#byler awae au

[howtobecomeadragon]

byler but anne with an e au (spoilers!)

especially, ESPECIALLY s3. mike feels like he's put himself out there enough times with will without getting any positive signs that will likes him back, so he forces himself to move on and starts courting el, because sure, she's a respectable choice.

meanwhile will is finally catching up to what's going on, finally, FINALLY accepting how he feels and when their class practices dancing to prepare for the fair, will noticed how often mike was looking at him and all of a sudden he couldn't stick his head in the sand about what it all meant anymore. mike, annoying mike who always had to be the best of their class, annoying mike who'd teased him for his hair the first day of class, mike, mike, mike. how lovely mike was.

and after that dance, he's thinking back to all their interactions before and hoping that maybe mike likes him, that what he thought was out of reach and beyond hope could be true, that he could be loved dearly and have a romance of his very own. but at the fair, he sees mike, mike with a girl, and everything comes crashing down around him because how could he ever be so stupid to hope that mike would like him and of course they couldn't court like that in front of everyone, they would never be able to dance together at the fair anyway.

against reason and sense, will keeps feeling like mike still harbors some affection for him as they talk at school, only to be reminded, again and again, how stupid that is, for mike is courting el, and their classmates are making jokes about an engagement soon and will just caught on to everything but he already missed his chance. so he takes his entrance exams to go to the local college and afterward he and all his classmates have a clandestine party where they drink, and who could blame will for overindulging a little bit in the midst of his heartbreak?

mike knows he's at a point in his courtship where he needs to propose or get out. el's father just gave him permission to propose. it's time, the pressure is mounting, and it feels like it's choking him. if he proposes, he'll have el's father's financial support to go to the college of his choosing, the expensive school all the way in europe that could take him so much farther than the local colleges ever could. he'll be... happy enough, he's sure. but there's also will, he can never escape thoughts of will, he can never crush that long held hope that maybe after all these years, maybe will has come around to understand the way that mike looks at him, talks to him. maybe if he simply says it, no subtly chosen words to hide his meaning anymore. it's now or never.

so he goes to the party and will is there, and he's dancing and smiling, and the glow of the bonfire is reflecting on his face and in his hair and mike can hardly breath, can hardly bear to look at him because he's just too beautiful.

he asks to talk with will, and mike is talking too fast, too foolishly, but he has to put it out there so that will knows. he explains that he just got permission to propose to el and he'll be able to go to the school of his dreams but he still doesn't know what to do, he still doesn't know.

will, with his heart beating out of his chest and his thoughts muddled with the wine he drank, asks, dread and hope clinging to each word that he forces through his lips, "i don't understand, what's holding you back then?"

and mike stares at him, he looks at will's lips and searches his face for understanding, he looks into will's eyes, firelight reflected back, and he simply says, "just one thing." and surely will must understand that mike wants to be with him, that'd he'd throw it all away for him, that he'd go to a college close to home and be happy with a private life with will at home, if only will would have him.

but will doesn't understand. how could he? mike is saying that he could have everything he wants, a respectable life, a wife, a better education than he could ever have otherwise. and mike has been courting el, and will couldn't possibly hold mike back from all of that, because he's just will, he's a just a queer boy who never fits in anywhere, who's teased and a misfit. mike could do so, so much better. he's drunk and doesn't see the desperation in mike's eyes, but words are flowing from will's mouth, messily unspooling, and he knows as he's talking that it doesn't make sense, but mike ambushed him with this and he never knew mike could love him and it's too much to understand. "i don't know what to say. what am i supposed to... and everyone, everyone is... and now you just... and i'm... and we never even... and you're never going to, that much i know. i can't, you can't, i... we..."

mike is staring at him with big, wide eyes that look sadder with every word will says, and will can't figure out the right thing to say. suddenly will's friends are running over and calling his name, pulling him to his feet and drunkenly asking him to join them, and will can't stop staring at mike in shock about what just happened, what mike said, how mike was looking at him, at what he himself said.

mike had gone into the conversation clinging to this slightest possibility that if he laid his feelings on the line that will would tell him not to propose, to stay with him, to be with him, and as the words fell from will's mouth, they stomped on all of mike's hope. will didn't like him back and mike had been foolish for hoping he did. as will stared back at him amidst his friends' chatter, mike stood, and said, his voice cracking, "well, i'll be off then." and he gulps down air on his walk home, brushing away the tears.