#bye have a nice day! please don't come on my blog again i don't have the energy for a tumblr debate lmao

[hella-hound]

Listen, I absolutely do not need someone coming on my posts to try and justify why I should like something with reasons as to why THEY liked it. It’s just a difference in opinion. My post was tagged as criticism for a reason. And besides you’ve taken me a bit too seriously, one can enjoy something and still think it could be better. Two things can exist at once ! You don’t have an accurate representation of how I feel about the show from one single post I’ve made during post-watch depression.

Rick has said this is an adaption, which I am coming to find untrue, and not all of his rewrites are hitting home with me. (Me!!! glad it’s working for you tho). The characterizations are just bad and one dimensional. I’ll focus on Annabeth’s here because my og post was mostly about her anyways.

Each episode I’m waiting for her personality to come out. Annabeth is tough and steadfast and knowledgeable, sure. They’ve shown us that in every episode. But she is not infallible. There is so much more to her characterization that they're missing. At this point, 5 episodes in, I'm not sure we'll ever get them. In the book she doesn’t recognize they’re walking into Medusa’s trap; she is the one to insist they visit the Arch because she just wants to visit it! She doesn’t want to go in the tunnel of love with Percy because he’s a boy and that's mortifying! She’s scared of spiders! She has an embarrassingly Huge crush on Luke! These moment's just make her human! Relatable! She's a 12 year old girl pretending to be a grown up! That is objectively hilarious just in itself. (Episode 3 handled that amazingly, the bus scene where she takes over was perfect for early Annabeth.)

Don’t get me wrong, I love the vulnerability she showed in episode 5, but,,,, we had that in episode 4 too when Percy sacrificed himself on the arch for Annabeth and Grover. There was the turning point you talked about and it was so. much. more. impactful. That was the moment when you realize the stakes because they all almost die and for what? Athena's pride? Making the characters seem more relatable in a following episode would not lower the stakes, in fact it should just make the viewer more conscious that these are two 12 year olds and their satyr protector on their way to save the world. You're saying they should do all of that away for the plot? How sad.

These are not "random details" this is vital to characterization in fiction. Step outside the plot! Make them interesting!! If it's done right it's not going to minimize anything else thats impactful. As for the timing issue, each of the last episodes were 1 chapter in the book so that can't be used as an excuse either. They already were doing it, why not make it closer to the source material?

And lastly, you Cannot go around saying that Annabeth was nasty to Ares because she's 12 and her fatal flaw is hubris. "That's the biggest part of her character?" That is so reductive; it isn't and it's a part of herself that Annabeth wishes she didn't feel. The writers have gone out of their way this entire series to say that Annabeth “knows this world” more than Percy and then they directly contradict themselves by having Annabeth be rude to a god’s face. Regardless! of who the god is, it doesn’t FIT. She doesn’t have to like him, in fact she even agrees that she hates Ares in the book, but she is respectful to his face because he’s a god. Her hubris doesn’t make her RUDE, it does however make her think she’s better than the gods so kudos to them for writing Annabeth immediately going to try and manipulate the chair to get Percy out of it even though all the Olympians had been outsmarted by it a millennia ago.

we’ll have to see what they do in episode 6 with the lotus hotel but so far episode 5??? Where is the silliness?? where is annabeth, adamant that she will not enter the tunnel of love with pErCy JaCkSoN??? WHY was annabeth so nasty with Ares in the beginning? annabeth stealing waterpark clothes and percy being like, “uhhhh is that allowed??” the spiders, her showing (not life or death) fear! i’m ill over these changes. even in her most rational moments, she’s still 12!!!

[hacked-by-jake]

Shit rambling because I need it okay? Personal shit and kinda moonvale rambling. You don't have to read it. And warning, my words are probably a mess and this post is weird so.. I'm sorry xD

I don’t want to lie, I have zero capacity for the Moonvale posts right now. There's so much shit going on and the posts don’t really hype me up. I mean, I so glad they are active currently but otherwise.. Wah, I don’t know. I need the date. Like really. Not jokingly or anything, I need it to feel some kind of excitement again. And I don't know, I don’t even feel like posting the updates here, my head can't manage to do that. I'm glad other people do it. And I also don't manage to bring out some kind of duskwood shit post or anything. I know no one is forcing me to posts here but I feel like I have to anyway. This blog has many followers, I guess it's not a secret, so I kinda feel like I have to keep it going. And the thing is, I want to keep it going, but as I said, my capacity is like zero.

And the biggest shit. I have to finally submit to the psychiatry. And beside all other struggles that keep me away from finally sending it, Moonvale is in its way as well. I feel like I can't submit there when I don't know when moonvale will be released. Sounds weird, I know, but it's a real thing, trust me. So, Everbyte, please, tell us something. xD

Also, I get sick when I think about I might not be able to play episodes because I'm sitting in a psych ward and have other things to do. So I pray I will be lucky enough and the episodes will come out before and after my little vacation there. But as you see, I didn't even submit there but I'm still trying to plan Moonvale around it.

When I'm not just lying around in my bed I'm positing on Tumblr so it's kinda the only "obligation" I have. Don't take the word too seriously. As I said, I now I'm not obligated to post here. But for myself, and in my own head, I feel this way. I spent so much time here and I was allowed to build up this blog about a game I like and I want to keep it up. And want to stay here and to post and to be the blogger and the blog I used to be. For many a source to talk about the game/s and to ramble and send theories etc. And I want it to stay this way. For myself and for you all. Besides the love you all send me so often is a huge part of positivity in my life. Almost the only source of positivity I have. And I won't lie, missing this would also be a huge loss for me. I don't want it to sound like you have to send me love or anything. Please don't keep it this way. And I also don't want it to sound like I want this love. I post here to get my thoughts about duskwood out of my head. But I can't deny that it's a nice side effect. And I mean, wonderful. It makes me feel happy and loved and I fear to miss it at some point.

But really, if you read this here, don't feel like you have to tell me things like "we will always love you here" etc. It's very kind and lovely. But I think all those things are a problem in my head so, I don’t know.

Gosh, this post is weird, I know. But these thoughts are bothering me a lot and I was holding all of this back since a few weeks already so I'm going to just ramble the shit out now. Nobody has to read it or react. But this is a reminder to myself, it's my blog and I can post what I want. You can do it, girl. 💪

And I think getting this out into the void might calm my mind a bit.

I probably have more to ramble about but I think right now I forgot it. Anyway. If you read it, thank you. And I hope you will have a fantastic day/evening/night. And especially a amazing new week. You're doing wonderful and you deserve love. 💚

Thank you all for everything, seriously. 💚

OK bye 🫣

[theragethatisdesire]

omg HELLO congrats on 1k ! could i pls snag 17 w nanamin ? ty and congrats again 💕💕

HIIIII THANK YOU and also i am SCREAMING i was so hoping someone would request one bed with Nanami bc i am a SLUT for nanamin like bye

i guess it's jjk day on my blog today between him and gojo, cheers for facing my fears of writing for anyone outside of eren and jean lol

nothing too nsfw but this came out to be longer than i expected so throwing a cut anyway

-

Your first thought is that the hotel Nanami has led you to is obscenely luxurious. Chandeliers glistening with crystals, signature scented air freshener hissing into the lobby every three minutes, and porters and valets tracking your every move, taking your luggage away and sliding a glass of champagne into your hand as soon as you've stepped through the door.

Your shock at the opulence must show all over your face, because Kento simply shakes his head and sighs.

"Gojo made the reservation."

"Ah," you nod. That explains it.

"Hello, welcome to the Nikko Style Nagoya!" The woman behind the counter smiles pleasantly. "Are you checking in, or out?"

"In," Kento answers, pulling his wallet out, "the reservation is under Gojo Satoru."

"Alright, let me just confirm..." the woman clicks away at her computer, leaving you and Kento in a state of silent limbo as you wait.

You wouldn't call what stretches between you and your coworker tension, per se, but it's definitely not the normal working relationship that you hold with other sorcerers. You've caught him looking at you before, curious and appraising, only to have him flit his gaze away, maybe make a hurried remark about a piece of lint on your clothing. Kento's gorgeous, it's an accepted fact around the school, but you'd never cross that line- well, maybe you would, but Kento's as straight-laced as they come, and any passing thoughts of how he might taste, what his strong hands might feel like on your body are chased away by the sobering realization that he would never stoop to such unprofessionalism.

"Okay, I've got you all squared away!" The woman chirps, smiling and handing over a set of two room cards. "The porters have already brought your things to the room, so please don't worry about trying to track down your bags. You'll be on the top floor, in suite on the right."

"Suite?" You crinkle your nose in confusion, looking to Kento, who sighs again, rolls his eyes.

"Gojo."

"Right," you sip your champagne, thinking fondly of the white-haired sorcerer who Kento can't stand.

"Enjoy your stay, and congratulations," the woman behind the counter winks at you.

As you wander into the elevator, glued to Kento's side through the busy lobby, you look up at him curiously.

"Why did she congratulate us?"

"I thought that was strange too," Kento rubs his chin thoughtfully, frowning as he mulls it over, "maybe she has us confused with a different reservation?"

"If it got us the top-floor suite, I'm fine with that," you shrug, sipping your champagne again and enjoying the little rush the bubbles are giving you on an empty stomach, "I've never been in a hotel this nice."

"Really?" Kento looks at you in surprise. "It's very well-managed, but there are far nicer hotels in Japan than this one."

"Do you make a habit of staying in luxury hotels?" You cock an eyebrow at him.

"We can expense our rooms," Kento simply shrugs, "for the next assignment we're given together, I'll choose the hotel. I have one in mind that I think you'd enjoy."

You nod and tuck back into your champagne, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach at the thought of Kento choosing a hotel specifically for you to enjoy, the thought of Kento knowing you well enough that he knows your taste.

You let Kento open the door upon reaching the room, but when you enter, your jaw drops.

Sure, it's an excessive and opulent suite, but that's not what catches your eye. There's a trail of rose petals leading from the door to the singular king-sized bed, also littered with red petals and a box of chocolates, a bottle of champagne on ice, and a little card beside the wine bucket that reads "Welcome, Honeymooners!"

"Um, Kento?"

"They must have made a mistake," Kento, the most unshakeable man you've ever met, flushes bright pink, whipping out his cell phone to call the front desk. As he works through the obvious fact that you two must be in the wrong room on the phone, you wander over and pick up the little card.

Congratulations, newlyweds! Please accept these chocolates and wine as a special treat from both the Nikko Style family, and your friend, Gojo Satoru! Enjoy your honeymoon, and congratulations again.

"Kento..." your voice trails off, the card trembling in your anxious hands. It never fails to embarrass you how you can stare down a special-grade curse without an ounce of fear, but Nanami Kento has your fingers shaking.

"It's not a mistake," Kento says what you're thinking before you can get the words out, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation, "I'm going to kill that idiot."

"Do they have any other rooms?" Your heart sinks a little at how frustrated Kento clearly is at the prospect of having to share a bed, but you understand. You're coworkers, nothing more.

"Fully booked," Kento shakes his head.

Hours later, after a sufficiently tense dinner together and going over your notes for tomorrow's assignment, you've wound back up in your garishly decorated room, standing across the bed from one another in your nightclothes.

You rarely get to see Nanami like this, and it's always a treat when you do: lacking his goggles or even glasses, chiseled chest on display in the tight white t-shirt he always wears to bed, pajama pants that sit low on his hips, hair deliciously disheveled. The thought of those pajama pants sliding lower has you tugging uncomfortably at the hem of your sleep shorts, fiddling with anything to take your mind off of your coworker only a few feet away.

"I found an extra blanket in the closet."

"Hm?" You tilt your head, both startled at his sudden words and confused by his meaning.

"If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to take one of the pillows."

"Did you...find a different room?"

"I'm going to sleep on the floor," Kento says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. You frown at him.

"No, Kento, I- that's not fair."

"I don't mind, really-"

"I know you have a bad shoulder," you incline your head slightly towards his left side in indication, "you won't be in fighting shape tomorrow if you sleep on the floor. This bed is massive, we can share without invading each other's personal space if that's what you're concerned about."

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable," Kento mumbles, scratching at the back of his head.

"I don't," you say, too quickly, "I mean, we're friends, right? How weird can it be?"

Kento's mouth flattens into a thin line of agreement and he gingerly peels back the soft sheets, tucks himself into the bed and pulls your side of the sheets back for you, patting the mattress meaningfully. You grant him a soft smile, switching off the lamp and wishing him a quiet goodnight, somehow managing to fall asleep even with the pounding of your heart, the way you can feel his every little movement.

When you wake up, tangled in Kento's arms, face squished firm against his chest, something big and hard pressing insistently against your legs. You look up at him, still sleeping soundly, knowing good and well that the special grade curse you're tackling today is the least of your worries now.

[ask-tech-and-rev]

Hi! First of all I just want to say you two are my favorite in the Loonatics, you two deserve more and more love and respect than the other Loonatics. (And I think Rev is so cute/not in romantic way I said it by the way.)

For my questions. Do you two think the team doesn't respect you two that much? And what is your relationship? Like friends or more? I would like to know this ☺️.

I hope I didn't disturb anyone. If I could, I'll hug you two. Have a good day or night!☺️

Rev: Hey there folks sorry we were away for a day or two work's been keeping us busy, but hey we are back and with an extra large question this time that will likely require a lot of responses so this one should be a long one to make it up to you fol- *Tech grabs Rev's beak* Tech: This is already gonna be a long one let's not drag it out with even more rambling please Rev I haven't even had my coffee yet. Rev: Ahem right well lets just see what we got here then, looks like starting off I'll say why thank you for the compliment it ain't every day I hear stuff like that, but I appreciate it nonetheless. Tech: That ain't true you hear it at least once a day… errr I mean I said nothing anyway to respond to the first of the questions in this transmission, so I wouldn't say we don't get equal respect from the rest of the team by any stretch, the entire team acknowledges each other's usefulness when and where it comes into play, we may poke at each other now and then for fun, but we are all a family yes even Duck he may annoy the everliving hell out of me, but he's just as much an important person in this group as anyone, so to answer your question no we are respected just fine. Rev: Gee Tech really nice speech and I agree with everything you said though I can't help, but laugh a bit cause you just moments ago told me to keep things brief and to the point cause you're a tired grump before your coffee, but here you are talking as much as me the only difference is you aren't talking as fast as me, but of course that's not a bad thing, and oh gosh I am rambling again so sorry lets just look at the next question. *Tech and Rev glance at the next question on the screen* Tech: …. Rev: …. Tech: uhm well you see… uh… uhm… oh Rev! I answered the last you which means yooooouuu can answer this one it's only fair right? Rev: Wha- I-… Fine this is what I get for choosing to be around an easily flustered introvert… ahem well the answer I'll give you for now is at the very least if there was anyone on this team I put my full faith and trust into, and would be absolutely devastated if they were no longer here it's my man Tech here and as much as he acts like my constant speed talking annoys him I like to believe he'd miss me too much in return so I will say for now do with that info what you will is all we will say on that matter for now.. now signing off until next time, bye! (brief Author's note out of character, I have up to this point chosen to keep the relationship between Rev and Tech here in this version on the blog mildly ambiguous while definitely leaning toward this being set with a RevxTech headcanon cause I personally am a fan of the pairing, but I want to leave this one a bit open ended for now as it may not be everyone's cup of tea here to depending on the reactions I get on this one I might do a brief follow up sequel post to this where I confirm something more solid anyways thanks for reading as always.)

[bunnyhatty]

carefree laughs, watercolor eyes and bright hair.

ruggie bucchi x you!

hello again ^__^ you must be surprised after nearly a month of me not updating this blog. but i have not forgotten! i just didn't know what to write so i figured it's finally time to write for my favorite twst boy. unfortunately i did not know how to end this so dont bully me for it... i ask you again to please be nice to me ☝️ alao huge warning this is very self indulgent because i am ruggie fan n1 okay bye

his blonde hair swayed with the wind, making it more messy than it already was. blue eyes that shined like the sun, and a cheeky grin that embodied mischief itself.

these are what people see when they come across ruggie bucchi, but not you. you can see so much more of him.

his calloused hands that handle things more gently than anyone, his happiness regarding food, and his gentle, caring nature. he was beautiful and you just can't believe how hard you've fallen.

---

it was any ordinary day for you; run endless errands for crowley, make sure grim doesn't get in trouble, oh prefect can you help over here as well? it was like the school was draining you of life while also pulling all your limbs in different directions. it gets overwhelming, even for someone as stubborn as you.

so, here you were, hiding on top of a tree. it was a difficult struggle to climb, but it provided you some peace. "prefect?" great, you spoke too soon.

you casted your eyes downward and was met with ruggie's big, blue eyes. as you made eye contact, he smirks and his eyes turned cresent. "running away from your chores?" he asked jokingly, and it made you smile just a little bit.

"maybe," you replied as you began wondering how to climb back down. this is so stupid, you're stuck on a tree and ruggie will definitely make fun of you.

as you turned silent, ruggie's eyebrow rose up before a knowing look spread across his face. "are you... stuck? pfft. no, sorry. i didn't mean to laugh," he clears his throat and looked away when you glared at him.

"i'll help you down, prefect! just don't overthink it!" well, now you're definitely overthinking it. you took a deep breath and tried to climb back down just doing the steps you did to climb up but in reverse. obviously, you don't know what you're doing and began falling off the tree.

"prefect!" ruggie squeaked, somehow he caught you. or well, you landed on top of him. both of you groan in pain.

"shit, ruggie! are you okay?" you scrambled off the poor boy and he gives you a smile that almost looked like a grimace. oops.

you were apologizing profusely as you helped him up and he laughed it off, joking that you owe him lunch. while you knew it was a joke, you promised him sincerely to treat him tomorrow and for once he gave you a smile so bright that hid nothing. and your hurt is thumping loudly against your chest and your face is warm. jesus, are you so depraved that you gained a crush on someone just because they were nice?

"your knee's bleeding. we gotta get that cleaned before you get stuck on another tree," he teased but before you could complain, he gently takes your hand and led both of you to the infirmary.

he was pretty fussy, like an older brother, when he was caring for someone. you think he's not even aware of it. and somehow you were unaware of how long you watched him work, by the time you snapped back to reality, he was standing in front of you looking over his work. your knee had been cleaned and bandaged delicately.

"wow, you're really good at this. thank you, ruggie." ruggie waved off your gratitude.

"next time, you can hide in the garden instead of on trees." you jokingly kick his leg and he laughs that unusual giggle of his, the one that goes 'shehehe' it's cute. oh god, you're hopeless.

you opted to stick your out instead, since you don't trust your mouth at this moment. this only made him fall deeper into fits of giggles, is it just you or is it really hot in here? you asked yourself as you touched your warm cheeks.

soon, too soon, ruggie leaves you be with the words "leona's gonna be mad!" and you're left with your thoughts and feelings. not a recommended experience as you laid down on a bed and re-evaluated your entire life decisions that ended you crushing on the guy that injured your friends and some other students for a school sport. christ.

since then, you've became hyper-aware of the blonde boy. his lingering smell in the hallway, his giggle that echoes in your ears, he's everywhere and maybe it's just in your head but it feels like the world really doesn't want you to move on from this little crush.

when it's finally your turn to order food, that little promise struck you and you bought an extra sandwich for ruggie. grim gave you a questioning stare when you told him you had to go somewhere but you didn't care. you had one thing in your mind.

ruggie, suprisingly, was alone in the garden when you found him. determined leona wasn't around, you marched in front of him. "hey, ruggie." you cringed a little at your stiffness but whatever.

ruggie cracked an eye open before he flashed you a smirk. "prefect! couldn't get enough of me, can'tcha? shishishi!" you kinda wanted to pinch him but you decided to be nice enough not to, for today.

"here, like i promised." and you gently sat the wrapped sandwich on his stomach, and his expression stops at a surprised one before he smiled again.

"woah! i thought you were jokin'! thanks!" he eagerly unwraps the sandwich and takes bites that were big enough to savor the taste.

you watched him silently as he made his way to end of the sandwich, his cheeks full and some crumbs stuck next to his mouth but oh god, he was so cute. he was cute and pretty and you really wanted ro kiss him.

"thanks again, prefect!" he exaggeratedly laid back down while petting his stomach. you laugh a little, stress relieved due to how happy he was. unconciously, you reached out and dusted the crumbs away from his mouth and uniform.

"you eat like a child, ruggie." ruggie stared at you, eyes a little wide and mouth agape. you didn't know what you did, but you were glad you did it as you watched red spread across his cheeks. he lets out a fake cough before standing up.

"uh- i forgot! leona needed me to get his laundry! bye, prefect!" he rushed out and left you in shock. before you toppled over in a fit of laughter. maybe you weren't the only hopeless one.

[hughrlgrosvenor11]

I sincerely congratulate all the winners of my #art #giveaways for winning free NFTs from the #BonusCollection! 🥳🥳🥳✨🎊🎉🎉🎉(Don't worry - gradually after 4 months -even if noone buys anything from main collection- I will start sending NFTs from giveaways to you all on a first come, first serve basis. Please be patient and respectful) 😁😊🥰🤩🙂💟

I hope that the #possession of these NFTs will bring brightness, harmony, health, success, reliability and warmth into your life! 🙂🌝🌞🌍🌏🌎🎨🖼🐖🐽🐷🐌🧠🫀💳💸🌃🌌🛸🚀 May the God of Fate helps each of you to be in the right place at the right time! 😇🙏🥰

On this #artnote, I am finishing this #SOUL #ART #CHANNEL! I thank you all (my subscribers and secret guests) for your interest in me as an artist (whose #nickname will never appear in this #artSPACE again) and in the MAN with whom I was in love for 3 years from the beginning of maintaining this art blog… Each of my posts was filled with a piece of my soul and #MYheart…

One of the artists once said that every painting is a window into the artist’s soul… Well, my NFT collection and this art blog is my Dubai Skyscraper of my soul…

… During the time of running this art channel, I realized that I am grateful to have each of you, because even in moments of your anger and misunderstanding me, you all were honest with me and said openly everything that was in your hearts.. With this you motivated me to analyze my behavior and improve myself for the better :) I saw that each of you has many hidden and obvious advantages, tact, manners and specific humor :)

I really like you all and I sincerely hope that each of you will have your dreams come true - and may your #HEART shows you the true direction to your dreams!

Dear subscribers and secret guests, PLEASE BE OPEN AND COURAGEOUS in the pursuit of “your dream” - after all, even if you receive “NO” as an answer, it will be a million times better for you than STAYING WITH THE PHRASE ALL YOUR LIFE: “WHAT IF” . WHICH WILL CONSTANTLY KNOCK IN YOUR HEAD AND ECHO ENDLESSLY IN YOUR HEART…. WHAT IF!?!… WHAT!?!… IF… WHAT IF….

PS. I dedicated this #SONG to all My Dear followers and Secret guests :) Guys, each of you all, are worthy for me and for this #WORLD! :) Have a nice day to you all and may God bless you all and your Families 🌞 Good bye :) Love you all :)

Link on NFT collection: https://rarible.com/hughrlgrosvenor11/sale

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[starsarestories]

It's blue person again, no that was the 1st time we interacted. This being second. I may or may not stalk your blog. And I am obessed with your ongoing work. You write so well, that I'm jealous of how fricking cool you appear to be, you're so brilliant.

Currently waiting for the new chapter which is going to be out today? What are your tips on how to improve on English language?? If you have some please do share.

Your writing style is immaculate and the foreshadowings in that fic of yours is so perfect. I'm a very very closed book and really so introverted so I'm not really good at conversations so ya that is why I am remaining anonymous. I have left kudos, and a comment on your fic.

Bye, have a nice day. U deserve so much more recognition and lot's of kudos.

Awwww thanks, I really appreciate that. Especially because I mostly just ramble on here. No no you're cool! I'm really not very cool in real life. I'm also very introverted in real life, and only ever extroverted online and around my friends.

Yesss the new chapter will be out tonight :))

Honestly, my only tips on how to improve on the English language would be to not write within the rules set by teachers and authors etc. Write in your own style, just write whatever comes out of your fingertips and let yourself get consumed in the story as if you're an observer or one of the characters. Forget you're trying to create the world for a minute and be a part of it... I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's what I do 😭

You're so so sweet <3333 If you ever want to talk again, you can comment on my fic or message me on here :)

Thanks!! x

[katieraven]

I have it on pretty good authority that periodically, Amethyst does peep in on Tumblr and Ao3 to check on her besties and make sure they are doing well, and happy and still writing amazing stories.

It's me. I'm authority lmao.

I am fine. And when I came to your blog to check in on you this morning I saw your post about me and it both made me feel very warm, but also very bad. I really did just peace out on all of you without much of an explanation or even a "hey I'm leaving" and that was shitty of me, wasn't it?

It's kind of a long story, but the highlights are that I just didn't want to be on Tumblr or Discord anymore, there are a lot of reasons for that but the reasons aren't as important as the fact that since I've deleted it and decided I'm done with social media - God I've felt so much better. About myself, about my life, about my goals...it's been nice. I do miss you, my heart cloud loving friend, and I miss so many others as well and me leaving had nothing to do with you or them in any way and I hope that nobody thinks it does. I miss talking to you all on a daily basis and it's very tempting to say "screw it, I'm coming back" but I was becoming way too obsessed. Obsessed with writing fanfiction, obsessed with numbers and follower counts. Obsessed and angry over drama that had absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever...I can't do that again. I wasn't happy unless my phone was in my face and it was too easy to lose that happiness when something I didn't want to see was on my screen. I didn't like me very much.

I miss writing and I am a little sour that I've totally lost some of my stories because I 100% wrote them in Tumblr Drafts so they are gone forever (RIP Batteries, Ships, and Build a BF and lots of others). I miss you. I miss @moni-logues and I miss everyone in our server. I miss lots of others too but I'm not going to tag them all because I don't want to make a scene lmao.

I hope you are well. All of you. I hope you're all happy. Please know that I think of you often. Please know that I care about you all. Please be kind to one another. Please keep writing your awesome stories so I can lurk the shit out of them. I love you all and I never say never, maybe one day when I can learn how to not rely so heavily on acceptance and meaningless numbers for my peace, I will come back and play with you guys!!!

Love,

Amethyst<3

PS - I'm sorry to be on anon but I really just have an empty burner blog and I'm also very much not ready to be back on Tumblr but I could not let your sweet #we love amethyst post go un-responded to. I swear it's me. Penny Bird sends her love, and I baked some amazing treats for Thanksgiving and I wish I could've posted them and thrown them in ya'lls faces because I really outdid myself. Okay. Bye!!! Be good everyone and stay strong until 2025.

OH MY GOD HI???

never in a million years was i expecting this and it made my fucking evening holy shit!!!

thank you so much for checking in. you didnt have to, but i appreciate it so much, truly. i thoroughly understand the social media aversion. really, i get it. a lot. every day on instagram makes me question if i really want to spend my time on instagram because yeesh (but: if u should feel the need to contact me, my insta is @_annkathi - this is just an offer. absolutely no pressure whatsoever and i completely get if u want to stay as far away from anything as possible)

i will absolutely tag u in anything i write in the future. it will look like "@amethystwritesbts who maybe is lurking" so be prepared.

this meant the world to me. it truly did. i hope u know that.

and im so so glad u are okay and thriving and that penny is doing well.

we love u.

[hopskipandarump]

Yo hi there! I’m very sorry to bother you at this time of the day, just reaching out if you’d be so kind to check the post that I pinned on my blog and maybe give it a little help by boosting/sharing it? it’s for my cat :((( and we need help to get him the dental care he needs. It would really mean the world to me and I understand if you don’t, still appreciate you and stay safe! and btw, please do send me a msg to reply or answer the ask privately instead as I want avoid other blogs to think im a spambot or what, once again im sorry for asking this, praying you’d consider! 🫶🏽🥹

lmao no

nice scam dumbass

anyway

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Coming! Hang on a second. Hello? Barry? Adam? Can you believe this is happening? I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs, Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. You got lint on your fuzz. Ow! That's me! Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! Hey, Adam. Hey, Barry. Is that fuzz gel? A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around The Hive. You did come back different. Hi, Barry. Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Hear about Frankie? Yeah. You going to the funeral? No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances. Well, Adam, today we are men. We are! Bee-men. Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive City graduating class of 9:15. That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick our job today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. Wonder what it'll be like? A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to The Hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! That girl was hot. She's my cousin! She is? Yes, we're all cousins. Right. You're right. At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. What do you think he makes? Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. What does that do? Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Can anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside The Hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. Hey, Jocks! Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Ok let's go!

First off, the difference between the swedish cover of the movie vs the english cover is kinda hilarious to me

Anyway, the plot:

Tommy and Annika, Pippi's best friends and her biggest fans, have been hanging out at her house until 23:00, making their parents very upset when they return home. They tell them that they're not allowed to go to Pippi if they can't come home in time.

Annika thinks their parents are unfair, while Tommy is into this book about running away. Annika is like "maybe we should run away so that our parents stop nagging at us"

Next day at breakfast, Pippi comes over and asks what Tommy and Annika are up to today. Their mom answers for them: "They need to pick weeds from the strawberry field". Tommy and Annika do NOT like this because it's such a nice weather, and Annika throws a tantrum over how unfair this is.

She then notices Tommy's book about running away and is like "That's it! I'm running away!" Their mom does not really believe it, so Annika is like "ok bet" and runs off. Tommy runs after, literally shouting "BYE, MOM!! WE'RE RUNNING AWAY!!!"

Their parents are left with Pippi and look at her like "... you don't think they were serious?" and Pippi is like "I think they were lol. Maybe I should run away with them", and their mom exclaims "OH PLEASE PIPPI DO!!! I KNOW YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM SO WELL!!!"

This is not the first time Pippi is put on babysitting duty. The last time they left Tommy and Annika in her house for 3 weeks, causing the three of them to travel to the south seas to rescue Pippi's dad from pirates.

I also want to add that Pippi is 9 years old.

Anyway the three are now on the run! And they sing a song called "Mors lilla lathund" ("Mother's little lazy dog"). It's not about a literal dog, but about someone's child who does not want to do the work today, "I'll do it another day". I personally think it's a bop.

Especially the "tycker du som jag, tycker som jag så gör jag det en annan dag"

They reach a pond to rest a little, and here we get to one of the most MEMEABLE moments in swedish cinema. "Tommy laughs"

You don't understand how much people meme this. It became a SPARTA REMIX and everything.

Anyway, it starts raining and thus they find an abandoned house. Except, nope, it's not abandoned, and a vagabond lives in there!

His name is Konrad and he's chill. He sells glue called "Konrad's party glue" and apparently it can stick to anything. So Pippi tries it on her shoes and starts to dance upside down on the ceiling.

She does this for a while until Tommy and Annika go "but Pippi! You can't dance on the ceiling!" and Pippi answers "That's right, it's impossible!" and immediately stops doing it.

It's a running theme with Pippi in this film that she keeps doing magical and impossible things and then Tommy and Annika go "but wait you can't do that" and she immediately stops.

Anyway they continue on their runaway adventure. I don't recall the details rn as I'm just going from memories, they find a barrel and Pippi tells a story about how she's ridden in one before. Annika is like "nah you're making it up" and Pippi says "Don't believe me? Ok I'm gonna climb inside this barrel and you're gonna roll me down to the water". So they do that. And Pippi floats away in the river.

Tommy and Annika get super worried and are like "oh no she's dead I'm sure :(" Pippi meanwhile is like "oh look a waterfall nearby! Neat!"

Pippi gets up from the river and finds a bike without wheels, and decides to ride it around. She's just vibing.

Then she finds Tommy and Annika again! Happy reunion! Sadly they don't have any money, so they decide to go around singing to the locals. But, one of the locals is an angry man who doesn't like noise... so they glue his shoes to the ground with Konrad's party glue that they took from Konrad earlier.

Then the kids jump on the roof of a train to travel faster. Here they start singing "the summer song" which we literally sometimes sing on the last day of summer holidays in Sweden. That, and "Ida's summer song" from Emil.

I've always kinda giggled when Annika is like "And I have brown legs, just like it should be" (referring that she's gotten tanned in the sun) and Tommy replies "And that's why I wanna sing that brown legs are good"

After a while however, they notice a man with a wagon of hay passing by, and decide to jump off the train and down in the hay.

They come to his farm, and he's like "hey hitchhikers! Leave!" - but he's kind enough to let them sleep in the barn for the night.

I don't recall if it's before or after they sleep in the barn, but Pippi battles with a bull on the farm. That happens. Anyway.

Anyway the farmer's kids come into the barn to chat with them in the evening, and they start to share swear words they know. Annika apparently knows the WORST swear word... which is... *drum rolls*... "SHIT BULLOCK"

Pippi screams shit bullock into the night and the farmer, who had taken in the animals for the night, turns around like "tf was that sound"

The next day Pippi decides to fix up a broken car so that it can work again. She pours Konrad's glue into the gas tank, thinking this'll surely help. The three then head off in the car, with the farmer screaming after them that THEY CAN'T DRIVE!!! THEY'RE KIDS!!! and Pippi is like "yeah sure but I'm Pippi Longstocking and I can drive with my feet"

The car starts to FLY IN THE SKY because Konrad's glue just was magical or something. So they fly around for a bit before they crash in the water.

They take this opportunity to swim around a bit... BUT, a cow comes and eats Tommy and Annika's clothes. And Pippi is like "you should have swam with your clothes on like me"

Anyway now they have to wear sacks as they try to get money for new clothes. They sing for locals again, to no success. So Pippi gets an idea to dance on a rope in town. Tommy and Annika go around telling people if they wanna watch they need to pay one crown - everyone who doesn't pay has to close their eyes.

As Pippi is doing her acrobatics, a cop shows up and is like "it's illegal to do these circus tricks without permission..." so they have to stop. But it's ok, because they got enough money to buy some new clothes!

However, the police catches them. He says he needs to know where their parents are. He gives them some juice and then tells them that sadly he needs to lock them in for the night before he finds out where they're coming from and where they might go.

Pippi however, the second he leaves is like "yeah sadly we can't stay" and breaks out of prison with Tommy and Annika.

They meet up with Konrad again! He's not doing much, he's just chilling as per usual. Also their horse, who had ran away earlier. Now with their horse back, they decide to head home.

Tommy and Annika's parents are super happy to have them back, and the funniest part is that their mother, out of everything that happened to them on the runaway trip, was the most shocked that a cow ate their clothes.

In the middle of the night, Pippi wakes Tommy and Annika up. She is outside of their window, and has started flying around with a broom. She found the broom in an earlier scene and it didn't lead to a payoff until now.

Tommy and Annika a final time go "Pippi! You can't do that! That's impossible!"

And Pippi almost is about to give up. But, then she goes "Can't? I can! I can every-every-EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!" as she flies around on her broom.

That's where the movie ends.

Now some Astrid Lindgren movies are more unhinged than others, but this one truly was at another level.

Does anyone want to hear me yap about why Pippi on the run is the most unhinged Astrid Lindgren movie

[statementlou]

what would you say to louis fans who can’t help but stress over charts and numbers and etc? like i really wish i didn’t care but it’s just so annoying seeing harry fans calling him a “flop” and making fun of his voice or w/e and then there were those awful reviews from the guardian and whynow too. i think i wouldn’t stress as much if louis hadn’t said he would love for fitf to be commercially successful bc i really really want him to have that bc he deserves it so much but i don’t think he will and that makes me really sad :(

okay well first of all, I'm sorry you're feeling stressed! That's no fun :( For starters- while Louis did let slip that sure, he wouldn't object to FITF being commercially successful (like once) he's said many, MANY more times that it is NOT his priority. He seems to have a very healthy relationship to the idea of it being a hit, like wouldn't that be a kick?! But it would be a fun extra, not the goal. When asked to define success for himself recently, he said it was to be happy with the music he's making and that he is, he's said many times in the past he defines success as being able to tour, he issued a whole manifesto letting us know that he would be pursuing something other than commercial success with this album before he even began writing it- the man knows the industry and he knew what he was choosing, and yesterday he told us yet again that he is on twitter a couple times a day and sees a lot more than people think. This last one is connected I believe; all of this talk about what kind of success he wants isn't something he's telling the GP, he's telling US, he's telling YOU. He's literally saying, chin up love, I'm good. Please stop worrying about me! Because he sees the discourse and what people say, and he is addressing it directly. So you know, who needs me when LOUIS has himself addressed the topic!

But what I would say? I would say that I think this isn't about him, it's about us. He's literally a multimillionaire living his absolute best life and *loooving it* right now, but we aren't! We're just Common People trying our best to survive a brutal and miserable world that attacks us every day with more stresses and fear, and we turn to fandom and to Louis to have something NICE, something that feels good and doesn't make us want to cry. So when that escape is full of negativity or isn't going the way we want it to it really feels like shit and hits hard. And the like ideal world answer to that problem is to go all Louis and say paradise is in your own mind, don't rely on stuff outside you for happiness because you can't control it so it may let you down at any time, but I know- that's high level goals, that's not necessarily realistic in the day to day. What you can do though is remember that the idea of being here in this fandom is that it's supposed to give you happiness and ease and relief from the outside world, and once you've remembered that it makes it easier to see how to fix where it's going wrong. UNFOLLOW EVERYONE WHO POSTS CONTENT THAT MAKES YOU FEEL STRESSED OUT! Literally. Just do it. Mean harries OMG why would you want to see that?!? Block. Bye. People making fun of his voice??!! Literally insane and definitely on the wrong side of history, laugh at them, and then block. Anyone who thinks Louis *can't* write a number one hit in his sleep is honestly stupid, he wrote dozens?? The man wrote so many he got bored of it and was like, guess I'll take on a new challenge now... (If it was by 1D and it was a banger...!) Who cares what they say? I didn't know Louis got a bad review in the Guardian! And that's fine! I don't care!! I saw that important indie music magazine NME gave him 4/5 :))) That was nice. News I can use! I come here and scroll down my dash and see everyone being happy and showing me Louis being happy and it's nice and it's fun. Unfollow everyone you don't know that posts that stuff, if you have friend blogs you feel like you can't unfollow, blacklist all their tags or their name so you don't see the negative content. Find new blogs. If you feel like you can't make the leap to actually unfollow people, try making a separate tumblr (like from a diff email) and just following no stressful blogs and try that dash for a while without changing your old follows, just see what it's like. Every time you see something that makes your stomach clench, unfollow or blacklist. See if it could work out for you.

Listen: I know everyone says this, and people are just like suuure but I can't actually do that, I need to know what's happening but I PROMISE- nothing important is actually happening with all that! On the rare occasion it's actually interesting or whatever, it'll cross over. Unstressful people will talk about it in a less stressful way, either to discourse or to make fun, and you'll find out, and you won't have missed anything. Seriously- try it. I know it *feels* like we owe it to Louis to stress about this stuff or something, like if we don't think about it we're letting him down or something but that's just anxiety thinking! It's magical thinking: if I don't reblog the good luck post something bad will happen. If I tap in a certain pattern it will protect me. If I keep on top of everything people are saying about Louis I can help him. Magical thinking is a symptom of anxiety disorders, and no shame in that who doesn't have fucking anxiety these days, but it also FEEDS them, and the last thing we all need is more anxiety. Care for yourself by giving yourself the gift of an easy and pleasurable online experience! I want that for you and so would Louis.

[fakeloveaskblog]

(Hi, me again. I’m sorry that the blog isn’t getting much attention because it definitely deserves it, you come up with really nice stories and I love reading your updates. I hope the regular people come back soon but in the meantime I have another ask for Janus. (I was holding back because i was worried that other people weren’t getting a chance to send asks but I will happily send more as I love seeing characters respond to my asks, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.) hope life is treating you well and have a great day!)

Hi Janus, First of all you are not a hateable person in any way shape or form even though some people do hate you their opinions are not universal so you shouldn’t worry about Logan’s parents hating you just because your parents do.

Secondly try not to freak out too much, if you try your best to be your amazing, loveable self than I’m sure they will absolutely love you. Don’t worry about playing to expectations they want to meet you not some idealised “perfect” version of you which would honestly probably be fairly boring because your imperfections are what make you, you and you are incredible so don’t try to hide or change that for the sake of pleasing other people.

Also if the worst happens and they don’t like you, which is perfectly fine and wouldn’t be you fault some people just don’t click, then as long as you are civil with each other it shouldn’t be a problem, it will be disappointing because it’s important to you to have Logan’s parents like you but at the end of the day Logan’s opinion of you is the only one that matters because he is the person that you are dating.

This is all under the assumption that they won’t like you which as I said before I don’t think I’d likely. Now hopefully that should help somewhat with your nerves, if you are still worried, which is a perfectly reasonable thing to feel, maybe ask Logan and Patty to reassure you as they know Logan’s parents well and can give you more information, I personally find I always feel better when I have all the facts but that might just be my autistic brain talking so it might not help you much. Just remember that no matter what happens Logan will still care about you.

(I also have some words for Remus)

Hi Remus congratulations on sleeping with Janus, that sounds like a big deal for you so I’m glad it went well. This is the lawnmower ghost by the way here with more fun fact to brighten up your day first of all did you know that cellphones have ten times the bacteria on them that the average public toilet! Also roughly 250,000 deaths are caused by medical error each year and last but not least did you know when a group of rats living in close quarters get their tails tangled together (this can happen for many reasons), they’re called a rat king! That all for now but I will return with more at some undisclosed point in the future. Bye!

 (aw thanks <3 glad to hear the asks are making u happy also don't worry if multiple people send asks about the same thing i most of the time make sure to use all the asks C:)

Remus was laying on the couch with his mouth half full of chinese takeout (including the box it came in). Rowan was laying on the other side. they were casually kicking at each other while watching tv.

He burst out into cackles when he read the first sentence of our message “Ro! Ro! They said I slept with Jannie!” 

“I am an adult. Such childish jokes does not humor me!! I am a mature being!!” She replied while holding back chuckles.

“But uh yeah” He fiddled with his hoodie sleeves “I- I never got a lot of sleep- or well not a lot of safe sleep when I was with uh Os....spending the night with Jan.....meant a lot”

He and Rowan listened as you listed the facts. Remus got a mischievous grin on his lips.

“Ro-boat give me your phone!!”

“You are not licking my phone to get it’s bacteria!!!”

Remus launched on top of her to try and get her phone but she pulled her arm away so he couldn’t reach while bonking him on the head with her other arm. He pouted.

“You’re boring. I’m drawing 1000 rat kings and you can’t stop me”

“Why would I stop you??? Unless you’ve created a magic that let’s you create life out of drawings”

The twins locked at each other and silently nodded. They both jumped up from the couch to go and look for spells that could turn drawings into life.

--

“Hello” Janus mumbled back.

They were sitting curled up against Logan’s side. Their boyfriend had noticed their unease and changed to the backseat of the car to comfort them.

Logan nodded along as you spoke “Well it certainly sounds like your friend here speaks nothing but facts. You are indeed not at all hateable” 

He leant down to press a kiss to Janus’ forehead which made them muster a half smile. “So you are basically telling me to act natural? I suppose if me and Lo’s parents will meet more times it would be good if they met the actual me. But- well it’s totally not at all like if i start acting natural I will get nervous and as you know I become so incredibly honest when I’m nervous! Just the world’s biggest truth bomb! People love it when they’re obviously lied to right to their face!”

“I liked it”

“Really now?”

“I found it intriguing, even cute if I may say so”

“Oh great I will charm your parents with my cuteness”

“That’s how I did it” Patty butted in from the front seat “Oh look there’s our old school!”

By now they had driven far enough to get into the outskirts of the couple’s childhood town. She pointed out at an old middle school. The kind where the swings were left broken for months and the books where old enough that their parents had once used them. It was the only one in town.

They drove past a supermarket where groups of teens where hanging around. A knock off burger king followed. The closest mall was 45 minutes away. The cinema even further away. There were however 2 churches somehow. Hopefully in one of them, in the prayer bench right in the corner, the small pencil drawing of Logan and Patty holding hands was still carved into the wood.

Janus deflated like a small weasel “Great. We’re almost there”

Your message continued. Logan was still nodding along.

“I must admit my parents liking you isn’t even that important to me. Though it would be a bonus if they did, which I am sure they will”

“Your invisible friend is right, we should have probably told you a bit more about them beforehand. They’re just really nice okay” Patty assured “They used to be punks when they were our age and they lived in New York y’know during the 80′s so I don’t think you’ll exactly baffle them”

Janus squeezed his boyfriend’s hand and sent him puppy snake eyes. He put on such an extra look he looked like a wet puddle “Do wyou pwomise you’ll still cware about me?” He had to hide the genuine question in sarcasm.

“No doubt about it. Always. No questions asked” He replied in his most serious tone.

Janus took a deep breathe and did rapid hand stims to try and psych himself up. He sat up a little straighter from his deflated position.

“I will totally do this. I will totally completely definitely be able to do this and it will go greA-”

Janus was flung into the seat in front of him as the car stopped abruptly. He stopped himself with his hands and looked around with his breathe hitched in his throat to see what had happened. Patty’s hands still lingered on the steering wheel but her eyes were focused on a house across the street.

The house had been decorated to the ninth with colorful Christmas lights blinking from every tree in the garden. The lights were on in the windows and music could be faintly heard.

“They’re having a party” Patty said without looking away.

Logan reached out and took her hand. He pressed a kiss to her skin before gently moving his thumb up and down to comfort her.

They stayed in silence as Patty continued to look into the house. She saw two older people as well as 3 kids. The oldest was at most 10, the only one of her siblings she’d actually met.

“They wouldn’t recognize me anyway” She mumbled as she turned back to the road and continued to drive.

Logan kept holding her hand for the rest of the short car ride. His parents lived only a few blocks away after all. It was a smaller house. It stuck out like a very healthy thumb with it’s rich garden. His dad took meticulous care of every tree, plant and vegetable. (One of Logan’s first experiments had been trying to see what kind of music would make the plants grow the fastest. His dad had been very proud)

Janus looked a little green as they got out of the car. They leant against their boyfriend’s arm to not run away and hide in a deep dark bog. Patty was the one that knocked.

The door opened. Logan’s parents had similar neutral expressions on their faces as their son usually had. Their son nodded at both of them while greeting and they nodded back. Before he launched into their arms and they both embraced him. They hugged him so hard they nearly lifted him off the ground, which was impressive since he was taller than both of them.

Once they’d finally let him out of the hug they both went to hug Patty. The mother cupped her cheeks and beamed as she said “Hello deary. You’re looking as gorgeous as ever”

“Aw you’re not looking half bad either. I like your new glasses”

They both let out OhohOHohO sounds as they moved their glasses up and down at each other as if to wave.

Janus stayed awkwardly right at the start of the hallway. They didn’t know if they were supposed to take their jacket off or not. Until both of the parents turned to them.

The dad held out his hand “And you must be Janus?”

“Last time I checked yes. The real one too. Not a clone” Janus blurted back while taking his hand.

He let up into a hearthy laugh, nothing like Logan’s. “Well I’m Kenneth and this is Christy”

“Nice to uhm meet you”

Kenneth looked like a rocker from the 80′s had randomly aged 30 years. He had long greying hair and a band t-shirt under his knitted cardigan. Christy had thick glasses with flowers on them matching her flowery jumpsuit and the kind of curly hairstyle a grandma would be jealous of. She also had both her arms absolutely filled with tattoos.

The hallway was small and cluttered with framed movie posters and abstract art filling the walls. The house smelled of salmon and roses.

“So” Christy clasped her hands together “Have you committed any arson together yet? Thrown any bricks through windows?”

“Not yet” Logan replied.

She jokingly pulled in his ear “Unwise son unwise I say. Couples who run from pigs together stay together”

Janus was nervously pulling in the beads in his hair while unsure of what to say. christy waved it off.

“It was just a joke dear. Don’t worry. Oh look at the time. It’s almost Donald Duck time, we should go to the living room”

They passed the dining room that was half connected to the kitchen and a very messy room they liked to call the “interest room”. Let’s just say Logan had gotten his neurodiversity from his mother’s side of the family and she changed interests about 2 times a year. Right now she was really into sculpting poisonous plants, so the half finished statues were filling the room.

Kenneth turned the tv on while the rest sat down on the couch. The cartoon which played every year on Christmas at the exact same time started the exact same way it did every year. Janus stuffed a ridiculous amount of raisins into his drink because the only thing keeping him calm was cramming food into his mouth.

He looked over to Patty and Logan who sat cuddled up under a big blanket. They had the side of their heads leant against each other and every now and then they both somehow turned their heads at the exact same time to kiss, like they could feel deep down in their bones when the other felt smoochy.

Janus pulled their beanie further down on their head as they forced back a feeling akin to jealousy. They really wanted some boyfriend cuddles right now but they were far too scared of his parent’s thinking lower of them, or worse thinking they were disgusting for it. They knew Patty and Logan were far from a straight couple but they were still a guy and a girl.

So Janus sat there for the entire hour and awkwardly sipped on their drink. Every conversation or funny comment that was said sounded like static to them.

Eventually they were pulled up from the couch and dragged out into the dining room. The table had 5 chairs around them. Kenneth had made the napkins look like flowers. There was a wine bottle on the table which everyone shared. Janus was still a bit zoned out as Christy welcomed everyone to dinner and told them the first part of the meal was out in the kitchen. It wasn’t until they had started to eat some of the eggs, salmon and herring on their plate they were able to zone back in into the conversation.

The walls were covered with shelfs. They were all filled to the brim with stuff. If it wasn’t stacks of DvDs it was CDs or books. There was a shelf dedicated to the crafts Logan had made as a kid for his science experiments, several photoalbums and a collection of star trek DvDs that were labeled as extra important since the show was their son’s special interest. There were even some of Patty’s art’s and crafts on the same shelf like they were just as proud of her creations even if it was mostly amateur collages and bead bracelets.

Patty was telling them about some recipes she’d been making. About how Logan had researched a bunch of science about yeast so he could help her make bread. There was a comfortable lul in the way they all talked that made Janus feel like he had forced himself into a situation he wasn’t supposed to be in.

Until both Christy and Kenneth turned to him. They were both sitting on the opposite side of the table. 

“So, just out of curiosity here, how did you and Logan meet exactly?” Kenneth asked. 

Obviously they both already knew. Logan had called them nearly everyday while he had just started to crush on Janus since he could tell it was a really serious crush and also he wanted to gush.

Janus looked for words but found none that fit “It was at work” They finally got out “We had a lot of shifts together”

“He would start to stammer every time I asked if he wanted me to make coffee for him as well” Logan added. He reached out to place his hand on top of his partner’s but Janus moved his hand away.

“Aw I remember when me and Kenneth actually got to talking 2 hours after meeting, it was at a bar concert so there wasn’t much time to speak, he was tripping over his words like a wet rag”

“I was quite literally a wet rag actually. It was very sweaty in those bars. And Christy looked so....If i may use some newer terminology” He looked over to Logan who nodded at him “‘very pog and fab’“

“I had shoplifted hairspray from walmart and was using the plastic bag as a shirt” “She was using a plastic bag as a shirt!” They said at the same time.

Janus was keeping their eyes on their plate “I like your movie collection. It’s uhm interesting. Please go on about for a long time....” They added quietly “so i don’t have to talk”

The couple tried to come up with some movies in their collection to recommend to them. Logan had been clear about them liking reptiles, philosophy and scooby doo after all. But Janus mostly mumbled out some vague civil response.

For the rest of the main dinner Janus continued to stay out of the conversation. All while eating the sausages, ham and meatballs. All while the Christmas porridge began to cook on the stove. There was an anxious feeling gripping around their throat, they were sure if they started to speak they would say something wrong and ruin everything.

The rest of the people there chatted on without them anywhere. They compared their wordle streaks and discussed which dog Patty and Logan should adopt with the same importance as discussing adopting an actual child.

Christy clasped her hands together “Does anyone feel for coffee?” She looked at Patty “Or hot chocolate?”

“With marshmallows?”

“With marshmallows!”

They moved over to the living room. Logan set a cup of hot chocolate in front of Janus and held back the urge to kiss them on the forehead. Christy, Kenneth and their son all drank solid black coffee with exactly half a cube of sugar in it.

It had started to darken outside. Kenneth went to get a lighter for the candles and when he returned he was also carrying a photo album. He sent a look to his wife which made them both snicker. He sat down next to her and moved his hands around her upper arm while she held up the photo album.

“Logan?” Christy asked with a smile.

“Are you planning on showing pictures from my childhood?”

“Yes!”

“Well they are just previous states of my self. Nothing unusual about it. Sure”

She moved the album to the middle of the table so everyone could see clearly and opened it up to a page. The first photo Janus saw was of Logan, maybe 7 years old, focusing very hard on making a volcano in a sandbox while Kenneth helped by handing him play shovels. 

Honestly if it wasn’t for the familiar look of concentration and the dark blue eyes Janus probably wouldn’t have recognised him. Aside from him being a kid and super short, he was also very thin. Gaunt even. His black hair reached down far past his shoulders. His glasses were ridiculously big for a kid. He had bangs????

“I didn’t know you used to have long hair?” Janus mumbled to him.

“I was attempting to look like my dad since I thought he looked very cool”

“You thought? You no longer think so?” Kenneth pretended to wipe a tear away “Guess my cool days are over”

“Indeed. Very sad. A true tragedy” Logan replied sarcastically.

The next photo showed a just as tiny Logan dressed up in a Data cosplay. His parents were wearing matching generic star trek costumes to not steal his spotlight. They seemed to be at some con. The tiny Lo had his usual monotone expression but his arms were blurry from flapping.

The family happily explained to Janus the memories surrounding the different photos as they continued to show them. He still didn’t respond with more than general nice words.

Christy was about to turn the page but suddenly hesitated. She glanced at Janus before looking to Patty “Dear, you start coming in in these next pictures”

Patty waved it off “It’s fine, thanks. It’s just Jannie”

“Alrighty then”

A series of photos showed Patty and Logan in the living room. Blowing out candles, opening gifts, etc. There was a banner saying Happy birthday to Lo for turning 12. It was kind of amusing to see Patty be the taller one of them. She’d apparently always been on the fuller side so it literally looked like she could pick him up and throw him out the window if she wanted to.

Even though her smile looked genuine it didn’t look happy. Maybe happy wasn’t the right word. She looked out of place. Uncomfortable. Like she was constantly waiting for something to happen. 

“Oh. Right. It was the first birthday party where it wasn’t just my parents and me. It was an incredibly happy day” Logan said in his dry tone.

“That’s nice” Was all Janus got out as a response.

Patty looked at the clock “Gosh I think I have to go. I was meeting up with some of my friends, y’know the lovers from my cosplay club, at a restaurant not far away remember? I’ll be back tomorrow so don’t start eating breakfast without me!!”

Christy and Kenneth both leaned in to give her quick hugs “Of course not. we would never miss out on your life changing pancakes”

They all said merry Christmas to each other and Logan gave her a kiss before she stood up to leave. Janus’ eyes had widened in a panic. He pressed his lips so tightly shut his skin nearly turned white. He shoot up and excused himself to go after Patty.

“Jannie! Great!” Patty exclaimed as she saw them. She was standing in the hallway fixing with her dress “Can you help me with my tits? I do not let my Logie stick a syringe into my thigh every other day to then not show off the fruits of my labor”

“I thought you injected the E” They replied while helping her.

“Needles are scary!!”

“Then take it in pill form???”

“No!! Then I wouldn’t have Logie cuddle and comfort me for being so brave about the needle every other day!!”

“Understandable then. You didn’t tell me you were going away!! You can’t just leave me with Logan and his parents!? I will die! They will kill me! They will roast me like a pig over the fire!”

Patty finished finicking with her dress and took out her phone “I did tell you” She showed some of their text messages.

“.......Okay....You might have told me. But I forgot!! Patty! Dear Patty cake! You can not do this me! Mercy please think mercy fully!”

“Honey please” She cupped their cheeks and made them met her eyes “Take a deep breathe. It will go fine. They already love you, trust me, I can tell. They loved you the moment they saw that you made Logan happy in ways only a few people ever can”

Janus placed their hands on top of hers and sighed “But what if I say something wrong? What if I get too close to Logan? What if they think I’m disgusting?”

“They won’t! I promise they won’t. I really get your fear. I made Logan keep quiet about us for a few years. I was scared because we both thought we were two gay guys together, and Logan had never thought about liking guys before meeting me. But his parents never thought any ill of me even if they could have easily taken it as me converting him. He’s told me that the morning after we had told them we were a couple the first thing they asked him was if he needed any date or gift ideas. And the second thing they asked was if they had to have a talk about how to have safe sex”

“My parents would never take it that well”

“Neither would mine”

Patty looked unusually serious as she continued. 

“I had to run away when I was 16 because of the fear of being forced into conversation therapy. You know that. They took me in here without question. When I told Logan I was trans I was sobbing out of mind ‘cause I was sure that meant I would end up homeless and drug addicted and selling my body and all alone until I died, because that’s what my parents told me happened to all trannies” She let up into a chuckle “After comforting me Logan’s first thought was to ask if that meant he was straight. And his second thought was to promise he would make sure I would never end up alone. It was Christy who took me shopping so I could get a whole new wardrobe that actually felt like me. It was them who fought for literal years so I could get hormones. It was them who assured me my parents hadn’t always spoken the truth. If they can take me transitioning and Logan going from identifying as gay to straight to bi and poly in a few years I assure you they can take you kissing Logie”

Janus leant into her arms and she hugged them in return. She rubbed her hand up and down his back.

“It’s okay. I get that the fear doesn’t go away. Sometimes I still see hell in my dreams. But you’re allowed to feel safe, you should be able to”

They took a deep breathe and nodded. They reminded themself of the things you had said earlier. 

“I hope you have fun with your kinda girlfriends. Merry Christmas”

“Merry Christmas Jannie”

She moved out of the hug and kissed them before leaving. Janus stayed in the hallway for another minute, slowly breathing in and out. They went back into the living room and sat down next to their boyfriend.

They were still looking at photos. Logan was gushing about the photos he and Patty had from prom. He was in a suit with star trek earrings in. She had on a dress and her hair was reaching to her neck. For the first time in all of the photos her smile looked as real as it did nowadays.

(They hadn’t actually gone to prom. Patty had been vehemently hated by all of the boys in their class ever since she was like 7 and Logan hadn’t felt like making his fists bloody on prom night. So they had just dressed up and gone to the nearest Applebee's before stargazing all night)

Janus hand shook a little as they reached out and placed it on top of Logan’s. Their boyfriend sent them a warm look as he intertwined their fingers. Their voice was even more shaky as they spoke up.

“So if I remember correctly and if I am still in the same timeline you uhm asked me how me and Logan meet, correct?”

The parents nodded “Don’t tell me you lied about meeting at work. Did you meet in the hospital? At a weirdly themed party? Prison?”

“Oh no. Nothing of that cool sort. It was actually very boring. I just- I said it so vaguely. To be honest it took a week after meeting him until I felt anything for him” Janus confessed.

“Let me guess. Did he tell you facts about black holes? Does usually work perfectly for flirting right Logan?”

“Infodumping about black holes have been proven to only work with women actually. To the men I usually tell them about the names on all the bones in their body. For nonbinary people it usually helps to mention some form of slug and or baked good I’ve made”

Janus squeezed his hand “Well Logan came up to me while I had gotten stuck reading the backsides of the books about reptiles while working. He asked if there was anything wrong with the books. In a panic told him I liked snakes....The next day during our lunchbreak....He was wearing a star patterned tie and he was beautiful.......And he was reading a book about snakes....He told me....He told me he didn’t know that much about snakes but now he wished to know more so we could discuss it together....He told me he liked talking to me....He told me he hoped learning about my interest would mean we would speak more often....It was the kindest thing anyone had done to me....I fell in love instantly”

Christy and Kenneth both let out similar replies. Something about “Aww” And “That sounds like our Logan”

“It’s always a good reminder when we hear that we were able to raise him right. Or not raise him exactly. That we let the good parts of him that where always there blossom” Kenneth said.

Logan smiled at his partner “It’s funny. I fell in love the day after. There were these group of young teens that sometimes comes to the library during school hours. I think during their lunch. I usually didn’t pay them any mind unless they were playing loud music. But Janus grabbed me by my arm while they were there and asked me if I could also tell. Tell that those kids were skipping lunch because they were afraid of being bullied. Tell that they were hungry. He got this wonderful wide almost sinister smile as he asked me to help him steal all of the cookies from the breakroom so these kids could get some food. It’s not unusual for me to get minor or even major crushes but from the first instance of my heart beginning to beat faster after he said that I knew it was far more than that”

Janus leant their head against his shoulder “I still give them a few dollars so they can get lunch every time I see them”

“I know you do. I love you for it. And for the other tiny things that eventually turn into big things that eventually turn into never wanting to lose you”

Logan hesitated but Janus nodded as they met eyes. He leant in and gave them a quick kiss right on their lips. It tasted like herring but it was worth it.

A ringing came from the kitchen. All three of the family members got up at the exact same time and said almost in unison “The porridge!”

They came back with 4 bowls of Christmas porridge and sat them around the table. Christy looked at Kenneth and poked at his cheek

“This year I will get the porridge almond! You have had your fair share of almond wishes already. Time for me to wish for a grandchild!”

“Please tell me you’re planning on only wishing for a grandchild between Lo and Patty” Janus replied.

She smiled “...Sure”

They ate while discussing black holes and the latest space pictures. Janus got to the bottom of the bowl and saw an almond sticking up. They took it and held it up. Everyone did a civil little clap and gave them time to think up a wish.

They closed their eyes and thought. Their mind immediately went to Remy. Remy who was probably all alone with their abuser all day and night. Remy who was in constant pain. Remy who Janus didn’t know how to help.

Janus silently wished that Remy if nothing else at least could have a happy Christmas. Hopefully the universe would listen even if Christmas day was technically almost over.

“I’ve made my wish”

“Getting the almond during your first year here must be a good sign. Right honey?” Kenneth asked.

Christy nodded back “Indeed dear. A great sign in fact. Very scientific”

They stayed by the couches for a few more hours. Janus let Logan move his arm around them and pull them close to his side. He liked to roll the beads in their hair between his fingers.

They played card games and talked about why Janus had decided to become a librarian and what kind of literature they liked. Which of course made them infodump about 18th and 19th century philosophers. Kenneth knew a surprising amount of them since well he used to be a punk, he had read some theory. 

That just made Janus even more excited and they got the urge to flap while speaking. They held it back but Logan noticed the way his partner was vibrating and flapped his own hands to encourage them. It made Christy play with the loose parts of her hair, which was her main happy stim.

The clock had nearly turned 12 and Logan had absolutely destroyed them all in every single card game they had played.

“Kids maybe it’s time to turn in for the night. Us ancient oldies can’t stay up this long normally” Kenneth said.

“We had assumed you were going to share Logan’s room but we have a very comfy blow up mattress if you want that” Christy added.

“No uh I can stay with Logie. That’s fine”

“We can leave the dishes for tomorrow. If the porridge grows legs while we’re asleep well that’s just a scientific achievement”

Logan hugged both of his parents “Merry Christmas mom” “Merry Christmas dad” 

Janus wasn’t expecting any hugs but both Christy and Kenneth held out their arms for him. He leant into their embrace. Logan joined in so it became a group hug.

It felt comforting, and warm, and....safe. Janus wasn’t used to feeling like a part of a family, but he certainly didn’t dislike it.

After a little bit they all moved out of the hug and said their goodnights. Christy and Kenneth went to the bedroom on the first floor while Logan lead janus up to his bedroom on the second floor. Aside from his room all there was up there was a cleaning closet and the laundry room.

The room wasn’t that big, especially not since stacks of books were covering large parts of the floor. The rest was taken up by a desk, a star themed bed, several bookcases and an entire corner dedicated to all of his Star trek merch.

“I ran out of space for books in me and Patty’s apartment so I began shipping my unused books to here” Logan explained.

“Is that Spock’s face on your pillow?” Janus asked while eyeing the pillow filled with kiss marks.

“Don’t you judge me mx. Monsterfucker”

They couldn’t help but notice the cute photos of kittens hung up on the wall, the myriad of non Spock pillows on the bed and the fluffy blue carpet on the floor.

“You and Patty shared a room for a while didn’t you?”

“She was the one who convinced me to put up all those glow stars on the ceiling” Logan turned off the light and the entire ceiling lit up in soft greens and blues from the constellations up above.

“Cozy”

Logan loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt to get ready for sleep. He leant down and kissed Janus, making them freeze with getting their shirt off, before letting out a flustered chuckle.

“I told you they’d like you” Logan murmured.

Janus moved their arms around his shoulders “I know darling. You were right, you usually are”

“Mhm! They’ve never disliked any of the partner’s I’ve brought home. It was very unlikely you would break the pattern”

“They’re nice people. I’m..I’m glad you had them as parents. If uh that makes sense”

“I understand”

Logan unbuckled their belt while kissing them. They were left in their undershirt and underwear. which was what they usually slept in. Lo just slept in boxers because he was like his own personal heating already. They cuddled down under the covers with Janus pressing close to their boyfriend’s chest and with his arms around them.

They let out a content sigh and moved their finger along his skin “It’s warm”

“Mhm” Logan replied with closed eyes.

“And the food was really good”

“Mhm”

“And this bed is really comfy”

“Mhm”

“And I can’t sleep”

Logan opened his eyes and glanced down at them “well if my dearest snake can’t sleep then neither can I. Want to see a magic trick?”

Janus let up into a smile “Sure”

Lo turned to lay on his back and moved his hand to fumble around on the nightstand. He opened the small cabinet and took out a bottle of lube “Ta-da. Magic” He said in his monotone voice.

His partner let up into a wave of laughter while playfully pushing his face away “You stupid bastard”

“What else are you supposed to do on Christmas night. Is it not a holiday of magical experiences”

That just made them laugh more.

“Only if you want to”

“What if someone hears?” Janus half teased.

“Honey I’ll make sure no one does”

“And how would you do that?”

“Oh you know, I always have my ways”

Janus sat up on their knees and put their hands on either side of his head “My little darling” They murmured before kissing him. Logan parsed his lips and welcomed the kiss as he trailed his hands up under their shirt. 

--

“How are your bathrobes this fluffy?” Janus asked, just a bit mesmerized.

“My mom has good contacts with textile ladies” Logan replied while putting his own. 

He got up from the bed but Janus stayed laying down. He pulled in their wrist to get them up but they pulled back so he landed face down on the sheets.

“C’mon we gotta go shower before going to sleep” Logan murmured.

“I wanna cuddle though” Janus put on a fake pout while hugging him.

“We can cuddle in the shower”

“But your bed is so nice”

“Do you just want to be carried to the shower?”

Janus took off the pout “Yes please”

He picked them up and carried them bridal style down the stairs. They held each other close in the shower and Logan got to shower all the parts of their body that they adored with kisses, which was most of their body.

The warm water had rubbed out the last bits of sleepiness from them. So they sneaked to the kitchen to make some tea. They kept making each other laugh over stupid things and then laugh even harder when they tried to keep quiet.

The laughter died on Logan’s tongue when he opened the cup cabinet. He froze for a moment. He shook it off and took out two cups. 

“You good?” Janus asked.

“Yes. I...The cup I usually use wasn’t in it’s normal place. It just....It reminded how long it’s been since I lived here full time...How the house goes on without me”

Janus moved their arms around his waist and stood on their toes to press a kiss to his cheek “Now you have your own home”

“Mhm. Still is a bittersweet feeling”

“I get it hun”

Logan put on some water before placing his hands on top of Janus’, their hands were comfortable placed right on his tummy. He relaxed his head against theirs and let them move him around in a sort of dance. The moonlight streamed in through the thin blinds.

The water plinged that it was done and they both made some tea. Janus choose lemon flavor and Logan dark berry flavor. They cuddled up shoulder to shoulder on the couch and listened to the first bird songs of the morning.

“Honey” Logan began, his tone even more serious than it usually was “Me and Patty have been talking about...things”

“Things? I know you’re looking to adopt a dog but that dog can not be me Logie! I’ve told you! Ugh! This is totally a very common problem for me!! Definitely totally very much!” 

“No dear” He looked down into his tea “As you know a while back Patty told me she felt satisfied and wasn’t looking for any more surgeries and well obviously that means we can now save money for other things...future plans...and that sort...And you also know we’ve been looking to get pets and eventually in the future a kid so well. We’ve been thinking about saving up for a house”

“How fancy” Janus replied, unsure of how this concerned him.

“Yes. And it has a lot of benefits! We will be able to have guest rooms for lovers! Or future partners! And we will be able to invite more people over for dinners and parties! It will most likely only be a single floor house, not something awfully big. But still it will be...Ours...It will be something we can grow for the rest of our lives”

“Well I’m happy for you then”

“We’ve been wondering if you would want to move in?”

Janus nearly spat out his tea “What?”

“I love you honey, and Patty really enjoys your company. If I was legally allowed to marry a second person I would ask for your hand in marriage no doubt. It will of course be some time before we’re able to buy a house. I just wanted to lay out the idea. It will always be your choice”

“I...” Janus tapped their fingers against the cup “I...Logan...I’m sorry...This is kind of a lot...We haven’t even been dating for an entire year”

“I understand”

“No. I. I really enjoy sleeping over at your apartment. I enjoy eating breakfast and reading the newspaper and taking out the trash and all that domestic stuff...But I enjoy having my own place I know I can go back to at any time..If that makes sense?”

“It does”

Janus took a sip from their tea and thought about waking up every day pressed between Logan and Patty. Thought about stumbling up to drink water at 3 am to be meet with one of them unable to sleep stress baking or working. Thought about being able to go into the other room and kiss their cheek whenever he wanted to. Thought about every day being like a sleepover until it turned into normality. A lovely normality.

He took a sip from his tea and smiled at the thought. He leant his head against Logan’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

“Well I suppose I’ll have to think about it”

[raschuuuu]

WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME BACK? // M.YG angst (Suga)

Summary: You finally had your debut with your girl group with Big Hit entertainment. That was your absolute biggest dream but what happens when you have to decide now? Do you want to live your idol life and let the love of your life go for it? Or do you decide for the life of your life?

Word count: 5k

Genre: angst

warnings: established relationship / swearing / soft yoongi / mentioning of breakups / mentioning of suicide/death

Pairing: Yoongi!idol x female idol!reader

A/N: Hello guuuuys! Today I hope very much that you will like this one here! I didn't get any requests so I want to say it again one more time: FEEL FREE TO SEND ME YOUR REQUESTS!!! 😟🥺It’s my second fanfic on this blog I worked very hard on it so I really really hope you guys will enjoy it. If you guys think I could do anything better or you have another preferences please let me know. I’d be very happy if you guys leave a like so I know you read it and liked it. Another note: English is not my first language I’m very sorry if you guys find any mistakes.. 💔

_____________________________________________________________________________

5th December 2020

What could be better than having a debut just before the year ends? My group and I were supposed to have our debut much earlier but that was  postponed due to the COVID pandemic so it was complicated to have a debut this year but nevertheless our company managed to give us a debut before the year ends and I really have to say it's the best thing that could ever happen to me!

My dream has finally come true. How long was I a trainee? Exactly. Six years. Six freaking years I was hidden behind the scenes of my big and famous company. It feels really shitty to be in the shadow of two famous groups in South Korea. Don't get me wrong I'm a really big fan of BTS and TXT but we got tired of being told that we're going to make our debut but at the end we didn’t. I know the guys from BTS and TXT  personally and we all get along super well even the other members of my group. But to be honest BTS and TXT couldn't wait for our debut to happen and finally it's here (y/g/n) finally gets the recognition.

31st December 2020

Of course our lives have changed dramatically since we made our debut. Of course it's much harder to go out alone now than before. Before I was a nobody. No one knew me but now I don't even dare to go alone to the convenient store that is just around the corner of our dorm. You might think I'm exaggerating a bit but no, unfortunately it's the truth. Nevertheless, I don't want to spoil my idol life. After our debut we had a lot of promotions and interviews. But even before that we didn't have much time because we had to shoot our music video and photo shoots and we were all sent to the hairdresser because our old look was officially bye bye. I’m happy with my new look I think I look so beautiful I can't believe what a haircut and a nice makeup can do to a person.

Today is the 31st of December. New Year's Eve! New year takes place in less than 24 hours! Where am I? I'm at this year's MBC Gayo DaeJeon. My first new year's eve without my family and officially my first new year's eve as an idol. I'm so excited I can't believe it I'm going to be on stage with my girls and I'm meeting other idols how exciting is that. I'm sitting in the makeup room getting my makeup done by our makeup artist and on the side our hairstylist is making me a high ponytail. I hope I'll look good. Dabi, the oldest of our group and therefore our Unni, has just finished and looks adorable. Miso sits to my left and is also getting her make-up and hair done. Hyemi is getting ready after me because she doesn't take up much time. She has the shortest hair of all of us. I’m sitting with my mobile phone in my hand and texting with my mother. Sometimes I wish I could be with her and with my father and my siblings. I miss them all like hell. I haven't seen them since before our debut. I can't wait to hold them all in my arms next time.

(eomma):

y/n we miss you! New year's eve isn't the same without you but hopefully you'll have fun on stage today. We'll all be watching you! Your dad and I your grandparents and your siblings so don't worry we're always with you! Good luck my child fighting! 🎉🎆

I notice how i get tears in my eyes but no I mustn't cry my makeup gets ruined. Just as I want to answer my mother i get a new text on my phone.

(yoongi):

I'm excited to see you tonight! You'll be great I believe in you.

By the way... I guess I didn't tell you that I'm dating Min Yoongi. That's right, Min Yoongi.

flashback

2014

"Y/n! We're about to meet BTS!" says Hyemi as I just walked into the dance practice room. What BTS? The group that made their debut last year? "Really why?" I ask looking at her confused. Apparently all new trainee male or female, are introduced to BTS because they want to give us some nice words and encouragement on our way as trainees. Just as I was about to sit down, the seven men came in the door. One after the other, they passed us by. Wow, these guys can count themselves lucky that their time is up. But one boy in particular stands out to me. He has red hair. Not too light and not too dark, a red that almost goes brown. He is beautiful.

I haven't really informed myself about who BTS is, of course I still have difficulties to remember their names, I just became a trainee before I didn't care who was a trainee here... but this man is beautiful!

Oh crap he looks at me. Why is he looking at me. Someone tell him to look the other way please I’m so awkward I don't know how to act when someone looks at me I better look the other way. The leader said some nice words to us they all wished us luck and said that they can't wait for us to make our debut and that when the day comes they're all gonna be happy and supportive! Really nice of them I never thought that they would do something like that. We all got up and bowed and said thank you, while BTS was about to walk out I saw the red haired boy looking at me one last time before he went out. Crazy man do I have something on my face stop staring!

2015

I started to get to know them better each and every one of them. I get along best with Hoseok and Taehyung. Every now and then we run into each other in the building and talk for a few minutes. We trainees also got to meet all the guys in person, they are all so nice and down to earth I don't regret it one bit that I joined this company! Jungkook is about my age and every now and then we have a few laughs together. Once you are in the company you are like one big family whether it is with the trainees or the staff. However I have not been able to get close to one person and that is Min Yoongi. I don't know what it is but every time he and I are in a room with other people it just gets awkward. I don't know what it is but every time he is near me I feel intimidated and just want to get out of there. We've never spoken a word to be honest maybe it's because he feels awkward around me too? I can't understand why he feels this way I always try to get along with everyone even if i don't want to and make everyone feel comfortable around me because I want it to be mutual. So what's his problem?

2016

I have heard from his members that he has a crush on me and gets shy around me which I totally don't understand because how can anyone be into me? Especially back then! I don't want to go into too much detail but I can tell you that after a while and with the help of Hoseok and Taehyung he and I started texting at some point. We had been friends for a long time but only online. We were both too nervous to meet in person and to be honest that had been impossible because he was busy as fuck and no one was supposed to find out that we were texting. BTS recognition grew more and more each year and he became busier and busier each day. I was of course very happy for everyone and one rainy day in the evening Yoongi appeared out of nowhere on my doorstep and confessed his love to me. I am still overwhelmed by it and it all feels so unreal and like it just happened yesterday, but I went for it and agreed to be his girlfriend.

back to December 31st 2020

For four years we have been hiding our relationship. Nobody knows about it the whole Big Hit staff doesn't know about it and neither do our managers the only ones who know about it are his members and recently my members. I didn't want to tell them until we made our debut together because I was too scared of being told off during my trainee time. But I have to say that the girls stand behind me and accept our relationship and they all swore they would take it to the grave with them.

I quickly turn down the brightness of my screen because there's too much danger of my hairstylist and makeup artist reading the text. I close my phone and put it on my lap. How much I want to answer him but I don't dare I can't answer him when there are too many people around me. After a while we were called and it was finally our turn I'm so nervous but we managed it all with flying colors and we were the topic of the evening.

In a few minutes it's already new year I'm ready and let 2021 come to me. At midnight Yoongi calls me and I answer the phone with joy.

"Happy new year y/n! I love you and I hope we will spend more time together this year even though it will be harder now." I smile to myself and say "Happy new year Yoongi... how is your shoulder? Are you resting enough? Are you eating enough? Are you sleeping enough? Are you in pain? If you are in pain then take a painkiller and go back to the doctor!" I can't see it but I can tell he is grinning and shaking his head. I don't let him get a word in edgewise.

"Don't worry I’m fine I just miss you you're the only painkiller I can take" - "Hahaha yah! You're so corny! I miss you too sweetheart I wish we had spent this new year together... I’m sorry it turned out like this!" I feel really bad because I know he won't be able to spend new year with his boys or me... To be honest we have never had a new year together except on the phone but this time it could have worked out! He is at home with his injury and if we wouldn't have had our debut then we would have had a first new year together after four years of relationship!

January 10th 2021

At the beginning of the new year our manager gave us our schedule plan at it looked hella busy! This whole January we would be completely busy we don't even have one weekend off! I can’t believe it how will I able to see my family or even Yoongi? I saw him at the first weekend of January we spent it together at his family’s house in Daegu behause to be honest that is actually the only place that we can go to a little far away from Seoul without having to worry that any of the staff could know or see us. My family also knows and loves him to death but with my family living in Seoul it’s complicated to take him there. Our manager left the room and I looked at Dabi with the ‘You and I bathroom NOW!’ look she understood and got up from her place and she followed me to the bathroom. We checked if any other person was inside when there wasn’t I said “What the fuck I’m I gonna do now Unni? How am I able to see Yoongi? How will I be able to even go out. I won’t even have time to take the fucking trash out from our dorm when it’s my turn to clean!” I yell. She stands there giving me a confused look. “What do you expect y/n? You chose to have this idol life you know its busy and complicated to have a boyfriend especially as a fresh debuted idol! Why do you think they won't let us have a relationship? I wish I could help you but I can’t. We’re gonna be busy as fuck!” she yelled back. “Psh shut your volume down unni!” she opened the door to see if there was anyone outside but there wasn’t.

I feel bad I really do. I don't want my members to be in trouble because of me that's the last thing I want. I hug her and apologize to her. I have to think of something I don't know what to do. I don't want us to be away from each other for too long what happens when he stops loving me all of a sudden? What do I do when he goes back to work then it will all be worse! Before I became an idol we could always see each other at the end of the day but now it will be impossible. I have to talk to him about it because one thing we promised each other is that we talk about everything because that's the only way a healthy relationship can work and such a complicated relationship we both have. I take out my phone and write him a message.

(me):

Yoongi. Tonight FaceTime date you and me?

In less than two minutes I already get my answer.

(yoongi):

of course!

evening

I turn on my MacBook and call him on FaceTime. After three rings he answers the phone and turns it off too so he doesn't have to hold it in his hand. He still has his bandage on and his hair is wet he must have been in the shower. He wears cute pyjamas and fight me or not but black haired Yoongi is the most beautiful Yoongi. I always fall in love again when I see him. Hard to believe we were so awkward with each other back then but this year is already approaching 5 years together. I could never imagine my life without him. 

"Hey my darling" he says happily and smiles at me. I smile back and ask him how he is. He tells me that he is getting better every day and that during his time off he has found a lot of time for himself and his music and how much he misses the others. And me too, of course. "What's wrong with you?" he asks me when he notices that my mind is somewhere else. I think he took the Facetime date too seriously. He be sitting there with his cup of ramen. I just laugh. "Yoongi... I'm going to be busy all of January and manager oppa said that February might not be any better," I say and wait for his answer. He swallows his noodles and drinks a glass of water. "Does that mean we won't see each other this month?" he asks. I think he's a little disappointed I know him and I know his tones and his looks and I can hear my heart breaking by now. And how much I'd like to see you Yoongi. Every second every day. "No," I say, and then an uncomfortable silence descends. 

“You know what baby it’s fine don't worry. I mean I wasn’t any better back then do you remember when I always used to be so busy? I never had time for you and I felt so bad. But you were there for me and you stayed by my side and you were and still are the most supportive girlfriend I could ever ask for. I think it would be unfair to be mad at you. I’m happy for you forever and always” well that was unexpected. I start getting tears in my eyes. I didn't think of this reaction not at all! I smile at him and say “Thank you baby... I will appreciate it I really do. But still I feel bad because especially in this period where you're sick I wish I could be there for you and take care of you. This debut was so unexpected I’m really sorry” - “Yah don't be sorry y/n. You worked your goddamn fine ass off to be where you're at right now be proud of you this is just the beginning. And it’s not like that we won't see each other ever again right?” he says. He’s right. He’s totally right. It’s not like we won't see each other ever again.

January 17th 2020

Well... seven days passed and we still haven't seen each other and we haven't talked since one week. We text every now and then cause I really only get to use my phone when it's night and we go back home but every night I'm so damn exhausted and tired that I forget to answer to his texts. I don't even have time to text my parents back or my siblings. I feel so bad I'm such a bad person. I miss them all so much. I miss my parents. I miss my sister and my brother. I miss my grandparents. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my boyfriend so damn much. I really didn't think this life is gonna be so hard for me. I feel like I've been put in the middle of a scale with my career on one side and my relationship on the other side and I have to choose one side or the other. I've never thought about breaking up with Yoongi ever in my life. Never. I just can't. I need this man too much. Even though we never have the most beautiful and perfect relationship and see each other very rarely, it's just the thought that I know there's someone in my life who loves me and accepts me for who I am that counts. He took me with my imperfections he put his career what he loves most in his life in risk to be with me and now that we are both in this situation I don't know what to do I feel bad and selfish for even thinking about it I don't want to make him feel like my career is more important than him or our relationship he doesn't deserve that he deserves the world and he deserves to be happy. But I love my career I love my job I love my members I love our staff I love our fans. Our biggest fear was not being accepted by the society outside especially now in this period when BTS is one of the biggest groups in the whole world and have a very big influence in the KPOP industry. We were afraid that society would think that since we are the first girl group to make a Big Hit debut in a very long time that people would think that we would mess with the boys heads or that there would be any rumors started between us and the other groups. But on the contrary people have been happy for us and love our music and us individually. I feel like Hannah Montana I feel like I am living a double life.

20th January 2021

"I know you are overwhelmed with the situation my child, I can imagine that it is very hard for you but you have to know what is best for you. You can't tell anyone from your company, you are a rookie, if they find out you had a boyfriend during your trainee time then it is even worse. I wish I was with you and could help you or just be there for you. I love Yoongi very much but I love you even more and I am happy with any decision you make. Just make the right one" my mother says on the phone. Tears have been flowing since she got on the phone but I don't want to tell her and I try not to sob but I know she can tell by my tone that I am crying. She is right. I have to make a decision. Yoongi is getting better day by day and soon he will be busy too he will go back to his daily routine and the other members. He will have comebacks he will have dance practices he will have to go to the recording studio he will have photo shoots he will do interviews and when the corona situation allows he will have to go to other countries and I have to do the same.

I love him to death and I will never love anyone as much as I love him but I am just not happy like this and you can tell me what you want he is not either but he doesn't let it show. Yesterday on the phone there was such an awkward tension between us it felt like I was making small talk with a stranger. Even though I might be the bad guy but one of us has to make the first move. I have wished and hoped that this day will never come but I have to do it.

23 January 2021

Yoongi told me that he is back in his flat in Seoul with his mother. Unfortunately he still can't travel alone so his dear mum went with him. I missed her too, she's the nicest and sweetest woman ever. When I imagine that I won't see her again either, tears well up in my eyes. But today I have to do it. Who would have thought that our reunion would be like this? Who would have thought that I would break up with him. He won't expect it but I have to do it. I’m cold and sick and I just want to go to bed and get the day over with. It's 11pm at night and we've come home after a long hard day. I look out the window and wait until our manager is out of sight.

My members know about my plans and of course have asked me a million times if I am sure and if there is no other way out. I am very happy that they are worried about me but I also feel bad towards them. I have been hiding it from them all our trainee years and when I told them they were all so good about it and even want me not to do it. But no I will do it I am young and want to concentrate on my career and what is coming up for us.

I told Yoongi that I would come, of course he doesn't want to because it's way too late but I said it was important and that we had to talk about something. When I said we had to talk about something he was quiet and then just said he would wait for me. I put on a hat and a thick jacket and the hood of the jacket and a mask and a scarf and go out into the high snow that has covered Seoul. His flat is not far from mine but still I have to take a taxi. I ask the driver to wait for me because I don't want to stay there long I want to get it over with quickly and go.

(me):

can you come down?

(yoongi):

why don't you come up?

(me):

I think its better when you come down Yoongi I don't want your mom to be worried or hears any of that were gonna talk.

He doesn't text back instead I just see the lights turning on from his window. A few minutes later he comes down. Oh my fucking lord he is so handsome. I want to run up to him and kiss him from head to toe. I want to be in his arms. I want us to go upstairs together and fall asleep together. I want to build a snowman with him. I want to be with him forever I love him he is the love of my life.

He comes up to me and smiles at me. He stands in front of me and we both don't say a word. His smile turns into a confused look he notices something is wrong. "Don't I get a kiss or a hug?" he asks me. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces. I would love to rip your clothes off Min Yoongi.

"I want to break up." Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. "Yoongi say something?" I ask him. He says nothing. He looks at me with a blank look he is sad he is disappointed he is devastated just like me. "Yoongi please?". He does not speak.

"Yoongi, I'm sorry. I-i-I really love you I love you more than anything but I know that I can't give 100% in our relationship now. I just want us to be happy but I see that we are not. It could have been great during your time off but I can't be there for you... sooner or later it should have happened. I want to be with you but I can't anymore it was okay then but it's not okay now we're both famous you're in the biggest boy group in the world if anyone finds out we're together we'll be screwed. Especially me Yoongi. Female idols have it harder than male idols you know that. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and I think this will be the best thing for us I-" he interrupts me.

"How dare you to tell me what's best for me? Do you have any idea what you're talking about y/n? Stop trying to tell me what's best for me when you know you're the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life god damn. I was going through a difficult time in my life and you were the only one who was there for me! And now you're telling me let’s break up because you're afraid people are gonna find out? And that they are gonna blame you? The fuck? Theres always two fucking persons in a relationship y/n! I also wanted that. I wanted you. Don’t you love me anymore? Why don’t you love me anymore? We hid our relationship for four fucking years why can't we hide it now?" he said yelling at me.

 I am shocked and sad I want to die. I don't want to live in this life without Min Yoongi. But I know it's best for us I do it for him and his career too.

"Yes I don't love you anymore" were my last words before I left.

________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: damn y/n!!! did you just break up with the mf min yoongi? you better save your relationship! guys if you want a part two (with maybe a happy ending?) let me know! love you bye 🎀

[indimlights]

✨Merry christmas Cille✨

To: @birthdaysentiment 💛

-> From: @indimlights (Rodrigo)

Hi Cille! I guess it's up to me to kick off this "little" surprise but I don't even know where to start...

I remember really well the first time I saw a post of yours, I was still lurking back then and the moment I read it I felt so many things, things I don't know how to describe and that I never thought words could make me feel and I knew, I just knew that I had to see more. Fast-forward a couple of hours I knew your blog by heart, I had looked at so many of your posts and every single one was as amazing as the first one, as touching as the first one and as deep as the first one.

The meaning you put on words still gets to me every single day, you have such a way into them and don't even get me started on your music analysis. The moment I read the first one I was mind-blown! The things you catch, the connections you make between the music and the scene, the way you describe the scenes, it makes me go back, relive the moment and feel everything I felt the first time I watched it and all this just by... reading your words! If that doesn't tell me how amazing you are with them I don't know what will.

From that day I always wished I could talk to you, get to know the person behind the words, behind the masterpieces, behind the blog because you seemed like such a sweet person and now... After some time, I got that chance and I'm so happy I got it. You are everything I thought you would be and 1000x more, you are sweet, caring, smart, loving, wise, joyful and so supportive to me and to everyone in this community! You always spread love and that's so important and so nice of you to do, the way you write essays in the tags for everyone's posts just shows that! It's such a simple thing but means so much.

And I'm not even mentioning how talented you are with non-written posts because those are on another level aswell, I mean you always surprise me with your ideas and creativity and just knowing that whenever I come here I will have some sort of attack waiting for me just keeps me going and I love everything you do so much.

I'll never be able to thank you enough for being so welcoming when I barely knew anyone and for making me feel so much more comfortable here! Getting to know you better and to share this experience with someone like you has been a blessing and I wouldn't change any second of it, thank you for everything you have done and for always being so sweet to me. I don't understand what I did to deserve all that but that just shows again how wonderful you are.

I'm wishing you a merry christmas! Surrounded by everyone you love and that makes you happy because you deserve that and so much more, please never change, never stop being like this, a special and wonderful person. I hope you enjoy this surprise :) Have a wonderful day Cille 💛

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-> From: @remy3010 (Remy)

Hihi Cille❤ I love your blog so much especially music analysis! I just fall in love with your music analysis since your first posts.

For me whose mother tongue is not English, it takes a while to read but I'd love to. Because these articles deserve more people to see (including me)！

I have read every article of yours, the content touches me all the time. (Sometimes I have a lot of words want to tell you, But I don’t know how to speak in English..sorry🥺so I give❤ and reblog)

Anyway, thank you for writing beautiful words and sharing with us! I hope you can keep this passion forever, and everything go well. May you have wonderful days my friend ❤

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-> From: @franboos (Francine)

hi bb cille,

wanted to tell u that i love u blog and the time u put into analyzing stuff is shhshdhdhdhd. queen shit. u seen so genuine to talk to idk, i get those nice, non judgmental, relaxed and cool vibes from u. lmao. pls stay on tumblr for as long as u can cuz i love ur posts. u notice such little things in clips from wtfock, like u have a very detailed eye miss hehe. i really want to get to know u more cuz i really think we could vibe v well together, and that’s on perioood 😌. i hope u have a great great day while reading this queen. never stop what you’re doing cuz ur great at it. i love you !!

many kusjes and knuffels*,

fran

(*knuffels means hugs but also stuffed animal in dutch, did u know that? otherwise now u do, nice isn’t it)

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-> From: @dagcutie (Pauline)

hey hey cille!!

I must admit i’m very much a fan of you and your blog

first of all, your posts? chefs kiss!! i mean your music analysis are amazing and so on point, your photo edits are always perfect and the colorings are so beautiful, your long text posts 'drabble/headcanon style' are so cute and always makes me so soft and emotional...

your love for black and white? that’s a big yes!! anyways everything you do is perfect!!

also can we take a moment to appreciate your person? i think we can and we must do it..

you’re always so supportive and kind, all the nice tags you let under peoples creations are so sweet!! I also could cry about how cute you are always leaving lovely messages to people inbox or coming randomly to them to say something nice.. you’re the most beautiful soul and a blessing for this fandom!! please never stop being you!! ily a lot, sending you all my love and i wish you an amazing day<3

knus og kys til dig💛✨

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-> From: @allee-sander (Tanya)

Cille, you are an amazing person. you are so kind and loving. every time i see you on my dash, my face lights up. you are a literal angel. you are loved and appreciated, never forget that.

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-> From: @tsjernobyl (Emma)

Cille, you are a genuinely kind and loving soul who's just on this site to talk about the things you love and spread a little joy and everyone can tell that the moment they go onto your blog. i've seen you be nothing but lovely to everyone you interact with and it's a real honor to be mutuals with you and interact from time to time. You are always one of the sweetest and most supportive people here, and i hope you feel that love flowing back to you at all times because you always have my warmest wishes and love!!!!!

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-> From: @dreamaur (Ann)

How does it feel to be so cool and sweet and supportive??? I love you and your mind and how you see so many details and capture them so well with words,,,queen keep going with your top tier analysis and text posts that make me emotional everything single time

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-> From: @annonymannonym (Alice)

Where do I even begin ummm ... well words may not be enough to describe such angelic human being that Cille is but today is about her *about you Cille* !♡! Honestly I’m so so happy and honoured and so grateful to have meet and know you and come along your blog and your amazing posts and edits , let’s s not forget about the masterpiece that your analysis is cuz I live for every single one of them ! Always so on point and touchy and so so emotionally, they give you a whole new perspective and point of view and helps you connect with the person that goes throught those feelings , helping you understand so much deeper the feelings and the emotions he experience in that right moment( so thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking your time and writing these it really shows how much passion and love you put on making these! they absolute helped me to understand and feel much more the meaning behind all these little moments you captured so so well and wonderful ! ) You’re always such a blessing here so lovely friendly so goodhearted and sooo on ... < insert here all the good compliments in the world > cuz they all applies to you ! Know that you’re so special and such a light a sunshine wherever you are and go , you always spread so much positivity and good energy and love and compassion and you support every single people your way comes along with and you shown so much respect and love and understanding ! Always with a wise and thoughtful mind and with the right words at you using them with so much care and mining fullness ! And your blog i love love love it the b&w aesthetic and your love for it owns my heart !! I adore your posts so much ( or ramblings or thoughts as you may call them but know they are so so much more than that its a way of yours to express yourself and open up and pour every feeling you experience and many people found themselves and feel with you , I find myself in them and resonate with them every time ! ahh and your tags that you write in every post are sooo sweet and cute i could read them all day long just coming on your blog and read them makes my day so much better ) they are such a good way to brighten your day and they put a smile on my face whenever i see you on my dash truly a blessing to have you here! Never forget how unique and special human being you are and every one who has you in their lives are very blessed to have you ! Never change being this beautiful inside and out but most importantly inside ! literally a tresure your soul is and must be protected at all cost so take very good care of it ! Don’t forget to always do what makes you happy and gives joy and peace and just you know that good feeling you have in your chest and heart whenever you do something you love and like with passion and joy. I could say so much more but maybe I’ll repeat myself cuz there are never enough compliments to say about how wonderful person you are! you deserve every single one of them ! I really meant every word i said from the bottom of my heart and know that i really apreciate and love all you do and I’ll be here to support you anytime! You deserve the absolute world and more!! love you Cille! ♡ Okey bye✿

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-> From: @robbesdriesen (Bianca)

Cille ~ such a lovely presence to see on my dash always!! Your support towards everyone in the fandom is more than appreciated and so is your love that you continuously aim to spread <3

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-> From: @happilyinsane (Dharaa)

Hey Cille 💕

Just wanted to say that I think you are really sweet and lovely. I see you everywhere on the tumblr. Wanna thank you for keeping this fandom alive during the drought and keep us entertained. I see your tags on people's posts and I always feel like you are so kind and sweet to spend your time appreciating people's work. Doesn't matter if its a photo or an edit or whatever. You are so nice to pay attention to everyone individually. You are such a good friend/mutual, always appreciating and sliding into their asks and just making their day a lil bit better. You definitely bring so many smiles on our faces. I am sure everyone is very thankful to have you in this fandom, I know I am.

I know we haven't interacted that much but thank you for sliding into my asks and giving me an opportunity to interact with you. You are the sweetest, baby. And I hope you like this whole thing that Rodrigo is doing, because you definitely deserve it. Keep lighting up our dashes with your posts, pls. Ilysm 💕

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-> From: @alwaysaneverland (Sarah)

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-> From: @theflowerisblue (Lola)

Cille! You’re such a present part of the tag! You’re always interacting and posting and I love reading what you have to say. Your music analysis are so interesting and I also think you’re really funny! I love your black and white aesthetic and most of all I love how supportive and positive you’re towards everyone!

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-> From: @fvae (Fae)

hi cille!! I'm really glad to have met you through this fandom and I hope you like the surprise!! I loved to read your song analysis because they're always on point and well thought of👌 💯  and your edits!! *chef's kiss*

sending you lots of love and hugs 💕💖💫

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-> From: @embeddedinmybrain (Tasfia)

Hi Cille! You are just a ray of sunshine!! And you are the sweetest and kindest person here. I loved following through with your wtfock music analysis posts bc everything you felt is exactly what I felt. They made me really emotional!! And of course I (and Sarah and Fae) appreciate your tags for moyo season so much. We wait for them and we read them to each other and we just love seeing your reactions to it. Your edits are incredibly amazing too and I love the colouring in them. You are just an amazing sweetheart and I’m so glad to know you 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕

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-> From: @veerledejaegers (Soph)

Cille, you are very friendly and sweet, always insightful and seem like an incredibly lovely person that i hope i can get to know better ❤️(also love the black and white aesthetic)

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-> From: @sanderxrobbee (Semri)

Cilleeeeeeeeeeee loml!!!! Merry Christmas to you! I genuinely wish you all the best and I hope you get to spend all the holidays in the best way possible! You’re such a blessing to this fandom because you’re talented in every single way, whether it’s your writing or your godly Photoshop skills, oh and let’s not forget your dedication because you’re there all the time to brighten our days and make us smile. I haven’t known you for long, but I truly love and appreciate all you do and I’m grateful that you always take the time to compliment everything and everyone. You have no idea how much it makes me smile when you say my gifs are good because I’ve yet to learn a lot, but you are seriously one of the biggest reasons I haven’t given up the second something got too complicated. Where am I going with this? No idea. Anyway, I adore the fuck out of you and I’m happy to take part in this “project” because you really deserve all the love in the world. Once again, happy holidays!

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-> From: @hopelessromanticvirgo (Elene)

Talking about you Cille is making me always so emotional but I will try my best not to burst out from love and emotions. You’re one of the sweetest person here and I will never get tired of saying that.

We haven’t talked that much directly but I don’t need that to know you’re one of the greatest person here, I just know that for sure. I’m also sure about it because I can see the way you treat people? Even speaking about your tags? Like you take the time out of your day to make sure everybody gets love and everybody gets attention. You make all of us smile and I adore your tags on my stories. You can’t even imagine how many times I have reread your posts about it, like I crave it, I’m in love with it, it makes me feel so happy and so loved and I’m certain that everybody else feels the same way too. You always know how to make everybody’s day better and how to make them feel special.

And please, don’t even get me started on your posts! Your song analysis. Like I know I’ve told you this thousands of times before but I don’t care, I’m saying it again! The way you pictured and described all those songs and scenes!!! Like wow! I’d always reread your posts about that one specific scene after rewatching the season countless of times. (And you also did so many scenes!! I’m in awe and I’m emo from just thinking about it)

Watching clips were different but reading them with lyrics were a whole other thing. I just felt so connected with the whole story and scenes when I’d ready your posts. And connect scenes with the music and it was the best thing ever. Sometimes I still go back and reread some of my favorite posts of yours. I never get tired of it.

And you’re so kind and so sweet that I could write essays about it! Such a blessing to this world! I just love you a lot okay? Everybody needs somebody like you, somebody who shines from kindness and love and people around you must be so lucky who get to meet you everyday and talk to you!

Thank you so much for everything you do, for being you and for making my day better and making me smile every time you reblog my posts or every time I just see your username on my dashboard! It’s such a small gesture but means so much!

Thank you for existing, babe! I hope you’re gonna have a wonderful day! And I’m sending you the biggest hug and my positive vibes! I hope a smile never leaves your face! And I only wish the best things up onto you! I love you! ❤️❤️❤️

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-> From: @itubainaretro (Esther)

Cille, my queen!!! Hi, sweetheart! Just dropping by to say that I hope you’re having a good day, despite the situation that the world is in, and that you’re feeling happy, loved, cherished and warm today, because you’re you and you deserve to feel all the best feelings in the world! I wish you all the happiness in the world and that all your wishes come true too, because you sure deserve it! Thank you for being this amazing, inspiring, talented and sweet person that you are and that I’ve come to know a little bit in the past few months! I know we don’t exactly talk that much, but I want you to know that I love seeing you, your beautiful edits and your extremely heart warming “moments that live in my head rent free” posts on my dash daily! They all really make my days! Thank you for sharing your posts with us and making this fandom (and the world, honestly) a better place! You’re amazing and I’m really glad I pressed the follow button the day I did when I started following you! I hope this little message makes you smile today, babe! Best wishes and lots and lots of love,

Esther (itubainaretro) ♥️

PS: don’t forget to hydrate yourself, wear a mask and stay safe haha xxxx.

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-> From: @driesendotkom (Marie)

Dear cille,

the reason i‘m writing this is to simply say thank you. thank you for being such a stable part of the fandom. every time i go into the tag i know i will see you there and it makes me smile every time. i can’t tell you how many hours i spent reading every one of your song analysis. even now a year after season 3 ended i find myself going back to them now and then to reminisce and relive those moments all over again.

i also want to say thank you for being such a kind and welcoming person. you care so much about the people you are close to. you are so easy to talk to and you make the people around you feel comfortable instantly. you brought a little bit of hygge into my life and one more time i want to say thank you 💛

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-> From: @driesenrobbe (Becca)

my dear, sweet, cille! you never fail to make me smile and im beyond happy that we became mutuals! im sure i’ve already said this a million times before but you really do have the biggest heart and i couldn’t thank you enough for all the love and support you constantly share to everybody in the wtfock fandom. plus the talent you possess... girllllll i love seeing your edits and reading your posts (honestly your mind is just wowowowow, it’s on a whole other level of incredible and i hope you know just how wonderful you are). also the way you always write entire essays in the tags of other posts... like you really do take the time to make everyone feel so welcomed and loved, and I’m sending you an infinite amount of love and appreciation in return! you really are the sweetest, most caring person who deserves all the happiness in the world, an actual ray of sunshine! i hope you know how loved and cherished you are, and that good vibes are always being sent your way. Many hugs and kusjes, ilysm!!!! <3

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-> From: @mijnlief (Eline)

Dear Cille,

This year has been a weird one, but I do know that it has also been one of the best because of meeting you. In such a short time we became so close, and I am so grateful to have met you during these weird times. We are so alike in many ways and I love that so much. Our Skype conversations are my favorite and the essays you send me about my writing and just about me being me always make me feel happy and loved. You are the kindest and most generous person ever. I hope you know how special you are. I am so proud of you for everything you have achieved this year and for choosing yourself in situations where it got hard to make a choice in the first place. I know I tell you that everyday, but it doesn’t hurt to say it again right here. I hope this post makes you smile, because you deserve that so much for just being who you are. You bring happiness to all of my days and I can’t wait to hug you one day soon when everything in the world calms down again. I love you lots! 🧡 Eline

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-> From: @onzeziggy (Laurien)

My sweetest Cille, where do I even begin? I suggest we should just begin from the very beginning and I’m sorry in advance if this is going to be a long, sappy text! But now that I have the chance (shout out to Rodrigo) for saying everything I want, I’m not able to tell you how long this will take.

So Cille, I still remember very clearly the first time I saw your account appearing on my dash. It was a music analysis from one of the songs from season 3. I was so amazed by it, because I could imagine how much time it takes to make it and observe every little detail in a single clip. I immediately fell in love with the concept of it and one week later, when you posted another one, my mouth dropped to the floor. Another music analysis? From the same person? Who is she and how do I become her friend? After that second post, I immediately started following you and became your little fangirl. I don’t lie when I say I was waiting every week for a new update of your incredible music analysis nor when I say I loved every single one of them (and still do). I know I already said this a million times, but your words of telling what was going on in every clip, about the emotions present in them, and how the music blended all of it together… No one, and I mean no one could have done it any better! I will forever be grateful for those posts and I want to thank you once again for wanting to share them and your talent with us!

After the music analysis adventure, your picture edits catched my eye. I love them so so much and I also took some creation of it for making some myself. Still, I was this little fangirl, knowing your name is Cille, but also wanting to know so much more about the person behind one of my favorite blogs. And now, during this hiatus, I can say I’ve got to know you and I couldn’t be any happier about it! Starting with little comments in each other’s tags, having little chats in the comment sections to screaming about a possible drawing of Robbe from Sander on their one year anniversary. And look at us now, reblogging almost every post and writing essays in each other’s tags hahah! Honestly, it keeps me alive during these times and I’m so glad I can do this together with you! I live for your attacks! Aaaah now that I’m talking about an attack, the fact that you have a dimples post ready is making me so excited and I think about it every day! We both know what’s important in love and life and that’s Robbe’s dimples! But this right here shows once again what an amazing sweet person you are! No one on here has ever done anything like this for me before, so I can’t thank you enough for this and all the other things you did and still do for me! And the privilege I have to be able to call you my friend warms my heart <33

I’m going to end this with a little quote Robbe wrote in one of his Instagram posts. When I read it again a couple of days ago, I immediately thought of you and what we’ve been through together the last few weeks :’)) Once again, thank you so much for everything you do for me and for everyone here in this fandom and being the amazing person you are! You deserve the whole world for it!

“Sometimes it’s like we just met yesterday, but other days it seems like I already know you my whole life, I love you Cille!” <33

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I hope you enjoyed this💛 If you didn't know this community loved you yet (and I don't think that was possible), now you definetly do.

Extra: I'd like to thank once again everyone that took part it this surprise, you are all the sweetest for taking some time to write this and to help me with it! Thank you so so much✨

[dreamingwithbts]

Our YouTuber

Genre: Poly!Au; YouTuber!Au; Soulmate!Au; Fluff

Pairing: OT7 x Female!YouTuber!Reader

*********************❤***********************

I'm Y/N at this moment I'm preparing my camera to start my new video today, I'm a well known YouTuber, I do a lot of things but I mostly do kpop reactions because I'm a big fan especially from BTS that's why I moved in to Korea.

"Hello my friends! Today I'm doing try not to laugh challenge BTS version! I know! I know! You guys know me...I'm gonna laugh the first second of the video! But first there's something I have to tell you guys! I'M GOING TO BTS FAN MEETING TOMORROW! I KNOW! I'M SO EXCITED! I don't know if I can blog there but I'm gonna try!" I say to the camera starting the video and I continue the video trying not to laugh at them.

Finishing the video I start editing it and publish it, so I write on Twitter to my beloved follows about the new video when I got a notification.

"OMG!" I scream when I see that BTS answer my tweet. "Can't wait to see your new video!"

They wrote and I stay there looking at my phone frozen.

I unfroze myself and I start preparing everything for tomorrow, excited to finally meet them.

*Next day*

I woke up early and get ready to leave for the fan meeting. I enter the cab and took out my blog camera. "Hi guys! At this moment I'm in the cab going to the fan meet! Haaaa! I'm so excited! I'll film more when I'm inside." I say to the camera then turn it off when I arrive to the place. "Thank you!" I say to the driver, I payed him and got out of the car running to the line that was already form.

"Omg! It's Y/N! She's really here." "Omg! Isn't that Y/N?" "She's here! Who do you think is her bias!" I hear everyone while they look at me and I smile to some of them who smile me back, I'm used to this since I got success on YouTube everyone kind of knows who you are.

"Hi! I'm a big fan!" Some fans say coming to me. "Hi! Thank you!" I say and took some photos with me and give autographs. "Who is your bias?" One asks. "All of them! It's hard to choose!" I say and we all laugh.

Some hours pass and I'm talking to my blog again. "I'm almost entering guys! This is so exciting! I'm gonna see them! There's so many people here and some fans. I'm watching you guys! Oh! The doors opening here we go!" I say entering and see the table were they gonna be.

We all enter and wait for a few minutes when everyone starts screaming and BTS come out and starts seating and waving while I film them for the blog.

"BTS!" I scream and somehow they hear me and look at me with my camera, they recognise me and wave at me smiling.

"It's almost my time!" I say to the camera and some minutes later I'm standing in front of Namjoon. "Hi! I'm Y/N!" I say. "I know! I'm a big fan!" He says to me showing his dimples making me almost faint. We talk a little and I give him my album to sign. "Oh you have a tattoo?" He asks looking at my arm. "Well is not exactly a tattoo is just appear one day. It's just some numbers." I say to him. "Oh! So interesting..." He says quietly still looking at my arm and I look at him scared that he thought I was weird. After a while I went to the next, Jin.

"Hello Miss YouTuber!" Jin says smiling at me. "Hello Worldwide Handsome!" I say to him laughing. "Beautiful right!" He says trying to flip his hair. "Almost beautiful as you!" He said winking to me making me blush, embarrassed. "Thank you!" I said and I give him the album to sign and I notice Namjoon saying something to his ear and Jin looks at my arm then at me shock. "Everything already?" I ask worried. "Yes! Don't worry! It was nice to meet you!" Jin says smiling but still a little shock.

I go to the next one and I see a gummy smile towards me, Yoongi.

"Hi!" I say getting in front of him. "Hi! Having a good time?" He asks. "Of course!" I say winking at him joking. "Ahahaha. I'm a fan of your videos. Thank you for your opinions it help me a lot." He says making me shock. "Your welcome! Everything I say was all true!" I say, and he smiles again at me and signs the album and I unfortunately have to pass to the next, Jhope but I still notice when Jin says something to Yoongi and he too looks shock at me, is something wrong with me.

"Hello my sunshine!" I say making Jhope smile big happy. "HI! I'm a big fan! Was everything already here because you know.... Your famous too!" He says whispering the last part getting closer to my face. "Thank you! I'm your biggest fan too! And yes everything was alright!" I say to him. "Good!" He says and we start talking a little then he too signs the album and I go to the next one, Jimin.

"Hello! I'm a big fan!" Jimin says in his broken English. "Hi! I'm your fan too!" I say in Korean and he stays there shock then he gets embarrassed, looking so cute.

"Your so cute!" I say. "Thank you!" He says shy hiding behind his hands then he takes my hands and we talk a little. He signs my album and I go to the next one and again they start whispering to Jimin, ignoring it again I go to Taehyung.

"HI! OMG IT'S YOU!" He says really excited. "And it's you!" I say laughing and we start talking and laughing and talking about Yeontan, then I got rushed by the security so Taehyung sign my album quickly and I go to Jungkook again expecting them to whisper to Taehyung and they did.

"Hi!" I say to Jungkook. "Hi! I love how you edit your videos!" He says to me doing the famous bunny smile. "Me? Your edits are the best!" I say and he says thank you shy. "So who's your bias?" He asks me curious. "All of you! It's hard to choice!" I say not noticing all of them smirking listening to my response. Again the security rush me and Jungkook signs the album.

"Bye!" I say and he waves goodbye.

I was leaving when a security man comes to me.

"Are you Y/N?" He asks. "Yes that's me!" "Could you come with me please." He says and without a choice I follow him and we go backstage and start what it seems BTS room. "Please wait here." He says and leaves.

I sit in one of the couches, I took my blog camera while I wait and start talking about the meeting with the boys. "And that was the fan meeting! They are amazing! But when I was leaving a security man came to me and now I'm a room waiting for something!" I say to the camera when suddenly the door opens and BTS enters and I get up surprised.

"Hi!" Namjoon says while everyone wave smiling. "Hi!" I say shock. "I think it's better tell now then wait." Jin says and get confuse. "What's going one?" "You know the number you have on your arm?" Yoongi asks. "It's today's date." Jhope says. "We have too." Jimin says. "Your our soulmate!" Taehyung and Jungkook says the same time.

"I'M YOUR SOULMATE!" I scream happy and in shock. "I know it's a lot to take in and...." Namjoon starts. "I knew it! That's why I couldn't choose one! And that's why you guys whisper all the meeting! That makes a lot of sense" I say happy. "Your not mad?" Jimin asks. "Of course not! I couldn't ask for better soulmates!" I say. And that they we got to know each other and the next days and the next. I never expected me an YouTuber would be BTS soulmates.

Note: Sorry is not my best! 😢 There's gonna be a part 2! @kpopgirlbtssvt

[trickstersantana]

[Call in Spanish] ???

[She sees a unknow number calling her. She picks it up expecting to hear from his fake uncle]

???: Hola Niebla! I'm so happy to be able to contact you again. How are you?

[She didn't even know if she should be happy or fear for her life, like anything related to her "family"]

Santana: You can even speak in spanish now! And with my usual nickname, how charming.

Jesús: Yes! It's great to not hide things. I saw in your website you celebrated your day on May this year! Did you feel like changing it? I though now you prefered November to celebrate.

Santana: Yeah, well, it was a busy November and I missed a lot of months, so, you know, why not May? But it wasn't a good date, now I hope everyone forgets about it so I can change it to a better month. Though I'm still a scorpio at hearth, of course...and...are you readi-... Stop reading my blog!

Jesús: But it's a perfect way of communication!! Was it good even when you celebrated it alone?

Santana: What? How... how ... I didn't... what makes you think I celebrated it alone?

Jesús: No one else showed up at the place

Santana: WHY DID YOU EVEN CAME?? I SAID. NO PEOPLE COMING WHOSE NAMES START WITH J ... UGH, DID ANYONE READ MY POST? I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO COME

Jesús: But it was your special day! What's a special day without your relatives?

Santana: ...Why do you use the plural of relatives if it was just you

Jesús: Also my name doesn't start with a...Oh! my Darling also came along! And Cabrón, and Nails, and Doorframe, and Tibula, and Bitter, and Head!

[...]

Santana: WHAT THE FUCK

Santana: Also, ew, are you still with Darling?? Gross. She deserves better please leave her alone

Santana: BUT WHAT THE HELL

Santana: EVEN DOORFRAME CAME? I THOUGH HE DISAPPEARED

Santana: Are you fucking kidding me???? How did you all even came???

Jesús: The power of love! And portals, of course! Why wouldn't we came to see you! We love you! It was a nice reunion, we remembered you dearly and talked lots about you

Santana: I can't fucking...

Santana: I fucking hate NYADA and homeworks

Santana: You must be kidding me... everyone came... how do you all even have accest to portals... you must be kidding me

Jesús: Nothing can't stop the power of love, Niebla!! Surely, you couldn't come to see us, but what matters is that we were there and-spended-the-few-possibilities we had to come to New York to see you! Probably we can't have all access to a portal to go to the same place again, of course. But what really matters is thatour love reaches to you. I wanted to record a video of us congratulating you but they all though it could be incriminatory.

Santana: I. Hate. You.

Jesús: But fear not, my dear false little sister! Because your big "bro" remembered everything and will make the illusion version of it so you can enjoy it!!!

Santana: YOUR ILLUSIONS SUCKS

Santana: THEY LOOK LIKE 1945 CGI!

Santana: I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED YOU ALL I HATE EVERYTHING I FUCKING HATE THIS LIFE AND THIS PLACE AND THIS FUCKING FLUFFY THINGS THAT ARE FOLLOWING ME EVERYWHERE I HATE IT AND I HATE YOU FUCK YOU LAZARUS FUCK YOU

[Santana keep cursing in spanish for a while, but her fake uncle didn't lost his optimist and happy tone]

Jesús: Niebla... you didn't miss us

Santana: Don't say it

Jesús: Because...

Santana: Don't

Jesús: We...

Santana: No

Jesús: ...live in your heart.

Santana: Oh my fucking God fo fuck yourself with a cactus

Jesús: I won't! [He said, in the same happy tone. She then heard a femenine voice calling his name over the phone.] I shall leave now! Bye bye, I love you lots I will call you again soon!!

Santana: Wait wait, was that Darling?

Jesús: I love you bye!! I love you

[He hang out. Leaving Santana with so, so many questions]