#call me delulu idek

[lurkingteapot]

I should've known re-watching ITSAY would put me right back on my bkpp bullshit and man I'd forgotten. I'd forgotten. just how much their whole deal can be.

[reinedeslys-central]

iwaoi and oh it's you. every time it's you. I'm running I'm running my knee is killing me but it's worth it this is worth it I'm running past the line and I'm pointing straight at you and everyone can see it. because it's you who else would it be right at this moment it's you it has to be you. win or lose it has to be you. going pro or not going pro it will always have been you. I'm running and I'm making the longest most monstrous set of my life and it's up to you, I'm falling and crashing into the tables and I can barely feel it, I'm scrambling back to our stage and who else could it be right at this moment but us. win or lose. win or lose. six who are strong together are stronger six who are strong together are stronger who else could it be but us. who else would I choose right in this moment when we all know it's going to end one way or another. who else would I choose. but you. every time it's you.

[slut4thebroken]

Stuck

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Neil Lewis x stepsis!reader

Summary | You get stuck under your bed and your step brother Neil is the only one home to help get you out.

Warnings | Sexual content, 18+, smut, dubious consent, stepcest?, from behind 😼, bondage technically, humiliation, but like it’s unintentional, Neil is a lil delulu and actually think she wants it…, she kind of does tho…, accidental breeding??, cockwarming i guess, minor wedgie-ing lol, dry humping, grinding, spanking, groping, he’s just a pervert lol, purposefully cheesy, not serious.

Words | 2.4 k

Notes | Yeah… honestly man idek anymore. Also if anyone says this is cringe… I’m just gonna say it’s because it’s /supposed/ to be cringe and not because I wrote it in like less than 3 hours 💀

Ao3 link | <3

Masterlist

You cursed under your breath and pulled harder, but the fabric wouldn’t budge. All you were trying to do was just reach for something you dropped under the bed. But your sleeve got caught on something and you couldn’t get it out. The fabric wouldn’t tear, it was too tight to just slip over your head, and also you could barely see because of how dark it was under there. 

When you heard him call your name from somewhere in the house, you stiffened. Not now. Please not now. Your door swung open and whatever Neil was starting to say immediately got cut off. 

“What the hell are you doing?” He asked, making you roll your eyes. 

“I was trying to grab something but my fucking sleeve got caught and I can’t get it off.” You spat. You were quickly growing frustrated— you just wanted to get out from under there already. “See if you can reach under and help me.” You started pulling again, using your body weight for more force, but it wouldn’t even budge. “Neil!” If he fucking left-

“Calm down. Jeez.” 

“Just help me already. I’ve been here for like ten minutes.” 

“How am I supposed to fit under your bed?” He scoffed. To be fair, you barely fit under here. But he’s so scrawny there’s no reason that he shouldn’t be able to. 

“Figure it out!” You snapped, making him huff. 

“I’m going to try pulling you.” He said and you sighed. 

“Fuck— fine.” His hands wrapped around your ankles and he pulled, making you wince a little. His grip on your ankles made it hurt when he pulled and your top was digging into you even more. “Stop! Okay just— try something else. That hurts.”

“What hurts?” He released your ankles and you sighed, feeling all of the pressure being released. 

“Mostly my ankles.” 

“Okay… Here, I’ll try this.” His hands settled on your hips, making you stiffen. 

“What are you doing?” You rushed out. 

“I’m helping you… Like you literally just yelled at me to do.” He said, sounding annoyed. He didn’t let you get another protest in before tightening his grip and pulling. You slid out a little, making your sleep shorts ride up your legs. He yanked again and you went out a little farther. 

“I can’t… I can’t get a good grip like this.” He was all but panting from exertion. “Get up on your knees.”

“What?” You choked out. 

“If you want my help then just get on your goddamn knees.” He snapped, making you huff. What if you just stayed here forever? That would be better than being in that humiliating position in front of him. But this was already humiliating enough, so what’s a little more?

You sighed and lifted yourself onto your knees with some difficulty. Once you were steady, he wrapped his arms around your lower stomach and pulled back. The top was still digging into you, but you didn’t care anymore, you just wanted to get out from under here. He yanked you again and when he let out a low groan, you stiffened. It could've been from exertion… right? When he pulled you back again, you finally felt it. 

“Ew! Gross, Neil— what the hell?” You yelled trying to get out of his grip. You’d rather be stuck under the bed. 

“You’re the one…” another pull, this time his hips met you halfway, “who asked for my help.” He panted, doing it again. He only did it once more before holding you still, not letting you crawl forward under the bed as his hips— his fucking hard on— stayed pressed to your ass. 

“Let me go right fucking now or I swear to god,”

“You’ll what? Yell for mom and dad? Yeah that’ll be real helpful while they’re out of town.” Fuck… you forgot about that. He held you still with one arm while the other groped your ass, spreading you open so his bulge could grind against your slit. When he finally let go of your body, you tried to scramble under the bed, but he grabbed your shorts and underwear and yanked them up, hard, making you cry out. The friction and the pressure was making your clit feel like it was on fire and you whimpered as you tried to squirm out of his hold. 

He pulled you back out of the bed again, then yanked up even more. Your knees were almost off the ground and you could feel tears brimming in your eyes from the pain and humiliation. With most of your ass exposed now, he groped it again, digging his nails into the soft flesh until you winced. He suddenly slapped your ass twice in quick succession and you couldn’t even flinch forward to get away from the sting. He switched his grip and did the same to your other ass cheek, letting out a low groan as you squirmed. He pushed his hips into you again, but since you were higher up now, he was grinding against your cunt instead. 

“I bet you’re not even stuck.” He snickered. “Was this all just an excuse to get your step brother to fuck you?” He cooed mockingly. 

“You watch too much fucking porn, Neil.” You spat. “Let me go!” 

“What kind of a brother would I be if I didn’t help my sister out, hm?” He was grinding on you desperately now, practically humping you while holding you up with a wedgie, and you hated the way it made your clit throb— No. It’s just the pressure from your shorts and underwear… yeah.. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of there. We just gotta loosen you up first.” He released you and pulled back, then you heard the sound of his belt, making you scramble forward again. 

“No! Neil— this isn’t funny anymore.” He worked quickly and when his cock was finally free, he grabbed your ankles and used far more force than necessary to pull you back out. He roughly yanked the clothes off your body and put you on your knees again, holding your hips with a bruising grip to keep you from moving. When his cock brushed your slit, you stiffened. “Neil— Neil, wait.” You tried to reach back with your free hand and push him away, but your fingers barely managed to brush against him. 

“Shh… Just let me help you.” He said quietly, lining up with your hole. When he pushed in, your hole body tensed up and a strangled whimper escaped you as he moaned loudly. “Oh fuck… Oh my god— You’re so fucking tight and- and hot… Why is it so hot?” He whined. He kept pushing in until his hips were flush with your ass and you groaned uncomfortably at the pressure on your cervix and the sting of the stretch. “Don’t worry, sis. I’m gonna get you out of there.” He moaned, continuing to babble out senseless words through his sounds of pleasure. 

He slowly dragged his hips back until only the tip was inside, then slammed back in, making you all but scream at the sudden forcefulness of the thrust. He kept that up for a while, gripping your hips hard enough to leave bruises, sometimes pulling you back to meet him halfway. He suddenly sped up and you choked on a moan, but quickly bit your lip. You didn’t want to do anything to encourage him. 

“Neil, just— just stop, please. I promise I won’t be mad. I won’t tell anyone.” You whined and he landed a hard slap on your ass. 

“You can stop playing hard to get now. It’s getting a little old.” What? How the fuck were you playing hard to get?? “I mean… c’mon. I get being coy when you were wiggling your ass in front of me, but I’m already inside you… You can drop the act now.” 

“It’s not a fucking act, Neil!” He really does watch too much porn. 

“God— just stop whining already. I’m giving you what you wanted.” 

“I don’t fucking want this— I want you to stop!” Despite your words, the arousal pooling in your stomach was unmistakable. 

“Please, just stop talking.” He whined, long and bratty. “I didn’t exactly picture my first time being spent arguing with you.” 

He’s a virgin?? 

Or… he was a virgin?

You shouldn’t be surprised though. His thrusts were frantic and unpracticed, he wasn’t trying to actually have sex, he was just focusing on pounding something until he finally came, like he probably does when he’s alone. Based on his moans and the way his thrusts turned even more erratic, you knew it wouldn’t be much longer. 

He cursed under his breath and groped your ass, keeping his other hand on your hip so you didn’t try to move away again. He slapped you a few times, not as hard as before, and let out a low moan. 

“Fuck yeah…” He groaned, dragging the words out. “Can’t believe it actually moves like that.” He chuckled, spanking you again. When he grabbed you again and pulled your ass cheek to the side, he choked on a moan as his hips stuttered. 

“Holy shit.” He whimpered. “Fuck— you look so good wrapped around my cock.” He was panting now, getting even closer to his orgasm. “And you’re getting it all wet— oh my god…” He whined. There’s no way that was true…… It would make sense though, based on the way that your clit was basically throbbing by now. 

“You like it when your brother fucks you like this?” 

“Fuck you.” You muttered, cheeks heating up when he chuckled. 

“I like it too, don’t worry. The next time you get yourself ‘stuck’ I’ll help you out again.” He chuckled and you could practically see the smug look on his face. “So fucking good… tight and warm… God I just wanna live in your pussy.” He groaned. You tried not to blush at the praise, but when you did anyway, you told yourself it was out of embarrassment. 

“I’m so close.” He said through a breath. “Where do you want it, huh? Should I do a back shot? Or maybe come on this fat fucking ass instead?” He spanked you three times, emphasizing each word. 

“Or…” He trailed off, making your stomach churn. 

“Neil… No.” You warned, making him whine. 

“Why not?” 

“Because I’m not on birth control and I can’t get knocked up by my fucking brother.” You spat. 

“Step brother.” He corrected, making you roll your eyes. 

“Pull out. I’m serious.” You said lowly, getting ready to try and squirm away from him again. 

“Fuck— fine. Fine. I’ll pull out.” He grumbled, clearly unhappy. You were just glad he actually listened to you. 

Your top had ridden up your back a little bit, so he reached under the bed to pull it back down, but kept his grip on it, rather than holding your hips. He bucked into you wildly and you couldn’t hold in the sounds anymore, not with how rough he was being. The top was digging into you painfully in so many places because of how hard he was pulling on it. 

“Your ass looks so fucking hot like this.” He groaned. His hips were smacking against you almost violently with each thrust and, no doubt, your ass was bouncing each time. “Next time I’m gonna see your tits.” 

There’s not going to be a next time. You wanted to say, but you could barely get any sounds out other than moans. 

“C’mon. Almost there…” He was pulling you back by your top on each thrust and you could feel your breasts moving inside the fabric embarrassingly. Wanting this humiliation to be over, you clenched down on his cock and he choked on a moan as his hips stuttered. “Fuck yes… Holy shit.” He breathed, pulling you back even harder. 

“I’m coming…” He whined, getting ready to pull out, but your sleeve finally ripped and now that there was no tension, you practically flew back onto his cock, forcing a strangled whimper out of you as his cock pushed in the farthest it had so far. He let out a loud moan and even though you could feel hot come hitting your walls, you still tried to crawl away from him— maybe only a little come would lower your chances of getting knocked up, compared to if he stayed buried in you until he finished. He whined loudly and bent over you a little, wrapping his arms around you so you couldn’t move as his hips jerked, filling you up.  

His movements slowed and his sounds stopped, then he was panting, hugging you close and keeping you plugged up so his come wouldn’t drip out. But you need to try and get it out right now— Gravity certainly wasn’t helping your situation either. 

“Neil— Neil, let me go. I have to clean this out.” You weren’t sure how much it would do, but you figured doing something would lessen your chance of getting pregnant, rather than doing nothing. 

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think.” He mumbled, clearly much sleepier than he was a few seconds ago. 

“I don’t care.” You hissed. He sighed and shuffled backwards, keeping your ass pinned to his hips. Once you were out from under the bed, he laid down over you, not letting you get up. “Neil!” 

“Shh.. In a minute. You’re just so warm and tight… don’t wanna leave yet.” He buried his face in your shoulder, getting comfortable. “You smell good.” He took a deep breath through his nose, making you shudder. 

“Okay… You’ve had your fun. Let me go.” You tried to switch tactics— clearly being mean wasn’t doing anything. 

“I know I know… Just a little longer.” Was there even a point now though? You’ll have to get a morning after pill either way… so you might as well just stop fighting him. 

You sighed and closed your eyes. Of course he’s the type to cuddle after sex. He could at least lay with you though… instead of literally on top of you. He let out a quiet breath and you felt his head shift, then he was reaching out to grab your arm so he could examine the sleeve. 

“See? I got you out.” He said proudly, making you roll your eyes with a scoff. 

Taglist (join here)

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[k4marina]

guesss who’s back to rantttttt 🙈

adding into this, i feel that simon wearing his mask (with the diy skull and the printed one) would do the complete opposite of being a ghost like literally. technically, simon riley is dead. he died in a fire with his family and the last thing he needs or wants is attention.

i mean can u imagine the rumors going around?

“that bloke who wears that skull mask? he’s bare weird man” (idek if that proper slang, pls don’t kill me).

i also feel like it would also bring unwanted people from his work to his home (or the little hole he lives in. i mean let’s be honest, it’s pretty fkn bare). there aren’t many people who are british, have a gravely voice, AND wear a skull mask. i mean that’s an easy target right there.

i don’t think that simon would introduce himself in a civilian setting as “ghost”. if a guy came up to me and said “call me ghost” i’d fkn laugh in his face and call him a bozo.

why would he introduce himself with his callsign if he isn’t in the “work” environment???? again that’s just unwanted attention.

i 100% believe that simon and the rest of the 141 are the types to have a work life and a civilian life. he wouldn’t want to bring any of the shit he has to go through at work back to his hole home.

as much as he hates being alone back in manchester, he still needs it. he needs a break from all of the war he has to go through.

ghost and simon are two different entities with two different lives and just because simon riley is dead on paper doesn’t mean he’s actually gone.

simon knows that if he brings ghost back home he’s only hurting himself and falling into a bottomless pit.

that’s why he wouldn’t wear the mask in public or anytime he’s on leave (unless it’s his home and there has to be a very specific reason why), and that’s why he wouldn’t walk around telling people his callsign.

unless the fic is taking place on base with a soldier!reader, there is no actual reason why simon would wear the mask and go by ghost.

ghost & mask = work

simon & and bare face = home or just civilian life.

there’s no reason why he would want to mix work and civilian life together.

and if people can say that he’s insecure about his face and don’t want to show it off, but i’d have to disagree. i mean did u hear him when he was talking with soap?

bro was 100% smiling like a cocky little shit when he said “quiet the opposite”. this mfer knows that he’s hot and enjoys it. in my delulu mind, i think simon enjoys whatever scars are on his face because he thinks they make him more hotter (i also don’t think he has that many scars on his face bc i think it’s one of the hardest places to attack idk).

that’s still not to say that he won’t get the usual waves of depression and the usual stares from people for his beauty and scars, but he’d still take it over the weird looks when he gets when he wears the mask.

technically speaking, no matter how attractive, it’s harder to remember someone with a pretty face and accurately described it than remember a mask and describe it, which i think simon understands completely.

someone also brought up the cut scene before the “no russian” one of where simons and the 141 are in the bar and he’s wearing the mask.

i have to agree with the person who said this that people saw that and took it face value that he wears the mask outside. not everything is lore, or is it 100% cannon. sometimes some things are for shits and giggles.

if you’ve read it this far i just wanna let y’all’s know i’m not trying to be mean. i’m just ranting. i’m all for creative freedom and wanting ppl to write whatever they want, i just want it to make sense yk? and if i came off bitch my bad bro.

anyways imma go sleep or smt. caio ;)

[hoseoksbbyboy]

My first ever fanfic: Veiled Fates on AO3 <3 (so far 1 chapter ~ 1.5k words)

Hiiii I wanted to introduce myself! I’m Jaime (he/him) 22 y.o delulu nursing student. I have recently read “Manacled” for the first time and it basically broke me. It also actually inspired me to create a Dramione ff of my own. So I posted the first chapter (out of how many idek). Would love any and all feedback / overall reads ! I hope you guys give it a shot!

Anyways here’s the synopsis of the book:

In a post-war wizarding world teetering on the brink of collapse, Hermione Granger is thrust into an unexpected role of power and danger. With Voldemort’s defeat, the ministry is in disarray, and new threats loom large. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and an unlikely alliance is formed between the unlikeliest of allies.

Draco Malfoy, haunted by his past and seeking redemption, is forced to work alongside Hermione as they uncover a sinister plot threatening to undo everything they fought for. Bound by duty and necessity, they must navigate a treacherous path filled with secrets, lies, and forbidden magic.

As they delve into the mystery, their animosity gives way to understanding, and a spark ignites between them. But with enemies lurking in every shadow, their burgeoning relationship is fraught with peril. In a world where trust is a rare commodity, can they rely on each other to save the wizarding world once more?

[dreamboatdani]

ok so ik that nobody's going to see this post, but idk where else to rant, and tumblr is the only place where i can embrace the gayer side of my bisexuality bc i def can't write this sort of shit on my snap or insta stories without getting dm'ed by my nosy ass friends wtf is going on- and every time i did that kinda shit, these friends of mine would ask me if i was breaking up w my bf...so i can't be bi now? damn...anyways rant incoming below

tw: hurtful names, deluluness?? idek what to put here- maybe?? jesus christ someone help me

i still can't get her off my mind. yeah, the incident was 2 months ago, and yeah we had heavy talks...in person...twice...2-3 wks spread out...and the last one not ending on a good note.

i don't think she hates me tho. if she absolutely despised me, she wouldn't allow me to take the cash out of her hands and into the register during our donut fundraiser.

but it's been far too long.

it's been 2 months since i last talked to her. even though the donut fundraiser was in february, that doesn't count as talking.

it's march, for christ's sake. how much more time do you need?

and if we don't talk soon, it's not going to end well. bc im going to be spending my next 2 years of high school w her, since we're in orchestra together.

and especially since i'm friends w a bunch of her friends.

there's still this nagging feeling tho...that she still likes me.

i catch her looking at me in the halls whenever i do see her, which isn't as much as it was back in dec 2023.

i miss her smiles at me in the hallway. and i'm sure she does too, bc she told those hallway moments gave her motivation to get on with her dull day.

she's such a pretty girl, and it's such a shame that all these awful things are happening to her.

it's not fair to her.

this is her first year of high school, and she does NOT deserve all this sophomore drama that she got looped into.

she's already been through so much, too much, and the last thing she needs is for some older kid to call her a sl*t. this girl has not even LOST her virginity.

that older kid being someone i'm particularly close with.

i get that she may need more time than me to heal, and that is perfectly okay.

but i miss her.

god, i miss her.

i just want to be friends again.

ik she won't see this, but i miss her.

--

damn that was lowk heavy

[gracefulweather]

TO MY DEAREST SHERRIE! ❤️💙💜

Happy 1-year message-versary! Can’t believe it’s been exactly 1 year since you first messaged me on Tumblr! While it may have started because of my love for your fics, which then led to lots of nekked pics of Hyunjae in our chat 🤡, I’m glad that our convos have evolved to talking about your blossoming feelings for SEVENTEEN ❣️, our hilarious boi stories, work complaints 🙃, and trip planning! I never thought that I’d be besties with someone I met online but I knew we were totally vibing from the start! 🥰

Thank you for being the perfect partner-in-crime by being delusional with me, helping me plan my perfect holiday to your home country, and encouraging me to tap into my wild (?) side by getting piercings! I’ve loved all our random convos and all the funny things you send me and say, and it’s always the best when we suddenly go off on a tangent and become totally delusional and write spontaneous drabbles / fics in our chats! Or when we tell each other about random things that act as fic inspo! I’ve told you this before but I’m so honoured that you’ve dedicated fics to me! 💞💓💗

Special mention to you having managed to put up with my awful work complaints, especially during That Project ™️ (RIP may it never come back to me again! 🙏🏻) and for always keeping me company when I was working late or was bored on the way to / from work or even at work! 💖💘💝

You’re my bestie from the other side of the world but even 13 timezones can’t keep us apart! 😂😂😂 Literally the only times we didn't message each other were when we were sick or I was physically with you during my holiday HAHA and I have now become an expert at our timezone difference lol

Once again, happy message-versary and here’s to many more fun times! 🥂

P.S. Come visit me soon! 😭😭😭

P.P.S. A select summary of some iconic moments in pics:

HAPPY FRIENDVERSARYYYY to the seokmin to my mingyu, the hyunjae to my younghoon ✨🥳🎉🎊 ahhh so much has changed in the past year and i can fully say that i never expected to make a new friend in 2022 but it happened and we had way too much fun together!!!

(i debated making a post on jeongjaebae about this and even had the screenshots collected, but i guess i'll post them here instead LOL)

here's how it started

how it continued.... aaaand of course my legendary slip-into-the-dms move 🤡

guess they don't call me an istj attractor for nothing HAHA

yeah so i never expected for something like this to happen especially when 1. no one comments on fics, and 2. no one sends asks, and 3. if they pass thru #1 and 2, they're probably... way too young to pull off an international trip to meet a mutual LMAO. so really, the stars aligned for this to happen :'')

i knew we'd be able to meet one day but never expected the opportunity to come up so soon!! having you (kind of spontaneously) visit from 15,558 km away is definitely a once in a lifetime event and a big part of what made 2022 so special 🤩 and ofc it's been quite the experience watching you go from a Good Girl to wanting to try new things!! like piercings and crop tops and maybe doing a slutty walk through the financial district HAHAH

the days when we used to talk for like 9 hours in a row (when i was unemployed) were way too much fun, but even now with jobs and timezones and everything, we still manage to be delusional so we're doing great :') and yeah i totally agree, it's nice to have a friend from a diff timezone so we can have each other for company even during odd hours like those 7:30s on the train or the 2ams.

also it's so interesting to see which conversations you screenshotted?? some of them overlap with mine like the stupid together stupid separately, and the one with the brackets LMAO. but here are some i found funny:

can't possibly include all the good moments and idek if these would count as my faves either but think they're pretty fitting of our highly delulu convos 😍

so here's to one great year of friendship and adventures, and looking forward to more to come!! (aka continuing to be as delusional as humanly possible) ❣️✨💓💫💖

p.s. yes that aussieland trip has to happen sometime 🥺

[taintedcigs]

His touch was gentle, his lips were soft and he was so desperate to feel you against him – you were just as desperate and the kiss just showed how much you still love him, how much you still want him, how much you crave him even after everything that happened between you both. But, not even the passion of the kiss could erase the things he had done to you. 

SCREAMING CRYING PERFECT STORRRMRMMMSSS.

DAMN READER FEELS SO GUILTY EDDIEEEE PLS UNDERSTAND HER ONCE U FIND OUT PLSSS.

my mind is so confused already bc i want them both so badly. like i can't pick. im sawrryyyyy

“I-I wasn’t – I wasn’t thinking about how much I would hurt you again a-and, I-I just wanted, no, needed to kiss you again. I messed up, I was a selfish prick. And I promise, it won’t happen again if you don’t want it.” He is pleading with his eyes as he looks down at you, “I loved every second of it b-but I shouldn’t have done it. I-I just, please forgive me, dolly.” KJSDHFKJHLLLLLLLLLLLLL IM NOT OKAY. USING, DOLLY TOO?!??

“I won’t ever do it again,” he says, even though kissing you is all he wants to do. “I just, I don’t want to lose you again.”

You don’t want to lose him again either.  somebody sedate me. we ARE NOT OFF TO A GOOD START LADIES. IM ALREADY SOBBING.

OH EVERYONE IS HERE SHIT SHITTTT... (but hey!!! we love some robin and chrissy moment so IM NOT COMPLAINING AT ALLL)

STEVE NOT HAVING ANYONE LEFT... BE STILL MY BEATING HEART. DW STEVE YOU'LL HAVE ROBIN SOON OKAY!!!

“Thanks for the call, sweetheart,” he says sarcastically, furrowing his brows with a fake smile on his lips, “I mean for thanks for letting me know that you got home safe. Oh and super nice of you to keep ignoring my calls all day too.”  OHHH EDDIE IS SO SALTY LMAO. HES GONNA FLIP TF OUT ONCE HE FINDS OUT NOOOOOOO!!!

But you and Eddie are just friends, right? girlie, i have SOMETHING to tell you!

“Yeah, I can see that,” he mumbles, glancing at Steve.

Steve rolls his eyes at Eddie’s attitude. *puts on my swiftie delusional clown makeup* what the hell they are sooo in love. wtf they want each other soooo bad.

“You two will be menaces to each other.” Andy is it too delulu for me to think this is a nod off to me bc i always say they are such menaces to each other?!?!? CAN I FINALLY SAY I AM IN THE IKYLLATK UNIVERSE?!?!?! (im kidding)

“I always wanted to take your girl for a ride.” these lil idiots LMAOOO.

“Hey there, co-worker,” Steve says, unable to hold back his chuckle. She slumps back, looking very miserable before her eyes light up and she sits back up, “wait! Does that mean that you have to wear one of those sailor uniforms too?” At that, Steve groans and looks away.  “Sailor uniforms?” YES YES YES. FINALLY WHAT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR. STOBIN FRIENDSHIP IS COMING. AND WE GET STEVE IN THAT DAMN UNIFORM. EDDIE IS GONNA TAKE THE PISS OUT OF HIM LMAOO

I so relate to Chrissy and Robin's nosiness my bbies are so relatable.

THE POPCORN THING?!?! EDDIES DRAMATIC ASS LMAOOOO.

UH OHHH ROBIN I KNOW U LOVE TALKING A LOT (ME TOO) BUT DON'T PLEASE DON'T- oh fuck.

Eddie feels like someone had dropped a bucket of ice cold water over him. He freezes and halts in his tracks, eyes widening as he feels his heart sinking to his stomach.  “W-What?” Eddie mumbles.  NOOO MY POOR BABY.

Eddie’s shoulders slump, his heart feels heavy in his chest. He feels so stupid to think that you wouldn’t do this. You could only resist him for so long. Steve Harrington still has your heart after all.  WHAT THE HELL IM SO CONFLICTED IDEK WHAT TO FEEL ANYMORE? DO I SOB BC EDDIE IS SAD? DO I HAVE HOPE FOR STEVE AND R? WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!

I WILL ACCEPT MY STEVE AND ROBIN CRUMBS AMIDST ALL THE MESS THANK U!

“I would’ve told you if you picked up the fucking phone last night.” bby lets calm down pls!!

DAMN THIS EDDIE AND R ANGST IS SO SAD. I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER :(( POOR R IS GETTING FLASHBACKS >:((

YAYYY I LOVE MCDONALDS.

NOOOO EDDIE ENJOY THE FRIES AND BE HAPPY PLS.

i am team pinky on fries & milkshake. sorry andy baby. I HATE THEM :(((

Is he sick of you? Did he finally realize that you aren’t worth his time? Did he have a sudden change of heart just like Steve did when he went from loving boyfriend to awful boyfriend overnight? Did your radio silence piss him off that much? Oh r my baby:(( eddie you gotta apologize ASAP. shes rethinking her entire life SHE CARES SM ABOUT U!!!

“Get your fucking jealousy in check before you keep hurting her!” Steve yells over the harsh rain that is falling. “She is not – I-I’m not..” “Yes, you fucking are. You were fine before the movie, so I’m guessing you –” he points at Robin, who breaks eye contact right away and slumps, “told him something and I have a pretty fucking good idea of what it is!” DAMN I TOLD U THIS BEFORE BUT IM ENJOYING STEVE'S GROWTH!! HE NEEDED TO KEEP EDDIE IN CHECK AND IM GLAD IT KNOCKED SOME SENSE INTO HIM... they are literally so in love and they are also so in love with reader too

“She pushed me away when I kissed her and I think we all know why.” Eddie’s eyes widen.  “Now get your ass up there and fix it,” Steve says angrily.  I cannot do this anymore andy I CANNOOOOTTTTTTT

I LOVE CHRISSY AND ROBIN BEING SO RIDE AND DIE FOR READER LMAOO.

“No baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. I was just being stupid,” he sighs, not even noticing the nickname that rolled off his tongue so naturally.  YEP YEP!!! U BETTER APOLOGIZE!!! ily eddie but don't be silly again (well be silly always but not like this) pls!

“Stop apologizing. Just hold me,” you mumble into his chest, “we can talk later.” I LOVE THEM SM MY LITTLE ANGEL BABY CUTIE HONEY PIESSSSS

“Yeah, I’ll stay with you.” OH MY GOD. SOMETHING HAS SHIFTED ALRIGHT... DAMN I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO FEEL ANYMORE IM A PUDDLE OF EMOTIONS LYING ON THE GROUND.

this was an EMOTIONAL ROLELRCOASTER. IDEK WHAT TO FEEL ANYMORE. WHAT DO I DO? DO I JUST GO ON WITH MY LIFE??? HOW;?? HOW ANDY??? god. ANOTHER beautiful chapter. this series is amazing AS ALWAYS. so good. im so impressed by everything u do i could ramble on forever. BUT I HAVE TO SLEEP. just know that ily and i love this series. and now i will not be speaking until further notice WTAFFFFF.

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 20

Warnings: angst, kinda mean!Eddie, mentions of an ED, fluff at the end

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader, Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: Tension arises between you and Eddie when Steve steps back into your life.

Word count: 8k+

A/N: If there's any typos or mistakes, you didn't see them! @hellfire--cult thanks for feeding me ideas, I'm blessed to have you

series masterlist

-

You can’t explain the awful feeling in your stomach or the suffocating feeling in your chest.

You have trouble understanding why it all feels so wrong when it’s all you have dreamed of for so long. Steve kissed you in a way he had never kissed you before, not even when you had just started dating did he kiss you with so much passion and love the way he did last night. 

His touch was gentle, his lips were soft and he was so desperate to feel you against him – you were just as desperate and the kiss just showed how much you still love him, how much you still want him, how much you crave him even after everything that happened between you both. But, not even the passion of the kiss could erase the things he had done to you. 

The moment it all caught up to you, the moment something else came to your mind, you pushed him away and you ran, you ran away from him and now you feel guilty for it but you couldn’t stay, you couldn’t stick around any longer. 

You found Robin and Chrissy, blabbering out what happened to you before you begged them to take you home.

Now, you are laying in your bed, staring up at the white ceiling. You’re glad that you haven’t had much alcohol last night. The sharp pain in your lower stomach is already bad enough, you wouldn’t want to deal with both a headache and the awful cramps. 

You don’t know how, but you manage to drag yourself out of the comfort of your bed. When the pain in your stomach gets sharper, you suddenly regret the plans that you had made with your friends for today. 

Your heart leaps to your throat when your phone starts ringing. You don’t bother to hurry down the stairs to pick it up. You know who it is but you aren’t ready to talk to him. 

Eddie had done nothing wrong, he had never done anything wrong. 

But the thought of talking to him or even facing him fills you with an awful feeling, one that you can’t describe. You know you can’t run from it, you had made plans with Robin, Chrissy and Eddie. 

You let the phone ring and disappear into the bathroom, you close the door and drown out the voice of the shrill sound. 

You hope that a hot shower will help you get rid of that sickening feeling but your mind can’t rest and every time you think back to that kiss, you feel that immense guilt. Why? You wanted it, you wanted it just as much as he did. 

Steve is single and so are you, there is not a reason for you to feel guilty about something that you had wanted for so long. 

Or, maybe you feel guilty for doing this to yourself… again. Because why are you letting him back in? Why are you giving him the chance to hurt you again? 

It doesn’t matter how he feels about you, it doesn’t matter how much he loves you, it doesn’t matter, not anymore. 

He hurt you too many times for you to just let him back into your life like this. 

You cannot give him the chance to hurt you again. 

The clock strikes 2 when the doorbell rings. You furrow your brows when you look at the watch on your vanity, the one you never wear. Eddie is always on time when it comes to you but never when he picks up Robin first, she is always running late. You take one last look at yourself, fluffing out your hair a little more before you drop the lipgloss on the table. You smoothe down your skirt and reach for your little purse, picking out your favorite cardigan on the way out. 

The doorbell rings again when you walk down the stairs, “I’m coming!” You sigh. 

When you open the door, you don’t expect to see him on the other side. The smile that tugged at your lips instantly falls and tension arises in your body. 

“Hi.”

Steve. 

Your shoulders slump as you take in the sight of him. The soft and apologetic eyes, the hopeful look in his features. The messy hair. 

“Hey,” you whisper. 

“C-Can we talk?” 

You’d rather not. The fear that he will pull you back in is too big. 

“What about?” 

You keep holding onto the door, staring at him as you try to calm the feeling in your chest. He had already walked you home last night, even though you tried to protest against it, he could’ve talked to you then but he stayed quiet, you did too. 

He licks his lips as he looks down nervously. The atmosphere around you had changed yet again. You were ready to let him back into your life. You smiled at him again, you talked to him again, you wanted to be his friend – he ruined it all with a kiss and he knows it.

“I-I’m sorry, sweetheart.” 

As you look into his eyes, you know, you just know, he is genuine about it. There’s remorse lingering in them and fear – fear of losing you again. 

“Steve,” you sigh. 

“I-I wasn’t – I wasn’t thinking about how much I would hurt you again a-and, I-I just wanted, no, needed to kiss you again. I messed up, I was a selfish prick. And I promise, it won’t happen again if you don’t want it.” He is pleading with his eyes as he looks down at you, “I loved every second of it b-but I shouldn’t have done it. I-I just, please forgive me, dolly.”

Steve had never begged for forgiveness when you were still together, he had done so many awful things, he hurt you so many times but he never begged for forgiveness, he just dismissed them and moved on and acted like he had never done anything wrong. 

“I won’t ever do it again,” he says, even though kissing you is all he wants to do. “I just, I don’t want to lose you again.”

You don’t want to lose him again either. 

Something about the look in his eyes and the sadness in his voice makes you feel guilty. 

You nod. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah,” you breathe, “just, promise me that you won’t kiss me again.”

“I promise!” He exclaims with wide eyes, “I promise, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do. I-I know that we’re not exactly friends but I-I’d love for us to be friends again.”

Right now, you don’t see the Steve that hurt you. You see the boy you used to play hide and seek with. The boy who used to pick flowers for you. The boy who used to pick you up in the afternoons to get sundaes at Benny’s. The boy you made a pact with when you were little kids – that you would stay friends, no matter what. 

And Steve really needs a friend. He doesn’t have Tommy anymore, he doesn’t have Nancy anymore – who is left?

“Steve?” 

“Yes?” He asks, furrowing his brows when you completely dismiss his words. 

“Who do you hang out with?” 

“No one,” he says without a single moment of hesitation. 

It might be his fault but you still feel bad for him. You and Tommy were his only friends and now he has neither one of you left. 

He has no one. 

No friends and not even his parents to come home to – they are never there.

Maybe it’s the image of him alone or maybe it’s just the look in his eyes that makes you feel heartbroken, sad for the man in front of you, the one who used to be your everything. 

Suddenly, you feel the need to keep the promise that you had made as kids. 

You open your mouth to speak but the sound of a car – a van pulling up to your driveway makes you freeze in your spot. Your heart leaps to your throat and you swallow harshly. 

Eddie.

Oh no. You had been ignoring his calls all day, breaking the promise that you would call after every party – you didn’t, at least not last night. You couldn’t. 

He gets out of the van and closes the door. You are so focused on him that you don’t see Chrissy and Robin on the other side of the van. Eddie stares at Steve’s car with a frown on his face and when he looks your way, he freezes. 

Steve notices the panicked look in your eyes, the nervousness is written all over your face. He turns around. Eddie stands there with a frown on his face, anger in his features and disappointment.

Robin and Chrissy share a look when they find Steve on your front porch. They are the firsts to walk towards you, glancing at Eddie nervously. 

You tear your eyes away from Eddie when Chrissy walks up the stairs, brushing past Steve, completely ignoring his presence. 

“Hey!” She smiles but with a questioning look in her eyes. You know what she is thinking; what is he doing here? 

“Hey Chris,” you smile and greet her with a hug. She places her hand on your shoulder when she pulls back, eying the skirt you are wearing, her eyes lighten up, “oh my god, is it the one we bought last week together?” 

“Yes!”

“I love it, it’s so cute!” 

“Don’t you have the same one?” Robin asks, chuckling as she approaches you, eying Steve weirdly. 

He rolls his eyes and sighs. 

“Yes but it’s not the same color, Robs!” 

Robin gives Chrissy a teasing smile before she looks over at you, “hey wild child, are you good after last night?” She tilts her head in his direction, raising her brows at you as though to say ‘what the fuck is he doing here?’ 

You would’ve laughed at the nickname she just gave you if it wasn’t for the intense look that Eddie is giving you as he walks up the stairs as well. You see his clenched jaw, he is angry – angry that you ignored his calls, angry to see him here. But there is also a hint of sadness in his brown orbs and you can’t take it – you can’t stand to see even a sliver of sadness in his eyes. 

He quickly masks it with something else, just the way he always does. 

“Thanks for the call, sweetheart,” he says sarcastically, furrowing his brows with a fake smile on his lips, “I mean for thanks for letting me know that you got home safe. Oh and super nice of you to keep ignoring my calls all day too.” 

You can’t even look at him so you look down. 

Steve’s brows stayed furrowed, the tension and the awkwardness isn’t hard to miss. Eddie looks at him in a way that almost makes him shrink under the weight of his eyes. So he turns back to you. You are blinking, chewing on your bottom lip and breathing heavily. You feel guilty, so guilty that you can’t even look at Eddie. Steve’s heart drops a little. He remembers how he felt when Nancy kissed him, how he couldn’t look into your eyes without feeling like the guilt was eating at him. He felt horrible, even when it wasn’t a kiss he initiated or even let happen, he still felt guilty, just as guilty as you are feeling, right now. 

But you and Eddie are just friends, right? 

Robin and Chrissy look at each other awkwardly. 

“Eddie, I-I’m sorry,” you say softly, “I had the worst headache–”

“Yeah, I can see that,” he mumbles, glancing at Steve.

Steve rolls his eyes at Eddie’s attitude. 

“Look, can we just go?” Robin asks, wanting to escape the awkward situation. 

“Yes please,” Chrissy mumbles. 

You look up, slowly looking between your friends. You already know that Robin and Chrissy are both going to be too busy with each other and Eddie is clearly pissed – you have seen him angry before but the anger was never directed at you and you know very well how he can be when he’s pissed.

Before you can stop the words from spilling, you look up at Steve. 

“Steve is coming too.”

All four of them turn to you, looking at you wide eyed – as though you had gone crazy. 

Chrissy looks annoyed, Robin looks confused, Eddie looks at you in disbelief and Steve, he stares at you with softened eyes. 

“I invited him,” you lie. 

Steve shakes his head at you, he doesn’t want you to feel like you have to include him, this is not what he came here for. He just wanted to apologize and make things right. 

Robin looks away with a clenched jaw and Chrissy looks down to hide her eye roll. 

“Can I talk to you, sweetheart?” Eddie asks, tilting his head. 

“Yeah,” you whisper, nervously. 

You walk past Steve and the girls, clutching your cardigan tightly as you step out on the porch. Eddie places his hand on your lower back and leads you down the stairs and towards his van. 

“Eddie, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to ignore you–”

“Did something happen?” He asks and finally swallows the anger down. He can hear the trembling in your voice, the shakiness of your hand which might be caused by something else. 

He feels the urge to cup your cheeks so he can see your eyes but you keep looking down at the graveled ground. 

You simply shake your head. 

“Why didn’t you call me?” He asks softly, this time. 

“I was really tired and I drank too much, I wasn’t thinking.”

You raise your head a little, daring to look at him. 

“You’re lucky Robin called me otherwise I would’ve broke into your house.”

Your lips twitch and you break into a smile, “wouldn’t be the first time.”

He can’t help but smile back at you, his anger melting away. 

“I-I’m sorry for inviting him, I know none of you want him around.”

“Then why did you invite him?” He asks, not out of anger but out of curiosity.

You can see the annoyance lingering in his eyes, the same annoyance you saw in Chrissy’s and Robin’s eyes. 

You don’t know why you feel the need to explain yourself but when you look at him, you know you have to. 

“He is just a friend now, I promise. I-I don’t want him like that – he’s just my friend.” 

Eddie’s eyes skip over your face. Your brows are furrowed, eyes pleading and filled with honesty – he just doesn’t understand what the guilt is for. 

“I still don’t understand why he has to be included.”

“He’s alone, Eddie.”

His brows knit together and he shakes his head. 

“No, he isn’t? He’s with Nancy and bitchy Carol and fucktard Tommy–”

“He broke up with Nancy and he doesn’t have friends. Not anymore.”

Oh. 

If there is one thing Eddie knows, it’s loneliness. And he can’t help but pity him. There isn’t much that he knows about Steve except for the things that you told him and his absent parents – it’s something that he unfortunately can relate to. He knows what it’s like to have no one. But fear grows inside of him at the news of Steve being single. 

“Fine, don’t expect me to not mess with him though.”

You roll your eyes, snorting at his words. 

“You two will be menaces to each other.” 

Whenever Eddie felt vulnerable, angry or hurt, he’d put on a mask, he would hide his true feelings by putting on a front. He had never felt that need to do that with you, not until now. 

He watches you with a weird feeling in his chest when you walk back to Steve. 

Robin gives Eddie a pitiful look but the latter refuses to show how insecure or sad he is. He puts on a fake smile and looks over at Steve. 

“I always wanted to take your girl for a ride.” 

Steve’s head snaps towards him, halting his movements, he stops jingling with his car keys and gives Eddie a weird look. 

“Excuse me?” 

Robin and Chrissy look at you before they turn to each other, erupting into a fit of giggles at the double innuendo. 

Eddie briefly glances at you before he nudges his chin into the direction of Steve’s BMW. 

Steve squints his eyes, “yeah, keep dreaming, Munson.”

Eddie chuckles, “I will.”

“Wait, are we taking your car?” You ask, turning to Steve. 

Robin mumbles something under her breath and Chrissy shushes her in response, nudging her shoulder. 

“Can we talk, y/n?” Steve asks.

“Yeah, at the movies.” 

You know exactly what he wants to talk about. He doesn’t want to intrude and he probably feels awkward to be around your friends. 

“Come on.”

Steve sighs, knowing that you won’t take no for an answer, he just gestures for you all to get in his car. He expects you to take the passenger seat but instead, you take Eddie’s hand in yours and lead him to the passenger side. 

“You can sit in the front,” you smile at Eddie as he looks down at you in confusion. 

“I’ll sit in the back with Chris and Robin.”

“Uh–” 

“Let’s go before the movie starts!” You say before anyone else can protest. 

Eddie and Steve share a look, not a very excited or happy one, it’s more one of annoyance. Neither of them want to spend time with the other. But they get in the car nonetheless. 

Chrissy and Robin get in as well, begrudgingly so. 

“Are we still going out for pizza afterwards?” Robin asks, looking between Chrissy, Eddie and you. 

Steve looks at you through the rearview mirror, seeing the way you scrunch your face up in disgust. 

“Yeah, we can order some when we get back to my place,” you mumble, “I definitely need some McDonald's today though.” 

Robin raises her brows in surprise, “what, is that hangover food for you or something?” 

Chrissy chuckles beside her. 

“Not exactly.”

No. It’s not your hangover food. Steve knows it. You only ever craved McDonald’s once a month. 

“Hey Robin, did you tell y/n about your new job yet?” She asks, trying to ease the tension in the car. 

Your lips part when you look over at your friend, “wait, what new job? You found something new?” 

“Yes!” Robin says, pretending to be excited, “I’m starting next week.”

“Where?”

“Scoops Ahoy!”

Chrissy smiles, nodding in excitement. 

Steve turns around, looking at you, surprised. His lips twitch and you almost laugh. Eddie glances between the two of you.

“Oh,” he furrows his brows, “the ice cream shop, huh?” 

“Yup.”

Robin doesn’t even acknowledge him properly, just nods into his direction. Oh, this is going to be interesting. 

“So, have you met your co-workers yet?” You ask. 

She twists the rings on her fingers, shaking her head. 

“Nope, I guess, I’ll meet them on monday.”

“You don’t have to,” you giggle.

“Huh?” 

The look of confusion amuses even Steve. 

You point your finger at Steve, who waves at Robin mockingly. 

Her eyes widen, for a moment she looks shocked before she lets out a groan of annoyance, “you gotta be kidding me..” 

“Hey there, co-worker,” Steve says, unable to hold back his chuckle. 

She slumps back, looking very miserable before her eyes light up and she sits back up, “wait! Does that mean that you have to wear one of those sailor uniforms too?”

At that, Steve groans and looks away. 

“Sailor uniforms?” 

“Come by on monday and you’ll see Steve in a pair of skimpy sailor shorts,” Robin winks at you. 

While you and Chrissy laugh and even Eddie joins in, smirking at Steve, “are you gonna wear some slutty shorts, Harrington?”

“Shut up,” Steve mumbles, closing his eyes. 

“Alright, alright,” Robin mumbles, “can you start the car, dingus? We’re gonna miss the movie!”

“Yeah,” he sighs as he starts the car.

-

The drive to the movies wasn't the most joyful one you’ve been on. Eddie kept pestering Steve about his music choices. Steve kept rolling his eyes at him and Chrissy and Robin kept whispering to you. 

‘Why is he here?’

‘Why did you invite him?’

‘Are you with him again?’ 

‘What about –’

You never got to hear the end of Robin’s question, Chrissy slapped her shoulder before she could finish it. 

Walking into the movie theater has always been a nostalgic feeling to you, it always takes you back to your childhood. It’s oddly comforting. The smell of popcorn and butter makes your mouth water and you can’t wait to dig into the sweet treat. 

After buying the tickets, Chrissy takes your hand and leads you over to the lounge area while the others go to buy the snacks. 

The moment you take a seat, she starts bombing you with questions again. Rambling and throwing one after the other at you, not even giving you the chance to reply. 

“Chrissy–”

“No, please don’t tell me that you’re getting back with him,” she says, crinkling your nose. She watched you cry over him more than once, even before the break up. 

You shake your head, “no,” you mumble, taking a look at the others as they stand by the counter. 

“I just – he’s different now.”

Chrissy scoffs at your words, rolling her eyes. 

“Right, they all change when they get dumped.”

“He didn’t get dumped, he broke up with Nancy – and it doesn’t even matter! I don’t want to date him, I-I just, we’re friends now, I guess.”

Chrissy knows that Steve had always been more than just your boyfriend. He was your best friend, long before she became friends with you. 

“I just don’t want him to hurt you again, y/n.”

You tilt your head and smile at her, “please, don’t worry about me. I won’t let that happen, not again. We’re friends. That’s all.”

She nods at your words and glances at the others. Steve and Eddie seem to be fighting about something, she can’t help but chuckle in amusement. 

Eddie rolls his eyes at Steve, leaning closer to him to mock him about something. 

“What’s so funny?” 

She tilts her head at you, “well, I guess, Steve tagging along makes things more entertaining.”

With furrowed brows, you take a look at them – Eddie is holding a bag of popcorn in one hand, throwing some at Steve with the other.

“Guys!” You hear Robin’s annoyed voice. 

You snort. 

Robin is the first to come back, annoyance written all over her face,“they are so immature.”

She hands Chrissy the bag of popcorn and a box of Reese's pieces. 

“They’re men, what do you expect?”

“You’re right,” Robin says to Chrissy. 

“Sweetheart, tell Steve that you prefer salted popcorn,” Eddie says when he comes back, “he insisted on sweet popcorn.” 

Steve rolls his eyes at Eddie, stopping next to him. 

“Here we go again,” Robin mumbles under her breath. 

Steve already knows your answer so he doesn’t even look at you expectedly. Eddie seems to look like he knows your answer too and he does, but today it isn’t the right one. 

“Uh.” You get up and look at your best friend with an apologetic look in your eyes as you reach for the bag in Steve’s hand. “I’m sorry…”

Eddie’s eyes flash with confusion and his face falls. If you didn’t feel so guilty already, you would’ve been amused by the look of betrayal on his face. He is so dramatic. You’d be lying if you said that it’s something you don’t love about him though.

“W-What?” He scoffs as his lips set in a pout, “we always get salted popcorn!” 

“Yeah and it’s my favorite but I’m craving something sweet today. I’m sorry, Ed’s.”

Eddie rolls his eyes and looks away from you, “and how did you know that?” He asks Steve. 

Steve could have been smug about it, especially, seeing as it makes Eddie mad. 

He shrugs, “it’s just something that we always used to get when we came here,” he lies. 

Suddenly, you want to run, you want to escape. So you grab your purse and leave the group, pretending to look at the ticket that you were holding all this time. Chrissy gets up to follow you and so does Steve. 

Robin and Eddie stay back though, glancing at each other.

It’s not that they hate him. They don’t. But they know what he did to you, they know how much he hurt you, how much you suffered because of him and he had done nothing to earn your trust back. He just weaseled his way back into your life and you let him. 

And despite his jealousy and the fear of losing you, Eddie still isn’t as angry as Robin is – because he thinks about your words; ‘He’s alone, Eddie.’

Eddie and Robin follow the three of you, he watches you, he watches how you interact with Steve and Chrissy, laughing at something he said. 

“I’m so fucking pissed,” Robin says. 

“Why?” He asks but keeps his eyes on you. 

“Because he will just hurt her again. I can’t believe she feels bad for him after the shit he did to her.”

“Well, can’t really fight her when she’s this stubborn,” Eddie shrugs. 

“Yeah, but he doesn’t want to be friends with her – I mean, when Billy kissed her he was like all rough and shit, and then Heather – fuck, when Heather told me she kissed Steve, I was fuming!” She says, looking up as she groans in anger. 

Eddie feels like someone had dropped a bucket of ice cold water over him. He freezes and halts in his tracks, eyes widening as he feels his heart sinking to his stomach. 

“W-What?” Eddie mumbles. 

Robin stops walking when she notices that Eddie is no longer beside her. She glances at the three of you before she turns back to him and sees the look of confusion and sadness in his eyes – fuck. She should have known. She should’ve known that you didn’t tell him. That is why you didn’t call him. That is why you didn’t pick up any of his calls. 

“S-She kissed Steve a-and Billy?” He asks with widened eyes, “please, tell me you’re joking, Robin.”

Robin’s own eyes widen as well and she starts shaking her head wildly, “no! It was spin the bottle.” 

A part of him feels relieved but the other part is still tense. His eyes begin to hurt. 

He curses at himself for not being there last night. You wouldn’t have to kiss Billy if he was there, you wouldn’t have to kiss Steve. 

“B-But it was just a game, right?”

A guilty feeling overcomes Robin and she already begins to regret that she even mentioned it. 

She wants to say ‘yes, it was just a game’ but Robin was never a good liar and even if she tried, he would know that she is not telling the truth. 

“It was just a game,” Eddie repeats, “her kissing Steve was just a game, right?” 

He doesn’t even care about Billy, the kiss with him was just a game. 

“Eddie–”

“Come on, Robin,” he mumbles, shakily. 

He knows he has no right to be upset over a kiss. You are not even his to lose. But he always hoped, deep down, he always hoped that there might be a chance for him someday. 

“She told me that he kissed her again afterwards – outside.”

Eddie’s shoulders slump, his heart feels heavy in his chest. He feels so stupid to think that you wouldn’t do this. You could only resist him for so long. Steve Harrington still has your heart after all. 

“But Eddie, I don’t think that it meant anything to her. She rejected him and then came to find me.”

Her words do nothing to make him feel better. 

Robin looks at him, anxiously. She knows how resentful Eddie can be when he’s hurt and by the look on his face, she knows that he is deeply hurt. 

“Are you guys coming?” Chrissy asks, interrupting Robin who was just about to say something. 

Eddie looks down with a clenched jaw. He doesn’t even want to be here anymore. 

“Yeah. Come on, Eddie.”

Eddie follows begrudgingly. He knows that he shouldn’t feel that way. It shouldn’t hurt as much. You are still just friends after all, you are not his girlfriend, you are not his, your heart isn’t his. 

You never gave any signs that you wanted him back, not even once. 

He shouldn’t be this upset. He shouldn’t feel so jealous. 

But it isn’t just the kiss or the kisses. 

You have only spent one evening with Steve, kissed him twice and you are already distancing yourself from him. Ignoring him and his calls. He is already losing you. 

His mood only gets worse when he finds you sitting next to him, giggling at something he said to you. He rolls his eyes and sits down on the other side of you. 

You turn away from Steve and towards him, smiling at him, “hey.”

“Hey,” he grumbles. 

He doesn’t even see the creased brows or the saddened look in your eyes, he’s staring at the white screen. 

“How was the campaign last night?” 

“Good.”

“Okay,” you mumble and lean back again, you frown in confusion. Is he this upset over some salted popcorn? 

Steve looks over at Eddie, his jaw is clenched, he blinks faster than usual, he is pissed. He was pissed before but not like this, he seemed to have calmed down on the drive here and even while they were at the counter, buying snacks, he seemed fine and even laughed and teased him, now he just looks angry. 

He glances at Robin who sits next to him, she is chewing on her bottom lip and bouncing her knee, completely ignoring Chrissy’s rambling. The room might be dark, but Steve can see the guilt in her eyes. 

“Hey Robin,” he whispers. 

She rolls her eyes at him, “what?”

“You didn’t tell Eddie about the kiss did you?” He whispers, careful that you aren’t listening. 

She freezes a little and that is enough of an answer. Shit. Steve doesn’t really care about Eddie or about what he feels. He understands him but he still doesn’t care. 

He cares about you. Back at your house, he saw the way you avoided Eddie’s eyes, the way you looked so scared and guilty, you were scared of his reaction that’s why you avoided him. You didn’t want him to know. 

Now he knows and you don’t know that he does. 

“Are you not gonna tell me about it?” Steve hears you asking him. 

Eddie doesn’t even glance at you, he only leans further away from you. 

“I would’ve told you if you picked up the fucking phone last night.”

You’re taken aback by the anger in his words, by the curse words that he never ever directed at you. 

Normally, you would have said something but the guilt that you are still feeling makes you unable to talk. Besides, you are too intimidated to say anything back, scared that he will lash out on you because, clearly, he is deeply upset about something. 

Steve watches how you turn away from him, you roll your eyes but the sadness gives away how hurt you are by Eddie’s attitude towards you. 

Steve glares at Eddie, the urge to whack him across his curly head is strong. 

He nudges your shoulder and gives you a soft smile when you look at him, “you okay?” 

You hesitate, “...yes.”

Eddie narrows his eyes to look at the two of you and he keeps doing it during the whole movie. 

Normally, you would comment on certain scenes, so would he. Normally, you would laugh together and you would lean your head on his shoulder, he would wrap his arm around you. 

Today, he leans away from you and after a few attempts to talk to him or make him laugh, you give up when he keeps brushing you off. You lean away from him as well. He doesn’t comment on anything and neither do you anymore. He is still pissed and you are still tense, your mind is filled with thoughts that you don’t want to think about and despite the painkillers you took earlier, your stomach is still cramping. You are hurting today. 

Despite the funny moments in the movie, you cannot laugh, in fact, you feel like crying – whether it’s your period making you overly emotional or just Eddie.

Eddie is giving you the cold shoulder and it hurts, it fucking hurts. 

He had never done anything like that to you before. 

You have been close friends for almost a year now and not once had he said or done anything to hurt you. But now, he is giving you the silent treatment, the cold shoulder and you can’t stand it because it’s something that Steve used to do to you. 

Whenever he was upset about something, he wouldn’t talk, he wouldn’t tell you what was going on in his mind, he wouldn’t tell you what you did wrong, he would simply give you the cold shoulder and ignore you for the rest of the day.

And now Eddie is doing the same to you. 

Eddie who you thought would never do this. 

The moment the credits start rolling, you jump up from the seat and push past Eddie. You rush out of the room after making up some excuse that you have to use the bathroom. 

“Is she okay?” Chrissy asks Eddie. 

“How would I know?” He snaps at her and gets up as well, leaving the others behind as he makes his way out as well. 

Chrissy scrunches her face up and looks at Robin, “what’s gotten into him?”

“Jesus..” Steve runs his fingers through his hair, “what a brat.” 

“Who?” Chrissy asks as she takes a proper look at his face for the first time today, “Eddie?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re right,” she mutters under her breath as she gets up, “I can’t believe I’d ever agree with you.”

Steve isn’t offended by her words. He knows that your friends never liked him and he doesn’t blame them. They have always been protective of you and of your feelings, something that he wasn’t when you were dating. 

“Let’s just go,” Robin says, “I need the pizza now.”

After some internal pep talk and five minutes of trying to keep yourself from breaking down, you leave the bathroom and step back into the empty hallway – almost empty hallway. You are almost startled by his presence. Out of all your friends, you didn’t expect to see him waiting for you. 

You halt in your tracks. He is looking at you the same way he did when he just came to your place. 

Eddie looks at your eyes, he notices the glassiness right away, whether you cried or not, he feels awful, despite the jealousy and the anger that he is still feeling. 

“Who pissed in your coffee this morning?” You finally snap at him. 

If he wasn’t so on edge already, he would’ve laughed and he would’ve loved the cute frown on your face. 

If he didn’t have a sleepless night, he maybe wouldn’t have been so pissed but the sleepless night was your fault. 

Even through the angry haze, he can see how beautiful you look today – you always look beautiful but something about the way you look today makes his heart race even faster. Maybe it’s the new skirt or maybe it’s the way you did your makeup or the fact that you are wearing his ring – you always wear it but, somehow, it means even more to him that you are wearing it today, even after the kiss with him. 

Eddie never gets to answer your question. 

Your friends join the two of you and interrupt your little tense moment. 

“Let’s go, we’re gonna order some pizza.”

You tear your eyes away from his, sighing as you walk past him. 

“Yeah, can we order? I don’t feel like eating there.”

Robin and Chrissy nod. They pull you away from Eddie and Steve. 

Both men stay behind for a moment, Eddie looks at the ground, a mixture of guilt and anger still deep in his features. 

Steve wants to say something and he opens his mouth but decides against it. Anything that he will say, will only anger the metalhead even further and he doesn’t want to risk making things worse.

So he turns around and walks away. 

You are surprised to see Robin and Steve sharing a knowing look when you all get back into his car, they both take a look at Eddie, who is silent, unlike on the drive here. 

Chrissy leans closer to you, she cups her hand over her mouth, “did something happen between you and Eddie?” She whispers, giving you a look of concern and confusion. 

You shake your head at her and shrug. You are just as confused. 

Her eyes soften when she sees the worry and the hurt in your eyes, she gives you a sad smile and takes ahold of your hand, trying to comfort you. 

Your lips twitch, you squeeze her hand back before you turn away, looking out the window instead. 

The day started off good, the sun was shining and the breeze was warm but, just like your mood, the weather had taken a turn for the worse. The clouds appeared like dark shadows over the pretty blue sky and the breeze turned into a harsh wind. It isn’t raining yet but you know it’s about to start falling any minute.

Somehow, the weather always matches your mood. 

“I thought we were getting pizza?”

You were so focused on watching the clouds move, you didn’t pay attention to where you were driving. 

Your eyes light up a little when you see the McDonald’s sign. 

“Y/n doesn’t want pizza,” Steve says as he pulls into the drive through, “she wanted burgers.”

For a moment, you forget about Eddie’s anger, the pain in your stomach or the guilt. Your eyes widen and a smile tugs at your lips, you have been craving burgers and fries all day. 

���Oh! Fries too, please, Stevie!” 

You don’t hear Eddie’s scoff over Steve’s chuckle, “I know, dolly.”

Eddie rolls his eyes and clenches his fist.

“Does anyone want anything?” 

Eddie mumbles a ‘no’. 

Robin simply shakes her head and Chrissy leans closer to Robin to look out the window, reading the menu board. 

“Oh, can I have a strawberry milkshake?” Chrissy asks shyly, already reaching for the walled in her purse but you stop her, placing your hand over hers. 

“I got it, Chris.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Steve mumbles, looking over his shoulder, he glances at you both, “I’ll pay.”

She raises her brows, forcing a smile as she mumbles a quiet ‘thanks’. 

Robin is awfully quiet and you just notice it now when Chrissy leans back and you get to take a look at her. She keeps running her fingers through her hair, looking out the window with tense shoulders, just like Eddie. 

What the hell is going on?

Chrissy looks just as clueless as you though.

When Steve hands you the bag and the milkshake, a few minutes later, you almost squeal in excitement. Chrissy laughs at the look on your face and takes the milkshake from your hand. 

“Do you wanna share?” She asks, offering you the drink after taking the paper off the straw. 

“No thanks, I need the fries now.” You rip open the bag, the smell of greasy food makes your mouth water, “I’m so hungry,” you mumble as you reach for the fries. 

“Want some?” You ask Chrissy and Robin, “I’ll share, it’s too much for me anyways.” 

Robin shakes her head, “nah, I’ll wait for the pizza.”

Chrissy takes some, “you’re missing out, Robin.”

“Right?” You mumble through a mouthful, “you gotta dip them, Chris.”

“Not in a strawberry milkshake though!” She laughs, “it’s gotta be vanilla.”

Steve glances at you through the rearview mirror. His heart flutters when he sees the smile on your face. 

“Do you guys want some?” You ask, offering some to Steve and Eddie.

“It’s all yours, hangry,” Steve chuckles, using an old nickname. 

“I’m not hangry!” You slap his shoulder. 

“You want some Eddie?” You ask softly. 

He shakes his head, continuing to give you the cold shoulder. So he really is mad at you. Eddie never says no to fries, he steals some from your plate every time you go out to eat – or he finishes the ones that are left on your plate when you get too full to finish eating them yourself. 

You exhale and slump back in your seat, feeling sad all over again. 

You look down at the fries, suddenly, not feeling as hungry as you did before. Still, you continue snacking on the fries, choosing to save the burger for later. 

Chrissy looks at you worriedly when you frown and look down at your food, sadly, not as happy as you did a few moments back. She knows that you had been struggling in the past few months, you haven’t been eating as much and whenever you do, you quickly lose your appetite. Whether it’s the past memories that take away your appetite or something else – you have a problem. A problem that Eddie usually tries to help you with. 

She doesn’t know what happened but she can’t help but glare at the metalhead. 

But Robin is acting off too, so when you finally arrive back at your place and you all walk into your house. Chrissy takes Robin’s hand and pulls her away to the dining room to talk to her. 

“We’re gonna order the pizza!” Chrissy shouts as they disappear in the hallway. 

“Uh – okay.” 

Throwing your cardigan and your purse on the dresser, you walk into the living room. 

“Should I get some drinks?” Steve asks you, following you. 

“I can do it–”

“No, sit down, I’ll get some,” Steve mumbles, giving you a smile before he walks past you, disappearing in the kitchen. 

You reach for the remote to turn on some music on the TV, you always need the background noise, even in a room full of people. From the corner of your eye, you see him. You are surprised that he’s still here, you figured that he’d take his van and leave the moment Steve parked the car in your driveway. 

A part of you wants to say something but the other part doesn’t. You don’t want to give him the silent treatment back, you are just scared of his explanation. 

On the way home, you kept trying to figure out what made him so angry. 

Did he know about the kiss? Did Robin tell him? Is he upset about that?

Even if he knows, he can’t be upset about it – even when you think about what Nancy said to you, it still makes no sense. Why would he be upset? You aren’t together. You are not his girlfriend. 

Then again, it doesn’t explain your guilty feeling either. Just like you aren’t his, he isn’t yours. You have no reason to feel so guilty about kissing Steve – you can kiss whoever you want. 

Besides, you went on a date with Ray and even kissed him before he turned into a major douchebag – Eddie never got upset about the fact that you wanted to go on a date. So he can’t be upset about this either, right?

It has to be something else. 

Is he sick of you?

Did he finally realize that you aren’t worth his time?

Did he have a sudden change of heart just like Steve did when he went from loving boyfriend to awful boyfriend overnight?

Did your radio silence piss him off that much?

He is still standing by the doorway. 

You can’t help but roll your eyes at him and of course, it doesn’t go unnoticed by him. You still don’t say anything though, too afraid to make things worse. 

The tugging in your chest gets even worse, if that is even possible. 

“What’s wrong, dolly?” 

All appetite is lost the moment you hear the mocking in his voice. You still blame your emotions on your period but deep down, you know that it’s not that. 

You feel the coil in your throat, the hollow feeling in your stomach and the sickness in your chest. You don’t know whether you want to throw up or break into tears. 

You can’t take this, not from him. 

His words weren’t even bad or offending in any way but to hear the tone in his voice, to receive the cold shoulder from someone who you wouldn’t hesitate to give your everything to, makes you feel like you’re taken back to Halloween – where it all fell apart.

“Did you have fun last night?” 

His question makes you frown. For the first time, you look at Eddie with a glare. 

“I did.”

“Yeah, I figured,” he scoffs and looks away. 

What the hell?

Chrissy and Robin walk into the room, both looking a little tense. 

“Uh, pizza is ordered,” Chrissy says awkwardly. 

She notices your heavy breathing and the way you are blinking quickly. The way you keep glancing at Eddie who refuses to look at you. 

Steve comes back into the room with a few cans of coke, he places them on the small table. Steve’s presence seems to anger Eddie even further and Chrissy is starting to get annoyed by the attitude that spawned out of nowhere. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Chrissy asks you. 

Eddie is not looking at you. He isn’t even glancing at you. He doesn’t care. Why doesn’t he care anymore? What happened? 

Your eyes burn. You can’t sit here any longer, you get up and walk away. 

“Hey, do you not want to eat your food?” Steve asks, pointing to the takeout on the table. 

“Not hungry,” you mumble. 

“But, you haven’t eaten all day!”

Suddenly, Eddie feels even worse than he did before. He let his anger control him, all fucking day. 

Steve sees your trembling lip and the tears in your eyes when you look back for a split second before you brush past Eddie and disappear into the hallway. 

Chrissy calls out for you, jumping up from the couch, she runs after you, bumping into Eddie on purpose with a death glare. 

He looks down with a sigh. 

Steve has had enough of his behavior. He shakes his head in disbelief before he walks over to him, startling Eddie by grabbing his shoulder roughly, pushing him forward. 

“What the fuck, dude?” Eddie snaps at him, trying to push Steve’s hands off of him but the latter has a strong grip on him and he pushes him towards the entrance, ripping the door open, he pushes him out. 

For a moment, Eddie thinks that he’s getting kicked out. 

Robin jumps up, looking panicked as she watches them both leaving the house. She follows behind, opening the door that Steve just slammed shut. 

“What the hell is your problem?” Eddie asks, pushing Steve’s hands off with force.

“What’s my problem?” Steve chuckles in disbelief, pointing to himself. 

Eddie scoffs and looks away. 

“Get your fucking jealousy in check before you keep hurting her!” Steve yells over the harsh rain that is falling. 

“She is not – I-I’m not..”

“Yes, you fucking are. You were fine before the movie, so I’m guessing you –” he points at Robin, who breaks eye contact right away and slumps, “told him something and I have a pretty fucking good idea of what it is!”

Eddie’s shoulders slump, he looks down, his eyes are burning. 

“It’s just–” Eddie’s words get cut short because what can he say? How can Eddie tell him he is mad because he can’t compare himself to Steve Harrington? How can he tell him that he isn’t just jealous but also hurting? How can Eddie say anything at all when he has no chance whatsoever? 

For a split second, Steve is able to see through Eddie, the look in his eyes gives it all away. 

“Eddie,” he sighs, hurting himself with what he is about to say. He could lie to him, he could leave it all like this, be your knight in shining armor and pick you up after today but he won’t use Eddie’s insecurities and your vulnerability to weasel his way back into your heart. 

Steve looks up, taking a deep breath. 

“She pushed me away when I kissed her and I think we all know why.” 

Eddie’s eyes widen. 

“Now get your ass up there and fix it,” Steve says angrily. 

A million questions run through Eddie’s mind but now is not the time to ask them. Steve won’t take no for an answer. He simply nods before he walks back into the house. 

Robin crosses her arms over her chest, she is impressed by Steve. She’s a little surprised, she expected a fight to break out, she didn’t expect this to be cut… so short.

“Good job, Dingus.” 

He rolls his eyes at her, “let’s get inside.”

Chrissy is standing in front of the bathroom door, leaning against it as she keeps trying to convince you to come out. 

“Please, y/n,” she sighs, softly. 

Eddie eyes the cheerleader warily, for someone with such a kind face, she sure gave him the kind of death glare that even intimidated him. 

He takes a deep breath. 

“Can I try?”

She turns around at the sound of his voice, snapping her head up with a frown. Her brows knit together, her mouth twists and she rolls her eyes but steps away from the door nonetheless. 

“Yeah,” she mumbles, “don’t mess it up, Munson.”

That is a threat. Yeah, with the look on her face, it definitely is a threat. 

He really messed up. 

He knocks on the door softly, closing his eyes as he tries to calm his breathing. 

“Sweetheart,” he speaks with a much gentler voice than before, “can we talk?”

Silence. 

“Please?”

He opens his eyes when the faint click of the lock sounds through the hallway. He grabs the doorknob and twists it, he opens the door and steps inside. You are sitting on the edge of the bathtub, wiping away the tears that keep rolling down your cheeks – because of him. 

But why? Why would you cry over him? 

You look up at him with glossy eyes and you rise to your feet. 

“D-Do you hate me Eddie?” 

His eyes widen and he shakes his head quickly.

Eddie doesn’t even hesitate, he immediately pulls you into a tight hug. His own heart breaks, not once in his life did he think he would hurt you but, here he was, causing you pain because of his own selfishness.

He can feel you clinging to him, your arms are wrapped tightly around him, your tears are seeping through his shirt but he doesn’t mind. 

“No baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. I was just being stupid,” he sighs, not even noticing the nickname that rolled off his tongue so naturally. 

“I don’t want to lose you, Eddie.”

The trembling in your voice and the sadness makes his heart hurt even more. 

Not once in his life was anyone ever scared to lose him, yet, here you are, the girl that he loves, scared to lose him. You could have anyone, you could have Steve but you are scared to lose him. 

Whether it’s platonically or not – you are scared to lose him and that has to mean something. 

“You won’t lose me, I promise, you won’t,” he whispers and kisses the top of your head. “I’m so sorry – fuck,” he blinks his own tears away, hating himself for what he did. “I’m such an asshole.”

You only hug him tighter in response. 

“No, you’re not,” you mumble, “just don’t do it again.”

“I won’t. I promise, I won’t.”

“I’m so–”

“Stop apologizing. Just hold me,” you mumble into his chest, “we can talk later.”

“Okay,” he whispers, hugging you even tighter. 

This is what you need. To be held and comforted by him. 

You lean your chin on his chest and look up at him, “will you stay with me tonight?” 

For some reason, your question has him stunned.

You have had sleepovers before, many sleepovers in fact. But, something feels different. He doesn’t know what it is but something has shifted. 

Something has shifted between the two of you after last night, he felt it earlier already and he feels it now as well.

His heart thumps wildly in his chest and he’s sure that you can feel it because he can feel yours.

“Yeah, I’ll stay with you.”

-

tagging mutuals

@taintedcigs @mysticmunson @wroteclassicaly @corrodedcorpses @corrodedseraphine @xxhellfirebunnyxx @take-everything-you-can @trashmouth-richie @sherrylyn628 @nemesis729 @succubusmunson @chrissymjstan @somethingvicked

[chiiyuuvv]

Writing related no2

how i got into writing .ᐣ

Okay so I find this very cringy *laughs* but I had a Wattpad era 😞 at the time, I was reading all sorts of bts fanfiction and I ACTUALLY was writing one jungkook story but I stopped because that's when I discovered writers block. It was called "revenge" and it was like jk was your bf but he's talking to other girls for money. So you were like "rrr" and found ways to take revenge on him. NOW TO THINK ABOUT IT.. I had stories for almost everyone 😭😭 jimin was like forced marriage or smth and tae was your childhood bestie that left and came back when he was older but y'all are still in love or whatever. Anyways I had to take a break from Wattpad (for private reasons) and when I came back I was really into treasure. So yk reading treasure (along with cravity) and I was thinking about writing some treasure books at the time. I remember Jihoon or hyunsuk was like your tutor? And yedam was.. idek tbh. AND THEN I got into ateez and and I was going to write this book that was like ateez are basically puppets and like joong dies and is brought back to life and he realizes he's a puppet and he starts stringing along the other members because he's pissed off that they're talking shit about his gf (you) but in the series, hongjoong was never the puppet master and it was YOU that was doing everything for backstory this and backstory that. ANYWAYS I'm so sorry for ranting but how I made this account ^^ xikers has just debuted I believe and I was trying to look for ffs to read on Wattpad bc I'm delulu and there wasn't much, but I loved it and I also discovered my love for fluff. Like I eat that shit up nwam nwam. And after realizing there wasn't much I was like "maybe I could do smth 🤓☝️" and I did! I wrote me very first ff which was hyunwoo and then my second was sumin with lots of help from my friend (@marw-lilia ilysm) and then yeah I was writing more and more and got some requests here and there and wrote my first headcanons and gained followers and then I started writing for riize and got A BUNCH of followers but I stopped writing for riize since they were getting boring and surprisingly I still got lots of support and then I started writing for &team and got lunes and I hit 800! Yeah! Sorry for the ranting and lack of periods LMAOO 😭😭

[ronin-deactivated19851026]

me tryin to mourn here

also semi-related to my previous post but one thing i'm usually super mad at myself for is how quickly i go insane when some third party gets involved and starts pushing me skjxsjxkj and the harder they push, the less coherent i become, and while i'm aware that it's a severe trauma response, it's still dumb af idek

in retrospect, maybe i wouldn't have cut some people out of my life, maybe i would have acted in a completely different manner, if it wasn't for a third party coming to my dms and aggressively, persistently to the point that i unironically want to call it "emotional rape" try to literally gaslight me with their "you're a delusional schizo akshully this isn't what happened at all your experience is skewed by you being delulu you don't experience reality and i'm here to force you to accept that you're delusional and need a psychiatrist uwu" which prompted me to just be like, fuck both of them, fuck all this altogether

(ok i am aware that i might sound like i'm misusing the word "rape" here, but as someone who has been sexually assaulted, what this person did to me felt like amplified version of that, somehow. it was like i was being ripped apart and emotionally beaten into submission idek. considering that they were fully aware that shit like this is also a massive trigger to me, i wonder if it was intentional)

idek what my friend was thinking about all this (thought i wonder if they were even aware of what this fucker was doing) but does it even matter, like, at all? i remember them talking a lot about wanting to be their own person and maybe i should have brought this shit up instead of cutting everyone off, but it's really hard to think when you're literally getting actively retraumatized. besides, the choice has probably been quite obvious anyway

this gaslighting cretin wanted full control over the situation, he got it, hope he's happy since he clearly likes emotionally torturing people regardless of consequences for anyone involved and years later it didn't seem like he felt any remorse for playing a role in pushing me into ruining something so dear to me. i refuse to believe it wasn't intentional, and honestly, seeing how he treats everyone else and enables mentally ill individuals (including himself lmao), i guess he's getting some kick out of it. maybe it's for the best i left the way i did

[calibabii21]

I don't know if it's because I'm starting my period soon or bc I'm drained from the anxiety of interview prepping, but I am really fucking sad????

like, idek how to talk about all of what I'm feeling without parts of it seeming delulu and just, overly attached- but that's how I am :(((( I latch onto who and what I love so tightly that it comes across as me doing too much.

and when I advocate or speak up in defense of something/someone- esPECIALLY if it has to do with someone outside of our family, let alone the entire black race, I get so much shit and called a "sellout" or I'm "not black" and it's so exhausting and belittling an environment to constantly be in🤦🏾‍♀️

I just want to love and be loved and cuddled and listened to and fed and fucked and fed and slept with and LOVED and PRAYED FOR AND PRAYED WITH!!!!😭😭😭😭

thank you for listening to my Z-Talk. enjoy the rest of your day👋🏾

[taengerinee]

YEAH NO, IM RESPECTFULLY PASSING AWAY

I can't do blonde jk

Nononoonnonoonnoonono

[junityy]

hi hi! if you're still doing those moot games, how about how you think your moots relationship with their bias would be like!! (whether they'd be an idol as well or not, if their relationship is public, things they'd do with each other etc etc) i really like when you answer these it's so interesting to see!

hi nonnie!! yes i'm always doing these, you can send them in any time ,, so ty! <33 and pls im happy that you guys enjoy when i do these sm </3 im gonna do just a few moots this time!!

disclaimer: im just gonna go with one of my moots' ult bias (obv) and im gonna try n give yall a delulu moment by describing it with a few words, have fun 😍☝🏼

+ im just gonna go and say they (moots) arent idols in these 🤔🤔🤔🤔

kyla (@gyuuss) + yangyang - hmmm their relationship would very much be CHAOTIC chaotic. but like ,, they'd be SO CUTE ill cry. like the bond they would have . the kind of "we'll kinda do everything together bc we enjoy it" thing. like watching (new) movies or each others favorite shows, play games, make food, pull all nighters. that stuff where they'd have the most fun at although its "nothing really special" to other people ig. for dates, i'd almost say they would make the (above listed things) their 'dates'. like having a date night every once in a while but its just them making food and a movie marathon of their favs. like the small things yk???

mita (@eternallyhyucks) + yeonjun - the teasing, bullying, laughing at each other, insulting, roasting each other - kind of relationship idgaf. but then at times i feel like they'd just have those moments where they wouldn't even need to talk much but just enjoy it ,,, like each other's company yk🙄🙄 now their dates ,,,, i actually have no idea help. but if i had to guess, it'd probably either be smth expensive or 'just' a picnic or anything similar in the park. LIKE THE SIMPLE STUFF YK but they'd both be so happy about it. other than that - late night dates, 101%. they would do the weirdest things but make it seem funny somehow and have the most fun while doing so

val (@fairybinie) + soobin - no bc they would be so cute stfu. i think at times val would want to fight him tho (AFFECTIONATELY). they'd have that kind of relationship all of their friends would be lowkey jealous of bc they can understand each other without talking. like just looking at each other, that kinda stuff. i feel like they'd absolutely go on picnic dates (!!!), cafe dates and ASHSHSJ do yall remember those pics of soobin in the rain at night??? YEAH THEY'D SIMPLY GO OUT WHEN ITS LATE TOGETHER AND DO SMTH😍😍😍 in conclusion: yall wouls be the kind of couple i would want to block bc yall are cute ig ://

dori (@odxrilove) + san - BRO THEY WOULD TEASE EACH OTHER SM HELP😭 speaking from experience of being doris friend, they'd do it nonstop. and then fight each other. and then probably cuddle it out. and then fight each other again. they'd be so cute too :( i feel like the dates they'd go on would be like ,, not really travelling around kinda dates but kind of?? like exploring new places together and always make (new) memories. listen im ngl to you thinking about it i feel like they would be like every couple in every romance movie ever😭 but even better, like they would make it seem so realistic but also so unreal bc of how much fun they'd have together </3

may (@tyunni) + riki - THIS WOULD BE SO CHAOTIC HELP STFU😭😭 idek who would run away crying after being alone w each other for 2mins. like they would bully each other nonstop, but tbh i think that'd be mays love language when it comes to riki as stupid as it sounds😭🤔 and and and they would 100% go on arcade dates, like thats #canon to me. and i feel like they're the kind of couple to randomly go to mcdonalds at 3am and call it a date AND HONESTLY IT WOULD BE LIKE A DATE TOO. like they'd be so happy help <//3 bonus: i feel like people could assume yall are very very close best friends bc of your bond if you get what i mean, but boom plot twist yall are actually in L word with each other 😍😍

[v-hope]

after tf and belong we're back and we yeet to hobi's girl. im like 3 parts in and im laughing sm idek why but YES THATS WHAT I IMAGINED OF AT A TIME AND PEOPLE CALLED ME DELUSIONAL HELP (yes u catching their attention in a concert is rare but IT CAN STILL HAPPEN?!?!?) youre not allowed to judge me thank you have a nice day :) (now ill be living in yo mssgs again till i finish hobi's girl)

lmao honestly the entirety of hobi’s girl was me living my best delulu life so i’m glad you can relate 🤧

[jeonwonhi]

Zetaaaaa lmao so James and I were playing this game where we had to guess names, and James was like "game boy" and "half of bittersweet" idek what that means and anyway the answer was wonwoo which I didn't know until James said "ZETA'S MAN" hehe we should play that game sometime ❤❤❤

"ZETA'S MAN" PLEASE😭😭😭✋

the way it's so on brand and delulu of me to call him my man