#by saying for instance that therapy isn't the right way to solve problems in stories because Eucatastrophe will solve everything in reality
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#Robin speaks#discourse sorry#ok so! something is bothering me about the current Christianity and stories and therapy discussion#I feel that people are treating Eucatastrophe like the only true thing in the world and... sorta discounting the nitty-gritty as reality?#by saying for instance that therapy isn't the right way to solve problems in stories because Eucatastrophe will solve everything in reality#and saying that problems being solved via organic story/narrative is truer than problems being solved professionally#which... I don't Totally disagree with? I mean it makes sense that therapy can be a really cheaty way to resolve situations in fiction lol#but like... people Do go to therapy. if you weave it into the story right as a step a character needs to take it can totally work.#it'd be hard to do but it COULD work. speaking as someone actively doing that btw.#but it really bothers me to say that Eucatastrophe is the only true reality. because like... does that mean that this life is a shadow?#I don't want it to be! I think our pain is real actuallyāand that NOT everything will be solved at the second coming.#every tear will be wipedābut there will be tears. and there's a tree of healingābut that means there will be wounds.#does this make sense? theologians or people who do theological thinking feel free to weigh in only if you want to :}
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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 2)
And we're back with more exciting and mean Natsume! Here we will further explore Natsume's life and how absolutely dark his existence is, as well as some very important aspects of his personality that will be useful to us when NatsuMikan starts picking up speed.
Again, I am warning people that this whole essay in general talks heavily about topics like bullying, child abuse, suicidal ideation, and depression, so if those are triggering topics, it might be better for you to not read.
Previously, we were introduced to Natsume and he has sent Mikan on a dangerous quest to the Northern Woods. During that trip, she and her friends have captured his one and only best friend, Ruka, which will not bode well.
Chapter Five
Chapter Five is instrumental for completing Natsumeās introduction, long as itās been. Natsume is a mysterious character, and he will continue to be evasive and strange for many chapters to come, but by the end of this chapter, we will understand some basic foundation for his character.
The chapter starts with Rukaās point of view, recalling a moment when he saw Natsume cry, presumably after a mission. Ruka wonders why itās only Natsume that has to go through āthisā, and Natsume tells him that he can take it--for now. He says he wants to grow up and be an adult, to be big and strong enough to properly escape this hell. This is a consistent wish of Natsumeās, and in many ways his only wish: to grow up already.
Higuchi really out here trying to convince us this was supposed to be a cheerful story.
Natsume had to be an adult, had to make the selfless and responsible choices for the sake of his family and for Ruka, had to abandon play and smiles and laughter for a life of secret missions and frequent hospital trips. Heās dying and he wants to be an adult already because heās certain heāll never be able to grow up. He wants his body to match the level of responsibility heās had to take on, but he canāt force the outside to match the inside, especially when heāll probably be dead long before it happens anyway. This wish evolves and changes when he falls for Mikan, but it doesnāt go away.
He associates adulthood with control, because his life at the academy has been observing the adults control and use him. He wants control for once, to be able to make a choice and even just say no.
Ruka notes that Natsume hasnāt cried at all since that night, and that he now keeps all his sorrow locked away. This kid needs therapy, immediately. This is another reason that Ruka is so precious to Natsume. Ruka is compassionate and kind, so concerned about his friend that he would also shut away his own heart so that he canāt be happy for as long as Natsume is in agony.
Natsume has a scene of his own, where he snaps at Permy for saying that Mikan is full of crap and lying about being an alice. He points out that the academy is not an easy place to lie your way into, and Permy immediately backtracks and lies that sheās agreed with him this whole time. Like Iād said earlier about the loneliness involved in being surrounded by fans who donāt really know or understand you, having people all around you bend over backwards for your approval makes it clear that they really have no interest in what youāre saying, just that youāre the one saying it.
In the anime essay, Iād pointed out that because of their admiration for him, it would elude people that Natsume is in fact lonely. He speaks out against things and people rush to agree, not really considering why he might say that. This is a similar moment, though he doesnāt seem too bothered by Permyās behavior. Itās still concerning, but itās interesting to compare this āyes, manā attitude to Rukaās.
There is obviously a difference between someone agreeing with every word of your mouth no matter how much it changes and contradicts, bending over backwards for your approval, and someone wanting to match you out of compassion, but Rukaās line of thinking does still have some major flaws.
Ruka is a child, just like the rest of them, so even though this behavior is motivated by love and compassion, itās still immature and raises some questions.
āIf you wonāt smile, I wonāt smile either,ā is a sweet line, but now Natsume is aware that Rukaās misery is his fault. If he wasnāt so sad, Ruka could be happy. This doesnāt make Natsume happy; it just makes them both sad, and that doesnāt solve any problems. Naturally, Natsume would never say that, and Ruka would claim heās unbothered and--just like Natsume--that he doesnāt care about hanging out with the others, but theyāre both miserable now, and I think this is part of the reason why thereās a gap between them at the start of the manga, and why theyāre a bit distant, despite being best friends.
Theyāre each otherās most important person, but they donāt really communicate that well, and Ruka constantly feels like a burden.
Natsume needs something that Ruka canāt give him, and that something is what heāll eventually get from Mikan.
That being said, at the moment, Natsume is getting nothing but irritation from Mikan. When he finds out Mikan and her gang kidnapped Ruka, that irritation turns into rage and we see a final fundamental building block for Natsumeās character: his berserk button.
Natsume doesnāt care about the reasoning or justification for the kidnapping. He doesnāt care about explanations or common sense.
His rage only increases when he discovers Ruka was tied up and even beaten (he is told this by a classmate, when Ruka is actually unharmed). The other kids in Class B--his admirers--are terrified to see how scary Natsume is when heās furious.
Natsume's biggest weakness is Ruka so Mikan is kinda fucked.
He doesnāt care about the game anymore. He only cares about Ruka.
So he goes to the Northern Woods, where nobody is expecting him. He tells Mikan to leave the school, whichā¦ she cannot do, obviously. He is overtaken by rage and he ceases to be reasonable.
He uses his alice on everyone but Ruka, and is about to use it on Mikan, but her alice nullifies it. Then Narumi kisses him, prompting him to pass out.
Here, we are introduced to a consistent character trait of Natsumeās, one that may contradict all that talk about forced maturity and selflessness. In fact, Natsumeās habit to go absolutely postal on anyone who threatens a loved one is a contradictory one. Going into a rage requires the sacrifice of common sense and reason for the sake of complete emotional detonation, and as a result he fails to understand that his actions could inadvertently hurt his loved ones or innocent bystanders. No reassuring words are enough to calm him down, and sure enough Natsume will destroy something.
Itās important that we see this trait now, as part of Natsumeās informal introduction, as we will see plenty more instances of it later on. In a way, going berserk for someone can even be a love language of his, where if a person being threatened is enough to set him off, he probably cares about them.
And just as interesting as seeing what he does in these situations is posing the why! Why is it that Natsume goes ballistic in these situations, when it requires the loss of the one thing he wishes he had more of, control? My guess is that Natsume has had a rough childhood and much of that time was spent running away from a dangerous entity. Staying cool and calculated under some conditions would have its benefits, but so would the quick-action and confidence that Natsume would gain by going berserk. When you have to protect someone, and Natsume has been in that situation many times, then itās sometimes even beneficial to be able to lose yourself for a moment or two. But perhaps itās not that either. Natsume is, despite all his airs of coldness and mystery, actually a very emotional person, and in that way he is easy to understand. Even if this isnāt a habit he developed by watching his loved ones ripped away from him through either extortion, manipulation, or just plain murder, itās still something he might be predisposed to: attacking with everything he has despite not having a clear plan or even any real thought.
Chapter Six
We pick up where we left off and Natsume wakes up grumpy after everyone seeing him under the effects of Narumiās pheromone alice. He causes more destruction, still in somewhat of a rage, and even causes Narumi a head wound though his teacher seems unbothered by this (or maybe even used to it, who can say).
The next thing that happens is that an alarm rings, signaling that Natsume is due for severe punishment, and, as Naru points out, not something he can help with this time. Narumi warns him to get a move on before a mystery enemy (Persona) arrives, and that is enough to scare Natsume into getting out of there. But not before he issues a word of warning of his own to Mikan, that she will regret coming to Alice Academy of her own free will.
Isn't it interesting how her optimism, something he hated so much about her from the start, ends up being something he loves about her?
I have very many thoughts about this warning. It might even seem like a threat, as if Natsume will go out of his way to make sure she regrets her decision, but he does no such thing. He is convinced that Mikan doesnāt need help reaching that conclusion--she will realize it on her own because the school is simply that terrible.
It makes a little bit of sense to view Natsumeās hatred of Mikan this way: Mikan skipped right into his own personal hell with a smile on her face and a bubbly attitude. Meanwhile, he fought and kicked and screamed right until the very end when he was forced into attending the academy. And Mikan is not some normal girl who might be able to live a quiet and pleasant life in the academy. Sheās already been marked, what with all the games about her enrollment, and that might anger Natsume even more: sheās really naive enough to walk into a place thatās not just hell to him, but inevitably to her too. Because of this, Natsume hates her and is predisposed to hate her more the more cheerful and optimistic she is.
And, unlike in the anime, this hatred takes much longer to go away.
Anyway, we see Natsume again later in class, when he shows up late after having just been terribly abused as punishment for his actions in the Northern Woods.
In the anime, Natsume catches Mikan insulting him while wearing the punishment mask, and although heās covered in scratches and the kids are whispering about his bad mood, thereās not much else to it. He doesnāt seem any more unpleasant than heās been this whole time.
There's nothing funny about this but I will put here as a warning that anybody who jokes that kids should be hit will be hit by me!
In the manga, Natsume is so weak that he can hardly stand. Itās not just scratches, but blood and gashes on his wrists and legs. The mask is not only used to mark him, itās also used to punish, by physically abusing him when Persona has better things to do.
He makes his way to his seat, but Narumi is on the way, just enough to make a quippy comment.
(I wonder sometimes about Narumi establishing himself as untrustworthy to the children, particularly Natsume, and how exactly thatās supposed to be a help to the student body at large. I mean thereās the possibility that Mikan is special, and her being Yukaās daughter helped Narumi remember what he became a teacher for. In that case, it might make sense that Narumi, being so jaded and bitter, might be content acting as a villain to the abused children of the academy, and especially to Natsume, but I canāt help but feel thatās not the case. I donāt want to think that Narumi was willingly complicit and even amused by Natsumeās abuse. Itās difficult to tell for sure, though, because Narumi is way more mysterious than Natsume tries to be.)
Sumire tries to kiss up, whining to Natsume about how everyone is suddenly acting so nice to the new girl, until Natsume forcefully kicks her desk to shut her up. He only holds back with Ruka, who he would never lash out at.
Narumi then announces that Mikan shall have a partner, and that her partner will be Natsume. Itās funny because although Hotaru made it clear she didnāt want the job, Iinchou was willing to volunteer, but Narumi ignores that because he always wanted Natsume to be her partner. At this news, everyone is shocked, wondering if Mikan is supposed to be special, seeing as sheās paired up with Natsume of all people.
Narumi smiles to himself despite the chaos and then lets himself leave the classroom, saying, āletās see what happens.ā
Why does he partner them up?
Mikan thinks Narumi is crazy for this, and from an outside perspective it certainly might seem that way.
Natsumeās theory, as becomes clear later during the exams, is that this was organized by the ESP and Persona, perhaps as a punishment, but definitely with ulterior motives. He is closer to nailing it, but a little off. There is no way in hell the ESP would want to partner the child of rabble-rousers with the schoolās pet child soldier. Thatās a recipe for disaster. Knowing that the ESP was excited to welcome Mikan because of her alice, and that her presence at the school might encourage Yuka to try and save her, he wouldnāt have wanted to disturb his own plans.
So what is the reason?
Itās all Narumi, of course. Perhaps the O.G. shipper, Narumi could tell right away that Mikanās nullification would be useful, particularly in regards to Natsume. Pairing them up is just another means to an end, as Narumi actually wants the kids to raise some trouble.
Chapter Seven
Being partners with Natsume is quite unhelpful.
Mikan ends up a No-Star and her Special-Star partner is for the most part absent throughout her ordeals, having to cope with it all on her own.
Chapter Seven is mainly lacking Natsume. He functions to not function for most of it, that is to establish himself as being a terrible partner.
There is a moment that stands out, when Mikan is writing a letter to her grandpa, where Natsume appears. Yes, he appears in her head to taunt her about her regret coming to the school, and she spites him by committing to optimism and determination in the future. But he also has a short appearance paralleling a panel of Mikan: they are both in their beds, awake.
WHAT WAS THE REASON?????!??!?!?
This parallel is interesting, their panels right next to each other. She is thinking about her grandpa, and we have no way of knowing what Natsume is thinking about, but there has to be a reason for him to appear despite having been mostly absent so far in the chapter.
To me, itās another narrative tool to pair them together. They have been so far, in more ways than one, and will continue to be as they fall in love, and this is just another example of how theyād been fated from the start. Even when they hate each other, and even when they arenāt thinking of each other, theyāre still tied. Looking at those panels, and seeing Natsume despite his relative irrelevance to the plot, seems to be a message that thereās more to come between them. I donāt know if any of what Iām saying makes sense, or if it seems silly, but thereās very little analysis I can do without just talking about potential.
Later, with Mikan in a new mood, ready to make the most of her situation, the kids are talking about her resilience with both her no-star status and having Natsume as a partner.
Ruka does the talking for Natsume, warning Mikan that sheās being watched and remarking that nobody should have been assigned a no-star for simply disturbing class.
Once again, Mikan and Natsume are paired: they are both treated unfairly, with Mikan given a no-star status she doesnāt deserve, and Natsume given a special-star status despite the fact that he doesnāt even go to class most of the time. Theyāre the exceptions to the rule, and the reader is made to wonder what exactly it is that they have in common that would result in this treatment.
Ruka tells Mikan not to trust any teachers at the academy, not even Naru, and this is almost like hearing from Natsume himself. Unlike Mikan, who will happily make strong bonds with teachers like Narumi and Nodacchi, Natsume has absolutely no positive adult figures in his life. His father is far away, his mother is dead, and every teacher is someone he holds either directly or indirectly responsible for his suffering. The adults at the school have failed him and he has nobody to trust. Something Natsume needs is a positive role model, somebody he can look up to and have faith in, because as it stands heās a traumatized boy who absorbs negativity and takes it out in bad ways. A trustworthy adult would very much help Natsume grow and learn better coping skills, and in the meantime it makes perfect sense that he would act out and even be a bully at times.
Chapter Eight
Natsume has a habit of ignoring any and all episodes where Mikan has confrontations with her teachers. He is either dozing off or listening to music with Ruka, and doesnāt seem particularly interested in even watching.
That being said, we see a new side to Natsume in this chapter, a new emotion in a way we havenāt before: fear.
Natsume ditches class with regularity. He does not care about being present. For most classes, he would simply walk out and go screw around somewhere else, but with the dangerous ability class, he doesnāt have that choice.
The other teachers may be complicit, but they wonāt do the abuse themselves. Persona is not above that, as we have already noticed despite never even seeing him so far.
If Natsume does not want to attend the dangerous ability class, then he has to run for it, and in this chapter he does, like his life depends on it, because his safety sure does. Heās only ten years old and forced to do horrible missions for the school. This is one of the scenes that reminds me that he is just a child. He knows he could get punished for running, but he does it anyway. Maybe, if he runs fast enough, they wonāt catch him. Maybe, if he doesnāt get caught, he doesnāt have to go on a mission. Maybe, just this once, they wonāt mind if he doesnāt show. Itās such a childish and desperate thing to do, to avoid pain at the cost of more pain to come.
Natsume is scary when he's scared...
Itās funny that as he is running from pain, he runs into Mikan, who will later alleviate his pain. For now, he just shuts her up so that Persona can pass the area while looking for him. We see Persona for the first time, what Natsume is scared of more than anything, and although his fear seems obvious, Mikan is preoccupied by annoyance for being shut up like that.
They bicker--or she bickers at him, mostly--until the middle schoolers encounter them and start bullying them.
Natsume is ready to ignore them and walk away, until Sumireās brother calls him a murderer, reminding us of the rumor Hotaru and Iinchou discussed. Natsume stops, and Sumireās brother whines that heās just a special star because heās āPersonaās favoriteā.
Sumire and her brother have, like, nothing in common other than curly hair, huh.
Being Personaās favorite is no privilege, as we know now from the run-in we just had with him and Natsumeās fear. This sets Natsume off and he starts some fires. When they threaten to call Persona, who Natsume was just running from, he responds that they can call him all they want, but heāll burn them before he can get there to capture him. We see once again, through Natsume standing up for himself, that his berserk button lacks reason (as he is willing to sacrifice punishment by Persona again).
In a last-ditch attempt to threaten him, the middle schoolers threaten Mikan, who they perceive to be Natsumeās new girlfriend. (Calling her his girlfriend is interesting because it is even more proof that they are being narratively paired together! It shouldnāt be a surprise at all that they eventually get together, when almost everybody around them pairs them up like this, even when they canāt stand each other.) They do not expect that Natsume actually hates her, and genuinely doesnāt care if she gets bullied or not. He smiles in twisted amusement at this turn of events and walks away for good this time, leaving Mikan to be bullied.
Aw, he's smiling! How sweet.... oh wait that's a skull.
Now, Natsume is a good person deep inside, somebody who is selfless and kind in secret ways. There is no secret kindness about this scene. He is not a nice person, for sure, and this scene is proof of it.
Natsume is used to sacrificing himself for the comfort and well-being of his loved ones, so there might be relief in not caring about the comfort or well-being of somebody, and being able to choose his own well-being before that of somebody else for once. It makes sense that he would be so amused, because this time nobody has anything to hold over his head.
Conclusion
We have seen some more of the abuse Natsume faces on a daily basis. He and Mikan have been partnered up and they are presented narratively as foils and as pairs even outside of that dynamic.
For the next part, we'll see even more examples of them being paired together, as well as how Natsume is isolated from his classmates.
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#gakuen alice#alice academy#hyuuga natsume#natsume hyuuga#natsumikan#sakura mikan#mikan sakura#my meta#ga#mine#ga meta#ga meta: nm#ga meta: manga#ga meta: manga nm#let's talk about natsumikan#let's talk about natsumikan: natsume#i love him! i love THEM! perfection! excellent story-telling! fantastic! so much to analyze! i ADORE!
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