#caine the deranged but well meaning ai

[avaitor]

drew some funky guys (why can't i be normal and like jax or something 😔)

[noa-ciharu]

'kay i want book recs that will give me psychological damage please!

Here comes the psychological damage! Also I'm so sorry it took me few months to write this out :<

Alright, since it's been a while since I read classics, out of books I can rec: The Stranger (Albert Camus, 1942), Myth of Sisyphus (Albert Camus, 1942), Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dolstoevski, 1844), Notes from Underground (Fyodor Dolstoevski, 1864), The Metamorphosis (Franz Kafka, 1915), No Longer Human (Dazai Osamu, 1948), The Collector (John Fowles, 1963) and let's add Under Cherries in Full Bloom (Sakaguchi Ango, 1966) for absurdity's sake.

Now if you want mangas (which I have a hunch you do), then here are some:

Baraou no Souretsu (Aya Kanno; 17 vols, 2013-2022)

I've read this one a month ago and I still can't get it out of my mind. It's a dark historical shojo tragedy, genre rarely seen nowadays. Story is about prince Richard, who is born neither male nor female - with both sexes actually. From very beginning his mother cast him aside and called a demon that'll bring misfortune to those around him. Needless to say this way of growing up left deep scars on Richard as he cannot accept himself. Manga is based on historical happenings (Wars of Roses I believe), so expect alot of dramas and tragedies. Plot is unique in my opinion, especially the regression of characters where instead of becoming better versions of themselves they fall into their characters flaws. Richard and other characters are extremely well written, struggles he faces regarding love and vulnerability are realistically portrayed. I especially liked Richard's multiply yet all tragic in a manner love interests and bonds he formed with them; one of rare romances in mangas I genuinely loved. Art is beautiful, I fully recommend this manga (although it is very dark and brutal).

Earl Cain/ GodChild (Yuki Kaori, 8 vols, 2001 - 2003)

Again, historical tragic gothic shojo with shonen ai vibes. Manga has two names if that's confusing you; why that's the case however, I have no clue. Set in 19th century England, a young nobleman Cain solves mysteries and crimes; he's followed by his servant Riff and 10 year old half sister Mary. He succeeded position as family head after early death of his father. Series goes on as rather tame for a bit but with dreading feeling of disaster lurking under corner. Once facades drop, they drop for real and series takes on a rather dark, conflicting and dramatic turn. That's all I can say without spoiling things too much. Artstyle is amazing (I mean, it's Kaori Yuki). Characters are amazingly written, especially Clain and Mary. Full with symbolism, even main character's name is a symbol of its own. Once more, series is rather dark and can be heavy to read to it might not be everyone's cup of tea. But in term of psychological damage and drama, as well as Shakespearean tragedy, it's amazing.

Bastard (Youngchan Hwang, 5 vols; 2014 - 2016)

Now I must clarify - I never read this one to the end. Not because I disliked it but because it scared life out of me. Psychological horror, very disturbing and gore. Jin is the quiet protagonist that goes on with his life; however right from the very start you can tell there's something deeply unsettling about him. Quite uncanny atmosphere goes on for a few intro chaps where you're trying to figure out what's wrong with Jin and what's the source of his terror. Then another shoe drops: his father, who is respectful business man on surface, is a deranged serial killer who sells organs and for years Jin had unwillingly been his accomplice. I've googled this manhwa for images and saw pics of him and.... kudos to author how distorted and horrific he's drawn and how effective horror is in his works but I'll be needing therapy. This is a webton, so expect amazing graphic, horror and jumpscares (effective one to the boot) and alot of psychological drama and gore. This webton deranged me, I couldn't sleep for days, I had to drop it for sake of mental health. But I have nothing but praises for it, best of horror manhwas I've read so far. There are few other manhwas by same author, they're all amazingly written and bring chills to bones in a way that lasts, not simply in terms of jumpscares and horror images but tension and terrific atmosphere.

Tokyo Babylon (CLAMP, 7 vols, 1990-1993)

I have to live up to my reputation of Clamp blog. Don't be fooled by bight colors this ain't a happy manga. Jokes aside, this is another dark shojo with psychological and tragic elements. Protagonist is 16 year old medium Subaru who deals with spirits which are left lingering on Earth and unable to move on due to pain. However what sets this manga apart from rest exorcism media is that focus is on social issues, emotional conflicts and psychological elements; social criticism. There are only three characters (beside chap-per-chap ones) so they're all complex and explored; and quite unique both as individuals and trio. Deconstruction of typical coming of age mangas as tragedy is something that's inseparable from wishes and happiness. Manga had darker undertones and looming sense of dread from beginning but it was still somewhat light because of dynamic main trio head; once the other shoe drops and pretense stops, real tragic nature shows. One of most memorable and tragic/ nihilistic endings I've ever seen in fiction. If you've watched Hannibal I'd say skeleton of underlining plot is pretty similar.

Also Tokyo Babylon has a continuation (although both series can be read on their own, but spoilers) and since that's psychological damage on steroids imma rec it too:

X/1999 (CLAMP, 18.5 vols, 1992 - )

Unfortunately this one has been on hiatus since 2003; but imo is worth the read anyways. Starts as regular shojo but really quickly turns into dark apocalypse psychological drama with some gore. Protagonist is teenager boy named Kamui who returned to Tokyo as mother instructed him before dying. There he finds out he's the one who'll decide fate of World: he's given a choice to either protect it or seek change, bring revolution down to Earth and destroy it. But Kamui doesn't want anything to do with it; he's trying to stay away in misguided attempt to protect those he loves as he believes tragedies follow him. However he cannot escape fate and eventually decides to stay with those he cares about and try to protect them, only for things to go wrong again. X is full of symbolism and dark shojo elements; also tragedies since for 18 vols not once could characters catch a break. Main characters are extremely complexly written, plot is intriguing and artstyle in later volumes one of best I've ever seen in mangas. Bonds between characters and self-destructive wishes are core of manga, as well as (presumably) deconstruction of selfless sacrifice in name of love trope.

Monster (Naoki Urasawa; 18 vols, 1994 - 2001)

This one is more famous, you've probably heard of it. Psychological thriller mystery. Dr. Kenzo Tenma is a surgeon in one hospital in Germany. One night he's faced with a difficult decision: twins Joahn and Anna arrive to the hospital in same time some Major does. Johan has a gun wound to the head - Tenma can operate on only one of them. He chooses to save a boy. Major dies as result and Tenma loses his social status. A decade latter series of strange events start occurring, only for Tenma to realize in the end he saved a 'Monster' that night. He vows to fix that mistake. An amazing series and show, I've seen it long ago so I can't recall too many details. Characters are fleshed out and deeply explored along with psychological elements like what does it take one to become a 'Monster'.

Beside those I can rec Neon Genesis Evangelion (this is a heavy watch/read, you need to be in right mindset for it), Erased (was nice until the ending), Killing Stalking (look, rabid yaoi fangirls ruined this one, from psychological horror perspective this is amazingly written; check trigger warnings beforehand), xxxHolic and Higurashi.