#called the DR about some pain that doesn't seem to be getting better with the meds he prescribed

[aurora-watching]

🙃

[roosterforme]

Always Ever Only You Part 12 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Asking your friends for help when you need it is starting to feel good instead of scary. Even listening to Cat open up doesn't sting like it once did. Bradley starts to have an ominous feeling about his upcoming mission, and when the details are revealed, he's left wondering what his career will be like in the future.

Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff

Length: 4400 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Always Ever Only You masterlist. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32

There was truly something to be said for the way you felt after you talked to Dr. Genevieve. Even though your period was a few days late, and you had been holding out hope, you didn't go quite to pieces when it did end up starting. Sure, there were some tears as you opened up a new box of tampons, but you didn't dwell on it as much as you had the past several cycles in a row. 

In fact, when you thought you couldn't take the physical pain of your cramps and the mental pain as well, you called Maria. You told her that you didn't want to be alone and asked if she could stop by. And she came over with a backpack and some donuts. 

"What's in the bag?" you asked as you bit into a Boston cream. 

"Clothes for tomorrow," she replied, petting Tramp while she ate a chocolate donut with sprinkles. "I figured I could sleep over."

"You don't have to," you whispered, now feeling a little embarrassed. 

But she just shrugged. "I've been a little lonely, too. My new roommate has never been as fun as you were."

"Nobody is," you added, biting into a second donut. You figured you earned it, since you'd started to get back on track with what you were eating. "Thanks for joining me in the cafeteria at work."

"Thanks for actually coming to lunch. Cam is hella boring to eat with every day."

You groaned and headed for the couch with a bottle of wine. "Ugh, I left you hanging with Cam. I'm sorry." You were going to be better about taking care of everything. Yourself, your marriage, Bradley, and your friends. 

Maria just laughed and followed behind you with two glasses and a corkscrew. "I love him, but he's still a dude. And just inherently dumb. He can't help it."

The girl talk ended up spiraling into a great weekend, and when you went to work on Monday morning, you still felt good. And Bickel had been a saint, not acting weird or giving you too much distance at all since you broke down hard in his office. Sure, maybe he was asking you how you were feeling with a little more frequency, but he kept your workload the same and never questioned anything you handed in to him.

And then there was Cat. Since you kind of blew the Jake thing up in her face, she'd been very quiet. Jake was still claiming nothing was going on now, but you'd never have been able to get an answer out of Cat one way or the other. And now you were thinking maybe you should have just minded your own business. Because Jake seemed melancholy, and he hadn't actually ended things himself even after he learned about Uncle Hondo. 

"Good morning," you said to Cat later in the week when you walked into the lab. She seemed surprised you were greeting her.

'Hi," she responded, slipping back into her usual state of calm immediately. "If you're about to ask about the calculation set, I'm almost done. I just need another hour or two."

"No rush," you replied. "Um, actually, I was wondering if you wanted to join me for lunch today?"

She eyed you skeptically. "In the cafeteria?"

You shrugged. "Or my office?"

When Cat didn't respond right away, you wanted to kick yourself. But then she said, "I feel like you and I just keep getting off to bad start after bad start with each other. I'd like to eat with you, but I don't want to go down to the cafeteria. At all. Just looking at Lieutenant Seresin makes me want to hide."

"Care to elaborate?" you asked cautiously. 

She just smirked. "Sure. Over lunch. In your office."

---------------------------

Bradley had stripped down to his underwear and gym shorts, and he was currently trying his hardest to meditate on his bed. Bob had spent the last several weeks patiently trying to explain to him exactly what went into it, but Bradley would reach a state of calm and then inevitably get distracted. 

He cracked his eyes open to see Bob in a state of complete relaxation on his own bed. Something about this just didn't work as well for him, and his brain was buzzing, so Bradley reached for his notebook instead. There were too many things he wanted to write down. It felt like he wasn't going to be able to stop emptying out all of his feelings now that he started, and after several weeks, the notebook was mostly full. 

The desire to be at home was overwhelming. Thinking about eating homemade Marry Me Rooster with his wife perched on his lap was all that was getting him through this deployment. As soon as he was home, he'd make sure you knew exactly what you meant to him. There were no conditions on his love, and he was embarrassed and crushed that maybe he made you think there were. 

He only had a few more weeks to go. But things with the mission were looking abysmal. Slayer and Charmer were getting worse to deal with by the day, and the way the admirals praised them was beyond ridiculous. Like the shiny, new aviators were somehow better than the ones with more experience. Like Bradley, Nat and Bob couldn't keep up now. It was hard to keep believing that the admirals would actually put the best team together to complete the mission. 

"Wow," Bob suddenly said, stretching his arms over his head and removing his glasses. "That was a great session."

"Yep," Bradley agreed, nodding as he scribbled in the notebook. "Really good, Bob."

But the other man was already pulling the bedding up to his shoulders, and Bradley knew he'd be asleep soon. "Good for you," he muttered, returning to his notebook. 

Nat and Bob were so good to him, this deployment should have been a breeze. And it had improved since he got to talk to you over facetime in the commanding officer's quarters, but he thought he'd go ahead and start a countdown in the notebook anyway. Just eighteen more days until he should be arriving back in San Diego. And he was hoping like hell he would get to call you again before then. 

But a few days later, he still hadn't been selected for another facetime session. And Bob and Nat got called out onto the tarmac after dinner for a repairs inspection that was performed on their Super Hornet. So Bradley headed to the gym for a workout by himself, and the room was thankfully fairly empty. He put in his ear buds and got out his phone. He selected the playlist you made for him last year called This is what a gym playlist should sound like, Bradley and he smiled. 

Pretty soon he was sweating, working his way through some bicep curls, when he saw Slayer out of the corner of his eye. He would ignore him. No problem. Only two weeks left to go. Only a few more days until the mission. "Do not engage," Bradley muttered to himself. 

But of course he couldn't control what Slayer decided to do, and the idiot wandered over toward him. And then he snatched his phone off of the bench, and Bradley was on his feet immediately, still clutching the fifty pound dumbbell in his left hand. 

"What the hell do you want?" Bradley asked, plucking one ear bud out. "It's bad enough I have to see you in the classroom all day."

Slayer just laughed, and Bradley realized he was staring at his lock screen. "Just wanted another look at your wife. How much younger is she, old man? She got a grandpa fetish or something?"

Bradley's fingers tightened around the dumbbell, and he wished he'd given more of an effort to meditating with Bob. 

He was seething. And then Slayer asked him, "You know what? Why don't you just give me her number so I can keep her warm next time you're out of town?"

Bradley had to fight the urge to throw the dumbbell at him. "You talk an awful lot for someone so stupid."

"And you strut around like you own the place for something who can barely fly."

Bradley's blood was boiling now. The admirals had pumped these kids so full of bullshit, there was going to be no arguing with him. Instead he snatched his phone out of Slayer's hand and pocketed it. "And you're slow as shit versus an old man. Now get back to your bunk, it's almost curfew for the children."

Slayer smirked at him as he backed away toward an empty weight bench. "Just wait. You'll see."

--------------------------

You had made it this far, you could make it two more weeks. But you got your period again, right on time. And you knew it was ridiculous to get choked up when you had to get the tampons and pads out again, because Bradley wasn't even home. You hadn't had intercourse since he left six weeks ago. You knew there was no way. But just the idea of knowing another cycle was ending had tears stinging behind your eyes. 

When you heard the doorbell, you quickly washed your hands and rushed out to where Tramp was practically howling at the front door. "Chill out," you told him. "You'll be happy. You loved him last time."

"Hi," Cat said as soon as you opened the door, and you saw Hondo pull away in his green Chevy. Jeremiah was in her arms, and once again, he smiled when he saw you. Things at work were a lot better, including having several nice conversations with Cat.

"Sorry, little guy," you said softly as they came inside. "No Rooster this time."

Cat laughed. "I think your dog will suffice. He loves animals."

When you closed the door, you watched Tramp follow them over to the couch, and then he started licking Jeremiah's little hands nonstop while the baby laughed. "If he's annoying, I can put him out back for a bit."

"No," Cat said as she and her son both laughed. "This is great." And then Jeremiah broke free from her arms and stood with both hands on Tramp. And you swore your dog had never been happier either. 

A little pang of sadness struck your heart as Tramp looked all too delighted at the attention he was being given. You were searching for a safe topic of conversation. Cat had been joining you for lunch on occasion, which was great. But now you found that you had so many friends, you needed to juggle your time with them. Cam and Cat were a little awkward around each other. And Cat wouldn't tell you exactly how she felt about Jake, but you knew Jake was sad and Cat was avoiding him.

So you asked her, "You still feel like hiding from Jake at work?" It seemed like a safe enough topic, and you almost laughed when she covered her face and collapsed dramatically against the arm of the couch. 

"Please! You keep asking me about this!"

"I'm curious by nature," you claimed. "And you never really told me anything."

She glanced at you as Jeremiah went crawling across the floor after Tramp. "I'm still embarrassed that I even kissed him in the first place. Uncle Bernie and I had it out several times about all the push ups, but he was just trying to take care of me. And I know that sounds like an excuse, but... keeping someone like Jake away from me is probably his top priority while Jer and I are living with him."

You tried to keep your composure, because you and Cat seemed to finally be getting along, but you just couldn't understand why she wouldn't give Jake a chance for real. "He's a good guy, Cat. God... I can't even tell you how many times he's helped me out and made me feel safe."

She turned to face you where you sat at the other end of the couch. "He's exactly like my ex husband. A cocky, handsome aviator who is too smart for his own good."

You shrugged and kind of nodded, because that definitely sounded like Jake. "Well whatever your ex did to piss you off, I doubt Jake would be the same. Are you afraid he won't accept Jeremiah?"

She swallowed hard. "I'd rather not even find out where he stands on his opinions about my son. And listen, there's a reason why my ex husband never met Jeremiah. And it's the same reason I never let him know our son's social security number or where we ran off to. I'm sure he has a hunch that I was able to transfer to Top Gun, but Mike is definitely too scared to come sniffing around for more while I'm with Bernie."

You shook your head in confusion. "Come sniffing around for more of what?"

"Money," she said simply, but her jaw was set, and she looked ready for a fight. And you should have probably known all along that there was more than what she had told you over the past few months. You were pretty sure you were the only one who even knew about Jeremiah, besides Bradley and Cam. And if Cat was the type of person who took their time opening up to people, you were surprised that you were the one she was talking to about this.

"He wants your money?" you asked softly. 

Since she borrowed your car, you knew she didn't have one, and she said that she was broke. But your jaw dropped open when she said, "Mike was dishonorably discharged from the navy for showing up to work drunk and drinking while on base. He tanked his own career, and nobody in Annapolis could even look at me the same after that."

"Why would he do that?"

She laughed, but she looked like she was going to cry. "Because I told him I was pregnant."

Jeremiah was laying on his back now while Tramp licked his neck, and he was giggling up a storm. "I'm so confused," you told her. "He didn't want you to get pregnant?"

"Well he told me he would be happy to have kids. But by the time I told him I was pregnant with Jer, he had already opened four credit cards in my name. He had already lost all of our savings. And he knew I was going to find out about all of it as soon as I mentioned us opening a bank account for our unborn child."

"Oh."

When she met your eyes, she shook her head. "He has a gambling addiction." You watched as she wiped at her cheek. "I used to own a beautiful house," she said, glancing around longingly. "I had a car. He and I had money saved. But he managed to lose all of it, plus the credit card advancements in my name. I owe more than half a million dollars in money that I didn't spend. Money that I never saw. And that doesn't include what I've paid to my lawyers. Mike did all of that while I thought we were building a life together."

"Holy shit," you whispered. You felt nauseous just thinking about it. And you were suddenly even more thankful for Bradley.

"So yeah... cocky, headstrong aviators might be my type on paper, but I can't get involved. And I'm sorry I was leading Jake on. But, it's not just him. I can't get serious with anyone when my life is a trainwreck that I will never be able to recover from. I'm going to be spending the rest of my life trying to make sure this doesn't all fall to him," she said, nodding toward where Jeremiah was now crawling back toward the couch with Tramp following right behind him.

"I'm sorry," you whispered. "I don't know what else to say except that you didn't deserve any of that, and neither did Jeremiah."

She reached down to scoop him up into her arms as he yawned. "Yeah well, I hope you're smarter than me. I hope you had a prenup."

You sat quietly and watched as she kissed Jeremiah's forehead and reached into the diaper bag she brought with her so he could eat some cereal. Cat had been honest with you. She told you months ago that she was jealous of you, and now you knew why. You had all these things that you were taking for granted. 

For some reason, you thought she ought to know that you'd been jealous all along, too. "You still have something so good though. Something I wish I had."

She looked at you like you'd completely lost it while Jeremiah ate some Cheerios. "What? A marriage that ended in shambles and a career that is hanging on by a thread? Or the inability to ever have someone take you seriously in a relationship ever again?"

"No. Jeremiah."

She looked at you, and her face dropped. "Oh." And maybe she realized that meant you and Bradley had been trying unsuccessfully, but you changed the subject before she could ask any questions. 

"But that doesn't matter, really. And you know, there are some things we do have control over here."

"Like what?" she asked, and when you smiled softly, she smiled back.

"Jake. I think you might be surprised by him, Cat. I think he'd be good with Jeremiah."

"No," she replied right away. "I'd rather not even find out. Besides, it's already too late with Jake. Even if he was going to stop sleeping around, it's done. He asked me out at least fifteen times. And I said no at least fifteen times."

"If he asked you out again, would you say yes?"

You jumped several inches when your doorbell rang again, and Tramp ran for the door like he was a professional guard dog. "We didn't even order a pizza yet," you said as you stood. But the closer you got to the door, you thought you knew who it must be, and you answered it anyway.

"Angel," Jake drawled, bending to pet Tramp who immediately turned into a puppy again at the prospect of pets from one of his favorite people. "Just thought maybe you'd want to get dinner and head to the Hard Deck later?"

When you didn't respond right away, Jake pushed the door open wider and let himself inside. Then you watched him freeze up as he saw Cat sitting on your couch with Jeremiah in her arms. "Cat."

She looked absolutely mortified as she stood up, but she had nowhere to go. She was reliant upon Hondo coming back to pick her up, and Jake was staring right at Jeremiah. "Jake," she said so softly, you could barely hear her across the room.

He huffed out a short breath and ran his fingers through his hair, past the scar on his forehead from the last time he was deployed with Bradley. You weren't sure what you should do, but then he simply said, "You have a kid."

Cat's chin was in the air again, and you knew she wouldn't let Jake or anyone else say one negative thing about that child without consequences. "His name is Jeremiah."

"Jeremiah," Jake repeated, and two sets of matching dark eyes were looking right at him before Jeremiah yawned and fell asleep on his mom's chest. "He's adorable."

Cat sank slowly down so she was sitting on the couch once again, and she looked like the fight was gone, almost like she was exhausted now. You nudged Jake in the ribs and then reached for Tramp's leash where it hung near the door. "I'll be right back. Just going to take him out." But nobody was listening to you. Once the leash was clipped on his collar, Tramp pulled you out onto the front porch. You caught one last glimpse of Jake taking up residence in the spot on the couch you'd vacated, and then you closed the door.

You puttered around the yard with Tramp before deciding to just walk him down to the beach and back. But the early spring air was chilly when the wind picked up across the sand, and you wished you'd taken a minute to grab Bradley's sweatshirt from the hook as well. 

Playing a comparison game in your mind would get you nowhere, you knew that. Everything Cat told you was completely fucked up, but she had to know how that Jeremiah was worth it. And you knew that Bradley was enough, even if it was just the two of you. But now you were a little worried about Jake putting his foot in his mouth. 

When you hustled back down your block, shivering as the breeze picked up some more, you saw that Jake's car was still in your driveway. And when you cautiously let yourself back inside with Tramp, you found Cat and Jake sitting very close together on the couch. And Jake was holding Jeremiah while he slept.

-------------------------

Bradley knew it would be a short call. The mission was scheduled for a few days from now, weather depending. But if he was allowed even five minutes with you, he'd take it any day of the week. 

When you answered his facetime call, you were sitting in your office with your lunch in front of you. "Roo!" you gasped, dropping your fork into your burrito bowl. "I miss you!"

"I miss you, too, Sweetheart."

He watched as you turned to someone off screen and said, "Okay, thanks."

"Who are you eating lunch with?"

"Cat," you replied quickly, and he was a little surprised by that answer. "She just stepped out into the hallway so we could talk. Please tell me you'll be home on time, Bradley."

He smiled and said, "Haven't been notified of any changes, so I think so. Please tell me you got plenty of hot sauce in there."

You laughed and tipped your lunch so he could see all of the green hot sauce. "Absolutely. You know how I like it."

"I do," he replied softly as he examined your face. Beautiful. Just gorgeous. And you looked so much happier now. You looked like you'd been sleeping better. 

"I wish I was sharing my lunch with you."

He nodded. "I've been thinking a lot about our dining room. And how it feels so good to hold you on my lap while we eat a meal off of one plate."

You gasped softly. "I've been thinking about that too." When your eyes drifted closed, you added, "And how you wrap your left arm around me and kiss my neck while he eat."

"Baby Girl." His voice was raspy, and he was aching to be with you right now. "We'll do everything." 

But he only had one more minute with you, and he wanted to know how you were doing. When he asked, you said, "I can tell you when you get home. Tell me about the mission."

"I can't say much. Teams get selected tomorrow morning. Flight is weather dependent. You know the drill."

"I do. I just want you to be safe," you told him softly. "Need you to come home."

"I'll be there so soon. I love you."

And after that, he still felt so good as he got to the classroom a few minutes early the next morning. Admiral Dean smirked at him as he took his usual seat, and the room started filling up. Other than the fact that he had to stare at the back of Slayer's head, he was ready to get this mission in the air and get home.

"As you well know," Admiral Dean started, "the final details will not be set in stone until the day of the mission. So we are left with two options, and we need to be clear on both of them. Option A: the two teams will fly in formation and strike the communications tower first before proceeding to the enemy base. This is the preferred option as we would be removing multiple streams of communication first, but we may need to switch to an alternate flight path if they have too many aircrafts in the air. So that brings us to Option B, in which you will strike the base first and then loop around to the communications tower."

Bradley's brain was literally numb from listening to this information over and over again. He understood the importance of what needed to be done, but this was overkill now. When he glanced at Nat, she looked like she was on the verge of falling asleep. Until Dean spoke again.

"If there are no questions, that brings us to team selections. Four aircrafts will be flying this mission. We've chosen the best, and I am already convinced of the success of this mission. The teams will be as follows: Slayer will be paired with Phoenix and Bob."

His heart sank. Shit. That was supposed to be Bradley's pairing. Fucking Slayer. But it probably didn't matter too much if he was flying alongside a different two-seater, just as long as he was in the air with his friends. Really, all four aircrafts were responsible for keeping each other safe, so he wouldn't be too far from them at all. 

"And the second team will be Charmer paired with Terror and Mack."

It took a second to register. But slowly, it seemed like everyone in the room was turning to stare at Bradley. Admiral Dean looked smug. Nat and Bob looked distraught. And Slayer looked damn near delighted. Then Charmer turned to him and laughed. 

And Bradley had the fleeting thought that his career was over. He was the oldest aviator in the room by a few years. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was falling short with proving himself in the air just as he had been messing things up on the ground with you. And that sick, embarrassed feeling in his stomach was there to stay as all those thoughts took up permanent residence in his mind.

-----------------------------

Oh. That stings. That really hurt my feelings. Bradley could fly circles around them. And how do we feel about Jake? Cat? Jeremiah? Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 13

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[rubberduckyrye]

I cannot stress to you how important it is to me as a viewer of DR stuff that an execution isn't just tied to the talent of a student, but more so to what causes them the most despair.

One Fan Execution that I really like (though it remains unfinished) is this Rantaro Execution called "12 Strikes to Midnight." The execution might not be as polished as, say, an execution like "Deep Fried Teruteru" but the fundamental aspect of personalized despair is what makes the unfinished, unpolished fan execution far more interesting to watch.

The Rantaro Fan Execution plays witht he aspect of Time and how Time is Running Out for Rantaro to find and save his sisters. Each minute, each hour, one of them dies a painful and horrible death, until Rantaro is finally killed after he witnesses all of his sisters die. His deepest regret involves his sisters going missing, which encouraged him to become an adventurer--and the aspect of the clock is used incredibly well here.

Compare that to Teruteru's execution now--he gets caked up in egg and flour and deep fried in a volcano. Sure, that's a horrible way to die, but... what does it say about Teruteru's deepest despair? Does he hate fried food for some reason? That doesn't seem like a very solid despair to use to bring about the worst kind of emotional agony in a blackened during their execution.

Despite Teruteru's execution being better animated and polished, I find myself far more interested in the fanmade Rantaro Execution, because all in all, if your Executions are at least a little bit of a character study, you're probably doing it wrong.

[russellsppttemplates]

Hi, can i request a blurb about pierre where his gf suffers from chronic migraines? :( i need this in my life

Note: if you suffer from migraines, I hope you're feeling better!

Cw: migraines and theyr symptoms, emergency room

Work mixed with travelling to enjoy the last few moments alone with Pierre before the season began, which brought you very little sleep triggered a massive migraine. Pierre found you in your shared bedroom with all the curtains closed and covers pulled around you, already assuming you hadn't been feeling that well since you asked him for some painkillers on his way home from his training session.

"Amour, what's wrong?", he said at his regular voice tone that, right now, seemed like he was screaming, the groan you let out concerning him even more as he approached you. Searching for his hand on the mattress, you spoke quietly, "I'm having a terrible migraine", you explained, Pierre weighing out your options and opting to get some flannels from the bathroom a little soaked in cold water and resting them on your head.

"Do you want some snuggles? I don't want to make it worse for you though", he whispered, "yes, please. Just let me lay on this side so it doesn't hurt as much", you whispered back, having managed to drink the tea he made for you and appreciating how his fingers kept running lightly through your hair, his kisses on your head attempting to help the pain.

When morning came around and you were bent over the toilet, pouring the little food you managed to keep down out and the meds didn't seem to be working, Pierre took matters into his own hands, "I've seen your migraines before and they're never this bad", he said.

"Call Dr. Martin, her contact is on my phone", you whispered, wiping your mouth while he went to call your doctor. Coming back to you, Mick laced your fingers in his, "Dr. Martin said that we should go to the ER, she's on call today and can see you", he said, earning a small nod from you as he helped you to the bedroom.

Sitting you on the bed, he helped you rid of your clothes, his touch delicate and soft as he helped you change out of your top and into one of his comfortable hoodies and one of your sweatpants, "all done, my love, c'mon now, gently", he said as he helped you make your way downstairs to the car and carefully drove to the hospital.

The admission was pretty quick and after checking you, you were prescribed a stronger medication and while you waited for it to kick in, Pierre was holding you against him, checking every now and again with you on how you were feeling, giving you your juice and encouragung you to drink a little bit, his lips not leaving your skin for long as he peppered little kisses where he could reach.

When you were back home and feeling a lot better, actually able to keep the homemade soup down, you were cuddling on the sofa, your smaller headache allowing the quiet lullaby of one of your boyfriend's playlists to actually soothe you as you tried to show him how thankful you were for him, "I love you and I only want you to feel good, I'd do whatever it takes to make you feel better", he whispered lovingly.

(Thank you for submitting an ask ✨️)

[iguessitsjustme]

I don't think Diew is getting enough credit for how good of a communicator he has been this entire show. I know God is upset right now because he thinks Diew is just going along with him and isn't saying when he doesn't want to do something, but we have been shown time and time again that Diew does not do things that he does not want to do.

From the very beginning, Diew has had no problem establishing firm boundaries. It's the main reason that we all call God a giant green flag. Because some of Diew's boundaries could have been ignored and called ridiculous, but they never were. God went out of his way to make sure he did not see Diew face to face because he knew Diew was not ready for that. And he knew Diew was not ready for that because Diew had clearly communicated and established his comfort level.

We even see it outside of their relationship when Diew tells Jane no. Even after being pressured by her. Even after she bullies him. He tells her no. He also tells her that he does not view friendship the same way she does and he's perfectly happy with the few close friends he has.

Diew and God had a wonderful conversation last episode when God was making Diew uncomfortable with how he was treating him while on their vacation. Diew waited until an appropriate moment when they were alone to bring it up and God sat and listened. Even if he felt a little defensive because no one wants to be the reason their loved one is uncomfortable, he listened, he apologized and he fixed it.

Which is why it was so painful to see Diew incapable of communicating to God when it came to Dr. Pee. We all watched those flashbacks and know how poorly Diew was treated by that man. But I think the most telling thing for how badly it affected Diew and how much he still struggles with it is that he did not tell God. Not because he didn't want to, but because that hurt is still so deep that he could not.

God has every right to be upset. Not only does he have Pee telling him falsehoods about Diew and how Diew just goes along with whatever which tugs and one of God's insecurities, but God also does know that Diew lied about how Pee was to him. That one little lie that Pee was just a senior opened the door for God to believe what Pee told him. Despite all of the communication that those two have had, one little worm of doubt found it's way into God's brain and now he doesn't know if he can trust Diew's feelings for him. God still fully trusts Diew, but he doesn't know if Diew truly loves him or loves Pee. We all know, but God does not. And when God gave Diew the opportunity to say anything and Diew did not, the worm buried itself deeper. Then buried itself deeper still when God called out Diew on his lie and made assumptions about the bracelet and instead of telling him anything, Diew left.

What I love about this conflict is there is no right or wrong person. They are both flawed human beings that are hurting because they love each other but they don't know how to approach this issue yet. Because Diew is traumatized by Pee and is shutting down whenever he has to be vulnerable because of Pee but God has no way to know that. So it just seems like Diew is shutting him down and shutting him out. Were there ways that both of them could have avoided this conflict? Absolutely. Diew could have said "This is a hard topic for me to talk about. I want to tell you but I need time to be ready." God could have not made assumptions about the bracelet being given to Diew by an ex. But that's not who they are. They are both flawed and beautiful and in love and sometimes being in love makes things certain things harder and makes people behave irrationally.

But I fully believe that these two can get through this. Please don't break up. And once they make it through this conflict, they will have a better understanding of each other and will know exactly how to handle similar conflicts going forward. Because that's the thing about this conflict. They need to work through it as a team. As partners. And if any couple can do that, God and Diew can.

[tigergirltail]

TIGER HRT CHAPTER 4 - MONTH 3 - GROWING PAINS

First - Prev - Next

Everything hurts.

I started noticing it about two weeks after my first dose. It felt like a dull headache at first, but over the next month it spread to pretty much my entire body.

I had to start working from home, and eventually it got bad enough that I could only put in a few hours of work each day. My boss is a reasonable enough guy, but he wasn't going to pay a full time salary for part time hours, so I had to take a salary cut.

Luckily, my partner is around to take care of daily errands, not to mention being there to reassure and comfort me when the pain gets bad. They've been thinking about seeing if Lindwurm HRT is a thing, but they don't want to get the process started until I'm in the clear and can take care of myself again.

Gods I love them.

The reason the pain is happening, as best I can tell, is that my skeletal structure is already changing. I've gotten at least an inch taller, and my face has been reshaping into a feline muzzle. My teeth are getting sharper, and I'm developing proper fangs. I also noticed a little while ago that my fingernails and toenails had receded into their respective digits, which sucks for two reasons - I can't paint fingernails I don't have, and they are sore as HELL when I put any amount of pressure on them. I have to be REALLY careful with how I type to not inflict agony on myself. I'm also feeling my tail growing in, and even if it hurts, it's euphoric as HELL. A tail was always the part I wanted most out of this.

It's weird, the skeletal changes weren't supposed to happen this early. I've been trying to reach Dr. Erian about it, but he's constantly busy, probably because of the sudden surge of people looking for Humanity Removal Therapy.

Other than that, I've been getting areas of white and black fur coming in - mostly on my arms and legs, but a little bit on my face and ears - ears that are gradually reshaping and migrating. Nothing to report on hearing sensitivity, but I think my night vision is getting better.

I did a little bit of looking around for anyone with similar pain experiences. I got my hopes up when I found a girl, Antonina, who had a painful experience with Cat HRT, but it turns out it's because she took the rumoured Fifteen Minute version. She described the pain as "like bathing in an active volcano".

It leaves me wondering whether I would have preferred a 15-minute lava bath over a months-long full-body headache.

I ended up reaching out to her anyway, just because I wanted to know what I was in for in the endgame and feline HRT is rarer than I thought it would be. Sounds like the prey drive is the real deal - she keeps feeling the urge to bite this one girl who's on mouse HRT.

We've been spending some time comparing notes and getting to know each other. It's nice to know someone else who's going through this thing, even if our experiences aren't exactly one-to-one.

I also talked to my mother for the first time in nearly a year. I went No Contact with her a while back because she was only getting more obnoxious and combative about me being trans, but I figured changing my species is a big enough deal that I should keep her in the loop.

Besides, my savings had nearly dried up and I needed to ask her for money.

It… did not go well. She hadn't heard of therian HRT before, and once I explained it, she started panicking about how I'm "mutilating my body" with "untested treatments". I think I also heard her cry something about how her "son" is "killing himself", which is just multiple layers of insensitive.

At least she sent me some money. Hopefully it'll be enough to last until my transformation stops being agonizing and I can go back to work, and then I can go right back to pretending my family doesn't exist.

At roughly the three-month mark, I have a check-in video call with Dr. Erian. From the moment his face appears on screen, though, I can tell something is wrong. He seems… older, somehow.

"Hello, Miss Alexis.", he offers. He sounds tired. Sorrowful, even.

"Hey, doc." I have to ask about it. "Everything okay? You seem a bit tired."

"Nothing to worry about Miss Alexis, just the ordinary stresses of daily life."

Liar. I know I'm not entitled to details of your personal life, much less your professional secrets, but I know when something is eating at someone.

"…Does the word 'crossroads' mean anything to you, Miss Alexis?"

Huh? That came a bit out of left field. "I've… heard some other therian HRT patients use the term, but I don't know much of the details. Something about a point of no return?"

"Something of the sort." He lowers his head and seems to go from sorrowful to downright grim. "There will come a time, Miss Alexis, when you will have to make a very important decision in your care, and I ask that you do so with great consideration for the consequences."

I recoil a little in my seat. "Yeah… Of course I will. Any decision I make, even reaching out to you in the first place, I don't take it lightly."

"Good… That's good." His demeanor shifts back to his stoic, clinical self. I don't know what just happened, but he went somewhere for a moment there.

"Now then, I did receive your messages, I apologize for not getting back to you. You mentioned you were experiencing persistent and debilitating whole-body soreness?"

"Yeah. I can't even leave the apartment most days, it hurts so much."

"Odd… You are taking the treatment as directed, yes?"

"Of course. One tablespoon a week, just like it says on the bottle."

I see his eyes twitch behind his glasses. Did I say something wrong?

"…Teaspoon."

I cock my head to the side. "Say again?"

"You mean one TEASPOON a week, yes?"

I feel my heart sink. The dark smear on the dosage information… I could have sworn it said '1 tbsp/week'.

"…Could you hold on a second please?" I mute the mic and call out to my partner to bring the bottle of tiger HRT over. When they do, I unmute and hold it up to the webcam. I hear Dr. Erian take a sharp intake of breath as he notices the obscured instructions.

I set the bottle aside and the two of us share an awkward silence.

"So…", I begin. "…How bad is it?"

"The good news", he offers slowly, "is that you have only been taking three times the prescribed dose. An increased dose imbalances the growth rate of the different parts of your body, hence your pain and persistent weakness, but it could have been much worse."

I think back to the so-called Fifteen Minute version, and Antonina's description of it - like bathing in an active volcano.

Dr. Erian continues. "Assuming you return to a CORRECT dose, your growth rates will gradually level out over the course of the next month or so. It is my medical opinion that you should maintain a low-activity lifestyle until then, but you will eventually be able to return to your typical activity level, and you will also find that the physical effects become more… consistent."

"That's… reassuring. Thank you, doctor." I pause. Something I noticed a little while ago has been weighing on my mind. "There's one thing, though - do the treatments have… I guess you'd call them restorative or regenerative effects? I've noticed some old wounds aren't there anymore."

The doctor clicks his pen and brings up his notepad. "Interesting. Do go on, Miss Alexis."

"Well… I used to get lower back pain from a car crash injury I got a little over a year ago, but I haven't noticed it at all lately. Pretty much the only part that DOESN'T hurt… There also used to be some marks on my arm from a cat biting me when I was little." I give a slight smile. "The cat's name was Tiger, go figure."

Dr. Erian is writing the whole time I'm talking. "Yes, that is to be expected. Minor persistent injuries will fade over time as your body re-forms itself to a new baseline, even severe chronic symptoms may fade. If there are no other concerns…"

"Just one… Most of the other therian HRT patients I've talked to have gotten their meds as pills, so what's with the potion bottle?"

Dr. Erian pauses, and adjusts his glasses nervously, as if he's been caught out on something he doesn't want to admit to. "Well… advances in the field are occurring rapidly, and you are one of the more recent patients, so a more… streamlined option was available to you. I took the liberty of choosing the most compatible option based on your medical records, and that bottle is it."

"Okay… But what's IN it?"

"The active ingredients are antihominidone, which is your humanity-blocker, and a specialized formula of felistrogen, infused with white tiger genetic material. The rest of the fluid is a suspension used to dilute the effects, without which you would be looking at a short, but excruciating and potentially lethal process."

The Fifteen Minute version, I think to myself. I'm taking diluted Fifteen Minute meds. There's no WAY this isn't experimental, and I'M the experiment. I despise saying it, but maybe my mother was right to worry.

"But I'm afraid I really do have to go, Miss Alexis, my next appointment is waiting."

"G-gotcha. See ya, doctor."

---

Special thanks to @paintedbytosia for letting me write her in, and shoutout to @megamoonerjenny for coming up with 'antihominidone'

[boabel]

the ballad of songbirds and snakes in the tua universe — basic info for season 1.

this is a little au i thought up with the help of the lovely @softie-rain and @diiwata !!

before i get into the character descriptions, the characters don't necessarily have the same relationships and personalities as they do in tua canon, just ones reminiscent of them (minus the allison/luther incest, which doesn't exist at all in this au because WEIRDD. no incest welcome here. yuck.)

okayy onto the info now!

the siblings —

panlo as number one / spaceboy -> his power being super-strength makes sense to me considering that i headcanon panlo to do the heavy lifting in his industry. i also believe him to be a good, albeit difficult leader. he's dedicated to being "number one" because its all he's ever known. staying up on the moon alone for four years broke him in ways unimaginable – he truly craves company. unfortunately, his unwavering loyalty to his mother (gaul) can make him do the wrong thing for the "greater good", and blinds him to the blatant abuse that both he and his siblings face. however, at his core, panlo is a good person. his loyalty to gaul falters and he finally realises that he is his own person beyond the academy. he's fiercely protective of his siblings and finally starts doing actual good – outside of the realms of gaul's controlling regime.

brandy as number two / the kraken -> district ten's industry involving knives was the reason brandy was my pick for the trajectory manipulation power – also the fact that she kills arachne with that very weapon. brandy has always been rebellious, killing her mentor is such a diego move. she does not stand for the abuse she faces and she's quick to call out gaul on their mistreatment. however, she has a soft spot for who she regards as their "real mother" – a robot built by gaul to tend to the children's emotional needs and care, dr. kay. brandy is a soul yearning for affection and real friendship with her siblings hidden under a cold vigilante exterior. immensely distrusting and skeptical at first but a great, caring person once she comes out of her shell.

treech as number three / the rumour -> treech is well-regarded in the fandom as a theatre kid performer, which is exactly why i chose him to have this power. he can persuade anyone just by using the phrase "i heard a rumour" but at what cost? what of his life is real anymore, who would he be without it? he's got everything he had ever wanted, a family of his own, his dream career; the whole world is mouldable in the palm of his hand. deep down, he knows it's wrong. he thought he had escaped the childhood fantasy of the umbrella academy, now he is back to square one. like allison, he's constantly trying to be a better sibling, to right the wrongs of gaul, but it isn't his job. he just needs some rest.

coral as number four / the seancé -> i chose coral to have the power of seeing the dead because of her relationship with mizzen. imagine this, mizzen dying at the age of sixteen, never to be seen again by any of his family except for her. the ghosts take a toll, and she falls into drugs and alcohol to hold them at bay – just the right kind of numbness to keep the pain of everything (mizzen's death especially) at arms length. she's uncaring of people's opinion toward her and unafraid to speak up about something if she believes it's wrong. her childhood fucked her up big time, that trauma combined with being tortured (by ghosts and commission agents) and losing her one true love (mags flanagan) in the vietnam war is enough for her to start trying to turn her life around. no more drugs, she wants answers from gaul on why the children were treated this way.

bobbin as number five / the boy -> bobbin is tiny & capable in the tbosas book – literal embodiment of number five. jokes aside - i chose bobbin to be the five of the story because he seems to be ready to do anything to get home – this is very reminiscent of five murdering a boardroom full of people to get his family safely back to 2019. they are both determined, always scheming and intelligent. bobbin knows what it's like to lose people – he's lost his whole family once over, he's never letting that happen again, come hell or high water, his family are making it out alive. also the idea of bobbin being able to blink (spacial jump) is cool as fuck.

mizzen as number six / the horror -> mizzen died young, we all know that. he died after losing his innocence, being forced to kill and being branded as a monster for it. this is reminiscent of ben's story, being forced to use the horror as a weapon and being the same as it in gaul's mind. they are both kind young boys who wanted to be something more than their situation. mizzen feels trapped whilst being a ghost – constantly trying to regulate coral's bad decisions, standing powerless, helpless on the sidelines. nowhere to go, no way to change (direct quote from ben that i thought fitted him.) he just wants to be seen, to be loved. to be able to experience, rather than endure. also the tentacle thing made me think of district four.

sheaf as number seven / the white violin -> sheaf, like viktor, is always underestimated. both small and "powerless", their whole lives they've been told constantly of how disappointing they are. how weak, how ordinary. sheaf is tired and angry and lost. she knows how everyone views her, and she's sick of it. she's sick of seeing everyone belong apart from her. a spare part. she falls for any kind of attention at all, even from somebody she doesn't truly like. androcles anderson manipulates her to unlock the powers that she has always had and she loses control. everything leading up to that point made her snap. she slits treech's throat by mistake, kills androcles and ends the entire world as we know it. good for her /j. in all seriousness, sheaf learning to accept her powers with her family is a big thing for her and feeling love, real love, helps her understand that neither her or her siblings were ever the problem, gaul was.

other characters —

dr. gaul as reggie / mr(s) monocle -> this one is pretty self-explanatory, she's the main antagonist in tbosas and has an obvious dislike for children. she has an interest in science and is able to invent new species using her knowledge in biology – much like reggie creating pogo.

dr. kay as grace / mom -> i like to think, like reggie knew the human grace, gaul once knew the human dr. kay and became fascinated by her. kay, like grace, is a scientist who develops too much of an attachment to her experiments – grace with pogo, kay with the jabberjays. i believe, once the human kay dies, gaul would remake her into a robot, seeing her motherly care towards her experiments as the same as motherly care towards real children.

harlow the monkey as pogo -> gaul would 100% be able to create a talking, humanlike monkey. the amazing @felixravinstills suggested that the monkey should be called harlow (as in the harlow's cloth vs wire experiment.)

pup as hazel -> he's definitely soft under a hard exterior. after all of those years of killing with vip, he yearns for normalcy. he also really likes donuts.

vipsania as cha-cha -> i love evil women!!! they're both competitive, vindictive and fight dirty. good for them!

io as agnes -> uhhh this was originally meant to be apollo, but i have other plans for both him and diana (wait till i post my lil s2 info thing!) but yeah i think io fits. she's silly + smart! she works in a donut shop! she birdwatches! she's in love with a man who's a time-travelling assasin! the usual!

sol as patch -> they just have those vibes of striving to help people no matter what. they're still in love with that one person who got them but didn't follow the rules.

juno as patrick -> uhh this was originally meant to be coriolanus but i have a different character that he fits. juno gives salty ex vibes. honestly makes sense. also i couldn't think of anyone to fill this role lol.

androcles as leonard -> serial killer vibes. some kind of connection to sheaf. all that.

mags as dave -> uhhhhh i want an excuse to write tragic coralmags sorryyyyy!!!

fabricia whatnot as the handler -> fashion icons who are terrible, horrible people. five & the handler's relationship is somewhat reminiscent of tigris & fabricia's.

—

chapter one of this fic is coming out soon!! the characters featured in season two/three and who they correspond to will be revealed once s1 is finished (it'll probably be a chapter an episode!)

this fic IS canon divergent, so expect some changes from tua canon. that's all, thank you for reading!

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Helping Hand 7

Warnings: non/dubcon, mentions of divorce, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: Jonathan Pine, 40s reader

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You sit in the sterile waiting room, slouched like a guilty dog as you stare at your scuffed work shoes and cradle your arm. It feels heavier by the moment, the tenderness only growing, and a regrettable crack sounds as you try to shift it. You grunt and teethe down on your pain. Jonathan looks at you but says nothing.

It feels surreal, sitting there beside him, waiting on a doctor. This isn't how you saw your day going. But when did anything in your life go to plan? Twenty years of marriage flushed away for a younger woman and a midlife crises. Working a job meant for college students in your forties. It's all going just so spectacularly.

Your name is called before you can sink any further into self-pity. You get up but Jonathan doesn't follow. You're happy for that at least. He at least is aware of some boundaries.

It's a small office with only a few doctors. You're put in the room to wait some more and when the physician enters, she introduces herself as Dr. Marguerite Garcia. You try to smile and return her basic niceties. It's hard to focus on anything but the agony. She checks your chart and verifies your history before asking questions about your injury.

She nods and sets down her clipboard. "Do you mind if I do some tests? I'll need to feel your shoulder and move your arm."

"Yeah, that's fine. I'm pretty sure it's just a pulled muscle," you explain.

"Sure, but we should make sure," she nears and you sit up.

She lifts your arm and you squeak. She moves it slowly at different angles, feeling around your shoulders and back, then along your neck. Your eyes fill with tears by the time she lets you put your arm down.

"It would appear like a torn rotator cuff. I could send you for imaging to be sure but I'm fairly certain," she grabs the chart again.

"Really? What does that mean?"

"We won't go straight to surgery. Right now, we'll start with the basics; rest, ice, and physical therapy. I will have some exercises printed out for you to do, along with a link where you can find videos. If you like, I can write a referral to a therapist." She continues as she scribbles with her pen, "I'll send you off with some painkillers as well. You seem like you need the relief."

"Oh, thank you," you smile.

"And I'll get you into a sling. Just for a few days to take some of the pressure off."

"A sling?"

"It shouldn't be too much and it'll be a reminder for you to not use that arm," she girds. "Let me just go get that script filled and I'll have the nurse come fit you."

"Sure," you accept as you look down. Great, a prescription, how much is that going to cost you? And you highly doubt they're giving the slings away for free. Just another expense, just another step backwards.

💙

You get the bottle of pills before the nurse sees you. You take one for good measure as the throbbing overwhelms every other sense. Finally with your arm confined and a pocket full of painkillers, you're free to leave the office.

As you come out into the waiting room, Jonathan stands at the counter. He tucks something into his jacket pocket as he faces you.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Um, I think I have to pay for--"

"Already done," he interjects, "better get you home so you can rest."

"You paid? You didn't have to--"

"Please, it is nothing," he waves you off, "come. I'm sure all you want to do is lay down."

He isn't wrong and you're all out of energy. You're not going to argue with another man that day. You're going to let the pills kick in and leave the world behind.

You let him lead you outside and he opens the car door for you. You're not sure it's any sort of gallant behaviour, rather practical as you are down to a single arm. You get in and awkwardly pull the seat belt across you.

He closes the door as you jam the buckle into place and sit back with a sigh. You shut your eyes. You just can't wait to be home. Alone.

You sense the shift of weight as he gets in on the driver's side. He starts the engine as you stifle a yawn behind your lips and open your eyes, a swimming wobbliness in your vision. The pills are hitting harder than you expected. Well, you hadn't eaten much, just coffee and maybe half a cracker.

"You alright?" He asks as the car rolls into motion and you open your eyes.

"Great," you grumble and let your eyelids droop as your head drifts towards the window. "Tired..."

You watch the buildings pass, other cars stopping and skimming by. You lose yourself in the lazy traffic and the dimming blueness of the sky. Your lashes sink further and further, until they meet, and that hot fuzziness coaxes them together. The pain in your shoulder dulls, barely tugging at your consciousness as it fades away.

[novastarrart]

Banban/Devil Headcanons

Just wanna get my thoughts out there so here goes. It's a lot so, there's your warning lmao

*Note: For simplicity's sake I’ll refer to normal Banban as Uthman and the actual researcher/genome donor as Dr. Uthman*

Banban/Uthman:

All the mascots seem pretty tall so I hc him to be like 6'5"?

His tongue hangs out of his mouth constantly, it was done this way to make him more appealing/cute to kids.

That being said, When he's aware, he can keep his tongue in his mouth, usually to talk. But absentmindedly it just sorta lolls out.

He has a form of body dysphoria, being that he sees himself as a human, even when looking in a mirror.

This is why he hates being called Banban and not by his "true" name Uthman (or Adam if he knows you well enough).

However, he doesn't get too angry if you don't know about all that in the first place. Still, he'll correct you with some annoyance (Like he did with Bittergiggle in part V).

He has some memory problems, due to his own memories mingling with Dr. Uthman’s. Sometimes he’ll forget who another mascot is (Like when he referred to Nabnab as “That thing down there”. Or when Sir Dadadoo first appeared: “Hey is that a friend of yours?”)

The party hats hide his horns, this was partially his choice, and partially the researcher's. They were worried the horns would scare the children, so they decided to hide them with something “fun”. He doesn't mind them though, he wants to look as human as possible.

His voice is very apathetic and monotonous, he doesn't have much control over this, it's just natural at this point. Whether or not his donor, the real Dr. Uthman, spoke like this, I haven't decided on. He definitely has an accent of some sort, which he picked up from Dr. Uthman.

He's actually a lot more emotive than he is in the game! Although he does usually default to that goofy smile

He doesn't really blink! He can close his eyes, and has eyelids, but for some reason he just cannot blink. He does not realize this at all, and it unintentionally  scares others.

Thanks to his donor, he's very intelligent and can actually perform a lot of different surgeries and has a vast knowledge of medicine. He obviously uses this to his advantage to uhh open up victims.

He can consume human food and drinks, but it really doesn’t do anything for him nutritional wise, this is more than likely why he feels consistent pain near his abdomen

Hellish Banban/The Devil:

So comparing the models, bro is taller than regular Banban, so he's probably like 7ft tall

Definitely more muscular and stronger, has better endurance too

VERY FERAL. He relies on pure animalistic instinct in this form, although he is still capable of speech if he needs to speak.

Loses his "human" side and gives in to his more monstrous side. Any human memories are probably just gone at the time.

Speaking of which, If you call him Uthman, he'll probably just laugh and rip you apart. He does answer to Devil/Demon or just Hellish for simplicity's sake.

As said before, this feral side is triggered by adrenaline. Usually triggers when Uthman is about to die or is severely hurt (sorta like a Bruce Banner/Hulk sorta relationship).

His horns grow longer and sharper in this form, as well as his teeth. This is... probably pretty obvious why.

He seems to lose his pupils in this form? Uthman's eyes turn all white when he's turned or about to turn.

And that's an indicator you should start running!

Relies more so on his sense of smell, then his sight to find his prey. I like to think his tongue is like a snake which he uses to pick up scents/vibrations (another reason it hangs out).

He can DEFINITELY smell human's organs/blood/etc.

He can probably also pinpoint if something is medically wrong with their organs too (Diabetic, kidney failure, heart problems, etc.). This would be very useful, however he's not really thinking of helping you right now.

He's a lot tougher and can handle being banged/smashed around (Like that fight with Jumbo Josh). He’s VERY hard to kill.

He'll eat any organ honestly, Pancreases are just his favorite! (Maybe they're sweeter due to them producing insulin? Who knows!)

Still has some intelligence, but this is mostly overridden by adrenaline and instinct to eat and kill others. Overall, he doesn’t think correctly when in this form and will do things that are harmful to himself and others without much thought.

Aaaaand that's about it for now? Let me know what you think if you want!

[dalekofchaos]

Things I would change about Life Is Strange True Colors

So after multiple replays of True Colors, I've finally come up with a list of changes.

My other LIS changes

LIS

LIS:BTS

LIS 2

First change would be the logo. This was the original logo and game menu. Just keep the True Colors logo and keep the record in the title and it's perfect.

Compare that to the bland logo we got, it really works better

To help make the game longer, I would've added a prologue chapter where it's about Alex's final days in Helping Hands. We get to interact with Alex's friend Chelsea, see what happened between Alex and Mari, see the reason why Alex wants to keep her power bottled up and tries to get away from strong emotions, get the call from Gabe and end with that final session with Dr Lynn.

In general, I feel like there should've been more consequences to Alex's powers. All we get is Alex beating the shit out of Mac and taking Charlotte's anger away from her turns Charlotte into a husk of a person, and Alex pisses Steph off and of course not telling Eleanor the truth causes her to turn against you. The trailers showed Alex has the tendency to be consumed by powerful emotions and Alex constantly talked about her power like it was a curse. There should've been more build up to Alex learning to control her empathy. High Empathy leading to good choices and good ending while low empathy leads to her friends turning on Alex.

I initially thought there would be more drama like helping Charlotte forgive Ethan. Her pain towards Ethan feels understandable when your loved one's death is indirectly caused by someone who's also dearest most.

Whether Riley and Mac continue their relationship or not, it doesn't feel if there's any impact in it.

Apparently there was SUPPOSED to be consequence for taking away Pike's fear.

"if Alex took Pike’s fear away, when she was down in the mines (apparently in this draft she wouldn’t have been shot by Jed but instead would have found an entrance to the mine another way) Pike would become this “weird emotionless serial killer” and would start chasing Alex around in the mines in order to protect Diane. If it isn’t clear to you by now, the game seemed to have a much darker tone than what we ended up getting in the final game. I’ll leave it up to you to decide if that’s a good thing or not."

Honestly more consequences to Alex's powers depending on our high or low empathy should've happened in general.

I feel like more time should've been spent with Steph and Ryan. To me neither of these relationships are believable. The difference between Alex's relationship with Steph and Max's relationship with Chloe is that we spent a good chunk of the game with Chloe.

And as little time as Max gets with Warren, there is at least some substance with those scenes Max has with Warren. Warren starts up the plot of the game by getting the flashdrive, Warren helps Max against Nathan, Warren offers Max to take mind off things by asking her out on a date, Max can help Warren with his science experiment, Warren helps Max make a bomb, Warren saves Max and Chloe from Nathan, Warren takes the picture that helps Max get back and Warren is supportive no matter what choice Max makes.

Yes Ryan helps Alex in the record store, patches up Gabe, helps find Ethan and we have Ryan dealing with his grief and sorrow of losing Gabe. But that's it. Everything else is obligatory detective work or talking about trails and birds. Ryan is boring.

What we know of Warren

He's a geek like Max

He's into sci-fi, horror and a lot of obscure media

He loves science

He's helpful

a kind and sensitive nature

very shy and insecure and struggles to express and deal with his feelings, so he tries to hide that underneath humor and bad jokes

He's dealt with bullying in the background "knows how to be invisible"

He will ride or die for his friends

What we know of Ryan

He loves Gabe and his friends

He loves his dad to a fault and has good memories of his mother

He protects people

He loves birds n trails

*Cricket chirps*

I'm about to compare screen time between Chloe and Steph. I replayed both games and I counted up all the scenes in their respective games where the player is forced to have an extensive dialogue with them, this discounts optional conversations and interactions that are made of a single choice. I am counting the bare minimum number of times each game forces the player to somewhat meaningfully interact with them. Let's start with Chloe.

The truck scene

The scene talking about Rachel

The conversation after Max attempts to fix her camera, Chloe gives Max William's old camera and they reconnect

The Lighthouse conversation

Reconnecting at the diner

Funtime at American Rust

Train track walk n talk

The Chaos Theory talk in Chloe's truck

"Scary Punk Ghost"/Blackwell Ninjas

Pool

The aftermath of finding out about Rachel

Alternative reality Chloe at the beach

Alternate reality at Chloe's home

Returning to Chloe via Warren's picture

There are a total of 14 meaningful scenes with Chloe not counting optional interactions

With Steph.

Black Lantern conversation

Foosball

The LARP

The investigation after the festival

4 meaningful scenes. That's it. There's just a total lack of content regarding our two romantic options in True Colors, now sure the number of times we interact with a character doesn't necessarily dictate how much we grow to like or sympathize with said character, but it's glaring just how few meaningful interactions are had with Steph or Ryan.

Also, really? Steph and Ryan are really willing to run away with Alex so quickly in the amount of time they've known her? "I wanna spend the rest of my life with you" you knew each other for an entire month, calm down.

And I feel like there could've been more time and substance in regards to Steph & Ryan if the game were longer and were developed as an episodic game in terms of being developed like LIS 1 & 2 were. I felt like they just got all the superficial aspects of a young adult relationship, slapped it all together and called it a day. So yeah more time with Steph and Ryan is definitely needed.

In regards to the Jed & Mr Chen Twist. I felt like it was unnecessary.

Jed as a pawn for Typhon works. The whole Mr Chen being one of the miners left behind and emotion guiding Alex was so contrived and convoluted. Also it changed from Typhon to being an evil and soulless corporation to Jed being the guilty party and I strongly hate the notion of changing the perceived big bad to a lame twist from someone you trust. In LIS 1 it was Nathan and his father as the perceived villains but what a twist! It was Jefferson all along! Now it was Jed. Stop. Doing. That!

And boooy don't get me started on how impractical Alex surviving being shot and thrown down a mine shaft is.

Like if Alex can survive all that, Chloe can survive Nathan's gunshot in the bathroom.

So an easy fix would be Jed and Alex going down the mine together and Jed shooting Alex and leaving her for dead.

Just keep to the "Jed doing "Typhon's work for the devil" Add a subplot that Typhon was responsible for the death of Ann Lucan via lead poisoning or some other heinous crime. Jed and Pike were working together to bring them down. But the mining & Gabe's accidents happened. Typhon gave Jed a choice. Either he goes down with them or he gives him and Ryan a chance to live. He's a puppet, but he's being blackmailed into doing Typhon's dirty work instead of being the only guilty party of being judged. Like Pike, you should've been able to turn Jed up against Typhon in the end despite what he did to us. Honestly instead of Jed, Alex's judgement should've been reserved for Diana's boss Lena.

However, the bit I mentioned about Pike being turned into an emotionless serial killer, What we can do is have Pike purposefully screw up his and Jed's investigation and when the mine accident happened, Pike made everything go away and Typhon gave Jed the deal. Pike takes Jed's place as the hands-on villain, where he was always on Diane's side (because ACAB), and Alex thinks she's taking his fear of Diane, but in actuality, she takes his fear of everything coming to light, so that's what sparks him to take Alex to the mines, then chase her through them to try and kill her. Lena the big bad. Diane was a reluctant party and now Pike just doesn't care and wants to kill Alex to save Diane. Also because ACAB

As for the endings. This reddit post sums up what could've been.

After finishing True Colors for the first time, it felt wonderful. But after I finish the game for the second time, I don't bother to play it again as the outcome is pretty much the same. True Colors' endings don't affect me much emotionally compared to LIS1 & LIS2 endings.

Whether you choose to forgive or condemn Jed, he just broke down into tears in similar way. Unlike LIS2, you can spare Lisbeth's life and let her witness her downfall or have your revenge by killing her; you can spare the vigilantes by breaking them out of custody or let them remain locked or even killed them.

Outside LIS franchise, there're other games (e.g Bioshock 1 & 2, Dishonored 1 & 2, etc) that also gave different endings based on how the players play. Kind merciful gameplay -> optimistic endings; Harsh brutal gameplay -> darker twisted endings.

In LIS2, you can actually transform Daniel into a law-abiding citizen or a career criminal based on your morality choices. Your treatment towards your little brother will also affect the brotherhood.

Tell Me Why is another worthy mention because it's a choice-based game developed by DONTNOD. Despite it's not a LIS game, it's still able to capture similar energy with LIS1 and your choices do matter. Since the game focuses on twin siblings reunited after many years of separation, good choices will strengthen their bond; bad choices will strain their relationships -> their conversations become less compassionate but more awkward.

Since True Colors is about empathy, they should give us different endings depend on how Alex treat people around her in Haven Springs.

High Empathy rewards happier endings like we have in game. Every council members sided with Alex for showing kindness to them. Empathy also increased by forgiving Jed, calming Mac down that earn his respect, helping other people in Haven (e.g a guy who lost his dog, telling two people that they were in love with each other, etc). In the end, Alex would use her power to help people in need, also being kind, merciful and show forgiveness.

The worst ending is nobody believed Alex in the final confrontation, Jed & Typhon got away and Alex was forced to leave Haven and go back to foster care. Harsh reality, some bad people do get away (e.g Chad & Mike in LIS2 EP4; if you chose to hit Hank & steal the camping gear, Hank would be labelled as a 'local hero' in the newspaper in LIS2 EP2). Low empathy would cause Alex abuse her powers to manipulate others, make others look worse like how Alex chose not to calm Mac down.

Second-worst ending is low empathy with nobody believed Alex except Pike. Alex hard-exposed Jed & Typhon that they had to face their crimes in the end. The whole town resent Alex as they were still in denial how their local hero turned up to be a liar, miners losing their jobs in Haven.

Neutral ending is half of the town believed Alex. Jed & Typhon were exposed and the town initially was in denial but eventually accept it. Alex would use her powers to help good people, but manipulate others who are bad (I'll show you kindness if you're kind, I'll give you asshole treatment if you're being an asshole). Neutral may be achieved like Alex calmed Mac down, but condemned Jed.

What bugs me is there are absolutely no consequences for the actions you take in the game. In LiS 1&2, and BTS you can get people killed if you do the wrong thing, you can ruin lives and end relationships if you commit to the wrong choices. There is absolutely no consequences in this game in the end. No matter what you do it ends the exact same way and you get to choose your own happy ending it feels so unearned.

So yeah big things I would've changed.

Helping hands Prologue chapter

Episodes are longer lengths, episodically releases and more development for the game in general.

More negative consequences to Alex's powers

Actual development with Alex's relationship to Steph and Ryan

Keep Typhon as the villain with Jed as a blackmailed pawn

Actual consequences to our choices and endings

[heliosoll]

Jay how do you deal with certain realities that you want to shift to but have circumstance that are vastly different from this reality? for example if you were from an isolated country like NK or a war-torn country and war was all that you associated your country with but now you want to imagine that same country as a peaceful and developed one.

this question might seem weird but it's a problem that several friends of mine who have actually shifted struggle with, they would go to different realities easily but when it comes to situations like the one mentioned above they just fail to shit and mostly find themselves in different realities where the circumstances are still the same.

I have a lot of thoughts about that actually! I'm going to put them under a keep reading section since not everyone will want to see this.

TW: discussion of trauma and mental illness

People tend to identify themselves with their trauma. It makes sense, when things are traumatizing, it changes a person. It can change your personality, your fears, anxieties, how you think about life, how you act around others. It's especially damaging when people are stuck in that traumatized, survival mode for years. At that point, it feels like there's no return - like you'll never be able to get to a point where you don't feel or know that trauma.

And that's not necessarily true, but it's hard to get out of that mindset, especially if you're still living through it. Some people might call this a victim mindset but honestly I hate that, it's really a survivor's mindset. I mean, picture it this way, if someone lived through a zombie apocalypse for their entire life, it'd be odd to see them suddenly switch up and be okay even if you took them somewhere safe. Surviving has become their main goal and so much of what they do, how they think, and how they act is going to be based on survival. Expecting them to just... be okay after that is insane imo. It takes time and healing for people to accept a new, non-traumatizing lifestyle when they've known that pain for so long.

A lot of shifters struggle with this because it's hard to imagine separating yourself from the pain of normal day life in certain realities. If you live in a reality with war or murder or assault, that shapes the way you think, even if you've never personally been through it. It's hard to imagine yourself without the pain, fear, and anxiety that comes with living in these traumatizing realities. People know that they would think and act differently if they never had to deal with it, and that's why it's so hard to get away from it. You're not just shifting to a different reality, you're changing aspects of your own identity and personality.

As for how to actually deal with this, acknowledging it is the first step. After that, it really depends on the person. Some people find it helpful to just stubbornly shift to their DR without thinking about it. Others find it helpful to imagine how they might change in response to a safer, better reality. Or they might find it helpful to get excited about their DR and be relentlessly positive about these changes. And others find it more helpful to address their current trauma, fears, and anxiety before shifting. It really depends on the individual as everyone has different coping mechanisms and thoughts toward mental health.

Personally, I like to be really stubborn about shifting even when I know it'll be startling and potentially upsetting to see a reality that's so much nicer than others. It can make you feel really envious of people who were "born" in these nicer realities and it brings up thoughts of what you're getting away from. It's... not for everyone, but I know that being stubborn and just shifting regardless of how I'll feel later works for me in the end.

For your friends, I'd recommend asking them if they're thinking about the realities or themselves. For example, is it hard for them to imagine a reality that doesn't suck or is it hard to imagine themselves in a reality that doesn't suck? Are they unconsciously identifying themselves with their trauma? Do they feel like they wouldn't know who they are without their trauma? Are they overthinking what a better reality would be like to experience? Just get them to think about what could be "blocking" them so to speak. (obviously, nothing can actually block you - it's all in the mind.)

[yourpalmickeymouse]

Mickey, who would you say is your worst foe?

Mortimer, Pete, the blot, Julius, the mad doctor, or-

.....Other names I can't think of right now.

P.S, is it possible to be asking you too many questions? Don't wanna be a bother!

Hello hatred-n-hav0c,

Don't worry about askin' too many questions. I like answerin' them. Though it may take me a while to get to them all, haha. 😅

As for my worst foe. Gee, that's a toughie. I deal with a lot of terrible people who are all awful in different ways, it's hard to compare 'em. It doesn't help that it seems like every year each one tries to outdo themselves in horribleness.

I mean just goin' the list you mentioned, like Mortimer...

Well... So listen, Mortimer definitely can be a pain in the butt and I definitely wish he would get a clue and leave Minnie and me alone, but I dunno if I would call him my worst foe. To be honest he is more of an annoyance than anything. A BIG annoyance mind you. But nothin' I can't handle. He usually ends up embarassin' himself anyways haha.

Pete on the other hand is a piece of work. He's a big bully who uses his larger size to beat his way into what he wants. It doesn't help that he's a pretty crafty menace. Able to come up with all sorts of new ways to commit crimes and teamin' with just the right person to help him with the job. I've definitely dealt with him way more than I wish and would definitely put him up there near the top of my list.

In fact there's a lot of people I would put up there, Doublejoke with his nasty tricks, Miklos with his frustratin' mimicry, Portis with his immoral experiments (I think this is the mad doctor you are talking about?), Sylvester with his sinister schemes, Dr. Vulter with his harsh cruelty, Ecks, Doublex, and Triplex with their inhumane inventions (they could be the mad doctor I guess), The Rhyming Man with his... evil rhymes... I'm gettin' off track

To answer your question, I really think any of these guys could be my worst foe on any day. Dr. Vulter and the Rhyming Man are pretty particularly awful, but I feel like I don't see them as much. I mean Pete is more of a consistent threat in Mouseton. I feel like he is the one I have to deal with the most. I feel kinda connected to him as if we've been foes in many timelines or some nonsense like that. But I feel like the severity of his crimes varies, and sometimes he could even be reasoned with. I guess that leaves...

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention...

Him.

I talked 'bout him before. But the Phantom Blot is one of the worst. He's a twisted megalomaniac with no sense of morality and just doesn't know when to quit. I have to be vigilant when I am on a case he's involved in, or risk dealin' with a vicious surprise attack or trap he planned for me. I don't know why he specifically makes me feel this uncomfortable, but he just does. Honestly, sometimes I wish I didn't have to deal with him at all. Yet I oddly feel drawn to him. But someone needs to stop him, and I have a better record than most when it comes to handlin' him.

But maybe I shouldn't pick a "Worst Foe". Wouldn't want any villain to read this and try to outdo the others to get the number one spot. 🙄

[woodsfae]

B5 03e14 Ship of Tears previous episode • table of contents

The news from Earth is back, but it's fully propaganda now. 

I'm glad Sheridan's getting to play in the starfuries for a bit. He definitely needs some chill, fun, flying time. 

Dang, it's Walter Koenig! My guy, Bester. Can't wait to see what evil shenanigans he's up to now! 

He's such a good villain. So reasonable. So...off. 

I don't get why the gang are still stonewalling G'Kar...it's ever more fucked up the longer they keep doing it. C'mon, be better. 

I forgot about the new uniforms for a bit but I like them. Looking snazzy! I like the lines and random patch of color. 

I genuinely wonder if Bester intentionally goaded her into hitting him. Glad PsiCorps are against the Shadows...it's a low bar to clear, since the Shadows are against life, but still glad. 

This is a huge enemy-of-my-enemy stretch, though, considering elements within PsiCorps have been directly enemies with B5 interests themselves. Still, cooperation has got to be key against the shadows. 

Wow, this is the biggest fight I've seen Delenn and John have! But seriously for the best to read G'Kar in on all the intel. He brought his intel to them! it's insulting they haven't read him in to their own intel.

Oh shit, they disclosed the existence of the Secret Ship to Bester! That's a hell of a move, as is it for Bester to just plop into the Captain's chair on the bridge. Is that a Star Trek nod? Chekov never commanded the Enterprise in any of the episodes and never sat in the chair, so Bester steals the chair for a second in B5? Cute. 

I gotta pay close attention to Delenn and G'Kar's talk. Delenn's decision to obsfucate was directly because of the Grey Council's decision not to share any info. Delenn's arguing it was a good decision, because if they'd allied openly with the Narns from the beginning, the Shadows would have wiped out the Narns entirely instead of only enabling the Centauri to genocide and oppress them. 

I find G'Kar's reaction a bit...odd. He talks himself around to agreeing with her, which I find a bit shameful of the writers. It cannot ever be a good thing that a people were wiped out without any foreknowledge from supposed allies. Maybe it wouldn't have changed the outcome in terms of life, but who could say what they may have done? 

They have a sort of tractor beam and caught a ship, cool. Weapon's supplies, but it seems to be a person in pained stasis. Dun dun dun.

It's so wild that they took Bester into their confidence enough to take him on the White Star when they're known G'Kar all along and he still doesn't know it exists! Wild, wild set of priorities on information sharing. Bester has been a literally mortal threat to them all, G'Kar has never been a threat to any of them but Londo. And that was fair anyhow. 

A shadow body? Or a different species that's allied? I thought the shadows were multi-limbed, spindly things.

Not just one person in a tube, but over a  hundred! Ivanova called them sleeper tubes, but Dr Franklin calls them cryotubes. 

They have impants on either side of their cerebral cortexes, the lady they were waking up slowly came to screaming and asking why they were doing this. Bester identifies her as "a blip," a telepath who refused to take suppressants or join the corps. This lady is P-11 or P-12. 

And she has a terrible nightmare/flashback to what looks to be three individuals, the same species as the unidentified body they found earlier. Leaning towards species allied with the shadows. 

P-12 lady made herself a nest of wires? And first thing she tries to do is lure Bester in and attack him. Good instincts, lol. And she's in pain, she says. Bester claims she has no reason attack him or sabotage the station by ripping out all the wires, and she automatically shoots at Bester's PsiCorps broach. 

Her name is Carolyn - I guess the shadows already got their hands on her and into her brain? Well that's harrowing. idk what her shared telepathy with Bester was about, even with Bester's explanation. He met her when she was caught and sent to the re-education center, and immediately fell in love with her. Tried to make her experience in the center better...I guess? Bigger quarters and more food. Yikes. And then he knocked her up. No mention of if she had anything to say about that?? jesus. 

Hm, Shadows use people as processing for their ships? They are acting like they've talked about it before, but it's new info to me, and horrifying info at that. 

Bester says his promise to keep her and their baby safe is the only promise he's ever made that he meant a damn. And that if they can help her, he's 100% on Sheridan's side. Handy! If they can pull it off and get those next level impants out of her or something. 

Ivanova says he'll turn on them the second it's all over and I'm inclined to believe her. Maybe he'd play nicer for longer if he achieved some of his goals for telepaths - they are the future, he says. 

Did Garibaldi finally teach himself enough Narn to read some of G'Kar's book? Good for him. 

The Shadows are weak to telepaths, hence probably the 100+ telepaths being made into ship components. And this info is so timely, because the Shadows are attacking a place right now! Telepaths! We ride at space dawn!

Kosh...

[bamdelune]

In Hindsight 📹 Ch. 02 : "Room 613"

notes. this chapter will mostly be text-based & will try to ease the plot better so excuse the length! I'll be putting a line break after the first few to consider the scroll time on tumblr <3 the social media portion of this chapter is below the 19th block of text if you're curious,

cw! mention of nosebleeds (once)

After the day you were admitted into the hospital, the rest of the week was dedicated to thorough laboratory tests and consultations. Care of Dr. Baizhu, of course.

Dr. Baizhu has been your physician ever since you were in elementary school. Before you checked in, you had called him about unusual pains and abnormalities you noticed with yourself. You suffered from additional headaches that were severe to a level and nosebleeds seemed to happen more often. He in turn advised you to come to the hospital to get it checked. The process was daunting and exhausting but you finished, falling face-first onto the soft cushions of the ward's bed.

Saturday, you woke up early to meet with your production team to discuss your upcoming album—though it happened online since the nurses specifically told you that coming outside in this state wasn't exactly the best course of action.

The meeting went by after about 45 minutes. The mood sampler ABYSS Entertainment posted a week ago was merely something to keep your fans from suspecting anything, mainly how you haven't actually made any progress on the album. But the meeting bore fruit, much to your joy. "Pieces of Love" would be taking on a dreamy, floaty, ethereal theme which was a complete contrast to the mood sampler video's gloomy one. The album would have twelve tracks and as always, you took the responsibility of writing and producing the majority of each song with a little help from your team. This process provided you a certain peace whenever it happened and you were more than glad you have the chance to do it now.

The sound of knocking resonated within the walls of your room before the sliding door shuffled open to reveal Dr. Baizhu and a young man and a nurse following suit. Your mind questions the stranger but your attention comes back to the doctor.

"Y/N, good morning. I see that you're up early." Baizhu greets with a gentle smile you had long grown familiar with.

You stuff your laptop and writing notebook into the depths of one of your bags before placing it down on the floor beside your bed. You sit down on the edge, and face Baizhu. "Oh, yes. I had to meet up with the production team today." You reply, mirroring his smile.

The nurse shuffles forward to take your vitals, just as she had for the past week. Dr. Baizhu then continues to converse with you, the young man that followed him in here still behind him. standing silently. "I take it you're coming out with a new song?"

"Full album now, actually." You smile at the thought of the achievement. It was one of your goals to release a full album and now that was in the making. You notice the stranger shift as if he wanted to say something but he remained silent.

Baizhu notices the direction in which you were peering at and chuckles. "Ah, right. Forgive me, it seems that I forgot to do some introductions."

"Y/N, this is Kunikuzushi. He's a— well, honorary intern here at the hospital. In reality, he's in his fourth year of college just like you are. And Kunikuzushi, this is Y/N. I'm not sure if you've heard of them but I believe they also attend the same university as you do."

Your lips form a small 'o.'

Honorary... intern? This kid must've done some talented things for him to intern this early. Doesn't internship come later?

"I've heard of them before, doctor. They've made quite a noise in the music industry." Kunikuzushi replies curtly. You couldn't blame him, perhaps he was just the awkward one.

"Well, I suppose that makes this easier then," Baizhu pushes his glasses to the bridge of his nose. "Kunikuzushi here will be coming along with me to grasp the concept of working at a hospital so I hope this doesn't pose as a problem for you, dear?"

"Not at all, doctor." You reply with understanding.

"Thank you. Well, I believe your vitals are okay as of the moment so I'll leave you alone now. Please do make sure to rest, Y/N." The green-haired physician advises you as he leaves through the door with the other two. "Call the staff if you need anything, yes?"

You only nod in response before waving him off, welcoming back the silence of the room when the doors slides closed.

You take this as a chance to flop back down onto the comfort of the mattress, throwing your head back onto the pillows as you stare at the white crowned ceiling. Just then, a vibration shakes the wood of the side table.

For the second time this morning, the sliding door hisses open going to the left of the wall. Your best friends shuffle inside your room holding some paper bags and Lumine seemed to be holding a small box tied with a white ribbon.

"You know it's scary how easily we got into your room." Aether blurts out, setting one of his shares of paper bags on one of the two free chairs in the corner. The other two shuffle around to take the contents of their bags out and on to the small coffee table between the chairs.

You breathe a sigh when you kick your feet off the edge of the bed and onto the cool floor, "I told them to watch out for three sleep-deprived college kids today." Aether shoots you a frown while Xinyan then comes closer to you with an open box of snacks, holding one of them in between her fingers and you open your mouth to pop it in. You munch on it slowly as a slightly sour but sweet stream of flavor explodes in your mouth.

"Strawberries?" You ask in between chews, Xinyan nods with a smile.

"You said you were craving them so I bought some from Xiangling from the culinary department. She was trying to offer me some more items but they looked... er, you get it."

You nod in acknowledgement of her words, quietly watching the twins settle down.

"What's the box for?"

Lumine looks in your direction before her face lights up in realization, grabbing the small box from earlier and digging for three envelopes from her sling bag. "Letters. We were originally planning to send only three from each of us but apparently, some of the professors and people on campus had the same idea."

She hands the two items to you and you turn them slightly to examine them. Your hands shake the box to hear a few solid knocks on the cardboard. "Seems 'some' isn't the right word," you laugh, slightly taken aback by the sound of the amount of messages inside.

The rest of the hour and a half that your group spends in your room, they managed to feed you just a little bit of the food you missed. Truth be told, you were kind of getting sick of the hospital food again. Xinyan explains the gist of your current lessons and offers to lend you her notes. Aether suggests that all four of you could binge watch something until their visitation time is over.

You opted to read the messages in the box after your friends left. It was sunset by the time they did and you were just getting tired from the talking you did.

The only light in the room came from outside the sliding door which led to the floor's front desk, and the warm lighting of the drop-down ceiling when you started going through the letters in the container. Most of them were just your professors and classmates wishing you well and good health, congratulating you on the process of making your album, and whatnot. You saved the three's letters for last, figuring that it must've been special and lengthy just by how much paper they used.

Frankly, your friends' messages were the ones responsible for breaking the dam of tears as you read along. As you dry the salty remnants from your face, you take out your notebook dedicated for songwriting and use the night to begin writing one of your b-sides.

synopsis. You are a singer-songwriter. Music has always been a part of you, it's a part of your identity that no one can ever take away. However, there's always a catch: you are diagnosed with a chronic illness that puts your life on a timer. Those who have heard your countless melodies have grown to notice that the notes on the sheet played a gloomier tune. Would the snarky and capable medical student you've met be able to bring life back into these melodies? Even as life begins to seep out of your own body? (scaramouche x gn!reader)

tags. gender-neutral reader, angst, fluff, crack, heavy contexts of death and illnesses, friends to lovers, slowburn, profanities, drinking (characters are in college), suggestive themes but no nsfw.

taglist. (open, reply or send an ask to be added/removed) — @beriiov @alatusorrow @br0oke96 @ohmyfinggod @itzblazekun @featuredtofu @sketcheeee

masterpost ★ masterlist © bamdelune 2023. do not repost, translate, plagiarize any of my works without permission, thank you so much! reblogs, notes, and comments are always appreciated!

[scarlet-spider-bf]

Gonna be tragic and sad and horny about Ben Reilly on main now. But some things just have to be said and when nobody else will do it, I shall take this one for the team. Minors dni ye be warned

tbh most of the following is just sweetly sad

This is about traumatised broken Ben after the Clone Conspiracy (shattered) and/or after Beyond (goo) (bless you if you know what I mean and have not gone insane from the knowledge, I try not to be too spoilery)

Ben Reilly headcanons (sad, fluffy, horny edition)

He loves it when you (partner, imagine yourself as Janine or someone else, whatever you like) wear his ripped cropped Scarlet Spider Hoodie. He doesn't wear it out anymore, but he can't let go of it either. It tethers him to a better time. There are memories just on the cusp of being rediscovered by him when he stares at you lying sleeping in it. Just a hint of comfort soon shadowed by pain. He grits his teeth and swallows it down like a good boy, he always tries to when you are around, he doesn't want to worry you after all.

To be honest it's kinda stinky by now but you don't seem to want to wash it, arguing it will wear out and is too precious to be lost. But not too precious to be worn to nap in since you fear he will impulsively destroy it on a particular bad day. Preserving the last anchoring scraps of the past is what you do now... but you are not even sure it's a good plan. No matter what you do he always seems to be in pain, even if he tries to hide it.

The sadness creeps into his smiles as if to punish him for being alive. He looks at you with shining eyes, full of love, but then as if a shadow passes over the moon, there's the horror. Visions of losing you, the last thing he has, the fear of your face crumbling into a black abyss that just sucks and sucks at his life force until he wonders if it's just a mirror, the chasm pulling him down to nothingness, the nothingness he is.

To pull him back you gently lay your hands on his cheeks, whispering his name over and over. Touch helps him find his way back most of the time but he often just freezes against you, malleable and defenseless. Sometimes he whispers back your name with a distant look on his face yet unable to close his wide doe eydes and back away from the rift that tears at him.

When it happens the first few times you try to shake him gently, remind him where he is, who you are, what you were about to do. He's unresponsive but touch always helps. Perhaps because the way you touch is so foreign to his body. Sure there used to be the memories of Peter, the warmth of uncle Ben's hugs, the kindness of aunt May's little kisses to his broken knees on the playground and the way Gwen used to hold his hand and brush her shoulder against his on flirtatious walks. But those are distant variables, crumbled away - and anyway he never felt it, he only observed in Peter's memory that those thing happened. They never truly happened to him. In fact his current clome body has only ever known abuse until he met you. Dr. Warrens bruising clinical groping and torturous contraptions. The fists of thugs breaking teeth loose and his own so called brother's kicks into his gut. So when you hug him gently and kiss his temple in his darkest hours, it's like rain after a drought. His body doesn't even know how to process it.

So he gets easily aroused like a damn teenager. Embarassingly intensely. He blinks free off the spell of the abyss' siren song and finds your tender cooing and petting and it just is too much to not be keening. But more is what he needs since he is not enough of about everything. Less than Peter, less than human even (that's not true of course but Dr. Warren's voice seems so sure, so scholarly when he whispers it sharply into his ear between painful shocks - or is it Maxine's voice? they are all the same to him, just pain, pain).

So when he comes back from his stupor he comes back like a freight train, crashing against you. You never wanted to take advantage of him, you really think you should talk about it all, but he doesn't want to, is sick of it. Sick of Dr. Kafkas prying, sick of having to explain anything. He just feels so bad, so broken all the time and looking at you there's a sliver of warmth he clings to like a moth to a flame. If ne needs to burn and burn bright and beg you to hug him so much it hurts, kiss so hard it turns to bites he will and he knows no shame, not anymore.

It's a way to claim this body for himself, this wretched face that hurts to look at when he crosses a mirror. No amount of hair dye can bleach Peter out of his visage and he hates how you look at him and see not only Ben but Peter. The first few times you crash together like this, like a train wreck of bodies and hands that cannot reach enough of each other, he keeps pushing your face to the side, gently but firmly, to look away while he kisses down your neck. He can't even stand how it is Peter's hands that keep touching you, so he whispers into your ear to stay where you are (please please don't run away) and wait for a moment. He returns in his scarlet suit, gloves mask and all. You wonder about it, plan to ask, but not now, you don't care. If he needs this you'll indulge him, worry about it later. (And worry you will.)

He whines when you are gentle, it's too foreign, too intense to bear, to understand. He begs you to be rougher with tiny gestures, gripping your hand and curling your fingers in his hair, nipping on your lips to make you retaliate and bite bite deep (he wants too bleed but can't ask for it, wants to be scarlet all over, dressed in it, Peter completely covered up).

He's so desperate about it, his stubbled cheeks rubbing against yours where he reluctantly pulls up the mask to kiss you (but don't look there please, don't look at Peter's plush lips, and don't listen too closely or you'll hear him moan and not Ben, Ben who's trying to sound different, prefers moaning like a girl to egg you on and mask all traces of his original to all alternatives).

You know this isn't healthy, sustaining it cannot be. But he seems better for a while after you held him down (it's comical, he could throw you across the room with a light spasm, but prefers to be weak for once, even if it's lie and he's so thankful you don't call him out, when you join the game and play your part and make him feel powerless, all responsibility drained, not having to be anything at all but your boyfriend, sweating and moaning beneath you).

[i3utterflyeffect]

The Pearl Problem

a new perspective

The Chosen One has waited for a long time for the right opportunity, and finally, All That Beckons makes a fatal mistake. He underestimates how clever a slugcat can be, and certainly doesn't realize how far they will go for revenge. - YAYYYYYY NEW CHAPTER!!! WOOOO (AO3)

Waiting was something that Chosen had become deeply familiar with since their creation.

Eat. Walk around. Hibernate. Repeat. The occasional interruption would come, sure; usually in the form of the removal of the bone embedded in their chest-- occasionally it was allowed to hunt down a stray lizard who had snuck its way inside, and that was thoroughly enjoyable-- but it wasn't what they wanted. They wanted to be free.

And to be free, they had to be patient.

They hated every second that they were here. It felt cold. The incisions kept scabbing over, and they itched, and they hurt, but if they picked at the scars, they'd bleed out what little warmth they had left and be stuck shivering on the floor.

(Unfortunately, they had to discover that the hard way.)

So they conserved their heat the best they could.

They had a vague idea of what was causing it, but they couldn't remove it without being punished. It was better to wait.

They were so sick of waiting.

A light shone in their eyes, and they grumbled, broken from their thoughts as they swatted at the culprit in annoyance, before opening their eyes to see a purple eye (overseers, that was what Beckons called them) staring at them.

(They imagined setting it on fire. They liked imagining this place burning to a crisp.)

The overseer seemed to study them as they got to their feet sluggishly, and they glared at it return. 

Well? Get on with it. Stupid thing.

After a moment, it seemed to nod slowly, before projecting a hologram, pointing it to the pipe in the wall.

Okay. Not entirely new, but it usually meant something good was about to happen. A lizard, most of the time-- a way to heat up and get a good meal-- and furthermore, a chance to study this place. A way to find an escape. A chance they'd never give up, not in a thousand years.

Today, however, didn't seem like much of a chance to explore. Inspectors were at their back, herding it into a certain place.

Except... It hadn't seen the place that they were going. They were going somewhere new. The electronic noise around them was growing louder, almost chaotically harmonic. The rooms became larger and larger.

Finally, they emerged into a room filled with holograms and lights, rainbow neurons swirling around nerves and steel rebar. The humming in their ears made their head buzz in a way that oddly wasn't unpleasant. In fact, it was wonderfully noisy compared to the quiet and annoying background whirring of their usual room. It was thrilling; the world around them felt alive rather than being a sterile metal cage, empty and unforgiving.

But they weren't allowed to appreciate it for long. The inspectors were nipping at their feet, and when they hesitated, that familiar cold rushed through their blood, causing them to hiss in annoyance.

They made sure to kick off of the inspector nagging at them extra hard, and smirked as it made an annoyed tone. 

They could see where they were being directed, anyway, so as they hurtled towards the pipe, they quickly grabbed onto the rebar, and quickly dove down into the pipe--

Only to clatter to the floor. It hurt worse when they were stiff from the cold. However, the mechanical whirring of some sort of hydraulics distracted them from the pain briefly.

...Oh.

Above them was a metal creature propped up on a robotic arm, wires spilling from its back and head, and all winding into what looked like a long spinal cord, spilling into the floor. It towered over Chosen, looking haughty and like it thought it was better than them.

They already hated it, even before it began to speak.

But when it began to speak, they realized just who it was.

"Hello."

...you.

All That Beckons looked down at The Chosen One, and drew back slightly as they began to snarl.

"I-- please behave. I didn't bring you here with the intention of fighting."

Oh, it was too late for him to negotiate like this. They would rip every single wire from that head of his.

They prepared to lunge at him, and--

Cold. 

They collapsed to the ground as they felt their blood turn into ice, and, seemingly unbothered, he just shrugged and sighed.

"I was hoping we could cooperate on this one. That's a shame. Just know that's what happens when you try to threaten me. I'm your creator; it's the least you can do to, you know... Not try to attack me."

He made that happen. He was the one making this happen.

(They already knew that. But what they didn't know was that the source was so, so much smaller than they thought it was.)

All they had to do was destroy the source. They wouldn't let him control them any more.

They looked into his eyes as they dug their claws into the shoulders, and tore into their skin.

They wouldn't let him stop them anymore. They would make sure he would never force them to stay here ever again.