#c: Ilippi Jiro

[izzyovercoffee]

Hm... hi? Sorry for any inconvenience, but I started reading RepComm (I'm at the beginning of Order 66, so I don't know if that happens later) and I can't help thinking about Tor and Ijaat meeting the Nulls, before and after they left Kal? Or if Ilippi survived, what would a meeting between the Nulls and her be like? And it made me realize that characters who don't like Kal are either just quoted or never appear or are dead or are framed as wrong and reading this is such an exercise in patience

ps: btw, love your meta! that's what made me want to read RepComm, to be honest, and sorry for the english, it's not my first language 

I’m so sorry it took me so long to reply!!! THANK YOU FOR THE ASK. And also, just thank you. Truly, thank you. I wasn’t sure if people still read the meta out there or not, but I’m glad that you enjoyed them!! also your english was beautiful, I understood what you said perfectly

but also LMAO at: 

reading this is such an exercise in patience 

I TRULY FEEL THIS IN MY HEART OF HEARTS

Even after all this time, I still LOVE the Republic Commando books. I do---but rereading them is definitely an exercise in patience, now that I see all the problems and the glaring inconsistencies. But I still see the good parts, even great parts, and I keep coming back to them lmao 

BUT TO CIRCLE BACK--- 

I can't help thinking about Tor and Ijaat meeting the Nulls, before and after they left Kal? Or if Ilippi survived, what would a meeting between the Nulls and her be like?

I also think about these things a lot lmao

I’m often torn on the idea of the Nulls meeting Tor and Ijaat, or the Nulls meeting Ilippi if she had survived her illness. The way Prudii talks about her, in Order 66, makes me feel that they’ve internalized the bitterness and the resentment that Kal very likely felt early, early on in their development when he was young, and broke, and alone on Kamino surrounded by people who hated him. 

Kal has long since softened (on her, on his marriage failing, on his biological children disowning him), since he defends her against Prudii’s statements, but the sad truth is that the Nulls learned that bitterness and that resentment from him, originally---as they were raised and trained by him. It’s truly hard to say how they would have reacted in meeting her, and I feel like all of the Nulls would have held very radically different opinions on the matter. 

But, depending on who was or wasn’t present at that meeting, and any subsequent meetings ... would likely change how they react or respond to her. With Kal present, there’s always an underlying need for them to perform in a way that would further secure his love in them (regardless of whether or not it’s “necessary,” though to a degree it is---because of the way he withholds affection when someone doesn’t do something he agrees with) versus showing their true selves, or expressing their true opinions beyond his hearing.

We saw Prudii’s, and his bitterness and resentment likely reflecting Kal’s when he was a decade younger, but I think Ordo would have been much more polite. A’den would have been curious, no doubt, but nosy. Jaing can’t help but be intimidating, even if maybe he doesn’t want to be, and Mereel can’t help but be excessively charming and warm. Kom’rk is a toss up---his choice to keep his distance from the core is one that can be read as a choice to stay as far away from Kal as possible, and it’s one that might lend Kom’rk to being kinder and far more understanding than the rest of Ilippi. 

I wonder, actually, if there would have been jokes about the one woman who tried (and failed) to “tame” Kal (as those kinds of jokes tend to go, I guess?) but if there would have been some respect there, too, for the attempt. Had Ilippi lived, had KT been less biased against her female characters, there’s an entire world of potential, just in highlighting Kal’s faults and how everyone can work around them (or how he could / should work on them). 

I mean, okay. I have obviously softened somewhat on my frustrations towards Kal as a character, and I find myself thinking a lot these days about the Kal we should have gotten, the Kal a large chunk of the fandom think we have (but don’t), and the Kal the books believe they gave us. I think about the way the books should have gone if they were faithful to the narrative arcs they started before they were derailed by excessive soap-boxing and a doubling-down to bend to biases that broke the momentum because they just didn’t make sense.

One of the major arcs being character growth---owning up to one’s faults and mistakes, and making a conscious effort to become a better version of yourself through blood, sweat, and (literal) tears.  

And maybe part of that would always be hindered, or outright cut short, because Ilippi never survived to tell her side of her mistreatment and failed marriage---and also because we were never, really, given the opportunity to hear Tor nor Ijaat’s own memories. 

I struggle to think about how Tor and Ijaat would have dealt with the Nulls. I get the feeling there would be a lot of insecurity in all of them---and a feeling of being replaced, and some lingering resentment and anger towards each other (that should be directed at Kal, but for a lot of reasons, just like in real life, would be misdirected instead to other people). 

Miscommunication is a major sore point for Kal in general---he has a huge inability to actually express his love in his actions, or clarify his intentions, which may be good, in order to separate them from his missteps, which are often terrible. Tor and Ijaat, if they’re well-adjusted men now, would find it hard to not see what being raised in that kind of environment had on the Nulls. They have a lot of issues as a result of their genetics, yes, but a lot of their lingering and prolonged mental illnesses can, in some part, also be attributed to the “affectionate abuse” Kal gave them, and I wonder if Kal’s biological sons still carried lingering emotional and mental scars from their childhood---or if they had so little direct interaction with Kal that what few moments they had were uniformly positive---and if their resentment towards him genuinely was, as they said, because he wasn’t there when Ilippi was dying from her illness.

In this scenario, actually, if Ilippi survived... would they still have divorced Kal from their lives and rejected his fatherhood entirely? All of that hinged on him not being present, him being away at Kamino, during her very last days. 

So much of this also undermines the idea of Kal’s control over the Nulls, and the rest of the clan. If Ilippi not only survived, but thrived, away from him? If Tor and Ijaat are living full and fulfilling lives without him in it? If Ruusaan never “needed” to be rescued in the way that she was? They all would have stood as examples of a life beyond making personal choices and decisions that were dictated by him, and would have, at the very least, been a life that could stand in direct comparison and be just as messy and complicated as real life tends to be. 

also WOW i really .... uhhh I really got away from the point here. I am so sorry LMAO I GOT CARRIED AWAY. IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME since I got to ramble about repcomm, and I really fixate on a lot of the missed opportunities these days, because there are SO MANY. But I guess that’s what fic is for, right?

RIGHT???

Absolutely no pressure, BUT if you do decide to write fic about this, or do your own meta or exploration, I am ALWAYS excited to see what people come up with. I haven’t really been on tumblr that much lately, but I see now that The Mandalorian is out there and people are discovering (or rediscovering) Republic Commando, there’s a wealth of new stuff out there I desperately need to catch up on.

ANYWAY LMAO I’M SORRY I RAMBLE SO MUCH I JUST! THESE QUESTIONS ARE SO GOOD. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE ASK. 

And I hope this find you well, ner vod.

[izzyovercoffee]

Thinking about it more though... what would that have actually looked like? For the Nulls to meet a ghost of Kal’s sordid past, a memory he worked hard to outrun only for her to haunt his present, alive and well? Fulfilled in a life worth living without him beside her? How would the Nulls have reacted to meeting Ilippi Skirata Jiro?

In an ideal world, in an actual scene or situation where they would’ve encountered each other, I wonder if Ilippi would have seen the wear under Ordo’s eyes---from exhaustion, from stress, from managing too much on too little---and seen a reflection of her younger self. Would the hurt and the isolation of her younger years speak to the same struggles that Ordo feels in his constant and endless management of Kal’s movements in and around his brothers? Could she have reached him in a way Kal couldn’t, and ease his anxiety, or soothe the weeping wound that whispered he would never be good enough, that somehow Kal will soon one day see it like Ordo knows it, buried under the formless anger and defiance of a child carted to the flames? 

Ilippi could not know where that insecurity stems from, but she would understand why it continues to live.

I wonder if Ilippi could have seen the very same charm in Mereel that was what drew her to Kal in the first place, and yet also see the sharpened edge hidden beneath it. To see the invisible rope pulled taut around his throat as time threatened to run out before he could finish out the path Kal put him on, if he could save his brothers before the war took him? Would she see right through the easy jokes and reflexive deflection and cut into the core of it all, and in doing so, untangle the noose of his desperation?

If she could outlive Kal’s expectations, and thrive beyond them, then so wouldn’t Mereel?

Would that Ilippi had lived and visited them during the war, what would she have shared with Prudii? Would she have bothered, would she have tried to correct him on that anger and that resentment he carried for Kal? How would that conversation have gone, when she instead reminded him he doesn’t need that added burden? He carries too much on his shoulders, as it is, and he’s long since passed his breaking point. 

Would she have told him of the bitter loneliness and the isolation she suffered as she struggled to raise her children alone---removed from all familial support and friendships broken by distance? Would she have related to him that bitter resentment and that biting loneliness that she undoubtedly sees in him---not the favorite son, not the oldest, and forbidden from ever making meaningful connections because his “job” demands it of him? How terrible it must be, that he can never stop moving, that he visits a different planet, a different system, a different sector, every week---and because of a demand of constant movement he never truly consented to, he’s condemned to a solitude he chafes under?

If Ilippi were to meet Jaing, would she flinch from his sharp-toothed grin and the violence he carries in his shoulders? Would she move away from the anger that fuels him, turn away from his attempt at charm---a facsimile, an echo of what his brother perfectly captures and what he can’t seem to emulate---or would she find that, in and of itself, charming? It is true that she once saw Kal’s dark sides and sharp edges attractive, alluring, charming---even if it lead her to emotional ruin and a heartbreak she never fully healed from. 

Older, and wiser now, she would see the hurt for what it was. She would see the knife behind his eyes and guide him to understanding that he doesn’t have to carry it in silence, that in silence that very blade cuts him deepest of all, and that she sees him for who he is as a whole, not for the parts that encompass the pain he’s done or that’s been done to him.

I like to imagine that Ilippi is charming, and that when she meets A’den---A’den who is deeply sociable, if bitingly sarcastic, and holds a humor as dry as sand---she would share with him the memories of Kal when he was young, and angry, and unfairly charming on the days when he was good? 

But A’den hates to be lied to, and I doubt Ilippi would have reason to lie, whether outright or by omission. Not all days were good, not all memories kind, and I wonder---would she have also shared with A’den the bad days, the days she could not bear, the days that mounted until they outnumbered the good and she realized to protect her children they would have to leave?

Worse, though---would A’den find someone in her that could see what he saw in Kal, that he dared not bring up nor say out loud, even when he worked to circumvent Kal at every turn? Would he realize, through brief connections and conversations, that no matter who Kal tied the metaphorical knot with, the brutal storm he carried unchanging within him would invariably hurt the people he’s closest to? Would he realize that no matter how hard he tried, finding someone to “take care of” Kal would inevitably lead to heartbreak?

And now, speaking of heartbreak, I wonder if through that thread, would Ilippi find a connection with Kom’rk? She chafed under isolation forced upon her when she agreed to marry Kal---but Kom’rk chose isolation, chooses it even still. Kom’rk has to be forced to return home, begged by his brothers and convinced to trade for something worthwhile, for something worth more than the cost of returning to the Core---and, by extension, Kal’s side. Is it a point of humor, even, or a sore point of pain that, when pressed, triggers laughter (or else it triggers tears), and in that connection understands why Kom’rk always chooses to stay far, far away?

Something relatable, in the pragmatism of it all---to avoid conflict entirely, too tired, or spent, or burned out, to face it with someone who would always remain a stone, for better or worse. 

If only Ilippi Jiro had lived, would the Nulls have been given an opportunity to peer into a past through the lens of another. They’ve always been so terribly curious, proclaimed deviant for their defiance and condemned to die early, would they have been able to resist that very same temptation, that very same curiosity, to learn something new?

I honestly don’t think so. 

[izzyovercoffee]

Let’s talk about Ilippi Skirata Jiro

Ilippi, the ex-wife of Kal Skirata, and often a woman who holds a contentious position in fandom by virtue of being Kal Skirata’s dead ex-wife who left him.

She somehow manages to exist in all of the wonderful spaces that ex-wives tend to inhabit:

just didn’t try hard enough to understand him, ie a bad wife

drained him of his money

left him for just no discernible reason 

blamed as the cause of his biological sons divorcing him

Here’s the thing ... fandom often flagrantly overlooks what he, himself, admits to have done and caused Ilippi grief. And I’m here to put these things together in a way you can understand and see as the red flags that they are.

So. Let’s get started.

First, I want to talk about what Kal literally says in the novels.

Kal fell in love with Ilippi, and Ilippi fell in love with Kal. That’s indisputable. 

But love isn’t enough to maintain a marriage. Here’s a list of what Kal admits to doing, and being:

she never really embraced the culture, but he still

moved her to a mandalorian town as soon as they were married 

he left for long periods at a time to fight in someone else’s war

he wasn’t there for Ilippi when she needed him, including being away for long periods to leave her to raise 3 young children alone

he couldn’t understand nor empathize with her

she never argued nor fought with him until he expressed intent to bring his son to fight with him on the front lines 

They look like innocent misunderstandings in a list to people who aren’t aware of what these bullet points really ... indicate together (except that last one ... like, don’t defend that last one, seriously). For those who are aware, though ... these are all red flags of an unequal marriage doomed to fail AT BEST. (at worst ... well.) 

I understand wanting to paint the picture of the marriage of a soldier in active duty. I do. And I understand wanting to sympathize with that image. I do. But, ... spouses of people in active duty have access to resources and support. They have support systems and support groups, and a community.

That’s just not the situation that was Kal and Ilippi’s failed marriage.

Ilippi did not have any support, at all.

“What are you talking about, Izzy?” Let me show you. (This goes under a cut due to how long it’s gotten, complete with quotes from the text.)

The sweet medicinal scent of the resin reminded [Kal] of the first months of his marriage, when he was crazy about a Corellian nightclub waitress called Ilippi Jiro and he tried to teach her some essential skills of a proper Mandalorian wife—how to build a basic field shelter, a vheh’ yaim, and cook over an open fire. She never did get the hang of splitting logs. He didn’t care. He loved her, they had a small town house in Shuror where she never had to cook over open flames, and he never believed the fire would die in their relationship.

--- Imperial Commando: 501st, pp 125

The emphasized indicates that as soon as they married, they moved away.

Shuror is a small rural mandalorian town located in Mandalorian space, in the middle of what could be described as forest country.

Ilippi is Corellian. She grew up on a city planet, and her entire family (that we know of) lived on Corellia.

Corellia is located in The Core. Shuror is in the Outer Rim.

There is no easy way for Ilippi’s family to see her, or her them, in this situation. There’s no way for them to be involved with their grandchildren. There’s no way for her to seek support from them if she needs it.

In addition to not being in easy reach of support from her family, she also never took to being a mandalorian. 

[Kal’s] wife wasn’t Mandalorian. He’d hoped she would embrace the culture, but she didn’t ....

--- Republic Commando: Triple Zero, pp 12

Even after all the years of marriage, which at that point was at least eight years of living in Shuror, she was still explicitly stated to not be mandalorian.

Mandalorians, as much as I love them as a people, are not kind to outsiders. For someone to live among them for as long as she did and not become mandalorian by assimilation points to her being  isolated, at best. The community did not, or could not, do more than the bare minimum to support her because of her status as a perpetual outsider, if they supported her at all. 

And, most likely? They didn’t.

So. To reiterate: Kal moved a city girl from Corellian space, in the core, to the Outer Rim --- to an isolated town in the middle of nowhere, immediately after they married.

For those of you who don’t know ... this is a huge red flag. Regardless of how you feel about Kal personally, none of the above puts Ilippi in a good position. 

It makes life very difficult for her when it doesn’t need to be, and when it never needed to be. 

The next point makes the above worse, because not only was Ilippi fresh out of the city and dropped into the country, completely out of her depth and in need of support in adjusting to the new environment ... but Kal then left her, for long periods at a time, to fight in wars.

Kal, her only support when she was in Shuror, left her alone.

Ilippi thought the beskar’gam was dashing when she married Skirata, but his long absences on deployment started to wear on her with three small kids to care for ....

--- Republic Commando: Order 66, pp 105

I don’t know if you know, but raising even one small child takes loads of energy. It is difficult, beyond difficult, and help? Is sorely needed. And that’s just for one small child.

Ilippi had three children, and they were all close in age. Tor at age 7 coming on 8, Ijaat age 6, Ruusan age 5. All of them roughly one to two, maybe three, years apart. Children, at these ages, are very active. Very energetic. And get into all kinds of trouble.

And Ilippi was, essentially, a single mother raising three children with Kal occasionally present, by his own admission. And Kal knew it was difficult. He knew that she struggled with it. 

But not only did she struggle with it, so did he.

Skirata knew that Darman might never arrive home, throw his kit bag on the hall floor, and sob on his wife’s shoulder, relieved and grateful and swearing it would be his last tour of duty.

--- Republic Commando: Triple Zero, pp 271

This is in Kal’s POV chapter, and the way this is framed, is what Kal believes is normal --- and we can assume that it is normal for him. This is how he views married life, this is what “wife” means, to him.

The tragedy of this is that, for Kal, war is all he ever knew ... but even if that’s the case, even if he could never change his ways, he did not have to isolate Ilippi the way he did.  

The simple solution would have been to stay on or move back to Corellia, to let her parents help her raise their children. They could have moved into a mandalorian neighborhood on Corellia if a mandalorian connection was absolutely needed, or moved to a port city on Mandalore that would have been more comfortable and open to outsiders.

Kal, himself, never mentioned having any family in Shuror. There are no reasons, no explanations, no ties for them to move to a mandalorian town. 

She was unhappy. An aruetti in a mandalorian town? There was no way Ilippi could ever have felt welcome, no matter how long she lived there. But, byKal’s own words, she never fought with him ... until he threatened their children.

Now, understand, from Kal’s point of view that’s not what he’s doing. But from a rational person’s point of view? He absolutely is threatening the life and welfare of her children --- that, again, by his own admission, he was often absent from helping in raising them. 

The fights began when [Kal] wanted to take their two sons into battle with him. They were eight years old, old enough to start learning their trade; but she refused, and soon Ilippi and the boys and his daughter were no longer waiting when he returned from the latest war.

--- Republic Commando: Triple Zero, pp 13

and

[Ilippi] hit the big cultural wall—Tor was coming up on eight years old, and Skirata wanted to do as all Mando fathers did, to take his son to train and fight alongside him for five years.

--- Republic Commando: Order 66, pp 105

“Isn’t she overreacting, Izzy?” You might ask. I would argue ... maybe if it was anyone else and not Kal, maybe. But Kal never shied away, in any of the above passages nor the one I’m about to quote, exactly where he tended to fight, where he intended to take them.

“Where are you?” [Tor] asked. “Who’s—oh, wow, that’s the Republic army.”

“They’re clone troops,” Skirata said. My boys, too. “I’m on the front line.”

“You always were.”

--- Republic Commando: Order 66, pp 105

He fully intended to take small children with him into active warzones, to fight with him on the front lines.

Not to be culturally insensitive but war is no place for children. It doesn’t matter how capable you think they are, it doesn’t matter what culture is in the forefront here ... the fact is, an active warzone is not a place to raise a child.

Significant emotional, physical, and mental development occurs in the ages before ten years old --- and then upon hitting ten, even more important development occurs. War, and the trauma of war and constant fighting, significantly impedes that development and causes long-lasting issues.

And that very knowledge is specifically stated to be things that the clones are unfairly dealing with. Yet, it’s framed as unfair for Ilippi to react like she did when Kal made it clear he intended to take Tor with him to the front lines.

Verd’goten is a coming of age test. But nothing about the verd’goten lists war as a requirement. 

To be clear: Ilippi never fought with Kal until Kal directly threatened the life of one of her children. And yes, it is a threat on his life. Realize that Ilippi is still a civilian with values from The Core, where children don’t have to be soldiers until they’re old enough to make that choice for themselves. Not to have that choice made for them by the person who is supposed to be their parent.

Trust me, I understand where Kal is coming from. But just because I understand where he’s coming from doesn’t make Kal any less wrong. Not all mandalorians commit their children to war. To assume that that’s the only way to come of age is ... a tragedy. For the child, and the parent who thinks it.

I also want to revisit how Kal remembers that moment, because it is important how it’s remembered, too.

Skirata could picture Ilippi now, five-year-old Ruusaan and six-year-old Ijaat clinging to her legs, crying, while she yelled that no baby boy of hers was going to war. From that argument—and she shouldn’t have yelled like that, not in front of the kids—their marriage went rapidly downhill. The next time he came home on leave, the kids were with her parents on Corellia, and she told him she wanted a divorce.

--- Republic Commando: Order 66, pp 105

From the bolded, you can tell that Kal just ... doesn’t understand why she reacted as strongly as she did. To frame it as if she was being irrationally emotional, as if her reaction was too extreme for his request, shows that Kal fundamentally doesn’t understand Ilippi as a person. 

On a fundamental level, Kal doesn’t know Ilippi. 

And, on a fundamental level, Kal doesn’t know himself. 

But Ilippi clearly knows Kal. Kal, for all his apparent sensibility, is someone to be described often as stubborn. Once his mind is set, it is difficult to get him to change it. That’s in his nature, in his character, and who he is.

And Ilippi knows this. She knows how he is, and knows that he’s stubborn.

If Kal brings it up once, that he intends to bring Tor to the front lines with him, then not only does he intend to do that to Tor, but also Ijaat, and then Ruusan. And Ilippi, in a mandalorian town, surrounded by a culture that is in support of Kal, has no power to stop him. 

And when her children are threatened, and only when they were threatened, did she suddenly fight him --- and fight him with such an extreme reaction that he wasn’t expecting it and couldn’t empathize.

But, again, to reiterate:

Ilippi was isolated in a town she couldn’t fit in with

surrounded by people that would always view her as an outsider

raised three young children close in age mostly without Kal’s help

with no support system and no one else to rely on

for eight years

To say that this wasn’t an expected or rational response of Ilippi would be to be blind to neglect and isolation, and have no empathy with a single parent trying to raise three children without help.

Kal is a big part of this communication problem. Often he left, came back, made empty promises to never leave, only to go back on his word and do so. On top of that, he could not empathize with her.

In the past, he had been the one who went to war and left a family behind. Now he was the one waiting for news, and suddenly he had a much better idea of what Ilippi had gone through while they were married. Waiting was hard. Even with the latest comlinks and transponders to stay in touch—a luxury his ex-wife never had—the minutes were still long and empty, begging to be filled with the wrong kind of speculation.

So this is what it’s like to be the rear party. Sorry, Ilippi. I never really understood.

--- Imperial Commando: 501st, pp 125

By Kal’s own admission, Ilippi never had a way to contact him if she needed him --- or him to contact her to let her know he was okay. It was, literally, a luxury she never had. 

Long absences, with no way to know if he would ever come home. Eight years of this. Three children to explain that no, she didn’t know when they would see their buir again, and no, she couldn’t comm him to check up.

But also, that’s eight long years to go with Kal being married to a woman he fundamentally did not understand and could not empathize with. He didn’t even realize that waiting was hard. And Ilippi still stuck with him, for manda knows what reason, up until she couldn’t for the safety of their children. 

And even then, even after, Kal still couldn’t see that that was the reason that broke them apart. To Kal, Ilippi was acting irrationally. He did not even try to consider why she reacted the way she did. 

I would have raised you smarter, son .... Please don’t let [Ruusan] be a mercenary. I wasn’t there to teach her how to stay alive.

--- Republic Commando: Order 66, pp 106

He genuinely believes he would have raised them better, smarter, wiser, capable. And for all we know, he may be right. But even now, thirty years later, he’s still incapable of understanding how and why Ilippi didn’t see it that way.

“But Izzy! She drained him dry, took every last credit he had!”

Well ... yes and no.

Here’s the thing: Kal NEVER, not once, anywhere, ever mentioned that she asked for his credits. To rephrase, Ilippi never asked for his credits. She asked for a divorce, but that doesn’t mean credits. The way mandalorian marriages work is different than what we do. And with Kal being the way he is, remembering slights as he does, for him to never mention that she asked ...

Isn’t that a little weird of a detail to leave out if she literally drained him dry? Isn’t that a thing he should have said, at least once?

But anyway, moving on from that point ... child support is a real thing. She had three children to raise as a single parent on Corellia. That was, quite literally, the least that Kal could do. 

And it was, literally, the least he did.

“That’s not fair, Izzy, she already divorced him.” And?

Listen. Ilippi gave him eight years to sort out his bull shit. She gave him eight years of her life trying to make things work on his terms. And it’s very clear from Kal’s point of view that that didn’t work out --- but it’s also very clear that Kal never, not once, tried to make things work on her terms. It was always his way, or no way.

A marriage, a successful marriage, requires compromise. It requires communication. It requires empathy, and sacrifice. Ilippi sacrificed everything. Kal ... didn’t. 

Kal didn’t sacrifice anything. Yes, he put his life on the line again and again. He repeatedly went to war as his method of living. But the thing is that that’s not sacrifice. It’s not.

Sacrifice is moving back to Corellia, so that Ilippi would still have contact with her parents and her friends who could help with the kids when he wasn’t there.

Sacrifice is facing the fact that being away for long periods of time to leave Ilippi to raise three children without help is detrimental to Ilippi’s well-being, Kal’s well-being, and the children’s well-being. 

Sacrifice is accepting that Ilippi suffered alone and that he needed to find a way to stay with her and help her when she needed him, and help the kids because they needed him. Children need their parents at that age.

Even if it meant giving up fighting on the front lines and finding a different way.

That’s what sacrifice would have been, on Kal’s end.

Furthermore ... Kal continued to send credits, but he never talks of even trying to be in their lives as they were growing up. For him, it’s a simple situation: wife divorced him, therefore don’t try to stay in touch with his children.

But like ... life is not like that. Joint custody is a thing. And just because he couldn’t take them with him to war on the front lines doesn’t mean he couldn’t try to be in their lives, or even that he didn’t deserve to be in their lives.

But at no point, anywhere, in any of the novels, does Kal even mention it.

We get a lot of commentary on how Ilippi took his money, but never that Kal tried to stay in their lives and was rebuffed by Ilippi. In fact ... it’s the opposite.

Kal didn’t try to be a father to his own children after Ilippi left. That was something that should have been a responsibility to him, something that should have been important to him ... and he just ... didn’t.

The next time he came home on leave, the kids were with her parents on Corellia, and she told him she wanted a divorce.

It took thirty seconds, Mando-style—a short oath to wed, and a shorter one to part. Skirata handed her all his earnings and left for another war.

Every credit. Every credit I didn’t absolutely need to survive, until the day I left for Kamino. Then I was dead and gone.

--- Republic Commando: Order 66, pp 105

Kal is a martyr for giving up his credits, but Kal never gave up his time or effort for actually being involved in the rearing part of child rearing. And the sympathy we’re meant to feel for him is ... it isn’t deserved. It just isn’t.

“Don’t your sons talk to you any longer?”

“Not often.” So I failed as a father. Don’t rub it in. “Obviously they don’t share the Mando outlook on life any more than their mother does.”

--- Republic Commando: Triple Zero, pp 12

They don’t talk to him. Never how he tried to talk to them and was rebuffed, or rejected. He never, not once, even brings up that kind of thought --- but him giving Ilippi all of his credits comes up in at least three separate occasions, and in one of them it’s framed as if she bled him dry.

Note again that, not once, anywhere, did he ever mention that she asked for credits. With Kal being the way he is, remembering slights as he does ... he never, not once, says that she asked him for credits. Only that he gave them to her. Only that he gave her every last credits.

Like ... Kal, to his biological children, is the absent father. He’s the guy who wants to be a father in theory, but just wasn’t mature enough to be one in actuality, and used his profession as an excuse to why he couldn’t be there --- not once trying to change, but expecting Ilippi to pick up the slack, because that’s what a “good mandalorian wife” should be doing.

And when he couldn’t use his profession as an excuse, Ilippi provided one for him with the divorce.

“But what about his sons! They divorced him! That’s obviously Ilippi’s fault, right?” No, actually ... no.

His children did not divorce him until years later, when they were already adults and Ilippi was dying, and Kal was already on Kamino.

That’s many, many years later.

Passage first:

“But that’s the good thing about being Mando. If you don’t get the family you want, you can go and choose one yourself.” [Kal] looked suddenly older and very sad, small, crushed by time. “You going to tell her? Okay, Etain, my sons disowned me. In Mandalorian law, children can legally disown a parent who’s shamed them, but it’s rare. My sons left with their mother when we split up, and when I disappeared to Kamino and they couldn’t locate me, they declared me dar’buir. No longer a father.”

“Oh my. Oh, I’m sorry.” Etain knew how serious that would be for a Mando’ad. “You found that out when you left Kamino?”

“No. Jango brought the news back that they were looking for me about ... oh, four years in? Three maybe? I forget. Two sons and a daughter. Tor, Ijaat, and Ruusaan.”

“Why were they looking for you?”

“My ex-wife died. They wanted me to know.”

“Oh ...”

“Yeah.”

“But you could have told them where you were at the time. Jango could have talked to them.”

“And?”

“You could have made your peace with them.”

“And?”

“Kal, you could have explained to them somehow and stopped it.”

“And reveal we had an army in training? And compromise my lads’ safety? Never. And not a word to any of the boys, you hear? It’s the only thing I ever kept from them.” 

--- Republic Commando: Triple Zero, pp 217-218

I want you to understand something about this passage: it’s framed specifically to make Kal the martyr, and it’s truly a tragedy. 

But here’s the thing: Ilippi died. And the way Tor speaks about it...

“I just want you to know we’re sorry. It was about Mama, that’s all. We just wanted you to be there when she was dying.”

--- Republic Commando: Order 66, pp 106

She was dying, and there was time for him to go to see her before she passed, had he been in a position to do so. The tragedy isn’t that he wasn’t --- the tragedy was he hadn’t even tried to explain why he couldn’t. 

Tor, Ijaat, and Ruusan’s mother --- the sole parent to raise them, because by Kal’s own admission he was rarely there when they were growing up --- died. And Kal had disappeared. 

To rephrase: Kal was not there when they needed him most. 

I know. Kal had a hard decision to make, and he knew his children could survive on their own. But his sons choosing to disown him? Is not because of Ilippi or her “influence,” or in any way her fault. What she did was die. And what Kal did was abandon his children.

It was a hard decision, but he still abandoned them. Explanations, or not. And they don’t know that --- and they never learned that, because he never chose to tell them, even after the start of the war. 

Whether or not he felt it was his place to explain to them his absence, it doesn’t matter. He made his choice, and that choice has repercussions. Don’t make excuses for Kal. He’s an adult.

And don’t blame Ilippi for something she couldn’t control because all she did was have the audacity to protect her children and then die.

Even if the text would have us believe otherwise, the fact is ... Kal is to blame for his failed marriage. Kal is to blame for his sons declaring dar’buir. Kal is to blame for Ilippi leaving him, and then divorcing him.

Kal is to blame for the major relationships in his life failing. And he never learns from them! He makes the same exact mistakes --- withholds information when he shouldn’t, fails to empathize with others, fails to see from others’ point of view, fails to understand or even try to understand where anyone else is coming from or feeling. 

Everyone around him grows as a person, but Kal remains stagnant from Triple Zero through Imperial Commando, and that’s the real tragedy of his character. He cries, he grieves, he admits to fucking up --- and then he goes on and repeats the exact same mistakes, the exact same grievances, fucks up in exactly the same ways. 

And poor Ilippi had the audacity to know she, and her kids, deserved better.