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supercriminalbean · 2 years ago

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NO SECRETS WITHOUT LIES

A/N: Okay guys here it is, chapter one of my Aaron Hotchner x Reader series. Reader is gender neutral, uses they/them pronouns but is AFAB. This series is going to contain spoilers from season 6&7. This is going to be based around Emily death, and how Reader and Hotch become close due to her death and soon start a Dom/sub relationship. But what’s going to happen when Emily returns, how is Hotch and Reader going to get through it all.

This is series is most likely going to be at least 15 chapters at this point. nothing happens between Aaron and reader until chapter 5 I believe. I will be posting one chapter ever 7 to 10 days, depending on how much works takes up my life and if I have time to edit and write a new chapter thank you.

Words: 4.5k

Warnings: Death. Depression. Death. Fake death. Drug addiction. Drugs. Crying. Emotions. Swearing. (If I have missing anything let me know)

Chapter one:

Grieving.

It's been four months. Four months without hearing her voice. Four months since you felt her touch. Four months now that she has left you, all alone in this world. Having to continue life all by yourself, without her holding your hand, anymore. Four months ago her body was lowered into the ground, and no one has been the same since.

~~~

Every Morning since Emily's death, you grab a cup of coffee and stop at her grave on the way to work. Making sure that even in death, you always have time for her, not wanting her to be all alone. For the first few weeks it helped you grieve, and then it just became a part of your routine. Her grave became a safe place to go, a place where you can just stop for some peace and quiet. An area to go so you can clear your mind, one that has no distractions within. Emily was your best friend for so many years, you had joined the team a couple months after her. She was so happy to no longer be the newbie, which also meant she understood exactly how you felt. She took you under her wing, showing you everything you needed to know about working in the Bau. You grew even closer with Emily when you two realised you lived in the same apartment building. Arriving to work together and some days you would even crash at each other's places, after having a bit too much to drink. Morgan used to joke that you two were actually dating. You two would always just laugh at him, but he was on the right track. Emily Prentiss is your platonic soulmate, and now you have no one.

~~~

The first 10 weeks after her death. When you went home from work, you would have possibly a couple hours to yourself. Before someone would text you asking for company, normally it would be Reid or Garcia. They needed someone to be there while they grieved for their best friend. It took Morgan awhile before he reached out to you for help, you always had to keep reminding him you were there if he needed to talk. You never told anyone it was because you liked to be distracted from your own pain, because they already knew that. Most nights when Reid texted you it was because he was terrified he would go out and buy Dilaudid. You would go over to his place and stay with him until the morning. Other nights you would get a phone call from Garcia or Morgan saying they were having a nightmare and needed someone. You would go over to see them whenever they needed you, it never matters what time or whatever the reason was.

~~~

On the weekend, if there was no case, you were normally helping Morgan with renovations for one of his houses. Other times you were having a movie marathon with Reid or Garcia, sometimes both. You hated the idea of them being alone for long times, knowing where their minds can go.

The last couple of weeks, no one seemed to be reaching out. They all seem to be healing without you, and now you’re left alone with nothing but your own thoughts. That's when you started realising a few things about Emily's death, that never seemed to make sense. You first noticed it at the hospital, after JJ had just broken the news to everyone. Hotch didn't seem surprised, he just looked, emptied. At first you thought it was his way of taking in the news. Reid was crying in JJ arms, but when she pulled away, you saw her and Hotch walking into a room alone. You never thought anything of it at first, your heart having just been crushed. Feeling as if the tears were never going to stop, like your heart could never be whole again. Rossi was holding you closely as you broke apart in his arms, you knew he was crying as well, but he was trying his hardest to be strong for you. There have now been a few times since then, that you have noticed looks between Hotch and JJ. Even catching them whispering together, it always seemed tense and sective. Feeling as if they are hiding something, especially JJ. She was only around for a week after Emily died and then she was away all the time. She tried to say it was for work, but the first time she left, it felt like she was hiding something. A couple weeks ago, during a case the unsub we were hunting had faked his death. When Reid had announced it to the team, Hotch only seemed to tenses up a lot. It took you a week after that to put it all together.

Emily Prentiss is alive, and JJ and Hotch knows.

~~~

The team has just gotten back from a difficult long case. Still down a profiler and Hotch and Garcia trying their best to cover the communications liaison position together. Once the team is finally able to go home. You manage to have a shower, before your phone starts ringing. Only picking it up after seeing its Reid.

“Hey Spence, is everything okay?” Answering the phone quickly.

“(Y/n)” Spencer's cry seeps through the phone. Panic suddenly floods through your body, knowing this isn't like him, something’s wrong.

“Reid, are you okay, where are you?” Gulping thickly as you fear for his answer.

“Home.. I bought, I bought Dilaudid” His voice cuts into your heart, hearing as he stutters through his tears.

“Have you taken it?” Jumping to your feet as you grab your keys.

“No.. but I want to please help me” His words are close to making you break, wishing you could just take away his pain.

“Okay I'm on my way I'll be there in 10 minutes alright, just hold on okay?” Begging him as you pull on your shoes.

“Okay” Is all you hear as the line goes dead. Running out the door fast, forgetting to even lock your apartment.

~~~

You manage to get to his place in under 5 minutes, breaking every road code there is. Running into his apartment building and climbing the stairs two at a time. Fiddling with the key he gave you a couple months ago, trying to unlock his door as quickly as you can. Rushing into his apartment, you could hear his heavy shaking breathing coming from the bathroom. You slow yourself down, taking a calm breath before approaching, not wanting to startle him.

“Spencer, I'm here” Calling out to him as you walk towards the bathroom. Spotting him on the ground leaning against the sink. A small bottle of dilaudid beside him, a package of needles thrown across the room. You reach him, getting down on your knees in front of him. His arms covering his face, his body shaking as he cries. The noises he makes pierce sharply into your heart. He doesn't deserve to be in this pain.

“Hey.. Spence I'm here, I'm right here” Your whisper is full of care and concern. Gently you move his arms out of his face, letting them rest down by his side. Now you're able to see his face, that's pale and stained with tears. Looking completely broken and lost, as he tries to look at you.

“Im sorry, Im so weak Im sorry” He cries out, you pull him into your arms, holding him firmly against you.

“It's okay, I got you spence, you're safe now, I'm here I got you” you whisper softly, as he cries on your shoulder. Rubbing his back comfortingly repeating those words as he calms down.

~~~

Reid slowly calms down, listening to your heart beat. His eyes closed, feeling safe in your arms. Gradually he pulls away, looking up at you, noticing the worry and concern in your eyes.

“I'm sorry (Y/n) I don't want you to see me like this” His voice breaking, sounding raw due to the crying.

“Spencer, I want you to reach out to me when you're like this okay, I’m here so I can help you okay? I'm never going to stop caring for you, okay?” Trying to keep your tone, calm and light, not needing to overwhelm him. You felt so terrified at that moment that he was going to take the drugs before you could get there. Scared that at any moment he could stop reaching out when he really needs you.

“I want to get better, I just don't know how” The hopelessness in his voice cuts straight to your heart. You wish you could tell him the truth about Emily, but you can’t, not yet. Not until you could get Hotch to confirm it. You can not risk getting his hopes up just to get crushed again.

“Let's get you some help, maybe it's time you go back to your AA meetings, I can come with you if you like”

“You're right, I'll start back next week” He sending you a weak, but meaningful smile. You stand up, offering out a hand to help pull him up to his feet.

“Why don't you clean yourself up, and I'll make us some dinner, then we can watch Doctor Who, yeah?” Smiling softly, watching him carefully as he nods walking out, towards his room. You grab the needles and the bottle of dilaudid, shoving them into the bottom of your handbag before heading to the kitchen.

~~~

Reid has a long shower, as you pull out a frozen pizza, placing it in the oven. You've been at his place a lot in the last few months and you know where everything is in his apartment. You're sitting on the couch, with the pizza, getting ready to push play for Doctor Who. As Reid walks out in his pyjamas, sitting down beside you looking more relaxed, more like himself. He takes a piece of pizza as he settles down, stealing the remote from you. Laughing as he puts his favourite episode on.

“Good pizza” He manages to get out, though his mouth is full.

“That's gross Spencer dont eat with your mouthful” Laughing, shaking your head, at his changes of moods. He turns around to face you chewing with his mouth open grinning, knowing it annoys you. Rolling your eyes at him smacking his arm playfully. He settles down as the episode starts playing. You manage to get two episodes in when you start falling asleep during the last part of the episode. When It ends he turns it off, bringing you a pillow and pulling a blanket over you. As you fall asleep,last thing you hear is

“Thank you (Y/N), I couldn't make it without you”

~~~

You could barely get any sleep that night, waking up every half an hour. Having decided to give up on the idea of more sleep, as you watch the sunrise. Your mind seems to be running with the idea of Emily still being alive and how today, you’re going to demand Hotch gives you the truth. After last night, you need to know the truth, then you will be able to tell Reid. The way he is going is terrifying and the idea of losing another friend is something you're not able to take anymore. Grabbing your bag quietly as you walk out, not wanting to disturb Spencer as he needs his rest. Getting into your car, with the intent to get coffee before going to visit the empty gravesite of Emily Prentist. Needing a safe place where you can think clearly about what you're going to do. You really want to just strom into Hotch’s apartment and scream at him. But you know you can't do that, needing to be calm and think logically, especially if Jack is there. As you're driving to the coffee shop, there's some road work, making you get redirected. Sighing frustratedly as you're forced to take the long way. Driving down the road when you notice you're about to drive past Hotch’s apartment building.

“For fuck sake!” Screaming loudly as you slam your foot on the brake, hand pressing hard on the horn. Due to the fact a car had just pulled out in front of you cutting you completely off. The anger in your body has just tripled, as you pull into that car park. Slamming the car door behind you as you storm your way up to Hotch's apartment. Feeling the anger flowing freely through your veins, trying to take deep breaths to control the anger. Surprisingly, it doesn’t do anything to help.

~~~

Your hand bangs loudly against his door, your mind thundering with anger as you wait for him to answer. You weren’t going to leave here without the truth, no matter what happens.

Standing there for a few moments tapping your foot hoping it will calm you down as you run out of patients. Lifting your hand about to knock again, only to have to lower it when you hear the door starting to unlock. Huffing angrily as Hotch finally opens the door, looking at you in surprise and concerned.

“(Y/L) it's 6:30 what are you doing here?” Hotch voice full of concern, stepping back to let you in.

“I am so angry, Hotch, I am so pissed off at you, you think you could do this to us?” You take a deep breath. Trying to keep your voice steady, but it raises with every word as you walk in. Hotch narrows his eyes, closing the door.

“What are you talking about (Y/L)”

“Seriously Hotch, you didn't think I would figure it out, the secret you and JJ have!” Snapping at him, your arms flying outwards. Hotch tenses up, his face hardens.

“Secret, we don't have any secrets (Y/N)”

The anger in your body is fighting hard to take over. Forcing yourself to take a deep breath to steady yourself.

“I am trying my hardest to keep calm right now Hotchner, only because Jack doesn't need to hear me screaming at you”

~~~

Your hand reaching up into your hair, running through it. Taking another deep breath, trying your best to control your temper.

“Jacks at Jessicas, but I would prefer you don't accuse me or JJ about anything” His tone coming out harsh, which earns a loud scoff from you.

“Bullshit, If you didn't have a secret you would want to know what the secret is, I'm a profiler Hotchner, and I'm a pretty fucking good one, so don't you dare try to say I'm wrong” Yelling at him, not meaning to allow your emotions to take over so soon. Hotch crosses his arms, glaring at you.

“I do not know why you're so upset, Yes we have a secret, but it's not that bad” His words fall effortlessly from his lips, making you laugh hysterically.

“Not that bad? Not that fucking bad?! How the hell is Emily alive not a big fucking deal!?” Screaming at him, your hands squeezing into fist. His face softens looking at you, his eyes filling with concern and worry and you feel like you can pick up a little guilt hidden away.

“(Y/N).. I didn't.. I didn’t realise that you were struggling this badly” His voice softened, his reaction throwing you off.

~~~

“Excuse me? I just told you I know you faked her death, you and JJ did, and you're going to try to tell me I'm struggling seriously?” Your voice lowering, looking at him in disbelief.

“I know it hard to move on but”

“Don't you dare try to turn this onto me Hotchner, I know the truth” Your confidence starting to waver, trying hard to keep the doubtful thoughts at bay.

“(Y/N), Emily's Dead” The way he says it, the pure worry and concern, the sadness filling his tone. Was almost enough to crush all the confidence you have left. Shaking your head trying to clear your thoughts.

~~~

“No no, she's alive. I know she is, otherwise what secret are you and JJ hiding, you did admit you have one” Your voice is loud, trying to stay feisty, but honestly you're just sounding broken.

“I'm trying to convince JJ to come back to the team as a profiler, we didn't want the team to know until it can happen” His tone is soft, his body language telling you that it's the truth.

“I've been trying to get her back since Emily's death. It's taken a lot of convincing, but it's looking like it could happen.”

Allowing that information to set in, your body starts shaking lightly, tears springing to your eyes.

“But what.. But at the hospital you and JJ went into another room to talk” Taking a deep breath, trying to watch his body language closely, through the tears.

“We were discussing how we would inform her family, JJ is better with families, but I am the unit chief, we decided we would do it together.” His words breaking all hope that you have left.

~~~

Tears rolling down your face, your legs shaking giving out underneath you, your body crumbling to the floor. Feeling arms grabbing you, helping to lower you to the ground, as you let out a painful sob. Hotch pulls you into his arms, holding you closely as you cry. He strokes your hair gently, as he whispers comforting words, letting you fall apart in his arms.

Guilt filling him as he had to lie to you once more, having to lie to his team everyday when he sees them struggling. He was wondering when you were going to break, he has been noticing that you haven't been allowing yourself to grieve. You have been distracting yourself with work, or with helping the team, asking for more paperwork to complete. Even offered him parenting advice, so you could lessen the stress on him and therefore on the team. He hated the way you had stopped caring for yourself, he barely saw you do any of your passions anymore. Normally you would have a different book with you every case, and most weeks you would bring in some baking, with new recipes you had discovered. You hadn't done any of that for over four months. Everyone had changed, and he hated watching his team in pain.

~~~

You laid in Hotch’s arms for a long time, even after the tears had dried. Feeling completely destroyed and numb. Having gotten your hopes up that it would be possible to see her again, that's all you want in life. Slowly pulling yourself away from his arms, taking a shaky breath.

“I'm sorry Aaron, you didn't need me to do that” Your voice croaky from the crying, your body still shaking faintly.

“It's okay, (Y/N) I told you I'm here when you need to talk” His tone is soft and judgement free. “Why don’t I make us some coffee, and we can talk?”

“No I’ve taken enough of your time, I should go” Standing slowly, Hotch does the same watching you, his hand staying softly on your arm.

“No, please stay, we need to talk about a few things” You can't meet his eyes, knowing as he's the team leader. He has to report when there could be an issue with someone. Giving him a small nod, he walks over to the kitchen, turning the coffee pot on. You head over to the bathroom to clean yourself up.

~~~

Walking back out after cleaning yourself up, you see Hotch sitting on the couch, cups of coffee on the table in front of him. Sitting down beside him picking up your cup, smiling weakly, avoiding his stare.

“Thanks Hotch” Taking a sip of coffee, relaxing into the softness of the couch.

“No problem, you know we need to talk about what you accuse me of right?” He smiles sadly, looking at you concern. He needs to know how you found out, how he can make sure no one else will be able to figure it out.

“Do we have to?” Letting out a tired sigh as you drink more.

“We do, (Y/n) I need to know why you thought Emily was alive, it's unhealthy to think that way” His tone stays calm and soft as he speaks. His voice has always been a comfort for you, not long after you joined the team. Hearing his voice seems to just melt the stress away. Closing your eyes as you try to think about how to answer that. The hope that you had about her being alive is now long gone, and inside all you feel is a big black hole.

“I know that, but it made sense, somethings just didn’t add up and so I guess my brain, put this idea in my brain to cope and I wanted it to be true so my brain made the rest up to help I guess” Sighing, putting the cup down.

“You need to take some time off, I don't want you coming back for a week, you need to grieve”

Your eyes widen, shooting up at him. “No way, Hotch I can't take time off, It will just make things worse please, I need to be working”

“No you don't, you need time to accept it, you know there's five stages of grief, you're still struggling with accepting what happened.” Hotch face harding back up. You always call that his work face, hiding his emotions, putting his professional face on.

“No Hotch, I know what happened, I just had a bad moment okay, I can not take time off, we are already short with profilers, and Reid needs me this week please, he is struggling.”

~~~

Hotch sighs, straightening up, looking back at you.

“(Y/n), you aren't any good to us, if you don't look after yourself, You are an important part of this team but, recently your skills haven’t been as good as they used to be. You need time” Hotch lies, you have been working greatly recently, your skills have been on point. But he needed something to get you to take some time off.

Your hand sliding up, playing with your hair as you start doing some slow breathing technique.

“I know I haven't been myself lately, but please, It's not wise for me to not be without the team.” Your eyes begged for him to let you stay. Hotch’s eyes narrow watching you closely, he raises an eyebrow slightly.

“Something happened with Reid last night, didn't it?”

“Don't profile me Aaron” Groaning slightly. “Yeah alright it did, but he's going to be fine, he just needs me this week Hotch and I need to be working please”

Aarons face filling with concern, his lips tightening into a thin line, the question he wants to ask, written across his face. Shaking your head lightly at his unasked question.

“He was close last night, he rung me for help, I can't leave him when he's too close to the edge”

“He has the whole team’s support, this isn't just on you” Tilting his head to the side slightly, he wanted to tell everyone the truth but he knew he couldn't.

“Your right, but last time, I was the one who pulled him out of the hole, I know you all wanted to help, but it risked your job, I was new I was able to help, I'm the only one he trust enough when it comes to this, and you know that Hotch”

He picks up his coffee looking away from you, thinking deeply about this situation.

~~~

“(Y/n), You are always there for the team, but who do you talk to when things get hard?” Hotch turns his body back to look at you, studying your body langues.

“I have the team” You answer him quickly, tensing up. You don’t open up easily, it's something you have always struggled with.

“Yes you do, but you don't open up to us”

“I do,” Crossing your arms, feeling exposed. “You're the one who doesnt open up Hotch” He scoffs lightly at your words, raising an eyebrow.

“I talk to Dave, don't try and turn this on me, you know that taticed doesn't work on me” He smirks softly, watching as you roll your eyes up at him.

“Fine Hotch, I don't open up to anyone, the last person I did is now dead, so I'm sorry if I got issues.” You huff at him, rolling your shoulders back feeling uncomfortable.

“I'll make you a deal (Y/L)” Smiling at you slightly, acting if he's already won this discussion.

“Oh and what's that?”

“I won't make you take time off, I won't report you which would make you go more often to therapy, but only If you agree to my terms”

Groaning quietly, knowing that, this is not going to be fun. “And what are your rules Hotchner”

“Everyweek, you spend one night talking to me about anything.” Rolling your eyes at his words, sipping on your coffee.

“Seriously, that's not fair” Huffing annoyed, placing your coffee down a little too hard.

“You also have to tell me when you have a bad day, and my rules start now, or you take two weeks off and start therapy on monday”

Staring at him angrily, knowing if you want to help Reid, you would have to agree to his stupid terms.

“Fine, you win.”

~~~

When Hotch gets up to get more coffee, your phone rings. That's when you notice it's now 10am, shocking you with how much time has gone by. Answer your phone when you see its Reid.

“Hey Spence” Forcing your voice to be filled with calm and fake happiness.

“Hey, where you go, you left early” Reid's voice fills the silence, sounding refreshed and relaxed.

“Oh yeah sorry, I was going to wait for you to wake up but I had a few things I wanted to deal with this morning” Explaining hastily, knowing that's not the full truth.

“Oh alright, well Morgan trying to organise drinks tonight, you in?” Smiling softly at the idea.

“I'm in, wait one second Reid, I'll ask Hotch” Pulling the phone from your ear, turning to Hotch who's already watching you. “Team drinks tonight, you in?”

“Not tonight, Jack will be home” He gives you a small smile. Nodding at him, understandingly bringing the phone back to your ear.

“I'm in, but Hotch is busy tonight.”

“Why are you with Hotch?” Reid asks, confused.

“Work stuff, had something I wanted to run by him” The lie comes out instantly, avoiding Hotch’s stare.

“Oh okay, well 8pm, want me to pick you up?”

“Would love that, thanks Reid” Smiling lightly, placing your phone down.

“Really, lying to him?” Hotch smirks lightly. As if his point from earlier was just proven, which just earns him another eye roll.

“You really like rolling those eyes at me huh?” His chuckle deepens, slightly .

“You're not special Hotch, a lot of guys can get me to roll my eyes.'' Smirking at him, cheekily.

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#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #no secrets without lies #aaron hotchner x gender netural reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x gn reader #aaron hotchner fic #emily prentiss fake death #bau x reader #spencer reid x reader

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thesecretbean · 8 months ago

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the first i loves you in one of my Criminal Minds DR(i have many different ones)

Spencer Reid <3

For some background information, my name is Alison, Allie or Alice for short in this dr. She's a member of the BAU, she'd joined about 5 months before Elle left but she had pervious experience working with bau well she was working SNR(search and rescue) and when she was in the Sex crimes unit. This is taking place a bit after S2 EP15, when Spencer was having drug problems (Dilaudid). In this DR my love interest is Spencer Reid so yeah. This one was really difficult to go through in my dr but worth it. And I am writing it as me in my DR and with Spencer.

So I'm writing a sort of detailed version of how this went in my dr it's gonna be written in a fanfiction matter because I'm writing in the situation of my dr

TW! Drugs, slight mentions of overdose and death, alcohol

---

It was a sort of cold fall night, everyone was wrapping up their business and finishing case reports. Derek had just finished his and so did Emily. Derek is a bit of a 'player' but is a genuinely sweet guy but him Alison aren't the closest. But with Alison and Emily they were a little bit closer but that's because of some past stuff and alot of Penelope dragging Alison and Emily to girls night outs. But besides that's the point they both walked over to Alison who was still writing another case report, she was taking on extra work after convincing Spencer to the rest of the day off because he seemed off and exhausted after the Tobias Hankle situation a few weeks prior. Which of course was reasonable. Spencer only did it because he really did need the rest for once, Spencer just didn't expect Alison to take the extra work he was planning to do.

"So Allie, me and Morgan were talking about going to get some drinks, you wanna come with us?" Emily asked well leaning over Alison's desk. "Maybe find someone to take you home tonight, blow of some of that steam?" Derek added with a wink. Emily rolled her eyes at Derek. "Ignore him were just gonna have some fun tonight, plus he's buying for us tonight" Emily smiles and motions to Derek.

Alison shook her head. "Not tonight guys...I have to finish this case report then I'm planning to make a quick stop at Spence's place to give him the things he forgot here then I'm gonna go home and water my plants... I'm not really in a drinking mood." She spoke softly as she quickly continued to write different things in the report. For the first time in the conversation she looked up at her coworkers "Or a 'find someone to take me home' mood either" she had mocked Derek's voice with a soft smile. "I do not sound like that" Derek looked offended and Emily just laughed and shook her head. "You guys have fun though" Alison spoke quietly. "Have a good night Allie" Emily said as her and Morgan walked off as Alison just waved.

After about 30 ish minutes hotch walked out of his office about to leave but sighed when seeing Alison still there. He walked over to her with a sort of disappointed look in a sense. Alison didn't even notice she was still writing the report as fast as she physically could. It was already nearing midnight after all.

"Alice, what are you still doing in the office? You never stay late." Hotch spoke sternly. Hotch was genuinely nice and sweet, once you crack the shell he had but he just didn't show his emotions the best but with the job it was understandable.

"hm?.. oh I took some extra reports today- I don't have anything better to do.." she spoke quietly, Hotchs stern gaze always gave her chills.

"your doing the extra work Reid was going to do aren't you?" Hotch asked with a knowing look as Alison sat quietly before sighing and putting her pen down. She nodded quietly.

"is it bad I'm that worried about him? I mean..." She paused "it's hard to explain but hotch for the time I've known him I've learned a lot about him...." she looked up at hotch "He's such a sweet person and after the whole Tobias Hankle kidnapped him he hasn't been the same.... which is understandable I get it I don't but it's hard to explain it's just so off..." she seemed to think for a second. "it's easy to tell he's been hardly sleeping and he doesn't eat much like previously when we'd all go out to dinner like the whole team he'd eat a normal portion now he eats a tiny bit, hes been easily agitated and he just has a look in his eyes.... a type of look I know all to well but I don't want to asume hes..." she lets out a shaky sigh. She hated talking about this. "and he's been acting weird sorta sometimes like he hates Em and I'm trying not to profile they way he's been acting too but I'm worried and-" she rambled slightly. Spencer was one of her closest and best friends. Spencer and Alison hung out a lot, they had a lot of common interests and they understood each other's stupid jokes. But when she rambled she was cut of by hotch speaking.

"it's not bad. It shows you care, even more then you'll probably ever admit to him," he paused slightly making it clear about what he was implying. "But that's Reid were talking about and practically all of us are worried. He works in a team of FBI profiler he knows we're worried. But the best we can do in be there for him and give him time for that when he's ready he'll talk to us and go back to his way of extra work." Hotch spoke calmly. "Now go home and get some rest, you need rest and to not worry as much as you do, reid will be fine." Hotch spoke calmly doing his best to help her from over worrying.

Alison nodded slightly "will do sir. And you should go home too." She spoke quietly as she started gathering her things including the stuff she was going to drop off at Spencers. She wasn't gonna just leave them there.

Alison fixed her hair back and grabbed her things and left the building setting Spencers things in the passenger seat and started her truck and began driving towards the whereabouts of Spencer's apartment. It near'd 1 am by now and it was beginning to rain.

She pulled into the parking lot of the building and got out taking the sweater and books Spencer left at the office with her. She had been to Spencers multiple times and often went with him after they both finished up at the office for movie nights, it was how both of them got close aside from making each other laugh in the office. It was to the point he gave her a key for the purpose of surprising him, bringing him things he may have forgotten or asked for she would use it especially when under the assumption that spencer was sleeping like in this situation.

Alison quietly unlocked the door and enterd and she heard a quiet sigh from the bathroom as she entered. She set the stuff in the kitchen counter before turned towards the cracked bathroom door. She walked over to it figuring she should let him now it was only her there. She knocked slightly on the wall. "Hey Spence, just want to-...." and do slightly to the old building the door opened more, revealing Spencer standing shocked staring back at her. He had a vial of Dilaudid, empty and syringe, still full held up to his arm.

They both just stared at eachother. Spencer was shaking due to shock.

"Oh.....Spence...." Alisons voice more gentle then expected as she stepped forward with a sad look on her face as she reached out to the syringe away from him.

Spencer didn't say anything back he just took a step back.

Alison took a step forward and while Spencer wasn't expecting it she pulled the syringe out of his arm, then began prying it out of Spencer's hand. It seemed like she done this type of thing before. His grip was strong as he asked her repeatedly to not take it away from him, she didn't listen. She got it out of him hands and threw it to the other side of the bathroom. Spencer attempted to go retrieve it only to be pulled back and into a tight hug, stopping him dead in his tracks. Spencer froze.

"Spencer... Please...you don't need it.. it-its a problem that you have to get over and i-i'm not gonna let you hype yourself on drugs.. I refuse to lose you in that sort of way.." Alison's voice was quiet, it was only loud enough for Spencer to hear faintly.

Spencer couldn't help but start to cry. He didn't expect anyone to ever find out let alone try to stop him. He sank down to the ground, Alison slipped down with him. She stayed there, hugging him the whole time but doing her best to make him feel better. "I...I'm sorry..." Were the only words Spencer was able to make out well he was crying.

Alisons response made things feel like a whirlwind.

She spoke softly and slipped her hands up to his face and wiped his tears before cupping his cheeks. "Hey.. don't apologize. It's okay, I'm just glad I was able to get here quick enough to stop you from taking it. Dilaudid can kill you and I...I love you way to much to lose you to drugs of all things Spence." She didn't fully realize she revealed the fact she was in love with him or fully what she said

Spencer stared for a second, leaning into her touch. He was processing her words full before speaking really low and quietly. "You love me?...." Spencer was curious as to whether it was love as in romantic relationship type gor love as in 'your like family too me'

Alison's face heated up, her face was a slight tiny of red her ears were even more red. "I...um..." Her words got stuck in her throat she didn't say anything else, she pulled her hands back and just nodded. She often found it hard to lie to Spencer so she didn't but she didn't give a clear answer.

Nither of them said or did anything the the feelings were obvious on both ends. The night would end with Alison spending the night on Spencers couch, Spencer didn't trust himself to be alone so he also chose to stay out there where he ended up falling asleep in the middle of reading another book. Alison didn't sleep the whole night, instead she read and kept a watch on Spencer. She still worried about him.

Not talking about it left them when an awkward romantic tension between the two of them. JJ was the first to find out about it two days after a case when Alison had first gotten into the office for the rest of the week and she was trying to figure out what was going on between herself and Spencer and JJ was the best person in her opinion to talk to. The second person was Morgan about two weeks later who noticed how close Spencer and Alison had been and how at the current moment on the jet home from a case Alison was reading Spencer's favorite book.

They only talked about it five weeks after Morgan found it. Alison had gone out drinking with Morgan and Prentiss and she was rather honest and cuddly while drunk and she ended up having to call someone to come pick her up since both Morgan and Prentiss went home with other people well drunk then again that tends to be normal. Normally she'd call JJ but this weekend JJ was out of town, so she called Spencer. Who answered quickly. She ended up staying the night at Spencers again and again confessing her love to him, even though Spencer knew she was an honest drunk he did tell her they would talk when she wasn't drunk.

First time writing down detailed ish things from my DR. If you read all the way here thank you and I'm planning to write some more of the things that's happened and the other dr things.

I'll be writing another of these in a similar way but as a different character In a whole different Dr. I'll probably do Emily, JJ or hotch next but we will see. If you liked this and want to see more stuff like this let me know I reallyyyy love writing!

#spencer reid #spencer reid criminal minds #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x self insert #i dont know how to use tumblr #i don't know how to tag this #criminal minds #criminal minds spencer reid #criminal minds self insert #too many tags #reality shift #shifting

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matthew-gray-gublers-babygirl · 1 year ago

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Knight in Shining Armor

Paring: Female FBI reader x Spencer Reid

Summary: The reader is kidnapped and Spencer is struggling to keep himself together.

Warnings: Mention of drugs and addiction, violence, kidnapping + mention of Spencer's kidnapping, angst from unsub and Spencer, mention of Maeve, sad Spencer, use of Y/N and Y/L/N (your last name)

Word count: 1K

-> MASTER LIST

Not in a million years did Spencer think anything like this would happen. “We're trying our best,” Hotch sighs. “Well obviously not hard enough!” Spencer hardly raised his voice, so when he did, Hotch knew he was serious. “We understand this unsub. We have handled cases like this multiple times. We will find her.” Hotch reminds Spencer. “Forty percent of kidnap victims are released unharmed, but that's only with a ransom. All the women he has kidnapped so far have died. Who’s to say he won’t do the same to Y/N.” he mutters before abruptly leaving the conference room. Spencer goes to the bathroom to clear his mind, and as his shaky hands run through his hair, the terrifying urge resurfaces once again. He craved his fix. Dilaudid . He knew he shouldn't. Either way, he couldn't. He knew he couldn't get his hands on anything. But, oh lord, it was hard to resist. His body felt itchy all over, an everlasting scratch that will never go away, even with the sharpest fingernails to claw at.

Spencer hears a soft knock on the door. “Hey, kid. It’s me, Derek.” Spencer quickly fixes his hair and daps away the tears in his eyes. “What- um. What do you want?” he asks. “I’m just checking up on you. I know what youre going through is tough. It's tough on all of us.” Derek starts. “Y’know, I was terrified when you were taken.” Why did he have to bring that up? The worst part was that he knew how petrifying it is to be kidnapped. Spencer slowly unlocks the door, and Derek lets himself in. “It's gonna be okay, man. You just have to have faith.” He says, and Spencer gives him a slow nod as tears begin to form again. Derek pulls him into a hug, letting him cry on his shoulder like a brother should do.

"What if it happens again...?" Spencer whispers. "What if... what if she dies? I don't think I can handle another death. Another person leaving me..."

Derek knew how hard Spencer took Maeve's death. All he could do was hold him tight, because he didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep.

As the knife's cold, sharp blade drags along your jaw, bone-aching chills run through your body. "You don't have to do this." You mumble. You hear him laugh and you gag silently as you smell the stench of his rotten mouth. "Oh, but you see, I do," he mutters, tilting your head toward his sickening gaze with the blade's tip. "I'm not sure what they taught you, but you're a terrible actor. The moment I saw you, I knew you were an FBI agent."

Was it really that obvious? You were trained to see through these unsubs. You have been taught to keep composure during situations like this. You wanted to cry at the prospect of any unsub getting the better of you. You had Spencer in mind. He was going to help you get through it. He was going to save you the same way you saved him. "They'll track you down. I'm certain they will."

Your kidnapper laughs once more. That threatening, taunting laugh. "Like who?" he wonders. "Your little boyfriend, the infamous Dr. Spencer Reid?" When Spencer is mentioned, your stomach drops. “Your boy genius. IQ of 186.” How did he know you referred to him as a 'boy genius'? "Actually, it's 187." Suddenly, his hand grasps your neck, and you gasp. “You- you don’t like being undermined…” you manage out. "You have difficulty speaking to women, especially when they are... more confident than you."

“No! That’s… that's not true!” His grip on your neck tightens, and you gasp for air. "You're dissatisfied with your life. You have a straightforward job that makes you unhappy. That's why you hurt women in order to reclaim your power." You had to figure out a way to buy time even with his hand around your neck constricting your air and death at his fingertips.

"Admit it," you say quietly. "You're a pitiful... little... man." And, just as if God Himself had answered your prayers, the door bursts open, with S.W.A.T officers filing in and F.B.I agents following. Your captor removes his hands from your neck, accepting defeat as they handcuff him like a frail child caught breaking the rules. “Youre under arrest for the kidnapping and murder of five women, including the kidnapping of Y/N Y/L/N.” Agent Morgan says, along with the Miranda Rights he has memorized over the years of many arrests.

Emily and Spencer release you as soon as the offender is removed from the room. Spencer gives you a tender kiss on the lips. Spencer was constantly teased about your relationship by the BAU. Even now, he was still shy. When he kissed you in public, it was always a quick peck on the lips or a kiss on the forehead, never like this. So you were taken aback when he kissed you so passionately. Your heart beat faster. You knew you were in safe hands with Spencer. “I’m so sorry… I’m so incredibly sorry…” he whispers to you as warm tears stream down his face, his trembling hands running down your arms as he felt you underneath his touch, reminding himself that you are in fact real and alive. He didn't let you out of his embrace until he was fully aware that you were a physical being and not a figment of his imagination.

You had no idea the pain and suffering Spencer went through while you were held captive. It pained your heart to even think that Spencer had to sit in agony like that.

“I thought you were dead. I mean… I never lost hope. I knew there was still a chance. You know, Schrӧdingers cat, in quantum mechanics-” You interrupt him by placing your fingers on his lips. “Yes, Spencer. I know what Schrӧdingers cat is.” You hum softly, and he can’t help but smile. “Come on, let's get you out of here. Medics are waiting outside,” he said as he helped you up and out. “I’m fine, Spence, really. I don’t need any medical help.” you protest, but he quickly pushes that away. “Youre getting checked out. That's non-negotiable.”

As you walked out of the room you were kept in, you expected to hear soft snickering from Derek, a cocked eyebrow from Emily, or an impressed look from J.J., but nothing. All that mattered was you and Spencer. He was the one who would remove your Crown of Thorns at the end of the day. Your knight in shining armor who was there to save your every trip and fall.

#fanfiction #spencer reid fan fiction #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer reid criminal minds #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x yn

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babymetaldoll · 2 years ago

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"Broken" (Spencer Reid x fem!reader)

A/N: my dearest friend @all-tings-gubler sent me this pic and told me how much it made her think of Spencer and reader from my series Do I wanna Know. So I wrote her a little blurb about them <3 Hope you enjoy it!!

Word count: 1.5K

Pairing: Spencer Reid x (platonic) reader

Summary: Spencer daydreams of a life with his best friend.

Warnings: None, just fluff. Maybe Spencer feeling too much sorry for himself.

Wanna know how this ends for Spencer and his friend? Read my series here! it's awesome! and also, there is a sequel coming soon!!

Masterlist

I have been on medical leave for the last five days, and the pain is already driving me insane. I’ve refused to take any painkiller after I got shot in the leg during a case, due to my past with Dilaudid. So in the last week, I’ve learned a completely new definition of the concept of pain.

I’ve been locked in my apartment reading, doing crosswords and puzzles, basically killing time and trying not to go insane. I crave work, but most of all, I need to feel useful again. I haven’t been alone, though. My best friend and colleague (Y/N) moved in with me for a few days to help me around the house. That makes everything worse. She is my best friend, my rock, my everything. I love her. I am in love with her. But I haven’t told her. The entire opposite, as a matter of fact, I’ve denied this feeling and ran away from it for over four years now.

Four years.

I love her, and here I am, pretending she is nothing but my friend. Life is pain, Spencer Reid. This leg is just a reminder.

- “Here honey, I made you some tea��- I hear her whisper as she walks towards me and leaves a warm cup of herbal tea on the table next to my couch, where I’ve been pretending to read for the last hour. In real life, my head has been registering everything she has been doing around the house. She did laundry and baked some cookies. A part of my brain keeps making me think she is my wife, my girlfriend, or my lover. My significant other, taking care of me. But that is not real. She is my friend. Just my friend. Stop it, Spencer, you are pathetic!

-“Thank you”- I whisper and smile at her as she stares at me, waiting for a reply.

-“I was thinking after your tea, we could go out for a little while. Maybe go to the park.”- she smiles and I just stare at her, not knowing what to answer. I don’t wanna go out, I don’t wanna move, every movement hurts. But then again, how can I say no to her?

-“I… I’m not…”

-“Come on, you have been locked here for five days already. You need some vitamin D. You don’t even have to walk, we can take the wheelchair.”

-“No! I’m not handicapped!”- my voice might have come a little harder than I intended, and I blame my ego for that. I don’t want her to see me in a wheelchair. Ever.

-“I know you are not, honey. I’m just saying you could use it today to go out.”

-“I don’t need it. I can walk on my own.” (Y/N) stares at me in silence for a moment, analyzing my face and her options, I guess.

She doesn’t push me anymore. Instead, she walks to the kitchen and brings a bowl with some homemade cookies. My favorite oatmeal cookies, as a matter of fact. I grab one and watch her smiling as she sits by my side and takes her copy of Wuthering Heights. We both just stay in silence for a while. I sip my tea and keep pretending to read, flipping the pages every few seconds. But I really can’t concentrate right now. Maybe staying at the apartment the entire time is not really a good idea. Maybe going out could be actually beneficial for my mental health.

-“Fine”- I whisper after a few minutes and she raises her eyes from her book, smiling- “But no wheelchair.”

-“Deal! but if you are in pain, you have to tell me right away.” I nod and sip my cup of tea again, watching her move from the couch and back to the kitchen, announcing it’s cold and we could bring some coffee and snacks to the park. I argue and tell her we can buy some, but she says it’s not necessary. She baked cookies, and coffee will only take a few minutes to brew. Meanwhile, I carefully take my crutches and walk to my room slowly to grab a sweater and put on my shoes.

-“Do you wanna take your book to the park?”- I hear her asking from the living room, and her voice is so happy and eager, I can’t help but agree.

Walking down the three floors is a nightmare. But still, I try my best not to show how much this hurts. Instead, I focus on (Y/N)’s hand on my arm as she helps me. The warmth of her touch and her soft whispers of encouragement, telling me I’m doing great, are all I need right now to make it to the first floor, even with a bullet wound in my leg.

-“Was that too hard, honey?”- she asks me the second we reach the sidewalk. I shake my head and smile a little, just to reassure her I am ok.

I hold onto my crutches tight as we make our way to the park. (Y/N) is holding a bag with food, coffee, and books. I hate these crutches ‘cos they physically stop me from holding her hand. Not that I do that a lot, but at least I wished I had the chance.

We sat on a bench in the park, near a dog playground. I start rambling facts about dogs for a while, sharing facts and stories with my best friends. She takes a bag of cookies from the bag and we share them over the conversation.

-“Would you like to have a dog, honey?”- (Y/N) asks me and sips her coffee.

-“I don’t know. I guess. You know I’ve never had one.”

-“I still can’t believe that! We all had dogs growing up”- I smile at her and she blushes, maybe a little embarrassed, because she knows what happened to me when I was a kid and why I couldn’t have a dog. I had to take care of my mother as I grew up, and I couldn’t add more pressure to that situation.

-“I might give you one for Christmas this year.”- she adds and sticks out her tongue to me.

-“You are gonna be the one taking care of it if you do, chipmunk.”- I joke and she just laughs.

-“I know. But I love dogs, so I wouldn’t mind.”

We fall silent for a few minutes. I sip my coffee and focus my eyes on the dogs playing. I get lost in my mind after a few minutes, imagining a parallel reality, where me and (Y/N) are married and we are spending our Saturday at the park, walking our dog. We are sitting at this very same bench, looking at it playing with other dogs. Maybe (Y/N) is pregnant, and we are expecting our first kid. Her hands would rub her round belly lovingly. I would wrap an arm around her as I read a book, feeling her resting her head on my shoulder. I would kiss the top of her head every once in a while, because I know if I ever do that once, I won’t ever be able to stop. If I ever kiss her lips, I won’t have the will to move away from her ever again. I would be doomed. I sigh and keep my eyes glued to the horizon as (Y/N) keeps reading and drinking her coffee. If we were married, we would keep coming back to this park, maybe with our kids. Our dog would be older now, so it would sit by our side and watch our babies playing. They would be as gorgeous as (Y/N). I imagine a little girl and a baby boy playing on the grass by our side. I would show them bugs and teach them everything about nature and animals. (Y/N) would bring little juice boxes for them, and we would share a little picnic.

That future seems as sweet as impossible. I don’t even wanna run the odds on that. I just wanna enjoy the idea of us being a family, even if I know that would never ever happen. Just the dream of those kids calling me dad is enough to make me happy.

-“Look at you, you're smiling. I missed that”- (Y/N) says and giggles as she stares at me. Of course, I never realized I was in fact ginning as I stared at the dogs, daydreaming of our fictional future together.

-“Yes. I just was…”- I pause and turn to her. Her eyes are shining as she stares at me, waiting for my answer. I simply chuckle and shake my head. I can’t tell her what is making me feel happy right now, instead, I just say:

-“I’m just enjoying being here. Thank you for convincing me to get out of the house.”

-“Anytime you want, honey.”- she says and returns to her book. I sigh and grab the one on my lap. Right, no dog, no kids, no wife. But at least I have her in my life.

Taglist General

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