#called /jay/ but i just cant do it' literally everyone else including my brother and my dad uses my chosen name
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im gonna go off on one in the tags pls enjoy
#ive been going by jay online since i was 13 irl since i was 15/16 and my mum cant get used to it#me my friend and both our mums hung out last week and i heard my mum telling his mum 'i just cant get used to [their] name. they want to be#called /jay/ but i just cant do it' literally everyone else including my brother and my dad uses my chosen name#apart from when theyre around my mother! because her force of disgust is definitely more important than my agency and want to be called by#my own name... i have been thinking about wanting to be called another name like. interchangably with my name#and i think id go with yasha. its the diminutive of jay so like. if we friends i want to be yasha x#but also realising how much i want to have autonomy over my name came from picking a name in 2021 for practise in chinese#and my friend helping me decide between something that sounds similar (林植 cos the first character kinda sounds like my eng surname) and a#more literal translation where i was like the translation of jay is 松鸦 i could use that haha and she went but the 鸦 character is awful#you could be 松雅! its then a pun and makes me sound fancy. and i was so happy just making choices and getting to like#pick my own name that peoplw could use. really a revelation. anyway i was kinda on hold for a bit living at home but now im freer hearing#her go on that 'jays choice of name is so hard on me' rant really made me..... start thinking and reminiscing about my name. and me. u know#jay wasnt even my choice its just my initials that i started going by as like. plausible deniability that i wanted to change my name#i remember thinking more about it when i was younger and deciding against other names Specifically because it would be easier to go#'its just my initials!' yeah. im 25 is it too late to change names#sorry for long rambly disjointed rant. hope this was enlightening if u made it this far
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