mr. Stark I’m so sorry for staying longer I-”

“Don’t stress kid. Cap explained everything, and don’t worry I almost guarantee Barnes will be in touch when he gets to the end of your folder.” you smiled but knowing that wouldn’t be true. Bucky probably wouldn’t think about you again after today. After all, he did receive hundreds and hundreds of gifts each week. 

The lavished elevator dinged and you stepped out in sync. Tony nodded to the security guard and you handed your VIP pass back to him before he opened the large glass doors for you to exit. 

“Thank you again, Mr. Stark.” You walked out, taking one last look of the compound before walking down the long pebbled path once again. Once you reached the iron gates, you gave the first security guard your name and he ticked you off the list, opening the gates and allowing you to exit. 

“Have a nice day, Miss.” He said and you nodded with a small smile. You walked further down the sidewalk and stopped. Turning the photo Bucky had signed for you. Smiling greatly as you read it.

Dearest Y/N,

It’s not often I get fans like yourself. You’re truly one in a million and for the record, I’m glad Steve kept you behind, I’m glad he connected us. We will meet again soon, doll. Until then, please keep safe and please keep reaching out. I notice more than you think.

Best regards,

Bucky

[attackonmyself]

Beat the Heat--NSFW

Inspired by a prompt from @voltage-vixen​‘s Summer of Smut Writing Challenge but took waaaaay too long for me to complete, and I missed the deadline. Anyways, thanks to @voltagesmutter​, @passagesthroughpages, and Lia_Jones (all amazing writers themselves!) for all your help! Dedicated to all Victor stans, and my Discord family!

Please see this amazing artwork that inspired my fic!: https://m.sg.weibo.com/user/2173912080/4472175635540915

And also this Karma owned by MLQC:

Link on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25654276

I sprinted into the LFG lobby, out of breath. I was late. Again. 

Cindy spotted me, and quickly gestured towards the stairs. “He’s been waiting for you, go on up.” I groaned, still out of breath, then crossed the lobby. Great, I thought as I ran up the stairs. Another lecture on punctuality, coming right up. I stopped before the office door, taking a moment to catch my breath before knocking.

“Come in,” came the clipped reply. Even better, it sounded like he was already in a bad mood. This should be fun. I entered, closing the door behind me. Victor was sitting at his desk, skimming something on his computer. He looked up, removing his glasses and placing them next to his desk calendar. “It is 2:33.”

I grimaced. “I’m sorry.”

His normal poker face had been replaced with a scowl. “What time did I say to be here?”

“2:30.” It didn’t matter how close we had become, some things never changed. When at work, Victor was always in prime CEO mode, any trace of my shy and sweet boyfriend disappearing the moment he walked in the office doors. 

“It seems your memory is indeed working today, despite all evidence to the contrary. So perhaps you like to explain why that was not the time you entered my office?” Being on the receiving end of a Victor-Li-is-irked glare was never a good experience, but unfortunately, that was often the position I found myself in.

“Our printer jammed at the last second, and wouldn’t print a contract that my 1:30 client needed to sign before they could leave, so I was stuck there calling maintenance and then waiting for them to show up, and then waiting for them to fix it, and then--”

“Stop. I’ve heard enough.” He rubbed his temples, eyes closed. “You do realize this is the modern era, yes? Contracts can be sent over email, and signed digitally. We will need to discuss your company’s disturbing lack of adaptation to current technology at another time; you have wasted enough of it already. Begin your report.” 

“Right.” I pulled out my newly purchased tablet and cleared my throat. “As you can see, we exceeded our predicted revenue this month. Views that we lost last week were not just recovered, but doubled.” I fidgeted a bit under his intense stare. 

“I implemented the ideas we discussed last week, and they were successful  For future consideration, I’d like to bring to your attention--”

The soft whirring of the air conditioning of the building sputtered to a startling halt. I paused, and looked at Victor for direction. He sighed, and picked up the phone on his desk when it began to ring. “Speak.” I heard a hurried voice on the other end, and watched Victor’s frown deepen. “What?” More frantic explanation from the voice, trying to appease him, and then Victor hung up. 

“Something wrong?” I asked, hoping that an urgent matter had come up, so that I could move my report to later when he would hopefully be in a better mood.

“The air conditioning stopped working. It will take a few hours to fix.” I groaned internally. It was the middle of July, peak season for hot days, and Victor’s office was directly in the sun’s path at the moment, the windows offering no protection from its heat. He shed his suit jacket, draping it over the arm of his chair. “Continue,” he commanded.

“Uh,” I scrambled to remember my place. “For future consideration, I’d like to bring to your attention trendlines predicting future revenue on episodes based on current events.” I began to sweat, already missing the almost too cold climate I had complained about in the past, and vowed to never do so again. 

“Our most popular episodes to date have been ones related to current issues in the news. Our recent collaboration with Loveland TV gave us access to topics and resources that we might not have had otherwise. Therefore, I propose that we begin a new series to be aired in conjunction with local news stations beyond just Loveland TV that would cover oddities addressed in daily reports.” 

Ok, the heat had officially become unbearable. I took off my white cardigan, putting in on top of my bag. Victor did a double-take, eyes widening. Uh oh. I forgot how casual my dress was. I tried to distract him with the report. “The series would cover not just super powers, but also delve into the psyche--”

“Stop, stop.” Crap. He was still staring at my dress. “What do you think you’re wearing?!”

“Uh, a sundress?” I responded dumbly. He glared at me. I fumbled for an excuse, though not knowing why I needed one exactly. “It’s the middle of July. I know it’s not formal business attire without the cardigan, but it’s hot in here without the AC. I thought you would understand that and be ok with me not wearing it considering the circumstances.”

He gaped, apparently shocked. “You thought wrong. Do you seriously not realize how alluring that dress is?”

Wait what? “Huh?”

He shook his head. “Dummy, you are astoundingly naive sometimes. Wearing that to any presentation, including this one, leads the audience to focus not on your proposal, but your physical assets.” I blushed, and covered myself a bit with my arms. He continued. “For example, I missed everything you presented after taking off your cardigan. Be thankful this was only a weekly report meeting, and not an official proposal for more funding with the entire board present.” He leaned forward and placed his elbows on the desk.

I looked down, ashamed. “I really am sorry, Victor. That would have embarrassed both Miracle Company and you; I understand now and I will do better in the future.”

“No, you misunderstand me.” He stood, and strode quickly towards me, crossing the room in a few broad steps. He grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look him in the eye. “The only person who should see you in outfits of this nature is me.” It was the hunger in his eyes that made me realize I was no longer talking to the CEO of LFG, but Victor Li, my protective and now aroused boyfriend.  

Desperate lips met mine, taking my breath away. I was always weak for his kisses, this time literally. My knees gave in a bit, and I held onto his arms as he pushed deeper. I eagerly reciprocated, a need for his touch growing rapidly under my navel. We broke apart for only a moment, before he claimed my lips again and ran strong fingers up my neck and into my hair, gently nudging my face closer to his. 

Victor was not a man of many flowery words, but he made up for it in his actions. Every kiss we shared was so fervent that you would think it was going to be our last. Even in moments of raw passion, it was obvious how deeply he cared for me, and I fell more in love with him each time our lips united. This kiss was no exception; I sank into his yearning for me, throwing my arms around his neck. 

Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around my thighs, and I felt myself being lifted into the air. I scrambled to wind my legs around his waist, holding him tighter. We were intimately closer than before, and I could feel his heart pounding in his chest. It amazed me that I could have such an effect on the seemingly stoic mogul, that I could be the one to break his cool. His lips captured mine once more, then he impatiently moved us towards his desk. 

“Hold tight,” he instructed, using one arm to awkwardly clear off the desktop, sending pens and his mouse flying. He set me atop it, beginning to suck at the pulse point above my collarbone, when reality hit me.

“Wait, stop,” I whispered harshly. He immediately backed away, arms to his side.

“What’s wrong?” Concern overtook ardor, and he scanned my figure. “Did I hurt you?” That thought seemed to shake him a bit.

“No, nothing like that,” I quickly reassured him. “But...should we really be doing this in your office? People might hear, or worse, what if someone came in?”

His confidence immediately returned, desire resuming its place in his eyes as I mentioned others overhearing our stolen moment of passion. He smirked, leaning in close.

“Let them hear.” He continued his attack on my neck, but I wouldn’t be swayed just yet.

“Victor,” I chided. “I’m not comfortable with someone catching us in your office. That wouldn’t look good for either of us.” He stopped, judging my sincerity, then walked away. 

“Wait, where are you going?” I asked, reaching out an arm towards him needily, missing his warmth already. Had I angered him?

“Relax, dummy.” He strode up to the door and turned the lock, its satisfying click signaling his intentions. He turned and smiled devilishly. “No one is going anywhere until we are finished.” 

He hastened back to me, as if I were his prey, strung up and waiting for him on a platter. He kissed me again, and loosened his tie to quell the sweltering heat. I grabbed for his shirt, undoing the first few buttons before he stopped me with a lick to a particularly sensitive area behind my earlobe. He undid his tie the rest of the way and set it down beside me on the desk. I finished unbuttoning his shirt, untucking it roughly. I gulped upon being met with the sight of his broad chest. As if controlled by some unknown force, my hands ran over his torso, brushing his collarbone and hips alike, searching for any point of contact with him. 

He placed feather light kisses all over my face and neck, brushing my cheek; my eyelids; the small v formed by my collarbones. As lovely as his display of affection was--and it truly was; not often did we get a chance to bask in the other’s devotion--it wasn’t quite enough. I needed more. 

I ran my hands down his abdomen, grabbing for his belt buckle, but he caught my hand in his and tsked. 

“Someone needs to learn to be patient.” His hands left me, and I let out a whine. He picked up the flimsy piece of fabric that lay beside me and wrapped it around my face, covering my eyes. 

“Is this okay?” I heard a soft whisper beside my left ear. 

His breath tickled me a bit, paused in anticipation of my answer. I hold absolute control over him at this moment, I realized with a small gasp. The power was a heady feeling; Loveland’s most eligible ‘bachelor’ was all mine, treating me as if I was some queen to be worshipped. Although he was leading most of the action, I held the ropes. And I would be ever so careful not to abuse this gift. What’s more, after years of having to take care of myself on my own, I now could trust him. Completely. 

“Yes.” 

That one word spurred him back into action. He quickly fastened the makeshift blindfold behind my head, careful to avoid knotting my hair with it. I heard a low groan, and then my skirt was pushed up, warm hands rubbing slow circles on my inner thighs. 

“You have no idea what you do to me,” he murmured, his lips brushing mine, sending shivers down my spine. "There is nothing I would not do to keep you safe and happy."

I bucked my hips towards his, searching for any friction to relieve my need. Suddenly, I felt a hand over my underwear, massaging my clit leisurely. I let out a breathy moan. Finally. His steady fingers ran back and forth across the fabric, gentle yet firm in their ministrations. "Faster, please Victor," I gasped, spreading my legs. He obeyed, for once, going faster and faster until all fear of others intruding disappeared. I could only think about him, his touch, and my palpable desire to become one with him. 

I could feel a flush rise in my cheeks, the sounds coming from my mouth garbled and brimming with pleasure. I reached blindly for him, needing to touch him for stability; so that I could hold off my climax a little longer, but was met only with air. I let out a whine. I heard a chuckle from somewhere in front of me. Seconds later, strong hands guided mine to his shoulders; his warm body moved closer, parting my legs further.

I was already beyond wet by this point, and I felt ready for him but knowing Victor, he wouldn't enter me until he was sure I was relaxed and ready for him. "Please, hurry up, I need you, now," I urged.

Surprisingly, he decided to grant my request. I heard the soft clink of a belt buckle being undone followed by a rustling of fabric. I hooked my ankles behind him, wanting, no, needing him in me as soon as humanly possible. A hand ran through my hair, and then my underwear was pushed to the side;  in one fluid motion he had both lifted me into the air and entered me with a soft moan. I gasped, throwing my head back and digging my fingers into the well-defined muscles of his shoulders.

The sensation of him inside me was more intense in the dark. I felt so safe, protected and satisfied in his arms. It was as if all my fears and worries had melted away. I knew that he would shield me from any incoming darkness that dared to threaten me. He pulled back for a moment, then slowly slid inside me once more, giving me time to adjust and savor the feeling of us, united as one. 

We maintained a comfortable rhythm, my hips grinding down to meet his as I panted against his neck. There was no need for words; anything that needed to be said was communicated through movement and small gasps and moans. I realized that I could no longer hear the ticking of the wall clock, its telling absence revealing that time was no longer in motion. 

I drew in a breath to mention it, but he suddenly changed to a different angle, shifting me in his arms, and sparks burst behind my eyelids. “Don’t you dare stop, right--right there!” I practically screamed. He hummed in confirmation, building speed. I let out a series of whines, bouncing down into his thrusts in desperation to add to the surging, rising tide of pleasure that's only just out of reach. I could hear Victor’s pleasure as well in the short, cut off breaths he let out. 

“Are you close,” he ground out, ever the gentleman in refusing to come before me. 

“Very,” I replied, concentrating on my climax, adding a finger to my clit. A few more strokes, and it hit me--hard. I screamed out his name and clenched around him. He gasped, and I felt a warmth inside me as he tightened his grip on me. The waves of pleasure taking hold of me ebbed slowly; suddenly, I could see again, tie dropping to the floor.  

Victor cradled me close and kissed the top of my head. We remained entangled in each other’s embrace for a few moments longer, catching our breath. He slid out of me, but didn’t let me go. I buried my face in his neck, flushing at the whispered “I love you” that came from beside my ear. 

Suddenly, the ticking resumed and the space that was only ours returned to being shared with the rest of the world. I was gently set down on the desk, and I grabbed a tissue to clean myself up. We began to redress and had almost finished when there was a knock at the door. 

“Sir, the mechanics from Four Seasons Heating and Air have arrived,” Goldman’s voice came from behind the solid wood. “Would you like to direct them or should I handle it?”

Victor gestured at my cardigan, “That goes on; tightly,” he said in a low voice, then he grabbed his suit jacket and approached the door. I buttoned it quickly, barely finishing in time before he swung the door open. 

There was an awkward silence as Goldman took in our appearance. He did a quick double take, then stammered an apology. “Sir, I--uh--”

 I flushed brightly; there was no way to conceal what we had been up to. Only Victor stood stoic as always, not caring about our disheveled state or the smudge of my lipstick on the corner of his mouth. “Mark me as booked for the next two hours,” he announced, glancing at his watch. “I expect the air conditioning to be up and running when I return.”

“Next two hours--but sir! You have the meeting with the investors from--” Goldman was cut off with a glare. Typical. I felt sorry for him. 

“Did I ask for any feedback? I said that I am booked for the next two hours. Make any schedule changes necessary in my absence.” He put an arm around my waist and led me out of the room in the direction of the elevator. 

“But sir!” Victor paid him no mind and as the door closed, he pulled me into another kiss. 

“How do you feel about lunch at Souvenir?” 

“Mm, sounds great!” I replied, smoothing down his slightly rumpled shirt. Oh! Pulling back with a smile, I suddenly laughed. “Victor!”

He frowned. “What.”

“You forgot your tie!”

[writingwithadinosaur]

“Under the Knife” - Part 2

“Under the Knife” - Part 2

My Masterlist - Here

Story Masterlist - Here

My Tag List - Here

Hannibal Lecter x Reader, Will Graham x Sister!Reader

Word Count: 2,500-ish

Key: Chunks of text in italics are (Y/N)’s thoughts. Y/N = Your Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color

Warnings: Talks of murders, talk of crime scenes, cursing

Summary: You are Will Graham’s sister who works with him at the FBI. When you get offered a job promotion, life starts to change. Some changes for the better; Some for the worst.

Tag List:

@fruitloopzzz @theeactress @melconnor2007 @ashenfallsof @geeksareunique @all-by-myself98 @sj-thefan​ @fuck-your-bad-vibes-dude​ @ntlmundy

Author’s Note: This is my first Hannibal piece and I am proud of it. There aren’t too many stories for Hannibal, so I figured I would add to the collection.

This does take place in some happy medium where they are all alive and work together. Sort of a happier season 1 era.

This is beta-read by @theeactress​, but please let me know if there is something that we missed or that we should look at again! 

If you would like to be tagged in any of my future pieces, check out my tag list above and let me know! And as always, feedback is greatly appreciated!

<3

- DreaSaurusREX

----------------

After your meeting with Jack, you filled out some paperwork and made it official: You were going to be his profiler for any case that he wanted to call you in for. And apparently he already had one building. 

“We have a suspected serial killer hitting close to home. Three killings in Montclair, Lorton, and Fredericksburg.” As he said the Virginian cities, Jack plopped 3 case files in front of you and moved to the board full of evidence that he had.

“Oh! We’re starting right now? O-Okay.” He turned from the board to look at you with a sort of incredulous way. 

“Do you have a problem with that?” 

“I mean, we literally just signed the papers. I thought I would have a night to prepare instead of being thrown right in.” You said the truth without seeming ungrateful or annoyed, which was good. But you instantly started to nervously ramble as Jack nodded and walked back to his desk. “But if we need to start right now, I can. I just wasn’t ready for--”

“You’re right. We’ll start talking tomorrow. For now, take those files, do your homework, and report here at 9AM. We’ll go to the lab and introduce you to Beverly, Price, and Zeller.” Jack smiled and motioned toward the door. 

“Thank you. I will see you tomorrow morning!” You tried to be professional but also show that you were actually excited to work with him. 

“See you tomorrow.”

After putting the files securely in your bag, you headed to your apartment. You put the files on your dining room table before you hung up your coat and work bag. You checked your watch. You had dinner plans with Hannibal in an hour and a half. You stood between your room and the table that the files were seated on. You fidgeted with your ring for a few seconds as you debated on whether or not to start catching up on the case now or after dinner. 

“I can read over the first one and then get ready for dinner.” You told yourself as you pulled out the semi-comfy chair and opened the file. 

Case: #566-A

This case was from 6 weeks ago in Montclair. Ballsy to be close to the FBI and kill people. There were two victims: Dr. Everet and his wife Whinnie. They were found dead in their shared bedroom in their upper-class house. A nice upper-class place thanks to being a doctor. 

Whinnie looked like a murder that you would find in an armed robbery case: Quick throat slit, not much thought or motive into it, left on the floor to bleed out. Dr. Everet on the other hand was what you assumed grabbed Jack’s attention.

Dr. Everet was in the middle of their bed. The autopsy report claimed that the cause of death was exsanguination which made sense considering he was in pieces. Everet was cut at every major joint. His arms were separated from his shoulders, his legs from the pelvis, his thigh from his knee, his forearm from the elbow, and so on and so forth down to his fingers and toes. The report showed that there was a high level of paralytics in his system. So you make him sit there while you cut him apart. That’s why there are no defensive wounds. He had to lay there and endure all of that...

Why was Everet presented like this while his wife was a simple throat slit?

You made some notes in your book, making sure to write out questions to ask the team when you met up with them tomorrow. With every note you made, you found yourself going back to the case file and trying to connect dots. You soon realized that you couldn’t begin to connect those dots until you looked at the other files. 

Without much thinking, you opened all three files, quickly skimming over each of them and writing out the main points that stood out. You were supposed to be at Hannibal’s at 7 o’clock and it was only 5:45. It didn’t take that long to get to his place.

All of the murders happened 2 weeks after the other, starting 5 and a half weeks ago. Dr. Everet was about 6 weeks ago, Dr. Chaseten was about 4 weeks ago, and Dr. Loriet was about 2 weeks ago. Which means this killer is bound to strike again soon if this time frame is important to him.

They all have at least one victim that is treated like a paralyzed piece of artwork like Dr.Everet and at least one victim thrown to the side and killed quickly. The ‘pieces of art’ were all doctors, the others were their husbands or wives.

They all were in different cities in Virginia but close enough to make a solid assumption that this is the same killer.

You were scribbling out a note to ask about if there were any particulates found in any of the bodies when your phone buzzed on the table next to you. You didn’t even look at the screen, you just hit the answer button and put whoever was calling on speakerphone.

“(Y/N) speaking.” 

“Good evening, (Y/N).” The thickly accented voice rang through your speaker and stopped your writing mid-word as you looked from your phone to the files that were now spread out across your small tablespace.

“Dr. Lecter! Hi! Good evening! Sorry, I was um...  caught up in something and didn’t even register who was calling!”

“No need to apologize. I was just wondering if I should still expect you tonight?” You dropped your pen as you frantically looked at the time on your phone. It was 6:15PM. You quickly started to shut the files and stand up muttering a few curse words as you did. “I take it you got distracted?

“Yes! I’m sorry! But I am still coming over as long as the invitation is still good.” You picked up your phone and walked to your room to start to quickly figure out a nice outfit that didn’t look too much like a work outfit or too fancy. “I am getting ready now!”

“As I can hear.” You could almost hear the slight smirk he most likely had on his lips from hearing you fumble around your small space. 

“I should be there right around 7 and I’ll explain myself, I promise.” 

“I will see you then, my dear.” Hannibal hung up while you were slinging your work shirt into your laundry bin. You couldn’t help the smile that spread as you thought about how he called you ‘my dear.’ You know it's probably nothing more than a common nickname for any woman in Hannibal’s life, but it still felt good to be called something other than your real name. 

~~~~~~~~

Somehow you had managed to avoid a lot of major traffic and pull up to Hannibal’s home right at 7 o’clock. He must have heard your engine or seen your headlights because as you got out of your car and made your way to his front door, it was already open with him waiting for you with a small smile on his lips. 

“Right on time.” 

“Did you doubt me?”

“Never.” Hannibal moved to the side to let you in. You were instantly hit with the scents of whatever he was whipping up in his kitchen. 

“One day you’ll have to teach me how to make something really fancy just so I can show off next time I have someone over.” You shrugged off your bag and went to hang it up in the closet, but Hannibal beat you to it.

“Someone like a partner?” He was so good at hiding any sort of inflection in his voice, but you could have sworn that you detected a bit of jealousy. You slightly laughed at the idea of having any sort of romantic partner right now.

“I was thinking more along the lines of my brother. You know I don’t have much of a social life outside work.

Hannibal motioned for you to walk towards the kitchen, you did so and he was right behind you. 

This was normal for the two of you. You tried to have a meal or at least coffee together once or twice a week to give both of you a break from whatever the world was dishing out to you that week. You had met as colleagues when you worked together on a project for the FBI. But now you both were in a comfortable friendship. There was a pang in your heart that wanted to explore the idea of being more than friends or coworkers with him, but you doubted Hannibal felt the same. If he did, he wouldn’t show it due to his connection with your brother and out of respect for you. So the two of you continued this dance of being extremely friendly but too scared to make a move or speak up.

You poured yourself a glass of water and leaned against the kitchen counter as Hannibal reached into the refrigerator for lemon juice and finished up cooking. 

“How was your day today?” You ask him, as you take a sip.

“It was alright. Met with patients, got further in a drawing, figured out what to cook for a beautiful lady as a congratulation of sorts.” Hannibal quickly looked up at you as he said the last half of that before turning to the stovetop. You felt a very small blush creep on your neck, but tried to play it cool. 

“Congratulations?”

“On your new position. I hope you don’t mind that Will shared that with me today.”

“Did he now?” You couldn’t help the slight negativity in your voice as you looked away and played with your ring. “He is definitely not as happy for me as you are. I’m sure you’re aware that he did not want me to accept Jack’s offer.”

“I cannot tell what he said, but I can tell you that he was rather upset when he came in today.”

“Sounds like my brother.” You took another drink of water, not even noticing that Hannibal had plated dinner until he spoke up.

“Now, if you’d please.” You quickly looked up and saw that he was gesturing to the dining room. You tried to help by grabbing a plate or his cup or something to bring to the table but he just gently ushered you into the next room. He never let you help out when you were over as a dinner guest, but you tried every time. 

The two of you sat and began eating. It was a good minute or two of silence before someone spoke up. 

“This is delicious, Hannibal! I don’t know what vegetable this is exactly,” you help up a swirly looking green piece on your fork, “but it is amazing with this sauce you’ve made.”

“That is romanesco broccoli. I thought you might like it. It looks intimidating but tastes like the typical broccoli that you normally eat. It's just a bit… Artistic.” He slightly smiled, happy that he could amuse you with new food. You took another bite as Hannibal reached for his wine. Before he took a sip, he asked something that had been on his mind.

“May I ask what grabbed your focus so much that you almost missed out on dinner tonight?”

“Oh, right! Jack apparently already has a killer he wants me to start profiling. He gave me copies of the reports to read up on before I have my first official day tomorrow. I told myself I was just going to read the first one, but then got carried away.”

“Is this the killer that has been targeting doctors?” You gave him a questioning look, unsure of how he knew about the case. “Jack asked for my opinion at the crime scene for Dr.Chaseten a few weeks ago. Considering they haven’t caught anyone, I’m assuming that is what he has you working on.”

“Then you would be correct. There are now three mutilated doctors that have no obvious correlation to each other other than the cause of death and the fact that they are doctors.” You sipped your drink and continued. “I know I’ve only been Jack’s official profiler for less than a day, but it's still biting at me that I don’t see anything yet.”

Hannibal reached over and put a hand on yours to try to rein you back in before you thought too much about the case.

“I’m sure you will have more answers tomorrow.” You smiled and patted his hand, ignoring the slight butterflies you got from the contact. You took a deep breath.

“I know. I shouldn’t get this deep yet. That insanity will hit me tomorrow when I have to brainstorm with Jack.” You smiled even though it didn’t fully reach your eyes. You knew Hannibal would pick up on it. 

“I think it was Oscar Levant that said that ‘there’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.’ Let’s just hope Jack Crawford won’t erase his line.” Hannibal gave your hand a small squeeze before removing his hand, causing you both to return your attention to your meal. 

“You know, we could have rescheduled this dinner if you felt the need to finish your work.” Hannibal was sincere. He understood your work was a major part of your life, but he did like to see you outside the halls of the FBI.

“No! I wanted to come by tonight! Honestly, I needed a mood lifter after today.”

“Oh? How come?” You finished chewing and then spoke your mind. You knew Hannibal was a therapist, but he wasn’t your therapist. So you tried to keep it friendly.

“I should be excited and happy to be starting this new position, but I’m more worried about Will. I don’t want this job to be what divides us, you know? We’re so close, and I am one of the few people that he can be comfortable around. I don’t want to take that from him.” You pause, unconsciously bouncing your leg and fidgeting with your ring slightly. You shook your head as if that would temporarily erase the thought. “I just hope that if I keep working cases, he will get more and more okay with it.” You cut off a piece of fish and ate, letting Hannibal know that you were done speaking.

“I’m sure he will be fine.” You look up to find him staring at you. More like watching you, hyper-aware of your movements that show your anxiety. “But enough about Will.” Hannibal held up his glass towards you. “Here’s to you and your new path in the FBI. May they see you as valuable and wonderful as I do.” 

You patted your lips with your napkin and smiled as you clinked your glass with his. Your heart swelled at his words. Why do you do this to me? 

The rest of the evening was spent finishing your meal and forcing Hannibal to let you help with the dishes. Afterward, he walked you to your car, as usual, opening the door for you like a true gentleman. 

Your drive home was peaceful and you found yourself smiling, thankful for your evening with Hannibal. It was nice to know that someone you cared about was happy for you.

[mollymauk-teafleak]

Heart and Liver

Stephen and Crane are getting ready to uproot their lives and move across the globe to Shangai. Which means Stephen needs to get his mouth around an entirely new language, something he clearly isn't very comfortable with.

But Crane has a way to get him to loosen up.

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I apologise for any mistranslations in this text, I've used online articles and am very aware it won't reflect the dialect used in Shangai in the Victorian Era. Sometimes you just hear the song Sunrise from In The Heights early in your adolescence and your taste for Person A teaching Person B their language fics is solidified.

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Please consider leaving a comment on Ao3 and reblogging! <3

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Stephen Day was a very good teacher.

Crane had seen the evidence himself multiple times. He’d seen him talk Miss Saint through the drills he gave her, the way he would correct her mistakes in ways that built her up rather than made her feel small, that steered her towards improvement rather than smacked her down, the way he would praise her effusively even after she’d just launched a gust of wind that had knocked him back on his arse. He’d seen the way that Saint looked at him after she’d mastered some new technique that was incomprehensible to Crane, after hours and hours of patience and encouragement from Stephen. Even through her street sharpened exterior, she would look at him like he’d hung the moon.

And he’d felt it himself, whenever the vast gulf between the worlds they knew would mean Stephen had to explain some magical phenomenon to him. His hands would twitch and turn as he spoke, like he was physically untangling the words themselves to make them understandable. Even if after he was done Crane could only smile and shake his head and shrug, expecting his lover to give up, Stephen would just launch into a slightly tweaked version of his explanation. He’d liken it to something Crane would grasp, analogise etheric currents to stocks and bonds or, in one memorable instance, translocation spells to this thing Crane would do to Stephen in bed whenever he’d either been very good or very bad. And then suddenly things would click in his mind and what, a few years ago, would have sounded like a fairy tale made sense to him.

He’d even seen him do it with Merrick a few times, the usually gruff manservant had taken one look at what Stephen could do with a pack of cards and began watching his hands very, very attentively whenever they’d all sit down to play of an evening. Even then, Stephen had recognised a different, slightly more hesitant student and adjusted his teaching style accordingly. He’d said nothing, he’d just made his movements slower, clearly telegraphed every twist of his slender wrists, casually dropped the names of the maneuvers he was making into conversation. He’d even deliberately flubbed the shuffles a few times, just so Merrick could see the mechanism more clearly as he righted it. It had worked as well as any of his other methods, Crane felt sorry for the boiler room lads on their boat to Shanghai, likely the first people his friend would approach with his new skills.

Stephen was indeed a brilliant teacher. He was patient, kindly when needed, firm when it was called for and always gave everything he had to helping his student achieve their goal. He cared, as simple as that.

So it was both a surprise and a shame that Stephen was such an appalling student.

Crane shifted on the bed, trying to fidget away his growing impatience, along with the growing cramps in his long legs, “Try again, you’re putting too much emphasis on the second syllable. Hunzhang.”

Stephen huffed, arms folding tighter, “I’m putting emphasis on the second syllable because you told me I was putting too much on the first!”

Crane stamped down an urge to laugh that would definitely get him kicked out of the bedroom. Stephen was just inexplicably adorable when he was irritated, it was like watching a puppy bare its teeth.

“Come on, listen to how I say it. Hunzhang.”

Stephen gave him a truly devastating eye roll but he sat up straighter against the bolsters and tried again, “Hunzhang.”

Crane grinned, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. Not something he’d ever dare do in one of his fine suits but the sun had long since gone down and he was in his shirtsleeves. Stephen was considerably less dressed, wearing nothing but an older shirt of Crane’s he tended to sleep in. Or get fucked in, more often, but that was having to wait for the language lesson.

“Hark at you! You’d fit right in, any trading floor in Shanghai,” Crane beamed appreciatively. He was being generous, Stephen’s pronunciation was dire but that shirt was riding up and he could see enough freckled thigh to earn some praise, “And what does it mean?”

His little witch pulled a face, “Bullshit. Because, for some reason, you think learning how to curse up one side of someone and down the other is going to help me in Shangai.”

“It’s how I learned,” Crane shrugged languidly, “And you’d be surprised how far a few well placed insults can get you.”

Stephen’s mouth tightened at the corners, his tone staying mildly irritated but that slightest pull of muscle betraying his anxiety, “I’m going to stick out enough on my own without accidentally calling someone a stupid egg of all things.”

Crane’s teasing smile softened. Their departure date was now less than a month away and he could tell Stephen’s nerves were growing by the day. As they prepared to pack up their lives and move to the other side of the world, he could see those lines around his tawny eyes deepening. Part of the reason for this language lesson was to get Stephen more comfortable with the idea, give him some sense of control over the situation so he didn’t feel so much like he was being thrown into deep, unfamiliar water.

Part of the reason why Crane wished it was going better.

“You’re not going to stick out,” he said firmly, reaching over and taking one of Stephen’s hands that had started to twitch and fidget nervously on the bed, “We’re going there so we can belong. You’ll see.”

Stephen nodded slowly, his anxious hands stilling as Crane’s slender fingers stroked the hills and valleys of their calluses and knuckles. Any attention to his hands and the younger man instantly melted, becoming pliant and gentle, receptive to even more language lessons.

“Let’s run through a few words that won’t get you punched in the teeth then?”

Stephen blinked warily, “God, how likely is that?”

Crane had to laugh, “Honestly, quite likely someone will swing for you. Impossible that any will actually land seeing as I’ll be knocking them into the dirt.”

That made him grin toothily, “Defending my honour?”

“The amount of time I spend defending you from people you piss off, might as well call it my profession,” Crane raised his eyebrows teasingly, “But you’re not changing the subject that easily, darling. Let’s see…”

Crane’s cool grey eyes wandered the room. They hadn’t started packing yet- that would be a job for the next few weeks- so the evidence of their secret shared life was still scattered all over the place. There were a few ties carefully hung on the back of the door from Crane choosing which one he wanted to wear that morning, draped next to Stephen’s ratty old coat. There were Stephen’s books on the occult stacked neatly alongside Crane’s stories of far flung places and grand adventures that he’d been reading since he was a little boy, for escape back then and for nostalgia now. There was the scuff marks on the carpet where Stephen would pace whenever some case had been bothering him or the twin marks running parallel to those where Crane would pace with ledgers in hand. Behind these walls, their lives could get hopelessly, wonderfully tangled like they were meant to be. And given that neither man was particularly good at keeping things neat, that left plenty of items and plenty of words.

Crane took a moment, considering before giving him an easy one, “Xié.”

Stephen sat up a little straighter, eyes brightening now he actually had an answer, “Shoes.”

Crane nodded, gesturing towards their shoes, standing side by side at the foot of the wardrobe. Crane’s significantly larger and better made, Stephen’s smaller and far more scuffed from running.

“Shūjià,” he chose next, smile turning challenging.

Stephen clearly stumbled at that, brow furrowing for a few minutes before answering hesitantly, “Book?”

“Close!” Crane said encouragingly, “Bookshelf. Book would be Shū but you can hear how the words sound similar.”

His tone didn’t seem to have done it’s job, Stephen’s face crashed, “Right. I only missed half the damn word.” He took his hands back, folding his arms tightly around his narrow chest again.

Crane knew if Stephen felt dejected, if he felt like he had failed even in the slightest respect, it was so hard to get him going again. For someone who could do impossible things, he didn’t have a lot of faith in himself.

“Come on, one more,” he said, quickly veering away from that word, “You’re on one and a half already! Try...um...Chuáng.”

Stephen opened his mouth, closed it again, cast his eyes around helplessly. After a few moments he groaned, shoulders dropping, “Lucien, I don’t know…”

“You do, you’re just tired,” Crane sighed, a little lost on how to sound encouraging but not patronising, that would absolutely bring this to an end if Stephen caught the slightest hint of pity in his voice, “Chuáng, it's right under your nose. Right under all of you, actually.”

His witch frowned at him, frustration clearly kindled and flaring behind his eyes, “What? Lucien, if you have to give me hints I clearly don’t know the word.”

Crane rather felt like somehow who’d realised that was in fact a waterfall his boat was about to topple over. He cleared his throat and learned back, reevaluating. He was starting to worry that maybe Stephen wasn’t such a bad student, maybe he was just a terrible teacher.

So he would go for something they were both good at instead.

“It was the word for bed,” he skipped lightly over it, his confident smile reignighting, “But I have a new game.”

Stephen exhaled, eyes closing in exasperation, “Lucien, I’m burned out on language learning, can’t we just go to sleep? It was hard enough for me to read and write English, let alone a completely different tongue.”

That very obvious, very heavy shift in the air between them, the kind that only happened when someone had let something slip, when some words had bolted and run loose when they really weren’t meant to. And if it wasn’t obvious already, Stephen’s face had turned roughly the same colour as his hair.

Crane proceeded carefully, so carefully, “What do you mean by that, love?”

His lover seemed to fold in on himself, like a nocturnal animal caught out in the daylight, “I...it’s a practitioner thing. They call it word blindness, I think. When I was a child, I...I struggled. Reading, writing, speaking, all of it. They just wouldn’t stay still on the page or stick in my head. Esther had the same thing when she was a girl and you know Saint’s never got the hang of it but she gets along fine. I...I thought I was just an imbecile for years, that's what all my teachers said, until I realised what I actually was. Until I realised I can manipulate metal and make things levitate easier than I can write my own name.”

Crane watched his love’s face carefully, making certain to keep his own free of any trace of pity even when his heart ached a little for the boy Stephen had been, “Just when I think I can't admire you any more, you go and surprise me.”

If Stephen was red in the face before, he was positively vermillion now, though the hope hesitantly creeping into his eyes offset it nicely, “You find it admirable that I was nearly illiterate until I turned twenty?”

“That you tried,” Crane said simply, warmly, “That you didn’t give up even when you were put through so much. That you’ve gotten through everything life threw at you with sheer determination and spit.”

Stephen didn’t have an answer for that, squirming in that adorable way he did when he was overwhelmed with praise, like it all went straight to his nerve endings, “I mean...it’s making learning Shangaiese a pain.”

“And if you want to take a break, of course we can,” Crane shifted forward, moving into a crouch not unlike a hunting animal about to pounce, close enough that he caught every millimeter as Stephen’s pupils widened, “But I think I have one more idea I’d like to try. If you’re willing?”

Stephen had stopped squirming, pinned under that gaze, swallowing hard, “One more?”

Crane felt that twinge in his chest, the spark of triumph whenever he got this little witch who could throw him across the room with a single thought to bow to his whims.

He deliberately lowered his voice until it was a rumble in his chest, leaning closer until he could graze Stephen’s earlobe with his teeth, “Why don’t you tell me what you’d like to say?”

Stephen’s exhale was shaky, the want rolling off of him, “How...how do you say ‘kiss me’?”

Crane chuckled roughly, “Wěn wǒ. Though I don’t think that’s really what you want, sweet boy. It’s a little...chaste?”

He heard his lover’s coy answering laugh echo through his through, “To start. Wěn wǒ.”

The pronunciation could still use a little work but that was the last thing on Crane’s mind as he answered the request eagerly, moving back and pressing his lips to Stephen’s. He felt his little witch moan and melt into it, arms coming up to wrap around his shoulders and anchor them together. The scrape of stubble against his chin as he deepened their kiss told of the hectic few days Stephen had been having, so much happening at the justiciary that he hadn’t even had time to shave. Crane knew how lucky he was to be getting a whole evening with him and didn’t intend to waste it.

He could feel Stephen’s hands pulling at his shirt, trying to undress him, so he moved away and took hold of those skinny wrists, “You need to ask me.”

Stephen moaned in frustration but Crane rather thought it was his cock talking, the gleam of competition was still shining in those eyes rapidly turning golden, “Fine. My lord, how do I ask you to take off your clothes so you can fuck me silly?”

Crane had to laugh at that, “Well, I’ll shorten it for brevity but...Tuō diào nǐ de yīfú.”

Stephen’s eyes widened for a moment but then his face set determinedly, “Say it again? Slower?”

A mix of relief and pride in his lover made him smile down at him before obeying. He saw that fight in Stephen, the one he’d always admired, the one that had saved their skins on multiple occasions. Granted, it was a little different given that he was clearly aroused and sprawled out on the pillows like a half unwrapped gift.

“Tuō diào nǐ de yīfú.”

Again, the pronunciation was a horror and he wobbled his way through the unfamiliar sounds but he would have been understood at least. Not that he’d be saying it to anyone but Crane, in China or England.

Crane didn’t try to hide his delighted grin as he swept his shirt grandly over his head, followed swiftly by his trousers and everything underneath. He folded it all neatly before returning to the bed, he was never going to understand his lover’s willingness to just toss his clothes all over the place.

The way Stephen’s eyes blew wide at the sight of him was enough for even Crane to plumb new depths of vanity, “God, Lucien…”

“You see me sans modesty most every day, love,” he pointed out, though he wasn’t complaining.

“And I use my magic every day,” Stephen tilted his head slightly so the lamplight caught in his hair and turned it to gold, “It doesn’t mean it’s any less like having a weight taken off my chest.”

Crane didn’t know how he did it, how Stephen somehow found the right strings to pull and send him reeling out of nowhere. How he pulled the ground out from under him without a thought, how he looked right under his skin to the very soul of him and, somehow, found reasons to love it.

How he left him with no answer but to rush forward and kiss him again, forgetting the rules of his own game. Stephen made a noise of happy surprise, moving to match him, hands beginning to wander eagerly, leaving tingling trails across his lover’s skin to mark their passage.

But apparently Crane had sparked some curiosity.

When Stephen took his cock in his clever champagne fingers, he gasped against Crane’s mouth, “And what would I call this?”

His words came out significantly breathier as that fizzing, popping sensation wrapped around him, “There’s a few terms. I’d say ​​jība…”

“Jība,” it was impossible to care about the shaky syllables when he rolled it around his mouth in that unbearably sensual way, when he stroked a calloused thumb across the underside of the thing in question as he said it, “But there’s other ways of saying it?”

“A few more colourful phrases,” Crane admitted, “As in every language I expect but- oh God, Stephen…”

“We can review a few of those later then,” the smile on his face was nothing short of cheeky and he was going to be paying for that very shortly, “And...what exactly are you planning on doing with it, my lord?”

Crane smirked, it’s wickedly sharp edge making it clear that he was very much in control of this lesson and Stephen could just take a step back and remember his place, “Xìngjiāo. Hard and fast and thoroughly until you can’t walk.”

The effect was immediate, his lover turning pliant and wide eyed as Crane put a hand on the small of his back and dragged him closer. The hand snapped away from his cock and instead hovered around his chest with the other like nervous birds waiting for commands.

“Shì de…” he whispered after a moment of thought, eyes sparking with pride in himself though his face stayed carefully obedient.

Well, that went and did it.

Stephen was on his back in an instant, Crane seizing his ankles. Stephen cried out as his knees were shoved to his chest, as the shirt he wore rucked up around his stomach, all of him exposed and ready to be taken. So beautiful, so fragile and given to him so willingly.

“Xīngān…” The word escaped him even without thinking, like it was his heart speaking instead of his head.

Stephen’s lips parted softly, his eyes liquid amber, “What does that mean?”

Lucien’s smile softened slightly, even as he parted his legs further, as he let his hunger flow to the surface.

“Why don’t I show you first?”

After, everything was hot and heavy and heaving, Stephen reclining in Lucien’s arms and waiting for the room to stop spinning around him.

There was so much he wanted to say, as ever, thousands of emotions he wanted to name in the wake of feeling so completely loved but he knew they’d come out muddy and less than what he felt inside him.

Instead he reached up a still trembling hand and traced the line of Lucien’s jaw with a fingertip, “So...what does it mean?”

His lover’s eyes had been closed but now one opened slightly, like a contented cat lying in the sun, “Hm? What’s that, darling?”

“That thing you called me as you took me. Xīngān. What does it mean?”

An uncharacteristic edge of coyness slipped into his voice, one that would only ever come out when it was just the two of them, “Ah. Well. Literally? It means ‘heart and liver’.”

Stephen barked out a raspy laugh, incredulous and delighted, “Excuse me? That was what you chose to call me?”

His laughter was clearly infectious, Lucien shook under him with helpless chuckles, “I know how it sounds but…”

There was a moment, one of those moments where Stephen felt his lover made a choice. They happened often when they were alone together and it would have been so easy to read them as hesitancy. Before, when Stephen had been new to this, when he’d been less sure of himself, that’s exactly what he’d thought it was. He’d taken it to mean Lucien’s heart was already wandering, already thinking of the next man in his bed, fixing a mask in place before every term of endearment.

But he knew better now. He knew that pause, that moment where Lucien chose, was the breath he needed to go against everything he’d been taught. The choice he made in those moments was to open himself up and soften when the world had always forced him to stay out of sight and harden against everything that hurt him.

He moved slightly, letting Stephen turn so they could look into each other’s eyes, “It means ‘heart and liver’ because those are organs you can’t live without. And your Xīngān is the person you can’t live without, the person who you aren’t whole without. And for me, well...that’s you, sweet boy.”

“Lucien…” Stephen murmured, pressing a hand to his chest, “You’ll never have to live without me. Not here, not in Shanghai, nowhere in this world. I’m yours.”

“My heart and liver,” Lucien chuckled softly, cradling Stephen’s face in the softest touch.

“Xīngān,” he breathed, in the moment before their lips came together.

Stephen Day was a terrible student. But he was learning.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Two

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

July 7th, 2000

Emile was talking to some of his high school friends as they hung out by the pool, just enjoying their last free summer before college started. “Any plans when you go to college, Faith?” Emile asked.

“I don’t know,” Faith shrugged. “Finding a boy might be nice, but it’s not at the top of my list. You?”

“Finding a boy would be nice,” Emile agreed. “But I’m not looking for a Mister degree, either.”

Faith laughed and Peter shook his head. “You’re gonna get into some chaos, Emile, I just know it,” he said. “You’re that kind of guy. Not a bad thing, just...a thing.”

“Hey, I know you guys think I’m crazy, but I still say that chaos finds me, not the other way around,” Emile defended.

Faith shook her head. “You seek out people to be your friend, and they bring chaos with them. If anything, it’s a combination.”

“All right, you’ve got me there,” Emile conceded.

September 10th, 2000

It was two days before Emile saw Remy again, and when he did, it was when he was with his friend Clara. “Remy!” he exclaimed, walking over. “Good to see you again!”

“Emile!” Clara yelped, running after him. “Don’t bug him! He’s in my business class, he’s mean and a huge stick in the mud!”

“Come on, Clara, that’s my potential friend you’re trash talking!” Emile said, giving Clara a look that roughly equated to play nice. Except there was no please or any other option, really. “How have you been doing, Remy?”

Remy looked up and rolled his eyes. “Oh, joy. It’s you again.”

“Well, yeah, I told you I’d talk to you again if I saw you!” Emile said, swaying from side to side, and grinning. He was happy he had accidentally run into Remy again. He was worried he might have to fabricate an excuse to get to Remy again. And he didn’t want their relationship to be built on lies, not ever but definitely not in the beginning, where all the important stuff came around.

“Emile, he clearly doesn’t want to talk to us, we should just go—”

“Don’t be silly, Clara!” Emile exclaimed. “He doesn’t have any friends! Someone has to break the ice!”

Clara hesitated. “Well, maybe you can break the ice with him, but I’m not in the mood to be insulted again, so I’ll go hang with our other friends, if you don’t mind.”

Emile waved her off. “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you at lunch.”

As she walked away, Remy sighed. “You’re pushing her away,” he warned. “If she thinks you favor me over her she won’t want to be your friend anymore.”

“Well, I don’t typically favor any one friend over the others I have, so we’re all good!” Emile said, sitting down in a chair next to Remy’s.

“I said ‘she thinks,’” Remy pointed out. “Not what you actually do.”

“You’re really determined to rub me the wrong way, aren't you?” Emile asked with a little laugh. “I hate to break it to you, but that’s pretty hard for anyone to do.”

“You’re an only child, aren’t you?” Remy asked. “Otherwise everything I’m saying would get under your skin a little more. Because this is all stuff my older siblings would point out to me.”

“They don’t sound very nice,” Emile said with a frown.

“Eh,” Remy said with a shrug, “They didn’t use so many words, and they were a little less blunt about it, but they always made good points in the end. Or, Vanessa did. She’s the one who told me my friends were only friends with me so they could get dirt on me or it was because of a dare.”

“That...that sounds horrible,” Emile said.

“You get used to it,” Remy shrugged. “My only real friend when I was younger was my older brother Toby. Then he moved away to college, and...” Remy sighed. “I’m all that’s left.”

“I’m sorry,” Emile said softly. “It always hurts to lose a friend.”

“He doesn’t even write anymore,” Remy said, eyes distant. “He said he would and one day, he just...stopped.”

“Do you have any idea why?” Emile asked.

Remy shook himself with a jerk and sighed. “Yeah, but it’s private. It’s a family matter.”

“Okay,” Emile said. “But I’m always here if you want to talk.”

Remy gave Emile a half-hearted glare, before returning to the book that he had been reading.

“So you’re not from the area, are you?” Emile asked.

“What makes you say that?” Remy asked.

“Well, you’re hanging out on the campus on a Sunday. Most people who I know would not go to a college campus on a Sunday morning just for fun,” Emile said. “Which dorm do you stay in?”

Remy didn’t respond for a good minute or two. Then, he sighed, and muttered, “East Benz.”

“Really?!” Emile asked. “So do I! What floor?”

“Fourth,” Remy sighed.

“Oh, that explains it! I’m on the second,” Emile said. “Still! It would nice to visit your dorm room sometime, maybe? Or you could come to mine! We could hang out and stuff!”

Remy scoffed. “Why would I want that?”

Emile tried to not let that sting, but it was hard. It was clear that Remy had been through some rough things in his life, so it was a small wonder he was trying to distance himself from everyone and everything. But Emile knew that would destroy even the toughest of people, and he wanted to stop that spiral before it got too far. Remy certainly wasn’t making it easy to be around him, though. “You know what? You’re right. You wouldn’t want that, because you don’t want friends. Forget I asked,” Emile said, wilting in his seat.

Remy looked over at him and rolled his eyes, groaning. “Don’t look so put out about it, kid, I’m trying to ease you into the real world. The real world is full of bumps and sharp turns and things that will hurt you. You can’t always get what you want.”

“Yeah, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need,” Emile said, looking at Remy.

“You don’t need me,” Remy scoffed.

Emile shrugged. “How do I know that, if you won’t even let me get to know you?”

Remy looked Emile over, and Emile resisted the urge to squirm under the scrutiny. He wasn’t nervous because a cute boy was looking him over. Or, that wasn’t the only reason. He really wanted Remy to give Emile a shot. And if not squirming under his gaze was what it took to get Remy to listen to Emile, then Emile would make sure he didn’t move an inch. “You’re really not going to give up, are you?” Remy asked with a sigh.

“No,” Emile said, completely honest. “I want you to have someone you can go to on this campus, no matter who it is. Even if it winds up not being me, everyone deserves to have a shoulder to lean on.”

“Not everyone,” Remy sighed, closing his book. “What do you plan on doing to pass the time?”

“I was thinking we could walk around town, get to know where we’re living for most of the next four years a little better,” Emile offered.

“I have nothing better to do,” Remy sighed, packing up his book into his backpack next to his chair and slung it over his shoulder. “Do you have a car or should I take this back to my dorm?”

“I have a car!” Emile said. “So, does that mean you’re coming?”

Remy sighed. “Yes, Emile. I’ll join you on your walk around town center. But only if we don’t have to walk to the center of town, because that would take an hour.”

“No, we can just drive down there and window shop,” Emile said, standing up. “Come on, I’ll show you to my car.”

Remy was probably rolling his eyes at Emile’s enthusiasm, but Emile didn’t care. He was so excited to get Remy to join him that he was practically skipping on the way to the student parking lot close to the East Benz dorms. “Ease up on the enthusiasm,” Remy said once they were at Emile’s car. “I agreed to walk around town with you, not marry you.”

Emile shook his head fondly. “Look, I’m excited, and I get to be excited. If I choose to express that, then that’s my choice.”

Remy blinked in surprise. “You really are a shrink,” he muttered. “That’s just great.”

“I know, right?!” Emile asked, getting in his car as Remy did. “I’ve wanted to be a therapist since I was twelve.”

“Do you even know what sarcasm is?” Remy asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Emile said, turning to Remy with a grin as he pulled out of the parking lot. “But I choose to ignore yours.”

Remy laughed in shock and Emile grinned wider. “That’s not nice!” Remy exclaimed.

“Since when do you care about nice?” Emile asked. He felt a little mean for asking it, but really, if Remy wanted to play hardball then two could play better than one. He just hoped that Remy might mellow out, because he doubted he could play hardball forever. But he really didn’t want to lose Remy as a friend, especially considering what he now knew about Remy’s views on friends.

Remy stared at him in shock, before he actually smiled for the first time, and Emile very nearly crashed the car from staring. “Touché, kid. Touché.”

They made their way to town center quickly, and Emile parked the car at the edge of a parking lot by an abandoned building on Main Street. “Shame that no one’s using this building,” Emile sighed.

“I know,” Remy agreed. “It’s prime real estate, too. Like, Main Street? You could make a prime coffee shop or bookstore out of this place.”

“What would they call it, do you think?” Emile asked.

“Well, if it were some coffee shop, it’d probably be a dumb pun, like...I dunno... Sleep Easy.”

“‘Sleep Easy’?” Emile asked.

“Like speakeasy, the places where you could get alcohol in the Prohibition era? You know. The coffee’s so good it should be illegal,” Remy laughed. “That kind of dumb pun.”

“Oh, but that’s not dumb, that’s really cute!” Emile exclaimed.

Remy snorted. “You’d be exactly the kind of customer that would lap that sort of thing up,” he said. “And no, that’s not a compliment.”

Emile frowned. “Remy, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but...you’re kind of a mean person.”

“Just figuring that out now, are you?” Remy asked.

Emile started walking, and Remy followed him, which seemed like a victory, but Emile wasn’t so sure anymore. “So why are you hanging around me? If you’re a mean person and you don’t like me, why would you stick around? Why me?”

Remy leaned down and picked up a rock that was lying on the concrete, tossing it in his hand over and over. “Well, for one, you’re the only person who’s made an effort to be around me to the point where the annoyance at you being around is less than the annoyance at you making an effort to be friendly with me constantly brushing you off. For another, someone needs to toughen you up to the harsh reality that is...well, reality. And I don’t trust that job to anyone I don’t know. I don’t know anyone else on campus, so that falls on my shoulders. For a third, well...if eye candy wants to hang around me, I certainly won’t object to a pretty boy hanging around where I am,” he threw the rock at the concrete and the two of them watched it skip and skitter across the sidewalk in front of them.

“I-I’m sorry, did you just call me eye candy?” Emile sputtered, brain grinding to a halt.

“Yeah. I’m into men, virtually exclusively, I’ve found. If you have a problem with that, say something now rather than later and we can forget this whole friendship ever even started,” Remy said.

“No, no, that’s not it at all! I just...didn’t expect you to be gay. Heteronormativity at its finest,” Emile laughed.

Remy glanced at him. “You’re gay too?”

“Bisexual,” Emile corrected, “But yeah, under that umbrella.”

“Sweet,” Remy said, flashing another genuine smile.

Emile found himself blushing at Remy’s smiles, and he was inwardly a little worried. Even if Remy was gay, Emile wasn’t sure Remy was the type of guy he could be happy living with. Arrogant, stand-offish, degrading? No, he didn’t want to be with a man like that. Why did he have to be so cute?

They walked until they got to the stores, and both of them started talking back and forth. Remy was very closed off at first, but he started to open up the more they were out and about. When they finally had to get back to the car, it was because all the stores were closing and it was past dark. “This was fun,” Remy said as they walked back.

“I’m glad,” Emile said, smiling a little. “Would you be willing to do it again?”

“Yeah, probably. Not with like, a gigantic amount of people, but definitely with you,” Remy said.

“Does this make us friends?” Emile asked hopefully.

Remy paused in his walking and turned thoughtful. “Well, you’re more than a familiar face, now,” Remy said. “But I wouldn’t necessarily use the word ‘friend.’ Acquaintance, probably.”

“Okay,” Emile said, laughing. “I’m very happy you’re my acquaintance, then.”

Remy ducked his head away and scrunched his shoulders up, but Emile could have sworn he heard Remy mumble, “Me, too.”

[ewdaviddd]

folklore think piece

for a lower case album such as this, i will be writing a lowercase think piece on the subject. i will not explain why. you get it or you don’t.

the 1: i have never been in love or any type of romantic relationship that left me with lasting feelings of any kind. but, on my fourth listen through of this song today, what once was just a promising and fun intro to this peasant girl summer gut punch, brought me to actual tears as i sat on the toilet in my lime green childhood bathroom as if i were mourning the one that got away (another great song). however, i am an expert on being hung up on the past, the “what could have been”, and made up hypotheticals. this song also introduces the film motif seen a lot in this album. i think dating an actor has really gotten to her. anyway what a killer way to begin, top notch stuff. how can a song be so fun and so soul crushing at the same time?

cardigan: when did taylor wear black lipstick? this is important to me. an old cardigan is an inherently bisexual article of clothing. that is not an opinion. i read it somewhere today and i believe it. this is the tip of the queer-coding ice berg in folklore, never fear. another reference, “tried to change the ending / peter losing wendy”. this year i wrote a movie script where both peter and wendy were both gay. coincidence? probably. basically this one is classic taylor poetry on every level and it being one of a trio in a larger story makes it that much better. yet again, high school romance is not a universal experience (like for me for instance) but haunting my “what-ifs” is going to haunt me for a long time. and the thought of someone saying i was their favorite cardigan makes me want to scream into a pillow.

the last great american dynasty: my favorite ts songs have always been the ones with detailed characters and stories and this one introduces the trope of the “mad woman” who comes back later on as well a long with many fun character details. at first this song is just cheeky and cute, very visual, a fun world to jump into. but then this particular stretch of lines makes your heart drop into your chest and reminds you why taylor isn’t just always fun and always cute and always creative, she also holds the ability to nimbly sock you in the gut when you least expect: “fifty years is a long time / holiday house sat quietly on that beach / free of women with madness, their men and bad habits / and then it was bought by me.” my jaw is still on the floor. and i’ve never bought a house myself. but i’ve spent numerous christmases having a marvelous time ruining everything (so i’ve been told) so this song still applies to my life.

exile (ft. bon iver): i’m gonna be honest. for as long as i can remember i have strongly disliked bon iver and i never remembered why. it is a matter of principle at this point. i just don’t trust him. but then taylor announced she wrote a song with him which filled me with tremendous anxiety. but i can rest easy. much like “the last time” this song is a ts and male artist collaboration i can get behind. also the film motif again: the only time i’ve left a theatre when i didn’t like a movie was never because movie tickets are so expensive and if i’m shelling out 11 dollars to sit in a chair, i’m staying the whole time no matter how bad the ending. but i probably would have left my sister’s keeper if i had seen it before if i’m being honest. so i get it. thats why i read spoilers for everything i watch before watching it, because the anxiety of worrying about how it ends make me not enjoy it in the first place. the end of this song: the call and response felt… ethereal? i felt like i was watching a broadway musical from the splash zone seats, crying as i was spat on.

my tears ricochet: this song is what i picture stepping outside in the middle of the night when an inch or so of snow has just fallen and i can see the flakes fall in front of a street light sounds like. or the scorned secret ex lover throwing themselves onto the coffin demanding to know why they weren’t enough.   which is to say it feels like a sign from some sort of god. yet again, haunting is brought up, an overt reference to the fact that this album will live in my brain rent free for eternity. for some reason this song reminds me of the relationship between hamilton and burr when burr kills hamilton. that could be because i just watched the disney+ recording last week. one lives, one dies, but neither survive, both pay for it. Which is a super romantic and understanding view on murder. both musical experiences equally chilling and moving. if i die under mysterious circumstances this will for sure be played at the funeral.

mirrorball: first off, this is my mom's favorite which is very important. also, it has skewered a very specific but also universal insecurity of mine; existing just to please others and yet miserably failing. it is comforting that ts is not a “natural’ and feels she must always “try try try” because i too lack natural ability, but also rarely “try” even just the one time. the best way i can describe listening to this song is walking through a silent disco where everyone else is listening to some classic lady gaga jam and you are listening to a calming lullaby sung very far away. but don’t let the soothing sounds fool you. it still will have you reflecting on what it means to look and be looked at. a dark rabbit whole, like falling through the looking glass. i’ve never actually read that book though so i could be wrong.

seven: i’m dumb and on my first listen of this song i thought she “hit her peak” at 7 clock as opposed to age seven. but i always saw taylor swift as someone with an early bedtime. also a fun discovery while writing this, “seven” is the 7th song on the track list. clever. although this song is young and innocent and so nostalgic for a time when screaming ferociously was a widely accepted form of expression, it also sounds like a very old secret someone is whispering to me. a love from long ago that lasts beyond the person being in your life, passed down to me and it all just sounds a little gay. not just because of the specific line to hiding in the closet. but that certainly doesn’t go unnoticed. when i was seven i was definitely in love with girls and assumed that was just what friendship was, playing pirates and making plans of running away together.

august: the eighth track for the eighth month. her mind. also my birth month so that’s special. controversial opinion: from what i’ve read most people seem to think illicit affair is the third song in the triage of teen love. i will strongly make the case that it's actually this one. first of all, the subject: a short lived summer fling, which is specifically mentioned later in “betty”. the central heartbreak of this song is liking someone who always belonged to someone else. yes, this song is a window into a different summer, far from pandemic central and the escapist imagery is delightful. but a whole song from the pov of the “other woman” to james and betty is just so much more fun. and there are two more specific lyrics that prove my point. “remember when i pulled up and said "get in the car”” you will see later comes back from the other person’s perspective. and most of all: the repeated line, “meet me behind the mall”? only teenagers make plans to meet up behind a mall. i rest my case. so now we have cardigan and august. two pieces of the puzzle.

this is me trying: i’m glad i now have a succinct message to send to anyone when they ask me what the hell i’m doing at any given moment. this song just sounds like regret and waste in the most self-assured and confident way. this is “back to december” with the training wheels off.  i have no apologies for my efforts at wasting all my potential. but in this song, taylor has opened her arms to me in a warm embrace and has forgiven me for all i’ve done wrong and reminds me to not take for granted the “try”. okay mom. i’m crying again, but okay.

illicit affair: this is the kind of thing that makes you feel sixteen, living in a dull suburb, while secretly screwing your 38 year old married neighbor who’s rich but wants to be an artiste. aka like a character in euphoria or something. it’s sexy and dangerous until you think about it and then it's just dingy and creepy. but this song starts and stays beautiful. most importantly, this song is too sad and depressing frankly, to be a part of the trilogy. we could never forgive james for leaving such a mess and making her a fool. you don’t want to be this girl. you want to walk up to her and shake her and yell “you exist and will not be ruined by any dumb man”. and that’s feminism.

invisible string: is it reductive if i say this one’s about joe? all my non-stan friends have asked me which ones are about him. we forgive them and point them in this direction. because it is lovely and beautiful that we are all tied to our soulmate for our whole lives before we ever meet them (because that would in fact mean that there is someone out there for everyone which might be naive or dumb but i am both of those things and whats the point of living if you don’t believe in the power of love). this honestly gives me “begin again” vibes in the best way. it’s red-era level with the wisdom of lover-era tay. sublime.

mad woman: the second mention of the “mad woman” as both taylor herself and the character in the story. as usual, tay stays calling out double standards and the manipulation of women into “going crazy” for expressing reasonable anger. I, personally, wish i could say “fuck you forever” without someone saying i’m “overreacting”. this is my least favorite song on the album and i’d still listen to it three times in a row and need to resist the urge to set a man’s lawn on fire. just girly things.

epiphany: i know she said this one is about her grandfather’s experience in the military but all i imagine is a slow montage of harry style’s character in “dunkirk” on the beach. and it’s beautiful. and much like my sophomore in high school self reading “all quiet on the western front” it evokes a pain from deep inside me that engulfs a loss i could never describe and a sadness too awful to witness. you will listen to this song and feel absolutely powerless to the will of the universe and it’s cruelty. and the faint but steady heart monitor beep in the background… i’ve never seen “grey’s anatomy” but i can imagine why it has so many fans sobbing. and let me end on this: two soldiers in some old war (meaning both men based on dunkirk) watching each other like this and living and dying together…gay.

betty: the first verse was pulled directly out of my subconscious fantasy of being in love in high school and it being so wonderful and painful and dramatic. and taylor riding a skateboard… is a mood. the song has been out for less than a week and it’s already a cold take to talk about how this is her gayest song to date (close runner-ups being reputation’s “dress” and “cardigan”). but of course i will still talk about it. the lyrics embody such authentic awkward gay energy (see the lesbian in booksmart for reference) and having been a 17 year old only three years ago, i can say with reasonably good authority that no 17 year old straight boy could stand in front of a crowd of peers and beg forgiveness from a girl he hurt. it’s just not realistic. these are all awkward, over-dramatic, young girls stumbling through love. and it’s awesome. james is the speaker of this song, and the subject of “august”, the summer fling that was never truly there due to james’ love for betty, the titular role of this song. thus completing the love triangle. and there are so many obvious references in this song to both “august” and “cardigan”. rhyming cardigan with car again makes me want to light myself on fire in the best way. i love it. “i dreamt of you all summer long” is the final nail in the coffin for the girl in “august” who was clearly just a place-holder. totally separate from taylor swift, my favorite word is porch. so the amount of times it appears in her lyrics is wonderful. say it out loud. it just feels nice. anyway, this song makes me want to be young and dumb and in love. the second can really only be tolerated because of the first and third. i hope the story has a happy-ending. if james were a boy i’d wish him the plague.

peace: the coming-of-age movie starring james and betty (and inez) is over. we have come to “the age” i guess. there’s a thought that’s gonna fester. if this song was just the line, “would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” over and over for four minutes it would still smash me to pulp and fill my body with helium gas. i can and will cause a car wreck when this comes on the aux. if this song is what being grown up is like (bare in mind grown up to me is like, 30) then i’m ready to be done coming of age. because i already worry if i’ll be at all enough for anyone and way too much for someone at the same time. but like all good poetry, this song isn’t about what it “means”, but how it “feels”. and this is new york city, the summer, pouring rain, a long walk home, desperately fearing and hoping they are there waiting for you.

hoax: a one-sided conversation between me and my stubborn clinical depression. i too, constantly stand alone on the cliff demanding a reason. one has not yet been presented. it operates both within and and against me. i could be bigger and stronger than it. but instead i tend to it like a prickly plant. (“no other sadness in the world will do”). there is nothing both sadder and funnier then the scene in “avatar: the last airbender” when prince zuko stands alone on a cliff screaming at the sky for lightning to strike him. i don’t know why this song reminds me so much of that. what a way to end such an emotional rollercoaster. it is so emotionally draining that it simply forces me to start folklore again from the top and listen to it all over again.  or take a long therapeutic nap.

there are no skips. and it will still surprise you on your 267th listen. proceed with caution.

i knew you, in a past life maybe. i have not met you yet, but folklore has made me believe you exist.

@taylorswift 10/10 good work

@taylornation this had to be shared and i don’t have a twitter so

[bastillewolf]

Midnight In Sheffield (I)

Pairing: Alex Turner/Reader

Summary: When a soon-to-be-wedded insomniac author heads back home to visit her parents, she comes across the likes of a mysterious musician on her sleepless escapade in the AM.

Notes: Not sure if this is going to work out, but I’ve made the creative decision to write a series of Alex Turner fanfics, going down each album and all most likely lightly based off movies. Like the Grand Tranquility Hotel from the Grand Budapest Hotel, this one is based off Midnight In Paris. No need to have seen either movies to read these fics. It won’t take place around the same time, as Sheffield has been through some stuff in the early 1900s. I will keep it all a bit old-school themed, but just won’t name a specific era, so you can take your own spin on it. I’m not familiar with Sheffield at all, never been there, so I’ll keep locations vague and add the Paris theme a bit in there. Hope you tag along for the ride, and let’s have one for the road.

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list!

Chapter I - AM

“I don’t see how this could be more important to you than meeting my parents,” she grumbled, her voice muffled by the pillow she had planted her face in. The sheets of the bed were soft and had a pristine white colour, much to her dismay. The entire hotel room was much too extravagant to her liking, but it was Mark who insisted on paying extra to make their stay most comfortable.

“Please don’t be difficult now, sweetheart,” her fiancée replied, as he set one of his neatly folded trousers in the dresser on the shelf next to where his ironed shirts hung. “You know how much it means to me to be able to see James and Rachel again after all these years. I’m sure your parents will understand. If not, I’ll beg for their forgiveness.” He dramatically bent down to his knee, as if to gallantly portray his apology, making her roll her eyes.

“That wouldn’t be the first thing you’d have to apologize for. First of all, you’re going to have to tell my dad why you didn’t ask for his permission to marry me-“

“You already said yes!”

She shot him a look. “And secondly, you’re going to have to explain to my mum why you didn’t want to stay at their home. I think she would’ve been very happy to play hostess to the man who’s going to marry her daughter in a few.”

He crawled on top of the bed, his curly brown hair hanging over his face as he hovered above her and kissed her forehead. “I’ll be sure to make up for it. Now, please get changed. We’re having lunch.”

“Please don’t tell me it’s going to be at that ritzy restaurant we went to last time. I’m still not over the way that waiter felt the need to explain everything to me like a five-year-old whilst pointing everything out with his little finger.”

“Well, you can’t speak French, darling. I think he tried his best at explaining the menu to you.”

Her eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Just, please stop drooling on the pillow and put on something nice. For me?”

Seeing the convincing puppy look on his face, she gave in with a sigh and a very loud slurping noise as she lifted her head from the pillow, making Mark huff.

 Meeting with James and Rachel wasn’t the worst thing in the world, because she didn’t see them very often and they were overall nice people. At least, if you didn’t count every time James tried to be the smartass of the group by giving some random fact about anything and everything they came across, or if you ignored the way Rachel was evidently very flirty and touchy with Mark, or if you turned your head away every time the couple made those wretched kissing noises as they shared what should be an intimate moment.

What Mark had with Rachel was something she could never come between, something she also shared with many good friends of her own. They were the type who would always share that bond with you, no matter how long you hadn’t seen each other, and she could only be happy that Mark still had friends like that.

His work as a lawyer didn’t allow for him to make all that many mates, as most try to stab him in the back just to be able to get that promotion they wanted. He’d often come home with his head hung low after days like that, when loneliness took over the pride he had of his usually exhilarating job.

And thus, as she watched Rachel hug him extra tight, she kept her mouth shut. It was for the best, and it was only one afternoon she had to endure.

But she vowed to herself to not let it happen at her wedding. That was her day. Fuck Mark and fuck Rachel. She wasn’t going to be left alone dancing with James, who seemed to be known for having two left feet, by her own husband. But that was something she’d have to worry about in the future.

Her worries now were trying to translate a French menu without asking a waiter, deciding which fork to use, and refraining from telling James to shut up about the painting that hung behind him, of which he was giving an entirely unnecessarily intricate description.

“As you can see, the painter made sure the flag of the boat is standing diagonal to the man in the front, to make the artwork a treat for the eye with this interesting form of composition. It makes the scene all the more dramatic, wouldn’t you agree?”

Mark and Rachel hummed thoughtfully, but both were looking at the painting as if it was some Professor Layton puzzle they had yet to solve.

“What do you think?” James turned to her directly, catching her off guard. James usually wasn’t one to ask others for their opinion, so she could only guess it was an attempt to test her bare knowledge on the subject to make himself look like the smarter one.

“I think you said it all, James,” she decided to answer with, “I’m afraid I haven’t thought about art in that way since my classes in school. As of now, I have more important things to worry about than what the composition in a painting is like.”

It was low of her, she knew that, but someone needed to teach him a lesson.

“Ah,” James said, seemingly unfazed by her subtle insult, “Now that you mention it, how’s your book coming along?”

She sighed. Of course, he was going to play that card. She could’ve seen it coming.

Being a published writer of a few mediocre novels she’d written back in school, she was still in search for her new muse, and things were getting a bit desperate, to say the least. She had absolutely no idea what her next story was going to be about, finding everything in her life to be inexplicably boring and explicitly dull.

Not so much to say she wasn’t happy. No, she liked being with Mark. But she couldn’t say her life was a real adventure with him, or anyone for that matter. They lived in an apartment in the big city, where Mark had his day job and she her comfortable bed. He’d come home and she would’ve cooked – whatever attempt it was each time – and cleaned, and perhaps even written down a page or two only to never look at it again.

“Oh, you know. It’s getting there,” she lied, “Inspiration is lacking a bit these days, unfortunately.”

“I’ve always found inspiration to be a bit of a myth,” James said thoughtfully, “Why is it exactly that one particular thing that’s so inexplicable yet so necessary to create something? It seems a bit… I don’t know, like an excuse for some writers. I’ve heard many talk about it seriously, and many call it pure laziness. But then again, I wouldn’t really know much of the matter.”

There was the comeback.

She smiled tightly. “No, you wouldn’t. I can agree that some writers use it as an excuse to hide their laziness, as I find that a lot of characters write their own stories as soon as you sit down and start typing. However, inspiration is indeed something vague, and could be considered a writer’s virtue or downfall. It’s however you approach the subject, and however you try to deal with it or rationalize it as an artist.”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have even mentioned it. I wouldn’t know much about it, since I’m only an art consultant, after all.” He threw his hands up degradingly.

Fucker.

“Oh, come on, let’s not be so childish. All of our work is equally as important, as long as we’re happy doing it,” Rachel intervened, before raising her glass, “Here’s a toast to inspiration and art!”

Though she was relieved the argument was over and the attention drawn away from her, she couldn’t help but feel that familiar itch from the downgrading undertone in Rachel’s voice. Call it jealousy if you might, but she wasn’t one to let something like that slip from her mind, however many years may pass.

“So, if I may be so bold to ask,” Rachel continued, and the writer had almost collected her guts to blatantly reply with a ‘no’ when the woman was already speaking again, “What are your plans after the wedding? Are you moving? Already thinking about having kids? No pressure, of course.” She laughed with a pitch so high it nearly shattered the wineglass she was bringing to her lips to pieces.

“Oh, she always gets a bit icky talking about having kids,” Mark chuckled, “But if it were up to her, we’d be moving to some remote village in the outskirts of France, living in a tiny apartment until we grow old and turn to dust.”

She shrugged at her fiancée, “Doesn’t sound all that bad to me.”

“That’s because you came up with it.”

“Don’t you want to be closer to your friends?” Rachel asked, “Why move to the middle of nowhere, when you have everything out here?”

“I don’t know. I guess because of the peace and quiet. A simple life, with the bare necessities.”

“I wouldn’t have protested if it wasn’t for my job,” Mark added, which was a blatant lie. She’d heard him cut off her dream many times over for many different reasons. “Unfortunately, my French isn’t good enough to be a lawyer, and certainly not in the outskirts somewhere.”

“I thought you barely spoke a word of French, anyway?” James asked her.

“I know, but I would learn it there. It would be a part of the adventure.”

He snorted, “I’m sorry darling, but adventure is for children. It’s time to grow out of that. Perhaps you should find something you like in a proper job.”

 She’d prompted to walk back to the hotel, through the rain, as Mark, James and Rachel – mostly Mark – had tried to convince her to share a cab with them. But no way in hell would she spend another unnecessary moment with that couple, and Mark knew better than to follow her out, for she would only be walking too quickly for him, and he would have quietly trailed after her the whole way back.

So, when she finally reached the building, he allowed her to soak in the tub for a few hours before finally approaching her.

“He has a point, you know.”

The look she gave him was an evident warning, yet he still had the guts to continue. “I’m not saying you should stop writing. I know that’s your passion. But, I’m asking you to maybe find something that could come close to that in the meantime, at least until you find something to write about. And perhaps, after we get married-“ he kissed her wrinkly palm, “-we could afford ourselves a nice vacation cot somewhere in the outskirts of France, and we could visit it as often as we’d like.”

She pursed her lips, turning her eyes away from his pensively. “I’m not sure your job would allow that. Your vacation days would be limited, and my desires to go on a holiday always growing.”

He smiled gently. “I’m sure we could work it out after I get that promotion.”

She looked at him, her eyes slightly glossy. “I just don’t want to feel like I’m giving up.”

“You’re not giving up, sweetheart. You’re only taking measures to be able to do the things you like, and when things are going well you can set your priorities straight. It’s the better thing to do.”

Her mind might be relieved to hear this solution, but her gut remained ridden with unease.

 “Mark? Are you coming?” she called out, her hand hovering over the doorknob of their room.

“I’ll be right after you!” she heard him say, “Work is phoning me, you go ahead. I’ll take the next cab.”

“Alright, but don’t be too long!”

 They were supposed to meet with their parents that evening to share the big news, but after hugs were shared and multiple cups of tea were had, Mark still hadn’t shown. She was beginning to grow worried when he didn’t pick up his phone, and even went as far as to step outside to frantically see if the connection was better.

After eight missed calls, she finally reached him.

“Can you believe it?” she heard him slur, “I stepped into the same cab as James! We’re at the pub, you should come join!”

Hearing faint noises of protest from others on the other end of the line, she quickly grew more and more bothered. “Mark, we were supposed to see my parents tonight.”

“Oh, we can see them again tomorrow! I figured you needed some catching up to do.”

“You could’ve joined in on that catching up, as they’ve barely seen you three times over the past four years we’ve been together.”

“Please don’t be like that sweetheart, you know I adore your parents. In fact, I’ll come over right now if that’s what you-“

“No,” she quickly cut him off, not being able to stand the mental sight of her parents having to deal with her drunk fiancée. “You know what, have fun. I’ll stay at my parents’ for the night.”

“Sounds like fun! Call me-“

She’d hung up the phone before he could finish his sentence, and had dropped to her knees as she felt her bottom lip tremble. Not wanting to alert the neighbours, she quickly forced her numb legs to work again and strode in the direction of town, a walking route she usually took whenever she was upset when she was young. She sent a quick text to her mum, telling her she’d meet again with them tomorrow and explain what happened. She really couldn’t be bothered right now.

Tears streamed down her face at the thought that her feet were so unwilling to go back to face her parents, who she’d have to disappoint yet again with a disappearing soon-to-be son-in-law. It wasn’t that she couldn’t tell her parents about her problems, it was the thought of disappointing them once again with a mistake she was making.

A horrible, horrible mistake.

She was no longer aware of which way she’d gone, as all shops around her seemed unfamiliar, yet she could’ve sworn she hadn’t messed up any turns in her route.

Wherever she was though, was a beautifully quaint, with antique streetlights and a cobbled road. Shop windows held curtains made from white lace, and showed off vintage clothes and items for a real bargain.

Must be one of those vintage sales, she figured, as her eyes grazed along cars with brands that were so old she couldn’t remember the names of them. Stores like these must attract the more interesting people with vehicles like those.

It was when she saw a polished and brand-new-looking typewriter in one of the windows, she paused. Above it, she saw her own reflection; a puffy reddened face stained with an ongoing array of tears.

“I really hope you’re not crying because you want that typewriter so awfully bad,” a voice spoke.

She whipped around, coming face to face with a man who was giving her a kind look. His eyes were hazel, matching the brown suit he wore, and his head shaved to a buzzcut. He had sharp features, and still looked awfully British.

“I- Uh… No, I’m not,” she stuttered, trying to wipe the waterworks away with her sleeve.

The man then held out a folded cotton handkerchief to her, along with a smile as an attempt to cheer her up. She gratefully accepted both.

“Not any bloke I’d need to beat up, is there?”

She laughed blubberingly, “I don’t think that would be the solution to my problems, but thank you.”

“Thank god,” he huffed, “Because to be quite honest, I can’t throw a punch for the life of me. I would’ve had to ask one of my mates to do it for me, and cheer him on as he’d won my own fight.”

“I don’t think that would count as your fight,” she chuckled.

“Defending a lady’s honour is always my fight,” he replied. He shook his head, “Apologies for the rudeness, miss. Haven’t even properly introduced myself. I’m Miles.”

She gave him her own name, “and it’s nice to meet you, Miles. May I ask what you’re doing about this late?”

He gave her a strange look, “Why, it’s the perfect hour, why wouldn’t I be about? The night has only just started, and one of my close mates is preforming in the pub nearby. Want to join?”

She only took a moment to hesitate, before wilfully agreeing. “Sure.”

[gavillain]

Thoughts on the Loki tv show then?

Short version: I'm liking it! I fully expected to hate the show given that I hated almost everything they did with Loki in the MCU after Dark World. However, they're doing a pretty good job. I think overall, it's a mixed bag for me, but a mixed bag is so much better than I was expecting that I'm very happy with it. Episode 3 really was a big step up after the first two eps and I hope future episodes continue.

Now if you want the long version, I've been writing up my thoughts after each episode to share on a private forum, so I'll copy and paste under the cut. Also spoilers galore past this point:

Ep.1 "Glorious Purpose" Loki himself is the big important thing so I'm gonna talk about him first, and I was both happy and disappointed with his characterization here. Let me explain. Tom Hiddleston obviously plays everything perfectly, and he did a great job on every moment. But the writing on Loki's character is pretty inconsistent. There were a LOT of moments that genuinely felt like they were right out of the golden era of MCU Loki that captured his speech patterns perfectly, his mannerisms, his world view, his humor. Those moments were legitimately there, and they were there more often than I was expecting. Ragnarok had Loki written wrong down to the dialogue and his manner of speaking, and so it was actually very refreshing to see him written generally well, particularly in his conversations with Agent Mobius. However there were multiple moments where he was blatantly written out of character to pander to jokes or to dip into that Ragnarok jokey joke tone. I audibly groaned at the "Am I robot" bit, which was SUCH low brow human and so not in line with the fact that Loki literally knows exactly what he is and had a "species reveal" that was very important to his character. I also would have liked him to be a little more violent. This man came out of a portal, saw SHIELD agents threatening him and immediately went into kill mode in Avengers. Yet this guy stands around and lets himself be taken and forced into situations a lot. But overall, I was happy with his general characterization because I expected the bad stuff to be much worse and it wasn't and the good stuff was more plentiful than I expected. I wasn't fond of the "I don't enjoy hurting people" bit because it's weepy and wrong, but it also was an expected development and I do appreciate that they're at least delving deep into his character on an intellectual level and playing off that "Always so perceptive about everyone but yourself" line of Frigga's. There's potential to do something interesting with him here, so I'm intrigued if not convinced. The Time Keepers concept I hate, but I think I hate it because Loki ALSO hates it and we're a bit too alike in a few regards even here XD I just kind of wish it was less bureaucratic and "we're a joke about corporate offices" and was something more mystical and other worldly. I feel like if it was more science fantasy and ethereal feeling, I would probably be a lot more down for it. But I guess you gotta save money somehow. Agent Mobius is likable, and I like how he can go toe to toe with Loki and how he's kind of morally neutral. I called that Loki was the dangerous time variant disrupting the timeline before it was revealed, but I have to wonder why in the final scene they kept his face hidden. That would have been a great opportunity to show Hiddles hamming up the evil bloodlust, and I am HUNGRY for that. But they kept that Loki hidden in shadows for a reason, and I have two theories regarding why: 1. It actually ISN'T Loki and Agent Mobius is wrong and our villain is someone else. 2. Our villain is LADY Loki and they're saving the reveal that villain Loki is a woman for a later episode. We'll see if I'm right. I HOPE it's number 2 if they kept him in shadow for a reason. So yeah. Not exactly what I wanted but we're on the right track at least for now. I hope this track leads somewhere interesting.

Ep.2 "The Variant" So, first things first, this episode had "I Need a Hero" during a fight scene and TOTALLY botched it. It was way too early to play that card, the action didn't sync with the battle, and it was between a few nameless TVA agents and the evil Loki with the evil Loki still masked in shadow and not really doing much. It just lacked the OOMPH that I felt was necessary for it to be satisfying. This should have been done better. Loki characterization update: less good and less bad than episode one at the same time. There was no "Am I a robot?" cringe, but there was a lot less of the really good Loki dialogue that caught my attention in episode 1. His seemed to have kinda settled back to the mediocrity of Ragnarok Loki with occasional moments of intrigue such as his whole bit about a wolf's ears and teeth. Loki's obviously planning to overthrow the time keepers and to become the new master of time, and he even says as much to his alternate counterpart this episode. I have a sick feeling they're going to have him grow to like the TVA and to save the time stream, but I really want him to follow through with his plans because I think that's much more interesting than the alternative. Will they do it? Time will tell. I also like how much he utterly does not give a shit about Mobius's condolences about Ragnarok happening. That was a good touch. Speaking of Mobius, I still don't care for him or the TVA. They're all just very boring to me, and I don't like Loki being caged to follow their bidding. It's restraining a hurricane of excitement by forcing it to play within this very structured framework instead of burning through freely. With Loki escaping into the timestream to chase after the other Loki, hopefully that will change for the better next episode. Mobius himself gets his character expanded a bit, but his expansion is literally that he is just a cog who doesn't question his purpose and does what he does because it's what he's told to do. And that's just not compelling to me. Sidebar: Ravona, Kang the Conqueror's lover, is the head of the TVA. A fun tidbit but where's Kang? I like the way the episode explored how time variants can't happen during massive catastrophes and apocalypses because everyone dies and everything gets destroyed, so they're safe places for time variants to hide and interact with history. I enjoyed Loki and Mobius going back and messing with Pompeii right before Vesuvius erupts to test that theory. That was fun (though I wish Loki would have, instead of just acting silly and making a scene, would have done his "Kneel before me" bit on the Pompeiians or something more villainous). And I liked the whole aesthetic of them exploring a massive hurricane in Alabama in 2050 and the whole aesthetic going on there. It gave the episode an epic quality. The evil Loki was revealed in this episode, and the twist is that she's Lady Loki. Yeah, I called it. She hasn't done much herself yet and we haven't seen her do much except posses the bodies of various others and then break the timeline with multiple sprawling timeline variants, both of which is very cool. I'm excited for her, though my biggest complaint is that she has blonde hair. No. Lady Loki has BLACK hair. Why didn't they stick her in a black wig or have the actress dye her hair??? AMORA is the blonde Asgardian villainess. Lady Loki has the same hair color as Loki. And... look, I know it's a dumb detail to get hung up on, but the black hair matters to me because Loki has black hair and his beautiful female form does too and I always liked that for personal reasons. Also, she doesn't want to be called "Loki" apparently which is weird but okay, so what DOES she want to be called? I swear if they name her Amora or Sigyn, I'm gonna throw something.

But yeah, the next episode I think promises to be a change of pace, and we can see if Loki can truly spread his wings free of the TVA. I hope he does.

Ep.3 "Lamentis" This was the best episode yet! And for MULTIPLE reasons. This episode sees Loki and Lady Loki Sylvie stranded together in time. It was away from the TVA and it's boring qualities, which was great, and it put two very interesting characters in a situation where they had to rely on each other. This is more of what I was HOPING we'd get from the show. It's a lot more engaging and fun. The TVA always feel like they have their boot on our necks, and having that boot gone, it's amazing how much easier it is to breathe. And I honestly think that was intentional too with regards to how Sylvie outright calls them tyrannical fascist time police. The whole thing with Loki and Sylvie being stranded on the planet Lamentis during its apocalypse is super cool too. First of all, Lamentis is BEAUTIFULLY designed. I can tell they relied on desert locales to save on the budget, but the purple sky, the colorful train, and the neon alien city are all really pleasing to look at. And with the sky literally falling around them, it looks even cooler and the stakes feel cosmic and intense because they ARE. A very good setting that felt refreshing after the very mundane TVA headquarters and Earth scenes. Loki continues to be a sort of mixed bag with weird moments of humor that feel like they were written by someone else for another character, but those moments were a lot more sparse this time around too. Tom is still unmatched in the role, and I love the way he got to be serious, smug, manipulative, and sincere in this episode. I've kinda accepted and settled into anti-hero Loki for this series, and I'm honestly pretty okay with it here. See, I think my issues with Loki being "good" is that it comes with making amends with Thor or working for the TVA. Seeing him pursuing his own agenda on his own terms and collaborating with a kindred spirit who he seems to genuinely like is a lot easier to stomach because it feels a lot more true to the freedom that is so potent about his villainy. I loved him talking about Frigga and how she taught him her magic. That was a genuinely powerful moment. Also even though his dagger metaphor for love got kinda undercut by a joke, I think it was quite good writing and really cut to the point of what makes Loki tic. Also this episode marks a VERY important moment: Loki was canonized on screen as being bisexual in the MCU. He is the FIRST queer main character in the MCU and the first queer main protagonist of a Disney show. And I like the way they did it too! The way Sylvie asked about if he had any dalliances with princesses and then adds "or princes" and Loki says "a bit of both." It was simple and direct and unambiguous, and I love it because Loki has always BEEN queer in the MCU and the writing for him has been very queercoded. Even if that little moment is all it amounts to, it really matters and means a lot to me that they did it and I'm so happy for it. I hope they give him a boyfriend though. Like PLEEEEASE Marvel. Sylvie I'm more okay with this time around. She IS established as Sylvie and not really identifying as Loki anymore, so I can separate her from my preconception of Lady Loki and not mind the BLONDE so much. Sylvie is the name of the second Enchantress in the comics, an Enchantress that Loki himself created. I'm interested to see where they go with her backstory and who she is and what her deal is because they've been implying that she differs from the main Loki quite a lot to the point where she barely even remembers who Frigga was. I also like that Loki's response to the bisexual question implies that Sylvie is bi too. Get that MLM/WLW solidarity. I hope they don't ship them, but I hope they DO stay friends and allies because I'm loving their friendship chemistry. Also, a minor thing in the grand scheme of this episode, but Loki SINGS in this one! And I love it! Tom's always had a very pretty voice that he's gotten to show off in other roles so I'm glad he got to show off his singing in this role too. The Norse folk song he sings was both jovial and somber all at once, and I

loved it. We deserved this Minor nitpick: please give Loki his Asgardian clothes back or something. Because this TVA suit is fucking ugly and I hate it. Sylvie looks so good next to him, and he deserves to be just as stylish. This was a GREAT turning point. PLEEEEEASE keep it up. F&WS failed to. But I genuinely believe that Loki can do it.

[popculturebuffet]

Jake Reviews Stuff: Star Vs: Friendenemies

Happy pride all. I’m getting ahead of this one for a number of reasons:  1) It’s pride month and this episode is one of the most shiptastic things i’ve seen with two male characters since Robochris from bravest warriors. I mean it dosen’t quite reach “Creating a skull robot of your best friend because he won’t touch you a lot to make him jealous enough to do that” levels of romantic tension but it tries. 

2) My good friend @jess-the-vampire​ is a tomco shipper, and with things being rough for her I figure she could use this sooner rather than later. 3) Shows are actually coming back with Amphibia emerging from it’s year long odinsleep the same week Close Enough finally escapes from it’s dumpster after 10,000 years to conquer earth before it gets put back in there then escapes again and marries lord zedd.. I lost the metaphor the point is I want to keep Tom train, and other star arcs I have planned, moving at a steady clip. 

So with all of that yeah, i’m ready to go. No real exposition to dump again, come on let’s go after the cut!

We open with Marco at his laptop nervous about something and Star coming into his room tangled in christmas lights... so normal day at Casa Diaz.  Anyways Marco can’t help star out of her latest self made prison because he’s preording tickets to a Mackie Hand Film Festival. Mackie Hand is Marco’s faviorite martial artist and movie star, who died performing a stunt on himself.. accidentally.. did he give himself a death punch? Is this the same universe as regular show.. please say yes.  Anyway as is natural for Marco in the first two seasons as god apparently hates him, the tickets sell out instantly and he dosen’t get them, banging his head against his laptop as Star TRIES to comfort him , saying he might still be able to get them. Marco also says “Good things don’t happen to me”

I mean just look at Season 3. Anyways tom comes in licking a rainbow snowcone for no explained reason other than they wanted to make it obvious this was the Tomco episode. Tom asks to hang out and after Star, understandably at this point given you know, the horrible date where he tried to murder her best friend and the gaslighting a few weeks back, tells him a million times no, Tom explains he’s not here for her.. he’s here for Marco. Marco, given tom’s threatned to kill him twice now and tried to at least once, isn’t biting. Tom naturally has tickets to the festival as a trump card, and assumes that time he kidnapped marco and played him in ping pong for his freedom counts as a friend hang out, and geuinely apologizes for his behavior promising not to get angry. Really while as you probalby know we DO get the reveal later he was partly doing this whole thing to finish his anger managment... I do get the sense this apology, and a lot of this is GENUINE. We’ll get more into the why in a bit, but he does seem to genuinely want to bury the hatchet.  Marco pulls star aside and, given the last two times he saw Tom, the boy had some horrible scheme up his ripped sleeves, he understandably, and as it turns out correctly, thinks Tom is once again up to some sort of scheme, star is fully on board. I have. mixed feelings about this. On the one hand STar did forgive tom for the previous episodes mess and Ponyhead for much worse and it does set up the tiny plot curnel of corn that would grow into an entire corn field of her still having some friendly feelings toward tom. But it just feels weird, even with how cahotic star can be to have her flip flop from “Stop calling me” To “You should totlaly go on a date with the guy who harassed me and tried to kill you twice now. “. Especially since next time she has an episode with Tom, She’s fully resentful of him and a bit snarky and spends and episode, in part thanks to aformentioned magical severed ponyhead, suspicious of him playing games with her head again. We’ll get there soon obviously, i’m just saying it feels mildly off. 

So Marco decides, much like bart simpson that getting where he’s going’s worth it even if he has to ride with the devil himself and reluctantly agrees. We see the inside of Tom’s carriage for the first time, and see my good personal friend dead horse again on the outside, and it’s really nice.. lit by torches because mood lighting, but similar to his room it’s plushly decorated and even has two serious speakers and according to Tom 6 flatscreens. Damn I wish I had one of those.. that and I wouldn’t have to drive since I can’t due to my anxiety. Plus who wouldn’t want a firey horse skelton sidekick? Anyways Tom offers Marco cold cereal and Marco is frank with tom, pointing out he’s suddenly being nice to Marco after never being nice to him before and understandably isn’t sure he’s even a mackie hand fan but a bit of banter and trivia shows Marco that no, Tom really seems to be telling the truth.  Tom then confides in marco that he gets why Marco didn’t belivie him: Most people dont’ get past their preconcived perceptions of him. And here the series does flesh tom out a bit: Tom admits to not having many friends.. which frames the previous two episodes in a diffrent light. Sure his actions to Star are still very much not okay... but you at least see WHY he was so obessive about her: She was probably the first real friend he had that wasn’t a casual aquantince, his own family member, or a pet. Most Mewman kids his age probably weren’t too keen to hang out with what to them was a monster, rich or not, little raicst shits. And in the underworld most people probably just did whatever he asked because they were afraid of his temper or his parents fury, even if his parents are the nicest people in the underworld. So when he lost her, Tom didn’t know how to properly react and while his first attempt to win star back was genuine, it was marred by his refusal to adress his anger or control issues that likely lead to Star dumping him in the first place. While Star’s forgivness HERE is a bit werid, her willingness to give him another shot wasn’t: Tom was SEEMINGLY genuinely trying. He was in therapy, he’d been anger free for several days and most glowingly, when a stranger karate chopped his hand off in a misguided attempt to protect star.. he got upset but instnatlly went into his coping mechanisms.  The problem was as I covered in that review.. Tom didn’t WANT to change. That’s the thing about changing: you need to both know there is a problem and WANT to fix it. And even then, as we’ll see sometimes i’ts hard. I know, i’ve had my own personal issues i’ve had to change up as years went on. It’s a slippery slope you have to constnatly climb up. And BMB era tom.. just didn’t WANT to change he just wanted to do what he thought star wanted that would get her to take him back, and couldn’t understnad why she wouldn’t just listen to him and obey, two things not in star’s vocabulary for anyone much less her ex. 

So , much like I did, rather than blame himself for screwing things up, he just saw it as Marco being in the way and tried to fix that. And so he sunk to rock bottom.. but it didn’t fix their relationship and it took Marco having an honest conversation, as someone who was also very close to her and knew her well, to get him to see that Star wasn’t going to take him back unless she wanted it.. what he was doing was selfish and self destructive.. and Tom probably realized in that moment he had to stop. He let her go, and thus as I put al ot of emphasis on last time, made his first step to being better.  And to me that’s why this makes sense as his next step: While it’s partly to fufill a checklist... you get the sense he really DOES like marco on some level. They hung out, which I do feel tom did genuinely feel was like friends hanging out instead of you know the second highest stakes game of ping pong i’ve ever seen. 

The first if your curious. So while part of this is Tom just wanting to get through anger managment for likely his parent’s sake, part of it is also him genuinely wanting to be somebody’s buddy, anybody but a bumbling butler. It’s just being Tom, he dosen’t know HOW to make friends or get them to see past who he is surface wise; a spoiled angry boy and see the inside, a nice kid who just has no idea how to talk to people beyond a surface level or understand them and we’ll see that more both in this episode and as we go. Speaking of going back in the episode proper, two bros drive up and insult Tom’s carriage also wondering if he’s going to his grandpa’s funeral. Fuck you both.. both on general principal and becaause his grandpapapapapapaaaaaaaaaaaa is alive and magnificent. 

Satan bless you Relicor. Anyways, Tom is naturally pissed at this and Marco challenges them to a race.. but eases tom off actually following them as, since this isn’t a fast and the furious movie, the police immidelty arest them and we get the blessed image above. Let’s see that again.

NOGODWHY

Not right but it’ll have to do I fear what may happen if I try again.  ONE BALLON DICK GIRAFFE LATER, our boys are on a high, as Tom finds there are things more fun than obletarating people. #tomhaskilledmultiplepeopleandisstillthebestboy. Marco is reminded of a song from his faviorite band Love Sentence, and Tom, suprisingy given his My Chemical Romance with a splash of metal astetic, is not only a huge fan but has a giant Helga Patiaki esque shrine to them complete with a cd player with shuffle. Fancy. 

We then get a wonderful, shiptastic montage of the two just hanging out, hanging out with a white tiger. Having themselves a party. And given the song itself, sung by 98 Degrees and horrible realtiy show Newleywed’s alumnus Nick Lachey, even says “we used to be enimies but now we have chemistry” yeah I think this is intentional and they are a good ship. Are they my prefered ships for the characters? No tha’ts kelly and flame princess... the last one was recent and I love a good crossover ship sue me. But I do headcanon both as still Bi and still find the ship great, it’s just not my main one. 

However the good times can’t last as it is film time... but Tom refuses to let marco leave befor eblowing his top off... dude that’s not how you build a suppportive relationship, you know this by now. Turns out the white tiger I haven’t mentioned to now is actually Brian, vocied my boy Stephen Root who apparently just.. lives at DIsney’s animation studios now as he has a tendency to show up in every other animated disney show. You may know him from Gravity Falls as Bud Gleeful, THe Mayor from Amphibia, or , in non disney voice work, Bill Dautrive. Turns out as I haven’t even tried to hide, Tom was in the final stage of his anger managment class and to get out of it had had to spend 3 hours with the person he hated most. As I said I do think part of it was GENUINE on tom’s part, that he was trying to be what he thought friends were... it’s just he didn’t get that Marco, if grumblinignly, probably STILL would’ve agreed if he were honest.  However.. it’s still a step up. While i’ts still a scheme, and his LAST on the show.. it’s more benign after the last two; Instead of being harmful his scheme this time is just “Bribe my worst enemy into hanging out with me and get out of anger managment” it’s still not quite right, but compared to the things he’s done with star, it’s an improvment and a sign he is changing despite himself. He could’ve just kidnapped marco again and forced him to spend the three hours.. granted this might’ve just been Brian saying, obviously no tha tdosen’t count, but still, instead he tried being nice and giving an apology. Even if it was for personal gain on some level, Marco’s words clearly got to him and he’s now trying genuinely unselfish tactics. It’s also notable since he spent the three hours with marco, and at least half an hour of awkarndess before it got all fun, WITHOUT getting angry or falling back on old stratgies and only beefing it at the end because, as i’ve established, he dosen’t get people.  So naturally tom gets mad.. while it is a sign he’s getting better he dosen’t do his trademark horrifying demonic EXPLOSION of rage... he’s still being petulant and sore over his failure is mad at marco for pritoritzing the tickets nad destroys them. Marco naturally calls him out, angry over him manipulating him to get some badge , as he puts it, calls him a jerk and a liar, accurate and the worst part to marco? “I WAS DUMB ENOUGH TO FALL FOR IT”

Credit where it’s due while I may not LIKE adam mcarthur as a person...as a voice actor he is excellent and his delivery here is perfect as you do get the pain in Marco’s voice as he genuinely ahd grown to care for tom. Wethere it was friendship or wanting to make out... probably wanting to make out, you get the pain in his voice. Tom admits the love sentence hting wasn’t a lie.. but too little too late.. whcih is marco’s second faviorite love sentence song and leads to another moment of shippy goodness. Seriously I see why this ship exploded in popularity after this. Also I will say both Adam and Rider have damn pretty voices.  So Tom does what any romantic lead faced with a third act breakup would do.. say a demonic chant and bring Mackie Hand back from the dead. This is also the first time we see just how fucking powerful tom is. Before we’ve seen him summon his carriage and immolate some stuff and easily reattach a hand.. but this is the first time that we see he’s every pit as powerful as star, who probably could raise the dead she just dosen’t want to. Granted I don’t know why this sort of undead stuff hasn’t been used on say, Moons assitnated mother, but presumibly anti-monster stigma combined with the fact that we don’t know HOW she died or how much was left, and are probably better off that way solve that. It goes a long way to explain why Tom’s family are allies instead of the conquered like most monsters: They have equal , if far diffrent and spookier, magic power and are the only kingdom with this trump card besides the butterfly kingdom. 

So as we close Marco tries to use Mackie to get in, the usher dosen’t buy it and a fight insues, but Marco and Tom patch things up, Tom becoming a fan of Mackie now he’s seen what the guy can do and Marco forgiving tom since, evne if his actions were still a bit greasy, he immidetly did his best to try and fix what he broke. The two are friends again despite them both saying they hate each other... but they clearly mean it playfully. The End.  Final Thoughts: After the Slog that was last episode this one is a fan faviorite for a reason... well okay 2 reasons. One...

And two.. it’s excellent. I feel bad it took me years to see this one, but it’s one of season 2′s finest. It’s funny, has great character stuff for both boys, introduces a new ship that’s fantastic and a great new dynamic between Tom and Marco that would carry for the rest of the show. It also beliviebly advances Tom’s character arc: He’s TRYING a bit but he’s still got a bit of the scheming and selfishness that defined his earlier outings, but it’s telling that after this episode, and hurting marco, he stops. This episode REALLY gets him to change that and for the better.  Sadly Tom would only make one more apperance this season in Naysaya, an episode I will cover when I cover Jackie and Marco at some point, but has him show up for a cameo when it turns out the episodes antagonist, a curse that takes the form of a sentient head that spills the target’s worst secrets and insecurities when they try to ask someone they like out, is Tom’s fault from back when he was a baddie, and Tom genuinely apologizes and tells him how to vanquish it, if ribs marco a bit since he cast that curse presumibly sometime between BMB and MCC and is delighed and suprised that Marco seriously hadn’t asked anyone out in that time. But it’s a nice bit that shows their not only still friends but Tom is genuinely sorry for some of his earlier behavior. We’ll see more of that as we go and more of tom trying to be better.. he’s made up with Marco, next time we come back to tomtrospective, we’ll see how it goes with Star. 

Coming up besides the obvious, as Pride Winds down I’ll have my first steven unvierse coverage, one of the first openly gay couples in western animation, and some asexula pride as we take our first look at Bojack Horseman..’s loveable rommate todd. Until we meet again, stay safe, black lives matter and later days. 

[taejeonie]

what if markhee dated...

— for anon, hope u like it <3

hmm

i think mark developed feelings for taehee during superhuman era

and the fact that they had that verse together doesn’t make it any better

yes i won’t shut up about that verse

i feel like he would be kinda obvious to johnny

johnny would force it out of him just for the fun of it

then would tease him about it

but then they get serious like, “you know you might.....just be careful, okay?”

“i know hyung,,it’s just a crush anyways”

wrong

mark still had feelings for taehee come kick it era

surprisingly mark was able to hide it well

there were moments where mark would be a teensy tiny bit,,,,

jealous

since taehee hung out with hyuck more during that time

“taehee”

“hm?”

“do you,,,,do you want to eat tofu with me?”

“sure, let me go and ask haechanie”

and mark’s like : “wHy dOeS sHe hAvE tO aSk hIm iT’S nOt LikE tHeY’Re dAtInG >:(((“

“why are you jealous? it’s not like you’re dating either-“

“JOHNNY HYUNG”

did he just say that out loud? he did.

and then he hears a gasp

AND FOR A SPLIT SECOND HE WAS SCARED BC HE THOUGHT IT WAS TAEHEE

but then it’s just hyuck

“who’s dating who?”

and then he creeps up to mark while mark attempts to push him away

“you love me, don’t you hyung? why would you date someone else that’s not me (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)”

“it’s not like that-“

hyuck suddenly pulls away from him, “oh my god....”

“‘oh my god’ what?”

“don’t tell me,,,,don’t tell me you like me in that way”

mark winces, “oh god, please no”

but then at the same time, johnny goes, “he likes taehee not you”

“YOU LIKE NOONA”

“SHHHHHH”

“hyung,,you know that’s not allowed right-“

“i know”

“THEN YOU CAN DATE IN SECRET!!!”

“haechan, no-“

“THIS IS GONNA BE THRILLING!! don’t you want that hyung?”

“that does sound tempting,” johnny agrees with him

“i’d like to focus on work more, thanks”

“loser.”

“you’re a loser.”

a door shuts close causing hyuck to playfully wiggle his eyebrows at mark, making the latter shove him to the floor

and now hyuck’s on the floor being dramatic

“jOHNNY HYUNG .°(ಗдಗ。)°.”

“i asked jungwoo oppa but he’s asleep- woah what happened”

“MARK HYUNG PUSHED ME”

“mmARK THATS NOT VERY NICE”

she helps hyuck up from the floor and fixes his clothes, “u okay?”

“yes, thank you noonaaaaaa (*´꒳`*)”

“is johnny oppa coming?”

“i’m kinda tired, you guys can go”

“oKAYY LETS GO!!”

taehee grabe hyuck’s arm and leads him out

the whole time mark was like :OO

so hyuck sticks his tongue out at him

brat

anyways

about taehee

hmm i think she didn’t like mark as much as he did at first 

i mean she found jungwoo handsome she wouldn’t mind dating him

but she wouldn’t mind dating mark either

she wasn’t exactly thinking about dating anyone

in short, she doesn’t dwell much on the members to the point she would think if she wanted to date them or not

but yes she would date mark

they were doing a vlive in the waiting room after performing “kick it”

“manager hyung told me not to open vlive but i did” - taeyong, leader

taehee was being her free self as she was explaining what went down when she and jaehyun were playing games

“but then we had to get this thing bc it adds to our points bUT JAEHYUN OPPA-“

“taehee noona, someone said you should date mark hyung”

i swear mark was about to kill hyuck right then and there

“later, okay anyways-“

and you could see at the very corner

hyuck has his fist in his mouth like :OO

while mark becomes flustered again

but the members don’t really notice just mark, haechan, and johnny

so then later on taehee was lying down on her bed

thinking about everything that went down that day 

and then she started to think about what it would be like dating mark

and by think i mean think

and then suddenly she was like, “oh,,,,i like,,,mark”

“okay”

she didn’t tell anyone

i don’t think any of them would notice tbh

when she had her episodes after promotions they noticed that mark would be one of the people to really really make her smile and cheer her up

so when she was fine again her mind drifted to her and mark

i mean she knew it wasn’t allowed but,,,she’s willing to try it out

but then she started overthinking about what if it went awkward between them what would happen to the group will they kick her out would the fans hate her would it make mark her ex-best friend what if what if what if

she feels the bed dip beside her and two arms wrap around her frame

“noonaAaaAaAaAa”

“what”

“i’m boreddddd”

“i’m tired, go somewhere else”

“you aren’t,,,you were smiling. why were you smiling”

“nothing go away”

“were you thinking about hyung?”

“ew no why would i think about mark”

“AHHHH I DIDNT SAY ANY NAME BUT YOU DID HAHAHHA”

“ ( O.O ) what no-“

she tries to push him off the bed but hyuck’s arms had her secured

“if you’re not gonna let go then sleep with me. i’m going to sleep”

“ahh noona, mark hyung would be jealous if he saw us like this”

“shut up. i’m gonna sleep”

taehee couldn’t sleep bc hyuck was so,,,cryptic

so taehee tried to test out the waters with mark

and how, you might say?

pickup lines!!!! (*^_^*)

attempt one

“mark?”

“what?”

“are you asthma? because you take my breath away ;)))”

“w-what”

taehee: :((

second attempt

“mark i think something’s wrong with my phone”

“what? let me see”

“i don’t have your number on it”

“i thought I already gave you my number?”

“noona i think that was pretty dumb” “shut up haechan”

attempt tres

“mark, i may not be ariana grande but i’m so into you”

“oKAYYYYY CUT!”

“what we’re not even-“

attempt #938274929482939

to markly <3: mark mark mark mark mark mark

from markly <3: you’re right next to me

from markly <3: why are we texting?

to markly <3: because it’s more fun

to markly <3: okay. you have to complete the lyrics okay?

from markly <3: ... okay

to markly <3: are we an item? girl quit playin’

to markly <3: “we’re just friends”, what are you sayin?

to markly <3: your turn

from mark <3: said there's another, look right in my eyes

from markly <3: my first love broke my heart for the first time

to markly <3: and i was like baby baby oh

from markly <3: you forgot one

to markly <3: one what?

from markly <3: baby

to markly <3: yes?

from markly <3: you forgot one baby. there’s three baby’s

“OH MY GOD”

“WHATS WRONG”

“IM GOING TO HAECHAN’S ROOM”

“WHAT-“

while in haechan’s room

“HE IS SO DENSE”

“oh is that what you were doing?”

“SEE?? EVEN YOU KNOW”

“noona, everyone knows your naturally like that. you should just go for it”

“how???”

“kiss him,,,,on the lips”

*proceeds to make kissy noises*

“that’s too bold i’m not doing that”

haechan shrugs in return, “fine. your choice anyways”

“ugh let’s just play this game”

“if i win you need to kiss mark hyung tomorrow”

“never mind”

“pleaseeeeee”

“no”

“pleaseeeee??? for me??”

“i said no, just play your game”

“bUT IM SO TIRED OF MARK HYUNG TALKING ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME”

“HEY WHAT’S SO WRONG ABOUT THAT”

“IT’S DISGUSTING”

....

....

“ffff....fffine-“

“YES!!!”

“but we’re playing what i want to play.....easy mode”

“whatever you want noonaaaa (＾＿＾)”

she lost

so now she’s in her room with mark

hyuck locked the door from the outside for extra measure

but they don’t know that

“mark lee,”

“yes joanie?”

“jdjsjdhsjd you’re making this harder for me?”

“what??? are you talking about???”

she huffs before grabbing mark’s hand and pulling him up to sit straight on his bed

“do you watch haikyuu?”

“only a few episodes. wh-“

“because i laikyuu....”

“.........”

mark is flushed but he’s has too

k e e p c a l m

and teehee has her bottom lip in between her teeth cause she’s sO nervous this would never work

and mark finds this even more cUTE HE WAS ABOUT TO GIVE IN

tbh i think mark kinda had an idea of what teehee was doing,,,he just kept on denying it 

“you should tell that to yuta hyung. he’ll like it.”

“it’s for you, stupid”

“what”

“you’re so dense sometimes, geez. i like you a lot lot and if you still won’t get it through your frickin cute head i will literally explode”

“oh....wow”

“....’wow’ what?”

“cause i kinda....like you too”

and now they’re both just smiling at each other until they just break and laugh

“so uhh....what now?”

“then we date! duh,,,,unlessyoudontwanttoitsfine”

“no not like that, i mean how are we gonna do this? are the others gonna know? do you want to date outside bc i’m not sure if we can go out-“

“we don’t,,have to tell the others. and it’s fine we can stay here,,,”

she brings her face closer to mark’s before cutely saying, “as long as i’m with youuuuuuu”

“ahhh stop it”

“but i’m your girlfriend now!!!”

“oh?”

“y-yes ‘oh’! why you don’t want to? fine.”

taehee stands up but mark quickly grabs her hand and pulls her down until they’re both lying on the bed

“what are you doing?”

“i’m spending time with my girlfriend? what are you doing?”

taehee playfully rolls her eyes and proceeds to bury her face in mark’s neck

“okay.....”

she feels mark smile

“boyfriend.”

THEY’RE A COUPLE NOW YAY

okay so the people who only knew about their relationship were hyuck and johnny

they were very sweet

very clingy off-cam

“where’s my goodnight kiss?”

“oh my god mARK I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE THAT TYPE”

instead of calling each other by their names or like

“dUUUUUUDE!”

there’s the occasional “baby” hhhhh

“baby, come here”

“mark....”

“do you,,,do you not like it”

“no it just,,sounds nice i guess”

hehehe

so taehee would call him baby too 

“BABYYY I MISSED YOU MWAHH”

“EW NOONA DO IT IN YOUR OWN ROOM AND NOT WHEN IM AROUND THATS DISGUSTING”

but they’re professional during work dw,,they still had to prepare for “punch”

while taeil, jungwoo, and mark did the relay live

taehee came in and the fans noticed how mark’s eyes lit up

markhee stans are thriving

“are you doing vlive?”

mark stays quiet as he continues to stare at her with a smile on his face

awe i want a mark now :((

“yeah say ‘hi’”

taehee, off cam: “czennie hellooooo”

“why won’t you show your face?,” taeil asked

“i just woke up from my nap”

“oh did we wake you?,” jungwoo asks

at the same time mark mumbles, “you’re still pretty anyway”

but they all heard that oop

“jungwoo-oppa. i. am. fINEEEE,” she says cutely, “you guys weren’t loud”

“do you want a bite?,” jungwoo asks

taehee moves to his side of the table but mark stops her

“wait wait! come here”

taehee comes into the frame so mark could feed her with his chopsticks

“is it good?”

“mhmm”

c u t e

markhee stans keep getting fed without realizing

now markhee’s just being plain obvious with the next vlive we’re just friends my ass

the one with mark, jungwoo, and taehee

taehee sat in between the two boys and she kept patting mark’s hair

tHeY sEEm To bE vErY gOOd FrIEnDS

when mark imitated yuta saying ‘really?’

she couldn’t help but laugh and squish his cheeks together

“cUTE!!!!”

mark pried her hands off his face and casually, discreetly clasped her hands in his and put their hands atop of her knee 

jungwoo’s third wheeling unknowingly i’m so sorry sweetie

taehee.exe has stopped working 

and mark smirks in response 

when that beep called tHEY WERE BOTH LIVID

later on, another beep kept on spamming teehee’s phone with calls and texts that mark had to put it on silent and slide it in his pocket 

teehee protection squad 

they went to the dream’s mv set to bring them food 

“MY PARENTS!! THEY BROUGHT US FOOD”

“sHSHHSHSH none of them are supposed to know”

“mark hung danced to ‘boom’ already. you don't have to be anonymous anymore”

lol remember dohyuck in their uncut take #3?

well you have another one coming from markhee when they did that yt live to spoil punch’s choreo

hyuck noticed it while he was talking to the camera and his eyes went wide for a split second before proceeding to cover them with his head 

he tried to hold in his laughs 

ever since then, there were fans who were suspicious 

but majority of them just said all the members are like that 

“they seem to be very good friends”

i think the other members would be sus too but they won't dwell on it,,,that much 

overall, markhee would be the cheesy yet cute couple hyuck and johnny adore!! it’s like being best friends but now they get to hug and cuddle and kiss whenever they want (behind cameras and other people of course). in all honesty, if their relationship doesn't go south, i guess you could say they are each others’ first and last. <3

will dispatch catch them? most likely not.

will they ever reveal their relationship? who knows.

hyuck and johnny’s tip: “don’t let the managers know or else we’ll have to change roommates.”

[iit-s-kitty]

"My problems with Rise of Skywalker, because fuck being neutral this movie was a crime"

Written by a disappointed Star Wars fan that happens to ship Reylo, and who will most likely ends up rewriting this mess in her fanfiction

The ridiculous fast pace: seriously, this movie feels like the project you forgot to do on holidays and the due date is tomorrow, so you're just doing the "important plot points": The Palpatine plot? Check. The Rey's parents plot? Check.

The lack of closure for the character's storylines: throughout the sequels it was stablished storyline that allowed for the development of different characters. For example, Finn learning that escaping is NOT the way of opposing the First Order, Poe learning to be the leader the Resistance needs, Han coming back in order to face that what became of Ben's was equally his fault as well as Snoke's, and the most important ones being Rey and Ben's journey. Here? All forgotten. Suddenly we erased whatever happened in the last two movies and give everything for granted, because no one gives a fuck about what happened. Poe is the same as he was, Finn is still hung up on Rey and exhibits no personality of it, Rey has no sequels of what happened in Ach-To at the cave or in the Throne Room with Kylo, and speaking of which...

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED WITH KYLO? We cut the last movie on the biggest cliffhanger for this character: he had killed his master in order to gain more power (ironically surpassing Darth Vader... Only that Kylo did it in order to protect Rey, something he wasn't looking for and ended up wanting her at his side), became the Supreme Leader and witnessed the almost complete wipeout of the Resistance as well as Luke's demise. Yet to him it meant nothing because the only person that managed to connect with him decided to stick to her own path and giving an open door to the redemption arc. The logical step was having him as this ultimate boss they all had to defeat, The Supreme Leader... That would progressively become more and more disenchanted with it. Snoke is gone, his abuser is finally gone but what can he do about it? He still has all this rage, all this pain. Think of Zuko when he finally "regained" his honor by supposedly killing the Avatar, yet he felt it wasn't worth anything because he had betrayed the only person that cared for him, in Kylo's case it would be the "death" of Leia, the lack of closure on his part with Luke, Han's death and of course, Rey turning his back on him. What does RoS do? NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Sure, Kylo does redeem himself but the way of doing so...

What the hell with Kylo's redemption? Sure, it happened but the execution was awful. If Kylo was to be redeemed it needed to be EARNED. I'll take again Zuko's example: Zuko not only faced remorse that he was lying to the face of everyone and that Azula could rat him out, it all felt empty because all these people had never cared for him, unlike Iroh did— and now Iroh was imprisoned, starving and humiliated in the deepest cell of the Fire Nation because of him. Sure, he regained his honor, but it comes to a point where he himself said it: "I'M MAD AT MYSELF, because I can't tell the difference between right and wrong anymore". Then, he learns of what his grandfather Sozin did to the Avatar, his best friend, and he knows what to do: the only way to truly regain his honor is to right what his family did wrong and help Aang bring balance. He tells Ozai (which funny enough is voiced by Mark himself) a beautiful "The reason you suck" speech and goes out of the palace to help the Gaang and... They don't want him there. They're ready to kill him on the spot because of all Zuko made him went through and Zuko does NOTHING to stop them. He fully accepts the guilt of what he did and shows with actions that he truly means to redeem himself and train Aang. And even then he faces suspicion and prejudice by the whole Gaang at first. Then, on the Sozin's Comet he helps them by defeating Azula with Katara and helping in the search for Aang, and becomes Fire Lord by the end of the series, intending to start a new Era of peace with Aang's help.

What I'm trying to say here is that, if they were trying to redeem Kylo, fine, do it! I know that the fans of the character (which aren't few) and fans of ships like Reylo were rooting for a redemption of Kylo. But if that route was the one to be taken, then Kylo had to, as we say here in my country, "go through a fuck ton of work to do so". He would first need to doubt whether this was the true path for him (something he was already doing), see the true extent of what the First Order was doing, throw a few punches with him and Leia's relationship as well as his relationship with Rey. They needed to work on his reasons to switch to the Light side of the Force in order to do the redemption and yes, we could say they did it with the Reylo, which I'm a fan of. But it was rushed, sloppy, it wasn't earned ffs.

Leia, Han, Luke, and the whole treatment of the original trio in this shtick: I know, I know that Carrie Fisher is dead and everytime I remember it, I kid you not, I cry because she was a wonderful woman that showed me that despite my mental illness I could still do something worthwile with my life, that I could take the pain to do something beautiful with it. And Leia is a wonderful example of a female character. I know that because of Carrie's death they couldn't do a lot with the character— but that is not an excuse then they put a woman on CGI with her face in order to give "closure" to her character, and I'm sorry but if that was closure for Leia then I'm princess Diana. Leia was Kylo's mother, if someone was rooting for Ben to come back then it was her (as well as Rey, but that's something I'll discuss later) and if someone deserved to have a final moment with him, to see him come back, IT WAS HER. Let me explain, as I said before, even the members of the original trio had a journey of their own here: Han's was trying to reach out for a son he didn't always treat right (if not that he outright feared him) and take responsibility as a father; Luke's was coming to terms with what he did, come out of his depression and acknowledge that Ben can indeed come back as well as to take responsibility for his mistakes. Leia's, given her role as a mother figure throughout this trilogy as well as a leader for the rebellion, was learning to accept the help of a new generation and to guide them, as well as trying to reach for her son in order to make him see the true path. If Kylo is Zuko, then Leia is Iroh here (someone should make a fanart of Kylo apologizing to Leia like Zuko did with Iroh btw). But NOPE, her only purpose is to die so that REY has to have compassion for Ben and then let HAN, OF ALL PEOPLE, reach out for Ben. The whole last movies were building for a moment with Kylo and Leia, to have either a confrontation or a reunion and even if they had the means to do so despite Carrie's death, they gave us nothing. Zero. Nada. Leia died being a prop to Rey and not even her arch with the Resistance was closed. What a rip-off!

Why the hell do we have to bring the Emperor back? No, really, fans of Star Wars— why do we have to bring Sheev Palpatine back and WHY did it have to be the way it was handled? You want to him back? Okay, do so, BUT NOT IN A WAY THAT UNDERMINES ANAKIN'S STORY. By bringing Palpatine in a "he was always alive" fashion, not only do we open the door to a fuck ton of plot-holes, but we shit on the entire Original Trilogy and the journey of Anakin Skywalker. He died for nothing, yes, he saved his son— but the Galaxy was still on the clutches of this monster, HIS FAMILY WAS STILL IN DANGER BECAUSE OF HIM. Heck, as much as I think the EU was a mess with overated or downright badly written characters (cofcofMaraJadecofcof) the whole "The Emperor has a clone as a failsafe and thus come back" was a better way to bring him back. You wanted to make Rey the relative of someone important? Make her the Emperor's clone, the future vessel a le Sasuke and Orochimaru— BUT DON'T GIVE ME THIS SHIT.

Also, if Luke knew so well where the Emperor was hidden that he even made a MAP to him, why didn't he grab Leia (who's now an even better Jedi than he was, apparently), went to Exegol and beated the shit out of his old butt? IT WOULD'VE SURELY BEEN MORE BADASS THAN THIS.

Rey is now a damn Mary Sue: coming back to the theater with my friends, we joked that Rey is the maid of your grandfather that ends up being the one is given everything after your grandpa's death.

The last movie, Rey was given the harsh truth as well as us: not only were her parents pieces of shit that never cared about her, thus not coming back— but us, as viewers, were given the truth that there was no mystical lineage of heroes to explain her powers, that she was just... A nobody. She was the underdog, the Foil to Kylo's ascendancy of heroes and villains and all around famous people. Rey had always dreamed that her blood family would come back, that someone else would come and sweep her away from her personal hell— only to learn, from someone like Kylo, that no one was going to do so except for her. And it was a fucking amazing character arc!

But reddit theorist don't care about any of that. SHE CAN'T BE THAT POWERFULL UNLESS SHE IS SOMEONE'S DAUGHTER! And thus, we shit on the last two movies, her character and her development in order of pleasing people that couldn't stand her being the Jedi of the trilogy in first place.

Not only are her parents now tragic heroes that tried to save her (then why LEAVE HER WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? 👀), but the worst part is that they try to give us a "the family you make is more important than the one that birthed you" by her taking on the Skywalker name. Despite having her entire relationship with Ben going back to nothing on this movie and only kissing him at the end.

AND EVEN IF SHE TOOK ON HIS NAME, IT WOULD'VE BEEN "REY SOLO". ARE THEY EVEN LOOKING AT WHAT THEY'RE WRITING?

Rey deserved better than to be the fullfilment of dudebro's complaints and reddit theories.

This movie pulls ALL the punches: say whatever you want about The Last Jedi, but that movie had BALLS unlike Rise of Skywalker. C3PO can lose his memories in order to help the Resistance? DON'T WORRY, HE HAS A BACK UP. Chewie might be dead because of Rey, and thus opening the door for interesting character development as well as an emotional moment for us all? FUCK THAT NOISE, HE WAS ON ANOTHER SHIP. And now, Rey is a Palpatine, Ben dies because WHY THE FUCK NOT, and thus we ensure a narrative so paint by the numbers that would leave everyone happy, right?

The whole fucking Sequel Trilogy was about making a new path, taking risks and opening a new age— even if that meant to let go of the past (heck, it is said in TLJ). See it for yourself: TFA has a Stormtrooper deflecting, the death of HAN SOLO, and a woman who is a nobody being more powerful than the grandson of Anakin Skywalker; TLJ almost kills Leia, they tell us that Luke is responsible for Ben going to the Dark Side of the Force because of his paranoia, the Rebellion is left in shambles, Rey learns that her parents were alcoholics and are dead, and Luke sacrifices himself.

"But Leia died—" Leia died because Carrie is dead, Karen. Otherwise I bet you that she would've lived like Lando did.

We're so feminist and woke!... Or are we?: let's see: Rose Tico, because bigoted morons are a big sector of this fandom sadly, almost doesn't appear in this movie. In fact, she doesn't even talk to Finn despite the fact that the last movie build up to them being love interest.

They introduce us to the character of Zorrie, who appears like an old flame of Poe but doesn't stop her to being a person that would put herself above others— even if it means to throw them under the bus. That would make for an interesting character! But nope, she is only there to be an exposition bot for Poe and making him look good.

They introduce us to Jannah, a woc that like Finn, used to be a Stormtrooper and has fled the First Order and went into hiding, alongside people like her because of the sheer fear they have of being found. That would make for a kick ass plot were they regain their fight spi— but no, she's only there to make Finn look special.

This movie (and like many Disney live actions) appears to be "woke" in order to ensure a better box office, but that is— they look the part but don't exactly play the part. They only use this movements in order to further their own sales— they don't care about representation because, with what they did to Rose, they show you that the moment representation stops selling tickets they'll throw it out of the window.

If you agree and have more to say.