#c: Ilippi Jiro

[izzyovercoffee]

Thinking about it more though... what would that have actually looked like? For the Nulls to meet a ghost of Kal’s sordid past, a memory he worked hard to outrun only for her to haunt his present, alive and well? Fulfilled in a life worth living without him beside her? How would the Nulls have reacted to meeting Ilippi Skirata Jiro?

In an ideal world, in an actual scene or situation where they would’ve encountered each other, I wonder if Ilippi would have seen the wear under Ordo’s eyes---from exhaustion, from stress, from managing too much on too little---and seen a reflection of her younger self. Would the hurt and the isolation of her younger years speak to the same struggles that Ordo feels in his constant and endless management of Kal’s movements in and around his brothers? Could she have reached him in a way Kal couldn’t, and ease his anxiety, or soothe the weeping wound that whispered he would never be good enough, that somehow Kal will soon one day see it like Ordo knows it, buried under the formless anger and defiance of a child carted to the flames? 

Ilippi could not know where that insecurity stems from, but she would understand why it continues to live.

I wonder if Ilippi could have seen the very same charm in Mereel that was what drew her to Kal in the first place, and yet also see the sharpened edge hidden beneath it. To see the invisible rope pulled taut around his throat as time threatened to run out before he could finish out the path Kal put him on, if he could save his brothers before the war took him? Would she see right through the easy jokes and reflexive deflection and cut into the core of it all, and in doing so, untangle the noose of his desperation?

If she could outlive Kal’s expectations, and thrive beyond them, then so wouldn’t Mereel?

Would that Ilippi had lived and visited them during the war, what would she have shared with Prudii? Would she have bothered, would she have tried to correct him on that anger and that resentment he carried for Kal? How would that conversation have gone, when she instead reminded him he doesn’t need that added burden? He carries too much on his shoulders, as it is, and he’s long since passed his breaking point. 

Would she have told him of the bitter loneliness and the isolation she suffered as she struggled to raise her children alone---removed from all familial support and friendships broken by distance? Would she have related to him that bitter resentment and that biting loneliness that she undoubtedly sees in him---not the favorite son, not the oldest, and forbidden from ever making meaningful connections because his “job” demands it of him? How terrible it must be, that he can never stop moving, that he visits a different planet, a different system, a different sector, every week---and because of a demand of constant movement he never truly consented to, he’s condemned to a solitude he chafes under?

If Ilippi were to meet Jaing, would she flinch from his sharp-toothed grin and the violence he carries in his shoulders? Would she move away from the anger that fuels him, turn away from his attempt at charm---a facsimile, an echo of what his brother perfectly captures and what he can’t seem to emulate---or would she find that, in and of itself, charming? It is true that she once saw Kal’s dark sides and sharp edges attractive, alluring, charming---even if it lead her to emotional ruin and a heartbreak she never fully healed from. 

Older, and wiser now, she would see the hurt for what it was. She would see the knife behind his eyes and guide him to understanding that he doesn’t have to carry it in silence, that in silence that very blade cuts him deepest of all, and that she sees him for who he is as a whole, not for the parts that encompass the pain he’s done or that’s been done to him.

I like to imagine that Ilippi is charming, and that when she meets A’den---A’den who is deeply sociable, if bitingly sarcastic, and holds a humor as dry as sand---she would share with him the memories of Kal when he was young, and angry, and unfairly charming on the days when he was good? 

But A’den hates to be lied to, and I doubt Ilippi would have reason to lie, whether outright or by omission. Not all days were good, not all memories kind, and I wonder---would she have also shared with A’den the bad days, the days she could not bear, the days that mounted until they outnumbered the good and she realized to protect her children they would have to leave?

Worse, though---would A’den find someone in her that could see what he saw in Kal, that he dared not bring up nor say out loud, even when he worked to circumvent Kal at every turn? Would he realize, through brief connections and conversations, that no matter who Kal tied the metaphorical knot with, the brutal storm he carried unchanging within him would invariably hurt the people he’s closest to? Would he realize that no matter how hard he tried, finding someone to “take care of” Kal would inevitably lead to heartbreak?

And now, speaking of heartbreak, I wonder if through that thread, would Ilippi find a connection with Kom’rk? She chafed under isolation forced upon her when she agreed to marry Kal---but Kom’rk chose isolation, chooses it even still. Kom’rk has to be forced to return home, begged by his brothers and convinced to trade for something worthwhile, for something worth more than the cost of returning to the Core---and, by extension, Kal’s side. Is it a point of humor, even, or a sore point of pain that, when pressed, triggers laughter (or else it triggers tears), and in that connection understands why Kom’rk always chooses to stay far, far away?

Something relatable, in the pragmatism of it all---to avoid conflict entirely, too tired, or spent, or burned out, to face it with someone who would always remain a stone, for better or worse. 

If only Ilippi Jiro had lived, would the Nulls have been given an opportunity to peer into a past through the lens of another. They’ve always been so terribly curious, proclaimed deviant for their defiance and condemned to die early, would they have been able to resist that very same temptation, that very same curiosity, to learn something new?

I honestly don’t think so. 

[izzyovercoffee]

Hm... hi? Sorry for any inconvenience, but I started reading RepComm (I'm at the beginning of Order 66, so I don't know if that happens later) and I can't help thinking about Tor and Ijaat meeting the Nulls, before and after they left Kal? Or if Ilippi survived, what would a meeting between the Nulls and her be like? And it made me realize that characters who don't like Kal are either just quoted or never appear or are dead or are framed as wrong and reading this is such an exercise in patience

ps: btw, love your meta! that's what made me want to read RepComm, to be honest, and sorry for the english, it's not my first language 

I’m so sorry it took me so long to reply!!! THANK YOU FOR THE ASK. And also, just thank you. Truly, thank you. I wasn’t sure if people still read the meta out there or not, but I’m glad that you enjoyed them!! also your english was beautiful, I understood what you said perfectly

but also LMAO at: 

reading this is such an exercise in patience 

I TRULY FEEL THIS IN MY HEART OF HEARTS

Even after all this time, I still LOVE the Republic Commando books. I do---but rereading them is definitely an exercise in patience, now that I see all the problems and the glaring inconsistencies. But I still see the good parts, even great parts, and I keep coming back to them lmao 

BUT TO CIRCLE BACK--- 

I can't help thinking about Tor and Ijaat meeting the Nulls, before and after they left Kal? Or if Ilippi survived, what would a meeting between the Nulls and her be like?

I also think about these things a lot lmao

I’m often torn on the idea of the Nulls meeting Tor and Ijaat, or the Nulls meeting Ilippi if she had survived her illness. The way Prudii talks about her, in Order 66, makes me feel that they’ve internalized the bitterness and the resentment that Kal very likely felt early, early on in their development when he was young, and broke, and alone on Kamino surrounded by people who hated him. 

Kal has long since softened (on her, on his marriage failing, on his biological children disowning him), since he defends her against Prudii’s statements, but the sad truth is that the Nulls learned that bitterness and that resentment from him, originally---as they were raised and trained by him. It’s truly hard to say how they would have reacted in meeting her, and I feel like all of the Nulls would have held very radically different opinions on the matter. 

But, depending on who was or wasn’t present at that meeting, and any subsequent meetings ... would likely change how they react or respond to her. With Kal present, there’s always an underlying need for them to perform in a way that would further secure his love in them (regardless of whether or not it’s “necessary,” though to a degree it is---because of the way he withholds affection when someone doesn’t do something he agrees with) versus showing their true selves, or expressing their true opinions beyond his hearing.

We saw Prudii’s, and his bitterness and resentment likely reflecting Kal’s when he was a decade younger, but I think Ordo would have been much more polite. A’den would have been curious, no doubt, but nosy. Jaing can’t help but be intimidating, even if maybe he doesn’t want to be, and Mereel can’t help but be excessively charming and warm. Kom’rk is a toss up---his choice to keep his distance from the core is one that can be read as a choice to stay as far away from Kal as possible, and it’s one that might lend Kom’rk to being kinder and far more understanding than the rest of Ilippi. 

I wonder, actually, if there would have been jokes about the one woman who tried (and failed) to “tame” Kal (as those kinds of jokes tend to go, I guess?) but if there would have been some respect there, too, for the attempt. Had Ilippi lived, had KT been less biased against her female characters, there’s an entire world of potential, just in highlighting Kal’s faults and how everyone can work around them (or how he could / should work on them). 

I mean, okay. I have obviously softened somewhat on my frustrations towards Kal as a character, and I find myself thinking a lot these days about the Kal we should have gotten, the Kal a large chunk of the fandom think we have (but don’t), and the Kal the books believe they gave us. I think about the way the books should have gone if they were faithful to the narrative arcs they started before they were derailed by excessive soap-boxing and a doubling-down to bend to biases that broke the momentum because they just didn’t make sense.

One of the major arcs being character growth---owning up to one’s faults and mistakes, and making a conscious effort to become a better version of yourself through blood, sweat, and (literal) tears.  

And maybe part of that would always be hindered, or outright cut short, because Ilippi never survived to tell her side of her mistreatment and failed marriage---and also because we were never, really, given the opportunity to hear Tor nor Ijaat’s own memories. 

I struggle to think about how Tor and Ijaat would have dealt with the Nulls. I get the feeling there would be a lot of insecurity in all of them---and a feeling of being replaced, and some lingering resentment and anger towards each other (that should be directed at Kal, but for a lot of reasons, just like in real life, would be misdirected instead to other people). 

Miscommunication is a major sore point for Kal in general---he has a huge inability to actually express his love in his actions, or clarify his intentions, which may be good, in order to separate them from his missteps, which are often terrible. Tor and Ijaat, if they’re well-adjusted men now, would find it hard to not see what being raised in that kind of environment had on the Nulls. They have a lot of issues as a result of their genetics, yes, but a lot of their lingering and prolonged mental illnesses can, in some part, also be attributed to the “affectionate abuse” Kal gave them, and I wonder if Kal’s biological sons still carried lingering emotional and mental scars from their childhood---or if they had so little direct interaction with Kal that what few moments they had were uniformly positive---and if their resentment towards him genuinely was, as they said, because he wasn’t there when Ilippi was dying from her illness.

In this scenario, actually, if Ilippi survived... would they still have divorced Kal from their lives and rejected his fatherhood entirely? All of that hinged on him not being present, him being away at Kamino, during her very last days. 

So much of this also undermines the idea of Kal’s control over the Nulls, and the rest of the clan. If Ilippi not only survived, but thrived, away from him? If Tor and Ijaat are living full and fulfilling lives without him in it? If Ruusaan never “needed” to be rescued in the way that she was? They all would have stood as examples of a life beyond making personal choices and decisions that were dictated by him, and would have, at the very least, been a life that could stand in direct comparison and be just as messy and complicated as real life tends to be. 

also WOW i really .... uhhh I really got away from the point here. I am so sorry LMAO I GOT CARRIED AWAY. IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME since I got to ramble about repcomm, and I really fixate on a lot of the missed opportunities these days, because there are SO MANY. But I guess that’s what fic is for, right?

RIGHT???

Absolutely no pressure, BUT if you do decide to write fic about this, or do your own meta or exploration, I am ALWAYS excited to see what people come up with. I haven’t really been on tumblr that much lately, but I see now that The Mandalorian is out there and people are discovering (or rediscovering) Republic Commando, there’s a wealth of new stuff out there I desperately need to catch up on.

ANYWAY LMAO I’M SORRY I RAMBLE SO MUCH I JUST! THESE QUESTIONS ARE SO GOOD. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE ASK. 

And I hope this find you well, ner vod.