#caenis x vaelin

[inkky-m]

最近在看《渡鸦之影》，好不容易在这里找到一点儿维林•艾尔•索纳×凯涅斯•艾尔•奈萨，好吧我也来偷偷摸摸吃一口

（预警：内含大量个人主观臆断！）

凯涅斯这个名字真的很好玩，出自希腊神话里的一位英雄。Caenis本来是女人，海神强奸她后答应满足她的一个愿望，她为不再受此屈辱而索要男人的身体，从此成为了无敌的男人并且改名Caeneus，最后在与半人马的战争中阵亡。也就是说凯涅斯其实是个女名……书中始终缺失凯涅斯的外貌描写，名字是否可以暗示他相当漂亮。Vaelin Al Sorna和Caenis Al Nysa，这两个名字几乎每个音节都押韵，很难说他们完全没有关系。

我习惯将对这段关系更在意的一方放在后面，虽然维林角度直写过凯涅斯是他最好的朋友，但凯涅斯对维林的在意程度应该远大于维林对凯涅斯的在意程度。维林有血歌为他揭示一切真相，却独独看不透凯涅斯的伪装。凯涅斯解释说自己对信仰太过执着只好用对国王的忠诚掩盖，有没有一种可能他又在用对信仰的执着掩盖对维林的感情，毕竟维林一提他的女性爱人，凯涅斯就气得和他大吵说他有违信仰，要知道平时凯涅斯冷静到几千敌军压境都毫不慌张。从另一个角度看到维林相当信任凯涅斯，甚至从未让血歌质疑过他，���不得当将军的时候有事没事“这里就交给凯涅斯”“我立刻让凯涅斯去办”“凯涅斯早就料到了”“凯涅斯已经在战斗了”。维林相信凯涅斯相信得太轻易太深沉，就像在黑夜中闭着眼睛纵身一跃，可以忽视其它一切。一个竭力伪装，一个盲目信任，就像两人之间有什么东西绝对碰不得。 说来自维林会唱血歌之后，血歌惟一一次警告他留神凯涅斯的时候凯涅斯做了什么呢？ 维林：（被自己的国王卖给帝国）（被帝国监禁五年后）（被送给世仇决斗）（终于死里逃生回家） 凯涅斯：（马术平平却一夜之间策马从第六宗直奔维林家见面就抱开心到整个人都在颤抖）兄弟你回来了你的秘密我从没告诉过—— 维林：我爱她！我要告诉全世界我爱她！！！ 凯涅斯：（气得甩手就走） 凯涅斯，被嘲讽了上手就揍亲弟兄，战争期间步步都要算在前头，有叛乱直接带兵平定鞭刑都能用上，这么没耐心的人居然没有直接拔剑砍了维林……他说“只剩我们两个了”维林还能笑嘻嘻回他一句“不对只剩你一个了”，真行维林，恃宠而骄是吧。

怎么说呢，差不多就是书里每出现一次“凯涅斯”我觉得他应当和维林是一对。最开始在第六宗的那段时间维林简直满眼都是凯涅斯，凯涅斯是他的“第一个朋友”“最好的朋友”“有他母亲的气质的男孩”，维林对一个人能做出的最高评价也不过如此。同期受训的有那么多孩子，那个时候的凯涅斯却对维林情有独钟，在别人面前有多沉默多不好相处在维林面前就有多健谈多体贴。好喜欢看团体混战那段，维林把凯涅斯拉起来以后两人并肩奋战取得胜利，确信是绝配。 但是在出征阿尔比兰帝国时却很少提到凯涅斯，看了几章才发现维林完全把他当二把手，而且有意无意地将他留在后方。维林打仗，凯涅斯治理。惟一一段对凯涅斯的详细战斗描写是他平叛的时候：同期受训的人中，维林最擅长用剑而弓术一塌糊涂，凯涅斯最擅长飞刀和弓；而在那场战斗中，凯涅斯偏偏用剑和敌人纠缠不清，急得维林抄了一把弓“从四十码外一箭射中那人的心脏”，然后��慨那是“他一辈子射得最准的一次”。而在之前训练期间，凯涅斯从独眼男人手下救维林时用的则是剑 …… 这大概就是冥冥之中缘分到了吧。 还有一句很好玩的，尼莱什守城战僵持不下后雅努斯王决定放弃侵略战争，当时凯涅斯因为国王的形象崩塌而显得非常失意。虽然说凯涅斯大概是演的，但维林有一句心理活动：“他现在对国王失望，要是知道协约的真实内容恐怕甚至会仇恨国王吧”。还因为得是多罪孽深重不可饶恕的协约呢，咋不得走到半路上把装着凯涅斯和他的士兵的船凿沉了，结果协约内容是：把维林交给阿尔比兰帝国。嗯维林，你对自己在凯涅斯心里的地位一清二楚啊……

顺便再捎带两句弗伦提斯。本来一直把弗伦提斯当维林收来的小弟，第一部后半还很难受维林对弗伦提斯的关注度好像超过了凯涅斯。看到第二部弗伦提斯的pov突然发现不对劲……你这家伙怎么满脑子都是凯涅斯啊？！目前第二部里弗伦提斯的pov有五章，其中四章都想到了凯涅斯，“你知道占卜吗。”“我有个兄弟叫凯涅斯他什么都知道他告过我”，“你知道这片海岸叫什么吗？”“我不说但我知道因为凯涅斯给我讲过背后的悲情典故”，没想到他在宗会里的时候和凯涅斯待在一起的时间也长得很。然而维林作为他的大哥只被想起来过一次，那一次还酸溜溜的，几乎就是“维林可太厉害了他身边的人都不好受呢”那个意思。倒回头来一想也合理，毕竟虽然维林是把他引到宗会的人，可杀了他的仇家救了他的命的可是凯涅斯啊，那时维林非常可耻地被黑魔法震慑到了，脑补一些被绑在魔法阵里遍体鳞伤的天真小男孩的信仰崩塌。 而凯涅斯对弗伦提斯的态度差不多是，只有在看维林且弗伦提斯跟在维林身边的时候才会顺便扫他一眼，举个例子俩人去旁听宗老选举的时候： 凯涅斯：（奋笔疾书） 维林：你在写自传吗？ 凯涅斯：我在写“咱们”的传记啦！ 维林：有弗伦提斯吗？ 凯涅斯：嗯嗯大概有那么三五页吧【。 于是弗伦提斯被强制带回瓦林斯堡门口时恰好遇到凯涅斯带兵出城，一向敏锐的凯涅斯都没发现他，笑死了凯涅斯眼里完全没他。 这三个人给我一种感觉：弗伦提斯和别人关系都不怎么样，对维林又敬又怕不知道自己配���配得上他，还有一点暗暗的委屈和怀疑觉得维林并不像外界认为的那种强大可靠，但凯涅斯对于他来说永远是宗会里的靠谱前辈；凯涅斯不怎么在乎弗伦提斯，或者说对于他的态度和对于其他同事没什么区别只是勉强热络那么一点点，只有维林对于他而言真的比较特别；维林……维林是什么都不在乎一心搞事业的那个，有没有一种可能另外俩人都在用对方当维林替身。两边讨好×巨大单箭头×满不在乎，太好了我可太喜欢了。想想第三部后期凯涅斯战死以后弗伦提斯是第一个听到消息且宣布要为他复仇的人……突然就有些惺惺相惜的气氛了。

虽然提了这么多维林，实际上我最喜欢的是凯涅斯，而且太为凯涅斯感到不值。维林是人中翘楚，他有爱人有家人，举国上下传唱他的勇猛奉他为英雄；凯涅斯是信仰之子，孤独地冠着贵胄的姓氏却无人在意他的身世，人人皆知他能力出众却没人乐于亲近他，甚至将他的功绩记在维林名下。维林不满父亲将他献给第六宗，凯涅斯从小同时被打造为第六宗的利剑和第七宗的喉舌；维林初次杀人后惴惴不安，不久后凯涅斯也做出同样的举动；维林在雅努斯王被迫成为疆国之剑，凯涅斯接过相同的职责后亦无欣喜；维林带领士兵征战四方，凯涅斯打过的仗只多不少……维林受过的苦凯涅斯都尝过一遍，维林拥有的安慰凯涅斯一个没有。凯涅斯有的仅仅是他称作“兄弟”的第六宗男孩。“我愿意……留下来，只要你说一声”，就像他对维林说的一样，他留下来了，守着空荡荡的宗会等永远不会回头的兄弟。御赐维林的奔狼旗终日在头顶飘扬，旗下却再无昔日旧友，说好的《五兄弟传》到头来真成了《凯涅斯兄弟传》。庆幸作者之后没有再提凯涅斯的炭笔和牛皮纸，就当他忙到忘了倒也好，可他之前那么喜欢历史故事，真的会忘记自己之前雄心壮阔要为五人写史吗？ “我愿意……留下来，只要你说一声”，他选择赴死的时候身边甚至没有一位仍在宗会的兄弟拦住他。以凯涅斯的水平真的会平白无故去送死吗，我觉得他有能力逃脱，只是一个人干脆利落地死对于他而言似乎反而是更轻松的选择。越往后我越好奇维林在不在乎凯涅斯，说他不在乎吧，他好像确实���三差五想起来对方；说他在乎吧，他从来没有试图掀开过凯涅斯���自己披上的冷漠的铠甲。真的很想知道，在凯涅斯劝维林回到宗会时，在他自动回归军士身份向维林汇报时，在他邀请维林将尖刀插入自己的眼睛时，如果维林除了宣布自己的立场在再多说一句，把在心里重复了无数次的那句“凯涅斯是他最好的朋友”说出来，结局会不会有所不同。

想起来凯涅斯似乎很不擅长告别，在尼莱什海岸边、在索纳旧宅前，乃至灵魂最后一次见到维林时皆是如此，一到要和维林分开的场合就生硬得很。“兄弟，我们之间没有秘密”，只不过是有的事情隐而不宣罢了。

[thefandomless]

Raven's Shadow

In the halls of the sixth order

Sollis: Where's Sendahl?

Vaelin: Doing stuff

Sollis: Oh for fucks sake. Where's Nysa?

Vaelin: Trying to stop Northa from doing stuff

Sollis: Are you shitting with me boy? Where is that big brute Barkus then?

Vaelin: Trying to stop Caenis from stopping Northa from doing stuff

Sollis *with a deep sigh*: And Dentos?

Vaelin: Trying to stop Barkus from stopping Caenis from stopping Northa from doing stuff... You know just for the fun of it

Sollis: And what by the anchestors are you doing?

Vaelin: I'm trying to stop you, from stopping Dentos, from stopping Barkus, from stopping Caenis, from stopping Northa from doing stuff

Sollis: ...

Vaelin:

Sollis: You little shit better run

Bonus:

Sollis rounding the same corner an hour later, watching Northa, Dentos and Barkus snickering in front of their bedroom door in the tower

Sollis: Anchestors give me strength what are you doing here? Where's Sorna?

Northa *smiling*: Doing stuff

Sollis *muttering*: You can't kill them half of them is useful and the other half is required to keep it that way.

Sollis: Well where's Nysa?

Dentos and Barkus *bursting into tears*:

Northa *deadpanning*: He's stuff

@wormdelivre I did it again

[thefandomless]

God I nearly forgot about that one

The book: Hard choices. Child abuse. Depression. Major death

We: oh hey it’s Caelin al Sonysa and his pony Snort!

[priorcodeheartless]

Raven's Shadow ship

My idea towards why Caenis x Vaelin is so delicious, is that Caenis was a man of Faith. He relied too much on his faith. He devoted too much to it. He thought he would be nobody without faith.

Of course he could not accept Vaelin fell in love with Sherin. Especially for her being a sister from the Fifth Order. The combination of them two is a rankling example showing betrayal to the Faith, caused by people who were supposed to serve the Realm.

Thus Caenis could only reject his love to Vaelin as a lover. His concealed identity was already a taboo. Let alone this love meant him breaking his oath. Let alone him being his brother.

All he could have were these oppressed "immoral" feelings...

I would imagine our calm, well-mannerd, highly educated Sword of the Realm lost his ways with his reliable sword and bow and arrows. He would find peace neither in books nor in battles. There was no place he could hide. Nor could he find something to fill the blank hole in his heart.

Giving time, he'd grow blame, even haterd.

Why did you love so many people. However in all the time and worlds I could not love you?

But the only words got snapped out of his mouth were just, "You betrayed Faith."

You betrayed me.

我觉得我吃一口凯涅斯x维林就是因为凯涅斯过于依赖信仰，过于投入信仰，如无信则不立。所以他不能接受维林爱上谢琳，尤其是因为谢琳是第五宗的姐妹，他俩的结合意味着两个侍奉疆国之人对信仰的联合背叛。同样他不可能接受自己以恋人的身份爱上维林。光是凯涅斯的隐秘身份就已经是禁忌，何况要他打破立下的誓言，何况维林和他同为兄弟。一想到这种不断被压抑的背德情感我就开心得不行...

我好想看冷静文雅饱读诗书的将军，看着自己的长剑弓箭，却一点办法也没有的样子。不管是躲到文字里还是躲到战斗中，永远都没办法添补自己心中缺失的一角，甚至假以时日，滋生出怨怼乃至恨意。为什么你爱那么多人，我却偏偏不可以爱你，脱口而出的却是，“你背叛了信仰。”你背叛了我。

[thefandomless]

Raven’s Shadow

At the battlements of the orderhouse during winter

Vaelin: Guard duty sucks

Caenis *softly brushing though Vaelins dark mane*: You have snow in your hair

Vaelin:

Caenis *With a cheeky smile*: What?

Vaelin *internally*: Stay calm. Show your affection.  Say something. Don’t be weird

Vaelin *out loud*: Thank you. It’s freezing out here

Caenis: Agreed

Vaelin *internally panicking*: what do I do? Do I touch him? Fix his cloak? There’s nothing to fix. What if there really was snow in my hair? It’s snowing you idiot go course there’s snow in your hair

Caenis: Everything allright

Vaelin *shoving his hands under Caenis cloak, to touch his neck*: look how cold my hands are!

Bonus:

Reva and Lady Veliss during a private meeting with the boys:

Reva: Oh somethings wrong with you collar let me fix it

Veliss: Thank you darling you also look lovely today

Caenis *turning to Vaelin with a tiny smile*: Do you remeber that night on the battlements?

Vaelin *stoicly*: We do not talk about that night

Caenis: It’s the night of our first kiss!

[thefandomless]

Raven's Shadow

Shortly after Davoka's and Lyrna's wedding, listening to a brawl outside

Lyrna: You don't think I can fight because I'm a girl

Vaelin: I don't think you can fight because you are in a wedding dress. For all it's worth, I don't think Northa could fight in that dress either.

Northa: Perhaps not but I would be a rediant bride

Davoka *entering the room, her white wedding gown covered in blood*: It's dealed with!

Caenis *entering behind her, utterly disturbed, holding a bunch of broken flowers*: I didn't even want it

Davoka *turning towards Vaelin with a smile*: So when is the wedding?

Northa: I wanna be your best man. Frentis can be Caenis bridemaid!

Lyrna *sarcastically*: So. Caenis won't be able to fight either?

Caenis and Vaelin: What?!

[thefandomless]

Raven’s Shadow

Tipsy 15 year old order novices Caenis and Vaelin sitting next to each other drinking wine in the stables

Caenis *internally*: Okay be cool just ask him

Caenis: So did it hurt?

Vaelin: What? When Master Sollis decided that I was too clumsy and kept beating me when I was already on the ground? Or are you talking about Spit kicking at me after practice? Or Northa putting a piece of bacon into my trousers before I went to the dog den?

Caenis:

Vaelin: Oh we are talking about the emotional trauma of learning that my father fucked another woman while my mother was dying and he was planning on giving me away

Caenis: I... Do you want to be alone for some time?

Vaelin: Just give me the bottle

Northa *stepping out from the shadows*: He gets whiney when he's drunk

Caenis: What the hell are you doing here?

Northa *taking a sip from the bottle*: Ya know the boys and I have a bet when you two will finally tumble through the hey tohether and I'm on guard duty to make sure we know all the embarrassing details of this epic romance

Vaelin: Romance? Oh you wanted to hit on me. You know I think I didn't fall from heaven if you ask me I crawled out of the deepest pits of hell

Northa: Allright no more drinking for you. Caenis if he doesn't pass out you have my ok to go on. I think he needs it badly right now and he didn't say no

Caenis: You are disgusting

Vaelin: No I am

Northa: Oh for fucks sake just kiss I only have till midnight!

[thefandomless]

Raven’s Shadow

Boys out hunting the black arrows in the Martish

Caenis: Are they asleep?

Vaelin: Jup

Caenis: All the horses tended and pampered so none of them will wake them?

Vaelin: Jup

Caenis: No little Aristocrat running around and shitting his pants if some animals roam around the camp

Vaelin: Linden is back in camp and his little friend has been drinking with Barkus I'm pretty sure we have to carry him tomorrow. You have checked for tracks?

Caenis: If anyone was here at all it was weeks prior to us. So we should be save of surprises... Did you bring the blanket

Vaelin *proceeds to pull out an extra blanket from the saddlebags which serve as his pillow*: Sure

Caenis *sighing*: Then everything should be fine

Caenis *scooting over to Vaelin, snuggling up to his chest*: That's nice

Vaelin *looking at the leaves above them and the stars beyond*: I might agree for once

Northa *lying face down a few meters away, muffled*: Don't be nasty

Caenis: Oh for fucks sake

Bonus:

Vaelin: I think he has explicitly forbidden that

Caenis: Oh not you too