#cafephilewrites

[cafephilewrites]

Transfusion

The new prisoner seems unalarmed, but that will change soon enough. The metal barred door clangs shut. The cell's other occupant doesn't move.

"Vampire." The prisoner's lip curls up slightly. "You look like you haven't eaten in weeks."

"Since I was captured." The monster's voice is rough with disuse. "They intend me to bleed you dry."

"Well then. It would not do to disappoint them."

The creature moves in a blur; blood spatters the bars.

Only minutes later the captors realize their mistake. Far worse than one half-dead vampire are a fully fed monster and a man who cannot die.

Written as Joe and Nicky from The Old Guard, but this could honestly be read as any vampire and other immortal that you like. (I'm also tagging for the Dreamling folks because this feels consistent with that ship dynamic.)

I've been toying with writing a longer fic in which Nicky is a vampire, although either of them could be the vamp here. If I do, I'll probably expand on this scene, which was originally a tad longer and edited down to drabble length.

I'm such a slow writer that I'm posting all my @monsterfucktoberbingo fills at the end of the month. Sorry mods!

[icannotreadcursive]

I was tagged by @brawlite in a get to know you better game! Rules: answer the questions and tag 9 people you want to know better.

last song I listened to: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, very good for singing along loudly to on the way home from the store

currently reading: uhhhh fanfic, and a legal guide to media licensing

currently watching: ATLA (the original)

currently obsessed with: the lemon cakes I made last night

tagging: @non-un-topo @wolfstargazer @bluenotemagpie @mybisexualwife @eyesinthecrypt @lactosefreevanillayoghurt @cafephilewrites @lyricalapple @when-did-this-become-difficult

[cafephilewrites]

"Guys, we've got to fix this!"

Joe and Nicky both glance up at her with matching puzzled looks, their reactions so near-identical that Nile can almost forget for a moment that those expressions are on the wrong faces.

Neither man says anything, so Nile forges ahead. Her phone is in her hand, the one and only saved contact number already on screen. "I'm sure Copley can find something if we just—"

"Nah," Nicky—no Joe—says.

Almost at the same time, the real Nicky raises both of Joe's dark eyebrows. "Why bother?"

Nile's gaze bounces between the two, brain still trying to parse which reaction belongs to which man, although, ultimately, it doesn't seem to matter. She frowns. Their complete lack of concern strikes Nile as odd, when even she can see the obvious disadvantages.

"You have different skills, different fighting styles—"

"We will learn," Nicky cuts in. He raises Joe's hands in obvious apology for the interruption but doesn't stop speaking. "We have each other to learn from. And we have time. We were not always so skilled with our current weapons. We worked hard to learn these skills, and we will learn them again."

"And it doesn't bother you to not be yourselves?" Nile asks, when Nicky pauses, apparently having said his piece.

It's Joe who answers this time. "We are always ourselves, Nile. I know this body as well as I know the body that my Nicky now wears. This skin, these big hands, these strong arms have been mine for close to a millennium."

"But you are not the same people," Nile argues, despite the many times it may have seemed that way to her, especially in the beginning.

"No, we are not. But we are still ourselves, Nile," Nicky tells her patiently, and Nile is struck again by the strange, calm stillness in this body she still interprets as Joe's.

By his side, Joe is frowning down at his sketchbook, Nicky's broad, blunt fingers stained with charcoal and a frustrated scowl marring his face. It's a stronger expression than Nile has ever seen Nicky make so casually.

Nicky follows her eyes to Joe's furrowed brow and the corner of his mouth twitches up in a soft, almost-smile that Nile barely sees under his beard.

"It will come back to you, cuore mio. Just give it time."

The Italian is jarring. It's not that Nile hasn't heard Joe speaking Italian or Ligurian before, but something about this endearment from Joe's lips now reinforces the differences, the hint of a regional accent that Nicky retains even in English with Joe's voice.

Joe raises his gaze, and for the first time, he looks truly distraught. "You know I love your fingers as dearly as my own, ya amar, but they are not made for..."

"Perhaps not," Nicky concedes, apparently unbothered by the implied insult, "but they will be if they are yours. Your talent will always be yours, Yusuf, and just because the implements have changed does not mean you cannot still create. It will simply take time."

I suppose time cures all ills, Nile thinks ruefully. This wasn't really the type of solution she'd have considered, but Joe and Nicky, with their centuries of knowledge, seem perfectly content.

Joe has gone back to grumbling at his sketchbook, but when Nile glances over, Nicky is still looking at her, his eyes dark and earnest.

"It will be okay," he promises. "Have a little faith, sorellina."

Nile takes a deep breath and then lets it out. "Okay," she agrees. She thumbs the power button on her phone and slides the device into her pocket. "Okay."

Nicky nods, apparently satisfied, and leans in to nuzzle at the mousy brown hair curling around Joe's ears.

Despite everything, Nile thinks she believes him.

[cafephilewrites]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Sandman (TV 2022) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Gault/Lucien | Lucienne (The Sandman) Characters: Gault (The Sandman), Lucien | Lucienne (The Sandman) Additional Tags: Shapeshifting, Tentacles, First Time, Vaginal Sex, Anal Sex, Bondage, Consentacles, Monsterfucking, Dreams and Nightmares, The Dreaming Realm (The Sandman), Library of the Dreaming (The Sandman), Not Beta Read, POV Lucien | Lucienne (The Sandman) Summary:

"What brings you here, Gault? Not that I am not glad of your company," Lucienne hastens to add because it is true, and she would not want the dream to feel unwelcome.

"Are you?" Gault asks. "You never seemed to like me much before."

Gault visits Lucienne in the library to clear the air. They end up doing far more than that.

My first entry for @monsterfucktoberbingo (tentacles) and also @sandmanfemslashfans Femslash Weekend (prompt: favorite place).

[cafephilewrites]

An (incomplete) BG3 guide to AO3

I'm seeing a lot of folks in the Baldur's Gate 3 community who were inspired to start writing fic for the first time (or after a long hiatus), and this is wonderful! I'm so happy for everyone who has been motivated to create new art (fic, drawings, playlists, edits, crafts, etc.) by this game.

Since many of the folks now writing fic are perhaps unfamiliar with posting their work to AO3, I wanted to provide some basic advice. This isn't a step-by-step guide to making an account or posting your first fic (there are plenty of those already). Rather, it is a quick rundown of some unspoken rules or common practices on AO3, based on what I've noticed so far. I'm not here to tell anyone that they are formatting their fic "wrong", and standards will differ between fandoms anyway, but I have seen enough notes asking for feedback on formatting, tagging, etc. that I just wanted to offer this as a resource.

First, the summary box on your AO3 work is for just what it says: a summary (or sometimes an excerpt). This does not have to be exhaustive, especially for longer fics. It is there to give readers some idea of the content and tone of your work. The summary might contain a few sentences about the premise of the fic and/or an informative excerpt to hook the reader.

What the summary box is (typically) NOT for is author notes, links to the original prompt, disclaimers about how bad your writing is, etc. These can all go in the separate "notes" section when posting a work, before or after the main text (there are checkboxes to specify if you want notes at the beginning and/or end). If you are especially concerned that something about the content of your fic needs to be advertised upfront, you can put that at the end of the summary, but typically the tags and author's notes will take care of such warnings. A thoughtful, concise summary or excerpt will go a long way towards convincing folks to actually click on your work.

AO3 will display title, tags, warnings, author's notes, etc. that you include when posting your work, so you do not need to also put these in the main text of the fic. There's nothing really wrong with it, but it does make fics a bit harder to read if there is a bunch of extra text before the story starts in a place where your reader doesn't expect it. Likewise, there is no real reason to change the font type, font size, etc. on your fic from the AO3 default unless the special formatting is part of your storytelling. If you are (for example), writing an epistolary or chat message fic, you can use a work skin or other formatting to show your reader different font sizes, spacing, images, etc. This usually isn't necessary or expected for your average fic, and it may be hidden anyway if your reader is using their own site skin.

While you are obviously free to say anything you want in your tags or author's note, too many disclaimers about how bad your writing is or how lazy you were when putting together the fic will discourage most people from reading it. I do understand the urge to be self-effacing, especially if you haven't written much before, but a quick author's note saying something like "This is my first fic on AO3!" or "I'm trying to get back into writing" is far less of a turn-off than a tag or note reading "lol i suck at writing this is so lame". Consider before posting such a note that self-criticism often just makes other people uncomfortable or bummed out. If you actually want to share your work with other fans, avoid repeatedly insisting that your fic is no good because they might take you at your word. Conversely, if you are honest about your inexperience or the parts you struggled with but remain positive about sharing your work, other fans will be more excited to read it and leave their feedback, helping you to grow in the fandom!

Next, let's talk about tags. Honestly, I haven't seen too many issues with tagging so far, but I just wanted to point out a couple things that are somewhat specific to bg3 with its large cast and flexible romance options. Character tags should be included for major characters in the fic even if they are already part of a relationship tag. For example, if I tag a fic for Astarion/Wyll as a relationship, I should still include the character tags for Astarion and Wyll. This helps folks to find fics with a specific character, rather than a specific pairing. Maybe I really want to read fics about Wyll, but I actually don't care who he is paired with. If I search for Wyll's character tag, I might miss fics in which he is the main character but he was only tagged as part of the relationship. This is especially important because of all the different ways that Tav and Durge can be tagged. Even if I only want to read about Wyll/Tav, searching the Wyll/Tav tag might exclude fics that were tagged instead with Wyll/Reader or Wyll/Original Male Character, whereas searching the Wyll Ravenguard character tag should bring up all these options as long as the authors remembered to include his character tag in their fics.

To this second point, it is okay to tag your fic with multiple relationship tags, as long as they are all accurate and distinct. For example, Astarion/Tav (Baldur's Gate), Astarion (Baldur's Gate)/Reader, and Astarion (Baldur's Gate)/Original Female Character(s) are all different tags, and all three might apply to your fic.

Unlike on tumblr, tags on AO3 are managed by the Archive's army of volunteers, who combine tags with different spelling or wording but the same meaning. You should check that tags you are including are not actually synonyms of each other. You can do this by clicking on the tag, which will typically take you to a list of works with that tag, then clicking on the name of the tag again where it appears as the header of the page. This will show you information about the tag itself, including whether it is nested under (i.e., a more specific version of) another tag, and which tags might be synonyms.

The relationship tags Astarion (Baldur's Gate)/Reader and Astarion (Baldur's Gate)/Original Character(s) are different tags, but Astarion (Baldur's Gate)/Original Character(s) contains the tags Astarion (Baldur's Gate)/Original Female Character(s), Astarion (Baldur's Gate)/Original Male Character(s), and Astarion (Baldur's Gate)/Original Non-Binary Character(s) nested under it, so anyone searching or filtering on the broader tag would also turn up works tagged with any of those more specific tags. Sometimes you will be surprised by which tags are and are not synonyms or nested versions of each other.

AO3 makes it easy to add/delete tags on an existing fic without otherwise editing it, so if you've left out an important tag (or included multiple synonymous tags that you want gone), this is an easy fix!

When in doubt, take a look at the formatting and standards used by other fics, especially those from established authors. There are a LOT of resources on tumblr and on AO3 itself for navigating the Archive, so I tried to keep this post specific to things I was seeing in the bg3 fandom. I encourage experienced AO3 users (readers and writers!) to add to this post with your own observations and respond to questions in the comments.

[cafephilewrites]

Trick and Treat

The thing is, Chris almost did it.

The fairy was adorable, tiny and cornflower blue with hair like goldenrod gone to seed and fluttering, eyespotted moth wings.

Chris had just gotten out of the shower, still half-dressed with dripping hair. When the minute visitor settled on the bedroom window ledge and asked to have Chris's name and offered a wink and a truly delicious smelling shortbread cookie almost as tall as the sprite itself, Chris almost agreed.

Almost.

Now, the fairy was pouting, its tiny body scrunched up and arms crossed petulantly across a thimble-sized chest. The cookie was suddenly nowhere to be seen.

All at once, its face cleared, and it hopped up on the edge of the lintel, tiny fists planted on hips in a way that reminded Chris of nothing so much as Peter Pan.

"You're a clever one," the fae said cheerfully, not sounding the least bit put out about it, for all that it had been sulking a moment before.

"Do not try that again," Chris warned. "I can't have you around my house if I'm constantly worried you're trying to trap me."

A tiny headed nodded solemnly.

"I need to hear you say it," Chris insisted.

The tiny shoulders dropped, but the fairy nodded again. "I promise I will not try to trap you in the fae realm or steal your name or memories or soul or make you endlessly horny." It smirked.

"Or trick me," Chris put in firmly.

"I will not trick you," the fae dutifully repeated.

"Great." Chris paused. "Now, my obnoxious neighbor next door...think you could help me out with him?"

[cafephilewrites]

Pollination

(a Poison Ivy drabble for @monsterfucktoberbingo)

Through the foggy greenhouse windows, Ivy watched the golden orange leaves of the majestic maples (Acer rubrum) and oaks (Quercus alba) shivering in the brisk fall breeze. Her darlings in here were of a less hardy disposition, in need of a bit of pampering to survive the Gotham cold.

Take Agave americana—technically Agave americana 'Isley', her own special cultivar of the majestic century plant—a gorgeous specimen which occupied the entire near corner of the building, now specially bred to reproduce far more than once in a lifetime. And speaking of which…

Her poor darling needed some attention, its anthers dripping with pollen and its leaves quaking slightly in not-quite-sentient frustration.

Ivy looked at its shivering stamen clusters and felt herself grow wet.

She'd just have to fall on that sword.

[cafephilewrites]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Inception (2010) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Arthur (Inception)/Naga Characters: Arthur (Inception), Eames (Inception) Additional Tags: implied Arthur/Eames (Inception) - Freeform, Naga, Dream Sex, Teratophilia, Monsterfucking, Anal Sex, Double Penetration in One Hole, Biting, Genderqueer Character, Not Beta Read Summary:

"When's the last time you had a normal dream? Just weird subconscious bleeding in at the edges, non-Euclidean geometry, tentacles, whatever. You should try it sometime," Eames insists.

"Goodnight, Mr. Eames." Arthur closes the door firmly on his way out.

[cafephilewrites]

that which we call a rose

On AO3

There are lots of things about living with her new immortal family that Nile knows it will take her time to figure out, literal centuries worth of quirks and references and likes and dislikes. Nile suspects it might take her centuries of her own to learn them all, but some things are abundantly obvious.

It takes Nile less than a week—a few days really—to figure out that Nicky and Joe love pet names.

There are the usual suspects, 'love' and 'dear' and the like, which both Nicky and Joe apply liberally in English and every other language they speak, at least as far as Nile can tell. They also employ nicknames and cute little terms of endearment for the other members of the family. Nile is sorellina, which she's pretty sure means 'little sister', and Andy is…well, Nile isn't actually quite sure what the Arabic term that Joe keeps using means, but Andy seems to like it, so Nile assumes it's flattering.

Three days after their arrival in Amsterdam, Andy attempts to cook spanakopita on the fancy new induction cooktop in their rental and almost sets the kitchen on fire. After the smoke alarm has stopped blaring and all the windows are cracked, Joe gives Andy an amused, exasperated look.

"Really, habibti?" he says. "You couldn't have just asked Nicky to show you the controls?"

Nile snorts to herself. She remembers that one; Dizzy used it. Nile is pretty sure it technically means 'my love', but the way Dizzy said habibi was usually something more like 'you idiot'.

She hears it again, two days later at the breakfast table.

"Did you finish my coffee again, habibi?" Joe stares morosely at the suddenly empty mug by his elbow.

"I did indeed, o mæ nemîgo," Nicky says. He plants a kiss on Joe's head and swipes the mug, turning to refill it.

Joe mutters something in Arabic that Nile doesn't catch, and Nicky smiles. "Of course, miscredente pagano."

Nile recognizes that last term, too—at least she thinks she does. Nicky uses it often. Nile's Italian is next to non-existent, but based on what this endearment sounds like, she's really starting to doubt her already -limited skills.

"What does miscredente pagano mean?" Nile asks Andy a couple days later when Joe and Nicky are shopping for dinner.

Andy looks at her strangely.

"It's just, Nicky uses it a lot," Nile explains. "I know he and Joe have a lot of pet names for each other, and I don't mean to snoop or anything, but I am trying to learn Italian, and miscredente pagano sounds like—well, it confused me, is all."

Andy huffs a laugh, and Nile's heart sinks. Maybe this phrase is too personal or really dirty or something. Maybe she shouldn't have asked.

Nile's hesitation must show on her face because Andy bites back her laughter and sits forward in her chair.

"Heathen infidel."

"Wait, what?"

"Miscredente pagano means 'heathen infidel'," Andy says. "A more direct translation might be 'pagan unbeliever'. English has so many words these days." She shrugs. "It's one of Nicky's favorites."

"Nicky calls Joe a heathen infidel?"

"Of course."

"And what does Joe call Nicky?"

"Oh, lots of things. 'My sworn enemy', 'murderous bastard', 'whoreson', 'sodomite'. That's a favorite of both of theirs, actually."

A suspicion is growing in the corner of Nile's mind.

"And, um..." Nile tries to reproduce one of the Arabic terms she's heard Joe use, and she thinks she must have gotten it close enough because Andy's eyes light in recognition. A moment later, the older woman bursts out laughing, and Nile's heart sinks.

"That means 'filthy Frankish invader'," Andy tells her.

Nile frowns. "But Nicky isn't a Frank, is he? I must have gotten it wrong."

"No, no," Andy assures her. "You got it right."

Their conversation is interrupted as Joe and Nicky return, arms laden with the groceries. Nile watches as the two men troupe into the kitchen and begin efficiently stocking the fridge and cupboards, leaving out a handful of ingredients for dinner that night. 

Joe finishes emptying the last of the shopping bags and stops in the middle of the kitchen, staring around with a comical look of bemusement, shading quickly toward betrayal. "Nicky, what happened to the ravioli?"

"The pre-made ravioli?" Nicky wrinkles his nose, his tone suggesting that pre-made ravioli is the gravest of sins.

Joe scowls as he begins chopping vegetables at the counter, but Nile can tell that it's mostly for show. "Don't tell me you put it back on the shelf, ya khara."

Nicky just laughs.

"What does—?" Nile begins, but Andy shakes her head.

"Trust me, kid. You don't even want to know."

[cafephilewrites]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Old Guard (Movie 2020), The Old Guard (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Nile Freeman & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Nile Freeman & Nicky | Nicolò di Genova Characters: Nile Freeman, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani Additional Tags: Nicky is a werewolf, but also still immortal, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Fluff and Humor, Short & Sweet, Light Angst, Nile is worried, Nicky just wants ear scritches, minor references to Joe and Nicky's sex life, minor swearing (in Nile's head), no beta we die like the old guard Summary:

Nile marks her page in the manual and makes to get up off the sofa when she sees Joe clipping a leash onto Nicky's collar. It's one of those retractable ones, with a clunky blue plastic handle. Nile isn't exactly an expert, but she's pretty sure this isn't the kind of leash one typically uses for kinky sex stuff.

Or

The one where Nicky is a werewolf, and Joe and Nile take him for a walk. As you do.

[cafephilewrites]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Old Guard (Movie 2020) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova Characters: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Andy | Andromache of Scythia, Nile Freeman Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Established Relationship, Undercover, (sort of), Minor Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, as historically accurate as the fic this is based on, (which is to say...not terribly), Unofficial Sequel, Not Beta Read Summary:

The hinges creaked as the heavy door was pushed open to reveal Nicolò. The duke was wearing one of his more formal outfits, clearly intending to make an impression for the newest councilors who would be joining them for the first time. Yusuf allowed his eyes to rake appreciatively over his husband's form as he continued to strum gently. Nicolò glanced around, clearly seeking the source of the music, and he stopped short of the council table as his eyes caught on Yusuf, widening in surprise.

"Yusuf, my dear?" Nicolò's tone was full of puzzlement. "Why are you dressed like that?"

~

An unofficial coda to @sixth-light‘s the map is not the territory.

[icannotreadcursive]

More tagging for reach:

@blue-mood-blue @bodhrancomedy @mossworm @moonykat @thebibliosphere @spicymochi @scientia-rex @sonatine @whatsupbeanie @harvestfreakingmoon @phantomarine @vaughn-baby @cafephilewrites @lackadaisycats @letyugisayfuck @pencilbrony @rue-bennett @witcherbigbang

I couldn't find any OC-tober prompt lists for this year that worked well for writers as well as visual artists, so I've made one specifically meant for both!

If you use this list, please tag me here @icannotreadcursive, I'd love to see your writing and art!

Respond to as many prompts as you want or as interest you, don't worry about missing or skipping any. Remember, this is supposed to be fun.

Plain text list below the cut:

Write or draw your OC...

1) Going about an average day 2) Getting ready for a formal event 3) In a cherished memory 4) Waking up from a nightmare 5) Trying out a different gender presentation 6) Interacting with a child in their life 7) With a pet 8) Cooking, or at least trying to 9) Eating their favorite food 10) In a different time period 11) In a different story world or setting 12) With a parent or mentor 13) Having some rotten luck 14) Encountering a wild animal 15) With their partner, crush, or best friend 16) Expressing or exploring their spirituality 17) Doing autumnal chores 18) In school or otherwise being taught 19) Exploring their relationship with their body 20) Doing something stupid 21) Exploring an unfamiliar subculture 22) Having a difficult conversation 23) Enjoying a nice drink 24) Being cared for by someone they love 25) Encountering a ghost 26) Writing a letter 27) Meeting someone important to them for the first time 28) Taking some time to rest 29) Visiting a graveyard 30) Falling asleep 31) Dressed up for Halloween!