#can people really not get their shit together and stop being fucking pissbabies over a PIECE OF FABRIC

[warblyzombie]

What. The. Fuck.

Source: https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2020/08/25/business/cdc-antimask-guidance-retail-employees/index.html

[elysianslove]

Hi! <3 I'm the roomate hc anon again (lol) and can I request best friends to lovers hc for iwaizumi, kuroo and oikawa? Also this blog is gonna blow up soon so remember me when you're famous bro 😌✊️❤️

OMG HI AGAIN! i’m so sorry this is late :( but oh my the excitement that flooded through me when i saw this request hsvhjsd. i really hope you enjoy this!! also vshdks i luv u bb THANK YOU.

iwaizumi hajime

im making these as detailed as fuck so i apologize in advance <3

becoming best friends with hajime was a very out of the blue thing 

the two of you shared a lot of classes together, and since you were always seeing each other, you’d choose each other as partners a lot 

you’d sit next to him in all the classes that you could

you’d meet up a lot during school breaks and just hang out 

you two clicked very well honestly, like you found that it was so easy to talk to him, and it was so easy to lose yourself in the conversation 

most of your convos are v mature and sophisticated too like

it’s nice when you can talk to someone on the same brain wavelength as you yk 😼

anyways overtime you’d come to his practice sessions, and even if they were long you’d just stay and watch bc why not

if you had hw to do and he noticed you were a lil stressed about it, he’d tell u to come study while he practiced as a change of scenery and all 

he’d walk you home almost every night at this point

oikawa noticing and being jealous <3 

“they’re stealing you from me!” “they’re not— what is wrong with you oikawa.” 

okay so this best friend stuff has been going on for a long time

long enough for you to realize you wanted more from him

but this is iwaizumi hajime and it’s almost impossible to know what he’s thinking 

like

ever 

so you just keep it to yourself, thinking it’s just a small crush and it’s not worth ruining what the two of you have at this rate 

so all this had happened first year, and when you’re nearing the end of your second year

that’s when you realize that

shit

it’s not just a crush

and when you have feelings for someone, every little thing they do expands a million times in your head

so a hug from him that you’d once never go over twice has you thinking about it as you go to sleep

the hoodies he’d lend you during practice while you stayed in the gym bc it was ungodly cold in there now send tingles down your spine at the lingering scent of him

the way he’d grab your hand to drag you somewhere now leave a heavy effect on your palm, forcing you to trace it once he’s gone 

his texts give you butterflies 

every time his name pops up on your phone screen you have a mini heart attack

and yeah

those are all symptoms of a crush

but is a crush meant to last this long? 

at the start of your third year, you greet him outside of the school gates after not seeing you all summer

he smiles so bright and hugs you so, so tightly 

you already are so hyperaware of how strong iwa is

but the feelings you have for him that won’t go away are so not helping your fixation on the feel of his biceps 

anyways before this becomes v nsfw 

you two catch up like u had met yesterday 

and then at the end of the day, after practice, which you stay for bc u missed ur vbc boys 🥺

he walks you home 

like always

and as he stands by your front door, in a burst of courage, he takes your hand in his and pulls you harshly towards him, pushing his body against yours and capturing your lips in a heated kiss

it’s so messy and harsh and you pretty much collided 

but holy shit

you were pretty sure fireworks erupted when you two kissed

years of pining and what had felt like unrequited love finally being resolved 

it’s the most satisfying feeling ever

you never want to stop kissing him

but alas </3 

when he pulls back, you’re both breathing so heavily 

you’re not sure if it’s the adrenaline or the kiss itself 

and he just looks at you and goes “did u tan while you’re away ur eyes look brighter” 

no sir i am in love with you

when you two officiate things 

he’s actually way shyer than he was as best friends??? 

like as best friends he wouldn’t feel slightly weird about hugging you in public or grabbing at your hand randomly or being seen alone with you

but now like

people know ??? and somehow that scares iwa 

or makes him uncomfortable 

idk he just feels iffy

but ur so understanding bless ur heart <3 

ur so careful with him and take it at his own pace 

zero pda at the start of the relationship 

like he won’t even wanna hug u in front of the seijoh team 

but slowly he warms up 

and he starts getting more comfortable with things like hand holding and occasional pecks on the cheek/lips 

your traditions as best friends don’t die as lovers 

if anything you believe in them even more 

now you watch more diligently during practice 

you proudly attend his games in his jersey, cheering the loudest for him (and for the rest of the boys bc they: best) 

walks home with you are so much more serene 

always gives you a kiss before he parts ways 

idk it’s like some sort of commemoration for your first kiss/confession 

unless you invite him inside 😏

this is so fucking long im so sorry i just love iwa 

anyways anybody want boyfriend!iwa headcanons i got a lot hehe 

to conclude, it was so gradual and inevitable with the two of you, and you’re forever glad it happened when it did and you hadn’t rushed anything <3333

oikawa tōru

unlike hajime, this wasn’t something that took one or two years

this bitch couldn’t admit he was in love with you for like 10 years okay 

you’ve known him for the majority of your life, because you’d always lived in close proximity to each other 

but you were never best friends yk? just acquaintances 

it was around the end of middle school when you two got close

cause you saw he was applying to aoba johsai for high school

and you were like !!! i’m going there too 

at first he was like stop copying me 😾 

you guys had a staring contest bc y’all are idiots and there were legit tears streaming down ur face but u were not about to lose to a pissbaby like him

he blinked 😁👍🏼

and he lost 

and then he decided “you’re my best friend now ” 

anyways aside iwa, he now had someone else he was going into high school with

like it’s a completely new environment but he had two people he very much liked going with him !!! 

when the time came around to like apply for/join clubs, you had been so clueless 

but toru stuck by you !! and he was so adamant on helping you !! 

he would sit with you after school as he practiced tossing with hajime and just brainstorm with you what you liked to do

it’s what brought you two closer together

cause you realized just how many things in common you had with him 

for a full week he tried to help you come up with something

for the sake of this hc let’s say u decide to join the newsletter club 

you’re very wary at first but then he’s like when ur part of it you’ll visit the vbc regularly so u can take pictures/observe to write essays 

the fact that toru would be there kinda set you at ease 

now you’ve never seen toru play properly 

he’s practiced in front of you before

plenty of times

but a proper match? or a practice one? 

never 

so it’s safe to say u were in awe when you got assigned to go watch a practice match against (idk pick a school) 

it’s embarrassing to admit but your eyes were on him the entire time 

thank god he became the captain later on else it’d be so sus 

you really tried to pay attention to anybody else lmfao 

it’s kinda what drew you to him more

you still didn’t really have feelings

you only realized just how passionate he is about everything 

at some point you had an essay to write for your newsletter about the volleyball club

but you were having a hard time like really getting into it

so you immediately just called toru and were like “help 😃” 

he came over and you asked him a bunch of questions, and he would go on deadass 20 min rants for each of them

you were just 

so amazed 

like how could someone have so much passion for something like this?

you realize how but that’s for later

overtime you two got closer bc of how much your work was associated with him

he’s incredible as a best friend 

he’s the first one with the school’s weekly newsletter as soon as it’s out

granted it’s to read the section about him but yk, the sentiment’s there 

also love, love, loves lazy days with you 

he doesnt even care if the boys know that he worships the chick flicks you two watch 

i feel like oikawa would be an avid anime watcher

idk why i just do 

so he’d be blasting anime theme songs on a speaker as you’re in the shower and he’s in your room waiting for you and you’re both just singing w the sound of water rushing down 

actually it’s not just anime songs it’s all songs 

a l l songs 

anyways

so you two get really close, and then he has a super important match coming up 

let’s say it’s the spring interhigh one against karasuno

the one they won

idk im just choosing at random 

and the night before he’s like begging you on text to wear his jersey

he’s like PLEASE NO ONE’S EVER DONE THAT FOR ME

you’re like bruh u have a cult following ????? 

but eventually u say yes

ur not really sure where it’s coming from but this is oikawa he’s an unpredictable as can be

when you show up in a jersey he so conveniently left at your house once

he’s so genuinely shocked even though he was the one that asked for this???

gives you the biggest hug like spins you around and just 

“you’re my lucky charm” 

when he wins 

after celebrating with his team

he runs over to you

and just

he kisses you

full on the mouth

it’s probably the rush and excitement of winning that gave him the courage to finally spill all his feelings out into this kiss

you’re in his jersey, in the stands and you genuinely feel like it’s only just the two of you

despite how sudden it was the kiss is so gentle, like he’d been planning it since forever 

“i told you you’re my lucky charm” he says as he rests his forehead against yours and kisses you gently again

oikawa had already been affectionate as your best friend

always displaying his love outwardly with like always calling out your name so loud whenever he sees you and giving you bone crushing hugs

deadass his 6’0 self will just jump on you 

but now it’s extra

makki always gags around the two of you but you just stick ur tongue out at him and go “ur just mad ur best friend’s getting some pussy/dick and ur not” 

makki then proceeds to shriek at you like a fucking banshee <3 

anyways 

yes 

oikawa best friends to lovers excellence is so cute eeeekkk

and now u always wear his jersey at games 

(u couldnt make it to the game against karasuno where they lost for whatever reason and he held it against u for the longest time)

(“maybe if a certain someone were there we wouldn’t have lost”)

what a big baby you love him

kuroo tetsurō

AH SEXY CHEMISTRY NERD 👅👅👅

kuroo as ur best friend 

im frothing 

i feel like you’d grow close after meeting at an event or something 

like you’re a friend of a friend of a friend 

i see kuroo as someone who’s so suave and cool and flirty with people he doesn’t have feelings for

but put the crush factor in and he’s a mess

like his brain just stops working

so when he first met you

he thought u were so fucking hot 

but that’s it

his lower body was doing all the thinking <3 

so he was so flirty 

and that’s essentially what your friendship is built off of 

and when friends are so flirty with each other, they generally grow close and trust each other really quickly 

ur not a nekoma student but ur in tokyo so you meet up often 

you just

it’s so nice to be around him

you find it so easy to just be yourself around him 

going out with him is super fun 

and a lot of the times you guys have study dates and you literally don’t talk except during the 10 min breaks you two take

it’s just hyper focus for the two of you which is great

he really channels the best student in you what a man ! 

i think during your third year of high school you two got insanely close

because you were highly unsure if you were gonna leave japan or stay 

so you wanted to make the most out of everything 

so you’d go out with him more often

he’d stay during the weekends and you two would like bake christmas goods all night even if it’s literally september lmfao

cuddling is so natural 

like you’re both so touchy with each other but not in a weird way just a super comfortable kind of way

like if you’re shorter than him, he’s always leaning his arm on you like you’re his arm rest 

it’s a win win bc he gets to touch you and tease you

wow the horny really jumped out in that one

anyways

you go to every single one of his games !!

cheer him on so!! fucking!! loud!!

you probably make a provocative sign and stand a chair and just wave it around and kuroo’s so heart eyes lmfao

the climb up to becoming lovers is so

natural? 

i think kuroo first realizes that maybe, yk, he wants those flirtatious comments to mean something and those random touches to hold more romantic value to them, when you two are out together

it’s a completely chill day and it’s not really warm not really chilly. you’re just comfortable 

he takes you to a park after buying the both of you ice cream from the stand across the street and sits down at a bench with you

just people watching 

and then it kinda goes really silent

but 

it’s not awkward??? like at all???

he’s not looking to fill the silence with any random words

he’s just

enjoying simply being with you

and he glances at you momentarily and it hits him like so hard just how pretty you are 

his eyes slightly widen like

holy fuck

what the f u ck

remember when i said he’s all cool until feelings come into play

yeah 😼

he literally freezes up and blurts out, without even meaning to, “i think i have feelings for you.” 

he really didnt even process he said that

you kinda

pause for a second

and then you realize what you said and you just smile and lean over towards him, lifting your thumb up to the corner of his lips and brushing away some ice cream

“you think?” you tease, and then at the spot where the ice cream was misplaced, you placed a gentle kiss

he kinda relaxes and then eyes you as he says, “i know.” 

it is just. heaven after that

i think the two of you would be less flirty around each other once becoming official 

like yeah he definitely comments once or twice every now and then and don’t get me wrong, so do you

but it’s just less frequent 

like a blanket has been lifted to uncover the true, hidden meanings behind the comments and you can now just breathe easier 

you two end up in the same uni on accident hevejsk

like you had a long ass talk about how it’s okay if you didn’t end up in the same uni you’d still make it work

and it would’ve worked tbh

fate just ships you two too much

when you told each other you were literally that spiderman meme of the two spidermen pointing at each other lmao

power couple of the uni

power couple of tokyo

power couple of japan

you’re literally so happy with him you wouldn’t trade him for the world 

and maybe you saw it coming 

but it still remains a shock whenever you wake up and he’s there laying next to you, smiling lazily at you before reaching over to give you a gentle kiss 

anyways happy early birthday king i love you kuroo hehe

end note; i really had a lotta fun w this one omg!! thank you again for requesting, anon, and i hope everybody else enjoyed!! feel free to request, mwah <3

[lavrapalmers]

serendipity

summary: in which obi-wan kenobi and anakin skywalker are strangers who can see into each others apartments

warnings: slight nudity, cringe

read on ao3 here

Obi-Wan didn’t know much about the boy that lived across from him, he didn’t know anything really, except that he was very young and very attractive and he tends to leave the blinds open and when Obi-Wan does the same he can see into the boy's apartment and he can see back. It unnerves Obi-Wan a bit, the amount of times the two have given awkward smiles in the mornings or he’s seen uncomfortable moments for the boy across from his window. Him with friends, fighting with strangers, anything in his life Obi-Wan had a view to if he wanted one, but of course he respected others privacy and wouldn’t. He’d move to another room, or close his own blinds, but he too tends to leave his blinds open which really unnerves him. He forgets sometimes that the young boy could easily see into his life, and he was unnerved by it because he wasn’t doing anything scandalous or too embarrassing. He saw himself as a boring old man, and while the boy was getting drunk with friends and blasting his music, Obi-Wan was sitting alone at his table grading students papers and dealing with whatever Quinlan was calling him about whilst he was intoxicated just like the twenty something year old across from him. He was almost forty and lusting after a young stranger and wishing he was more exciting so said stranger would find him interesting. He couldn’t believe himself, he was ridiculous, which is why he refused to acknowledge those feelings and stopped telling Quin about his cute neighbor. (He shouldn’t have told him in the first place, because now Quin won’t stop asking about him.) Even if Obi-Wan liked the stranger or wanted him in all the obscene ways Quinlan spoke about he was sure the boy never thought of him, and if he did it was just as that old man across who does nothing but read all day.

Thankfully a distraction arose as Obi-Wan got lost in his thoughts, and while he was thankful for the ringing phone he was not thankful that it was Quin. The man was his best friend, but he knew where Quin was trouble followed and a phone call would be filled with lewd words about whomever he spent the night with before or the girl he was so desperate to be with. Aalya he believed her name was, he himself had never met her, but he had heard enough from Quin to know her name and that she went to the school he taught at. Thankfully he didn’t have her in any of his classes, because he knew if he did Quin would insist on joining him to his classes or using Obi-Wan to spy on her and see if she was flirting with anyone else in class. Yet he answered the phone anyway, being the good friend he was and always would be.

“Hello, Quin, why is it you’re calling?” He asked, not having hope for much anything, and only going to be surprised if Quinlan was respectable for once.

“To invite you out with me, of course.” Quin spoke as if it were the most obvious thing in the entire galaxy. “We’re going clubbing, Aalya told me where she was going tonight and I swear she wants me to go too. That was her way of flirting, tonight might be the night Obi and I need my main man with me. I need my wingman, even if you’re a crap one.

Obi-Wan chuckled, questioning his friendship but never regretting it. The two had been friends since they were children, been through thick and thin together, so even though they were complete opposites and Obi-Wan wasn’t a fan of his ideas of fun he would still occasionally tag along for the sake of his best friend. “Will you ever give up on this girl, Quin? Anyway, I don’t know if I want to go out tonight, much less to a club. School just started and I need to get some things organized.”

“Bullshit!” Quinlan yelled through the phone. “Knowing you you had everything planned and organized the minute summer started. You can come out for one night with me, your very best friend, and support me as I try to get with the girl I will not be giving up on anytime soon.”

Obi-Wan knew he didn’t have to go, and stayed silent for a bit as he thought it over. There really was no reason to go, and he knew he’d eventually leave early once Quin got drunk and found someone to mess around with. The only appealing thing of the clubs Quin went to were the drinks and the fact that Quin was there, but besides that Obi-Wan preferred to stay away from the loud techno music and fresh faced twenty one year olds (who were probably his students) grinding all over each other. He always went in the end though, and this time wasn’t going to change that. “Fine, but only for a bit.”

He didn’t have to be there to know Quin was rejoicing, and he simply smiled at the fact that he got to see his childhood best friend who infuriated him so much that night. “Fuck yeah! Please try and have fun though, I don’t need you complaining to me the entire night.”

“I do not complain to you, I simply inform you I am not having a good time and that I am leaving. That, my dear friend, is not complaining.” Obi-Wan explained, pretending to be offended by his friends words.

“Well still, you’re a pissbaby whenever we go out, so please just get drunk and dance with me and have fun!” Quinlan tried to persuade him, hoping it would be one of those rare times Obi-Wan let loose and had fun. Those were few and far between but Quin always looked forward to them, whilst Obi-Wan dreaded the hangovers that came from them.

“We’ll see.” Obi-Wan simply stated, unsure himself what he would do. It had been quite some time since he let loose, and he could get it out of his system now so during work the rest of the year Quin won’t be harassing him and trying to convince him to join him to these clubs. Quin understood this was not Obi’s thing, but he also knew every once in awhile he had to make Obi-Wan come out.

“Good enough for me! I’ll text you the details, and I’ll see you there babe.” Quin said, hanging up before Obi-Wan could tell him not to call him babe or any other ridiculous pet name. He really should be used to it by now, but here he was shaking his head as he thought of his best friend.

Obi-Wan arrived at the club already finding it completely distasteful, not to mention he wasn’t dressed for the occasion. The club was filled with twenty somethings with barely any clothes on, whilst Obi-Wan was thirty eight and in a stuffy sweater and trousers. He could already imagine Quin’s face when he saw him, and soon he didn’t have to imagine it as he saw his best friend walk towards him.

“What the fuck is this? Trousers? You’re not at work Obi-Wan, why aren’t you wearing some sexy leather pants and a tight shirt?” Quin questioned, making Obi-Wan roll his eyes and take the drink he had ordered when he first arrived.

“I am no longer a twenty year old, Quinlan. Anyway, I can’t imagine that leather pants are all that comfortable.” He joked, giving his best friend a smile that showed he was in a good mood and was (hopefully) not be a total buzzkill to Quin.

“So? Neither am I and I’m still working it. Anyway, you totally have that sexy dilf vibe, I’m sure all your students love you.” He teased, making Obi-Wan cringe at the idea of his students thinking of him like that. Sure, there had been a few admirers, but he knew Quin meant more than just admiring.

“Stop, please, I’m too sober to deal with you.” He joked, and yet in the moment (as it was in most) it was entirely true.

“Then let’s get you drunk!” Quin exclaimed with great enthusiasm, telling the bartender to bring some drink Obi-Wan didn’t hear and soon was forcing him to down shot after shot after shot. Tonight Obi-Wan was walking on air, not even caring about the terrible techno music or the fact that Quin had left to dance with Aalya, but tomorrow Obi-Wan would regret it.

Anakin Skywalker didn’t mind at all the fact that he could see into the man across from his apartments kitchen, and he didn’t care that said man could look into his. Anakin found no reason to be embarrassed by it, he knew that would happen when he got the apartment and didn’t care if the mystery man could see whatever he was doing whenever his blinds were open. When they made eye contact he always gave a warm smile and got an uncomfortable one in return, and sometimes Anakin would just look over to see the man sitting at his table slumped over a large pile of papers. He was intrigued by the man, wanting to know who he was and what he did. Maybe it was because he seemed to always be in some type of routine and Anakin wanted to know if he had some secret adventurous life outside of his apartment, or maybe it was because the man was just so damned attractive and Anakin wanted him so badly. So what if he dressed like an old man and seemed to be much older than Anakin, he still couldn’t deny his attraction to the man and if he had to opportunity to meet or be with him for one night he would take it.

Of course he wouldn’t put himself out there and introduce himself, Anakin wasn’t going to be one of those people. He wasn’t going to walk over to the man's building with some crappy casserole and a fake smile and ‘be a good neighbor’. They weren’t even technically neighbors, and it would be creepy to do that. Padme always tells Anakin to stop being so scared and just introduce himself, and then let fate take its course. Anakin thinks Padme only says this because she doesn’t want to hear him talk about how ‘hot his neighbor is’ every time she stops by his apartment and can see said man across the way. Anakin didn’t know if he believed in fate or not, but if fate was real then shouldn’t it find some way to introduce them and not Anakin?

Anakin didn’t have time to think about his sexy neighbor though, for he was already late to work and knew some friends were coming over the next night and had to prepare. It was an average night, but their average nights consisted of them all getting shit faced and breaking whatever was near, so he had to hide anything breakable or important before a drunk Aayla got her hands on it and tried to play catch with Barris. He smiled at the thought, even though he always had to clean up the mess much to his dismay, he would never wish away the nights he had with his best friends. Even the hangovers were worth it, or at least that’s what Anakin always said when he wasn’t hung over. Though he didn’t completely mind, because it was always fun getting crap food with Ahsoka the next morning and using their hangover as an excuse to get multiple large fries from McDonald’s. She was always the one who slept over whenever they hung out at his place, Padme always had shit to do the next day, Aayla never wanted the night to end and would call one of her booty calls, and Barris would just throw up and go home. Anakin was thankful for their young age and how they could get away with this behavior, knowing the older he got the more his friends would mature and soon he’d be the only one still acting like a dumb teenager. That was something he hated about himself, all his friends had great career goals and were going to a great school while he just worked as a mechanic and didn’t care about responsibility. One day things would change and he would be the only one acting this way, and that day was what Anakin dreaded far too much.

He wouldn’t think of such terrible things now though, for he was still young and his friends (except Padme) were still immature, and he had no reason to worry about such things while his life was still great in his opinion. So he drank his coffee, admired the man across from him and smiled, and left for his job and awaited the fun that would come soon.

[smashbuddies]

Part Eight: The Tutorial

“For fuck’s sake, just pick one already! We’ve been here all day!”

Daniyal jumped, eyes quickly flicking back and forth between the two suits Daniel held up. Really, there wasn’t much difference besides color. He had a particular style he liked. But that didn’t change the fact that Daniyal had to hurry up and help him narrow his options soon. Lord only knows what would happen if he made Daniel late for his date with Snail.

“I think you’d look nice in both of them,” Daniyal mumbled, hands clasped together and thumbs twiddling. His face was red, and he looked like he really didn’t want to be there. “I can’t decide.”

“This isn’t about what you think,” Daniel muttered. It was almost torture not being able to put his hands on his hips, or make wild, heated movements. “It’s about what Snail would think. I need to look extra nice for them. So put yourself in their shoes and pick one.”

“Well…” Daniyal’s eyes lingered in the outfit in Daniel’s left hand. “They like purple. So maybe that one?” Then his eyes switched over to the other suit. “But I’m sure they’d also like the black one…”

Oh my fucking god.

“Alright, fuck it!” Daniel said, shoving the suits into Daniyal’s arms. “Make yourself useful and hold these. I’m gonna call Snail and ask them myself.”

“O-Okay…”

He grumbled under his breath- “backwater, indecisive pissbaby”- and quickly dialed Snail. It only took them three rings to answer, thank goodness.

“What’s up?”

Daniel froze, having just realized he didn’t think this through. Wouldn’t really be surprising them by looking nice if he outright asked them, would it? Fuck, how could he go about this subtly?

“Nothing much,” he began casually. “Just wondering something, really.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Here goes nothing. “Daniyal and I are having a debate. He says that black’s the most appealing color on other people. But I said purple. So who’s right?”

They hummed, then said, “Fuck, I like both, really.”

“You have to pick one,” Daniel immediately snapped. No way in hell he was gonna deal with two indecisive fuckheads. Especially on the day of his very first actual date with Snail.

“Jeez, okay, umm… Purple.”

“Thank you,” Daniel breathed out. Finally. “Now I can rub it in his stupid face. Anyway, I’ll see you tonight.”

“Right! See you tonight.”

He didn’t miss their tone shift. From casual to almost excited. Even as he hung up, he lingered on it, and let a small smile bloom on his face. It was nice knowing they were just as eager for this as he was.

“So did they tell you?” Daniyal asked, coming up behind him.

“Yeah.” Daniel turned around and grabbed the purple suit, smile still in place. “This one.”

Daniyal stared at him for a moment, then grinned like he’d just seen a chicken, or whatever farm animal bullshit he liked. “Wow. You look so… Happy. ”

Daniel’s smile fell.

“Well, I am,” he muttered before heading off for the dressing room. “You better have that stupid look off your face by the time I get back!”

It was a hassle changing into the new suit, especially since the employee trying to help him was clearly new and a little incompetent. Honestly, he felt a little bad for getting on Snail’s case when he brought them there. Still, he managed just fine, with just a few wasted minutes.

One look in the mirror told him it was perfect. Of course, he looked stunning no matter what, but now he was radiant, mesmerizing, enticing. Snail wouldn’t be able to take their eyes off of him, that’s for sure. Especially once he got in a nice shower and did up his hair. They’d be all over him.

He checked the time on his phone, and nearly died right on the spot. Only a few hours until the date. Fuck, if he didn’t get home ASAP, he would barely have any time to get ready.

After hurriedly getting dressed in his actual clothes- without any ‘help’ this time- he rushed out of the dressing room. As he passed Daniyal, he quickly muttered out a “give that suit to an employee, we have to go” and made his way right to the cashier.

God, this is why Daniyal should’ve just fucking picked a suit when Daniel told him to.

Right as Daniel finished brushing through and touching up his hair, the doorbell rang. Snail. Butterflies fluttered about in his stomach, making him feel a little nauseated. What was there to worry about? He was all sparkling and clean, dressed in his new suit, sprayed with his best cologne. So why the hell wasn’t he feeling more confident than ever?

He got to the door just as it a rang a second, third, and fourth time. Holy fucking shit. Swinging it open, he said, “Don’t break my doorbell.”

“I won’t if you answer the damn door faster.”

Whatever snide comment he wanted to make died in his throat. Wow. They looked amazing. Honestly, he didn’t expect them to dress up or anything, and they didn’t, really. Not by his standards. But by Snail Standards, well… It was easy to tell how much effort they put in.

When he finally met eyes with them, he noticed how pink their cheeks were. Did that mean they were impressed?

“You look nice,” he finally said, leaning against the door.

“Uh, yeah. You too,” they replied after a long moment. Then they looked him up and down several times, for once without any sort of leer or devious look.“So… Purple, huh?”

His face grew hot. “It’s the best color on other people.”

That just made them grin wide at him. There was the Snail he knew. “You trying to impress me or something?”

“Yeah,” he answered honestly with a huff. “It’s our first date, you moron. That’s kind of what this whole thing’s about.”

Immediately, their grin fell. “Right. Yeah.” Their tone went back to being cocky, but their smirk was clearly half-assed. “But you’re always impressed by me, so…”

“Impressed by your stupidity,” he mumbled, stepping out and slamming the door shut. Then, in an unprecedented move, he pressed a quick kiss to their cheek. Just to ease the bite of his insult. “Anyway, let’s take my car.”

“Actually,” they started, face red and looking just a bit nervous, “I wanted to drive there.”

He raised an eyebrow at them. “Why? You don’t even know where we’re going.”

They huffed and crossed their arms, like a kid who’d just gotten their favorite toy taken away. “Does it really matter? Maybe I just wanna let you relax a bit.”

After a somewhat tense stare-down, he scowled and tossed them his keys, which they fumbled in catching. “Fine,” he conceded. “But we’re not going in that piece of junk you call a car. I don’t want people giving us looks.”

Snail didn’t stop grumbling about his comment even as they began driving. Whatever. He just sat back and gave them direction, maybe enjoying the feeling of being chauffeured like this. It was actually pretty nice of them.

“So, how fancy is this place?” Snail suddenly asked, taking their eyes off the road just a second to give him a worried glance. “It’s not… Super expensive, is it?”

“I mean, I couldn’t get a reservation for somewhere really nice on such short notice,” he answered with a shrug. “It’s decent, I guess. But you don’t have to worry about prices. I’ll cover everything.”

The frown on their face grew. “Maybe I wanted to pay.”

“I was the one who asked you on this date,” he reminded them, tone a little harsh. “That’s how it works. If you ask next time, I’ll let you pay. Besides, I don’t need you wasting your money when you clearly don’t have a whole lot to spare. Can’t have Captain Thunderblade going without his good cheese.”

They winced and muttered under their breath, “Keep fuckin’ getting on my case for being poor, why don’tcha?”

Well, shit.

“Sorry,” he mumbled as he looked out the window. There was more he wanted to say. Only it was easier to look at all the buildings and pedestrians than to face them like this. But now the silence was thick and suffocating. His hand automatically went to the stereo, and he just pressed play on whatever CD was in there.

Snail immediately snorted as a chiptune melody filled the air. “What the fuck are you making me listen to?”

“...The soundtrack from Sonic and Knuckles,” he reluctantly answered. At least they weren’t pissed at him anymore.

“Really?” It was really obvious how much they struggled not to laugh in his face. “I didn’t think you were this much of a nerd.”

“I made a show just so I could talk about video games for half an hour each weekday,” he deadpanned, shooting them a blank look. “Are you fucking kidding me with that?”

“Okay, but that’s, like, different than actually buying the fucking soundtrack and keeping it in your car,” they tried to defend, but it was clear even they knew their argument was pulled completely out of their ass.

“Whatever,” he grumbled. The last thing he wanted was to be made fun of something as stupid as this. “I like the music and it helps me focus. So shut the fuck up about it.”

Well, things were a little tense again, but at least it wasn’t quiet. He just focused on the music and tapped his fingers along to the beat. After a little bit, he cooled down and outright started to hum along. And he wondered, did Snail every play Sonic and Knuckles? Maybe he could show it to them sometime.

“Are you humming?” Snail asked, giving him a weird look.

His face instantly burst into flames. He quickly built his defenses up as he snapped, “Maybe. Got a problem with it?”

“No,” they said, as if they were trying to choose their words carefully. “I just think it’s cute.”

That threw him for a loop. Cute?

Before he could question it, they pulled into the parking lot and quickly said, “Looks like we’re here, cool. And I didn’t even crash your car, so that should get me bonus points or something.”

“Yeah, sure,” he muttered, stepping out of the car. “You can cash them in at the end of the date for something nice.”

They just rolled their eyes at him.

Once they got inside the restaurant, Snail got unusually quiet and tense. Of course, they did kind of stick out in a classy place like this. But that was kind of their fault. And maybe a little bit his, too. He could’ve picked somewhere less uppity.

Looking around, he noticed other waiting couples. Mostly girls clinging to their boyfriend’s arms, practically fawning over them and batting their eyelashes. Like hell he was gonna do that with Snail. But maybe there was something he could do to put them a little at ease.

His hand found Snail’s and grasped it lightly, just in case it was too much. But instead of pulling away, they just held on tightly. And honestly, that made Daniel the happiest man on earth.

He only let go once a server brought the two of them to their table. Couldn’t really hold hands throughout the whole date, much to his disappointment.

That warm, fuzzy feeling went away as Snail picked up a menu, took one look at it, and said too loudly for comfort, “What the fuck?”

“Snail!” he admonished in a harsh whisper. “Watch your fucking language!”

“But I can’t even pronounce half the shit in here!” they argued, still not lowering their voice. “Where’s the burgers? The fries? All the good shit?”

Daniel huffed and flipped through his own menu, quickly scanning through it. There. He showed it to them, pointing at the section titled Gourmet Burgers. “It’s right here. You won’t get fries, though.”

They quickly flipped to the page and scrutinized it heavily with narrowed eyed and a hard frown. “These better be damn good burgers.”

After the waiter came and took their orders, Daniel and Snail began to have an actually somewhat pleasant chat. He learned that they were an artist- something that maybe he should’ve known sooner. They talked about some of the things they did- freelance work for whoever paid the right price. It was a living, if not the best one. Thankfully they didn’t go on too long about it. But they did promise him to show off some of their stuff sometime. That was certainly something to look forward to.

Even after their food arrived, they kept up with the pleasant conversation. Although he did have to deal with them talking with their mouth full. No matter how many times he told them to not do that, it seemed to just go in one ear and out the other.

Eventually, the conversation lulled into peaceful silence. Daniel gave Snail the occasional glance, not wanting to get caught staring. As if he would, but they’d sure think so with their huge ego. Unfortunately, Snail seemed to have no shame as usual, and every time he locked eyes with them he found himself growing just a little bit more nervous.

“What?” he finally asked, furrowing his eyebrows together. “Do I have something on my face?”

“Well, you did,” they said teasingly, with a fitting grin. “You know, you’ve got a really nice smile. I don’t think I’ve seen it before. You’re usually all pissy and frowning, like you’ve got a huge fucking stick shoved up your ass.”

He almost choked on his fettuccine. “Language!”

They winced and gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry. But I mean what I said. I wanna make you smile more.”

Oh. His heart fluttered in delight. Who would’ve thought that they could be so sweet? He almost didn’t know how to react to it. So he just raised an eyebrow up at them and said, “Well, you’re gonna have to work real hard to make that happen.”

Their eyes practically lit up. “Is that a challenge?”

“Maybe it is.”

The look on their face grew devious. Like they had a plan. To distract them, he started up a conversation about video games. That seemed to grab their full attention, and he almost let out a sigh of relief.

After a little while, the two of them decided to pack up their leftovers in to-go boxes and head on out. Snail insisted on driving back, of course, but he let them without any argument this time. And the whole car ride back was silent. Just the two of them basking in the afterglow of a successful date.

Much to his delight, they actually walked him to his door. Like a gentleman. He stood there next to them for a moment, wanting to say something, but not quite sure what. Thank you? I had a great time? When should we do this again?

“Hey, uh, I think I wanna cash in those bonus points,” they said, watching him. But strangely, they weren’t looking at his eyes. It took him a second to realize where they were looking.

His lips.

“Oh yeah?” he asked, leaning in closer just a bit and not-so-subtly making eyes at them. “What do you wanna trade them in for?”

They didn’t say anything. Instead, they brought a hand to the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss. Soft, sweet, yet still passionate enough to make him swoon. He melted, returning the kiss eagerly with a pleased hum.

Suddenly, they pulled back. But that break only lasted a second, because he couldn’t resist dragging them back in, deepening the kiss. They groaned and put their hands on his hips. Before he knew it, Snail had him pinned against the door, and they were making out like hormone-driven teenagers. But there was still that tenderness about it that satisfied some affection starved part of him he thought died a long time ago.

Snail moved to kiss along his jaw, soft and slow and teasing, then whispered in his ear, “Do you wanna fuck?”

There was something nice about them asking. He took a moment to catch his breath and cool down before answering. As much as he wanted to, it wasn’t the best idea. “Not tonight, Daniyal’s home. Maybe tomorrow?”

They grinned. “Sure. Just let me know.”

After one final kiss- that maybe he drew out because he didn’t want the moment to end- they wish him goodnight and went on their way. He stood there for a long moment, questioning if the day really did happen. But he could still feel the tingle on his lips from all those wonderful kisses, and the weight of his leftovers sat heavily in his hands.

Almost as soon as he stepped inside, Daniyal was there, grinning, asking him, “So, how was your date with Snail?”

He let out a contented sigh. “It was really nice.”

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 19: i.Zombie Ranting

I wrote this long rant-y thing partially before I watched iZ.ombie 3x03 and partially after—which is to say it started out with a coherent over-arching idea and then just devolved into a straight up spew of barely-coherent anger.

Total honesty here: this is literally 1.6k of me hating on Ravi / Peyton. I don’t want to offend anyone and I also don’t want to clutter anyone’s dash so it’s all below the cut. You’re welcome.

I’m sorry but I’m actually not sorry at all: Ravi/Peyton is the WORST. Why am I supposed to like them? When I was supposed to board this ship?

Was it in S1, when they dated for like 3 days entirely off-screen, so we never got any sense of their dynamic, how they got on, how their personalities meshed?

Was it when Peyton left Seattle, suddenly, for months, without giving Ravi the slightest heads up, on the eve of their big going-away-together date?

Or how about when we did get some actual scenes of them in S2, during which we see them drinking heavily and Ravi regretting it the next day? Because that showed me, first, that they’re pretty incompatible in the one shared activity we’ve actually observed, and second, that they can’t even TALK about their incompatibility. Either Ravi doesn’t let on to Peyton that their drinking together is bad for him, or they’re just not around each other enough for her to have any chance to see its effects, or she does notice and doesn’t care (I assume it’s the second but IDK). In all cases, wow, I’m blown away by the chemistry, real OTP material.

Then of course we get into late S2/S3 territory where the great couple moments just pile on. There’s the time when Ravi is a total pissbaby about a sexual relationship she had when they weren’t even together. Wait, did I say “time”? I meant “times” as in pretty much constantly through the first two episodes and into the third. He acts like an immature little brat during a group conversation, embarrassing both himself and her by association. He’s so up his own ass he doesn’t even answer her call when she needs him—doesn’t even listen to her voicemail! When she was scared and needed a friend. I know, he was distracted by Major before he could listen to the message, but my point is that if he REALLY cared about her, if she really was so “”precious”” to him, he would have just answered the phone in the first place. Because talking to her would be more important than his issues with his own fragile sense of masculinity.

But of course Ravi doesn’t care about Peyton because he doesn’t know who she is. She’s Lawyer Barbie. She’s “precious” Peyton. She’s a series of benign, generic adjectives. She’s not the tough ADA who took on a crime boss pretty much by herself at great personal risk—she’s his sweet fragile Peyton, irredeemably sullied by murderer cock.

Oh and even into episode 3: negative bonus points here for using his “love” declaration—ridiculous because as already established he “loves” the idea of Peyton, not her as a person—as a way of getting his way in an argument he was losing. Way to manipulate the room, Ravi. Not selfish or dickish at all.

I really really hopped on the Ravi/Peyton train when he went to (allegedly) apologize her, started out by telling her that his time was more important than hers—she was literally on her way to a prior commitment, this is during the day, she’s at fucking work—then let his “I’m sorry” slide into “I’m sorry BUT” as if “I can’t stop creepily thinking about you and some other man” was a legitimate excuse for being a massive jerk to her for days, maybe weeks. Yes, he acknowledged some of the ways he was wrong, but as Peyton pointed out, he hasn’t really learned his lesson; there’s obviously still a part of him that thinks this is a two-way apology street, that they both were a little wrong.

I’ll be honest: I’ve never liked Ravi/Peyton. I never thought they had chemistry, and I never got why I was supposed to think they should be a thing (I still kinda think the viewer was supposed to like this couple in S1-S2).

And I’ll be further honest: I was neutral on Blaine/Peyton in S2 but now I’m 100% I-will-go-down-with-this-ship about them and I’m going to be bitter on a deeply personal level if this whole B/R/P love triangle shit ultimately comes down to using Blaine as an obstacle to Ravi/Petyon’s twoo wuv.

I don’t say any of this because I hate Ravi, even though it probably sounds like I hate Ravi a lot. I hate S3 Ravi. But this is all the more painful for me because S1 and S2 Ravi was my favorite character. He’s the nerdy eccentric best friend/side kick figure and that’s pretty much always my favorite character, plus he’s super hot, which is always nice. And I wouldn’t be opposed to a Ravi love interest—like the Ravi version of Clive/Dale, perhaps. (Or at least I wouldn’t have been opposed as of the end of S2, now I’m less sure.) But this side of Ravi we’re seeing in the Peyton story line is pretty much the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. He’s like one big walking Entitled Nice Guy stereotype: he thinks he deserves Peyton because, hey, he’s a good person! Good people get good things! He literally says as much before their make out at the end of S2, which pissed me off because I didn’t think the narrative should have rewarded him for that nonsense.

As far as what the narrative is doing now... I’m confused, honestly. At first, with the first “apology” scene, I was optimistic, because I felt like the narrative-through-Peyton was calling Ravi out on some first class shitty behavior.

But then…at the end… First, I felt like his love confession, as I said above, was super manipulative and I can’t tell if I was supposed to see it that way, or if I was supposed to see it as genuine and, like, relevant. Because even if it were true, it’s not relevant. Does loving someone excuse asshole behavior? Entitlement? Being a bad friend? NO! But the way it was framed, the big ‘surprise’ reaction everyone had, and then when she showed up later at his house all on edge about the state of their relationship…all of this made me think that the reaction of the audience was supposed to be “oh well it all makes sense NOW—he was acting so unconscionably because he was in LOVE and it made him all ~ crazy and shit lol silly man in love how romantic.”

I also severely disliked Petyon’s line in their last scene that the only thing stopping them from being together is him/how he’s acting. First of all, that’s not the only thing keeping them apart imo because they had no chemistry even before Blaine. But let’s just say that’s my personal opinion and set it aside. It’s just a nonsense sentence even if they did used to have a special connection. As if there were only two options in the world, nothing and Ravi, and as soon as Ravi lightens up she’ll just shoot toward him like a magnet because there’s no other possible mate out there for her (I’m not even talking about Blaine, I’m talking about, like, literally any single man in Seattle). As if the measure of someone’s character ISN’T their behavior but like some weird intangible Other Thing, like Ravi’s decidedly a Good Person and a Good Boyfriend except, you know, he acts like a shitty person all the time to her and has been nothing but an immature brat for the space of three episodes but if he just changes what seem to be his new main personality traits and becomes like a totally different person THEN it will be true love forever. As if she were the prize in his personal quest and as soon as he learns to be a Better Man, he’ll get the Pretty Girl because women aren’t people we’re objects to be won.

(I know she meant “it’s you that’s the problem” with an implied “it’s not Blaine who’s the problem” but like I stand by all of this because the line implies that she wants to be with him except for him being a Dick to her All the Time now and I just don’t get that--WHY?? WHY Peyton??)

Like look it’s not that hard: if a guy is consistently a jerk to you like Ravi has been to Peyton, you find a new guy.

(Also not to get tmi about this but my ex-bf was definitely the “omigod I’m obsessed with your prior hookups” kind of person and in my personal experience, this isn’t something someone just declares to be over and drops; it’s the kind of thing that sticks around and casts a dark shadow over an entire relationship.)

Finally, what to make of Ravi fucking Dr. Kupps or whoever? Because first of all I saw that coming. To me, with my reading of this entire situation, this is just another example of Ravi being Bad for Peyton, someone she should drop like so much dead weight. But the way he looked so ~sad after Peyton stormed out, like “oh poor me, woe is me, how could this decision I made myself as an autonomous agent have happened to poor innocent me?”, and the way the camera focused on him for such a long time, made me think I was supposed to see this little hiccup as just another obstacle between Ravi and the Attainment of his Goal—whoops I mean his happily ever after with the love of his life.

I’m not saying Ravi can’t learn and be better. But I’m going to need to see some ACTUAL learning and ACTUAL getting better, not just declarations that he’s cured of his Douchebaggery and some overly dramatic love declarations.

Again, like I said, Ravi was my favorite character for two seasons, so my perhaps excessive anger can partially be explained by feeling betrayed by a fictional person I used to love so much. (Not that there weren’t signs of this before: not just in his prior dealings with Peyton, but in, for example, how he dumped Stephanie the morning after—so uncool man.)

Upside: my favorite character is now Clive, and I don’t think he’ll ever betray me like this.

[zevakritpel]

Hell-Bent: Prologue-- Introducing Our Colourful Cast of Characters

Chapter 1>

Fandom: Kuroko no Basuke

Pairing: Aokise, MomoRiko, Kagakuro, MuroMura, more???

u can find this on AO3 lol

Summary: Adult AU, Criminal Underworld AU. Where Kagami Taiga is a young heir suddenly targeted by 6 rather dangerous members of the criminal underworld (each with their own set of personal troubles), and Kuroko is a bodyguard with a dark past.

Warning: Violence, Strong language, a lil dark and angsty sometimes

[Wednesday. Time: 01:03. Meet the Sniper]

Today's lucky item for Cancers is a steel garlic press.

"Oi, Shin-chan. The target will be moving along the second floor, west wall any minute now. You ready?"

Midorima clicks his tongue impatiently and tenses his bandaged fingers against the cool metal of his M24. He's been lying on his stomach for the past half hour, with the kitchen utensil tucked inside his pants' pocket digging into his upper thigh the entire time. Still, with his intense focus and dedication, comfort comes secondary. Naturally.

Of course he's ready.

"Indeed."

The sharpshooter narrows his bright green eyes in concentration, and continues to watch the movements behind the windows of the building adjacent. His position on this warehouse roof  really couldn't be more ideal. No wind either, and just the right amount of clouds in the sky.

Today's lucky numbers for Cancer: 15- 73- 3- 22- 47

Takao is still babbling needlessly into his ear piece, to the point where Midorima is tempted to turn off the sound of his voice completely. This is exactly why he prefers working solo...no, no. He must persevere. In this case, teamwork is important, especially with Takao 'Hawkeye' Kazunari.

"Alright you've got one shot at this, don't miss <3 "

"I never miss."

It's true. He never misses.

Today's target is a corrupt bureaucrat that got way above his head in his dealings with the underground. Pissed off all the wrong people, couldn't have managed to fuck up this hard if he tried.

Middle aged. 180 cm in height. Dark hair, olive skin. Has until now gone through great lengths to avoid facing the consequences for his greedy actions.

And yet the exact millisecond that he enters Midorima's range, his life is forfeit.

Today's horoscope for Cancers:  You'll soon be faced with new challenges, in both work and romance. Advice: Be wary of those who bring up the past.

Midorima takes a deep, calm breath. His hands are perfectly steady; heartbeat unwavering.

"Man proposes; God disposes" he mutters, then pulls the trigger.

[Wednesday. Time: 02:09. Meet the Fake]

"As expected of a model," purrs the drunken businessman, sliding his fat sweaty hand up Kise's thin blue designer shirt and pressing his fingers against the small of the younger man's back.

"Your skin is so smooth . How nice to be so young."

Kise giggles nervously and starts absently toying with the thick cross pendant dangling from the silver chain on his neck. With his free hand, he fishes the lime out of his gin and tonic, drains the rest of the drink in one go.

"Hehe~. That tickles..."

The businessman practically leers at this reaction, but he stops groping Kise in order to take the empty glass from his hands, and saunters over to the hotel room's mini-bar.

"Another G&T?" he asks, pulling a bottle of Beefeater out of the small fridge.

Kise nods an affirmative yes, then he also stands up and walks over to where his new drink is being poured. His bare feet are light and silent against the carpeted floor.

"I'm so glad we moved to a more...private setting. "

"Me too."

Kise hums with a genuine smile, wrapping his arm around the other man's neck. He keeps at the chokehold for a few seconds until the businessman slumps down, out cold.

Ugh. That was a pain in the ass.

Well, okay. Thankfully it didn't come to that.

Planting one foot on the chest of the unconscious body, Kise readjusts his own disheveled clothing before pulling a few zip ties out of his pocket. One to secure the wrists together, and a couple around the ankles, for good measure.

Satisfied with his job of binding the pervy sleeping man, Kise next has to make a call. Quick dial.

"Are you done?" snaps the irritable voice of Kasamatsu on the other end of the line, without so much as a greeting.

"Easy-peasy! It wasn't any fun at all."

"Fun? This isn't a game, Ryouta."

"I know, I know," Kise lies with a pout, twisting his cross necklace around his fingers.

He does not know. Of course this is a game, that's the only way he can get into it.

"But it's lucky I copied that 'seduction' skill from-"

"'Seduction' isn't a skill you can copy, you tacky bimbo. Airheads like you are just naturally good at that shit, which is why I got you to do this job in the first place."

"KYAH ! Did you just praise m-"

"Shut the hell up. "

Kise's smile widens but the tears in his yellow eyes glisten like jewels.

"Anyways, now that you've lured him in, we've got how many hours until someone notices his useless ass is missing?"

"What is it now? 02:15....He says he's just got a meeting at 13:00 today."

"Perfect. I'm coming over to take care of the rest. You sit tight until then."

Kise hangs up with a despondent sigh. He plops himself down on the older man's stomach, which makes for a nice cushion to sit on. This guy's in for a real world of pain, huh?

The young man slips his pendant between his lips, sucking at the silver cross thoughtfully.

Not that this isn't exciting work or anything (it's not), but....Kise can't help but feel his jobs lately have been pretty lackluster. He's not really putting his special skills to use, fucking over these stupid lechers that get themselves into stupid troubles.

Something good better come soon. Otherwise...

The cross falls from Kise's lips onto his chest. Right against his heart.

[Wednesday. Time: 04:04. Meet the Chessmaster]

[white noise feed]

[Wednesday. Time: 23:52. Meet the Blood Knight and the Book]

"Ahh, that smarts a little."

Aomine spits out an alarmingly thick lump of blood and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. The taste of copper on his lips only further fuels his bloodlust, to the great misfortune of the four men surrounding him.

Not that they're fully aware of this quite yet.

"Listen, I'd love to play mafia with you kids, but I've got some grown up things I'd like to take care of, so why don't you just skip along home-WHOAH OKAY."

After dodging the bullet aimed at his left shoulder, Aomine finds his back pressed up against a brick wall. Behind his favourite nightclub, no less.

"You. You're going to pay for what you did." This coming from punk #3, who would sound a lot more formidable if he didn't look like he was about to cry.

Aomine rubs the side of his face, which still stings a bit from the earlier hit (courtesy of punk #1, who was granted the first number for actually managing to get within face-punching range of Aomine).

"You're going to have to be more specific." he laughs, though he's actually much more serious than his tone would imply.  Aomine is a man who has done many things that could warrant armed pissbabies cornering him in a dark alley under the false illusion that they can harm him in any way.

He tries to mentally run through all the women he's slept with in the past month that could have had jealous lovers; it's too much work, so he gives up.

"Don't play dumb!"

This from punk #2, the gun-wielder, who seems to have realized halfway through that this kind of command is futile on Aomine. He clears his throat to elaborate:

"You've got a lot of nerve showing up in this area after the disrespect you showed our boss."

Aomine squints.

"Our boss.....last night? At the bar across the street? You broke his arm..."

Punk #2 is faltering at Aomine's complete lack of remembrance, but his comrades are growing livid.

"This motherfucker...guess we really should teach him a lesson."

Aomine's heart almost skips a beat when he sees Punk #1 pull a crowbar out of his bag. But his excitement is short-lived: the fight is over before it even begins. It takes less than 3 minutes to curb these shits into the ground and leave them writhing in the same pain and regret their boss experienced yesterday.

Pathetic.

Disappointed, Aomine kicks the unconscious Punk #4 in the ribs one last time, then staggers away from the bloodied scene and wanders off onto the main street.

Before he can brood over his easy win, Aomine spots a familiar someone leaning against a parking sign, waving right at him. That long, silky pink hair, the sweet but kinda shit-eating grin...the unmistakable three sizes-

"Hey, Dai-chan," Momoi smiles, walking up to greet him. She has to tilt her head quite a bit to maintain eye contact.

"I was worried about you after I heard you quit your job, but I'm glad that you're not above picking fights with petty thugs."

Aomine grimaces and covers half his face sheepishly with his fingers.

"Ugh. You saw that?"

"I sure did. Seriously, what the hell happened?"

Aomine would love to answer that. He really would.

"What about you, Satsuki? What brings you to this area?"

Momoi raises her eyebrows, to assure Aomine that his attempt to change the subject is not going unnoticed. However, more pressing issues are at hand.

"Looking for your NEET ass, actually. Here,"

She rummages through her bag--which is full of various papers, as is the lot in life of an information broker--before pulling out a small white envelope and handing it to her old childhood friend.

"What is this?"

"A job offer."

[Thursday. Time: 13:16. Meet the Target and the Phantom]

"Huh? A bodyguard? I don't know what my old man told you, but I can take care of myself."

Kagami Taiga's red eyes are glowing with his usual dose of boundless passion. Passion his family's Head of Security, Riko Aida, wishes he'd put into his studies. Or something. Christ, this kid is such a headache.

"Of course, I'm well aware of your physical prowess and fighting skills, Master Taiga. However, I'm afraid that, given the exposure of your existence as heir to the Kagami empire and...well, other matters-"

Riko pauses for a moment, taking a peek at Kagami's expression, which, though indignant, does not show that he picked up on the poorly explained set of circumstances. Like at all.

"Aside from the usual thugs, I have reason to believe a rather notorious, skilled set of people will be hired to come after you."

"Let them come," Kagami  states rather fervently, slamming his open palm against Riko's wooden desk.

"I'll take them on."

Riko goes through physical pain in an attempt to avoid rolling her eyes. The attempt fails. Her patience has evaporated.

"Alright, well good luck with that. I'm still going to assign a 24-hour guard for you."

"WHA-?!"

"Lower your voice, you brat! He's worked in the underground since a young age, and has a lot of connections with these types of people. Be grateful to me that I'm not putting you on lockdown until this whole thing blows over."

The young Kagami is far from thrilled at this outcome, but even he can see there's no hope of winning this round. He sits back down in his chair with a small grunt of dissatisfaction, crossing his arms over his chest. A little petulant and overexcited, but always respectful. Riko doesn't bother to hide her smirk.

"So?  When do I get to meet this guy?"

"Ah, now that you mention it, "

Riko checks the time on her wristwatch, her brow furrowed slightly.

" I told him to meet me in my office before you got here, but it seems he hasn't shown up yet."

"Uh, actually,"

Riko and Kagami both freeze for a half a second, their blood running cold, faces drained of all colour.

Moving by pure instinct, Riko pulls out a loaded handgun, ready to fire, while Kagami is already up and wielding his chair like a weapon. Both natural fighters are completely ready for bloodshed...until they register the source of the voice.

A small, pale young man, roughly Kagami's age, is standing at the back of the room, right under the small framed portrait of puppies Riko nailed to the wall a couple of weeks ago. (It used to sit on her desk, but Kagami kept covering it every time he came in through the office, so...)

"H-how long have you been there?"  Riko, who has seen the carnage of multiple battlefields, barely stutters out.

"I was here the entire time." the stranger responds in a soft matter-of-fact voice, as if that isn't one of the creepier answers he could give.

Kagami gently places the chair back to its rightful place on the floor, pretending like he isn't suffering from massive heart palpitations.

"You called me here?" adds ghost child...no, no Riko, get a hold of yourself. He's clearly human...he's...

"OH. You must be Kuroko??"  Riko, finally having regained her composure, extends an arm of welcome as he nods yes.

"You really... should've said something haha. please, take a seat."

That's him? The Kuroko Tetsuya, the notorious 'Phantom'??? But he looks so...frail. He's clad a white button down shirt and grey pants, neither of which could seem to be hiding some hidden muscle-definition. His skin is very pale, very anemic-looking. This can't possibly be...

Kuroko blinks back at Riko with his large, pale blue eyes. Though he appears expressionless, Riko can't help but feel a certain level of scorn emanating from this man. He's judging hard for being judged hard.

That's fair.

Riko chews at the nail of her thumb for one contemplative second,then decides to roll with the benefit of the doubt.

"Alright, Kagami Jr. This is the man who'll be sticking to you for the next...little while. Meet your new shadow."

"Eh?"

Kagami looks down in disbelief at the tiny pale blue creature that has just been assigned to protect his life.

A very small, very cold little hand places itself inside Kagami's own.

"Nice to meet you."

"You have got to be fucking kidding me..."

[Thursday. Time: 17:08. Meet the Reaper]

"Atsushi, you've got like fifteen missed calls. Please just answer your phone."

Murasakibara could answer his phone, but...he could also just shove another fistful of all-dressed chips into his mouth and not answer anything that remotely sounds like work.

"Atsushi...please. I think it's urgent."

Don't worry. Murasakibara makes sure to chew his food properly. It's better for digestion.

////

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