#by 1stdreadpiraterobert

[prorevenge]

How I became Summer camp Sherlock.

Okay so, I was having a conversation with a friend and they said this was a good story to post here. I hope you all agree. I decided to add a bit more information on this one than in the original story I told her, since I wasn’t expecting to post it here until she suggested it. Please, enjoy.

Background Info: I work as a staffer at a small summer camp, and during the off season they have retreats. Staffers aren’t treated badly, but we are the lowest on the totem pole and do ALL the hard work, from 7 AM till around 2 AM, so we have some long work days. We also don’t get paid as much as the counselors; we only get about 100$ dollars a week. Our food and board is the rest of the payment, you see, and most of us aren’t old enough to worry about rent quite yet. The camp also has a very strict hiring policy because they have a good reputation and value every member of staff. Also, I’m either an insomniac or narcoleptic, or both if that’s possible (doctors have said all three answers so, I dunno), AND anemic. So, I’m CONSTANTLY tired and trying to nap everywhere. This is important.

The Story: for several week someone from staff has been stealing money from the rest of the workers. Lots of it. At this time I didn’t have a nickname like everyone else, though they did occasionally call me Smartass because I love random facts and can get pretty snarky for the fun of it, or Ninja Napper because I sleep wherever and whenever I can and will attack you if you touch me. But I also love to watch Sherlock and write detective stories, so when my bosses were talking about how to solve this problem, I volunteered.

The Revenge: So I started by scouting everyone out. My closest friends were out of the question, since they roomed with me and I knew where they were at all times. Still, I investigated a bit before ruling them out completely. Then I moved on to the rest of the staffers. There were two I was suspicious of; Britney and Dayton. Britney held true to all the stereotypes about a girl with her name. I know a few nice Britneys, but she was not one of them. How she got on staff I have no clue. Dayton was obnoxious, but a good worker. However, whenever I joked about being keleptomaniacal (because I love stealing and wearing everyone’s clothes- we were all pretty close at this point so it was just fun), he went quiet and laughed nervously.

I checked out the counselors next, but they were clean. Too busy dunking campers in the pool or doing crafts to care about the missing money problems of staffers. Same with Tech team, Rex team, and outdoor team. That’s when I knew that my two suspects, Dayton and Britney, were the only two options. It only took me a day to rule out Dayton. He was off campus when the next theft occurred. Britney had been in the pigpen cleaning dishes, near where the Crime was committed. She was smart, though. She had a ‘witness’ testifying she talked to her the entire time. Even though no one was really sure when the theft took place, they believed her alibi.

The Game: She was relatively clever. It took me two weeks to catch her. First, I had to get her used to some things. 1. I nap everywhere. It was easy to adjust her to this, since I was famous for it (Ninja Napper) already. I don’t sleep in those five hours we get to rest between finishing cleaning up Late Night and serving breakfast in the morning, so I sleep everywhere. On roofs, halfway up the rock climbing wall, under the serving counter, on TOP of the serving counter... you name it, I’ve slept there. Check. 2. It’s impossible to wake me up from noise or light- but touch me even barely and I’ll attack. This was also easy because it was true. Once I managed to sleep, I was dead to the world. If someone bangs pots over my head (happened) I stayed asleep. If someone flicked the lights on right in my eyes (happened) I stayed asleep. If someone brushed me on accident, I attacked. (Ninja Napper) 3. I leave my money wherever. This was a bit of a sacrifice. I’m pretty laidback- and lazy because I’m always tired- so it’s not too far a stretch to believe... but in truth I’m meticulous with my money. I had to leave it and let her steal it for two weeks. That was my paycheck, and she was taking all o it. But sacrifices had to be made if I was going to properly get revenge on Bitchney. 4. I’m an idiot. Everyone knew I was investigating the thief. Including Bitchney. So, I accused several OTHER people, and confided privately about my suspicions to her. Don’t worry, I told the accused beforehand what was going on, but no one else knew. She was... very agreeable when I suggested anyone but her.

The Trap: Finally I set the trap. Over the span of a week, I let her steal about a hundred bucks from me in twenties, each time following her ‘tips’ and ‘accusing’ several people. (The week before it was all fives and ones.) Then, one day, I took a nap next to a handful of twenties (reminder that all this money was my paycheck.) and waited. I videoed her walking up, taking the money, and giving me the fucking bird. Bitch.

The Reward: So, I showed bosses where she kept the money (under her mattress. SO original) and the video. I explained my random accusations to everyone who didn’t know- who all thought I was a bitch by then- and made a ridiculous amount of Sherlock jokes and references on the way, because how could I not? Bitchney was fired, I was given my money back plus a little extra, and my nickname has been Sherlock ever since.

Tl;dr I caught a bitchy thief by napping and making Sherlock references.

Buckle down and let me tell you about Bitchney’s Reichenbach Fall.

Once I went to my bosses with the evidence and they were able to say that she definitely did it, there was a meeting called between her, and... let’s call them Lestrade, Mycroft, the Queen, and Mrs. Hudson. That would be the Camp director, camp supervisor, and the two staff coordinators. Let it be known I was on first name basis with both director and supervisor before this summer, and the coordinators were fond of me since I worked hard and cheerfully to make up for my mostly-accidental naps.

Because I was the witness, the one who provided the evidence, AND the ‘consulting detective’ (couldn’t resist during the investigation), I was called into this meeting as well.

I laid out the evidence, showed then the video and the money, and brought in each ‘accused’ person from the last two weeks so they could confirm that it was an act and I wasn’t a clueless but lucky idiot. Bitchney, in her plastic blue chair, was glaring at me with populargirl-knives-for-eyes.

The time came for her to defend herself. She tried to spin some bullshit story about me framing her. When that didn’t work, she tried to say I was her partner wanting the money to myself. First of all, I couldn’t resist saying at this point that she was acting like a one of those dumb crooks from a tv show. That also didn’t work, and she said a few choice words to me for my comment.

Finally, they excused me from the room. After all, I was a big help but I was just a staffer. It wasn’t appropriate for me to be in the room or contribute to their deliberations. I waited outside for a good twenty minutes before the door was slammed open so hard it almost hit my face (I will admit to tying to eavesdrop) and Bitchney walked out. When she saw me, I fully expected her to leap at me.

Bitchney did not leap at me. She cursed me out, said she’d ruin my social media accounts and call me out on all the slutty stuff I did, and left. As she left, I called to her that Crime never slept, but I certainly did. (I do believe I commented that earlier. No one asked, so I didn’t get to tell this story to explain it ;-;)

Joke’s on her. I don’t have any social media, and I’ve never even dated.

So! While it wasn’t as fun or clever as the actual revenge, it was still hella satisfying to be part of that. Last I heard, she tried to reapply this year. Haha no. The bosses aren’t idiots and won’t rehire a thief.

Tl;dr: “Crime never sleeps but I certainly do!”

(source) (story by 1stdreadpiraterobert)