#by barring miracles i do mean miracles; if you are of a praying disposition i would appreciate prayer. ain't nothin' else fixin' this shit.

[exercise-of-trust]

hey fellas i just opened my word processor and stared blankly at my screen for 15 minutes by the clock. so. barring miracles sighs n shadows is not gonna be updating this week. possibly also not next week either. up until now i have been pretending i'm not really in crisis mode as a sorta fake-it-'til-you-make-it if-i-don't-look-at-it-it's-not-there hack, but i think we have finally reached the limits of that approach, so. sorry about the wait see y'all in a bit i guess

[lawrenceop]

HOMILY for the Solemnity of St Dominic

Isaiah 52:7-10; Ps 95; 2 Tim 4:1-8; Matt 5:13-19

St Dominic was not really noted for healing miracles during his lifetime, unless, of course, one considers raising the dead to fall under this category – this he did at least once, and in fact it was this miracle, witnessed by many people and told to the Pope that would lead to his canonisation in 1234, only thirteen years after his death in 1221. As you know, this year we mark the 800th anniversary of St Dominic’s death, which has been termed his dies natalis, his birthday into heavenly glory. A Dominican brother, who had been prior of Brescia and later Bishop of that city, reports that on the 6th of August in 1221 he saw a vision of a Dominican friar being taken up into heaven by Our Lord and Our Lady, and when he was summoned to Bologna later that day he realised it was Dominic whom he had seen being received into heavenly glory.

And then after his death the healing miracles multiplied. Many were drawn to St Dominic’s tomb in Bologna but this disturbed the brethren’s prayers, and they remained typically sceptical until a bishop got them to move St Dominic’s body to a more accessible shrine in 1233. On that occasion, which is commemorated with a feast day on the 24th of May, a sweet aroma came from his body which was found to be incorrupt, and the healing miracles continued so that the Shrine had to be enlarged and special chapel built for the relics of St Dominic, set apart from the choir where the brethren prayed.

For Dominic was making good his deathbed promise to be of more help to his brethren than he had been in his lifetime, interceding for them from heaven and healing many people. Hence, the responsory we have been singing every day of our St Dominic Novena, the 'O spem miram' reminds us that our father Dominic did “shine illustrious by so many miracles, wrought in the bodies of the sick.”

But then the 'O spem miram' makes a challenging request of our holy father Dominic for the able-bodied friars, and indeed, for all of us. We sang: "Bring us the help of Christ to heal our sick souls”. How is a soul, which is immaterial and non-bodily made sick? What does it mean to speak of spiritual sickness? When I first encountered this phrase in this antiphon it made me uncomfortable, and I would try to soften the translation of this phrase. Certainly, the original Latin phrase refers to the unhealthiness of our moribus, our moral lives, our moral actions and choices. Nevertheless, the term “sick souls”, I think, is trying to point to the interior disposition, the movement of the will, our desiring that needs healing.

Many of us are all too familiar with the struggle to do what is right, even what we know in our minds to be correct and just and true. And yet, as even St Paul says: “I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do.” (Rom 7:19) Our sins, therefore, speak truthfully about our true desires, our motivations. The motto of the Dominican Order is Veritas, truth, and so there is something salutary about allowing our sins to tell us the truth about who we are, and what we truly love. For then we can bring this truth about ourselves – our sinful selves with all our weaknesses, follies, and crooked desires – to God the Divine Healer. Only when we stand in truth before God as sinners then, without fear of recrimination or rejection or harsh judgement, we can begin to be healed of our wrong desires, our acquired bad habits and evil ways, so that our true self can be revealed. But our sins only tell part of the story, which is that our actions are sinful because our desires have missed the mark. However, our true self is what God has called us to be: “You are the light of the world” says the Lord. So “let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” What we do, therefore, reflects who we love, and indeed whose we are. Those of us who call St Dominic our father should therefore reflect him in his compassion, holiness, and love for Truth. And all of us who have been baptised into Christ are thus called to change, to be healed of our sinful ways; we’re called to desire rightly so that we will shine; so that we become more truly, more authentically the children of a God who is Love. For Christ is the Light of the World, and God is Love. So we have been called to shine with the light of our good works, our loving deeds.

This song, the O spem miram is, therefore, a prayer for continual reform, for the grace of being more authentically converted to Christ, of becoming more like St Dominic who was called the “light of the Church”. This idea of on-going conversion and reform, of moving closer to Christ animates today's Gospel. And the bar is set high – the commandments will not be relaxed – so that we will continue to turn to God for mercy and seek his grace. We call this 800th anniversary a Jubilee, and in the Bible a Jubilee is a time of liberation, of forgiving debts, and setting people free. So, for this time to be a true jubilee, we pray that we’ll be set free of our sins, that we will have the grace of repentance, and that there can be a genuine lasting change in our lives, our families, our communities. The plenary indulgence that is granted by the Pope today is yet another sign that at the heart of the celebration of St Dominic’s dies natalis is the divine act of being liberated from the bondage and burden of our sins.

The problem is that we often think that we don’t need to change; that we should be left just the way we are. We don’t have sick souls, indeed, we’re not sick at all – this is what I used to think! But because God is love, so he challenges us to become better. Because God is love, so he wants to heal us of our wounds that drive us to sin, which is a kind of self-harm. And because God is love, so he provides us with his strength, his grace, his divine life especially in the Sacraments of the Church that will restore us to health and well-being. This is what St Dominic perceived, and he spent his life steadfastly teaching, patiently preaching, and bravely doing penance for the salvation of sinners. In Latin, the word translated as ‘salvation’ is salus which also means well-being, health. Therefore, it is fitting that we ask St Dominic, the Doctor veritatis to bring us Christ’s grace to heal us in body and in soul. For Christ became our Divine Physician, assuming a human body and soul precisely in order to heal us, to save us, both body and soul.

So St Thomas Aquinas says: “Christ assumed a human nature [in order] to repair the fall of man”, showing us by his life and example, “by what he did and suffered that men should consider temporal goods or [temporary sufferings in this life] as nothing, lest a disordered love" for earthly things should hold us back from loving God and placing our hope of happiness in God alone. And then, "because not only good conduct and avoiding sins is necessary for salvation, but also the knowledge of truth so as to avoid error”, so Christ revealed divine truth about salvation to Mankind. St Dominic, therefore, was concerned for both a good and healthy moral life, and also a well-formed intellect with a healthy love for the Truth. All who knew him testified to his joy because he enjoyed this health of body and soul, and he wanted this same joy and health for us Dominicans, and we want this for you, the people we serve in our parishes and ministries. For this is the Order's mission which St Dominic left us: "preaching and the salvation of souls”.

Therefore, on this festal day, all of us are invited to turn together to St Dominic our father, and we ask him today to be useful to us now, as he said he’d be; to send help from heaven that will heal us spiritually as well as bodily, and so to bring us the lasting joy of the Holy Spirit. Hence we have sung these past nine days: "Fulfill, O holy father Dominic, what you have promised, and aid us by your prayers”. Thus we pray: Bring us, kind father Dominic, the grace of Christ that converts, reforms, and heals our lives, our communities, this parish, and our families and homes. Amen.

[prettywordsyouleft]

Mistletoe Manor - Part 5

Summary: Christmas is the most important time of year for all those who live within Mistletoe Manor. From the staff to the Hawthorne family themselves, everyone works hard to ensure that the festive season is a success every year! We invite you to see if everyone can pull off another  magical Christmas at the manor this year.

Pairing: Park Seo Joon, Bang Yongguk, Brian Kang, Jung Daehyun, Jung Jaehyun, Lee Taeyong and OCs.

Genre: regency au / romance / christmas au

A/N: Becky ( @noona-clock​ ) and I wanted to create a magical Christmas for everyone and what  better way to do that than at Mistletoe Manor! Because of the nature of having several idols, we chose to work with OCs and we hope you love them as much as we do.

Mistletoe Manor will be posted daily at 10am NZST / 4pm EST daily.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

For such an ordeal that it had been to get to this night, the opening of the Winter Festival had gone off without a single issue. And as Cassie walked around with Evie and Joey, she couldn’t stop smiling.

Everyone looked so happy.

This was what Christmas was all about for the Hawthorne’s. All the long hours had paid off to see those who made this area of land prosperous laughing and enjoying themselves. From ice-skating to hot cocoa and sitting on Santa’s knee, the market had something for everyone. It renewed hope that whatever hardships people faced could be overcome with the magic this season possessed.

Cassie was hopeful that even if she had to spend this Christmas without Daehyun, she would continue to smile just like this.

“Is that Anna and Taeyong holding hands over there?” Evie questioned and Cassie grinned as Joey clapped her own hands together.

“It’s truly about time they realised there was more to their arguing.”

“Do you think they won’t bicker so much anymore then?” Cassie wondered and the sisters watched on as Taeyong attempted to show Anna how to skate. She was soon frustrated and pushed him away. They couldn’t help but chuckle, some things never changed.

Cassie then spotted Jaehyun and Grace trying out handmade treats together and not far behind them was Lydia and Seo Joon. Her smile grew as their hands inched closer to one another inconspicuously. She hoped that in the New Year these couples – or those not yet together – would be proudly showing off their affections for one another.

“Do you think there is any hope for me to find love this Christmas?” Evie suddenly asked, and each sister on her side turned to look at her curiously. Evie blushed. “Just a thought!”

“I hope you both get what you want this Christmas,” Cassie encouraged and Joey let out a snort.

“It would take a special type of man to match me. I don’t have a desirable disposition.”

“Nonsense, someone will rise to the challenge!”

“Or die trying,” Evie added on, laughing with her older sister as Joey pouted.

“I pray Daehyun is back in time too,” Joey mentioned a moment later, eyeing Cassie cautiously.

Cassie waved her hands around herself. “I’m fine; please do not look at me waiting to see if I will cry again. I am done crying over it. I am his wife and he has to come back at some point.”

“Yes, but you love Christmas.”

“And he loves you.”

“How do you know that he does?” she questioned the pair and Evie shrugged whilst Joey inspected her nails. “Say, even if he loves me most ardently, it doesn’t mean he will magically appear for Christmas. He is serving our King and that has to come first.”

“Well, he has twenty-nine days to make it back in time and finally put you first. Anything could happen between now and then.”

December began and the manor was livelier than ever. Grace’s parents had arrived, much had other relatives. Cassie spent her days trying to get her own pursuits fulfilled or spent time with her sisters and Grace, before taking part in fancy dinners and get-togethers in the evening. There was an element to every Christmas she always seemed to forget until the jolly season was upon them.

It was utterly exhausting.

Still, on the fifth day of December, she rose to the sound of hooves upon the driveway. With the five inches of snow already settled upon the ground outside, using cars had been suspended until the roads were clear. And knowing all the expected guests, bar Daehyun and his company, were already lodged here at the manor, she sprung from her bed, dashing over to shift the drapes aside anxiously.

Her hopes were dashed when it was just the Vicar from the village stopping by to meet with her father.

Climbing back into her bed, Cassie thumped at the bedding in a very unladylike manner. A brief giggle from the doorway alerted her that this moment had not gone unwitnessed. Lydia grinned as she made her way to the bed. “My Lady, are we feeling alright?”

“Quite.”

“Well then, shall we prepare for your day? I am afraid it is another one that will keep you busy.”

“I shall rest for a month after December leaves us,” Cassie offered dramatically, heaving herself up and preparing for the day ahead.

She spent time reading with Evie and Grace in the library, sewing with her Mother and Joey in the parlour and played a game of cards with Lydia and Seo Joon when she was meant to be upstairs attending another dreadfully boring family meeting.

Seo Joon shot her a look. “This headache you claim to have is not preventing you from winning yet again, My Lady.”

“Perhaps it improves my skills greatly.”

“Actually Seo Joon, you’re just not the best at card games.”

“What?” the man questioned Lydia’s admission, his mouth falling apart incredulously. “Must I show you of my worth?”

“Will you be able to beat Cassie at all today?” Lydia wondered with an airy laugh.

“Just you wait; I will ensure you never utter such words about me again!”

“But not right now, I’m afraid.” Glancing up at Taeyong’s stricken expression, he came over to Cassie’s side. “Your mother just came to check on you and found you were not in your bed resting as you proclaimed. I told her that I saw you walking down to the conservatory, and so-”

“Of course, I must go.” Standing up, Cassie then smiled at her friends. “I task Lydia with the opportunity to challenge you instead, Seo Joon.”

“I accept!” Seo Joon replied heartedly, sweeping the cards up as his mood increased.

Whilst Cassie’s decreased. Thanking Taeyong for his help, she slipped into the main room, weakly taking hold of Grace’s hand. “Did I miss anything?”

“Nothing of importance. Aunt Jane has been projecting something of a song for about twenty minutes now.”

“That long?!” Cassie whispered, aghast. “Last year someone stopped her after ten.”

“It appears she is quite the force this year, sister,” Evie lamented and the girls all sighed in unison.

After another hour of family time, Cassie was released to freshen up for dinner, frowning when she heard a carriage out on the driveway again. She chastised her need to check out the window and yet she made her way there, realising guests from within town would be arriving for dinner.

She told herself to stop hoping her Christmas miracle would come true tonight.

Cassie focused on smiling more. She didn’t wish for the questions to come from nosy relatives of why she felt particularly disheartened today and so she put on a brave face and actively threw herself into conversation with her cousin Severus about his recent purchase of some run-down estate up north. She nodded when she needed to and she laughed at the right times, Severus none the wiser that Cassie was completely bored.

And thankfully, Grace came to her aid, rescuing her with an excuse to need to stretch her legs with a companion.

“You miss him tonight, don’t you?”

“How do you miss someone you barely spent time with?” Cassie wondered, still nodding in answer. “It is odd, today I felt as if he would arrive.”

“Maybe he will, there is still time, the night is young,” her cousin encouraged and Cassie smiled at Grace.

“Where will I be in this world if I did not have you to make me hopeful?”

“Perhaps in the arms of a man who has waited almost a year to take you back within them?”

Turning hastily, Cassie gasped, her knees growing weak at the person before her. He caught her just in time and smiled broadly. “Why, you even fall at my feet! I did not expect that until some time into our relationship, Cassandra.”

“Daehyun.”

“Oh you have other companions with you,” Grace announced, moving away from the pair staring at one another longingly. “Earl Yongguk is it? And who might you be? Come with me, surely you must be famished from your travels.”

Cassie slowly smiled, lifting a hand up to his face. Daehyun grinned when she became delighted, laughing with her. “I am here.”

“I half expect this to be a dream, I’ll have you know.”

“Shall I go back out the door and then come in again?” he suggested and she shook her head, gripping him tighter.

“I fear if you go out again, I will have to wait another year to see you.”

“So you did miss me!” Her cheeks coloured and Daehyun caressed them tenderly. “So beautiful.”

“What is?”

“You.”

“I was concerned that your words would just be that, words,” she admitted, taking his hand and leading him over to the library, shutting the door behind them. Once seated on a chaise, she soaked him in quietly. “It feels those words make this moment easier for us both.”

“I did worry you would be less inclined to take my hand once I was back,” Daehyun told her and she instantly took it in hers, making him laugh, his smile brighter than any she had ever seen. “It appears my wife is just as enchanted as I.”

“We do have a lot to learn about each other,” Cassie pointed out and Daehyun nodded. “However, I am all too pleased to see you.”

“Not as much as I am.”

“You made it back in time for Christmas,” she murmured, taking his cheek in her hand again. It amazed her by how natural this felt to do. And she giggled when he nuzzled into her hand affectionately. “Thank you.”

“You waited so long for me; I was not prepared to miss spending this time of year with you.”

“Just like last year?” Daehyun chuckled, taking her hand from his cheek and burying it into his chest. “Last year, we barely spoke to one another. Did you not wish to marry me?”

“No, I did not,” she answered and his hand faltered on hers. Cassie then smiled. “But I am relieved I did.”

“I wanted to marry you as soon as I saw you,” Daehyun expressed, surprising his wife. “You were exactly who I dreamed of marrying. Someone who had a mind of her own, who was intelligent and caring. You were so selfless whenever I watched over you. I wanted to offer you the world.”

“I never knew you felt this way.”

Daehyun nodded. “Because you would barely stop to have time for me. I did not wish to intrude.”

“I thought you were standoffish because of the arrangement.”

“I was enamoured by your beauty.”

Cassie attempted to settle her emotions, her lip wobbling as she asked, “And now?”

“Now I want to kiss my wife that I have missed since the day I left her behind. May I?”

“Will you ask every time?” she wondered, her mouth now hovering around his.

“I hope in time, I can just kiss you without my heart thudding and giving me away like this.”

“Are you nervous?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t be, I already gave you my heart,” she told him as she pressed her lips to his, her mind and soul soaring. This is what she had always dreamed of. The prince of her fairytales was right before her, holding onto her as he kissed her passionately, months lost between them to establish such a physical love.

And yet, had it not been for their separation, for all the letters, Cassie was unsure if she would have reached such an easy conclusion that she loved Daehyun as much as she already did. She was grateful for the lessons she learned, and the time to grow and fall in love with the man she had married at the start of the year. She was also excited for where their future would carry them, and what her life could amount to. Until then, it was Christmas time and she had received her present early. Cassie was certain this year the festive season would be her favourite so far.

“I am sorry I was late, I wanted to be here for your festival,” Daehyun murmured when he pulled back and Cassie shook her head, dismissing his claim with a smile.

“You were right on time, my love.”

_________________

Part 6

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[kitreadsbirdmen]

Don’t Set Me Free

Vulnerable. 

If you’ll allow me to drop in suddenly and get personal, I’ve had a lot of life change lately and I like to put things into perspective using the media I adore. And it’s TakaEishi week! So let’s talk a little about... freedom.  

I have found myself reflective with my concept of relationships, be it from societal expectations for companionship and my growing sense of otherness with the collective understanding of love. But in this reflection I’ve found a growing comprehension on just how...  harrowing it is to open yourself up to someone and act recklessly against your own self interest for the chance of fulfillment-- whatever that even means. 

It’s so... silly really. A ridiculous exploit lacking logic. ‘Hey stranger-- fairweather friend-- last chance-- I’m going to give you the key to my absolute emotional demise and hopefully you’ll give me yours and we’re just gonna... pray our mutual destruction is postponed for a little while.” Absolute madness.

To connect is to leap blindly. 

To jump is to lose touch with gravity. 

To love is to fly. 

Which kinda brings me to my favorite scene in all of Birdmen. I kinda got all prose-y when I wrote my Dissimulation and it’s still a post I read again and again. It reminds me why I adore Eishi. Why I adore the themes. Because it captures the core of what Birdmen is trying to inspire.  That fear. That begging, pleading anxiety against things that are different and unknown and liberating. It’s so ingrained in our human experience we could live our whole lives going through the motions, getting mad at what we can’t change but never trying, remaining isolated in the face of honestly vulnerable connection-- never truly alive. And that’d be okay. That’d be safe. 

Eishi has lived like this. Angry at the society that pressures him but unwilling/powerless to fight against it. Surrounded in the comforting hate of everyone around him, rejecting the possibility for empowering understanding. Caged in his own self-hatred, aware that he is a hypocrite to his hearts’ earnest desires. A walking tragedy. A bird that will never fly. 

Shall we say it aloud? Eishi’s confinement is a relatable one. Society. Expectation. Oppression.

Eishi’s salvation is universal in nature. Connection. Bonds. Love. 

Enter. Takayama. 

Blank, almost child-like ignorance to the bars around Eishi. Blatant disregard. Had he been of a more excitable disposition, we might of seen him laugh at Eishi. Because while Eishi see’s absurdity in the reckless submission connection forces-- Takayama sees logic. Of course you can fly.

That isn’t Takayama being coy here. Yeah Eishi’s got wings, but that’s not his hang up-- it’s submitting to his bond. Connecting with Takayama. Expanding his gaze beyond himself to consider anyone but himself. And Takayama is the pioneer to that personal transformation. He literally invites Eishi to fly. He literally connects Eishi to a perspective greater than his own. He literally saves Eishi. 

My favorite line in all of this is; “I don’t know what I’ll do if I’m set free.” because it cuts to the crux of his self hatred. He’s anguished by the possible person he is underneath his masks. He’s not sure of himself. His status quo will shatter... But the answer is so easy...

He’ll live.

----

 Takayama single-handedly performs this miracle on Eishi. He so simply... plucks him from his cage and sets him free. It’s unconditional and almost ineffable. It’s the reason I liken this relationship to more unexplained expressions of agape. The devotion of the divine. Worship. Take whatever interpretation you want from that-- discuss the duality at the merit of it’s ambiguous portrayal in the series proper. There is love. There is a connection. 

And through that they are free. 

And isn’t that scary as hell?