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cameoamalthea · 5 years ago

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What is Jester’s Relationship with the Traveler, and is it Healthy?

TLDR: Sorry this is long, I’ll put this at the top. They are best friends, he’s not a father figure, he’s her best friend and maybe idealized crush. He did not groom her. He did not gaslight her. He failed to communicate, failed to take responsibility for the pain that lack of communication caused her, did not actually apologize, and for many, many reasons, they do not have a healthy relationship.

I noticed the chat during C2E103 seemed split between describing Artagan as either gaslighting/abusive “boyfriend” or narcissistic “father figure”. Since Boyfriend and Father are two VERY different things, the first question is:

What exactly Jester’s relationship with the Traveler?

The Traveler is her best friend. While some viewers have described Artagan as Jester’s Father figure because she grew up without a Father, the text does not support that interpretation.

Jester first describes the Traveler in C2E08 she says, “I mean, yeah, sure. I worship him, sure. He’s more like my best friend.” Later, in that same episode, she prays to him because she misses him and worries he might not like her now that she has new friends, “I want you to know that you’re still my best friend and if you want me to be alone I will be if that means that you’ll be here.” The text is explicit that she sees him as her ‘best friend.’

Then in C2E17 we get this scene:

LAURA: I take a bite of my caramel apple, and I go walking down.

MATT: You hear a crunch sound and your hand shakes for a second and you look down and a mysterious secondary bite was taken out of the apple.

LAURA: (gasp) I lick the spot.

(groaning)

SAM: You’re making out with your god? Gross.

MATT: They have a special relationship.

Jester licking the spot where the Traveler took a bite of her apple seems like she’s attempting an indirect kiss.. Sam picks up on that, questioning if Jester makes out with The Traveler. Matt comments they have a special relationship. (This scene is already pretty creepy, you guys, but it would be a MILLION times creepier if she thought of him as a father figure.)

In C2E42, Jester talks to the Traveler about her crush on Fjord. “Traveler, how do I make a boy like me?” After the Traveler offers some advice, Jester asks, “You’re not jealous, are you?” And after the Traveler says he’s not, Jester still tells him, “You’ll always be my number one love.” This exchange adds credence to the reading that the Traveler is not only Jester’s best friend but, like Fjord, a romanticized crush. Her best friend, her number one love.

In C2E56 we learn that Jester first met the Traveler 15 years ago. “He was, you know, like my age when he came to see me, and then we hung out and we were like best friends hanging out for a long time” The Traveler was not an adult male ‘father figure’ to Jester as she was growing up. He was another child her own age. In conclusion, to Jester the Traveler is her best friend who grew up with her.

2) The next question: Is this relationship healthy?

NO, it’s NOT

During the Traveler’s first on-screen conversation with Jester in C2E09 Matt gives the following description. “There in the dark space of the hood, you can see the familiar verdant irises looking back, and the warmth fills you once more, the comfort that kept you comfortable so many years alone in that room.”

Jester grew up, for years, alone in a room. That is not healthy because children need socialization. They need to be around other people, including other children. Jester’s Mother loves her, but keeping her isolated like that was not healthy.

She needed a friend and the Traveler gave her that. The issue is, children need more than one friend. Jester’s only relationships growing up were with her Mother and with the Traveler. From childhood to her early twenties she’s only had two people in her life, and the Traveler and her Mother. He’s her only friend. It’s no wonder Jester is attached to the Traveler and insecure in her relationship when it changes.

Once Jester begins adventuring, he is not there with her constantly. In C2E8 she worries that he might be upset that she has other friends now and tries to assure him she’s still his best friend, even offering to be alone again if that would make him come back.

That is not a healthy attachment. Note, the Traveler does not ask her to leave her friends or put him first. He comes to her later that night to assure her that he’s with her. In Episode C2E09 when Jester is upset because she hasn’t received a care package from her Mother. The Traveler tells her that her mother doesn’t know she’s here yet, but comforts her by reminding Jester that she has her friends.

The Traveler wants Jester to have friends. Her insecurity in the relationship does not seem to come from him. Jester is insecure because she’s only had two people matter in her life, and her Mother just asked her to leave because she couldn’t protect anymore. The fact that Jester is anxious when the package doesn’t arrive because Beau is skeptical about it is telling. Jester knows her Mother, the Mighty Nein do not, but their doubt that Jester has a Mother who cares and will send her money is enough to get under Jester’s skin. She hasn’t had enough secure relationships to feel confident in the relationships she has, and that’s not healthy.

As for the Traveler, I have seen some argue that he “groomed” Jester. Grooming is a term coined to describe predatory behavior by child molesters and sexual abusers: “Grooming is a process used by people with a sexual interest in children to prepare a child for sexual abuse. It is often very carefully planned and it can take place over weeks, months or even years.” (source)

As Jester is not a survivor of child sexual abuse, it is likely that people using this term to describe “a predatory tactic that is meant to build a deep emotional connection” (source) that the traveler used to manipulate Jester.

Except, that Traveler is not someone who has a plan, especially not a detailed, drawn-out plan required to groom Jester into starting a cult to gain power. Such a scenario would also require a lot of steps and for factors outside his control to go right. 1. Find an isolated child. 2. Hope she stays that way and that her mother doesn’t send her to boarding school or something. 3. Appear as a child and keep up the act to become childhood best friends 4. Hope she jumps to the conclusion you’re a god without you ever telling her that 5. wait for her to grow up and become your cleric. 6. Hope that her belief will give you divine powers 7...profit?

That scenario is giving Artagan way too much credit. He doesn’t like work or responsibility. He does not think about what he’s doing or the consequences. He is not capable of patiently crafting a decades-long scheme, he’d get bored way too fast.

More likely this happened one, not so well thought out choice, at a time. In C2E94 the Traveler explains, “I am the Traveler, but it was not always this way, for when I traveled here, it was a world before me where I was without burdens, without responsibilities... amusing myself by leaping into every whim with glee and purpose. And one day, I met a little girl...This little girl and I found a kinship….and she saw me as a god. So for her-- for you-- I donned the mask of one.” The Traveler further clarifies, “I didn't intend for this to be what it was”(C2E95).

The Traveler, on a whim, decides to make a little girl happy. What does she want? A friend? He can’t create a friend for her or change her circumstances short of kidnapping her, so he polymorphs himself into a child her age and becomes her friend.

In C2E95 the Mighty Nien postulate that he took on an appearance to get close to her.

YASHA: So he, but he wasn't a real little kid when he met you, that's how he befriended you.

FJORD: He made himself appear that way.

Which, if true, would be creepy. However, given the Traveler does not have a motive or want anything from Jester, it’s likely Artagan polymorphed himself and body and mind became a mortal child. (my guess is a younger version of the half-elf Keelyn that he based on Keyleth) He’s an immutable immortal being, impossibly ancient and eternally young, he’s never been a child or grown-up before, and it might be fun.

That is the sort of ‘on a whim’ thing that tracks what we know about Artagan from campaign one. A twink in leather says I can’t die; his response is ok I want to try killing you then. Why? He’s never done that before and wants a new experience. He lives for new experiences and probably really enjoyed being a child and growing up with a best friend.

Then when Jester started to see him a god, he became that because he doesn’t want to disappoint her. That isn’t healthy either. Relationships based on trying to be what you think the other person wants instead of hoping someone likes you for you don’t work out. If he had been honest, I’m sure Jester would have been happy to have Artagan the Archfey as a friend and would have been thrilled with her cool Warlock powers if he offered them. He does not want to risk disappointing Jester with the truth. When he does reveal the truth, and Jester asks if they’ll still be friends, his answer is, “If you'll have me." (C2E95).While this wording may simply suggest he's carefree and not possessive, it implies that he did not know if Jester would still want to be his friend.

Having godly powers also lets him give Jester abilities that help her. When Jester asks if she can contact her Mother in C2E09 he responds, “I think the more deeds you do, the more lives you change, the more confident brats you break-- She'll find you”. He wants her to grow his faith to become powerful enough to learn the spell sending and talk to her mom whenever she wants.

However, growing in power means he is stretched thin. “While such faith granted me power beyond what I thought possible to achieve, I was being spread too thin across those who I'd taken under my wing. I thought to bring them all together, to unify their causes and perhaps forge a community under this banner, my banner, our banner.” He devises the plan for Traveler Con after slavers kidnapped Jester while he wasn’t looking. Part of his motivation likely is to find a way to manage his followers so he can be free to be there for Jester.

It likely the Traveler has never had a friend before either. He describes his past and his experience with gaining followers as “Eons of living for only myself, I found a new joy in helping others” (C2E94). Jester was his forest experience with caring about another person. Neither Jester nor the Traveler had other friends. They grew up together with only each other. Then Jester went off into the world as an adult, made other friends and he tried to be what she wanted and still wants to be her friend but he does not know how to be a good friend.

That does not mean their relationship is abusive. Many point to the conversation in C2E103 as evidence that Artagan is gaslighting Jester, but that is arguably not the case .Gaslighting means “to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity” (source) Gaslighting goes beyond failing to validate someone’s feelings “I’m sorry you feel that way” to actively invalidating their feelings e.g. ‘Why do you feel that way, you have no reason to’. The phrase “I’m sorry you feel that way” is known as a “non-apology apology”. Such phrasing can be used to gaslight as it “may imply the person took offense for hypersensitive or irrational reasons.” (Id.)

However, a non-apology in personal relationships is not always gaslighting. “Statements that use the word "sorry" but do not express responsibility for wrongdoing may be meaningful expressions of regret. But such statements can also be used to elicit forgiveness without acknowledging fault.” (Id. Emphasis Added).

Not taking responsibility for how your actions impact others is manipulative, wanting forgiveness without accepting fault and realizing what you did wrong so that you won’t do it again. Artagan is ABSOLUTELY an irresponsible person. He hates responsibility and is actively working on getting out of his responsibilities (which is ironic, working to avoid work). He has never had to take responsibility for anything, even feeling regret may well be against his nature as a fey.

That’s not healthy. Artagan should have taken responsibility. Because it doesn’t matter that he did not mean to scare Jester, he did scare her. He scared her so much that he brought her to tears. When Artagan realizes he’s upset her he says:

“Please don’t ever think I’m not looking out for your best interests.”

“Oh dear thing, I don’t mean to put you through this.”

“I’m sorry if you felt abandoned.”

This phrasing is not taking responsibility. He did put Jester through this and it hurt her, he did leave her in a situation where she feared he would abandon her and doubted if he was looking out for her best interests because he did not communicate.

That said, the conversation does not cross into gas-lighting because he does not invalidate the way Jester feels. On the contrary, he validates her by saying, “You’re right, I should have been a little more forthright with you with information.”

This belated realization does not change the fact he put Jester in danger without her informed consent, and she calls him on it, screaming that she’s there for extra days, meaning more danger, because he did not warn her. When she realizes she’s yelling at him, she apologizes, but he says, “It’s alright.” He does not invalidate that she’s upset or question her yelling at him. Instead he focuses on addressing what’s upsetting her i.e. fear of losing her memory and being left on an island enslaved to a monster, reiterating “I would have come back.” And Jester knows it’s the truth because he has promised her to come back and in this fantasy fey rules context, that means he cannot break his word.

Making that promise is taking action to address her concerns. Not only does Artagan validate her feelings, but he also takes active steps to address her fears by giving her what she needs, clearly communicated assurance. Again, this is a Binding Promise, a fey promise is like a devil’s contract, it’s deep unbreakable magic and not something a fey would give for nothing, but he does, freely, because he recognizes that she needs assurance that he will look out for her.

Note: In real life, promising is not enough because actions show change. It is important to remember that abusers aren’t 100% awful all the time. Abuse is often followed by a honeymoon period. If someone hurts you saying you need more than words, you need demonstrated change beyond the honeymoon period. However, in the context of analyzing this scene, Artagan making a promise is itself an action taken.

He has a long way to be a good friend and what he did was wrong and his initial responses do not take responsibility. That is a red flag. An actual apology would have been:

“I did not plan to leave you here. I always try to look out for your best interests. I’m sorry I was not more forthright with you with information and put you in a frightening situation. I’m sorry for scaring you. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry I have not been there for you in the way you need.”

And while he did take responsibility and acknowledge what he did wrong, he didn’t accompany that with an I’m sorry. To me, that comes down more on the side of flawed character rather than an irredeemable gaslighting abuser. Admitting you were wrong and the other person is right is the opposite of gaslighting and Artagan did that.

That does not mean this relationship is Healthy. In terms of being a friend, Artagan has no experience, and the fact he’s a fey makes him a very bad choice of friend. If you’re of a kind where vows are binding learning to speak open and honestly might be a challenge. Fey also lack empathy so he will have to rely on Jester to tell her why she’s upset and to set boundaries. Communication, setting boundaries, interpersonal-effectiveness, in general, is a skill, and Jester never had many friends, so she’s still learning too.

#Artagan #jester lavorre #the traveler #critical role meta #essays

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