#cabbagebrain

[lifeofcabbagebrain]

The Deadline

So I have around 3-4 days to complete my dissertation, portfolio and an essay. I have the word documents open, but I don’t get as far as reading a sentence, before I find myself on Youtube looking for music and inevitably, looking at the Game of Thrones, Episode 5 Promo.

When I do get around reading, nothing seems to go in. What I am thinking right now is perhaps I am just out of practice. I am out of practice with self discipline, motivation, a routine and actually reading and doing the stuff. I’ve had a year and a half of hell, where I have not been able to concentrate at all, where I have been very unwell. Of course, like a muscle, it’s going to take some time to recover.

I think when you realise that, it helps. Or at least, I hope so.

So now is the time to start flexing the muscle again.

I am thinking of trying to do some kind of reward scheme perhaps, although they haven’t worked so far.

We shall see.

[run-mummy-run-blog]

But seriously tho - How cool is cabbage? #cabbagebrain #purple #vegelove #vegan #raw #healthy

[lifeofcabbagebrain]

Welcome to Life of Cabbage Brain

It didn’t start a year ago, but it was during this time last year that I found myself squirming on a chair in the office of my study of religion tutor. There was tea by his desk, my dissertation in his hand and a frown on his very, very round face. I’m afraid he saw right through me and my dissertation.

“How much effort have you been into this?”

“Um, quite a lot, it’s been something I’ve wanted to write about for a long-”

“This is a thoughtless piece of work.”

Long pause.

“Um, guess I should work on it more I guess.”

“You repeated guess. No, you shall not guess.”

“Guess you’re right. ... Aww shoot-”

“Stop guessing and start doing some proper work. You know what you are right now?”

“Um...”

“You are a cabbage brain.”

“A what?”

“Your brain is empty, you have not been reading enough, you have been lazy. There is nothing inside. It’s hollow. Nothing but cabbage.”

---

And I’m afraid he was right. I tried from that moment to up my game, but as health/life drama got in the way, a year later I find myself at the same position, with an unfinished dissertation and a feeling of hollowness.

My cabbage brain isn’t made up of procrastination, it’s also the inability to concentrate, to remember and to be motivated amongst many other things. I like to call it ‘brain fog’, when these symptoms make you feel that you’re not really quite there. I imagine there are many people out there who can relate. I also imagine that the cause of a cabbage brain may be a mix of different things for different people. Mine is certainly related to my other issues with health, namely depression and other physical health that keep me very drained.

But despite that, I did learn something that day. I don’t want to be a cabbage brain anymore. Thus, another blog on tumblr was made.